#they lead such high profile lives that every bit of peace and privacy must feel precious | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gastricpierrot · 8 years

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Title: Flowers of Eden

Series: Tokyo Ghoul

Pairing: HideKane

Rating: T

Summary: They were children born of a mixed set of parents: one human, one ghoul. Raised and trained in the Sunlit Garden, they possessed strength that far surpassed that of normal people, as well as a lifespan that’s significantly shorter. Vibrant flowers that bloomed quick and wilted even quicker, if you must.

And among them were a certain half-ghoul and his half-human best friend; one who wanted freedom, and one who wanted to spark a revolution.

[Based on the Sunlit Garden HCs i posted really long ago]

Warning: contains slightly heavy themes

[Previous Chapter]

Also available on AO3

Hide twists a lock of hair between his fingers as he watches the news broadcast on the café television, now no longer as upset over how brittle it feels after having it bleached.

It’s been a month since they pulled off their escape from the Garden, and while he’s sure they’re still being hunted down like convicts on the loose, it’s been relatively peaceful so far. The CCG and Garden can’t exactly make a big issue out of finding them without raising some suspicions, and it’s not like they have the manpower to spare to carry out a nationwide search for two teenagers who look like any other out there. It’s all been taken into consideration when Hide was making his plans. There’s a reason why the first half-ghoul from the Garden hasn’t been found, and he knew how to exploit it.

Though really, there’s probably no need for him to go the extra mile to bleach his hair when he had it tidied up not long after things began quieting down and they could relax a little. His original brown hair would’ve made him less conspicuous in public, after all. Maybe he was just feeling a bit careless deep down, he didn’t know. Besides, bleached hair doesn’t seem to be the rarest thing around these days. Even he wants to do some things for himself sometimes.

“Hey, do you think ghouls really exist?” he hears the high-school student behind him whisper to his friend upon hearing the mention of an attack in the neighbouring Ward on the news. And do they, Hide finds himself musing as he gulps down the rest of his cappuccino before bringing the cup to the back of the store to clean it. He exchanges a quick greeting with the café manager when he later sees him outside, telling him he’ll be right down for his shift as soon as he gets changed.

The manager of Anteiku has done heaps aiding their escape from the Garden. An aged man by the name of Yoshimura, he’s the acquaintance Arima mentioned who would be able to hide them and keep them safe from the grasps of the CCG and the people actually behind the Garden—a mysterious organization called V. They’d miraculously managed to find the place where they were supposed to meet him in the sewers after what seemed to be an eternity of doubts and guesses once they realized they missed a turn at one point in the heat of excitement. Hide swears he’s never going back down there ever unless his or Kaneki’s life heavily depend on it. He’s never feared the dark as much as he had then.

Yoshimura had lead them through some doors, stairs, and more tunnels that seem to span kilometres upon kilometres. Then finally, just as Hide’s about to fail in suppressing a complaint, they stopped before a steel ladder not unlike many they’d already passed without as much as a glance. They climbed out of a hatch to find themselves in an empty giant warehouse of sorts, their footsteps echoing painfully loud throughout the silence.

They waited there for a few hours more until the sun set, Yoshimura offering them some food which they surprisingly had the appetite to scarf down despite all the adrenaline in the mean time. There was a long, long while of quietness; with the exhaustion gradually setting in, Yoshimura’s care to respect their privacy, and the inappropriateness of their location to discuss the one thing that’s no doubt weighing on Kaneki’s mind ever since Furuta opened his big mouth.

Hide had planned to tell him some time after their escape, don’t get him wrong. Okay—maybe still not the part about him having the compatibility to receive his kakuhou, but he was going to tell him about how he’s pretty much going to remain healthy for at least another five years. Furuta’s timing only made a huge mess and if Hide isn’t so intent in breaking all connections he has to the Garden he’d waltz right back in just to smack that shitty smirk of his face. And to think someone like him is going to leave that place one day to become a full-fledged Ghoul Investigator; what a load of bull. He figures he’d be the first to leave Tokyo if staying means having his personal safety placed under the responsibility of someone like Furuta had he been a normal civilian.

At any rate, they were later driven somewhere even further away by a middle-aged guy Yoshimura simply introduced as Yomo, and it’s only after a car ride that lasted half the night that they reached the café that would from then serve as their refuge. As embarrassing as it was, Hide barely had the energy left to ask questions at that point. They’d come this far anyway; it’s already too late to doubt the old man. All he needed was Yoshimura’s assurance that they’ll be safe there, and he’d conked out the moment his head touched the mattress of the bed assigned to them.

They’ve been there ever since, making the guest rooms above Anteiku their home. They kept a low profile for the first two weeks, only going down to help out before and after opening hours to stretch their legs by the end of the second week. They wore disguises when they finally dared leave to explore the streets; opting for masks and hats that are fortunately not bound to be out of fashion soon. And even then they could not always shake the feeling that they’re being watched or followed by undercover V agents commanded to track them down. Common sense told Hide that blending in was the best option they have, but paranoia told him otherwise. Every person who stared at them a moment longer made their hearts race, every trip back to Yoshimura’s place involved taking wild detours above low buildings and over wire fences. It took a bit of work for them to finally let their guard down enough to not feel like every venture outside was like threading on thin ice.

Kaneki’s already in uniform by the time Hide enters the room they shared, glancing away from the mirror in the middle of adjusting his collar when he hears him. It’s just recently that one of Yoshimura’s employees—a nice young lady called Irimi—suggested for them to work evening shifts at Anteiku. That way, they can pass time easier and earn some extra pocket money (and not freeload!) while minimizing suspicion from their customers. It’s apparently rather common for students their age to be working part time jobs after school despite it being banned by most educational institutions.

Needless to say, it’s been quite a ride since they started the job. They’ve been meeting new people, learning new things. Experiencing a life that doesn’t merely involve fighting and bloodshed.

“You’ve got a cowlick at the back of your head, Kaneki,” Hide points out with amusement as he closes the door behind him. His smile widens when Kaneki responds with a defeated sigh.

“I know, I’ve been trying to get rid of it for almost thirty minutes,” he laments, reaching to pat his hand over the offending lock of hair. “Maybe I shouldn’t have sat like that for so long after all.”

“Oh, don’t worry—I’m sure the ladies would still find you cute!” Hide assures with a chuckle, pulling on his work pants. His heart flutters when he sees the reddish tint dusting across Kaneki’s cheeks.

“T-That’s not the issue here,” Kaneki protests, not meeting his eyes as he walks past him and towards the door. “It’s only proper work etiquette to look tidy during shifts to preserve the image of the workplace and—“

“No offense, Kaneki, but,” Hide interrupts, glancing over his shoulder while he shrugs on a fresh shirt, “you don’t happen to have a thing against being seen as cute by girls, do you?”

“Just hurry up before you’re late, Hide!” And Kaneki leaves.

Hide exhales, another smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It’s been interesting, watching the slow changes in Kaneki’s demeanour ever since they ran away. It hadn’t been easy for him to accept that they’ve thrown away Hide’s only chance of extending his lifespan, even with all of Hide’s reasoning. In fact, Kaneki still hasn’t, not completely. He doesn’t think he ever will. Kaneki’s been aware of the price the half-human children of the Garden have to pay for their strength since day one, but knowing he’s done something that’s prevented Hide from changing his fate seems to have triggered a whole new wave of guilt and paranoia. There are still nights when Hide would be startled awake by his best friend’s insistent shakes of his shoulders because he’s suddenly seized by the irrational fear that he’ll no longer open his eyes. There are still times when Kaneki looks at him as though he might disappear at any moment.

Hide will die young. That’s a fact that can no longer be changed. But he intends to make sure that even after he leaves, Kaneki won’t be alone. That Kaneki would have the support and reason to keep living even after he’s gone. Staying and working here at Anteiku seems to be an effective step forward; he can see that Kaneki genuinely enjoys himself in his job, despite how subtly he shows it. He’s a fast learner so the blunders from his first day he’d been anxious about never did make a reappearance. He’s gotten really good at latte art and brewing coffee as well. Even the air he carries around him is slightly different when he’s working.

Perhaps the knowledge of Anteiku being a place of sanctuary to so many others plays a part in this gradual change. Kaneki had gripped Hide’s hand tight the moment they entered Yomo’s car the other day, apparently detecting a scent Hide hardly noticed. And blood, Kaneki had mouthed at him when all he did in response was blink in confusion. The car smelled like blood. Yoshimura did not miss as much as a beat then, telling them straight off that that’s indeed the smell of blood because of an accident with a corpse once.

Besides them, Anteiku is also a sanctuary for ghouls.

More specifically, it’s a place for ghouls who are peaceful, who are either unwilling or unable to hunt for themselves. Apart from being a café where both humans and ghouls mingle, it’s also a place that provides the latter with the flesh of corpses collected from a popular suicide site at the outskirts of town. Twice every week, someone from Anteiku would drive the very same car Yomo used to transport freshly collected dead bodies, Yoshimura told them. It’s because there’s a place like Anteiku that the 20th Ward in Tokyo is one of the most quiet ones out there when it comes to violent ghoul activity.

It… wasn’t exactly easy to digest at first. Despite their recently uncertainties, the belief that all ghouls are monsters that should be eradicated is still deeply ingrained into their mentality. Being there among possibly so many who are unaggressive, who are willing to feed only on humans who’ve given up on their own lives—it certainly gives one a whole new perspective. While Hide has personally never really thought of orders as being anything beyond orders, let alone whether or not they’re mistakes, he knows Kaneki’s different. He’s prone to being influenced by what he finds right or wrong; a trait of his that’s brought forth enough complications for himself despite giving him a certain compassion Hide lacks towards anyone apart from his best friend. Kaneki spoke of making changes when they talked about their escape. If there’s a place to start on it, Anteiku might just be the best one.

Hide can’t help wondering how much of Kaneki’s legacy he’ll be able to see him build while he’s still around.

He finishes fixing the buttons of his sleeves, and makes his way downstairs for another evening of work.

xXx

If he had a choice between living in constant pain or in constant fear, Kaneki thinks he might actually go for the former.

The stress of it all is almost impossible to bear. Going outside eventually stopped being an issue; he no longer had to spend fifteen minutes steeling himself before walking out into the streets and no longer jolted at every contact he makes with strangers or poles or walls. Suspicious individuals have stopped visiting Anteiku and they’ve stopped needing to make quick escapes through their room window on the second floor. Taking adventurous detours on the way back feels more like a habit than a precaution now. In fact, he’s even warming up to some regulars at the café; being able to exchange a word or two of conversation with them as he takes their orders.

It’s the fear and guilt towards Hide’s impending death that’s really gnawing at him.

Kaneki spends almost every night haunted by thoughts of finding Hide lying cold and still beside him the next morning and knowing he’s half at fault that he’s going to lose his closest friend. Even though deep down he too, knows that a surgery with only a fifty percent success rate is a big gamble and that Hide’s decision makes much more sense that it seemed to him initially. If Hide leaves him in this all-new world they’ve found together, Kaneki honestly doesn’t know what he’ll do. It’s too scary to imagine. It’s too scary to imagine a world without Hide.

It gets so terrible on some nights that it’s hard to even breathe. He would try and try and try his best to fight it, to not let panic overwhelm him and send him into shaking, gasping fits by curling into a ball, digging his nails into his palms, biting his lip. But he’d still end up waking him because it’s too much; he had to make sure. Though Hide, being Hide, would never complain as he helps soothe him with his assuring voice and soft touches. Sometimes they’d simply end up staying awake in silence for the rest of the night, each other’s company being all they need. Sometimes Hide would let him press his ear against his chest once he’s calmed down enough to breathe properly so he could listen to the steady badump, badump, badump of his heart. It’s okay, he’s alive. He’ll be here, he’s not going anywhere.

And as the shadows under his eyes grew more and more prominent, Kaneki had something new to hate himself over.

At least he’s too occupied during daytimes to dwell as much upon the matter as he does at night. He spends his mornings either napping lightly to attempt making up for fitful nights, reading the Manager’s vast collection of books he’s free to borrow, helping in the kitchen of the café, or simply wandering around the area with Hide. It’s a huge contrast to their lives back in the Garden, not having to adhere to a strict schedule that barely grants them time for themselves. Besides reading (which, was a given), Kaneki finds himself enjoying his walks outside with Hide the most. They would occasionally go further into town to admire creative shop facades and peer through display windows, sometimes even deciding to spend a bit of their salary on foods they’ve never seen before. Kaneki especially loves watching Hide as he gets excited over new things; the way his eyes sparkle and his features light up at beautifully decorated cakes, articles of clothing that suit his aesthetics, or even when he hears a song he particularly likes. Even with the exhaustion from countless sleepless nights, he seems more radiant now that he’s away from constant surveillance. There’s no longer a need for him to think about what implications every action might bring.

Kaneki can’t help wondering how many more of such faces would he be able to see if the current human-ghoul conflict could ever be solved, if peaceful coexistence could ever be achieved. How many others are there out there who would give anything just to be given the chance they have then? How many children are begging their guardians in vain to stay a bit longer just to have a better look at the toys they’d seen from windows? How many teens and adults have grown up with barely a chance to be so carefree because they’re unwillingly involved with CCG’s targets or are targets themselves?

Coexistence… huh? Perhaps this is also what Arima quietly wanted when he decided to help them. If there’d been no need to fight, the Garden and its children would not have to exist. Not every problem in the world will be solved, but the main one in theirs would, to the very least. And that’s enough. That should be enough to repay him for everything he’s risked and done for them.

“Kaneki!”

Kaneki looks up to see Hide hurrying towards him, a paper bag in his arms and a smile on his face. He waits as Hide then stops to dig into the bag, fishing out a loosely wrapped piece of fish-shaped pastry. Taiyaki, the menu behind the counter labels it. It smells wonderful.

“Is it worth the long queue?” Hide asks, watching him take his first bite, eyes wide and bright with anticipation. Kaneki chews slowly, savouring the complimenting taste of cooked batter and sweet red bean paste before swallowing. It tastes like nothing he’s ever had before. With a smile of his own, he nods to his best friend’s question.

And then Hide just proceeds to take a huge bite out of his own piece of taiyaki, apparently completely forgetting that it’s fresh off the stove and immediately burning his tongue. That doesn’t seem to upset him too much though, with the suspicious upturn of the corner of his lips when Kaneki frets over him. Despite his efforts, Kaneki isn’t able to stamp down his own tingle of amusement that follows a bloom of pleasant warmth in his heart. Some things just don’t change, do they?

“Let’s go to that place with crepes next, Kaneki!” Hide suggests once he’s able to finish unceremoniously wolfing down the rest of his food, already tugging at his sleeve with his free hand. Kaneki breathes a soft, fond sigh.

“We won’t be able to eat dinner at this rate, Hide,” he tries to reason even though he makes no attempt to stop him. Hide merely grins at him over his shoulder.

“That’s the whole point!” he says cheerily, marching straight on. “When’s the last time we skipped a meal because we had too many snacks?”

It’d be great if days like this wouldn’t come to an end, wouldn’t it?

xXx

Time slips by without them noticing, eventually.

Days turn to months, and months turn to years. All in a new, comfortable schedule. Sleep, rise, eat, read, talk, work, repeat. Amongst their continual schedules, they talk. Over a lot of things: the prospect of moving out, entering college, finding more substantial jobs in the future. And in Kaneki’s case, of what they can do to bring changes. Discussing about the last one seems to help reduce the occurrence of Kaneki’s nightly attacks a bit, Hide eventually comes to notice. Or perhaps time has helped as well, by slowly convincing him that he’ll live yet another day. At any rate, having a goal to work toward keeps Kaneki distracted enough to occasionally forget about Hide’s unavoidable short life, enough to grant him more hours of uninterrupted sleep.

It helps Hide forget, too.

A few months after they began staying under Yoshimura’s roof, they managed to obtain faux identities through the café manager’s many connections. They were allowed to pick their own names before that, and while having the proper documents would no doubt open a lot of doors for them, it was still a pretty depressing process. With each stroke to complete the characters of their chosen names on paper, they’re erasing more and more of who they were, who they have been for the past fifteen years. Once everything has settled, they would no longer be Kaneki Ken and Nagachika Hideyoshi except to each other and the records of a far-off facility. Once everything has settled, they’d have discarded their unknown identities for another, for the future.

Five years have passed since then. They’re twenty years old now, and fortunately still free from the clutches of V and the CCG. From the looks of it, they should probably have given up on them by now. Hide sure hopes so. If he comes this far just to be abducted in some alley and dragged back to the Garden, he might blow a fuse. He doesn’t blame them for being persistent—but to this degree? Even the search for the previous half-ghoul child didn’t last this long. They shouldn’t have the budget and manpower to keep it up for so many years, Hide’s confident. He’s told himself that over and over and over.

But the anxiety of being recognized persists. It takes too little for their lives to be turned upside down once more; a stranger with a good memory who swears they’d seen them somewhere before, a researcher who happens to bump into them on his day off in the 20th Ward, a child from the Garden who’s grown old enough to officially leave the place and join a squad coincidentally based in the town where they’re at. Hide has considered moving even further away to another prefecture once they’ve saved up enough, but with what Kaneki’s planning to do, it doesn’t seem to be possible for at least another five-six years. And if Kaneki isn’t leaving, then neither is he.

So they stay, only going as far as moving out into a modest apartment a bit away from Anteiku. It marks the beginning and also the end of a few things. Now that Kaneki has learnt and seen enough to have a good grasp of how the ghoul and human worlds interact, and now that whatever they do will not likely be traced back into the safe havens of Yoshimura’s café, Kaneki’s decided to take action. To begin earning himself a voice, a name, a reputation. To make the changes he’s longed to make in order to finally repay the debt he thinks he owes to the CCG’s current God of Death.

It’s a treacherous path that will involve the violence they’d so ran away from the first time. Kaneki would have to prove his strength, prove that he’s someone worth listening to. And for that he’d have to abandon the peaceful days they’d so desperately obtained and fight.

Of course, “fight” does not mean just plain brainless brawling—both Hide and Kaneki are pretty confident in their intelligence to fight intellectually as well. There’ll be lots of negotiations with other parties, lots of other ways to compel others to consider their wishes. What Kaneki intends to do isn’t a full-blown revolution, but to simply spark one because they know such drastic changes in society might take decades, even generations. Hide honestly didn’t expect the stubborn Kaneki to take heed of his words, but he seems to have eventually accepted that there’s only so much they can do as who they are, as two runaway hybrid children from the Sunlit Garden.

But they’ll do whatever they can, they best they can.

The first time Hide sets foot into the CCG’s branch office in the 20th Ward, it takes all his focus to keep his knees from buckling with the shivering of his legs. The only base he has to the assumption that there’s no record of him as a Garden escapee is the knowledge that the Sunlit Garden is a top secret project not many should know about. The CCG staff might’ve heard about it through the few graduates assigned to branches here and there, but they shouldn’t know who are the individuals raised in the institution itself. Besides, Hide’s name and appearance has changed over the years. He shouldn’t be that easily recognized anymore.

He really hopes he isn’t that easily recognized.

Information is the one of the strongest weapons one can have, they were reminded by a certain bartender once, and Hide can’t deny that. Once you obtain sufficient facts, there’s an abundance of ways you can use them to your advantage; be it to manipulate, to blackmail, or to withhold and trade. With information comes power, which is why Hide has came to a final decision to saunter back into the midst of the CCG as a part-timer. People tend to let their guard down in their own workplaces, so he figured it’d be a good place to start gathering information from chatty (or drunk, if he could get close enough) employees. They mustn’t rush this. Everything starts from the bottom, they just have to persist in climbing their way up.

In the mean time, Kaneki pursues the coarser route; that is going around finding and meeting ghoul leaders in neighbouring Wards. He’s strong, Hide doesn’t doubt, but he still can’t help but worry every morning they part ways to carry out their own part of the mission they’ve both decided to uptake. Ghouls commonly respect strength, but even a half-ghoul trained in the Garden might not be match for a full-fledged ghoul who’s spent at least a decade or two fighting to earn and maintain the title of a leader when it comes to it. Which is why it’s important for Kaneki to find allies first; peaceful and influential ghoul groups — like the Tsukiyama family—if they could before they begin moving on to ones that are more difficult to handle.

It’s almost ironic, how what Hide always thought as Kaneki’s biggest curse has now turned out to be his biggest asset. No one would bother listening to a random kid waltzing into their territory and suggesting a cooperation to bring coexistence. But Kaneki isn’t simply a “random kid”. He’s a one-eyed ghoul.

And a legend among ghouls says a one-eyed “King” will bring forth a revolution.

Really, it starts sounding as if they’re part of this dramatic young adult novel at some point, much to Hide’s bemusement. Only sadly, it’s all very real, as are the risks they both face daily. That’s one thing neither of them can forget.

“I swear, if you leave before me,” Hide says one night as he squeezes Kaneki’s hands between his own, his gaze darting from the startling strands of white in the other boy’s hair to the knit on his brow before finally settling on those grey, grey eyes, “I’ll never forgive you, Kaneki. I’ll even drag you back from the River myself if I have to!”

The conversation is what followed a sombre recollection of a fight Kaneki barely won earlier in the day, one that gained him all but some grudging support from a gang in the 16th Ward. Being injured to the point where even his regeneration almost couldn’t fix him, Kaneki’s extremely fortunate to not have gone alone this time. Even after eating some human meat from Anteiku, Kaneki still sports bandages along his arms and torso. Hide once thought he’d be prepared to see his best friend in this state, knowing the nature of his efforts towards his goals. He’s never been this mistaken.

“I won’t, Hide,” Kaneki promises gently, though Hide seems to hear a quaver of…something beneath his calm tone. “I’m sorry for making you worry.”

Hide heaves a loud, heavy sigh. He releases his hands to trail his fingers across Kaneki’s arm. “Do they still hurt?”

Kaneki shakes his head. “I should be able to take them off next morning.”

“Alright. That’s great,” Hide huffs, letting his hand fall back to his side. He tries to stamp down his agitation, to calm the spike of fear he felt in his heart the second he found out how close to dying Kaneki had been—but it’s frustratingly difficult. Can they really keep this up? Can he really get used to letting the most important person of his world willingly expose himself to this kind of danger each day?

He notices the way Kaneki looks at him then; the underlying tentativeness and concern in his eyes. And then he remembers, and he realizes how unfair he must’ve sounded back there. Kaneki can still somewhat control the circumstances on whether he’ll live to see another day. Hide can’t. The fact that Kaneki might wake up or come home to find Hide’s body cold and motionless at any random day remains unchanged.

There are no signs, and that only makes the tension worse. As morbid as it is, at least they can both brace themselves for the end if Hide has signs of his health deteriorating and such. But there’s none. All they have is a ceaselessly daunting One Day. One Day where Hide would never open his eyes again.

“Ah, by the way, Kaneki,” Hide turns away, moving for his backpack on the floor. They mustn’t dwell on it, mustn’t dwell on it. “I think I found out something pretty interesting about something in the CCG today. Did you know that the RC detector gates are actually programmed to let certain people through?”

They won’t be able to continue otherwise.

xXx

They do forge on, regardless of the many hindrances that seem to insist getting in their way.

The alias “Eyepatch” gradually becomes more renowned across the Wards of Tokyo, with Kaneki’s efforts. The mysterious ghoul dressed in black from mask to shoes who appeared out of nowhere and yet still somehow managed to become chummy with the young heir to the Tsukiyama group, the healer ghoul Banjou from the 11th Ward and impossibly, even Shachi from the 6th Ward. Some say he’s a cheat, a liar because there’s no way a single ghoul no one’s heard of until then would be able to pull off the feats he had. Some say he’s just insanely strong and frighteningly intelligent. Some sought to join his cause. Some revered him. Some feared him.

Many saw him as a nuisance who’s only making things worse.

But with his reputation, they knew they would not stand a chance against him in combat. Not fairly, at least. So they tried looking for a weakness, a handful of them eventually managing to discover that Eyepatch might, in fact, have an Achilles heel in the form of a blond young man whom he seems to spend a lot of time with outside his ghoul life. They were often spotted together on the streets, shopping for groceries, and sometimes even just hanging around at a park.

They tried exploiting this, of course. Only there was a tiny issue: the blond guy rarely ever leaves the CCG branch building because he apparently works there as a pathetic part-timer. Sometimes he even tags along with Doves as they hurry out of the building with their Quinque at the ready, obviously heading towards a scene. And for those who do manage to time their assaults right in the end, they never did turn up again until a few days later; their corpses found to be marked with precise, fatal wounds too cleanly inflicted to be done by the natural form of kagune.

After the third time, Hide finally decided to just throw his stained clothes away instead of trying to wash them.

They both work hard, trying to form the bases for the seams that would hopefully one day close the century-long rift between ghouls and humans. Or, at the barest minimum, bases that would one day lead to actions bringing justice to people like themselves; children who were born into the world just to be used and discarded once they’ve reached their due date. While Kaneki does his thing with the ghouls, Hide charms and impresses his way into the heart of the CCG—still, through some miracle Kaneki didn’t know existed, remaining unidentified as a former orphan from the Sunlit Garden despite the incident with the RC detector gates the day he went to submit his application. He’s just recently been promoted from being a simple errand boy to an Investigator Assistant, and he’s been attracting the attention of one of the Commission’s most prominent investigators. With enough luck and time, they could gain another valuable ally.

“Aren’t you worried about your friend?” Banjou asks once as they sat together discussing a plan they were working on to go against the Madams, a group of rich, mostly antagonistic ghouls who have nothing better to do with their money than spend them on gory dismantling shows starring captured humans and fellow ghouls alike. “No offense, though.”

Kaneki shakes his head, catching himself restraining the fond, weary smile tugging at the corners of his lips at the mention of Hide from one of his ghoul comrades. He keeps his gaze trained on the scribbled-covered paper on the low table before him, trying to think as he talks. “Frankly, I think Hide’s got it worse when it comes to the worrying.”

“He must have a lot of faith in you, huh? To watch you go out doing all these crazy things every day and still trust that you’ll come back,” Banjou marvels, absently stroking his creatively shaved beard. This time, Kaneki does face him.

“Didn’t you hear him brag all about it the other day when you guys met? The things he’s doing aren’t all that less crazy,” Kaneki reminds him wryly. At that, Banjou frowns.

“Well, yeah, but still—“

“We get used to it, I suppose,” Kaneki says before he can finish, picking up a pencil to make some amendments to the part of their notes that suddenly caught his eye. With several sharp strokes, he crosses out “complete elimination” and jots down a “seeding??” in the line spacing above it. “We don’t know how much time can we afford to spare being afraid, after all,” he murmurs the last part, almost subconsciously.

Banjou stares thoughtfully at the corner of their paper, saying nothing to that. Their silence stretches on for a few minutes until Kaneki speaks again. “Say, Banjou-san?”

Banjou quirks an eyebrow at him. “Yeah?”

“Hypothetically—and I mean hypothetically,” Kaneki begins, glancing up at the older man, “who do you think would be best to lead all these if I were to step out?”

“You’re thinking of stepping out?” Banjou’s eyes widen in alarm. Kaneki straightens in his seat, letting his pencil roll from his fingers as he shrugs one shoulder slightly.

“I can’t be doing this forever,” is all he says. He pretends not to see the suspicious look Banjou proceeds to give him. “And it’s just a “what-if”, Banjou-san.”

Banjou takes a moment to mull over his reply. “Unless some guy as hardcore as you shows up soon,” he starts carefully, still eyeing him with suspicion, “there’s no one who can do the job the way you do, Sasaki. It’s because you’ve made it so that it involves collective understanding and effort, if you ask me.”

“I see.” Kaneki smiles, feeling his chest lighten a little. That’s great. Even if he isn’t around, this struggle he’s started will go on. Even without him, they’re going to be okay.

Even without him, the revolution will continue.

“You really aren’t considering quitting this soon, are you?” Banjou persists, this time with a hint of concern in his voice. Kaneki moves to stand, using the short intermission to ensure there’s nothing in his features that would give anything away.

“Don’t worry, I’ll at least finish seeing this mission through first,” he says, letting out a small laugh in an attempt to dispel the sudden graveness in the air when Banjou’s expression remains unchanged. While he claims not to be all that great in the IQ department, Banjou’s incredibly perceptive towards others’ emotions. Even if he himself does not realize it, that’s probably the main reason why his followers chose him as their leader. It’s not everywhere you can find one who truly cares in the world of ghouls.

“Sasaki—“

“I’m sorry, Banjou-san, but it’s about time for me to check with Tsukiyama-san about our disguises,” Kaneki interrupts before the conversation could drag on. It’s not like he would change his mind anyway; there’s no need for them to waste more time. “Are you coming along?”

There’s no need for him to waver now.

xXx

He blinks awake from a dreamless sleep to the sensation of hair tickling his cheek, a warmth enveloped around his middle and legs.

Hide squints at the blue glow of their nightlight, groaning softly as his eyes sting from the illumination. It takes him a second to realize that Kaneki’s curled around him, holding on to him like how a child would hug a favourite bolster. His breathing is deep, undisturbed. He must be exhausted. Hide sighs, moving to gently brush his hair away from his face. His heart fills with warmth, the way it always does whenever he shares tender moments like this with his best friend. He wiggles a bit in place, trying to find his next comfortable position without waking Kaneki. His free hand comes to a rest over Kaneki’s nape, his fingers curling loosely into soft locks. It’s one of those rare, uneventful nights preserved by the absence of his nightmares and panic attacks. He half wishes he has the energy to stay awake and appreciate the moment longer.

Hide exhales slowly, muttering the words he’s never needed to tell Kaneki face to face as he presses a soft kiss onto the crown of his head. Then he lets his eyelids flit close.

xXx

In four years, Kaneki has achieved much more than he expected, as well as lost more than he’s willing to.

He’d united many factions of ghouls, and fought against even more to establish power. He’d worked together with Hide to figure out what they can do to the CCG’s side, what they can do to be heard by people who see ghouls as nothing but monsters. He’d gotten himself so close to death and endured unimaginable pain so many times that the stress has turned his hair completely white.

But all those are progress. Progress that pushed for more action by others even if he and Hide are not there to pull the strings. And that’s important. That should be enough to clear his debt.

Because it’s also four years later that Kaneki’s not greeted home by a familiar voice for the first time since they started staying in their apartment.

He must be asleep, is the first thought he forces himself to have when he trudges into their lounge and spots Hide seated on his favourite sofa. His eyes are closed, his head tilted slightly to the side while balanced on an upturned palm. Even though Kaneki already knows the truth deep down the moment he enters the room and feels the absence of that certain sense of warmth, the moment he notices how there’s no rise and fall of his chest, Hide really does look like he’s sleeping.

Kaneki crouches down before his best friend, brushing his fingers across his cooling skin. And “Hide,” he whispers very softly, the void in his chest condensing into a single lump in his throat. But that’s fine, he’s expected this. They’ve been expecting this ever since they left the Garden what felt like an eternity ago. He’s been preparing in his own way so that when this day comes, he won’t be overwhelmed by grief, won’t be thrown into an endless pit of despair.

Hide only said he’d be mad if he left before him, didn’t he?

It’s okay now. He’s done everything he could’ve done. They’ve both done everything they could’ve done.

“Sleep well, Hide.” He smiles, reaching for the calmness within as he feels the prick on his lower back. He’s glad; Hide hadn’t shown any signs of health deterioration until the very end. He shifts, resting the side of his head against Hide’s knees. He breathes out slowly, counting with each beat of his heart. Three. Two.

“I’ll see you soon.”

One.

xXx

“What do you think heaven looks like, Kaneki?” Hide asked, eyes fixed towards the unreachable sky above. Kaneki turned his head carefully, feeling the soft grass brush against the back of his neck. The stalk of a flower between their faces swayed in the breeze, back and forth, back and forth.

“Probably not like this place,” he said. Then scrunching up his nose, “though, now that I think of it, it might look somewhat like this place.”

Hide shifted to give him one of his obnoxious looks. “Kaneki, I have no idea what you’re saying again.”

“What I mean is,” Kaneki cleared his throat, hoping the slight burn in his cheeks wasn’t getting obvious. “It might look like this garden, but not the Garden as a whole. Just a big, endless garden.”

“That sounds pretty boring,” Hide comments, reaching to pluck the flower from the ground and twisting it between his fingers. Kaneki watched the white petals spin with idle fascination; clockwise, counter-clockwise, then clockwise again.

“Do you want to go to heaven, Hide?” he then asked, shifting his gaze back to Hide’s face. Hide purses his lips and hums in thought.

“I probably won’t be able to make it, with all those fussy requirements and all,” he admitted. He glanced away, scratching his cheek in an almost sheepish manner. “Besides, I don’t want to go anywhere without you there.”

Fortunately for him, Kaneki didn’t find his words worth teasing. “Because you’ll be lonely without me?” he asked, genuinely curious. It took a moment before Hide could meet his eyes again.

“Yeah,” he said, followed by a sharp intake of breath before his voice grows firmer. “Definitely.”

“Then I’ll stay by you, wherever you go,” Kaneki vowed, offering his little finger. “Pinky promise.”

“Oh, come on, Kaneki! Aren’t we getting a little too old for that? We’re turning seven next year!” Hide protested with a laugh. He released his flower anyway, curling the fingers of his outstretched hand except the last. When he spoke, his voice was softer, fonder. “But thank you. I’ll never leave you as well, I swear on that.”

Kaneki nodded without a single shred of doubt that he would.

And they hooked their fingers together.

A/N: and thus we conclude this monster of a supposed oneshot _(:DD the moral of the story is: think before you attempt fitting expendable AUs like this into a oneshot because what the fuc-

i still hope the pacing’s not too bad tho _(:D i honestly can’t anymore i tried and i’m tired aaaaAA

//whispers there are also some copies of my HideKane mini anthology "Camellia" left for grabs, so you can check it out if you're interested _(:D

#hidekane #kaneki ken #nagachika hideyoshi #tokyo ghoul #sunlit garden AU #i think i worked on this for almost half a year jFC #and i kept forgetting the direction i was heading real good stuff #now if youll excuse me i think i need a lot of naps-#fanfiction

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