#this is bad idgaf i lost motivation

[b1mbodoll]

sugar daddy! chenle gets you a pearl necklace and a pearl necklace <3 he decorates your throat with lots and lots of beautiful jewelry but he thinks you look prettiest on your knees in front of him, staring up at him with your sweet little eyes as you stroke his cock, baring your neck when you recognize the telltale signs of his impending orgasm.

your thumb swipes at his slit once more and it sends him over the edge, cum spurting from his tip and ropes of it mark up your neck. chenle swears the sight is worth a million dollars and he spoils you with lavish gifts to prove it.

[hitracks]

Stills I liked from a tntduo / quackity animatic I am never gonna finish

[bolontiku]

Tch, I know I'm broken

I trusted all the wrong people, and now, when some reach out to me with concern I automatically think they have an ulterior motive and are attempting to be manipulative.

I'm also a little angry.

A pretty long family rant under the cut

My little sis broke up with her gf. After saying the girl was moving out, she came to me asking if she could rent the extra room. (I am pretty sure the girl talked her into it) So the girl stayed. Then they were fixing things, working on it. Then the girl got a boyfriend. Then she told my sister she picked her over the bf.

They finally broke up and the girl packed up at the beginning of the year. She left. Not two weeks later her car is in the yard. I am literally VIBRATING WITH RAGE.

Today, the girl texts me. Telling me she is worried about my sister. I know (she doesn't know I know) that she texted my sister that she loves her, that she had the most purest form of love and she fucked it up by leaving and that she knew she could never get it back. (To me a very obvs manipulation tactic)

I know this.

She texts me that the sister told her I know some of what she is dealing with, that she's having s hard time. She's worried the sister is not okay.

No shit.

She is trying to heal from a break up and you keep coming back giving her hope. I am not all that nice at times. But when it comes to my siblings? I will fuck you up. She goes on to say "she doesn't know what she is asking" 🙄🙄 I tell her what I have told her before. To not tell my sister she loves her, even if it's platonic and followed with "as a friend" or "I care about you" that she needed to respect that she is not her gf anymore. You don't get gf privileges. You don't get to be lonely and come around till you feel better and then leave again. It's a hard no. She had boundaries issues and she doesn't care. If she cared she would stop it. She wouldn't continue to try to come around to assuage her guilt for not being able to keep others out of her pants.

Cause you say "I love you and care for you platonically" when you were in a relationship with us and we think: she's here, she loves us, if I play it cool something can be salvaged.

I told her she needed to stay away. That they both needed time apart. Her to learn boundaries and respect. My sister to heal and realize it's not gonna work that way again.

I mean it's not the first time I told them their relationship is not healthy. One is a narcissist with no care for others boundaries, the other a jealous possessive head case. I've told them multiple times they needed to break up.

I am not against them being friends or getting back together later, but right now, my sister is learning to be a person for herself. And I will be fucked if this girl thinks she can message me about her 'concerns'. You lost that privilege when you blatantly stepped over the boundaries so carelessly and because it's fun for you to do it and know others won't be upset with you.

Not this old cranky bitch. It's not the first time I told her HARD NO. I'm not afraid of hurting your feelings. Not when my sister is struggling.

I did pull a family meeting and we talked. The sister said it's been bad mentally for a month. A month. Since her gf left. I made her voice it and she cried a little. But I also pointed out that she had been quietly talking to me about what she is thinking unprompted. Which implies she is trusting me more. I told her the brother and I have worked through our own mental problems, that she is not alone. The brother also put in his own words. The sister is learning.

The girl did not text me back when I blatantly told her we would be having a family meeting about her concerns. That she needed to stay away for my sister to heal.

I am not nice when it comes to my family.

I will ALWAYS choose them above others. Idgaf about the feelings of those that hurt them.

[timesnewreader]

I’ve been an Asoiaf girlie for about a decade now and I don’t know if it’s always been this way (I never read GoT reader insert) or if it’s just because HotD is the baby of the fandom, but I’m having shit luck finding anything that meets my admittedly exacting standards. I found one, which I’ve linked in my previous post, but not many others. Like some of the smut was hot, but Everyone wants Almond to be a soft boy and I completely disagree. While it’s not as bad as babygirlifying Daemon where you just have to ignore like 90% of his personality if you wanna simp, I think it takes all the fun out of Aemond’s character. Like do what you want idgaf if you want him to be your babygrill, but I find Aemond interesting because (even if it’s his family’s fault for raising him this way) he’s still a bit of a prick. He’s thirsty for battle as all hell and was obviously raring to fight in the last supper scene if daemon weren’t there. Even the night he lost his eye, like of course that was fucked from all sides as it was meant to be because they were literally all kids, but people seem to forget that he was gonna bash Jace’s head in with a rock and so his baby brother cut wildly ya know. Like it’s fucked from all sides even though ultimately Aemond got the most hurt. I liked that Almond was sad in the last episode in THE moment, but he’s just gonna get more fucked from here on out and he was quite literally playing with fire by chasing him in that way. He convinced me at least that he really was gonna cut the kid’s eye out. My point with all this being that almost no one writes him as an asshole in x reader fics and I want Almond and that bitch y/n to have hatefully playful/ just hateful banter until it escalates and they eventually have hate sex. Of whatever sort you choose considering the setting or if you wanna do modern au. Like they can catch real feelings eventually if you want but having illicit, secret, possibly kinky, and emotionally charged sex is far more interesting to me personally. And then they can get caught and forced to get married and shit which could be fun. ESPECIALLY if the reader is a Strong! Like think of the conflict and resolution that would bring!! And I get why people are uncomfortable with it since they’d be related, I’d be uncomfortable too in any other fandom, but in Asiof (especially as Targaryens) that ain’t even that bad. I might write it myself honestly since I’m the one who wants it so bad, but self motivation is a bitch and so am I lmao. Like mad respect to anyone putting their writing out there even if we want different things from the almond boi, I’ve never gotten past outlining generally and y’all should be proud of your work. Thus ends my wild rant, I’ve just been thinking about this shit for a while lmaoo. Don’t really expect this to get seen, but lemme know if there’s any interest in the fic idea lmao. Or babygrill if you have any recs I would die for you sjdhajfjsjdj✌️✌️

[samwrights]

Aoba Johsai 3rd Years as dads [hc]

Lmao, as if I was gonna stop at Karasuno. I’m a Seijoh hoe through and through 😂😂😂 this ones a little off the rails but it’s my blog and I write what I want. I’ll get to the rest of Seijoh later, maybe, but these turned out way longer than I anticipated.

Slight TW; mentions of miscarriage.

Iwaizumi;

I love this supportive man so much 🥺

I don’t even want kids and I’d let him turn me into a baby factory, idgaf.

Ahem, n e ways.

Low key, he would be freaking out over your guys’ first kid. Didn’t matter that you were in live-in S/O’s, or that you’d been together for y e a r s.

Homie wanted to marry you first, finally get you guys out of your shoddy apartment, maybe spend a few years traveling the world.

He wanted to live the life of a dink, at least for a little while before eventually starting a family with you. Apparently someone’s pullout game weak af.

Despite not being prepared for parenthood, your pregnancy actually goes pretty swimmingly. Iwa would def be the man to come with to all doctors appointments, parenting classes, and would literally call his mom every three seconds freaking out because he has no idea what color to paint the nursery.

“Mom, I can’t just paint it whatever, what if the baby doesn’t like it?” Don’t ask me why, I just know it would be a fact.

Throughout your relationship as teenagers, Iwa was always your hype-man cause he loves flaunting his woman at whatever she chooses to succeed at. Which made Oikawa hella jealous but irrelevant. Now that you guys were going to be a family, it was like falling in love with you all over again and he literally hyped you up everyday with how great of a mom you were going to be.

Endless comments on how beautiful you looked while pregnant, regarding your glow or how he gets so overwhelmed with love knowing that you are having his child. Fucking simp.

If you feel he’s laying it on too thick, you tell him it’s actually Mattsun’s and Iwa is just a cover so you can run off with him and Makki. 0/10, does not appreciate.

The closer you get to your due date, however, all jokes are completely off, and Hajime is in full on protective husband/dad mode. Did I mention y’all still ain’t married or

He does literally everything for you just to make sure you aren’t in too much pain or discomfort. Mfer won’t even let you pick up a laundry basket 💀

“Honey, I’m fine! Please, I can’t sit on the couch all day, there’s going to be a permanent imprint from my ass on it.”

“Baby, why is the couch wet?”

“Huh. Guess my water broke.”

Annnnnnd cue Hajime screaming his head off while proceeding to grab your hospital bag packed with clothes, a spare aux cable, and your toiletries, before rushing out to the car, starting it, and driving to the hospital.

Without you.

With that being his only major faux pas, Iwaizumi welcomes fatherhood with open arms. Sure, y’all didn’t have your house yet and a wedding was going to be difficult to plan (though if you’re down for the courthouse, he was in), and he didn’t have enough saved to buy you a ring that screamed “Mrs. Iwaizumi” to him.

But in the mean time, he could not get enough of his girls. Even little things like feeding your daughter or watching tv with her in his arms with you snuggling up to his side made him the absolute softest boy.

It may not have been his ideal situation in the past, but now all he looked forward to was watching your family continue to grow with a few more hopeful additions.

Oikawa;

Well this is awkward. You and Tooru I mean Oikawa broke up a few months ago. Not that it was a particularly bad break up; definitely more on the mutual side.

You wanted to continue pursuing your dreams and he wanted to carry on being a Pro. (Personally, I picture Oikawa being with a musician of some sort that posts covers of YouTube).

So even though you guys aren’t together anymore, you still keep up with how he’s doing in the pro VB world and he low key still watches your covers on the internet.

Your posting becomes less and less frequent, he notices over the span of a few months until you stop uploading all together. He thinks nothing of it until he gets a notification that you’ve finally uploaded a video. Two. Years. Later.

“Where we’ve been.” He doesn’t miss the collective pronoun before clicking on the video, seeing you standing with your guitarist, the former Nekoma VBC captain, Tetsurou Kuroo, as well as a cute, pudgy baby.

A baby that looked nothing like Kuroo and a whole lot like Oikawa did when he was a baby.

The video talks about your hiatus, as well as how you and your now boyfriend/guitarist were enjoying your life as parents and making music was hard with your little boy, and that the two of you needed to prioritize your son first. you introduce your baby, but the first thing Oikawa discovers is that the age of your baby and the duration of yours and Kuroo’s relationship didn’t add up. Don’t ask me why Oikawa knows how long you’ve been together, he has his resources.

Considering the toddler was two, and you and Kuroo had been together for a year. And the baby didn’t look anything like you OR him

Oikawa is flipping out now, and tries everything in his power to get a hold of you. Which oddly enough, wasn’t that hard considering your number is still the same.

“Did you finally figure it out?” Was all you said to him. He’s so upset that you didn’t tell him—that could have been him. Standing with you. Holding his baby—not bed headed fuck holding HIS son.

After FTing him, you, Oikawa, and Kuroo agreed to set up a meeting with all of you so Oikawa could finally meet his flesh and blood. He’s excited, but man oh man is he salty.

He missed his son’s first steps, first meal, holding him, teaching him how to walk, his first words; he missed ALL of it.

But the bitterness he feels completely goes away when he sees baby Oik’s in person for the first time. He had never, in his entire twenty three years of living, been in love until now. Despite your hesitation, you allow Tooru to hold his child for the entirety of your little meeting, allowing him to make up for lost years.

The three of you agreed on a form of joint custody that allowed Oikawa to have his son while you toured or were busy working, and you would have him while he was out doing his thing.

TL;DR, Oikawa takes the opportunity to make up his lost years spoiling the fuck out of his baby when he can and, oddly enough, the arrangement works out to benefit the both of you.

Ngl, parenthood is hard for him. Not because he doesn’t know how to parent, but rather because he never pictured his first child to come about this way. He would never admit it to anybody, not even Iwa, that knowing he had a child that he was barely a father to left him feeling lonely. That loneliness, however, motivates him to truly be the best dad that can be so that maybe when his son his old enough, he would rather live with him instead of his mom

Ofc, he teaches his offspring how to play volleyball as soon as he’s old enough to learn. But outside of that, Oikawa’s favorite thing to do with his son is little quiet nature walks away from the bustling city to have quality time with him.

Hanamaki;

This chill mfer 💀💀💀 for some reason, I feel like his love language is touch.

Your relationship with him was so simple, even after moving in together in your second year of college, years ago.

Well, it was simple.

As simple as life could be with four demons overrunning your house.

Due to the number of children the two of you had, with all of them being no more than two years apart in age, you became a stay-at-home mom, leaving Makki to provide for the six of you.

Because of your hellions wreaking havoc on you all day, Takahiro always wound down from work with the kids by putting on a movie and even reciting the script in his own voice to keep them entertained. Allowing you to go wind down with a glass of wine while you took a bubble bath.

Your oldest was Makki’s right hand man at the ripe age of 7. He always made sure that, as the big brother, he was looking out for his siblings and being the man of the house to help mommy while he worked.

Makki never raises his voice at the kids. Ever. Period.

If he’s upset with them or they did something they weren’t supposed to, he resolves the issue by picking them up, sitting down on the couch with them in his lap and staring at them. “Why did you draw on the walls with crayon, little man?” He would ask the offending five year old boy in the most calm voice.

“I wanted to paint a pretty picture for you and mommy!”

“And we love it. But next time, dude, if you put it on paper, I can bring those pictures to work so I can show everyone else.” Yeah, he calls his sons dude.

If his youngest and only daughter began crying over anything—Makki was on it like flies on shit. Little princess is not allowed to cry in daddy’s presence. He’s always quick to figure out why she’s crying too and, he learned, it’s mostly just because she wanted attention.

“When did you get so good at this?” You’d tease him.

“We’ve had lots of practice, honey.” 💀💀💀

A lot of the time, he felt really bad because he felt that he just kinda left you with the kids while he worked, and he’d be a little insecure. He thinks you’re tired of him and that you want to leave sometimes.

He thinks you don’t notice when he’s upset but he kinda dumb dumb cause you’ve been together for almost half of your lives, ofc you know when he’s upset.

While he’s laying in bed, nonchalantly scrolling through his phone before falling asleep for the night, you sit at his bedside, giving him the look. “C’mon, Takahiro. I can tell when something’s bothering you.” His lips would purse a little bit before locking his phone and putting it on his night stand, then holding whatever hand of yours that was closest to him with both of his.

“Ya ever just...get tired of our life?” Aksfnrjfl WOW THAT CAME OUT WRONG. This is why he prefers touch, he’s shit with words. “Wait no, that’s not what I meant. D-do, uh...a-are you happy?” Wow he really shit with words. Even if this would be conversation y’all would have at least once a year.

But no matter how many times you told him you loved him, he needed to feel it. Why do you think you ended up pregnant nearly every year? “I’m getting my fucking tubes tied after this, Makki.”

Matsukawa;

This goof would be your partner in crime second to Makki of course.

Half the time people kinda forgot you were dating let alone married because the two of you had always been playful and full of laughter; the only change was PDA was sprinkled in.

Sitting in his lap, little pecks during conversations, burying yourself in his neck or him burying himself in your hair, a hand always on your back or your shoulder.

Homies super subtle touchy.

The biggest reminder was when you’d announced your pregnancy to your friends. While Makki was super excited to be an uncle, Oikawa and Iwa were kinda like “y’all actually have sex??” Like you weren’t fucking married??

But whatever, y’all goofy and in love or w/e and it almost seems that the two of you aren’t taking pregnancy seriously. You totally are, but your friends don’t think so.

Coming up with baby names was Issei’s favorite pastime. But he went super left field with a lot of them, so you unfortunately had to veto them.

Painting and preparing the nursery was also an absolute blast. Because you both wanted the gender to be a surprise, y’all painted the room white on top with a full rainbow on the bottom, complete with gender neutral wall decals.

Honestly, he was so so so excited to be a dad. But mostly, he was just so smitten with you. It wasn’t hard for him to, considering the two of you were best friends long before dating.

He definitely turned your ultrasound pictures into memes that he hung in the babies room. “The last time I got pussy” captioned under the first ultrasound was his favorite.

You woke up one day in excruciating amounts of pain—like someone was carving out the muscles in your stomach and separating them from the skin from the inside and you knew something was wrong. “Issei, we gotta go to the hospital now!”

“N-now?” All jokes are gone, all laughter void and absent. “Honey, you’re only at the end of the first trime—“

“I know, idiot! We gotta go now!” You’re sobbing while hunching over your stomach, trying to walk but not succeeding in getting very far. Instead, your husband opts to carry you out to the car before zipping on over.

The sudden appointment had taken hours and the both of you felt drained. Well, you actually were. All of the pain you had experienced earlier in the day did not compare to the devastating blow of hearing that you had a miscarriage.

Silence fills every space that the two of you were in but, knowing you as well as he did, Mattsun refused to leave your side. Even if you had to pee.

“Babe, I have to pee.”

“Cool, which bathroom do we wanna use?” He wasn’t making jokes for the sake of being funny, which was the reason you allowed him to sit on the edge of the tub while you handled your business, holding your fingers in loose threads. It’s weird, but this was not a time for either of you to be alone to indulge your demons.

“We’re gonna get through this.” His arms would wrap around you from behind, carefully folding over your once filled womb, with his head resting on top of your own. “Just you and me, babe, against the world.”

“And Makki.”

“And Makki.”

[crazykacey]

Com-Myu-nity Survey!

@missemperor​ tagged me on this loong survey (thank you btw <3) and I’m excited to do it! lol

1. What is your hobby?

Playing video games, Youtube (Gaming & music), baking, singing

2. What is your special skill?

Baking I guess xD

3. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Strengths: I really don’t care what people think of me like if someone comments my clothing or the way I do certain things I’m just like “lol idgaf”. I also am quite a empathetic and sympathetic person

Weaknesses: I get angry quite easily and sometimes I might get angry over super silly and stupid things and after a while I’m just gonna be like “omg why was I mad over such a stupid thing” so I’m sorry if I get mad at anyone over silly things xD

4. What is your favorite color?

YELLOW

5. What is your favorite animal?

a dog or a bunny <3

6. Which food are you into lately?

idk there hasn’t been any new foods that I have liked so much that I would just eat it like a madman but NZ has amazing sushi😍

7. What is the thing you never lose to from anyone?

I’m not really sure if I understand this question correctly but my dignity I guess? For example there are certain things I would NEVER do but then drunk me is like let’s do this but I hold to that small part of dignity still left and don’t do that thing if it makes any sense?

8. What is your most treasured item?

I used to be really materialist but nowadays I don’t care that much about that stuff and I want to treasure the friendships and all other relationships I have rn. (wow that was deep) BUT if I had to choose one I would choose this teddy bear that I’ve had since I was like 2 or 3

9. What is your cooking specialty?

OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIES im coming for you pheebs

10. What is the thing you want the most at the moment?

To fix my fucking mental health

11. What is the thing you are most scared of?

To lose everybody who are dear to me

12. What is the thing you were happy about this year?

That I was able to get to New Zealand (and that I graduated from that hellhole aka high school)

13. What is the thing you were sad about this year?

I don’t actually know XD not that much have happened that has made me sad but if I had to choose one it’s that I had to leave my doggo to Finland ;_;

14. What is the thing you regretted this year?

focusing all my time and energy on people who I thought were my friends but in reality were just really toxic people who didn’t give a shit

15. What is the thing you were angry about this year?

my now ex-friend how just sabotaged everything and didn’t learn from any mistake that she did and just kept being shitty

16. What is the job that gave you a sense of fulfillment this year?

nothing yet lol (hope this volunteer thing does that tho lol)

17. What has changed about you since you entered com-myu-nity?

I have become more confident about speaking about the things I like (still need to work more on that tho lol) and also got more confidence on singing and doing what I like and not being afraid to be who I am (in social media mostly)

18. Which character would you play in Sera myu?

Sailor Venus D44

19. If you were to form a collab now, who would it be with?

omg I already have soo many collabs I have to do but I would like to collab with everyone from the Sera Myu Community or anyone in general (heck if you want to collab with me in any way; music, games etc. just message me I’m always up for meeting new people!)

20. What do you love about Sera Myu nowadays?

That it still exists and is getting more and more love outside of Japan too!

21. Which cast member catches your attention the most at the moment?

Mizuki Yamashita, Shiori Kubo & Rimo Hasegawa <333

22. Which cast member would you want as your significant other?

oh crap idk Hotaru, Rimo or Hironari

23. If you were to marry a cast member, who would it be?

RIMO YES QUEEN

24. If you would go to a deserted island, which cast member would you like to go with you?

For some reason I can only think of Yuu Takahashi so let’s just go with her then XD

25. If you would be born again, which cast member would you want to be?

Mizuki Yamashita or Hotaru Nomoto <33

26. Which Sera Myu production would you want to be a part of?

probs NogiMyu or UNV (so I could just cry my eyes out)

27. If you would create your own kingdom, what kind of country would you want it to be?

kingdom where everyone is equal and everyone lives in harmony (really cliche I know but idc)

28. What is an interesting book or manga you read recently?

omg lol I feel so bad I haven’t had any time for those but I like the Pokemon Special manga! can you just finish BW2 chapter plz

29. What is an interesting movie you watched recently?

Annabelle Comes Home! I don’t care what people say I LIKED IT and that is it. also it is not a movie but I watched the Zambi musicals and OMG THEY WERE SO GOOD I CRIED SO MUCH I RECOMMEND THEM PLEASE WATCH THEM (Especially Team Blue omg the feels ;_;)

30. What is your favorite Sera Myu song at the moment?

Knockin’ Down Hesitation is and will probably always be my favorite Myu song

31. What is your favorite Sera Myu song choreography at the moment?

UNV Ai no Starshine or SKSDK La Moon

32. What is your favorite Sera Myu costume at the moment?

LMF Eternal Sailor Moon or the Shining Moon Tokyo costumes (they are soo sparkly and cute I LOVE IT)

33. What is your favorite Myu at the moment?

Eien Densetsu Kaiteiban is and will probably always be my favorite Myu

34. What is your favorite Myu cast?

Kaguya Shima Densetsu Kaiteiban (Team Moon is also pretty cool tbh)

35. Is there something you say a lot recently?

irl: oh guurl, nasty

in social media: omg, lol, XD

36. What would you do if you could plan a Fan Kansha?

ALL THE MOONS SINGING LA SOLDIER and releasing the WHOLE Fan Kansa recording and throwing all the actors out of the recoring room cause that unnecessary yapping from them over the recording was SOO ANNOYING

37. What do you hope to see Sera Myu doing in the future?

SAILOR V AND SAILOR MOON R MOVIE MUSICALS!!!

also mixed cast sorry not sorry

38. What kind of person do you want to be in 5 years?

more confident about myself and have better self-esteem

39. What has been a memorable concert or event this year?

haven’t been to any this year

40. What do you want to do in your private life this year?

get my shit and mental health together

41. What kind of job would you like to do in the future?

sounds pretty cliche but maybe a Youtuber?

42. Do you have a hairstyle you would like to try in the future?

I actually have no clue AT ALL. Hair is one of the things I’m so lost with and have no idea what to do with it

43. What Sera Myu merchandise would you love to have?

something cool and useful (don’t get me started on those pins)like posters (maybe signed ones too)

44. Where would you want Sera Myu to come to?

I want Sera Myu to become an international phenomenon where the Myus would be translated and acted in a country’s native language!!!

45. If you could have a holiday with any cast member, what do you want to do?

BEACH HOLIDAY WITH RIMO omg that would be the best thing ever just sun bathing all day long

46. Please say something to your favourite cast member.

girl you are amazing and I’m so proud of you please never stop doing what you love. I would really like to meet you someday and just thank you cause you really inspire me and motivate me to continue to work on my dream. Thank you <3

[r0syghost]

85-ish Questions

This was so long and I like to write really long answers because I have a tendency to ramble irl enjoy

@bts-love-sweat-tears thanks for the tag :)

Answer these questions about yourself and tag people!

ABOUT YOU

Hair Color? Dark brown, almost black, and accidental lighter brown ombre left over from my blood-red-head-eventually-dyed-brown hair days.

Is your hair long or short? Looong. It’s layered in a v-shape so my longest layer reaches my lower back

Eye Color? Brown

Blood Type? Idk if I wanna say? Ya’ll don’t need to know my blood type

Nickname(s)? Rach, Chel

Relationship Status? Single af (ugh SAME)

Pronouns? She/Her

Tattoos? Three! Pineapple on my right inner ankle (1 of 2 best friend tattoos), huge mandala on right thigh (hurt like H E L L, doesn’t mean much tbh), and the latest is “you see all my light” on my right forearm (my best friend has “you love all my dark” in the same spot) 

Piercings? Two in each ear, nose ring

Do you want (more) piercings or tattoos? I want a second nose ring on the same side (so like a double nose ring). I also want an entire left arm sleeve and a right leg sleeve

Right or Left handed? Right

Zodiac? Aquarius sun, Leo moon, Virgo rising...and Sagittarius venus if you’re interested ;) HA

RIGHT NOW, WHAT ARE YOU….

Eating? Nothing but I’m about to find some snacks when I’m done with this

Drinking? Water

Listening to? YeYe - ゆらゆら it’s part of a yt playlist I frequently update called “Relax” lol it’s my lounging/singing playlist

About to watch? I don’t know?

Waiting for? My family vacation to the Philippines next spring!

THE LAST…

Phone Call? Mom probably

Text Message? From my brother. Something about his mail or whatever

Song you listened to? wanna love you by paul kim

Time you cried? The other night probably? I was listening to a Morisette Amon song or cover lol

HAVE YOU EVER…

Dated someone twice? Ew yes

Kissed someone and regretted it? No. Actually yes

Kissed a stranger? No

Been cheated on? Emotionally (and yes that is a thing)

Had sex on a first date? Sigh. Yes.

Lost someone special? Yes

Been depressed? Perpetually

Drank hard liquor? Yes

Gotten drunk and thrown up? Lol yeah. If it wasn’t too bad I could go about my business like nothing happened. Don’t drink much now though.

Talked to a person named Tom? Does a Thomas count?

Had surgery? Nah

Lost your glasses? Yes lol contacts too. Was on the floor for like ten minutes trying to find the damn lense

Turned someone down? Yes

Broken someone’s heart? Maybe?

Had your heart broken? Yes

Been arrested? No

Cried when someone died? Yes

Fallen for a friend? Yes

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU…

Made new friends? Yes

Fallen out of love? Yes

Laughed until you cried? Yes!

Found out someone was talking about you? Nope

Met someone who changed you? No

Found out who your friends are? Yes

Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list? Nah

FAVORITE…

Drink? Water

Color(s)? Black, red

TV Show(s)? ATLA, Parks and rec, Brooklyn 99, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, there are more I swear. These are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head

Sport(s)? Nothing. Zip. Natta. I’m not a sports fan sorry lol

Movie(s)? Howl’s Moving Castle, Lion King, Spirited Away. Again there are more.

Actor(s)? I don’t watch movies or anything that often so I don’t really have one

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

Miracles? Not really

Love at first sight? No

Santa Claus? Nope

Kissing on a first date? Depending on the chemistry, sure. (exactly)

Angels? No.

Yourself? In some areas yes, in some no. (same)

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or Kisses? They’re both amazing with the right people sooooo

Lips or Eyes? I love both?

Shorter or Taller?  I mean, if this is about relationships taller but only because I’m short as hell (I’m 4′10″ ya’ll) and I don’t want my future children dealing with that lol but in general idgaf

Older or Younger? I mean, I’d never date anyone vastly younger than myself but for the most part I don’t care.

Nice arms or nice stomach? Both ;) just kidding I don’t care about that.

Hookup or relationship? Relationship. I get too emotionally invested too quickly.

Troublemaker or hesitant? I tend to go for troublemakers because they’re so different from me

RANDOM

What’s your best friend’s name?  I have two: Bianca and Alexis

What is something you can’t wait for? Family vacation! Because I get to see my grandma for the first time in over 20 YEARS

What time did you wake up today? 11 AM

Do you want to change your name? No.

What did you do for your last birthday? Went to a drag show and got drunk off my ass and had a blast with some of my closest friends because I deserved to have the best fucking time after my shitty 2017 (also this was the last time i got really drunk)

What were you doing at midnight last night? On yt looking for more music probably

What is something that gets on your nerves? Dishonesty

Do you have a crush on someone? I wish. I haven’t really met anyone new this year

What’s your most visited website? Yt and instagram definitely

Where do you want to go on vacation? Philippines, Iceland, Scotland, Hawaii

What kind of trainers do you like/wear? I tend to stick to vans. I’ve also got a loyal pair of converse i’ve had for like 10 years that haven’t fallen apart yet

How many Facebook friends do you know IRL? I’m rarely on it these days. But like most of them? Some of them are family from the PH that I haven’t met or talked to since I was a kid

Do you have pets? NO I WISH

Do you want to get married? To the right person, yes. My parents have been happily married for over 30 years and I really, really want that with someone. To be with my best friend, whomever that will be, experiencing how hard and fun life is together every single day is a fucking dream for me. I still believe in love because of my parents.

What career do you want to have? Honestly, if I were actually good at it, photography. 

What is something you want? Want? I want to find the motivation to continue graphic design and art. I want to start a vegetable garden. I want to sing more. I want to learn sign language. I want a lot of things.

What do you like about yourself? My ability to continuously pick myself up day after day.

I won’t tag anyone but if you wanna do it please do so!

[kara-gayasf-danvers]

Tagging game - 85 Questions I was tagged by @clexakru2112 Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people. last… 1. drink? Kombucha 2. phone call? my mom 3. text message? also my mom 4. song you listened to? idgaf by dua lipa 5. time you cried? last night because of odaat 6. dated someone twice? ..,.,., we don’t talk about That 7. kissed someone and regretted it? oh definitely 8. been cheated on? yep 9. lost someone special? yeah 10. been depressed? yeah but i’m still a bad bitch 11. gotten drunk and thrown up? nah i just cry a LOT fave colors: 12. yellow 13. black 14. maroon in the last year have you… 15. made new friends? some pretty great friends actually 16. fallen out of love? yep 17. laughed until you cried? soooo much 18. found out someone was talking about you? nah 19. met someone who changed you? not really?? 20. found out who your friends are? oh for sure 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? definitely not general 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? all of them 23. do you have any pets? 5 idiot cats (but i still love them) and a dog 24. do you want to change your name? nope 25. what did you do for your last birthday? went shopping with a friend and got some pizza 26. what time did you wake up today? …….not like noon or anything….. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night? watching odaat 28. what is something you cant wait for? i can’t wait to get my bls certification so I can apply to be a physical therapist aid by the summer 30. what are you listening to right now? the grease soundtrack 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? yeah 32. something that’s getting on your nerves? like the entire american government 33. most visited website? this hell site 34. hair color? blonde….for now 35. long or short hair? long 36. do you have a crush on someone? ugh no, it’s so boring 37. what do you like about yourself? my sense of humor 38. want any piercings? hmm not really 39. blood type? i’m sure i should definitely know this but i have no clue 40. nicknames? the occasional meg or m 41. relationship status? in a complicated relationship with carbs 42. zodiac? capricorn aka the Best sign 43. pronouns? she/her 44. fave tv shows? grey’s and supergirl i guess 45. tattoos? i wish but i’m a big baby 46. right or left handed? right handed 47. ever had surgery? i had my tonsils removed when i was like 4 48. piercings? just my ears 49. sport? i used to play tennis 50. Vacation? literally e v e r y w h e r e 51. trainers? nike more general 52. eating? nothing 53. drinking? water 54. i’m about to watch? lectures for school 55. waiting for? my motivation to return from war 56. want? to be done with school already jhfdgh 57. get married? maybe one day 58. career? Barista at the moment, but hopefully a physical therapist aide soon which is better 59. hugs or kisses? why not both, but also i hate being touched   60. lips or eyes? eyes   61. shorter or taller? taller 62. older or younger? older 63. nice arms or stomach? i love arm   64. hookup or relationship? relationship 65. troublemaker or hesitant? Hesitant have you ever 66. kissed a stranger? nope 67. drank hard liquor? also no 68. lost glasses? too many times 69. turned someone down? sort of 70. sex on first date? nope 71. broken someones heart? idk maybe 72. had your heart broken? yeah but it was a long time ago 73. been arrested? no 74. cried when someone died? yeah 75. fallen for a friend? we don’t talk about That do you believe in 76. yourself? like most days 77. miracles? yeah 78. love at first sight? i mean have you SEEN pizza 79. santa clause? no 80. kiss on a first date? yeah 81. angels? ehhhh other 82. best friend’s name? i have too many 83. eye colour? brown 84. fave movie? ummmmmm yeah I have no clue 85. fave actress? katie my lady I’m tagging: @attack-on-sarcasm @emilyprrentiss @reigngooglesearches and anyone else who wants to do this

[fullofleaves]

Hi! I've been a huge fan of your work for years now. :) I think you're one of the authors who understand the depth and complexity of Loki's character the most, and you have such an amazing way of portraying both his strong and vulnerable aspects in your stories. I was just wondering if you've seen Ragnarok and if you have some time, would you be willing to share with us your honest thoughts about it? (Particularly about Loki's character development from the first two Thor films to this one?)

Yoooo sorry for taking forever to answer this, but the true fact is I had to go see Ragarok again to formulate a proper answer.  But, wow, thank you so much!  I really love Loki’s character, and spend probably Way Too Much Time thinking about him, so this is a great question.

Anyway.  HAVE I SEEN RAGNAROK.  Short answer: YES.  Longer answer: YES I HAVE SEEN IT THREE TIMES NOW AND NEED TO GO AGAIN AT SOME POINT.  It’s a very important movie to me, given my love of A) Loki, B) Loki being stuck in absolutely stupid situations, and C) Thor throwing stuff at Loki’s head.  That said, it had a couple details didn’t love so much, but overall it was exactly the kind of shit I’m in to.  I mean like… you’ve read the crap I write so you could have probably guessed that already.  I live for Loki’s suspicious relationship with the Grandmaster and the orgy ship and everyone saying the word anus a few too many times and Bruce complaining about Tony’s tight pants.  And the play.  Sweet Jesus, the play.  A+ material.  A+.

But Loki’s character.  There’s so much that could be said here, and I’ve seen a lot of really good meta floating around already, so I’m going to stick to a couple key points.

I really like this version of Loki?  And I think it’s a good direction for his character to go.  In the first Thor movie you had him starting off as a mischievous character but not really “evil”, until everything in his world went to hell and he kind of lost his shit.  In Avengers, well, he’s Full Evil, killing people for funzies and generally fucking everything up.  In Dark world, I don’t think he actually repented at all sitting locked away in prison… until Frigga’s death.  This is the first time his actions have had a real consequence for him, and you can see the change it makes when he fights alongside Thor.  And now here I feel like he has, in some ways, almost come back to who he was in the beginning.

He’s not Evil.  He didn’t kill Odin when he easily could have.  As “Odin”, he didn’t kill Thor or have him banished or send him off on a death sentence of a quest, or even try to do anything like that.  It’s implied he just kept encouraging Thor to stay away from Asgard, giving him space to build ridiculous statues of himself and commission bad theater.  He’s Loki of Asgard again, but like… a more confident, evolved version.  He’s been through actual hell with the Chitauri, did the whole supervillain thing, and now he’s just hanging around pulling the greatest con Asgard has ever seen by pretending to be king.  He didn’t even kill Heimdall, who probably saw right through his illusion.  Just discredited him and sent him on his way.  The point is: no more killing (at least of anybody more important than a random alien lackey or undead soldier) and his leadership of Asgard is more IDGAF than villainous.  Like if anybody noticed anything weird, they probably attributed it to Odin going off the deep end after Frigga’s death, not “we’re obviously being conned by an evil mastermind”.

Side note: this whole Odin charade would have been going on for several years by the time Thor finally outed him.  I think it’s possible that by this time, on some level, he was almost relieved to be caught.  It looks like he’d been pushing things further and further to see how much dumb shit he could get away with, tempting fate.  He doesn’t seem that upset at the big reveal, so obviously kingship of Asgard wasn’t a critical position for him.  He was just doing it for the lulz and basking in his own successful scheme.

And then they go to Earth to pick up Odin, and I think this is really Loki’s first wake-up call in the movie.  He had to have been expecting either Odin to still be under his enchantment (and Thor will kick his ass), or for Odin to retaliate in some way (as Odin is famous for doing).  In either case, he would have been mentally preparing himself for a confrontation.  That doesn’t happen.  Odin accepts and forgives him, which throws his whole balance completely off.  Is he reassessing all of his life choices that led up to this moment and rethinking his entire worldview?  Probably not.  But he has to, at the very least, feel kind of shitty.  You can see that in how he stays absolutely silent throughout the entire scene.  Not even a single word of argument or a weak attempt to explain himself. It’s Loki’s special brand of remorse.  You know: the kind where you don’t have to apologize (and probably get mad when somebody tries to talk to you about it.)

Now for the next wake-up call, let’s consider that Loki landed on Sakaar weeks before Thor did.  And because he was kicked out of the Bifrost beam first, he had no idea how the fight between Thor and Hela ended.  Did Thor win?  Who knows?  From his vantage point, it looked like Hela was pretty savage and had a good chance at coming out ahead.  He had to consider the very real possibility that Thor was dead or otherwise out of the way.  And you’d think that somebody who professed to have such a desire to sit on the throne would do anything to find his way back to Asgard to see WTF was going on, but… he didn’t.  He stayed where he landed. I’m still trying to figure out his motivation behind this choice.  Waiting for the right opportunity?  Maybe.  But if he’d already stolen the security codes, what was stopping him from leaving?  I think it’s more likely that he’d given up (at least for the time being) and decided this was is life now.  It was his fault Odin died and Hela was released.  His fault Thor could very well be dead and Asgard destroyed.  Add Frigga’s death on top of that and I’m thinking he’s decided at this point that Asgard is better off without him.  

And you can see this in the infamous elevator scene.  Loki mentions wanting to stay on Sakaar, in what’s pretty obviously a setup for Thor to say “oh no brother you are way too important to me, we must stay together”.  And then he’d grudgingly agree.  Instead, Thor’s like “YEP, THIS HELLHOLE SURE IS PERFECT FOR A SACK OF DICKS LIKE YOU, LMAO.”  He asks if Thor really thinks so little of him, when he has to think so little of himself.  It’s kind of a crushing blow to hear that Thor agrees.

My opinion?  Loki wouldn’t have tried to betray Thor in the following scene if Thor had given him the answer and brotherly love he was looking for.  Like, he would’ve betrayed Thor eventually, because that’s what he does, but it’d probably be more like “Hey Thor now that we’ve saved Asgard, how about you go off and restore peace to the realms while I stay behind and definitely do nothing to undermine your authority and usurp power again”.  He knows Thor’s the only one who has a chance at defeating Hela, so it’s in his best interest to stay on that side of the equation.  It’s only when Thor turns him down that his Lokiness gets the better of him and decides to turn Thor in for the bounty and go his own way.

So why does he go back to Asgard?  Spite, probably.  I don’t think he ever specifically wants to be GOOD, per se.  He’ll always have a massive chip on his shoulder that’s giving him an excuse to be a stupid shit and ruin stuff for everyone, especially himself.  But I do think, at certain points, he has wanted to ACT good.  He wants to step up and do what’s right, either to prove something to himself (ie, killing Laufey) or to prove something to Thor (ie, showing up out of the mist with a giant spaceship to save the day).  That struck me as a real “you betrayed me but now I’m helping you, don’t you feel bad?” move.

Okay.  So.  Where does Loki’s character end up after all this?  Well there’s this really great post I’ve seen going around about how the existence of Hela helps him realize that, shit, maybe he’s not a Bad Guy.  Because if Odin’s own blood daughter can turn out that spectacularly fucked up, his own problems and hangups and crimes seem kind of paltry in comparison.  And I agree with this 100%.  Compared to Hela, he’s small potatoes.  Hela is now officially the Worst Child Ever and this has to make him feel better about himself.  It has to.  Before, Thor would probably complain to his friends about how terrible Loki was (in fact, he does just this when telling the snake story), but now?  Now Thor can complain to Loki about how terrible Hela is.  And Loki can be like, “Wow, yeah, she’s just off the fucking charts with Evilness.”  And then they bond with a fistbump, or whatever.

ANYWAY, the point of all this is…?  Loki goes through a lot in this movie, but I think he ends up in the right place.  I mean, obviously not geographically, because they’re about to be screwed up the ass by Thanos (I assume).  But he’s had a four-movie arc now, bouncing all over the place in terms of motivation and emotion, and it seems like he’s kind of… settled now?  He’s back where he started, at Thor’s side, but after all he’s been through I think he now has a better handle on what he wants for himself and where he thinks he belongs, as opposed to what others tell him he wants and where they say he belongs.  Maybe it’s just me wanting to see what I want to see, but he comes across as a character who’s more comfortable with himself.  Especially compared to the Loki who was lashing out so much in earlier movies.  He’s had his rebellious phase.  Now it’s time to start over rebuilding his relationship with his brother.

[gloieee]

Fluctuations

This always happens. I started this blog entry from songs that struck me in late December to January and all that transpired during that month, which seems SO distant now. Let me see how I’ll divide this one up.

Starting with my thoughts back then: I had begun to feel better since my state from the fall, which I would perhaps like to dub “The Lost Season.” I felt more settled, finally starting to be maybe myself. I focused on passing the block, which was looking precarious at this point, and did. Struggled a bit with research, future career direction, trying to decide between pursuing the impossible for motivation vs. not being motivated at all, because I had proven myself incapable of walking that middle ground. Had therapy. Had a relatively lackluster but un-agonizing, relatively enjoyable and stable arrangement that took care of my fix while also preventing me from bad decision-making…for the most part. Guess I had some random, inconsequential sparks to keep me going too. Things were looking more settled and I was filled with determination for the future, at least on the academic front. And then some tiny thing happened, and totally irrelevant to the details, sent me on a spiral down my original trajectory, and I was slightly a wreck in January. As my close friend put it: I was getting R E K T constantly. More therapy. I would fluctuate from a state that seemed like polar opposites—whimsical lightheartedness; some idgaf confidence (rooted in truth, ahem, although it was buried quite deep down); a deep, penetrating sense of loneliness; confusion; some self-frustration & insecurity; and of course, some self-deprecation that pervades my being. But now, looking back, I think what pervades all these songs is a sense of apathy. There is an emotional distance—whether that be from numbness, lack of depth, an aversion to be vulnerable, or lacking the deeper sense of self-confidence/ security in myself. All the emotions were made worse by the fact that I felt shame towards how I was feeling, because it was the first time that these emotions may have stemmed from insecurity.

 So here goes, Fluctuations:

 2/1/2020

Really should not be doing this right now, but I’m already doing it without doing it, so will just do it (which looking back, sums up my approach to this past year).

This mood is so exactly how I feel:

NIKI- Chilly

Rediscovered myself, took back my heart Moved to a new city where I should be restartin' But I just feel nothin' Though something could grow I don't ever let it take root, oh Possibility all round me But I don't give a shit

I feel this about a lot of things, perhaps less than before, but I still have my moments. I’m in medical school, this place that I wanted so much, that some others feel so dedicated to and excited about, but sometimes I feel like I don’t give a shit.  As I’ve noted, I feel as though a lot of my old crosses and struggles are returning. The new glitz of LA has worn off, and I��m unfortunately just me.

December's feelin chilly Takin' shots at the club to warm up and distract me from feelin empty Every now and then I would remember how you made me feel Oh, desolation and thrill 

Nostalgia. That longing for the past. “every now and then” it does happen. I did take a lot of shots, and although it does warm me up in several ways, I’m not sure how often it distracts me from feeling empty.

To hell with "other halves" That's bullshit, I'm already whole alone That don't mean that I wanna be alone Tangled bodies to reset my heart but it just won't

I resonate with this so much. It reminds me of what Jo March says in the new Little Women film: “Women have minds and they have souls as well as just hearts. They’ve got ambition and they’ve got talent as well as just beauty. I am so sick of people saying that love is just all a woman is fit for. I’m so sick of it! But—I am so lonely.” 

Do you ever think about me? When she ain't around, is your bed cold without me? There ain't nothin' for me out here I'll stop asking questions, you take care

But of course, despite the queries, I know I should just stop asking questions and say take care and walk away. I’m getting a bit better with it definitely. But still not fully there.

 ______________________________________________________________________

Lyrics-wise, Jessie Reyes & JRM - Imported resonates deeper with me, but my unending love for 6lack prevented me from foregoing that one. Jessie is the lead in this first track, and I am* the lead of my life, so… And of course, my bank account isn’t looking mighty fine AT ALL, so that was an immediate eliminating factor. 

Jessie’s voice is always laden with emotion, and there’s a penetrating pang, a sultry intensity to everything she’s saying. This song was the most accurate encapsulation of my state in Dec-Jan. I was trying to be better, to put myself in situations where I didn’t feel REKT afterwards, or in more refined terms, not feel immense distress. Yet, deep down I wanted to. I so loved making bad decisions—giving into that impulsive desire, stirring shit up in a slight way. It felt more true to myself in the moment. 

Hi, my name is Doesn't Matter I like making bad decisions Let's wake up like nothing happened If we do it, say we didn't   You, you're in love with somebody else Maybe I could offer some help Get over them by getting under me   Hi, my name is not important I'm not from here, I'm imported I drink liquor like it's water Hope my liver can afford it I've been lying here, I'll be lying here I'm under the covers Like what happened here ain't nothing sacred Shit that got me fucked up is I know that dude just saw me naked

In some moments, this embodied the kind of interaction I wanted, or at least, felt right to me at the time. I love how this song captures the hallmarks of casual interactions, with a twist. Your name doesn’t matter, you wake up without any emotional attachments, unaffectionate, like something in between friends to acquaintances to strangers, as if nothing happened, despite a level of intimacy that was shared the night before. Despite popular opinion, it really couldn’t matter less that they’re in love with somebody else. You want to help them, not by becoming “the one”, but by replacing them physically, helping to forget for a night. Nightly trysts can be meaningful for sure, but there really isn’t anything sacred about this one. You’re over here worrying about superficial things like how this dude saw you naked rather than about how your capacity for emotional connection and depth could have been compromised.

Imported into someone else’s life in so many more ways than one; lying on so many more ways.

Of course, behind the chill, callousness of it all, there is a grain of realness:

Not interested in a broken heart But who'd a thought it'd take me ages? I ended up here 'cause my girls said "Fake it 'til you make it"   I can tell you fucked up over Someone else you can't replace, and You finally realized That broken love just ain't worth saving You tryna lick the wounds But someone's not reciprocatin'

We aren’t trying to get feelings involved, but there’s a lingering shadow of how this all began. Fake it till you make it. But who’d have thought these pseudoscars would last as long as they did?

The last bit didn’t resonate much with me personally, surprisingly, but this is often how it goes in the realm of casual interactions. Glimpses of it in people of the emotionally unavailable kind, in that invariably tipsy, vulnerable pillow talk stage. The stuff that makes you defensive or overthink the next morning. 

What I love about this one is that cheeky side-eye, that nod of confidence that co-exists with the uncertainty and vulnerability. You do want to keep it on the dl, you don’t want any of the emotional attachment, but also, you know you got it, you aren’t gonna hide it if it comes down to it and you know they still might get hooked:

Let's wake up like nothing happened If we do it, say we didn't If your friends ask if you hit it You can tell 'em, I'll admit it I wear that shit like a badge 'Cause I know that I got that kitty   Get over them by getting under me But you might OD if you get too much of me

Such a seductive song that doesn’t try to at all, just a perfect blend of playful, crude, casual and real.

Zooming in on that badass sense of confidence, Ella Mai- Sauce comes in with a truly saucy bop on knowing your true worth, and being ready to drop anyone who don’t get it. We aren’t with you cause without them life sucks, we’re choosing to be with them, and they can be unchosen if they can’t handle the flavor. There’s always a fear of being too much for a lot of people, including myself—too emotional, too intense, too clingy, too crazy etc.—and Ella owns her everything, and puts the boys in their place:

Don't get emotional   So I'd rather let you know Even though, I'm good without you I'm fucking with you regardless And if that's gon' hurt you Least you can say is I'm honest Good things don't always get to you the way that you want it   I'm good without you but I'm fucking with you regardless So tell me if it gets too much Tell me if you bit too much Sorry that you can't keep up You're looking like you bit too much Boy, act right 'cause it's cool There's too much sauce in the food for you Too much sauce I got too much sauce, sauce   It takes a strong man, strong shoulders You gotta level up if you want this (stop)

When you got these broad shoulders, def need one with strong shoulders as well. 

But despite the UMPHHH about ourselves that rules deep down, we all still have our fleeting, very millennial moment of weakness, I’d like to think. I love how light Quinn XCII & Chelsea Cutler are—they capture those blurry nights with one too many drinks when you’re on your phone feeling nostalgic and emotional, feel those questions bubbling up that you don’t know the answers to and actually shouldn’t.

Why are we frayed at the edge, it's making me feel all to blame I wanna know what's the deal Where have you been and what do you think of me? Is there a new girl silently screaming your name?   Why am I still holding on? I'm still holding on And I'm way too honest and you make me want it Why are we at such a distance? Find ourselves so out of frame Why are we drifting away from everything we wanted to save?

You want to hit up that one person from that one inconsequential but also kinda meaningful fling, or whatever gets you going. The song captures how you KNOW you shouldn’t, that it won’t amount to anything, but yet you give in from time to time. You know you should move on and are frustrated for not, but yet here you are.

It's old news, I should look for better Falling back to strangers, leave me hanging on Flare guns go off in my head, saying not to call you this late Still I dial those numbers every time Why do I replay those messages that you left at the tone last May? Slowly wishing you were never mine

The melody is upbeat and reminiscent of one of those somewhat last song moments at the bar when the music is winding down, the lights are on the verge of turning on, and you’re lightly sweaty and have that faded moment of compromised reality. It’s an inherently not-too-serious, universal emotion, still sung with a small, perhaps very slightly wry, smile on your face.

Niki’s Chilly hones in on this moment of weakness, but a more grounded, sober version. In retrospect, I think this was the most traditionally me song of the bunch, just cause I am a very moody girl at heart (mgp 5eva). Niki’s subdued voice is perfect--you can tell she’s not just indulging in an emotional moment and that it’s just straight up observations. She cares a lot still, but less about about that person she’s missing and more about the fact that that person has (partly) led her to feeling numb, and that she somehow hasn’t left that state.

But I ain't bitter, babe I've moved on, I just hate That nothing blooms since you

She points out an important distinction—you can move on from the person but not from the state that that person put you in. You can tell she’s fully aware of everything that’s happening, that she perhaps even knows what to do to get out of it, but can’t fully muster up the energy or that impetus to actually do so.

The most out of place song in the bunch, but I was intrigued by the progression of infatuation to love and a belief in that love over time, and to eventually walking away from something that you knew was so good for you:

Isaiah Rashad feat Syd- Silkk da Shocka 

You give me all that you got

You make it stretch it and flip I fell in love with your thighs I learned it's more than your hips You know I'm caught in my vibe But I still give you my rib You hear them callin' my name But know it's hard for me here

I'm left at home by myself I chose the world in the end I say you know I'll be back You try your best to pretend I say you all that I want And when I make it, it's real I hear 'em callin' my name It's gettin' hard for me here

To know you love me It's rare to know you love me But yeah I know you love me It's rare I know you love me

There’s an enticing smoke and cloudiness that shrouds this track—you can feel the regret peeking out despite his compromised state, but of course, he doesn’t let himself fully realize that he made a mistake. He ends with a garbled monologue that shuts the whole thing down:

Feel so hollow unless you're usin' narcotics See I don't wanna be here if I don't gotta My weed habit so close to snortin' powder Got a few bitches but it's only bout a dollar Feel so hollow unless you're usin' narcotics See I don't wanna

And just after the self-indulgent haze of smoke, that early moment when you realize you’re indulging in something to numb the emotions, we’re fully in back our high and back to whimsical, light fun to forget all the Debbie downer bits. Might as well indulge in some steady, reliable fun if things can’t be inherently resolved yet:

Taylor Teyana feat Kanye West - Hurry

Keep your eyes all on this fatty If you like what you see take your hands and grab it Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry Late night get like all this real magic Ride it automatic till the sun come up, ooh Early, early, early, early

Every time she round, she get treat like the sidekick Until that side chick went and got some side dick

And after all the shits and giggles, the fun and games, there comes a time when you realize you need a change and that you’re ready for it—you’re ready to jump out the window. Big Sean, who I lowkey love for his lyrics—which seem just cheesy enough to be real—captures this state so well. It’s matter of fact, no buts, no fronting. This song felt like partly where I was at, partly something I needed to hear. Sometimes I’m Big Sean, sometimes I’m the girl he singing to. Honestly, despite him saying he doesn’t want to turn this into therapy, it felt like one—a necessary pep talk almost. He does it in a non-condescending, casual way. Some particular kernels of knowledge:   

We already wasted too much time And your time is the only thing I wish was mine   Know ya momma didn't raise you to take no disrespect, yeah I feel like real queens know how to keep the game in check, yeah You cried on my phone the whole night That time he crossed the line yeah, yeah, yeah (Oh I was there) I went to straighten his ass out And you told me never mind yeah   The question isn't, "Do he love ya?" The question is, "Do ya love yourself?" You give the best advice to your friends and not take it for yourself   You been up at night, sleep deprivation What's the hesitation? What's ya reservation? You been trippin', trippin' with no destination You need separation, you need recreation   Look, Funny we ran into each other while we leaving You walked in with a perm And now yo hair look like The Weeknd's I know that you been needin' clarity Don't mean to sit ya down and turn this into therapy But you gave too much time to that boy charity, hear me

As someone who had just gotten a perm that was slightly difficult to control post-shower, had run into a lot of people, and definitely needed both clarity and therapy, this bit did kill me a little. Hoping mine didn’t look too much like the Weeknd’s though.

He still keeps it relaxed and light enough for us to swallow the medicine: 

I don't mean to sound like the jealous type But you oughta know (oughta know) I think me and you should get together sometimes On the low low low (on the) Sometimes I wonder if you even know How much you worth, I gotta know   Remember when you used to come through and hit the Mario Kart And you always picked the Princess I realized you was princess Way back then we the best thing that never happened, but

And an ironic song to cap it off. Mahalia- I Wish I Missed My Ex. Sometimes it’s easier to have someone to miss.

4.10. 2020

[manawhaat]

Get to know me

Tagged by @thelittleredwhocould​

Do it if you want :)

LAST:

1- Drink: Water  2- Last Phone Call: God-Mother/Aunt 3- Text Message: My oldest sister, two days ago 4- Song Listened To: Dis one 5- Time You Cried: Fuck if I know

HAVE YOU:

6- Dated someone twice: Nope 7- Kissed someone and regretted it- Yes  8- Been cheated on: No 9- Lost someone special: Yes 10- Been depressed: *in Snape voice* Always. 11- Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yep

LIST THREE COLORS

12- The misty blue/grey of the sky during a thunderstorm 13- The blue of the sky after the sun goes down but before the street lights kick on 14- The green of Jensen Ackles’ eyes

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15: Made New Friends- YAS 16: Fallen out of love: Nah 17- Laughed until you cried: I don’t think I’ve ever laughed this hard. I NEVER cry, so I can laugh until I can’t breathe, pee my pants, etc, but never until I cry. (So we’ll just go with really really hard and that answer is yes.) 18- Found out someone was talking about you: No? 19- Found out who your friends are: I knew who they are 20- Kissed someone on Facebook: No

GENERAL

21- How many of you facebook friends do you know in real life: Ehh, like 80% 22: Do you have any pets: 3 doggos

23: Do you want to change your name: No 24: What did you do on your last bday: My coworkers didn’t know it was my birthday so they were dicks to me all day and then I went to a surprise birthday party that my twin’s friends set up for only her. It was totes great -__- 25- What time do you wake up: I literally have no answer for this since it’s always changing. There is no constant.  26: What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching The Night Shift. 27- Name some things you can’t wait for: Pay day, Thanksgiving, Christmas (so the stress of buying gifts while broke can be over).  28: When was the last time you saw your mom: Valentine’s day, 2015 (the day she died) 29: What is one thing you wish you could change: I wish I had more self-motivation. 30: What are you listening to right now: Nothing 31- Have you ever talked to someone named Tom: Yes 32: Something that is getting on your nerves: Debt collectors lol. But also people who don’t fucking tag their goddamn spoilers! 33: Most Visited Sites: Tumblr, Whatsappp Web, Google Docs  34: Moles: A couple? 35: Marks: Noteworthy scars- both knees from falling/skidding on a hot gravel road as a kid, burn on my arm from a lantern, scar on my forearm from a very excited dog that didn’t realize he was 120lbs. Freckles all over.  36: Childhood Dream: To be a singer 37: Hair Color: Dark dark brown 38: Long or Short hair: Short. Pixie. Bald. None. No hair. (Or longish with a side shaved off.) 39: Do you have a crush on someone: Yes 40: What do you like about yourself: My loyalty and patience. My freckles and every scar. 41: Piercings: Used to have my septum but just my ears now 42: Blood type: Do not know 43: Nicknames: Mana 44: Relationship Status: Single af 45: Zodiac Sign: Aries 46: Pronouns: She/Her 47: Favorite TV Shows: Supernatural, Stranger Things, Lethal Weapon, The Night Shift, Midnight Texas, Law and Order: SVU, River Monsters. 48: Left or Right Handed: Right 49: Surgery: Does a C-Section count if I was the baby? lol 50: Hair dyed in a different color: Black, blonde, white, red, copper, different shades of brown. Haven’t dyed it in the past 5 years so currently at my natural color. 51: Sport: Swim 52: Vacation: Where I’d like to go- Scotland. My fav vacation thus far- Probs my first con even though it was only like an hour from home. It was just so immersive and eye-opening.  53: Pair of sneakers: High-top Converse only

MORE GENERAL:

54: Eating: Breakfast sandwich on an everything bagel 55: Drinking: Still water 56: I’m about to: Write, sleep, eat more, or start packing/cleaning my room. Haven’t decided yet. 57: Want: Too many to list. 58: Get married: Sure, just not right now and I don’t believe in divorce so that person better fuckin’ be the right one. 59: Career: Something that fucking means something (and pays the bills) 60: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs 61: Lips or Eyes: Both 62: Short or tall: Tall (I’m 5′9″ so I like my romantic interests taller or the same size as me, but for friends I don’t have a preference) 63: Older or Younger: Older  64: Nice Arms or Stomach: Arms. Idgaf about abs, but some nice biceps and triceps could kill me 65: Sensitive or Loud: Sensitive. I get loud around people I know/if I’m emotional, but I generally have a bad sensory overload issue, so sensitive is how I like the world around me. 66- Hookup or Relationship: Relationship 67: Troublemaker or Hesitant: Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER

68- Kissed a stranger: Yep (this goes back to the kiss that you’ve regretted thing) 69- Drank hard liquor: Yes  70- Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: Don’t wear them but I’ve defo lost sunglasses. 71- Turned someone down: Only been asked out once and said yes, so no, I haven’t turned anyone down yet. 

PERSONAL

72- Sex on the first date: No. 73- Broken someone’s heart: I don’t think so? 74- Had your heart broken: Yep 75- Have been Arrested: Nope 76- Cried when someone died: Yes 77- Fallen for a friend: Yes! 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

78- Yourself: Sometimes 79- Miracles: Yes 80- Love at first sight: Yes 81- Santa Claus: No 82- Kiss on the first date: If the moment/chemistry is right

MORE

83- Current Best Friend: @sebbytrash will be my best friend for life.  84- Eye Color: Dark brown, thin dark blue ring around the outside 85- Fav Movie: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

[moiraineswife]

What proof do we have that Eris is abusive, other than that characters have said he is? Most held a similar opinion of Rhys, what's the difference? That we have a first person narrator who is privy to the backstory of one but not the other? I'm not trying to be aggressive but I want to know your thoughts. I thought showing was more important than telling in storytelling.

Okay then, like, what ‘proof’ have we got for literally 90% of the things in this series???? Feyre is a 19 year old human girl in a world full of immortal fae. You want an eye witness account for everything in this thing, do you?

 How do I know the war happened the way they said it did? Feyre never saw it, she’s only had characters tell her about it. How do I know Rhys actually hated what he did with Amarantha and didn’t just swap sides right at the end? How do I know Rhys’ dad sucked but his mother was a good person, I’ve only heard him tell me about her, I’ve seen it. How do I know Tamlin’s brothers were awful? Never seen them either. How do I know Beron is really that awful either, I mean maybe he’s wearing a mask too and all the characters are just wrong. How do I know Mor is queer? I’ve never seen her with a girl before, I just have her word for it, maybe she lied. How do I know literally anything in this entire series because WE GET TOLD MOST THINGS NOT SHOWN THEM. 

This is what happens when you have a limited first person pov. The character HAS to get told things in order to tell us things like ???? A little bit of common sense please, do you want me to like, historically fact check Prythian for everything that Feyre tells us about it??? 

And tbh SJM has a pretty crappy habit of doing the whole ‘telling over showing’ thing anyway. See: the entirety of the Throne of Glass series, Mor’s powers in ACOTAR (she’s awesome, really, we promise, we just haven’t actually SEEN her do anything), the assertions that Rhys and co are ~the most powerful ever~ have I actually SEEN that? Can I actually see that? No.  Do I really question these things? No. Because I understand that this is the only way I can actually get some information out of this story and if I only went with what I ‘saw’ and disbelieved everything else I’d have literally nothing?? 

And when it comes to the whole Eris thing, like, dude, it’s not just a couple of characters who’ve said he’s abysmal it’s like, wait let me make a list: 

Tamlin: “His father had her put down. Executed, in front of Lucien, ashis two eldest brothers held him and made him watch.” That would be Eris. So at best you’ve got conflicting statements here. 

Lucien: “Lucien crossed his arms, leaning against the back of thecouch. “I have to agree with Cassian. Eris is a snake.” M, yes, Eris, HIS OWN BROTHER. If anyone was going to know Eris was ~not a bad person~ it’d be Lucien. Lucien who lived in that court. Who knew him. Who Eris apparently cared enough to protect/save, according to him. Eris who apparently cares so much about his mother (as we have seen Lucien does SEEN that is SEEN with our own two eyes) Why the hell would Lucien not know Eris was ‘wearing a mask’. Or maybe...Eris really does suck. 

Rhys: “Eris refused to marry her. Said she’d been sullied by abastard-born lesser faerie, and he’d now sooner fuck a sow. [...]Rhys said withsoft wrath, “Eris left her for dead in the middle of their woods.” Idgaf how he tries to spin it later, this is what happened.  

Cassian: “You’re working with that prick,” Cassian cut in, whatevercatching-up now over, apparently. He moved to Mor’s side, a hand on her back.He shook his head at Azriel and Rhys, disgust curling his lip. “You should havespiked Eris’s fucking head to the front gates.” 

Amren: “Your whole family is despicable,” Amren said to Lucien.

Mor: AtMor, whose face went white with dread. [...]Or at Eris, heirto the Autumn Court, as he strolled into the room. 

[...] 

And I had the terrible sense that Mor had gone somewhere far,far away as Eris set down his goblet and said, “You look well, Mor.”

The sight of him triggers actual real panic attacks and flashbacks that we can literally see from Feyre’s POV. Five hundred years after the fact and Mor is still traumatised enough by what he did to her to react like this even after all that time. 

Then we have Feyre’s POV herself. Through her we’ve seen Eris laughing alongside his other brothers as Lucien was tortured and nearly killed. 

“I don’t suppose your handsome brothers know, Lucien,” shepurred.

“If we did, Lady, we would be the first to tell you,” said thetallest. He was lean, well dressed, every inch of him a court-trained bastard.Probably the eldest, given the way even the ones who looked like born warriorsstared at him with deference and calculation—and fear.

 Ah, yes, that would be Eris actively promising help to Amarantha in order to damn Feyre and continue her reign. Then there’s the way Eris hunts down Lucien and Feyre in the Winter Court, actively harms them both. So that’s like...Basically every single main character in this book who’s told you Eris sucks. 

What’s the basis for believing that he doesn’t, out of interest? I mean what ‘evidence’ do you have that he is actually wearing a mask, what do you have that’s so strong it goes against the testimony of multiple characters? Oh I know! You have Eris’ word for it and that’s it. Wow. So unbiased. So convincing. Eris tells us he’s not really a bad guy and that outweighs the half a dozen people who tells us he is! That’s just. Damn. What logic. Can’t argue with that. 

Also, like, I’m sorry, but Rhys’ arc was done properly, Rhys’ redemption wasn’t a retcon it was a followed-through on plan. There were hints UtM that Rhys was not as black as he was painted (He killed the Summer Court faerie outright rather than leaving him to suffer, he repeatedly came to visit Feyre in her cell when no-one else would, he was honest with Feyre about the treatment he received at Amarantha’s hands (a vulnerability on his part), he told her why he was making her dance every night as well as the steps he put in place to protect her, he sent music to her and saved her life, he saved her life and Tamlin’s with the kiss (which Feyre is aware of), he tried to save Feyre’s life while Amarantha was torturing her) 

Rhys was a complex, morally grey character UtM and it’s possible to show a different side to him and a ‘mask’ because there were always hints of him wearing one. What if Ianthe told Feyre she was actually a secret agent working for Prythian but she was forced to act the way she did to keep her cover? What if Amarantha said she’d only dominated Prythian that way to save it from something worse and she too was wearing a mask and working for the greater good? What if Hybern said there was a bigger threat facing them and he had an ulterior motive to this war (and also, I mean, how do you really know Hybern is that awful, we’ve only ever had people tell us about him, maybe he’s misunderstood too!!!!)  @valamerys wrote this out far better than I could in this post, read it too. 

My thoughts are pretty simple, tbh: SJM decided to “”””””redeem”””””” Eris, likely to have him set-up to take over Autumn, now Lucien isn’t an option for that before what with the whole dramatic lost son of Day thing and she did a crap job of it. Like this isn’t some grand morality based character debate that’s going on here, SJM just handled this poorly. In order to make him seem not so bad she had to undo all of the canon that she’d set in place before hand and offer ‘alternative’ explanations for what happened that we’ve never heard about. 

If she planned this all beforehand, if Eris was always wearing a mask why weren’t there hints of it before? Why didn’t she have Tamlin tell Feyre he got an anonymous tip-off the day he saved Lucien’s life from his brothers (which is what Eris claimed). Why wouldn’t Lucien defend him a little, say at least he cared about their mother/was sometimes kinder to him than the others? Why wouldn’t Rhys say that in the arranged marriage that petrified Mor, Eris was as unwilling as she was, that he argued against it? (Eris would have gone through with this marriage regardless of what it did to Mor if she hadn’t slept with Cassian) Why wouldn’t Eris stay quiet UtM or not show up to watch Lucien’s torture (which he does repeatedly)? Why, why, why, why, why would SJM not do something to show us that there might be more to Eris? Unless this was just a sloppy, last minute retcon to redeem a gross, abusive character who still to do this day petrifies his victim? 

Like, if you consider showing to be of more importance than telling in stories....You’ve picked a mighty weird hill to die on here with Eris. Because this is literally the worst example of telling not showing in this entire series. There is no basis for anything that happens with Eris’ character in ACOWAR and the only thing we have stacked against the evidence of two and a half books is what Eris says and how he personally spins the story like ????

 Idk dude, we can have a convoluted, let’s bend over backwards to redeem this guy and show he was misunderstood and has been wearing a mask so convincing it’s never ever ever cracked even once this entire time, to anyone! Even people who’ve known him for centuries....Or we go with the simpler: SJM really didn’t plan or execute this story very well at all. Which seems more reasonable?  

[that1random-girl]

PLL CLUES TO ENDGAME

So Over the past week or so I’ve been rewatching Pll from 6B on. These are just some things that may be clues/ things I picked up on.

In 6B, Aria starts off super shady. Sneaking out of the hotel. Everyone was convinced that Ezra and Aria are somehow behind/involved in Charollets death.

Lucas and Melissa both return in 6x13. Lucas to impress Hanna, Melissa to call out Spencer on her *ahem* dating life. Melissa is also worried about the tape she made spencer, and spencer says its destroyed dont be paranoid.

They reallly are putting Ezra out. Calling out his drinking, and outbursts. “No one broke a chair....it was an inncident.” This behavior is presumed to be because of Nicole.

The whole “It was highschool.” “NOT FOR HIM” gets me everytime i stg

Ezria scene “you are compassionate, sensitive. You are kind.” Ezra, “Maybe I’m not.”

Insert infamous scene where the liars burst in and accuse Ezra of murder (ARIA INCLUDED) they are convinced and he says “Anybody bring torches ptichforks? anything like that? (lolz) and Ezra has his outburst “NOW! GET OUT!” which was pretty extrra for someone who’s only secret was aria’s parents hooking up??? seems like a major overreaction.

“Who do you think I am?” Ezra

“I don’t know” Aria

Ezra makes it clear he is glad that Charollett is dead.

Lucas is involved in something, maybe he killed Char to protect Hannah. He loves her to death obviously, is that that big of a stretch? I know he and Charles were friends way back when, but according to Lucas he didn’t know Charles as Charollete, and it makes more sense for his loyalty to be to Hanna, since he partially blames himself for what happened to her, all he wants now is to protect her.

6X13 we get the first new text from the new enemy. “jYou know who did it and I’m going to make you talk.” At this ponit they think Ezra is the killer. The texter isn’t refered to as AD until 6x20 (they think AD and the other texter are different people: one who wants revenge for Chars murder and one who wants to cover it up)

Now, this text is also thought to be sent by Archer/Mary right?? But then why at the end does it show A getting rid of the hoodies. Archer wasn’t around when OG A had hoodies and was tormenting the girls, if Archer was the one being A, then that scene doesn’t make sense. 6x14 “JI don’t lurk in the shadows, I hide in plain sight” Making it seem like its someone they know.

It’s important, I think, that this is the first A who allows the girls to communicate freely with them. From 6x14 when Hanna texts the number asking “Do i know you,” to Aria calling AD lateley, idk it’s interesting. This AD has to have more confidence than whoever was playing the game before, they are tech savy enough to KNOW beyond a doubt they won’t get caught. (caleb, mona, lucas?)

The murder weapon was the golf club right? Ezra has the club in question, but it could have easily been replaced after he used it right?

“When he get’s like this I’ve learned not to ask....He’s dark and depressed.” That blonde coffee chick emily dated, about Ezra.

Toby seems content and happy with Yvonne, I really don’t think he is AD. At least from season 6 perspective, so far.

Flashback of Aria’s parents arguing about Charolete, making it seem now like it’s Aria’s dad that killed her. Adding to the evidence that her dad doesn’t have a 9 iron in his set.

Shower Harvey’s room was 214. 214 has connections to Jenna and Toby (the hotel room with the flute music that was faxed in braille. BAD) Hanna and Caleb (The locker combo and Jenna and the flashdrive.) Sara, (this) and something recently in season 7 with the school and Aria being shady with the locker.

In season 2 episode 14, Ezria gets outted to Aria’s parents, Spencer confronted Garrett about the NAT club, Toby gives spence the rocking chair (A Replica of which was in the dollhouse)

Mona called Char from the two crows diner the night she died and asked for her to meet at the two crows. (SHe had pie???)

After Ezra sees Arias parents, he says he went to the house of pies and had a three hour conversation about politics with a truck driver named Earl.

Melissa’s suitcase is broken and there is a piece missing that could be the murder weapon. Eyes off Aria’s father. Melissa comes back in 6x17. We know Charollet called wren and (probably) told him that Melissa was the one who burried bethany alive. as heavily implied by Hanna and Melissa’s conversation. Melisssa was a sobbing mess that night. That’s her motive to (kill?) Charlotte.

“Hail to the conquerer” Caleb to Melissa....hmmm....

Emily finds the ‘murder?’ weapon on a roof and AD? steals it. (The driver was NOT melissa according to sketchy garrage guy who is on AD’s payroll so his words aren’t exactly credible)

6X20 SoME lady calls Toby PRettTY EYES I SAID IT THEN AND ILL SAY IT NOW THATS A CLUE ALL THESE PIE CLUES AND PRETTY EYE S I STG IF THIS BITCH IS IN THE NEXT EPISODE IN THE DINER THATS PRROOF IDGAF ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE that toby is involved somehow. (im particularly fond of the toby and spenciritta theory) (IF he is involved otherwise i like wren theory or ezria theeory)

ELLIOT OR ARCHER OR WHATEVER IS BRITISH. THAT IS NOT A COINCIDENCE I SAID IT ONCE AND ILL SAY IT AGAIN. HUGE WREN CLUE.

7x01- AD knows somehow hanna was lying and isn’t charlottes killer. The liars now begin to think it’s Alison that killed Char. Later in the episode Archer, thinks it was Ali as well, who told hiim that? someone with the group? He continues to believe it was Ali and that’s why he tortures her.

Toby: “We can’t pretend that the Alison that blinded Jenna never existed.”

THANK YOU!!!! (This points to Ali potentially being AD or at least involved.)

*INSERT SCENE WITH HANNA AND “”SPENCER”” which is a ‘’dream’’. If this is the twin, then she let’s hanna go (kinda by saying there is a way out) because Hanna says “its a good thing i don’t know who killed Charlotte, because I’d tell if I did.” Twincer must have believed her and that’s why she let her go. (Why would hanna lie to her best friend in a dream?) This scene just moments after Mary visits Spence and says something about twins, “you look so much like your sister...” (presumably refering to Melissa, but maybe her twin”

When Hanna is running through the woods half naked after escaping, it reminds me a lot of when Aria was running from Ezra in the woods. Only thing is, we know Ezria are together at this point, so Ezra is ruled out as being AD at this point, right? Same with Ali, who is in the hospital, Emily who is breaking into Alis house, Caleb who is at the lost woods, mona, toby, and spence who are with the group after hanna escapes, so they could still be involved somehow. So they didn’t kidnap hanna- AD kidnapped hanna- none of them are AD

[thiccandmentallysicc]

Get to know me:

Tagged by talented/total babe @offansandflames ♡

Rules: answer 92 83 statements (i skipped some boring ones srry), tag whomever you please.

THE LAST. 1. Drink: pabst blue ribbon, yes im white trash 2. Phone call: mom 3. Text message: my bestfriend 4. Song you listened to: keaton henson, to your health 5. Time you cried: erm a lil yesterday but like deep convo tears

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice?: a relit ciggarette never tastes the same 7. Kissed someone and regretted it?: Not enough to recall at the moment. 8. Been cheated on?: I haven’t taken many partners, so to my knowledge, no? 9. Lost someone special?: Yes 10: Been depressed: :,) 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: my life from 15-19 tbh, not in the party, neurotypical fashion more along the Wtf Pls exPlain type way or for shits n giggles

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14. Baby pink and blue, black.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends?:Yes if online counts? Very beautiful and enchanting spirits who i already love 16. Fallen out of love?: never do if its real, cuz im a romantic//also think u always care a little for those you really loved 17. Laughed until you cried?: yesterday actually like rllllly good because my girl dropped her entire jug of wine right before opening it. The universe flicked us off dirty. 18. Found out someone was talking about you?: Yeah, some good, some bad, some wild. Idk. 19. Met someone who changed you?: Yes some beautifully, made me fonder, some not so lovely but thats ok (try to make it ok) 20. Found out who your friends are?: I have fucking one bestfriend who i hold to that certain standard shes my lover/ soul mate and weve been through a fucking ride n shes still my number one. If others let me down i find ways to make it bittersweet. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list?: yus GENERAL 22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life?: Idk some r family and people from all the schools i went to. I dont care for facebook much. 23. Do you have any pets?: one black, perfect cat with lil rays of auburn going down her back, i named her clementine. Also 4 dumb n rlly cute dogs live with me. I like one a lot, Luna, shes my princess. (Yes i admit favorites idgaf/ she also knows she’s my fav n takes advantage) 24. Do you want to change your name?: mydad originally wanted to name me Xena (after xena princess warrior) whom i developed an intense crush on later. 25. What did you do for you last birthday?: yo lol i dont know i turned 22 i just had drinks and smoked with my bestfriend 26. What time did you wake up?: didnt check, i usually wake up multiple times n go back to sleep If i can 27. What were you doing midnight last night?: either in my gfs car or just getting home 28. Name something you can’t wait for?: my classes to start again, mini roadtrip to Gainesville and maybe being able to see my little cousin soon. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: lik e 2 seconds ago. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life?: sjdufjekwns 31. What are you listening to right now?: Keaton Henson 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: lol nah not that i remember 33. Something that’s getting on your nerves?: the state of the Union, how 2 get my smol dogs to stop barking, why do ppl have to live w abusers and when will my witch powers allow me to cast them off into The Void, my general discomfort n lack of motivation. To casually name a few ,, 34. Most visited website?: ao3, Tumblr RANDOM SHIT: 35. Mole/s?: lol?? Moles can b cute, i have a few. 36. Mark/s?: plenty, one in particular tho i have on my upper forehead not like harry potter sttle unfortunately, its all hidden near my scalp 37. Childhood dream?: i always wanted to do something that would let me swim with humpback whales in natural habitat ofcourse or track the lives n rituals of wolves and then i was like mayb ill just be aschool counsler, all of which i still kinda wana do. 38. Hair color?: blonde 39. Long or Short hair?: i have medium length hair but i like both 40. Do you have a crush on someone?: I literally always have a crush on someone, idk crushes to me means you make me happy and blushy and if you make me laugh, i crush. 41. What do you like about yourself?: i could say i like how i am when im with someone i love. N that some ppl are able to confide in me, id say my empathy but idk i can be a fuckface too. 42. Piercings?: tongue I got snakebites, industrial, bellybutton, reg ol ear piercings too. 43. Bloodtype?: i dont know o.O 44. Nickname?: cookie monster when i was younger, lali, lion, coocoomanga(my dad) renren, rin, my mom says lil shit endearingly and i got the habit. 45. Relationship status?: basically married 46. Zodiac sign?: Aries 47. Pronouns?: She/they 48. Favorite t.v show?: i binge and am not ashamed, supernatural, classic spongebob, south park, parks n rec, modern fam, a haunting, me and my mom watch ancient aliens 2gether , Steven Universe, Adventure Time, the fucking x files, malcolminthemiddle, etc, my animes as well are all shoved in here in my heart. Naruto/free/haikyuu/oourans host club/ HxH etc 49. Tattos: 5 and one on the way, matching one with my love 50. Right or left hand: Righty most def 51. Surgery?: luckily no 52. Hair dyed in different colors?: I maintain the blonde i had at like six, its naturally dirty brownish? At one point i dyed it platinum tho 53. Sport?: In my anime MORE GENERAL 54. I’m about to?: Finish some arts and crafts for some letters im making (: and then a smol walk 55. Waiting for?: some inspo, 56. Get married?: its not very important to me. But if my partner became passionate about it i would be rite there w em 57. Career?: I’m majoring in psychology/minor in education WHICH IS BETTER? 58. Hugs or kisses?: depends on who but I’m a sap for both 59. Lips or eyes?: Eyes, give me them soulful orbs 60. Shorter or taller?: no preference 61. Older or younger?: You can be a shithead at any age, so no preference. 62. Nice arms or nice stomach?: eh,, not sure to be honest. I love hands and forearms, so i suppose arms? 63. Sensitive or loud?: u gotta be both at least every now and then. Either extreme will be bothersome though 64. Hook up or relationship?: eh past experiences make hook ups generally uncomfortable n left me feeling ace/aceromantic for a good portion of my teen yrs but im not impartial 65. Troublemaker or hesitant: ive calmed down but im not hesitant unless my gut says so HAVE YOU EVER? 66. Kissed a stranger?: yes 67. Drank hard liquor?: yes 68. Lost glasses/contacts?: glasses, yes. 69. Turned someone down?: as a chick in miami ¿¿¿ of fucking course 70. Sex on the first date?: lol yes 71. Broken someone’s heart?: seems dramatic i dont feel like i have sincerely done that, just hurt them. 72. Had your heart broken?: In a way mostly by close friends / family 73. Been arrested?: when i was 15 for dumb shit like trespassing 74. Cried when someone died?: yes 75. Fallen for a friend?: i crush on all my friends because i love alot DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 76. Yourself?: Yes because Rock Lee would want me to 77. Miracles?: i think miracles are a byproduct of a fucking amazing universe. 78. Love at first sight?: i think of it as a magnetic pull n interest not love 79. Santa Clause?: i fucking love christmas, idgaf 80. Kiss on the first date?: yup OTHER 81. Current bestfriend?: @mariekankerr 7 years n countin babe 82. Eyecolor?: blue 83. Favorite Movie?: Lilo and Stitch, Pulp Fiction, The Iron Giant, A Fish Called Wanda, Murder By Death, Knights of the Round Table, mel brooks in general, The Changeling (bt like the oroginal one not w Angelina jolie it came out in like the 90s?) Spirited Away, Clue, Hot Chicks, A Bronx Tale I tag: @shamelesssasukestan @hotmessmuffin @narutoandsasukearecanon and i suck at this so just go for it and tag me so i can lurk on u

[xsapphirestar]

MM fandom reminds me of MS fandom

Hahaha

MS used to be really popular 

like 10-12 years ago + 

until big bang patch , there were huge changes . 

in the year 2007 ~ 2010 ; 

i was quite new to MS at that point of time.

i was really a newbie, noobie and naive . 

in the year 2007 ~ 2008 , 

it was when i first discovered ‘bannedstory’ a free program for maple sprites. (kind of like mmd. free program but drawn models lolz) . 

so i played around with the program ; 

my first YT channel , where i uploaded almost everything i did with bannedstory and some other program i forgot . I used to be really desperate for subscribers too. not anymore. IDGAF ABOUT THE NUMBERS ANYMORE LOLZ. itz just numbers. 

i watched other users’ ms videos , i also discovered a paid program ‘ sony vegas‘ but since i couldnt afford it ( i was really young and naive ) //i’m still am// ^^;; //illegal// 

i played around with sony vegas, AND HOLY SHIT. sony vegas is such a COOL PROGRAM WITH ALL THE AMAZING EFFECTS & TRANSITIONS ! but it is a paid program . the full version is really expensive . 

in 2008 ~ 2009 

(dont rmb exactly when since it’s long ago) , i received many negative remarks , comments , criticisms . i was so affected by it that i deleted everything + my first youtube channel . i think it was my very first ? i upload almost everything i did with ms bannedstory there. i deleted that channel. i forgot the reason why i deleted it , since it is so long ago . but i dont think i regret it. a little part of me regretted it, cause i couldn’t see what my younger version of me did. :x 

i also deleted everything on my second channel until it is left with 2-3 videos.

im sorry for being such a noobie. sorry for being such a useless burden

yes idk why do i exist in this world . 

im such a trash . im useless . im a burden. i creep everyone out . nobody likes me . That happened like , 9-10 years ago , but i still remember those memories.

i guess im not meant to know people . im not meant to have friends . im meant to be alone . i dont deserve to know people . i dont deserve to have friends . im destined to be a loner4lyfe :’) 

sorry that i was born this way . 

even school made me thought this way … 

2011 ~ 2014 ; 

itz a traumatic experience for me . ; new ;

i meet new people , experience something new . i guess i was also going through a stage of puberty . 

towards the end of 2011 

My classmate abandoned me , she said she hate me . I began to overthink .why does she hate me ? am i a bad person ? did i do something wrong ? is it because of how i treat others ? how i treat my … friend ? i was mean ? i was being rude ? im useless ? im a burden ? how weird i am ? …  She was the first person who made the first move to talked to me in school . i guess i kind of like her , as a friend . she meant a lot to me . She is the first person who tried to be my friend during my school days , while the rest do not give a fuck and gave me ‘ i do not like you ‘ face , even their body language says it . i got kind of attached and used to her presence , because i’m not used to making the first move to talk to people , being around with people , hanging out with people in school . i’m kind of a loner . im kind of anti-social & sort of … shy . i have different personalities. i act differently in different situations. 

; 2012 ; 

When she said she hated me last year , she abandoned me . She started hanging out with my other classmate . And everytime she saw me  or when im close to her , she always make an excuse for me to stay away from her , and then gave me a blackface or that ‘ i do not like you ‘ look . hahaha

I guess there is a first for everything . I do not know how it feels having someone who did all these for me . itz a new experience for me . i feel lost ;; i do not know what this feeling was … 

i started playing an online game ‘ auditionsea ‘ in late 2010 , but got more focused & addicted in mid 2011 . 

I tried releasing my stress and emotional pain by playing auditionsea, because i do not know what i am feeling . I feel empty , hollow inside . i do not know what this feeling is. i feel … lost .It did not really work but it did pass the time . 

i also overthink a lot .  i kept thinking and thinking . i overthink so much that it fucked me up . i became more messed up . i tried acting not myself because acting myself will make me think more , and more emotional . im kind of a emotional person , to prevent me feeling even worse . i tried acting like a different person online… but it did not work and backfired . it still messes me up .i am so damn lost . i tried to become a different person irl , it is the same result .it backfired , did not work , making me even worse . i guess being true to yourself is the best ? … “ be yourself “ . everyone is different and unique . but i tried doing all that because of overthinking . i overthink , i think a lot . F m l . 

In this year 2012 , maplesea released a new class , ‘ phantom ‘ . I saw his cinematic trailer and animation . holy shit . He is such a cool class, and he steal skills ! I stopped playing MS temporarily because that game gets boring after awhile when you completed what you want to do . I have to admit, Phantom made me install back MS and i got addicted to ms again . I really like MS storyline and lore . His individual storyline is kind of good , itz like watching an anime but you have to play the game to read the story lolz . The art is quite good , I LIKED IT !! but i took fucking 3-4 years to reach level 200, cause i stopped playing temporarily at LV 150-170 + . i do not know where to train , lost motivation and my damage is really NOOB . PLUS I AM POOR AS FUCK and NOOB AS FUCK . After phantom class , they began to release more and more class and i kind of neglected the old class which i haven’t get to 200 yet. lolz.

I guess I am meant to be alone , i do not deserve to have friends . i sorry for being such a weird person okay . i am sorry for being born this way . idk why do i exist in this world , idk why am i born with this personality . idk why am i so useless . idk why am i such a burden . why am i so useless …i’m really useless. i am meant to be a loner i guess .

i guess that is why i became more anti-social . 

In mid 2012 - late 2012

In one of my school classes , i saw my friend crying . My other classmate saw it too , and he asked her why . She said her friend // my other classmate abandon her. She left her for another friend. I feel kind of bad. i thought i could finally feel good about it , seeing that she is finally feeling what i am feeling. But i just feel… bad.  I am meant to be alone , so that means im used to being alone … I’m used to feeling lonely, but i am not used to feeling empty, hollow inside. Hahaha. fml it feels like a part of me has been ripped out and it hurts so fucking bad . 

; In 2013 ;

In the beginning of the year , january , my school class has new sitting arrangement for everyone . I was chosen/paired with the same classmate . Idk, she acted like nothing has happened , like she had forgotten the hatred she has for me , and started talking to me again . Friends again ? i was confused . but it was only temporary . i guess all good things do come to an end . 

; 2014 ; 

everything’s gone once again . i became alone once again ~ i came to a conclusion that i am meant to be alone , nobody likes me , i creep everyone out . my classmate became really close to my other friend classmate . They both are close before , but closer this year … Hahaha . i felt like i’m a replacement . spare tyre . 

; 2015 ; 

I changed to a new phone on 12 January 2015 . That means my contacts are gone . I had to restart everything . Games , dl apps from playstore , new accounts , and other stuffz . 

; 2016 ; 

… i don’t know …. i feel so messed up !! LOST ;; LIFE GOES ON . NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS , LIFE GOES ON ANYWAYZ .HAHAHA FML . I had my very first IA / intern experience . :’) it was a challenging and new experience for me for 2 months lolz . That was also the period of time where i tried out MM ^^;; . i was curious so i tried out . Never knew i will love this game so much lolz . FUCK MY LIFE LOLZ.  i intend to tried the game out for awhile , like play the beginning intro , then uninstall . MM made me confused , especially the convo with unknown where he send the address to the player lolz . i intend to uninstall after i played the introduction / prologue , but ZEN made me think otherwise . ZEN is really welcoming and SWEET OMFG ~ he reminds me of phantom from MS . Because of him , i decide to play the game longer , and i got even more confused but i still play CUZ OF ZEN !! FML AND THE LONGER I PLAY , THE MORE I UNDERSTAND AND THE MORE I RELATE TO THE CHARACTERS AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS GAME OMG LOLZ FML . I don’t even know how , itz just sort of naturally happened !!! FUCK ZEN :’( LOLZ JK. 

i guess i fell into a deep wishing well , unable to escape. a.k.a mm hell . 

…..

hahaha . 

i became more afraid . my fear increased . i developed a fear of talking/interacting with people . i  am afraid of making friends. im afraid of  making bad impressions . im afraid of opening up to people . im afraid of knowing people . im afraid the same shit will happen and i will go through it again

its not that i do not want to learn new things . 

(who doesn’t want to learn new things? it means you get to experience it and that means knowing more things. you’ll be more knowledgeable about the things you enjoy i guess)

 itz not that i do not want to learn . itz not that im being stubborn (i kinda am) . im just afraid 

afraid of making mistakes

i feel so useless . i feel so stupid . why do i exist in this world

maybe one day , when i am walking down the streets , some psychopath will stab me or a car will knock me down LOLZ . i doubt anyone will miss me . not my family . what friends ? what is friends . what is a human being ? my family will be so glad to see me dead if that ever gonna happen . im such a burden anyways . im useless .

mean people exists because to balance the good and bad in life .

but why do i feel that more mean people exist than genuinely nice people ? 

[hotfitnesstopics]

Half the battle of working out is finding the motivation to get started, and the other half is keeping your energy high when you're going those final miles on the treadmill or squeezing in a few extra reps. When your muscles start to ache and you feel like you're about to hit the wall, sometimes music is the only thing that can keep you going, which is why we've assembled the perfect work out playlist featuring songs that are sure to keep you feeling great while you're toning up. "Nice For What" by Drake "I Like It" by Cardi B feat. J Balvin and Bad Bunny "Walk It Talk It" by Migos feat. Drake "Sky Walker" by Miguel feat. Travis Scott "Icon" by Jaden Smith "Sit Next to Me" by Foster the People "IDGAF" by Dua Lipa "KOD" by J. Cole "Love Lies" by Khalid and Normani "Everybody Mad" by O.T. Genasis "Dinero" by Jennifer Lopez feat. DJ Khaled and Cardi B "American Money" by Børns "Top Off" by DJ Khaled feat Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and Future "She Loves Control" by Camila Cabello "Girls Like You" by Maroon 5 feat. Cardi B "Somebody Like Me" by Craig David feat. AJ Tracey "Sauce" by Justin Timberlake "Chun-Li" by Nicki Minaj "Lost In Your Light" by Dua Lipa feat. Miguel "God's Plan" by Drake "Me So Bad" by Tinashe feat. Ty Dolla $ign and French Montana "The Good War" by Kimbra "Tu Verdad" by J Balvin "Delicate" by Taylor Swift "I Like Me Better" by Lauv "Down" by Mýa "Real Deal" by Jessie J "Pynk" by Janelle Monáe feat. Grimes "rockstar" by Post Malone feat. 21 Savage "Bed" by Nicki Minaj feat. Ariana Grande "El Anillo" by Jennifer Lopez "Wait" by Maroon 5 "Particular Taste" by Shawn Mendes "Mi Gente" by J Balvin and Willy William feat. Beyoncé "X" by Kendrick Lamar feat. ScHoolboy Q, 2 Chainz, and Saudi "Told You So" by Miguel "The Middle" by ZEDD feat. Maren Morris and Grey "That's It" by Bebe Rexha feat. Gucci Mane and 2 Chains "Stuck With Me" by Tinashe feat. Little Dragon "Alone" by Halsey feat. Big Sean and Stefflon Don "Move To Miami" by Enrique Iglesias feat. Pitbull Looking for a specific playlist based on your workouts? We've got you covered. Remember: you will need to download the free Spotify software or app to listen to our playlists. from POPSUGAR Fitness https://ift.tt/2KHs22E via IFTTT

http://www.fitnessclub.cf/2018/07/41-energizing-songs-that-will-make-your_17.html