#they ignore ito so much tho

[littlestarxmilkyway]

So Ever Crisis now has a FFIX collab, and WotV is celebrating its fourth anniversary with a FFIX collab. Between these and everything else on the Nvidia leak coming true, I actually feel like the rumored remake will actually come to fruition.

I've been anxious over a potential remake though. I can't think of who at SQEX would even be right to lead that project anymore. Is anyone who was a creative lead on it even there anymore? At least Itahana is there for art and/or character design. Hopefully! If they let him!! (Not the same, but he's the last bit of IX will I can think of.) But besides that angle, what and who is there?

Even imagining Square making it a Playstation exclusive just makes me so sad, because it's something I can see them doing. (Praying it won't be PS5 exclusive at the very least! That certainly didn't help XVI!)

As much as I felt all that, I've been pleasantly surprised by SO2's remake, and I'm hoping the IX remake would be shown that same level of care and detail.

[volfoss]

Top ten manga and anime!!

OK!! im gonna uhhh cheat a bit and do 10 of each ok <3

manga:

xxxholic (i feel thats obvious <3) but its like my fave thing ever and just has such a good supernatural comedy plot but is also like serious and one of those things that legit changed how i thought about things (in a good way <3)

tsubasa reservoir chronicles!! its the sister series to xxxholic and is like found family road tripping across dimensions and oh my godddd its so good!!

chobits uwu, IF you can get past the well, horniness, of the first 15 chapters, its soo soooo good, its like a story about finding your person and it just aughhh its so powerful......

i feel i need to have jojo on here somewhere so bam here. good series would kill araki if i could etc

OMG i nearly forgot abt stop!! hibari kun! important thing to note abt me is that i rly enjoy going back and seeing trans rep in older manga and this like?? handles it not great but the characters r near and dear to my heart and the art is rly pretty <3

OH MY GOD I NEARLY FORGOT BUT DORORO!!!!!!!! like the art is gorgeous the story is rly rly good and the characters are so good. it DOES have an anime but i maintain the manga is the best way to like consume it? its just rly rly well handled and rly fun.... if u can like ignore the uhhhh mild transphobic shit in the second half, but its rly good and dororo (character) is trans as fuck and my best friend!!

DOUBLE HOUSE OMG!!!!!! literally THEEEEE trans manga thats kinda older and its just so soft and so sweet and aughhhh its not officially translated into english but u can find it online but its so good.....

OMG OMG... like anything by junji ito!! uzumaki is my fave but gyo is rly rly good and tomie.... ough its so good!! i rly like horror manga <3 honorable mention for this spot since i havent finished it yet, but the drifting classroom has been rly good so far <3

NARUTO sorry sorry for enjoying it buttttt its good <3 i read it mostly for sakura my best friend but its a rly good series and even tho its long as shit it didnt rly like get bad? other than the 100 chapter stretch where i was going to kill someone bc it was so boring <3

OUGH OUGHHHH yes i nearly forgot about x/1999!! its like clamps magnum opus and its just a like rly epic sci fi story, but also unfortunately continues from tokyo babylon (gross gross icky :( ) but its so good and the characters are really good and it would be SOOO much higher if it was actually finished :(

anime:

DEATH PARADE OH MY GODDDD literally like my fave anime of all time its so good and so powerful and makes me cry every single time... it is everything to me

mob psycho 100!! also like one of those that fundamentally changed my brain but the artstyle slaps so much and its rly rly fun!!

great teacher onizuka! its uh a very very big thing of if u can ignore some of the more questionable aspects of it, but it was like one of my first animes and its smth that i rly treasure. its a like rly light hearted comedy abt this former motorcycle gang leader who wants to become a teacher, but gets assigned to a rly rly tough class and uses like RLY unorthodox ways to solve the problems... its like oddly heartwarming and the openings slap sooo hard

OH MY GOD I NEARLY FORGOT ABOUT ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM.... again its a thing of ignoring the fanservice but i legit cannot think abt the ending w/o bawling my eyes out... its like a popular one but its popular for a reason imo? its fun <3

again feel obligated to put jjba on here <3

OHH YEAH!! what ive seen of doctor stone is rly good! im a bit further ahead in the manga but the artstyle is rly good and if u can look past a bit of fan service... ough its so good. its just like rly fun and scratches an itch in my brain <3

OH YEAH!!! hunter x hunter!!! its rly fun and i rly need to finish the manga someday, but its like a long term one that i rly rly enjoy <3

YEAH YEAH I NEARLY FORGOT!!!!!! but i rly rly enjoy gangsta!! its like idk rly fun and the main three are in a poly relationship in my mind <3 i rly love the characters and the setting a lot <3

YEAH OMG YEAH1!! K-ON!!!!! its like a slice of life and while i dont normally like those... k-on is rly good <3 its just a soft little series and makes me rly happy (havent finished it but god its just rly good <3)

i feel so bad that i never finished this one BUT i rly enjoyed the millionare detective: balance UNLIMITED when i watched it! im a chronic never finishes shows person (except if it sucks in which case i will binge it) but its animated rly nice and its a fun premise <3

[partyinthemysterymachine]

Y,N & J for the fandom meme

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)

Outlast (pointed glance), uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh god i can’t think of anything LOL oof :\ life hard

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

this is about Silent Hill! (wowza)

interpretations!!! i love these idiots very much but i’m also interested in seeing others’ takes on them (esp in art - wanna see!!). since i created GOOMT Harry (and i guess James; he’s also Different bc his hair parts to the opposite side of canon lmfao, wow what an icon) i’ve been itching to see how others would give the characters a good flip. 

there are a few artists out there that have done that and thank god for them i love y’all so much

i’ve heard/read of interpretations and i really love them forreal tho i guess art puts it out there visually. makes me sound like a dick ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sorry for that

=

Pls Relax lmfao people out there getting Heated over some (not so hot) takes that’ve been around for ages and just get drudged up every few months (or weeks). there are some interpretations of protags that are just straight up ignorant tbh, even tho the games are meant to be interpretive (okay we’re just talking about sh2 here) but honestly, your opinion is bad and i know you don’t feel bad, but jfc at least try to stop projecting for a minute

like listen one of the Big Arguments is Pyramid Head’s inclusion in everything not SH2, and it started with Homecoming since it was game directly after the Silent Hill movie where PH was just there for the cockroaches and skinsuit shaming. since then he’s just Everywhere and kinda loses his meaning and all that jazz, and ofc he’s in Dead By Daylight and yanno

it used to bother me a lot (and still bothers me when we get into certain strands of the topic) but at this point, sure, go ham. dude’s beefy and has a nice ass and he’s just gonna Punish everyone ;) 

and related to PH, Masahiro Ito (monster designer for SH 1 - 3 and is the creator of PH) talks a lot on his twitter about what he intended for these monsters in meaning and really getting into the nitty gritty and showing clearer models. this is years post-SH games (1999, 2001, 2003) that we’re now hearing this lore, but.. idk i like hearing it and i def nod along

however there is a good point in saying that he’s not the end-all word of god in the matter since, again - interpretive. i think in some matters he is the word of god and i stick to it and my guns (such as PH). doesn’t mean, also, that i go bonkers over it in discussion or whatnot. i’ve evolved as a person and that also means i’ve chilled out a lot over shit that would’ve gotten me right heated. maturity, man. what a drug.

(except sometimes those really fucking stupid ~hot takes~ about James, like seriously, i really do fuckin hate y’all, interpretive blah blah but you:

didn’t play the game

went into the game with expectations and ideas about what to expect/see already

re: didn’t play the game: engage in discussion and discourse over these hot takes that u rly have no business taking part in unless you’ve done some good research (i got some incredible lore/theory videos that i won’t shut up about so @ me if u want ‘em) bc c’mon man at least have a better idea of what you’re talking about that isn’t from someone else

believe James is a sex-crazy misogynist and i will be screaming

but yeah, it’s chill :3

=

more fucking OCs let’s GO people just live your life and have fun goddamn

cringe culture is dead until you decide you’re gonna live the cringe but also do it for YOU and that’s so incredibly sexy and big brained

J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr

Final Fantasy (which then lead to ffxiv via another friend >:\ wanker) when Jase started doin their thing about it and i still don’t know what’s going on but power to you!!!

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

... hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i mean i don’t care about Steven Universe or Hamilton at all but both seemed to have kinda died down, esp Hamilton, so i’m in the clear 90% of the time

shdohgiosdg i can’t think of anything AGAIN i guess i’m just chillin!!!!

[the-nysh]

Murata updated chapter 172! (and somehow it's even thirstier + garou became sonic the hedgehog + his demon tan is starting to show)

!?!!?!! 👀 Hold on, I just got online and you’re unloading all this new goodness to me; I gotta see this shit for myself!

Chapter 173 of the manga was corrected, the changes being that Garou got his shoulders dislocated, then relocated with the power of Junji Ito, kicked Darkshine in the solar plexus(Murata definitely now had a preference for his drawing his, uh, lower areas), and became Sonic. Bonus him gritting his teeth from the pain being changed to steamy panting, which I’m sure you’ll appreciate.

(Oh, also Garou’s scar was added back (I wonder how Murata keeps forgetting to draw that one?) and there was a small, but nice change to Darkshine’s posture after Garou hits the ground; now Darkshine’s palm is open as if he was about to reach out to Garou as soon as he saw him fall. Gah, the S-class demonstrating the goodness of their heart in the manga is getting to me, Garou look like a true monster during the showdown.)

WHAT WHATTATA?!? Going thru update 172 (ch129, didn’t see any changes made to update 173 tho, so looks like Murata only edited Garou’s chapter this week, heh nice), here’s some differences! :O

(Original left, updated right) Zoomed in a bit more, no more knees showing but now there’s extra leg hatching, and a new Darkshine expression!

Whoa!!! :O This part is brand new! After the ‘gigantic fear’ double spread, omg Darkshine reacts with a double bazooka attack, and holy shit, Garou just tanks them in the shoulders! D8 Pushed back, lul more leg, and healed with the power of dark Junji Ito vortexes~ But omg yeah, it’s that same spiral pattern for the injuries just like on his abdomen from Orochi’s stab wound. Interesting. I feel like with too many of these on him though, his design may get overly busy, but if it helps explain the growing ‘darkness’ enveloping/healing his body, then…👀

Ooooh!! A new kick counter! :O (With the added spirals on the shoulders in the left panels too.) Actually this better explains how he was able to knock Darkshine off guard + down from before (compared to him yelling into just nailing him down by the throat.) Now there’s all these extra counter moves in between! Also lul, the literal Sonic hedgehog spin, and a new backside shot, Murata pls! X’D But you know what these two new panels remind me of?! These two previous moves he’s done before, vs the A Class heroes and Metal Bat:

Oho! Even the similar way he goes from the spin into another kick counter at the head/throat. That time Metal Bat held his ground and the move didn’t work, but this time, whoop, there Darkshine goes~ (Yup Garou’s gained some significant power compared to back then.)

^More shoulder spirals consistently added to these panels too.

(First version left, updated right) Ah! Yep, Murata added back the scar (that he somehow often forgets to draw, maybe he just defaults to clean Garou~) But yes, there’s several more changes here, including the shoulder spirals (where now it looks like the ‘crack’ sound effect is coming from them, plus the other sound effect covering his leg is removed Murata pls), more creeping black stuff on his face in the lower panel, and Darkshine’s new concerned hand gesture reaching out to him, aww. :’) It seems all of Darkshine was redrawn there too.

ALSO THIS!?!? (Dang, I didn’t save a copy of the lower panel from before to compare the change to his expression. EDIT: found it!) What the, holy shit Murata, control your thirst! X’D  His face is darkened, there’s more of that black vortex stuff spreading bigger over his shoulders and it explains how it creeps up both sides of his face now (not just one side anymore, eep;;), but also….WHY IS IT NOW ALL STEAMY!!??! Buahaha oh my god!! Murata, you just had to do it to him, didn’t you. ;D Instead of just gritting his teeth in pain from before, he’s uhhh…doing that instead, geez. Also noteworthy cause Garou’s tanked and endured a lot of pain/punishment from before, and he’s always managed to ignore/grit through it and stand back up again. But this looks like the first time it’s ever forcefully made him actually double over on his knees. D: That’s pretty !!! significant compared to just how much (the level/pain tolerance) he can usually take. (Holy fuck, why is all of this so super suggestive now, esp with the added panting, guahaha Murata you fiend!) It’s testing his limits for sure, and if Garou can manage to overcome and get thru this (and survive the collapsing room) then…..only Murata knows how much more this will affect/change his appearance from here on out!

Aha, and so I love how when it’s a week later from the last ch, and on a usual Thurs/Fri update day too, Murata decides to go back and update the previous Garou content instead (which was actually the second most recent ch he could have worked on) because of course he would. :P If Murata thinks of new Garou stuff he can add, then he’s gonna go right ahead to jump on that and do it, ahaha. 8D Thanks anon for informing me of the new updates!

[just-like-playing-tag]

Ok I've been tagged to a bit of tag games a while ago so I'm doing all of them in a single post. I feel like with some of them I was tagged by more than one person so sorry if I forgot to mention anyone,,

I was tagged by @shot-tothestars and @bluelric. Thank you for thinking about me <3

Rules: tag 10 follows you’d like to know better (Btw I don't get what does that mean? Do I have to tag people one follows, or people they're followed by?)

(Also I'm just skipping the questions I don't like, but here's all of them for reference in case someone else wants to do it!)

Cats or dogs: Definitely dogs!!

Current time: 12:14 pm when I started, then I stopped and now as the exact moment I'm posting this it's 01:20 am

Favorite animal: Uhm probably seaguls? But I really like birds in general, they look so free from everything. And cool marine creatures!!

When I made this blog: First post is from June the 13th!

Reason for url: Explained here :)

Tagging: Nobody here because I answered half of the questions so I don't find it fair to ask somebody to do it lol.

Tagged by @shot-tothestars; Again thank for tagging me; and feel free to hmu any time if you feel like it, I swear I don't bite XD

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to know better/catch up with

Three ships: Excluding tpn because that would be lame, the first that come to my mind are Bones x Kirk - Star Trek, (platonic) Elsa / Anna - Frozen, All Might x happiness - My Hero Academia. Now that I think about it, I've never been much of a shipping person? I personally find platonic relationships much more interesting.

Last song: The Opera - Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812. Since it's quite a long song, I listen to it significantly less than the other songs from the recording- it's still a beautiful song tho.

Last movie: I may be wrong but I think it was J. J. Abrams' Super 8. I remember being very scared by it when I was younger, so I wanted to see if watching it again now it would have still scared me. It didn't, but it was a nice movie nonetheless!

Currently reading: Unfortunately I don't read much for myself during school, and even when it's finished I find it very hard to get back on track; but I really want to read War and Peace so that's probably the one I'm starting next- together with Dostoevsky's Notes from Underground because I can't possibly read just one book at once.

Currently watching: Some things. Avatar: The Last Airbender, Death Note, rewatching Kill la Kill with my cousin; also sporadically watching Steven Universe episodes and Law & Order (the original plus SVU) whenever it plays on TV. As bonus, I just finished watching Japan Sinks and Little Witch Academia. (I hadn't realized until now how many things I was watching and had watched, wow?? I'm glad I didn't waste time.)

Currently consuming: Nothing? Should I?

Food i’m craving: Uhm... The Wok to Walk I ate back in London last year... There's so many good places to eat in London and I live in a small small town with nothing to eat, it makes me want to cry ;;;;;;

Tagging: The last three people in my dms @fandoms-and-shitpost, @puff-poff, @acaderhmic; the last three people in my notes @illbecryinginthecorner, @cookiespace, @galezea; the last three people who followed me @yeoshin-est, @losertea, @soulessgingersthings.

Tagged by @bluelric and @stray-tori. Again thank you so much <3

Rules: Answer 17 questions and tag 17 people! (Please make sure to create a new post rather than reblogging!)

Nicknames: Tag? I love the nicknames you don't chose yourself, I think it's a cute thing

Age (the long lost question everyone was wondering about): Newly 19 bby 😎

Zodiac: Cancer according to astrology and Gemini according to astronomy (I don't really believe in astrology tho,,)

Height: I really have no idea. Average??

Last thing I googled: "little witch academia"

Song stuck in my head: Drift Away - Steven Universe: The Movie.

Number of followers: Really peoples one of the best things about Tumblr is not showing the followers number, thus making it easier for smaller and bigger blogs to interact, and not creating some sort of social classes based on ephemeral and currish arbitrary assigned popularity values. Why should I tell my followers number.

n followers I love very much <3

Amount of sleep: 6/7 hours (4/5 on school days)

Lucky number: ? Dunnot? I like even numbers

Dream job: Uhm something where I can give my best to significantly do something to change the world for the better - hopefully doing something I'm especially good at. Like, putting my abilities to the service of the community. I'll start studying political science at university! (I don't really aim to become a politician tho)

Wearing: I've spent more than one hour looking for an imagine of my shirt on the internet, but, as I should have expected, it seems like clothes companies delete the public data about older collections. Anyway, it's a cute, white, very light shirt with short sleeves. It's got thin vertical stripes of various pastel colors and it's made of a kinda rough material I can't seem to identify. Under that there's high-waisted, light blue jeans. I like this outfit, I find it pretty. I like wearing pretty things even when I'm staying home, it makes me feel good about myself.

Favorite song: With no hesitations, No One Else - Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812. The only doubt I have is if I prefer Phillipa Soo's or Denée Benton's version.

Favorite instruments: Probably piano; second place is cello.

Favorite author: Of what? If this is about books, I don't feel like I read enough to give a fair answer, but so far Dostoevsky and Kafka really stuck with me.

Favorite animal sound: Seaguls' squeal!!!! But also lil birdies' chirping.

Aesthetic: Docks!! The seaguls screaming in the air. The sun shining in the blue sky, originating mesmerizing reflects on the sea, like millions of dimonds. All the smells in the world concentrated in just one place. The movement, the life!! So many sights, smells, flavors and feelings mixing together. The ephemeral beauty of catching, for a single moment, the sight of something marvelous and extraordinary, and never getting to see it again, but cherishing this exaggerated memory of that serendipity. The hectic atmosphere of people going to and fro. The concept of connecting different cultures, the concept of leaving for new adventures. Just one place filled with complete strangers all so different, all so unique, where you can disappear - but without losing yourself. I just find harbors neat!

Random: My posts follow a 4 fanart posts/ 4 text posts (or 2 fanart posts/ 2 text posts) pattern; it physically hurts to mess up, thus it can happen that some of the most recent reblogs may disappear for a while (but they always come back ;)

Tagging: @neverlandstrio, @idlyingabout , @holy-mantequilla, @vapidsoup, @dpgoinghost, @chidoroki, @lovesick-lovely, @ueno-ito-en, @x-supernova, @notelectrictiger12, @bubblesandpages, @joy-in-gold-shadows, @thathilomgirl, @yalikejazzmydude, @neo--queen--serenity, @wheatormeat, @icyhotsparkybroccoli but really feel free to ignore this if you don't like this stuff

And everyone else who wants to do this (or any of the others!!)

[lesbiangiratina]

Mobbed psycho 100?

Favorite female character:

TOME

Favorite male character:

I love shou and ritsu so much but god... mob...

Favorite book/season/etc.:

Its all good!! I dont really have a favorite arc. I guess i came to like season 2 more tho?

Favorite episode:

I was uh, quite upset about the changes to season 2 episode 5 at first and im still a LITTLE upset some things were changed/cut but god its fucking gorgeous

Favorite cast member:

I really like that they cast someone with very little experience as mob i love you setsuo ito

Favorite ship:

Dont really have a favorite? Consider me a casual fan of terumob ritshou and serirei. Tome/mezato would be good, kinda wish they like interacted, ever.

Character i’d die defending:

SHOU

Character i just cant sympathize with:

Touichirou i hope he dies in his cell

Character i grew to love:

Reigen i guess but thats just the mob psycho 100 experience

Anti-otp:

Again just freak shit? Also tsubomi/mob thats just... ignoring the whole point of Everything. But it was a lil funny how at the start of season 2 people really thought mp100 was gonna be a love triangle between mob tsubomi and emi

[dandanieeri]

Secret That Is Not Secret Anymore

(6) Hidden

*Please ignore kung hindi interested, personal blog. This is me trying to reason out why I am like this.

And maybe hindi lang ako ito na nakakaranas ng kawalan ng confidence sa sarili. I know madaming tao na walang confidence but yeah, this is all about me.

First of all. Sobrang conscious akong tao.

I'm REALLY afraid kung anong sasabihin sa akin ng ibang tao. Kaya out of sa lahat ng kaklase ko nung HS, 2 lang may alam ng tunay kong personality (yung mga imperfections, kapangitan ng ugali ko and my mistakes)

Tbh ang tawag sa'kin nung HS ako Mama+myname dahil ng Mama - motherly figure ako and Mama Mary po yan dahil kamukha ko raw si Mama Mary /nauso yung movie ni Tony G. at Piolo. My friends among my classmates in HS actually called me that and that I am truly kind kasi lowkey lang ako. (Di po kasi ako nakikipagkompetensya sa academics sa section namin at walang nakaaway buong HS life ko. Kaya tingin nila mabait ako.) Pero like nakaenclose na sakin yon, buong HS life ko, dito lang ako sa Mabait. Nobody really tried to ask me about things. Di ko na lang din maalala. What I know is ako lang yung naiimpluwensyahan. Si J lang talaga yung sinabayan ako sa gusto ko, sumali sya sa Art Club para kasama ko sya kahit na hindi sya masyadong magaling sa art katulad ng iba.

It's not that peke yung pinapakita ko sa kanila... Ako pa rin naman yon eh. Kumbaga yung alam nila ay yung mababaw na ako, and wala pa sila dun sa malalim na ako. Yung 2 ko lang na bestfriends nung HS are the ones who really knew truths about me.

And now pagdating din ng College, ganun pa rin ako. I really thought magbabago ako and gain more confidence sa art ko and sa sarili ko. Unfortunately, konting improvement lang AT nagsimula lang yon nung nakasama ko ang 3 lukarit.

Still, sobrang conscious ako sa sasabihin ng iba kaya all smiles ako sa lahat /tho sanay na ako and smile brings positive energy/ Tbh ngayong College lang ako nakarinig ng compliments. Among my relatives, none at all. Among my HS friends, well they always told me I'm kind.

Kaya sobrang awkward kong magtake ng compliments. I mean, yas I LOVE compliments /sa mukha ko, sa art ko, sa utak ko/ BUT di ko alam ang irereact ng mukha ko at sasabihin ng bibig ko. I kept on thinking "Okay lang ba kung magte Thank you lang ako?" "Ibabalik ko ba sa kanya yung puri?" "Sasabihin ko ba 'Luh mas maganda nga to kay ganern o mas maganda ka'" Kaya if makakausap mo'ko, even sa chat, medyo matagal ako magreply kasi iisipin ko pa kung di ka maooffend sa sasabihin ko.

Tbh 4 na tao lang yung as in magrereply akong straight, (3g1b) and minsan din iniisip ko pa rin lahat bago magreply sa kanila. Maaari sabihin nila "Di naman siguro maooffend yan," well yeah they might not get offended but they will get AWKWARD. This is one of the main reasons why nagtatagal din ako magreply... Even kapag may kausap talaga ako or in a group /not in chat/ magsasalita ako and then matitigil na yung convo na ako yung huling nagsalita, sobrang nakakaawkward potek. Lmao.

Kaya I mostly stay quiet or just laugh with them kapag may ganung scenario. So ganun, no confidence, no good communication skills. Magrereact lang sa story ng classmate na maganda, ang natakbo sa utak ko, "Luh ngayon lang ako magrereact, baka maawkward/magulat sya kung bakit ako nagreact."

Yup, I hate my thoughts.

So I created another account in Twitter and IG just to freely express myself without minding kung sino mangja judge. And there nasasabi ko ang thoughts, rants ko, nakakapagstory ng mukha ko at mga ginagawa ko sa buhay. Unlike them na sa mismong real account nila nakakapagstory ng mga gusto nilang ishare.

Naiisip ko rin kung anong mali sa ishe share ko, alam kong wala, pero if magstory ako, daming magrereact and I don't effing know how to react/what to say to them. AND if magstory ako, I'm bothered and I will keep on thinking about that story for 24 hrs "Luh baka may manghate saken or ganon." Nafru frustrate rin ako sa sarili ko AHAHAHAHA.

So ganon na lang din, minsan nakakakuha ng confidence, okay post sa real account sa IG ng matino, pero like if random ding napasok minsan ang confidence ko na gusto kong magpost/magstory sa IG, todo hanap pa ng mga magandang quotes and everything... Kapag andun na sa 'Share,' nabackout na lang ako. Nasa isip ko "Bakit ko to ipopost?" "Ano ba pake nila saken?" "Ano kaya sasabihin nila rito?" Ganuuuuunnn I hate that.

At honestly, gaya nga ng sabi ko kanina, nagka confidence lang ako nung nakasama ko 3 lukarit. At konting praises and everything ng friends at classmates. Simula nung nagkasama kami, nakapaggawa ako ng art account ko sa IG kasi nakikita ko sa kanila na ginagawa nila gusto nila. After thesis lang ako nagkaron ng art account... Si A magaling mag edit ng vids and aesthetic, Si L magaling magcompose at kumanta, Si D magaling magluto, and everyone knows that. Ako ba, ano bang alam ng iba sa akin.

Yan naisip ko rin to why I started that account kaya sobra sobra ako magpopost don ng ginagawa ko sa buhay. ALTHOUGH hindi pa rin alam ng lahat na may ganun ako and hindi ko balak na ipaalam purposely sa kanila. If they like my art kung mapadaan sila sa account na yon, then follow me. Kasi I'm bothered na halos araw aeaw ako nagpo post, baka makulitan sakin at may kung anong masabi pa. Sobrang overthink ga. Ganern. Hadya nako nagkaron ng followers don and I'm proud din kasi di ko sila kilala so baka nagustuhan nila ang ginagawa ko. although yung iba support accounts but yeah hilahan lang to pataas. They support me and ako rin sa mga art accounts.

Nalaman ko na lang din ang pagsusulat at pagdo drawing nung 3rd year HS ako dahil ng aking bestfriend. Though ang dami ko pa nasulat non bago dumami ang views. Syempre pag nagpost ka ng art mo, eexpect mo madaming magkakagusto non, pero nuong HS, pinost ko na sa lahat ng sites na alam ko, wala pa rin. But andun na yon e, so hayaan ko na lang, kung sino makapansin, happy reading lang ganern. Naboost lang din non confidence ko sa pagsusulat after 4 yrs na nakapost sa wattpad yon, madaming viewers and comments, pero busy busyhan na nung College, hindi nako nakakagawa ng magandang istorya katulad non. Parang shet, nangalawang nako, so nag poem na lang ako. At tsaka rants. 🤣

So ngayon, bago ko sinimulang sulatin tong blog na ito, inisip ko kung bakit ako ganito. Like kung dahil ng environment or what. I know malaking parte yung confidence ko so ako ang rason kung bakit ako ganto. But I tried to look at my parents at yung kinalakhan ko hanggang HS na they never really had complimented me. I mean i know na better yon kesa sa fake support and smile di ba /pertains to HS classmates/ But sa isip ko, ang laking impact nung sa parents ko. I know hindi expressive parents ko tas si Papa nasa abroad. So I take on my mom, ni isa naman saming magkakapatid wala syang binigyan ng "praise." BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG, kaya yan naka air-quote ay dahil alam ko naman sa sarili ko na proud sya saming lahat and I don't really have a big problem with that. Ganun sya eh, at naging ganun din ako. I rarely compliment a person. Kasi iisipin ko, pagkatapos ko sya icompliment, ano sunod kong sasabihin. 🤣🤣

What bothered me dati sa mga relatives ko ay "Sayang chuchuchu." "Sayang gandang babae di nagsho shorts." "Sayang katangkad haba ng legs di nagshoshorts." At ngayon napapatawa na lang ako dahil ng mga sayang na yan. Ang dami ko kayang stretch marks non sa tuhod (dahil ng pantal na allergies) tas ang itim pa ng tuhod ko, kaya di rin ako naniwala. Tsaka if magshort ako, jusko pupunahin na ng buong kamag anakan ko at himalang nagshorts ako. Nang aamboy ganun, kaya never never ako nagshorts hanggang makatapos ng HS, hanggang pedal lang ako.

And siguro dahil nakalakhan ko na rin na si Ate yung nape praise, then pagdating sakin, joke na. "Yun si Ate Top 1, quizzer, Valedictorian." Pagdating sakin "Yan si M tomboy, chess lang ki-chess, are panuorin mo tong anime na are" So don nagsisimula ang kwentuhan at jokes /like everytime na may get together./ But I didn't take it in a bad way kasi may honor din ako nung elem days. And alam ko rin kung ano kaya kong gawin, magaling akong magchinese garter nong elem, maayos nako magdrawing at sumulat nung HS, mas umayos akong magdrawing nung College, tsaka magrant CHAR. GANERN. Ganon ko lang kino compare sarili ko until now. Magaling sya sa ganto, at least magaling ako sa ganto. So I do my own business lang ganern.

So I do think na I have confidence sa sarili ko, na hindi ako mas mababa sa kanila, kumbaga ibang kategorya lang ako, the problem is, hindi ko kaya ilabas yung confidence na yon nang ako lang. i just do that for academic reasons but when pertaining to my own art and myself, talo ako dyan.

Tsaka siguro maiisip din ng iba, buti ka nga, may alam kang gawin, matalino ganto ganyan. Pero yun na nga, matalino nga ako, madaming drawings, madaming published stories, pero bakit wala pa ring confidence. I invested so much on these things, sobrang hirap na ikimkim nang ganito yung art ko na gusto ko nakikita at naaappreciate rin ng iba. Sobrang hirap na feel ko ang ganda ko ngayong araw, feel ko ang ganda ko sa picture na to pero di ko maishare kasi takot ako sa sasabihin ng iba. So please don't think na buti pa ako, don't say "Ikaw na magaling. Ikaw na ang madaming alam. Ikaw na ang madaming kayang gawin," /yup may nagsabi na sa akin nyan./ Have confidence? I've been trying to have that since the time I realized the things that I can do. And it's hard.

___

P.S.

I'm still trying. I'm not closed to improving myself. And again, this is a rant.

And (6)STINSA po ito sadya kasi I have the (5) STINSA that I can't or won't(?) publish.

- ERI

[nanashi1869]

Shinsengumi, an impression summary:

aka have my long ass wall of text and let’s see how many of these things we all agree upon, eh??

WHICH OF THESE STOOD OUT TO YOU GUYS?

1. Ryoma and boats, Sakuma has great life advice, Gargoyle and Tofu, champagne caps, can’t believe all those men just hung out together like they do it on a daily basis,  Kat-chan being slapped in the face bc Toshi is too good looking. 

6. Who needs that many eggs for pancakes???, pantomime explanation scene, Hijikata needs to tone down his womanizing urges.

29. Someone make Kusaka stop crying poor man ft. good looks and #hairgoals, literally everyone told you not to do it though.

32. Don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it, Souji’s fencing isn’t perfect? O.o

33. I know just what you mean by tired, so much door closing, refusing advice, selfishly making other people do your job via promises, flowers and pretending, you truly are gullible and a fool and I bet you regret it even if you deny that, omg Yamazaki yes thank you, Hijikata squeaks when he cries (I’m sorry but I couldn't take this scene seriously due to that), bawling my eyes out.

38. Its a freaking book you didn’t have to go this far jesus christ, its like a miniature war, friendly reminders that there are no exceptions ft. post office issues.  

42. Totally called that wall scroll was gonna get bloody.

43. Ito is good looking fight me about it, chill dinner ft. we gotta be dumb and not see we are not reasonable for disagreeing with the commander + Ito is badass but he should serioulsy not just ignore people with weapons aka so much effort went into the trash, Heisuke why r u so stubborn, (group responsible for killing Ito is group responsible for Takeda right?)

45. Gen-san is precious (and should have been protected at all costs), Shuhei get your shit toghether already ft. that CGI tho. 48. Dont leave dammit just stay there and hug forever, champagne caps, - aaand of course Kano is the one they call, so much for all that book advantage bullshit and trash efforts (it was nice of Kat-chan to expose himself for him though, so Kano wouldn’t feel guilty).

49. Hijikata crying and Kaishu and his “can you do me a favour” suicidal ideas and “Kat-chan is the scapegoat” speech, Suteske you moron, everyone cheering is so sweet, Kat-chan/Toshi, god dammit my soul.

Movie - mixing up Tetsu and Souma, shimada freaking out, (wait Hijikata was late at the start because he went to pay her? Always the ladies man I see), as expected only one person considers the possibility that there is no confirmed strongest living thing ft. no fuck that philosophy its still gotta be a nue, Hijikata is still sad and crying again, Katamori kept the coat :D, don’t just cut up other peoples clothes, Enomoto is too chill for his position, food talk (ft. lots of cheese and wine like some gourmet fanatsy), Ootori hiding under a table, fight to live my ass don’t try to flatter yourself with such obvious irony we all know how this ends, Toshi/Kat-chan, Ootori table flip rage moment, how long does it take for Tetsu to get to the beach!? (Aka how to regret your entire life and decisions more than five times in roughly 24 hours) #KONHIJICONFIRMED

Random/non episodic:

- poor petition guy

- I like Katamori’s coat

- Saito and his “gangster job”

- Kamo could be a good person if he could get over his “bad person complex” issue

- Telling Katamori the handprint is fake

- Yamazaki and his reaction time (who the fuck acts so slowly he could have dodged) PS: who the fuck asks a dying injured man for a fucking blanket what kind of useless child are you!? Is he your nanny!?

- Message conveying via dusters

- Hijikata’s marketing skills

- Im pretty sure candle wax isn’t that dangerous, even if its used that way????

- We are finally retainers hug moment

- Ryoma, business and handshaking

- Saito and the flag

- Just because your promise is (somehow) suddenly not active anymore doesn’t mean you can just leave ft. Sano and Shin ignoring what I just said

- Philosophies and good political ideas of “we need to be ‘friends’ w/ the foreigners” ft. bashing someone for keeping a champagne cap WTF

- Niimi should have seen it coming he’s not that stupid, naive maybe?, hopeful for a new start?, as expected Hijikata is an ass to people

- So many rooms with pine tree backgrounds like were supposed to go through all of the Chushingura stuff again lmao

- Matsumoto and his political speeches ft. “subtext western medicine advertising”

- Takeda and forever trying to be useful ft. life sucks if ur short & depressed

- we are farmers so for the difference of these city morons we can tell when it’s going to rain

- Toshi singing

- Bird poem is apparently an actual Hogyoku piece of work?

- Souji yelling at people (mostly Shuhei) because he’s useless and depressed and needs to pretend others are not working hard enough to convince himself he is still valuable

- Hijikata and avoiding marriage 

- Toshi knowing well enough to ask an expert when he’s suspicious of people’s clothing excuses aka “not whether or not your sleeves are bloody but what shade they are”

- Serizwa = fire hazard

- a duck on the roof

- the broomstick 

[cherryberryblossoms]

My Shivering Moment

About last night, or should I say, in the middle of the night past 12am... I was trying to study for my IELTS academic exam but I feel so distracted. In the sense that I haven’t have any focus at all for the past few days. It’s really difficult to concentrate on a certain topic esp. reading is so boring now adays... It feels like, my brain is draining whenever I analyse questions after taking the 2 board exams.

Going back to the main topic, so here’s the thing, out of boredom, I dressed-up and put make up on( hmmm, just a light make-up). Take Note: in the middle of the night👌🏻 Duhhh! Which suppostedly i’m going to take shower at that time but I was hooked to the New App Pitu. I found out that the camera resolution and filters are too good 😉 better that Camera360😄🤣😂 So here is it, I don’t know why I have the nerve to post on Ig with a caption,” I love myself” ( Insomniac be like) With P. S. DON’t mind the caption... hahaha! I never expect him to liked it first... omgoshhh! my heart, my heart ❤️

At this point, I’m still going to change the privacy into specific person or maybe Only Me. Never thought that he was onlined that time. Even if I have the intention to put some of my ugly and wacky faces somehow for a change!!! hahaha! yeah, after controlling myself not to post anything on my wall for 1 day... Just for 1 day... and I’m happy that I made it...

On the lighter note, after seing that thumbs up button, Omgeee! I was like! Omgeee! Shivering! having chills! I don’t know!!! My adrenalin booster suddenly leveled up! I could’t control myself... my involuntary muscles started to shake. My heart is beating so fast! I could say that, one of the best feeling ever... So, I’m in love ❤️❤️❤️😍 grabe, how much more pag nagkita kami,,, oh, Lord! My cousin should be at my back otherwise, I will collapse!!!

Let’s go to the most interesting yet annoying part,

since I don’t want to ignore the chance of having the connection at that very moment, I sent him a simple yet cool message. It goes this way, “ei, thanks sa pag- like. Wazzz up?!”. Then he replied so fast, ( and my ❤️ , my heart is jumping again, with continuous chills and shivering) He said, “Ok lang, not feeling good”... Aha! may pinagdadaanan ang lolo mo, and syempre, ako naman, ni super boring and always ready to chat, i never let any single moment not to show a small amount of care ... just a hint lang ba... but not too caring bka magmukha akong needy...(lesson learned) well, I replied back,” oh, bakit?” and still can’t wait for the reply, “homesickness?”, followed by “anyway, i- rest mo na lng yan! “

Huhh! mukhang tanga lang, concern pa nmn ako di man lang binasa... kaloka! seen zone. So, annoying, i should limit my message next time. I feel bad kung di man lng niya reply or seen... hahaha ! Ooops! Never assume, or feelingera! Wag ganun! I have to remind myself over and over again na wag masyado ma- attached. Lord please take care of my heart. Okay na ako Lord sa onting kilig moment... kahit papaano, ang sarap pa din ma- in love at kiligin._Ayeeeh!. ❤️❤️❤️Ang sarap yung feeling na yung heart mo na -stimulate ulit and it boost my motivation na magpapayat!!! Toinks!!!Honestly, pag ako’y pumapayat, it’s either intentionally or in love!!! ganoin’ yun😝🤣😂😆

I therefore conclude na, wala na iba pang sasaya at sasarap sa mundong ito kundi ang magmahal ng tunay at damhin ang pagmamahal na yun ng walang anuman kapalit. Treasure that moment pero take note of the risk na masakit din ang consequences pag nabigo😆😂🤣 Anyway, just feel the kilig... that’s well enough,tho!!! Behave na Cherry, behave na !!!

[upsettiespaghetti-blog]

I'm trying to get all my ugliness out. All my judgement and lies, everything that isn't the truth I am ignorant, uneducated, and unwilling to listen but somehow I'm willing to learn which is hard since I don't trust anyone but myself but I don't even like myself most of the time i either hate me or love me and usually it's hate and like I come across as so self centered but I was by myself for so long I just idk i don't fuckin know dude I don't get Ito i give people the wrong advice and false information without meaning to I've got a lot of wool over my eyes I was caught up in a mess my parents were trying to get me to avoid but they hurt me and now I understand the crowd I've joined because of it and I say things about my abuse that are hurtful and triggering without meaning to Ime just trying to figure out what happened to me so I'm asking people who went through similar things but it hurts them to remember so they get really uncomfortable also cause it just spills out its always overflowing all the time I'm always thinking about it so I just spill it all out and I do it in such a childish way I'm just a sweet little girl trying to act tough when in reality I sound like a chipmunk and I'm tiny I'm so behind on everything I don't know how to act or what everyone else knows I just know the basics so god I sound like an idiot because I can't use big words I sound so stupid but I'm just a baby I've got to learn and I know I'm really smart and God god god I wonder if God is still here or if that religious abuse was actually the Right Way I know it's not but I can't stop wondering what if I'm being sinful by being myself I want to help everyone but I do it in the wrong way I mean I still help them to understand themselves but it's through my mistakes and I want to be nurturing and wise not the dummy I don't want to be stupid I want to help through kind words and comfort I love people so much I don't mean to harm them or our relationships my heart hurts so badly but it feels nice to get it out I need it to come out all at once I really do It hurts so much and I don't want to hurt anyone else because of it I keep wondering if maybe I don't really have ptsd or bpd but it's so obvious that I do but I don't want to have it and mom always said nothing was wrong with me so I'm really confused and I keep using words like really instead of big words and I talk so fast that there's no room for anything else I am completely focused on just trying to get it over with and get away from people I love people so much tho god I sound really messed up I know everyone knew I was I think maybe they assumed I was just weird before and now that I'm opening up they realize I'm dorky and traumatized I ignore everyone's messages because there's so much going on in my head I can't find the right words to say I'm trying my very best but I need to stop trying and start doing I need to let it out but there's so many obstacles and I know it's going to be a while before I recover but goddamn I over analyze and over think everything all the time like I know I'm copying characteristics but I wonder if I'm copying trauma too I'm so scared that I really am lying but I know I can't be because of the flashbacks goddammit goddammit I CUSS SO much bc I think it's normal but really it's not I was just conditioned to think that way and I'm scared I'm projecting onto my friends who are in similar situations or maybe I've just had one of the things that happened to them happen to me it's really hard to keep my own voice and mannerisms and when I'm not copying someone I'm just a baby goddamamamamitttt I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs so super really bad so I can get it all out cause I'm really trying to enjoy myself and my friends here gosh