#this drawing doesn't express it very well. i need to paint her. she'll have more swag then i promise

[transgenderfivepebbles]

Moon and Sliver design sketches :) They are Bouba and Kiki. to me

[keefwho]

March 27 - 2024 Wednesday

11:05pm

4.5/10

This morning I took time to thoughtfully clean the left wing of my desk and take care polishing my entire lamp. It was kind of an exercise in self care, usually I'd rush cleaning but I tried to enjoy the process. For breakfast I made a breakfast sandwich and rice. I read a little bit of Atlas of the Heart and took some notes for Saturday's book club.

For work I warmed up with some torso sketches. I got 2 more YCHs done today and somehow ended up wasting a lot of time so I missed out on about 30 minutes of drawing. Part of it was because I had tracked down and messaged the artist that seemingly scammed DS. It turns out it was just a lot of miscommunication and poor management on their part. KT was in stream today and got a YCH as I was making them so hers got done immediately.

After work I did my workout. My ankle started to hurt 3 miles in so I had to slow to a walk but I got it all done. I watched Henry's Kitchen stream the whole time.

For lunch I made tuna spaghetti. I had looked forward to it all day but I didn't make it as good as I'd have liked. I think it needed more lemon pepper. I was watching Twitch while I ate which carried 30 minutes over into work time. I was just having too much fun procrastinating. But I got off my ass and did this week's last request and finished that animation I was working on. I hung out in DV's server and had some really good, deep conversation with his friend. The kind of talking I needed today. I left to join AE so I could work on his avatar. I made his COCK today and did the weight painting for everything so now it's ready for Unity.

I left for a small mental break and eventually convinced myself to get in VRchat even though I was feeling like I couldn't socialize very well. All I wanted was company so I knew I had to try at least. I joined BD and her friend which was a pretty chill time. She lead the world hopping for everyone and there were some pretty neat places. I got off after a bit to start dinner.

I put on chicken strips and rice a roni. DS dmed me some and then we called a little in bed but she had to be up super early so I didn't want to keep her up. We also talked about some interesting things tonight in a meaningful way. I played Kingdom Hearts and finished the Halloween world. After she fell asleep, I mostly sat around and drank my tea before bed.

~~~

Today the main feeling was lonely. I don't know why, all I know is some days are always going to be harder than others. I craved human connection today but I couldn't have it in the capacity I want so I was trying to accept that and see what else I could do to move myself forward. I considered self care alone time but figured out I did not want to be alone. I joined BD so early today because I was making a deliberate attempt to try and talk to someone for the sake of not being lonely. The situation with her is interesting because it seems like the other guys there only join for her and sort of simp? If thats true then I hope she doesn't think that of me, I'm just out here trying to make friends.

Also DS is going to be visiting her sister until Monday and I'm gonna miss her like always. I was also trying to accept that. Not the fact that she'll be gone but that I'll be missing her. Something in me tells me it's wrong, like I'm caring too much and need to cool it. But the reality is I have so much love to give in general and even the simple act of missing someone is an expression of that. I'll be okay as long as I can keep my emotional floodgates open and feel what I gotta feel. I think that goes for just about everything. All I want to do is FEEL, it's something I've been neglected for a majority of my life. I crave emotional expression. Damn anyone who doesn't understand that.

[cassetteboy]

So, I've been wanting to vent a little bit on here about some serious stuff, which I guess will double as letting some of my more distant friends know.

My mom passed away in her sleep rather suddenly, and I found her on April 17th morning. I've been going to therapy regularly, and trying to keep in contact with my support system and everything but man it's legitimately so hard. (Needless to say the rest of this will be talking about grief and stuff, so if you're not in the headspace for it, let's leave it at that.)

I don't think there could have been a death that would have impacted me more than hers, I feel emptied out and completely hollow. I've been posting stuff to vent my feelings out on grief-related subreddits but I dunno, it doesn't really help that much. It feels like a temporary fix. I wish I could express how this is the hardest thing that's ever happened to me, and that's saying something because I've had a very difficult life and lived through some horribly traumatic stuff.

I just feel terribly alone, despite knowing rationally that I'm not. I can't project myself in the future anymore and everything makes me think about her. I'm so pissed and depressed and bewildered and I still can't believe it's a real permanent thing and that this is my life now. She'll never see me turn 25, which will be my biggest win so far, and I wanted to share it with her because above all other people she knows how downright miraculous it is that I've lived this long with the life I've had. I don't really know where to go from here. I'm just gutted. I miss her so much already and it's not even been a month. We were so close and I loved her so much, she was such a great person and I don't know what I'm gonna do without her. I feel lonely, abandonned and helpless and I don't think there is anything that will stop me from feeling this way for a long while.

I don't think I ever spoke about her on here, or probably not to say nice things because our relationship was pretty tense and rocky while I still lived at her place, but she was a wonderful woman and I loved her.

Her name was Agnès. She was a nurse with way more extensive medical knowledge than a nurse ever had business having. She was curious and inquisitive and that made her a well of knowledge and wisdom. She was a creator, she wrote and drew and painted. She sang, too. She did theater, yoga, meditation. She was a great philosopher, and knew a lot about the human mind, psychology, human sciences. She had anger like a cyclone, and knew how to command respect like no one I know. She was sensitive, too, and compassionate, always ready to help people when she could. She adopted all my friends, and would pull through for them if they needed it. She was funny and witty, and we made each other laugh so much. She had great political views and was ready to learn more, and always listened and engaged with interest and a will to learn when I told her about political and social subjects she didn't know much about. She was supportive of everything, since the day I was born. She was the first person to know I was autistic, decades before I got a diagnosis. She helped me in my darkest hours and was, to be fair, the sole reason I stayed alive for many years, before I stopped surviving solely for other's sake. When I came out as trans, it took some getting used to but she learned and she loved me, and she helped me transition. She was always so proud to see me turn into the young man I was destined to be. She helped me get better, in day to day life. She would come with me to appointments when I was too scared to go alone. She would help me with administrative stuff because she knew I was bad at it. She would motivate me to get better and better, and she was so proud. I showed her my drawings, made her listen to my songs, read my poems. She was a good critic, with an analytic mind. She had a laugh you could hear from streets away. She was larger than life and beautiful and smart, and now she's fucking dead. And I could write a novel describing her, you wouldn't even come close to what it was knowing her. I can never do her justice, I can never describe her the right way. And I'm mad, I'm shattered, I'm sad. I want to curl into a ball and sleep until it doesn't hurt anymore.

I thought we had more time. There were still so many things to do and talk about, and now I'll never be able to know her opinion on anything ever again, and maybe that's what hurts the most. I don't think there's much more to say about it. I wish we could have gotten more time.

[nightsoulsworld]

Hello I would like a match-up please? So I requested a match-up of the same oc but in another blog but I really only have one oc and I'd like to know who other people think she would match with :)

Well her name is Serena and she looks like this (except her hair is 100% pink)

Serena is 17, she's half Asian and half Brazilian (but she looks more like her mother). She moved from Brazil to NY with her mother after their parents divorced, she can look cold at first but it's just that she never had the chance to actually learn how to speak English properly so she chooses to talk less so people won't make fun of her and she's 24/7 apologizing for her "bad English" like "hello sorry for bad English"

Serena's personality is like one of those popular teenagers girls from that movies from the 2000's, like Regina George from Mean Girls, and it's not that she's a mean girl, she's just really into that kind of movie and she really tries to be more like the cool girls so she won't get bullied lol

Her favorite color is pink, like her whole room is pink and almost all of her clothes are pink. She's an artist and loves drawing and knitting stuff, whenever she's happy or sad she'll draw or knit to express her feelings or just to pass the time, she can make special plushies and paints for her friends because she loves making gifts to people she loves

She's very into teenager stuff like makeup and gossip magazines, she knows all the celebrities dramas and has watched all the disney series like Jessie or Shake It Up. She also loves musicals and obviously was addicted to high school Musical and Camp Rock, she can make her significant other watch all of it with her because she loves sharing her special likes with people she cares about

She's very kind and polite even with people she doesn't like, mainly because she's to coward to confront people when they mistreat her, like you can punch her in the face and she won't complain, she hates confronts and thinks she's too weak. She tries really to make new friends but it's hard for her since she's so shy and quiet, but mostly because she's insecure about her English skills and she thinks people will make fun of her

She starts pretending she likes the same things that the person she's talking to. "Omg do you like Teen Wolf? Me too!" (She hates Teen Wolf). She thinks that if she opens up the others will call her childish or dumb so she hides her personality until she's 100% sure she can trust them

Sometimes she feels sad because she misses her old home and her family she left behind. She loves sharing things about her country and will be more than happy to teach portuguese to her significant other. Serena has depression and there are days she doesn't feel like pretending she's okay so she just keeps in her room until she feels "better". She would never judge anybody by their appearance (since she doesn't think she's a pretty girl)

Hello, dear ♥️. Thank you so much for your time and ask. Also thank you for tagging me at your post, I really appreciates that you like my blog. I hope you will like it. If you don't like it, message me anytime 💜💜

Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language

Here we go

🤔 I think I'd paired you with...🤔

Mikey

This ball of sunshine would fall hard for you

He liked you more and more the more he spent with you

Your kindness was that what drew him to you

When you two first met, you were so shy and quiet but after a while you open up; he was so happy and glad

Mkey will never laugh at you and he will ask ( force ) Donnie to help you with that you need help

Sometimes he's jealous about how you two are close but he knows that you will not cheat

He would have the longest converstations with you about Art and your favorite things

He finds it very cute when you doing your things; he feels calm when he watch you draw or knit

When you paint him for the first time, he break down into tears of happiness and he told you thank you non-stop

He's so happy when you give him something: he see your hard work in it and he really appreciates that from you

He will lend you his comics and he loves to watch with you some Disney movies and musicals

He loves your style and your bedroom is so cute to him

He likes to spend time with you at your place

When you're with him, you don't need to pretend anything, Mikey accept you and he loves you because of who you are

Mikey will cheer you up when you're sad and he's all ears when you need somebody to talk about your feelings or problems

I hope you like your match 💛💛💛

[biserker-kadan]

About the Character;

I was tagged by @goblin-deity @red-wardens and @occorner 💕 so I'm gonna do 3! (This might be pretty long)

This really is years late, whoops.

― your muse’s name:

Myrinah Alwyn Lavellan

Myrinah is actually just an edited version of Myrina which refers to Queen of the Amazons which I love! I wanted my first Elven warrior to have a strong name and it just really fit. Her middle name is Alwyn, which is her fathers first name and is Welsh in origin.

― one favourite picture / faceclaim of your muse:

― two headcanons you have for your muse:

Long after Inquisition is over and Corypheus and Solas have been delt with, Myrinah kind of drops off the grid. Only a handful of people know what she's doing and have a vague idea of where she is. Cause she's wandering! She goes off, a grown ass dragon with her and a few essential items and just walks. She catches rides of boats, works as best she can, where she can - climbs the highest mountains and hikes through lush forests with Pup flying high above. She writes letters to her loves and her family but in her 'retirement', she goes and explores on her own.

In my 'Modern AU' Myrinah is always a detective, like always. I can't really see her doing anything else. She could also be a DA, mostly cause I really love the idea of Myrinah straight up wearing a boss ass pant-suit with like a lacy bralette thingy underneath a suit jacket and a pair of killer heels in court, just destroying the other lawyer and playing up to the jury.

― three things that your muse likes doing in their free time:

Gardening! Myrinah, my little bitter baby absolutely loves gardening and planting little flowers and especially making daisy chains. It takes her back to her childhood, stopping for a quick lunch; Elders doing their own things and a handful of children running around, little babies and mothers laying in the grass, soaking up the sun and Myrinah, sitting calmly just making daisy chains.

Hunting, or specifically Dragon Hunting. She loves it, the thrill of a fight. A challenge that pushes her to her very own limits. Something that takes effort, both of which come from tracking and the actual fighting. She enjoys all of it. Plus it's a great way for her to work on her anger.

Sleeping. Let's be honest, everyone knows that the Inquisitior probably sleeps like shit. That's not a lie, it's a goddamn fact and Myrinah is no different. Which is why, when she has the time? She likes to settle beneath her covers (usually in Cullen's bed), light a few subtlety scented candles and close her eyes with the gentle breeze and fading sunlight on her face and pass. the fuck. out.

― seven people your muse loves / likes:

Iron Bull, Cullen, Vivienne, Riddick (OC), Dorian, Cole, Varric

Myrinah is close with her companions and appreciates them all, but she does have her favourites. She loves Iron Bull and Cullen, romantically, and Vivienne is her absolutely favourite person in the entire world. Riddick is her best friend (another OC of mine) and she treats Dorian like a kid brother, which annoys the shit out of him of course. Cole she treats as family, because he is in a way. He's someone Myrinah knows understands her and she does everything and all she can to make sure he's all good and Varric is probably the only normal person in the group who doesn't treat her like the be all or end all. She likes having a friend who simply wants to be a friend.

― a phobia your muse has:

Myrinah is afraid of nugs. She hates them, they terrify her and she would be happy if they weren't a real thing.

― your muse’s name:

Aliyah Hissera Adaar

Aliyah's first name means 'exalted or heavens' and was a gift from her Ma - a name outside the Qun, a representation that they really were free and able to own themselves. Of course, her middle name 'Hissera' is the Qunlat word for Hope and her Ma thought it was fitting considering little Aliyah was her hope.

― one favourite picture / faceclaim of your muse:

― two headcanons you have for your muse:

She's actually the baby of one of my old Inquisitiors and her mother was Adaar. Her Father is more of an OC at this point, whereas her Mother died when she was very young. In an AU I have she was taken in by a Mercenary Captain and trained up from her teens until the Inquisition. She's probably a little younger in canon compared to that AU.

She's wicked strong, and not in the 'oh I can lift this much' but in the 'I can hold this bow and arrow, pulled back, for as long as I need without breaking a sweat or getting tired'. She's also got wicked aim and constantly pulls incredible moves out of her ass in battle. She and Sera like to have little arrow competitions in Skyhold when they're bored.

― three things that your muse likes doing in their free time:

Waking up early to watch the sunrise. This one sounds stupid, but it was a tradition she had with her Ma. Whenever they could, they'd get up a little earlier, put some tea on and rug up before walking as far as they wanted before settling in to watch the sunrise. Whenever she doesn't have a pressing, urgent matter to attend to - that's what she likes to do now (except now she also writes letters to her Dad).

Baking. Aliyah has a massive sweet tooth, like it's a problem? So much so that the cook refuses to make her anything sweet so now she does it herself! Aliyah finds it oddly calming too, there's something really methodical and calming about baking that makes the payoff even more sweeter.

Archery? I feel like this one should be obvious cause she an Archer Rogue, but for reference, archery in general is something Aliyah absolutely loves. Especially when she's in her own zone, in the training yard at Skyhold just constantly hitting dead centre. It's beautiful.

― seven people your muse loves / likes:

Iron Bull, Josephine, Sera, Dorian, Leliana, Cole, Vivienne

Aliyah is like, basically married to Iron Bull so she likes him well enough, Josephine is like family - Aliyah adores her, and Sera is a good friend (they seem like unlikely friends but they're pretty well at balancing each other out). Dorian is her best friend, someone she trusts unconditionally, which is a little scary but he's smart and caring and her closest friend and she loves him. Leliana terrifies her and Aliyah thinks the world of her, she's scary smart and calculated but having one conversation was enough to convince her that Leliana is the sweetest. Aliyah thinks Cole is sweet, if a little confused and misguided. She likes talking with him. Vivienne reminds her of her first Merc Captain - Strong, firm but fair and always the smartest person in the room. They have wonderful talks.

― a phobia your muse has:

Aliyah isn't so much afraid as grossed out by purple foods? It's an odd 'phobia' but she will literally not eat anything purple or anything that's touched a purple food and will not sit at a table with purple food on it. She thinks it's just gross and unnatural.

― your muse’s name:

Frey - -

Frey technically does have a middle name and a last name but she doesn't really use it or mention it or acknowledge it even. If we're getting technical, Frey chose her own name as her Mama always calls her Kasaanda and her Pa calls her his little Elgara.

(Kasaanda = 'Sundew' - a carnivorous plant, and Elgara = 'Sun')

― one favourite picture / faceclaim of your muse:

― two headcanons you have for your muse:

Frey speaks nearly 6 languages, is fluent in 3, can write in 2 and read in 4. She's fluent in the Common Tongue, Antivan and Orlesian but can also speak Qunlat, Rivaini and Tevene extremely well. Qunlat especially. She also knows a little Elvish, but growing up outside of a Clan or without an Elder (not including her father), it's mostly limited to phrases and specific words.

Frey is an expert Storm Mage, extremely dangerous when it comes to lightning and 'purple fire'. She trains in all the schools of magic, especially with Vivienne, Dorian and her Mama. Her Mama is especially hard on her when it comes to more primal based magic whereas Dorian handles the Inferno aspects and Vivienne helps her with Winter, Spirit and becoming a Knight Enchanter.

― three things that your muse likes doing in their free time:

Climbing. Frey loves to climb and explore Skyhold and old ruins and castles. She loves to push herself to climb rocky mountain sides and faces, caves and the likes. She'll leave Skyhold in the morning with a few essential items and return at night with bruises and scrapes but feeling a lot less tense and antsy.

Painting/drawing. Frey loves to paint and draw, she really does. Even if it's just doodling on some paper with some ink whilst are the war table or if she's actually set up a canvas on her balcony and going ham at it. Painting is something she does to calm her mind and express whatever she's feeling.

Arguing. Ok, so maybe it's less of a hobby then the others but Frey will actively seek out people to 'argue' with when she's bored and it is 100% one of her favourite things to do. It's mostly just banter and petty quarrels and such but it's a lot of fun to argue with someone and Frey enjoys having arguments and debated shit.

― seven people your muse loves / likes:

Solas (debatable), Iron Bull, Vivienne, Leliana, Cole, Josephine, Dorian

Frey has odd relationships with both Solas and Iron Bull (doubled depending on whom she's romancing per Canon) but they also mean a lot to her regardless. Iron Bull kind of takes her under his wing, teaching her a bit more about her Qunari Heritage as well as making sure she can defend herself without magic whereas Solas speaks with her about Elves and has lengthy discussions about everything and anything. Vivienne is like a very sweet, very tough Aunt? Frey isn't quite sure where to place Vivienne to be quite frank, but she loves the older mage without a doubt. Leliana is the funniest and alongside Josephine they talk shit like it's nobodies business. Frey loves them like sisters. Cole is a mystery, but his brain is fascinating and when she gets over that - he's a very sweet, often misguided individual whom she appreciates dearly and Dorian? An absolute shit. Sometimes she likes to hide behind the bookshelves and throw books at him to make him jump. Other times they bounce magical theory off each other until the suns up for the next day. He's definitely family at this point.

― a phobia your muse has:

Frey is afraid of failure, that's the bottom line. She's constantly stressing herself out because she's terrified of slipping up and causing irrefutable damage and failing. She doesn't ever want to put people in horrible situations that could be avoided and she hates that she thinks like that.