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theautumnisnoble · 3 years

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would've loved you for a lifetime

Summary:

Jiho looked to his left and afar. The light from the convenience store illuminated his stature and she tried all that she could to not mentally utter a compliment because it wasn't her place to do that anymore. She already let him go, she already hurt him— what right does she have to long for him?

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or just a post-break up JiSolB fic

[Okay I just thought of this today and started to write it 3 hrs ago. This is my first angst so usdhuiashd idk if it would give justice to the genre. All mistakes are mine! No beta-ing so there may be typos.

"Happy" reading!]

Read it on AO3

It had been exactly 10 months since that ugly morning. That morning filled with tears, regret, heaviness that lasted even weeks after— it was a sunrise with darkness that escaped from the night.

But now she was happy.

But was she, really?

After graduating and passing the judicial exam she is now near to achieving her long life dream of becoming a judge. To finally make her mother shut up every time she tries to condescend her father, to stop her from reminding him of his past failures, to overshadow that by making her proud of her daughter's success. She finally can cross another in her lists of ambitions— but there were now questions she began to ask herself.

Am I supposed to celebrate this with someone?

Am I supposed to climb the stage hand in hand with someone?

Am I supposed to be in the middle with no one to dance with?

Sol B sits on the bench by a river and takes a sip from her juice carton. She takes in the freezing cold and let it escape with an exhale. Her thoughts were in havoc, those questions screaming in the silence. She's achieving every big thing that she ever wanted to achieve but why does it feel so—

it just feels so..

she feels so empty.

It's not the only time she felt like this. Right after she graduated from Hankuk Law, she sat on her dorm bed and just stared into space. She was happy, ecstatic even, but the void just started to pull her in and let her feel like everything she ever possessed and would ever posses wouldn't satisfy her.

She didn't want to be empty. She went through every bad thing to be here, with blood and bruises all over. She didn't want to spend midnights thinking of giving up just because she didn't feel like giving her best anymore. This wasn't her. She was supposed to be Kang Sol B— ambitious, prideful, cunning, smart and successful. But now, all she thought she ever was, was alone.

She was all alone.

Kang Sol B pulled herself out of her inner chaos and stood up, and pulled out her car keys. Her car pinged as she unlocked it and she tossed the empty carton into a bin beside the bench.

"Noona!"

She turned her head to see four people approaching her, clearly drunk except for one— Han Joon Hwi.

"Roomie! You didn't join us. "

"She's not your roommate anymore, Sol-ah." Han Joon Hwi looked at her with an amused smile and held her by her shoulders. Judging by his gentle demeanor towards her namesake, they were still together. Of course they would be, they were Han Joon Hwi and Kang Sol A— inseparable.

She can't say the same for herself and—

"It's a shame you didn't join us, Ye Seul really just said 'yes' to—"

"Hahahahahah." Bok Gi took 4 steps backwards and put his arm around Ye Beom. "All of us including Ye Seul noona had a good time earlier!"

Bok Gi pinched Ye Beom's shoulders and the latter grimaced with the pain.

"You heading home already?" Joon Hwi smiled at her. It was that same care-freeness that made her infatuated for the boy. But of course being her, she rebuilt her walls every single time they were about to break and she swerved falling too deep— except towards the other person.

"Ne. Take care, all of you." She drew out a smile on her face that gave everyone shock.

"Oh? My roomie smiled!" Sol A covered her mouth with a palm. "How adorable."

"And for the record Bok Gi, I already know. So you can let go of Ye Beom now." Bok Gi's eyes widened and Ye Beom struggled out of his grip.

"I'll be off now." Sol B was about to go inside her car but the curly-haired boy called her again.

"Are you okay Noona?" After hearing that Sol B turned her head around and raised an eyebrow.

"You, Bok Gi. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, for a long time now." he smiled and Sol B nodded at his answer. She went inside her car and started the engine.

It was a short drive on the way home, Sol B tried to push thoughts of that heartbreaking morning out of her head as they started to haunt her again, now that she was again vulnerable for the haunting, now that she felt like she was all alone and wished she wasn't.

And Bok Gi stood there, knowing Sol B didn't answer his question.

Kang Sol didn't know what to do, all she knows is that she's right in front of the person that used to be hers.

"Kang Sol."

He was only the one who didn't call her Sol B. She found comfort in that. She wasn't 'B' to him, she was just Kang Sol.

But she had to put on her strongest façade, she had to. Her emotions had no room in his life anymore, her pain would only be an inconvenience.

"Long time no see, Jiho-ya." She managed to say.

Jiho returned his attention to Sol and an icy breath escaped from his lips. His lips drew into a thin line, almost a smile. "You wanna talk?"

After hearing that, Sol B began to ask herself, "Do I want this?"

Do I need this?

But then she knew she sought closure. She knew she already needed to let go of the yearning that entrapped every cell in her body. She needed to stop the nights, where she longed for him, from reoccurring. She also needed to let go of the unnecessary anger that made her paint him as a villain after knowing he was with another now— because he wasn't. She was in pain and she was the one who let him go.

"Let's talk." So this was what she decided to answer.

It happened at the break of dawn.

Both of them laid on her bed, skin to skin. She sat up and looked down at him, knowing that she had to do what she was about to do.

"Mmm. Sol?" Jiho looked up at her with one eye open, and smiled. "What is this, you woke up before me?"

It was the morning after the night Kang Sol fought with her mom, and Jiho covered her, using his body as a shield from her mother's slaps. Her heart was torn into pieces as she saw Jiho inflicted by the pain that was supposed to be for her. She was showered with horror as a nail scratched Jiho's cheek and then her legs ultimately gave away. She stumbled and fell to the ground.

She heard Jiho calling out to her, his hands shaking her, and asking her if she was okay.

"I don't care what kind of jerk you choose to fool around with, but if you ever get any less than an A+ again, you're not my daughter anymore. I didn't raise you to be a dumb slut!"

"Eommeoni!" Jiho couldn't stand Sol's mother anymore.

"Don't call me that!" The door slammed after her mom went inside their house.

After that incident, Jiho took Sol back to her dorm room. It was empty, the other Kang Sol was celebrating the holidays with her family and Joon Hwi so she was left all alone there.

Jiho gently let her sit on her bed and cupped her face. "I'm here. I can take the hurt, I can protect you. "

But I can't let you get hurt. I can't let you be thrown stones at for my sins.

Sol B stared at the beau in front of her. She couldn't utter a single word because everything in her already decided it would be best to let go of him. To spare him from the chaos, to let him have the peace that she couldn't afford to give him— not in this lifetime. He already had enough of the pain, he already had enough of the suffering that he felt when his father passed away. She needed to do this.

But when should she? When would be the best time to break it off?

"Drink this. " Jiho handed her a glass of water and then stood up. "I'll leave you be for now. I know you need this." he started to walk towards the door.

"Just.... call me if you're ready for company." He laughs, his shoulder shaking as he tried to lighten up the sour mood.

Kang Sol wasn't yet ready to let him go so now something pushed her body towards him and she pulled Jiho into a deep, ardent kiss.

"Sol." Jiho said between kisses.

"I need you."

So she pulled his body into hers that night, and decided she would let him go the next morning.

"What?"

"I can't do this anymore."

"Kang Sol."

She looked at him, who just finished changing into his clothes. She liked hearing that from him. Only Kang Sol, never Sol B. Just Kang Sol.

But she immediately looked away. "I've been thinking about this for a long time now." Liar. "I want to break up with you."

"If this is about yesterday I—"

"No. I've wanted to break up with you for a long time now." Kang Sol was well aware of how she was rashly lying through her teeth, she hopes he won't notice this.

"No. You need time. I'll give you time. I'll call you exactly a month from now and tell you where to meet up."

"Seo Ji Ho."

"I'll go now."

Sol B was left there in the room, resolution unwavering. Even if she gets a call a month, or even a year from now, as long as her mom doesn't change she has no choice.

She needs to leave it all behind.

"You didn't really come that night." Sol didn't give in. On January 20, all she ever did was stare at her phone that was ringing, with Ji Ho's name on the bright screen.

"I told you I really wanted to break up with you."

A laugh escapes from Ji Ho's lips. "Yeah, I get that now."

"Jiho-yah."

Ji Ho turned to look at her. Both of them on swings and it was an ungodly night, with autumn leaves falling by their feet and the hint of cold air.

"I'm sorry for hurting you back then. " Sol stared down at the leaves by her feet. Her face trying to remain stoic after just releasing that one burden from her body.

There was nothing but silence. But instead of it troubling her, it was calming. She slowly relaxed and let her body sway with the swing a bit. Though her gaze was still avoiding him, she knew a tear would escape if she didn't.

"For the first few weeks, I didn't understand you at all. "

Sol froze.

"It was... heavy. You were all that I had. " Sol B looked at him now. "After that morning, I tried to convince myself that you were just so hurt and needed time. That you would immediately come to your senses, that you would call me and say sorry, that you didn't mean it."

"But then you really didn't answer my call. Or even come to Hankuk, where I told you I'd wait for you." Jiho now looked back at her. "But I get it now. It's not heavy anymore."

Jiho smiled at her and it broke her. It gave away that he was okay now, that he really doesn't love her that way anymore. That he was now happy with somebody else.

"You, are things better now?"

"Mom continued to have therapy. "

"That's good."

"I—I.." Sol tried to not let her emotions betray her. "I'm better now. I get to be a judge now and, things are starting to become better between mom and dad."

"I'm proud of you, Kang Sol."

That was it. A tear escaped and she cursed at herself for letting it fall. It was all she ever wanted to hear. She'd spent nights wondering if ever there was someone out there thinking about her, how they were proud of what she's become. And she wanted him, especially him, who knew all about her dreams to say that he knows how much she wanted this and how much she worked hard for it, to say that he's proud. She would lie awake on her bed, thinking if ever she would hear those words from somebody, and now she's hearing it from him.

"Sol." He panicked, stood up and kneeled in front of her.

She feigned a laugh. "No, I'm okay." She rashly tried to wipe her tears away.

"Seo Ji Ho, I said i'm okay." she said as she saw that he still had a worried look on his face.

He sighed and smiled. "Okay." He stood up and fixed his glasses. "Just know that.. I know you worked hard for this and you deserve this."

"Just shut up already."

He raised a brow and smirked. "Well, the great Kang Sol did that all without my help. I can't help but be proud."

"You did help me." She looked up at him. "You were a home. A comfort."

"But you didn't deserve to be used up, you deserved to be given the best." She smiled. "Are you happy now?"

Jiho knows what she meant. "Yeah."

"I'm very happy now."

"Well. " Sol B stood up and shook the dust from her lap. "I'd better go now, I still need to buy something. " She pointed at the convenience store with a thumb.

She started to walk towards the store and waved goodbye at him, not looking back.

"Goodbye, Kang Sol."

She slowed her steps and waited for him to walk away, far away from her.

And when she was sure he was already gone, she released her sobs and tears started to uncontrollably fall. She couldn't step inside the store so all she did was stand outside, bawling, praying that no one would pass by and see her.

All she knew is that she didn't want to be alone anymore. Just for this moment, she wanted someone to walk with her home, to be with her until she was okay. She couldn't think of anyone she would dare disturb, but she decided to call one person that would at least understand her.

She called and her phone rang.

"Bokgi-ya."

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[This is my first angst writing OMG. I don't know if it hurt enough tho. Tell me did it hurt? HAHAH im so sorry. hit me up on Twitter @autumnisnoble. Show me some love HAHHAHA. yeah nope, i wrote this cause i just needed to let off some steam and angst writing just seemed to be the right medium to do that. Will do a BokSolB in the future, yes that's right. HAHHA okay bye

PS. BokGi and YeSeul never got together in this universe. Just a note.]

#law school kdrama #Seo Ji Ho #Kang Sol B #Angst #post breakup #hint of jiseul #maybe boksolb at the end

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quincette · 6 years

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What’s inside Nobuyuki’s Castle?

Answer: adorbs stuff, and some of the most adorbs stuff in there are Benmaru’s stuff, like this sleeping fawn brothers...

(Yes I am obsessed with them...) (And for some reason I got so many Ieyasu Chibis stalking my castle now?) Soooo, in Nobuyuki’s castle, in random order, you will find:

Fawniyuki and Fawnimura Resting Fawn Brothers

Benmaru Young Yukimura’s Drawing

it says Aniue (big brother) in hiragana. (Awwwww)

Letters from Benmaru Young Yukimura.

it says “ Itsumo Arigatou, Benmaru.” - Always thanking you, Benmaru. (double awwwwwww)

Kimono Under Repair

So Nobuyuki is darning Yukimura’s kimono. (TRIPLE aaawwwww)

Nobuyuki-sama’s Sewing Kit.

Related to the Yukkin’s kimono earlier, so in one of Tenka’s Nobuyuki ES, it’s mentioned that he has a secret room no one is ever been in (I STILL THINK THIS NEEDS TO BE SOMETHING KINKY), which turns out is where Nobuyuki stashes his sewing supplies because the man excels and enjoys needlecraft.

Yep, he can be the Vice president of Tenka High’s Sewing Club, fufufufufu. (Kenshin is the President, of course, but we know who puts most hours into the club, hahahahahah). Also, he uses Yukkin to model the clothes hm hm hm .

Most Favourite Dish Anmitsu

It’s basically a lot of sweet stuff (fruits mostly, these days can also include mochi, ice cream and pudding) with sweet red bean paste and honey. I like this choice for Nobuyuki, in his ES he rarely gives a straight answer (for mystery and diplomacy’s sake but I like to this he is one whose thoughts is always evolving hence he never settles for one truth), and like the ingredients that make up anmitsu, he can be quite different person depending on the situation,

Hannya Folding Screen.

Hahahahah, related to how he is painted. Nobuyuki is usually benevolent but he can be easily wear a hannya (devil) mask if you hurt or threaten his loved ones.

Lost Small Bird.

Ok on his earlier ES and birthday items, Nobuyuki’s motif used to be oshidori (mandarin duck). I speculate that Tenka team originally quite ambitious and cohesive about each lord’s aesthetic but alas, this game has grown so complex it might be impossible to maintain a consistent visual langauge for more than 20 characters, especially when the creative team changesss. Anywaayyysss. In his MS I think they switched his motif to peach blossom (to go with Yukkin’s peach fruit motif maybe) and this unnamed green bird. In kimono motif this tiny green bird usually is Uguisu (bush warbler) which is almost always paired with Ume (plum blossom). Beautiful motif suitable for late winter/early spring.

Nightcap.

Ok, remember how he made MC drunk? I think he’s has a high alcohol tolerance but drink moderately and enjoys fine sake and Late night conversation.

Books he is currently reading

(among them how to embroider silk, Saizo’s advanced love guide and rare imported books on strategies).

Bookshelves full of books

well, duh. Because you need to be told twice how literate this one is.

Nobuyuki-sama’s Go Set

and also, a cunning linguist strategist.

Reading Lantern

Nobuyuki-sama’s Bedding

where smut happens...

Otedama Cushion

It’s traditional Japanese cushion, often touted as a proto beanbag.

‘Ki’ Wall Scroll

Ki or Qi refers to the Chinese concept of energy flow. Lol, Nobuyuki basically has a calligraphy of the ‘THE FORCE’ on his wall. Only, you know, done elegantly.

Nobuyuki’s Katana

He wields two too.

Nobuyuki-sama’s Armour

Let me just finish the list by shamelessly plugging Benmaru.

#samurai love ballad party #slbp #Sanada Nobuyuki #Sanada Yukimura #slbp nobuyuki #slbp yukimura

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chrysathelia · 3 years

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Fate of All The Earth - story

Watch the story MV!

Looking over the horizon, the gods of Chrysathelia brace themselves for a fight to defend the world they love.

read the story of “Fate of All The Earth” below.

Long, long ago; in an age long gone -- lost to the sands of time, gods and humans coexisted together. Once, we remembered this time of peace.

However, Sandalphon sought to assert an order under his rule. He took control of all the lands, and rallied the gods with him. He conquered all under his order, of the Kingdom of Gods.

For many generations now, humanity has only known subjugation under Sandalphon’s might. They have long forgotten the days we used to walk together. They live in fear, worship; they believe they are at our mercy.

Gods who tried to defy Sandalphon were banished, so many would simply follow his rule and feel powerless to change anything.

I myself felt powerless too. So I simply followed my role as a god under his order. I would descend upon those who prayed enough to give them blessings. Though, I could not bring myself to enact calamity upon those who did not pray enough, so I simply did not.

“Humans are weak; profoundly weak,” decreed Sandalphon. “We, as gods, must use our power to assert our superiority over them. To show them we are not their friends -- that we are as distinct and separate as can be.”

I did not interact with humans beyond what was decreed. This was my life, filled with only this routine -- in the repetition, I found myself filled with total ennui. I felt like I had lost myself; that my only role was to bestow my blessings upon the most devout.

Perhaps this was Sandalphon’s goal, but I had lost sight of the deep desire and ambition I had to one day restore the world where gods and humans walked as one.

It must've been so, so long; but one day, amidst the days that blended together; Luxana came to me.

“Hey, Lunaer!” He smiled at me.

“Luxana.”

“Huh, what are you all cold for? This isn't like you.”

He had caught me off guard. I stared at him, and he burst out laughing.

“HAHAHAHAHAH!!! I've never seen that look on your face before!”

His bright and cheery demeanor truly stunned me. After all these years, and he still had his energy.

“What did you come to me for?” I asked.

“Oh! Oh right, okay.” He quickly composed himself. “I have a totally crazy idea. So, there's this human, and he's really handsome. And I was thinking, wow, it's too bad that we have to abide by Sandy’s stupid decree all the time, or else I'd try to flirt with him.”

“Are you out of your mind?!”

“Lunaer, I thought we were friends! Come on now. Just, bear with me here.” He crossed his arms.

“Okay, so, I was thinking, I really miss the old world where we freely interacted with humans. So I thought I’d gather my old friends, and we create a new world together using our combined powers. A new planet. And then, we task some humans to gather their kind -- we're gods, after all, they'll listen to us -- and we teleport them to the new world. Away from Sandalphon.”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. But, somewhere within, the old desire I had stirred, and rose to the surface.

“...All because you thought a human was attractive.”

“Well, not exactly. Many humans are too afraid to question the status quo of the world, but I noticed this one had questioned it multiple times in his life, and... In general, I think he has the potential.”

“I see…”

“He's also just really cute too. What can I say, I'm the god of love after all,” he mused. “It only makes sense that love would spark my actions.”

His completely bizarre behavior aside, it was true that we had to take some sort of action against Sandalphon. I couldn't sit around forever.

“...Very well. I shall join you in this plan.”

“Wonderful! Let us be off, then!”

He grabbed my hands and pulled me forwards, catching me off guard, into a truly ambitious plan that would change our futures forever.

Luxana had gathered other gods into his plan -- Thaliann, Glaciae, and Phosphoria were the other three who would join us in creating a new world. Luxana had gone to this particular human -- Cerio Orithyia -- to gather people and execute his plan. The other four of us would likewise travel and pick certain locations to gather humans and bring them into the new world -- using our combined divine powers, we could accomplish this.

I had decided to descend upon a rocky mountain territory; in a shrine being attended by a young girl. I knew this shrine well; for I was one of the gods that the people here often prayed to. The girl was named Diora, and I recognized that she had great potential within her.

Surely enough, with my arrival, Diora was shocked, and called everyone together to bear witness to the occasion. They looked upon me with adoration and worship, and bowed their heads.

“Everyone, you need not bow before me. I arrive to tell you, that you shall no longer live in fear of the gods. For you will live in a world where we shall walk together.”

Looking up in fascination, Diora clenched on to her dress.

“Is that truly possible…?”

I smiled gently at her. “Indeed it is, young one. Come now, you shall see.”

And so, we brought these humans into the new world, to begin a life anew.

What an ambitious and reckless plan, Luxana. But even with dark fates upon our horizon, I do not regret it a single bit.

The first few months passed without incident; and us gods worked alongside humans to build a new home and explore the land.

I myself had decided to travel, and at her insistence, I was accompanied by Diora -- that young maiden from the shrine.

“Lunaer, Your Divine Grace? Where are we headed?”

“To the ocean.”

“Is that so, Your Divine Grace? I've never seen the ocean before!” Her gentle and soft voice brightened up.

“Indeed, for a mountain-dweller like you, it shall be a spectacle to behold.”

How genuinely excited this child seemed; alive for a mere fourteen years, and never had she seen the ocean before.

“It would be my honor to show it to you, child.”

“O Divine Lunaer, I look forward to it.”

Our travels took a while, but we had finally arrived at the seaside after some time. Diora ran to the shore, and we gazed upon the glimmering blue.

“Wow… There's so much water! I've never seen so much water!!”

Diora looked in fascination, and knelt down to touch the waves.

“Creating an establishment here would be most beneficial indeed. Communities by the sea often benefit from trade and commerce from ships coming in to exchange goods; resulting in a prosperous people.”

“Oh, yeah! I've heard of that!! So, you'll be gathering the others here?”

“That is my hope, yes.”

Eventually, people would come to the ocean, and I guided them to create the beginnings of a seaside city. At the people’s insistence, they named the city Lunaer -- out of reverence for me, and in honor of my efforts.

And for the first year of our time on Chrysathelia, all was calm and peaceful. In all my eons of existence, this broke the monotony under the rule of Sandalphon. For that, I was eternally grateful.

But that peace did not last. One day, Luxana called a summons for all the gods.

Upon the peak of that mountain, we convened. In the year, I noticed that much seemed to change. Thaliann discarded her godly attire for a more human appearance, while a white-haired warrior appeared in Glaciae’s stead.

“You may call me Elzina Forsyth. I bear the consciousness of Glaciae,” she said.

Of course, we kept the reunions brief, as Luxana did have something urgent to tell us.

“To my fellow gods of Chrysathelia… Sandalphon has been angered, and he will be launching his attack on us very soon. War is imminent.”

Phosphoria clenched her chest. “H-how will we fight back? We have no chance…”

“I agree. Even if we fight, we'll definitely lose!” Thaliann echoed her protestations.

“I know… But we have to give it all we've got,” Luxana was clearly worried, but he tried to put on a brave face.

“...We may have a disadvantage, but I will suggest this one thing. You must share your power with humans,” Elzina said.

All of us stared at her. Such a thing had never been heard of, but judging by how she stood before us, it seems Glaciae was ahead of us on that front.

“If you share your power with humans, we don't have to fight alone,” she explained. “Glaciae entrusted me with his power, and I will fight with all I have!”

“...Heh. Not bad, Glaciae. Not bad at all,” Luxana smiled. “Very well then. We might just have a chance to mitigate the damage and increase the chances of survival, in the event of a loss.”

Luxana walked to the edge of the cliff, and looked ahead to the horizon. It was very early morning; the sky was yet dark -- and the smallest hints of a glow signalled the onset of dawn.

“So, we head back, make our preparations, and initiate the defensive. Focus on protecting as many lives as possible, and give it your all.”

He clasped his hands together.

“For the sake of this world that we love, we must defend it at all costs.”

I found myself walking over next to him, in a gesture of solidarity. “Yes. We will fight for their sake. And for our own, too.”

I looked to the dawn, slowly breaking; as light would fill the sky, bit by bit. I looked behind me, and the three others stared straight ahead. Elzina stepped forward, walking past us, and knelt down; as if in prayer.

“We have to have courage. That's what Glaciae always stood for. I shall perpetuate his will, no matter what.”

Thaliann and Phosphoria looked at each other, nodded, and walked forward with us.

“I want to live alongside humans. So, I'll give it my all,” Thaliann’s clear voice, although soft, brought conviction I had never heard before in her words.

Phosphoria smiled at her. A cool breeze rushed through the air, pulling at her white dress.

“This will be a bountiful world of blessings. I shall endeavor to do my part.”

Luxana looked at all of us with a sparkle in his eye. “Then it's decided, then! We'll give it all we've got, and protect this world we love.”

We went our separate ways to prepare ourselves. Light scattered throughout the sky, turning the warm hues of dawn into the clear blue of daybreak.

It would be an attack in broad daylight; Sandalphon was confident of his victory. We knew we would be fighting a losing battle, but we had to give it our all to defend.

It was the start of what would come to be known as the War of Origin. But even if we expected carnage and destruction; we still stubbornly clung on to this world -- Chrysathelia, a mark of new beginnings and freedom from the Kingdom’s decree.

At least for me, I know it was a chance to find myself again; to remember the days of ages long gone when I walked with humankind. And I believe the others found their own sort of freedom in this world.

And even if we face destruction, we will simply rebuild and strengthen ourselves for the future to come.

For we will never give up on this world, and the chance we have taken -- and the freedom that humanity could experience for the first time in a long, long time.

#chrysathelia chronos #story #lunaer #luxana #thaliann #glaciae #phosphoria #elzina forsyth #sandalphon #diora #cerio orithyia

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