#this is also a reason i don't ship nXwen

[tdnoco]

Noco and Me

noco scratches a particular itch in my brain see, when i was in higschool i had a gay crush on my straight best friend. and even though we had been friends for Years, because of my crush, i would never hug her. it felt like i’d be... imposing myself on her. i was always worried i’d make her uncomfortable. that it’d be predatory or smth. i was so worried about being rejected and also so sure that i was stupid for even having these feelings for someone who was Straight, and yet also desperately hoping that i’d be wrong, and she Wasn’t straight after all. and that’s a big reason i like noco. if we look at that sleeping kiss scene, yes it’s a joke, but it was also one of my worst nightmares. that i’d accidentally let myself go, that i’d do something horrid and unconsensual. (i never did, and i also don’t believe that noah had any longing for cody before that scene.) but still, the scene represents that fear. A gay accident that feels like being Outed, that affects somebody “Straight.” i still can’t watch that scene without skipping it, without cringing, without feeling embarassed. but if you look at what happened to noah afterwards - he wasn’t punished. Cody didn’t treat him with fear or anger or anything. In fact, Cody doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t bring it up, he doesn’t demand apologies (though it would be in his right too). It seems like he genuinely doesn’t mind, that he understood it was an accident. He holds no ill will...and i don’t know. To me that feels so... kind. Maybe this betrays my lack of standards, but for this guy to just effortly brush off noah’s gay mistake and not be mean about it... feels so generous.  Noah is not barred from hanging out with Cody, he’s not ostracized. Nothing happens. In fact, Cody minds so little about this incident, that he falls asleep near/with Noah again. Like Cody just cares so little. Like - Noah isn’t uninvited from the sleepover even after the incident. And that just feels so welcoming. I don’t know - noco just really assauges my gay fears. Also because Cody like... looks/feels straight, I can project my own conflicted feelings of pining for someone I can’t have onto Noah. (who is just very easy to project onto in general)