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madiiko12 · 4 years

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new york’s very own madison ‘madi’ ko was spotted on broadway street in chanel sneakers . your resemblance to kim chungha is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being obsessive , but also ambitious . i guess being a virgo explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be glittery eyes, dangling earrings, & chanel draped in pearls. ( cisfemale & she/her) + ( kale, 20 , she/her , est. )

hi honeybuns !! im back and with child. there is a brief mention of an ed under the cut but i block it off with a tw start & end. if you’d like to plot pls leave a like and i can dm you or hit you up on discord !! my discord is kale#3079

BACKSTORY

haneul madison ko was born september 18, 1999 to two immigrant parents from S.K. her birth name is haneul, but she went by the name madison since it was easier to pronounce + madi began to almost detest her culture??

it was just that growing up she would sometimes get bullied for looking different at her school, for the way her packed lunches smelled/looked, the way people would stare if she spoke korean to her parents, how other kids would make fun of her english since she didn’t pick up on vocab/grammar as quickly since she didn’t practice at home with her parents. she just became SO insecure about it that she rejected her culture. she wouldn’t bring her mom’s food to school, if her mom ever forced her to take it she’d throw it away and choose to starve instead. she wouldn’t speak korean back to her parents in public, barely even in private (which reeaaallly upset her parents). this also REALLY destroyed her korean language skills. she can understand still, but she can barely hold a basic conversation anymore.

as she grew up, and continued this sense of distancing herself from her culture, she ultimately distanced herself from her family. which left her feeling - - alone often, even though it was all due to her own choices. in this loneliness, she found her escape in music. she would wear headphones constantly through the halls, in car rides, in her room when her parents yelled at her to turn the music down. she just loved music. she saved up the money her parents gave her whenever she worked at the nail salon (her parents owned it!!) to thrift an old keyboard. she became self-taught by trying to copy melodies of songs she’d listen to, thrifting piano lesson books, staying after school with the music teacher learning to play. sometimes she’d even skip lunch to sit in the chorus room with her choir director and play.

it’s not that she had a LACK of friends growing up, maybe just that she lacked a best friend. she had a lot of friends, but no one that she felt so connected to in the way she felt connected to music. perhaps, she was addicted to her loneliness.

she spent a lot of time playing the piano and dabbling in writing music that her grades started to fall (not that she was ever the BEST student) and her parents literally took away her piano. they said it was a waste of time because they wanted her to focus on doing well, so she could get into a good university, and then live a good life. music was just a distraction

but that didnt work

she would sneak out into the city to go to concerts and poetry readings. she’d sneak out and go to indie songwriters scenes while her parents thought she was at the library with one of her school friends

This underground scene had her full heart!! she was surrounded by likeminded people who just lived for music. she was hearing all of these incredible people who were all looking for their start. maybe not looking for anything at than just to sing their songs. tbh i think this was the point she was happiest. she was completely enveloped in music, just for the sake of music. There wasn’t any pressure, just music. Just the songs. she was wide eyed looking at this whole underground scene of artists. So maybe some plots from these underground charas?!

she’d perform some songs at karaoke nights and the indie sessions, and a producer took a keen interest in one of her songs. basically im kind of stealing halsey’s career start, but she posted a song Came in Close on SoundCloud and just blew up overnight. in the morning, she woke up to a record label asking her to fly to LA for a meeting.

and thus, Madison Ko began a career as Madi Ko where she’d release her debut album, Honey, a few months later. (DISCOGRAPHY HERE). her music is very 80s synth inspired!

new album that is most definitely CRJ’S EMOTION is coming soon...

PERSONALITY

right off the bat, madi is an absolute firecracker!! she’s loud, bursting with personality, has a lack of inhibitions that CHAOTICALLY mixes with her spontaneity

part of this is projecting her insecurities. she felt lonely as a child but doesn’t want to be seen as that to the world. it’s not so much a persona but an exaggeration of who she was.

she likes to show off her glam bc it, once again, hides her insecurities.

she just kind of is dramatic anymore

like everything about her

her persona as Madi Ko, upcoming popstar underdog, is like DUNKED in glitter, over the top stages and sets, draped in couture. basically her stages/outfits/dances/mvs are like Chungha’s but with Pale Waves and Carly Rae Jepsen VC. ex: 1, 2, 3, 4

also bc im obsessed with chungha’s famous diamond wink, IT’S GONNA BE MADI’S THING TOO. so basically madi has trended on twt a few times bc of her signature diamond wink bc she effing glues rhinestones and glitter under her eyes for performances !! she said fuck corneas !! ex: 1, 2, 3 ....god chungha is magical

so while madi is like a brand hypebeast n never shuts up, she can also get,,, easily annoyed. and heavily perceives ppl on first impressions despite that being the reason she felt misunderstood a lot growing up.

definitely argumentative!!! will blow up arguments for no reason n then later questions why she made it such a big deal but cant own up to her mistakes

when she decides she doesnt like you, SHE DOESNT LIKE YOU. it’s done. bridge is burned, she’s not keen on second chances

fame has definitely given her a bit of an ego problem --- she’s a bit more aggressive, self-obsessed while intrinsically insecure, is too busy flaunting her material possessions and trendy life that she can...lose touch of reality. basically most of her high school friends cant stand her. HC that her high school bf broke up with her bc she was no longer was the madison ko he knew!!! so if anyone wants to be that ex lmk !!! she’s written songs about them!!!

definitely the type of girl who is so hype at a party, dancing in fallen confetti, standing on the fireplace mantle, but then midway realizes she’s lonely. sad at a party.

ED TW STARTS!!!!!

....

she kind of always had body image issues growing up, but it was very off and on, but once she got signed and being by surrounded by cameras became normal she formed a full fledged ED. she’s passed out at concerts a few times bc of her ED, but they always brush it off as “not enough rest” or “she wasnt feeling well that day but pushed to perform anyway as to not disappoint the fans”

so feel free for ur muses to point it out !! she’ll get really defensive like “i eat i just work out a lot” and yeah it’s true she works out a lot but she...doesn’t really eat

it’s also one of the causes of her irritability ...

.....

END ED TW!!!!

idk why this is so long

always up for mischief!

does love a good prank. asks weird hypotheticals

is not scared of an ouija board

will get wasted off a few shots and drunk madi is UNSTOPPABLE

one time drunk madi cried bc her siamese cat (MOCHI !!!) wouldn’t ever get to go to school and would never know chemistry..... the dramatics.....

she is sensitive and despises it. she does everything she can to not come across as sensitive

however, she’s so obsessive. so deep in feeling. when she feels something she FEELS it. when she is mad it boils through her. when she is in love it is all she knows. when she is sad it covers her like sweaters and blankets on rainy days. she doesn’t know how to half-feel. everything she feels stops her in her tracks.

HOWEVER she’s the most obsessive with her own insecurities — so in relationships she’s kind of known for tapping out early. she just gets scared and the fleetingness of her career and that she’s at her very core, lonely and disappointed in herself, makes her want to run away thinking that letting down her walls and being vulnerable could only be disappointing for her SO. so maybe she ghosted ur chara or gave some lame excuse

Kind of obsessed with how she’s perceived

terrified that at any moment her career could be thrown away, her deemed irrelevant, and she goes back to being Madison Ko, daughter of nail techs in Koreatown. and then her parents would have been right all along, music was a waste of time.

she’s just my little fallen angel who flew to the sun (fame) and it constantly eats away at her girlhood, at her heart.

anyways this is all i got rn <3 come love me sorry i kind of didn’t shut up this is long

WANTED CONNECTIONS

an ex from before she was famous who broke up with her because of how she changed!! PLEASE i have ideas for this. plus,,, you get a lot of songs about ur chara!!! could be from high school, maybe someone in the music scene she frequented before she was signed, anything!!

anothr ex/fwb/undefined relationship i’d love is one when she was first famous who just introduced her to everything. something like a whirlwind that was exciting and magical. she’s written songs about this person.

exes in general.

hookups/fwb

romantic plots. pls i have songs who need meaning. friends to lovers, one sided (either way), slowburn, ANYTHING. love cruel summer plots, anything lover by tswift

PR relationships -- would LOVE one where she falls in love with the other despite how clearly defined they made their relationship

love triangles in general just get me going

best friend!!!! the one’s who know how the other feels just by looking at each other. they have countless sleepovers. tell each other everything. cry together on bathroom floors. pregame together.

ex friends. for whatever reason -- maybe madi did smth shitty, maybe they did. maybe there was backstabbing, maybe madi sacrificed friendship for a career, maybe she made moves on their romantic partner/interest despite being fully aware. idk. gimme

People she knew from the underground/indie scene before they were famous!! they’d have bonded over their love for music, little indie dreams kind of vibe. just imagine a group of dreamers !! Would love if they made some kind of pact!!!

party friends

collabs !!

pranks. mischief. gimme

enemies. gotta cook up some drama, yknow

GIRL GANG. god i just want this so bad like make a girls dream come true

#wealthyhq:intro #zoo wee mama #pls love me honeybunnies #tw ed

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mobpsycho100 · 6 years

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a semi thorough coloring gif tutorial cause i get asked this often enough

Anon asked me to cover what I think are the best adjustments to use for making anime gifs. Short answer: Levels and Selective Colors are the only adjustments you need. In that order. I wont be going over Selective Colors in this tutorial because its very easy to use.

I went over this briefly in my first tutorial when I brought up Levels but now I will go more in depth into how to use it as I think it’s pretty much the only adjustment you need and you can make do with just levels alone a lot of the time. Its the only adjustment I’ll be covering today because its the most important one and if you take away anything from this tutorial I hope its the knowledge that you can achieve great colors through levels alone. I want to be thorough so this is going to be kind of long so... get relaxed.

Before the tutorial begins, I encourage everyone to get 3 different anime screencaps or at the very least, 3 anime screencaps with very different lighting to follow along because the last example will make more sense if you do so.

Theres no easy way to explain what the R/G/B in Levels does without opening up like 50 images and editting them yourself to see what each one does. It would require me going into color theory and I dont think thats something that can’t be easily explained, and really you just need to get a feel for it yourself. You click the ‘auto’ button at the right corner to achieve almost similar results, but I think doing it manually is better because it lets you have more of a feel for how each Red / Green / Blue levels works on its own and gives you more control.

Before I get into it, what does auto or R/G/B levels do? Well, it allows you to remove the filters anime usually have on their scenes to pull out the natural colors from underneath the filters. It sounds confusing at first but it’s easy to understand once you see an example and do it yourself.

Here’s the original image I’m working with for my first example. As you can see theres a slightly blue filter all over the entire image, the dirt on the ground is brown but theres still a faint blue color fill all over it. Our aim when using Levels this way to color it is to remove that filter.

First you go to ‘Red’ and see these two levers at the right and left? You pull those two in until they hit the edge of where the graph starts.

Repeat this process for ‘Green’ and ‘Blue’ as well.

And thats it.

End result:

The dirt is much clearer now, theres no blue filter on it so we can finally see the red and purple undertones that werent clear before. The sky is a lot more dynamic as well now that the blue filter is gone. Here’s a side by side comparison to make it clear just how much the image has changed

It might seem like it only has contrast to the untrained eye, but you cant achieve the same result with just contrast. It added contrast by taking away the blue filter on top of the image, but if you used the normal RGB levels instead of going in manually changing the Red, Green and Blue

this is the result you get.

While theres contrast, the blue filter is still there. Here’s another side by side comparison with the method I showed here vs. the ordinary way to use levels.

If you’ve been following along using your own screen caps you’ll notice the levers on the very right change the whites / brights / highlights of the image, while the levers on the very left change the darks / blacks of the image.

Thats the jist of it, it’s main purpose is to bring out the natural colors in the image. When you do this method and all the colors come out and theres decent amount of brightness and contrast as a result, it makes it much easier to work with the gif because now you can tweak the colors more easily when you use selective colours.

Recap: Using Red/Green/Blue individually gives you the control you need to bring back the natural colors of an image and remove the filters anime tend to usually add everywhere which tend to make scenes look very dull.

Here’s another example but with a tweak.

Original image before neutralising the scene using Red/Green/Blue individually instead of the basic RGB. Notice the yellow filter on top of the boys to help them blend with the background more.

Add Levels. Change the Red/Green/Blue.

Result:

It looks pretty great all on its own and gives you a lot more to work with when you get to selective colors since all the colors are popping now from the pinks in the background to the blues and even yellows.

For example if you tweak the yellows in selective colors in the original image, it would have affected almost the entire image as it’s almost fully yellow. Here’s how the image looks when you brighten it using RGB.

Say if I wanted to boost the yellows here and make them more vibrant and a little more orange-ish. I opened up selective colors and tweaked the yellows like so.

and this is what happened to my coloring.

It’s not great. Because the filter on this entire image is yellow, when I tweaked the yellow in selective colors, it changed the characters skin tones, hoodie, hair quite drastically. Theres no control over the image because theres not many colors to work with. So when you go to change individual colors through selective colors, half the image ends up being changed like this.

Now this is how the exact same selective colors looks on top of my edit of this image using Red/Green/Blue.

Heres a before and after of the selective colors.

The yellows are vibrant without drowing out the entire image now. This is what I mean by having greater control for when you go to edit individual colours. Levelling your image out this way allows you to have greater control over the image because the natural colors pop so much.

However as great as using Levels to make your image more neutral and remove all filters is, it doesnt mean you have to stick with neutral look 100%. What I mean by this is, as you can notice when you remove the filters, all the natural colors in the images become more vibrant and pop, which looks fantastic but when your making gifs is not that great because more colors means more noise and grain for when you save for web. But keeping the natural filters on doesnt look good either so what I like to do is strike a balance of sorts.

This might be a little confusing if you havnt been following along with the tutorial editting your own images.

Example:

Mostly neutral, just a very slight warm yellow tone to it, his uniform is a little yellow as are the whites of his eyes.

And here’s the image after I add Levels and to the magic

It’s a little blue-ish now. The image was mostly neutral to begin with so not much has changed but it’s fully neutral now with no filters. Theres a nice contrast but I want it to be look even more dynamic and I want to bring the colors together without removing the Levels we added to the image.

I decided I wanted to add a bit of a purple tinge on top for two reasons. Firstly, because the image already had a yellow brown tone to the background, I dont want to add more yellows to it, I want it to stand out. Secondly, the aura around the character is pink and I think purple will make those colors look more intense so thats why I decided on purple.

This is where the middle lever that we hadn’t touched before comes in. Changing the middle changes the neutrals / middle balance of the image. I went to ‘Green’ and move the lever a little bit to the right from 1.00 to .95

Result:

Everything is slightly more purple, but image is still mostly neutral from removing the yellow filter. It looks clean and the colors pop but by adding a bit of purple the entire image comes together as well.

There’s no tips or tricks when it comes to figuring out what lever does what color change unfortunately but theres only 9 levers in total meaning 9 colors so trust me when I say you get the hang of it really fast if you do it often. My advice is save about 25 images from various different anime and open them up and turn them neutral using Red/Green/Blue, and then try to bring the colors back together again a bit using the middle lever for every single image. Once its ingrained into your memory, your coloring experience will be so much easier. I hope that wasnt too tricky to follow and you learned something here.

#tutorial #anime gif tutorial

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kiruuuuu · 6 years

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Doc/Lion oneshot in which Lion absolutely can’t get enough of Doc. (Rating E, pure filth + fluff, ~4k words) - written for the ever so wonderful 1ce_09 on twitter ♥♥ Everyone who hasn’t already, check them out for beautiful Siege art! Thank you so much for commissioning me, I enjoyed myself :)

If anyone had asked Lion a year – hell, months – ago which part of the day was his least favourite, he would’ve said waking up. Throughout his life, the only consistently good thing staying with him has been how easily he falls asleep and his ability to only wake up once fully rested; he sometimes thinks it’s a genuine blessing he received, a rare show of mercy of which he’s ultimately undeserving. Even when his mind worked overtime, even when there was an oppressive weight on his soul, even when there was no reason to get up in the morning, he drifted off like a lazy, oversized house cat napping in the sun. In rare moments, he idly wonders whether this ability hasn’t saved his life at some point, granted him this little bit of energy he needed to get through the day, gave him enough hope to trudge on and eventually sparked his endeavour to make it up to those he wronged.

And then there are his dreams. They’ve always been vivid, abstract, hard to grasp, but as a child he could always pinpoint at least a location or a person, something concrete which gave him an indication of what was on his mind at the time. After – after Claire, after colourful pills and pieces of paper with cartoon characters on them and a few other things, his nightly visions became even more obscure, swirls of colour, evoking emotions whose vibrancy stays with him in this twilight between waking and sleeping, a half-doze in which he’s disembodied yet conscious. He enjoys their embrace and despised nothing more than the afterimages being violently ripped away from him by a shrill alarm.

These days, he doesn’t mind it so much. The reason for his change of mind is as fortunate as it is unbelievable because of all its facets no one could’ve predicted, especially not him: It’s someone he loves (and he’d given up on this particular idea a while ago). It’s a man (and while he’s fooled around with some of his friends before, it was largely born from spite and the thrill of the forbidden). And of all people, it’s Doc.

It took him months to come to terms with the realisation that his infuriating colleague never really left his thoughts because of a fierce desire to impress him, not because of personal dislike. Doc is revered wherever he treads and when Lion earned his ire, it was much easier to pretend the negativity dictating Lion’s remorseless remarks and actions towards the other man stemmed from disdain and not disappointment in himself, not from a knee-jerk reaction to the realisation that Doc would never see him as an equal now.

It took him even longer to finally act on it too, reach out and attempt to rebuild the bridge Doc had destabilised and which Lion had spitefully burned in response; it required endless conversations with Bertrand as well as the rest of the GIGN, a worrisome amount of self-reflection, and uncomfortable, tough admissions.

But he managed. Looking back, it’s amazing how much he turned his life around, how much he achieved with the help of those around him and indubitably help from above, and he’s humble enough to try and let his gratitude shine through in everything he does these days.

He even learnt to enjoy waking up. Though admittedly it wasn’t difficult, no, not at all, not when he knows he’ll have company, be greeted with a smile and a kiss, a brief update on global events, a cup of coffee just how he likes it. And so instead of hitting the snooze button on his phone several times, tossing and turning, dreading the beginning of yet another day, he wakes with a serenity he never thought he could achieve.

This morning, his heart feels even lighter than normal and it doesn’t take long to figure out why: there’s a warm body next to his. Doc prefers getting up early, always prefers being prepared no matter what and possesses the inhuman ability to sleep without an alarm and be on time anyway – but rarely, on one of their days off, he allows himself to sleep in, much to Lion’s delight.

Smiling to himself, he rolls on his side to dazedly blink at the spectacular view in front of him and really, Doc has no business being this gorgeous this early in the day. He’s stretched out on his stomach – and he’s the only person Lion has met who sleeps this way –, head turned away from Lion, explaining his constant neck pains, and smooth skin illuminated by the rays falling in through the blinds, painting long stripes on his naked back.

Lion doesn’t want to disturb the image yet reaches out regardless, runs his fingertips over shoulder blades jutting out, the dip of his lower back, relaxed muscles, and reaches the blanket covering Doc from the hips downwards. He should let him sleep. Really, he should, but with every centimetre more that’s revealed, Lion’s interest rises. He takes his time, pauses when he hears his lover take a deep breath and proceeds when it evens out again. Slowly, surely, he reveals plump curves and more soft skin, and then his gaze falls on the discoloured spots on the back of Doc’s thighs and the almost languorous desire playfully swaying in the back of his mind suddenly gets shoved to the very forefront, makes his heart skip a beat and his crotch throb.

Memories from the previous evening come flooding back, the end of a tedious work day necessitating some kind of release – they’d started as soon as they set foot into their apartment, Lion crowding his lover against the door and licking every bit of composure off his tongue, then wandering deeper with his hungry mouth and swallowing him whole, something he’s come to love, provided he can watch Doc’s features dissolve into helpless want while sucking on him, hard. He took his time, did so for the rest too, left Doc aching and fingered him open over the couch until he was flushed and flustered and even more beautiful, took him standing up until his legs gave in, relocated to the kitchen table, eventually landed in bed where he finished them both off with merciless snaps of his hips, listening to Doc’s desperate whines and floating on pure ecstasy.

The bruises are remnants, and now he also feels the scratches on his back again which he didn’t let the other man see, angled his body so he wouldn’t notice the damage he’s done – he usually feels bad about leaving marks though Lion can never get enough. It’s one of the many small disagreements about which they half-heartedly argue and neither of them is ready to budge, but more often than not they end with a hand in someone’s hair or quick kisses. There’s more, now that he knows where to look, Doc’s ass cheeks themselves are still tinted red and the lovebites Lion sucked onto his ribs remain perfectly visible as well.

Maybe he should add a few.

Moving carefully, he removes the blanket entirely, admires Doc’s shapely legs for a moment and then kneels between them, intending no more than to touch the sleeping beauty a little, but as soon as his palms come to rest on firm flesh, a different thought makes his cock twitch in anticipation. Doc is perfectly on display like this, the hills and valleys of his body enticing in a way that Lion wants nothing more than mould himself around them, and he decides to appreciate it all by waking Doc with something more… personal than simply covering him in hickeys.

Thumbs pull the cheeks apart a little, exposing a pink hole which looks overwhelmingly inviting to Lion, a hole he abused to his heart’s content the previous evening and so it’s only appropriate for him to make up for the rough treatment, isn’t it? He leans forward and gingerly circles the rim with the tip of his tongue, starting feather-light and increasing the intensity slowly, intersperses it with broad laps and has to suppress a moan when he feels the ring of muscle pulsing in response. He’s felt similar contractions around his shaft so many times before and the association is all he needed for a full, heavy erection – especially when he remembers Doc’s usual, elated expression whenever he climaxes.

The hips beneath his hands shift a little, and a foot lifts, powerless, and when he pushes the tip of his tongue inside, Doc lets out a sleepy groan. “Really?”, he mumbles into the sheets but makes no move to stop Lion. “Didn’t we do enough yesterday?”

He grins and forces himself a little deeper, eliciting a weak moan, before withdrawing for a reply: “Gustave, I can never have enough of you.” And to cut off any smart remark, he wiggles his tongue back inside and turns all of Doc’s protests into small, appreciative noises. Though his lover appears to be the voice of reason more often than not, he allows himself to get swept up by Lion’s passion all the time, mentioning work but riding him with abandon ten minutes later, scolding him for only thinking about one thing but asking him to come on his face the same day. Lion never minds initiating, not when this is the result: an increasingly aroused Doc meeting his mouth with subtle grinding, fisting the sheets and not even fully awake yet.

A curious finger proves Doc to be more than loose enough a few minutes later, and by this point they’re both panting and dizzy – and besides, Lion has always been more of a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ type, so he wastes no time in grabbing the lube strategically placed on the bedside table to pour a generous amount on his stiff cock, wincing a little at the cool, viscous liquid. A few strokes for good measure coat it sufficiently and the next moment he’s rubbing his tip over the very hole he licked open just now, felt it quiver around his tongue. The touch is electrifying and the fierce need pulsing through him urges him to give in, take what’s his, ensure his own pleasure.

But he waits. Bites his lip in impatience, pushes slightly against the entrance and shivers when he feels it give way a little, squeezes one of the buttcheeks he maltreated in the sweetest way possible last night – but he waits.

And then Doc meets him, lifts his hips to allow the head to slip inside and both of them gasp at the sudden surge of pleasure. Lion accepts this signal for what it is and begins the slow slide, pushes deeper and deeper into deliciously tight heat, feels Doc’s walls contract around his dick and only stops once he’s bottoms out. Since his lover usually requires a moment to adjust, Lion uses this time to not only focus on how fucking good he feels, but also to straddle the other man properly and lean down, cover him with his own body and place a few loving kisses on the top of his head.

“Other people wake their boyfriends with breakfast in bed”, Doc grumbles under him, now less bleary than before, but the hand he places next to Lion’s contradicts his words. He spreads his fingers and Lion interlaces them with his own, holds on tight and makes no move to suppress the smile stretching his lips at the gesture.

“Their boyfriends are definitely not as erotic as mine then”, he purrs into Doc’s hair. His limbs are possessively caging the other man in and even then, it hardly suffices to sate his need to be as close to Doc as possible, feel all of him.

“What you mean to say is they have more than just a shred of self-control.” And oh, he’s going to make Doc eat those words.

Slowly, he begins grinding down, impatient erection twitching eagerly inside and rubbing against all the right places if Doc’s startled gasp is anything to go by. He loves it deep and Lion knows it, rolls his hips against his lover’s perfect ass and makes him feel every centimetre keenly. For good measure, he bows his head to latch onto that spot right below Doc’s ear which he knows drives him wild, tongues at it wetly before sucking and relishes the unrestrained moan he earns for his trouble. Over time, he’s memorised all of Doc’s weakspots and exploits this knowledge now shamelessly, bites at his earlobe and trails his lips over soft skin to the back of Doc’s neck where he nibbles, his lazy motions emphasising his ministrations.

By now, Doc is trembling against him, the deep grind stealing his breath and causing him to jerk his hips up in search of more thorough stimulation than this merciless teasing, trying to fuck himself on Lion’s cock but failing. Frustrated huffs join the quiet panting, his grip involuntarily tightening parallel to him clenching desperately around Lion’s hard shaft and it’s mesmerising to behold how his mock crossness melts away into pure lust.

Doc’s other hand reaches back and digs into Lion’s ass, tries to get him to move more, faster, anything, but when that fails as well, he pleads: “Come on, just fuck me, Olivier.”

He knows how this goes. Grinning to himself, Lion tenses his muscles to make his dick throb inside additionally to the tantalising motions and decides to have even more fun. “You look so pretty, impaled on my cock”, he whispers and throws Doc a bone, withdraws all the way and slowly slides back in, keeps this torturous pace and sighs contentedly every time Doc’s hole allows him back in, stretches around him. He meant his words – he really can never get enough of this.

Uneven breaths have turned into whines now. “Olivier, please -”

“I could fuck you, pump you full of come and then leave you, dripping and begging for it”, he continues and concentrates on the steady build of pleasure – a slow climb but oh so satisfying. Doc feels wonderful around him. “Could do that the entire day. Every time you suck me until I’m hard again, I shoot inside but you’re not allowed to come. You can ride my cock all day, Gustave.” The thought is dazzling and he probably never fantasised about someone while being balls deep inside that very person, yet he can’t help but picture Doc all powerless, frenzied, obeying him fully. He knows Doc is too proud to actually agree to anything like it, though the throaty moan Doc lets out in response tells Lion unambiguously that he’s imagining it – and actually enjoys the thought. Still, Lion’s thumb strokes reassuringly over the hand he’s still holding.

“Please, I want you, go faster -” Doc’s impatience has reached its peak now, he shoves himself onto Lion’s member in one go and pushes against him, whimpers when Lion gnaws at his neck in retaliation and rises nonetheless, lifting his lover’s body with him. The teasing has left him frantic and exactly how Lion likes it, cheeks red and gaze almost defiant when he glares at the larger man over his shoulder. Lion could spend all day marvelling at the state of him.

Instead, he relents, guides Doc onto his hands and knees and grabs his hips to steady him, fingers brushing over the bruises on Doc’s thigh, the faint purplish tinge an expression of his devotion. “You want it hard?”, he asks and is almost surprised at how breathy his own voice is. Unbridled want is pulsing through him, vicious and blinding, making his digits itch and cock ache.

Doc nods wordlessly and it’s probably good he can’t see the pure joy on Lion’s face over the admission. Even now, even with how familiar they are with each other, every confirmation of the passion, respect and love they share sparks delight.

A sharp snap of Lion’s hips later and his focus is elsewhere again. Now he’s getting serious, drives into Doc at a fast tempo, watches as his entire erection disappears inside him and tries his best not to come on the spot. The abrupt stimulation is almost too much but he keeps going through the discomfort paired with blunt need until he hears himself moan loudly in pleasure, dig his fingertips into Doc’s flesh. He’s not going to last long, that much is clear, but he’s going to make it good regardless.

A few pointed thrusts elicit more dazed whimpering from his lover, a picturesque arch of his back to allow Lion to penetrate him all the way and even another, decidedly more heated glance back at him. They’re both equally into it, tensing and moving against each other amid the sound of skin slapping against skin, the rustling of sheets as Doc desperately seeks support, leverage, anything to hold on to – and Lion shares the sentiment of feeling wholly lost yet not wanting to be found. Ruthlessly, he slams into his lover, chasing his pleasure, helping Doc pursue his own, and makes no effort to hide his enjoyment.

A sudden spike almost pushes him over the edge when Doc’s arms give in, accompanied by something that sounds suspiciously like a keen, and now he’s really pounding him into the mattress, showing him just how deep his desire runs, how comprehensive his attraction is. He can’t even pinpoint which part it is exactly about Doc that drives him this wild, fills him with the urge to claim, mark, embrace and never let go; and he revels in the knowledge of being able to make this otherwise so poised, dignified and professional man fall apart, provoke emotions from him he displays for no one else.

“Come for me”, Lion gasps in between the creaking of the bed, “do it. Come on, amour, Gustave, I want to feel it.” And the sounds he wrenches from Doc’s throat with every thrust get impossibly louder when his lover reaches for his dick, probably not able to keep up with the merciless rhythm with which Lion is driving into him but still good enough. He gets tighter, even more so when Lion’s breath hitches, followed by a growl. He’s getting closer by the second, Doc’s noises and velvety heat making up the perfect catalyst -

And then Doc orgasms, surprisingly quickly for how little he stroked himself, he must’ve been primed, possibly dreamt of Lion and this thought is a whole other turn-on he shelves away for later. Right now, he watches, utterly transfixed, as Doc spasms under him, hips rolling futilely to either increase the intensity or shy away from it as he shoots his sperm in short bursts in between the hard thrusts. Lion fucks him through it, runs one of his palms over the dancing muscles of Doc’s back and shudders at the violent contractions around his throbbing cock; fucks him through the aftershocks, too, tiny jolts which speak of a very satisfying climax. Lion isn’t there yet, however, not fully, teetering on the edge, carefully controlling himself so he can take all of Doc in and -

“Finish inside, Olivier”, Doc demands, voice shaky, and he’s gone.

His abs tense with a delicious kind of pain at the first wave of blissful release washing through him. He buries himself deep inside his lover and moans in disbelief over how abruptly pleasure explodes behind his eyelids and nearly folds in half at the intensity, gasping for air as his cock twitches and probably adding a few bruises to the existing ones. Momentary blindness allows him to be wholly aware of Doc moving against him to milk him for every drop, of overwhelming relief encompassing his entire being as he orgasms, surrounded by scorching heat and momentarily losing all sense of reality.

Coming down is a slow, gradual affair, both of them slumping a little and Lion bending so he can rest his forehead on Doc’s shoulder blade as they both catch their breath, bask in the afterglow and enjoy the feel of shared body heat, companionship and sweet exhaustion. Lion peppers his boyfriend’s shoulder with kisses once he can see straight again, withdraws tentatively and sits up to examine the masterpiece he just fucked into existence in all its glory: shiny skin, reddened cheeks, a gaping hole, dark marks and lovebites, and, after a few seconds, a thin stream of white leaking out.

Lion is definitely unable to get hard immediately after a climax this exquisite but his dick gives a feeble jump at the sight nonetheless. He reaches out and catches the droplets with a fingertip, pushes them back to where they came from, pushes them back inside and earns a quiet moan. Adding another digit, he tries to finger the semen as deep as he can and only pauses when Doc kicks him lightly.

“I’m sore enough as it is”, he complains and rolls to the side when Lion withdraws mournfully, yet there’s a bright smile adorning his face when their eyes meet.

With weak knees, Lion stalks back and forth to get them cleaned up (and is actually amazed Doc doesn’t mention the scratches he himself inflicted) but insists on doing one thing by himself: once he’s taken his rightful place by Doc’s side, entangled their legs and exchanged a few loving kisses, he catches Doc’s wrist to lift it to his face and starts to lick his palm clean.

“You’re like a dog”, his lover murmurs fondly and readily spreads his fingers to allow for better access. “They should’ve called you Husky, not Lion – they’re just as noisy and stubborn.”

Lion shoots him a good-natured grin. “Then you should be called Bunny. What was that about self-control?”

“Oh please, you’re the eternally horny one, mon amour.”

“And yet you never say no.” Their lips meet once more in a long, thorough kiss, with Doc climbing on top of Lion halfway through, ending up straddling him and stroking his face affectionately until Lion mouths at his palm while keeping eye contact.

“You really love my hands”, Doc points out quietly.

It’s true, he does – he loves how steady they are on the job, never making a mistake, never causing harm; loves how they’re calloused and scarred, lots of specks and lines lighter in colour telling tales of hard work; loves how they worship him, how gently they treat him, how warm they are when they touch him.

“I also really love you”, Lion says instead of the million other things he could say instead which would amount to the same thing. He’s learnt his lesson about being honest with himself and others and can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed when his admissions make Doc’s face light up like a Christmas tree. “And your hands do good. They’re your most important tools and I’m thankful every time I feel them.” There’s so much more for which he’s grateful that making a list would take him several days, so he tries to convey all which he’s not divulging explicitly with a heartfelt: “Thank you, Gustave.”

Doc’s features soften and he accepts the notion with one last kiss before getting up. “I’m going to brew us some coffee”, he announces, yet pauses by the bedroom door to catch Lion’s gaze and add, softly: “I love you too, Olivier.”

And while Lion remains in bed for a minute longer, stretched out and encased in soothing warmth coming from within, a distracted smile pulling at the corners of his mouth and most of his body tingling pleasantly, he thinks back to his life no more than a year ago. How unthinkable it was that waking up would become his favourite part of the day. But sometimes, the unthinkable happens all the same.

#rainbow six siege #doc #lion #doc/lion #fanfic #commissions #thank you!!#I couldn't even fit everything in #well at least doc could #HA

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years

Text

As Long As You Love Me (Jimin x You ONESHOT)

Thanks for the request anon! I went overboard with 8k+ sorry! but drafting this really gives me the Jimin feels though. Serendipity is definitely my jam while writing this <3

A/N: As usual, keep the requests coming in guys! would love to hear from you.

MASTERLIST

As long as you love me As long as you love me

"So, when are you going to date me?"

Y/N try to hide her face with her long hair as the whole student body all around the university cafeteria is looking at her with their mouth wide open. Well, she would be too if she is not the one currently sitting on the opposite side of the table from Park Jimin. Yes, the Park Jimin from BTS. He is only wearing a dark sunglasses, mostly to cover his eyes from the bright sun rather than trying to hide his identity, which of course, make everyone in the university gaped in wonder.

What is Park Jimin doing here? And more specifically what is he doing with a girl like her?

Well, its to asked her to date him, for the gazzilionth time.

"Can you please stop coming here? People are staring. I dont like the attention!" Y/N hissed at the delusional idol in front of her. Jimin chuckled.

"Well baby, you better get use to it. Its going to be worse than this when we are officially together," he grinned "And I dont really care if people are staring. My baby is gorgeous and I'm proud to show her off to people," Y/N slammed her book shut and picked up her bag.

"Keep on dreaming Jimin. And I'm not your baby," she hissed and walked away.

"I'll pick you up after class baby!" Jimin yelled at her retreating back, laughing, which only gathered more attention from the other student who is closely watching the scene.

We're under pressure Seven billion people in the world trying to fit in

"Hey Chim. Where did you go?" Taehyung raised his head from the sofa when he heard the door unlocked.

"Probably stalking Y/N again," Jungkook answered on his behalf while scrolling through his phone, not even bothering to look up. Jimin dropped himself on the couch next to Jungkook, sighing.

"Really Chim? Did you go to see her at the university again? When are you going to stop tormenting her?" Taehyung has now changed his laying down position to face Jimin with a concerned face.

"Until she agrees to be my girlfriend," Jimin answered, short and to the point. Its a common knowledge for the boys, and well, most people who closely follow the news about Jimin that this idol is currently trying to chase down one university girl. Taehyung shakes his head.

"Why are you doing this? There are millions other people out there more than willing to date you. Why are you chasing the only one who doesnt want to?" Taehyung's brows furrowed with confusion. "Dont you remember that you are an idol? Isnt it better for you to date one of those girl group members who keeps passing you their phone numbers? Its what expected of us anyway,"

"Easy Tae," Jimin turned to look at his friend. "Because I love her," Taehyung sighed. He didnt know why he even bother to ask when Jimin will only give out the same answer everytime. "And as long as she loves me back, I dont care what other people think or what other people expected from me. I dont care about the pressure people are putting on me to be one half of a perfect idol couple. People are always trying to fit in, doing what they were expected to be instead of what's really making them happy Tae. I'm having none of that. All I want is Y/N, and for her to love me back,"

/////

But hey now, you know girl, We both know it's a cruel world But I will take my chances As long as you love me

"Really Y/N. I dont understand why you cant just agree to date me! I know for a fact that you like me too, and dont you dare lie to me about it," Jimin keeps on pressuring her as he follows her on her way back from class like he usually do. Y/N tried to ignored him as she make her way to the grocery store to get some supplies for her empty fridge, but of course its impossible with him following closely behind and buggging her like a whiny three year old.

"I never said I dont like you Jimin. I said I dont want to date you!" Y/N hotly yelled back.

"Oh?" Jimin raised an eyebrow and pull her arm, stopping her from walking further. "Is that right? You like me but just dont want to date me? Then dont date me. How about you marry me instead? I really dont mind baby, as long as you are mine I'm cool with anything," Jimin wiggle his eyebrows suggestively, making Y/N rolled her eyes as she released her arm from his grip.

"Urghh, its hopeless talking to you!" Y/N huffed in frustration and enter the store with Jimin following close behind.

"Okay then. Make me understand why! You know I love you Y/N. I love you and you love me too. Cant you just tell me whats stopping us from being together?" he pleaded as he looks at Y/N who has now stopped in her tracks and closing her eyes in frustration. No one has ever looked more beautiful than her in Jimin's eyes. God, he had never wanted anything more than he wanted Y/N to be his. His heart cant stop beating faster everytime he sees or everytime he only thinks about her and it definitely doesnt help that his mind wont stop thinking about her ever since she literally walked into him during that one fanmeet. Jimin had fallen in love at first sight with the girl who bumped into him and cause his coffee to spill all over herself, and falls even deeper once he gets to know her. He thought it wouldnt take long for them to finally be together since Y/N seems to reprocicate his feelings, agreeing whenever he invites her to hang out and constantly replying his texts and calls But its been almost a year since then and she still havent agreed to officially be his. Its bad enough that Jimin cant always be with her, he is also tired of constantly feeling jealous when he sees Y/N with a bunch of her guys classmates walking to class together, or seeing photos of student parties she attended with boys by her side. Y/N is his and he wants everyone to know that.

"Fine. You want to know why? This is why!" Y/N groaned as she plucked a magazine from the stand in the store and slapped it onto his chest. Puzzled, Jimin quickly scan the magazine, reading the article Y/N has opened up for him.

BTS Perfect Match: Who will suit the boys the best?

Jimin slightly thumb through the article that talks about list of girl idols and celebrities that they think suited each and every one of the members. Jimin looked back up to Y/N's face.

"So? I dont understand what this got to do with us?" Y/N raised both her hands in frustration.

"Dont you understand? Those," she tapped the images of the girls, " are the kind of girls that is expected for you. Your perfect match! Not me! Not someone you met at a fanmeet! Not some undergraduate law student who skin will break out every exam season, lives on education loan and can only afford a packet of ramen a day! Your perfect match are those perfect girls. Cant you go chase after them instead?" Jimin laughs. A loud, long laugh, making the other customers to turn and look at the two of them.

"Seriously, you are so damn adorable. God, I love you so much," Jimin grins. Y/N placed both her hands on her hips.

"Jimin, I'm serious!"

"I am too Y/N. Seriously, is that the only reason why you dont want to be with me?" Jimin chuckled and raised his hand to carress her cheek. "Then let me explain this to you baby. One, I already told you I dont care what society expect of me. I dont care if they think those girls are best suited for me. You are the one I think is the best suited for me. As long as I have you, I really dont give a care in the world. Two, I did meet you at a fanmeet, but you are not my fan. Instead Yoongi-hyung is your bias," Jimin huffed at the unpleasant memory of seeing you speechless in front of his hyung when just a second before you were perfectly fine in front of him. "Number three, you are a student, so what? I'm proud that my girl is going to be a lawyer one day. Four, I still think you look the most beautiful even when you think your skin is breaking out. No one could ever be more beautiful than you. That is just not possible," he shakes both his head and his index finger. "Number five, I have money. I dont need a cent from you. I dont care if you have millions of student loan. You are going to pay them all back when you become a succesful lawyer anyway. And six, you need to eat? That's a reason you cant be with me? I will come and feed you everyday. I will feed you a whole cow everyday if you want. No matter how pack my schedule is, I will make sure you eat, if that is what it takes for you to seal the deal. And finally no, I cant and wont go around chasing those girls because I rather be chasing you instead," he destroyed all her useless reason single handedly with his answer. "Got any more excuses?"

"Jimin... that's not the point!"

"You are right. That is not the point. The point is I love you, and you love me too. So we should be together. Right now," Jimin clasped both of his hands with hers, eyes staring deep into hers, pleading.

"Jimin, the world is going to tear you down if you choose to be with me..." Y/N lowered her gaze. Yes, she admits she loves Jimin. The boy in front of her had successfully taken her heart since they met a year ago. She loves him so much that she's willing to give him up if it means she can protect him from everything bad in the world.

"Y/N, I'm not going to lie. The world is going to throw shit at us if, no, not if, when we are finally together. But I rather face all that than try to live in a world where you are not mine. I love you so much. Its not even funny how much I want you. I'm willing to go through anything to make us work. The world is cruel to those who are in love Y/N, but as long as you promise that you will be by my side, loving me, I'm willing to take that chance anytime," Jimin cupped her chin and raised her face up to look at him. "So what do you say? Will you take that chance with me?"

"Jimin..."

"Y/N..."

"Jimin... I..."

"Please?"

Silence.

"Okay,"

Keep it together, Smile on your face even though your heart is frowning

"Baby, its going to be okay," Y/N lets out a heavy breath. How can Jimin be so calm?

"Chim, what are we going to do?" Y/N paced around her living room. It has been about three months since she and Jimin were officially together and truth to be told, she had never been happier. Jimin was the perfect boyfriend. Always checking up on her, never letting her walk home alone, showing up with a tub of ice cream and a romantic movie whenever she's suffering from menstrual pain, late night coffee run when she needed a break while studying, and of course, the never ending kisses and cuddles. Their relationship was perfect, happy and hidden from the rest of the world, only for her and Jimin to enjoy.

But now the world has found out about the two of them. Y/N can already see the stream of hate mails and angry comments everywhere. Are they going to be okay? Will the company let them stay together? What if they dont? Y/N dont think she can handle living without Jimin now. And what if the company wants to make them officially public? Will their perfect little bubble burst open once they let the rest of the world into it? Will they survive this?

The company has called Jimin to meet up with them today, telling him to bring Y/N along. From what she heard from Jimin and the other boys, they dont sound happy.

"Its going to be okay Y/N. No matter what happen, I will never let you go. We will get through all of this together. As long as you keep on loving me and believe in my love for you, we will get through anything. I promise," Jimin grabbed her hand and kissed it. "I love you Y/N. Smile, you are prettier when you smile," he traced her lips as he smile at her. Despite being terrified and scared, Y/N couldnt help but flashed him a smile. How can she not? When Jimin looked so happy and calm, smiling down at her.

"I love you Jimin. I love you so much,"

We could be starving, we could be homeless, we could be broke As long as you love me

"I'm sorry Jimin, but I cant allow this. I need the two of you to break it off,"

The two of them are currently sitting in a room with the PD and three other managers from the company, as Jimin grabbed Y/N's hand to stop her from fiddling it nervously. Jimin flashed her a smile, trying to remind her that he will never let go. That everything is going to be okay. They are going to survive this. As long as they keep on loving each other.

Y/N's eyes lowered to her lap as she heard what the PD said. She had predicted this would happen. BTS is one of the biggest name in the country right now, there is no way they are going to let Jimin, or any of the boys, publicly have a girfriend. It will cause a storm in the fandom and Y/N really doesnt want to be the reason to cause Jimin any problems.

"No," was the short and final answer that came out from Jimin's mouth to the PD's request.

"Jimin..." the PD warned him.

"I'm sorry PD-nim, you can ask me to do anything else, but breaking up with Y/N is out of the question," Jimin insisted. Y/N lowered her gaze even more as she feel the four pair of eyes burning a hole in her. They see her as the source of the problem and Y/N cant help but wonder if they were right.

"Park Jimin!" One of the manager raised his voice at Jimin's stubborness. Never before in his years of being their manager the boys dared to speak back to him like this.

"Okay. Everyone calm down," the other manager cutted in, sensing the heavy tension in the room. "How about this then Jimin? How about you and Y/N lay low? We dont need to confirm your dating rumor or even break you two up, but cant you at least help us out a little?"

"What do you mean by laying low hyung?" Jimin raised an eyebrow, one hand still tightly clasping Y/N's hand as she kept quietly in her seat. She really just wants to go home and forget this whole evening ever happen.

"Maybe... not see each other for a while?" Jimin immediately shakes his head.

"That's not possible either. I'm not going to do that," Jimin rejected the idea straight away. Between his pack schedule and tours, they already dont have much time together as it is. There is no way in hell he is going to spend time away from Y/N more than neccessary. Even if he wanted to make the situation better, he dont think his heart is able to do it. He take a glimpse at the terrified Y/N. Even under all this circumstances, Y/N still manages to make him smile. God, even he dont know why this particular girl have so much effect on him.

"Jimin, you are not helping here," the managers sighed in frustration. They are just going around in circle, and at this rate surely nothing can be concluded.

"Dont you get it? You having a girlfriend right now is not ideal! You and your members are one of the most wanted idol in the industry right now. Your fans will be devastated. You will lose fans. Some might even start to hate you. And she," the manager points to Y/N, "is going to get a lot of hate Jimin. Cant you understand this?" Jimin nodded.

"I understand perfectly hyung. But I'm willing to go through anything and everything as long as I can be with Y/N," the four men sighed in frustration at Jimin's respond. After a moment of silence, the PD pushed his chair with a screeched, standing up and looking at Jimin one last time before walking out.

"Fine. Have it your way then. But dont say we didnt warned you Jimin,"

I'll be your soldier, fighting every second of the day for your dreams girl So don't stress, don't cry, we don't need no wings to fly Just take my hand

Things have never been worse for the two of them. Everything Y/N had predicted that will happen if they got together happened. And other worst things too. Out of all the things that she predicted will happen, what she doesnt expect the most is how Jimin's own band members stop supporting his decision to continue dating her.

The hate mail, hate comments, death threats, attempts in hurting her to try to get her to stop dating Jimin; yes, it all hurts her, but its all tolerable. Y/N even received a dead bird and rat in her mailbox a few times, but she quietly just disposed it without telling Jimin. Anything the world throw at her, she will take it. Its all worth it if it means she gets to be with Jimin in return. All of these were nothing to her, because she was on the receiving end and not Jimin.

It becomes too much for her when she heard first hand how the other members talked to Jimin about her. Dont get her wrong, they love him. Its her that they hate. The girl who ruined their brother's life.

"I dont see what's so special about her that you are fighting this hard for her Jimin. Your fans are upset. Cant you see that?" Yoongi shakes his head.

"Yeah. They never shouted at us before Jimin, this is the first time it ever happen. Dont you care about what they think?" Jin supported what Yoongi just said, referring to the recent events when the fans actually chanted at their concert for Jimin to leave Y/N during his solo performance.

"Jimin, I know right now it seems like Y/N is the best thing that's happening to you. But dont you remember what you had worked hard for all these years? Are you really willing to destroy all that just for some girl?" Namjoon try a different approach by reasoning with him. Jimin is a reasonable person, he would listen right?

"I hear what all of you are saying hyungs. But I'm sorry, I cant give her up. All this will pass. Our fans will get over it," Jimin answered back quietly. Y/N who has been listening quietly from her room feels her heart breaks at Jimin's defeated voice. The boys had come over for a visit, and thinking Y/N is still sleeping since she fell sick since a few days ago, they start to talk about the real reason why they were there. Little do they know that Y/N has been listening to them all this while.

"Chim... you know I love you right?" Taehyung suddenly spoke after the boys stayed quiet at Jimin's answered. "We have always been through everything together since our trainee years. It hurts me to see you hurt and unhappy Chim. I thought you said this relationship makes you happy, but it doesnt seem like it anymore. Is it all really worth it?" Taehyung placed a hand on Jimin's thigh, asking for an answer.

"I am happy Tae. I'm happy when I'm with her. Its what the world is throwing at us that makes me upset," Jimin raised his head to look at Taehyung and turn to see the rest of his brothers seated around the room with gloomy faces. "And it makes me sad that I dont have the support from you guys," he lowered his gaze.

"You know I always support you Chim. In whatever you do, I will always have your back," Taehyung replied back quietly. "But as much as we care about you... I hope you care about us too. Please remember that your decision hurts us too," he added softly before each and every one of them gets up and leave the apartment. Y/N slide down the door of her bedroom, shattered with tears after listening to what Taehyung said. Out of everybody she knows Jimin loves, its a fact that he values Taehyung's opinions the most. Taehyung is his best friend, his soulmate. Taehyung never really interferes with most things thats happening around him, always minding his own business, but once he decides its time to say something, Y/N knows it will hit home.

And the fact that Kim Taehyung told Jimin that his decision makes it seems like he doesnt care about them and hurts all of them too, she knows that it will break his heart to pieces.

Its time for her to speak up and do something about it.

She has to end this.

/////

"Chim? Can we talk?" Y/N fiddled with her fingers nervously. Its been hours since the boys left and the two of them are now watching a movie together while eating some take out. Jimin smile through his food and turned to her.

"Of course you can baby. What is it?"

"I...urm.. are you happy?" Jimin immediately sat down his takeout box and turned his body to her.

"Of course I am. You know I'm happiest when I'm with you Y/N. Why are you even asking me this? Is something bothering you?" Y/N turned his gaze away from him.

"I.. I heard your conversation with the boys," Jimin immediately grabbed her hand.

"Y/N. What they said doesnt matter. I-"

"It matters to me Jimin," Y/N cutted him off. Its time for Jimin to listen to her now. "I think what they are saying is right," she spoke so softly while looking into his eyes. "You think you are happy with me, but I dont think you are anymore. I know how much you value their opinions Chim, and knowing you are hurting them must hurt you. I know it is," Y/N insisted when Jimin tried to protest. Jimin sighed.

"I hate how I can never lie to you. You knew me too well Y/N," Jimin runs his hand over his face. "But that is also what I love the most about you. You gets me in a way that no one can, and I cant loose you. I love you. I need you to be with me Y/N," Jimin sounded so defeated.

Y/N had never once cried, despite all the hate and shit that has been thrown at her. Jimin's love had always made her strong. But not this time. Jimin is hurting, and its killing her.

"Hey, hey. Dont cry Y/N. I know everything doesnt seems like it now. But it will be,"

"How can I not Jimin?" Y/N wailed. "You are hurting. And I hate that I'm the cause of it,"

"Baby... dont say that," he wiped her tears. "You dont understand. You think I'm hurting. And maybe at some point you were right. But baby, everybody hurts sometimes. That's what makes us human. That's what makes us feel. That's what make us love better. Its what makes me love you better,"

"I dont want you to lose anything because of me Jimin. I feel like I'm clipping your wings, holding you back from achieving something much more wonderful," she sniffled. Jimin's words made a mark on her and she knows that even if one they were not fated to be together, right now, she believes Jimin truly loves her.

Y/N gave him a look when Jimin chuckle. How can he even thought of smiling in this situation?

"Holding me back? You? How is that even possible baby?" He chuckled louder. He turned his body completely, locking eyes with hers. "You dont need to think about things like that. Dont stress yourself out with things that is not even possible. And dont you ever cry again because of me. If you feel like you are clipping my wings, then let me tell you this. I dont need wings to fly Y/N. All I need is you. So promise me that you will take my hand now and love me forever, and I am already flying higher than any angel in heaven," Jimin chuckle lightly and pinched her cheeks. "My adorable crybaby. I love you,"

"I love you too Jimin," Y/N whispered as she hugged him tight before planting a deep long kiss on his lips.

I don't know if this makes sense, but you're my hallelujah

Y/N thought everything is finally going well after their talk the other day but she obviously thought wrong when she opened her door to revealed six faces looking at her.

"Hey...hey guys. Come in," Y/N open the door wider to let them in, which they did in silent.

"Jimin is not here,"

"We know. He's sleeping at the dorm. We told him we are taking a break from practice," Jin answered with a serious tone. Y/N just nodded and motioned for them to sit in her crammed living room.

"I think you know why we are here," Namjoon tries to start the conversation.

"Ye...yeah. I have an idea. But guys, Jimin and me already talked. And I dont think its my place to discuss this with all of you,"

"If you and Jimin are still together, then it doesnt matter if you have talked!" Yoongi harshly interjects, making her flinched at his cold tone.

"Hyung!" Taehyung sent him a glare. "Dont be so harsh on her. We are here to talk to her remember?"

"Tae's right hyung. Calm down," Namjoon try to soothe the situation. "We are sorry Y/N. You know how Yoongi hyung usually is," Y/N nodded.

"But really Y/N, we are here to ask you, no, to beg you, to break this relationship off," Jin bluntly state their real intention, catching Y/N off guard. How is she supposed to respond to that?

"Hyung!" Namjoon warned him before turning to Y/N. "What Jin-hyung is trying to say Y/N, is that we need your help to do this. Jimin sure as hell wont do it. But your relationship is hurting him Y/N. Its hurting the both of you and you can see it too," Namjoon explained. "Jimin is constantly emotionally and physically tired. He used to look so happy performing on stage, now the fans are always chanting for him to leave you Y/N. He lost all desire to even perform, his passion! How is that healthy for him Y/N?"

Y/N nibbled on her bottom lip.

"Please Y/N. Even I cant help to cheer him up anymore. This relationship is making him more miserable than its making him happy," Hoseok pouts.

"Yes noona. Jimin hyung is no longer himself. Its weird," Jungkook finally speaks up. Y/N just lowered her eyes to her lap. What is she supposed to do now?

"Y/N... you know its nothing personal on you right?" Taehyung walked over and took a seat beside her. "We would ask the same thing if it happens to any one of us. We do this because we care about Jimin. We know the two of you love each other very much, but right now is just not the right time. Y/N, if your love for each other is really true, doesnt that means you will be together again someday?" Taehyung held her hand. "We are not asking you to not be with Jimin forever. Hell, we think you are the perfect match for him. You are the only girl that can make him chase you for a whole year!" Taehyung laughs making Y/N let out a small smile at the memory. "But we just need you to return our Jimin back to us for now. Dont let him waste something he has worked so hard for just for him to ended up regretting choosing your relationship over it one day," Taehyung added softly.

"I think we have made our point here. The rest is up to you Y/N," Namjoon nodded at her before motioning for the rest of the boys to leave.

Y/N didnt leave her spot on the couch even after they were long gone. Their words kept repeating in her head and after thinking things through for the millionth time, she finally makes her decision as she wiped a stray tear from her eyes.

/////

"Arghhhh," Jimin threw her phone on his bed and run both of his hand through his hair.

"What's wrong hyung?" Jungkook peeks his head through his door.

"I tried calling Y/N for the whole damn day but she's not picking up! My texts to her is not even delivered! I went to her house last night but I cant get in, she changed her lock code without telling me! What the hell is happening Kookie? Why is she avoiding me? She was fine the day before. What could have happened between 48 hours? What did I do?!" Jungkook gulped as he turns to look at Taehyung who is also nervously listening from the living room.

Oh, they know very well what had happened all right. Apparently Y/N immediately decides to take action right after their visit, disconnecting all communication with Jimin without giving him a single reason or space to talk her out of it. But there is no way Jungkook is going to tell Jimin that. Sure, he might be the strong golden maknae, but no one will be able to withstand a punch on the face from a man in love. So nope, Jungkook is definitely not going to be the one who's going to tell him.

"Maybe she's busy hyung. Isnt it exam season soon?" Jungkook try to reason, hoping Jimin would believe him.

"No. It cant be. No matter how busy she is before, she never cut me off like this," Jimin suddenly turn to face the maknae, eyes bewildered. "What if she's breaking up with me Jungkook?!"

"Urm..ah.. why would she do that hyung? I dont think she would. There's no reason for it... right?" Jungkook is starting to really regret coming in to ask Jimin if he's alright earlier as nervous sweats starts to lined his forehead. Lucky for him, Jimin is too disheveled to noticed how guilty he looks.

"I dont know! We had a talk the other day. She seems like she wanted to but I convinced her otherwise. I thought we are okay! Damn it, I shouldnt have left her in the house alone!"

"Give it a few days hyung. Maybe she's really is busy," Jungkook tries to calm his hyung down although he knows its definitely not true. Jimin sat himself down on his bed.

"Maybe you are right. I will try to call her again later," Jungkook gave him a small smile and quickly left the room, leaving Jimin alone waiting for the next suitable time for him to try again.

Its been two weeks. And he still havent hearf from Y/N. And Jimin is going crazy.

Why is Y/N doing this to him? He cant focus on anything else. He just need some sort of answer from Y/N. Where is she? Is she okay? What had happened?

His phone beeped while he was laying down curled into a ball on his bed and he quickly picked it up to see a text from Y/N. Like a mad man, he hastily clicked open the text. He's not even angry at her, only relieved at this point. He just need to know what happened to her. But what he reads is not what he had all expected.

Stop contacting me Jimin. I'm sorry, but we are over. I am ending this.

The phone dropped from his hand as he slowly stood up, his body having a mind of its own and went to his table, swiping everything to the floor as am attempt to release his frustration and anger. His computer, lamp, papers, books, everything now lay broken on the floor besides him, who is down on his knees with continuous tears streaming down his face, sobbing till his shoulders shakes uncontrollably.

Its over. Y/N had finally had enough and decided to stop loving him. Its really over.

Jimin has always prided in himself for being a tough guy. Crying, especially over love and a girl is definitely not what he used to, but at this current moment, he felt his whole world just crushes down and he has no other strength left except than to cry.

From his opened bedroom door, six pair of eyes witness the heartbreaking scene and look at each other, silently asking one another if they really did the right decision.

Girl you know I got you Us, trust A couple of things I can't spell without you

The boys thought Jimin would get better in time but boy, were they wrong. They knew Jimin had hit rock bottom when during one of their performance where they stop to talk to their fans, Jimin suddenly snatched the microphone.

"Y/N broke up with me. Are you guys happy now?" The fans scream, thinking that Jimin is just teasing them. He lets out a humourless laughter. The other boys try to snatched the microphone from him, sensing something strange, but to no avail. "You guys happy to hear that? Is is a good news for you?" The fans scream even louder although he can hear a few 'No' here and there. "You know, Y/N is my everything," the other boys looked at each other in worry. Namjoon quickly made his way beside Jimin and hissed at him.

"Jimin, stop this!"

"Why hyung?" Jimin spoke through the microphone, making Namjoon stand there akwardly. "They wanted me to break things off with Y/N. And she did. They got what they wanted. Isnt it time for they to finally listen to me instead?" The crowd went silent when they realized what is happening. Jimin is breaking down, and it is not part of an act. "I love Y/N," he turned back to the crowd. "And she loves me too. Well, atleast until all of you convinced her not to," he lets out a sinister laugh. "With her by my side I can do anything. Anything at all. Nothing can get me down, as long at the end of the day I know that she still loves me. But look at me now. I'm completely nothing without her. I hope all of you are happy. Congratulations, you got your Park Jimin back," he dropped the microphone and leave the stage, leaving the crowd speechless at what just happened.

Jimin little stunt went viral in a short amount of time, making netizens everywhere and supportive ARMYs to critisized the too obsessed fans to stop thinking that they own their idol and let them live their life as a normal human being. After seeing how broken Jimin has become, fans and the boys alike are starting to understand the mistake they made by forcing Jimin to break things off with Y/N. All these revelations didnt mean a thing to Jimin, not if he didnt get Y/N back, standing in front of him, telling hin she still loves him.

Jimin locked himself in his room most of the time since that day, not bothering to show up to practice or attending any shows, which causes the management, the boys and even the fans to worry. Jimin ended up suffering from an extremely high fever, thanks to the emotional exhaustion and stressed he faced since losing Y/N. A fever so severe that when Y/N stood in front of him in his room, he thought he is dreaming.

"You are not dreaming Jimin. Its really me," she swiped his sweaty hair off his forehead.

"Y/N? Y/N! You are back! You came back to me!" Jimin quickly got up from his laying down position with a sudden burst of energy, pulling her into a hug. Seeing Jimin's condition is just too much for Y/N too handle. He looks like a mad man who had lost everything. Well, maybe to Jimin, he believed he had.

"Jimin, why are you doing this to yourself? You are supposed to be happier! Reaching for things you cant have when you are with me! That's the whole reason why I left Jimin," Y/N cant stop herself from crying.

"Shhh. Dont cry. I'm okay now. I'm okay now that you are here," Jimin smile as he runs his fingers softly through Y/N's hair. The first smile that graced his face since the last few weeks.

"Stop doing this to yourself Jimin. You are supposed to take care of yourself. You are supposed to fly higher without me!" Y/N is full on sobbing, hitting her tiny hands repeatedly on his toned chest. Jimin catch her arms to stop her.

"I already explained to you multiple times Y/N. And I'm going to tell you again. I cant do anything without you. I cant trust anyone without you. I cant love without you. I am nothing without you. I told you that I can face anything anybody throw at me, as long as you told me you love me Y/N. As long as you stay by my side. What part of me loving you cant you undestand?!" Jimin grabbed both of her arms and shake her, trying to make her see. Jimin's soft eyes suddenly filled with frustration, fear and anger as he looks into hers.

"Tell me you love me Y/N. Tell me right now that you still love me and you will always love me. Tell me you love me or get out from here and dont come and see me again!" His voice low and cold. "If I cant have all of your love then I dont want any other parts of you. So tell me you love me right now or dont come back again," Jimin pleaded like a madman, begging and crying for Y/N to tell him something he wants to hear again and again. With wide eyes Y/N listen to Jimin's rambling. Did she really hurt him to the point he cant trust anymore? She grabs a handful of his shirt in her tiny hands and buried her head in his chest.

"I love you. I love you Jimin. God, I love you so much," Y/N is full blown crying as her tears soaked through his thin shirt. "I'm sorry Jimin. I'm so so sorry," Jimin grabbed her face tightly with both hands, turning her to look into his wet eyes with her own teary ones.

"I forgive you Y/N. God I will forgive anything that you do as long as you tell me that you love me. I fucking love you so much baby," he slammed his lips against her to capture hers in a hungry kiss. Tounges intertwined with each ofher as their tears wont stop streaming, wetting each other faces even more.

Caught up with a mixture of feelings, frustration, lust, anger, love, they both know that this is it. This is their end. They wont ever let anything break them apart anymore.

Never again.

Now we are on top of the world, 'cause that's just how we do

News of Jimin's and Y/N's reconcilement spread like wildfire. Fans are starting to see Jimin slowly returning to his old happy self again and this time they were glad Y/N is somehow a part of it. From being the most hated couple, the two of them become the most adored couple, Jimin's fans finally understanding that Y/N makes him happy, and that they should be happy for him too. Y/N has never felt happier. Their relationship is stronger than ever and they are finally at the top of the world, soaring high into the sky. Jimin was right, they dont need wings to fly, they just need each other.

Man now we stepping out like whoa Camera's point and shoot

Their relationship has been the talked of the town. Everybody is buzzing about how pure and romantic the love between the two is when they think about how Jimin actually went crazy when he lost Y/N. Being in the eye of the public might something Jimin is used to but Y/N is still feeling akward with all the attention. She kept pulling at her clothes and slicking back her hair whenever they were out and all eyes were on them. Jimin thinks that is the most adorable thing in the world.

"Baby, stop," he grabbed both of her hands, locking it with his to stop her from fiddling with her dress. "You look beautiful. You always do. There was never a moment that you dont,"

"You are my boyfriend Chim! Your opinion is biased so it doesnt count. You always think I look beautiful. You said I look gorgeous when I was sick with snort running down my face!"

"That's because its true!" Jimin huffed.

"No its not! But really Chim, I already told you before, I'm not used to all these attention. Look at all the cameras pointing and shooting at us. Can I just not come with you next time?" Y/N plead. Jimin shakes his head and pouts.

"No way. These events are my chance to show you off to the world. Look at the jeaolus looks my hyungs are giving me. They wish they have a girl, but no one would date their crazy ass," he smirked as he pointed to the rest of the members who are waving at the fans behind them while giving the couple various kinds of looks. "And Y/N, I also have told you before that you better get used to it because you are meant to be my girlfriend," he whispered so close to her ear, his warm breath giving her chills. Y/N bite her lips and look at her handsome boyfriend. God, how did she get so lucky. To get someone like him to love her this much. Looking at him waving to the fans and striking a pose for he camera, Y/N found her courage as he held her hand and she knows as long as Jimin loves her, there's nothing she cant possibly handle.

Ask me what's my best side, I stand back and point at you, you

The event was a small private event. Only invited fans and media were attending as its a tiny ceremonial party to celebrate Bangtan's astonishing achievement for the year. When the time comes for the boys to give their speech, Y/N proudly sat at table looking as her boyfriend went up the stage, looking as handsome as ever in his suit with his six other members. Jimin was the the last to talk and he managed to catch her eye and smile at her when he took the mic.

"I think everybody knows its been a rollercoaster year for me. But I'm glad I have these six amazing guys to walk this journey with me. And to our fans, thankyou for always believing in us. We wouldnt be here if it werent for your support," he paused as the fans screamed. Y/N felt so proud. "But I had also been at my lowest this year. And I'm sorry for showing you that side of me. But I promised you are only going to see the best of me from now on, because I have found the best side of me and she's sitting right there," he points to Y/N. She quickly dropped her head as the crowd turn to look at her, 'aww' and cooing sounds are heard everywhere. Jimin knows she hates attention, why is he doing this to her? To make it worse, Jimin start walking down the stage and walk towards her. "And that's why tonight, in front of everyone that is important to me," he kneeled down in front of her.

"Jimin, stop. What are you doing?" She hissed at him, which he only replied with a grin.

"I want to ask Y/N to marry me,"

The crowd gasps, except for the six boys who smile fondly and smirking on stage, already well informed of Jimin's plans. In fact they were the one who helped to plan it.

"So L/N Y/N, will you help to bring out the best side of me forever by being my wife?" Jimin took out a shiny diamond ring from his coat pocket. Y/N was silenced as she was surprised beyond belief, making the crowd to start chanting, "say yes, say yes!"

"They are asking you to say yes Y/N and I strongly believe that you should," he grinned. His voice snapped her out from her shocked and she finally nodded as she jumped and linked her arms around Jimin's neck.

"Yes. Yes I will. Of course I will Park Jimin!"

So I know we got issues baby, true But I'd rather work on this with you Than to go ahead and start with someone new As long as you love me

"Do you think we are moving too fast?" Y/N asked as she lays with her back on Jimin's chest, looking at the glistening ring on her finger.

She's engaged!

She's Park Jimin's fiance. And she cant believed it.

Jimin leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "Absolutely not. In fact, I think we are moving too slow," he chuckled when Y/N turned to slapped him on the chest.

"I'm serious Jimin. We havent known each other long. What if you wake up one day and find me annoying or feel that you love me less? What will happen then?" Jimin smiled softly and turned her body to him, making Y/N ended up straddling him.

"I'm not going to say that we wont ever have issues or problems baby. Every couple does. But I swear to you that whatever problem we face we will solved it together," he starts to give her neck slow soft kisses. "I rather work with whatever problems I have with you than lose all this and start all over again with someone new," he kissed her nose. "I give you my promise right now that I wont give up on you. Ever," he leaned his head closer as Y/N tighten her arms around his neck.

"Just as long as you still love me," he whispered one last time before finally closing their lips together.

#bts #bts scenario #bts fanfic #bts fiction #bts jimin #bts park jimin #park jimin #jimin #jimin scenario #jimin angst #jimin fluff #kpop #kpop scenario #bangtan #bangtan boys #bangtan seonyeondan

196 notes · View notes

ernestsdesign · 5 years

Photo

Presenting my work

This week I am going to build six slides in order to showcase the work that I have done so far. Although this will be a difficult task since I have more work done than that which can fit into 6 slides, I will focus on showing the "why" and the progress of the project.

86,400 seconds

Every day we get this much seconds and there is no way we can get them back. Although showing this may seem like a lot, it isnt and the important question we need to ask is what did we do today to make progress? Did today help me develop? Did it help my progress? What did or could today change? Watching a movie is something fun to do however doing so all day everyday does not help us develop and grow professionally but it also doesnt help us progress into who we want to become. In saying this once again I believe the 80/20 principle applies because if we spend 80% of our time watching movies we only get 20% back from them, and when I say back from them I mean in terms of learning something because a good movie can teach us too; it can show us different mentalities, ways of conencting however if we watch movies constantly we stop evaluating them and valuing them as much as we would otherwise.

We cannot allow time to slip through our fingers because we can never get time back.

The perfect pitch

The perfect pitch has purpose, and that is to grab people's attention. Understanding that is important because once I began thinking about that, presenting my work became easier in the sense that I knew there should be a fair mix between words and images and because this weeks pitching is related to a slideshow, this will be my focus.

I began realising that my idea's are only half the equation, because I need to be able to present them with confidence and an interesting story.

structuring narrative

My upcoming presentation will be a 10 minute talk, and I am taking this into consideration because it means I should not go above or below thaat time too much. In order to keep within this time I will need to read over the notes I make, set a timer during the presentation so that I know when to switch slides and think how much slides I should have so that I can smoothly switch the pace if I am presenting information either more quickly or slowly than anticipated.

Sun tzu's book "the art of war" states that every battle is won or lost before it is fought and I feel like the same is true of presentations. By saying this, I need to remember that proper preparation is key!

Woodrow Wilson said that “If I am to speak ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; if fifteen minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready now.” preparation, if fifteen minutes, three days, of half an hour, two days, if an hour, i am ready now." This suggests that the longer we have to present the easier it is to do so because information does not need to be "squished" into a very limited amount of slides as is the case with my current task where I will be preparing only 6 slides to showcase everything to date. The shorter the speech, the harder it is to prepare as we need to focus on only the most important parts.

Before presenting it is good to get on stage beforehand because going on stage and seing the people before presenting makes it easier to handle once actually presenting.

When sharing any projects or doing speeches, I need to think of the key which is that a good story is the backbone of all things.

For this project to follow this key I will be telling the audience about the significance of reading stories for example by stating how it transport's us to another dimension and I can bring the issue up that not many people read stories anymore.

I will focus on a beginning, middle and end to the presentation as if I were taking the audience through a story, I will show them different content in each slide.

The beginning can be used to tell the audience about what I am going to be saying, it could start as "Im going to cover the following..." During the beginning stage it is important to build empathy, which I could do by asking a shared problem such as "do you struggle to find time for long books?" For the presentation to be striking I must try making the audience think in the same way as me about the problems that I will solve.

In the middle I will show the structure and chunk of my content in an organised manner so that they know what the product/service looks like which will help build familiarity with the project.

During the ending I could decide to to one of two thing; bring the audience back down or make them soar even higher.

If I were to bring the audience back down it would involve going back over the important points that I have made. However, If I were to make them soar even higher then I could include an inspirational quote or some other important note that would make the audience keep thinking about what was said after.

The content being presented needs to be coherent, it needs to be easy to understand which I can do by explaining what certain things mean or how they will work.

The story of the product/service needs to be simple, for example I could say that I want to sell more tickets, because it equals more profits.

I will need to keep the presentation memorable by ensuring I don't overdo it but instead choosee simple and fun wording such as: "well I put the man on the moon and returned him to earth safely instead" of making it more complex as making it complex would make it more difficult to be understood by the people.

For the presentation, starting to think on paper and post-it notes could lead to more idea's that are not limited. It is about going by the numbers and then finding clusters.

Building a "rough cut" is easier and more productive to do before actually decorating the presentation because this will allow me to jam in the stuff on the pages and checking if it flows and makes sense.

Slides and their alternatives

The more the content is in order, the easier it is to create a flow and hence the people can follow the train of thought so they are less likely to get lost. I will put some items up on the board so the people can read and other information I will keep only for myself such as statistics.

By using slides, I am able to divert the gaze from people so that they do not only have to look at me presenting but can look at visual content to help them see the project.

Notes should onlyhowever be used as a safety blanket, I should learn not to put 500 words but instead start presenting from knowledge. I should start using the notes for facts that cant remember instead.

I could use Rands starter slide to see the screen ratio and make sure all colours are working fine.

Until I gain some more confidence with presentation tools, I can use templates however throughout time I should take a look at making my own slide presentation as a designer and developing my own presenting style.

Slides are able to showcase design skills and consistency is king! In presentations one typface should be used with no crazy font styles. Content should be easy to parse, they should break down complex information and ideas and they should be efficient. When adding images, I should use a grid to line them up consistently and keep them the same dimensions.

Diagrams can be used for communicating information.

Transitions are the animations that happen between the transition from one slide to another.

Builds are awesome because they can do multiple actions to show a complex idea in one slide.

When creating my slides I will avoid making too much slides and adding lots of notes.

Using the body

By not sitting down, you open up the diaphragm It is important to use hand gestures to create a passage between people Making eye contact is easier if looking at the audiences' nose or forehead. By doing this it is easier to connect with the whole room thus owning the stage.

If people start getting spaced out, I could tell them all to come closer to the stage.

People in the audience will (reasonably) do what is told to them and so I could tell them to for example stretch out before starting the

Rhetorical techniques such as repetition, rhetorical questions, metaphors, alliteration and humour can be used which would help guiding the audience in such a way that they could see my opinion and understand my points.

I could also create a phrase that would be repeated, for example for my current project I could say "are you short on time but love reading?"

To calm myself before presenting I should "breathe the room" so for example I could focus on colouring a wall in specific colours on every outbreath.

Adrenaline will get anyone through and so all I must do is come prepared, for example by bringign a pdf on a memory stick and a HDMI cable to connect my presentation.

To let the auidence feel how much the presentation means to me I should show my true emotions, such as happiness and pride because Confidence comes from practice.

#ixd302 #site

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jess-oh · 5 years

Text

reflection

hey journal,

im not fine. but im trying to be. or at least trying to pretend that im fine.

im surprisingly good at pretending im fine when im not. the reality is, i still feel so miserable. i tried to just drown my sorrows away in the form of food and YouTube videos and i am left feeling just as empty as I did on Saturday. Listening to, “I’m Fine” over and over and over has allowed me to at least try and convince myself that im fine.

i am upset with Amanda but it’s not because of anything she did wrong so i dont want to tell her why. im trying to protect the people i care about. i know im being irrational and just overthinking all of this and i just need to solve it and get over it to preserve my image and be of the utmost help for other people.

i dont want to tell jason how im feeling bc im worried he’ll just get mad and i know ive been too reliant on him in the past and i feel bad that i wasnt able to help him in the same way. i was sad he got more letters than me in his journal? well hes also just a better person than me. a part of me feels like i deserve the same amount, if not more letters than him because i put so much more effort into movement than he did. he never came out to the bible studies or prayer meetings and missed a whole bunch of sundays and i did my best to come out to every sunday and saturday and have been active on tuesdays. i feel like i do and sacrifice so much for movement but in the end, it doesnt even matter.

i feel really broken and i dont know why.

but ultimately, i know jason did better than me. bc he actually genuinely cared. i was just trying to prove i was worth something. i didnt act out of care. i acted out of pride. and people knew. their job isnt to reach out to me and give me a pat on the back for all the things ive done. their job has been to receive and act naturally in accordance with how God wants them to live. and i havent encouraged them. ive judged them. did i even do anything worthwhile this past year besides just leeching off other people? was i just a shitty person entirely?

im fine.

even when jason did feel down in the dumps, he still did care for them. i didnt. i just pushed people away.

i tried to be transparent and open and for what?

i think it encouraged joyce to speak up a couple times maybe. and i am glad david prayed for me. but as a whole, did i really ever do anything meaningful or worthwhile? or was it just all for show to make myself feel better.

i feel like im losing amanda.

i dont want her to feel bad for me or reach out to me just because she can. i want to actually be loved and cared for and i dont believe she does feel that way towards me anymore. i feel like ive been left behind. again.

and i know this was never her intention and i do genuinely want her to be happy which is why im journaling about all this instead of telling her how i feel. because i dont want her to feel guilty for the choices she made and i do genuinely want her to be happy. i know that she has been quietly suffering for a long time now and i do really want her to get better and if she is encouraged and challenged to do that through Johnathan, then so be it. I would rather she get help, even if it isnt from me. i do really care for her and love her and i want to write her and the rest of the MAST members a letter soon but i cant think super clearly right now.

i just keep beating myself up over and over and over for the things that i couldve done better. i couldve been a better friend. i couldve been more open. more attentive. more caring. more understanding. more open-minded. but i didnt.

and i guess the only thing to do from here is move on and look forward and figure out what i can do better.

i want to know what i can do better and the areas in which i fell short but im also so scared of finding out bc i already hate myself so much anyway and being told what i failed at would only add to this already heavy burden.

im fine.

i also just feel really bad because i feel like im taking such a huge step back by pushing people away and isolating myself. i know i have grown a lot this past year and i have been able to become more trusting of those around me and it has been really nice to know that i am cared for and loved by others. and in acting like how i am now, im worried pjosh and other people wont be proud of me anymore or the ways that i have grown.

have i even really grown at all? or was i always just forcing myself to make a different choice but now im just reverting back to how i naturally handle things? i dont want to disappoint them. i dont want to seem like a failure.

and God, i want to rely on you. I really do. But I can’t. Because at the end of the day, as much as I want to believe you and trust you and your pain, I really can’t understand why you’ve let me be in and put me through so much suffering and for so long. What did I do to deserve so much misery? I can’t handle it on my own anymore. I really can’t. It’s consuming me from the inside out.

i really want to call amanda and just clear everything up with her and be honest with her but i also dont want to hurt her. i know i can be too open and share too much and i dont want people to think something is mentally wrong with me bc that just means people will always look at me differently and pity me and never actually see me as human and i dont want that.

when i asked amanda what we should do with our small group and proposed hanging out in evanston instead, i was hesitant to ask at all because i knew what the “right” move to make was and wasnt sure if we should just opt for the easier route so more people could come.

and i was worried she would just say it’d be better for more people to come so we should just all meet in evanston instead. i was surprised when she actually mentioned how the original agreement was to meet in chinatown so thats what she wanted to do. and with that, i pushed for chinatown again and was thoroughly surprised when david actually decided to come through and travel with us. and i was really happy we all got to spend that time together. it was only once and i was so discouraged everyone bailed last minute. but the fact seoyeon and david did come was really heartwarming and encouraging to me. and it was for her too. our kids are growing up.

im also salty that a good handful of our members wished for more small group outings. which, i understand. but, i feel like theyre discrediting the fact that amanda and i really tried to plan outings but things fell apart bc of their schedules a lot of the time. whether it was bc people backed out last minute or we couldnt find a time when we were all free or people half hearted committed but flaked out when the time actually came closer and didnt took it as seriously. i get that other groups, especially p. josh’s, had more hangouts and i am genuinely happy for them. and maybe our group wanted to have more fun times like that.

was i just too serious this past year? and i didnt have as much fun as amanda? i always perceived her non-seriousness as a bad thing bc i thought she was just using it as a front to cover how much pain she was actually in. when she cried with me and actually shared her fears and insecurities, i felt how genuine that was. her normal “fake” personality didnt seem genuine to me. but maybe i was wrong. she does seem genuinely happy now. and im happy for her too.

i know i have a big mouth and have spoken when it wasnt my place to and i am getting better at managing it. i just didnt realize shutting my mouth would hurt me so much.

everytime jason has given me one of these “talks” on what i can work on, i end up feeling more hurt than challenged to do better. and i am actively trying to work on everything he told me to do and i know he told me out of a place of care. but now i just feel so paranoid that i am constantly being judged and messing up in ways that im not even aware of. and it sucks.

but i also dont want jason to not tell me ways i can improve bc i do genuinely want to know and how to grow and get better.

i had the opportunity to go to northwestern and hangout with familiar people again yesterday but i didnt go. because i was afraid of seeing amanda and johnathan there. and i was afraid of feeling left out.

even though i didnt know anyone on the softball team and i was the only college student there, it was so much easier for me to be happy with them. i made friends and i didnt care what i said or how i was being perceived. i just did my best to boost our team’s morale and cheer everyone on and that made me feel genuinely better. even if it was just for a few hours. i didnt care how i acted and chances are, i wouldnt interact or even see them ever again. or at least not for a while. but with the college kids, i dont understand why it’s so hard for me to be real with them. i am so much more afraid of being judged and gossiped about bc i know i have to keep working with them and i will see them again the next sunday. or the next. or the next. or the next.

i got along really with songbee the other day and being friends with her makes me feel like im betraying jason bc i know he doesnt get along with her very well.

i got along really well with jennie lee the other day. why is it so much easier for me to get along with adults? anyway,

we got along really well and i definitely want to keep in contact with her and get to know her better. we joked around a lot and it was fun!

maybe thats why i get along better with the adults. because i have such a surface level friendship with all of them. but with movement, ive been open and vulnerable and i actually have more to lose so im more afraid to be myself.

hm.

but yeah, i just hung out with jenny chang’s family after and i really valued our time together and how much they take care of me. they feel like my picture perfect family that i never had growing up. they’re what i always imagined a family should look like. but mine never fit that description.

#reflection #im not fine #im not even close to okay

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lucyariablog · 6 years

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16 More Quotes to Inspire Your Content Marketing

In 2017, I shared a compilation of 23 inspirational quotes, from Rachael Ray to Ann Handley to Andy Weir and many people in between. Each of those quotes continues to inspire me and impact the way I think about content marketing

Today, to kick off the new year, the CMI editorial team asked me to share some more quotes.

I’ve been a quote junkie since I was a kid. Some of the quotes I’ve included this year I picked up recently. Others came from the dog-eared journal I started in 1993, which includes gems like this one:

Embarrassing? Absolutely. But …

My hope is that you pick up some inspiration from these quotes or think about familiar ideas in a new way.

Maintain your energy

Much of the work we need to do as marketers – and, more importantly, as makers – requires us to think and create. And, quite frankly, there is only so much time we can meaningfully write, develop, or create day in, day out.

Michael Simmons captures the idea perfectly in his article aptly titled An Ambitious Person’s Brutally Honest Take On Work-Life Balance:

“In the world of long-distance running, the idea of someone starting off a race by sprinting as fast as they can until they collapse from exhaustion is obviously stupid. Yet, when it comes to our careers, many of us follow this mentality.

Expert marathoners, on the other hand, purposely run slower than their full potential so they can run longer and actually win the race.

We need to redefine hard work from how many hours we work in a week (the equivalent of our sprinting speed) to how consistently hard we work over a long period of time.”

And, speaking of marathons, we often hear how content marketing is a marathon, not a sprint, and many articles reference 18 to 24 months as the time frame to build a brand with content marketing. But in the last few years, things have gotten more difficult, and, as Mark W. Schaefer observes, the journey requires more time:

What I determined was that it took, on average, between two and three years for a personal brand to really ignite. Two and half years. Wow. That’s 30 months of patience.

On average, it takes 2-3 years for a personal brand to ignite, says @markwschaefer. #quotes Click To Tweet

Maintaining focus is tough, especially when the work required will take months, if not years. But, this insight from Entrepreneur Editor in Chief Jason Feifer plays in mind to help me stay on track:

I don’t want to work nonstop – that only ends in burnout – but I want to make sure I’m using my time as wisely as possible. So I started measuring time in terms of outcome. I’d ask myself, ‘What do I get for this hour spent? What can I show for it later?’ … There may never be time for everything, but there is always time for plenty. It’s just a question of priorities.

There may never be time for everything, but there is always time for plenty, says @heyfeifer. #quotes Click To Tweet

While maintaining that focus is an ongoing journey (ahem, struggle), the best thing to get me back on track is unadulterated, pure quiet. I emphasized this idea in my previous quote post, and it’s why I was so mesmerized by this quote from Zen master Ryutan:

You are like this cup; you are full of ideas. You come and ask for teaching, but your cup is full; I can’t put anything in. Before I can teach you, you’ll have to empty your cup.

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT:

7 Productivity Killers for Marketers and How to Fix Them

How to Brainstorm and Prioritize Your Best Content Ideas

Do, don’t (over)think

Like many marketers, I love coming up with ideas and starting projects, but I can burn out as the project slogs on. But these next quotes remind me that the actual doing (not the thinking about doing) are most important.

You’d be hard pressed to come up with an idea so bad that it couldn’t succeed with the right execution. And it would be even harder to imagine a great idea that couldn’t fail if the execution were left to morons. Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything. – Scott Adams, Dilbert creator

Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything. @Dilbert_Daily #quotes Click To Tweet

You are not a leader because you have better insight – you are a leader because you make decisions. – David C. Baker, The Business of Expertise

Embrace constraints

Too often we bemoan lack of time or lack of budget or lack of (insert your gripe here). But sometimes, it’s these very constraints that help us focus.

Here’s a fact: Creativity comes easier within constraints … Constraints make the haiku one of the world’s most moving poetic forms. They give us boundaries that direct our focus and allow us to be more creative. This is, coincidentally, why tiny startup companies frequently come up with breakthrough ideas. They start with so few resources that they’re forced to come up with simplifying solutions. – Shane Snow, Smartcuts

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: The 3 Behaviors Driving the Most Creative Content Marketers

Connect with the (right) people

Another thing that keeps me energized is working with people who challenge me – and whom I enjoy. I have been proactively reaching out to marketers and business owners this year, and while not every conversation has an action, I always learn something new. (And, thus far, everyone has agreed to talk.)

Working with people who challenge me energizes me and my work, says @MicheleLinn. Click To Tweet

Allen Gannett expresses this idea clearly in this quote from his book The Creative Curve (I recommend it):

The point is, don’t wait for someone to take you under their wing; initiate the process yourself. If you meet someone who is successful in a field you want to learn about, approach them. Be curious. Be relentless!

Don’t wait for someone to take you under their wing; initiate the process yourself, says @Allen. #quotes Click To Tweet

My business partner, Clare McDermott, and I often talk about the value of “creative abrasion.” I always look to work with people who ask questions, poke holes in my thinking, or otherwise give me a new perspective. While too much friction isn’t a good thing, embrace what Allen calls the conflicting collaborator:

For this reason, I call the ideal person to work with a conflicting collaborator. Basically, you don’t want to collaborate with someone who is so easy to get along with that they don’t push you. The goal is to find a person who will help you discover and overcome your flaws.

Here’s another reminder why it’s critical to embrace other perspectives:

Our senses are limited therefore our view of the world is limited. This is not a problem unless we start believing that what we perceive is all there is to be perceived. – Peter McWilliams, self-help author

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: The Secret to Hitting the Creative Sweet Spot

Embrace your own path

One of the drums beating loudly this year is eschewing best practices and forging our own paths (and the more varied perspectives you have, the better).

As such, I can’t help but be reminded of this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson. (Did anyone else go through a transcendentalist phase in high school? Just me? My quote book is littered with ideas from Walt Whitman, Henry David Thoreau, and Ralph Waldo Emerson.):

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail, says #RalphWaldoEmerson via @MicheleLinn. #quotes Click To Tweet

Taking your own path also means having a point of view, which Meera Kothand summarizes in her book, Your First 100. (Meera is a new-to-me content marketer I stumbled upon this year. I’ve really enjoyed her action-oriented emails and books):

Value doesn’t come from feeding your audience with free tips that everyone else is already saying. You provide value when you’re able to inspire a commitment to change. You add to the content literature in your niche when you have a distinctive point of view. This is also how you build content authority.

You add to the #content literature in your niche when you have a distinctive POV, says @MeeraKothand. #quotes Click To Tweet

This is not to say that we can’t learn from others, but I challenge you to take the best of what you know, apply it, and do you.

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: Your Brand Needs a Point of View, But Do You?

Start now, from where you are

This last set of quotes (of which there are quite a few) may be the most important and universal. Own where you are and keep moving forward.

I unfortunately don’t know who said this next gem, but I have repeated this quote numerous times since I heard it at Content Marketing World last year:

“You can’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.”

It echoes these popular Chinese proverbs:

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.”

And I leave you with this quote from Jay Acunzo who is talking to all of my marketing friends who experience this sense of paralysis because we think our work can be better:

Perfect isn’t the enemy of good, nor is it the barrier to done. I just think we’re framing the idea all wrong. Aspire to perfection over time, but make sure you’re taking one step forward today.

Aspire to perfection over time, but make sure you’re taking one step forward today, says @jayacunzo. Click To Tweet

Continue to prioritize, do, and own the best possible version of yourself, while making sure you have a hearty dose of quiet, so you can recharge and keep moving forward no matter where you are.

I’d love to hear what you are thinking about as we start the year. Share your favorite quotes – or ideas – in the comments.

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: The Best Content Marketing Books of 2017 to Boost Your Creativity and Productivity

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Cover image by Joseph Kalinowski/Content Marketing Institute

The post 16 More Quotes to Inspire Your Content Marketing appeared first on Content Marketing Institute.

from https://contentmarketinginstitute.com/2019/01/quotes-inspire-marketing/

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