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#fucked up every day about my grandmother dying ten years ago and how that completely changed myself#and how we were cheated out of any life insurance for reasons never explained to me#but i once heard a figure of around 100k#and i just#yeah my mother probably would have squandered that on her drug addiction but at least for a while wed have been okay#im tired of being poor and tired and disabled#im tired#im tired of waiting to die#i dont have the energy or means to live#i wish my friends had better reactions when intold them my feelings#instead of sympathetic Im Sorrys and a change on conversation or following radio silence#they have problems too but i wish we could communicate with eachother and help each other through it#wish my family gave a shit about me#the only ones who seem to care live hundreds of miles away and i haven't seen since i was 7#well except my dad but the last time i saw him was junior year of college#and he cares but we talk less then once a month#and he never wanted me#one time he told me he and his wife (not my mom) had cats because they were never going to have kids#as if i wasnt his kid; as if im not his clone; as if we dont have the same eyes and hair and love of weird alien bullshit and music#i hate that im so fucking isolated from family because my mother burns every bridge and life line put infront of her and#my father couldnt be bother#dot
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Thicker Than Water (Part 6)
lPart 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, (here) Part 7, Part 8
Ao3 link HERE
TW for hypothermia, illness, talk of self-isolating behavior, mention of Yennefer’s self harm scars.
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The trek to Kaer Morhen was a penance, and that was just getting from the city to the base of the path that the witchers called ‘The Killer’. Autumn was truly giving way to winter now and fine flurries came down with more ferocity than was warranted from a few snowflakes.
They were all on foot, Roach pulling the cart with their supplies. As they advanced up the trail Ciri and probably Jaskier would sit in the cart. The path was called killer for a reason, it could kill witchers. For now, though, they let Roach rest as much as she could. It would be a tough climb for her as well, and whenever they stopped Geralt gave her extra brushing down and treats.
Geralt...hm. Well, since Jaskier had snapped at him back in the city their relationship, already tense as a bowstring, had gotten worse. They didn’t snap at each other, but tiptoed instead, walking on eggshells. Jaskier was waiting, had half expected Geralt to cast him aside again, or to gripe about Jaskier’s uselessness. Instead the witcher walked around like he’d been kicked.
He was always looking at Jaskier though, glancing at him with that piercing, penetrating gaze. He was examining the bard for something, but for what, Jaskier didn’t know. Whatever it was, he wasn’t going to let Geralt have the satisfaction of seeing it. He kept walking, head up, eyes straight ahead. He didn’t complain. He barely spoke. Making himself as unlikely a target for Geralt’s ire as possible.
That was the odd thing though. Geralt didn’t seem to have much ire, per say. It was almost an overbearing sort of concern. Jaskier tried to make it fit in his head, there was something there, Geralt’s anger at Jaskier for sleeping with the innkeeper, the care with which he’d carried Jaskier into town, this awkward caution. It meant something. In his heart Jaskier knew what he hoped it meant. He couldn’t trust his heart with this though, he needed to use his head. There was a disconnect between Geralt’s words and his actions. Between the mountain and now. He needed to use his head.
His head was aching.
Jaskier really barely could think, much less work out the complexities of Geralt’s character. His chest ached. That little, half-ache had taken root in his lungs and bloomed into a great, heaving flower. He was coughing now, which he was trying to hide, he knew, without much success. The cough had started dry and grating, but had progressed to a hacking wetness. It would have been bad enough, but it was upsetting Ciri. Jaskier wouldn’t go within six feet of her, for fear of making her sick too. Her big, grass green eyes watched him almost as consistently as Geralt did, and she was picking up the little crease between her brow as well. Sometimes, when a particularly vicious cough made him double over her lip trembled, and that was a special sort of torture. Yennefer kept giving him tea, too, which was a weirdly kind, somewhat pitying gesture.
“I’m not good at healing,” she grouched at him from across their campfire the first evening on The Killer.
Jaskier shrugged. “’s fine,” he said, taking another hesitant sip of the tea. It was herbal, not in the way that mint was herbal, but the way that a handful of leaves and moss tasted herbal.
“Mh,” Yennefer said, as if she hadn’t heard him. “It’s one of those things you have to specialize in, magical healing. Magic heals magic injuries best, anyway.”
“I’m okay,” Jaskier said, fully aware that he wasn’t, but glad that Ciri and Geralt had gone to fetch more wood so he wouldn’t have the big witcher sniffing out his lie.
“You need a healer.” Yennefer skewered him with her gaze, purple meeting blue like a lightning storm. “You’re sick.”
“I don’t see why it should bother you.”
Yennefer sighed and stood up, grabbing the kettle from the fire. She poured herself a mug of the tea and sat down with it next to Jaskier. After a brief examination she drank it, then winced. “Eugh. It bothers me because we’re friends.”
“We are not.”
“Eh, well, Geralt screwed me over, he screwed you over, the enemy of my enemy...”
“Geralt isn’t my enemy--”
“Could’ve fooled me with that shouting match back in town.”
“Anyway he screwed you over more...literally.”
Yennefer looked at him, a little smirk on her lips. “Is that what this is about? That I slept with Geralt?” She looked at Jaskier, squinting at him as he studiously examined his tea. “No, that isn’t it,” she decided. “You aren’t upset he slept with me, you’re upset he never slept with you.”
“I’m upset that he decided he loves you!” Jaskier shouted, unable to take the prodding. He regretted it as it kickstarted a coughing fit that made him double over. He spat out some phlem and straightened up in time to see Yennefer’s grimace.
“He decided he loves you,” Jaskier said, panting a little. “After only just meeting you. He decided he couldn’t live without you in his life, so he bound you with that djinn to keep you safe. And that sucks for you, it does, and he shouldn’t have done it. Melitele knows the man never thinks things through, it’s just...”
Jaskier looked into the fire and Yennefer waited.
“He barely knew you and he couldn’t bear to be without you. I spent two decades at his side and he’s never called me a friend.” He scoffed ruefully. “Called me a shit shoveler though.”
Yennefer nodded. “I heard.”
“You did?”
“I hadn’t gone that far when, well...you’re a pain in the ass, bard, but you didn’t deserve that. Men like Geralt...” she twisted the mug in her hands, turning it round and round and Jaskier saw flashes of scarred skin at her wrists. “People like Geralt and I,” she continued. “We pull at our safety ropes until they come undone. It’s just how we are. We were hurt so much, so long, that when we hurt we reach out and undo any ties that could help us.”
Jaskier was at a loss, so he bumped his shoulder against Yennefer’s. “You’re so much more fashionable about it though.”
Yen smirked and returned the shoulder bump. “Definitely. Geralt though, he cut all his safety ropes that day.” She didn’t have to specify which day. “I cut mine first though. I didn’t want him romantically, not really. It’s djinn magic, he’s not my lover, and I can’t fix him and I don’t want him to fix me.”
“Fix him?”
“I think people like Geralt and I can heal, but we can’t heal eachother. Ciri helps. I’m a mom to her, you know? She called me Mama the other day when she was really sleepy and it felt...” Yennefer trailed off, then she looked over at Jaskier.
“I don’t love him, not like you do, and he doesn’t love me. But I’m not good with these things, and I can’t help you two fix what he broke that day. More than that, I won’t. It’s not my job to fix you two, or to deal with your problems for you, and if you two can’t communicate on your own then maybe you shouldn’t at all.”
“I communicated,” Jaskier said. “Twenty years. I thought those were the best years of my life, and I gave them to him, and did all the communicating. I’m not doing anymore. If I’m not...” Jaskier was ashamed to find a lump in his throat. “If I’m not a curse and a burden to him then he has to tell me, has to say it, because I can’t keep going if his words are just going to contradict his actions.”
“Good,” Yennefer said, standing and pouring her tea out onto the ground. “Don’t. Make him communicate. It’s up to him. And to make it be up to him, that’s up to you. He has words. If he can use them to hurt you then he can use them to heal. Don’t give in.”
It seemed that portion of the conversation was over because Yen began setting up her magic tent. “You’ll sleep in here tonight. The cold isn’t doing you any good.”
Jaskier shook his head. “Can’t. I could make Ciri sick.”
Yennefer sighed again. “You’re right, of course, but you’ll sleep in Geralt’s tent. He can’t get sick and he’s a walking heater.”
Jaskier was about to protest when his lungs heaved again and he began coughing. The force was so great he swore he felt his ribs creak. Despite all the mucus his throat felt torn and raw. He dragged air back into his lungs then spat. Blood came out.
Of course, that was the moment Ciri and Geralt returned from getting firewood.
Ciri gasped, eyes wide, and Geralt dropped the armful of logs he was holding. They scattered but the witcher paid them no heed as he advanced towards Jaskier, stepping over the rolling wood. Geralt gripped Jaskier’s face and tilted his head back, holding his mouth open.
Jaskier wondered what he could see with his witcher-enhanced eyes.
“Throat’s raw,” Geralt grunted after an awkward moment of peering into Jaskier’s mouth. “Probably nothing internal.”
Geralt wiped the blood from the corner of the bard’s mouth with his rough leather glove, then he peeled off his glove and pressed a hand to Jaskier’s forehead. Jaskier just leaned in to the warmth of Geralt’s palm, but it was obviously chilled, the temperature of a normal human, not the furnace heat Geralt normally held.
Geralt frowned and stepped closer, taking his hand away and pressing his cheek to Jaskier’s forehead instead. It was a gesture that Jaskier’s nursemaid had sometimes done, an easier way to check for fever if one’s hands were too cold to tell. He wished he could linger there, in the warmth of Geralt, so close, with his cloak still smelling of the pine forest all around them and the copper-sharp scent of snow as well.
“Fever,” Geralt grunted.
“Dandelion,” Ciri said, eyes filling.
Jaskier pulled away and bowed theatrically, ignoring his aching joints’ many protests. “Never fear little princess,” he said. “’twould take more than a fever to best the bard Jaskier.”
Ciri didn’t giggle, but at least she didn’t begin to cry.
That night Jaskier and Geralt tucked in together, sharing not just a tent but a bedroll. Geralt had turned onto his side and pulled Jaskier in so that his face pressed to Geralt’s collarbone and he was surrounded by the witcher. It was as if Geralt was shielding him with his body, protecting him from an enemy, but that enemy was inside Jaskier already, and he could feel the fever burning through him, even as he relished the warmth.
His mind drifted to other times. Days and nights when coin had been tight and they’d shared beds, shared meals. They’d shared lives for so long, orbiting around eachother. Geralt like some bright planet and Jaskier his moon. He ached for it to be like that again, but he couldn’t do it alone, Geralt had to be part of it too, had to want that life to exist, not just allow it to happen.
The next day dawned white. Snow had fallen and continued to do so, the little flurries of before now a full snowstorm that whipped and raged. Geralt loaded a pack full of supplies onto his back to lighten Roach’s load, then they set off.
Ciri and Jaskier walked as long as they could, but the wind beat them back. Yennefer was struggling too, pushing magic in front of her so that the snow buffeted off of it, streaming around her and making the walking easier, but Jaskier could tell it drained her, and her shield flickered sometimes.
Ciri stumbled once, around mid morning, and Geralt picked her up by the back of her cloak, scruffing her like a kitten. He patted some snow off of her and placed her int the cart with the supplies. Jaskier was going to go at least a couple hundred more feet, but Geralt scruffed him too, bundling him into the cart alongside Ciri. Jaskier prayed he wouldn’t get Ciri sick, but with the wind howling around him he imagined that whatever ill humors he could exhale would get swept away. He curled up opposite the princess, the pair of them ducking down miserably as the snow blew over the sides of the cart. He heard Geralt speaking to Yen.
“We can make it by nightfall, if we push. Can you make it?” His voice was pitched above the wind, but still barely reached Jaskier.
“I can make it,” Yen said. “I’ll have to, they need warmth, and Jaskier needs medicine.”
“Vesemir knows herbs and potions, he can heal him.”
“Then we’d better get a move on,” Yennefer said. Her voice was strained, but they forged on anyway.
Jaskier took occasional peeks over the sides of the cart. It was a winding path, a goat track, really, but the northern mountains were said to be beautiful and he imagined it must be very scenic. As it was, the wind and snow obscured most of his vision. What he could see were ancient pines, large and weather worn. Nevertheless, they swayed like reeds in a current in the hellstorm that whipped around them.
“Ciri,” Jaskier wheezed. “Let’s play a game.”
Ciri, tucked into her cloak so far that he could barely see her, gave a muffled, “okay.”
“How many red things can you name?”
“...apples,” was the muffled reply.
“Cherries.”
“Rubies.”
“Wine.”
“Chili peppers,” Yennefer said, the wind almost stealing it, but Jaskier and Ciri smiled at eachother for dragging her into the game.
“Raspberries,” Ciri said.
“Blood?” Geralt grunted.
“Gross,” Ciri said, at the same time as Jaskier said, “What a witchery answer.”
“Tomatoes,” Yen said.
The game trailed away for a while as the cart rattled worryingly across some tough ground. Geralt and Yennefer ate while they walked, and Ciri and Jaskier chewed on some dried meat. Mostly Ciri, Jaskier dozed, too exhausted to even chew.
When he opened his eyes again the wind was still howling, but the sky looked darker. It must be evening.
“Dandelion,” Ciri whispered. “are you awake?”
“Mmhm,” he said.
“I’m cold.”
Jaskier was too, the snow had soaked into him so he was damp, but then it froze again, taking him with it.
“We’re almost there,” Geralt grunted. His voiced sounded strained and weary, but Jaskier didn’t have the strength to look and find out why. “C’mon girl,” Geralt said, clicking his tongue at Roach. “We can make it, do it for me.”
“Hey Ciri,” Jaskier slurred, tongue heavy in his mouth.
“Hm?”
“Roses are red.”
He imagined Ciri smiling at him tiredly, but he couldn’t see her, bundled in the blankets. He could hear her teeth chatter though. “Jam is red, sometimes,” she said.
“Eskel’s shirt is red,” Geralt said, raising his voice above the wind.
“N-no fair,” Jaskier muttered. “I’ve never even seen him.” To his surprise he was drifting off again. It felt different though, a little like drowning. Some part of him felt he should panic, but he hadn’t the energy.
“You can see him,” Geralt said, sounding a little frantic. “He’s right there, standing on the path ahead of us. We’re here, Jaskier, look at Eskel.”
Jaskier wanted to, but his eyelids were too heavy.
“Geralt--” began a new voice.
“Eskel please, they need help.”
“I know, give her to me, I’ll carry her the rest of the way.”
Carry who? Jaskier wondered, then he realized that he hadn’t heard Yennefer speak lately.
A whistle came from up ahead. “C’mon Pretty Boy,” another new voice. “I’ll take your pampered horse, you lay them in front of the fire.”
There was some rustling and Jaskier wreched his eyes open with his last ounce of effort. An older man with a moustache and a face like a wall of granite was lifting Ciri from the cart. He took care with her, cradling her and walking away quickly. Vesemir? Probably. His eyes fell shut again.
“Jaskier c’mon,” Geralt said in his ear. His breath stuttered warmth across Jaskier’s cheek. “You’re gonna be okay, we’re here, just don’t fall asleep on me, please.”
Jaskier wanted to open his eyes, just to reassure Geralt but everything seemed to be drifting away. He was laid down on something soft and felt the heat of fire on his face. There was the scent of pine logs, snapping and cracking as their sap burned away. Hands, Geralt’s hands, rubbed up Jaskier’s arms, forcing the blood to move. His soaked cloak was stripped away, leaving him chilled but dry, and then soft, dry fabric was pulled around him. Someone had wrapped him into a blanket and was rubbing his fingers. Both his hands were cupped between two larger ones and warm air was blown across them. The blood returning to his hands felt so hot it burned and hurt and he squirmed, but he was too tired to pull away.
“You’re gonna be okay,” he heard Geralt say as he rubbed more heat into Jaskier’s fingers. “Ciri’s okay, and Yen’s okay. You have to be okay, Jaskier. Warm up. You need to be warm.”
“Give ‘im some time, Lad,” Jaskier heard. Another new voice. Must belong to Vesemir.
“He’s so cold,” was the whispered reply.
“The boy trekked after you for years, he’s resilient. He’ll be okay.”
“But--”
“Keep doing what you’re doing, let him rest.”
Jaskier heard no more, but it was so nice, the fire and the fur beneath him, and Geralt, holding his hands. He couldn’t be bothered to worry about it.
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They finally got there!
Tag List!
@frywen-babbles @mordoriscalling @thedarkestangel1 @kerfufflezz @samukai @charlies-dragon @live-long-and-trek-on @holymotherwolf @morte-mistrata @mewithanie @sharondnovels @stinastar @ionlylikemycat @annafortoday @its-the-quenchiest-stuff @kkiyomizu @so--many-fandoms @endless-whump @ineffable-monster-romancer @sweetiepieplum @tookarma @seraphim-miryam
Tags are being weird, if I missed you, or you want to be added, let me know
#geraskier#the witcher#Yennefer#is a good mom#Ciri#Jaskier#jaskier whump#angst with a happy ending#not yet#it's coming though#Geralt cares he's just bad at emotions#sickness#kaer morhen#hypothermia#Roach is a very good girl#Yennefer Jaskier solidarity
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Troubled troubles
Ok to rb
Summary:Basically s/I and adler fluff, a bit of angst and a buttload of oc stuff
Gif by travellar on Tumblr
@romancologist @mycinnamonapples uwu
Another Slam of hands on the table announces jerico that adler is yet having problems with something, she sighs Rolling her shoulders back, and her two cats sit ontop of them.
--Oh boy I do love hearing my boyfriend mad--she said playfully leaning on the doorsill of adler's Office.
Russel turns to look at her, he smiles a bit --Hey princess, sorry for makin too much noise,I know you dont like that
Jeri shrugged and Walked over, sitting on her boyfriends lap--Okay let me see whats up
--Ive been trying to fix this radio for Woods, nothings workin
She takes the radio and looks at it--Did you notice some of the cables are broken? Like when your headphones cable is broken and you twist the cord around for it to work?
--...wait what?
--Yeah its broken see?
Adler internally facepalms as his cheeks turn red--How could I not notice that?
Jer kisses his scarred cheek and leaves the radio on the desk standing up--Anyway ill go chance, todays prayer Day at cycle coasts main temple,you sure you dont want to go?
--No babe,im alright you go enjoy your terran stuff
She chuckled and shook her head walking over to her room to change.
The Roaring of the motorcycle engine drowned out any other sound in the garage, jerico put her helmet on,both of her cats tucked in her backpack,peeking through the semi Open compartment.
Her black cat mewls and presses their snout against the back of her head--Im alright vica,I just wish Russ came with me whenever we have celebrations, its something I dont want him to miss...but alas...--Her cat hissed and she snorted a chuckle-- dont be mad at him,our culture can be hard to digest
The cat rolled their eyes and sunk back into her backpack.
The wind hit her visor as she drove to cycle coast, she looked at the cloudy Sky, and sped up.
The drums could already be heard, jer chained her motorcycle to a post and Walked to the beach,there people in traditional terran wear danced with fans,banners and sticks, she sat amongst the crowd listening to the old woman talk.
Her hair was long,braids sprinkled about her hair, white as the moon,the traditional pristess robe, blue and black touched the sand and her long sleeves draped as she talked.
--Jerico...nice to see you could join Us.
Jerico smiled--Id never miss it
--did you bring your handsome boyfriend with you?
Jeri looked away--no,hes not really into our culture
The old womans brow furrow--such a shame...I wanted to meet him--she then perked up at the audience --You see, jerico has come here since she was a little trouble making bean about this tall--she puts her hand against her shoulder--so she heard this tale Many many times
When humans and gods lived along eachother--the elder pristess said-- and demons Ran amok at night,our goddess of death fell in love with one of those creatures.
She had Fallen for the King of the black demon hell, and had a child.
This is the child we'll talk about,in our books hes named xazo kazlaz or bell, it says that then elementus got wind of their relationshipp and they had to split.
About deaths son however.. she raised him to be the one that would guide the people to the afterlife...or hell navigating through the vast ocean of the dead with bells to guide him and Open the Doors to each realm...
Does anybody know why hes represented as an axolotl?--
Jerico raised her hand, and the pristess let her talk--because hes both a god and a demon, hes half and half like the axolotl that is an amphibian creature
The woman nodded-- very good,now lets commune back at the temple shall we?
As the people left, both the priestess and jeri were left alone,both Walked a bit distanced from the crowd.
--Thats one of my favourite stories you know zaivelaz
The woman smiled--I know thats why when I got your letter of you coming I changed it, its more interesting that the story of our patron goddess fighting over a piece of cheese
Jer started to laugh--Yeah that day was one hell of a day
Zaivelaz shook her head--Being a goddess amongst humans is hard?
--Like you have no idea,specially with my boyfriend,two of the people gods in my family had human partners and they...they died,im scared something similar Will happend to him
Her companion put a hand on jericos shoulder--It wont...I promise
--Thanks...zai
The steps along the floating bridge were Many,jeri couldnt help but wonder how it would be if adler was here.
She struggled so much with showing him her culture that it made her feel sad,then again one of the moral rules in Terras was not to force anyone,and she wouldnt break it.
She sat on the floor with the priestesses and closed her eyes interlocking her fingers as she softly whispered.
--Hey ozi...Been a while...--she sighed-- I left you some offerings by your statues feet, I know you dont like this sorta stuff...but ive missed you, a lot, just...just..tell eryz and abbadon that I love em..and that same goes to you..i love you aunt ozi
After the prayers it was time for the festival, jeri Spotted a young Man wearing all black, white eyes,and black hair in a bun.
The Man seemed to notice her as he ran to her,hugging her tightly.
--Abbadon!--She said kissing her cousins cheek--Ive missed you
Abbadon put his hand in his pockets--Ive missed you too...what I could not miss is this festival! All because of our family?, wow!
Jer giggled and offered her hand--Wanna dance?
--You bet!
Their feet moved in synch,the flags spun in circles as they danced.
Abbadon threw his banners and jeri catched him, and he hers.
They were enjoying themselves when the music stopped abruptly.
They Turned to see the people around them that were equally confused.
The musicians pointed at the huge tide approaching them.
Both demigod cousins stepped infront of the tide and stopped it as its about to break, they both looked at eachother and nodded.
Jeri pushed it to one side, and abbadon followed, the water splashed them and them only and nobody got hurt.
--Your mom needs to stop sending tides that could literally drown someone when she wants to send a sign...
Abbadon crouched putting his hands on his knees,batting his hand at his cousin--i tried... no way talking her out of It
The celebration ended with no further altercations, jerico went back home and took a quick warm shower to then collapse on the bed.
--Hes still with that fucking radio isnt he?...--She sighed giving up--why do I even try anymore?
The sun filtered through the blinds jerico groaned and opened her eyes,only to find her boyfriends spot on the bed empty.
She grunts and sits up, her cats sitting on her lap-- I know I know..--she picks them up and walks to the kitchen where she gives both of them their food.
Jeri felt a pair of arms hug her from behind, she sighs nuzzling into adlers chest.
--Good morning sweetheart
--Hey...
--Watcha cooking there?
--Bacon and eggs for you and a healthy terran breakfast for me
--Oh...good
Both ended up eating their breakfast in silence, Russell could tell there was something wrong with his girlfriend, he took her hand and she looked at him,those beautiful eyes he loved looking at were filled to the brim with sadness.
--babe...whats up?--He asked concerned.
--I just...wish you could come with me whenever we have festivals here--she said taking a bite from her waffle that had cream and pieces of caramelized fruit--its something I really really want you to participate in...but I know you dont like this sorta stuff and I wont force you
Adler sits back realizing what he had done, hes been neglecting a part of her that is important to her,those were her roots and he was stepping all over them.
He finished his breakfast and Walked over to her, lifting her up and hugging her--Im so sorry babe--he kissed her cheek-- I know this is important to you and i--
Jeri smiled kissing him again and cupping his cheeks--How about you come to todays festival in time temple with me huh?you dont have to wear our traditional attire,but I tell you it gets cold there
--Id love to, do I have to bring something?
--Not really, im going to make an offering though,it depends on the person
--perfect then...cant wait
Both smiled and kissed again.
The end of the day arrived quickly between work and chores to do.
Adler was waiting by the door fixing his leather jacket.
--How do I look?
Russ looks up at jerico and gasps--Very pretty
She smiled playing with the hem of her green turtle neck that had her shoulders peeking, her roman sandals clicked and clacked with every step she made.
The drive to time temple wasnt long, and luckily they arrived just in time for the story.
The elder priestess smiled when she saw jerico and nodded, proceeding to talk-- a long time ago, the second generation of dieties were born, they were meant to regulate life, amongst the three of them we find our patron goddess...chronos the incessant pass of time...
Elementus tasked a human to build a machine that could measure time, that is when the first sun clock was born,the human handed it to the Creator and with a sprinkle of magic the clock changed into a small girl, with short black hair, she had pale skin and two pale blue eyes, and from there,she was born.
Trained by elementus sister, Ray,the god of war...she then moved to her Realm where she measures time and the life of every being in existence..., from humans to animals and even objects, some say that she collects clocks of all kind and if.you want to meet her youll need to bring the rarest of clocks,of course, its all myths...or...are they?--the priestess finished her tale,and the offerings began.
Adler uncomfortably stayed behind as jeri prayed,she then Turned to him and ushered him to come closer.
--And this is my boyfriend, Russell
--Babe what are you doing?
--Introducing my aunt to you
--Your...aunt?
--Yeah ive told you like a month ago im half goddess..and this is my aunt...chronos
--I...I thought you were joking when you said that --Jeri Turned at her boyfriend with a face of pure disbelief,he hunched his back--Sorry...
--Anyway..chronos...hes my boyfriend Russell, I wish you were here to meet him...hes very sweet sometimes
--Sometimes?
She chuckled and kissed his cheek-- sometimes--she then Turned at the statue--i wish you were here to meet him, I really miss you--Adler gave her some space and sat back on the chair--i miss you and dad so much...--she stood up--Ill..ill see you later auntie chronos--she smiled and Walked over to adler hugging him.
The festival inside the temple was full of music and food of all kinds, and both came back home exhausted.
Adler maybe got a solid six ours of sleep before hes awaken by her girlfriends voice--Babe...babe wake up...
He smiled kissing her--Morning princess
--There you are,change quickly my family came to visit
His eyes Open wide --What?
--Yeah they are here, come on change
She patted his chest and Walked into the kitchen, where abbadon was setting the table.
Adler Walked in a few minutes later only to find two men and three women talking with her girlfriend,who noticed him and hugged him--Okay everyone, say hi to russel,Russell this is abbadon, this is chronos--she said pointing at the woman with short black hair and glasses-- those are my aunts eryz and ozi, aka the goddeses of life and death--
Adler was baffled at the normalcy jeri used when talking about her family,he looked at ozi,her black Long hair fell down to the floor, a scar along her left eye and she was wearing a long blue. sundress,eryz had short brown hair, using the same glasses as chronos was, she had vitiligo and was wearing a white shirtdress with a green fitted blazer--and this is my Dad,Raymond.
To say adler was scared shitless was an understatement,his father in law was wearing a black leather jacket,black jeans and boots,a white t-shirt and aviator sunglasses, he was also way taller than him,with his black hair pushed back and two scars on each side of his face,one under his right eye and one right on the left side of his jaw in the middle between his mouth and the spot where both jaw and neck meet.
Chronos laughed and softly elbowed Ray-- Raymond youre scaring the poor human
--He better treat my daughter alright..
Jeri smiled and kissed russel--Dont worry dad he does
They all sat to eat breakfast, adler seemed intimidated by the dietys around him,but slowly let his guard down, they were a pleaseant bunch in their own way, more human than hed like to think.
Sadly after breakfast they all had to leave.
After saying their goodbyes russel and jerico end up cuddling on the bed.
--Your family is nice--russel said as he ran his fingers through her hair.
--nexts to meet yours
He chuckled--Maybe
They kiss, and he hugs her waist enveloping her in a tight bear hug.
--I love you jer
--I love you too russ
#self insert#self ship#my f/os#self shipping#f/o x s/i#romantic f/o#f/o#f/o community#f/o fic#adler tag pending#longpost#long post#💛🌻annoying madonna fan🌻💛
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A friend and I were talking one day, and she shared this with me.
She was much like me, raised with a quarter between the knees, terrified of the things we were taught to avoid and trying to live reasonably noble lives. She wasn't allowed Birth Control for religious reasons (pro-life) as well as to prevent enablism. Her family was much more religious than mile, though I still went to church during my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years of high school.
She married a guy 10 years older than herself, who was a long-time routine customer of her family's business. They married right after she graduated high school, long before she applied to higher education.
She is a nurse now. She has 3 kids, works long hours at a hospital, and her husband is a successful farmer as he always has been. She struggled at times, but she made it through.
She knows life would have been easier without the first child, but she was innocent and naiive and I think she realizes that she jumped in the deep end of the pool before learning how to swim.
I did the same thing.
All through high school I pledged to abstinence until marriage. I hated everything to do with sex. The topic, the drama, the action, the result. I wanted nothing to do with it.
But I also never dated through grade school at all. I never had a girlfriend. Plenty of crushes (M.S. above being one of them), but just as many denials. Because I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, have FFA animals, or play athletics, I also wasn't a member of any social group. I was always the kid in the corner of the cafeteria scarfing food down in 5 minutes and sleeping the other 20, or asking to go to a teacher's classroom, where it was serene and quiet.
My freshman year of college, I even wrote an essay on abstinents for English class. That really didn't go over well in regards to having to read it out loud. There might as well have been fruit flying at me.
My dorm was set up such that we had 3 private bedrooms that shared a living space and bathroom. One of the roommates always had girls over, and he never tried to be quiet (or if he did, he failed...badly).
So those two things were my indoctrination to college life. Getting judged and leered at for writing an abstinence essay, and having to listen to a roommate multiple times a week.
Towards the very end of my freshman year, a girl from high school messaged me. We started talking, and she admitted that she had always had a crush on me and was too shy to ever say anything.
Error #1: For no good reason whatsoever, I agreed to formulate a relationship with this female
So when I moved home from the dorms, I hung out with the lass a few times, but my parents were moving out of the country and closer to my school, so I could live at home. That meant that this would now be a 1.5-hour-each-way medium-distance relationship.
So every 4th or 6th weekend during the remainder of that summer and into the fall semester, I would drive up and spend a day with her. Sometimes, I would drive her out of the country and into the city to give her a glimpse of escape (it was very impoverished where we grew up).
Error #2: Doing whatever made her happy
I really enjoyed the time that we spent together. She got me a purity necklace for Christmas that year. She said she understood that my preference meant something to me.
But then, something changed. She would start dropping enuindos and jokes and send me photos that I didn't ask for.
Error #3: Not standing up for myself
She said that I meant something to her, and asked me if she meant something to me. At the time, I did not comprehend that as a trap...but I wanted to make her happy, so I said "yes".
The next thing I know, she is booking a hotel for us for Valentine's day. Wherein, I learned a thing or two or five or ten that I really wasn't interested in learning in the first place.
-Provides Clorox to help scrub the thoughts from your mind-
After that, she wanted me to come see her more and more often. But I was tied up with school and life.
Mind you, we usually had a phone call every night, or at least every other night. Same time, right before bed. Sometimes we would fall asleep on the phone with eachother.
Error #4: Accepting anything as fact
Well one night, I called her, and she answered...but it was noisy in the background, like she was driving. But she never talked while driving, and wouldn't answer the phone with family in the car.
She said she was in a friend's car and they were going to the beach for the night, which was completely reasonable for the time of year and her group of friends. She cut the conversation short saying they had arrive, so we bid our greeting. But she didn't hang up, and something told me that I shouldn't either. So I didn't.
"Who was that?"
"Don't mind him. He was just calling to check on me. He's controlling like that."
"He sounds like a jerk"
"Enough about him. He won't do this."
-Provides more clorox-
And that's how I found out that her primal needs were more important than our "relationship".
Unfortunately, shortly after I broke up with her, I was sent a photo of her quite visibly pregnant. Fortunately, the timetable did not add up to Valentine's day (aside of the fact that it was physically/biologically 95% impossible).
That summer, I started a job at the student newspaper. Right off the bat, one of the graphic artists and I got along very well. We spent way too much time at work talking to eachother and goofing off, instead of working. Enough so that our boss took notice and things got tense for a bit with him. We still cranked out work no problem, but we were both too young to understand workplace policy and procedure when it comes to "dating but not dating", which is basically exactly what we were doing. We spent alot of time together. I would go to her dorm after class and we would watch movies and just goof off or do whatever. We enjoyed time together.
Error #1: So cliché. So, so cliché.
So Valentine's day rolls around, and she asks 'the question'.
So something in biology: There is a term called "Once an animal has the taste of blood, they will always hunt for it." Unfortunately, humans can sometimes be considered a sub-species of the animal kingdom.
Like the dumbass that I am, I accept to the terms and conditions.
And at the end of the night, she asks: "So are we officially dating now?"
"I...I guess?", I answered nervously.
Errors #2 to #457: Not escaping
And just like that, I was suckered into nearly 2.5 years of having a FWB while having to, very creatively at times, mask it as a legitimate relationship.
We enjoyed the time we spent together.
We enjoyed going places together.
My mum liked her, her parents liked me. (Dad was skeptical at best and thought I could do better)
The small issue: I struggled to communicate at times. I didn't know how to find my voice, so there were times that I would have to text her how I felt. Sometimes I would hide in a corner just so I could cry. (I later learned of my autism, and it all made sense and I learned how to resolve this)
The big issue: I was completely burned out on intimacy. After almost 2.5 years of emulating laboratory rabbits, I was done. My usefulness had expired.
The biggest issue: We were both suffering academically. We had no common interests at all anymore, and we had put eachother ahead of our own academics so much that we were both risking academic expulsion.
So we mutually agreed to break up.
She dropped out of university (and never went back or finished her schooling), and I changed majors twice before getting my Bachelor of Science.
My first relationship lasted from June 2009 to April 2010.
My second "relationship" lasted from February 2011 until May 2012 (Although we started spending time together in significant amounts starting August 2010)
I have not had a girlfriend since May 2012.
I had one friend in my senior year of college, who gave me some non-physical affection while also keeping me firmly locked in the friendzone. But quality time, by itself, only goes so far.
I have not had any physical affection since May 2012.
I have not spent quality time with a female since May 2013.
For most of that time, from May 2013 to August 2019, I really didn't mind it at all. I have been so tied up in working, hobbies, and life in general, that I completely ignored women.
But as my birthday loomed near in October 2019, it donned on me....I was on a crash course to being eternally lonely.
So I have tried online dating. I have gone on a few first dates, but no second dates.
Sometimes, I want to give up. The fight just doesn't seem worth the reward.
And honestly?
Sometimes I feel exactly like my friend's remarks at the top of this post. Sometimes I wish I would have been a little more rebellious, a little more care-free, a little more out-there.
But at the same time, ...
Sometimes I wish that neither relationship would have ever happened.
That I would have never learned the true definition of intimacy.
That I would have never done whatever it took to make the other person happy.
That I wouldn't have been such an easy push-over.
That I would have stuck to my initial pledge in life
That I would have spoke up more and defended myself.
All I am now, is damaged product.
I don't truly know how to love.
I don't truly know how to feel.
I don't truly know how to be myself.
I don't truly know how to be intimate.
I am human, I am male, so of course I have my moments. But I don't want that to be the reason for a relationship. I want it to be the least-important factor, or not a factor at all.
I want a relationship founded on trust, honesty, fortitude, common interests, personality, maybe even a little faith.
Not intimacy.
I just want to not be invisible, or to only have one attribute visible.
I want to be seen for all the other attributes.
I am not A-sexual. I still feel emotions and feelings. I just don't want to let them out of the locked box which contains them. Not without lots of context and preparedness.
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Genesis & the Nemesis pt.1
Michael Langdon x Reader
Word Count: 1.5k (oops sorry I got carried away)
Summary: You’re the archangel. Your whole life you’ve been told your purpose is to destroy the antichrist. Your best friend is Michael Langdon, and little do you know that he’s the one you need to destroy. When the time comes will you have it in you?
Warnings: None yet (there will be smut and violence in upcoming chapters though)
You grew up in a Christian household. You never really studied the bible or God. You believed in God, sure, you weren’t really exposed to much else. You would pray every night for the ones you loved, and you brought goodness and light everywhere you went. Your mother called you her little angel the moment you were born and the nickname stuck ever since. You never knew she meant it literally. Not until you went to church for the first time and all of God’s loyal followers flocked around you, they were drawn to you, to your light. You remember you were about eight years old when the prophecy was revealed. You were the archangel. The only one powerful enough to conquer the antichrist, who had supposedly already risen. It was your purpose, to destroy the antichrist. Conquer hate with love. Rid of evil with good. But you hated it. This prophecy, being the archangel. You wanted nothing more than to live a normal life, but it seemed that whenever one of the worshippers from the Christian church was within a 10 mile radius of you they couldn’t help but be drawn to you. All around you people were constantly asking you for help, and you helped them because, how could you say no? There were perks to being the archangel though, you had special abilities. You could heal wounds from the intensity of a paper cut to a life threatening gunshot wound and you yourself couldn’t be harmed, as if you were made of steel. But the most precious of your God-given gifts was your ability to not only bring life back into the living but you could also return their very souls, their very essence, to their being. Despite having all these people around you who showed you constant love and devotion, you found yourself to be very lonely, lost, and overwhelmed. How were you supposed to go about fulfilling the prophecy of the archangel? It’s not like God ever spoke to you and told you what to do. You were on your own. That was, until a woman named Miriam Mead and her son moved into your neighborhood.
It was dusk out and you had just spent the entire day blessing people’s newborn children at the local church. You were tired and had to clear your head, so you told your mother you were going to go for a brief walk in order to relax a little. You were just doing your regular lap around the neighborhood, listening to your music when you thought you heard someone calling out to you.
“Hey! Hey, hi!” There was a young boy you’d never seen before grinning wildly and waving to you. He had bright blue eyes and wavy blonde hair, and he was dressed in all black. You took out your headphones and walked up to him. “Hey, hi I’m your new neighbor, my name’s Michael, I just moved in with my Ms. Mead.” He was still beaming at you and he stuck his hand out for you to shake it.
“Michael, huh, like the angel?” You asked, expecting him to comment on your prophecy, which was very well known and whispered about within your religious community. His faced only scrunched up in confusion.
“What’s an angel?” He asked. This sparked your interest. If this boy was actually interested in being your friend and he knew nothing about the bible and didn’t go to church then maybe you could finally relax with someone who saw you as a normal person, and not just some stupid prophecy.
“Nevermind.” You smiled. “My name’s Y/N.” You said as you shook his hand.
You sat on the floor of Michael’s room playing a game of chess. He was insanely good at it. He won every time. “Checkmate.” He said as he moved his bishop across the board putting your king in check.
“Damn it Michael!” You exclaimed playfully as you shoved his shoulder.
“Look, it’s not my fault you’re terrible at chess.” He said teasingly.
“No I just play chess like a normal person. How’d you get so damn good at it?” You asked. Suddenly Michael went very silent. “Oh. Touchy subject. I’m sorry.” You said.
“No it’s, it’s fine. I’d just rather not talk about it.” He nodded.
“Hey, Michael, you never tell me anything about your childhood. You know you can always talk to me if you need to.” You said.
“I know. I trust you Y/N, I’d just rather not talk about that right now. And, to be fair, you never tell me anything about your childhood either.” He said.
“Yeah. Hectic times.” You laughed. “I guess we both had hellish childhoods.”
“You have no idea.” He chuckled.
“Oh yeah, try me.” You snorted. There was a long pause before Michael spoke again.
“Y/N?” He asked.
“Yeah Michael?”
“Can I show you something?” He asked.
“Of course.” You said.
“You have to promise not to say anything to anyone. Ok?” He asked. He seemed nervous.
“Ok Michael I promise.” You smiled. Michael stood up off of the ground and looked at you, with a slight pause he flexed his fingers the entire room started to shake, the glass from his bedroom window shattered, flying everywhere. It pierced his skin and he started to bleed. You of course were unharmed. Michael looked terrified, so worried about how you would react. He thought he’d scared you away.
“I-I’m sorry.” He said. “Sometimes I lose control. Please don’t be scared.” He said as he turned around and sat back down on the floor, waiting for you to just walk out and leave, burying his face in his hands. You kneeled beside him and grabbed his wrist, startling him.
“No. Don’t be sorry Michael.” You said as you placed your hand over his and closed your eyes, healing all of his wounds, the glass dislodging from his skin and the cuts closing up. He looked up at you with wide eyes.
“You…” He breathed.
“Yeah. I have powers too. They manifested when I was about 8 years old.” Michael was now brimming with excitement and wonder at finding someone like him.
“No way!” He exclaimed. “That’s when I noticed mine too!” You both laughed, feeling more comfortable with eachother than you had with anyone else in a long time. You had finally found a place where you wouldn’t be judged for being different, or for some biblical prophecy.
After you and Michael had shared your abilities with each other, you started to practice together as well. You’d meet at his house, your house, or just waltz around the neighborhood seeing how discrete you could be. It wasn’t long before Michael revealed that he and Ms. Mead were Satanists. This disturbed you because you knew the kind of stuff that went on in Satanic cults. You knew that sometimes they did human sacrifices. You tried to not let it get to you though because you had known Michael for a long time and if he was a danger to you it would have been revealed a long time ago. You trusted him. That was, until you learned he killed the butcher at your local corner store. You knew he used his magic to do it. You trusted him and believed it was an accident, after all, he did have a problem when it came to controlling his abilities. They often spiraled, became chaotic. That day was the last day you saw him. He was arrested. When you went to the local holding cell to visit him, he was gone and he had left a dead officer in his wake. It seemed as if he had just dropped off the face of the Earth.
You had lost your best friend, your only true friend. You sat secluded in your room alone for most of your time after he disappeared. You practiced your magic, expanded on your abilities. You learned how to move any object just by looking at it, teleport anywhere you wished and fully heal any injury effortlessly. You waited months for Michael to return, or at least give you some kind of message that he was still alive. You heard nothing from him until late one night Ms. Mead broke into your house, somehow eluded your mother and dragged you out to her car. She didn’t say a word and proceeded to press a chloroformed cloth to your face and stuff you in her trunk.
When you woke up, it was still dark out and Ms. Mead was standing over you. “What the fu-” you started you yell but were immediately shushed by Ms. Mead.
“Be quiet, and follow me.” She beckoned for you to follow her.
“And why should I follow you? You just kidnapped me! You drugged me and put me in your fucking trunk!” You yelled. Ms. Mead slapped you as a reminder to be quiet. Fear settled in your stomach. “Are you gonna kill me?” You asked.
“Believe me, if I was going to kill you I would’ve done it a long time ago.” She answered. You finally gave in and followed her. She led you to the back of a large cement building behind some brush. “And now we wait.” She said. You stood there with her for an awkward while in silence. After what felt like an eternity you saw a dark figure moving towards you. As it got closer you realized who it was. You could recognize those blonde curls anywhere.
“Michael?!?”
Tags: @ccodyfern @lvngdvns @wroteclassicaly @langdonfern @ritualmichael @lovelykhaleesiii @yourkingcodyfern @langdonsrapture @avesatanormalpeoplescareme @katiekitty261
#michael langdon x reader#michael langdon#michael langdon fic#ahs apocalypse#ahs8#ahs#cody fern#reader x michael langdon#american horror story#langdon
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Best. Convo. Ever.
3:27AM 4/03/19
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You both like sad.
Stranger: Hello
You: hello
You: hows it going fellow sad human :)
You: :(*
Stranger: Not actually a human
You: :O same here
Stranger: It's going alright, not really that good
Stranger: How about you
You: mehh could be better
Stranger: I feel that
You: anything particular or is it just life lol?
Stranger: Yeah, just need some inspiration to get me going again
You: aha i getchu
Stranger: How are things on your end? What can make your life better
You: ahh thats a big question
You: lets just say im quite an overthinker
Stranger: I know the feeling
You: So I worry too much about what I want to die with my life etc
You: but im going through a "not giving a shit phase" atm lol
Stranger: Yeah, that's a big thing for a lot of people
Stranger: I'm sure you'll find something you'll enjoy
Stranger: Umm are you in any programs? Like that the school offers
Stranger: Maybe you'll find something you enjoy there
Stranger: Its always good to have hobbies
You: hmm not really im quite an antisocial person so i hadnt considered it
You: i do music on the side for fun
You: but its quite pricey hahah
Stranger: Yeah
Stranger: Hobbies can definitely be expensive
You: yeah im currently saving up for some equipment so
Stranger: That's nice, goals yass
You: well what do you like to do for fun?
Stranger: ATM I'm into gaming
You: oo me too
You: although i havnt played games for a while
Stranger: Ahh
Stranger: I play shooters mostly
Stranger: I do enjoy other games occasionally
You: yaas pc or a console?
Stranger: Mostly console
Stranger: A little pc here and there
You: ahh i see
Stranger: Yep
Stranger: I'm just in love with edits in videos I want to be more involved with the community but like you I am also sort of antisocial at times
You: Ahhhh
You: you do edits?
Stranger: A little but I'm really not good
You: ah i doubt that
You: what types of edits
You: i wish i was good at video editing haha
Stranger: ATM kinda like a montage
You: ah thats cool
Stranger: I love the community but I'm just so scared of it tbh
You: ah i feels
Stranger: I've never really had anxiety and stuff, but I understand now
Stranger: There's a few people in the community I have a real hard time talking to
Stranger: Like my heart is bumpin' super fast and sometimes I get a sinking feeling
Stranger: Do you have any solutions?
You: aw one of my best friends is like that
You: hmm
You: well recently she's been forcing herself into social situations
You: umm
You: i would start small maybe just talk to a stranger on the bus or something
Stranger: I hate lfgs but it'll probably help
You: ahh understandable
Stranger: I suck online, in person I'm alright
Stranger: Idk why that is
You: i dont really like social situations but it doesnt make me too nervous
You: ahh really?its the opposite for me hahah
You: in person im awkward asf
Stranger: I can be too, but it's usually when I want people to stop talking to me
You: aha
Stranger: I'm not really one to tell someone to go away or shut up
You: For me it would take a while for me to be myself around you if id just met you
You: like id have to chill with you for a long time
You: yeahh me too tbh
Stranger: Yeah, I feel that
You: i get especially awkward if i like someone and im talking to them lmfao
Stranger: Oh lmao
You: thats the only time ill really be nervous
Stranger: Last time I was like that was middle school haha
You: ahh hahah
You: wait how old is middle school lol
Stranger: Do you play any sports or something?
You: we dont use those terms in the UK lol
You: yeahh basketball and I go to the gym a lot
Stranger: Umm like 12, 13, 14
You: ahh so how old are you now?
You: and are you into sports?
Stranger: 19 :/
Stranger: Yeah, wrestling
You: ahh 16 here
Stranger: Oh boy
You: Oo thats awesome
Stranger: Yeah it was fun
Stranger: Especially if you're good
You: i took up kick boxing recently
Stranger: Because then you can use it as like a line
You: i enjoy it way more than karate
You: ahh right
Stranger: Talking to a girl or something, be like aye come watch my matches
Stranger: Don't recommend sitting with them until after you shower tho
You: hahaha
You: ah well I am a girl so don't think i'd be doing that lol
Stranger: Idk some of the girls out here are spitting game
Stranger: Like when I was in school they were smooth af
You: lmaoo
You: id have to be extremely comfortable around someone to have game lol
Stranger: I'm just saying it's just natural for some
You: yeah ive seen
Stranger: One of my best friends, she had a guy miss his stop and go to her house I was like woah
You: god damn lol
Stranger: They ended up dating for two years
You: wow
Stranger: Yeah man, some people out here are experts, I've only been in a handful of relationships
Stranger: So I'm not the best when it comes to keeping people around
You: ahh i get youu
Stranger: Yeah, a lot of my relationships ended pretty bad
Stranger: How about you?
You: How old were you when u had your first serious relationship
You: aw damn that sucks
Stranger: Like 13
You: aha 14 here
Stranger: Wait what do you mean by serious?
You: when I had my first boyfriend
Stranger: Like sexual stuff or like
You: no just like
You: i dont even know what i meant tbh
Stranger: Yeah then, 13
You: rightt
Stranger: We we're together for a while going to each other houses to hang out and stuff
Stranger: I loved her family
Stranger: Super friendly
Stranger: We just drifted apart and I kinda was mean
Stranger: How did yours go?
You: ah suckss
You: well uh it was great at first
You: i was 14 he was 15
Stranger: Ooo
You: like we had a lot in common and many mutual friends
You: we were together for about a year
You: thinks just got ugly the last few months like he was really aggressive
You: and then yeahh that was that
Stranger: Like how?
Stranger: Idk I was just giving her the cold shoulder without even realizing it
You: at first he would just lose his temper and throw shit around or punch something
You: but then he hit me one time in front of all of my friends
Stranger: Yeah, that's a no no
You: and I was actually willing to forgive him but my friends didn't let me to
You: and im glad they didnt
Stranger: That's good
You: i was quite naive then but
You: nah lol
Stranger: I meant like them not letting you forgive him ahha
You: yeahh I know :p
You: were you in love with her
You: the girl you grew apart form
Stranger: Umm sort of
Stranger: Hard to explain
You: yeah love is a tricky word
Stranger: I tend to use it in the wrong sense
Stranger: Idk, she was really cool, we didn't really share many things but she was understanding
Stranger: Because we were completely different people
You: ahh
Stranger: At the end of the day, she had both her parents her whole life and was sheltered, I didn't so I knew way more than her in that sense
You: ahh :( must of been hard
Stranger: Eh, I had my uncles to keep me in check
Stranger: And even tho my dad wasn't there a lot to help me, he still showed me a lot of things
Stranger: Like never lay a hand on a woman, and look out for others
You: ah i see
Stranger: I'm the second oldest
Stranger: 2 brothers 2 sisters
You: ah wow
You: ive just got an older brother
Stranger: Was he nice ?
You: Well
You: when we were younger we pretty much hated eachother and he always hit me lol
You: but now he's more supportive and a much calmer guy
Stranger: Lmao
You: he had loads of issues i cant really hate him anymore
You: but he's quite a jealous guy so hes scared of other boys lol
Stranger: I feel that
Stranger: Oh really now? Like he doesn't have guy friends or
You: yeah hes been like a dad to me pretty much lol
You: nah he does but like
You: hes scared of my interactions with guys because, in his words he "knows what guys are like"
Stranger: That's true
You: so he would threaten me to not have a boyfriend and shit lol
Stranger: Yeah
You: im kind of glad he was like that though
Stranger: Have you been to a part yet?
Stranger: Party
You: prevented me from doing dumb shit
You: Yeah one
You: not really my thing
Stranger: Go to a few more then you'll see what he means
You: Yeah I pretty much understood from that party hahha
You: pretty much an excuse to drink, smoke and have sex
Stranger: Yep
Stranger: Like we come from different places
Stranger: Out here in Illinois people are like less picky
You: oh really?
Stranger: A lot of my friends back back in middle school lost their virginity to the same girl
You: whoa
Stranger: So like I your brother said, he knows what guys want
Stranger: When I mean a lot I mean like 3
You: damn
Stranger: Idk, I just don't like the idea of my mans being with the same girl as me
Stranger: I've always been like that
You: yeah i get you
Stranger: I'm glad you're close to your brother I'm not close to my older brother
You: ah what about your other siblings?
Stranger: Closer but not super close
Stranger: I kinda keep to myself now
You: yeah im close with him in one sense, but theres a lot i cant talk to him about
You: ahh i feels
Stranger: Yeah, like when I was 15, I stopped talking to a lot of people
Stranger: Depression hit me hard
You: shit :/
Stranger: Yeah, shit can be tough especially if you don't talk to people
Stranger: Just a fyi, if you have issues find someone to talk to
You: yeah definitely
Stranger: But be careful because some people will use it against you
You: yeah ive always been a closed book
You: especially females!!
You: they love having dirt on somebody
Stranger: Yeah
Stranger: That's how my umm relationship at 15 ended
Stranger: I told her what was going on and she told the whole school and stuff
You: wow wtf
Stranger: It was really bad because I was umm sent away for a little
You: jesus
Stranger: Yeah I was out for like two weeks
Stranger: 3 days at the hospital then about a little more than a week at the facility
You: ahh shit :c
Stranger: After that I didn't really trust anyone
Stranger: Tbh I only just started talking to people about my problems
You: yeah i get what that feels like people have broken my trust a lot growing up
You: yeah same really
You: I was forced into counselling and i hating going at first
You: my counsellor saw i hated talking to people so she encouraged me to talk to a friend
Stranger: The person I had listening, I didn't really like her do I stopped going
Stranger: So*
You: and this friend i knew i could trust so i told her a lot
Stranger: That's good
Stranger: I grew away from my best friend
You: Yeahh it felt really unnatural so i just prefered talking to someone close
Stranger: There's just some things I can't tell him
You: Yeah i get you
You: I was scared i would drive her away if i told her certain things
Stranger: Idk I want to tell someone but I don't trust anyone
You: but i still told her a lot
Stranger: It's not about driving them away
You: someone in the family maybe?
Stranger: Its about them telling the person
Stranger: I told you how I'm not close to my brother but we have a lot in common and he's closer to the family than me
Stranger: So I can't really vent to my uncles or cousins
You: right
You: ermm
You: the things you wanted to talk abiout
You: is it something that can be used against you in a way?
Stranger: Sort of
Stranger: It's more or less like I'll say something then they'll bring stuff to just destroy my character and stuff
Stranger: The way we talk is people get really defensive and start attacking you if they don't like what you have to say
You: ah i understand
You: thats a shitty position to be in :c
Stranger: Yeah, I can't tell any of my online friends either because I don't want people to think different of me if they know I tried to commit suicide
Stranger: One of the people in the community I love knows because she was one of the first people I told
You: damn
Stranger: But she told her bf back in the day and he sent me a lot of hurtful messages
You: people can be really ignorant about these kinds of things so i get its hard to talk about
You: what the fuck
You: thats so messed up smh :(
Stranger: It was like 3ish years ago but I still remember it
Stranger: He isn't with her anymore but when I do end up talking to her, my stomach sinks so much
Stranger: And my heart beats really fast
You: crap
You: have you spoken to her about that?
Stranger: Honestly just thinking about her just makes me nervous, not really very briefly
Stranger: It was just catching up and she has changed as a person and I'm just scared tbh
You: ahh damn
Stranger: Honestly, this is the biggest reason why I don't feel motivated. This is why I need inspiration
You: what specifically
Stranger: The fact that she knows that I tried to commit suicide and like I said I want to play a bigger part of the community and she streams occasionally and I don't want the community to know. Because I know I'll get a lot of messages and stuff
Stranger: Hate stands out a lot more than support
You: ahh definitely i feel that
Stranger: It makes me really nervous
You: what do you think would help?
Stranger: I don't know
Stranger: I over think as well
Stranger: Like idk one of my good friends I've been playing with for a year straight kinda did some lame shit so
Stranger: I'm not really trusting anyone
You: ah damn
Stranger: We umm got into some illegal activities and he liked about something and it was something big
Stranger: So I don't know how much he'll do to make the like true even if it means one of us will get sent away to prison
Stranger: Lie
You: ohh shit
Stranger: Yeah, so I haven't talked to that guy in like 3 weeks or so
Stranger: So I'm on edge and don't trust anyone
You: thats understandable
You: given everything thats happened
Stranger: Thanks for listening
Stranger: Even tho I don't have solutions for everything I will try to talk to people a little more so I can be a bit more friendly
You: Thank you too stranger this has been quite a good talk
You: and i never do this kind of thing lol
Stranger: Oh?
Stranger: What do you usually do
You: Nothing really I just swim around in my thoughts
Stranger: Aww
Stranger: I wouldn't mind listening to some thoughts (:
You: Like I know there is a certain person I can trust but I hate worrying people or burdening them with my problems
You: ahh I appreciate that
You: I don't even know where to begin haha
Stranger: It's cool just say whatever's on your mind
You: Okay just so you get a better understanding I'll tell you a bit about me lol
Stranger: I'm all ears
You: Right so ill just start to when I was around 10 years old
You: I always felt different and I was quite isolated from people because of it
You: like i didnt really have friends because the ones I had ended up hating me or breaking my trust or some dumb shit
Stranger: What made you feel different? Anything in particular?
You: and I got bullied for like a year
Stranger: Ahh
You: Uhh well
You: I thought differently to everyone else
You: Like
You: everyone was so much more willing to be ignorant about things just because it made them happier
Stranger: Definitely, I know how dumb people can be
You: And everyone around me would be after small meaningless things and I felt like I always thought big
You: idk what im saying hahah but yeah people pretty much thought I was a weirdo and i got bullied for it
Stranger: A lot of people miss the big picture
Stranger: I never really got bullied
You: so when i was 11 i had my first real real friends
Stranger: A little name calling here and there
You: yeah it really sucked im glad it didnt last too long
Stranger: What we're their names?
Stranger: That's nice
You: hahaha
Stranger: Were
You: I really don't remember now I left that school
Stranger: Awww
Stranger: One of my old best friends was cody
You: ohh you mean my friends
Stranger: He was a goofy kid
Stranger: Yeah silly
You: soz im so sleep deprived i read it wrong hahah
Stranger: It's okay
You: Well there was three of us
You: crystal, danielle and tamanna
You: them three*
You: and there was me
You: so it was a small friendship circle and i was friends with them from ages 11, 12, 13, 14
You: like there was additions to the group but i wont say much about them
Stranger: I feel that we all got our groups
You: but during these few years i was still that same weird different kid
You: but I suppressed that and acted like somebody else so I would have friends
Stranger: I sort of did the same thing
You: and yeah these friends weren't great, they lied a lot, said a lot about eachother (including me) behind eachothers back, spread rumours, told secrets
You: so I knew i couldnt trust them with the things i was thinking or whatnot
Stranger: Yeah, it's tough finding trustworthy people at that age
Stranger: You gotta find them before all that
Stranger: Hormones can do a lot to mess things up
You: so yeah, 14 years old was when I was really down about it, I felt lonely all the time because I was constantly stuck in my own thoughts
You: yeahh definitely
Stranger: Did you think about the same things
You: So I would spend a lot of time on my own which was the biggest mistake lol
You: pretty much yeah but
Stranger: Definitely
You: there was a lot i was thinking about
Stranger: Like what
You: Ahh things about people, things about like, our purpose
You: it got really unhealthy i guess
You: life**
You: i guess i asked a lot of questions which couldn''t be answered
Stranger: When I was younger I always knew what I wanted in life
You: ahh really?
Stranger: Yeah, it's kinda silly and a lot of people think it's lame but my friends and I all wanted to become pro players
You: ah thats sick
Stranger: That was back in the day 6ish years ago
You: its not silly at all
Stranger: It is, in the sense that it's a lot of work and a lot of people don't make it
You: True but, its good to have dreams and ambitions
You: something to work towards
Stranger: Most definitely but people need a back up plan
You: Yeah definitely
Stranger: What did you want
Stranger: Like in life
You: I never knew to be honest
You: generally I wanted to help or inspire people
You: but never knew specifically what
Stranger: I'm sure there's something that'll bring you in (:
You: but that all went to shit when i got olde rhahah
You: yeahh I'm waiting for it :)
Stranger: I'm sure you'll get the passion back and start caring again
You: I hope so
Stranger: Sometimes when I need motivation I watch some videos of people I look up to
You: Theres other things I need to fix first before that can happen
Stranger: For sure
You: ah thats nice
Stranger: Work on yourself before helping others
You: Yeah I know that I should but
You: idk i never really felt worth the effort I always thought everyone else was more important
You: second biggest mistake lol
Stranger: I feel that
Stranger: I was actually failing a lot of classes because I spent all my time helping others and not doing my own work
Stranger: So I just cheated on all my paperwork with friends
You: ah wow
You: damn
Stranger: That was middle school tho
Stranger: Can't do that in highschool
Stranger: You'll get into serious trouble
You: yeahh
You: its kind of like that here
Stranger: Academic dishonesty is a big issue
You: slightly different system
Stranger: Especially if you want to get into a big school
You: but theres mostly exam papers
You: oh yeah 100%
Stranger: Yeah
You: ahh I have such little time to fix up though
You: like last year I was really stupid
Stranger: Why
You: and the year before hahah
Stranger: What did you do
You: ahh lets see
You: so
You: when I was 14 I just fell into a deep hole of bullshit and stupidity and got into the habit of harming myself
You: and I left all of my old friends and found new, even worse friends
Stranger: I feel it, I did the same sort of
Stranger: Did they encourage your behavior?
You: but i "loved" them for the reason that we would smoke a lot of weed together
You: no nobody knew i hid it all the time
Stranger: Ahhh, yeah drugs are definitely something interesting
You: yeah definitely
Stranger: I don't think anyone who isn't there mentally should do drugs
You: dumbest thing I could have done in my situation as it was the only think I was relying on to make me even the slightest bit happy
You: yeah so true
Stranger: Happiness can be tricky
You: and then in that friendship group was this one guy who I wont go into much detail about but we were both mentally fucked up so we were just toxic together and fucked eachother up even more
Stranger: I did the same thing
You: and my mum found out about me harming myself so i was forced into counselling, my mum was getting panic attacks because of stressing about me
You: which made me feel shit so i started harming myself again
Stranger: Awww ):
You: and then at 15
You: is like one of the most important exams we do in the UK
Stranger: We do it at like 16-17
You: and basically i didnt really care much about life so I purposefully failed everything
Stranger: ):
You: here its 15-18
You: 17*
You: and then i left to go to a new school because i hated everyone there so im going there currently
You: and the most important exams
You: well the first year of it
You: are coming up
You: and yeah I'm still not in a really good place mentally
Stranger: Do you know why that is?
You: I don't smoke anymore but I rely on hurting myself wayy too much
You: I honestly do not, and ive thought about it a lot too :/
Stranger: Is it what happened in the past?
You: i think its just many small things that just add up
You: maybe
You: this is weird but recently like im remembering stuff from my childhood that I had completely forgotten about
Stranger: Yeah, something like happens to me
Stranger: It's just weird dreams of the past
You: yeahh me too
Stranger: A lot of it is middle school stuff like dances and stuff
Stranger: Like dates and what not
You: ahh
You: for me its like when i was really really young
You: but idk because these memories seem really bizarre that im wondering if im somehow making some of them up
You: one of them which I know is true is the first time that my dad hit my mum
You: he never did again but
You: I dont know why im remembering it now
Stranger: That's good
Stranger: Umm I'm not sure tbh
Stranger: Do you believe in like the guy feeling and stuff?
Stranger: Guy
Stranger: Gut*
You: sometimes i guess
You: actually yeah
Stranger: Maybe something is going to happen
Stranger: I believe in it, a few weeks back I felt weird and stuff and then it came true
Stranger: Hopefully nothing bad happens
You: hm
You: yeah hopefully
You: idk thats not the feeling i get from this
Stranger: What do you get?
You: its more like me just remembering a bunch of shit i forced myself to forget
Stranger: Ahhh
You: but i just dont understand why im remebering now
You: of all times lol
Stranger: Maybe something that happened triggered that memory?
You: i dont really know
You: like sometimes its in dreams
You: sometimes ill just be daydreaming in class and remember something vividly
You: weird shit lol
Stranger: Nah I feel that too
Stranger: I was always in iss so I day dreamed a lot
You: i know a lot of people say that like things that happen in your childhood affect you when your older
Stranger: Yeah definitely
You: but would it still affect me even if i didnt remember them?
You: cos like some of it makes sense
Stranger: Yes I'm sure it would
You: when i think of these new found memories lol
Stranger: It's hard to explain over text but yeah definitely
You: yeah i getchu haha
You: but uhh yeah, theres a lot i need to change in my life lol
Stranger: Start small, silly
You: where do you even start lmao
Stranger: Ummmmm
Stranger: So how is your studying? Good bad?
You: terrible i dont even study haha
You: im basically doing what i did last year
You: i just have no motivation for it i guess
Stranger: But your future silly
Stranger: Don't you wanna help people?
You: yeah i stopped thinking about that a while ago
You: oh yeah i was gonna talk about taht
You: so uh
Stranger: Help yourself
You: Yeah like last summer
Stranger: GET AN EDUCATION SO YOU CAN GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT
You: lmaooo
Stranger: I just want you to do something you enjoy
Stranger: And not be stuck with something you hate
Stranger: Passion matters a lot
Stranger: And I'm sure there's some guy that'll love that you do that stuff 😉
Stranger: You'll be a major guy magnet
You: But yeah a little before summer one of my friends killed herself because of the guy I used to date (the toxic relationship guy) and it just showed me how different people are to how they actually seem. I basically started hating people and became a selfish prick and drove myself a bit crazy until one of my friends metaphorically slapped me in the face and woke me up. The hatred lasted for a few months maybe
You: i agree i still need to think about what i want i guess
Stranger: Try some programs, clubs or something (:
Stranger: Hobbies are always nice to have
You: yeah id just rather do hobbies alone than with people
Stranger: My friend went through the same thing sort of
You: i still sort of hate most people hahah
Stranger: I feel that
You: its weird but because of that i feel like i can read people and i know exactly what someones intentions are
You: which is stupid but
Stranger: Yeah some people feel that way
You: yeah i always think that everyones a fake
Stranger: My brother feels that way and I hate him
You: so it makes it hard for me to get along with people
You: yeah its really stupid i need to learn to trust people
Stranger: It takes a while but people's true colors come out
Stranger: Start small, work your way up
Stranger: <(^~^<)
You: yah i should
You: i need to do some serious soul searching hahah
Stranger: Yeah, I wish I could help, but I always knew what I wanted
Stranger: I'm sure you'll find yourself
You: ahh well you've been a huge help just by listening
You: ive said stuff ive never said before to someone so
You: its been really helpful thanks stranger :)
Stranger: Listen, at the end of the day it's whatever you want
Stranger: We can leave things here if you want
Stranger: Just remember to take care of yourself
Stranger: And please don't hurt yourself
You: ahh well small steps remember
Stranger: Life is beautiful
Stranger: Oh shush
You: hahaha
Stranger: See you around (probably not tho)- J
Stranger has disconnected.
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Prenuptial counseling
Dissatisfaction with relationships has become the norm.
It is demoralizing for people in relationships-and those looking to create new ones-to be surrounded by others experiencing divorce, break-up, or hopelessness.
Many have given up on the dream of a relationship with sustained love and connection. They have resorted to either singlehood, one night stands, or open relationships-problem is-that hasn’t proven to be a solution either. Instead, it has just created another set of issues in the same vein. It, too, has failed to fill the abyss inside-to move from happiness and satisfaction to the more sustainable joy and fulfillment.
Most of us have no idea what a good relationship looks like-there are rarely any good role models.
In a way, most of us are set up for failure before we begin. Many say I wish there were a manual for all this. Well, there’s better.
Pre-nuptial counseling-don’t worry, it’s not therapy-can help.
So, why not take on the opportunity to learn to do it right from a professional?
Why not give yourself a boost? Why pass up an opportunity to find out another way to be in your relationship?
As a relationship therapist, I have found that many people give up on marriages, long-relationship, and even monogamous relationships out of fear and frustration, not finding another way-another solution, another way to be and to show up.
We have to save money for the wedding. Why waste it on prenuptial counseling?
I find it ironic that we spare no expense for the celebration of the wedding day but get so concerned about how much it would cost to go through a process that could make it more possible for the marriage to be a source of peace and joy.
If it were up to me, no ministers would marry couples unless they are given help to make it last.
I tell all parents and friends, prenuptial counseling makes the best wedding gift-maybe add that to your gift registry.
But we don’t have any significant problems. We’re enjoying eachother-why run the risk of messing it up?
You’re not getting pre-nuptial counseling to find problems or create problems where there aren’t’ any. It is to understand the individual differences to prevent problems before they occur.
I specialize in saving relationships when all else has failed-when all the therapists have fired you or the other way around-I want to validate all of those that dare to come to save their relationships. Still, I want to encourage all couples to get pre-nuptial counseling to prevent problems from becoming crises.
Why are we open to classes in parenting, wine tasting, business management, etc. but not pre-nuptial counseling?
Why say no to a manual? Why say ‘no’ to directions? The best part is, it’s totally customized to you, your partner, and the relationship dynamic
It’s time we realize we have to become more intentional in understanding what it means to find and create relationships that allow us to evolve into better versions of ourselves rather than diminishing our original nature and creating dissatisfaction in ourselves and others.
What is the fear? What is resistance to going to pre-nuptial counseling?
Check-in with your resistance, get curious about why you would say no to an opportunity to get specific and specialized guidance on how you can prevent and heal issues before they become crises.
Why leave flames burning and unattended? You’ll eventually get a fire. Why not show up to prevent the fire rather than showing up only to put it out.
What do they do in prenuptial counseling?
Most people are attracted to partners that are different from them-that’s the law of attraction and it’s beautiful-but don’t always know how to handle the difference when exposure to the differences is long and unrelenting.
Prenuptial counseling helps each person figure out their individual differences and the dynamic that develops when they are together. This gives them a leg up in responding rather than reacting when issues arise-as they are expected to arise in every normal relationship.
Prenuptial counseling helps people appreciate each other’s differences rather than trying to change the other person to suit their needs, which only causes resentment and, eventually, emotional separation or defensiveness.
When each person has a clear understanding of who they are, who their partner is, and the dynamic that develops between them, they feel more capable of handling issues, and they are not surprised or disarmed when issues arise.
Prenuptial counseling teaches people to communicate and connect according to their unique style and need.
Everyone has been hurt in some way or the other, but pain can be an opportunity to heal or the wave that takes you under. Which one it’s going to depend on what you choose.
Prenuptial counseling helps you heal your pain so that you don’t burden and break your relationship and accidentally hurt the one you love because you are still hurt.
Most people have seen their partners either being overly appeasing and shunning their desires in self-sacrifice or taking so much space that the others have to shrink. Prenuptial counseling helps you create a shared vision for your future rather than borrowing it from what you have seen others do.
Therapy? Is there a problem?
We have to start changing our misbelief that we seek therapy when there is a problem. In fact, one of the best ways to use therapy is before issues become problems. The best use of therapy is to take blocks that prevent you from becoming the best version of yourself.
I don’t want to be in therapy for my whole life.
Pre-nuptial therapy is generally done in 4 to 6 sessions. It’s not a trick to get you in and pin problems on you-you can trust yourself-you’ll know if that is happening, and you’ll get out of it.
You have the agency not to take advice if you don’t want to, but it’s foolish to avoid facing what might be a truth so that it can be healed-it doesn’t go away if you just don’t look that way.
I really hope this has helped bust some of the myths around prenuptial counseling. If you have more questions, I urge you to not keep misunderstandings alive-call or text me at 973–755–2306 for a 30-min complimentary consultation
#marriage counseling#divorce counseling#personal counseling#individual counseling#discernment counseling
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Link
Dissatisfaction with relationships has become the norm.
It is demoralizing for people in relationships-and those looking to create new ones-to be surrounded by others experiencing divorce, break-up, or hopelessness.
Many have given up on the dream of a relationship with sustained love and connection. They have resorted to either singlehood, one night stands, or open relationships-problem is-that hasn’t proven to be a solution either. Instead, it has just created another set of issues in the same vein. It, too, has failed to fill the abyss inside-to move from happiness and satisfaction to the more sustainable joy and fulfillment.
Most of us have no idea what a good relationship looks like-there are rarely any good role models.
In a way, most of us are set up for failure before we begin. Many say I wish there were a manual for all this. Well, there’s better.
Pre-nuptial counseling-don’t worry, it’s not therapy-can help.
So, why not take on the opportunity to learn to do it right from a professional?
Why not give yourself a boost? Why pass up an opportunity to find out another way to be in your relationship?
As a relationship therapist, I have found that many people give up on marriages, long-relationship, and even monogamous relationships out of fear and frustration, not finding another way-another solution, another way to be and to show up.
We have to save money for the wedding. Why waste it on prenuptial counseling?
I find it ironic that we spare no expense for the celebration of the wedding day but get so concerned about how much it would cost to go through a process that could make it more possible for the marriage to be a source of peace and joy.
If it were up to me, no ministers would marry couples unless they are given help to make it last.
I tell all parents and friends, prenuptial counseling makes the best wedding gift-maybe add that to your gift registry.
But we don’t have any significant problems. We’re enjoying eachother-why run the risk of messing it up?
You’re not getting pre-nuptial counseling to find problems or create problems where there aren’t’ any. It is to understand the individual differences to prevent problems before they occur.
I specialize in saving relationships when all else has failed-when all the therapists have fired you or the other way around-I want to validate all of those that dare to come to save their relationships. Still, I want to encourage all couples to get pre-nuptial counseling to prevent problems from becoming crises.
Why are we open to classes in parenting, wine tasting, business management, etc. but not pre-nuptial counseling?
Why say no to a manual? Why say ‘no’ to directions? The best part is, it’s totally customized to you, your partner, and the relationship dynamic
It’s time we realize we have to become more intentional in understanding what it means to find and create relationships that allow us to evolve into better versions of ourselves rather than diminishing our original nature and creating dissatisfaction in ourselves and others.
What is the fear? What is resistance to going to pre-nuptial counseling?
Check-in with your resistance, get curious about why you would say no to an opportunity to get specific and specialized guidance on how you can prevent and heal issues before they become crises.
Why leave flames burning and unattended? You’ll eventually get a fire. Why not show up to prevent the fire rather than showing up only to put it out.
What do they do in prenuptial counseling?
Most people are attracted to partners that are different from them-that’s the law of attraction and it’s beautiful-but don’t always know how to handle the difference when exposure to the differences is long and unrelenting.
Prenuptial counseling helps each person figure out their individual differences and the dynamic that develops when they are together. This gives them a leg up in responding rather than reacting when issues arise-as they are expected to arise in every normal relationship.
Prenuptial counseling helps people appreciate each other’s differences rather than trying to change the other person to suit their needs, which only causes resentment and, eventually, emotional separation or defensiveness.
When each person has a clear understanding of who they are, who their partner is, and the dynamic that develops between them, they feel more capable of handling issues, and they are not surprised or disarmed when issues arise.
Prenuptial counseling teaches people to communicate and connect according to their unique style and need.
Everyone has been hurt in some way or the other, but pain can be an opportunity to heal or the wave that takes you under. Which one it’s going to depend on what you choose.
Prenuptial counseling helps you heal your pain so that you don’t burden and break your relationship and accidentally hurt the one you love because you are still hurt.
Most people have seen their partners either being overly appeasing and shunning their desires in self-sacrifice or taking so much space that the others have to shrink. Prenuptial counseling helps you create a shared vision for your future rather than borrowing it from what you have seen others do.
Therapy? Is there a problem?
We have to start changing our misbelief that we seek therapy when there is a problem. In fact, one of the best ways to use therapy is before issues become problems. The best use of therapy is to take blocks that prevent you from becoming the best version of yourself.
I don’t want to be in therapy for my whole life.
Pre-nuptial therapy is generally done in 4 to 6 sessions. It’s not a trick to get you in and pin problems on you-you can trust yourself-you’ll know if that is happening, and you’ll get out of it.
You have the agency not to take advice if you don’t want to, but it’s foolish to avoid facing what might be a truth so that it can be healed-it doesn’t go away if you just don’t look that way.
Learn more at https://counselingwithadifference.com
0 notes
Note
could you write a modern stan/bill fic as teenagers? maybe them just hanging out alone on a weekend or something? thx!
Stan Uris had no idea how he did it.
Yes, friends and neighbors, Stanley Uris had no idea how he managed to constantly put himself in such completely hopeless situations.
It had sort of started, he had explained to Richie on the phone a night or so ago, when Bill had said that he was all on his lonesome on Saturday, those were his words, all on his lonesome, and he didn’t like the feeling much, so Stan had been unable to resist, and he’d asked if Bill was, um, on his lonesome all DAY Saturday. And Bill had said yeah, that’s what that turn of phrase means, Stuh-Stuh-Stuh-Stan, and Stan had almost died, you know that feeling you get when you see a big drop that you know you won’t ever take, but your stomach sinks down farther than the center of the earth? Well that’s what it was like, Richie, and so anyways Stan had asked Bill over for the day, from around twelve to whenever Bill wanted, and Bill had smiled and oh Richie you know Stan can’t resist that smile Bill uses sometimes, he knows the one, and said that the plan sounded fine, Stan, he’d just take a few laps in the pool before he headed over and come straight to Stan’s. And Stan had been a dumbass and not heard anything and just agreed, and long story short Stan was now spending what looked like over five hours with Bill over at his house doing absolutely nothing.
The explanation had been met by peals of laughter from the Tozier phone, before Richie said, “yowza, boss, sounds like you need some… I don’t even know what!” And then Richie had laughed some more and there had been a click and he was gone.
It was a day later, and Stan was obsessively cleaning his room to get ready. His parents weren’t home, as they usually weren’t on Saturdays, since Andrea had bridge at the synagogue and Donald had whatever Donald did in his spare time, thank God above, so that was one thing out of the way.
Stan placed the last pillow where it was meant to go, tongue sticking slightly out between his lips as it always did when he was deep in thought, before he stood back to look at his room. Good… well, acceptable, at least, for now. He started to sit down on his bed when he heard a knock on the door, at which he jumped up and ran to the door as quickly as possible.
“Hey, Bill, hi!” Stan smiled, his energy suddenly amped at the anticipation the rest of the day are starting to give him. “How’re you doing!”
Bill looked down at the short boy, the way he was slightly hanging on the door, in interest, before he stepped past Stan and inside at Stan’s invitation. “I’m guh-guh-good,” he began, putting his swimming duffel bag down before Stan immediately picked it back up again and slung it over the coat hooks. “The p-p-hool was nuh-nice. Very nice for luh-l-laps.”
Stan blinked at Bill for a moment, collecting himself from his internal monologue of ‘oh, my God, Stan, Bill Denbrough is in your house and he’s going to be here for a long time forward and you’re all alone together, what’re you going to do?’ to say, “oh, good! I’m glad.”
“Y-yes.”
They both stood in silence for a bit, before Bill started up to Stan’s room with the owner trailing behind in an attempt to keep up at an appropriate distance.
“Whaddya want to do?” Stan asked as loud as he could muster- which was, at the moment, not very loud, but still- in order to be heard over Bill running up the wood stairs in his shoes. Why didn’t Bill take off his shoes? He should have taken off his shoes-
“I duh-dunno, pruh-p-pruh
(promise)
probably juh-hust hang out and chuh-ch-chill with y-you, Stan.”
Stan’s heart skipped a beat after Bill shot his sideways smile at him, and he coughed into his hands as he opened to door to his room.
“Yeah, uh, sounds good,” he said huskily, sitting down next to the taller boy and gesturing at his charger so that Bill could plug his phone in. Bill gave him a grateful look, before leaning over him to reach the cord.
Stan’s stomach flipped when Bill leaned over him, the redhead’s shoulder brushing his torso and his other hand on Stan’s knee to keep himself balanced while he plugged in his phone. It was all over before Stan had gotten a chance to fully freak out over it, but his heart rate had still skyrocketed.
“Thuh-uh-anks.”
“No problem, Big Bill.”
“Yeah.”
The two boys sat side by side in a somewhat awkward silence, Stan sitting stick straight with his hand resting absently on the knee Bill had touched.
Fumbling for a way to save the moment, Stan said, “H-How was your swimming? The, uh, the swimming season starts soon, right?” Bill nodded, running a hand through his damp hair.
“Uh-huh,” he replied casually. “I’m trying tuh-to make s-s-suh-sure I’m ready enough. I’ve g-g-got a feeling I-I’ll really have to w-wuh-work hard this year.” He frowned apologetically at Stan. “I pruh-hobably won’t h-have so m-muh-much free t-time.”
Stan sucked in a sharp breath, tittering a bit nervously and trying not to seem disappointed his few precious moments alone with Bill would be cut down even more. A thought raced across the front of his mind for a moment, and he shivered. What if this is it? What if this is when you finally break apart? Friends don’t last forever, you gotta move on eventually, this might be it, Stan. The nail in the coffin.
“B-Bummer,” the smaller boy said. “Maybe you overwork yourself, Bill. With all these advanced classes and- and going to parties, and now swimming… How’re you gonna keep up with all that?”
“I could ask you the same question, Stanley,” Bill quipped, his lips growing into a smirk, and Stan rolled his eyes, his default response to most things.
“That’s different,” he huffed, and Bill just chuckled, looking fondly at Stan and putting his chin in his hands.
“Nuh-not very,” he answered. “You d-do a lot, too. Wuh-hith your all AP cluh-hasses and your duh-d-debate club and b-birdwatching and ruh-ruh-r-running and-”
“Okay, we get it,” Stan broke in. And then, quieter, “and anyways, debate club isn’t that time-consuming.”
Bill chuckled and rolled his eyes back at Stan, saying, “I thuh-th-think it is.. I cuh-could never do it.”
Stan huffed again, saying, “well, maybe not, but you don’t need debate. Everyone already believes you automatically. And listens to you… also automatically.” Stan felt another rush of envy at his own proclamation, knowing that it was true and hating that he knew it. He wished people listened to and respected him like they did Bill.
“I guh-g-guess thats truh-hue, but it’s b-buh-b-better to deh-hebate than to have p-p-p-people blindly follow y-you. ‘T’s not fuh-hun.” Bill patted Stan’s knee twice more, before laying backwards on the bed wrong-ways and continuing to look at his phone.
Stan felt his cheeks flare up again, and he weakly followed suit, nervously tapping at his phone as he stole glances at Bill every once and awhile.
Stan liked Bill better like this- when they were with the others, Bill put on the face of the fearless leader who knew everything and never needed help. He was suddenly wonderful in every way and perfect, without any faults, absolutely amazing… and also very stubborn and arrogant, in some ways. He didn’t listen to Stan when he criticized, telling him “not to be so negative” or letting Richie go off on him for it, although he usually did put a stop to it eventually. Stan was definitely the pessimist of the group, Mike being the realist, and the rest of them being what Stan jokingly referred to as “filthy optimists” sometimes. They were all grim and wary in their personal ways from their encounters with It, that was for certain, but Stan’s pessimism and sadness were more deeply-rooted, if it was even possible for it to be so- after all, are there roots lower down than the roots of the fear they all carried in each other and themselves? Stan didn’t think so. So Stan liked Bill better when they could ignore the roots of their fears and just have a little down time.
He didn’t want to make them sound like superheroes, but truly, Stan thought that teenagers go through quite a lot nowadays and between school and extracurriculars and, well, what they did after basically saving their world, hanging out with a good friend or two really fell off of the to-do list.
Stan saw a text pop up from Bill, and he swiped it away without reading it, nudging Bill playfully. “We’re right next to eachother, Bill,” Stan said. “What’s up with that?”
“I just- I duh-d-dunno. Suh-sometimes I d-d-hon’t want to deal wuh-w-with my stuh-stuh-st-”
“Stutter,” Stan finished, smiling warmly at Bill’s sheepish face. “Well, that’s okay, but… I don’t mind, Bill.” That was far from the truth- Stan thought, had always thought, Bill’s stammer was extremely hypnotizing. The way his brow furrowed when he focused, how Stan could somehow predict whenever Bill would trip or make it through a sentence, the fashion in which Bill bit his lip when he listened to someone speak in order to try to mimic their rhythm.
Stan saw the way Bill looked at Richie and him when they were talking- Richie and Stan tended to talk quickly to eachother, often overlapping their voices in their speed to get words out and speaking just fast enough to make out the words. He saw how jealous he looked. Stan figured it was because Bill wanted to be able to communicate as seamlessly and as fast as the two black-haired boys could, but maybe that wasn’t the case; another, deeper part of Stan wanted Bill to be looking because he was pay attention to Stan, how he moved and talked, how he acted. How Stan looked. But Stan always knew, Bill looked because he was amused with how fast Richie could talk to the only person who could understand him when he did and talk back in kind. It couldn’t ever be another way.
Bill raised an eyebrow. “I muh-mean, I c-cuh- mind, so…” He trailed off, the silence letting Stan’s words dawn on him.
“Of- of course, yeah, dude, you do whatever’s comfortable for you, I…” Stan ruffled the hair on the back of his neck and sat up. “I mean, I didn’t want to say like, you know, you have to make people who don’t stammer comfortable, it’s just-”
A hand came up to Stan’s chest, pushing him backwards so he was laying down. “Chuh-ch-chill, Stan.” Bill’s low, somehow sure voice reverberated down his arm and onto Stan’s chest, sending a shiver up his spine. “I guh-get it. Just l-l-leave it.”
The smaller boy clutched his phone to his chest, over Bill’s hand. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, I…”
“Got wuh-w-worked up again,” Bill finished, tapping a rhythm out on it an continuing to text. “You d-duh-do it a lot, Stan. Espuh-sp-specially around me.” There was a smile in his voice, and Stan felt his heart melt at the hold Bill’s happiness over him, over all the kosers, really.
“What do you mean, especially?” Stan tried to sound annoyed, and he looked up from his Instagram, which he’d been formatting.
“Nuh-nuh-nevermind.” The smile was still clear in Bill’s voice.
Stan huffed, for what felt like the millionth time that day, and tried to seem serious as he leaned over the redhead. “Bill, seriously, tell me.” He put a hand on Bill’s phone, ready to take it away for leverage. Stan always seemed desperate for some kind of leverage over something, didn’t he? Always tired of being the little guy. Even Richie, who was renowned for being tiny, was taller than him. He, of course, as he did most things, hated it.
Bill kept his mouth shut, however, and shook his head. “It’s nuh-not important, Stuh-Stanley.” Stan didn’t reply, just took Bill’s phone and started to lift it up. That’d show him, Stan thought drily, since he clearly can’t just reach up and get it. You’re a genius, Stanley Uris.
Quickly as Stan’s heart sped up, Bill tucked an arm around Stan’s waist and pulled him down. With their bodies pressed flush, Bill laughed at Stan’s look of disbelief.
“Wuh-what?”
“Nothing!” Stan sounded so affronted Bill had to laugh. “I don’t care, do I look like I care? ‘Cause I don’t.”
Bill cocked an eyebrow. “Suh-so you don’t care if I do… this?” He tipped upward, putting a hand on the back of Stan’s head to get him closer, and pressed a short, sweet kiss onto the boy’s pouty lips.
Stan jerked back, sitting back and putting his fingers over his mouth.
“Did you do that?” He asked, the disbelief clear in his voice. “No, seriously, did you just do that?”
Bill nodded once, twice, and showed his perfectly white teeth as he smile. “I did.”
“And… to me?”
“Mhm.”
Bill started laughing at Stan’s somehow offended expression and he covered his mouth as best he could and Stan couldn’t help but join in.
The text still lay unread.
It read, ‘i really wanna kiss you right now’, and Stan would read it later and feel his chest bubble up in laughter and sheer love and lay back on his bed, and he’d text back, ‘i did too.’
Correction: Stanley Uris had no idea how he managed to constantly put himself in such completely wonderful, beautiful, compromising situations.
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