#theyre not as loved as in the us but you still shouldnt be cruel to any of allah's creations

[ruthlesslistener]

Animal Watch: Look at this rare breed, the Sarabi Mastiff from Iran

Me, who has seen crossbreeds in action last time I visited: oh cool I can't wait to see what they say about their history

Animal Watch: The entire video we'll tell you about how they're being exploited and crossbred for dogfighting because Iran is a poor country and how sad it is that the purebred line is going extinct rather than the rich history of the breed as beloved, feared guard dogs stretching back all the way to the Persian Empire

Me: :///

[noellashes]

hiiiiiiii! feel free to ignore this ask but what do you like about noelashe? :0 I really like them too but I don't exactly know why myself... the parallels perhaps? the care? the potential? either way, I'm asking you how you feel about them! And I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

so so sorry for the late response but

anon you don't understand how long ive been waiting for someone to ask me this exact question

this may be extremely long depending on how much i feel like talking about so i apologize

spoilers inbound after this point!!

there are many, many reasons ive fallen in love with them and their dynamic, but ill try to condense them into a more readable format

the sections will be as follows:

 their parallels and how they compliment each other

their kindness and affection towards each other

how they treat the other differently to the others in the mansion

more surface level dynamic things i like

the things that got me attached to them in the first place

parallels!

i feel like every noelashe fan understands their parallels somewhat but im insane so im gonna go in depth

they match and contrast each other in so so many different ways, down to even design (i actually made a post about that before it shouldnt be too hard to find)

their personalities are one thing, energetic and tired, extroverted and introverted, loud and shy, cruel and kind, fake and genuine, manipulative and naïve, i could go on but thatd be WAY too long so i'll just mention these

but thats just on the surface, they actually match each other a LOT more than you think

how ashe is more introverted than what meets the eye, not liking people out of distrust, and noel being tons more talkative and social, adoring people and barely being able to hate anyone

noel being smarter than he appears, willing to lie and manipulate for what he wants, and ashe being really easy to fool sometimes, immediately believing anything he thinks can bring back his family

and of course the obvious, their wishes

the same wish, the same pain, they go through such similar trauma with different ways of dealing with it

or so you think, their coping is very similar and this is acknowledged in sirius's conclusion, the only real difference being if theyre violent or not. noel, has sworn off harming people but he's still not above using backhanded methods for his goals. ashe, despite doing awful things for his wants, still has noble(ish) reasons for why he does these things

neither are entirely innocent, but neither are completely guilty

they both just want the people they care for to live peacefully, alive

but both do some pretty fucked up things for this wish, noel lies to sirius and uses dorothy as a ploy, ashe well- i think we all know. ashe commits multiple varied crimes that range from theft to murder and noel's own negligence can be considered a crime in some cases.

they have an understanding no one else does and it creates a lot of interest towards them and develops them as individuals too

kindness

they care so much for each other its insane

noel has trouble seeing ashe as anything but kind and ashe cant help but feel attached to noel even if he doesnt want to, which makes them get close each time and it makes them feel for each other a LOT more than they need to

the times where noel is sick and ashe takes care of him, ashe saying he lied so noel wont feel bad, noel letting ashe confide in him and ashe even trusting him enough to say his worries in the first place, the list goes on

they just have an instant bond bc they want someone to care and help them (even if both have trouble admitting it) and they want to help each other, which just makes them care more

it always ends in kindness between the two and it's one of the ways we get a happy ending

special treatment

i could put this in the kindness section but i think it deserves its own section bc its so damn cute

it does have a little less to go over tho as it doesn't happen much

im also gonna start adding screenshots and such

noel seems to really admire ashe and his abilities so much more than anyone else its adorable

hes so amazed by him literally just cooking and he doesnt comment on anything to do with precise stuff that isnt smth ashe does, i may be wrong but i dont think ive ever seen him comment on smth like sirius drawing talismans which is highly specific but will ALWAYS think about how impressed he is with ashe

he also just

treats ashe in a similar way to claire, like he just casually says ashe saved him which is such a strong word to him with no thought and he LITERALLY SAYS HE TRUSTS HIM UNCONSCIOUSLY BC HE REMINDS HIM OF CLAIRE if that doesnt say smth i dont know what does

and ashe always opens up to noel so much more than anyone else like noel has gotten ashe to talk about himself unlike anyone else, the only other character he talked to about things was claire (technically sirius too but he was drunk off his ass so im not counting it) and that was like once he doesnt even say anything that isnt surface level

ashe also just refuses to harm noel and i dont think anyone has noticed this before

it makes sense if his killings are during the day bc noel literally just isnt there but some other times he has no excuse

HE MOVES TO THE SIDE HERE EVEN IF WHERE HE WAS STANDING GAVE HIM A CLEARER SHOT TO CLAIRE YOU CANT TELL ME IT WASNT SO HE DELIBERATELY MISSES NOEL

ALSO HE COULDVE TRIED AGAIN OR GONE AFTER HIM BUT NO HE JUST GOES "missed one!" AND CALLS IT A DAY IF THATS NOT PROOF HE DOESNT WANNA HURT NOEL I DONT KNOW WHAT IS

surface level things

as much as i love the incredible lengths of their relationship, i also like more simple things that im just gonna put into a little list

theyre so sun and moon guys

BLACK CAT AND GOLDEN RETRIEVER BFS

their color palettes look nice together

babygirl and wet cat

loves to cook and fucking awful at cooking

smartass x dumbass

mutual healing

their symbols being hearts and stars those look so cute together

"i care about you!!" "why??", mutually

little bitch and sweetheart

both are affectionate but neither can handle it

emotionally repressed x the one who wants them to grow again

bfs who rant about their interests

same trauma

very strange guy x doesnt care

"im a disgusting monster" "HOW?"

the black and white good evil thing is very aesthetically pleasing for them

angel and devil (kinda)

why i fell in love with them

theres a lot of reasons why i love them but theres a few very specific things that got me attached

most obvious is that theyre both my favorites, im extremely attached to ashe and i loved him from the start, i didnt start liking noel until a tiny bit later but he very quickly gained my love

i also relate to them both heavily so seeing them care so much for each other gave me comfort

its a huge pattern that most of my ships are of the character i got immediately attached to and relate to and other character i relate to who cares about the first character

the fate line. its just so gay i was like "thats kinda gay" and while i didnt always think of it like it was super important it always stuck in my head like "yeah i could ship them"

but the real thing that started this all was the wine scene

its when i realized how much they cared for each other and then the floodgates opened, and here we are now!!

its still by far my favorite scene of the two it just makes me so happy its so adorable

conclusion

i have an extreme love for noelashe and just seeing them can make my entire mood better

i dont think many people have analyzed them as much as me so its sad to see how much stuff with them goes unnoticed

theyre genuinely so great for each other, platonic, romantic or anything in between, they deserve to be happy with each other

im so sorry for this being so long and maybe really hard to understand but i adore them so much

if you read this all thank you so much!! have a great day

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

real! I used to love her (ts) but she feels very different than she used to. I’ve listened to phoebe bridgers a bit, she was good just not the type of music I usually listen to. Boy genius and Lucy Dacus are both amazing tho. They for sure deserved to win Aoty, or sia

sorry for how long this got??? i just started writing and oh whoops....

anyway- THATS what ive been saying about her unfortunately. its like after folklore/evermore things genuinely changed because of all the fame and popularity. people werent criticizing her anymore and instead overly praising her.

which isnt bad! i do think she deserves praise over folklore. the marketing of it being a suprise album was very clever too. but i think before those folklore there was a sense of criticism that people had with her music that kept her wanting to innovate it.

i have a strong believe that social media's algorithms are failing artists to innovate pop music in the same way than 00's pop music did just because of how much less artists have to lose now with their brandings. i once again bring up artpop by lady gaga and how much she lost for her idea???? and now??? gaga was really fucking killing it. her music had such creativity and passion put into it that you can SEE her drive in that. (also to know i didnt understand artpop as an album until MUCH later in my life)

but taylors lack of needing to innovate her sound due to her popularity and lack of criticism really has just shown how much her music has come to decline in quality. if you see the transition between fearless and speak now. those two albums. she TOOK the criticism that she "couldnt write her own songs" and literally flipped that narrative to write that entire album herself. and to me? arguably speak now is MY favorite taylor album.

and the transition between speak now to red to 1989 to reputation. theres SO much that happened in that sense of time. theres different sounds that make those albums what they are. 1989 was such a creative endeavor for her because it was her first step into pop music. i think was also her first time working with jack? now people say her decline on music is his fault as a producer but i dont believe his role had gotten bad until midnights. (i saw people discussing clairo's sling album because he produced it. but THEYRE WRONG. SLING IS GOOD AND HIS ERA OF BAD PRODUCING HAPPENED IN 2023(?) i forget when midnights came out ugh thats how many taylor albums we have gotten ffs)

but the breakaway and challenge 1989 gave really set up for reputation. she disappeared because of all the hate. and i think while I DONT SUPPORT that type of treatment because no one should go through that type of mental low... that really set her into a space to create more fluidly and with more passion?

lover- people will say was a flop.. and ill admit too... cruel summer?? shouldve never ever became a single. it was better as a hidden gem. but lover was good for the majority of songs!! there's still passion in it.

it was just that after folklore/evermore it felt very.... underwhelming and not like her at all. the quality slipped so so off the page. it just feels very recycled and unnecessary. especially like i said the fandom doesnt help with overconsumtion and she really truly should use her platform for more. the economy being in shambles and yet she wants to charge $700 for a concert ticket. (nothing bad if like someone WANTS to go but its genuinely ridiculous because inflation shouldnt BE like that).

not to even cover merch??? why is it so high?? shouldnt you want it to be accessible to your fans since you have so many?? vinyl prices are ridiculous but WHY is a hoodie almost $100. im sorry but like why 😭. cant we just charge $60 again?????

anyway all that to say that after the evermore era her music genuinely slipped off. im just thankful that the speak now rerecord didnt get BOTCHED as high hell. i have opinions about the vault tracks because the entire reason was to include tracks from that era and yet its like your smearing shit onto a perfectly wonderful painting and saying "look yall!! i added to this!!" wrong. wrong wrong wrong. idk. 1989's vault tracks just made me mad. it felt so unlike the vibe of what 1989 was???? and slut was NOT written at the time of 1989. come on.

timeless though off of the rerecord for speak now.... i will defend that one with my honor. i genuinely am glad speak now's vault tracks didnt get horrible treatment. i like that she kept the solo writing with the entire album. adding on fob and hayley's collabs as a callback because i really remember seeing videos of her singing sugar were going down and thats what you get during the speak now tour. it just felt like a full circle moment for that. fob's collab couldve been better but im glad it wasnt like... bad.

stilllll think matty's collab couldve been iconic on slut. even if i hate 1989's vault tracks as a whole... the 1975 does have good music. I KNOW. controversial yeah. anyway. hes got talent tho.

i found phoebe during 2020 when i was listening to a bunchhh of different artists (the 1975 too yeah). but punisher found me and i used to not be able to sleep due to anxiety/insomnia back then and i would listen to that album for months to just SLEEP.

i have a closeee bond with it. its like my favorite if not a close second of my favorite album of all time. its just really interesting?? also really valid that its not your type of music either. i just hold her stuff close. also did a english assignment on smoke signals' lyrics. i remember that. i got to say "fuck the cops" in the assignment and felt very proud of myself LMAO.

in terms of lucy- i for some reason never have gotten around to listening to her stuff?? even though i know i need to and should?? i just always somehow forget. many people have told me to but oh man i forget.

glad we can agree that they deserved album of the year btw.

sorry for the LENGTHY reply but yeah!! i might be forgetting to talk about something but askinf about my special interests (music) will always give you a lengthy answer.

[roguestarsailor]

i need help understanding mor and the dynamic between cassian and azriel.

TLDR; i dont get why this dynamic is so important! for mor, its two issues here and they aren’t connected. mor can reject az and keep her true sexuality a secret so why is she so insistent on being shitty to az? azriel getting rejected isn’t going to break his entire heart forever; az is a big boy he will be ok. god i hate this dynamic so much.

ok so this girl doesn’t have the courage to tell azriel that she doesn’t like him that way (or ever).

but its been 500 years of pining; like ?? i think he knows his heart has been broken?? hes a spy master; his entire profession is him seeking secrets and i would even assume knowing how to read people and such. i feel like after 500 years, he can pretty much confirm shes not interested in him. and then using cassian whenever theyre together should also signify something? are we banking on azriel to be a Head Empty dumbo man who doesn’t have an ounce of self awareness and emotional intelligence here?? mor constantly flirts w cassian as a joke. mor needing cassian to be a buffer sounds like she just wants him as the third wheel but nothing else and thats really shitty thing to do. how can she think she can keep it up?? how can she also assume cassian won’t try to find love?? she doesn’t love az why stop him from finding love???

she straight up only likes females no? she’s already sleeping with other people. thats a known fact. azriel has also slept w other people. they dont sleep together but they do just hang out--like buddies?? they go to ritas, they hang out in the houses at valeris, they do night court jobs together-ish but thats it? that sounds like what friends do. so if she rejects azriel, the worst that seems to happen is that they won’t hang out like they used to.

i flipped through ACOWAR to make sure im not missing anything and this is part of what she says:

“I’m not sure I can give my entire heart to him in that way. And...and I love him enough to want him to find someone who can truly love him like he deserves. And I love myself....I love myself enough to not want to settle until I find that person, too” (ACOWAR, 592)

“I should tell him. I need to tell him. Mother above, after last night, I should. But...It’s gone on for so long. So long. I’m petrified to face him--to tell him he’s spent five hundred years of pining for someone and something that won’t ever exist. The potential fallout...I like things the way they are.”  (ACOWAR, 593)

she says this shit!! two contradictory paragraphs!!! how are you gonna be like let az find love/i want to find love and then backtrack and be like wait i like this dynamic??? what??????? in between those two line she says this:

“It’s stupid, I know. It’s so stupid and cruel that I do this, but...I slept with Helion just to remind Azriel...Gods, I can’t even say it. It sounds even worse saying it.”

“To remind him that you’re not interested.” (ACOWAR, 593)

what is this?? literally what the fuck?? this line right here makes mor sound like such a dick. this is literally cruel; she knows hes got intense feelings for her but she does this still?? is this some kind of power trip she likes???

yes it can be heart breaking to lose a friend but at the same time stringing them along and being so elusive is worse is it not?? yes it will probably hurt az a lot especially if his feelings are super intense but i think they as characters are capable of going past this. it might not be like before, but they will still be supportive of one another.

but also consider this: what would be the consequence of rejecting azriel? will he go on a rampage? will he shut out the IC forever? will he abandon them? is there a darkness to him that makes mor afraid to speak her actual feelings? cuz i feel like at worst it would be a few awkward moments here and there but ultimately it would just be over with and they will be friends again. does she really believe that az would continue to be a hopeless puppy following her around in the hope of her loving him forever or does she think he’ll reject love forever if she rejects him? she hasn’t given him actual romantic love back so he might not be missing much. and even her words about fucken helion just to remind az she’s not interested is treating him shity enough (which also leads me to why does he love mor? did he know her before rhys brought her to the illyrian camp all those years ago when she and cassian did it?) i know she wants to keep liking females a secret, but rejecting az won’t make people automatically assume she isn’t straight.

i can’t help but think literally all of mor’s reasoning for not telling az and keeping the dynamic going is garbage. the stakes aren’t that high! shes being a bad friend and stifling both cassian and azriel! idk how az’s heart isn’t already breaking?? im really mad SJM is trying to play this up as a big thing and making this dynamic seem so important to these characters but for mor, its two issues here and they aren’t connected. mor can reject az and keep her true sexuality a secret. azriel getting rejected isn’t going to break his entire heart forever; az is a big boy he will be ok. god i hate this dynamic so much.

on another note thats vaguely related to the above post: i re-read the scene in ACOWAR where mor confesses her true sexuality to feyre and im thinking why can’t mor just be bi? i’m not super well versed about sexuality here so correct me if im wrong but making her sleep w other males just to throw off the idea that she likes females sounds.......wrong?? why does SJM frame taking males to bed as this tool mor needs to keep up the secret of her preferring females but at the same time saying mor still likes sleeping w males too. so does that not define bisexuality??? does mor being bi take away from the impact of her not liking azriel??? mor feels like a diversity token rather than genuine queer character imo.

also why does knowing she prefers females hurt her in anyway? does she think her father is gonna send out assassins to murder her lovers? whats the cost benefit analysis to that? mor already controls hewn city, has rhys + IC as backup. and going by the logic mor puts out, does it matter that she takes female lovers as long as she can can produce heirs/continue the bloodline (because thats what her shitty family prioritizes)?? i feel like she can do both tbh. i see that its the emotional component that mor values and i can understand trying to shield something precious to her since her family has hurt and ruined so much of her life. the only significance i can read from this is that SJM is trying to show representation of closeted folks in the form of mor which i guess is fine if you vibe with her in that way??

this is the part of the ACOTAR lore that throws me off: i feel like sexual fluidity would be the norm for faes. these folks live forever and they will only stick to being straight? hard to believe personally. mor mentions that in her family specifically she is considered a “prized mare” who is great for popping babies but a) fae babies are rare already so i dont think she can just pop babies unless thats part of her power b) they just need her to “breed” so taking other lovers shouldnt be a problem either so long as mor’s family have babies to “continue the bloodline” c) is faithfulness an unspoken law? is polygamy frowned upon? these are immortal creatures why would they keep to one lover? babies are rare so from purely biological/survival stand point wouldnt faes have to have multiple lovers in order to reproduce???

[littlebabycrybtch]

ngl i am. so fucking tired of ugly ass ableists openly and Blatantly hating common disability and mental illness traits, only when they happen to be presented by nt/abled people, and actually thinking theyre being Allies for that. lmfao like. ‘the person im mocking isnt autistic tho theyre just being an awkward introvert that acts weird in public!’ ok so your viewpoint is that you admit looking and acting disabled by itself is hilarious and mock worthy up until finding out theyre actually disabled??? you dont think maybe those traits just need sensitivity and shouldnt be funny or deserving of retaliation to you either way??? that you should unlearn hating these things bc it is still 100% rooted in internalized ableism??? 

im sorry but ppl nowadays (yes even other nd people) are just excusing being uneducated and disrespectful af, you think you have some magic privilege radar (aka deciding through willful ignorance and dehumanization that everybody you want to be an unfiltered asshole towards Has to be an open target), you conveniently forget how common being undiagnosed is under our medical system, you refuse to grow up and respect things like social anxiety and adhd as valid impairing neurodivergencies in even the most Basic ways, you care more abt your jokes being ruined than the prospect of contributing to oppression, and you literally SEEK OUT opportunities to be cruel abt these vulnerable traits with seemingly abled people bc ohoho frankly, it Does totally make you uncomfortable and annoyed when you see this from nd people, but you get in trouble for not being understanding abt that right. so instead of unworking anything you hold your tongue and then cringe ur pants later over ppl who are supposed to be normal tm for portraying these ~unsavory~ traits at every POSSIBLE chance you can get, and somehow dont put it together that beyond the obvious harmful affect it has on minorities, you’re supposed to be respectful abt these things, Not just when they imply a minority status, but because for the love of god you miscreants theyre just struggles you dont personally understand and it regularly inflicts harm on others when theyre judged. ‘be nice to harmlessly different people’ is quite genuinely the easiest, most kindergarten concept i think any human person could ever comprehend and it is a necessary core moral to activism, or even just basic decency. but everybody fucking ignores it on purpose to stay ugly and comfortable lmaoo

so when you make fun of abled ppl for disabled traits all you’re showcasing is that you actually, absolutely, do hold prejudice towards them, and are Normalizing the hate they receive, which believe it or not, hurts disabled ppl. the distinction doesnt fucking matter. you’re not ‘’’’getting away with’’’ anything, its not ‘’’’okay when theyre nt’’’’ or w/e like just bc you arent oppressing them or smth doesnt mean shit, the problem is that you’re still fucking oppressing us by using 0 critical thought with these dumbass 'how to be a bad person but still get the social benefits of being an activist’ loopholes you all keep tryna popularize and cash in on. im tired of this. its disgusting and backwards. if you dont actually hate my autism then why the fuck do you hate it and laugh so goddamn much when abled ppl Look like me??? how is that supposed to translate to support??? how is it Not supposed to impact my oppression??? tbh lol just get over it you cringe idiots i dont wanna see another stupid ass ‘weird annoying introvert’ joke on my dash yall are just being gross now to validate your bad opinions and you know it

[elvencantation]

mpub ep12 liveblog

-WAIT WHERE IS KANG BAE??

-sad they’re not showing the last scene again like they usually do. but i guess they gotta fit a lot into this last episode. imma go rewatch it again real quick then come back 😂

-alright i’m back. i rly hope this is like kang bae inside his own head while the tree fucks shit up or something. cause i rly wanna see him fuck shit up!!!

-oh no honey please don’t cry!!! i cant stand it when you cry 😭

-YES ITS INTERDIMENSIONAL DAD POV I NEED HIM TO WALK IN ON BB BOY SAVING HIS MOM

-OMG BACK TO MY BADASS BOY OMGOGMOMGOMG

-made a video of my reaction to this next bit. gonna go rewatch real quick while it posts

-SECOND TIME WEOL JU GETS TO DOTE OVER HIM AS HE’S SICK IN BED. I SHOULDNT ENJOY THIS AS MUCH AS I DO

-OMG SHES REALIZED WHO HE IS HASNT SHE AAAAAAA

-OK NOW TELL DAD ALREADY PLS

-what in the world is going on is a good question

-*flashes back to lwj not telling wwx who sizhui is until the last episode*

-homeboy not only just found out he was actually a dad, then also found out the kid that they’d both been doting on and looking after is his actual kid (tho honestly, the found family trope wouldve worked just as well here)

-FUCK ME UPPP

-NO DONT CRY INTERDIMENSIONAL DAD ITS ALMOST WORSE THAN WHEN KANG BAE CRIES

-OH SHIT HE HAVING TREE FLASHBACKS OMGOMGOMG

-OH NO THEYRE TALKING TO HIM EVEN THO HES NOT TOUCHING THEM

-GO DIE IN A HOLE DICKWAD NOBODY WANTS U AROUND. STOP LURKING IN THAT ABANDONED BUILDING

-well i guess i do feel bad for his dad a little. and settling that grudge would really tie this whole thing up in a pretty bow. i mean, obviously its not gonna be that easy

-wait is kang bae asleep or did he somehow go find the tree? or wait is the tree even there anymore im not 100% sure what happened to the physical tree after what weol ju did

-oh ok hes asleep ofc that makes more sense

-NOPE THIS CANT BE GOODBYE IT CANNOT HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS TO THEM OR ANYTHING HE SAID HE WANTED TO MEET HIS MOM JUST ONCE

-wait is this what his life would’ve been like if they’d been reborn and been his proper parents???

-his room is so cute

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-made another little video here

-FUCK!!!!!

-srsly dude ur still lurking dramatically in that abandoned warehouse?

-I KNEW AS SOON AS HE WENT FOR THE FRIDGE THAT SHE’D HAVE LEFT HIM FOOD IN THERE I CANNOT

-oooooo pretty knife!! can she stab him (non lethally) with the pretty knife please? also i know interdimensional dad is walking into a trap or whatever but i need him to be ok. esp since that trap doesnt directly involve wonhyung but only his weird minion

-he says he wants her to feel like she’s lost everything. dude what do u think happened to her in her last life? you literally ruined her whole life but i guess that wasn’t enough because u actually had to face the consequences of ur actions

-yeah yeah we knew that wasn’t actually weol ju. but then wheres the real weol ju... is yeorin gonna find her???

-get the dad to get the kid? i’m confused why didn’t he just shift into weol ju without that? or did she have to be unconscious for that? or wait he probably thought distracting dad would give him enough time eh whatever let’s watch

-TIME FOR THE BADASS GLAIVE FUCK THEM UP DAD

-video time again!

-WAIT KANG BAE WAS HAVING A PROPHETIC DREAM IN THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE WASNT HE

- FUCK ME UPPPPPPP

-oh my GOD I LOVE HOW YOU CAN SEE HOT AIR COMING OFF THE BLADE OF THE GLAIVE?!?!

-ahhhh the glaive looks so awesome all glowing!!!

-EVEN MORE BADASS FIGHT YES OMG

-oh we using the force now!

-HE LITERALLY GRABBED THE PIPE THAT WAS FLYING TOWARDS HIM LIKE CATCHING AN ARROW MID FLIGHT AND THREW IT BACK I CANNOT

-yeah u deserve to get stabbed idiot

-AND VIDEO TIME AGAIN BECAUSE I DONT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING

-WHAT ELSE DO U CALL SACRIFICING URSELF FOR SOMEONE? YOU LITERALLY PROTECTED HER FROM BEING IMPALED

-also if i was watching this at night, instead of 2pm with the sunlight streaming in through the window, i would be bawling like a baby

-WHY U JUST GOTTA KEEP MAKING MOM AND DAD CRY

-AND THEN HE DISAPPEARS LIKE BEN WHY U TRYING TO HURT ME LIKE THIS

-ok so mom is so badass with her snap of freezing time or whatever. ahhh i love it

-DONT LIKE THIS HE MOVED A FINGER!!!

-I DONT LIKE THIS WEI WUXIAN MOMENT JUST USE HIS HELP TO GET BACK UP GODDAMNIT OTHERWISE WHO WILL SETTLE THE SCORE AND HELP HIM CLOSE HIS SPIRITUAL VISION

-wait is she settling her own grudge? I DONT LIKE THIS

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-i fuckIN KNEW IT I KNEW SHE WASNT GONE

-OMG SHES STILL FUCKING PEOPLE UP YES THIS IS AMAZING

-awww samsin and death talking about weol ju i cant

-OH MY GOD WHY DID THEY DO THIS TO ME AGAIN THATS MEAN TO MAKE ME THINK THAT KANG BAE STILL HAD THE SPIRITUAL VISION PROBLEM WHEN ALL HE HAD WAS SOMETHING ON HIS EYE. no srsly they already did that once with weol ju i feel like this is overdoing it

-weol ju looks horrible oh honey im sorry. well, she did just lose the love of her life and thinks she failed her son as well

-I FUCKING KNEW IT DAD IS BACK TOO WHO ELSE WOULDVE RESCUED HER FROM THE DARKNESS YET AGAIN

-thank the gods. nobody has been as cruel to me as guardian. except perhaps rogue one

-AAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT WAIT TO SEE KANG BAE’S FACE

-AAAAAAAAA?!?!?!!?!?!

[xxstyleart]

Chapter 18; Siege and Storm

Heyyooooo, so I’ve adapted a few parts in a particular scene of chapter 18 with Mal, Alina and the Darkling! I’ve been trying to read fanfics and it’s inspired to write my own so here ya go!! *Disclaimer: I’ve adapted the existing scene with a few things I envisioned. Most of the content is original to Leigh. I’ve simply added a few different elements into the scene and developed it the way I thought would create a deeper scene. Also, my content will be written in between double asterisks. Anything outside of that was written by Leigh. & the ‘[...]’ indicate there are additional lines from the book I’ve not included in my post but that I’ve skipped in order to make this post more fluid and concise with my adaptations. Hope that made sense. Enjoy!!!!

(Art credit: nanfe1789)

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He nodded, scuffed the toe of his boot along the floor. “I miss you,” he said quietly. Soft words but they sent a painful, welcome tremor through me. Had part of me doubted it? He’d been gone so often.

I touched his hand. “I miss you too.” [...] He let out a long breath. “Saints, I hate this place.” I blinked, startled by the vehemence in his voice. “You do?” “I hate the parties. I hate the people. I hate everything about it.” “I thought... you seemed... not happy exactly, but--” “I don’t belong here, Alina. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.” That I didn’t believe. Mal fits in everywhere. “Nikolai says everyone adores you.”

“They’re amused by me,” Mal said. “That’s not the same thing.” He turned my hand over, tracing the scar that ran the length of my palm. “Do you know I actually miss being on the run? Even that filthy little boarding house in Cofton and working in the warehouse. At least then I felt like I was doing something, not just wasting time and gathering gossip.”

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling suddenly defensive. “You take every chance you get to be away. You don’t have to accept every invitation.”

He stared at me. “I stay away to protect you, Alina.” “From what?” I asked incredulously. He stood up, pacing restlessly across the room. “What do you think people asked me on the royal hunt? The first thing? They wanted to know about me and you.” He turned on me, and when he spoke his voice was cruel, mocking “Is it true that you’re tumbling the Sun Summoner? [...] I stay away to put distance between us, to stop the rumors. I probably shouldn’t even be in here now.”

I circled my knees with my arms, drawing them more tightly to my chest. My cheeks were burning. “Why didn’t you say something?” **Quiet anger rumbled in my chest. How could he not know what was in my heart? How did he not understand that I could not give a care as to what anyone else had to say? I needed him and that’s all that mattered, not what others were speculating about my--sex life.**

“What could I say? And when? I barely see you anymore.” “I thought you wanted to go.” “I wanted you to ask me to stay.”

My throat felt tight. I opened my mouth, ready to tell him that he wasn’t being fair, that I couldn’t have known. But was that the truth? Maybe I had really believe Mal was happier away from the Little Palace. Or maybe I’d just told myself that because it was easier with him gone, because it meant one less person watching and wanting something from me. **Another burden I wouldn’t have to bear. Another disappointment I would avoid. So then, why was there such an aching in my chest as he stood there, staring at me expectantly? What more did he want? Was I not enough? Was I too much?**

He raised his hands as if to plead his case, then dropped them helplessly. “I feel you slipping away from me, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

**His eyes bore into mine with a deep sadness I hadn’t let myself look at for too long these past few weeks. It stung. Maybe because he was right. Maybe because I feared all of this would become too much for him and he’d decide to finally leave for good. Maybe because it was easier to let go first rather than to be left behind like crumbs on a table... Or maybe because it reminded me of the sadness that was growing in my own heart every time he left, because despite his previous declaration in wanting to protect me, I’d felt him slipping away and I hadn’t known what to do about it.** Tears pricked my eyes. “We’ll find a way,” I said. “We’ll make more time--”

“It’s not just that. Ever since you put on that second amplifier, you’ve been different.” My hand strayed to the fetter. “When you split the dome, the way you talk about the firebird... I heard you speaking to Zoya the other day. She was scared, Alina. And you liked it.”

“Maybe I did,” I said, my anger rising. It felt so much better than the guilt or shame. **Times have changed. I’ve changed. I'm not the weak little orphan from Keramzin anymore. I may not be strong, but I am more now. Different. I had to be because of this power, because of all the people depending on it. Why couldn’t he see that?** “So what? You have no idea what she’s like, what this place has been like for me. The fear, the responsibility--”

“I know that. I know and I can see the toll it’s taking. But you chose this. You have a purpose. I don’t even know what I’m doing here anymore.” [...]

**The rage boiled inside, heat rose to my cheeks and ears. “Coward,” I spat as viciously as I could. Surprise swims in his eyes as he registers my verbal attack. Despite the outburst, a door inside me slams shuts. “I chose nothing.” I say coldly. He stiffens at my change of tone. “I did not choose to be born with this power. I did not choose to wage this war. I did not choose to go after the stag,” I twisted the knife.

A mix of hurt, desperation and fear contorts his face. I know he remembers. It was his idea to go after the stag--to get it before the Darkling could so I could be used against the Darkling in time, just as everyone here was planning on doing. He shakes his head in denial.** [...] “You came here for Ravka. For the firebird. To lead the Second Army.” He tapped the sun over his heart. “I came here for you. You’re my flag. You’re my nation. But that doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Do you realize this is the first time we’ve really been alone in weeks?” **Brief shock overcame me.**

The knowledge of that settled over us. The room seemed unnaturally quiet. Mal took a single tentative step toward me. Then he closed the space between us in two long strides. One hand slid around my waist, the other cupped my face. Gently, he tilted my mouth up to his. “Come back to me,” he said softly. **The tenderness in his voice pulled at my heart and thaws it. The door that slammed shut creaked open just a bit. This. This was what I yearned for--what I’ve been missing. Him. His love, his affection. No pride and no barriers to stand in our way. My body relaxed in response.** He drew me to him, but as his lips met mine, something flickered in the corner of my eye.

The Darkling was standing behind Mal. I stiffened. Mal pulled back. “What?” he said. “Nothing. I just...” I trailed off **as fear choked me. I didn’t know what to say.** The Darkling was still there. “Tell him you see me when he takes you in his arms,” **he taunts. His voice was too raw. Too real. It shattered me.** I squeezed my eyes shut. Mal dropped his hands and stepped away from me, his fingers curling into fists. “I guess that’s all I needed to know.” **Panic rose in my chest.** “Mal--” “You should have stopped me. All that time I was standing there, going on like a fool. If you didn’t want me, you should have just said so.” “Don’t feel too bad, tracker,” said the Darkling. **Each word sounded like shattering glass and it was hard for me to not cringe anymore than I already had.** “All men can be made fools.” “That’s not it--” I protested. “Is it Nikolai?” “What? No!” “Another otazt’sya, Alina?” the Darkling mocked. Mal shook his head in disgust. “I let him push me away. The meetings, the council sessions, the dinners. I let him edge me out. Just waiting, hoping that you’d miss me enough to tell them all to go to hell.” I swallowed, trying to block out the vision of the Darkling’s cold smile. **He knows. He knows I won’t say anything more. I’ll let Mal believe this lie rather than tell him what I truly see. He knows I’m too afraid to face that truth.**

[...] “Mal--” **Faltering before I truly begin. He’s slipping. I need to say something. Anything. But what? What can I say to make him stay? Pain strikes me as I realized there wasn’t a better option than nothing.** [...] “I don’t want to hear about [...] Ravka or the amplifiers or any of it.” He slashed his hand through the air. “I’m done.” He turned on his heel and strode toward the door.

“Wait!” I rushed after him and reached for his arm. **Desperation clung to me. I wanted to feel the warmth of his skin on mine. I hoped for it to drive away this coldness I felt inside.**

He turned around so fast, I almost careened into him. “Don’t, Alina.”

**My heart broke. He was already pushing me away. I can see that the distance was much more than the few inches between us.** “You don’t understand--” I said, **faltering again. How could I put it into words he wouldn’t judge me for? How could I think of him so often after all that he’s done? Why do I keep seeing the Darkling? Mal would be disgusted of me.**

“You flinched. Tell me you didn’t.” “It wasn’t because of you!” **I just wished he’d believe me.** Mal laughed harshly. “I know you haven’t had much experience. But I’ve kissed enough girls to know what that means. Don’t worry. It won’t happen again.” The words hit me like a slap. He slammed the door behind him.

I stood there, staring at the closed doors. I reached out and touched the bone handle. **I know you haven’t had much experience. But I’ve kissed enough girls to know what that means. His words ring in my head, cutting through me like a double-edged knife.** You can fix this, I told myself. You can make this right. But I just stood there, frozen. [..] I bite down hard on my lip to silence the sob that shook my chest. That’s good, I thought as the tears spilled over. That way the servants won’t hear. An ache had started between my ribs, a hard, bright shard of pain that lodged beneath my sternum, pressing tight against my heart.

**I turned and leaned against the door, gasping for breath while trying not to let the sobs erupt. I see him fully now, standing exactly where he was behind Mal, just before the bed. The moonlight shone against his tall silhouette and illuminated his broad shoulders, his strong arms. I can see his perfect face, a smile no longer on his lips. He had the mercy to not look smug. Instead, his face was stony and cold but there was something dark swirling in his eyes that I couldn’t make out. I pinned him in place with a look, offering nothing but anger, hatred, and resentment.

I brought my hands to my face, my fingers curling and slightly tugging at my roots. Angrily, I spoke, my voice becoming louder with each question. “Why do I keep seeing you? Why are you here? Why must you torture me like this?” I’m nearly begging him for answers. My hands slashed the air between us, frustrated. “Must you make me drive him away?” I can read his face clearly now. The problem with wanting is that it makes you weak.

He thaws and looks at me disgustingly lovingly. His eyes were soft as he wrapped his hands around one of mine then laid it over his heart. The other caressed my cheek. Gently, he answers,“Yes, I do because you must realize that in this world, there is only you and I. There is no one else like us: powerful. Your power is growing every day. As much as you love him, he could never love you without fearing you first. And as much as you want him to be there for you--to understand you, he simply can’t. He is otazt’sya. None of them will ever know you the way I do. None will understand the hunger for more power or the delight we feel when we use it. There is no one who will not fear you or judge you. Only I can understand you. Only I will not fear or judge you for what you are. You are Alina Starkov, my equal. We were made opposites, but are halves to the other. We were meant to be together.”

I try to yank my hand back from his chest, but I am frozen. I try again, but to no avail. His words shake me to my core. Knowingly, he says nothing and silently urges me on. How? How was he able to read me so well? How did he know so much about how I felt? Of all people, how could he know what I was going through when he wasn’t even here with me? Or real? Shame and resentment filled me. We wage a silent battle, looking into each other’s eyes, acutely aware of the other. We stayed like that for a long time, so long, my body relaxed and grew used to his presence.

I finally break the silence.“...Why won’t you just let me be?” My voice broke. He was only a figment of my mind playing tricks on me. He wasn’t real... so why did he look so real? Why did this feel so real? He was an itch that I couldn’t soothe. I keep scratching to try and ease the itching but it only makes things worse and now I’m bleeding.

“If I did that, you’d be alone.” His words felt like a bucket of cold water washing over me. Loneliness? Wasn’t that his fear? You don’t understand, my words to Mal echoed again. I’d meant he didn’t understand that I’d actually flinched from him because of the Darkling, not because I didn’t want him but had I meant something else too? Was what the Darkling was saying true? With this new found power of mine, was loneliness my fear now as well? My blood turned cold at that truth. Yes, it was... ‘Sankt Alina’, they’d whispered during prayers. They’d praised the Sun Summoner without cease but I saw the look in their eyes. Admiration was there on the surface but it was fear that had driven them--fear of me... of my power. I saw the way servants never stood too closely, the way they flinched at my every move. I saw the way peers did their best to dance around me with their words. People claimed to worship the Saint but I saw their pity. No one wants this kind of responsibility or this raw hunger for power in any life.

“Alone...” I whispered. “Is that what we are?” As soon as I let the words out, I felt it: alone. It kicked me in the gut and nearly choked the air from my lungs. Tears well in my eyes again and spilled over without cease. My body gives way to the weight in my heart and I sink to the floor. The harsh reality that no one would ever understand drowns me. The fear courses through like an unforgiving tsunami. Breathing became difficult. No one could ever understand me. No one except the Darkling.**

I didn’t hear the Darkling move; I only knew when he was beside me. His long fingers brushed the hair back from my neck and rested on the collar. When he kissed my cheek, his lips were cold, **and I welcomed it, begrudgingly. We were alone, together.**

[ammitys-blog]

hewwo katy-bean here uwu. im stuck in 2k14 and 2k15 bc i still watch ah and listen to arctic monkeys. im katy, im twenty, and i never learned how to read but hopefully my english degree will finally help me read and write. soooo this is amity ... my love ... my child ... anyway yeah under the cut will be some stuff abt her ig so like hmu or like this post if u wanna plot ✌️😜

► 「 KRISTINE FROSETH, TWENTY ONE, CIS!FEMALE, MUSE 14A 」 hey, have you seen amity prescott around the streets of mansford lately ? she has been living here for the past twelve years, and during that time people have really gotten to know them as tenacious and ostentatious. rumour has it that they tend to be a bit decadent and cruel, though. i heard they are a student at the university of mansford. maybe you can find them around debbie’s diner ! 「 katy, twenty, she/they, gmt 」

so she was born on 25 of july, at almost 2pm, to two fabulous, amazing, RICH parents

her mom raised her on good manners and being as pliant as a doll, also probably some religious lessons; shoutout to the south !

her father, on the other hand, was like ... around but not there. its a thing of she’d talk to him abt smth she likes ( like the latest pop music or how AMAZING miss judy garland looked in her latest movie ) but alas .. he would say theyre stupid and that she shouldnt pay attention to it – it was ruining her mind ! when she talked abt things he liked on the other hand he would talk abt how she’s the trophy daughter, his best creation

( see where im goin w this )

( also the reason shes gettin her degree in economics ! he made his money by bein a fuccin stock broker, sold his soul to the Devil to be good at it )

basically she now grows up being docile, aware of assimilating into any situation through being docile and sensual

her mother DIED when she was nine, so she had to teach herself how to deal w men in her teens bc her dad sure as shit aint gna help

they also moved to mansford at that point, bye bye new orleans hello texas

all this passivity tho ... its gna WANT to come out at some point right??

its like when u reply to a religious person whom says ‘god intended us to meet today’ and u reply, soft and delicate as velvet, with ‘yes, he wanted me to tell u ur doing an amazing job, ur an amazing apostle; john the baptist reborn’. yeah, she has that kinda off kilter vibe

also like, imagine someone going from vacant eyed expression to smiling and a short giggle back to that emotionless mask. she has that sorta artificiality u kno?? shes borderline creepy-child-in-a-horror-movie in that regard

but yeah shes soft but its a deceptive softness.

honestly just think a mix of amanda and lily from thoroughbreds

but yes ples love me i will love U so much i promise, ill do any plot

toxic friends?? love that. enemies?? even better. people from school?? fuccin N*CE. friends with benefits?? ur speakin my language.

what i mean by toxic friends too is like, ur character would draw out the ‘darker’ side of her softness if ya feel me. or the other way round ! lit im up for anything 😭

OH also this ( https://www.pinterest.ie/katypngs/amity/ ) is her board if u biches wanna see how i imagine her aesthetically <3

i also gotta stats page that isnt quite perfected yet but u still can see a lot abt her there !

[cloudbattrolls]

Coward Mont Blanc

Maidel Juzuxt | Present Night | Derevnya | Octavian Musical Arts Studios

Everyone calls it OMAS, or Oh, Masterfully Aimed, Shithead if they’re not fond of Treble. Even if they’re on the list of people who won’t kick him out of a room after ten minutes, they might still toss it off, teasing, but with an edge of bile.

It’s one of the reasons you get along with him, despite how different the two of you are. 

“So!” He says, plucking at his suspenders. “What’s got you in such a sulk, Maidel-girl? Or is it boy today.”

You’re in one of the studio’s dance rooms, one that’s empty at the moment since the next class won’t be for hours. Mirrors cover its walls, and overhead glowworm lamps dot the ceiling, giving off light even as they’re in stasis. Treble can feed, wake, and rearrange them at his will if needed for a choreography practice, as well as brighten them with the right formula. 

Right now they’re giving off a low yellowish glow as they sleep, clinging to the gray ceiling. It bathes your face in a sickly cast, or maybe that’s just your mood as you stare into one of the mirrors, clad in a suit that you look absolutely horrible in.

“Boy.” You say, but there’s not much spirit in it. Gender isn’t very important right now; it’s part of your bigger problem, but only in a small way. 

Sometimes you think it’d be easier if you just had no chest to worry about, and certainly sometimes you hate having to leave off your binder or worry about damage, the kind your psi can’t really repair fully. 

Other times you think rumblespheres at least give people something other to look at than your face or stomach. Not that they’re impressive, but at least it’s something. 

“What’s got you so down in the dumps, Maidel-boy? You nervous? Don’t be nervous, my cool cat! This joint will love you.”

That gets a small snort out of you, mostly because of Treble’s ridiculous speaking manner. It’s been perigees and you still don’t believe he can naturally talk that way, no matter how much he swears up and down he was hatched with it.

You turn a little, looking at yourself from another angle in the mirror, your hair pulled back into a ponytail so everyone can see your face. Great. You put a finger to one cheek, but lightly, to not ruin the makeup covering your freckles.

Treble leans in slightly, his eyebrows raised and ears flicking slightly. His aren’t nearly as mobile as yours, but you know what he’s thinking.

“I look better this way.” You say. “A little. Don’t try to tell me freckles are cute again, I’m not buying it.”

Not much you can do about your face in general. Your hair is okay. then there’s your body.

You’ve always been on the heavier side, and maybe that wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t look so stupid on you.

Highbloods being big fits them like a shell on a scuttlebeast. They have the tusks, the intimidation, the big sharp horns to go with it. Their fat doesn’t look like weakness; it only makes them look stronger, heartier, able to dominate.

You’ve been mistaken for blue twice, when you were wearing heavy clothing and goggles against the steam and snow. You were alarmed, then flattered, then a little depressed. 

Treble just clicks his tongue and shakes his head like you’re a silly, mildly disobedient lusus. “Maidel, Maidel, Maidel. Even if you don’t like them, doesn’t mean not a single troll in that joint won’t! You got to be honest about who you are! That’s the only way to make your brand.”

It takes a force of effort to not remind Treble that just because he keeps showing off who he is to the whole world, (despite getting laughed at and kicked out of multiple places) it doesn’t mean you want to go through the same.

That’d be cruel; Treble’s odd, but he’s been kind to you, and it’s hard to hate a troll who isn’t any more good looking than you but so much braver.

Even if sometimes you wish you could. 

“I don’t need a brand.” You mutter. “I just want to sing.”

When you’re finally on the stage, finally manage to forget where you and who you are and what you look like, that makes it all worth it. When you sing, you’re somewhere else, someone else. People have actually clapped for you before, and it wasn’t all just polite applause.

Treble loves to babble about how you could be the next big thing. All you want is to keep feeling that way for the rest of your life, even for little bits at a time. It’s enough.

He pauses, perhaps aware of the usual argument and realizing you don’t want to hear it. He almost chews on his claws, raising two to his mouth but he’s been trying to stop lately and drops them. 

“Maidel.” He says, gentle, which makes the hairs on the back of your neck prick up. “Singing aside, you really want to have this sort of bad juju brewing in you the rest of your natural life, my man?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” You say, trying to be dismissive, but dismissive from you sounds about as believable as a honk from a limeblood and Treble’s face is understandably if irritatingly skeptical. 

“‘Course it matters! You telling me you’re okay just going ‘aw, nuts, I hate how I look’ for all your sweeps? You gotta change yourself, or - ”

“ - change your bulbs, yes.” You sound a bit more testy than you’d like, but he’s told you this about ten times before.

“I tried to diet and exercise for a whole perigee, Treble. Aside from making me miserable, it barely did anything. I lost three pounds. Three pounds in that whole time! I don’t know what’s wrong with my stupid, garbage, messed up - ”

“Whoa! You really want to hate yourself that bad, man?”

You realize you’re breathing hard, eyes wide and - in the mirror - you see a hint of orange in them. 

Groaning, you cover your face with a soft palm, dragging your fingers through your curls.

“Olives are supposed to be lithe and muscular. Or else average looking, since everybody likes to say we’re the most boring caste.” You say, bitter. “Even being average like you would be better. Nobody thinks you’re ugly. They just think you’re normal.”

Maybe that’s rude, but you don’t care right now.

Treble plucks at his tie thoughtfully, but you can see a trace of pain in his eyes that wrenches your digestion sac. You’ll apologize to him later.

“Do people really tell you you’re ugly, Maidel-boy?” He says, curious. 

You snort. In a way, that’d almost be better.

“Hardly ever.” You admit, and he opens his mouth but you wave a finger and press on. “They don’t have to! They don’t even notice me, good or bad, compared to everyone else I know. They’re all pretty. None of them would ever consider a troll like me to be an option in any quadrant.”

You sound pathetic, even to yourself. It’s not like you expect the trolls you know to date you, or that you’d particularly want to date them in the first place. 

It’s how you’ve seen Riccin flirt, seen Pheres flirt, seen them have quadrants. Have people interested in them. Seen them know they’re beautiful, that they can get trolls just by being themselves.

Must be nice.

“So...what brought all this up from its deep dark spot, huh?”

You look at him blankly.

“Usually you’re a little down in the dumps, but not fit to yowl about it.”

You flush slightly. You guess you did raise your voice more than you meant to. 

“I’m sorry.” You say, throat tight. You shouldn’t even be talking to Treble about this. He has a moirail, a teal who works at one of the universities. You have no idea why he takes so much time with you to start with.

Especially if this is how you treat him.

You’d rather dive out the window than answer, but you owe him that much.

“I have an ash crush.” You admit, and it feels like a dirty word, a curse. Maybe it is. You have to be cursed if you’re stupid enough to have feelings for Riccin, who’s practically a clown, and who’s never cared about you.

Maybe it’s some messed up form of self-harm.

Treble looks puzzled, and for good reason.

“So why’re you all torn up about how you look?” 

Ash isn’t about that, is the clear implication. You almost laugh. If only he knew.

“Riccin wants pretty trolls in every quadrant.” You say, staring into the mirror at the disappointing image with a suit on a too-round figure. “Their kismesis and their ex ash are both little, skinny trolls, with pretty faces. And they’re close with Pheres, and he’s the same.”

Then there’s you, who’s as heavy as any two of them, not to mention that they think you’re dull as ditchwater. Even if you wanted to pursue this - if you were so blindingly stupid - how could you prove them wrong? You’d wear yourself out trying.

Not to mention that Vide would probably cull you. She seems like she’s still interested in them, and for all you know they might still be interested in her too. Riccin doesn’t give up easily.

“I think you’re feeling a bit too sorry for yourself, Maidel-boy.”

You glare at him, then sigh. He chuckles.

“So you got a hopeless crush. Happens to us all. Why let it mess your groove up so much, man? If there’s no worth wondering if you can, put your bulbs into what you are good at! Which is: belting out the tunes and making us both a little cash, hm?”

You snort. With Treble it all comes back to money or fame. Given how hard he works for it, you can’t blame him too much. The chances of an olive making it big - or even being an agent for anyone who does - are minimal. Somehow he still tries, still teaches and manages and performs, no matter who mocks him, no matter how many times he gets chased off.

“Okay.” You say. “Let’s go.”

[strawberryspeachy]

Man. I really am a cat person I guess

My last cat died almost a year ago... but i didnt even get to be with her. She was young and i left her with my best friend when I moved to Japan. She had seizures...

I really miss her

I miss all my babies

But im feeling serious pet withdrawl. I have NEVER been without pets for this long in my LIFE. I grew up on a farm. I only went to college for like 3 months or less at a time and got to go home and see my babies

I want a kitten SO BAD - ive always thought that when I get my own clean place that I wont get animals because I always wanted to be able to keep a place clean and not having cat hair alllllll overrrrr alllllll my clothes was nice in college

But I NEED A CAT. I NEEDDDDDD TO FEEL THE PURRING. I NEED KITTY KISSES AND CUDDLES AND THEIR LITTLE mew mews

I feel starved for real

So many of my cats have passed and I know any future cats will before me as well

But i still want them

Dogs though

I fucking ADORED my dog

I begged my mom for my own puppy for YEARS before Kiki was sent to me from the universe basically. Her moms owners husband threatened to kill her and her siblings if they werent gotten rid of. So my family took them at about a month old - just old enough that they could survive without their mother

There were 6-7 of them. And they were all normal puppies except for my Kiki! She was always staring at them like they were annoying and preferred to sit in the back of their pen away from their jumping. When they came out to eat and play, shed find a quiet spot to eat and then go hide under the couch (it was funny cause they all moved too much and my mom and i couldnt count them when we put them away because they kept moving. So wed just assume we got them all - then a couple hours later Kiki would emerge from under the couch yawning and wed be like oh! There was another puppy!)

I remember debating between a couple of the puppies when my mom hinted that I could keep one. But ultimately I chose my Kiki. I didnt even have a particular reason why - I was about 7 and I remember imagining how if I chose one of her siblings I’d finally have one of those movie dogs. I did of course like that she was the runt - but there was something else about her

As I grew up and became more isolated and miserable myself (not to say Kiki was miserable by any standard. But she was a very picky dog with an animated face) we just matched

Kiki honestly got happier after all her siblings were adopted out. We played all the time when she was a puppy. And as I got older, I didnt want to go roll around in the snow or go for long as hikes. And while that would upset most dogs - honestly Kiki seemed content to be let be. Like she seemed to have age the same as me and we were both like - dude. Im glad you dont wanna play all day long - i need my me time. (And by me time i mean we were both happy to just exist in the same room together)

Wed both get random spurts of energy and play for an hour or so instigated by the other

There was this mac and cheese I ate and never finished and I would give the leftovers to her - there came a time that when she smelled it she KNEW and the second i looked like I was done her head would shoot up - she was ready

Sometimes my mom would eat half and Kiki would look at her like - the fuck?!

And my mom would tell her sorry i know this is yours

She was the best fucking dog. My best friend. We understood each other. We loved each other.

It still makes me cry having to remember her finaly days. She got cancer. I had to put her down. She was almost 13 - which is young :(

And I still cant bear the idea of getting anther dog.

My cat was 18 when she passed. She lived in my room for reasons. And I had the same relationship with Star. I miss her so dearly and no cat could replicate or minimize those feelings

But i still want cats

But.... not a dog.... and I think it’s because. And I always knew it

Kiki was so different from other dogs. We matched personalities - but because Kikis personality was closer to that of a cats than a dogs.

I never look for an animal that reminds me of one from the past. It sounds too cruel first off. And meeting new personalities is wonderful. Im still kinda sad that I couldnt adopt a cat from a store who wanted to play fetch in her cage and who i fell in love with right there and then. I hope she found a good home 😭

But most dog personalites dont mesh with me. I like them. I wanna play with and visit them. But i dont wanna own them.

My best friend who basically lives in a zoo felt the same way about her first dog. I kinda think maybe its because we just connected with our dogs as children and while they were puppies. Connected intially because we were similar and then as we grew together - our dogs - understanding that we too were children - took care of us. Like a reciprical parent child relationship and so we grew up with dogs who took on our ways of interacting. They understood that regardless of what was going on - we had unconditional love for them which stopped that dog urge of - constantly trying to prove to you that theyre worthy of your love. And they know you - for example. Kiki still did bad things sometimes - but she’d avoid things that she knew really bothered me. Maybe shed decide to chew something up, eat something she shouldnt, or poop where she shouldnt —— well in her case - shed purposely target things that didnt belong to me. Or poop in a spot where i didnt usually walk

My family would get mad at me about it - why whenever your dog misbehaves, its never YOUR STUFF ?! Cause she knows its my stuff

Yeah. Just. I miss my pets. My dog was perfect. And i want a cuddily kitty purring next to me right now

[bsidez]

What the fuck is the point of claiming you love someone if you have no intention of trying to understand them.

and its frustrating because i know better!!! family is a cruel joke of a concept that just lets people feel like they are entitled to any of your feelings or your life just because you share blood. 

I know i sound dramatic but i truly mean it. I’m finally trying to live my life the way i WANT to live it, the way that makes me WANT to keep living, and you try to explain that and they still are trying to force you back into what they think is the right way to do things and im just so tired of it.

im tired of being told im not nice enough. i need to be happier if i want anyone to love me, i should teach grade school because its more fun, you shouldnt tell kids they dont have to go to college, dont date a girl because that would just be too hard, you should be dating and going out (but not spending money) because youre going to be alone forever otherwise. “Life is hard and it sucks and thats just the way it is, get used to it.” you should be more creative, but not that way. 

i got out of college and finally felt like myself and somehow that’s me “doing everything wrong”

and i dont want to just accept that im wrong when i know im not! I’m not and it already took me so long to accept that and embrace it and i dont know how someone could say that they love you and care about you if theyre not going to embrace it too

[mystic-messenger-writing]

wow mc is a big bully for not letting jumin keep his pet spider like people get so attached ya know even if it is a spider i love my pet fish and cats and mice and if someone i dated was like "no we arent keeping that" i say "bitxh dont let the oor hit u on the say out" ya know i wouldnt put up with a vacation home especially if i missed my pet giving birth id be so sa especially since some baby spiders eat their mother after birth! that would be the last time u ever saw it! you have to

seperate a lot of animals after they give birth because they like to eat their children or their mothers. but that couldve been the last time jumin ever seen his pet because of mc. and i bet he would be sad because everyone is sad after they lose a pet. so i really think mc shouldnt have said that or jumin shouldnt have put it in a vacation home. thats so sad. ya know? but ya man love all pets even if they are an insect. people really love their pets like a child or like theyre a part of the family. and also dont let me begin on the stigma against spiders. i will never begin to understand that. theyre is so many double standards when it comes to animals, and it just doesnt make sense. like i really want a pet pig and my mom doesnt even though pigs are just like big fat dogs. im not joking pigs are even smarter than dogs. pigs love cuddles and like to lay on beds and go for walks and likes to go inside and outside but you know what my mom wants instead of a pig? a pet dog! that really rubs me the wrong way. really erks me and grinds me gears. i wish they the stigma and double standards would stop because all things insects, human, animals deserve love and care and happiness and life also because i really want a pet pig. its so sad. you love butterflies and want to save the bees but you gotta kill spiders or put them in a vacation home? you say dogs are pure and deserve no harm, but put rats in small cages, force them to do inhumane experiments and call it science! dont you agree?

I understand where you’re coming from anonny! I wrote that up late last night, I should have edited it more that’s completely my fault, but since the anon who requested it said that MC would be scared of spiders, I wrote it in a way that may have come off as cruel. That’s why I added the part where MC and Jumin do make a compromise, because I think that Jumin would do anything to make MC happy but also stand his ground. And MC did visit the spider, but since she was scared of spiders it would be difficult to have a spider living in the same home as her. It’s like living with your biggest fear, something that would be extremely difficult for anyone to do. And even after the spider had babies, I still didn’t want MC to be mad about it, rather she just wouldn’t visit anymore and let Jumin have his spider pets, if that makes sense.

I’m persoanlly not a huge fan of animals, but I’d never want them to be abused in any way. I even became a vegitarian for three months when I was in high school but that ended up with me going to the emergency room because my iron levels were so low and now I have to eat meat and take vitamin supplements even though I truly don’t like the idea of eating other living creatures. I use to have two dogs but they passed away when I was very young so I don’t really know what it’s like having pets, and that was rude of me not to do research of owning pets before writing the headcanon of MC being scared of spiders.

So I want to apologize to you and anyone else that may have been offended o upset by the previous headcanon of MC being scared of spiders. It was incredibly stupid of me not to consider other’s feelings and how I may have written MC to come off as mean. If the headcanon is too offensive, I can either re-write it or just delete altogether if other’s agree. Again, I am truly sorry if my writing offended anyone and please let me know if it should be deleted.