#theu could also choke a man

[ventrue-rosary]

Not to sound like a raging bisexual but Amaranthe's thighs could save lives

[idjitlili]

I see stars

summary:

Imagine getting drunk at the feast of starlight , and becoming over happy,and dancing like the complete opposite to what elves are used to. Leasts just say Thranduil is more than impressed.

translations:

rukhs shirumund caragu=beardless orc dung

warnings:two boners

wordcount:2356

After the dwarves and you were taken prisoner,Thranduil had kept you with him once he sent Thorin to the cells for refusing his offer. Before he was even able to begin to talk to you the dwarves had escaped,theu had left a note which the guards handed to Thranduil ,who read it before passing it to you. His face was unreadable you didnt know what to expect,as the scrap paper was upon your hands. The rushed note had read:

"Our friend from strange lands,

your journey ends here, come vist us in erebor once it IS safe,not now,we  cannot afford to lose anymore family.

much love,

ps Thorin says if you get the chance near that rukhs shirumund caragu lowers,bite it off."

Your face lit up with embarrassment,knowing Thranduil had known what Thorin was implying for you to do,it was a good idea,but hiding a knife in your vagina and then chopping it off with that. That seemed like a better idea,what if you had his coxk in your mouth,and you bite it off and then you choke to death on it,it happened to dean winchester just with a sausage. You looked up to the king ,you was watching you intensely. "Thank you." you had spoke quietly,folding the note placing it in your front pocket of your jeans.

Yes you were still wearing your clothes from home,you had cleaned them last at a stream,but when you had first joined the company ,they had given you spar tunics , blankets and such. You had known them since you fell froma portal ,four feet from the ground infront of the company. They had grew to think very fondely of you ,and protected you from all danger.Now you felt very insecure with out them around ,especially when this king seemed very scary.

"what for?" Thranduil had questioned you circling ,your body ,you had crossed your arms and faced the floor. "for allowing me to have that note from my friends." he had stopped circling to look at you ,he liked you not like that at least not yet,you were being held captive yet you were treating him with kindness.

He hadnt kept you in a cell,infact he given you a room,it was locked at night and such incase you tried to kill him. In a few days you had warmed up to the king,but now erebor was reclaimed and he qould be going to reclaim his jems. You had practially begged him to take you with,so you could see your friends. He didnt like the idea,but then you started crying,you enjoyed the kings comapny when you would eat with him and such ,but you couldnt not go especially if you could prevent somes death. In the end he had agreed and sat you infront of him on his elk,you were excited to see your friends ,you just hoped Thranduil wouldnt kill them. You had been shy with Thranduil at first ,but you soon found out he was very nice,and you came out of your shell.

That led you to be literally bouncing on the elk once you had arrived infront of erebor  ,with Thranduil having to have his arm around your waist,which led you to be very close to each other.  He had to tell you to stop,as nice as he could,you hadnt realised you had caused the king a little problem.Which luckily his outfit hid,he didnt tell you that was why,he had just stated someobe might aim for him and then hit you with an arrow. Bouncing looked like yeah.  You had spotted Thorin whos gaze lingled on you ,he thought Thranduil was using you so they wouldnt try kill him.

However you smiled widely up at Thorin. " Thorin! Your crown looks very lovely on you!" you had shouted up at the king ,who sffered from dragon sickness,his mouth twitched slightly before turning back into a frown. "You are fooling around with an elf?and an elf thats him?" he had scoffed in disgust at you,your face fell. "no,thorin." you had been hurt at his words,thranduil had tighted his grip on you waist,protectively.

Once you had found out that Thorin and his best fighters had been led into a trapped ,you had forced Thranduil, totake you there and help save them. In which had surprisingly did,you also may have used your sons also heading there ,what if he gets hurt and you couldve saved him. You ended up jumping on azog's back ,legs around his waist stabbing him in the back with daggers,so thorin could go for the kill;you literally looked like drax. Now your life was complete ,you looked awesome,you had also saved fili and kili. Darn Fili deserves more screentime. Azog had flipped you over his shoulders ,slamming you into the ice,strangling you with one hand and blade in another sending a slice up your arm, You had just became loki ,being slammed by hulk,and now you needed stitches. "I...c-can...see..y-your cock." you had to try to speak,face red,unable to breathe.giving Thorin the chance to end his life.

Thorin pushed azogs body away from you,pulling you into his arms. "you are very much crazy ,y/n and for that I will be forever in debt to you as you saved my family and I" he spoke stroking your hair, as you gained your breath back,your neck was definitely was going to be bruised. "I ...r-repaid..my debt for keeping me safe in this strange world all those month,plus i got to see that majestic hair everyday." you reached your hand up,to his hair,running your fingers through it, "i am really sorry for saying what i did earlier, I do not want you getting hurt that was all." he spoke sincerely to you. "dont worry little man,no one has taken my innocence." you smirked in which Thorin smiled at you in relief  before carrying you bridal style to erebor to find oin,trying to avoid hurting your bleeding upper arm.

That was until Thranduil stopped him on his elk,his eyes wondering over your injured form,you smiled at the king. Thranduil knew he had to take you home with him,he had felt things he had never felt before ,even with his now dead wife. "let me take her back with me,to the woodland relm,we have the finest doctors." he had spoken sternly,Thorin had scoffed in response. "oin is the best in erebor!" he had growled,he didnt want you with an elf at all. "more like the only one." Thranduil had annoyed Thorin with this,his stomach bubbled with anger.  "Thorin, its fine I have to go back anyways ,I left belongings there." you tried to convince the dwarven king,however he was stubborn,so it would take more than that. "i will buy and have you made new belongings." he really didnt want you to go,he felt like it was his duty to protect you,he thought of you as a daughter almost.

"Thorin , I will come back,and if not straight away, I will write." you had jumped down from Thorins arms ,before hugging him tightly,and pulling away. Your eyes watered ,as you looked at back at Thorin who's did the same ,as Thranduil lifted you up onto his elk infront of him.

Also you forgot to mention,Tauriel fell off a cliff , rip. Legolas was going away for a while,but promised his father he would try to visit on the feast of starlight. Thranduil had comforted you saying Thorin was safe ,there wasnt any huge chances that something could happen to him while you were gone,you would be able to see him again. Anyways that was many months ago and you wrote to the dwarves and bilbo often,Thranduil would even get elves with drawing talents to draw you so you could send them back for Thorin and Bilbo. Bilbo had requested it. But tonight was the feast of starlight,Thranduil had you a dress made ,and fitted , it was mint green,come to think of it looked exactly like Arwen's dress in return of the time. Maybe you become friends with her tonight ,and gift it too her in the future as she loved it so much. wink wink. Thranduil had personally came to chambers,and walked with you to the feast. Yeah so you had been staying in the woodland relm way longer than you had thought you would have been staying.

Thrandul had sat on the end of the table ,while you sat at the side of the table next to him,there was many high elves at the table such as celeborn,Elrond,Lady Galadriel,and many others,you could barely remember any of there names. However there had been wine,you were barely an adult ,let they kept topping up your glass ,no one told you how strong elvish wine was. You were tipsy very quickly,you didnt make much conversation with anyone as you very nervous of saying something innappropriate. Soon as you all had entered the hall ,the music filled your ears it was quiet boring music. So you just lingled around Thranduil , drinking wine ,which was everywhere ,soon you were very loose  ,and very close to Thranduil. Basically jumping around him, that was until a slightlly up beat song started playing. "Thranduil I am going to go danceeeeee." you had spoke excitely ,gripping the kings arm he had simply nodded.

You had skipped off to the dance floor,letting out a "wooooooo" hitting your fist in the air,Thranduil watched you as you tucked a part of your dress into your short legging shorts,he had gasped at your action as your whole thigh was revealed. You began dancing like you were doing just dance to umbrella,singing the lyrics,pointing to Thranduil ,gesturing him to join he shook his head,you shrug at him. You had learnt this not only because of tom holland but as a child you loved just dance and memorized the movements.

"you have my heart

And we'll never be worlds apart

Maybe in magazines

But you'll still be my star

Baby, 'cause in the dark

You can't see shiny cars

And that's when you need me there

With you, I'll always share"

you had began,as the elves had changed the music to suit the music , you smirked at heart you had gestured to Thranduil,who's face was a beet,he couldnt deny he liked it.

"When the sun shine, we shine together

Told you I'll be here forever

Said I'll always be your friend

Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we'll still have each other

You can stand under my umbrella

You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh"

you gestured under your dress before ,winking at Thranduil,before pulling the dress off swiftly,causing the elves to gasp ,leaving you in a tight black corset from Thorin and black shorts,you threw the dress at Arwen mouthing keep it.These fancy things

"Will never come in between

You're part of my entity

Here for infinity

When the war has took its part

When the world has dealt its cards

If the hand is hard

Together we'll mend your heart."

You strut over Thorin ,high and might ,getting very close ,before turing and dropping your ass slightly grazes him ,before flicking a leg out then bring it back in and doing the same with the other. Before standing up quickly,facing him wipping the back of your hands down his face before going back the dance floor.

"When the sun shine, we shine together

Told you I'll be here forever

Said I'll always be your friend

Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we'll still have each other

You can stand under my umbrella

You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh"

Thranduil stares at you,licking his lips at your performance,he was deeply attracted to you there was no doubt about that. You skin glittering in the light as it reflected onto your sweat,

"It's rainin', rainin'

Ooh, baby, it's rainin', rainin'

Baby, come here to me

Come into me

It's rainin', rainin'

Ooh, baby, it's rainin', rainin'"

you finished off ,voice hurting slightly,before grabbing a glass of wine chugging it,bow at the elves that claped for you, smiled brightly,they hadnt seen anything like that ever. You didnt get to anything else before Thranduil practically run at you. You had revealed you love Thranduil ,in your song, He cupped your cheeks gently with his large hands before he pressed his soft lips against yours ,the elves around you clap  around you,as you both kiss passionately.

"will you marry me,y/n?" he spoke once you both pulled away,you nod eagarly before pressing your lips to his quickly,you bow once more before pulling out of the hall,he thanks everyone for coming as you walk out.

lets just say you dont bite his cock off,you went to visit Thorin with Thranduil the next day , they put aside their differences for you ,as Thranduil tells them about your stunt ,not about the boner he hid when you slut dropped infront of him.

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

PROMPT GAME #2

"You two really looked great together," another older couple beams at both Y/N and Taehyung after giving their greetings. The two smile and nodded, like they usually do for the millionth time at this kind of parties.

"And there goes another one, saying how great we look," Taehyung chuckled, passing her a glass of wine. Y/N just nodded and, smile, gulping down her drink. At the rate this party is going, she will be needing way more than just a glass for sure. "Aunties and uncles alert," Taehyung whisper and nudge her with his elbow and the two immediately puts on a smile at the two impecabbly dressed couple hewded their way.

"Taehyung, Y/N, you two look wonderful today. Taehyung, handsome as always," Y/N's auntie, her father's oldest sister smile and beams at the young man, and Taehyung flashed his charming smile, making the older lady blush.

"Thanks Aunt May. You look gorgeous as always too,"

"But not as pretty as Y/N here right?" She winks. "So, when are you two ever going to make it official? You wont have a secret engagement or anything right?"

"Aunt May!" Y/N os horrified. Why cant family members just be normal?

"What? Did I say something wrong?" Aunt May feign innocent, strongly believe that the two is a couple although theu have denied it too many times.

"Its definitely wrong! You know we are just friends!" Y/N protests. "We are just... friends," she repeated again, softly this time and sighed and Taehyung chuckled softly besides her at her flustered reaction.

"Young people these days. Is it so hard to woo a girl? Just take her out on a date and pop the question!" Uncle Kent gives out a booming laugh, making Y/N wants to face palmed herself. Thabk god Taehyung is calm and a good sport.

"It cant be that simple Uncle, its not easy to win Y/N's heart, I have to make up some super deliberate plan to woo her before she would ever say yes to me," Taehyung plays along and grab Y/N's hand, holding it tighr, causing her heartbeat to race.

"Well, then I wish you the best of luck son," Uncle Kent tapped his back and make their way to greet some other people. Y/N pulled back her hand the moment they left and pouts.

"What the hell is that Tae? Why are you giving them expectations? You know I dont like that. Now they will be telling asking my parents when we are getting married and the my parents will be asking me and when I tell then its a joke they will nag me about being single and say I'm waiting for a prince to fall down from the sky again!" Y/N grumbles.

"Are you?" Taehyung turns to look at her, smiling that stupid smile that makes Y/N goes crazy. "Waiting for a prince to fall down from the sky?"

"No. Of course not!" I am just waiting for you Kim Taehyung. Y/N wished she can just say it out loud. Oh if only she have that courage. But that will never happen. They have been friends for too long for her to ruined it. Too long. In fact, since the day they were born. Both born as the heir to the wealthiest empire in the country, their parents being close friends and business partners, they are bound to be best friends. Growing up with a silver spoon in their mouth together, some are even convinced that they will marry each other. Well, until Taehyung hits puberty and grew into his looks and turned into the number one romeo in the country. Making appearances at all the parties in town, having one night stands with girls he cant remember the name of and charming everybody socks off while Y/N, who although also grew into her beauty hides behind books and classical music, poetru and arts. Despite their differencesz at the end of the day, Y/N and Taehyung still turns to each other, which is why everybody thinks they are a couple, or want them to be.

Especially at a party hosted by Y/N's parents, filled with cloae relatives and friends.

"Well, you have been single for as long as I have known you Y/N. Which is.. hmmm... let me see... since forever?" Taehyung eyes her carefully. "I wonder who is it you are waiting for?" He smirks. "Is it by any chance, me?"

Y/N chokes on her water.

Taehyung laughs, sipping his drink while watching her closely.

"Ewww. No. Never! Never ever!"

"Oh come on. I am not so bad. What? You have never thought about us? We do make a great couple you know," he winks.

"W-well... I uh," Y/N wrecks her brain, trying to find an answer to this wkward question. Yes, Taehyung teased her a lot, thats what they do, teased each other, but the topic is never this. Never about her wanting him. Because to be honest, there is nothing in this world she rather want than him. "I would! If you are not the number one international player!" Sheaughs nervously, trying to pass it off as a joke, although deep inside it hurts to know how true that statement is. Taehyung will never see her like that. Not when he is surrounded by any girl he could possibly want.

"Really now?" Taehyung smiles and take a step forward, still holding her hand tight, squeezing it while the other cups her chin slowly do her eyes met his. "Then why are your hand sweating so much Y/N?" Taehyung smile, eyes never leaving hers. "You have never imagine us? Together? You have never..." he leans in closer lips only an inch from her, his breath warm on her face. Y/N can smell his intoxicating scent and her eyes flutter close, heartbeat racing like crazy. "Imagine me kissing you? My lips... on yours?" He rubs his thumb on her soft lips, slowly grazing it. Taehyung inched closer, almost closing the tiny gap between them ehen Y/N snapped into reality, realizing what she is about to do and who shes about to do it with. Her eyes opens immediately and Y/N shoved Taehyung away, hard, making him stumbled back in surprised and ran out to the enormous garden.

What is wrong with me? You know Taehyung is just playing. Stupid Y/N, stupid stupid, stupid!

Tears are already running down her face, cascading down her cheeks like endless waterfall. She can hear soft footsteps approaching. Footsteps that she can recognized anywhere.

Taehyung.

How can she forget. Taehyung knows this garden, her garden, as much as she does. He knows exactly where Y/N would hide herself away everytime she wanted some peace and quiet from all her troubles. Taehyung knows her more than she knows herself, so why dont he know how in lovr she is with him?

So in love. Definitely more than friends. Is she really not worthy in his eyes?

"Y/N?" Taehyung took a seat beside her on the cold stone bench, the air immediately turned wuiet as both trying to think of what to say. They have seen each other uoset beforex and Taehyung always seems to know what to say to put a smile back on her face. But not this time. This time, something feels off.

Did he say something wrong earlier?

"Hey Y/N... can you please look at me?" Taehyung whisper softly.

"Can you just please go away Tae? I have never asked you for anything, but just this once, please leave me alone," Y/N sobs.

"No. You need me Y/N..." Taehyung's voice is still soft and calm. "Just like I need you,"

"There you go again!" Y/N snapped and raised her face, eyes filled with anger like Taehyung never has seen before, her whole face dampen with tears. "You just say whatever you want dont you?! Without thinking about anyone elses feelings!"

"Y/N.. what are you talking about. I dont understand. Why are you so mad at me for?" Taehyung is utterly confused at all this anger directed towards him.

"You need me. Just like I need you! You have never imagined us together? You have neevr imagined me kissing you?" She mocked. "What the hell Taehyubg? You think feelings are some kind of a joke?!" Y/N screamed, no longer cared. Patience are running thin when her feelings are this vulnerable.

"You are angry at me because of that?" Taehyung looks at her in disbelief. "I am sorry if you think I crossed the line, but this angry?" Taehyung stands up and paced around. "Do you hate me that much that even the thoughts of being with me makes you want to scream in anger? Make you this upset? Am I that unworthy to you Y/N?"

Y/N was surprised. How can he thinks that way? For what its worth, its the other way around. She will never be good enough for the great Kim Taehyung, best friend or not.

"No Tae.. its not like that..." her voice softens at his sudden outburst.

"Then what is it? I am not good enough for you? Do you despise who I am to the point ot makes you cry? Do I-"

"Its because I love you!"

Taehyung stopped mid-sentence, turning around to face her, mouth slightly open.

"Got your answer now? Its because I fucking love you Tae. Deeply, sincerely in love with you. Has been for years," she laughed through her tears. "But you will never see me that way do you? I am just the bestfriend. The nerd, goody two shoes bestfriend. I understand, how can you even look at me that way with all the girls flocking you. You can have anyone and anyone is licky ro have you,"

"Y/N-"

"Let me finish!" Y/N raised a hand to stop him. It took me years to finally find this courage to say all this, so let me finish,"

Taehyung kept quiet, obliging to her demands.

"I love you Tae. Always have, always will. But I know we will never be. And i am fine with that. I have made my peace with that. But please stop humoring me by saying things about us together. I know its a joke to you but its like a bullet to my fragile heart. Atleast stop until I get over you,"Y/N sighed. "Its funny right? And pathetic. Not to mentioned cliche. Bestfriends falling for the other," she lets out a humorless laugh. "I just need to know one thing Tae. One thing and I promiaed we wont talk about this evee again,"

"What is it Y/N?" Taehyung took a steo and sits back down beside her on the bench.

"What do they have that I dont?" Y/N looks him straight in the eye. "All those firls you have been with, night after night, what do they have that I dont? Why wont you ever look at me Tae?"

Taehyung's heart breaks when Y/N aaked the question. The way her lips quiver, the way her eyes shines with tears, the look in her eyes thay shows him how she really believed that shes never going to be enough for him.

"Do you really want to know the answer? Are you ready for it?" Taehyung looks at her, unblinking and Y/N nodded, already bracing herself for an answer that will break her heart forever. "Then I am going to tell ypu what they dont have instead.."

Taehyung's face is serious as he takes her hand and places it in his.

"Well, for one... they dont have my heart. This heart that just automatically surrenders to you ever since I understand what love is," he smiles, his beautiful, charming smile.

"T-tae. W-what are you-"

"Shhh. I am not done," he puts a finger on her lips to quiet her down. "You talk to much, its my turn noe. Second, they dont have the permission of your parents to marry you..." he smile wider. "And third, they dont have this ring," he took out a diamond ring from his pocket and kneels down in front of her, making Y/N speechless. "That I have been carrying around for weeks, trying to find the right time to do this,"

"T-tae?"

"Y/N... baby," he grins. "Will you make me the happiest man alive by not just being my best friend for life, but also become the love of my life, my wife, my everything?"

"I-i..."

"I can help you with that. Yes would be great," he flashed her another one of his charming smile. The same smike that has made Y/N's heart race for years, but now she knows it fully belongs to her.

"Yes. Kim Taehyung. Yes. Definitely yes

[shadymultiverse]

I remember laying on my bed in highschool, sophomore year. I was exhausted. I had reached the point where every person id managed to scrape out of the hell hole that is middle education had turned against me. Rumors, as they do, flooded my small community. Things like lesbianism and sluttery being the least of it and incest and beastiality the worst. Theu were also convinced I was either possessed or the spawn of hell, which remains to be a point of pride for me.

My delicait social circle had collapsed under the strain of one thing, teenage hormones. Not my own, but that of my brother and his girlfriend, the girl coming from my group of friends. Their relationship had been incredibly toxic, but as Im realizing, everyone who comes into contact with my brother experiences the same kind of manipulation and fear. Not that she was innocent, none of them were. Ive always known a bad person when i meet one, but I also have the fatal flaw that cruelty and misguided affection will always taste like home to me.

They were the school bullies, though I would have shot you if youd said it at the time. I suppose by extention I was probably a bully, though I dont remember being one. It just explains why there was not a soul to catch me when I fell. There nnever was, not once in my entire life has someone actually caught me when I needed it, so its not like K was suprised.

'Oh but you were' My mind so helpfully supplies. I always viewed myself as kind. Sweet. Loving, even.

Yet there I was laid across my bed, too tired to get up, too tired to cry. It was after an episode from my brother.

It stands to reason I should describe him, he was not a small man. No. He stood at 6'1 back then, a weight lifter through highschool, he was a physically imposing person. Being the malnurished, overweight, gaslighted and generally abused little girl that I was, I was never any match for him. I had one fought against him, and my sister- who was always thin as a fuse and leading to something dangerous- but it was always them that were rewarded and I who was punished. My mother, who I struggle to speak ill of even now, was an enabler. She refused to see the cruelty that my siblings put me through as anything other than normal, but any kind of defense that I levied for myself was something of an act against the pure, Goddly love that was my siblings.

Now Ive realized that it was just too much for her to bare, too much for her to understand. She is a very fragile woman for how strong she is. She knew that as long as I was taking their abuse, she wouldnt have to think about it. She didnt want me to get better.

That said at that point my sister was long gone. It was just me and my brother.

He was in the bedroom next to mine. A trailer, so any sound or move I made was hyperly monitored. I was too tired to do much more than breathe and even that was a fete. He must not have been satisfied by that because his door opened and then so did mine. He stared at me, I looked in his dirrection, at his eyes. He was still angry. This was the fifth or sixth day in a row that hed chased me ariund the house, screaming at me and cornering me. He hit me all the time, always in the same spot over and over so that it wouldnt look like Id been beaten, but I was being beaten.

I remember thinking how much I was struggling. In everything. My school work, my home life, my social life, everything.

He told me to make him something to eat. I told him no.

I almost always did. I hated the way that he spoke to me, hated that I was nothing more than a slave.

I didnt have the energy tk try to fight or get up or get out of the way but he jumped on top of me and wrapped his fingers around my throat.

I remember thinking 'I just wanna go. Let me go, please just let me go' I didnt realize it at the time but I was praying that he would kill me. I was so tired....

He would put his knees on top of your hands and sit in your chest, then squeeze your throat just hard enough to not actually bruise. Cut off the circulation but ot actually kill me. Its this strange in realm between pain and peace.

This time, however, he was squeezing so hard I thought my head might pop. His eyes told me he wanted me to die. Truly intended to finally end the charade that was my life. I wasnt scared. Just tired. Ready.

I was almost gone when something changed. I was there, floating up put of my body and his face felt slack, his eyes lost their psychotic glint and he let go. He got off of me and left the house. I can still feel the gasp that tore through my lungs. If yoive ever blown up a baloon and held it against your hand to feel the way it sticks to your skin then you know whay it feels like to breathe into empty lungs.

Its most painful part of being choked

Strangely enough, I started thinking about what I should do with my life. If he wouldnt do me the kindness of finishing the job, then I needed to plan how I was going to escape.

I was tired though, and the one thing i jad always wanted seemed absolutely impossible to attain. Brain Surgeon.

I could barely pull myself through a day in highschool, the idea of two decades of college was impossible to imagine. I decided I needed to do soemthing else. Something...easy. I had earned easy, hadnt I?

It was Tom Hiddleston that made me decided I should go into theater. Ironic, since it was earlier that same year that I had been in theater, had auditioned for a monolouge and a duet for our state competition, gotten it, only to have it ripped away because I wasnt good enough. Ive always had trouble commiting to things like afterschool practice. Though, maybe ita because out practices were just delaying the inevitable abuse Id be put through at home. I only ever wnated to sleep, to stay after shcool for three hours and practice was like eating broken glass before going home to drink rubbing alcohol.

But Theater was the way to go. I liked acting, I preferred make up and set design. That way, maybe Id get to meet Tom Hiddleston. Silly, looking back. What a way to decidee the fate of my life.

He seemed caring, you see. Like he wouldnt let anyone hurt me. Not even in a husbandry kind of way, just in the human way.

He would see whay was happening and say 'This isnt ok'. He didnt have to rescue me or anything. He would just understand.

By extention, the world would see me, delight in me, applaud me.

So I started focussing on this fantasy of becoming famous.

At every turn the rug was yanked out from under me. Every time i got a line or a song or something that I craved, it was taken away before it could ever be preformed.

Just like my home life, I kept being told that I did not matter. I didnt deserve to feel anything but disapointment and anguish.

Maybe thats why Ive run away from every job that Ive ever had.