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vinspiration-book · 5 years

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Son of Palaven, Daughter of Earth Playlist

Based on the story by miceenscene

Story Here

Spotify Playlist Here

Playlist Status: Synced up to ch. 47

This wonderful piece of fanfiction inspired me to create a soundtrack for it. Here is a track listing and some thoughts about each piece. I try to pick thematic tracks for each story beat, while still retaining a rhythm between each song.

1. The Arranged Marriage - Gavin Luke

An instrumental piece by film composer Gavin Luke is the overture. Anxious and urgent, it depicts a quiet, unhappy uncertainty that is nevertheless peppered by bright chords. Combined with the name, it sets the tone for Shepard and Garrus’ unwilling journey into matrimony.

2. I Still Taste Fire - Stephanie Mabey

“I woke up with ashes in my mouth”

Shepard’s beginning theme. A dark and driving song of regret and grit. Shepard feels that she, Flaming Death, has personally lost the war and didn’t even get to see the ending. The line “Thought I'd always remember what it felt like / To want you / But it's all kind of hazy now / Almost like I burned it down” normally refers to a lover, but in Shepard’s case, the “you” is an end to the war that she thought she wanted. Now that the price of peace is her freedom, it's a bitter thing to swallow.

3. This Means War - Marianas Trench

“I hate to admit it but I miss the war”

Garrus’ beginning theme. Whereas Shepard’s song was all seriousness and loss, Garrus can never quite be 100% sass-free. So we get this jocular tune about having to play nice with someone even though you’d rather be fighting them.

4. Can’t Be Tamed - Miley Cyrus

“If you try to hold me back I might explode”

The wedding: Shepard’s view. Deep in enemy territory, forced to participate in a ritual meant to demean her and her species, Shepard is nevertheless putting on a fierce display, just like the brash attitude of this number. The irony of the song is that the singer keeps repeating over and over how she can’t be tamed; almost as if no one believes her? Also includes the line “I'm like a puzzle / But all of my pieces are jagged” which has a double meaning that ties in to the story: as Garrus says much, much later both literally and metaphorically, “[A puzzle] is the best thing you could have gotten me”.

5. Love Runs Out - OneRepublic

“I'll be doin' this, if you ever doubt, / 'Til the love runs out”

The wedding: Garrus’ view. Is this a romantic song, or a resigned one? Or is it duplicitous? Garrus may be a bad turian, but he’s still obedient to the Hierarchy, even if it’s only going through the motions and hoping for an escape. The driving punch of the bass notes echoes this sentiment in a song that could be read as either loving commitment or bitter commitment. It contains a lot of fire imagery too, especially the singer being someone to help someone else start a fire… perfect for being tied to Flaming Death. The song also mentions an (arch?)angel and the strong influence of the singer’s mother, both of which are important to the story.

6. Poker Face - Lady Gaga

“Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun”

Spying: Shepard’s view. So Shepard and Garrus only ever play a board game in this story rather than poker, but come on. It’s Poker Face. It’s the best song ever about selfishly conning your partner to further your own high-stakes goals.

7. Fraud - Jonathan Coulton

“Sharp teeth test your skin / Too late, you let an angel in”

Spying: Garrus’ view. This song takes a more meditative approach to being disingenuous, but just about every verse is packed with imagery that pairs perfectly with the story, from unwanted houseguests, to painting, fighting, and losing. The refrain is even about an angel with fangs!

8. Didn’t Know You - Karmin

“Like a bird of prey / Out of nowhere you came / Do you always get your way?"

The reports: Shepard’s view. An angry song about being the victim of deception and invasive tactics. The singer talks especially about upending their entire life (setting “dreams ablaze”--fire imagery again) for the sake of someone who turned out to be a liar that controls their every move. Turians are sometimes referred to as “birds” as a pejorative in Mass Effect, making the repeated line fit even more.

9. Can’t Go to Hell - Sin Shake Sin

“This romance with ignorance has left us behind”

The reports: Garrus’ view. Unlike Shepard’s reaction to finding the reports--which is very much about personal betrayal--Garrus’ reaction is a more public outcry about the situation going FUBAR. One of the central tenets in ME canon about Shepard and Garrus’ relationship (to the point that even the characters themselves talk about it in these terms) is that he willingly follows her into hell every single time. This makes the bitter anger of the chorus (“We can’t go to hell if we’re already there”) especially poignant. The second verse evokes Shepard and Garrus’ situation closely too, mentioning being “blind by design” and stating “...history keeps getting paid to change its mind”, which is the purpose of the arranged marriage in the first place.

10. Home - Machine Gun Kelly & X Ambassadors

“Now tell me, how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?”

Shepard and Garrus: no extraction. A rare male/female duet of frustration and longing for respite that neatly applies to the protagonists’ mindsets. Both Anderson and the Hierarchy have turned away their soldiers, leaving them in this untenable situation. Though they arrived at it differently--and aren’t commiserating at this point--Shepard and Garrus are feeling the same thing now: They must continue to live together, but there’s no way this life can bring them any happiness or rest.

11. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

“Speak no feeling, no, I don't believe you”

Shepard is broken, and so is Garrus, a little. This haunting acapella song (delivered in dual-toned overdub kind of like how a turian speaks, interestingly) was famously used by a TV drama for an overly dramatic murder scene, and then used again by Saturday Night Live to spoof that scene. But Hide and Seek is technically about a divorce… and how a former home now becomes unrecognizably empty as the former couple moves out and apart. Although they can’t separate, this is essentially what has happened to Shepard and Garrus. Shepard tries to “live” as little as possible in the house while still being confined to it. Garrus tries to escape to work.

12. Rumble - Hi Fashion

“He said, she said / You better mind your space”

The alley brawl. A complete turnaround from the previous song, this abrupt battle anthem (sung by dual tones again, and with a notable mention of a man and a woman both throwing the punches) is both high-energy, but also a slower tempo than you’d expect. The effect is that of measured, precise violence rather than a chaotic frenzy; perfect for trained soldiers giving a beatdown. Canon Shepard gets ribbed for being an awful dancer--outside of the battlefield, at least, giving an ironic twist to the dance imagery in the lyrics. But this is technically the first time in the story that Shepard and Garrus are in sync: their first metaphorical dance together.

13. Hammer to Fall - Queen

“Tow the line and play their game / Yeah, let the anesthetic cover it all”

Medigel. This story's version of Shepard loves Queen, and this song provides the title for the story’s later chapters, so it had to be on the soundtrack of course. A disillusioned anthem to soldiers who are asked to fight wars for reasons someone else decided, it describes Shepard and Garrus’ situation perfectly--their lives have been ruined because of Fedorian’s unjust war. Even though this is a small snippet of background to the story, it’s nevertheless a critical turning point, when Garrus realizes just how badly Shepard has been wronged… and that he himself contributed to it.

14. Karma - Marina

“So vicious, this cycle / When you live in sweet denial”

The apology: Shepard’s view. Garrus apologies to Shepard, but she doesn’t know how to take it. She’s skeptical, and with good reason. Although this song is talking about a great deal of betrayal, the tone is less angry--or even melancholy--than weary and aloof. The singer has made what peace she can with the situation, and is just waiting to see how everything plays out, rather than actively wishing harm on someone. Karma is usually about an equal return of bad experiences, but Shepard is too defeated at this point to really care about that. Garrus’ distress at his actions is actually better karma than if he himself were to be betrayed.

15. I Won’t Let You Down - OK Go

“Maybe all you need is someone to trust”

The apology: Garrus’ view. Garrus is a man of action, and this upbeat track wastes no time in sorrow, instead attempting to reach out to the wounded party with a direct promise of support. The lyrics talk about people who have every right to be distrustful, even using battle imagery (“no flag to fly”, “strap that armor tighter on”)... but rather than trying to get past their defenses, the singer encourages the downtrodden to fight harder--together. A very Garrus point of view.

16. Rumors - Lindsay Logan

"You're probably gonna write what you didn't see”

The interview. Ah, Khalisah. A pretty straightforward song about paparazzi doing what paparazzi do, sung by the aggrieved celebrity.

17. One Shot - Rob Thomas

"We get one chance to make this kickstart”

Bottle shooting at the valley. While Shepard and Garrus fire a lot of rounds during this little date, it's the final shot that's the most important. Garrus' previous actions since their fight have been peace offerings, but this is his first actual gift to Shepard. He gives Shepard his crown just to see her smile. Essentially, his first romantic gesture is literally “one shot”. The sentiment pairs perfectly with this energetic tune about starting something rare and good.

18. Souvenir - Johnnyswim

“It's those little things that I hold dear”

Terra Goods. At this point, Shepard and Garrus are starting to do things to really support each other in little ways and in big ways, culminating in Garrus creating a whole souvenir trading company just to make Shepard happy. This song, a duet that alternates between jaunty and staid, talks about a couple that had a brief good time, then separated due to some unnamed conflict. Now they both think fondly of their time together, making souvenirs of the memories. Both singers individually wish for another chance, while not realizing the other person does too.

19. DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love - Usher, Pitbull

“I think I remember those eyes”

Clubbing with Solana. This throbbing dance tune is simple enough that even Shepard could probably keep to the beat. Seeing Shepard (attempting to) dance is one of the first moments where Garrus is physically attracted to her.

20. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

“Easy come, easy go / Little high, little low”

The walk back. Shepard sings this most famous Queen song as she stumbles home under Garrus’ watchful eye. It describes a murderer with a guilty conscience, which Shepard is somewhat. She’s killed a lot of turians, but now they are people to her instead of monsters. Shepard probably isn’t thinking about that, though… it’s just a fun song to sing when you’re drunk. Or anytime.

21. Livin’ in the Sunlight, Lovin’ in the Moonlight - The Good Johnsons

“I’m right here to stay”

Splashing in the fountain. This whimsical cover of an old song is just silly enough for Shepard’s drunken water foray. Although it’s been building for a bit, it takes hard liquor for Shepard to admit she might be happy on Palaven. But there’s a slight undercurrent of the singer not believing their own message. The line “I’m as free as any daughter” is especially ironic in this context.

22. Mom - Meghan Trainor

“Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine”

Visiting with Galena. Shepard’s relationship with Garrus’ mother is one of my favorite parts of the story, and it’s one of the things that cements Shepard’s feeling that she may just belong here. It’s also significant that even though Shepard is starting to love Garrus, she can only express love towards his mother at first. In a way, loving Galena teaches Shepard how to love Garrus. Hence why this story beat gets its own song.

23. With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles

“Are you sad because you're on your own?”

The care package. Finally, Shepard finds out that Earth hasn’t completely abandoned her. This song especially talks about isolation when your lover is not there, and how friends can help you through it. When Garrus isn’t there, Shepard is almost totally alone on the planet, so learning her squad still supports her is a huge relief.

24. Tongues - Joywave, KOPPS

“Tell me all the things I've missed”

Ashley. This furtive song is about returning to where you are from, only to find out you are now a stranger to them. While Shepard’s argument with Ashley is a little more circumspect than that, the gist is that Shepard learns that even though she now has this lifeline back to Earth, she’s not welcomed like she was before… which is just what she has been fearing since her interview with Khalisah.

25. Unbreakable - Jamie Scott

“I won't let you fall down now”

Garrus comforts Shepard and comes to a realization. This song of gentle encouragement talks about a woman who has lost everything, and the man who wants to love her regardless. It’s emotive and warm and seems to capture just what Garrus is thinking as Shepard cries in his arms.

26. War Paint - Fletcher

“I write the colors on my face”

The dress shop. Keslia describes the Gala being a battle, and Shepard’s dress being her armor. This song of self-empowerment uses loads of battle imagery and works in tandem with the previous one… Shepard’s been wounded emotionally but she’s still fighting. Turians’ face markings have important meaning for family and home. But for humans, the same sort of marks are called war paint and are used by warriors to represent ferocity and power. Shepard turns an outfit that could just make her into the ornament that the turians want and turns it into a symbol of her survival.

27. Ballroom Blitz - Tia Carrere

“She could kill you with a wink of her eye”

The Gala, part 1. A fun cover of an energetic song talking about a crazy party fight. Between the turian generals and Cyntha, Shepard and Garrus really do have a battle on their hands. While nothing violent actually happens, they have each other’s backs throughout the event, even standing up solo versus their partner’s enemies.

28. Blue Dress - Benjamin Franklin Leftwich

“I should love you better than that”

The Gala, part 2. Shepard asks Garrus if her presence is harming his career, but he doesn’t reply. This song is meant to be the answer he doesn’t say. It’s an apology from a man whose work/travel has prevented him from participating in a relationship like he should. Interestingly, in ME canon, it’s the opposite: the Shadow Broker notes that Garrus’ attachment to Shepard prevents him from being a better commander. The line “But still my only weakness / Is you baby in that blue dress” fits nicely with the story, but funnily enough also with canon… as blue is the color of the Alliance uniforms that canon Shepard typically wears.

29. Vie En Rose - Pomplamoose

“It’s only him for me / and me for him, for life”

Dancing in the driveway. This version of Shepard speaks French, so this slow, lilting, classic French love song is what I imagine coming out of the car stereo when Garrus teaches Shepard to dance. Ok, so it’s probably more likely a turian song playing in this scene, but still. I especially like the stanza that says “He speaks words of love to me / They are everyday words / And they do something to me” because unlike canon, where Shepard and Garrus’ bond is forged in battle, in this AU it’s built from all the little everyday things they say and do for each other.

30. Bad Liar - Selena Gomez

“If you're the art, I'll be the brush”

Painting. Shepard and Garrus made that “100%” promise, but when it comes to feelings, they don’t exactly follow through. This breathy song is about admitting--at least to yourself--that you were denying your emotions, and that your love interest seems to be as well. Not that Shepard is clued in enough to realize Garrus feels the same way, but putting together the easel with Garrus also helped Shepard put together why she’s reacting to him the way she is. Once again, they are in sync without realizing it, the dorks. This song also contains numerous lines that fit the story nicely, such as talking about living arrangements, the battle of Troy (and isn’t that just the funniest view of Shepard’s infiltration of Palaven), and “feelings on fire”.

31. Anne of Green Gables - The Charlottetown Festival

“Anne of Green Gables, sweet and strange, / stay as you are today.”

Reading to Galena. Oh, boy, here we go. Get those tissues ready, it’s coming soon. This simple song from the Anne of Green Gables musical doesn’t say much, but it has a sorrowful timbre that speaks of heartache to come.

32. I Think I Love You - The Partridge Family

“Do you think I have a case? Let me ask you to your face”

Happy Anniversary! In canon and most fanon, Garrus is slick as oil until comes to telling Shepard how he feels, and then he gets adorably pitiful and nervous. While at this point in the story, Garrus himself is probably not ready to call it “love”, this anxiety-ridden song still captures that fragile state of mind. Sadly, Garrus gets interrupted before he makes it as far as the singer does in his confession.

33. Galena - Kerri Sherwood

Galena’s passing. Did you know there are a lot of songs called “Galena”? But though I searched and searched--and quite a few of them were sad songs--none of them had the right words. Because there aren’t any right words for this, are there? And so, a solemn, sad instrumental piece describes Galena’s last day.

34. In My Arms - Plumb

“All I can do is hold you tight”

Garrus’ breakdown. This song is from a mother who wants to protect her child from the harshness of the world. But Garrus’ mother is gone, so Shepard has to sing it instead. Growing up is hard, and the very last and hardest part of growing up for most people is losing your parents. As a side note, the song starts by mentioning blue eyes--one of Garrus’ most notable features.

35. Calling All Angels - Jane Siberry, k.d. lang

"Don’t leave me alone"

The Vigil, part 1. A song imploring various spirits and saints to help guide you through a trying time. On Palaven, where they ask the Spirits’ help for everything, this would probably be especially appropriate. Granted, this song gets used in A LOT of soundtracks, but that’s because it’s so perfect for when you’ve lost someone. More than just loss, this song also says that you know life will go on... but those first steps afterwards are the hardest. It’s like the MVP of movie funeral songs, and Galena deserves the best, dammit.

36. Hope Will Lead Us On - Barlow Girl

"Become the flame / That shows us the way"

The Vigil, part 2. Shepard steps up wonderfully for the Vakarian family and helps them heal. This song, sung almost from a sort of battle commander’s perspective, mixes strong, driving beats with inspiring statements… while still having an underlying piano refrain that is haunting and forlorn. It doesn’t try to move past the pain, but rather keeps it as a foundation for a new beginning.

37. That’s How You Know - Amy Adams, from “Enchanted”

"It's not enough to take the one you love for granted"

Operation Two Turtle Doves. Shepard’s getting ready to meddle with Solana’s love life. So we have a cute song from a cute movie on that very topic. I wish the pronouns were correct for a wlw relationship like in the story, but what can ya do. The line “Don’t treat her like a mind reader” made me laugh, because… Keslia literally is one, being an asari and all.

38. Can’t Help Falling In Love - Elvis Prestley

"Shall I stay?"

Kissing in the study. One of my favorite parts of the story… a tired kiss that’s all about love and comfort rather than passion. When Shepard and Garrus are both drained emotionally and physically from the Vigil, all that’s left is a quiet gravity that draws them together. There are many versions of this song, but Elvis’ gentle crooning rendition is all about slow movements and tender questions.

39. Love Of My Life - Queen

“You don’t know what it means to me”

Singing to babies. Shepard’s still singing Queen, so here is her next solo. This is such a heartwarming scene, plus we get a bit of sibling slapstick for a laugh. The funny part is that even though Shepard is the one singing this song to the babies, the lyrics are really describing what Garrus is feeling in this scene. It works as a cute lullaby, in the way that lullabies often are kind of dark for some reason.

40. Heaven Is A Place On Earth - Belinda Carlisle

"When I feel alone, I reach for you / And you bring me home"

Going to Earth. There Garrus goes again with the grand gestures. Not just anybody can say they gave their partner the world. As much as this Shepard likes Queen, I bet she also likes other 80’s classics like Belinda Carlisle. This song represents Shepard’s response to Garrus’ gift.

41. Girl On Fire - Alicia Keys

“Everybody stands, as she goes by / Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes”

Arriving at Earth. This song is meant to be from Garrus’ perspective, seeing Shepard in her natural habitat, and is particularly inspired by the story’s description of Shepard being “swallowed by sunlight” as she leaves the ship...which would make her look like she was on fire. It’s a song of admiration and wonder over the power of this one woman who stands out from everyone else. P.S. Did anyone else imagine the spaceship was the Normandy, even though it wasn’t? I did.

42. Wannabe - Spice Girls

“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”

The Squad. Ok, so this song is not serious at all, but Shepard’s squad are a bunch of goofballs anyway. Although at this point Shepard probably wouldn’t tell Garrus goodbye if he bugged her like the song mentions, she does state that it means a lot to her that Garrus makes friends with her group.

43. Where Everybody Knows Your Name - Gary Portnoy

I initially added this song for Hudson’s, as it’s the theme song from the sitcom Cheers, which is all about this type of bar. HOWEVER, there are verses in the full song that you never hear in the tv show, including one that’s a bit of toxic masculinity bordering on transphobia. So, this song can just go in the trash where it belongs.

43. Home - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

“Home is wherever I’m with you”

The broken nose. Shepard’s gotten another reminder that she doesn’t quite belong on Earth anymore… but that ends up being okay, because Garrus is her home now. This fun duet talks about how even if you travel and have a variety of experiences, you can find that the person you shared it with is what’s really important. This is in direct contrast to the song of the same name earlier in the playlist, which talked about needing Home to be an actual place. In the middle of the song is a spoken-word section about the man realizing he’s in love with the woman only when she gets injured… which is so Shepard and Garrus it’s funny. I thought for a long time that the woman’s name in the song was “Jane,” which would have made an even better fit, but it turns out it’s “Jade”. Ah well.

44. Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty - Chris & Pui

“Purr, purr, purr”

Mr. Biscuits. A children’s lullaby about cats napping and purring. The main verse mentions London, which is just a coincidence as a significant location for canon Shepard & Garrus. But really I just wanted a song that Shepard could tease Garrus with.

45. I Want To Break Free - Queen

“I've fallen in love for the first time / And this time I know it's for real”

Operation I Want To Break Free. Another of Shepard’s Queen-inspired choices that of course had to be on the soundtrack. This rock anthem has several elements that apply to the story, including falling in love in a strange circumstance, and trying to escape from an oppressive situation. The song is not necessarily addressed to the singer’s lover though, so the “you” referenced is more likely the outside oppressor. As Shepard is planning this operation without Garrus’ help, it would make sense that this not song is speaking to him directly.

46. Aurora Borealis - Bohnes

“I saw with my own eyes something beautiful”

Seton Lake: Garrus’ view. This location actually exists in real life and is worth googling an image of! This breathy ballad is an ode to love that is as sublime and ineffable as the northern lights. With lyrics that talk about stellar phenomena and our place in the universe, it’s especially poignant for lovers from different planets. The line about “a beautiful coincidence that causes love” also fits pretty well, since the arranged marriage turning to love was all unplanned. There’s also a line, “the world inside your eyes is more than black and white to me,” and one of Garrus’ most famous lines in canon is about how he’s unsure how to operate outside of black and white morality… but as it turns out, when it’s Shepard, he’s okay with it.

47. I Choose You - Sara Bareilles

“I believe in something again”

The Mark. While this chapter is explicit, it’s also really charming, humorous, and emotional. So this light and breezy song about choice and beginnings fits well as Shepard’s perspective. This story is largely about Shepard having her autonomy taken from her, with the course of her entire life decided by others. But when she is finally in a position to do something about it--and when Garrus even offers her an out--she chooses him. The song mentions outside influences trying to convince the singer that her love is impossible or wrong, which is again something that Shepard has had to deal with. But Shepard now willingly accepts the mark from Garrus that she once rejected… As the song says, the mark is a visible symbol that will “Tell the world that we finally got it all right”. The line “I will become yours and you will become mine” sounds like a wedding vow, which seems especially appropriate.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

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paolox3b · 6 years

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Famous Christmas Moves Remade, Starring the South Park Kids - a bit of drabble.

Popular Christmas Movies Remade starring Your Favorite South Park Characters

A fluffy little South Park drabble based on movie reviews from the Rotten Tomatoes site of Christmas movies listings.

White Creekmas (White Christmas) – 1954 – Tweek Tweak and Craig Tucker spend the holidays at a romantic Vermont lodge, where it's almost always snowing. Did we mention it's a romantic lodge? See also “Holiday Inn”.

Fat-Ass Santa (Bad Santa) – 2003 – Eric Cartman takes a job as a mall Santa, but his plan is to rob the mall. Along the way, he befriend Butters Stotch, a neglected little boy with a senile old grandma. But will Butters and his friend Dougie double-cross Eric in the end?

Mysterion (Batman) Returns – 1992 – Starring Kenny McCormick. Some New Kid dressed in black and white, with the power to control birds, threatens South Park at Christmas. Things get worse when New Kid teams up with an unknown girl in black leather. Who is Cat Woman? And who is Mysterion?

A PC Christmas Carol – any year – adaptation of the classic Dickens tale. PC Principal doesn't believe that celebrating a specific holiday based upon race, religion, or creed is proper. The staff and students want the holidays off, but he's adamant. He has student loans to pay off, after all. Then the ghosts start showing up. Will Tiny Timmy live to see next Christmas? TIMMY! (Starring Timmy Burch)

Ike Gremlins – 1984 – When something goes wrong at the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch, it's up to Kyle Broflovski and Heidi Turner to get the infestation of Gizmo-Ikes under control. Someone fed Ike after midnight, then gave him a bath.

Elf (Off the Shelf) – 2003 – When he was just an infant, Clyde Donovan crawled into Santa's magical gift sack one night. Raised by elves at the North Pole, he returns to South Park, Colorado some years later to spread Christmas cheer and revive the Holiday Spirit. With tacos. Will he reunite with his Human family, or will his mother die in a horrible toilet accident?

Trading Places (with Token) – 1983 – When poor boy Kenny McCormick and rich kid Token Black trade places for the holiday season, hilarity ensues over a $1 bet. It's nature vs. nurture in this holiday romp that could only happen in South Park.

A Buttery Christmas Story – 1983 – All that young Leopold “Butters” Stotch wants for Christmas is a new Red Ryder BB gun. But as the lovable tyke chronicles his Christmas woes, he is constantly told, “You'll shoot your eye out, kid!” (And he's only got ONE good one!)

How the Grinch Stanned Christmas – 1967 – Stan Marsh is fed up with Christmas, especially his dad's over-the-top holiday displays. One December night, while the whole town is sleeping, Stan steals Christmas. Mainly to hide it from Randy.

Holiday Inn – 1942 – Music by Tweek Tweak, songs by Craig Tucker, and dancing by Jimmy Valmer all add up to a really delightful musical that also just happened to launch the hit 'White Creekmas'.

Miracle on 34th Street – 1947 – So is the old man at the South Park Mall really Santa? Wendy Testaburger sets out to prove it.

It's a Wonderful Life (without Cartman) – 1946 – When Kenny comes back as an angel to show Eric Cartman what life in South Park would be like, had Cartman never been born, it turns out that everyone's life is sooooo much better. Cartman goes to Hell, and Angel Kenny gets his wings.

The Santa Clause – 2002 – When Santa falls off the Marsh Family's roof and dies, Randy puts on the coat and becomes the new Santa. Stan declares, “This is pretty fucked up, right here!”. After visiting their first house, Stan shoves Randy off the roof and says, “Oh, hell no!” Satan appears to give him advice. Big Gay Al then puts on the coat.

Eight Crazy Nights (with the Broflovskis) – It's Hanukkah at the Broflovski house. Kyle's mom is in her element. Madness ensues. Use your imagination! Tales too terrible to tell... Oh, dreidel, dreidel, dreidel!

Matt & Trey's Christmas Vacation – 1989 – It's Christmas in South Park. This immortal Chevy Chase role goes to Randy, no question.

The Nightmare Before Christmas – 1993 – Halloween is over, and thanks to Cartman, the Ginger Kids are pissed. Again. It's up to Kyle (the Daywalker) and Nate (aka Carrot) to find Jack Skelington in Imagination Land and put the holidays back on track.

Christmas with the Kranks (McCormicks) – 2004 – The McCormicks are skipping Christmas. They're not going anywhere, just skipping it. Nothing to see here...

Black Christmas – 2006 – Butters, a young boy, was abused by his mother as a child. His mother cheated on Butters' father, and eventually killed the man, while keeping Butters in the attic - for good, while she was with her lover and starting a "new" family. As Butters' mother fell pregnant with a daughter and treated her with the love he had never experienced, Butters came out of the attic after years and brutally murdered his mother and her lover. Cut to present day, a group of six sorority sisters consisting of Wendy, Bebe, Red, Lisa, Heidi, Annie and their house mother, who now live in Butters' childhood home, find themselves being harassed by threatening and intimidating mystery phone calls during Christmas Break. As one of the girls goes missing, they begin being murdered one by one by no other than Butters. (Sorry, I couldn't resist this one!)

Krampus the (overworked) Christmas Devil – 2013 – He's come to South Park to collect the wicked children. First stop – Eric Cartman. It's easy pickings for Krampus.

The Christmas Shoes – 2006 – Clyde's mom is dying, and all the boy wants (other than a dog) is to get her a special pair of dancing shoes that might get her unstuck from the toilet. Rob Lowe is mercilessly spoofed in his role as Sir Harrington's lawyer, and joins Tom Cruise to sue the town.

A Hallmark South Park Christmas – When the holidays arrive, the kids all... Cartman: Screw you Hallmark guys, I'm goin' home! Stan: Oh, hell no! Kyle: Sorry, I'm Jewish. Kenny: Npf woo om pfin dfs! Craig: No, no, no, no, no, no! (Flips off the director.) Tweek: ARGH! Butters: But I like Hallmark movies? ALL: Shut up, Butters!

#south park #christmas #Tweek Tweak #craig tucker #craig and those guys #Clyde Donovan #kyle broflovski #kenny mccormick #stan marsh #eric cartman #creek #sp creek #creekmas #movies #christmas movies #drabble

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recentanimenews · 3 years

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FEATURE: Fan Passion and Otaku Humor Run Wild in Anime-Gataris

Out with the new, in with the old, as the saying certainly doesn't go! It's a new year and “Cruising the Crunchy-Catalog” is resolved to leaving 2020 in the dust by cleaning up our respective queues and watching a few anime series that we may have missed back when they were initially broadcasting.

Join us this week as we check out Anime-Gataris, a fall 2017 TV anime that takes a simple premise — a group of high school students form an anime club and then try to protect it from a student council that wants to shut it down — and flips the whole thing on its head with increasingly fourth-wall-breaking humor.

What's Anime-Gataris?

Anime-Gataris is a 2017 TV anime with direction by Kenichirou Morii and animation production by Wao World. Crunchyroll describes the story of the series as follows:

Just as soon as she enters Sakaneko Private High School, Asagaya Minoa is dragged into the anime club by her classmate, Kamiigusa Alice, even though she knows next to nothing about anime. A classmate, Kouenji Miko, along with other anime-loving senpais, quickly turn her into an anime fan. Fighting off the incessant shut-down threats of the student council, and completely oblivious to the coming apocalypse, the anime club talks about anime in the club, at Akihabara, at anime Meccas, and at hot springs.

Written in katakana, gatari can mean “talk” or “recital” (i.e. chatting about anime), but it can also refer to the sound of clashing and banging around, so Anime-Gataris is a series that begins with some pleasant conversation and builds to an explosion of absurd situations and scenarios.

Fandom Clubs.

The primary layer of comedy in Anime-Gataris is observational humor. The series begins with the protagonist, Minoa, trying to remember the name of an anime that she saw as a kid based only on a loose description of the climactic final scene, and her efforts to track down this tidbit of trivia result in her getting press-ganged into the local anime scene.

Having run a high school anime club myself many years ago, I can say with authority that Anime-Gataris perfectly captures the exact sort of goofy arguments and clashing personalities that such an organization attracts. The series also spoofs anime-adjacent activities (such as idol culture and cosplay), so if you want to see your favorite pastimes get gently roasted, be sure to tune in.

Anime Hearts.

Anime-Gataris doesn't confine its humor to simply chronicling fan spaces, fan interests, and fan behaviors. The series also digs into the technical side of anime production, promotion, and distribution in an effort to tickle the funny bone, in the process tackling subjects such as anime tourism pilgrimages and even the dreaded challenge that is Summer Comiket.

Anime-Gataris celebrates the artistic achievements that anime creators strive for while also emphasizing the tremendous amount of work and crushingly tight schedules that are involved in anime production. Even the janky, no budget flash anime that the club produces for the school festival involves months of back-breaking labor and coordinated effort, and Anime-Gataris mines plenty of grim jokes from this process.

Weirdness in Spades.

Anime-Gataris really ramps up when it dives headlong into meta-textual humor with jokes that poke fun at the conventions of the anime medium and the foibles of its fandom. Within the context of the show, this is explained by the “reality” of anime bleeding into the everyday life of Minoa and her friends, resulting in innumerable sight, structural, and situational gags.

It's easy to include jokes that break the fourth wall, but Anime-Gataris plays the invasion of anime tropes into the real world like a brush with existential horror as Minoa reacts with increasing distress at each bizarre escalation, such as when her friends' faces spontaneously assume ‘90s-style character designs. The shape of the series itself — its narrative structure, character designs, pacing, etc. — becomes part of the gag.

The Gift of Gab.

Crunchyroll currently streams Anime-Gataris in 51 territories worldwide. The series is available in the original Japanese language with subtitles in English, Latin American Spanish, and Portuguese. The series is also released on Bluray in the United States by Funimation, and this home video version includes an English language dub.

Although it takes a bit for the series to fully rev up and begin firing on all cylinders, if you stick with it, Anime-Gataris becomes a transformative comedy experience whose later developments will rattle your brain and force you to look at the earlier episodes in a completely different light. If that kind of meta-textual humor appeals to you, and if the series is available in your area, then please consider giving Anime-Gataris a try.

Thanks for joining us for the most recent entry of “Cruising the Crunchy-Catalog”. Be sure to tune in next time, when we set sail for adventure with a look back at High School Fleet, a spring 2016 TV anime that puts the moe in mutiny.

Is there a series in Crunchyroll's catalog that you think needs some more love and attention? Please send in your suggestions via email to [email protected] or post a Tweet to @gooberzilla. Your pick could inspire the next installment of “Cruising the Crunchy-Catalog!"

Paul Chapman is the host of The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast and GME! Anime Fun Time.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Paul Chapman

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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seenashwrite · 6 years

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WORKS IN PROGRESS ✒️

A master post I’ll update as needed with the scoop on what’s up with both your favorite series/mini-series & what’s on deck - it’ll be linked at both the main index & the mobile master list for your curiosity convenience.

*~* COMING SOON *~*

The Cupid Complication

This is for my Secret Valentine this year, though it’ll be out the day prior for Galentine’s Day, and I bet you can divine from the title that it’ll be a crazy, fun time for the guys (and “you”!).

Top of the World

The re-launch is coming, and with it a really killer page, full of images, a cast of characters section, and a chapter guide. It is now split into three "seasons”: Revelation, which is completed, followed by Heritage and Legion. Get ready.

6 Feb 19 - This is my baby. I still work on it/the awesome page for it weekly. I don’t know when the relaunch for book two is coming. I just don’t know.

The Lore You Know

Part Five done, just one more and then the epilogue for TOTW readers.

6 Feb 19 - The final part is mostly fleshed-out; the epilogue I don’t know, since I’ve had to put off the big relaunch for TOTW

#Nash300

Several prompts still in the ol’ drafts folder - I haven’t forgotten! Just gotta wait for inspo to strike! And sometimes I work these into other stories, so there’s that.

6 Feb 19 - Same, no change. When it hits me, it hits me.

*~* ON DECK *~*

See above - TLYK and the V-day fic are all that’s on deck for the immediate future.

*~* EVENTUALLY *~*

---> A fun one-shot about THIS, wherein a dismembered colleague of the guys has a hell of a time, um.... getting it together HAHAHA wow that was lame.

6 Feb 2019 - This ^^^ is presently on hold. No one has my permission to use this plot bunny. I’ve given some away in the past. This isn’t one of those times. I’ve talked about this one before over the past couple years, I’ve still yet to see anything like it, so I better not see it within my circle/network because I’ll know where it came from. You’ve been warned (....she said seriously but kindly).

---> #Nash’s 6 for 600 that rapidly turned into #Nash’s 666

This’n will take awhile.... but the rough draft’s there... I’m working on getting it reeeaaally tight, as I kinda didn’t mean for the celebration to entail all this, but hell, why not?

5 Aug 2018 - I was clear in the initial post (see screencap below) that the celebration was to be peeps tossing out six word stories. Some people misunderstood. I felt like I should do what they wanted, and that’s on me. I took a ton of time whipping up a video and fleshing out a story. I’m not doing this any longer. The celebration is over, this is complete, it is what I said it would be. I’m leaving the initial post alone for transparency (I am *so* not in the mood for being told I wasn’t clear; it was clear) but amending any related posts/master lists/master posts so no new readers feel misled.

*~* WHO KNOWS? *~*

Build Me Up, Buttercup

This one *does* occasionally call my name, it’s a great thing for me when I’m in a giddy mood and have insomnia - the time suck is (A) giving y’all some fun images, and (B) re-reading parts of the book to make sure I’m nailing it. But I’ve long had the book’s/movie’s parts divided into documents for each installment, so that sucker’s planned. Just depends on time!

5 Aug 2018 - Don’t get your heart set on it ever being finished. I know I chose to incorporate the book and not just the movie, and I know I chose to create *incredibly* time-consuming images and such, and now I’m choosing to stop. I don’t know what else to tell you. I may change my mind, may not. Sorry to those of you who genuinely like it. It was meant to be a quick one-shot thing (1st part), just a little parody-spoof. It’s not getting enough feedback - enough of a work:feedback ratio - to spur me to continue.

That’s all to report for now, folks! Thanks for reading!

* Note: The reason for my blunt tone in some of these updates likely doesn’t have to do with you personally - last fall, I was treated, upon reflection, way too harshly for a couple things I did.

One was a post I’d made (since deleted, though I kept the screencaps/receipts of what was said on both sides) on the topic of lack of feedback to stories. Some of what I said was admittedly ill-phrased, but the overall message was clear, and was willfully misunderstood. For one example, accused of saying that I was “owed” praise, which I never said. For another example, one of the things I suggested were templates (fill-in-the-blank things, so that they could be personalized) for feedback for those persons who are shy, nervous about engaging, or simply believe they are not good at communicating, but who want to express their love of a story - so another thing I was accused of was telling people what to say. That’s what I mean by willful misunderstanding. Learned lesson, and while I may agree with/reblog/support fellow writers who discuss this topics in their own posts, I’m 99% sure I’ll personally never discuss this topic again. But it will always boggle my mind that people think it’s cool to not say at minimum “thank you” for an unexpected gift they received that they enjoyed. No one is too shy or too nervous or think they’re too poor at communication to simply say “Thank you, this was great”. It’s a bullshit excuse. Just say “Thank you”. Anybody - from toddlers on up - can say “Thank you”, and anybody who has reading comprehension and understands a reblog button and how these blogs work can say (type) a simple “Thank you”.

Secondly, around this same time, I had sent an encouraging message to someone about considering putting a great tale they’d written into its own post, as opposed to leaving it on the reblog they’d used, so they’d get credit for their great work vs. the “likes” and reblogs getting mixed in with the ones for the gif set they’d written it on, because I’d love to put it on my rec list and get them some circulation. The bizarre vitriol I received in response (complete with name-calling and presumptions about my intent) were beyond the pale (and I showed others to check myself, and they agreed it was - have to use this word again - bizarre), and so I basically learned my lesson about trying to encourage people to have a new post for their work. So that’s why the tone - again, it’s not directly toward you, personally. It’s just me not beating around the bush.

Updated: 6 Feb 2019

#Nash Writes #Master Posts #Master Lists #See Nash Write #Works In Progress

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thorne93 · 7 years

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Old Flame, New Problems (Part 10)

Prompt: You’re in a serious relationship with Sebastian Stan, when news from your first love informs you that he’s now single and in need of a friend. Will your old flame burn out or will the flames get fanned and consume you?

Word Count: 4427 (I’m not even sorry)

Warning: language, angst, fighting (verbal), cheating, drama

Notes: This idea came to me when news hit about Hayden and Rachel splitting. Of course I’m sad that a long time relationship such as theirs is ending, but it also means he’s single sooo…Also, no hate towards Rachel. I don’t know her, don’t know what really happened between them, etc. It’s a fic and in no way reflects what I think of either of them or their precious daughter ^.^

Beta’d by my #1 gal @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

Forever Tags: @capsmuscles @cocosierra94 @essie1876 @magpiegirl80 @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @harleyquinnandscarletwitch @iamwarrenspeace @marvel-imagines-yes-please @superwholocked527 @myparadise1982sand @missinstantgratification @thejemersoninferno @rda1989 @marvelloushamilton @munlis @thefridgeismybestie @bubblyanarocks3 @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @hardcollectionworldtrash @igiveupicantthinkofausername @kaliforniacoastalteens @feelmyroarrrr @kaeling

Sebastian Stan Tag: @nedthegay @lostinspace33 @alwayshave-faith @elleatrixlestrange @buenostardissherlock @lenawiinchester @the-red-world-of-jess-chibi @memory-of-a-goldfish @mellsstark

Old Flame Tag: @blackwidow-romanoff @seargantbcky

~~~~~~~~~~~~

About a week had passed since Halloween. Sebastian didn’t mention being upset and he didn’t seem it. The two of you were back to the good vibes and loving feelgoods.

The recent happiness sparked some more inspiration and you were clacking away, trying to get the words in your head out onto the computer document as fast as you could. Around lunch time you finally stopped for a quick e-mail break, checking to see if you had new projects, promos, or requests from your agent, editor, or publisher. After sifting through the typical, daily emails, you came across something peculiar.

Hi Y/N,

I was fascinated and delighted with your story Upon A Weary Night. It simply captivated me and chilled me to the bone. Very refreshing and exciting. We just wrapped up working on IT and I’m in the market for a new story and I would love to work with you. Perhaps co-write a novel. Please let me know if you’d be interested.

~ Stephen King

You read the email about twenty times. You checked the email to make sure it wasn’t spam or spoofing. No. It appeared legit. This was real. This was really happening. This was your dream come true. The master of horror himself wanted to write with you. You’d dreamed and prayed for a moment like this, and it was finally here. Beyond thrilled and exultant, you had to keep yourself from panicking and happy sobbing.

It took you about five minutes of pacing to finally calm your nerves and chill out. You called Sebastian and he answered, surprisingly. You thought he’d be busy at work, but you were pleasantly shocked.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted, a smile in his voice. “What’s up?”

“Guess what?” you asked, nearly bursting at the seams.

“What?” he questioned, amusement coming through the phone.

“What’s my number one dream?” you asked.

“Uh, being in a threeway with me and Chris Hemsworth? Did you finally invite him over? Yes! Babe, this is gonna be great,” he said, teasing you.

“You’re an ass, but you can’t ruin this for me,” you commented.

He laughed. “Okay, okay, what is it?”

“Stephen King emailed me, he told me he loved my last horror novel...and...he wants to work on a novel with me. Sebastian, he wants to co-write with me!” you nearly squealed into the phone.

“Oh, my god. Babe! That is amazing! Holy hell. Wow! Oh my god. Congratulations. That’s so awesome! I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks! Me too!”

“Did you already tell him you wanted to work with him?” he asked.

“Well...no. I wanted your input first,” you informed. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s a wonderful opportunity and you should take it. You’ve never co-written though with anyone. Even if it is your idol, are you okay with changes and suggestions that will be made by him? He’ll probably scrutinize your work heavily since his name will be on this too.”

You nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I’m a little worried about. I don’t want to do this, and find out he’s a dick to work with or that I can’t measure up to what he needs. Or what if he doesn't want to write when I do or…”

Sebastian could tell you were rambling. “Well, if it were me, it’s a once in a lifetime that most people kill for. I’d rather try and it fail, than not try at all. Right?”

You chewed your lip a bit. “You’re right. What am I saying? I’d be thrilled to work with him. Okay I’m gonna go tell him now! Thank you!”

“Anytime, babe. Hey, we should go out and celebrate.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary,” you began.

“No, it is. You’ve been telling me forever that if you could have one author recognize you, it’d be him, and now it’s happening. We have to commemorate this.”

You grinned giddily.

“Okay. Yes. Let’s!”

“Alright, I gotta get back, but you need to tell him you graciously accept, find a nice outfit for tonight, and invite Hayden and--”

“Invite Hayden?” you questioned, perplexed. “Why would I do that?”

“He is your friend, isn’t he? I just figured you’d want him to be included in the celebration. He’s always been really supportive of your work. I thought he might want to be a part of this,” he commented.

Your heart soared at his sincerity. He really was willing to make this work.

“Yeah...Yeah I would,” you admitted. “You’d be okay with that?”

“Yeah of course. Okay, I really gotta go. Bye babe. Love you.”

The two of you hung up and you raced back to your laptop, hit reply, and drafted an email of acceptance. You read it probably one hundred times and made twice as many edits to it, but you finally got it sent out.

After that, you alerted your agent of the news and you two began hashing out details and plans for anything that might arise, contracts and copywriting. Once you were finished, you messaged Hayden.

“Hey! Are you free tonight?”

“No. You know how full my social calendar is, all the time. Nonstop.”

You rolled your eyes and let out a small laugh. “Guess what happened that we have to celebrate?”

“What? Another best seller?”

“Even better. Stephen King contacted me to co-write. How flippin amazing is that?!”

“Wow. Congratulations. That’s fantastic. What a great opportunity!”

“I know. And I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight to help celebrate.”

“I’d love to. Sebastian doesn’t mind you celebrating this with me?”

You frowned for a moment. “Oh, he’ll be with us. It’s all of us.”

About five minutes passed before you got a reply.

“I’m not so sure I want to come then.”

You abandoned the texting and called him. He picked up on the first ring and you finished where you’d left off.

“What? Why not?” you asked, entirely perplexed.

“I can’t do it. I can’t be around him,” he explained. “Maybe we can celebrate together later.”

“So that’s it? You can’t be around him? You came to our party and talked to him for an hour just fine. What gives?”

“I can’t stand him, Y/N.”

“But...at the party--”

“Were you even there?” he suddenly asked, catching you off guard. “Everything we talked about was a competition. Over knowing your favorite authors, books, albums, movies. How you like your tea. Who had the better birthday gifts.”

Your gut twisted at his words. You didn’t really notice that. You were just happy they were even talking.

“No, I didn’t notice that,” you whispered.

“Well I did. Frankly, it was annoying. He’s so insecure, Y/N, why can’t you see that?”

“I know he has some issues...but it’s not like we didn’t both help drive those home,” you reminded.

“Y/N, he already has you. So why is he trying to compete with me at your party? What’s the point?” he asked, but you didn’t get enough time to formulate a response and tell him. “I just think it’s best if he and I stay clear of each other. Wouldn’t want to ruin your dinner with my presence.”

“But I want you there,” you tried. “Seb doesn’t mind you being there. In fact he told me to invite you for my sake.”

“I’m sure he thinks he’s doing something nice but is this just another tactic to keep you? You said it yourself, you didn’t know if his kindness and sudden generosity towards us and you is just a way to keep you to him. So that you don’t feel like he’s ignoring you or being emotionally or physically unavailable.”

You didn’t put much thought into his words. When you had said that, it was in a fleeting moment of anger. You didn’t think Sebastian was the type to emotionally blackmail you.

“Hayden...Why can’t you just do this for me? I want you to be there. This is huge for me.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I just can’t do it. Not if I have to be around Mr. Needs-His-Ego-Stroked.”

“What the hell? Why are you being like this? I really want you there. Or I did, before you were this petty,” you remarked, getting hurt and angry.

“I can’t change how I feel. If you want to hang out alone, let me know, but otherwise I can’t be around your boyfriend who’s going to inevitably pick a fight. Goodbye, Y/N.”

He hung up, leaving you standing in your office...stunned. Were you hurt? Surprised? Understanding? You had thought everything was okay at the party, between them. If Sebastian could be okay with it, why couldn’t he? How selfish was he to steal your moment and say he couldn’t do it with Sebastian. He couldn’t swallow their differences for just a few hours? Just for you? This was about the biggest thing to ever happen to you and he couldn’t just be there for you?

Hurt...That’s what you were feeling...Pain. Devastation. Disappointment.

So Hayden really couldn’t be around you and your current boyfriend? As a friend, couldn’t he just let all that shit go for even a short while? What would keep him from wanting to be with you? He could only hang out with you alone? Why?

------------------

Seb came home, rather early, well at least earlier than he typically does.

“Where’s our hot shot author?” he asked, a beaming smile on his face as he raced toward you, wrapped his arms around you and swung you around.

You laughed lightly. “Hardly.”

“So! Has he contacted you yet on a prompt or anything?” he asked excitedly.

You shook your head. “No.” Panic suddenly set in. “Oh my god. Do you think this means he doesn’t want to work together anymore?! Maybe he rethought it. Maybe his secretary pulled a prank. Maybe he realized I’m a shitty writer.”

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,” Seb smoothed as he looked at you. “Hey, hey. Focus.” He took your face in his hands, making you come back down to Earth. “This is just you wigging out for nothing. He hasn’t changed his mind. He's a very busy man. He’ll get back to you.”

“You think so?”

“I doubt Stephen King takes time out of his day to shoot emails to people he isn’t sure he wants to work with,” he stated with a heart stopping-panty-dropping smile.

“You’re right. I’m just...so nervous about working with him.”

“Don’t be nervous, sweetie,” he said, assuring you with a small laugh and smile. “Be proud and confident. You wrote that book with no intention that he’d even read it, right? And yet here he is, hitting you up to work together based on it. He loves your work. You, your mind, your words. So tonight we celebrate that, and you can stop freaking out for a few hours. You can commence total freak out tomorrow, as I know you will, but for tonight, boyfriend’s orders: calm the hell down.”

He held your hand as you walked to the master suite with him. He dropped your hand as he started to change.

“So, where are we going tonight? Your pick since this is for you. Is Hayden meeting us here or at the restaurant?”

At the mention of his name, your stomach dropped. “He, uh, isn’t joining us,” you informed, playing with your fingers.

Sebastian was putting a shirt on when he slowly pulled it down to look at you. “What? Why? He busy or sick or something?”

Your eyes avoided his as you kept the tears just at bay. “He...he said he can’t stand you,” you said with a thick voice, the tears breaking. You weren’t exactly sure why you were crying. So your friend didn’t get along with your boyfriend? That wouldn’t be the first time it’d ever gone down in history. So why did it hurt so bad?

“Oh, oh no,” he said, rushing to envelope you in a hug, kissing your hair. “Oh, babe, I’m so sorry. I...I didn’t know. I was just trying to...I don’t know.Make things easier for you.” He continued to hold you and in his arms you felt such comfort and bliss, it was unreal. In a tight embrace, you gripped him right back.

“Hey, listen if you want to just stay in,” he started to offer.

You shook your head and wiped your eyes. “No. No. If he doesn’t want to hang out with us, that’s his loss. Come on. Today is a happy day. Let’s go to Benito’s then take me to that little dance club I love so much?” you asked.

“Anything for you. Will you wear the red dress?” he asked with a coy smile.

“If you wear the black suit,” you fired back with a wink.

“That black suit could make you do anything, I think I’ll wear it,” he stated with a devious smile.

-----------------------

Despite the minor breakdown, you and Sebastian had a wonderful night. He bought a bottle of your favorite champagne to celebrate, took you dancing for a couple of hours after dinner, then you went and got your favorite dessert in the city. Hayden had touched your mind once or twice, but you didn’t let the fight cloud your mind.

Seb was right about the suit. It took every ounce of willpower not to rape him in public. But when you were home, all bets were off. You’d pushed him on the bed with a gleeful laugh and tore at the fabric, only getting you access to his chest and the best anatomy on a man. Making love in your favorite suit on the best day of your life, with the best man you could ask for put a cherry on top of the day.

He’d fallen asleep holding you but you were still rather awake. Typically you’d watch tv before bed, but not tonight. All you had tonight were the soft breathing sounds coming from Sebastian and Spinee as they both slept, and the silver moonlight that illuminated your expansive bedroom.

Now that all was calm, and nothing was distracting you, Hayden was back at your mind. He was your best friend and he couldn’t be around your boyfriend. Okay - no big deal, nothing new to the world. But why now? Hayden has never expressed distaste toward him. Typically he defended him while you ranted about him. So what changed? How do you go from indifference, neutral support of someone to loathing them so much you decline being around your best friend?

The question had swirled and swirled in your head. Sure, Hay said it was the party, but was one bad interaction enough for Hayden to not want to be around him again?

Then it hit you. The same reason you couldn’t stand Rachel around Hayden. You could be around Hayden all the livelong day, but the moment Rachel came in the room, you couldn’t stand her or the air around you. All because you still loved him and the thought of his new love made you want to die inside…

A gust of air left your lungs as it crashed into you.

This...this couldn’t be. You knew Hayden and you always had simmering feelings for each other, that would probably never go away, but to act the way he was acting. To feel the way he must be feeling. It had to be love, he had to still be in love with you, and that made you feel uneasy.

To be honest, you hadn’t really given much thought to your feelings on Hayden. When Levi had told you to really think about your feelings, you didn’t. You didn’t want to go down the rabbit hole of feelings when it came to him. Up at his farm, yes, things felt just like they had over a decade ago, but that could’ve been attributed to the problems between you and Seb at the time misguiding your feelings. And all the times after that, you chalked up the feelings of butterflies and comfort and carefree security up to complacent. You felt happy around Hayden because it was familiar...But now you had to wonder, was it more than that?

You’d had trouble moving on for a long time, that much was true. But how do you get over something that never hurt to begin with? It never felt like you’d ended things. Part of you still felt connected to him.

You turned your head to face your stunning boyfriend, watching him sleep, the peaceful, sweet look on his face. The guy who’d held your hair during food poisoning and wiped you down with a cold cloth. The guy who put up with hours and hours of questions for your work. The man who always made you excited for nighttime since it meant he was coming home. He was compassionate, caring, sweet, patient, forgiving. Here, you had this wonderful man that forgave your transgressions after you’d betrayed him; a devoted man who took you away to Hawaii after you cheated, just to work on the problems you two had been having. When you told him you had issues, he addressed them and apologized, he didn’t blow you off. He was your fun, vibrant, fully alive side. You and him were always the goofballs in the room, the kids at heart, the ones who skipped and jogged and danced down the sidewalk or in the park. The two of you never felt silly or too grown up to run through a room and shout stupid things. And you absolutely loved that. You loved that you could be your silly, dumbass self around him and he still found you sexy and smart. He was the type to make you laugh when you were down or crying, to make you see the positive side of things.

But then there was Hayden. Supportive, relaxed, chill, patient, and reasonable. Where Seb was the sunlight of your life, Hayden was the moonlight. Subtle and sweet. He was the guy who was your muse, constantly inspiring you to write deep, moving pieces. He was the man who laid with you for hours while you spoke of ideas and talked of your work. He was perfectly fine lounging on the couch with snacks and watching the TV for hours with you, making it easier on your introvert side of things. He was the one who comforted you when you broke down after being turned away from agents and publishing houses. He was there for you for your worst breaks and your biggest breaks. He sat with you on countless nights while you worked so that you weren't alone. He’d run to get you coffee to refuel while you worked and would fly you out to LA so he could see you. The man who spent so many holidays with you and your family, being the perfect polite gentleman. He was the guy who held you in his arms until the tears stopped, assuring you he was there and that you could confide in him.

Both were so amazing and wonderful and nearly perfect. They’d both been there for you, they’d both showed they cared and loved you, they both supported you...In many ways they were polar opposites, but yet, they knew how to be with you. Both of them spoke to your two halves.

And you were madly in love with both of them.

#old flame new problems #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan x reader #hayden christensen #hayden christensen fic #hayden christensen x reader

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tube-thoughts-blog · 6 years

Text

Vol. 11

Zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

"Groove On Fight" --Sega Saturn-- (Atlus) -1997- *Imagine a Japanese pretty boy version of Christopher Walken with a neo biker / leather cowboy fetish. Now imagine an entire, -wealthy & powerful- "Game of Thrones style" inbred family of them all with some peculiar fetish. They fight it out for control of the family. The matriarchy of the family is two grannies tied back to back like Siamese bondage twins. One fight takes place on the back of an American type bomber plane up above the clouds. That last sentence pretty much speaks to the disturbed nature of a lot of Japanese art after World War 2.* close to 3 stars

Godfrey Ho's "Ninja Commandments" (1987) *Who knew that honky moral issues like pre-marital sex were such problems for Ninjas, or that they liked to party with skanky groupies, and that pretty much all ninjas are not-so-secretly middle age white men.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Red Letter Media: Best of the Worst --------

*Deadly Prey: Ice T's "The Game"(?), a movie where a guy gets kidnapped by army dudes and hunted for sport only to fight back, this time with a hero who's a Patrick Swayze type bohunk Rambo.* 2 1/2 stars

*Hard Ticket To Hawaii: Skinemax classic about blonde bimbos trying to stop criminal smuggling in an exotic locale. Also, killer, "infectious," cancer-ridden, huge snake.* 2 1/2 stars

*Miami Connection: Lost & found gem of a movie with nearly as many awkwardly awesome moments as Tommy Wiseau's "The Room."* 3 stars

Red Letter agrees that Miami Connection is "The Best of the Worst."

---------------------------------

"Red Earth" aka "Warzard" (Capcom) *A wizard summons up a bunch of kaiju monsters, in scattered epic sites, that only a big lion-man and several other heroes can vanquish from the earth. Typical wizard being a total dickhead, to the rest of magic-impaired mankind, behavior.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Bushido Blade 2" (Playstation 1) *Bloodthirsty Japanese clans have kept up the honor of warring over territory for power for centuries up into modern times, in this game. It's a nice mixture of both old and new worlds, and the music and dialogue is well done, and even the setting and characters (though limited by the blocky polygon look of early 3D). It keeps with "realism" too with one good killing stroke, with a warrior's sword, doing the job. It even has thrills like bikini girls with machine guns.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service Vol. 4" (Dark Horse Manga) *Morbid and eccentric tales of a group of Buddhist college students with unique gifts of communicating with corpses littered in strange locations around Japan. They help fill the odd requests of these bodies to be put at peace usually in some morbid way or involving some morbid mystery. Instead of trash "reality" entertainment like Long Island Medium, this much better "talking with the deceased" fiction should be turned into tv entertainment for western audiences. It's so much more interesting and entertaining.* 3 stars

"Savage Reign" (SNK) *This is the Kris Kross of fighters. Kriss Kross being a pair of 12 year old rappers whose record company realized their talent was lacking so they came up with the bright idea to have the duo dress with their clothes backwards. The gimmicks in Savage Reign are plenty. There's a clown who fights with roller skates. A valley-girl swinging around a pink bowling ball. His name is Joker, and she looks like a cleaned up Harley Quinn, come to think of it now. A Vanilla Ice look-a-like sports a Captain America' Canadian tuxedo of denim and stars and stripes. The Ryu style hero, of the game, fights without fireballs but instead a silly boomerang. The big boss is a fancier "cock of the walk" Shao Kahn throwing his punches with fists covered in boxing gloves. Sickly serene backgrounds include a generic Disneyland theme park and an underground cow milking gang hideout that is almost as weird as something out of "Naked Lunch."* 2 stars

The Spoony Experiment: Clones of Bruce Lee *When Bruce Lee tragically died during the height of his career, movie producing jerks didn't let it stop them from abusing his legacy. Tons of Bruce Lee impersonators popped up and a sub-genre of exploitation movies was born. They were called Brucesploitation flicks. In this one, it's about as shameless as it gets with a plot about cloning Bruce Lee before his body has even grown cold and using the clones for nefarious purposes.* close to 2 stars for the sleazy, cheesy movie and 3 stars for Spoony's review

"Fight For Life" (The Last Official Atari Jaguar Game) --1996-- *Show a kid, today, an Atari 2600 game and they'll think you're giving them something like an ink blot test. Having witnessed an Atari 2600 game, back in the day, it felt like I was standing on the edge of the digital future. The Atari Jaguar promised that brave, new, digital future with their doomed Jaguar gaming machine. I remember the first time I saw Sega's Virtua Fighter in an arcade. I did get that "tomorrow feeling." I couldn't wait to take these blocky 3D characters and make them my sandbox toys tossing them around with their ragdoll physics. It was mind blowing. Atari's Fight For Life wanted to be like Virtua Fighter, only it comes off more like a 2600 ink blot test for the imagination, and really painful to the senses. Man, is it ugly and clunky. It's definitely not "epic," but I can compare it to something else that is "epic." The Faith No More "Epic" music video where the fish out of water is flopping its death throes. It's more like that fish than a jaguar.* between 1 and 1 1/2 stars

The Cinema Snob: Karate Girl *Rape revenge exploitation "thriller" circa 1970s about a mute girl from a Turkish village. The kind of movie that Tarantino would rip off elements from and be called a genius later. Also featuring an infamous over-the-top death scene that's become an internet meme.* close to 2 stars for the movie & close to 3 stars for the review

"The Blonde Fury" (1989) *Cynthia Rothrock is the greatest female action star. It had to be said, because it's true. This is a Hong Kong action flick about crazy counterfeiters and quirky investigators. The English dubbing is extra entertaining and the comedy is quite clever.* 3 stars

Black Sails: Season 1 Episode 5 *Finally, a bloody battle, at sea, to go along with the pirate base politics and prostitute abuse.* 3 stars

Hot Package: Pilot (Adult Swim) --2013-- *Spoof of insipid celebrity obsessed shows like E!NEWS and Entertainment Tonight, but with a weird EverythingIsTerrible style obscure internet clip twist. Featuring "hot phone sex" Pat from Access Hollywood and produced by Tim & Eric from Adult Swim.* close to 2 1/2 stars

"Slap Happy Rhythm Busters" (Playstation One) *Filled with quirky characters who use supermoves similar to a Marvel Versus series game & graphics as brightly colored as 'Viewtiful Joe' 'Katamari Damacy' & 'Legend of Zelda Windwaker', Slap Happy will slap you silly with enjoyment.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Slaughter Sport" aka "Tongue of the Fatman" (Razorsoft) Sega Genesis 1991 *Another barbaric battle of death, in a palace pit, hosted by a Jabba the Hutt style freak boss who also looks like a shirtless Eric Cartman, in his underwear, with a hideous face and tongue on his fat rolls of a belly. Tech-abominations like a cybernetic chicken, fierce sex slave warrior chicks, gassy gargoyles, spider-women, bad boy white rappers, and other mutated freaks of the wasteland compete for the hunger and amusement of Mondu, the fatman. His pet sand-shark finishes off the losers.* running from close to 2 stars down to 1 star

"Godzilla, Destroy All Monsters: Melee" (x-Box) *This has almost everything a fan of kaiju destruction could want. Just about every Tokyo stomping monster is in it, and playable. Only thing missing is frightened citizens running about pointing at "Gojira." Plus, I think the voices over the airwaves should sound Asian. Points for the quirky bits like a UFO hovering over attacking and Mothra getting in on the action.* close to 3 stars

"Rakuga Kids" *Some brats battle their stuffed animals around their playrooms and neighborhood that look like they're out of a pop-up storybook. It's sort of Street Fighter 2 meets Toy Story 2. Animated similar to Rugrats and Adult Swim's Home Movies.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Dragoon Might" -Arcade- (Konami) --1995-- *The fancy presentation of this game reminds me of 2009's 3D spectacle, Avatar. It makes me wanna reach out and pick a low hanging piece of pretty fruit and bite into it. Yet, there's a pit. The artistry and poetry looks at times like it's coming from a Crouching Tiger, but hidden in the bushes, ready to pounce, is a shirtless guy in torn jeans and brandishing a butcher knife. It's just goodtime trash stealing your quarters.* 2 1/2 stars

"Kaiser Knucle" (Arcade) *This is the Vanilla Ice "Cool As Ice" of Street Fighter 2 rip offs. You can play as Fred Flinstone's daughter or "Barts" Yes with an S (teen biker Bart Simpson?) & Ryu w/ flowing mullet, or even "Boggy" who is a MC Hammer wannabe. "Don't hurt 'em!"* 2 stars

Nostalgia Critic: Rise of the Commercials *A look back on when silly advertising really RULED! "Don't put it in your mouth." That is unless it's been properly branded by corporate America and parent approved.* 3 stars

Double Dare: Super Sloppiest Moments *Kids, and their mostly whitebread families, get covered in green slime.* 2 1/2 stars

Jack & Triumph: Commercial *It starts off funny with making fun of Dennis Leary for stealing Bill Hicks' comedy act. Then it gets typical with the whole Alan Thicke showing up and we're supposed to accept that he's now "ironically funny" because he's a square former celebrity acting in an offensive way that we never saw on his old tv show. That's the same kind of lame shit that media is always trying to do in a hipster way with all these former celebrities from the 70s, 80s, or 90s. Robert Smigel can do so much better, see TV Funhouse for example.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Master Ninja 1 *Lee Van Cleef makes a convincing wild west badass. Surrounded by 70s style slacker dude in a muscle van, mousey & young Demi Moore, hicksploitation villains, and obvious kung fu stuntman doing his action work -Lee struggles to make a convincing martial arts badass.* 2 stars with riffing between 1 1/2 and 2 stars without riffing

"Project Justice" --Sega Dreamcast-- (Capcom) *I believe it was the 70s, that era of great television, that first introduced the novelty of students teaming up with a teacher in the classic "Welcome Back, Kotter." The 80s went further, with this, having society's school aged misfits solving problems of gangs of bullies terrorizing the halls of school or jerks who wanted to close down the local youth center and even the retro cheese staple of ski slope jerks challenging our youthful heroes to a race for control of the ski slope club's mountain. This game is similar, in nature, and has the extra benefit of featuring quirky Japanese style characters and aesthetics.* close to 3 stars

"Last Bronx" (Sega Model 2 Arcade) *Consumer electronics have always been trendy with yuppies. When home entertainment centers became hot, everybody had to have one. Digital watches were on every wrist. A Sony walkman around every neck and in every pocket. Still, there was always a stigma about technology, whenever it was new or in development. At the turn of the 21st century, few would have imagined people lining up around the streets to get each new Apple computer product. Same with gaming, it was a kids novelty, and didn't have the online social media culture that it enjoyed after their was a broadband connection and a Sony Playstation 2 in most every living room across the globe. In the 90s testing stage for high end electronics and gaming, Japan was the tech giant. This game says "Last Bronx" but it's more like "Neo Tokyo." It had to have been pretty revolutionary for the time, and yet it looks very much like some thing most of us western yuppies would turn away at.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Robocop, the series: Officer Missing *"Winter is coming".... Land of the Dead... The Purge.... A Christmas Carol (Well, maybe not that one), Robocop did it first.* close to 2 1/2 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 Episode 8 *This show yips off into the sunset (cancelled, deservingly, I'm guessing) like a balloon animal dog from the sphincter of a sword swallower. It was riding a flaming pogo stick. The straw that broke the camel's back was heavy metal cookie monster or large man in diaper strip tease.* 2 stars

Robert Crumb: Despair *"You may not think it's funny, but I've got a morbid sense of humor."* close to 3 stars

"Power Instinct: Matrimelee" (Atlus) --Neo Geo-- *The creepy family members, from "Groove On Fight," are back. This time they're fighting it out, on a televised American Idol type stage, Jerry Springer style. The prize is a hand in marriage. Given its pedigree, and Japanese setting, it's weird as fuck, yet very surprisingly charming.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Kill Or Be Killed" (1980) *Our villain: an escaped Nazi seeking vague revenge by hosting a "Enter the Dragon" type death tournament. Our hero: a mullet-headed, shirtless, karate badass in a tight pair of bell-bottom jeans. He's out to save his girlfriend from the Nazi. Our wildcard: a Game of Thrones type scheming dwarf helping out our karate hero. Our story: pure grindhouse chop sockey cinema.* close to 3 stars

"Rabbit" (Sega Saturn) *Presentation of this game is nice. It reminds me of the new HD Rayman games' colorful eye candy and whimsy joined together with a clever Cartoon Network cartoon like Regular Show or Adventure Time. The fighters each have a beast or spirit animal. It reminds me of sports fanatics and their team mascots. If so many animals weren't endangered, sports fans would be worse than an old school Ruskie with a dancing bear. There would be a stadium full of Eagles fans each with their own personal bald eagle to show off. Dolphins fans would have a kids swimming pool, in the living room beneath the big screen, sporting a live dolphin who they'd feed anchovies off of their pizza to. Another thing about these fighting games, why are all the people in the background so unaffected by the brawls? They're always nicely eating a bowl of noodles in an outdoor cafe or riding a bicycle with a monkey or.....* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Waku Waku 7" (Sunsoft) -1996- *While watching lemmings hop around musically, on this game, I had an epiphany. Fellas we are never gonna get around to building those war robots out of our spare lawnmower and washing machine parts. Ladies, our obese house cats aren't gonna magically start talking and giving us humorous life advice to share on social media. Don't fret, we'll always have the Japanese to create our crazy dreams. That is unless a giant, radiated salamander, with a taste for human sushi, crawls up on the sands of some south Pacific beach.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Streets of Rage 3" (SEGA) *It's a typical beat 'em up story. The evil Mr. X is controlling the city with his band of street punks. Our heroes: Dr. Zan (the bald fu-manchu sporting head of a martial arts sensei badass on top of a cyborg body riding around on rocket skates), this ninja chick in a short minskirt, a blonde Ken Masters look-a-like kung fu street fighter, and a token 90s black kid who loves basketball so much he won't put down his b'ball. They have to battle through wave after wave of mercs and pick up turkey dinner power ups.* 2 1/2 stars

Red Letter Media: Best of the Worst --------

Russian Terminator: *"that's what friends ARE! for" also an Anna Nicole look-a-like, a Kenny Rogers look-a-like, and a ninja.* 2 very awkward stars

Ninja Vengeance: *"Ninja" (a horrible one) John Tesh look-a-like on the run from the Klan in the backwoods of a hicksploitation town.* 1 1/2 stars

Never Too Young To Die: *Heart-throb John Stamos, sexy "Vanity" who's a Prince protege, and chick with a dick Gene Simmons is the rockstar who plays the over the top villain.* 2 stars

Red Letter Media ranks them best to worst as Russian T., Never Too Y., and Ninja V.*

---------------------------------

Freddy Krueger in "Mortal Kombat" (2011) *Freddy mocked the rising popularity of video games in "Freddy's Dead." Two decades later, he returns to the mockery. Released a couple years after the toothless remake, this tongueless appearance by Freddy is sorely missing Robert Englund's macabre wordplay.* 1 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Identity Crisis ----

*Jeff Conaway, and the sheriff from Friday the 13th: Part 6, give this episode a level of Tales from the Crypt "star power." The story is the 'Family Ties' zeitgeist of the its time period. The spirit of the 60s (hippies) versus the spirit of the 80s (yuppies).* close to 3 stars

*Teenage pound puppies. Emo pound puppies.* 1 1/2 stars for most of the episode 2 1/2 stars for the Freddy dreamhouse sequences

---------------------------

Forensic Files: Postal Mortem *Radioshack enthusiast who's a 'Hercules Bullseye Bomber' and master forger of Mormon historical documents.* 2 1/2 stars

Wizards and Warriors: Skies of Death *Doomsday cannon on the cliffs of doom.* 3 stars

Attack On Titan: Episode 2 *Giving a new meaning to "in your face." A term that I don't care for, but here it comes to represent humongous, naked, grinning humans stomping up in one's personal space to chow down on that person like a corndog. The emotions of the kids, and the dread of the situation for them, keeps everything from getting too out of hand as a spectacle.* 3 stars

The Cinema Snob: The Pierre Kirby Saga *A more-than-competent action badass from a handful of less-than-competent Hong Kong action exploitation "movies."* 3 stars for Snob's retrospect and close to 2 stars for the "movies"

Look Around You: Iron *Point point zero point, ring the bell and the experiment can begin within the twinkling of an eye that is hidden behind a metal face shackle.* 2 1/2 stars

VH1 Classics --- Pop Up Video --- (The Big 80's) -------

a-ha - "Take On Me": Few Americans stuck around to notice that this internationally popular Swedish band lasted long after their early 1980s one hit wonder and only broke up after the 1994 Winter Olypics in which they were featured European band.* 3 plus stars for the pop ups and 3 classic MTV stars for the original video

Pat Benatar - Love is a Battlefield": 30 year old Pat portrayed a 16 year old runaway "too controversial for MTV prostitute" in this video.* 3 plus stars with pop ups and close to 3 stars MTV classic without

John Cougar - "Jack & Diane": One guy lived in a coma for 37 years. He wasn't doing a lot of handclapping and air drumming like Johnny Cougar was doing in this video.* 3 stars with pop ups between 2 1/2 and 3 stars without

Lionel Richie - "Hello": Lionel loves for all of his video vixens to have the same hairstyle as he does.* 3 stars with pop ups 2 1/2 stars, cheesy stars, without pop ups

Van Halen - "Hot For Teacher": This unruly music video caused the child stars to eventually become unruly like the real life Van Halen.* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 sleazy stars without pop ups

--------------------------

Viper: Mind Games *A sleeper saboteur, a vixen viper, and a truckload of disease.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Twisted Tales #10 ----------------- (Bruce Jones, Bernie Wrightson, Bill Wray, Rick Geary)

Beer: A story of ribbing greenhorns up where the tree-line ends and the green turns to white snowy mountains, and there be yeti's who drive a hard bargain and a sled.* 3 stars

One For The Money: A cat-burglar gets caught and commits murder. He assumes a bear-suit disguise and flees to the woods where he gets gunned down by hunters.* 2 1/2 stars

Hatchet Job: Scientists go back and time and bumble trying to solve the Lizzie Borden murders. ha.* 2 1/2 stars

Two For The Show: A retelling of the earlier cat-burglar tale. This time the party guest kills the intruder, then takes the jewels for himself. Instead of getting shot by a pair of hunters, he gets mauled by a mother grizzly bear. The irony.* close to 3 stars

A haggard man buys a bed from a used store for his sick daughter to rest on her deathbed as she gets out of the hospital. That night, he's visited by the ghost of a girl haunting the bed that died in it, years earlier, in a torn down orphanage fire.* 3 stars, I guess...

Poison in the Pantry: A miserable and mistreated wife and stepmother puts rat poison in the family's soup. She dreams of even better days, from behind bars.* 3 stars

-------------------------------

Hill Street Blues: Life. Death. Eternity... *Etcetera.* 3 stars

X Files: Tooms *Skinner, the Smoking Man, and one of the best "monster" villains ever on the show.* 3 stars

Twitch City: I'm Fat and I'm Proud *Every episode of every tv show ever on tape. And almost everything else a slacker could ever want, for all seasons, except love? And the ability to exit comfortably into society.* 3 stars

Real Pulp Comics #1 *Perverse and humorous tales of skid row lowlifestyle in the babyboom generation's peak.* 2 1/2 stars

Max Headroom: Neurostim *Football, Fast-Food, Fantasy. counter-Fucking-revolutionary.* 3 stars

Farscape: Nerve *Infiltrating a Peacekeeper base, and meeting the Peacekeeper's Darth Vader (Scorpius).* 3 stars

Look Around You: Brain *"Pretty smart for something that looks like a common garden cauliflower."* close 3 stars

Forensic Files: Micro Clues *Tiny communities of freshwater creatures ring out truth and justice from the lungs of a drowned boy of a Swiss village.* 2 stars

Kingdom Hospital: Season 1 Episode 10 *Call the doctor, call the nurse, these guys (King and Lars) are goofy and getting worse.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

---Animal Planet--- I Was Bitten: The Walker County Incident *"Animal Planet, surprisingly human." Unsurprisingly stupid. Far more entertaining than the usual (Finding Bigfoot) cryptozoology reality tv whore idiots. Points for the twist ending prank gotcha moment.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

======= Trash TV ---- Seasons Finale ------ Marathon ===================

Forensic Files: Something's Fishy *The cyanide tainted Excederin pain reliever panic of the early 90s.* 2 1/2 stars

Forensic Files: Sealed With A Kiss *Psycho teacher stalks herself and then frames a rival faculty member.* close to 3 stars

Forensic Files: Deadly Parasites *Shit leaked into Lake Michigan contaminates the Milwaukee water supply and kills over a hundred people.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --- Murder House: Afterbirth *The "Murder House" is back on the market at a reduced prices. Also, ghosts can slit other ghosts' throats and they bleed ghost blood. Who knew? They even like to celebrate the season of giving (Christmas) with all the trimmings of the living.* either 1 star or 3 stars for a balls out finale

American Horror Story --- Asylum: Madness Ends *Lana Winters (the reporter from AHS: Asylum) is no Edison Carter (the reporter from Max Headroom). And so concludes this chapter of American Melodrama. Horror's end is supposed to be wrapped up in neat little bows of tenderness... EH? No? Ok.* 2 1/2 stars, I guess

American Horror Story --- Coven: Go To Hell *"I made you die those little deaths." Hell is a fried chicken shack. Ghosts need passports for travel. Who knew? Paula Deen isn't really sorry. She's just sorry that she was caught.* close to 3 stars

American Horror Story --- Coven: The Seven Wonders

*Welcome to the World Series of witchcraft. Let the Harry Potter games begin.

I especially got a chuckle out of the girls just wanna have fun teleportation game of tag that happened right after the hippie witch got stuck in her own personal "8th grade biology dissection of a frog" hell.

It would seem like black humor, but I think it's not meant to be. It's just poor writing.

Take for instance how the redheaded hag/nag says that the new supreme witch can't have a "Whitewater scandal" to be a blemish on her new leadership.

So, she demands to be burned alive in the most soap opera dramatic and laughable way possible to the Stevie Nicks music that's playing throughout the show (the show even begins like a Stevie Nicks music video. *rolls eyes*).

Since the new Coven is going public (kind of like a corporation joining the New York Stock exchange and opening all their books up, or whatever), one would think that committing an act of murder (the witch burning) might somehow leak out and be frowned upon eventually leading to scandal.

Anyway, that aside, "The Axe Man" and "Fiona" carry the show with their charisma and moody moments together, as usual.

We get another feel good ending, for some reason, because that's horror, according to the producers of this show and the Fox musical GLEE.

Why are these guys pretending to do horror?

I did appreciate Fiona's return from the dead, before dying again (Ha), reminding me of Interview With A Vampire's scene where Tom Cruise crawls out of the swamp after being gatorbait left for dead by his gloomy boyfriend and porcelain doll daughter.

Also, in closing, Fiona's version of hell was quite fitting and moody compared to the pretentious and childish versions of hell for all the other characters.

For example; the annoying good teenager chick's hell beat out the annoying bad teenager chick's hell for level of awfulness.

And that was an accomplishment.

The bad chick's hell was being stuck on a Hollywood musical that she didn't like. *Snot*

The good chick's hell was having her James Dean wannabe boyfriend breaking up with her every day. *Vomit*

I guess hell is happening here on earth for every emo 16 year old all the time.

I have already wasted too many words on most of this pile stinky fish guts.*

running from around 1 1/2 stars a lot of the time up to 2 1/2 stars at different moments

==========================================================================

"Sacred Cow Halloween Special" circa 1993 (All Hallow's Eve? Why not? It's June) *Early 1990s public access tv special featuring a lot of low-fi indie music videos from bands who don't give a shit and live call in guests to the hosts and Bill Hicks in hell. Plus the legend, Bill Hicks, pulls out the home video footage of where he stood in the neighboring cow pasture, and ranted about the government, while Janet Reno rolled tanks with flamethrowers through the walls of a crazy cult so that they could charbroil children. Yep, have a happy trick r' Summer treat and roast in the heat.* more than 2 1/2 stars

"Beyond Belief" =================================

*Early 90s Nickelodeon took time to educate kids, where modern Nick tries to sell them tweeny bopper pop star insipid kid sitcoms.

Stories here include:

The City of the Dead that lies beneath Paris.

History lesson about how the Greeks burned half the Roman, enemy, fleet using solar energized shields.

Sadly poetic tale of The Elephant Man and his time in a London hospital.

Important message about conservation and protecting endangered animals. "Don't cut down the rainforest." Man, I have fond memories of "earth friendly" science lessons during my childhood school years. A really hopeful, positive time.

We visit the Cabaret Mechanical Theater featuring robotic dolls & toys (creepy and cool).

Some funny laws, around the world, are discussed like the illegal carrying of ice cream cones in your pocket in Kentucky and so on.

Cursed opera causes God to smite anyone the opera singer looks at while singing, "Oh, God smash him!"

We meet a 17 year old autistic genius artist who can draw any London monument or building. Autism was still misunderstood, greatly, during this time.

A visit to an old magician's backyard where he displays to us a new, old trick.

Finally, it's a history lesson about Westerners reluctance at first and then being sold on the idea and practice of embalming the corpses of their loved ones for funeral display.

Great stuff.

-Classic commercials include:

Scram Ball, "the hot new game."

Bubble tape, the bubble gum that's hard for grandma to eat.

Murray mountain bikes are so rugged that they can help a 10 year old outrun his 16 year old bro's pickup truck on rocky terrain.

A Fresh Prince of Bel'Air kid is tired of being told "no" so he eats Raisin Bran for some reason....

A gang of 90s tv kids have a video cam corder scavenger hunt thanks to McDonalds.*

close to 3 stars

=======================================================

Police Squad: A Substantial Gift (WLS7-Chicago) 3 - 4 - 1982 =============

*First we get a commercial for a home electronics and appliance store. Man, the 70s and early 80s had such an ugly color decor thing going on. Putrid greens, tans, yellows, and dingy greys going on everything from fridges to stoves to dishwashers to carpet to vaccuumcleaners. Some nice pics of walls of the very popular, at the time, ghetto blaster boom boxes (nice).

"Blast From The Past," Saturday at 6:30 featuring a dapper dude brushing his wavy hair and a go go chick hula hooping. The 80s were really nostalgic for the 50s.

And, now with a flashing red siren we're told we'll be watching Police Squad "In Color." The show starts out with a woman who's being stuck for cash by a crooked orthodonist. Ha. She kills her loan clerk boyfriend and frames a poor sap trying to get the loan in a double homicide.

A hazy looking Loren cosmetics commercial

followed by a movie trailer for the insipid Oscar bait movie "On Golden Pond."

Leslie Nielsen shows up to the crime, knocking over trash cans with his cop car. Funny sight gag of the meat wagon boys taking out an extra, extra long body on an extra, extra long stretcher. They find a way to work in the old type "Who's on first!?" joke to her formal statement of the crime.

The forensic lab guy is a wacko.

A visit to the victim's wife, and Nielsen rambles on about himself (ha) during her grief.

The killer dame shows up to give her official statement looking like an obvious fink in a new fur coat and feathered boa.

We get a funny scene where one cop's so tall his head is off camera.

"Crisp and clean" "No Caffeine" "Never had it, never will." "Feelin' up with 7 'Up."

A pretty model girl walks around fields of amber grains waving while sporting a "Cover Girl Face."

Benson & Open All Night are part of the ABC Friday Night line up.

Lieutenant Nielsen re-enacts the crime by actually shoothing his fellow officers, leaving a pile of bodies while he ponders the crime. Ha.

Cops and Priests (What do you know about life after death? *hands over a 20$*) seek confidential information from a shoe shine man.

Medieval orthodontist gear is highlighted via willingly happy kids wearing headgear. Leslie does some dental exam physical comedy.

Some oblivious cops sight gags in an elevator. Clever stuff.

Showdown with the dirty dame featuring bad wigs and a bullet filled Mexican standoff from a couple feet away from each other behind trash cans and a sidewalk bus bench. Bullhorn "Give it up!" warning from just as close a length.

New Aim mint is the talk of the whiteboy locker room..

Sexy as heck, and wet in a pool, Lynda Carter likes her lips "wet." Mmmmmm

Stay Tuned for Bossom Budies and "Night of 100 Stars"

Old school, syndicated television. Can't beat it.*

3 stars

=========================================================================

MTV's Ridiculousness with special guest Dr. Drew Pinsky *Normally this poor kid's America's Funniest Home Videos for skateboard wiggers, hosted by a skateboard wigger & his black friend & his airheaded blonde friend, would get zero stars for its unfunny commentary on outdated extreme sports accident videos and mishap/ prank videos.... but since quack pop-psychiatry tv celebrity "doctor" Drew is on here and giving insight into the social problems many of these fools, in these foolish videos, do happen to supposedly have... Well, it's more absurd and tolerable.* close to 2 stars

"Five Fingers Of Death" *It's the formula tale of bullies terrorizing a town, and the heroes finally standing up to them. It could be a western, an 80s surfing/ski resort movie, but here it's a Shaw brothers kung fu flick. Many hipsters will recognize the Kill Bill music that Tarantino stole from this film.* 3 stars

Tom Green's Subway Monkey Hour --2002-- *Tom Green will probably always be infamous for the terrible "Freddy Got Fingered," and he deserves it. This hour long MTV special featuring Tom being the weirdest Westerner possibly ever in Japan is way better than that awful Hollywood mistake of a "movie." In fact, it's a dozen times more interesting than the Jackass movies that borrow the skit after skit format of this special. Add an extra thirty minutes of footage from this trip to Japan, which I'm sure they had, and it would have been a better choice to be released in movie theaters instead of "Freddy Got Fingered."* close to 3 stars

Tales From The Crypt: Lover Come Hack To Me *Car trouble on a desolate road on the honeymoon night. The couple seeks shelter in an old-dark-house. There's a cozy fireplace with a big, medieval axe hanging above it. A storm is raging outside. The bride is a strange, little virgin. The groom is a sleazy bohunk acting surprised to have found a 45 magnum in his glove box. She wonders if he married her for the money (no surprise, he did). Bloody memories haunt the place same as their "romance." It's the perfect setting for mur-der (*Thunder & Lightning!*)...* 3 stars

Six Feet Under: The Will *Diving board death. Pyramid scheme. Backstreet Boy look-a-like douchey boyfriend. Meeting of gay firemen. Breaking up with Ed Begley Jr. Blackmail from beyond the grave. Selling a slightly used coffin at a discount rate. Burning someone's name into your flesh. Buyout offer. Emotional breakdown on the bus that killed the father. Toe suck.* close to 3 stars

100 Bullets: The Counterfifth Detective (Vertigo Comics) *Piano bar without a piano player. A private dick wrapped up like the Invisible Man. Stolen art with codes from one's past. A damaging echo.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

Justified: Season 1 Episode 5 *The cowboy's pa is an outlaw.* 3 stars

American Gothic: Resurrector *Going away presents for a ghost and a sacrifice to the devil.* close to 3 stars

Kung Fu: Nine Lives *"Find a cat or be a tramp all your life." "Dark and vain are the ways of lust, the poet said." or something of that nature...* 3 stars

"Master of the Flying Guillotine" *A bloody martial arts tournament, where every fighter has a unique gimmick or style, is interrupted by a badass villain using his flying guillotine to pull the heads off of every one armed boxer that he finds until he gets his revenge. He finds out that he's not as badass as the real one armed boxer. This flick had to have had a huge influence on both Street Fighter 2 and Mortal Kombat.* 3 stars

Doctor Who: The Satan Pit *A claustrophobic, high stakes sci fi story similar to The Thing, Leviathan, and Alien.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Horror Express" (Christopher Lee & Peter Cushing) *It's about time, some cryptozoology monster goodness. Finding Bigfoot type nonsense has almost killed the fun in this fantasy genre. It helps that this movie is Hammer horror style and has Lovecraftian-dread overtones.* 3 stars

Gerhard's America: Gerhard at NASCAR *Gerhard finds he has a lot in common with effeminate racer Michael Waltrip.* close to 2 1/2 stars

------ TV Carnage:

*A Lot Of Men Collect Barbie Dolls: "It's a professional hobby, now." Nothing weird, at all here.* 2 stars

*A Woman's Guide To Guns and Hallucinating: Learn about your weapon, instead of fantasizing about it.* close to 2 stars

*Aids = Hump Day Poison!: The 80s were all about high risk behavior.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Child Actor Failures: Are you being rigid enough or in some cases too rigid with your little gold-mine?* close to 3 stars

*Damn Shame: It's a shame that white boy thugs get gunned down every day. Call America's Most Wanted or Yo! MTV Raps with any info on the possible killer.* 2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Big Trouble In Little China

*Joe Bob pokes fun at the culture of addiction.

We learn about Carter Wong, the martial arts expert who stars in the movie. Amazing credits to his kung fu game.

Preview for TNT's new classic "The Golden Child" starring Eddie Murphy

quirky KIA suv car commercial from 1998 featuring cliche gator hunting / swamp loving Cajuns who'd be the type in reality shows more than a decade later. It's funny here, sort of, but tiresome if you live in this era of bad reality tv "real folk" like this.

preview for Jacki Chan's "Rumble in the Bronx" and its American cable tv debut on TNT

a yuppy mom tries to stuff a pizza into her toaster, but doesn't have to anymore because some processed junk food company invented toaster pizza snacks. "White lady/mom problems"

Kim Cattral is gorgeous, in this movie, and not an old whore who'd make you swear off women like she would after her Sex in the City days

SNL's Weekend Update anchor Kevin Nealon sells out for a collect call "so 90s it hurts" advertisement. One good thing about cell phones is that these ads disappeared

Joe Bob's Drive In Totals for this flick: 57 dead bodies... One kidnapping... Four motor vehicle chases... One wheelchair chase... One White-Slavery Ring... Yellow-Slavery Ring... One Machine Gun Massacre... One Machete Battle... Multiple Blue Finger-Flame... One Zombie-fied Levitating 2,000-Year-Old Man With Really Bad Fingernails... Exploding Building...Exploding Temple... Knife To The Forehead... One Ocean of Chained Skeletons... One Palace Of Golden Buddhas... Poison Gas... Nine Kung Fu Scenes...

Racquelle Welch in One Million BC, another drive in classic, next week on Monstervision

Some Hollywood stunt-men cowboys beat the shit out of each other for a Pontiac "Montana" minivan. Sure, why not?

Soulful 70s singer-songwriter Aflac family insurance ad, family station wagon Tru Value helpful employee kidnapping ad, Home Depot helpful employees..., some bruthas turn a stranger's need for directions into a roadtrip down the road for some McDonalds.... 90s commercials tried to be really feel good, but come off very insipid

"Tired of Phony Psychics?" Generic graphics of lightning strikes and huge yellow background typed letters plus a doe eyed weirdo lady claiming to have certified psychics for her phone network.... "Guaranteed Authentic by the U.S. Govt." HAAAA.... wow! what a claim!

Joe Bob pines about how there aren't perfect women in the world, and how guys give up women over nail color, comparing it to the plot of the movie being about the search for a perfect, green eyed Chinese chick

Then, Joe Bob skewers the politically correct critics, of this movie, who said that Big Trouble re-enforced Asian stereotypes.

Kitschy style Miller Lite commercial where four old ladies try to contact the spirit of one lady's dead husband. He's a slab, of course, and comes back to life, possessing the body of one of her friends, raiding the fridge for beer and scratching his (her) ass. She's overjoyed.

Kellog's Breakfast Mates... A commercial that's basically saying, "Let corporate America continue to "raise" your children." It's convenient.

Joe Bob teaches us about Kurt Russell's ties to Elvis and Disney and John Carpenter

TNT updates its Monstervision website "once a week." Current people and websites, of the internet(s), update every second of the day. Waiting a week for something new is almost as painful as the information (nonsense) overload of right now.

Dennis Miller is in line at a hipster coffe shop complaining about the price of "a cup of Joe" and the price of collect calls. If he sounds like a cranky and out of touch old man here, wait til a decade later where he's rambling incoherently to his best pal Mr.Bill O'Reilly on Fox News.

Two 90s alterna-chicks having a conversation: "One day we'll meet, marry, and have cyber sex with the man of our dreams online." Robert Englud cameo in Dee Snider's Strangeland

Joe Bob points out that there's a "not so incognito" Penthouse Pet in this flick

TNT Mail Girl Reno gets asked to how much it would take to "get nekkid" by Joe Bob, and then he reads an angry letter from an upset liberal who loves freedom so much that he wants to ban free speech that he doesn't like by calling it "hatred." Ha. Joe Bob made a joke about "killing liberals" or something and this guy got his feelings hurt. Boo hoo.

Joe Bob rips TNT a new asshole for taking an awful commercial break, featuring about 14 insipid 90s "feel good" commercials, during the EPIC kung fu finale. Being on TNT, and not too late in the night unlike TNT's 100% Weird, Monstervision suffered some really lame commercials. USA UP All Night usually had more lame B movies instead of good B movies, yet they featured a lot more entertaining and sleazy commercials compared to Monstervision Other, late night basic cable and UHF B movies had better commercials than TNT as well. Fucking TNT. So schmaltzy and sickening. You watch a weird, late night movie, you want weird late night commercials, and you want them not to interrupt the best part of the movie. You don't want a great kung fu scene stopped to have five minutes of sepia toned artsy cinematography of elderly couples slow dancing in the shadow of the Brooklyn bridge while romantic piano music plays and there's a warm feeling about life insurance or some crap.

Roll Credits.*

3 stars for Big Trouble (For fun and memorable characters, it's to the 80s what A New Hope was to the 70s) 3 stars for Joe Bob and 1 star for TNT's bullstuff

---------------------------------------------------------------------

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Caught In The Web, Staying Safe in Cyberspace: Surfin' with a cyber sleuth and stopping smut and sickos both online and in the real world. If any of this is actually real.* close to 3 stars

*Check It Out _ Acne Video: "Hip" teen talk show infomercial about bogus zits.* 2 1/2 stars

*Chef Keith _ Fake Chef Pranks Morning TV Shows: You can make one of those creepy smiling talking head news morning show hosts believe that "The average person eats around a pound and a half of feces a year." HA! Most of the feces comes from morning talks shows.* 3 stars

*Christian Rock Video Showdown: We're all a wiener slash loser with these bands that are a even more soft rock cross between Journey, Foreigner, Kenny Loggins, and a hairy butt.* close to 3 stars

*John and Johnny and Earrings: Homeshopping host is giddy about seashell earrings.* close to 2 stars

--------------------------------

Fargo: The Six Ungraspables *There are no saints in the animal kingdom, only breakfast... lunch.. and dinner.* 3 stars

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Burlington, Vermont *Home of laidback liberals and Lochness lizards.* 2 1/2 stars

Vanity Fair, Confidential: Mad About the Boys *Lou Pearlman loved to hear singing from voices that hadn't yet gone through puberty. He also loved hot air balloons and ponzi schemes. No surprise that the super-rich sponsor of a creepy cult of child entertainers was not-so-secretly a pig-man spawn of Satan himself.* 2 1/2 stars

X Files: Born Again *Mustache'd cop working Chinatown. He gets killed by some shady colleagues. Years later, he returns as a very gloomy little-girl with special powers and vengeance on her(his) mind.* close to 3 stars

The Prisoner: Checkmate *On a wing and a prayer and unfortunately an air of authority.* 3 stars

----- TV Carnage:

*Dr. Drew and MTV Got Cold Feet: Could be worse. Could be dead like Corey Haim and his girlfriend. Killed by Brigette Nielsen, Stallone and Flava Flav's ex.* close to 2 stars

*TV Carnage: Dixie Carter Death Trip: Designing women to be strangely obnoxious.* 2 stars

*Even His Scream Is Bad Acting: Bohunk (Dumb goodlooking American guy. Not the dictionary definition which insults someone from Europe.) slasher victim.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Give Head Responsibly: Consult your doctor before giving or receiving.* 2 1/2 stars

*God Gives A Second Chance To Anyone. It's In His Book: Especially to those with a Pat Boone singing style and a new book coming out about second chances.* close to 2 1/2 stars

-----------------------------------------

Hannibal: Sorbet *Hannibal has a stalker/fan/wannabe BFF who compares him to Michael Jackson. Meanwhile, Hannibal keeps recipes of people on their business cards.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Look Around You: Music (season 2) *The show's format has completely changed to an in studio info / variety presentation, and while it's no longer the mock science docu-series that it started out as, it's still silly and clever. Plus, it's longer at a half hour.* 2 1/2 stars

Game of Thrones: Season 3 Episode 9 *This show is good and shockingly heavy, as usual, but I watch it in a way that would more than frustrate diehard fans. I'm seasons behind where everyone else is, and I have no concern as to when I see the next chapter.* 3 stars

Shaw Brothers: Executioners from Shaolin *At the heart of this movie is a dysfunctional kung fu family. On the wedding night, the groom can't get the bride's legs open because her crane style is too strong. Mother teaches son crane style kung fu and they playfully use it even when she's trying to wash the family's clothes. Dad can't even sit down to a good meal, because son wants to test dad's tiger style kung fu.* 3 stars

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ericfruits · 4 years

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Remembering Peter Sellers, the outstanding comic actor of his time

Goon but not forgotten Remembering Peter Sellers, the outstanding comic actor of his time

A new documentary shows how his talent outshone many of the films he starred in

Books, arts and culture Prospero

PETER SELLERS died 40 years ago, aged only 54, yet his reputation endures in a way many of his peers’ have not. It is hard to think of any British comic actor—indeed, any Western comic actor at all—of his era who remains so celebrated. But then, none had his uncanny improvisational ability or his astonishing range: the result, he always claimed, of having no real character of his own.

The BBC, which in 1995 gave three episodes of its flagship “Arena” arts programme over to an exhaustive documentary on Sellers—most subjects are covered in one—still considers him a sufficiently important figure for a substantial new film. “Peter Sellers: A State of Comic Ecstasy” concentrates chiefly on Sellers’s personal life, to which his career is presented as a backdrop. One effect of this is to show what a relatively small proportion of his films have stood the test of time—or passed muster even in their own day. Soon after Sellers’s death, Tom Shale, a critic, observed that there could be few “good actor[s] who ever made so many bad movies as Sellers, a comedian of great gifts but ferociously faulty judgment”.

“A State of Comic Ecstasy” highlights the very good, to emphasise what an extraordinary talent Sellers possessed, as well as the very bad, to illustrate how vanity and poor choices intertwined with his distressing family life to diminish him. His most famous role, and the one which made him a global star—Inspector Clouseau, the maladroit French detective from the “Pink Panther” series (pictured)—is mentioned all but in passing, as if it was scarcely worthy of him. This is unfair on those performances; like Steve Martin, who succeeded him in the role, Sellers could move between sophisticated humour and broad slapstick and make each a thing of comic beauty.

Another striking aspect of Sellers’s films is how they would fall foul of today’s standards. Sellers made his name through his gift for voices—beginning with his standout turns on “The Goon Show”—and often these included national and racial stereotypes. Jacques Clouseau was one such; perhaps the next best remembered is his Indian stock character, whom he depicted in “The Millionairess” (1960) opposite Sophia Loren, again in “The Party” (1968) and repeatedly in comic songs on record.

You might think this would make him a prime candidate to be, in today’s parlance, cancelled. Yet his Indian parody was remarkably popular with, well, Indians and others from the subcontinent. Hanif Kureishi, a writer, appears in the new BBC film to recall how his Pakistani father and white English mother delighted in seeing their relationship reflected thus on screen, despite Sellers’s brownface. The title of “Goodness Gracious Me”, a breakout British Asian television sketch comedy, was a reference both affectionate and acidic to Sellers, taken from the comic song he and Ms Loren recorded to cash in on their hit film. This writer has seen British Asian friends nearly fall off the sofa with happy laughter at Sellers’s cod-Indian spoof of the “My Fair Lady” number “Wouldn't It Be Loverly”. Moreover, both the doctor in “The Millionairess” and the actor in “The Party” are, in the end, the heroes of the day; they are honourable, kind and sincere, and the joke is on those who underestimate and condescend to them.

Sellers’s attitude to women, both on and off the screen, is less defensible. “A State of Comic Ecstasy” shows how there was not much to choose between the real Sellers and his eponymous character in “Hoffman” (1970, a non-comic role), who attempts to blackmail a much younger woman into a relationship, or Clare Quilty, one of the predatory men, whom he plays in Stanley Kubrick’s “Lolita” (1962). Sellers, who was well into his 30s when stardom arrived, was a serial wooer, manipulator and controller of ingenues, most famously Britt Ekland, a Swedish actress.

Sellers portrayed Quilty as a man of many disguises, which amounted to multiple roles in the same film and became a trademark (he had already accomplished it in 1959 in a surprise international success, “The Mouse That Roared”). “Dr. Strangelove” (1964) was financed on the condition he reprise this device, and it established his standing as a comic actor of peerless ability and dazzling versatility.

It is remarkable to think this early triumph might have been the pinnacle of a crowded filmography that extended another 16 years, had it not been for his penultimate movie. “Being There” (1979) is a film, and a performance, unique in Sellers’s catalogue. He was famed for dead-on caricature and exuberant clowning. But as Chance the gardener (misheard as Chauncey Gardener), the innocent, television-obsessed simpleton around whom increasingly deranged events revolve, he was a pool of stillness. He had spent the decade striving to get the film made; he believed, correctly, it would be his masterpiece, and he identified so closely with Chance that he printed up his own business cards in the name. The “Pink Panther” series made Sellers wealthy and famous in his time. But it is the characters that bookend Clouseau—Dr Strangelove and Chance—which are the nearest guarantee of his immortality as an actor.

“Peter Sellers: A State of Comic Ecstasy” is available on BBC iPlayer now

https://ift.tt/2Agi2K9

#IFTTT #Feedly

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noredinktech · 5 years

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Celebrating Launches

Imagine this: your team has just spent months on a big release, and you just hit the button… it's live! Over the next couple of days, you look at your metrics and people are using it. Hooray, this just keeps getting better and better!

So, what do you do?

If you're anything like me, you celebrate quietly to yourself and keep working. Celebrating the team is something you know you should do—especially as a leader—but it's not obvious how to do it well. We've all seen cheerful but halfhearted office celebrations in pop culture… under-inflated balloons tacked to the walls of a conference room, served with stale cake and a side of awkward conversation. We could set higher standards for ourselves, and meet them too! Imagine how that'd make your team feel: appreciated and recognized for their hard work. Your team wants that… don't you?

So how do we get there? How do we celebrate the team's accomplishments effectively? How do we tell our colleagues "thank you for the hard work" in a personally meaningful way?

In team celebrations at NoRedInk, we've found a couple big principles that help us celebrate effectively:

Involve everyone!

Celebrate both individual and team accomplishments.

Give people something they will remember.

Everyone knows that story of being the last picked for some class sport—or worse, experienced it for themselves. Nobody likes feeling left out, so let's make the opposite happen: involve everyone! One of my favorite ways to do this is through peer awards. Everyone gets someone else's name, makes an award for them, and then everyone comes together to present them to each other. Awards can take any form; presenters might be inspired to say a few simple words of appreciation, write and perform a poem or parody song, utilize their amateur (or professional) photo editing skills to create a custom certificate, or even present a short set of slides. Whatever the award is, there’s always something to celebrate about each person on your team. We've seen people celebrate their peers for great feats of engineering, for being all around nice people, and on one notable occasion someone made a spoof Mad Max movie trailer for one of our product managers… he became "Reasonable Max."

This is a chance for your team to let their creative side out—and even those folks who don't see themselves as "creative" can recall a time or two in the project that they genuinely appreciated another person. As long as it's done genuinely and in the spirit of celebration, the sky's the limit! Celebrating this way as a team also has a compounding effect: it feels good to make others feel good.

In addition to recognizing individual accomplishments, don't forget to celebrate the team's accomplishments as a whole. For example, I really enjoy hearing how people are using and enjoying the things my team builds. It drives the point home that we've really accomplished something. At NoRedInk, where we're making software to build writing skills, this means looking at feedback from students and teachers. What are teachers seeing in their classrooms? Do students rate themselves as having grown as writers because of using our tools? I've found it helpful to get together some reactions from students and teachers to show to the team. Whatever industry you're working in, I bet you can find similar feedback. What are the important numbers in your business? Have you seen them go up? Even internal things can be helpful: how many pull requests did the team open? How many rounds of design? There's all kinds of great stories in any launch. Share them with your team!

Finally, it's helpful to give people something they will remember. When I was on Team Ink, Ashley (our product manager) sculpted little squids for everyone and glued air plants inside. Whenever I visit the office, I have to smile at how folks take such good care of their little squid plant. This can be as complex or as simple as you like—some teams like creating memories: going to have a picnic at a nearby park or to the team's favorite restaurant. Other teams like to have something physical to keep around: patches or stickers to commemorate a big launch. Whatever you choose, don't forget to include your remote folks—they're as big a part of your team as the people in the office and should be celebrated too!

“Wow,” you might say, “that sounds like a lot of work. I’m not sure I have time for that!” I’ve felt that way too. Some parts of this can take time, so if you feel that way then consider starting off with a peer awards ceremony. It’s just a matter of blocking off 60 minutes on your team’s calendar, putting everyone’s emails in a gift exchange generator, and telling them what you’ll all be doing together! All told, it takes about half an hour of organization time. If a peer awards ceremony doesn't sound like a good fit for your team, it's time to brainstorm: write down as many ideas as you can in 10 minutes. Keep your hand moving, even if you're just writing nonsense. What does your team like to do together? Board games? Having a special team lunch? Impromptu dance party? Surely you can come up with even better ideas. After all: you know your team best. The point is to just start. You can do it! It doesn't have to be anything big or fancy, it just has to come from a place of appreciation.

Brian Hicks @BrianHicks Engineer at NoRedInk

(with special thanks to Ashley Chin for extensive editing help!)

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thebibliomancer · 7 years

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100 Days of Comics! 084/100: Batman #237 (1971)

Today’s pull from the box of ever decreasing mystery is a Batman! From 1971!

This particular physical copy of the book is missing its cover. But I can’t be too upset. Its older than I am. I’m holding paper that is older than me. Also its a big beefy book with not only 25 pages of comic but a reprint from Detective Comics #37 from 1940. Content!

Also, this specific issue is a special Rutland Halloween story. I’ve covered Rutland, Vermont’s Halloween celebrations a couple times from the Marvel end so its neat to see how the other half lives.

We start with a dead Batman, staked to a tree. Is this Red Rain?

But on the next page, Dick Grayson and his college chums are taking in the Rutlan Halloween Parade, with one becoming increasingly fascinated by the parade floats. Granted, he’s been up three days cramming for an art exam.

Also, you may remember that on Marvel’s side of things, they use thinly veiled expies the Squadron Supreme to stand in for the DC characters that people will be dressed as at the parade.

DC just up and puts Marvel characters in the parade. There’s an off-brand Captain America, a Quicksilver mostly hid behind a float, and just Havok.

Dick and pals are headed to Tom Fagan’s Halloween party when they see some thugs beating up a fellow dressed as Robin. Dick and co intervene and Dick almost managed to beat up the thugs without coming off too Robinish but the float obsessed art major gets in his way to demand if he saw those outasight floats.

Still, the thugs are chased off. Costume party Robin says the thugs seemed convinced that he was the real Robin. But something seems fishy so on the pretext of hunting down the float maniac, Dick splits off from his friends to go investigate as TEEN/YOUNG ADULT WONDER, ROBIN.

And that’s when he finds dead Batman. Or rather, dead someone in a Batman Halloween costume.

And then the Grim Reaper bursts out of the darkness and menaces Robin with a scythe. This is less whimsical than Marvel’s Rutland stories tend to be.

While dodging, Robin trips over a rock and falls off a cliff, knocks himself unconscious, and starts drowning in a very shallow stream.

And the float maniac wanders by blissfully unaware, trying to find someone who will talk floats with him.

Luckily the real Batman is really in the area for reals and happens to spot the hapless college-aged boy wonder. He takes Robin to the mansion of Tom Fagan to be ministered by Doctor Gruener.

Gruener is in fact the reason Batman is in town. He was once an inmate of a concentration camp run by Nazi Colonel Kurt Schloss, aka the Butcher. Obviously a real bad dude who did a lot of torture and killing.

Gruener happened to spot Schloss while shopping for a gift for his daughter. The store clerk told Gruener that Schloss had retned a pirate costume to be delivered to Rutland, Vermont. Schloss apparently really loves masquerade parties.

Obviously, Gruner alerted the authorities. Hence why Batman is here.

As for the thugs beating up Robins and murdering Batmen. Well, some of Schloss’ ex-underlings are hunting him for the Nazi gold he stole. They must be trying to take care of Batman and Robin before they can interfere.

But since Robin is too injured, now it is Batman time.

He heads downstairs and runs into Tom Fagan who praises his Batman costume and the muscles that go with it. A nonplussed Batman just stammers that he exercises a lot.

And at the party we see Havok again, claw-hammer collander-helmet variant Thor and someone just dressed as Spider-Man but calling himself Webslinger Lad.

Someone once told me that the Squadron Supreme seemed a really disrespectful way to spoof DC but at least Marvel tried to put some layers between spoof and thing being spoofed.

Outside, float obsessed art student tries asking the Grim Reaper if he digs floats and then realizes its the Grim Reaper and runs screaming for help.

Float Guy runs into Batman who examines the body the Grim Reaper left and tells Float Boy to hide somewhere but not to breath word of the murders. If a panic gets out, they’ll lose their chance of nabbing Schloss. And if you can’t bring in Nazis to face justice for their crimes then civilization is a farce. And that’s from Batman.

Batman notices that the light in the tower of Fagan’s mansion is blinking in morse code and realizes it must be the thugs. He runs upstairs, missing a man in a pirate suit hidden in a cupboard and beats up some thugs.

The thug spills the beans with Batman implicitly threatens to drop him off the roof. They observed Schloss arrive in a yellow car so they rigged it up to explode.

And before Batman can warn Schloss the car explodes.

So three people have died, including an innocent man whose only mistake was dressing up as Batman. But the case still isn’t closed. The Reaper is still out there and responsible for killing the man in the woods.

And Batman knows who it is and goes to the site where the fake Batman was killed.

Oh, hi Thor, Spider-Man, and Havok again.

Batman confronts the Reaper. The men chasing Schloss had no reason to know Batman was around, not unless someone told them. And Doctor Gruener told them after having a change of heart and deciding to take personal vengeance on Schloss.

Gruener lost his parents and sisters in the concentration camp and watched Schloss laugh as they died. He still awakes from sleep screaming even after all these years.

Batman says he has no right to judge but neither does Gruener. And there’s not enough water in that stream to wash the blood from the hands of anyone who takes a life! Better way! Etc!

Gruener swings his scythe around, smacks Batman in the chin and then runs off. A part of Batman wants to let Gruener go, seeing some of himself in him. BUT NO HIS WAY IS WRONG!

Meanwhile, Float Guy is on top of the dam telling his college chums about meeting Batman and the Reaper and he’s at least stopped talking about Floats. Also his name is apparently Alan. Which I’d probably know if I read issues before this about Robin’s college adventures.

Then Gruenereaper comes charging along and demands that Alan get out of his way. In frustration over Alan not moving fast enough, he goes to swing the scythe at him but notices a star of david necklace that Alan was wearing.

And ashamed of what he has become, Gruener involuntarily takes a step back. Right off the damn. Where he falls and dies. He’s dead. That’s how this issue ends. Gruener dead lying on the dry side of the dam, star of david necklace conspicuously wrapped around one of the handles of his scythe so its framed obviously in the panel.

Apparently this issue was inspired by two things. A real life spooky occurrence at Tom Fagan’s real life spooky Halloween party when Berni Wrightson tried to scare the other DC staffers when they were exploring the forest by positing that someone in an orange wig from the party was hunting them through the forest because he hated comics artists and writers. And then they heard rustlings in the underbrush...

The other half of it was Denny O’Neil’s friend Harlan Ellison suggesting he do a story about Nazi war criminals. Put ‘em together and what have you got? Bippity boppity boo.

I don’t want to go longer by covering the reprint. I’ll just say that Batman investigates a conspiracy to create an international incident that he coincidentally overhears when he gets lost and stops for directions at a spooky house. World’s Greatest Detective.

He also kills a man, indirectly. The guy threw his sword, Batman blocked it with a door, and later punches the dude so he stumbles into the sticking out blade part and dies. And Batman basically says ‘good, I’m glad he’s dead.’

But this reprint was from Detective Comics #37. And in Detective Comics #38, Robin was introduced. Batman probably stops murdering so much when he has an impressionable child around.

#100 Days of Comics!#Batman #A Rutland spookyween adventure

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journeyinthetardis · 7 years

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Synopsis: The Doctor, now in his ninth incarnation, is traveling in the TARDIS with his new companion Emma. The Master is following in his own TARDIS, loudly proclaiming his intent to annihilate him. Unfortunately, the Master left his microphone on and the Doctor can hear everything he is saying.

This is fortuitous though, as the Doctor needs to speak to the Master anyway. He requests that the Master meet him on the planet Tersurus, and the Master agrees. The Doctor and Emma then land on Tersurus, with the Doctor explaining that it was once populated by the most peaceful aliens in the universe. They communicated through a precise system of modulated farting.

The Master arrives and pins them against a wall with an energy blast. He explains that he first traveled 100 years back in time and bribed the architect of the castle they currently find themselves in, and will now subject the Doctor and Emma to the 'spikes of doom'. The wall flips around and subjects them to what is on the other side.

It flips around again, revealing the two sitting on a couch. Turns out the Doctor had anticipated this, so he had gone slightly further back in time and bribed the architect to ignore the Master and instead build the 'sofa of reasonable comfort'. The Master laughs and informs the Doctor that he anticipated this as well, and went back even further in time to have the architect build a giant block that now falls on the Doctor. A door on the side opens, revealing the Doctor also anticipated this and went back even further in time.

Emma prompts the two to stop this nonsense and has the Doctor say what he wanted to say in the first place. The Doctor tells the Master that he has now saved every planet in the universe at least 27 times and has decided to retire. He is going to settle down somewhere in the universe and marry Emma. The Master, disgusted by this, announces his intention to go EVEN FURTHER back in time to have the architect construct a trap door under where the Doctor is standing right now.

He pulls the lever, only for the trap door to open under him instead, dropping him down into the sewers below. The Doctor went back even further and...You get the idea. The doors open nearby, revealing a much older Master. It took him 312 years to climb out of the sewer and get back to his TARDIS, so he could confront them once more. What's worse, he managed to make an alliance with the Daleks along the way. A moment later, the place is swarming with Daleks.

They move in to exterminate, but the Master demands that he be the one to deliver the killing blow. He charges at the Doctor, who simply moves out of the way and lets the Master fall down into the sewers once more. It takes him another 312 years to climb back out again. The Doctor and Emma flee, and the Daleks give chase. In doing so, they accidentally knock the Master into the hole again. Once again, he spends another 312 years climbing out.

Unfortunately, the two are captured and tied up on the Dalek ship. The Master has been returned to a young body, thanks to the attachment of some 'Dalek bumps'. The Doctor and Emma both notice that they resemble breasts. The Doctor wants to know why the Daleks are working for the Master, and he explains that he has gifted them with the knowledge to construct a Zectronic energy beam. This will let them take over the universe in a matter of minutes.

However, the Doctor overhears that the Daleks will kill the Master once his usefulness has ended. He decides to use the skill of farting, which he and the Master both had to master in order to bribe the architect, to warn him. The Master receives the message, but the Daleks pick up on this and start firing wildly. They end up striking the Doctor, as well as the energy beam, which causes it to start overloading. Only the Doctor knows how to stop it.

However, he is dying. Emma cries over his body, but the Master tells her to stand back. In a flash of light, he regenerates into a very handsome young man. The Master and even the Daleks beg for him to stop the energy beam from imploding and killing them all, so he goes to help. As he fixes it, the console explodes and causes him to regenerate again. This time, he's a portly short man who seems very shy around women. Emma is not very pleased with this new persona.

Luckily, or unluckily, another explosion causes him to regenerate yet again into an even more handsome young man. He is frustrated that he wasted three regenerations when all he had to do was unplug the thing. The crisis seems to be over, and the Daleks are even honouring their promise to let him live for saving them. However, a freak blast of Zectronic energy strikes him in the chest and kills him yet again.

The Master tells Emma that Zectronic energy is so powerful, even the Doctor won't be able to regenerate from it. It looks as if this time, the Doctor is truly dead. The Master renounces all of evil, and the Daleks promise to honour him forever. However, in another flash of light that defies all explanation, the Doctor regenerates one more time.

This time, however, the Doctor has regenerated into a female. He, or rather she, seems quite pleased with her new body, as well as her new sonic screwdriver with 'three vibrating settings'. Emma is quite displeased, informing the Doctor that they can no longer get married. The Doctor doesn't care, happy to live a life traveling around the cosmos with her best friend. Besides, someone else seems interested in her. The Master, no longer evil, seems quite smitten with the Doctor's new body.

Thoughts: I have been waiting to get to this gem for a long time. It is the absolutely officially-licensed Doctor Who production created for the 'Comic Relief' charity. Yeah, it's an official Doctor Who spoof!

The Doctor (or at least, his first persona) is played by none other than Rowan Atkinson, perhaps most famous for portraying his character Mr. Bean. That could have been the only joke in the special, and I would have loved it nonetheless. Surprisingly, despite the jokes, he actually was a pretty good actor to play the role of the Doctor. The other actors were, I believe, British celebrities I am not familiar with. They were all fun to watch, though.

The special was very well made, and it was filled with wonderful in-jokes and references. Emma constantly asked questions about what was going on, only for the Doctor (and even the Daleks) to just respond repeatedly "I'll explain later." There was a throwaway line about how the Doctor was sick of seeing "endless rock quarries".

Jonathan Pryce was like a perfect casting choice for the Master. If one squinted one's eyes, they might even believe he was Roger Delgado or Anthony Ainley. The repeated jokes of him falling into the pit, as well as the repeated regeneration jokes, were both very funny and did not run dry at all.

It was too bad that there were no actual Doctor Who alumni, except for the voices of the Daleks. This would have been a wonderful opportunity for some fun reunions. However, this was fantastic from beginning to end and we recommend it to anyone who is a fan of Doctor Who!

#Doctor Who #time stream #The Curse of Fatal Death #the Master #Daleks #Tersurus #Spoof #Rowan Atkinson #Richard Grant #Jim Broadbent #Hugh Grant #Joanna Lumley #Jonathan Pryce #Emma #Comic Relief

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savetopnow · 6 years

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2018-03-12 03 CELEBRITY now

CELEBRITY

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iHeartRadio Music Awards 2018 Winners: The Complete List

Hollywood Life

Adam Rippon Finally Meets Sally Field’s Son IRL Proving She’s The Ultimate Matchmaker: ‘Thanks Mom’

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Kim Kardashian’s Pink Hair Is Dyed Again & She’s ‘Back’ To Black — See Her New Makeover Look

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Donald Trump Calls ‘Meet The Press’ Host Chuck Todd A ‘Sleeping Son Of A B*tch’ & Twitter Is Livid

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People

President Trump Says Wife Melania's Life Is 'Not So Easy' Amid Stormy Daniels Scandal

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Sally Field's Son Meets Adam Rippon After Actress Tried to Play Matchmaker: 'Thanks Mom'

Perez Hilton

We Got A Talk Show!! AND…

Scott Baio's Wife Renee Diagnosed With 'Moderate To Severe' Brain Disease

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Saturday Night Live Plays With Our Emotions By Mixing Donald Trump And The Bachelor In Brilliant Cold Open — Highlights HERE!

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The Shade Room

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#celebrity

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dulwichdiverter · 7 years

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Read all about it

Alastair Kenward tells us about the colourful career path that led him to open his buzzing bookshop Rye Books on Upland Road

By Katie Allen; Photos by Lima Charlie

A charming photobook of cheerful women perching on branches would make an unlikely Amazon bestseller – which might be why Women in Trees, edited by German photography collector Jochen Raiss, has been one of Rye Books’ recent, heartwarming hits.

“It is a great thing to be able to introduce people to books they might not think of. You’re not getting fed an algorithm, it’s a random choice,” says owner Alastair Kenward, who cites Alistair Gibbs’ photos of esoteric Peckham signage as another popular buy.

Bitten by Witch Fever, about the Victorians’ toxic love of arsenic-dyed wallpaper – as well as the spoof Ladybird books which you probably received in your Christmas stocking – have also been sought-after by customers.

“Rye Books doesn’t have a top 50,” says Alastair. “We’re probably very different to the rest of the country. We stock a little bit of everything. It’s the more unique books that we tend to gravitate towards. We try to be very diverse.”

Based on Upland Road and perfectly placed for wanderers from Peckham Rye Park to East Dulwich – as well as bibliophiles venturing up from North Cross Road market – Rye Books recently celebrated its fifth birthday as one of the area’s best-loved bookshops. They marked the occasion with a party that included mulled cider and performances from local folkies The Relatives and the Nunhead Folk Circle.

Alastair opened the shop in 2011 just in time for Christmas. He and his wife Hatty had moved to Nunhead in 2009 and immediately began looking for a good site for the shop. He remembers: “Of all the empty shops, this one had the most soul. Even the mice had soul.”

The site was formerly a run-down old junk shop, where previous star stock included a rather covetable-sounding mint-green 1960s Pakistani washing machine. But it was situated on a street that had once been lively with shops including a haberdashery, a toy shop and a baker.

“We were like, ‘Let’s save this one,’” Alastair says. He admits that the route between Nunhead and East Dulwich was “a risk in terms of footfall, but we thought, ‘Let’s take that risk,’ and luckily it worked out.”

Alastair has worked in bookselling for 12 years, which has included stints as a partner at Clapham Books and Herne Hill Books. But running a bookshop is the culmination of a colourful career path that has seen him work – in no particular order – as a teacher, in a pub, in a tropical fish warehouse and briefly at Sainsbury’s.

He also worked for the RSPCA, where he remembers helping a cormorant escape from the toilets of a primary school and rescuing a family from a monitor lizard which had grown too big and was dominating their bedroom. “They were opening the door and throwing food in – they were terrified of it!”

He also spent three years as a gravedigger at Morden Cemetery. “All those jobs – they help to push you towards a passion,” he says. “You tend to gravitate towards what thrills you.”

Alastair’s love of books comes across strongly the moment you step through the door of Rye Books, which is cosy yet packed with shelves and tables displaying the sort of intriguingly chosen titles that ask to be picked up for a gander.

The tempting selection of stock almost guarantees that anyone dashing in for a birthday card or a gift will probably leave with something for themselves too.

Their most recent catalogue handpicked a variety of titles, including Artemis Cooper’s biography of Elizabeth Jane Howard, Carol Ann Duffy and Gillian Clarke’s poetry collection The Map and the Clock and the rather less highbrow Pornburger, for lovers of the ultimate fast food.

A recent unusual favourite has been London in Fragments: A Mudlark’s Treasures by Ted Sandling. London and locally themed titles always do well, Alastair reveals, but this book particularly excited him because of its sideways look at the city.

Sandling recently came in to host a popular event at the shop, revealing secrets about the items he had found while digging around in the mud of the Thames. They included an original RAF button, which contained a compass in case a marooned pilot needed to find his way back home.

Why did Alastair want to open a bookshop? “We wanted to raise books up, to make them something special again,” he says. “The internet has devalued many things, like vinyl, journalism and books. It has changed them for everyone, it devalues things for everyone.

“The internet can be a hollow experience: you order something online and you get it. There is a general trend towards wanting experience – a chance to meet authors, a nice place to buy a book. We want to inspire thinking and creativity and books are a perfect way to do that.”

The shop is known for working with community groups and schools as well as running a packed series of events. In the past year they’ve had Bridget Hargreave discussing her book about postnatal depression Fine (Not Fine) with Dr Helena Belgrave.

They’ve also welcomed Hester Vaizey, author of Born in the GDR, and Jon Magidsohn discussing his memoir Immortal Highway, about going on the road with his baby son after the death of his wife.

There’s also a programme of one-off events and regular classes for children, such as author readings, story time and baby bop. Local parents will know the diverse spread of children’s books too, from classics to contemporary favourites like Jon Klassen to more unusual picture and pop-up books. “There’s so much out there that lies undiscovered and that should be celebrated. We want to showcase books that don’t normally get seen,” says Alastair.

He cites bookshop favourite Coralie Bickford-Smith, whose award-winning illustrated book The Fox and the Star took over the bookshop window as a beautiful paper forest.

Of course few modern bookshops exist without selling an array of other products. Rye Books stocks wrapping paper and cards, some illustrated by local talent, book-related knick-knacks and tea, coffee from local social enterprise Old Spike Roastery, and cakes.

“Another passion of mine is eating,” admits Alastair, who for the past two years has also been selling colourful little Prakti stoves from the shop. Designed to help women in the developing world – because they funnel smoke out of a dwelling – and to run economically, they are ideal for campers and those who like to feast outdoors. “I love being outside and cooking – it’s a marriage of that.”

Speaking of keeping cosy, one of Alastair’s plans for 2017 is to install a wood burner in the shop. His second plan will please dog lovers, especially those who were fond of Kenward family dog Bert, who has sadly passed away.

The family recently acquired George, a six-week-old Lab-cross puppy. “If he’s anything like Bert, he’ll enjoy chewing all the stock,” Alastair laughs. “I’ve missed having a bookshop dog.”

He’s planning to continue hosting events for his customers, although nothing is in the diary as yet. “At the beginning of the year I have no idea what we are going to have,” he says. “The thrill of it is that people organically come along. It always amazes me – we get to the end of the year and somehow we’ve done it.”

He is positive about the future of the bookselling industry, which has been rocked by the closures of bookshops large and small due to the threat of Amazon and online shopping as well as rising rents and the lure of e-books.

“More bookshops have opened than in previous years, that’s an encouraging sign,” he says. “People have seen a balance in favour of printed books and sales are coming back. People don’t want to look at screens all the time, and books are a comfort.”

He points to the popularity of titles such as Elena Ferrante’s blockbuster Neapolitan series, which is essentially about the friendship between two women over the years. “There is a trend towards escapist books because of the horrible place we’re in [politically].

“A book is a place for people to lose themselves – they will serve an even greater role in helping people get though the times we are living in. That’s what I have always loved about books – they can transport you and enrich your life.

“There’s nothing wrong with books that give you a hug – you don’t always have to read literary books. Whatever you are feeling, there will be a book to fit it. In the shop, we’ve listened as hard as we can to the people coming in here. They have shaped how it looks and what we sell.”

He discusses Rye Books’ mixed clientele, which includes parents and children in particular during the week and “everyone else” at the weekend. Then there are the customers who buy from the bookshop’s striped van, which turns up everywhere from North Cross Road market on Saturdays to book fairs across London.

With almost stage-managed timing, while we are chatting a woman passing knocks on the door and pokes her head in to thank Alastair for a recent event she enjoyed. Other passersby wave and smile.

“The best thing about running the shop is the friends we have made,” Alastair says. “The community, the sense of trust. I’m pleased we’ve managed to do five years – we couldn’t have done it without all the people who live around here and for that we’re grateful.

“No day is ever the same, and that’s down to the people really. That’s why we keep on doing it – every day is different because of the customers. We’ve had a good year and we hope to have another one.”

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