#this definitely takes place right after he is recompleted

[big-friendly-birb]

An Ienzo to finish off 6/6!

From his expression here I can surmise he is about one second away from a snarky retort.

[nadziejastar]

I remember you writing about how Isa and Terra would get along if they got the chance to interact. I was wondering if Terra would have some of Xemnas's memories? (or is that not how it works?). How do you think he'd feel about those memories?

That's a good question, and I'm honestly not sure. The Ultimania hints that Terra's heart was definitely present in Xemnas. And since the heart and memory are linked, that means Terra could retain Xemnas's memories, after he's recompleted. I definitely think it's possible.

It was darkness.

Just darkness.

Well, no, not even darkness.

If Aqua sank into the Realm of Darkness, then where had I been? Did I even exist? I’m sure I… Yeah, I know I existed. But I have no idea where I was. I was imprisoned behind Xehanort, but my consciousness—my heart—was sealed away. So, where was my heart?

It wasn’t in the darkness, so maybe it was just in a world of “nothingness”. A world without Darkness or Light. You can’t have light without darkness and you can’t have darkness without light. It was somewhere like that.

I wasn’t asleep like Ven was. It wasn’t the Realm of Sleep—I wasn’t dreaming, I was just in a world of nothingness. And that void became pain and sorrow and anger that rushed over me. All I could do is writhe in its grasp. Maybe that place was like the world where Unversed came from. A void that only takes in grief and suffering. A world where hope and joy could never exist.

The void was like the darkness, but also not. Nothing could spring forth from there. And all I could do in that world is wait. I can no longer remember what I thought, what I did, in that world; I just waited. No, that’s not quite right. I believed. In our promise.

However, Terra was not exactly conscious inside of Xemnas. His heart was in the void, the realm of nothingness. (And Xemnas's moniker is "Enigmatic Master over Nothingness"). I do think Terra's heart and memories had influence on Xemnas. And I think that was the real reason that Xemnas was looking for the Chamber. He was driven by an intense longing to reunite with his old friend and fill the void in his heart.

On Day 26, when Xemnas was looking down at Roxas, who wouldn't wake up, he was remembering how Terra felt when Ventus wouldn't wake up. There's worry on his face. Emotion which comes from Terra's heart. Terra's heart (in the void) is subconsciously feeling that sadness and loneliness, which affects Xemnas. That's what the Ultimania was referring to, I think.

“Is it true about Castle Oblivion…?” he asked, not looking his superior in the face.

Saïx’s response was icy. “That’s no concern of yours.”

“What about Axel?” he pressed.

Hearing that name, Saïx narrowed his eyes faintly, not even enough for Roxas to notice. He wasn’t attuned to such subtle changes.

“Who knows,” Saïx finally said. “Perhaps he is among the lost.”

I think the same was true with Saix. His heart was in the void, which is why he couldn't see Xion. That's why I think Saix was only able to feel negative emotions. Also on Day 26, he he had some faint feelings of longing for Axel, like Xemnas did for Ven. When all the members of Castle Oblivion were terminated, there was a faint sense of worry on his face.

If Terra did retain Xemnas's memories, I think it would be painful for him, for sure. Xemnas did a lot of terrible things to the people he cared about. But by the end of KH3, I got the sense that Terra had accepted that it was Master Xehanort who was responsible for everything that happened. So, he would see that Xemnas's actions were done by Xehanort, not himself.

[thehardestwater]

Elrena is the Nameless Star

This is a new theory that, most likely exists by others, but I decided to write something about it last night:

So, you might know that in Kingdom Hearts III Sora interacts with a nameless star. But, who is this star? Now, don't think this opinion is set in stone, as it isn't. But, to some extent, I believe that this star could be Elrena.

Alright, first piece of information showing that it could be Elrena. Whilst talking to the nameless star, Sora asks whose heart she is. This is her response, “No one's anymore. They took away my name- everything about me.” This shows that whoever this heart belongs to, they took everything away from them. Now, let me take a second away from this quote to provide you with another piece of information. Somewhere inside of Kingdom Hearts 3, there is a (file?) that talks about the new Organization. In the second, and last, paragraph, it says, “Despite regaining their humanity after their defeat, they choose to become Nobodies again.” Now, since Larxene was in the new Organization, and that she only partially died when Sora defeated her in the Keyblade Graveyard, we can infer that she was most likely a Nobody at the time being. Keep in mind that Nobodies  are only the body, and only in very specific circumstances can they actually have their own hearts. We can go out on a limb and guess that Larxene probably doesn't have a heart of her own. (Also in Larxene’s death scene in KH3 Sora says, “You’ll be recompleted.” As in she is not whole right now. Without a heart)) Alright, now back to that quote. It starts off with saying that she is no one’s anymore, but then continues on to say, “They took away my name- everything about me.” Now what do we see in the beginning of Days? Roxas getting his identity. They stripped Sora away to give him Roxas. Therefore, the same most likely happened to Elrena when it was her time. Once she was just the body, the name Elrena was just taken from her until she was stripped down to becoming somebody different, going under the new identity of Larxene. Of course, there are many places where her heart could have gone, but one of which could possibly just be ‘the land of sea and sky’, or the Final World. Here, she would not be a Larxene, thus becoming an Elrena remnant. 

Well, that paragraph was really long. Anyways, something else that the star says could also maybe have some meanings behind it. Nearing the end of their conversation, the Star is ‘giving some advice’ to Sora by saying, “You must see to the tasks before you first.” and, “All the more reason for you to make an effort.” Now, this could definitely just be some encouraging words that Sora should listen to because this star doesn't have thumbs (personal joke), but it could also be a cryptic message. Now, we already understand that this star is not whole. And that the tasks before Sora during this scene are the seekers of darkness battles. In which Larxene will participate in. Maybe, just maybe, this star knows with all her heart that Sora will initially beat the seekers of darkness, thus rendering those who became Nobodies bodies to go back to their hearts. As seen in the quote also listed in the last paragraph, “You’ll be recompleted.” I think that this quote could actually just be the star if it is Elrena saying to go and fight the seekers of darkness and bring Elrena’s body back to her heart. But who knows, this is Kingdom Hearts we’re talking about here.

Alrighty, I want to save something else for last, so I'm just going to ramble about something that isn't necessarily good information for a slight moment here. So, there is this thing that the star says, “He's been changed beyond recognition- his heart replaced with another's. But, were he to regain his old self again, he would be distressed by my absence. So I chose to wait here, where he can find me.” And, well, I don't know I just kind of think that it may be Lauriam, turned Marluxia. Mainly because he is showing the same symptoms as Larxene and Roxas when they first joined the Organization, being stripped of their former selves basically. But, as for her heart pinting for another, referring to a quote the star said slightly before this one, well I have a theory within this theory. So, we know that from Khux Lauriam and Elrena at very least knew each other. Maybe not well, but through Strelitzia’s death they knew each other. Although, from the other Kingdom Hearts games, we know that Larxene and Marluxia were, well, close to some extent. Especially judging by how when they were talking at the Keyblade Graveyard, Larxene responsed to Marluxia’s question on why she came back with, “Nice way to greet your old partner in crime.” Now, of course we don't know everything about the Organization members lives, and especially not much about the ancient keyblade wielders from Khux, which just goes to show that Larxene/Elrena and Marluxia/Lauriam could just be a lot closer than previously thought. Maybe good friends even. Or, just partners in crime as some like to say. But still, they have some sort of a relationship (not necessarily romantic unless you wanna ship them) between them.

Alright, now time for one of the shortest yet maybe strong pieces of evidence as to why I believe that this nameless star has to potential to indeed be Elrena. First off, when the star whispered the name of the male figure she so badly wants to return, he seemed shocked. Almost as if he knew him *coughmarluxiacough*. Buy maybe not. Anyways, that's not it, just wanted to add that. Now, right after she whispered the name to Sora, she said, “Our secret.”. And that was the last thing she said before that scene ended. Now, during Larxene’s death scene after you defeat her in the Keyblade Graveyard ends on a very similar note. So similar in fact, the only difference is one word. Instead of, “Our secret.” she says, “My secret.”. This is also right after she got done talking about how she was just along for the ride with someone else in the organization *coughmarluxiaagaincough*. See the resemblances in these? They both talk about someone who they are probably close(r) with, they both say our/my secret, and they are both the last things being talked about.

So, this turned out to be way longer than originally anticipated  (sorry). 

[aliceslantern]

Beyond This Existence: Counterpoint, chapter 16

Summary:  After being recompleted, Ienzo vows to do everything in his power to atone for the atrocities he committed in the past. But this life hasn't been easy, and he's plagued with memories and nightmares. When Demyx suddenly reappears, the two discover that they have more in common than they thought, though the secrets in their past might tear them apart. Zemyx (Demyx/Ienzo), post kh3

Read it on FF.net/ on AO3

---

The air was so dreadfully cold.

Ienzo looked down at his trembling palms. The light had a strange, bluish quality to it. He could see his breath.

He was not in his room, or anywhere in the castle he could recognize. The ground beneath him was dry, and grassy. The nighttime sky held no stars. He tried to sit up, but his body was so heavy, so unwieldy. He was so unbelievably tired. Near his face, an illumina plant was dying, its pale violet light choked by browning petals.

Ienzo pushed himself up. His head throbbed.

Back inside of his own mind.

He stood, but a wave of weakness forced him back down on his knees. He reached for the lexicon, seeking desperately whatever scant guidance he might receive, but there was nothing. An eerie, windless silence.

He was so tired.

Ienzo took a few deep breaths and tried to shake the exhaustion. Inch by inch, he stood and was able to remain on his feet, though vertigo flooded him.

“Easy,” said a voice. Ienzo’s heart ached.

He looked up and saw Demyx. “What…” He croaked. “No, you’re supposed to be out there.”

He looked a bit sheepish. “I--well, he, is.”

Ienzo exhaled. “You’re an illusion.”

“Kind of. It’s complicated.”

“I don’t have the energy for this,” Ienzo said. “He’s alright?”

Not-Demyx shrugged. “I think. I only know what you know.” The illusion offered a hand. Ienzo took it.

“Things are quite bad, aren’t they,” Ienzo whispered.

“Uh… yeah,” he said nervously. “Yeah, I’m sort of here to deliver a message. I could be someone else, if that makes you more comfortable. I figured he’d be the most comforting.”

“You’re my will?”

“Like I said. It’s complicated.”

Ienzo swallowed. He felt a lump rising painfully in his throat. “What is the message?”

The will sighed. Uncanny, how down-pat it had Demyx’s mannerisms; then again, it was drawing from his own observations. “You’re… dying,” he said. “Right now, in this moment. You wore me down to nothing. All that pain. We always pushed ourself too hard, but we never saw consequences. Well, here’s the consequence. You’ve got a choice to make.”

“Choice?”

“You can wake up. Or you can go on.”

"What is the price?"

The will bit its lip. "You have to come to terms with your past. Fully. You have to let go of the guilt."

"How is that a price? That's something I've tried to surmount since I woke."

The will took his hands. They were warm. "You have to let go of the pain you've taken. Listen to them. Humanize them. You carry the memory even now. Considering how weak you made me, holding onto it is too much.”

“I’m so very tired.” Even in this place things seemed hazy and insubstantial. “I do want to live. I need to live.”

The will touched his face. “Then it’s time to go to sleep.”

There was no transition. He blinked and all of a sudden he was in the basement. It was still new, still undestroyed. The air smelled fresh, utterly devoid of the darkness that would take over.

There was nothing here.

He walked slowly through the space, tracing his fingers over the numberplates. In the early days the cells looked less like prisons, more like merely an uncomfortable place to stay; beds made neatly with patterned blankets, modesty screens in front of the toilets, even small vases of flowers. The subjects would only stay overnight, if at all.

He took a small step into the room. His body felt so dreadfully heavy, so very weak. Each step exhausted him. He sat on the small, hard bed and crossed his arms tightly. How much more deeply into sleep could Ienzo go? He let himself lay down and imagined how it might feel for the door to close. Eventually, they’d replaced the pocket doors with steel ones as the situation devolved.

It made a strange sort of sense. In a way, he was part of the experiments, too.

He forced himself to stand and with trembling hands forced the door shut.

A prison of symbolism.

The act so exhausted him that he sat right on the floor, his head rolling against the mattress. Memory breathed all around him. Mother reading him a bedtime story, smelling like rose and powder, then her astonishment when he took the book from her and started reading it back. Words and numbers always made sense, had been clear from the first day somebody had read to him. As a toddler, he’d sneak out of bed into the study to read their grown-up texts, delicious works about sociology and botany, history and literature, everything soaking into his mind effortlessly. It was a new hunger, a lovely one.

But while this came effortlessly, there were other things that did not. Crowds overwhelmed him, as did certain textures or smells, all of his senses so sharp . They’d taken him to healers, doctors to manage this stress, but there was not much to be done. It was his nature.

Their death worsened things. The moments were strange and cauterized. He was in a bed in a large room, bandages pulled itchily across his torso.

“...I’ve looked. There’s no other family.”

“I’ve given it some thought. His parents wished to be apprentices. I think they would consider it a great comfort if we were to educate the boy.”

“Master, I implore you to reconsider. This is not a place for a child. How can we possibly provide the sort of nurturing environment a boy that young needs? He’ll need counseling, surely, as well as the opportunity to make friends--”

“Even, you sensed it too. That boy--Ienzo--he is special. He’ll have different needs, more expansive needs, than the average child. I feel he is capable of tremendous good.”

The words swam around him. The room around him started to decay, to rot, the flowers and patterns replaced with stiff wool and blankness. The air grew smoky. He could feel a weight in his chest, solid and aching, and he shivered.

More voices.

“...What risk does such darkness pose to us? So long as we keep it contained. They’ve consented. We’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Ordinarily I would agree, Even. But the townspeople are starting to ask Aeleus and I questions. Apparently at night… they can hear screaming.”

“Hogwash.”

Against the thin walls of Ienzo’s memory, the shrieks battered. Voices of all genders, all ages. Asking for help. Asking for their mothers. Cursing them. Laughing mad.

“Look at what it does to the cells! It’s a perfect transmutation. An alchemy.”

“It looks hungry. Like it’s eating.”

“I suppose it does, Ienzo. That’s very apt. See how the nature changes, when balance is upended?”

“...Master said breaking the balance is unnatural.”

“...I know you miss him, Ienzo, but it’s for the best he’s gone.”

The weight was tightening. Worsening.

“Dilan, I will not stand for this. He is too young to consent.”

“We’ve treated Ienzo with respect. I think he deserves a say. It’s only fair. He is different than the average child. I think it would make the data quite fascinating.”

“I will not allow it.”

“...You’ve grown too soft for the boy.”

Nightmares; then and now.

“Even--”

“It’s alright, Ienzo. It was only a dream.”

“I can hear them. Screaming. It has to stop--”

“All right. All right.”

“We’re hurting them.”

“They’re doing this for science, Ienzo. For the greater good.”

“Make it stop!”

He could not breathe. Pain echoed and exploded in the small room. The cries, the slithering feeling of darkness.

Let go of it.

“Make it stop.”

Let go.

“Stop…”

It’s yours, too. You’re connected.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

There was weight in his arms. He looked down. He picked up the sleeping child slowly, so as not to wake him. Ienzo tucked him in, brushed the gray hair from his eyes. Kissed him on the forehead. “It’s alright,” he said. “You’ll wake soon.”

With a newfound lightness he opened the door, and left the room.

---

He thought he heard music.

Soft at first, it broke through his dark and quiet dreams, laying against him like a blanket. Gradually it became more complex, more complicated, soaring through long runs of notes, becoming louder and then softer again. Repeating. Endlessly. The melody was eerie and the instrument familiar but unplaceable.

Ienzo just wanted to sleep.

The music would resume, would change and shift and continue. It made him feel warm, comforted. Held.

After an unknowable amount of time, he woke. Snow fell outside in a thick sheet. The room was suffused with light, and very cold.

The sudden silence was all he could comprehend at first. Ienzo blinked. His body seemed so weighty.

“Ienzo?”

He struggled to sit up, his core complaining. Finally he managed it, propping himself on one shaky elbow.

There Demyx was. He was cradling Arpeggio, a blanket tucked around his shoulders. Something about him looked different; Ienzo could not tell if it was something peculiar about his own vision or not. No, there were very definite changes. His hair was more brown than blonde, and a touch longer, brushing his shoulder in the back. His eyes were more green than teal. That, and he simply felt more present, more real.

“Hey,” he said softly. He let Arpeggio fade. “Hey there. I’m so glad you’re awake.”

Ienzo tried to speak. His throat was dry and scratchy from disuse.

“Ah--here,” Demyx said. He went and poured a glass of water, then handed it to Ienzo. “Take it easy. Baby steps.” He checked Ienzo’s pulse, his temperature. The second-nature way he did this made Ienzo suspect that had been a lot longer than a few days.

Ienzo took a few sips. His voice was hoarse. “I  heard you,” he said.

“You mean Arpeggio?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know you didn’t always like to listen to me--”

“No, it was perfect.”

“I thought it might maybe help you find your way back.”

“I think it did.”

A beat of silence. Demyx couldn’t take his eyes off him. His hands were warm when he took Ienzo’s.

“It’s been a long time,” Ienzo said.

“About a month and a half. Was pretty touch-and-go for a while,” Demyx admitted. “Your EKG activity has been wild. We knew you would wake up, but it was just a question of-- well, when .”

“You’ve been taking care of me.”

“Helping,” he said. “It… makes me feel less, well, helpless.”

“You’re whole.”

“I’ve been whole.”

“It still feels as though I’m meeting you for the first time.”

He cracked a smile. “It’s been happening slowly,” he said. “My old self and my new self, it’s all sort of…” He knotted his fingers to demonstrate. “I love you. That hasn’t changed.”

“I love you as well.”

Demyx kissed him gently. At least that much felt the same. When he pulled away, his eyes were watery. “I’ve been, um, a bit of a crybaby,” he said.

“But this time it’s a happy cry.”

He nodded, patting his eyes. “I’m just hoping we can finally be together now,” he said. “‘Cause… no offense… I’m kind of sick of this crap.”

Ienzo laughed. “I hope so, Demyx. Er.”

“Demyx is still fine. I don’t really care. But if you really want to know.” He whispered the name.

Ienzo repeated it. “That’s not what I thought it would be.”

“Yeah. It was a revelation to me too at the time.”

“Surely you haven’t spent the whole six weeks here?”

He shook his head. “I still needed to, like, sleep and stuff. But actually I’ve been spending time with the others. Even and I are friends now, which is really weird.”

“I’m glad you two have found this a bonding experience.” He was only partially teasing. Adversity really did draw people together.

He looked sheepish. “He’s been asking me one thousand questions about the past. And trying to study my Keyblade. He keeps trying to touch it, but I can’t risk anyone inheriting that shit. No more kids are going to go through what I went through. This thing dies with me.”

Something vital had shifted between them. Demyx was no longer the person Ienzo had fallen in love with, but he was the person Ienzo was going to fall for again. He just knew. “I’m glad you have Arpeggio back.”

“Me too,” he said. “But it took a lot of work. A lot or work. A lot of learning bad stuff about myself.” He tapped his thumbs together. “I think I want to study healing.”

Ienzo blinked. “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean. I know it’s dumb, and I’m probably too stupid, but--”

“No. Neither it nor you are stupid. I think you’d be wonderful.”

He blushed. “I don’t want to feel helpless again. And if I can keep others from feeling that way…”

“If this is what your heart says to do, do it.”

“I’ve been talking to Aerith. She’s really nice. I was going to start training with her once you got better.” He sighed. “But in a weird way I’ve been lonely. I’ve… really missed you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t be. You saved me.”

“Do you really believe you wouldn’t have woken up?”

His expression darkened. He pulled his knees to his chest. “It was dark in that water,” he said slowly. “Dark and cold. And there was so much pain I didn’t think I could stand all of it. There was this little bit of me that just said to let go. And if I did I wouldn’t have woken up.”

“You would’ve lost the will to live.”

He nodded. “And I was going to do it. I was so, so close. I didn’t know how to get free. But then I felt you drag me out of the water, and I heard your voice, and I remembered that there are good things, too. I have to make this third or fourth or whatever chance worth it. Because I’m not gonna get another one.” He paused. His face turned pink. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about stuff.”

Ienzo drew him close. It felt so good to hold him, to breathe in his scent (at least that was still the same). “If you want to heal bodies,” he said slowly, “I want to heal minds.”

Demyx pulled away. “Saving me nearly killed you.”

Ienzo shook his head. “Maybe not literally. Maybe not with magic. Maybe with… with words. It can be a work in progress.”

“That sounds… good. Who knows. We all need a bit of help.”

---

Recovery took time. Physically Ienzo was weaker than before. The simplest activities wore him out, and he was constantly exhausted. More than ever he was prone to headaches. Aerith visited to take a look at him and to speak with Demyx. Getting his power back had eroded and damaged some of his nerves, which explained the pain. She healed the damage and gave him some pills to take.

Demyx asked her a lot of questions. His inquisitiveness was new to Ienzo, and very attractive.

“I think it’ll be fun to have a student,” Aerith said. “The town keeps growing. It’ll be good to have another pair of hands.” She left behind a couple of books for him to study.

They took walks as he got stronger. Talked, sometimes. Mostly they didn’t say much of anything, and rested in silence or to the light sound of the sitar.

It became clear that they were both hurting.

Ienzo thought at first that Demyx’s newfound reservedness had something to do with the return of his memories. But as the days wore on, he started to see layers to it--the lack of life in his eyes, the way he no longer leaned into Ienzo’s touch. He didn’t eat much, took frequent naps. He didn’t play music much. Didn’t touch his new books.

“Demyx?”

He looked at Ienzo as if he were not quite there. The bitter cold of the room didn’t help much.

“Are you alright?”

A slight pause, as though the words didn’t register. “I’m fine. A little tired.”

“You seem very tired lately.”

He shrugged. “It’s the cold. Wears me out.”

Ienzo sat across from him at the table. “Are you sure it’s nothing more? You haven’t seemed yourself lately.” Ienzo took his hand.

“I’m still learning who that is,” he said softly.

“Well, then how do you feel?”

“Honestly?”

Ienzo nodded.

It seemed to take time to find the strength to speak. “Mostly--tired,” he said. “Tired, and numb. I thought I was supposed to be happy. We can finally put our lives together. And it seems like every day I feel a little weaker.”

“Because of your memories? And what you learned about yourself finding Arpeggio?”

“I… guess.” Demyx’s hand trembled and he withdrew it. “It’s just like. Why did I survive out of those thousands of wielders? And why is it that I of all people remember what happened? It feels so senseless. Couldn’t I have fought harder? Saved someone?”

“You were a child,” Ienzo said. “You were trying to stay alive.”

“And why did Xehanort choose me? I wasn’t ever the strongest and I never could collect as much lux as the others. Again and again I was his puppet. And he threw me away.”

Ienzo felt an ache in his throat and fought to keep his expression neutral. “Do you see yourself as not having worth?”

He scoffed. “As a pawn? Absolutely. But as a real person?” He shrugged.

Ienzo digested all this. “I think you’re depressed,” he said slowly.

He pursed his lips, as though he tasted something bitter. “I guess so. I am just so tired of constantly fighting.” His knuckles, curled around his elbows, were white.

“I know you are. But you’re done fighting now.”

“Not really.” He smiled dryly. “Still have to get my shit together. That’s an uphill battle.”

“Maybe I can help you,” Ienzo said. “I have studied psychology, after all.”

He snorted. “Not that I doubt your competence, but wouldn’t it be a huge conflict of interest if my boyfriend were my therapist?”

He had a point. There was no way he could be impartial. Yet their connection in the illusion had to mean something. “Perhaps you’re right. I’m not certain who else here you would feel comfortable talking to, though.”

“...I guess you’re right.”

“You can’t let these feelings fester. They’ll worsen.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You’re hurting too.”

“Don’t be absurd.”

“Ienzo.” His gaze was sharp as a knife. “Let me help you too.”

“You have none of the training.”

“I can listen,” he said.

Ienzo felt the lump in his throat tighten.

“I know you have a lot to say. Tell me the story.”

“Will you tell me yours?”

He nodded.

“It’s a deal.”

Demyx picked up Ienzo’s hand and kissed it. There was life still under there, buried deep. They just had to find it.

[pandadoesawrite]

“I’ve missed you” kiss w/ fio and even do it do it do it

hey guess who wrote 11 pages of heart palpitations IT WAS ME

(also not to be an early 2000s emo kid on main but this helps with the vibe)

Nightfall in Radiant Garden was, despite all odds, just as Even remembered it.

The sky of their world existed in a near constant state of dawn, and the lavender of the day would always melt into a deep, bluish violet, speckled with stars. Summer or winter, the night sky was always the same. It was a comfort Vexen had been too proud to admit he’d found comfort in, in the eternal midnight of the Organization’s world, but that was… mostly in the past, now. Even could admit he’d missed it. Taken it for granted, one might even say.

“Well, there you are.”

In retrospect, it seemed like he did that for many things, despite his best efforts.

He turned to face Fiona, one hand still on the castle’s ledge, and his heart swelled in a way it hadn’t for many, many years. “Shouldn’t you be inside resting?”

Fiona just smiled in that infallible way of her, arms crossed, and walked over beside him. Close, but not too close. “Surprising as the whole ordeal was… it would take a lot more than that to knock me off my feet. I’ve learned to bounce back quick.”

She looked out onto the town and the sky, just as Even had, and unable to argue that or the way his heart twisted in his chest, he fell into silence, and looked back out with her. “…Hm.”

Things had settled, since earlier in the day. Fiona’s sudden, surprising return to the world of light had thrown everyone for a spin, most of all her, and she and Even had definitely let their emotions overcome them, once they saw one another again. It took Fiona fainting in his arms after a long overdue embrace, and Aeleus having to tear him away from her chambers before Even was finally able to collect himself. All embarrassing, in and of itself, but understandable; Ienzo, surely, would be asking questions well into the next millennia over this, but at least the others wouldn’t give him any grief.

Well, Aeleus wouldn’t—the jury was still out for Dilan.

When your deceased fiance of two decades essentially comes back to life, one is bound to become a little emotional over it. Of course now, with composure, Even was left with the reality that he actually had to face Fiona. He, and all the sins he had accumulated.

He remembered her in the hospital, before she passed. She’d told Even that she didn’t want him chasing answers for how she ended up there, but also, that she wouldn’t be surprised if he did anyway. “You’re a scientist,” she’d said, with that knowing, wise-beyond-her-years smile he’d come to treasure so dearly, “Experiments are what you do.” But he had wondered then, and Vexen had wondered, and Even still wondered now, if that still held true, with all said and done.

She’d been in his heart all that time, after all. He’d carried her with him those twenty long years, even if he hadn’t known it. There was no hiding the things they had done. The things he had done.

There was a bump into his shoulder, and Even tore his gaze away from the sky and back to Fiona. She’d nudged herself into his arm, a quiet way of getting his attention that he was more than accustomed to, coming from her.

“Everything alright? It feels like you have thoughts.”

She looked at him without a hint of resentment, still smiling in her usual manner, and the first thing to cross Even was how much older Fiona looked. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t noticed before, or that he hadn’t aged himself. They all had. But Fiona, in his mind, had been forever cemented as a young woman. He’d never dared to think about what she might have looked like past where his time with her ended, if only to spare himself from the melancholy.

Vaguely, he remembered that Vexen had similar lines of thinking; his memories of Fiona had still been fond, as fond as Vexen could be, but even with the (admittedly, prematurely reached) condition of the Nobody, he had also made it a point to not let his mind wander. She was gone, after all, and trying to imagine what she would have become would have done him no good.

But, oh, here she was, despite all odds, skin still like alabaster and hair like flowing ink. She was ever so slightly taller now, with a few more curves here and there, and she looked more tired–in the darkness of night, Even thought he caught a glimpse of those scars along her tear-troughs–but after everything she’d just been through, he supposed it was only natural she’d be exhausted. He must have looked the same when he’d been recompleted, as well.

Most of all, though, he saw her eyes. Fiona’s eyes had once been cloudy, with only a faint hint of brown around the film, a distant reminder of what they once looked like when they were children. But they’d changed, one way or another, now a grey white from iris to scalera, laced with spinning gears and ciphers. Something familiar, and beautiful, yet new, and alarming.

Just like all of Fiona.

King Oswald had explained this, as best he could–about the eyes, about Axofin. Those eyes were the only remnant left of her time as a Nobody, and they had made her, for all intents and purposes, into a gorgon. And with these eyes, to a point, Fiona could see.

Could she see him, now? Was her glancing at him more than just muscle memory? Did he even want her to look at him?

“Even?”

“I’m glad you were alright.” He’d said it without thinking, muscle memory of his own, and Even cursed himself for being so familiar so soon. It had been little over two decades. He should be taking this slower. Yet it was too easy to slip back into his old habits around her. “That you were… well taken care of. With how much you were at odds with Radiant Garden, it’s a relief.”

“‘At odds’? That’s putting it mildly.” There was a very obvious tease to Fiona’s voice, and Even’s heart relaxed a bit, eased by her casual nature, and the luck that he hadn’t offended. “The Wasteland welcomed me with open arms, and I’ll never forget that.” Her smile turned a little more frank. “I only regret that it was just me.”

“What for?” If Axofin had tried to contact him directly, Xehanort would have must certainly sunk his claws into her the moment she came into his sight; Even had come to that conclusion rather quick, in the midst of King Oswald’s explanations, and she knew it as well as he did. Just imagining Fiona with those accursed, golden eyes made his blood boil; Even was grateful it had been him instead. “You did the right thing, keeping your distance.”

“Mmm, I know… but it got hard to, near the end.”

Fiona brushed back a lock of hair behind her ear. It had long since fallen out of the ponytail Axofin had kept it in, and was now hanging loose along her back in waves. Even wondered why she hadn’t pulled it back already.

“If I could have guaranteed the kind of reaction you’d have, there wouldn’t have been much keeping me away. Positive enough of a response, I might have even planned a return.”

“…You weren’t planning on coming home?”

Even tried not to make his voice sound so dejected, and if he was to say so himself, he didn’t succeed. But Fiona didn’t seem to take any notice, and if she did, she said nothing about it.

Instead, she sighed.

“I didn’t think I’d have a place here. I wasn’t exactly banking on being complete again, after all. My heart is… trickier, than most. Which doesn’t mean much now, given how all these children turned out, but—“ She shrugged. “More hoops to jump through, at another’s expense. You know I couldn’t have it.”

“The little King did mention something like that.” And as curious as he was about it, Even had to admit they’d all studied the heart more than enough for one lifetime, and so he kept his curiosity to himself. “Still, it wouldn’t have hurt to at least have left a breadcrumb, or two.”

“Oh, I was close to doing that, actually. But I’m glad I didn’t, in the end.” Fiona laughed quietly, barely over a titter. “Axofin would have driven Vexen mad, and not in the endearing way. You and I both know that.”

“…True.” He wasn’t about to deny his own high-strung tendencies, nor how they were amplified on Vexen; if the stories he’d heard about Axofin were true, it might have been like dealing with a second Xigbar, in terms of grandiose and just general flippancy. Good God. If Axel hadn’t ended him first, all the popped blood vessels might have. “Memories alone wouldn’t be enough to ensure the same reaction, with what fragile hearts Nobodies grow.”

“There’s really no telling what the reaction would have been. Half the research into Nobodies was manipulated from the word go, anyway.” Fiona paused a beat, and then added, “Even so, I wouldn’t have wanted to make things harder, in that state.”

“For me? Or for yourself?”

“Both.” No hesitation. “You and I–all of us, were in so much pain. And we each overcame it in time, true, but for you and the others, that was always a promise. But if I were to come back still half a person, when the rest of you were whole, what would you have done? After everything you would have been through, would you have welcomed me back? Just like that?”

Even did not answer. He did not know how.

Fiona glanced back at him. Her smile was still there, ever thoughtful, but now just the faintest bit sad. “It isn’t your fault. It’s just the way things turned out. If the tables were turned between us, it very well likely would have been the same.”

He snorted. It was the closest he’d come to a smile himself all night. “I highly doubt that. There isn’t a force on any world that could have told you what to do, or what to think. Not even Xehanort could change that about you.”

“You flatter me. But that isn’t entirely true.”

“Isn’t it? I seem to recall you saying once that the forces that be had to blind you, because if they hadn’t, you would have murdered them at sixteen.”

“Yes, and that is true! But that’s not what I’m talking about.” Fiona lifted herself off the wall, and she stared at Even with soft, quizzical look.

“Even. Has there ever been a time where I told you ‘no’?”

And Even… Even had to think about that.

As many years as it had been since they were last together, his memories with Fiona were still bright and strong, and he reviewed them in silence. She’d been a stubborn girl when she lost her sight, refusing help from anyone that offered that wasn’t family… or him, when he asked to help guide her. And that give and take happened in all walks of their lives thereafter. Schoolwork, their magic studies, personal lives–for a good while, he was helping Fiona get dressed in the mornings, because she was too intent on not being something to pity, and he was too intent on being by her side, just in case.

He remembered the night he asked her to marry him. It was hardly romantic, and more sudden than he would have preferred, but she had been so terrified for a future she didn’t think she’d live to see that it was all he could think to do to show he wasn’t leaving. He’d told her he didn’t need an answer, if she couldn’t give him one–but she’d told him yes without a second thought. Like it was obvious. Like it was as simple for her to do as breathing.

Fiona, to her credit, had never told him ‘no’.

“…Huh.” Even glanced to the ground, rather vacantly, as the realization fully dawned on him. “I hadn’t realized.”

“You sound shocked!” The tease came back to her voice; the twinge of sadness still remained, but at least Fiona was smiling again. “Is it really that surprising? Why would I refuse you?”

The ludicrousness of that question almost gave him whiplash. “I could very easily think of a few reasons, within the last decade alone.”

“We’re all victims of circumstance.” She waved that all off perhaps a bit too casually. Another remnant of Axofin? Or had Fiona just deduced this was coming, and prepared accordingly? “And if I’m to be honest? As morally dubious as the experiments were, none of you ever actually took another person’s heart. Just… pulled out the darkness, as you saw once before. Xehanort was the one that actually extracted the heart from others, and I’m not going to fault you or any of the others for his crimes.”

She paused a moment, then added. “Well. Perhaps I might blame Braig. But the rest of you are in the clear, as far as I’m concerned.”

“You’re far too forgiving.” And Even was far too self-deprecating–much more than he should have allowed himself to be in pleasant company, but for all he knew Fiona might just slip through his grasp again. Best to say what he had to say now, before this dream ended. “It pays to keep an open mind, but this is foolhardy.”

“King Oswald holds very true to the belief that everyone deserves a second chance, and that’s something I agree with. It’s more than I can say for other Keyblade Masters of his generation. And besides--my loyalty to you has always run deeper than my loyalty to Radiant Garden.”

Fiona crossed her arms beneath her chest; she raised one hand to the air, twirling her fingers like she was reciting a poem. “‘For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part’.”

“Ah–” Oh, what a blessing, and a curse, to be able to blush properly! Even’s only saving grace was that Fiona was blind and couldn’t see him so flustered, though who could say how much that held true anymore. “I–why on earth would you bring that into this?”

“Well, I’ve been referring to you as my husband for the last decade to my coworkers.” Again, that all too casual shrug. Did this woman never learn to listen to herself in the past ten years? “Why wouldn’t I bring it up?”

“Your–! Fiona, we never got the chance to have Master Ansem sign the license.” Because like hell did either of them want a ceremony. “We aren’t legally–no, wait. Go back to the part about your coworkers, who were you telling this to?!”

“Oh, you know.” No, I don’t know, he thought, but Fiona started to count off the people on her free hand. “King Oswald and Queen Ortensia, of course, Gus, the Doctor… though in retrospect, it’s highly possible some of them might have thought I was joking.”

“Joking how?”

“I wasn’t sure if I should connect myself back here–the walls have ears, you know how it goes–so I referred to my marital status specifically as ‘married to science’, which… well, it does make it sound like I was saying I was married to my job. But, given that we’re both researches, it also wasn’t entirely incorrect of me! I told no lies, just not a whole truth.”

“Unbelievable.” Even squeezed the bridge of his nose, but despite everything, a smile was still tugging at his mouth, unable to be deterred. “You really couldn’t give a straight answer if you tried, could you?”

“I’ve never had to my whole life, and I don’t intend to start now.”

Fiona sounded far too smug about that. It was… nice, to hear that bravado again. Even sighed, and even that sounded more fond that he would have wanted to show. “Well… I suppose that is something to look forward to, now.”

“What is? The delayed presents from the gift registry?”

“No. Your mouth, your two hands, and your burning, eternal desire to make those everyone else’s problem.”

Fiona’s smugness didn’t last, almost melting away as soon as the words left Even’s mouth. She looked at him, vaguely, and vacantly, and when the thought finally came to him that oh no, this is what did it, this is what ruined it–she started to laugh.

It was startling, almost. Even hadn’t heard that laughter in ages. To think he’d almost forgotten how boisterous she could be. But why now? “You think this is funny?”

“No, no, it just… I suppose I’m just… relieved.” 

And it truly did look that way, like a burden Even hadn’t noticed had been lifted off her shoulders. “After all this time… even though we’re all back in one piece, I was so scared of what might happen when we saw each other again. I was preparing for the worst, but, here we are–!”

Her arms gestured widely, between Even and herself. “We went straight from saying our ‘I love you’s, to poking fun at how dedicated I am to being a nuisance.” 

Fiona’s laughter fell into elated sighs. Her arms dropped to her sides, and she glanced back at him with an honest smile, hair wiry and wispy around her face, chest heaving, eyes unseeing but looking straight into him. His heart hadn’t been broken, per se, but looking at Fiona–looking at that face of hers so racked with fear and relief and adoration, an expression he’d only seen on her twice before–she had his heart in her hands, and was squeezing it without having to even lift a finger.

Even had noted earlier that, while beautiful, Fiona was so unusual now. Quietly, he retracted that: she was only beautiful.

“It’s so… like us.” There was such emotion in those four words. Emotions and experiences she’d had over the last ten years that Even couldn’t begin to imagine. “We’re still us, Even.”

It was so rare that he, of all people, was left to silence, but that was a power Fiona had always had over him. From when they were children to now, and a part of him was glad that was still so. 

Even cleared his throat; it was an awkward sound, a move he normally made around His Lordship in regards to research, or even Ienzo, but here, hopefully, it got across his… lack of a proper response.

He had words planned, a sentence on his lips, but what he heard in his own voice, softly, was “…we did not technically say those.”

Fiona laughed again, more like a breathy chuckle. “And? We’ve never once said them in a ‘normal’ way. Would either of us have been walking on eggshells all this time if it weren’t true?”

He didn’t have a rebuttal for that.

“Still,” Even continued, after another awkward cough, “there is something of a, ah… proper procedure to this… sort of thing.”

Some thirty odd years ago, he would have never considered himself in anything remotely like this position. Love in this sort of venue was just… it wasn’t for him. It was childish, in its own way, and perhaps that’s why it took him so long to realize what he had when it was there. Fiona was his constant companion, so yes, of course he loved her, but for it to run so deep, deeper than he’d ever thought it could run, caught him off-guard. 

When had his dedication to her changed so, anyway? It’d been without notice, without warning, and soon, just as much as she could not refuse him, he could not refuse her. He would have guided her to anyplace she wanted to be, would have been her assistant in any field of study she’d chosen, would have worshiped her between her thighs, had she so desired it. He’d pushed all those emotions back as far as he could after she’d passed, in a ditch effort to not drown in that sorrow, but now those carefully locked gates were flung open and he was sinking down in those feelings even more than at first falling. It was like the night he’d asked for her hand all over again.

Except, it was even more, somehow. Perhaps it was due to the sensation of having his true heart back in his chest, or the elation and fear that Fiona still lived. Or perhaps, it was because Fiona had breached the gap between them, and placed her hands on his face.

“Even.” 

Their eyes were locked together, and even without the glimmer of those special eyes and their magic, he knew Fiona was looking straight at him. “It has been more than twenty years since we were last physically in the same space together. It’s only you and I out here on this part of the castle grounds. I’ve been referring to you specifically as my husband to anyone who asked. So I need you. To stop talking. And do something about it.”

His eyes widened. Blindness be damned, with his face under her fingertips, she had to have felt the way his cheeks burned at the insistence of that sentence. Fiona had never been a woman who didn’t make her intentions clear on such personal matters, and, seemingly satisfied with the point she had made, gave move to let go of his face.

But Even caught one of her hands just before it left his skin, and pulled it back flush against his cheek.

He’d done it out of instinct, more than anything. That was what he told himself. But as he placed his own hand over hers and squeezed it, ever so gently, it was impossible to ignore what a longing he felt for this. Fiona was warm; she always had been, much warmer than Even had ever been, and while heat was something he’d been trying to block out the sensation of–thank you again, Axel, for that one–he’d almost forgotten natural her hand in his had felt.

“I missed this.”

His voice came out quieter, more shaky than he’d thought it would, and it really, truly struck Even now that, yes, she was here, and yes, he was allowed to feel that longing, and yes, she had felt that, too. He pulled Fiona’s hand down his cheek, just enough to place a kiss on her palm, and he whispered against her skin, “God, I missed you.”

When Even dared to open his eyes again, he saw Fiona, and how she was smiling at him, tears pricking at her eyes, and all of a sudden they were twenty-something again, side by side, brilliant and unstoppable.

“Weren’t you the one always saying it?” She brought her other hand back to his face, and brushed their lips together. It could hardly have been called a kiss, but it didn’t have to be one. “You and I–we’re a team.”

A sword and shield, the perfect pair. Perhaps he’d been professing his love far longer than he’d thought.

That reaffirmation did it, though, and with no further need to worry about what might or might not happen between them in this moment, Even wrapped his arms around Fiona, and she in turn around him. It was a much more tighter, meaningful, desperate embrace than the one they’d shared this morning, but it wasn’t remorseful, like it was the day she died. It was… dare Even describe it, hopeful. Empowering, even. He placed his chin in the crook of her shoulder, and breathed in her scent, sweet like jasmine, and sighed, his heart finally at ease.

He was here. Fiona was here. And they were together.

And then she shivered.

It might not have been noticeable, had they not been so close, but. It had been a rather large shiver, and Even felt the shudder all the way down her back. He also felt the way Fiona tensed after the fact; she must not have been prepared for it either.

He thought about it, and then shook his head, smiling into her shoulder. “…You just couldn’t have picked a better time.”

“Oh, quiet, you!” She gave his back a hearty pat, but she was laughing right along with him. “It’s the middle of the night, of course I’m cold!”

“Why didn’t you wear your lab coat? It was a much thicker one than mine, if I recall.”

“Dilan insisted on repairing it, and then rather conveniently forgot to tell me where the laundry room in the castle was. And with all the twists and turns the castle has, I thought I might actually die again if I tried looking for it.”

“A most unpleasant hyperbole, please refrain from using it in the future.” He pulled away while he chastised, and when free from her hold, Even removed his own lab coat, placing it around Fiona’s shoulders. It was thinner, as he’d noted, but it would do for now. For her warmth, and in some ways, for his own ego.

“Such a gentleman.” She seemed rather pleased with the outcome though, and tugged the lapels a bit tighter over her chest. “Thank you, dear.”

“Honestly, one would think you’d be used to the cold.” Even thought to offer his arm, like normal, but in a sudden surge of boldness, opted instead to place his hand around Fiona’s waist. “How many times were we told we were joined at the hip?”

“Too many.” Fiona rested her head on his shoulder, allowing him to guide her from behind. “But this isn’t cold to me. It never was.”

“Hmm.” Even said, but it came out more like a “hum”, which was perhaps unfitting of a scientist of his caliber, but right now, he couldn’t bring himself to care. “You certainly pick the strange ones.”

“Then that must go doubly for you.”

“It always has.” 

He squeezed her waist, just enough to pull her closer without making her stop. “Truly, I… I’m glad you’re back. It would take a million lifetimes for me to understand how you are, I’m sure. But I’m grateful I didn’t have to wait until death stuck to see you again.”

“Oh, Even, stop that, now.” 

Fiona did stop walking here, and beat the back of her hand against his chest lightly. “I know I made light of it before, but no more joking about dying, or hopelessness, or futility, alright? From you or me.” 

She unfurled her pointer finger, poking Even in the collar on every beat. “We’re going to get back into that lab, we’re going to continue our research, we’re going to set this town back on the right path... and then!” Her tone turned devious, almost conspiratorial, “We’re going to have sex on every flat surface in Radiant Garden. And I would love to see someone try and stop us this time.”

And here, finally, Even burst into uncontrollable laughter. For the love of the powers that be, he’d never be used to those sudden, tactless proclamations. And he never wanted to be. “F-Fio, you’re too much.”

“Call me greedy.” He felt her lips on his cheek again–perhaps a bit lower than their intended mark, it hit close to his jawline, but still. “I worked a long time to ensure you got a happy ending, and now that I actually get to be in it, we’re going to have it, no matter what.”

“Is that a threat, or a promise?”

“What do you want it to be?”

“Both.” No hesitation. “I do so admire a woman that would kill the gods that made her without hesitation.”

“Not until I’ve gotten them to share the secrets of cold fusion. I have to bring you back a souvenir.”

“Oh, darling, show me the means to manipulate dark matter, and I might not be able to control myself.”

A happy ending, indeed.

~

(“Say,” Fiona said, her arms and legs tangled together with his as they laid in his bed, “I just thought of something.”

Even rose from barely-there slumber,idly rubbing strands of her hair in his fingers; he wondered distantly if he still remembered how to braid her hair. “Mm?”

“We had everything set up to just have Lord Ansem sign our marriage certificate, and have that be that. That’s still more than fine with me, but do you think we can, anymore?”

“Hm… we could certainly try,” That was a good point, actually, but alas, “But I doubt we’ll be getting anything past Aeleus this time. And given the circumstances, he won’t stand for there not being a ceremony.”

“Ohh, why would you say that. I can’t argue The Aeleus Factor.”

“He’d make it an appropriate affair.” Even offered, and placed a kiss on her forehead, simply because he could. Drunk on power, truly. “If I’m correct, it’d be the first wedding since the restoration concluded. A bit more celebration could hardly be a bad thing, in such times.”

“We’ll just have to take one for the team.” She sighed, and one of her hands found its way over his body, lazily tracing circles in the small of his back. “I suppose those boys wouldn’t want that honor right away. Not until Isa’s scar heals, at least. I imagine it wouldn’t be a very fun thing to find in the photo album.”

“Understandable.” Even paused for a second, as though sleep was claiming him once more, and then added, “Just don’t expect me to wear black.”

“Oh? What if I wore black, then?” Fiona’s voice lilted with amusement at the idea. “I could take your old coat, and Queen Ortensia could help me make it into a dress. Wouldn’t that be something?”

“Fio. Could I divorce you before actually marrying you?”

“Good luck. If you couldn’t get rid of me the first time, it’s not happening the second.”

Even shook with silent laughter, and smiled into her hair. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”)

[sarcasticsouthernbookworm]

Hey guys, I’m trying to get back in to writing. This is really short and silly and I haven’t written anything in like 10 years so if it’s terrible I apologize. Feedback is very welcome. Based on this post https://otp-headcanon.tumblr.com/post/179433050159/person-a-did-it-hurt-when-you-fell-from-the

Lea and Roxas were sitting on the couch playing video games when Isa got home. Lea could tell right away that he was in a bad mood by the way he closed the door and dropped his bag a little harder than normal. While Isa could definitely be accused of having a Resting Bitch Face, Lea knew he’d tried to keep his anger in check since being recompleted. Letting his head fall onto the back of the couch Lea watched him empty his pockets onto the kitchen counter.

               “Babe?” Isa looked up to meet his eye. “You okay?”

               Isa sighed softly and a little tension seemed to leave his shoulders as he shook his head. “No, I’m okay.

               “Hey,” Lea smirked, “Did it hurt?”

               Now Isa’s brow furrowed. “Did what hurt?”

               “When you fell from the vending machine, cause you’re a snack.”

               Up to this point Roxas had been ignoring them but now he groaned loudly dropping his controller into his lap so he could slap his palm to his face. Isa however was shaking with suppressed laughter, fighting a smile. And that made Lea smile as well. He loved seeing Isa’s smile after so long without it.

               Isa came up behind the couch, bending to press a kiss to Lea’s lips. “You absolute dork.”

               “Yeah but you love me.”

               “I do.”

               “Okay, “ Roxas drawled, standing up. “I’m gonna go see if Xion is done with her project.”

               Lea turned to face him, grin still firmly in place. Roxas was always awkward when he and Isa got to ‘couply’, as Roxas called it. Lea knew it was nothing against Isa but suspected it was due to confusion and anxiety about Roxas’ own developing romantic feelings. Lea just wasn’t sure if Roxas was crushing on Xion or Hayner. He and Isa liked to debate it.

               “Alright man, tell her we said hey. And don’t forget to let me know when y’all[VW1]  are free to do dinner.” Roxas waved his hand to indicate he’d heard and pulled the door closed behind him.

Lea turned back to Isa who was still resting with his elbows on the back of the couch. Lea could never seem to stop smiling when he looked at him. Isa met his smile with one of his own.

               “Hey, for real, are you okay?”

               “Yeah,” Isa pressed a kiss to Lea’s lips, “I’m perfect.” Lea gave him another kiss before speaking against his lips.

               “You want to take a shower while I get dinner ready?” Isa gave a small nod, not quite ready to pull away.

               “I love you”

               “Love you too”

[nadziejastar]

Would you say that Saix is also maladjusted?

Saïx was definitely maladjusted. Way worse than Axel, lol. And Axel knew he was maladjusted. Because Isa didn’t get a lot of development, a lot of people got the impression that he was always cold and arrogant, even as a human. As if that was just his natural personality.

But from what I could see, that wasn’t true at all. It was the exact opposite. I hate how people don’t differentiate between Isa and Saïx and even in KH3, they were made out to have the same personality. When I first played BBS, I thought Isa was probably similar to Riku in personality. But now, I have a much different view of him.

Riku and Terra have “Earth” personalities. They’re the disciplined, hard-working, serious types. Aqua and Kairi have “Water” personalities. Ventus and Sora have “Air” personalities. Lea obviously has a “Fire” personality.

Isa must have had a “Moon” personality, which is Water-based. From the little bit of personality we can get of Isa from the official sources, he was a typical Cancer. Extremely sensitive, emotional, empathetic, and insecure. He would have been a lot more emotional than Riku. Because of how he was as a human, Axel was VERY forgiving of Saïx’s flaws. He seemed to view Saïx’s personality as being a result of trauma. It was not just his natural personality. Since Isa was naturally oversensitive, Axel was very lenient with him. 

“Yeah. As long as we remember one another, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?”

Roxas grinned.

“Who are you, and what have you done with Axel?”

“Hey! I tried, okay?” All that effort to cheer them up, and they just turned it into a punch line. Chagrined, he looked away.

Cancers are the perfect adults. Roxas and Xion laughed at Axel when he said this because it didn’t sound like him. When Hayner said this, it was about growing up. Isa was probably the one who said it to Lea originally. Isa was emotionally mature for his age, but as a Cancer, his flaws were insecurity, moodiness, and dependence. Axel had Peter Pan syndrome. Saïx had, well…the opposite. And Saïx’s syndrome was a LOT worse than Axel’s.

“So, Saïx, what am I doing to—? Oh, boy. Awfully early for such a bad mood, don’t you think?” 

Saïx had whirled to face him with a rather pronounced scowl. “…Nobodies do not have ‘moods’ to be ruined,” he said at length. 

“Well, sure, technically…” Of course, with no hearts, they couldn’t have moods or fits of temper. If something went frustratingly awry, their faces might reveal shadows of remembered emotion, no more. Still, for a remembered shadow, that was a mean glower on Saïx’s face. “Did I miss something?” Axel wondered. 

“Xion has collapsed again.” 

Now Axel frowned. He sure had missed something. “Did she get hurt or what?” 

“No,” Saïx replied, any hint of expression vanishing from his face. “It’s just that the failure was functioning better than expected until recently.”

Cancers are known for being moody and retreating into their shells.

They need time to themselves if they’re in a bad mood.

Axel seemed like he was very much used to dealing with mood swings. “The Wrong Button” was about Xion’s moodiness, but it sounds a lot like Axel was giving Roxas advice based off of his experience with Isa. Axel thought of Saïx as moody, damaged, and overly sensitive.

“In any case, I don’t intend to speak about the failure.”

“Failure, failure… You don’t have to say it like that, do you?”

“I thought I told you not to get too involved.” Saïx swung his chair, turning his back on Axel. Axel could feel nothing but a will of rejection from that back.

“I’m simply caught up in it. If there’s something, please don’t hide it from me, tell me.” Axel got up off the shelf and put his hand on Saïx’s shoulder from behind, peering into that face.

It’s actually very interesting how Axel always treated him with kid gloves and walked on egg shells not to offend him. Saïx would berate Xion in the nastiest way possible and Axel would chide him ever-so-gently to watch his tone. Axel felt nothing but rejection from him, but he STILL put his hand on his shoulder to ask him what was bothering him. It really spoke volumes about the way he viewed Saïx. He treated him like a kid.

Cancers are calm and serene.

But they are overly sensitive and hold grudges.

Saïx is a pretty sad character when you realize he is not really some huge force of evil—he was just a maladjusted guy with the emotional maturity of an abused child. He was very needy and terrified of abandonment and rejection.

It wouldn’t surprise me if the crab in the above panel was even a reference to Saïx being a Cancer. That’s just my hunch.

“Are you getting enough rest?”

“Rest?” Roxas echoed.

“I mean, are you sleeping properly? Keeping clean, taking care of yourself? Those things are all part of being fully prepared for missions.”

“Um, probably,” said Roxas.

Saïx looked vaguely unsatisfied with this response.

“Being prepared is important and so is knowing your own capabilities.”

Cancers are also very maternal. I’ve said it before, but, Isa was meant to be a very feminine character. A nurturing caretaker type.

“And on top of that, you’re late,” Saïx scolded.

“I haven’t…been sleeping well…”

“You’d better. It’s part of your work,” said Saïx. “You know you need proper rest to carry out missions.”

Axel was very depressed on the vacation when he slept in all day. I think he remembered how Isa used to try and mother him and tell him to get enough rest. Saïx now has a complex where he feels like he has to be hyper competent and independent to distance himself from his past. He doesn’t mother Axel anymore. Axel misses the old Isa. IMO, that’s what we were supposed to learn and realize about Axel/Saïx after seeing their entire backstory.

This is exactly why Axel was so maladjusted. He remembered having a wonderful best friend. That’s what Isa was like when he was well-adjusted. Then, his perfect best friend turned into…Saïx. Axel was extremely traumatized over losing Isa.

I’m sure Isa was very protective of Lea, despite not being a natural fighter. That’s what I think triggered his berserk state in the first place. But the flip side is that Saïx was Super Duper Jealous.

And he became psychotically upset when he thought Axel betrayed him. He was…not very well-adjusted at all. He pushed Axel away because he could not tolerate his emotional neediness towards him. Yet, he became psycho when Axel left him. Axel saw him as a broken person and felt sorry for him. I think this is why he wanted to find Isa as soon as he was recompleted. He was willing to put it all behind him because he genuinely did not think Isa was mentally stable.

And he really wasn’t. If they really wanted to redeem Saïx in KH3 without resorting to the possession angle, they really went about it in the wrong way. None of the crap where Saïx acts totally calm and normal and reveals he was doing it all for some random girl was necessary. They really should have used the insanity plea. Saïx should be forgiven for his actions because he was a miserable person who was not in his right mind.

Saïx really did act like a heartbroken ex when Axel left the organization. I think that’s what he was supposed to be. He acted that way because he REALLY loved Lea when he was human. Isa seemed like he was pretty different from the cool, cocky, competitive, self-assured Riku type. He sounded really sweet and cute, actually. But he was too gay for Square and Disney, I guess…

[nadziejastar]

How do you think the experiments would have impacted Lea? Obviously he wasn't as traumatized as Isa, but no one gets kidnapped and used as a lab rat and comes out unscathed

Roxas: Saïx called her “broken.”

Axel: Hmm… Well, if it cheers you up, I’m probably a lot more broken than her.

Ooh, I love this question. I get to use one of my favorite Axel quotes. Yeah, I definitely agree with you. He’d still be very messed up even if he hadn’t lost his heart. He has a LOT of anger and pain underneath the surface. He lost everything in his life. I’m really disappointed that we never got to see his entire backstory. He’s such an interesting character. I wanted to see how he went form an innocent frisbee playing kid to a remorseless assassin. What did he think the Organization was after when they kidnapped him? Did he think they stole his heart as part of the experiment? I wanted to know how he felt about having his heart stolen and then being asked to build KH to try and get it back…by the people who stole it. That must have been confusing. And did he know how the apprentices lost their hearts, too?

I think that he and Saix plotted to take over the Organization for revenge as well for as their freedom. In the novel, this is what is going through Axel’s mind when he first convinces the Riku Replica to join him.

Given the right memories, the Replica could mimic the powers of the original. Which meant that if he were implanted with somebody else’s memories, he would, hypothetically, gain other powers. Somebody’s—or maybe even a Nobody’s. He had one particular Nobody in mind. All the members of the Organization were still influenced by the memories of their human lives.

This sounds like a subplot that never materialized. I wonder who the Nobody was. Braig or Xemnas? It wasn’t Zexion, because Axel says he’s as good a place to start as any. He was testing the Replica on Zexion. I’m not exactly sure what experiments were done to Axel, but I would guess they are the reason why he can control fire. And there were a lot of Emblem Heartless being manufactured in that basement.

He probably was forced to fight at the very least, as I suspect Isa was. The black cloaks are meant to prevent someone from getting swallowed by darkness. Lea and Isa were wearing them when they were recompleted. This indicates they had things done to them that risked them getting swallowed by darkness.

The Heartless appear in groups, and are multiplying rapidly. I’ve provided them both living and nonliving samples. They’ve responded only to the living. They seem to multiply after absorbing something from the living creatures. Their prey vanishes without a trace.

Not only is he traumatized because of what he personally experienced, but probably also from witnessing what happened to others as well.

Yeah, I know. Our plans. That part won’t change.

This is what Axel is thinking in the novel when talking to Saix. Even though they weren’t really getting along at that point, he said that their plans wont change. He wasn’t doing it for just for Saix. He wanted to take over the Organization as much as Saix did. He only becomes less motivated when he starts growing a heart and enters an existential crisis.

Hearing his old name, Axel glanced up at Saix watching him intently. He remembered being human. Memories surged inside him, crowding the space in his chest. For Nobodies, memory had all the weight of a heart.

I remember. I won’t forget.

I think he’s talking about both his memories of Isa, and his memories of the experiments that took everything away from him. His normal life, his heart, his best friend’s personality, his ability to experience happiness and love. He has a really dark and twisted side to his personality. Which I love. It makes total sense. I think the upside-down tear marks were something he came up with himself. Not Saix. Gang members get the tear-shaped tattoos as a permanent reminder that they’ve killed someone or they’ve had a friend killed and they want revenge. And Axel’s are upside-down. As an assassin, the message being sent is, “Ain’t no tears being shed for you, bitch”. But deep down…I think there are.

“The dirty work doesn’t bother me”, Axel went on. “You just make for the top.”

There was nothing false in that, and he looked at Saix in the eye as he said it.

Since the heart is the seat of your emotions and interpersonal relationships, I think that Axel and Saix probably got along decently during their time in the Organization. They were both single-mindedly focused on revenge. They were less like close friends and more like gang brothers. Loyal, but not close. Axel didn’t have an intimate relationship with Saix. They didn’t have fun together, or laugh. And this didn’t seem to bother Axel too much until he met Roxas.

Zexion had never trusted Axel one bit. In fact, he had never trusted anyone besides the original members of the Organization–those he had once known in the laboratory. But he found two especially untrustworthy: Saix, who had somehow wormed his way into Lord Xemnas’s confidence, and his close acquaintance Axel.

Zexion was just a kid when everything happened. I doubt he had anything to do with the experiments personally.He didn’t seem to have any clue who Axel and Saix were in the novel. Nor did he know Saix was Xehanort’d. He trusted them the least out of anyone, because he could tell how much they hated the apprentices. So if this is how much pleasure he took in eliminating Zexion, I can only wonder what he was imagining doing to Xemnas or Braig.

His title, Flurry of Dancing Flames, is a reference to a dance the god Shiva performed that almost caused the end of the universe because he was so angry after his wife killed herself.  Another weapon, Ifrit, is a death spirit drawn to the life-force or blood of a murdered victim seeking revenge on the murderer. He might not have known the whole story on Isa, but as soon as they woke up after turning into Nobodies, he obviously would have noticed that he had a giant scar on his face. I’m sure he was beyond pissed when he saw that. I wish I could see how furious he’d be if he knew the entire truth.

Sora: What are you— What ARE you people?!

Axel: Hm… Don’t know. I wonder about that myself.

I really wonder how he would have acted around Even in DDD. I think they kept him and Dilan away from Lea for a reason. He absolutely revels in Vexen’s death. To Axel, Vexen is a symbol of all that was taken away from him. In the novels, he feels kinda bad destroying Dusks because they are fellow Nobodies. Yet he never, ever shows remorse for taking out Vexen or Zexion. He detests the Organization. But at the same time, he recognizes that he isn’t naturally like this. That he’s warped. Broken. This isn’t the person he wanted to be. He’s changed into someone else because of everything he’s been through. He remembers being different. I think that’s why he never really hates Saix, either. He assumes he’s just warped, like he is.

Axel: Most kids spend summer vacation just goofing off with their friends. They save the homework till the end and then help each other finish it.

Roxas: That sounds fun, I guess.

Axel: Yeah. I hadn’t really thought about it much since becoming a Nobody. So how’d you spend the day?

Axel: Hey, I’m not about to tell you ALL my dark secrets. Got it memorized? I bet you keep a thing or two from me.

Axel admits he hadn’t thought of his normal life too much since becoming a Nobody. He’s had other things on his mind, obviously. He jokes about having dark secrets after sleeping the entire day away. I think the experiments are another reason why he says that memories are just baggage that have never done him any good.

He won’t allow anyone to get too close to him. He never really confides in anyone. Ever. Not even Roxas. He keeps an emotional distance with everyone at all times. Even when Axel says dark things, like he’ll never get to experience love, Roxas doesn’t pick up on anything wrong or ask him about it. He is too naive to tell that he’s got lots of baggage. Not his fault, but it is what it is. Not that Axel would want to talk about it anyways, but still… he always puts on a smile to hide his pain. Always. Even his closest friends had no idea how much he was suffering. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Even after he begins to grow a heart, he still kidnaps Kairi. He even does the iconic hand reach of darkness. He feels bad about this later, but he’s so lonely and miserable at that point, he doesn’t care about morality. Morals didn’t exist in the Organization. You didn’t survive that way. In the novel, Axel and Kairi have this exchange which I absolutely loved.

Kairi looked up at him. “Aren’t you…a bad guy?”

“I’m not,” Axel replied, completely serious. “But not really a good guy, either.”

“This doggy likes you, though,” she pointed out.

Axel dropped his gaze, and indeed, Pluto was right there with his tail whipping back and forth.

“Just because dogs like someone doesn’t mean they’re a good person, y’know. Got it memorized?”

I swear, Pluto LOVES Axel in the novels. I almost think they must have met before or something. I also love it because Axel’s main weapon, Eternal Flames, is actually shaped like the symbol for Aleister Crowley’s Chaos magic.

Chaos is neither good nor evil, but both and neither at once. It cannot be controlled; not even by itself. It promotes freedom of choice, thought, and action above all else, even if this leads the world into a primal state of vice and survival of the fittest. Chaos refuses any limitations placed on it. I love how his weapons are so different from Saix’s. Ironically Saix’s are named after benevolent female goddesses and such. Axel’s are the ones who are much darker. You’ve got the lance of Mars, the Roman god of war.

Then there’s the Fuma Shuriken with the Recusant’s Sigil right in the middle. This is the Mystery Gear weapon that’s supposed to represent his true personality. A recusant is someone who refuses to submit to authority. If anyone is a recusant, it is Axel. He’d wear that “X” proudly. Fuma Shuriken was a weapon said to be wielded by the leader of the Fuma clan. The Fuma Clan were a group of outlaw ninjas, especially skilled at night raids and other sorts of sneaky surprise attacks. They were extremely strong, extremely deadly, and had a reputation for pretty much having no morals whatsoever. They would slash enemies in the back, set entire villages on fire, and resort to all sorts of violent and non-violent trickery. They were also said to be experts at the use of fire and smoke – including the smoke-shield practice. In a folk legend, the leader is often depicted as an inhuman figure: a supposedly part-oni, monstrous giant with inverted eyes.

I loved how awkward his conversation with Ienzo was in DDD when he is looking for Isa. It’s even funnier when you hear that scene in Japanese because he sounded so impatient, like, “yeah yeah, shut up already with your long explanations, no one cares. Where’s Isa so I can leave this shithole already?” I’m so mad we didn’t get to see him confront the apprentices. I wanted to see him get mad. Something similar to when Roxas smashed up all of the computers. THAT level of rage. He needed to heal from his past, too. And the first step would be to face it head on and be angry.

I don’t think Axel truly got to heal from his pain in the story, either. He and Isa needed to heal each other. Axel immediately went to being perfectly okay after DDD. But I definitely don’t think he would be. He still needed closure. He needed to get angry at Saix to truly grieve the loss of Isa. And he needed to get angry at Xion when she tried to destroy herself. For himself. To acknowledge his own pain that he always minimizes or tries to hide. It felt like the writers forgot all about Axel’s pain and darkness in KH3.

Goofy: Gawrsh, Lea sure hurried back to Radiant Garden

At the end of DDD, after he saw that Isa had become a vessel, Goofy says Lea hurried back to Radiant Garden. I was so sure that he was going to confront the apprentices and finally learn what happened with Isa. He saw how vessels are made after rescuing Sora. He knew they were made by breaking the person’s soul and having Xehanort’s heart forcibly put into them. He knew Saix had yellow eyes and pointy ears. God, it blew my mind that he never seemed to suspect that Isa might have had the same thing done to him. Never in a million years was I expecting to learn in KH3 that Lea and Isa were “apprentices” all along, and Isa just chose to stay with them because he wanted to get stronger. Um, yeah right.

The longer you know someone, the less you need to speak in clear terms. Everything gets across with a wink and a nudge, a little reading between the lines…When it comes to what befell our late comrades at Castle Oblivion, ambiguity suits me just fine. But the Keyblade master and Roxas come out and say every little thing that comes to mind. Maybe that’s human, or maybe they’re just special.

But in addition to anger, I think he forgot what it felt like to have positive feelings at all. That’s why Roxas was so important to him. He made him remember what being whole felt like. And he also looked like Ventus, so he brought back all sorts of memories from when he was young. There was a time, long ago, when he was just like Roxas.

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore. It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.

From this you can tell that he didn’t always mind talking to Saix. But after spending time with Roxas and Xion, he starts to grow a heart, and then he remembers how genuine friendship felt. He’s sick of living like this. Like a criminal. He wants to eat ice cream and laugh about stupid stuff…And he starts missing Isa. And he can’t stand to be around Saix anymore, since hes nothing like Isa. The chasm between past and present is just too great. 

What were you really after, Lea? We joined the Organization at the same time, and formulated our plan. At this point, it’s just an idle fantasy. Everything changed. You, and me.

Saix says that Axel has changed. He used to be a lot more cold and brutal. Saix says he’s changed as well. I think it’s because he has Isa’s memories, so he can remember what Isa was like. And even he knows that he isn’t like Isa. I thought that was interesting. That he had that level of self-awareness. It must have been confusing to him, too. How different he used to be.

Roxas doesn’t trust me after the whole Xion incident, but I can’t tell him the truth yet. So I keep lying. It’s no big deal when you’re a Nobody. There’s no guilt, no feeling at all. So why does it still sting, just a little, when I lie to him? All my dealings with Roxas give me this bizarre illusion of humanity.

Axel isn’t used to feeling guilt when he lies. He forgot what that felt like, so it surprises him when he feels it. But he can’t imagine it’s anything more than an illusion…

“You know, I’ve been thinking about something Naminé said. Roxas, are you really sure that you don’t have a heart? Is it possible that we ALL have one? You, me, her… Or is that just wishful thinking?”

…Just wishful thinking. It’s too scary to hope for anything more.

Riku Replica was just a tool, but I can’t just use Xion. No, I was wrong to have just used Riku Replica in the first place. How is a man-made puppet any less worthy than a Nobody that was never meant to exist at all? They’re both ambiguous. Tenuous at best.

Even when he does start to feel emotion again, he is confronted with overwhelming despair. He doesn’t even view himself as human. When he’s revived in DDD, he says hes “human again”. As a Nobody he sees himself as sub-human. On the same level as a Replica. When he disappears, he tells Roxas they’ll meet again in the next life. But he really didn’t believe he had one. I don’t think this outlook is just the result of losing his heart. I think it all started with losing his faith in humanity after the experiments were done to him. He sees Roxas as pure and innocent; something he no longer is. To Axel, Roxas is more worthy of humanity than he is. Honestly, he gets even more cynical after he starts to grow a heart again. That’s when he can feel the brunt of his trauma with full force, unlike before.

He had never apologized to anyone before. Or thanked anyone, either. Without a heart, there was never any need. If he had no heart, did it mean anything to say he was lonely, or sorry, or grateful? The words couldn’t be heartfelt, when there was no heart to feel them. But even that word, painful—what could it possibly mean for someone with no heart?

This whole passage from the novel shows how he views himself. He’s ashamed of himself. He knows it’s abnormal to lack emotion. Humans aren’t supposed to be like that. He’s broken. He invalidates his own feelings because he thinks he’s not worthy of having them in his condition.

Axel stretched his neck and munched on his ice cream.

“You know, I don’t mind disappearing.”

Namine’s breath caught.

Riku stared at him.

“Roxas is gone. When we bring Kairi here, Namine will be gone, too. Same for me,” he said, as if he were discussing the weather, and then punctuated his comment with another bite of sea-salt ice cream.

“We don’t disappear…We’re only reborn,” Namine murmured, perhaps to herself.

“I‘m not like you and Roxas,” Axel said flatly, his hand holding his ice pop stick in midair.

“But—But you…” She looked down, clenching her fists.

“It’s because I don’t have a heart,” Axel went on. “I don’t want to disappear, but I’m not upset or sad about it.”

Namine tried to say something and failed.

Nobodies aren’t supposed to exist. Nobodies don’t have hearts, so they can’t feel anything.

I really love how much extra characterization the novels give. Despite all evidence to the contrary, he says he can’t feel anything. Or ironically, maybe he just wishes he didn’t. Maybe he forgot that having a heart can make you feel more profound pain, just as it can make you feel fulfilled. And he mistakes that emptiness for heartlessness.

Then someone else spoke behind him. ”I’ve been waiting for you Axel.”

“Yeah, I figured you’d show up.” His smirk turned nastier as he turned to see Saix. He didn’t take his eyes off the other man as he spoke to the girl in the cage. “Listen, Kairi! Trust me. I’m going to get you out!”

Behind him the portal closed.

“What are you saying…? Vile traitor! The great Claymore took shape at Saix’s back. Axel didn’t waste a second grabbing his chakrams. But his body was reluctant somehow.

I don’t want to disappear…But still, it wouldn’t be so bad if I did. Not here.

What does he even have left? Roxas forgot about him and disappeared. Isa forgot about him a long time ago (he thinks). And now he’s trying to kill him. If he wants to live, he might have to try and kill Isa now. He said he wanted to find hope—the hope that Sora and Riku have. But now? He thinks it wouldn’t be so bad to disappear. He puts on a “nasty smirk” when Saix comes. Just like when he disappeared with Sora, he still put on a smile to hide his pain. Like, wow. That is SO sad. It’s why I the LOVE the fact that his Keyblade is Phoenix-themed. The glorious rebirth from the ashes of death. Both for him and Isa. Yeah, I think the experiments had a devastating effect on Lea that the story didn’t provide any closure to at all. 

[nadziejastar]

Hi! I love all your theories so much! They were a saving force for me after finishing KH3 and being frustrated at how little sense it all made. Thank you so much for taking your time to write all your theories down! I also want to ask your thoughts about Xehanort's story. Since he's THE villain of the story he is extremely important, yet I feel he wasn't explored much (v flat). I think, like you said in BBSV2 theory, writers in a way just didn't have a chance to. (1/2)

What do you think his story was meant to be like? His supposed fall to darkness? They tried to make him sympathetic in KH3 ending and it felt really undeserved and out of nowhere. (2/2)

Xehanort was a Member of a Secret Society

Nomura: At first, I did want to use a next game to dig down into how Xehanort went from that simple boy playing the chess-like game to an admirer of the darkness. But, if I do that, then the Dark Seeker Chronicle wouldn’t have ended with KH3 after all (laughs.) Some ideas had solidified to a degree, but it’s shelved for now.

Thank you. When I get responses like yours, it makes writing it all out worth it. I feel such a strong compulsion because it is so heartbreaking to see how badly the story got butchered. Definitely have to agree about Xehanort. I was so confused by how he was portrayed. Whatever they had going was obviously half-baked.

A lot of things in KH3 really made no sense at all. It seems like they had a complete story planned at one point. They altered a lot of things, but left other stuff in. They removed Xehanort’s past, but instead of altering his character accordingly, they left the sympathetic ending in. Same with the power of waking. Instead of changing the story, they left all the scenes of the characters being unconscious. I’m glad they did, because it is pretty good evidence for my theory, but it’s still really weird.

Until a few short years ago, I’d known only my own world, a speck of land surrounded by sea. But how I’d dreamed of, yearned for the World beyond… And, granted guidance from the future, I left that nest behind.

As for Xehanort…where do I even start? There are so many plot holes. In canon, Xehanort’s ability to time travel makes absolutely NO sense. How did he even leave his home world to begin with? How did he get that No Name Keyblade? Young Xehanort could not use the Keyblade as a secret boss in BBS. Why is he able to time travel in the first place?

Young Xehanort: Yes. This was where it started. At this point, I still had no idea that I was talking to myself. He cast away his bodily form just to set me on the appointed path. To move through time, you must leave your body behind. Ansem first sent me on my way, and then placed himself here when the time was right. That was what set all these events in motion.

In canon it just seems like Young Xehanort got the ability to time travel from… his future self? Um, what? But…how? That doesn’t even…

Joshua: If he is, Riku’s on one side of the Portal, and you’re on the other. He might be by your side–he might be a million miles away. You can’t measure the distance in time or space. Even without the wall between you, it’s hard to say.

It probably has something to do with portals, which were NEVER properly explained. Riku used one when he entered the Realm of Sleep to use the power of waking on Sora. And it was the key to beating Xehanort at the end of KH3, though I had no idea why. Because it’s never elaborated on.

Joshua: Hello there, Riku. Portals are like gateways that link up our worlds. Apparently, the world you and I are standing in right now–well, there are two copies of it. It’s been sort of split in half. Portals are what let folks like us cross between them.

Riku: There can be two of a world?

Joshua: The world is as many things as people need it to be. The concept that we all live in the same world–that’s just in our heads. Surely you knew?

According to the Xehanort timeline from the series Memorial Ultimania, Sora acted as a portal because he had the Recusant’s Sigil on him.  And it suggested that Isa was able to be tracked due to his scar. I’m guessing he was the portal that allowed Young Xehanort to show up in the 2.5 secret ending. The “X” was SO important. And it was not mentioned at all in KH3.

Were the 13 Seekers of Darkness, who were meant to be in different times, gathered by transcending time with magic?

Just as it says in the story, to transcend time one must “first” discard their body. As a result of the actions of the Robed Figure, they all were in a state where they had gained the power to transcend time. The Robed Figure explains these facts. The thirteen were summoned at the same time, this time thanks to the Young Xehanort who borrowed that power. However, apart from Young Xehanort, that does not mean that all the members left their own time.

Apparently, anyone can travel through time if they discard their body. But that doesn’t explain how the Robed Figure could pass the ability on to Young Xehanort, who didn’t give up his body.

In other words, Ansem and Xemnas were simultaneously existing in the time-space of KH3D as well as their newly recompleted human form after being destroyed?

Yes, it does turn out that way. However, as I said before, The World That Never Was–where the thirteen all met–is a special space. The mechanics behind how they were all able to exist at the same time is a mystery. From KH1 on, Ansem has returned no matter how many times he has been defeated, perhaps the same sort of thing happened.

I think that the time travel ability was supposed to get waaaay more explanation in BBSV2. There was so much more to delve into. Like how it works and why Xehanort could visit his past self in the first place. And why TWTNW was special. Those special circumstances were no doubt supposed to allow the other Xehanort’s to exist simultaneously outside of TWTNW. Xehanort had some ability to transcend time.

Xemnas cannot exist in the present because there is already a Xehanort here: the old man in charge. The old man’s humanity prevents his Heartless and Nobody, others vanquished in the past, and his younger self from being denizens of this time. To circumvent this, Xehanort is using the prototype replicas I created in the past as containers, plucking his other selves’ hearts from the time they existed. Xehanort ordered me to refine the prototypes, to make them closer still to the real thing. Perfecting my creations so they may house true, flesh-and-blood human suits my own purposes as well. All that remains for my atonement is to devise a way to pass on as many of the vessels as I can to those who truly deserve them. -Vexen’s Report

This whole idea came out of NOWHERE. YX didn’t need a replica to time travel. And MX didn’t need a replica for Terranort. He has a special Keyblade with a clock and an hourglass keychain. That’s the real reason he can do what he does. The Replica program was NOT originally the reason for all this. There was something special about the Robed Figure. He gained some type of special ability when he cast aside his body, and it was connected to YX’s special Keyblade.

Goofy: We defeated Ansem and Xehanort—every last one of ‘em. But still they all came back anyway, right? So, maybe this Riku “came back” too, from the time when Ansem possessed him.

Donald: Yeah, from the past!

Sora: What? How?

Riku: Unlike a certian wizard you know, I had to play by the rules to travel through time. Which meant leaving my body behind.

I don’t believe for one second that Riku Replica was always going to be relevant in KH3. 

From KH1 on, Ansem has returned no matter how many times he has been defeated, perhaps the same sort of thing happened.

Goofy’s quote sounds so similar to Nomura’s quote when he was asked about TWTNW and all the Xehanorts existing at the same time. It makes WAY more sense if they were going to use time travel with young Riku. That’s why he was already a Seeker of Darkness in the Sleeping World. I think that’s KH1 Riku, but in an alternate timeline.

If replicas were the key to travel to the future, wouldn’t YX have taken a LOT more interest in Vexen when he retrieved Saïx? But no, they just left him there when he was recompleted. Heck, Xemnas didn’t even seem to care that much about Vexen getting snuffed out at Castle Oblivion. Why didn’t Vexen get an X-shaped scar so they could always track him, like Isa did? Why did he have to volunteer to join in the first place? It’s SO stupid.

Xemnas: But then, through Roxas, Sora himself began to shape “it” into “her,” giving Xion a sense of identity. I was ready to scrap the whole project…

Xemnas didn’t seem to value the Replica Project too much after Xion developed a sense of self. And I always thought Xion’s appearance was an illusion, since it differed from person to person. She’s a robot infused with memories (ie. data). So she only has an appearance in the eye of the viewer. Riku replica was probably the same. But now all of a sudden the replicas can turn into flesh and blood people when they get hearts? That’s quite the technological leap there, but…okay.

The Heartless come from people’s hearts, as does the darkness. Is the core of the world’s heart the world of the Heartless? I will pursue the answer there and become all knowing. My path is set. I shall seek out the wielder of the Keyblade, and the princesses. My body is too frail for such a journey, but I must do this. I will cast it off and plunge into the depths of darkness.

Why did Apprentice Xehanort suddenly decide to cast away his body?

Pureblood or Emblem, these Heartless act only to fulfill their instinctive needs. They single-mindedly detect hearts and swarm around them. A human’s commands would be ineffective: the Heartless would easily steal the human’s heart and use it to increase their own ranks. But what if an even stronger Heartless was giving the orders? If he cast aside his own soul and body and became a Heartless, wouldn’t he be able to control the otherwise intractable Heartless? Furthermore, wouldn’t he be planning to make use of the creatures’ instincts? If the heart-seeking Heartless have their sights set on a larger, more powerful heart, their ultimate goal is crystal-clear. The largest heart in existence—the heart of the world.This is all conjecture, but it would seem he is utilizing the Heartless in his search for a path leading to the heart of the world.

He was actually commanding the Heartless.

When a person’s heart is stolen, a Heartless is born with no sense of self, and the body and soul left behind give rise to a Nobody. But what if one willingly releases one’s heart from one’s body? Sora and Xehanort retained their selfhood even after becoming Heartless.

And the reason he retained his sense of self was because he chose to become a Heartless. Just like Braig was the only one who retained his sense of self at the end of KH3D. Because he was the only one who chose to be a vessel.

Axel: There was a time he became a Heartless. And if one becomes a Heartless—

Larxene: They lose their minds and their feelings… They’re consumed by the darkness.

Axel: Right. But not Sora. He held on to his feelings, even as a Heartless. And there’s only one other man who’s been able to do just that.

Apparently Axel witnessed Xehanort become a Heartless.

Lea: I guess Xehanort doesn’t count, but where are Braig and…Isa?

Why didn’t Xehanort count? I’m sure this was important. It sounds really interesting. Too bad we’ll never learn about it.

Yen Sid: For that to work, a version of himself would have had to exist at both source and destination. Not even Xehanort can transport his whole body across vast reaches of time.

Young Xehanort: There are restrictions to movement through time. First, you must leave your body behind to do it. Then, there must be a version of you waiting at the destination. Upon arrival, you can only move forward as per the laws of time. And you cannot rewrite the events that are destined to happen.

You can time travel if you leave your body behind. But that doesn’t explain how Young Xehanort got that Keybalde. He was clearly the main “portal”.

Nomura knew this all didn’t make sense. It’s why he wanted to explain it in the next game, but that plan got shelved. Everything about Xehanort’s backstory appears to be heavily inspired by Freemasonry and other secret societies. The all-seeing eye, the goat, the chess board and even the coffin with the X on it. Freemasonry was derived from what were known in ancient Egypt as “mystery schools.” So, it fits with the Egyptian origin of the Recusant’s Sigil and the Eye or Ra/Horus. If I had to guess, I’d say Xehanort got inducted into some kind of secret society after meeting Eraqus. I think he was being manipulated by a force greater than himself.

As I treaded the path to my master’s side, I came in contact with darkness in many forms. I knew even then, as by instinct: terrifying as its power was, it could be harnessed. Mastered. Eraqus is a blueblood, descended from the very first masters in the age of fairy tales. But I did not come this far to indulge in adulation. I will be his peer. His equal. And to do that, I must learn to wield the power born from both darkness and light in proper balance.

Secret societies and fraternal orders have a philosophy of “get them while they’re young”. Usually they recommend students belonging to well-bred families for special training. And Eraqus was a blueblood. Xehanort had to be exceptional to fraternize with the likes of him.

As a Keyblade Master, Xehanort had a gift like few others. But such great minds are often plagued by a single great question. What is the essence of the human heart that weakens us, or empowers us? The answer, he believed, would be found in the “Keyblade War.” What if the challenges of our past were, in fact, a map to the light and darkness that battles within us all? Xehanort had to know, so he renounced his duties as master and chose the seeker’s life. Since then, in many a guise, he has clashed with protectors of the light–Keyblade wielders like yourselves.

These groups are convinced that men of special ability and brains have the RIGHT to rule those less gifted. They use hidden knowledge to gain power and control over those ignorant of the whole truth. Many of them consider almost all of humanity to be cattle or spiritually dead. It reminded me a lot of the way Xehanort just branded Isa with the “X”. He truly believes he is superior, and has the right to control him. Because he’s ignorant. He’s not enlightened. He’s dead anyways, so what does it matter?

Much time has passed since I left the home of my youth behind, and in the myriad worlds I have since visited, I have gained much knowledge. On these pages, I intend to record a portion of that knowledge, and put the course of my life to paper. Upon reflection, my life underwent the most considerable sea-change when I arrived at that place. Yes, it began when I found a Master, and another I would later call my brother—when I found a new home.

Scala ad Caelum is Latin for “Stairway to Heaven” which is a big theme in Masonry.

Then there was the Keyblade. For what purpose was it begotten, and by whom? During my training as one of its wielders, the precepts offered a clear answer: the Keyblade existed so that we who watched over the light could protect the world from the shadows. But was that the TRUE answer? Could there not be more to it than that? My heart sought knowledge, and so I sometimes visited other worlds—though such travel was forbidden unless duty required—and found what my heart sought.

Xehanort didn’t know about the X-Blade when he was training under his master alongside Eraqus.

I have uncovered the Keyblade’s ultimate mystery. You see, besides the three families of Keyblades, there is another “Key Blade.” While it may sound the same when spoken, it is notated uniquely: “χ-blade.” And make no mistake, while it resembles a normal Keyblade, it is something altogether different. Keyblades are said to be man-made counterparts to Kingdom Hearts. The χ-blade, however, coexists with Kingdom Hearts. It is only forged when two hearts of equal power intersect—one heart of pure darkness, one heart of pure light. At the time of its forging, Kingdom Hearts appears. It must be noted, though, that this Kingdom Hearts is special. Unlike the Kingdoms brought about forcibly and artificially through the collection of hearts, THIS Kingdom Hearts is a perfect and complete union of ALL the worlds’ hearts. Surely it was over this that the ancient Keyblade War was fought. If so, the walls that divide the worlds today are of little consequence. With the χ-blade, all their hearts could be instantly reunited—and the Keyblade War, refought.

He only found out later. Somebody taught him about it. Now, I think all of this might have been intended to tie into Union X lore. I didn’t play that game and I’m not fully versed on all its lore. But I think more importantly, it had to do with “Cable Town”, which we now know is named Scala ad Caelum.

In KH BbS, Master Xehanort’s goal behind opening Kingdom Hearts was to “create a new world.” But in this game, he says it is to “reset the world.” Why the difference?

Nomura: What was revealed in this game was another piece of the truth: his goal was “this world is no longer any good, and we have to recreate it from scratch.”

In 2014, Square held a launch event for KH2.5 HD Remix. They showed a new trailer to the people in attendance. In that trailer, Sora was shown in a brand new world that we have never seen. It looked similar to The Land of Departure, which was probably based off of it. It was taken out by the time KH3 released.

This trailer was shown off to the audience, then Square acted like it never existed. It was never released publicly. I think this is because they retconned Cable Town, and turned into the ruins of Daybreak Town. I truly don’t think that was always supposed to be the case. Even if it was, it was still supposed to be way more important than that. One of the attendees who saw the trailer drew a picture of what he saw in the trailer. Sora actually traveled there. Xehanort’s past was a “piece” of the truth. No doubt one of the fragments that was supposed to be covered in BBSV2. I bet Scala ad Caelum was supposed to be KH3′s equivalent of Traverse Town, Radiant Garden, and Twilight Town.

I think Xehanort started off with pure intentions. He genuinely wanted to rebuild the world. He didn’t always have pointy ears and yellow eyes. I think he started off as an innocent resident of Scala ad Caelum. Then he became involved with a secret society. And you can see the checkerboard theme and even a Recusant’s Sigil on the chalkboard to far-right of this room. The black and white checkerboard pattern is in all Masonic lodges. It represents duality - that good (light) cannot exist without evil (darkness).

Light and darkness are two sides of the same coin; without darkness, there is no light. The Keyblade wielders’ great war over Kingdom Hearts was fought by defenders of the light, servants of darkness, those who sought to reconcile the two, and those motivated by nothing more than lust for power. A whole spectrum of thought was swept into the conflict, and the worlds that did not go to war found the war brought to them. In the end, the whole World was cast into darkness.That was how the ancient Keyblade War drew to a close. To this day, no one has ever managed to open the door to Kingdom Hearts. Some time later, the little light that remained in the hearts of the few gave rise to the World we know today: one made of many worlds behind just as many walls, so that the Keyblade War would not be repeated.

Which is of course, what Xehanort believes.

Where did the Organization’s coat and mark come from?

Xemnas remembering his human years. One year after BbS, Xehanort as well as five other apprentices toss aside their hearts. Then the Nobody Xemnas was born, and the Organization which he creates takes a lot of things from his memories as a human. But as Xemnas had two people who he was, Terra and Master Xehanort, he takes from both of their memories.

Master Xehanort wore the black robe when he left Ventus on Destiny Islands. Xemnas wears it due to him remembering his human days. In modern strands of Satanism, black robes are often worn in magical rituals and initiation ceremonies. Various Satanic/Luciferian spells and rituals have strong Saturnian elements in them.

Saturn always had a negative, if not evil significance to the ancients. In ancient times, it was called “The Greater Malefic” which was opposed to Jupiter, “The Greater Benefic”. Saturn is esoterically associated with man’s limitations, restrictions, death and decay. His Greek name was “Chronos”, the ruler of time, which was seen as the main factor inevitably leading to the death of mortals. He was also often depicted…eating children.

It is believed that the Grim Reaper is based on the Greek god Chronos, also known as Father Time. Traditional representations of the Grim Reaper originate from the attributes of the god Saturn, who held the sickle. Chronos’ ties to time and the harvest spawned the symbolism of the Reaper’s hourglass and scythe. Perhaps this was what inspired Xehanort’s usage of “planting seeds,” when he was referring to his plans to make vessels. Then he could harvest them, by turning them into another Xehanort, which is akin to killing them. It seems Xehanort wore the black robe while disposing of Ventus because it was a sort of death ritual for him. Organization XIII is literally a death cult. To join, you have to change your name to one with an “X” in it.

Young Xehanort: Every Keyblade master is bequeathed a Keyblade of his very own. With the passing of time, as you can imagine, more and more Keyblades were forged to be handed down. But of all the Keyblades in existence, Master Xehanort’s is the most ancient. That is my destiny. But it has yet…to become a reality.

In Greek mythology, Chronos is said to have emerged from the primordial Chaos. He hatched from the world-egg at the beginning of time. Saturn has also been associated with Satan for numerous reasons. First, many authors argue that the word Satan is derived from the word Saturn. Second, Saturn is associated with the color black, like Satan. Third, Ancients considered Saturn to be the farthest planet from the sun. Saturn is consequently the celestial body that is the least exposed to the sun’s divine light and thus associated with the principle of Evil. The god Pan, the horned deity, represented Saturn in ancient paganism. This half-man half-goat creature is considered the ancestor of our modern depictions of Satan.

Saturn is also associated with a black cube, which might possibly be associated with the Master of Master’s black box. The cube represents earth in Pythagorean, Indian, Egyptian (Pharaohs sitting on cube thrones), and Platonic traditions. It’s even recognized as a sacred symbol today by the Freemasons when they stand on an oblong square during particular rituals to the “Worshipful Master”. But who knows.

Xehanort: But darkness did cover the world once, in legend. We know so little about the Keyblade War–only that it was just the beginning. Amidst that crisis a precious light was found. It is a curious tale–and one worth exploring. They say ruin brings about creation. So what, then, would another Keyblade War bring? When the darkness falls, will we be found worthy of the precious light the legend speaks of? I must have these answers. The X-blade needs to be forged, and with it, the door to the Keyblade War unlocked!

These secret groups believe in a system of dualism that cyclically repeats as synthesis results. Chaos begets order, but chaos ensues again, followed by order, and so on. The conflict of opposites finally leads to equilibrium, but it’s disturbed once again by renewed conflict, and a new, temporary stage of equilibrium is achieved. So, there’s a never-ending cycle of chaos, followed by order. Order is always temporary. 

Like Ying and Yang, death and rebirth, Order and Chaos follow from and give birth to one another, in an ever-renewing cycle. It’s all about opposites coming together. Which I like because Lea and Isa had the same theme with their relationship. But instead of being a clash of opposites, it’s a union of opposites. It’s like a big “Fuck you” to Xehanort. It’s probably why the writers designed them to be that way. It’s very clever, honestly.

Eraqus: Fool… You would risk an apocalypse out of sheer curiosity? I will never allow it, Xehanort. Not while I live!

Xehanort: But once again you have it all wrong, Eraqus. Darkness is a beginning, you see, not an end. At birth, every one of us emerges from darkness into a world of light, do we not?

There’s a Latin expression, Ordo ab Chao, meaning Order out of Chaos. It’s a motto of the Thirty-third Degree, and has the same meaning as Lux e Tenebris, or “from Darkness to Light”. It is believed that through the doctrine of Chaos, one could attain higher wisdom by upending the naturalized routines of everyday life. As Chaos ensues, old orders are broken down to allow new ones to emerge.

According to higher Masonic dogma, the New World Order will result after a period of choreographed chaos. Man could shape history and achieve ultimate peace only through repetitive episodes of controlled conflict between opposing forces. The idea is that men must create, manipulate and manage the inevitable conflict of Chaos in order to create a pre-determined outcome – the controlled change, the synthesis.

And when Kingdom Hearts is complete, it is said the one who opens its door will bring about the creation of the Next World. Such a feat is above any human. Or, to put it a different way: whoever opens that door will be reborn as something far greater than human. Light and darkness are two sides of the same coin; without darkness, there is no light.

This is what Xehanort wanted to do. He wanted to start over by initiating a high dimensional clash of polarities, forge the X-Blade, then open the door to Kingdom Hearts.

If I become the first to open Kingdom Hearts’ door, I can create a Next World in which light and darkness exist in perfect equilibrium.

He thinks that if light and darkness are perfectly balanced, then he can create a world where there is no more chaos. So no more wars or anything. Ever.

We Keyblade Masters have a special gift. We can extract a heart, be it our own or that of another. By continuing this cycle, it is possible to remain in the world of the living forever.

I highly doubt that Xehanort invented this technique. Somebody taught him how to do it. Personally, I think Xehanort became involved with some kind of extra-dimensional entity during his involvement with the cult, and it attached itself to him. That’s why we see the giant black demon-looking thing coming out of all the Seekers of Darkness in KH3. He probably was not fully possessed like Terra was. But it definitely infected him. If I had to guess, I’d say the entity was something inspired by Pan, who is associated with Saturn. Pan can be considered a much earlier representation of other deceptive horned gods, most notably Satan. The prefix “-pan” meaning “all” originates from him.

“Don’t believe your dreams are just fantasy. If you can imagine a world, believe in it and dive in.”

Pan was said to be void of any spiritual essence, instead causing imaginative visions – stepping inside oneself and into the unconscious dream world. Like a nightmare, Pan evoked the deepest and darkest forms of ones own psyche, and its fantastical creations. Pan forced people to cross over into the unconscious world, a world distorted by repressed sexual desire, and primitive fear. A good example of this is shown through the character Puck (who is Pan) in Shakespeare’s “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” and his fascination with the themes of sleep and distortion.

In addition, the story of “Peter Pan” also represents the same form of escapism, crossing over into a world of fantasy. Interestingly, the word “pant” comes from the Old French for Pantasier, literally meaning, “gasping for breath during a nightmare.” It even traces its roots to the ancient Greek word Phantasioun, which gave rise to the word Phantasia, meaning “fantasy.”

Another significant relation between the prefix “-pan” and the theme of evil is found in the myth of “Pandora’s Box,” a name that means, “all-gifted.”  As the first female on earth, Pandora was given every characteristic, from beauty to cunning, as a gift from the gods. Yet, all that was released from her box were conflicts, and evils that plagued humanity. In 358/2 Days, one of the gears is called “Pandora’s Gear”.

The word “pandemic” holds this same meaning, as it is formed by the word pan- “all” and the word demos, “people,” yet is defined as an outbreak of disease, and sin among society. Pan was the daemon that disorders the intellect. He represents magic and chaos. He is associated with the idea “Order out of Chaos”. The idea is that the natural world is an evil place, or far too chaotic to be considered any good. In human nature chaos is found everywhere, from the unconscious mind to the waking unrest of emotion. It culminates, inevitably, by spreading out into nature as a whole, like a contagious disease.

Were the members of Organisation XIII that grew hearts unsuitable as vessels for Xehanort?

That’s not necessarily the case, however the details are a secret.

I have NO idea if this was intentional or not, but you can see Saturn-looking rings around the artificial Kingdom Hearts. I always wondered where Xemnas even got the idea to make an artificial Kingdom Hearts?

Xemnas: There hangs the heart of all hearts–Kingdom Hearts–shining down on us at last. See the countless hearts that have gathered? Hearts full of rage… hate…sadness…and bliss. There, in the sky, hangs the promise of a new world.

What even IS an artificial Kingdom Hearts?

Xemnas: My friends! Remember why we have organized–all the things we hope to achieve. The strength of the human heart is vast. Soon, though…we will have gained power over it! Never again will it…have power over us.

Why would completing it allow him to turn all the members into Xehanort? This is all just theoretical, but there have been books written by people who claim that the moon is an interdimensional, interdensity portal for entities and energies from other dimensions. 

It is suggested that these beings called Archons, use the moon as a home base for hijacking signals from the universe so that our bodily forms that are experiencing this reality on Earth, can’t fully experience what it was meant to by the Creator. Basically, the moon is capable of blocking certain abilities of the pineal gland, which is our “third” eye that connects us with our consciousness. They feed off of the negative emotions of humans. I can’t help but suspect that ideas like these influenced Kingdom Hearts lore. 

Xigbar: Xemnas and Xehanort formed the Organization for a specific reason—round up a bunch of empty husks, hook them up to Kingdom Hearts, then fill them all with the exact same heart and mind. Translation–they were gonna turn all the members into Xehanort.

God, I can’t get over how the story in KH3 makes NO sense. The whole reason Xemnas was creating an artificial Kingdom Hearts was to turn everyone into vessels. Yet KH3 is so casual about it. Everyone treats being in the New Organization like it’s a party or something. Lea was so nonchalant about fighting Isa at the Keyblade Graveyard. He wasn’t concerned about Isa, himself, or his other friends dying. Or even the possibility of the APOCALYPSE happening. All of these ideas regarding Xehanort and the secret society he joined were left on the cutting room floor. It really is such a shame.

[nadziejastar]

You know why the Seekers having high levels of agency makes no sense? Because Xehanort wanted Sora as one! It's a plot point that doesn't work unless you assume that some level of mind control is involved.

LOL, exactly. How are you going to make Sora of all people a Seeker of Darkness if they are not just Xehanort’s puppets? What was the point of even going after someone like him? He would never help the bad guys willingly. So Xehanort obviously has to be able to fully control them on a whim. This is also a subject I had been meaning to write about.

KH3D ended with Xehanort NOT getting Sora, leaving him one Seeker short. Ooh, that’s exciting, now what’s he gonna do? I thought that his search for the final Seeker would have been a big part of KH3′s plot. But it really wasn’t. I thought that was so anticlimactic.By the time KH3 rolled around, Xehanort had so many Seekers lined up that he even had reserve members.

It’s funny. I remember a lot of people complaining about how all the villains got an undeserved redemption in KH3. After spending the whole game helping Xehanort, they randomly give a heartfelt speech at the very end. So, only once Sora defeats them do they grow a conscience? Everyone was asking why they didn’t have any remorse before.

There’s a big pillar of darkness that leaves their body after they’re beaten. It’s almost like that would have been Xehanort’s heart and darkness leaving them; thus, they’d no longer be controlled once it’s gone. They’d have their own minds and hearts back again. So, in that context, their little speeches would have actually made sense. I’m sure that was originally the idea, at least for characters like characters like Saix and Luxord. But when you have the characters acting in full control of themselves the entire time beforehand, these scenes seem ridiculous and lose all of their meaning.

Master Xehanort: All of this was decided. My twelve selves would welcome me here on this day, when I would return a complete person. It is the future which lies beyond my sight.

The story made it clear that not just anyone can become a Seeker of Darkness. He literally calls them his 12 selves. It apparently takes a very specific type of person to make a suitable vessel for Xehanort’s heart. That’s why most of them are Xehanort’s own alter egos; extensions of himself. His old self, his young self, his Heartless, his Nobody. Terranort and young Riku are also Xehanort, just while he’s possessing other people’s bodies.Vanitas is a being born of pure darkness. Only the strongest vessels can handle a heart like Xehanort’s. That’s why he targeted Terra in the first place.

Sora: Make more Xehanorts? You tricked your friends to… But you–aren’t you scared of just turning into someone else?

Xigbar: Me? I’m already half Xehanort.

Sora: That’s nuts…

KH3D also stressed the consequences of getting Xehanort’d. A totally willing person immersed in darkness is a candidate (if they are strong enough). But you’d have to be willing to sacrifice part of yourself; your identity, your mind, your agency. Few are crazy enough to do that. Braig just happens to be that nuts. But the rest?

Xigbar: Xemnas and Xehanort formed the Organization for a specific reason–round up a bunch of empty husks, hook them up to Kingdom Hearts, then fill them all with the exact same heart and mind. Translation–they were gonna turn all the members into Xehanort.

Xemnas: However–through weakness of body…weakness of will…or weakness of trust–most of the original members we had chosen for the Organization were inadequate. Thus, naturally, they never had a chance to attain their goal. Yet, even this was to be expected. We have learned of the heart’s folly, and we have achieved our other goals.

Xemnas never considered most of them truly worthy vessels. He needed to use the power of a fully completed artificial Kingdom Hearts, just to be able to use them as vessels… and even still they weren’t worthy. Xemnas says as much, and that they had to resort to “other goals”. Sounds like he gave up on all of the old Organization, other than Xigbar and Saix.

Weakness of trust is something that is supposed to exclude them from being worthy. So why all of a sudden are Marluxia and Larxene back again? They didn’t seem to be controlled exactly. But they didn’t seem to be willing participants either. There’s no way they trust Xehanort, though. He said he brought them to be Seekers due to their connection to the past and the Keyblade War. If they were so important to his plans, why did he send Larxene and Marluxia to get executed in Castle Oblivion for their treachery? It’s possible KH4 will answer this, but for now it makes little sense.

And if Xehanort can force unwilling people to be his vessels that easily, why didn’t Young Xehanort take any of the others with him when he took Isa? I just bought the BBS novel that came out a few days ago. I thought it was interesting how this little character blurb described Dilan. It says unlike Aeleus, he is adept at manipulating the hearts of others. Honestly Dilan sounded like a pretty bad person, even before Xehanort came along. That’s exactly the message I got from doing his weapon analysis, too. If anyone from the old Organization actually seemed like they would join the new Organization willingly, it would have been him and Braig. I am sure there was more to Dilan than what we got. He basically did nothing in KH3.

Aeleus: Dilan and Even are conscious again, but still unstable. They’re resting inside. -KH3D

Ienzo: He was recompleted like the rest of us, but he didn’t regain consciousness. After Lea left, he must have woken and taken his leave. -KH3

Then there’s this whole thing which I thought was weird. Aeleus specifically said that they both regained consciousness, but they were just unstable. And Ienzo is right there to hear this. He had to know. Yet in KH3, Ienzo says that he never regained consciousness.

I think there had to be a reason those two characters in particular were kept away from Lea in DDD. They were going to be important for something. The fact that Vexen and Demyx are “reserve” members just reeks of retconning. Like they were not supposed to be there originally and they didn’t know how to quite fit them into the story. So yeah, they’re just reserves. They even whine about getting “benched” which was really silly to me.

Besides Xehanort and Braig, I think Dilan and Even were the apprentices that were the most heavily involved in Lea’s dark past and the human experiments. That’s why he wasn’t allowed to interact with them yet. They knew the truth about Isa. Even probably was not willingly involved, and would feel remorseful to Lea. And he probably would have confessed the truth about Isa. It was necessary to the plot for him to be kept away from Lea. That’s my theory.

Xehanort: Roxas… Now, there was a worthy candidate. But, unfortunately, he became too aware of himself, and returned to Sora. Organization XIII’s  goal is to divide Xehanort’s heart among thirteen vessels. Thanks to you and Sora, we learned not all our candidates were fit for the task.

As for completely unwilling people being made into Seekers, they would need to be totally steeped in darkness, like Terra, where Xehanort can basically just hijack their body. But Terra put up way too much of a fight, and he couldn’t risk that again; Xehanort learned from that mistake. That’s why Roxas was a good candidate at first. He started off so spacey, and without much awareness. Of course, he didn’t stay that way for long.

I shall conduct the following experiments:

Extract the darkness from a person’s heart.

Cultivate darkness in a pure heart.

Both suppress and amplify the darkness within.

The experiments caused the test subject’s heart to collapse, including those of the most stalwart. How fragile our hearts are! My treatment produced no signs of recovery. -Ansem’s Report

Weakness of will is another issue. It is very tricky to make the person vulnerable to possession, but not have their heart totally collapse. If their heart collapses, they are too broken to use.If your’e too far gone, you’re no good; there is a point of no return. That’s basically how Xehanort viewed Ventus at the beginning of BBS. I think that’s why Xemnas was so desperate to find Ventus in 358/2 Days. His body was asleep, and his heart was elsewhere. He’s totally vacant, but his heart was not collapsed or broken thanks to Sora. Roxas became too aware, but Ven was a perfect vessel.

Xemnas: Our experiments creating Heartless were attempts to control the mind, and convince it to renounce its sense of self.

What it ultimately comes down to is: Xehanort needs a person who is devoid of a sense of self. Not broken; just lacking the mental capacity to reject his heart. The fact that Xehanort was resorting to mind control experiments shows how desperate he was to find someone like this, and how difficult it is to use someone as a vessel for his heart. And this is why I think Isa being “Subject X” is the only thing that actually makes sense to me. I mean, just look at how Nomura chose to draw him in the official artworks. He’s the only Organization member that just stares blankly ahead, while everyone else makes eye contact with the “camera”. That blank look is so similar to people who’ve lost their heart, like Kairi and Ventus.

It’s worth mentioning that the localization team chose the name “Recusant’s Sigil” for the “X” mark. When you recuse yourself, you remove yourself from a situation to avoid a conflict.A recusant is a person who refuses to submit to an authority or to comply with a regulation. That’s the exact opposite of what Xehanort would want in a person. It sounds like the “X” is something akin to a punishment for having too much of a sense of self. It’s a brand of ownership meant to break the person’s will. So I think if anything, Isa must have put up one heck of a fight before he recused himself. He definitely didn’t seem to have the “weakness of will” problem. Which is probably why he was so special. He had such a strong will that he lost his sense of self, but he didn’t completely break like everyone else did. He was a great vessel in that regard. “Subject X” possess all the qualities of an ideal vessel.

I mentioned this on the previous post about Axel, but deities like Shiva are often depicted with a dot directly between the eyebrows. This is significant because this is where the pineal gland is located, which is said to activate the Third Eye chakra on the forehead. It is also called the mind’s eye because it is the direct link between the mind and the physical world. It is also regarded as the highest feminine energy center in the body and the portal to the The Higher Self. This is generally regarded as a union with the divine source. Similar to the notion of the soul, basically. The true spiritual self. It is truly interesting to me that Saix’s scar is located directly between his eyebrows.

The symbol of death is situated directly on the source of his mind and soul. There’s no way that was just a coincidence. Also, it always seemed significant to me that Xemnas was covering Saix’s mouth in that picture. Nobody else in any of the official artwork has part of their face covered like that. It immediately stood out to me, since Saix was right up front and center in the illustration with Xemnas. Artists don’t just cover up a large part of a character’s face like that for no reason. I think it’s very symbolic that Xemans is covering Saix’s Throat chakra. Its emphasis is on communication and projecting authenticity into the world. When it is in balance we can express what we think and what we feel.

A question about Terranort. Ansem and Xemnas came from the splitting of Terranort. Does that mean that when they were defeated in KH1 and KH2, Terra was revived alongside Master Xehanort?

Nomura: By all rights, Terra should have been revived as himself at that point in time. However, his heart was still in the clutches of Xehanort, and it was unable to go back, and the shell of his body was the only thing that revived. Then, Xehanort brought the heart of Terranort from the past and put it in that shell of a body he once controlled.

If Isa’s heart had also been swallowed by Xehanort’s (which is what’s supposed to happen to those who get Xehanort’d) then it made perfect sense that they took him and only him. His heart wasn’t in his body. It was “captured”, as Nomura said. His body was just an empty shell, like Terra’s. A perfect empty vessel just waiting to be filled.

I thought I’d never see the word “replica” again. Any rational man would realize the Riku Replica was not likely unique, but I’m the only one in the Organization who knew of his exceptional copying functionality, and that he ultimately formed a sense of self. -Axel’s Report

Xemnas: The goal was to duplicate the Keyblade wielder’s memories, and through them, his powers–thus making them our own. Vexen oversaw the project at Castle Oblivion. However, our efforts were severely derailed by his unexpected demise. And this particular Replica–the one we called Xion–came to form an identity of her own.

Xemnas: We wanted the Key. Xion’s exposure to Roxas effected a transfer of its power, just as we had hoped. Had things stopped there, Xion would have been an unequivocal success. But then, through Roxas, Sora himself began to shape “it” into “her,” giving Xion a sense of identity. I was ready to scrap the whole project…

Lastly, I didn’t like the Deus ex Replica aspect of the story. How Xehanort could just use replicas to fill out his ranks. That was far too convenient, considering the Replica Program was an unfinished failure at the time of Vexen’s demise. Now he suddenly made that much progress so fast? Nah, I don’t buy it. The story made a big deal of this idea that the Replica Project was a failure, because even replicas will gain a sense of self over time.

[aliceslantern]

Beyond This Existence: Counterpoint, chapter 15

Summary:  After being recompleted, Ienzo vows to do everything in his power to atone for the atrocities he committed in the past. But this life hasn't been easy, and he's plagued with memories and nightmares. When Demyx suddenly reappears, the two discover that they have more in common than they thought, though the secrets in their past might tear them apart. Zemyx (Demyx/Ienzo), post kh3 Read it on FF.net/on AO3

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Ienzo made himself eat. He cut one of the white pills in half and took it, flinching at the bitter taste. He set a timer for the three hours, took the small hand mirror from his bedroom, and crossed back to Demyx’s room. He sat at the foot of the bed.

Mirrors and reflections always made this easier in the past. What else was an illusion than a reflection of hopes, or fears, or memories?

Ienzo leaned back against the bed frame. He waited some time for the medication to take effect, trying to keep his thoughts orderly and calm before proceeding. He didn’t think he would feel anything, but after about twenty minutes or so a vague tingling started in his extremities, and his vision became woozy. He was convinced that Even gave him a sleeping pill rather than a painkiller or nerve block, but the sensation wasn’t like drowsiness. The walls seemed to have no straight edges. His breaths felt foreign.

Ienzo picked up the mirror. There was his own face, clear as day. He shut his eyes.

Magic, aside from the most complex glamour, had always come easily. He understood now more than he had before how deeply Demyx grieved the loss of Arpeggio. Dark or not, this power had been part of him. His control over the illusion was a projection of the loss of control he’d had over his own life. Manipulating others had been the easy way out.

No more.

He took a deep breath, and let his memory drift back. Surely the utter clarity of his own memories was a sign he could still work with others’.

In the beginning, those first numb and horrifying weeks as a Nobody left him overloaded to the point of silence. Xemnas took Ansem’s role as their leader seamlessly, down to the name. At first it seemed clear to them that they would continue their experiments, albeit with a pool of participants all the World over. But Xemnas--Xehanort--had a larger goal in mind. Kingdom Hearts. To get there, they needed Keyblade users. So they were sent out into the World to try and find them. Heartless hunted him mercilessly, figuring due to his small size and fragile nature he was easy pickings. He returned badly wounded more than once before his power manifested.

Heartless, after all, were easier to fool than people. Give them a decoy and they’ll chase after it. As he grew, physically and mentally, so did his power. His illusions deepened, took on the ability to also interact with the senses. It was all perception, of course, entirely artificial. He found he could sense the memories of others, could build these memories in real time.

His own memory was easiest to work with. He straightened his spine.

Remember. And create.

Perhaps an emptier room would have been a better starting point. He imagined his other bedroom, from the Organization. The barren gray walls. The cold metal floor. The bookshelf packed with volumes with identical spines. The window out into the Nobody city, how it always had its own damp sticky scent. The feel of the black coat against his skin, soft and supple.

Despite the medicine, he could feel hollow echoes of pain gnawing hungrily. Ienzo touched the space below his nose--still dry. He opened his eyes.

The space in front of him had changed. The surge of relief he felt was nearly enough to shake what little illusion he’d built. It was an imperfect manifestation--things seemed to twitch in the corners and in some spots he could still see Demyx’s real bedroom peeking through, as if through a veil. But it was something.

He stood slowly, dizziness battering him. He approached the mirror above the dresser hesitantly, aware that Zexion’s room had been bigger and he likely hadn’t yet regained the ability to manipulate spatial perception.

Ienzo looked at himself--and flinched. Zexion stared back. He could feel his human clothes, but what he saw was the cloak.

“It’s over now,” he said to himself.

“Is that what you think?”

The reflection in the mirror moved with him, but the voice in his ear was definitely his own. Ienzo turned away. The facade of the cloak melted away, leaving him in his apprentice garb.

“Clever, clever Ienzo,” said the voice. “You should’ve realized that you’re not immune to your own manipulations anymore.”

Ienzo scowled. “You are a poor projection of my own guilt. I don’t need you anymore.”

“I’m not too sure about that. Come here.”

The illusion pitched and pulled. He found himself standing in a cold dark room in Castle Oblivion. A large and familiar book was in his hands. “So this is what you are,” he said. He looked down.

The color was no longer a sage green, no longer adorned with the Nobody insignia. It was a soft blue, with an artistic rendering of a heart.

“Old friend,” Ienzo said. “You’re different.”

“You do see why I haven’t come sooner?”

“I believe so. But do elaborate. It’s not often I can converse so clearly with my own subconscious.”

“You had to begin to forgive yourself. You had to accept the love you were given. Steep costs for you.”

Ienzo frowned, disappointed. “I’ve done it, then?”

“You may have a complex mind, but your heart is no different than anyone else’s.”

Ienzo stroked the soft cloth cover. It was an odd sensation, familiar-yet-not, like so much of this life. “So he was the key.”

“It didn’t necessarily have to be him. It could have been any love. Familial, platonic. This just so happened to be first.”

“Can I still help people?”

“That’s up to you.”

Ienzo opened the book. The lexicon had always been infinitely useful. Its pages seemed numbered, but the content was completely under his control. Whenever he read or wrote something, it could be accessed inside forevermore. He could access memories. Data.

The inside of the front cover was written in ink. Property of Ienzo, age 8 . He remembered that birthday Ansem had given him a fountain pen and he’d been incredibly proud of it. The handwriting looked similar to it had back then, an attempt at neatness and maturity, falling short.

“Was Even right?” he asked slowly. “Will this risk my life in the process?”

“All power has a cost. You know this.”

Ienzo stared down at the lexicon for several moments. There simply wasn’t time to parse this out properly. He had no idea how much of his three hours he’d already spent. Time he was wasting. Time that trauma could be eating Demyx alive. And if he were to do nothing , and Demyx were to lose the will to live, what then? Could he ever forgive himself? He might as well kill him with his own hands.

“Do you want this power back?” the lexicon asked.

“I cannot let people keep suffering.”

“Then there’s something we have to see.”

The pages of the lexicon shifted of their own accord. Within it was a memory, rendered as though it were a children’s story, with the same etched-looking illustrations.

Ienzo and Xehanort, walking through the castle. The ever-present sea salt ice cream.

“Seven years old. A grown up little man,” Xehanort said.

“Yes,” Ienzo said.

“Master says you’re doing wonderfully well in your studies. Most children your age are only barely learning to read and write, and you’re studying neuroscience. If only there were more minds like yours. This world would be a vastly better place.”

Reading it now, it was so incredibly obvious, the way Xehanort hefted and tugged the strings.

“I only wish he would let you help with our research. A fresh, young, innocent perspective might be just what we need.”

“I like helping.”

“I know. I know you do.”

“I can ask again. I’m seven now.”

“It’s worth a shot. If that’s what you wish.”

The story faded, shifted to a new memory--Ansem’s study, Ienzo so very small in the chair across from his master, head bent over a book that filled his lap.

“Master?”

A kind smile. Ansem had always doted on him, except when it really mattered. “What is it, my boy?”

“Am I very smart?”

“Why yes--of course.”

“Can I help you work?” His speech then had been much simpler, much more plain. Initially, the trauma of losing his parents left him completely mute. It had taken nearly a year to shake the silence.

In the present, Ienzo felt something very like pain. He did not know if it was physical or emotional. “Why are you making me see this?” he asked the lexicon. “I know how it all went down.”

“Do you forgive him?” The text appeared on the page, no longer a whispered voice.

“Master Ansem? Is that… part of all this?”

“He is part of me. He is part of you. His choices have rippled through your life. Carelessly. He agreed to these experiments. He didn’t stop them until it was too late.”

“It is not my place to say anything of the sort.”

“Perhaps when you were a child. That’s not the case now.”

The book trembled in his hands.

“He gave me a home when no one else would,” Ienzo said.

“He said he would take care of us. But he changed his mind.” The book shuffled again, to a different illustration, of darkness consuming Even and Ienzo. “Doesn’t that hurt?”

“Of course it does, but that was not his choice, he was thrown into--”

“Do you forgive him?”

Ienzo swallowed. “Must I? To take back this power?”

“All it requires is clarity of thought.”

“Because lately that has been so easy.” His mouth was sour. “No. I do not forgive him. Not yet.”

The lexicon flicked through some illustrations. Being strangled to death, waking up as Ienzo, assisting Sora, reuniting with Demyx when he was a vessel. Reuniting with Ansem. Working on the replicas. And every little thing that had happened since then, one after the other, faster and faster, until--

The room in Castle Oblivion gave way to a starry night. Long grasses curled around his knees. Illumina petals, wild and free, glowed softly in the dark, lighting the path forward. Another thin finger of pain, gagged and numb, crawled up and down his spine.

“Where am I now?” Ienzo asked the lexicon, but its work was done; it was silent. He treaded the path. A gentle breeze stirred up the smell of the flowers. Time was truncating; it seemed like he walked both a very long way and not far at all. The scent of the field mingled with something like a sea breeze. He held the book tightly under his arm as a sort of anchor and kept walking, touching the spot below his nose every few hundred meters, but it remained dry.

He heard tides. Softly at first, then closer and closer. The field of grass gave way to sand, which was soft and cool under his now-bare feet. Ienzo’s illusions had never been this strong to him personally. If he had to, could he get out? The lexicon in his arms seemed to shudder a little. How much farther could he push?

The sea spread across the horizon. A quarter-horn moon coated everything in a silvery light. The surf looked calm, and gentle, but he could feel the pain radiating from it. He approached cautiously.

His powers were stronger and weaker than ever before. He had gone, somehow, from recreating memory to actively walking within it.

He set the lexicon down and placed a hand in the gentle, cold surf. Keyblade wielders--child warriors--gathered listening to a woman in a pink robe give an impassioned speech. Something about they will not remember. Fighting alongside other young children who called him another name, against Heartless and other deformed creatures, and the then-unscarred ground of the Keyblade Graveyard--

Ienzo yanked his hand out of the water, feeling as though he had somehow violated Demyx.

“Where are you?” he asked.

No response. He could see nothing, just sand, and water, and night. Ienzo took another step towards the water.

A harsh, sharp pain shot through his chest and back, almost knocking him over. This was too much power. The entropy. He had to act quickly. Otherwise this would all be for naught and they would both end up dead.

He waded into the water. It was icy cold, and painful. Little whisps of memory darted across his vision, memories that weren’t his. He tried not to look at them, but he couldn’t necessarily help it. Fights. Keyblades. Songs-- the most melancholic music he’d ever heard. He took a deep breath, and dove.

Demyx was drowning, immobile and sinking slowly, his palms outstretched. Ienzo, never the strongest swimmer, pressed hard against the viscous memory. His chest was hurting again, though whether it was from entropy or the perceived lack of oxygen he wasn’t sure.

Ienzo grasped his hand and felt something like a shock. The pain of it made him cry out and lose more precious air.

This was unnatural. This would have a price.

It was too late to turn back.

Ienzo grasped both of his hands and pulled. Between the weight and the effort and the memories, Ienzo couldn’t be sure he was bringing them to shore.

They surfaced at last. His muscles were weak and trembling. He dragged Demyx away from the surf and all but collapsed.

Demyx coughed and gagged, spitting up seawater. He groaned.

“Are you alright?” Even outside of the water, the pain was still there, hungry.

Demyx looked up. Apprehension and fear crossed his face, and for a moment Ienzo wondered if he should have left him in the water, if he were disturbing some necessary process. “Ienzo?” His voice was hoarse.

Ienzo breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes, Demyx, it’s me.”

“What are you doing here? How--” He coughed harder, and Ienzo patted him on the back.

“My power brought me here.”

“Your power?” He sounded incredulous. “I thought you didn’t have any--”

Ienzo picked up the lexicon and held it out to him. “I’ve found it. My power as Zexion let me bring people into their memory. It only seems natural that as Ienzo I can bring people out of it.”

“It’s different,” he said softly. Demyx shook his head. “Still, you’re in my head--this is weird.”

“I’m sorry. I… I was trying to help.” He looked out towards the sea. “You could’ve drowned. You were drowning. I could feel your heart there, so tenuous--”

“Memory,” was all he said.

“I know who you are,” Ienzo said. “Even told me. But I saw, too.”

His breath hitched. “I tried to tell you--”

Ienzo touched his face. Uncanny, how realistic the wetness and sand felt. “I know. You couldn’t’ve. I’m not mad at you.”

Demyx glanced away at him. His eyes were watering. “So much pain they tried to hide from us,” he said brokenly. “They did a shitty job. I can see everything that happened . ”

“Xehanort?”

He swallowed thickly. “The Foretellers.” His lip twitched. Ienzo drew him into his arms and Demyx started to cry.

Another pang of pain inside of his head. This time it was like lightning. Ienzo knew there would be blood before he even checked.

“Ienzo?” Demyx asked wearily. “What’s--”

“Come back with me,” Ienzo said. “Quickly. We both have to wake up.”

“You’re bleeding--”

“My power, it’s--” The agony tightened within him. He didn’t know how to get out of here, but he had to do it fast. Even his illusory body was losing strength.

“You’re burning out,” Demyx said.

“Worse. I’m--”

“Shit, shit, shit.” He was panicking. “Okay. Um.” He pinched himself hard. “Fuck, why did I think that would work? What do you normally do?”

“I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Demyx blinked. “This is probably really stupid but I can’t think of anything else--” He cut himself  off and kissed Ienzo square on the mouth, blood and all.

The next thing Ienzo was aware of was the pain. He couldn’t move. His insides felt like they were burning--they probably were.

Demyx was yelling. “Hey. Hey, Ienzo. Wake up. You have to--” Hands at his shoulder, his wrist, checking for a pulse. Pressure against his pockets. “I need help. Even, I need-- I think Ienzo’s dying and I don’t know how to stop it.”

Was he dying? He was feeling more numbness than pain now.

Even’s voice. “What happened?”

“He found me. In my memory. I don’t know how, but he--he said he wasn’t supposed to have that power.” Ienzo heard a sob.

Even swore. “No. He isn’t. There’s a reason humans don’t control the elements willy-nilly. What are the symptoms?” He sounded slightly out of breath.

“He’s having trouble breathing. His pulse is really fucked up. His nose is bleeding and it seems like he’s in a lot of pain--” Another sob cut through Demyx. “I’m sorry, Even.”

“I know you didn’t ask for this.”

“Why is this happening?”

“Power like that comes from the will. It can only exist without the presence of a fully realized heart--otherwise, it’s too much power. Hence why Nobodies can use it as a defense mechanism. At that point, entropy starts wreaking havoc on the body. Your cells literally start to break down and melt.  The will to live starts to wear down.”

“Ienzo…”

“I’ve messaged Aerith. I don’t think my skills are enough. We must keep him alive until then.”

Alive.

Ienzo could not feel anything, not even fear. He tried to keep drawing breaths, to stay alive , but his lungs were not responsive. He was starting to get dizzy, and drowsy. There was more pressure against his chest, repetitive and insistent. Demyx’s voice, again, heartbroken: “Why would you do this? Why didn’t you let me drown?”

He tried to fight the pull of sleep, but with his will cleaved, he had no choice but to give into it.