#thesearemytwenties

[supsui]

With age I’ve gained wisdom and clarity: Feet are 💯weird looking. It weirds me out so much that I think I may be obsessed 🤔 * * * * * #thesupsuilife #thesearemytwenties #footfetishnation (at Mérida, Mexico)

[letterstotiffanyann]

Past is past

Today's lesson is about conquering my habit of looking in the rearview mirror. 

In my 20s it's probably the issue that keeps me up at night, sick to my stomach. The 'what ifs' are the biggest enemies to me having a restful night's sleep. 

The lesson I learned today is...get over it.

You can't change the past so why dwell on it?

Randomly enough this revelation came while listening to music that could also have a double use in torture practices.

I was sitting in a large auditorium, during a concert, with a very sparse audience, with music that sounds like the soundtrack for the moment right before people go clinically insane.

I was thinking wow I should've googled this music before I came. I should've stood at the door before sitting in the back, and maybe I would've heard this coming. Maybe then I wouldn't be sitting here trapped, because people would notice and think I'm the biggest...um jerk ever for leaving in the middle.

I'm stuck, waiting for the end now. 

But... I'm going to get through it, finish this assignment, and live the rest of my life. I kept thinking, now I know better to look up the music for a on campus concert a bit more before signing up to go.

These thoughts are all just strolling along like a,b,c no deep thoughts, no musings, no philosophy, just black and white simplicity. All this with the horrible background music.

Then it just clicked...

Why was it so easy for me to accept my past mistakes and just move on in this situation, but in others I've dragged my feet?

I've been doing a weird social shuffle with my exs, trying to clear the bad air after having guilt dreams on how I broke off things with them.

It was a good move. No more guilt dreams. No more itching to text them. I attained my favorite substance for my 20s. Closure. It felt like a door that was previously slammed shut, was now more of a short wooden gate. I don't really want you in my yard, but I'm ok talking over the fence like polite neighbors on family sitcoms. I didn't have to spend any more energy being stuck on the past. 

Some say they want to be friends, but their actions aren't saying the same thing. While talking to them I was dwelling over what would've happened if we had done things differently. Made a left instead of a right, called instead of text, not met each other's friends so soon, broke up instead of trying long distance, tried long distance instead of breaking up, had more honest 'where is this relationship going' talks, etc.

But what I should've done: Realized what's past is past, nothing is going to erase what we've said to each other, how we treated each other, the things we've learned about each other. There's no redo button. Thinking on how things could have gone won't change where things are now. You've learned a life lesson, and hopefully you've learned how not to repeat it. 

I have to stop straining my heart on the 'what ifs' of my past, start investing in the future. I'm not holding ANY animosity toward my past, because having anger or resentment for something is still spending energy on it. I'm saving all my energy to focus on my present and future.

I just have this calm feeling that comes with finally accepting that you can't change something.

I'll admit it's hard. It feels like you've worked so hard trying to repair this sinking ship, but the work you're putting in isn't helping, and if you stay on the ship too long you'll drown, not even realizing a rescue boat was next to you all along.

That burden is off of me and I feel like I've taken off a heavy winter coat.

 It feels like something inside me, that was always screaming for attention and more opportunity to drain my energy, is quiet now. I feel better already. Here's to hoping it sticks!

These are my 20s: learning what's past is past.

[honeyintheshade]

Just hanging out with friends

...AKA watching How I Met Your Mother reruns in bed while lying on a back massager, waiting for my sushi.

[supsui]

The nonstop NYC grind that makes me so tired that I’m too exhausted to stop and reflect on what the fuck I’m doing 🙈💃🏻 * * * * * #thesupsuilife #sidewalkerdaily #thesearemytwenties #riseandgrind (at NoMo SoHo)

[letterstotiffanyann]

Don't be ALL about your boyfriend

I've learned a few things in high school that I've basically tested and perfected into my twenties.

Not just academic studies, but also how to maintain friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships. 

One thing shined through as a lesson that definitely prevails in my twenties. That particular thing is making sure you are not engulf by your boyfriend.

No, I don't mean that you should guard yourself from being taken over by your boyfriend like some single celled organism. I mean don't be that girl that is just ALL about her boyfriend.

I know there's the thing a lot of girls talk about, which is the phenomenon when one of their friends gets a boyfriend and then goes completely M.I.A. never to be seen again unless a preplanned girls' night out is scheduled in advance.

Yes that is an important point, but I'm talking about don't let your boyfriend be your whole world in that it's more for your state of mind and your boyfriend's than anyone else.

Ok so let's make it about me so it doesn't seem like I'm accusing you of anything. I make sure to NEVER let my boyfriend be the center of my universe. I'll either have goals and plans set up with school, my career, volunteering, learning a new language or skill, or maintaining my own friendships. I make SURE that I have stuff going on that is my thing, separate from boyfriends. 

There are many reasons you should want to make a conscious effort to do this.

The most obvious= clingy girls are creepy. 

Now on to more complex points. You need to have other things in your life because:

1. -you have something to talk about with your boyfriend that adds to the conversation so it's not just about him and what he's up to. This way the convos not just you acting cool, listening close to see if that sketchy female coworker from his office has done anything toward your boyfriend that you might need to address with her at the next christmas party.

2.- that conversation about the things going on in your life it makes you seem interesting (DUH). You get to use this time to kind of show off to him not only what a great girlfriend you are but also what a great person you are. But let's be frank. In this situation it's really letting him know how much of a freaking catch you are and how lucky he is that you let him reel you in.

3. -you get to focus on things other than your relationship. Right now as I'm typing this I'm in the middle of bedroom packed with stuff for a move. I just finished an out-of-town summer internship, and I'm getting ready to head back for my last year of grad school. So I have this weird eye of the storm calm boredness, and I'll admit to you after getting off the phone with my own bf this rare moment of downtime had me thinking deeply about our relationship. We somehow got into a discussion on marriage and if it's the logical/real/right thing or not. (I literally have no idea how we got to such a serious subject.) Anyways we got off the phone and I immediately went into think mode and found my way into overthinking it territory. Which brought me to a broody/confused place, that I'm now trying to snap out of in this post :)

Point being if I didn't have this free time, I wouldn't have over thought some potential future issues in our relationship, that haven't occurred or have even hinted at occurring yet. Hopefully my broodiness won't turn into a passive aggressive accusation later (one can only hope when dealing with the shifting moods and doubts of a 20 something when talking on marriage).

4. Like it or not absence does make the heart grow fonder. Not talking about long distance relationships (at least not in this post). That saying applies here meaning to not be super available to your guy whenever he asks. Having other plans that take up your nights on occasion does attract guys more. Well at least to me it does.

Let me be clear, it's not that your boyfriend hates it when you can always hang out with him. That's not it. He just likes it more when it's not a 100% sure thing that you can spend time with him whenever he asks, where ever he asks. 

For example, I've found that when saying yes to every time a boyfriend asked me to go out for dinner, the movies, or dancing it became like a routine. It was almost like he was just asking as a common courtesy knowing that I would say yes. It wasn't bad. It was ok and dull, and I promptly decided to fix it. 

Honestly, during that time I was really working hard at my then undergrad internship and my job so that I could leave on time or as soon as I could after hours so I could be available to hang out with the then new boyfriend.

Once I sensed his comfortableness and automatic assumption I had no other plans I knew change needed to happen. 

I was already a firm believer in never deserting your friends just because you were in a relationship so he already received a bit of a challenge when I had to sometimes deny a date request because it was girls' night out. No one messes with girls' night out. 

So I pushed things a bit farther, and I want to emphasize here it was actually more for my own benefit with an added perk that it benefited our relationship as well. I started staying later again at my internship taking up more tasks like how I originally did as a single relationship status intern. At my job I volunteered to stay later to finish up closing tasks so others could go home early. My date denials went up a percentage, but it was enough to grab the guy's attention so whenever I did say yes he treated it with more excitement and appreciation than before.

5. I know none of us really want to think about this when we're in a new relationship, but there is a chance (percentage of that chance varies wildly) that the person you're with now is not going to be the person you live the rest of your life with. So making sure you have other things going on in your world helps extremely if your present boyfriend somehow drops out of the picture later.

Instead of punishing yourself by eating ice cream straight out the carton and watching 90s chick flicks, you can be much more productive and throw yourself in your hobbies, skills, work, whatever to get yourself over the breakup quicker and further away from the temptation of calling him and saying let's give it another try.

So that's another lesson... make sure you have your own world.

In a whole new world with you... not just you and him. Aladdin references...these are my twenties.

[letterstotiffanyann]

Having Fictional Role Models

All my life I can honestly say I never really looked at any one fictional individual in movies or tv as a role model to me. Even as a kid I never really looked up to characters like wonder woman, cinderella, or even the Cosby Show family, as people I wish I could be more like.

However new developments have recently occurred.

I do get that feeling watching the HBO series Newsroom. Specifically by the character Sloan Sabbith, played by Olivia Munn, who's this extremely intelligent financial news reporter and anchor for the network news channel the show is centered around. 

She's beautiful, stylish, kind of nerdy, but she admits it and accepts it. She's sometimes socially awkward but again she accepts that too, and she's nice but hits hard when it's needed. 

This isn't a girl crush. The reason I like this character so much is that she's what I would be if I put in my full potential, and didn't care so much how it looked. She's me without a glass ceiling. I've never felt this way before ever, and I wanted to let you all know how great it feels to have this type of self actualization. I wish it on everyone that one day you see in the almost flesh what a truly realized version of yourself looks like.

These are my 20s, having life epiphanies through HBO originals.

[letterstotiffanyann]

The maternal desires kick in

When I turned 23 I heard the first almost silent tickings of my biological clock.

I knew that I had over a decade until that timer "ran out", but I could just barely hear it.

My mom was married and had me at 23 so I was freaking out that I was actually the age she was. I didn't really feel the need to follow in her footsteps, it was just blowing my mind that it was an actual possibility. 

I'm out of my teens, past the legal age to drink, so I'm weirdly in that age where seeing me walk around with a little 6 month pudge was socially acceptable. 

I do have friends who've had kids earlier than that, and they've been great moms. But to actually make the conscious  purposeful, and pre-planned decision to be a mom completely feels so far away. Yet here I am child bearing age and what not. haha.

I don't really feel the need for a kid. I feel I'm completely unprepared mentally, financially, socially...mentally. But those maternal instincts are there, but I've placed them with other targets in sights instead of a baby.

Dogs...haha. Yeah I don't know if I've really told you this but I'm a journalist well a grad student with one more year to go before I'm a tv journalist. And with that means that every 2 years I move to a different city the next one bigger than the last and that's a tv reporters way of "climbing the career ladder".

I don't think I'm going to get married or preggers anytime soon, but I would like not coming home to an empty rented house or apartment every night. After this summer I'm trying to mature and get out of the roommate living situation game.

So I'll be on my own...that is until I get a lil one (or big one) of my own.

Ha! I didn't really even mean to make this a post. I was just going to type up a life plan somewhere but I wanted it to be where I would remember it. So why not the trust blog, and share a life lesson (well kind of) with you all at the same time. 

Right now I'm living in a sublet, with a roomie and her lab/Mastiff mix. So I think I'll wait till after the summer.

But the plan is if I find a studio apartment back at school that allows dogs, I'll foster from local animal rescue groups to get my puppy fix, help out a non profit organization, and help out dogs in needs so that they can rescue more. I'll foster for a year (preferably cockerspaniels or other easily apartment friendly small dogs). Then when I graduate either adopted a Belgium sheepdog an animal shelter and name him Shadow :D or search for any other laid back hard to adopt black dogs in a shelter and name him Shadow :D

Or give in and adopt a black cockerspaniel from a shelter, and name her Lady or him Prince :). I prefer big dogs, but who knows who'll steal my heart. 

Yeah so as you can tell, I want a dog in my 20s how women in their 30s want a baby. haha or marriage.

Another big part of your twenties that this influences is your independence. Remember when you had to ask permission or beg your parents for a puppy or kitten when you were little?

Now is the weird feeling that you don't have to. Or in my case i shouldn't. It's now completely up to you if you want to become responsible for another beings life. 

My parents are constantly telling me how it's a bad idea, and that'll it'll ruin my life, and that I won't go out as much. 

I completely understand that responsibilities that come with having a pet. My guinea pigs turned out alright didn't they lol my mom thought they would have started a long time ago from me forgetting to feed them. She was wrong I was a great mom, and Harold and Kumar are closer to being too fat than too skinny.

Also I'm thinking I can't be the only one in the world who's a young adult living on her own with a dog. If my friends are having babies right now, why can't save a canines life at a shelter.

Ha sorry that was a rant. But basically that's what I mean. It's part of your independence, knowing what's right for you, and what you can handle. 

Only you know what you can truly handle and how your life is. So no one can judge you more correctly than yourself. It's time to stop asking mom and dad permission for things you shouldn't have to. Yes, some of those decisions you very likely will regret, but just like they had their time to make mistakes so do you.

I know that they only try to stop you from making their own mistakes, but they are your mistakes to make. As parents they have to be content with "we tried", and let it go. 

In all likelihood I want find a place in Berkeley that allow pets and has a rent under a grand, but if i do find a place then I'll foster a pet if I DAMN WELL PLEASE!!!

*breathes heavily in and out, eyes wide, hands balled into a fist*

So that's that. Thoughts are out. Thanks for listening.

These are my twenties the battle between slowly simmering maternal instincts and independence.