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#this is apart of a larger Fawcett world building thing I’m working on
bonebrokebuddy · 2 years
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“I don’t understand why you’re so adamant on asking me this, Hal. I just mentioned to Barry that I talked with the head Easter Bunny once and now everyone keeps asking me if I think the Easter Bunny is real! Why do people keep asking me? I’ve met them. I don’t understand why I have to ‘believe’ in the Easter Bunny for them to be real! They exist!”
Hal put his hands up and stepped back, clearly not expecting the frustrated and somewhat hostile response of Billy who slumped back into his seat, which was slightly less satisfying in his bulkier body, and began running his hands through his hair.
The repetition of being interrogated over a simple comment was not only bewildering but had gotten increasingly more annoying to answer as somehow the members of The Justice League, the literal most powerful group of people on earth, didn’t seem to understand a piece of basic knowledge.
Billy was not only very tired of being asked the same thing but even more-so he wanted the laughing at his ordinary response to stop.
He paused and looked Hal dead in the eyes then began to speak in the most dead tone Hal had ever heard from the usually cheerful man.
“Hal, I know the Easter Bunnies are real because I had to spend two, very long weeks personally overseeing the creation of their union that made sure they no longer routinely experience unsafe working conditions and helped establish 8 hour working days so they no longer get overworked or are required to do 80 hour weeks prepping for Easter and get punished for doing less or don’t get paid”,
Billy’s previously slow, blank tone grew more rushed and frustrated as he went on,
“I mean, I didn’t even do much other than sit there and look intimidating by throwing around lightning sometimes and make sure the Easter chicks didn’t do any funny business or tamper with the legal process!
It was in all the papers in Fawcett! I had my picture taken with them and everything. But Hal. I can guarantee you that the Easter Bunny exists. Please. Please stop fucking asking me.” Finally done, Billy slumped onto the table with a loud clunk.
Hal stood there shocked for a moment. “Marvel, did you just imply there’s multiple easter bunnies and they established a form of government?!”
Billy, with seemingly tremendous emotional effort, lifted his head from the table by a few inches and looked Hal in the eyes with a pleading tone, “If I just say no, will you please stop asking me?”
“Absolutely not, now I have even more questions”
Billy let his head fall back onto the table with an even louder clunk and groaned.
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figmentpez · 5 years
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Trapped in Static (DC Comics fanfic)
<Looking back through my old posts, I can’t seem to find that I’ve put this short fanfic on my Tumblr before, but now seems like a good time.>
For what seems like the thousandth time, I look in the mirror and don't recognize the face before me. I look into my own eyes and the color is the same as I remember, but not the light. The lines around them are different as well but, then, I didn't get those in quite the normal way. Small wrinkles and creases, the marks of years I never lived. I don't know what to make of my face, not quite a man, but not a boy either.
The mix of ages is matched by a mix of emotion. The world is still the good place I was trying to make it, but I don't feel a part of it anymore. Friends stop by to talk, but most don't know what to say. Those who tell me about their work are the ones who cheer me up the most. I miss making a difference, and it's good to know that they are out there making things right. It's good to hear those stories, the same kind that inspired me when I was a kid.
Heh, “when I was a kid”. It seems like yesterday. Young and full of enthusiasm, the world was filled with hopes and dreams. I had the greatest to look up to. There were heroes in the world, and I could become one of them. I even did, for a while. I worked alongside the world's finest, was one of those who protected the helpless. I was young, but I had the respect of those I admired most.
Should I try again today? Sometimes I'm not sure what it is that keeps me going. I keep making the attempt, though. Each time it takes me longer to build up the courage. At this point, I try because I've been trying; I'm not supposed to give up, but I'm not sure I have any hope left. I want to be brave, but inside I'm just a scared little boy. It feels like a lifetime since I've done anything worthy of the man I once was; the man I fear I can never be again.
As I get dressed, my hand lingers on a red shirt for a moment, but my heart aches too much to choose it. I didn't buy this wardrobe. It was waiting for me after I got out of the hospital. None of my old clothes would have fit. I try not to feel any anger at whoever picked out that shirt. Red is a color I'd look good in, but it just has too many memories. Heroes wear red, and I'm not a hero anymore.
Jeans, t-shirt and sneakers. I get dressed slowly and the pain makes me fumble as I'm tying my shoes. I eat a big bowl of cold cereal, despite it being past midnight. I know I should keep a better schedule, but the world is easier to face when there aren't as many people around. As I walk around my apartment, my right leg drags a little on the carpet, and a spark jumps from my fingertip as I turn off the light. That moment of static, the jolt of electricity, mixes memories of hope with the present sadness.
I've taken to walking through the city at night. It's a safe place, the streets practically roll up not long after ten. I used to work hard to make sure of that safety. It's someone else's job now. Someone I know, someone I trust, but I haven't had the nerve to ask them how it's going. I guess they know not to talk about it, either. I'm supposed to be a role model, the valiant Boy Scout, but I still feel jealous of my friend for being able to do what I no longer can. I feel guilty for the extra burden put on their shoulders. I used to carry the load with ease, but now I lack the stamina to carry any life but my own.
The streets are quiet and empty. Leaves flutter past my feet, and I realize it's fall. Maybe it's been fall for a while, I don't know. Days used to blend one into another because I was so busy. It was hard work, punctuated by victories and celebration. It seemed like it could go on forever. Now it's a monotonous blur, hard work punctuated by sadness and quiet loneliness. It seems like it's gone on forever.
I'm not supposed to walk so far, but I push my limits because I want to be strong again. With each step I think about what my life has become. It's been months since I woke up in a hospital bed, and all that time has been spent in recovery. Something bad happened, and I got the worst of it. I never asked how long I was in a coma. If I was told, I blocked it out. I avoid looking at dates or trying to figure out how much time I lost. What's gone can't be measured in years anyway.
I've thought about getting a job. They tell me I don't have to work, everything is taken care of. I should just focus on getting better, build up my body and adjust to the changes I'm facing. No one can tell me how long it will take; I don't think anyone really knows what happened to me. The other victims recovered; their lives went back to normal, but for some reason mine didn't. My place in the world is gone, and I don't know how to carve out a new one.
My legs ache and tremble, but I keep walking. My pace is slow and deliberate. I used to be fast. I could keep up with the swiftest. I ran with the wind. I ran with the legends. I ran without tiring. I didn't just run, I flew. This city was small but it mattered to me as much as the vastness of the world. Now my city seems vast, larger than a continent, and it matters all the more.
I've come to the edge of town, away from most of the lights. It's quiet, the stars are shining bright and there is a pleasant breeze. Fawcett used to be known for thunder from a clear sky like this. As I look at the skyline of the city I love, I whisper...
“shazam”
But the lightning doesn't come.
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charliejrogers · 6 years
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Best of 2017
Below is my list of the 40 best movies of 2017. Why 40? Because that’s all the movies I saw. In full disclosure, I have a life and must attend school so I didn’t get to see every notable release this year, so if you’re wondering why Thor: Ragnorok, Coco, Mother!, Jumanji, Justice League, I Tonya, Disaster Arist, or Blade Runner aren’t on the list… it’s because I didn’t get to see them. And also in full disclosure, I did get to watch the first half of Battle of the Sexes but fell asleep for the second half. That fact is not indicative of that film’s quality - I was just really tired when I saw it - but it didn’t feel right rating a movie I’d only seen the first half of. So without further ado, here’s my list.
0.5/4.0 Stars
40 The Little Hours
1.5/4.0 Stars
39 Guardians of the Galaxy 2
2.0/4.0 Stars
38 Beauty & the Beast
37 Okja
2.5/4.0 Stars
36 The Trip to Spain
35 A Ghost Story
34 Kong: Skull Island
33 Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
32 Dunkirk
31 Logan Lucky
30 American Made
29 Lost City of Z
28 Phantom Thread
3.0/4.0 Stars
27 It
26 Lady Macbeth
25 Ingrid Goes West
24 Call Me By Your Name
23 Spider-Man: Homecoming
22 Detroit
21 Brad’s Status
20 Logan
19 Wind River
18 War for the Planet of the Apes
3.5/4.0 Stars
17 Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
16 The Meyerowitz Stories: New and Selected
15 Get Out
14 The Post
13 Wonder Woman
12 The Lego Batman Movie
11 Darkest Hour
10 The Beguiled
9 Mudbound
8 Shape of Water
4.0/4.0 Stars
7 Sanctuary
6 The Big Sick
5 The Florida Project
4 Baby Driver
3 Columbus
2 Good Time
1 Lady Bird
Do you disagree with the list? Well check out below to see my thoughts on each of the films.
40 The Little Hours
This movie is wholly terrible. It’s jokes include extended sequences of rape, sexual manipulation, and cruel beatings. Please don’t let the truly all-star cast fool you, this movie sucks.
Movies that had probably had some great scenes but were overall not satisfying: (1.5-2 stars)
39 Guardians of the Galaxy 2
The sophomore slump hit Star Lord & co. hard. Compared to the grand set pieces of the first film, the isolated focus on Quill and his father really hindered the fun, action-packed hi-jinks fans expected from the first film. The soundtrack almost single handedly prevented this from being an outright terrible movie.
38 Beauty & the Beast
It will be interesting in the long run to compare the quality of these live-action remakes to the animated originals. Jungle Book was great, but it helped that it’s source material was a superficial 60s musical with lots of room for expansion. Beauty & the Beast was heralded as a masterpiece back in 1991, even being nominated for an Oscar for best picture. Not best animated picture. BEST PICTURE. The Emma Watson version? Not so much. It’s boring.
37 Okja
Snowpiercer is an awesome movie. It’s perfectly paced world building combined beautifully with its creative action sequences (creative both in terms of plotting and in filming). The second English-language film from director Bong Joon-Ho? Nowhere as good. Maybe I’m too jaded… but I didn’t feel any real connection to the titular Beast (the hippo/cow named Okja) or the dangers it faced. And Tilda Swinton (who was fantastic in Snowpiercer) is too abrasive and, frankly, too odd to be taken seriously as a person. And that’s to say nothing of Jake Gyllenhal’s lunatic of a character. Skip it.
Just shy of being good, but are Solid movies.(2.5 stars)
36 The Trip to Spain
It’s kind of hard to fault Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon in any meaningful way, since anyone who has seen the first two movies in this trilogy knows exactly what to expect (and really, who but anyone who has seen the first two movies would see this?). They know to expect impressions of famous British actors by two very talented impression artists. They know to expect two actors playing irritatingly arrogant caricatures of themselves. And they know to expect a movie devoid of plot, purpose, and interesting dialogue. That said, you come for the impressions, and Coogan and Brydon will always deliver on those (Mick Jagger and David Bowie being my two favorite additions to the duo’s repertoire.) just don’t expect much else.
35 A Ghost Story
This whole movie seemed to walk the line between a solid indie movie and a parody of a self-important movie. The central gimmick of the film involves Casey Affleck spending the vast majority of the film under a white sheet following his character’s death as the character’s ghost continues to pine after a love lost. When the film focuses on the futility of grief (particular in scenes where Rooney Mara is involved), it is moving. When it tries to make larger philosophical statements about what it means to inhabit land, it gets silly.
34 Kong: Skull Island
I watched this movie hoping to see some cool action sequences of King Kong and dinosaurs. It delivered, though no dinosaurs, but “Skeleton Walkers”. Cool Vietnam War-era atmosphere. The Samuel L. Jackson character is so angry towards Kong as to defy logical sense and the plot is threadbare, but John C. Reilly does wonders when he enters the film midway for comic relief.
33 Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri
I wanted to like this movie more. I tried to like it more. It has so much going for it: A pair of knock out performances by Frances McDormand and Woody Harrelson, often fascinating and engaging dialogues and monologues a la the Coen Brothers, and an intriguing premise in a mother trying to discover her daughter’s murderer. It falls apart for me because many of the supporting characters are more caricature than people, especially the insufferable bigoted police officer played by Sam Rockwell. The film is far more interested in developing the character of this unwatchable man than in ever dealing with the McDormand character’s grief, and Harrelson exits the film far too early. There are individual scenes that shine, but the sum of the film’s parts falls flat.
32 Dunkirk
I like Christopher Nolan. I really do. That said, I haven’t liked anything that he’s done since 2010. Dark Knight Rises was bloated, and Interstellar somehow doubled down on the bloat. Dunkirk, while beautifully shot and containing some truly gripping looks at the brutality of war, just never clicked with me. I particularly found the film’s tripartite structure, jumping between three stories whose chronological length differed significantly, more distracting than revelatory.
31 Logan Lucky
Appropriately nicknamed “Seven Eleven,” Steven Soderberg’s first heist movie since the Ocean’s trilogy adapts the standard caper film tropes to a down-to-Earth, working-class West Virginia setting. It’s unclear throughout if Soderberg is mocking his blue collar characters’ way of life or celebrating it, and the humor, particularly in scenes between Channing Tatum and Adam Driver, never quite clicks. But Logan Lucky probably includes the most intelligent, clever, and fun-to-watch heist in any movie. Period. If only the movie were even half as smart and entertaining as the heist it is about.
30 American Made
Doug Liman, The Director of American Made, so badly and clearly wants people to confuse this film with something from the Scorsese catalog. But this is a poor man’s Wolf of Wall Street or Goodfellas. It tries to glorify and legitimize the life of a criminal, and it hits all the highlights. It’s loosely (very loosely) based on real life smuggler Barry Seal. There’s clever heists and crimes. Shady dealings. A big budget plane crash into a suburban neighborhood. And all of it is shot and directed with a fun, vivacious energy. The problem is that this film fails to hit the hard emotional punches. There’s no equivalent to Joe Pesce “getting made” or even a real sense of come-uppance that eventually hit Jordan Belford. There’s a montage in this movie of Tom Cruise scared to start his car due to fear it’s been rigged to explode. What could have been a tone-altering sequence for the film that would bestow a great deal of gravitas, is used for laughs. And that’s about all you need to know about this movie. It’s entertaining and probably worth watching, and Tom Cruise is as cocky as ever in the lead role, but there’s nothing under the surface.
29 Lost City of Z
The is the most action-less adventure story ever told. The life of British explorer Percy Fawcett (Charlie Hunnam) and his explorations through the South American Amazon plays out at about the speed of a turtle. I’m not gonna say I was ever bored, because I wasn’t, but I was kind of waiting the whole movie for something exciting to happen and it never does. The film makes being captured by natives look as routine as a DMV visit. The movie is divided into a few key locations. There’s Britain where Fawcett spends so little of his life and where his wife (Sienna Miller as a progressive woman railing against the monotony of housewifery) and children lives. There’s The Amazon, and there’s briefly France for Fawcett’s stint as an officer in WWI. As you’ll be unsurprised if you’ve glanced at my review of Wonder Woman below, that the WWI section was my favorite. Perhaps it’s my fault for expecting something more out action of this film, but I think it even fails on the grounds of what it tries to be: a character study. Fawcett’s character is so thinly drawn and his motivations so weak, that when his son (Tom Holland) calls him out on it it’s a breath of fresh air - but then his son and wife later validates his motivations and the movie makes him out to be an unqualified hero - a champion of viewing Natives as more than savages. Fawcett did incredible things in his life, sure, but I don’t think he’s any hero. I don’t know - the movie could have been better.
28 Phantom Thread
The first half of this movie I consider excitingly British-boring, like an episode of Downton Abbey or The Crown. High class British people of the past dealing with first world problems, if well acted, well costumed, and well written, will always be entertaining to me no matter if what’s at stake is who will marry whom or, in this case, whether a dress will be ready on time. But the first half of the movie particularly shines because Daniel Day-Lewis plays the stereotypical controlling genius who society forgives because he’s so brilliant to the T. He’s insufferable, petty, emotionally stunted, and a joy to watch. And the whole first half of the film builds to a moment where Lewis’ girlfriend, a meek waitress played by Vicky Krieps, calls him out on all his bullshit. In the midst of the #MeToo era, her speech railing against his dominating, controlling behavior feels entirely appropriate. And as an audience member you expect the movie to go in a certain direction in the second half… and it doesn’t. At the risk of spoilers I won’t say more, but your response to film’s plot in its second act will be the deciding factor about whether or not you enjoy this film. For me, I did not, which is a shame because I liked the first half so much.
Good, not great movies:(3 stars)
27 It
I have never seen the original It movie or read the book, but based on the infamous boat scene that circulated virally on YouTube and the premise of a killer ghost clown… I wasn’t too pumped to see It. I happily had my expectations reversed. It is perhaps unfair to say the movie borrows from Stranger Things since that show definitely borrows heavily from Stephen King, but it’s hard to deny the similarities between the two 1980s set stories of kids against a cosmic beast. It featured incredible performances from its teenaged cast, with Jaeden Lieberher truly shining as the lead, but overall the movie felt overly long and oddly enough lacking the tension required of a remarkable thriller. Plus, I had far too many questions leaving the theater about the nature of Pennywise and so on for it to qualify as having a completely coherent plot. But as far as coming of age movies disguised as horror movies go, when It focused on the kids and less on Pennywise it was entirely engrossing.
26 Lady Macbeth
Lady Macbeth was a fascinating little film out of the UK about the extents (often violent) one woman would go to achieve freedom in an incredibly oppressive patriarchy. At just 22 Florence Pugh turns in a masterful performance of a woman wracked with guilt but full of pride in her freedom. She’s at once both sympathetic and monstrous, and watching her go from one to the other is worthy of the film’s Shakespearean title. Only complaint was that the movie, despite being only 90 minutes still felt it dragged a little in places.
25 Ingrid Goes West
What an interesting movie. Aubrey Plaza still seems to be playing the same Aubrey Plaza character she’s played in literally everything she’s been in, but this time it’s different. Rather than accepting Plaza’s character’s usual eccentric behavior as just par for the course, in Ingrid Goes West, these same behaviors are frightening. Obsessive, sociopathic, paranoid. That is the character Aubrey Plaza plays as her Ingrid travels Westward with the inheritance from her mother’s demise to emulate and become Taylor Sloane - a wonderfully basic Elizabeth Olson - someone she found on Instagram - avocado toast and all. As a movie that tries to make a statement about the ill-effects of social media on society, the movie falls flat. But viewed in the line of movies like Taxi Driver, Nightcrawler, etc. that is, movies that present the inner workings of sociopaths, Ingrid Goes West is an admirable demonstration of what Travis Bickle would look like in 2017. Also, poor O’Shea Jackson Jr. All his character wanted was to talk about Batman - and instead Ingrid ruins his life. Sad!
24 Call Me By Your Name
I’ve struggled to rate this movie fairly. One the one hand, I found it kind of boring. I found what the characters and movie deemed a meaningful relationship between Elio and Oliver to be based on little more than the fact that both were open to male on male sex. Their dialogue was supposed to come off as playfully hostile and full of sexual tension, but i just saw Oliver, played by Hammer, playing hard to get a little too well. Maybe I just wasn’t picking up the signs, but to my eyes it never seemed like Oliver ever liked Elio. On the other hand, it was a beautifully shot movie, included a scene about IndoEuropean etymology, and another about Greek bronze sculpture. Plus, Michael Stuhlbarg’s heartbreaking speech towards the end (you know which one) almost single handedly prevents this from being rated lower on this list. Thus, I left the movie thinking a lot, which is always a sign that the movie had done something right. Particularly it raised questions about and shed light on the nature, often awkward, of coming out. And for that, I recognize the movie’s importance and beauty. But that doesn’t mean it was my favorite movie to watch this year.
23 Spider-Man: Homecoming
Now for something completely different. Spider-Man: Homecoming is the definition of a mindless, fun summer blockbuster. Tom Holland shines it what is essentially a high-school action movie. It had cool action sequences (Washington Monument) and laughs (thanks Martin Starr - perhaps the best person to to cast as a nerdy high school teacher - , the school’s PA announcements, and the film’s new Spider-Man sidekick… some kid named Ned). Plus the movie’s villainous twist was legitimately a surprise in the best way. That said, Michael Keaton’s Vulture had some questionably plausible motives, with the theme of forgetting about the working class feeling a bit cliche in this film. It’s a real issue, but the movie didn’t really treat it like one. Still, I can’t wait for Spider-Man: Prom as Marvel’s first take at a high school movie was a success, even if it did little to reinvent the wheel.
22 Detroit
Detroit is a movie that tests your endurance and tolerance for brutality. Based on the historical Algiers Motel incident during the contentious race riots in 1967 Detroit, the movie is less about the incident as it is director Katherine Bigelow’s recreation of the event itself. This movie is like if you pieced together all of the scenes from a recreation typically found in a true crime documentary, and then left out the documentary narrative piece. As a result, the movie has little nuance (besides a beautiful opening animating sequence detailing the Great Migration.) Instead viewers are “treated” to two hours of raw violence. It’s not entertaining, and it’s hardly art, but it is engrossing. It stretches the imagination that some people could be so cruel and that more could be so permissive of such cruelty seen here, but at the end of the day 3 black teens ended up dead and nine others beaten… so I can grant Katherine Bigelow some leeway in how the lead racist cop in her film is portrayed as being the devil incarnate. It’s a powerful movie - just not one you’ll want to watch again.
21 Brad’s Status
If your biggest fear is that you’ll never satisfy your life’s largest ambitions… Brad’s Status is the movie for you. Ben Stiller as Brad is a guy who by all measures has a fine life - a loving wife, comfortable job, and a smart kid… any complaint he has is, by definition, a first world problem… but when he sees his old college buddies go on to become uber-successful… well, anyone is bound to get jealous. The movie is a great look at the emptiness so many feel with the direction of their lives, and Ben Stiller as Brad is perfectly cast as an understandable neurotic. While the movie does a great job of setting up Brad’s dilemma over his lack of status, it perhaps “solves” the issue a little lazily. It turns out his “successful” friends? They’re all jerks, crooks, or unhappy… so again we learn that money corrupts… an answer which doesn’t entirely satisfy the audience… or Brad.
20 Logan
If Deadpool showed how an R-rated superhero could look if you think R-rated = potty-mouth… Logan decided to show us what R-rated means in terms of violence. The opening scene where our “hero” eviscerates some gangsters by the side of a desert road is phenomenally beautiful. And the movie remains as bleak throughout - as well as, perhaps surprisingly, very thoughtful. Every scene with Patrick Stewart was beautiful. Beautiful because of his performance, but also because of how smartly written and well-paced his character’s story unfolded. What do you do when a man who could bring the world to its knees with his mind… gets Alzheimer’s? That Stewart was not even in the discussion for an Oscar baffles me. I legitimately lose interest in the film the moment Stewart stops playing as big a role about ¾ of the way through. It’s still a good movie after that point, but the story of mutant kids revolting against their slave drivers holds less power and realism than the story of a powerful man coming to grips with his dementia.
19 Wind River
Hell or High Water was, for me, the surprise hit of 2016, and when I found out that writer Taylor Sheridan was both writing and directing this film I saw it as soon as I could. While the movie may drag in a few spots here and there, it’s a pretty powerful movie about grief. It shares many story beats with Three Billboards but frankly I think this film does a much, much better job of staying focused on what’s most important. No, not the moral awakening of some insufferably racist cop, but the injustice of a girl’s life being ripped away from her family. And, more importantly, the impact that has upon an already depressed community. I don’t know how many movies there are that highlight the ironic contemporary struggle of Native Americans to get by in what should be their own land, but i don’t think there are many others. And for that fact alone Wind River deserves to be seen. While I’ve thus far talked like this movies a masterpiece it’s not. It drags a bit, Jeremy Renner’s character is both a little boring and a little too unbelievably good at his job, and Elizabeth Olsen’s character is a little bit too unbelievably inept at hers. But Sheridan crafts scripts whose violence is so genuinely shocking (no doubt in one place due to a perfectly placed flashback towards the end of the film) that you actually drop your jaw. You’ve seen thousands of people get shot in movies, but never quite like here.
18 War for the Planet of the Apes
Of all the major blockbuster franchises to be churned out these days, few have had the boldness to be both entertaining and artful. The first 15 minutes of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes should be taught at all film schools as the prime example of world building without needing a single spoken word of dialogue. I think overall I liked the new War for the Planet of the Apes a little less than its predecessor, but still more than the reboot’s first entry, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. For starters, this is a long movie and it didn’t need to be so long. That said, it has some of the best symbolism and beautifully structured motifs of any major blockbuster out there. Caesar is at times a Christ figure, a new Moses, and a slave in revolt, and the movie does a fantastic job of never letting these themes lay on too thick. And for a movie about apes, most of the sympathy undoubtedly comes from Andy Serkis. He deserves some sort of award for his work as Caesar… his facial ticks say a million things and more. Combined with the cinematography of the icy blue winter fortress, it’s a beauty to behold. Had the movie been a little tighter, it could have been that much better, but as is there’s still much to enjoy.
Great, fucking movies:(3.5 stars)
17 Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
By far the most divisive film of 2017, The Last Jedi was… a fine film. Like for every illogical plot point, for every cringeworthily forced joke, for every time that Mark Hamil didn’t know how to act, for every unnecessary venture onto the casino Planet, for every time Leia was a force zombie… I still walked away from the movie feeling satisfied. The action was good and The plot included legitimate surprises. Rian Jonson is many things, but a poor plotter is not one of them. Plus I was just so attracted to the film’s overwhelming feeling of abject failure. Blockbusters are supposed to lift us up and give us hope… but this movie presented an interesting antithesis to all that, even more so than its spiritual predecessor Empire Strikes Back. This movie will and has already been picked apart to death… but I think if someone walked into this movie knowing little about the Jedi, the Force, or who shot first, they would find an entertaining blockbuster and that’s what I saw. Perhaps not the best Star Wars movie… but a fine film.
16 The Meyerowitz Stories: New and Selected
Adam Sandler can act? Who knew! I did! I’ve seen Click! Anyways, this was a very good movie all around. There are top notch performances from all of its leads, with a special shout out to the quiet Elizabeth Marvel and the terrifyingly unemotional Hoffman. The films plot focused on three adults’ differing relationships with their father (Dustin Hoffman) an overbearing father and aging sculptor who failed to achieve any success. The script is superb and beautifully crafted. The whole movie can be summed up in three scenes, with each scene showing a different of the three children running. In one, Sandler is running to catch up to his Dad, representing how his character always felt like he had to prove himself to his father. In another Stiller is running in front of his father, just as his character has tried to escape the overbearing smothering pressure of his father. And thirdly Marvel’s character runs from danger but her father plays no role - she unlike her brothers has managed to shed the shadow of her father. The movie has some missteps in failed jokes (Sandler’s daughter’s movies?) and is a little long which keep it from being an instant classic, but it’s very well done.
15 Get Out
The best horror movie In a decade isn’t much of a horror movie. There are few jump scares and there’s hardly a real enough sense of danger to raise the audience’s blood pressure. But as a drama that intends to say a thing or two about America’s racial issues, this is a damn good movie. The script is extremely well-crafted and the story’s mysteries unfold in such an organic way. You’ll have thought you have it all figured out at least 3 times before the truth is revealed, and the “truth” actually makes sense and appears unforced unlike the twists in many movies of this type. There’s an alternate ending to this film you can find online where Director Peele could have pushed this movie to make a stronger statement about race… I wish he had. He used a half-measure when he should have used a full measure. The movie as a whole can be a little slow at times… but the ending action sequence and the film’s tone and message throughout more than make up for it.
14 The Post
The best newspaper movies are those that are procedural. Films like Spotlight or All the President’s Men made you feel like you were part of the investigation, highlighting the excitement and importance of mundane tasks like combing through directories of priests or tracking down witnesses that ultimately lead to giant breakthroughs. The Post has none of this. The Pentagon Papers literally fall into the lap of the Washington Post and Nixon’s paranoia ensures that The Post will be the only paper with the opportunity to publish. So it’s not a newspaper movie in that it’s not about investigative journalism so much as about the people who run the newspapers and their commitment to the first amendment. As a result, it’s preachy and a little too on the nose for those of us bombarded daily with claims of fake news. That said, it’s still Spielberg so it’s incredibly well-crafted and entertaining and Meryl Streep is fantastic in drawing out the complexity of Kay Graham. And who doesn’t love seeing Bob Odenkirk and David Cross side by side?
13 Wonder Woman
The undersaturation of the movie market with movies about World War I is a shame. Compare it with World War II which has a minimum of 4 movies a year… always. But where WWII is so often portrayed as the heroic triumph of good over evil or dives into the heinousness of the Holocaust, rarely does it get the chance to just pause and question the brutality of war itself. World War I doesn’t have that problem. There was no Hitler, no Nazis, no Holocaust. Just rulers and treaties that led to the senseless loss of life. And it’s this that movies like Joyeux Noel, War Horse, and now Wonder Woman have captured beautifully. Yes, Wonder Woman is a movie about immortal beings and super heroes with lassos of truth… but at its root it’s about the disgusting fact that humans inflict mass pain on each other based on the lightest of pretenses. The movie has a villain… but humanity is the real evil. The plot was smartly put together, the scenery and costumes nail the period, and the budding romance between Chris Pine and Gal Gadot is a treat to watch. But it’s film’s depiction of the senselessness of war (embodied in Wonder Woman’s shell-shocked Scottish companion.) that really sold me. This movie was far more moving than it deserved to be for a silly super hero movie, but it deserves its praise.
12 The Lego Batman Movie
Perhaps this of all the choices on this list will be the one to not age well… but when I saw this movie I was thoroughly pleased. Not only was it an entertaining and funny beyond a “kid’s” film, it was a parodic love letter to the Caped Crusader. I did not see 2017’s Justice League… but I can safely say this is the best Batman movie since 2008’s Dark Knight. The whole plot of this Lego movie is in fact a direct play on a line of dialogue from The Dark Knight. There the Joker tells Batman, “You complete me,” a line which in its context embodies a central theme throughout Batman lore: does Batman exist because Gotham is full of criminals, or is Gotham full of criminals because Batman attracts them. Here though, the line is taken at face value in its pseudo-romantic sense - Joker pledges his “love” for Batman and here he gets denied. And the world hath seen no wrath as a Joker scorned. It’s a funny set-up that leads to a fun who’s-who of villains from across the Batverse and beyond. The film is anchored in the now-classic Lego movie sense of humor. Special props to Will Arnett’s arrogant, self-centered turn as the lead and to Michael Cera’s bubblingly boyish Dick Grayson/Robin. The two have a perfect comedic give and take. It’s as if the whole movie is a side project of Arrested Development with a young George Michael Bluth playing along with the delusional fantasies of his Uncle GOB. Tobias would of course be Mr. Freeze - he already blued himself.
11 Darkest Hour
Who was Winston Churchill? I’m still not quite sure. The movie presented him as a drunk, surely, but also scared, crude, abrasive, confused, a little Alzheimer’s-y at times… but the least I can say is that he deserved my respect by the end of the film and that’s what the movie wanted from me. Gary Oldman is amazing in this movie and other people could speak more eloquently about his performance. But he’s not alone and Ben Mendehlsson as King George and Stephen Dillane as the preposterously prissy Lord Halifax deserve special praise. Lily James as Churchill’s secretary does not though… her role was kinda pointless… But what really caught my eye about this movie is it’s beautiful cinematography. The movie plays with light and dark so well - fitting for its title. Plus the movie tells the story of the Dunkirk travesty from such an interesting perspective. The knowledge of Hitler’s ultimate intentions today make it difficult to swallow arguments of the past that peace might have been possible, but the film does a great job of establishing tension in a conflict where everyone in the audience knows the resolution. There are times when you wonder along with Churchill whether peace might be worth pursuing. However, if you, like me, enjoy getting your history from film, You’ll likely be saddened as i was to learn that the scene where Churchill goes into the Tube and talks to the common folk for inspiration was all made up for the movie… still, the scene’s pretty magical to watch. So everyone plays their roles to the T and the pictures are pretty. If that’s not enough for you, just watch this as an antidote to watching the lifeless Dunkirk. Ugh. Fuck Dunkirk.
10 The Beguiled
This is an extremely moody, brooding film that sticks with much you longer than you’d think. It’s really a short, little movie at only 94 minutes long, but director Sophia Coppola packs that time full of lust-filled intrigue and tension. If you ever wonders what happens when a house full of sexually repressed women in the 1860s encounters a wounded soldier who’s happy to “please”… the answer is not a lot of good. This is not a porno. If anything this movie takes a male fantasy and turns it into a nightmare. Elle Fanning, Kirsten Dunst, and Nicole Kidman play a fearfully tempting trio, each approaching the mysterious figure of Colin Farrell with their own motivations. Elle as a young woman exploring her sexuality, Kirsten as a woman sheltered for too long and yearns for the companionship, while Kidman as the older woman wants to feel love again… yet Colin cannot have all three and tries anyways… and the result is chilling and creepy reminder that you don’t mess with the heart of a woman. It’s Like Gone Girl in this sense, but better because this movie’s actually rewatchable and the perspective is entirely female-centric.
9 Mudbound
Somewhere online this movie is described as “literary in the best sense” and that’s about all you need to know about this movie. It’s a sprawling character-based epic that charts the lives of two families, one white, one black, whose lives continue to intersect while living in the 1940s rural South. Like much of the 19th c. and early 20th c. American literature, the big takeaway is that life in the country is miserable and prone to stagnation (a little stuck in the mud if you will). And Carey Mulligan’s role as a sophisticated woman forced into the staid life on the farm is practically a carbon copy of the main character in Willa Cather’s “Wagner Matinee” - and that’s a good thing. Mary J. Blige looks really cool with her sunglasses but also does a great job acting as the loving matriarch of her family - in fact the whole cast is pretty incredible. However the heart of the film is the friendship that forms between the veterans returning from WWII- one from each family. Garrett Hedlund and Jason Mitchell carry well the invisible wounds of war and the movie does a great job of highlighting the great injustice and indifference our society all too often places upon the plight of veterans - especially those who are also racial minorities. It’s a movie both reflective of its period’s morals, and a reminder of how close in time we are to some of our nation’s worst racially-based hate crimes.
8 Shape of Water
Love comes in all shapes and sizes - a theme Hollywood has pushed on us for decades. But here the trite fairy tale truism is made fresh… precisely because director Guillermo del Toro does not hide the fact that his Shape of Water - though a movie for adults with rather graphic violence and sex - is a fairy tale. Its love is both unbelievable and beautiful. The film tries to say something about the civil rights movement and oppression in its portrayal of the stigmatized relationship between woman and fish monster… but I personally found those parallels a bit wonky. The film works best as a simple story devoid of overt politics. Few scenes this year are as heartwarming as two rain droplets dancing on the side of a bus window as it races through the night or a dance scene between a fish monster and a woman filmed in the black and white style of the grand musicals of Old Hollywood. The movie includes a heist (the best!), Communist intrigue, comedy, and an amazing villain in Michael Shannon. That guy’s face is made to be evil. Sally Hawkins, Octavia Spencer, Michael Stuhlbarg, Richard Jenkins round out a superbly talented cast and the movie is a joy to watch. It was clear this was a work of love for delToro and though it’s not my favorite movie this year it deserves all the praise it gets. It’s a technical and moving marvel
Fantastic films (4 stars)
7 Sanctuary
Of all the movies on this list, I’m gonna bet this is the one you’ve never heard of. I’d never heard of it either. It was an accidental find hidden deep in the Hulu catalog which only attracted my roommate’s and my attentions because it was recently voted the best film in Ireland for 2017 according to some Irish critic’s circle. It was never even released in America. I like Irish film, and I loved this movie. It’s an ambitious project - at least by modern standards. A movie about people with intellectual disabilities, whose cast is mostly filled with people with intellectual disabilities, including like 4 people with Downs Syndrome. It’s part comedy, part rom-com, part romantic-drama, and throughout a tragedy. The movie struggles to find a fine line between viewing it’s largely adult cast of people with intellectual disabilities as people who need to be watched after and people who deserve independence and freedom. And that is not a fault of the movie… in real life finding that balance is hard. The movie has you laughing one moment, crying the other, but at all times forcing this viewer at least to challenge his perceptions of those with intellectual disabilities. It’s a powerful movie, an entertaining one, and one which I think all should see.
6 The Big Sick
Yes, this movie may have committed the worst of comedy movie sins - putting the best joke (the one about 9/11) in the trailer - but that doesn’t stop The Big Sick and it’s plot from surprising. I won’t spoil the plot because it’s best experienced first hand - but one thing I wish I knew going in is that this is fairly closely based on Kumail Nanjiani’s real life, who wrote the film with his wife Emily V. Gordon. I say this because when I first saw this my complaint was that the plot seemed too unbelievable and were this a purely fictional tale I’d be right - but truth is stranger than fiction. The movie has many thematic parallels with the second episode of Aziz Ansari’s Master of None in that the film presents the real pressures faced by children of immigrants to balance wanting to live a “normal” American life without seeming ungrateful or unappreciative of your parents’ culture and the sacrifices they have made to give their kids a better life. Kumail’s mother may be the “villain” from a plotting perspective, but the film is more nuanced than to portray her as heartless. In fact, the incredible love of a parent for their child is palpable throughout, and Ray Romano and Holly Hunter do wonders portraying a couple who though strained will unite to do anything for their daughter. Like life, the characters are realistic, the conflicts have no easy resolution, and it’s equal parts comical and emotional.
5 The Florida Project
Probably one of the best compliments I can bestow upon any piece of art is, “It reminds me of The Wire.” Yes, I am one of those people… deal with it. But what that to me means, is that this particular work of art manages to present an important social problem in a way that has no clear heroes or villains. Rather, it presents real, flawed humans dealing with a terribly shitty social construct. Here, the social construct is poverty - severe, depressing poverty. What are you supposed to do if you have no money, no home, no hopes for the future? You scam, you prostitute, you lie, you do anything to get by. But the characters in the Florida Project aren’t Robin Hoods or Aladdins - lovable thieves. No, they are often ugly people. This is a movie largely about “white trash” America - or rather people we cast aside without a second thought as white trash. However, what makes this movie so brilliant is that it grounds its message in the perspective of a child. Brooklyn Prince is damn near perfect in her role as the six year-old Moonee, the daughter of the aforementioned lying, scamming, destitute woman. By framing the move from Moonee’s view, director Sean Baker allows the movie to be at one moment light-hearted and the next moment heartbreaking. Like The Wire this movie deserves to be taught in any sociology class alongside any textbook. It’s an insightful look at the way the other half lives that’s full of empathetic humanity without providing its characters forgiveness carte blanche. And as entertainment it’s riveting.
4 Baby Driver
I am confident that this movie will not be as good on a second pass, as it’s more of a roller coaster adrenaline rush than artful film, and once you know all the twists and turns the fun will surely be lessened. But that doesn’t stop the first ride through the life of a bank-robbing getaway driver with a heart from being a hell of a good time. Like Patrick Stewart’s snub for Logan, I am legitimately surprised that there was never ANY talk of best director in the cards for Edgar Wright - though it’s probably a little more accurate to call him a choreographer than director as Baby Driver is, for all intents and purposes, an extended music video. Like Wright’s previous work in the Cornetto trilogy, the soundtrack is an eclectic mix of deep tracks from the mainly 60s/70s, but here the music does more than provide a backdrop to the action; it reflects and informs the action. Car chases are coordinated so that the best parts match musical crescendos. Take for example the foot chase towards to the end of the film set perfectly to Hocus Pocus’s “Focus.” The song alternates between a rocking guitar riff and a yodeling breakdown, and Wright appropriately sets the Chase parts to the guitar part and parts where Baby has to hide to the yodel. But calling it a music video perhaps robs the movie of the fact that it created an interesting cast of characters. Yes, it stars Kevin Spacey… but he’s creepy in this movie so at least art reflects life. But more of interest are Jamie Foxx and Jon Hamm as two of Baby’s slightly unhinged compatriots in bank robbing. Ansel Elgort in the title role carries enough charm and heart to capture audiences, and Lily James as the Southern beauty with the heart of gold is just grungy enough to be the perfect match for Baby’s criminal nature. Few movies have ever been this fun to watch with incredibly coordinated car chases, and the plot carries enough twists and turns to keep audiences on their toes.
3 Columbus
This movie is one of those movies where I can’t really put into words why I liked it. The most obvious reason is the movie’s scenery. Set entirely in the small town of Columbus, IN, a real town renowned across the world for its collection of buildings made in the modernist style. The town is shot beautifully and even if the movie weren’t good otherwise, it’d be worth a glance for the pictures. However, the plot is good. It’s a two-for-one with two of my favorite themes. One plot deals with the coming of age of a teenaged girl who’s too smart to get stuck in a dead end town. The other deals with a son comings to terms with his troubled relationship with his father. As I said, the movie is slow and I won’t claim to fully believe that in real life a relationship would have formed between the two main characters - it’s a little forced. But the emotions of the movie are undeniably real and it never feels like melodrama. This is one of the few movies where upon watching I immediately wanted to watch it again.
2 Good Time
Unlike Columbus, I was happy when Good Time ended and did not want to watch it again. It’s not because it’s a bad movie - far from it. But it paints such an ugly, depressing, and frankly terrifyingly real view of humanity that you’re happy when it’s finally over. This is film at its most linear (aside from one notable flashback that ranks among the best flashbacks of all time) and that’s not a complaint. The film’s runs quickly from start to finish like a bullet. The story is one of survival, as Robert Pattinson’s Nicky tries to free his accomplice and brother from custody while avoiding the cops himself following a botched bank robbery. This is not a light hearted bank heist movie like the Oceans movies, Baby Driver, or the like. While Nicky’s attempts to evade detection are certainly clever, as the movie continues you find you aren’t rooting for the protagonist - I wasn’t at least. The movie plays with the idea that the cat & mouse trope so popular in literature is far from fun in real life. It’s a hell of an adrenaline rush, Robert Pattinson gives - i think - one of the best performances of the year, and the plot is damn near perfect - not a second is wasted.
1 Lady Bird
The amount a movie makes me cry sits in direct proportion to how much i enjoyed the film (Interstellar being the big exception). At the end of Lady Bird I was awash in tears. The movie depicts with such a razor-sharp accuracy just how hard being in a family can be. Just how contradictory it can be. How is it that you can hate what your mother does, says, and stands for, and still love her? How is it that you can be so relieved to send your daughter off to college and out of your hair but also cry the entire way home? The taut relationship between Lady Bird and her mother (played extraordinarily by Saorsie Ronan and Laurie Metcalf) is without a doubt the cornerstone upon which Greta Gerwig built her semi-autobiographical story. And in a world filled with nuanced stories of miscommunication between fathers and sons, it was so incredibly refreshing to see the mother-daughter relationship explored with the same respect. The key? Neither character is flawless. Yes Lady Bird is our protagonist, but she’s just a teen. The movie can not help but remind us that for all of her confidence and sophistication there’s just so much to this world she doesn’t understand. We see her engage in doomed sexual relationships, get into petty spats with her best friend, and generally just act immaturely. And her mother is no saint either. Yes, she undoubtedly makes great sacrifices for her daughter and her whole family. She is patient and loving with her husband who suffers from depression and struggles to find work. But she also has no interest in learning about her daughter - her thoughts, her feelings. She embodies the mantra “cruel to be kind” yet it’s sometimes hard to see when the kindness kicks in. The movie is honest, it’s funny, and at times heartbreaking. It’s the best movie I’ve seen since Boyhood in terms of showing what life in America is really like, and it’s a gem of a movie deserved to be seen by all.
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