#this is my performance art piece in which the performer plays We Built This City over a speaker in a large empty space

[pocket-mobster]

we built this city

[viir-tanadhal]

it's been a few weeks since your PSB concert! How has it been, like, every now and then remembering "whoa i was there!" and listening to songs on your phone and going "hey they played this live!" Have you found pictures & videos online that reminded you of something that you forgot happened? Pls pls pls tell us about the concert, idc if "that happened a while ago get over it" i would love to hear it!!! They're your favorites

thanks for asking david!!!

putting under read more because i have a lot to say

well first of all I'll say my sense of time has totally gotten messed up since the concert (I can't believe it's already been over 2 weeks since the concert, September went by so slowly and now October is going so FAST)

firstly I'll say the drive to Minneapolis and the hotel and the weather was fantastic! it was my second time going to Minneapolis and my mom's first time. we got there early a couple hours before the doors opened for the show so we could walk around and not worry about getting to the city on time or the hotel room not being ready, traffic, etc. so we stopped by a record store and then walked to the minneapolis institute of art which turned out to be a good idea because while we were there I GOT A NOTIFICATION THAT PSB HAD POSTED A PHOTO THAT THEY WERE THERE TOO!!! We probably totally missed them by an hour or so but I'm still thinking about how wild it could have been if I had actually seen Neil there in-person. I wouldn't have said anything to him but it just would’ve been surreal you know? So that's going to always be a very memorable part of the trip for me and my mom and I took a photo in the place where he had in the institute (I’m not sure if it was him and Chris or if he was with their programmer Pete but if it had been Neil and Chris it would have been even more like. yeah ok cool yup.)

As for the concert, this was my first ever concert, so I don't really have anything to compare it to. The Armory was a really cool venue and since pet shop boys were first and my mom and I were general admission I wanted to be close to the stage but not too close it'd be hard to take photos of the whole stage set up. Having to stand around for 2 hours before the performance actually started was a bit tiresome but it was worth it getting a good spot.

As for the actual performances. I went in knowing of course psb's set list and how the whole thing looks and what parts i wanted to take photos and videos of. But it was a really different experience watching videos and looking at pictures online and actually experiencing it live. Neil sounded fantastic - his voice was perfect right from the start on Suburbia, and the screen rising to reveal them as the music swelled and built was one of the most exciting moments of my life. It was also interesting watching Chris in real life too. Neil has commented on how Chris exudes this kind of "coolness" because of how he concentrates on playing and reading the sheet music on his monitor and I definitely understood what he meant from seeing it in person. It was also fun being able to distinctly hear what bits Chris was playing live and watching him play.

The thing about Neil that I sometimes make fun of is he can be a little awkward or look funny with how he does his choreographed hand gestures but I really didn't think that at all while watching him. Everything was really smooth and they both had such an aura of confidence just standing on stage alone for the first bit of their performance. I don't know how to really describe it but there's a clear sense of artistry and purpose in them standing together on stage that it doesn't look boring or stale but like a live performance piece. And even when Neil starts moving around and playing up being a showman and performer to the audience, he has this cool confidence and fluidity to his movements that's incredibly engaging.

I also love their live band!!! Afrika, Clare, and Simon add a ton of energy and vibrancy to the staging and I really like that because of the shiny fringe of their outfits, it makes them playing their instruments in the back part of the visual spectacle.

Which, I have to say, Tom Scutt has done a phenomenal job with the design of this tour. I was curious about how this tour would look because since 2006 they’ve worked with the designer Es Devlin for all of their tours. I do like her designs and it’s not as if she recycled the same ideas or concepts for the previous tours but I did look forward to seeing how someone new would tackle visually conveying the songs. Plus, Es has already had to design many of the songs on this tour previously, so having someone whose never had to design or come up with a visual look for a particular song before I think was a good idea to at least introduce a new perspective and look on the songs.

I think the main thing, seeing as the set and setlist is a condensed version of their Dreamworld/Greatest Hits tour, is having to grapple with nostalgia and legacy. It would have been easy just to rely on the nostalgia factor and reuse previous looks or visuals or ideas for the songs to cash in on the nostalgic look of those songs. And they do that to an extent but in such a way that repurposes it and makes something new. For example, for a few of the songs, the back visual projection is the music video for that song, but it’s edited and redone in such a way that you recognize it’s the music video but it’s still an entirely new video art piece (the most obvious of these was Rent and West End Girls from what I recall). So while elements of the main performance draw on previous looks and some callbacks, it was still something new.

In terms of the live versions of the songs on this tour, there wasn’t too many that were exactly new mixes of the songs, but there were notable changes. On Rent, for the version on Actually, Neil sings it much higher and on the line “When you’re lying next to me” he goes up a note mid-way through the phrase. However, and he started this with the 2006 version of Rent he sings on the Concrete live album and that they did on their Fundamental tour, he keeps the line on one note throughout the same way it is for Liza Minnelli’s cover/version of Rent. And I really much prefer that change so i’m so happy it’s that way for this tour. Plus the way he sang “I’m your puppet / I love it” was soooooooooooooooo GOOD.

Love Comes Quickly is also pretty changed - it’s pretty similar to the Super Tour version of LCQ but injected with more atmosphere and ambience and oomph to it, it sounds gorgeous, AND THE STAGING OF IT WITH NEIL WALKING SLOWLY ACROSS IN FRONT OF THE GRADIENT OF THE SCREEN WITH BLUES AND PINKS AND PURPLES AND YELLOWS OMG. definitely definitely one of my favorite parts of the whole show omg it’s outstanding. It’s a Sin sounded amazing live, I was genuinely shocked by how utterly amazing Dreamland sounded live as well, definitely was like an elevated version of the studio version. 

Another part I really liked was that at various points, Chris’ voice segues songs. So for example, I know at certain parts he says the lyrics of Suburbia, Decide, Paninaro, and Go West. I thought that was a great way to include his voice into the performance and draws on iconic moments where he does spoken bits in songs.

It was also fun to watch him during Vocal - he was bouncing all over the place and clearly was enjoying himself and playing the song. Given that Neil has commented that he wrote the lyrics for Vocal in a way that he knows Chris likes, it was nice to see Chris clearly loving the song :)

The highlight of course really is the encore. This is where they focus in on the nostalgia but they don’t do it cheaply or lazily. Neil comes on in a long black coat reminiscent of the one he wears in the West End Girls video - it isn’t an exact replica, it has a much different style and fit, but it gives a modern twist on the timelessness and iconic aesthetic of that original Stephen Linard coat he wore. The same goes for Chris - he comes out in his classic look with the Boy hat, gray hoodie, and black leather jacket, but all are distinctly modern and contemporary takes on his West End Girls Top of the Pops look. I just love the visual implications of them returning to that iconic look of theirs with the song but showing how it fits so easily into a modern visual landscape of fashion and aesthetic with the dichotomy of posh and rough. 

For West End Girls, the screen comes back down as the stage hands wheel back out the giant street lamps. I’ve failed to mention up to this point how cool of a prop they are. A lot of early PSB has a film noir kind of feel to the songs, especially WEG, and they love to channel an urban aesthetic and soundscape within their songs, and I think the street lamps are a good iconographic and physical and visual manifestation of that. Before Neil and Chris come on stage, the screen is largely dark, but the start of a modified version of the start of West End Girls along with Shep Pettibone’s remix of it comes on, drawing out excitement as the screen flashes with white symbols and photos and eventually Neil and Chris’ faces respectively in time with the drum beats and the rising STRINGSSSS. it gave me literal goosebumps and even rewatching a video of it still gives me them - it’s so amazingly done it’s SOOOO !!!! I like how the screen is segmented into rectangles to resemble in my opinion that 80s look of several televisions stacked together where each screen assembles a whole picture.so you get that effect of at times all of them combine together to create a whole picture across the whole screen but also you have different parts and one screen has one bit of a photo that’s disconnected from the rest, etc. I also like the intercuts of footage from the West End Girls music video and various other elements such as a neon sign saying “Sex Shop”, various other shop signs, and footage of people on the street. It all assembles that feeling of the song of it happening as a person walks down a seedy part of London in the West End in the early 80s at night hearing snippets of various conversations (it all reminds me as well of Soft Cell’s Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret album cover aesthetic that PSB were inspired by).

And then it all ends on Being Boring. my favorite song by them and probably ultimately my favorite song of all time. The back projection displays a never-ending street illuminated by seemingly an infinite amount of street lamps that aligns with the ones Neil and Chris stand under. it’s incredibly moving combined with the meaning of the song being about those who have passed and are no longer with us, especially with how it directly is about the impact of the AIDS crisis and Neil losing his best friend and then many others he knew because of it. but i also like that while the song is sad, there is still a hopeful ring to it that even though they are gone, you can still look back fondly on them and the memories you have with them, and that they were friends you could rely on, which hits harder by ending their performance on Neil singing “We were always hoping that / looking back / you could always rely on a friend”. it’s an emotional ending but a good one.

I don’t have any previous PSB concerts i’ve been to to compare this to but personally I thought it was fantastic and so glad I got to see it live.

Highlights for PSB were Suburbia, Rent, Left to My Own Devices, Love Comes Quickly, It’s a Sin, West End Girls, and Being Boring.

The only bits I feel that less people were engaged with were when they did I Don’t Know What You Want But I Can’t Give It Anymore, Losing My Mind, and Dreamland, but mainly because i feel people didn’t know them as well. I loved them all though, I just think that IDK could have been a bit better as it kind of lacked the strings it has that really elevates it, but another fan I spoke to said they might have dropped them so it flowed better into So Hard, which makes sense, but it kind of brought the song down a peg.

Also I absolutely am sad that because they had to condense the Dreamworld setlist, I didn’t get to hear Single-Bilingual, Jealousy, Drunk, or Monkey Business live :(

OK. now for bonus new order ramblings sldkfjadf

New Order have been changing up their setlist across the various dates and I didn’t watch too many videos ahead of seeing them so I went in a lot more blind than for PSB. during the intermission my mom and i went to get drinks so we were further back when we saw New Order so I couldn’t see the stage as well as PSB while watching them. Still though New Order were incredible too - it was a great contrast with Pet Shop Boys as they had a much more conventional rock show set up to their staging as they had everyone one stage and playing instruments and there weren’t any costume changes or theatricality like PSB had. However, that just speaks to how New Order are and how they perform and it’s interesting seeing how they perform songs that foundationally come from the same inspirations of electronic dance music as PSB, just from a different angle. Regret was a great opener and I’d heard Bernard sometimes needed to get through a few songs for his voice to really warm up but I thought he sounded great right away! Obviously Bernard isn’t the best singer in the world and fumbles a little but it didn’t take away at all from the experience and I expected it so i wasn’t disappointed or anything like that.

New Order had a great energy and their setlist really was full-on. As I said, Regret was great and so was Age of Consent. Another difference with New Order and their set up was that they had LASERS. and they REALLY used them. The lasers were used to sync up with musical bits in the songs and i thought they were used really well visually and I noticed it a lot with Your Silent Face and it was cool to hear Bernard playing the melodica live. The visuals of the beach for Your Silent Face too were really beautiful and scenic. Their projections were much more a mixture of scenic and graphic design based in comparison to PSB’s.

I’m so glad we got the setlist where they played sub-culture as i really like it and it sounded great live! Bizarre Love Triangle was also amazing and I’m also glad they played plastic because it’s my favorite from their last album music complete and it was also really good live as well. 

Hearing Blue Monday live as an Experience. The way all of the elements come together and then that bass line and the synth line come in and the Kraftwerk sample....... oh my god it was phenomenal. They really do deserve to be proud of how good Blue Monday is and it absolutely sounds like what the best-selling 12 inch record of all time would sound like. I also liked near the end when Bernard shuffles over to Gillian and plays on the keyboard and kind of butts her out of the way to play - it was funny and very much them.

my only issue with new order’s performance was true faith. Everything else sounded great but i still thought maybe it was the acoustics that messed up the song and not the mixing because honestly true faith didn’t really sound like..... true faith. it lacked the distinct elements of it that make it stand out and sounded muddied in comparison to the other songs. I genuinely did not realize it was true faith until i really listened to the lyrics bernard was singing so that wasn’t good. that was the only song that I felt wasn’t as good as the others, which is a shame because it was a big hit, and i love true faith.

For the Joy Division encore, they played Decades first at mine. I’m not as familiar with Decades so I can’t really speak on the song all that much but i did like the video and photos they had inserted of Ian Curtis during it. And then of course they end on Love Will Tear Us Apart. Bernard sang Ian’s lyrics really well and you can tell they still love their JD songs and want to do them justice playing them live. The bass and synth on LWTUA were particularly amazing and those are the most distinctive and best parts of the song imo so i’m glad that they sounded just perfect live.

For New Order, they definitely emphasized the bass in their mixing for the songs, and it was loud and heavy and great, especially as the acoustics in the venue were really good i thought. it wasn’t too oppressive but just enough to show off.

Highlights for NO were Regret, Age of Consent, Your Silent Face, Sub-Culture, BLT, Plastic, Blue Monday, Temptation, and Love Will Tear Us Apart

Overall both were really good and I’m so glad I got to see them both live and for my first ever concert!!! It’s definitely a memory I will always cherish, I just wish the night hadn’t gone by so fast. But I’m happy with all the photos I got and videos and the T-shirt I bought and my mom thought it was great too.

Also unrelated but the lemonade I had during intermission was the best lemonade I’ve ever had so that’s a bonus

[lakshmihr1208]

Our 5 Secret Tips For Excellent Web Design

Creating a website is easy, but to build one that can impress your clients and customers is a different game. There are many elements that come into play when you build a website. The most important goal is to reduce the bounce rate. Which means, people should stay once they land on your website. Not take a glance, read nothing and go away. This is bad for business and for SEO. A higher bounce rate will eventually lead to a loss of rank in Google search results.

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Looking to build a website for your business? It is a lot more complex than you think. A heavy website with no mobile support often fails to rank in Google search results. This means people won’t be able to find you through Google. This is a huge setback because 48% of the population is on the internet and almost all of them use Google to find products and services. Preparing a website to rank well on Google and other search engines is called Search Engine Optimisation (SEO). 5ine is not only well-versed in web design and development but also in SEO, digital marketing, mobile app development and software development. 

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My personal opinion is to go for a unique font if your budget permits. Mainly because it makes your website a better piece of art. 

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[queermtl]

OMG it’s Uma Gahd!

If you’ve seen drag in Montréal, you’ve either seen Uma Gahd on-stage or heard her applauding from the sidelines. A cornerstone in the city’s queer arts scene on several fronts–performer, organizer, mother–Uma Gahd recently celebrated 7 years in drag, a milestone worth commemorating and celebrating. We asked her a few questions about life and drag in Montréal, and much like with her perfected makeup and looks, she covered every angle.

01.   Happy lucky number 7! How has your drag changed and evolved in the past 7 years? Could you give us a short timeline of your upbringing and growth as a drag artist? How does Montréal influence your drag and how does the city foster and support its drag artists?

I originally had no intention of ever doing drag. After moving to Montreal from a very tiny village, I started dancing for Jimmy Moore, local drag queen and celebrity impersonator, and while I had a newfound respect for the art and business of drag, I still didn’t want to do it. Some time later, I appeared in the Mainline Theatre production of The Rocky Horror Show, as Rocky. The person playing Frank N Furter, drag queen Connie Lingua, ended up becoming a good friend, who invited me to start doing drag in the context of a Fringe Festival play that we would write. Doing drag as a character piece, in a limited run, was more enticing to me, “You can do 9 shows and then quit!”. The show was called Laureen: Queen of the Tundra, and it was a hit… and I haven’t stopped doing drag ever since. At the time, there wasn’t an underground, alternative, or anglophone drag scene here in Montreal. So, using our contacts in queer-friendly spaces like Café Cléopatre, Notre Dame des Quilles, and at events like POMPe, our drag theatre troupe (formerly called House of Laureen, now called House of Gahd) forged spaces for ourselves and built up a fantastic following in the queer, drag, and theatre worlds. I eventually broke through into the Village, especially at Bar Le Cocktail, by doing multiple competitions and hosting Drag Race screenings. But, I still hold a really special place in my heart for underground and DIY drag, so while I spend a lot of nights working the stages in the Village, I still produce and celebrate a lot of queer culture happening all over the city. Now I help produce several monthly shows (Church, my congregation of queers and weirdos to lift each other up, and Coven, our underground weirdo drag show celebrating horror, punk, and weirdo power), as well as regular appearances in the Just For Laughs festival, Montreal Fringe, Comiccon, Otakuthon, and the international Bagel Burlesque Festival.

These festivals and spaces have heavily influenced my drag. Because we have actual drag CABARETS in Montreal, it means that people come to sit down and actually watch our drag, as opposed to a drag show happening in the periphery of a nightclub or bar. With these attentive audiences, we get to create drag art that can explore a message, can be campy and theatrical, and can be conceptual. Montreal is known all over the world for the calibre of its drag artists, especially our theatrical campy drag, which happens to be my speciality. Uma, as a character, is everybody’s favourite unofficial auntie. A cartoon woman who, when you run away from home, you come to stay at her place. Positive, kooky (and sometimes magical and spooky), Uma is comedic, caring, political, and weird.

02. More broadly, how has Montréal’s drag scene changed and evolved in that time? Where do you see it heading? What does Montréal do better than other cities, and what do you see as under-represented drag-wise in our city? In the time that I’ve been doing drag, one of the biggest changes that I’ve seen is the proliferation of underground and anglophone drag. When I started, I faced a lot of push-back because my drag was seen as too strange, political, or “too anglo” to be accessible to the average audience on a regular Saturday night at the cabaret. So, my drag family and I made our own spaces. For a long time, people looked down on us for that, or weren’t even aware that there was drag happening outside of one or two bars in the Village. Now, drags from all over the city are realizing the opportunities that events like Coven, Unikorn, and Glitter Bomb (just to name a few) provide for us as multifaceted artists! The underground scene is held up by weirdos and people who don’t speak French as a first language, but there is space for everyone – and as these underground artists flourish, their talent can’t be denied and they find more stage time on the more mainstream stages. It wasn’t like that when I started, and I am thrilled to see the scene expand and diversify! As I mentioned before, Montreal does camp and theatricality better than a lot of other cities. We are blessed to have spaces that allow us to perfect that kind of art. But, I think that something we will come to be known for is our drag kings (people who perform drag in a masculine presentation). We have some of the most talented kings in the country! Kings like Hercusleaze (of OutTV’s Call Me Mother), my drag son Charli Deville, or fellow thespian drag artists like Rock Biere and RV Métal are all changing the drag scene and showing the entire world that drag kings are not only “valid” but they are kick-ass performers that deserve just as much stage time as any queen. The drag scene in Montreal is diversifying in so many interesting ways; whether it be with more women doing drag (if any kind of gender expression), the strong appreciation we are building for non-binary and creature drag, and so much more. But we struggle, like so many drag scenes in North America do, with racial diversity. So, I’m hoping that in the years to come, we see a boom in performers of colour that will enrich our scene immensely, and bring a cultural history and a point of view that we so sorely need in the world of drag. Black culture, such as the vogue Ballroom scene, have such strong influences on drag culture that we are doing ourselves a disservice by not pushing for more racial inclusivity on all levels.

03. Uma Gahd has links with several scenes in Montréal, both as a headliner at storied institutions like Bar Le Cocktail, a splatter queen with the House of Gahd, and an online queen with your tireless appearances throughout the pandemic on zoom and other streaming platforms. Girl, you multifaceted. How do you keep yourself so visible across all of these platforms? Firstly, I’m a Sagittarius. I like to talk a lot, and I like when people notice me. Being on multiple platforms is as much for me as it is for my audience! No one platform can contain the multitudes of silly things I need to say and do! But a lot of the credit there needs to go to my drag sister (and my out-of-drag husband) Selma Gahd. She is the Mistress of Business, and the brains behind so many of the key decisions that the House of Gahd makes. She knows how to write a comprehensive contract, how to commit to a deadline, how to network, and how to save a struggling situation at the drop of a hat. In 2019, coming back from a month-long residency in Puerto Vallarta where I performed my one-woman show, Are You There Margaret? It’s Me, Gahd., we already had three gigs lined up the following week, one of which was a self-produced Drag Brunch. While we performed the brunch, the lockdown was enacted, and the restaurant had to lock the doors while we finished the show. By the end of the next day, we already had a small studio space set up in our tiny apartment to start streaming Drag Race watch-alongs online, and throughout the entire experience Selma was behind the scenes learning about new platforms and tech, improving not only our experience, but our audience’s as well. So, I’m able to do everything I do because I have support. I paint my face, but Selma gets me to my gigs on time. I write my silly little tweets, but Selma edits my photos. I film and edit my TikToks, but Selma helps to write and direct my plays. Teamwork makes the dream work!

04. You’re not just a local drag hero, but also a mother. Tell us about your drag family and your proudest moments as a drag mom. For those who don’t know, when a drag artists says they are a “mother/father/parent”, we usually aren’t referring to biological children. We often mean the members of our “drag family”, which is a very special chosen family that expresses itself differently from family to family. So, I have three drag sons (Biggs O’Toole, Charli Deville, and Slick Hardwood), all three are the last three winners of the King of Kingz drag competition here in Montreal. I fell in love with their performances in the competition and offered to, as we say, “adopt” them. For me, this means that I endorse them and their art in our community which can give them a leg up in some situations. I keep them at the top of my list when I do bookings or give referrals. We help each other create art, and we try to be there for each other in a personal way as well. Obviously, I’m very proud of each of them for being crowned King of Kingz, but also seeing them, especially Charli Deville, work so tirelessly to break the glass ceiling in our community regarding kings. Charli is a title holder and has produced the only drag king cabaret show in the city, called Manspread, as well as performed on the biggest stages in this city, including the Drag Race Allstars show during Fierté! My sons are brilliant performers and passionate people that I hold so much respect and admiration for.

05. What are your 5 Montréal must-sees you’d suggest to visiting drag artists?

1 . Church, my monthly show where I gather the most uplifting and energizing drag artists of all styles from this city and beyond, deliver a sermon (and a slideshow!), and generally celebrate queerness, drag, and our community with concept numbers, comedy, and a lot of heart. Monthly, at Bar Le Cocktail.

2 . Coven, Selma Gahd’s monthly drag cabaret. We find the freakiest, weirdest, wildest creatures and give them free range to express themselves as terrifyingly or messily as they want! It’s a show with elements of community, horror, filth, glamour, comedy, oddities, and magical power all wrapped up in a drag sensibility and sprinkled with punk rock attitudes! Monthly, at The Diving Bell Social Club. 3 . Manspread, the only drag king cabaret in the city. Produced and hosted by Charli Deville, this show lifts up some of the most overlooked artists in our field. Full of kings and creatures, the show has everything from romance and sex, to politics, rock and roll, comedy, and a very well-developed sense of self-worth (because every king should be get to experience male privilege!) Monthly, check Charli’s socials for upcoming dates and locations.

4 . Mythos Cabaret, a drag cabaret hosted and produced by Hercusleaze, where drag artists get to explore uncommon drag talents such as live singing, circus arts, standup comedy or improv, and theatre! Bi-monthly, at the Diving Bell Social Club. 5 . Bareoke, which is exactly what it sounds like. Putting one of the exceptionally rare montreal nudity licences to good use, Bareoke is a strip-karaoke party that will blow your mind! With a wild and raucous audience, the space celebrates all bodies, sexualities, and singing abilities! No one is expected to show skin, but they are encouraged to show as much as they want, and while looky-lous aren’t disallowed most people get swept up in the moment and maybe loosen a neck tie at least! With a new and evolving schedule, you can attend at Café Cléopatre. FOLLOW UMA GAHD: Twitter: https://twitter.com/UmaGahd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/umagahd/ Webpage: https://withkoji.com/@HouseOfGahd

[thetvmoviefan]

Nabrina Fanfics Part 11 (Winter Solstice Update)

Sabrina Spellman & Nicholas Scratch (Nick Scratch) FanFics MASTERLIST (UPDATEABLE PINNABLE)

Updated: December 21, 2020

It’s official ONLY 10 more days till Part 4 of CAOS and we get the show back for the last time. As we wait countdown here are some fantastic Nabrina Fics by some wickedly good writers. Escape into their amazing and magical creations through their amazing writing as we wait on a final part. Make sure to leave some Love/Praise or Kudos through the comments on their work. Or maybe given them a little message to how much you enjoy their stories, they have been the real heroes through this Nabrina/CAOS hiatus.

As always have a Wicked or Hell-ish these fics and ENJOY!!!!

Fics in order by Last Update: 9/20/2020

[Key: AU=Alternate Reality - AH=All Human/All Mortal - * = New Fics to List]

1. “Never Really Over”*

Author: Miss_Kath90

Summary: Sabrina Spellman wanted nothing more than to have a normal life and to achieve it, she accidentally had caused a time paradox that had allowed two of her to coexist in the same timeline.One, living in Greendale with her family and friends. The other, reigning over the infernal court in Hell.She could finally have (almost) everything she ever wanted but nothing in Sabrina's life was simple or normal…A new threat looms over Greendale.And she would need all the help she could get to stop it.Especially Nicholas Scratch's, even though every time they are in the same room the weight of their shattered romance filled the air and threatened with crush them. Rated M - Chapters 12/? - Last Update 12/20/2020

2. “Another Year”*

Author: shotgunkitten @shotgunkitten

Summary: Nick wanted to get his hands on his grandfather's journals for years and now his grandmother named her conditions: He gets the journals when he's in a steady relationship. Jumping at the opportunity to finally study his grandfather's research, he tells his grandmother that he has a girlfriend. The problem: He doesn't. Who better to ask than Sabrina to help him out and pretend to be his girlfriend while his grandmother is visiting for the Yule celebrations? Rated T - Chapters 3/? - Last Update 12/19/2020

3. “Under the mistletoe”*

Author: Miss_Kath90 @misskath90

Summary:  Nick and Sabrina meet at Spellman's Christmas party throughout the years. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 12/18/2020

4. “Sins of the Father”*

Author: willowaus @willowaus

Summary:  In a Greendale where Edward Spellman was given the chance to see his manifesto play out, Sabrina Spellman works to traverse the world her father created for her, walking that fine line between mortal and witch, trying to integrate them both. It’s not enough that she has to maintain that Spellman image while trying to juggle the Weird Sisters, her friends, and an annoyingly hot warlock, Nick Scratch. She also has to deal with the fact that someone or something doesn’t want her to make it to her seventeenth birthday. Rated M - Chapters 9/? - Last Update 12/18/2020

5. “Of Gingerbread and Snow Globes”*

Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland

Summary: Nicholas Scratch begrudgingly helps his grandmother move back to her hometown of Greendale. He's got a high powered job and is used to the big city lifestyle. The small town life isn't for him, but he promised his grandmother he would stay through the holidays. Enter, Sabrina Spellman, international journalist and soon-to-be author who happens to love Greendale - and all of its holiday traditions. She's not trying to change Nick's mind about the place, but they do seem to keep crossing paths... Rated M - Chapters 3/? - Last Update 12/18/2020

6. “yuletide blessings”*

Author: bunivy @bunivys

Summary:  Journalist and hopeless romantic Sabrina heads home for the holidays with an assignment: write the perfect article on a small town Christmas to capture the spirit of the holidays. Things start off right when her aunt Hilda performs a bit of tea reading which suggests romance in Sabrina’s future, and she gets a call from one Harvey Kinkle, friend and childhood crush, asking her out on a date to the local Christmas Market. Hilda’s tea never lies and this could really be it. He could be it. To her surprise, she runs into a spellbinding bookseller at the market who seems to be on a quest of his own and before Sabrina knows it, she’s wrapped up in the mystery and holiday joy of it all. Along the way, she comes to learn that maybe there's still some new magic to be discovered in old Greendale, after all. Rated M - Chapters 2/? - Last Update 12/17/2020

7. “Illicit Affairs”*

Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows

Summary:  She had never really meant for it to start. It wasn’t like her, the secret meetings, hushed whispers, and built up lies. But there was something about all of it that dragged her under the current and swept her up that she couldn’t deny or ignore. It was never her intention to start an affair with Nicholas Scratch. Though it was somewhat of an inevitability. From the minute they met, a line in the sand was drawn and they spent the better part of two years trying not to come closer to it. But the magnetic pull between them was undeniable, and soon the line in the sand was just as messed up as their sheets. She hadn’t planned it, and the second she let her guard down they’d both fallen into a hole they couldn't quite climb out of. She’d been sleeping with Nick for months and talked to him about more things than she never dared to with Harvey. Harvey.The highschool sweetheart she couldn’t let go. Or rather she couldn’t admit the relationship was failing, because she wasn’t a quitter. But she couldn’t seem to quit Nick either. Rated M - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 12/16/2020

8. “Off The Record - One Shots”

Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland

Summary: Missing scenes from my completed piece, 'Off The Record.' AU/AH - Not Rated - Chapters 9/? - Last Update 12/14/2020

9. “If You Let Me”

Author: bunivy aka @bunivys

Summary: After pouring all of her time and effort into obtaining a law degree in the city, Sabrina Spellman moves back to Greendale for one last summer before she departs for good. She's fully intent on enjoying her stay in her hometown, even deciding to pick up a part-time job at her Aunt Hilda's cafe to save up some money. The only problem is that the boy in the bookstore across the way is one she's had some not-so-good history with and it's becoming increasingly harder to ignore him. Before long, she finds herself exploring the complexities of old high-school grudges and what-ifs, all while trying to sort out her present-day relationship with the boy she has long since deemed as non-existent.Meanwhile, Nicholas Scratch wonders if it would just be easier to remain non-existent. AU/AH - Rated M - Chapters 30/? - Last Update 12/10/2020

10. “Let’s Fall in Love for the Night”

Author: shotgunkitten @shotgunkitten

Summary: Hilda Spellman once said that their meeting was fate. And while neither Sabrina Spellman nor Nicholas Scratch were sure if they believed in that kind of thing, they were sure of this: They never wanted to find out what their lives would be like without each other. AU/AH- Rated T - Chapters 17/? - Last Update 12/08/2020

11. “Wicked Winds”

Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland

Summary: Nicholas Scratch winds up at the Academy of Unseen Arts after being kicked out of several others for being too smart - and too powerful - for his own good. He’s got a chip on his shoulder and he’s not in Greendale to make friends. But then he meets Sabrina Spellman, a witch that’s not only beautiful, but just as up for breaking the rules as him.Except she wants nothing to do with him.His old friend Prudence places a bet that he can’t get her to give into him - but things get complicated as he not only starts to fall for Sabrina, but a deadly darkness settles over Greendale. Rated M - Chapters 23/23 - COMPLETED 12/04/2020

12. “Wintertime Love”*

Author: sweetjs

Summary:  Sabrina and Nick celebrate both Winter Solstice and Christmas through the years. Rated G - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 12/04/2020

13. “p is for passion, n is for not this again”*

Author: Unseemingowl @unseemingowl

Summary: In which Nick is very passionate about the Baxter High encyclopaedia section and Sabrina Spellman can never just get one day of peace and quiet and making out. Rated M - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 12/03/2020

14. “Soft Place To Land”*

Author: shotgun kitten @shotgunkitten

Summary: A collection of short Nabrina one shots based on fluff prompts on tumblr. Rated T - Chapters 14/? - One Shots 11/26/2020

15. “my greatest grief, my deepest desire”*

Author: bunny @bunivys

Summary: She could put her hand out and touch Nick, but she couldn’t hold him, couldn’t kiss him, couldn’t slot her nose into the corner of his neck like she had once loved to do. Couldn’t run her fingers through his curls, hear him sigh against her lips. Could be the first person Nick loved, but not the last. Rated M - Chapters 14/4 - One Shots 11/21/2020

16. “I almost do”*

Author: Miss_Kath90 @misskath90

Summary: Nick and Sabrina dance at Hilda's wedding. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 11/17/2020

17. “Before the Devil Breaks Me”

Author: willowaus @willowaus

Summary: All Sabrina wants to do is enjoy the last few years with her mortal friends. Attend college, party a little too hard, and make endless memories with them. But when you're a Spellman nothing ever goes as planned, especially not when she meets her handsomely mischievous classmate, Nick Scratch, who introduces her to a side of witchcraft that she's never thought possible.When people start ending up murdered in ritual sacrifices on campus Sabrina knows she can't keep both of her worlds apart any longer. Especially when it seems each murder is a message for her. AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 31/31 - COMPLETED 11/17/2020

18. “whispers in the white wind”*

Author: bunny @bunivys

Summary: Nick had no one to knit him scarves and Sabrina didn’t mind sharing.(a collection of tumblr winter fluff prompts.) Rated T - Chapters 7/7 - One Shots 11/13/2020

19. “For Fluffs Sake, Angst-hole”*

Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows

Summary: This is a collection of short writings/scenes from an ask I did on Tumblr for Nabrina!It used to be all fluff, but now there's some agnsty ones in there too! Not Rated - Chapters 23/23 - Last Update12/07/2020

20. “Haunted Herat”*

Author: shotgunkitten @shotgunkitten

Summary: Sabrina ran through the woods, tree branches crashing to the ground in front of her, grasping at her. Roots digging themselves out of the wet soil, wrapping around her calves, dragging her to the ground. She set them on fire, the angry, high-pitched screams of the trees filling the air as Sabrina got up, looking over her shoulder. She could see torches in the dark, coming closer. “Find that witch!” a male voice bellowed, others chiming in, faint calls of “Burn the witch!” following. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 10/31/2020

21. “Cruel Summer”

Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows

Summary: A mix between AU and Cannon, where the young members of the Church of Night also attend Baxter High. The young witches and warlocks then go to the Unseen Arts Summer Camp to bolster their gifts. However Sabrina, being half mortal, only began attending after her Dark Baptism. To the mortals of Greendale, Unseen Arts Camp was for the wealthy. An elite sector of the Baxter High youth that attended a camp deep in the Greendale Wood far upstream of Sweetwater River. Many had tried to find and break in, but none have succeeded. To the mortals, the divide between the camp attendees and the not was of money and status. When in fact, the difference lay with light vs. night.Set between two timelines- the present and the summer, Sabrina attends camp for the first time and grows closer to Nick only for them to be torn apart as school starts. Rated Mature - Chapters 27/27 - COMPLETED 10/27/2020

22. “in a dream, a thousand years ago”*

Author: bunny @bunivys

Summary: It’s a painful thing to be a songbird with no one to serenade, and maybe he knows that, too.(part of the anti-soulmates au; Nick and Sabrina meet in a bar) Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot 10/22/2020

23. “Born To Love You”

Author: thoughtsaboutshows aka @thoughtsaboutshows

Summary: So Sabrina left Harvey at the altar for Nick. What now? Tune in for snapshots into Nick and Sabrina's life now that they've admitted their true feelings. What happened after Sabrina left Harvey and ran to Nick? Did they live happily ever after?This will be a collection of snapshots of this version of Nick and Sabrina. I don't know how often it will be updated, but we will get a look into their life together.I enjoy writing my fics based on songs, so if a particular song screams this Nick and Sabrina to you please message me on tumblr or comment below and maybe I'll write a scene based on it! ****Follow up to One-Shot Marry Me. Go READ it first!**** AU/AH - Not Rated - Chapters 4/? - Last Update 9/24/20

24. “Unwritten”

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90

Summary: Tired of her aunt’s matchmaking attempts, Sabrina decides to tell a little white lie… and now she needs a boyfriend to accompany her to her hometown for the holidays.And who better to play that part than her good friend Nicholas Scratch? There is only one little problem… He had a crush on her since the day they met. When two friends pretend to be in a relationship, what could possibly go wrong? Rated T - Chapters 10/10 - COMPLETED 9/22/2020

25. "Free Pour”

Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland

Summary: He's a bartender with a perfect free pour and a Ph.D. candidate. She thinks she wants to be a lawyer and wishes she had taken more chances in life. Both of them are trying to move on. But when their paths collide, Nick's hand is no longer steady with the bottle and she's far more willing to take a risk. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 23/23 - COMPLETED 9/01/2020

26. "Burning House”*

Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows

Summary: Sabrina hasn't seen him in months but she still sees him everywhere. Nick sees her every night in his dreams. They both know what they want, but won't let the other have it. Not yet. Not when Nick will hardly talk to her and Sabrina used well...THAT candle... ONE-SHOT - Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 8/28/2020

27. “The Four Pictures”

Author: Copper_16

Summary: It’s been 10 years. Nick and Sabrina are teachers at the Academy along with some familiar faces. It’s been a decade there can’t be that much chaos anymore, right? Wrong. Rated T - Chapters 4/? - Last Update 8/04/2020

28. “Marry Me”*

Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows

Summary: “No, No, No.” Nick said as he shook his head at Prudence. “Sabrina is my best friend. That’s it.”“Sure.” Prudence shrugged her shoulders.When she explained to her brother that they were likely more she had said it as a statement, not an invitation to have a conversation about it. She was entirely annoyed by the Spellman girl, and had found it odd and irritating that she and her brother had been attached at the hip from a young age.“Besides she’s marrying Kinkle, Prudence.” Nick explained more to himself than to Prudence. His eyes were wild and looking around the room, searching for something to land on. “Not me.”“Do you want her to?” Prudence asked as she leaned forward. Nick paused, unsure how to answer that question. Nick had been in love with Sabrina Spellman for most of his life. But she was happy with Harvey Kinkle. Prudence rolled her eyes and stood up sighing, and placed a hand on Nick’s shoulder. She was rarely affectionate and this was as comforting as she got. “You may want to figure that out.” AU/AH - Rated Mature - ONE-SHOT - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 7/11/2020

29. “The Chaos In the Stars”

Author: willowaus @willowaus

Summary: Nick sacrificed himself to save her, but Sabrina's not about to let him fester away in Hell. But what happens when saving the one she loves brings about a series of apocalyptic events that Sabrina and the rest of the Spellman clan need to thwart?Alternate part 3. (Part 3 Fic) - Rated Mature - Chapters 24/24 - COMPLETED 6/30/2020

30. “A Little Wicked”

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90

Summary: Sometimes, in the darkness of her room, unable to sleep, she thought about how easy it would be to fall in love with him. And she was sure a part of her was a bit in love with him already, but she kept holding to the past and that was hurting them both. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 6/16/2020

31. “Crash Into Me”

Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows

Summary: Set after Part 3 and some time after Nick and Sabrina's breakup. Just a little one-shot of a mission they get sent on by Zelda. Tough conversations and some tears...and one bed ONE-SHOT - Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 6/15/2020

32. “Heaven can’t help me now”

Author: bunivy @bunivys

Summary: Soulmates are a universal law, the way of life. Sabrina's soulmate is Harvey, but she'll pick Nick every time, in every way. ONE-SHOT - Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 6/13/2020

33. “I knew you were trouble”

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90

Summary: Sabrina didn’t know that being away from home for the first time could be so hard.Away from her aunts, friends and her-lifelong-boyfriend, Sabrina have to deal with the nostalgia but also with the new challenges College's life mean: get used to share a room with a not-so-nice roommate, put up with long hours of study and very few of sleep, learn to live from pre-cooked meals instead of her aunt Hilda’s homemade ones, find balance between her studies and her new social life… And resist the temptation a certain Nicholas Scratch mean for her. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 28/28 - COMPLETED 6/06/2020

34. “A Thing or Two to Learn”

Author: gracefulchaos

Summary: What if Sabrina and Nick weren't in the same coven, and they met each other later in life? AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 1/? - Last Update 6/06/2020

35. “When the Bones are Good”

Author: sarahkwut @sarahwyland

Summary: Sabrina Spellman is enjoying her life as a normal teenager. Sabrina Morningstar is reigning Hell with an iron fist. Ambrose Spellman is searching for a solution to bring them back together and close the time loop, Sabrina's wishes be damned. And Nicholas Scratch? He's faced down his own demons and he's desperate for redemption.Except the clock is ticking.On time and Terrors. (Part 4 Fic) - Rated General - Chapters 28/28 - COMPLETED 6/05/2020

36. “Bury a Lie”

Author: raeinthedark

Summary: Sabrina is comfortable with death. It's her job. But everything is changed on a rainy October morning. The life and work she was accustomed to are forever different in the wake of tragedy. There really isn't coming back from this, unless she can figure out who's behind it. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 3/? - Last Update 5/04/2020

37. “I run to you”

Author: thoughtsaboutshows @thoughtsaboutshows

Summary: Nick and Sabrina love two things. Research and each other. But their research often takes them to far away places, and far away from the person they love most. AU/AH - Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - One-Shot COMPLETED - 5/21/2020

38. “My Body Is A Canvas For Your Love”

Author: Unseemingowl aka @unseemingowl

Summary: Sabrina had no love for the whip or the belt or the cane that Nick had used to enjoy so much, but restraints... That was another matter entirely. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 4/29/2020

39. ”Ground Beneath Her Feet”

Author: mindlesshappy aka @feministstree

Summary: Sabrina is born out of a miracle - one that she wishes would repeat for her, but when she is destined for someone else, how much can she resist before her heart decides to give in. Alternatively, Nick is Sabrina's soulmate, but she really just wants Harvey to be it. Also, in the backseat are all the other possible ships, getting their own soulmate glories. Rated T - Chapters 18/? - Last Update 4/17/2020

40. “in your eyes (there's something burning inside you)”

Author: jessequicksters

Summary: Nicholas falls in love with Sabrina as fast as a mortal sells their soul to the devil. The only problem is, in the Church of Night, everything has a price. Even love.Especially love.(He bleeds every time he dreams of Sabrina and when they kiss, it happens too, but love isn't supposed to hurt, right? Except he's never known about love; the only thing he knows is that this half-mortal is going to be the death of him.) Rated Mature - Chapters 5/5 - Last Update 3/22/2020

41. “The Institute for Divine Craft”

Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch

Summary: After a humiliating spat with Father Blackwood pushes Sabrina away from her witching life and the Academy, Madam Satan crafts an alternative solution to move Sabrina Spellman further down the path of night. Ultimately leading her to the Institute for the Divine Craft. A handsome Headmaster with mysterious ties to her father, convinces Sabrina to abandon her mortal life, and cultivate her abilities as a child of the Church of Lucifer. AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 19/? - Last Update 3/22/2020

42. “My Lover of Blood and Milk”

Author: Unseemingowl aka @unseemingowl

Summary: It didn’t feel as though it had only been a few hours since she had made her way to the Greendale woods for Lupercalia. As she sat there, shivering in her muddied and bloodied silk slip, it felt as if a completely different person had made her way back out of the forest...... Or how Sabrina struggles with lust and trust after her disastrous Lupercalian night with Nick. Rated Mature - Chapters 4/4 - Last Update 3/15/2020

43. “I Need to Know”

Author: raeinthedark

Summary: Love isn't that easy to erase... and that song is on again. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 2/29/2020

44. “Be True To Your School”

Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch

Summary: Nicholas Scratch is the Golden Boy™ of Baxter High; star athlete, top of his class academically, and devastatingly handsome. Sabrina Spellman sees Sophomore year as an opportunity to expand her horizons; joining the cheerleading squad, running for student council, and making new friends along the way while working to maintain her relationships with her old friends. What Sabrina Spellman doesn't know: sophomore year is about to turn her world upside-down. Rated T - Chapters 6/? - Last Update 2/23/2020

45. “Ocean”

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: AU, M-Rated. Nicholas Scratch has everything working in his favor. He's got a decent job as a history teacher, his roommate Melvin is always up for video games and getting high, and Sabrina Spellman lets him mess up her sheets frequently. Sabrina knows Nick isn't good for her, but she can't stay away, no matter how hard it is to pretend she's completely okay with their casual arrangement. But when life takes an unexpected curve, Nick is forced to face a new normal he doesn't know how to navigate. And Sabrina may or may not be there to help him through it. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 27/27 - COMPLETED 2/10/2020

46. “I’ll be there”

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90

Summary: She couldn’t stop looking at him, since she had recovered him from the claws of the Dark Lord, she felt unable to be apart from him and had to admit that part of her was afraid he would disappear if she moved from his side. And Sabrina wouldn't let anyone or anything separate him from her again. Never. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/30/2020

47. “Walk away”

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90

Summary: Pain. Could he someday escape the pain? He sometimes thought it impossible. It was strange, his relationship with the pain, it was an enemy and a friend. The pain numbed him. The pain didn’t let him sleep. The pain hurt him and soothed him. It was unhealthy, the way the pain helped him relieve the pain. But it was the only thing he had left. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 1/27/2020

48. “To Hell and Back”

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: Sabrina was successful in her efforts to retrieve Nick from Hell, but the damage - physical and emotional - is deep. Sometimes, the only way to heal is to go your separate ways and trust things will work themselves out in the end. (Written before Part 3 - an alternate take on how Nick recovers from his time in Hell - with and without Sabrina). Rated Mature - Chapters 3/3 - Last Update 1/26/2020

49. “The Morning(star) After”

Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch

Summary: A Painful NickxSabrina Reunion Rated T - Chapters 1/3 - Last Update 1/24/2020

50. “My only love sprung from my only hate”

Author: filmharlot

Summary: High School AU where Nick is based on the version of him that Sabrina creates in her dream during the Batibat episode. Harvey and Sabrina have broken up and don't want to work together on the Romeo and Juliet assignment in Drama class, so she ends up being partners with Nick AU - Not Rated - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 1/19/2020

51. “A very witchy Christmas”

Author: Miss_Kath90 aka @misskath90

Summary: Just a bit of silly Christmas fluff that I couldn’t help but write, placed in the series universe after a huge jump in time. Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 12/25/2019

52. “Mortal Little Christmas”

Author: HeartsInJeopardy

Summary: ‘Twas the night before Christmas – and the first for Nick Scratch - but Sabrina’s holiday movie was not a good match. Rated T - Chapters 2/2 - Last Update 12/21/2019

53. “Lessons in the Unseen”

Author: bunivy aka @bunivys

Summary: Academy Teachers AU. Sabrina Spellman lives as simple a life as a half-mortal half-witch can. Despite her dislike for the headmaster, she enjoys spending her time teaching Ritual Magic at the Academy of Unseen Arts, hoping to positively shape the minds of young witches and warlocks. However, with the sudden dreadful announcement of her aunt Zelda's engagement and the appearance of one mysterious - and strikingly handsome - Nicholas Scratch, Sabrina finds that her life is not so simple anymore. Or all that safe. AU - Rated Mature - Chapters 32/32 - COMPLETED 12/17/2019

54. “Just a Little Obsessed”

Author: eyerys

Summary: Nicholas has developed a tinie-tiny crush on Sabrina. Nothing like major or whatever. It's not like he thinks about her all the time or daydreams about what it would be like to be with her or how cool she is. No, not at all.Sabrina doesn't have a crush on Nick. No, not at all. Uh-uh. She has Harvey. Sweet and loving Harvey Kinkle. But for some reason, she can't help but find her mind wandering. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 12/13/2019

55. “As The Moon Rises”

Author: venzaren

Summary: Sabrina Spellman is tired.Tired of living a double life. Tired of facing discrimination at the hands of her pack. Tired of dealing with her status as an Omega. And most of all, she's tired of people hounding her about finding her mate.Then Nick Scratch returns to Greendale. AU - Rated General - Chapters 1/? - Last Update 12/07/2019

56. “Thirteen Memories”

Author: tempestbreak

Summary: (Set at the end of Season 2) Sabrina and her friends go to Hell and rescue Nick -- but what happens when that's the easy part?It turns out, having the Dark Lord inside your mind for months can do some damage, and Nick comes back different. His memories of the events leading up to his sacrifice, including his relationship with Sabrina, are gone. How can Sabrina help him regain his memories of their time together when she's not even sure she trusts her own? Rated Mature - Chapters 6/? - Last Update 11/02/2019

57. “But The Greatest Is Love”

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: The acheron captured Lucifer Morningstar, but their problems are far from over. The coven is decimated, the Church of Night is no more, Father Blackwood is on the run, and Nick and Sabrina's relationship is in ruins. How do they pick up the pieces and move on? There are more questions than answers and the consequences could be of biblical proportions. Rated Mature - Chapters 25/25 - COMPLETED 10/28/2019

58. “Back to You”

Author: nadiaselite

Summary: Sabrina brings Nick back from hell. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 10/11/2019

59. “The Open Road”

Author: paradiamond

Summary: Nick wants her back, and he’s willing to do whatever it takes. In fact, he insists on it. Rated T - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 9/22/2019

60. “The words “I love you” aren’t enough”

Author: Miss_Kath90

Summary: “Look at me, Nick” he was reluctant but when he finally looked up she took his face in her hands making him unable to look away “What you did that day… Nick, you sacrificed yourself for my sake, even when I mistreated you and told you all those horrible things. You did it for me, because you love me… Don’t you see? You’re incapable of being evil.”Or... Sabrina gets her boyfriend back but things don’t go as smoothly as she thinks they will. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 9/22/2019

61. “Mission: Let’s get my boyfriend back”

Author: My_Evak_Heart

Summary: Sabrina and the Fright Club ventures on their first mission: getting Nick back from Hell Not Rated - Chapters 1/1 - Last Update 9/7/2019

62. “Jealousy is a killer”

Author: Melissa1226

Summary: Will Sabrina and Nick Start something new? and who is watching them from the shadow full of jealousy? Rated Mature - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 8/28/2019

63. “The Jock”

Author: mikaila_ealum

Summary: An Alternate Universe where Nicholas Scratch is Baxter High’s quarterback along with one of the most popular boys at school. With few knowing the truth, Scratch is living a double life as a warlock at the Academy of Unseen Arts. Sabrina takes a hiatus from the Academy to get more in touch with her mortal side. When Sabrina gets back she becomes partners with Nicholas for a project in theatre class. AU - Chapters 8/? - Last Update 8/07/2019

64. “act 5, scene 2 (thou and i are too wise to woo peaceably)”

Author: ghostemo aka @wickedscratch

Summary: When Sabrina Spellman rose to a challenge issued by Prudence Night, she never imagined she’d actually make the varsity cheer squad - or that doing so would upend life as she knew it. Now she has to navigate her new role within the social hierarchy of hell -er Baxter High as well as trying to get her boyfriend to actually communicate. It certainly doesn’t help that she’s been paired up with the annoyingly handsome Nicholas Scratch, captain of Greendale’s beloved football team, for a project in her theater class. It’s exactly as, if not more so, cliche as it sounds. AU/AH - Rated T - Chapters 3/? - 7/25/2019

65. “Off the Record”

Author: sarahkwut

Summary: AU. Detective Nicholas Scratch left New York for Greendale in desperate need of a change of scenery. The small town takes some getting used to, but local reporter Sabrina Spellman quickly grabs his attention. It's the fresh start he needed until Greendale's residents start turning up dead. With a murderer on the loose, no one is innocent - and anyone might be next. AU/AH - Rated Mature - Chapters 29/29 - COMPLETED 7/22/2019

66. “Bring You Close To Me”

Author: BridgetMcKennitt

Summary: Sabrina and her friends managed to bring Nicholas back from Hell. There was a lot the two of them needed to discuss, but tonight, they had this. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 7/13/2019

67. “A Brief Moment”

Author: bunivy aka @bunivys

Summary: Ever since he's returned from Hell, Nicholas Scratch has been having nightmares. With help from Aunt Hilda, Sabrina unknowingly shows him a light and for a moment, Nicholas knows everything will be okay. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 6/24/2019

68. “To Hell and Back”

Author: swtnerdgirl

Summary: A year has passed since Sabrina and her friends rescued Nick from Hell. No one came back the same. They all had their scars. Some emotionally. Some physically. In the days leading to Hilda's wedding, they all prepare for their lives to change and heal their wounds. Rated Mature - Chapters 16/? - Last Update 6/06/2019

69. “Dead Witch Walking”

Author: rayo aka @its-nabrina-bitch

Summary: Faced with the possibility of being harrowed to death by her classmates, Sabrina finds an escape. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 5/26/2019

70. “Moonlight Beneath Rough Lips”

Author: ivylikeveins

Summary: After the encounter with the thirteen witches of Greendale, Sabrina enters the dining hall with moonlight locks bathed in soft blue hues, and Nick does not know what to do. He ends up with a soft and small Sabrina pressed into his chest, sleeping, and wrapped around his very much over-sized jacket with Nick's lips pressed into the soft, pearly strands he wants his soul to get entangled within. Rated Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 5/19/2019

71. “The Hunt”

Author: OnlyInAutumn

Summary: Nick howled into the night, up at the stars to signify that he was ready on the eve of Lupercalia, the darkness of midnight around them. The first sound of the horn sent them into the forest. The hunt had begun. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 5/11/2019

72. “Secrets, Secrets are no Fun”

Author: filmharlot

Summary: Sabrina is the new kid for the first time in her life. Choosing to go to the Academy full-time seems to be a hard transition than she was expecting. With the Weird Sisters harassment at an all-time high, dealing with leaving her mortal friend's and condescending teachers, Sabrina is suffering. She's not even allowed to have Salem for comfort. It's not all bad though. She is finally free to do magic whenever she wants, and there's a charming warlock who is being particularly nice to her. Plus, someone is leaving kind gifts on her bed at the end of the night. She just wishes she knew who it was. Not Rated - Chapters 1/? - Last Update 5/06/2019

73. “Unsettled Nighttime Creatures”

Author: mindlesshappy

Summary: We all know Sabrina is going to save Nick. This is how Nick reacts to being saved - which, spoilers alert - is like a very stupid warlock. Rated T - Chapters 5/5 - Completed 4/25/2019

74. “Selfless”

Author: sarahwut

Summary: Sabrina Spellman dragged Nicholas Scratch back from Hell. But Hell might be better than a world in which they aren't together. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Completed 4/23/2019

75. “Homecoming”

Author: cherrystems

Summary: After several months Sabrina is able to get Nick back from Hell with the help of her family and friends. However, Nick has to adjust to Earth again while dealing with PTSD and anxiety. This tells the story of the growth of Sabrina and Nick's relationship over the recovery time. Not Rated - Chapters 3/? - Last Update 4/20/2019

76. “Under Your Spell”

Author: londonmarie

Summary: Sabrina doesn't hesitate to have her Dark Baptism and things go differently. Rated T - Chapters 10/? - Last Update 4/18/2019

77. “Photographs”

Author: Greyowl9831

Summary: It's been at least 150 years since Sabrina signed her name in the Book of the Beast. One day she finds an old photo album. Will the memories it contains be a great walk down memory lane or will it be more than she can bare? Not Rated - Chapters 4/? - Last Update 4/14/2019

78. “An itch That Needed Scratching”

Author: umbrellacorp

Summary: What if Nick slayed his familiar and Sabrina and Nick got to experience the last night of the Lupercalia festival alone. Tonight, Sabrina would be transformed. Nick was going to show her power that she never knew she had, an innate carnal power. They were about to become the most powerful union of the Church of Night. Rated E Mature - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 4/13/2019

79. “and I keep waiting (but I won’t say I’m waiting)”

Author: lost_n_stereo @lost-n-stereo

Summary: You would think that it would hurt less as the days go by, since it’s been nearly two years since Nick sacrificed himself for the greater good and Lilith took him to hell. Except, he didn’t sacrifice himself for the greater good, he sacrificed himself for her. And that makes it a hell of a lot tougher to let go. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 4/10/2019

80. “Fire”

Author: OnlyInAutumn

Summary: Their power—together—was overwhelming. It was something that she had not felt either, the consuming feeling of expanding power. It was entirely addicting. Rated Mature - Chapters 2/2 - Completed 3/24/2019

81. “something I can believe”

Author: Anry

Summary: Missing scene after Sabrina's baptism. I wouldn't say that it's really a relationship here, just conversation. Rated General - Chapters 1/1 - One Shot - Last Update 1/25/2019

AND THERE YOU GO!!!! Have fun everyone, if I missed any Fics or you have any recommendations for the list message me or send in a ask and I’ll add it to the list. Can’t wait for Part 4 and Enjoy <3333

[fandomsilhouette]

to be seen

There are so many hopes that exist in one heart, so many expectations that pull them apart, so many people they’re desperate to be, so many voices they’ll never flee. They’re shrouded in secrets they can’t quite explain, but if there’s a person where they can abstain, avoid the disdain, inane, insane, and find a way to be human again, then they’ll take it with both hands outstretched, and hold on before they find themselves wrecked. 

Happy @felinettenovember, y’all! This was supposed to be an easy prompt, some dumb lighthearted joke at Felix’s expense, but I can never be that simple, and when I asked @musicfren to help me brainstorm, we had the terrible wonderful idea to write companion pieces. So! You can read what Felix is thinking here, and fall in love with his very wonderful writing as you do. 

Showcase night is finally here. Marinette’s fingers dig into the fabric she was pinning around her mannequins before she remembers that there’s no time to iron out any wrinkles. Luckily, the final pieces were sewed and on the models already, no pinning required, but Marinette had opted to show off stages of the design progress by pinning half-completed scraps of fabric on mannequins: a choice she would be sorely regretting if she weren’t so excited.

She’s prepared, of course, she’s been scarcely able to think about anything else for the last month.

Marinette’s parents will see her project for the first time tonight, despite how relentlessly they’ve attempted to wheedle clues out of her for as long as they’ve known about it-- which is about as long as the concept has existed. But she’s been insistent not to spill a single secret about it, wanting it to be unapologetically, undeniably her own, all the way through, every missed stitch and tangled thread and crumpled up note tossed at the trash can late at night showing in the final outfits.

She finishes the final touches on her poster board, checks that her models are ready in place, shuffles her flashcards into order one more time. Everyone else around her seems relaxed, chattering excitedly, flitting from station to station in an eager buzz; Marinette is overwhelmed by the motion and the optimism of it. Her gaze flicks from person to person, moving away faster than it can catch on anything until--

Felix looks pale, nearly translucent halfway under the stage lights, still half in shadow as he steps up onto the platform to perform. He meets her gaze and it holds, but it’s vacant and glazed, almost as if he’s not seeing her at all, even looking right at her. And knowing that someone is just as anxious, maybe more, than she is makes Marinette feel… alright. There is so much of herself in this presentation, more than anyone will ever know. It matters. It’s going to be okay.

Marinette only hopes her presentation won’t sound like pouring ketchup from a bottle: timid at first, then gushing out faster than she can control it, too much to be palatable or interesting, spilling over her plate and dripping onto her shoes with her tears.

Then the parents flood into the room, and chaos ensues.

The presentations go better than she expected: a lot of people flock to her stall, lured by the motion and the flash of fabric in a room full of the fantastic; Marinette suspects it’s the traditional familiarity of the Parisian civilian wrapped up in the novel familiarity of the heroes of Paris that draws their attention. Her parents ooh and ahh, gush over all the right parts and ask her enough questions that she doesn’t worry that her point won’t be made.

“I wanted to remember that the heroes of our city are people too: that for all that they pretend to be larger than life, magical beyond belief-- miraculous, one might say,” she tosses out a wink to laughter that delights her, even if some of it comes with a deadpan look, “they are not pretentious. They are people, and they are people who deserve respect, compassion, empathy… privacy and support, where we can manage it.”

The small crowd around her table is silent for a moment that stretches too long, and anxiety drips and dribbles into the spaces their silence leaves behind. Their gazes settle heavy on her shoulders and her blush heats up her cheeks like a blood-red mask she’s too comfortable wearing. Has she finally managed to be seen, under all of the pretense? Will they manage to care?

Then Tom sweeps her up in a hug, tossing her into the air, and it takes her and Sabine’s combined strength to bring her back down, to remind him she still has the rest of the evening to keep presenting. Marinette talks, and glows, and shares and explains and laments all of the things Ladybug wishes she could say and doesn’t, and doesn’t stop for a second.

She doesn’t stop, except to listen to Felix. The auditorium has had music drifting in the background all night, between Nino DJing and Kitty Section, and a handful of other students on various instruments, but it’s Felix’s melody she cuts herself off mid-sentence for.

It’s the presentation she’s been waiting all night, and when his fingers lift from the strings, the last note still echoing around the room, she feels gutted.

The rest of her presentations go on without a hitch, but she’s a little quieter now, gestures a little less broadly. Something of the spark is missing, and she’s just glad her parents have moved on to celebrate the other students’ presentations instead of sticking around long enough to notice. Finally, finally the day is over, and Marinette knew she’d be looking forward to this moment, exhausted and exhilarated, but she didn’t think she would meet it like this.

She wraps up her presentation one last time, and the crowd thins, drifting off to help their children clear up their stations or pick off the last remaining crumbs from the snack bar. Marinette’s own parents are nowhere to be seen, so she turns and starts unpinning the mannequins herself.

“How quaint of you.”

Felix’s voice is chilled as he leans his hip against her already-wobbly table. Marinette worries for a moment about it spilling over and then decides she doesn’t care.

“Thank you,” she accepts, knowing full well it isn’t a compliment. “I liked yours a lot, Felix.”

“No, you didn’t.” She doesn’t have to turn to hear the sneer in his voice. “You have no appreciation for true art. You think this,” he gestures wildly at her half un-pinned mannequins, the models drifting away, “is art? This is derivative. This is… this is nothing more than a false pretense of an understanding you don’t have in a failed effort to curry favor with someone who is never going to notice you.”

“I liked the way your composition sounded in the rehearsal room,” Marinette cuts in quietly, tiredly, so hurt she can’t resist, too hurt to resist.

“What.”

“I’ve spent most of class time sitting outside the rehearsal room you always choose-- you’re very predictable, Felix-- and sketching there. That’s what my designs are based on: that mournful, hopeful, determined, resigned haunting tune that you practiced day by painstaking day. That’s how I imagine the heroes feel. I can understand how you’d know that. I do too.” Marinette thinks about the way his presentation today was so polished, the way it reverberated around the room, every note rich and mellow-- but it felt so hollow.

Hearing it today has torn out the very heart of what she had built her designs around.

“I wish you had played it like that today.”

Felix moves forward, drags a finger down fabric that seems a little softer, a little more somber. He looks at her, a sidelong glance that goes too long, and doesn’t respond until he looks away.

“I wish you would’ve worn these yourself.”

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Texan-born, Brooklyn-based singer-songwriter and TikTok personality Allison Ponthier makes a splash with 'Cowboy' – it's the enthralling first taste of her upcoming EP. Finding a path away from her conservative upbringing, queer singer-songwriter Allison Ponthier is another artist making country music her own. Taking references from Kacey Musgraves and Orville Peck, Ponthier's take on the genre is high camp and features a kaleidoscopic visual world too. Growing a huge following on TikTok, 'Cowboy' marks the start of a whole new chapter for Ponthier with her debut release with Interscope and Polydor. The track itself references her move from the bible belt to New York City and her journey accepting her sexuality. Warm and inviting 'Cowboy' is cinematic pop with some real heart-on-sleeve confessional songwriting. Complete with a masterful music video that runs like a mini-movie complete with impressive special effects, on reflection, cinematic is an understatement. The video itself is a striking and exciting introduction to this new artist, “I probably watch movies more than I listen to music,” Ponthier says of the video. The clip, directed by Jordan Bahat (Christine and the Queens) adds a whole new cosmic energy to the track and aims to amplify the lyrics' detailed storytelling. As she unveils more of her forthcoming debut EP, Ponthier explains what we can expect from her; “a lot of my songs are about being uncomfortable in your own skin but getting to know yourself better, figuring out who you really are.” [via the Line Of Best Fit]

Miley Cyrus has shared the full video for 'Angels Like You'. The pop rebel returned in 2020 with her excellent album Plastic Hearts, a series of superb empowerment anthems. Album highlight 'Angels Like You' has received the video treatment, shot at the Superbowl in front of an audience of fully vaccinated healthcare workers. Miley has also provided a note for the video describing her feelings of gratitude to these workers. [via Clash]

LA punk four-piece The Paranoyds have dropped a new video for track 'Egg Salad', taken from their album Carnage Bargain which is out now on Suicide Squeeze. The video's director Nicole Stunwyck comments "The video presents the glitzy & glamorous world of a teenage girl who, after accidentally catching a beauty pageant on TV, dreams of her rise to stardom & subsequent downfall... It’s not a commentary on anything but an experimental depiction of my own personal fascination for young tragic starlets alà Valley of The Dolls."

Noga Erez and collaborative partner ROUSSO have shared a fifth compelling new single from forthcoming album KIDS which is set for release on March 26 via City Slang. 'Story' is a snappy, addictive song about how couples relationships are always a relationship between two people’s past and present. "Everyone brings their past experiences to the relationship even if things are great" Erez comments. "Sometimes past situations come in and take over." As with the album's previous singles 'Story' is brought to life with a captivating video, starring Erez and ROUSSO, who also provides vocals on the track. "ROUSSO is my partner in music as well as my partner in life" she explains. "This is the first time we tell a story about our relationship in a song and video. It’s a song about a couple fighting and how, in that situation, sometimes what you hear the other person say is not what they actually said. The making of this video was a 10-day couples therapy session for us. As we rehearsed the pretend fighting and martial arts moves we knew that, at times, one of us would get punched just a little too hard. It was so intense and interesting to live in this world, where our relationship comes alive in the most physical way."

After announcing Detritus with lead outing 'Stories' last month, Sarah Neufeld has unveiled the album's second single 'With Love and Blindness'. Neufeld says of the song and Jason Last-directed video, "The video for 'With Love and Blindness' came together through a long-time collaboration between myself and videographer Jason Last. I knew that Jason and I would work together again on some visual aspect for my third solo release, and it so happened that before I even began recording the album, we were presented with the opportunity to do a mini residence on Corsica with Providenza; an amazing collective with a farm, cultural laboratory, festival and residency program." She continues, "I was doing a short solo tour in Europe in the summer of 2019 in order to re-work some of the pieces from the dance collaboration to begin to find a shape for the album that was to be recorded in the Fall. In the middle of that tour, Jason and I travelled to Corsica for several days (graced once again with a suitcase containing Esteban Cortazar’s unique and beautiful creations). Besides performing in Providenza’s outdoor amphitheater, we were immersed in nature, literally staying in a treehouse perched on the side of a mountain, overlooking the dramatic coastline." Neufeld adds, "I found that the pulse of the landscape resonated with the essence of the music, especially "With Love and Blindness"; a sense of rawness, of sensuality, of a strange gravity intensified by the hypnotic summer heat and the general otherworldliness of the place." [via the Line Of Best Fit]

Molly Burman was brought up around music. At every family event, every party, the soundtrack would resonate with her, providing an education in itself. Both parents were gigging musicians, and she always wanted to follow in their footsteps, to use performance as a means of self-expression. Lockdown brought the time and space to bring these ideas into focus, and she's working to unveil a series of one off singles. Her debut single proper 'Fool Me With Flattery' is out now, a blissfully melodic piece of indie pop with some whip-smart lyricism. There's a tongue in cheek element to her sound that is fantastically endearing, matched by the subtle lo-fi elements of her bedroom pop confection. She comments: "I wrote the song after a long day of feeling overlooked and ignored by some of the guys in my life. I was fed up, angry and used the stereotype of a mansplaining misogynist to let it all out. This song is for anyone who feels belittled and like they’re being made to shrink themselves; be as big as you possibly can, and don’t let anyone fool you with flattery." The video is a hilarious showcase for Molly's offbeat sense of humour. [via Clash]

Punk provocateurs Pussy Riot have unveiled their latest song 'Panic Attack', as well as a music video that features a hologram of singer Nadya Tolokonnikova. This is the final release from Pussy Riot’s new Panic Attack EP, a collection of three linked songs that, for now, can only be streamed as separate singles. The title track features punk guitars underneath a tinkling music box melody, as Tolokonnikova turns anxiety into a sports cheer. “Gimme an A,” she says, “Gimme a T/ Gimme a T/ Gimme an A/ Gimme a C/ Gimme a K/ Okay? Okay.” While upbeat and seemingly cheerful, the synth-punk song comes out of the trauma she experienced in a Russian prison camp. As she explained in a statement, “After serving 2 years in a labor camp, I’m still struggling with mental health issues. Trauma, fear and insecurity never fully go away, causing depression episodes and deep anxiety. ‘PANIC ATTACK’ was born as the result of me staring at the wall for 24 hours in the middle of the pandemic, feeling 100% helpless. I was trying to write something uplifting to encourage people to get through the tough times. But I was just failing and failing. Magically, at the second I allowed myself to be honest and write about despair I was experiencing, I wrote the track in like a half an hour. Depression is a plague of the 21st century, and it tells me that there’s something broken in the way we treat each other. The video ‘PANIC ATTACK’ reflects on objectification of human beings, loneliness, disconnection from the environment that causes us to feel small and powerless. And it’s us who caused it with our own hands – that’s why in the end of the video I’m fighting with my own clone.” The music video for 'Panic Attack' was directed by  Asad J. Malik. He used 106 cameras to capture all angles of Tolokonnikova, then converted that information into a photoreal hologram. Afterwards, Tokyo-based creative technologist Ruben Fro built out landscapes reminiscent of video games through which the virtual Tolokonnikova could frolic. But as the visuals progress, those idyllic settings give way to a hellscape, and the singer faces off against a clone of herself. [via Consequence of Sound]

The wait is finally over. BLACKPINK’s Rosé shines like the star she is with her official solo debut. On Friday, she released two solo songs on her debut single album titled R, 'On the Ground' and 'Gone.' With its deep lyrics, angelic bridge, and Rosé’s high note at the end, 'On the Ground' is an exemplary song for her solo debut. Add the fact that Rosé is credited as a writer for the song, and one can really tell how much time she spent perfecting it for release. The accompanying music video, meanwhile, expands the story of life and growth. Rosé starts off looking lost and trying to find herself amidst all the wildness of life; she eventually encounters past and present versions of herself while searching for answers and purpose. By the end, she finds herself and her path forward, and one can’t help but smile as she sings an explosive outro. [via Teen Vogue]

On Ellise's latest alt-pop concoction the rising pop star gets gothic as 'Feeling Something Bad...' transforms a crush into an obsession. An expert at catastrophising everyday experiences, the LA-based artist has arrived fully formed with not only a consistent and cohesive sound but a striking visual identity too. That's even more clear when you press play on the accompanying video for her latest infectiously catchy track. With the clip directed by Joakim Carlsson we get to see Ellise in her absolute element as she brings "Feeling Something Bad..." to life in a macabre world of its own. “I just love dramatising little everyday feelings in life, so this is my big dramatic ‘I have a crush on you’ song,” Ellise explains – it's a song she wrote about a boy she barely knew. [via the Line Of Best Fit]

With President Biden determined to get the majority of American adults vaccinated by summer, bands are earnestly beginning to look forward to the return of live music. Purity Ring are the latest to announce 2021 tour dates, which they’ve shared alongside the video for their track 'sinew'. The song comes from WOMB, the synth-pop duo’s first album in five years that was released just before the pandemic struck. Directed by Toby Stretch, the clip brings back the abstract graphics and costumes that featured in the 'stardew' music video, continuing the enigmatic story of the domed bicyclist and their sun-headed sidecar companion. [via Consequence of Sound]

Australian Pop Princess, Peach PRC releases the official music video for her debut single 'Josh'. Peach PRC comments on the official 'Josh' visuals, “The music video was inspired by growing up watching the same five infomercials, morning news channels and old movies on my little pink box tv when I was a kid and couldn’t sleep on a school night. The idea was to have “josh” feel just as harassed the more he tries to call. Every creative step along the way was entirely my vision, from writing the music video script, to the lyrics and everything in between. I’m so happy and hope all the girls, gays and theys who dated “josh” will sing along.”

[caltropspress]

FEEDBACK LOOP #7: Curly Castro’s “Weapon 13X” featuring Breeze Brewin

There was a very old man, an old white man out in the crowd, and he started screaming and crying like a baby and he kept crying and he said, “God damn, God damn, what is this God damn country coming to that the niggers have got guns, the niggers are armed and the police can’t even arrest them!” He kept crying and somebody led him away through the crowd.

—Robert F. Williams, Negroes with Guns (1962)

Gun flash beats the child’s head in, maniac teeth dance in a bloody grin blue lies, badge confessions, yng dude dead just beyond his mama’s arms

—Amiri Baraka, “Stop Killer Cops”

Police said Cleaver and Hutton were holed up at 1218 28th Street with two 9 mm automatic pistols, two AR-15 and one military-type M-14 automatic rifle, and a large supply of ammunition, some armor-piercing.

—Berkeley Barb, Volume 6, Number 15, Issue 139

1.

“Weapon 13X” is a diptych. Two verses; one pivot—or volta, for you bookworms. Curly Castro is first with a séance that summons the mysteries of Clarence 13X and Weapon X. These nullified variables and Roman numerals come together in an elixir mix so potent that it would make Aes Rock choke on the amalgam. Castro opens the fission gate and discharges two-hundred forty thousand mega-therms on the city of brotherly love, the city of bombs from above onto a 6221 Osage Avenue row house. Shameek just got bust in his arm, leg, leg, arm, head. The Black man is God personified, and Logan is regenerative. Adamantium claws. Mathematical jaws. Science dropped and experiments performed. Spark this like metal does when dragged across concrete.

2.  “Harriet would grab her balls, / This my gun, and this my rifle.”

Harriet Tubman gets cast by Kubrick for Full Metal Jacket, recites the Rifleman’s Creed, but it was actually a pistol she kept buried within the folds of her calico. She sallied forth seeing visions from the overseer’s heave of a weight—made her skull snap. Don’t sleep. “When the caliber’s inside you,” you can’t necessarily count on “the muzzle smoke revival.”

3.

Quelle Chris provides production, lest we forget his 2019 Guns album with its Dada-bullet, double-barreled barrage album art. The title track armed to the teeth: “Ain’t no cracking that code, / Ain’t no safety on locks, / Might as well get you one, / Procrastinating will get you popped.” The machine gun funk outs finks and COINTELPRO cooperators, conspirators, dispiriters. Here, Castro’s got those same turncoats and sucker MCs in his sights, so to speak.

4.  [The oppressor] teaches the Negro that he has no worth-while past, that his race has done nothing significant since the beginning of time, and that there is no evidence that he will ever achieve anything great. (Carter Godwin Woodson, The Mis-Education of the Negro, 1933)

Castro makes a promise, provoked by those who came before him, those who brandished firearms in the faces of their enemies:

We never will disarm: these are the lies that you were sold, When your glory tripped up, you trade your weapons in for gold. With Yakub in the schools, trade your dreams, knowledge folds. Found the tome, Mis-Education Negroes…

Dr. Yakub sloshing liquids in the lab—Bunsen burners explode and the lab leak is viral whiteness. Tricknology replaces Biology. Castro is looking back while moving forward. “Doomed to repeat it”-type forewarnings. He knows the ledge and also wants his people to.

5.

aim     get your sights & its sound in abstract or journal movements to a peace settlement

dude shot my man

dead,          precious lord blow off theres no willy in th blues theres no you.

—from Tom Weatherly’s Maumau American Cantos (1970)

Castro is a “gunhand, cybernetic with spray cans, / Basquiat, baklava, Mau Mau.” That’s likely an intentional malaprop—surely his militant stance calls for a balaclava. Even still, Castro doesn’t stutter. He will still sh-sh-shift his voice on you—the dynamics of his delivery raise stakes and get guttural, scraping against sewer plates. He’s potent, even if Basquiat’s pistol appears flaccid with its hand-scrawled linework. In another piece, Basquiat starts the decolonization process at the point of a safari helmet. The image detonates.  

6.  Free country? Man, I should fuck you up for sayin’ that stupid shit alone.

“This film is a call to racial violence!” a film critic shouted at Roger Ebert after a screening of Do the Right Thing. She worried Bed-Stuy would set fire to theaters, but Lee’s 1989 film wasn’t The Rite of Spring in Paris in 1913. An amerikan psychotic turn to theater violence would be postponed until Aurora in 2012, and it would be white violence, which would come as a shock to none who have tracked the trajectory of white violence. Displacement is white violence, too. White violence is a sine qua non for gentrification. And so Castro allies himself with “Buggin’ Out battle brownstone houses, some Bird fans, / While Mookie turns the radio up and launched the trashcan.”

7.  “We are the weapons.”

Of late, Castro has consistently been proving you’re out your depth, with verses so allusive they suggest a strong “Erick Sermon and Parrish Smith, nobody blink. / They don’t now who the fuck that is” vibe. So what, though? At this point, Castro’s a vet, an elder. The youngins need to catch up or cash out. Get KRS-One bookish, kiddies, or be left behind. Be the weapon or never prosper. Create your own mythos: “Omega built a mother by the sun and Cyclops sent / a blurred Baraka poem capable to raise the dead. / Yet instead I use the sword...”—with Wu-Tang pronunciation of the w in “sword,” of course. History moves backwards and forwards at the same time. Language is lost and recovered. The poem is “blurred” because it’s been duplicated on a mimeograph—a machine that involves a “drum.” The words are ink-smudged. Baraka’s former partner, Diane di Prima, shouted, “"Power to the people's mimeo machines!” Accuse and attack, Baraka sloganeered. We’re talking about agency—by hand-crank, handgun, or mic check.

8.

Castro creates imagery like Emory Douglas did with paint: painfully bold and saturated with color like blood soaks clothes. Baraka called Douglas’s art a combo of “expressionist agitprop and homeboy familiarity,” which applies to what Castro does on the track. I quote Mao who called literature and art “part of the whole proletarian revolutionary cause,” and Mao quotes Lenin who called lit and art the “cogs and wheels in the whole revolutionary machine.” And Baraka also said Douglas’s work:

functioned as if you were in the middle of a rumble and somebody tossed you a machine pistol. It armed your mind and demeanor. Ruthlessly funny, but at the same time functional as the .45 slugs pouring out of that weapon.

The Panthers were trapped and tear-gassed in a West Oakland basement. Eldridge Cleaver told Bobby to go out naked—unarmed as the day he was born not quite eighteen years earlier—but he emerged from the burning house fully dressed, with dignity, and he was searchlighted and shotshotshotshotshotshotshot dead.

Castro needs Brewin to make the cypher complete—a two-man killarmy using loud words in quiet wars, no silencer.

9.  “Before blurting out, try analysis, brother.”

Breeze’s Yo, listen… at the start of his verse is comparable to Sir Thomas Wyatt intoning Whoso list to hunt… to begin his 16th-century sonnet. The amalgam here is less Five Percenter plus clandestine government experimentation and more a deconstruction of the both violent and sexualized language of braggadocio. “Anything you say isn’t played like Miranda Rights,” and so we’re already with our hands behind our backs, silenced by an pig officer’s gag order. The competition doesn’t get played; they play themselves.

Sir Thomas Wyatt sets it off like so:

Whoso list to hunt, I know where is an hind, But as for me, hélas, I may no more. The vain travail hath wearied me so sore, I am of them that farthest cometh behind. Yet may I by no means my wearied mind Draw from the deer, but as she fleeth afore Fainting I follow.

Breeze has wanted to stay pleasant to the ears—you know, like Lauryn Hill phone sexing—so this isn’t new territory but rather a well-worn path. Wyatt’s wearied and “so sore” by “the hunt,” the pursuit of his love interest, even though he knows “where is an hind.” Still, “as she fleeth afore / Fainting [he] follows.” He can’t help himself.

Love is lost within violent pursuit. Breeze speaks of a “plan to strike” and “zero in” on a “target,” his quarry. He and Castro are “talking about broads often, no doubt, / We broad and burly as hell, / Brag about the hunt, you was jukin’ a girly gazelle.” Breeze’s assault is dizzying, a salvo from all angles: “Hit ’em with some counter clay rebuttals that’s subtle but still befuddle if dude slow.”

10.  “It’s nothin’, I gotcha, and that’s word to Super Lover Cee.”

Super Lover Cee and Casanova Rud’s 1988 single “Girls I Got ’Em Locked” articulates the carceral embrace of “locking” a girl down, which—consequently—requires violence to enforce: “Don’t ever touch a girl owned by me or I’ll ruin ya’, / Slap you with my mic simultaneously as I’m doin’ ya.” The girl is commodified, and Super Lover Cee takes a proprietary attitude toward the relationship. If you overstep, you’ll be ruined, that is, you’ll fall. And while you’re prostrate, you’ll be slapped with the phallic mic simultaneously. Is the Super Lover doin’ her or you, though? What’s truly getting him off? That hypermasculine posturing skews homoerotic. Breeze Brewin laughs at you for subscribing to the nonsense: “Dag, if that was what you believe then your world be a hell.”

11.

Liberal discourse suggests policing your impulses. Put down the gun—don’t touch it. “Touchy subjects,” like racism (apparently), get the “We need to have a conversation” treatment. Look, don’t touch. Don’t touch the exhibit of stolen artifacts—those Benin bronzes in the British Museum. Beneath the topic of orignoo gunn clapping, Curly Castro’s track is about the x’s and o’s of eros as well. Many gestures meant to protect women are merely some other man staking his claim, adorning her with “diamonds in letters plain,” as Wyatt writes of the collar around the deer’s “fair neck.” Wyatt’s sonnet warns against overstepping (or even half-stepping). The collar reads Noli me tangere (touch me not)—she belongs to someone else. It’s a bad touch example. Like his fellow Indelible J-Treds, Breeze Brewin is the living circle-circle-dot-dot: nobody can touch him.

12.

Let’s bring it back to Little Bobby Hutton. When Eldridge Cleaver told him to leave the ambushed basement naked, he was thinking of Bobby’s safety. He thought the extreme measure of appearing on the street without clothes would be enough to convince the pigs he wasn’t armed. Cleaver was naïve to think so. Bobby Hutton was right to emerge clothed. In doing so, he rejected the indignity of the auction block, the lynching, the mutilation and spreading of souvenir flesh. The searchlight made Bobby Hutton the subject of a spectacle, yes, but he refused to consent to the psychosexual desires of white supremacy. He refused the castration ritual. Little Bobby Hutton, in effect, threw down a challenge to the cops: Use your imagination once again. Try to think of a few situations where your own weapon might be used against you…used against you…used against you.

Images:

Emory Douglas, The Black Panther, Vol. IV, No. 78, 1971 (detail) | Weapon X (detail, issue unknown) | Emory Douglas, Rat Subterranean News (1970) | Harriet Tubman with gun sketch | Anti-Mau Mau British propaganda poster | Newspaper headline from Negroes with Guns | Jean-Michel Basquiat, Untitled (date unknown) | Jean-Michel Basquiat, Native Carrying Some Guns, Bibles, and Amorites on Safari (1982) | Screenshot from Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing (1989) | Two images from the Berkeley Barb, Volume 6, Number 15, Issue 139 (1968) | Emory Douglas, The Black Panther (miscellaneous poster) | Medieval depiction of the hunt (unknown) | Image detail from the Berkeley Barb, Volume 6, Number 15, Issue 139 (1968)

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Ridikulus Pt 30

Bent in half in an empty hall beside Vivienne and Ollivier in matching states of stretching the pair found you, having woken to their own mooing alarm clock Glorfindel stroked the chin of to silence. Readied in light robes of silver with matching trousers and boots with varying embroidered patterns the pair were off to breakfast following the servant sent to guide them down to eat. Passing the hall they joined your great uncles mid conversation on their continued youthful pull back to their former appearances complete with the loss of their darkened grey hairs similar to Vivienne’s hair also darkening back to its youthful deep brown. Wrinkles were fading and all, Minerva included had been remarking on the changes you were all facing being taken in link to the change of your ears. Any youthful in heart still seemed to feel the pull while those like Albus and Slughorn held to their aged appearances as a sort of badge of pride for having lived so long.

Yet before question of when you were joining them was voiced you came in and their eyes scanned over the sweats and t shirt you were wearing as you sat to tie your converse on. With your hair pulled up into a messy bun and bangs swaying over your stunningly scar free cheek you peered up at the pair staring at you and asked, “Sleep well?”

Thranduil, “Yes, we did. There is something about that pillow, my head touched it and I was gone. You?”

Eric, “That would be the Hoo-Hoo feathers, help to lull any who rest with it off to sleep.”

Glorfindel murmured, “Hoo-Hoo..”

“Idris, is a Hoo-Hoo. One of the Phoenix family known to have songs to lull people into peaceful sleep, certain feathers on them hold the same qualities. But you have to ask very nicely for them.”

Thranduil, “Ah, most of our pillows hold swan feathers, also willingly granted.”

Minor details were shared and the breakfast was savored between glances at you while Ollivier and Vivienne chatted around you sharing comments through Trina’s feeding of Em. Into the car again and oddly for the men stealing glances at you in your casual clothes far from what you wore to teach they settled still glancing between you and the couple also coming for their own roles as King and Queen they would be disguised for.

Over the city you flew and parked among the lines of other flying cars and got out to join the other actors in line to head for the makeup and wardrobe tents. Overture, Me Who Am I, Loneliness of the Evening, Prologue, Prince returning home from first meeting Cinderella, The Prince setting out to find the owner of the slipper and the talk with the King and Queen about finding Cinderella, exit scenes of town and announcing the Banquet. All of these had been filmed in the past couple days before you had showed up with just your portion of the few ensemble or duet numbers to film in your own locations.

It was hours before dawn and the first scene you would film was your readying for the banquet. Just past when the step mother and sisters would leave and into the tent you strolled smiling at Bernadette’s announcing giddy squeak. “There you are!” Into a tight hug she wrapped you and guided you in filling you in on all you had missed before asking, “Did I hear right you brought two dates with you?”

Chuckling weakly you changed into the servant costume for Cinderella and replied in sitting for the hair stylist, “King Thranduil and Lord Glorfindel.”

Again she squeaked, “Tell me everything. I know you used to dream about them, I want all the details.”

“Not much to say, I told you about Ones,”

“Soul mates, right?” You nodded, “Which one’s yours?” The corner of your mouth ticked up and she gasped patting your arm taking her own seat, “Both?”

Your head tilted to the side allowing the stylist to braid the side of your hair back that was rippling out into a deep maroon shade. “It seems they don’t want me to choose and they are difficult to choose between. Dad seems supportive, I mean it’s no shock that I might have ended up like him, all romantically free and whatnot.”

Bernadette chuckled and said, “Now you and I both know you are nothing of the sort.” Her hand folded around yours, “No doubt they both love you to bits, why they wanted to come and spend the spare time you have with them.”

In a chuckle you replied, “Films are strange to them, especially any where there’s some sort of mock intimacy in it.”

Bernadette’s eyes met yours in the mirror, “They’re jealous then?”

“They are curious. I’ve showed them the play and they wanted to see how it’s handled.”

Smirking herself as her hair was finished and pooled into a tall feather accented beehive she joined you out of the tent holding the front of her extravagant gown. “Oh we’ll calm them down, surely they won’t be able to do anything but fall helplessly for you as Cinderella. Forgetting all about any petty ideas of jealousy.”

A single glance of you from the distance was all they got while you were shown up to the house being used for Cinderella’s home. But in your absence Bernadette hurried over eager to meet the duo who recognized her from a photograph of yours. Pleasantries were traded and off behind the cameras she showed them the best spot to watch the monitors in seeing the scenes of you readying for the banquet with the Fairy Godmother. After changing again to your tattered gown after being supposedly locked up, weeping only to calm at Godmother singing There’s Music In You. Your half of the Loneliness of the Evening came up next sung between chores to the sun rising to match the Prince’s scenes in the Palace.

Next would be various scenes of you for background images for the opening, cleaning, organizing and various chores before scenes walking to town. The Lords stood waiting at the tables for your first food break watching as your cheek was cupped by a dark haired man with his eyes shut who had kept hold of your shoulder for the stroll down half to set block on his own way to another scene back at the Palace the waiting carriage would drive him to. Catching their stares in seeing a kiss on your bare cheek followed by another Bernadette stated, “That’s Andrea Bocceli, he’s playing the Proclaimer of the Orders of the King. You’ll get to hear him tomorrow I believe.”

Glorfindel muttered, “No doubt he is far more friendly with Jaqi that the other actors. Scarcely pays the others any mind.” His eyes lingering on his hand easing down to your shoulder again in your turn to the carriage.

Bernadette’s lips parted, “Oh honey,” that made the pair look at her, “He’s blind.” That had their brows inching up, “He’s one of our greatest singers from our old world, used to sing with Jewels, scores of plays, operas and musicals. I’ve got a whole heap of pictures with him holding Jaqi as a baby when Sirius would bring her to shows. You see, he’s from a long line of Squibs, scattered Witches in between, but the men of the line have a blood curse they go blind. Jaqi found a spell to reverse it, but if you do it would just skip to his son and continue on, but if he remains blind his son’s sight is safe. His shoes are enchanted to sort of give him a feel for where things and people are, but for his friends he doesn’t mind being led around.”

Thranduil, “Ah, you performed with her mother as well, how does she match up?”

Bernadette smirked, “It’s hard to put into words. She has all Jewels’ talent and then some, built more for somber or drama by what she has to draw from, Jewels couldn’t help but burst into giggles after.” She wet her lips, “She might have just asked for acting lessons first off to be a convincing double agent, but she’s far more talented than she gives herself credit for. Even if she signed the contract reluctantly she actually does enjoy acting. Who knows, could take a couple years off when she’s finished the final two obligated films and get a better contract when you have all settled everything.”

A snack with you ended with a pair of stolen kisses before Luis showed up for his own filler scenes in the Palace. Him, his husband and children all greeted you and the duo fondly before heading off to change when your partners were off with Eric and Roderic for the start of their tour of Paris. Museums would be first with a pass by the Eiffel Tower they would see the following day. Each piece in the museums they were shown only adding to their curiosity on what else the Muggle portion of this country had to hold for them. From the Louvre to a Wizarding art museum they saw the vast difference in style and subjects chosen in the moving portraits both silent at chatty.

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Filler and walking scenes between home and town were captured leading up to the big draw, everyone gathering in the town to do a final run through on The Prince is Giving a Ball you then filmed into the following scene where the Prince and Cinderella would first meet and split up again to head home. Lunch was next and with the final bit left you filming your half of the number Do I Love You at the house again mid chore. All of these scenes were little to be intriguing for an audience in being filmed, tedious and detail oriented but around the table you sat at the empty seats on either side of you were filled again by your partners eager to share all they had seen through the stack of pictures you shuffled through while eating.

Behind the monitor they watched the lead into your next slew of scenes, all mainly musical. In My Own Little Corner bled into scenes of readying the three other women in the house furrowing the men’s brows seeing their harsh treatment of you. A pick up of the second part of my own little corner bled into the arrival of the Fairy Godmother for Impossible through to the ride to the Palace in It’s Possible.

Grins were plastered on the duo’s face between stolen glances at others around them with teary or sentimental gazes holding through each number. Another meal break came at the setting of the sun and in the night scenes you began by walking home post change back with one heel singing He Was Tall lost in a dreamy haze reminiscing on the wonderful evening. The arrival of the carriage out front had you hiding the slipper and readying to greet your returning family bleeding into the numbers When You’re Driving through the following number, A lovely night until the Step Mother sent you all to bed and you lingered behind to lowly sing the second rendition of A Lovely Night.

Noting the time the men had hoped you could head back home again, however after another hurried meeting with you a stolen pair of pecks were taken on your way to the scene you had warned the pair of. When Cinderella would be locked up, in a combination of an agreed upon set of hexes, tugs and shoves from the Step Mother stirring up a tension in the air ending at your burst of giggles at hitting your elbow in the final shove post cut. Hugs and giggles came in Bernadette’s path to change with you.

The final collection of scenes were to be the forest scenes. First, It’s Possible for the final stretch of it heading up all the way up to the Palace gates then into the courtyard, from which you looped around and before the men could get a good look at the Palace you were off to film the big chase scene on the marked path to the chime of the giant clock. With hearts racing even knowing looking on what would happen the clock was giving its final chimes and the carriage split apart full speed behind the transformed horses now mice again. Rolling through the grass in the timed crash your dress turned back to the servant uniform as your hair whipped around you violently when you rolled to a stop.

A glance at the following Prince’s carriage had you clambering to your knees and up behind a tree panting in the closing of your eyes to melt against the tree behind you. Smiling frailly to yourself the remaining shoe on your foot was removed and when the other carriage was gone you began your barefoot stroll through the forest singing He Was Tall on the way back to the house again. Once there however cut was called and you were able to change and head back to the house. Nearly falling asleep on the way back you rested between the guys and filed out to help you to the waiting dinner.

Bed came right after and for a hard drop off to sleep you would get more sleep than the night before ensured by your dreamless draught drop you had eaten to ensure only your alarm would wake you. An early breakfast allowed you some time with Em before heading off to set, only over your omelet your eye caught the paper that had been set aside when Vivienne was through with it. Unfolding the front page your lips parted seeing a picture of you in the bog at the Triwizard Tournament with the stoic duo behind you hovering over the water. The headline reading a bid to have you nominated to be listed as a genuine seer with the image of your arrival the other day with the same duo beside you as proof that years ago you had foreseen the fall here in one way or another and had set about to protect as many as possible to arrive here.

Roderic stated, “Surely they will add you to the lists if they haven’t already.”

Glorfindel leaned over and accepted the paper you tapped the image of stating, “Top one’s from the Triwizard Tournament.”

He nodded, “Yes, the bog Ron stated he saw us in.” Tilting the paper he showed Thranduil who eyed it carefully, “What is the story about?”

“Oh, they are saying I knew, at least partly, on the fall here years before it happened so they want to add me to the list of genuine seers.”

Thranduil, “Is it not well known already your abilities?”

Eric, “That’s not the issue, to be added to the list it must be a large prophecy or vision to be seen coming true witnessed by dozens. Only twelve have ever been added to the list.”

Roderic nodded, “And two have been disproved as hoaxes. Jaqi’s is the largest by far, destruction of a whole world and discovery of allies in a new one,”

Ollivier, “There was no doubt on our following her here, merely up until your arrival here and photographs with her none thought to have proof her visions were at least a sign we were meant to come here.”

Vivienne, “But outside of that are you excited for the morning tour today? We are not needed on set until two. We even secured a tour of the zoo.”

The pair sat quietly enjoying the fact they would be spending the morning with you and with them in colorful robes you wore comfy jeans and a sweater carrying Em on your hip after securing your wedge boots. A short flight later you were parked in the group of some of the cast also wishing to see the zoo either new to this one or new to zoos all together. But the odd animals had the men puzzled when seeing the billboards but Em named what she could and following the map you spent the morning allowing the duo to inspect each of the animals and learn what each sign posted said about them. Both a bit saddened that the boys weren’t here but with a confirmation from you a promise to take them to the London Zoo had them grinning so they could help to guide the boys around alongside you with just a stack of pictures to bring home to tide the boys over until then.

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Each animal echoed in their mind along with the statements that each zoo would be following suit of the London Zoo, the first of which to have enchanted territories to be closer to those in the wild people could roam through safely to see the creatures in their native habitats instead of cages. It would be a full day outing no doubt and set to open the following weekend with you among a group of other celebrities to bring press to hopefully encourage other zoos to follow suit once they saw how successful it would be for guests and the populations of their animals. Everything seemed spectacular and they couldn’t wait to see it after having seen something they imagined to be similar, your snake room with habitats for each of the snakes to feel safe and happier under your watch. Another sign that your people were actually peaceful and wishing for even the speechless non magical animals to have their own safe homes in this new world to repopulate again.

Work however did call again and this one had the meat of the film for the duo to watch from the sidelines. The start of it being nice and slow where Cinderella frees herself by using a wand her father had left her to unlock the door after having been kept from practicing magic by her step mother after he had died only making her study more while they slept from his old books she’d hidden away. While filming that the Prince and the other women in the film were recording their tries for the magical slipper. Cue the arrival of Cinderella and again the duo noting the sentimental grins of those watching through the proposal and tearful hug you shared.

Explosively the set seemed to flood around the stunning Palace the duo toured through while things were being readied then went back to the director’s sides to watch the wedding including the first of the two kisses. Barely a blink flashed by and it was over, chaste and to the point fitting for a Royal Ceremony ending with the Godmother recapping There’s Music In You. From there a quick change of décor after the wedding parade scene that allowed you both to change quickly the Prince was back again to come and greet the endless chain of women to dance with him while a touch up on the arrival scene to the Palace.

Each lady would dance a circle with the Prince through the sea of waiting Lords to collect the lady and pass them on to another in the next pass keeping the chain of ladies moving, with passing flirtations when each would ease near the Prince again. Through the Palace Cinderella strolled holding the hem of her lavish gown until the doors opened and the big entrance came stunning the Prince. Greetings to the near endless dancing bled into the trip out to the gardens where a second film crew waited to capture your dialog as the Stepsister’s Lament played out inside amusing the crowds looking on behind the camera. Yet in the ticking of the added clock to the gardens the distance between you closed and a tender cupping of your cheek came in a steady press of lips to yours. For the camera angle it seemed very intimate, and yet the angle the Lords were watching from clearly it was forced, but a glance at that screen and they could see why others were grinning madly at the image.

All the same that clock chimed and even knowing the story everyone still seemed to wish that she would get caught and live happy ever after. Still that show was lost and the carriage was jumped into and took off for the Palace to be reset once again for the arrival to the follow up banquet. This second flight away however ended with cheers and claps with a sea of hugs and cheeks kissed stunning the guys until they realized that that was it.

One more flying car ride filled with comments on your final scenes and reactions to it they had seen came before Thranduil had asked, “When are we leaving tomorrow?”

“Um, we actually have to head to the station by midnight to get back in time.”

Glorfindel, “You get no rest at all?”

“I can sleep on the train.”

Thranduil sighed, “Fine, but after class you are coming over to sleep if I have to bring you myself, Darling, you need your rest.”

A quick stop upstairs for you had you coming downstairs again with your silvery blue hair pulled into a bun and white facial scars back again. The dress you had changed into was silvery blue with ruffled skirt under a mostly sheer top with lace leaf pattered panels covering your chest to your cleavage with short sleeves and a collar secured in the back with buttons down the back of it. The dress was stunning and fit the family color chosen for the dinner with Em in a similar ruffled dress of her own complimenting the pictures captured of you all before you managed to sneak back to your duo with Em on your hip while Vivienne and Ollivier greeted the other guests.

Glorfindel accepted hold of Em while Thranduil asked in a smooth of his hand over your back, “Are you tired?”

Peering up at him you smirked saying, “I’m fine. I can handle a dinner.”

Though the approach of Jean, the assistant who handled the affair of discovering Suzienne’s grave and transferring her to Paris with another familiar face right behind him, Ministère des Affaires Magiques de la France Luc Gerard. An offer of a handshake was stoically accepted in his introduction to your partners. “We are so pleased to have been able to welcome you for a visit, even if it is just for a short time. Have you enjoyed the few sights you were able to take in?”

Thranduil nodded, “Yes, it was quite enjoyable.”

Glorfindel took his glance falling on his to say, “There is a great many things to take in. Mainly the differing cultures between your countries and varied races dwelling together, we have just begun to learn about them, it seems we have a great deal more.”

Luc grinned saying, “Well said. Hopefully we might be able to bridge that gap and become more comfortable with one another in the future. We have heard a great many wonderful things of your lands and people as well, and might we say we have been curious to discover what the link would have been to the pair of you since seeing you following our dear Miss Black here in that bog challenge.”

Glorfindel, “Yes, we saw the picture. It was intriguing when her family arrived in Rivendell months before her and described the challenge to us as for why we seemed familiar to them.”

From the initial greetings to the dinner table it became absolutely clear that even more than you had claimed you were a natural at smoothing differing cultures together and were the grease keeping the gears moving and the conversation natural. Both sides relaxing into the neutral zone you helped to guide the council and Lords into between luring others from the large guest list into a moment of their own focus of your attention clearly brightening their moods the same as your relatives and the Delacours seemed to pull out of them. Name and influence of this half of your bloodline surely wasn’t missed and even in moments of odds with them you still strove to uphold the names you came from while clearly defending, guiding and teaching the Lords one day to be your husbands. Even in your denials and doubts there was no one more suited in their eyes to bridge the gap or to learn how to aid in ruling the Elves of Greater Greenwood.

Doubts clearly weren’t anywhere close to the impression your family gave on if you could join them, barely seven years and you had silenced any doubts possible of what could have come from their lost daughter’s bloodline. Bad choices and unfortunate circumstances or not through the painful rubble of those lost years and pair of women in their line you were the diamond glimmering out of all of it with Em shimmering all the brighter for your determination to keep her safe. Guests soon left and with a sigh you were up at your room changing back again to your jeans and sweater with wedges added again. A glimpse at the clock showed you still had time and closing your eyes you followed the pull you felt to head to the Pearisiyiae Tomb.

Onto the bench outside of it you sat just talking to your grandmother hoping she was at peace and was content with how you had turned out. A hushed whisper from your mother however in your ear sounded that after years of being back with her family she was ready to talk and they were meeting one another. On your feet you stood trusting that maybe one day she would feel strong enough to let you see her and with a token of her favorite flowers left behind. And just a short walk later you stopped in to leave some flowers for Leta Lestrange as well sharing a few words on how Newt was doing and how much she was still missed and always was spoken of fondly. Zapping back again you wiped the corner of your eye at the tear lingering there and you made sure you had everything then walked down to join the others waiting there to say goodbye while Thranduil kept hold of Em already asleep in his arms and grinned seeing you with them again.

Hugs were traded between respectful nods and wishes for another visit soon from your relatives to the duo on your path to the waiting car. It didn’t take long till you were back on the train again laid out on one of the two beds in the now sleeper car with Em across from the duo grinning in organizing the pictures to share with the boys and Legolas when they returned. Four hours you slept through their elaborate plan of sharing the whole trip and offer to take the boys to the opening of the London Zoo along with the clear way they had decided to bring up the travel papers issue with Elrond and Celeborn. This would all work out, meeting the other Ministers and settling at least a friendship with them as there was little trade needed between your people past curiosity for culture and crafted items. Much like the quartet of animal plushies you had brought back for the boys and Legolas they would surely treasure.

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One in the morning the train swayed to a stop and in your groggy blink awake Thranduil cradled Em to his chest and Glorfindel helped you up and kept hold of your hand for the walk back from Lower Bulgaria gaining more stamps for their travel booklets only to walk back into Pumpernickel finding it was raining hard. Hastily Glorfindel hoisted you up in his arms saying, “Off to Greenwood. No risking it, you need to sleep.”

A deep sigh from you came in watching Thranduil behind you using his wrap to keep Em covered from the rain on the eager trot to the arch exiting in the main gardens protected from the same massive storm by the canopy above. All the same eyes lit up and heads bowed seeing the Lords returning, yet in their glances at you the reason for your silence was that you had fallen asleep again making the duo chuckle. Carefully tucked into bed with Em by your side they left you to eagerly bring the pictures and the gazelle stuffie you three had thought Legolas might enjoy. Grinning while holding the gazelle he listened to each of the animals you had seen before inspecting the pictures of the museum exhibits, Versailles and the Eiffel Tower and view from the top of it.

Stories of the set were set aside as Elrond and Celeborn came after receiving notice from him that they had returned early. Inspection of the travel papers were taken and altogether it seemed an agreeable deal for the time being to be counted as allies of your Ministry after the details had been shared word for word how you had described it.

Celeborn, “Was her family more agreeable to Miss Black?”

Thranduil, “They were, us as well.”

Glorfindel, “I believe she might have spoken with them to calm them a bit more.”

Thranduil nodded, “Yes, and for all her doubts on being an acceptable ruler it is quite natural for her to ease two cultures into friendship. It was quite masterful her guidance through dinner with the French Minister and Council and other important people in France with us.”

Glorfindel nodded, “Yes, for what little suspicions we might have had on the Pear clan not accepting Jaqi, they seem to be quite in awe of her among the rest of us. Her Great Uncles even remarked how it would have been perfect for her to even have an inkling of interest in performing when they had first met, but to see just how talented she is in various fields. In my opinion I believe they are starting to see her outside of her grandmother’s shadow.”

Celeborn, “That is magnificent news. How was Cinderella?”

Elrond, “Yes, it was quite short notice to bring you along.”

Thranduil inhaled and decided to share the truth, “There are two kisses filmed in Cinderella,” ticking Elrond’s brow upwards, “Just as in the drawn version and in the play her mother performed in they were brief and chaste, from the angle of the camera, while at our angle it was evidently forced.”

Celeborn, “You both seem calm.”

Glorfindel nodded, “Yes, before her trip Jaqi stated it plainly and laid out the whole protocol involved in filming these sorts of feigned intimacies. Once we got to the village they filmed in we met the man playing the Prince and his husband and their children. All very old friends since their childhoods.” That seemed to calm the other Lords more worried on how their friends would have taken the encounter than anything else.

Legolas wet his lips asking, “It is common for actors to kiss in films?”

Thranduil caught his eye, “Apparently some films can grow quite intimate, even involving faked consummation of relationships. However Jaqi was quite clear she does not accept romance centered scripts, I believe the most she has filmed before was a kiss on the cheek for a child one of her roles tasked her to raise alone after the father had passed in an accident, who was played by a child of a friend hired to play her cousin. It was very comforting how clear she was on the rules and what the role pertained, I do not believe it will trouble us in the future.”

Glorfindel nodded, “And everyone watching the tale was equally swept away with adoration for the new recording of the classic tale. Even filmed out of order from the bits we did see it is quite a task to pull a story together, often Jaqi and Luis, who played the Prince were on opposite ends of the city they were filming in. Most of her scenes we witnessed she was alone or with one or two actors in fact.”

Thranduil, “Not counting the day they filmed the wedding and the ball and then banquet in one day. And they had this carriage chase scene, quite intense at moments, it will be a sight, the day the film is unveiled. A few months I believed they said they could edit it and release it widely through the countries.”

Celeborn, “Was Miss Black able to get much rest?”

Glorfindel, “No, she did however sleep on the ride home again and fell asleep when I carried her from the arches in her lands when we saw it was raining.”

Thranduil, “She is resting in our apartment and has been tasked to return here after school for more rest.”

Elrond, “That is good. I would be lying if I did not state we wish to see just how bright her shimmer will grow when fully rested and adjusted here.”

Pt 31

[kileyrose-2003]

Jenny Lind x Fem! Reader

A/N: Hello lovelies! This wasn't really a request but more something I decided to write for my dear friend @merci-bitch If you guys like this enough, maybe I'll open up request for Jenny.

I haven't been that well with my stress levels and mental health lately and she's been there to ground me and keep me as sane as I can possibly be. This is for you Tina. I love you and appreciate you and sincerely hope you enjoy this. Side note for all the people who have requested fics from me, I have not forgotten you. I know I'm behind and I will be getting to all of you eventually. Love you all and I hope you are all well. Stay safe, lovelies!

Warnings: Sexual content, implied mentions of self harm.

"...May I now present the most beautiful bird of song in our ring. Miss Y/n Y/l/n." The crowd cheered wildly as you stepped on stage. The spotlight making you sweat through your millions pound of caked on makeup as you forced a dazzling grin.

They say Phineas is The Greatest Showman but really if there was a true actor among people in the circus, it was you. To the crowd you came off as this charismatic, happy go lucky girl but you were far from that.

You were happy once but that seemed a dream now, hanging off far in the distance with all the stars shining in the sky.

You were born into a family of the musically elite. Your mother was a lyricist and your father, a prominent composer. For the first few years of your life were fairly pleasant.

You never wanted for anything and anything you desired within reason but something was always off when your parents were together. Exchanges of words that were once long and loving and had exchanges of pet names on the end of it were a thing of past and you couldn't help but wonder what happened. What changed.

They simply couldn't love each other anymore and then came the next two years of hell. The divorce. It was painful and confusing seeing two people who loved you fighting over you. Neither of them budging on which one would have primary custody of you.

You didn't feel like a person anymore. You felt like an object. A doll that only either of them wanted when they felt in the mood to play house. Because no man or woman that either of them dated would want to deal with their "baggage"

That's what you were. You were baggage. It killed your self esteem. Made you feel weak. Made you feel useless. Because if your own family looked at you like that, certainly you were useless, weren't you?

Desperation and depression set in and you wanted to find a way out. Find an escape to some place warm and kind where you could cry and have someone listen to you. Tell you 'I hear you' and 'I believe you'. You tried to find that place. Sometimes in the worst ways you could but you failed. Luckily.

When people would ask why you wanted out. Why you didn't want to deal with it anymore it was hard to talk about it. Because no one believed you. No one ever believed you about of the things your parents girlfriend or boyfriend said to you or what they did to you. No one ever believed you when you said you were hurt or needed a hug. The moment you would try to talk about what made you sad or angry you'd be brushed off to the side like a piece of garbage and so you refused to their answer their questions on why you wanted it to end, and learned the art of smiling.

You quickly learned people liked it when you smiled and acted preppy and in ways, you enjoyed it too. There weren't as many questions you were asked and had to answer and you were fine with that. It didn't make you feel any better though. At the end of the day when you looked at yourself in the mirror, you didn't see yourself. You didn't know who your reflection was besides a lie. An empty shell of yourself you wanted to curl up into and just cry.

You went on like for a while until you turned 16. That was when the "accident" happened. You could still remember it so clearly in your mind. Going to visit your father and finding a trail of crimson on the cake white tile flooring. A red hue that would never truly be erased from how ironic you found the colors to be. The white being the small tattered piece of childhood innocence you once held onto so tightly slowly fading away with the red which shone of what horrible events happened before you got there before you even see what happened.

It truly was only you and your mom after that and you were never the same. Hearty laughs you would bark out at jokes that once made you laugh were replaced by a fake giggle and no longer did you even bother with smiling. You were hurting and because you were hurting, your mom hurt too. Reality finally setting in on the fragility of your mental state that no person or form of tenderness could fix and even after everything your parents put you through it hurt you to see your mom hurt.

You ran away from home not long after that. Phineas was the one who found you on the street, dirt matted in your hair and a mess in every way imaginable. He was kind to you. Offering you a warm meal and a family and so you let him take you back home with him.

It took you a while to get used to the Showman's antics but you eventually got used to it. Though you never got used to his wife though, Charity. Something about the woman just rubbed you the wrong way. She always seemed so stiff but she was motherly in a way and you eagerly accepted her affection. The two of them built up your confidence. Made you feel at least somewhat whole again and not as empty.

When Phineas first brought up the idea of the circus, Charity thought it was ridiculous. You didn't though. You found it unique.

"And what would you provide for entertainment? Bafoons?!"

"People of talent my dear. Acrobats, swordsman, tightrope walkers, you name it you can find it!"

"And where would you find these people? Do we even know anyone talented to enough to even provide a simple song."

"I-i can sing." Your voice was sheepish and made the couple stare at you as if they never even seen you before. "What?"

"I-i can sing. Both my parents were musician. I was raised around music." When the shock finally fell off of Phineas' face he managed to form a full sentence. "Can-can you show us?"

You nodded and took a deep breath in and sang a bit of opera you remembered from your childhood. "..Il n'a rien dit, mais il me plaît."

"Stop! Stop!" You jumped at the abruptness of his words and waited for a response. "Y/n, why didn't you tell either of us you could like this before?"

"You like it?" You were in shock. Besides Phineas and Charity, no one ever really recognized your talent before and you never thought it was anything to brag about. "Like it, is an understatement my dear. You have the voice of angel."

"Well I guess you found your singer," Charity mused sipping a cup of tea. 

It wasn't long after that Phineas started posting help wanted signs around the city. You were there with him through the entire process. Sitting through some of the best and worst auditions you'd ever heard.

Charity was skeptical of the whole thing at first but she eventually came around. Attending most of your performances and comforting you back stage before you went on. For the first time in the longest time, you felt complete. Like you had a family and people who loved and cared about you.

The show became a hit and eventually you moved into your own apartment but you stayed close with Phineas. You were one of the first ones to find out about the Queen's Invitation to the palace.

" ..Phineas, Phineas! I know I told you I signed up for this so whatever you dealt my way, I'd deal with, but this. I did not sign up for this." You chased after the showman as he threw clothes in your suitcase.

"Nonsense, my dear. The Queen calls upon us to grace her presence and what she wants, she shall receive." The smile on his face was obnoxious and you wanted to smack it off.

"Yes but Phineas, I don't know anyone there and you know how I get around new people." You looked down at the ground, trying to hide just how small you were feeling in the inside.

Phineas stopped what he was doing and took your hands in his, fatherly gaze gleaming in his eyes. "I know but you know me. Think of it like a show. That's all it is. All you have to do is smile, greet people as you normally. If you get, perform as you normally would, sing, floor the audience with your incredible voice and then we go home. If I didn't think you could do this, I wouldn't ask you to come with me."

The grin he gave you made you feel warm inside and you let out a throaty noise. "But what will I wear?"

"Don't worry about that." You rolled your eyes as he carried your trunk out of your room. "When are we leaving?"

"Tomorrow." Your eyes widened. "Tomorrow?!"

"Royalty doesn't wait for excellence." You let out a groan and looked at yourself, seeing that girl again. The girl you locked away a long time ago, never wanting to see her again but today she made herself prominent and you hated it. "Fuck off!" You put your hands over your face and let out a sigh. You really didn't want to do this but you made a promise to when you joined the circus that you'd do something better with yourself, make something of yourself and now you had that opportunity laying in front of you on a silver platter. "God help me make it through this.."

....

The palace was even prettier than you could imagine. The lighting from the ceiling cascaded all around, highlighting the gold trim on some of the paintings. You caught a glimpse off your own necklace and it reminded you of being on stage. The lights shining down on you. You were next to be announced and all the sudden it felt as if the world came crashing down around you.

"May I present, Miss Y/n Y/l/n."

In that moment it felt as if the entire world had their eyes on you stood their for a moment, your body stiff and stuck in the moment. 'This can't be real. None of this is real.'

You could see the other guest staring at you for a few seconds until you heard your name being called. "Y/n! Y/n, come here." Phineas. You pulled yourself out of your trance and walked over as elegantly as you could, trying not to make your anxiety evident.

"Yes, Phineas?" A butler came by with a tray of champagne and you quickly took the glass, holding it up to your lips as if it was a comfort mechanism. "Y/n, there's somone I want you to meet."

'How lovely,' You thought to yourself and took a sip of the liquor. "This, is Jenny Lind." The red head infront of you smiled and you nearly choked on the alcohol. "How do you do?" You stood their for a moment with lack of words. She was probably one of the most beautiful women you ever seen. Her red hair complementing her olive green eyes and her white dress creating this aura of welcoming glow around her yet left you questioning what thoughts layed in that pretty little head of her because something to told you the woman infront of you wasn't as angelic as she seemed.

"Very well, thank you," You finally managed to mumble after a while. The other woman eyed you up and down as if she was analyzing you. "Y/n is a singer as well, Ms. Lind."

"A singer you say? How lovely. Perhaps we can do a piece together sometime, dear. I am told to be quite the piece of work." Her eyes interlocked with yours and you felt your cheeks growing red, letting out a slightly nervous giggle.

'Piece of work isn't even the right word for it.' You thought to yourself. Phineas seemed to pay no mind to what Jenny said and she smiled. "I'm sure she'd love that, wouldn't you Y/n?"

"O-of course.." You muttered. "Then I'll make it a point to see you again before the evenings events come to an end. Now, if you'll excuse me. I have some matters to attend to. It was a pleasure Mr. Barnum, Miss Y/n." She gave you a nod of acknowledgment and you laughed nervously as she was walked away.

"She's lovely isn't she?" The corners of your lips twitched into a smile. "That she is." Yours and Phineas' eyes interlocked and he gently patted your back. "Are you okay?"

"Of course, why?" You smiled. "You just seem a bit off, my dear." You waved your hand dismissively. "I'm just tired, that's all. I'm sure the liquor isn't helping any either," You chuckled and Phineas nodded in agreement. "Tis true, you are a tiny little thing and people with such delicate stature as your own tend to be a bit light weight it comes to liquor. Would you like to get some fresh air?"

"Please." You nodded and Phillip took your arm. "Come on, I'll take you out." You clung onto his arm tightly, breathing in deeply as the cold air brushed against the sides of your face. "You're alright?"

"Yes Phillip, I'm fine." He nodded hesitantly. "Alright..if you need anything let me know."

"Sure," You mumbled softly and leaned against the balcony. You heard him walk away and breathed a sigh of relief. Rubbing your face and staring out at London. The lights though far away burned so bright and you felt small.

"You know, I've made a lot of people flustered in my life but never have I seen someone react the way you did." You spun around to look at Jenny and coughed. "Y-you scared me."

"If that's what you want to call it sweetheart, sure. We can call it that." You smiled and blushed slightly. "What do you want Jenny?"

"To chat." You heard her heels clicking against the floor and the singer moved dangerously close to you, looking out in the distance. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" She gestured to all of London.

"It is. I've never seen anything like it before." She furrowed her brows. "You've never left America before this?"

"Never..but I'm glad I did."

"Did you not want to come initially?"

"To be frank, yes..I guess you could say I'm a little shy. Large crowds terrify me. There's something about the crowd though with singing that makes me feel at ease. Like it's the one true way I can express myself."

Jenny eyed you up and down as if she was inspecting you and smiled slowly. It was unsettling grin at first but you felt at ease when she brushed your cheek with your thumb. You just this woman? Why were you so comfortable with her?

"I think all singers can relate but someone as beautiful as yourself shouldn't be afraid of the crowd. For it's all the more people that love and adore you..and I my dear, already adore you?"

The way the light glistened on her face made your stomach flutter and it felt as if in that moment, you and Jenny were the only people alive. She leaned forward as if she was reaching out to touch you.

"Miss Lind!"

"What?" Phillip. "Miss Lind, Mr. Barnum-"

"Tell Mr. Barnum, I'm preoccupied with his lovely singer and I shall be with him in a moment." Phillip looked surprised by her attitude and nodded. "Sure..my apologies."

"It's fine, Phillip. We'll be out in a minute." You smiled and gave a slight wave as he walked away. Jenny let out a groan. "Is he always like that?"

"Sometimes but he means well. They all do. Phineas, he's like a father too me. Always has been and always will be."

"Is he married? Actually are either of you married?" You looked at the Swedish Nightingale, slightly boggled by the question. "H-he is but I'm no-"

"Such a same. For a tyrant he seems like a nice man." You felt yourself growing slightly annoyed with Jenny and was taken off guard when she cupped your face. "You both seem like such nice people. Phineas doesn't deserve you."

"I-"

"If you ever need me, this is my address. I'd like to keep in touch after this whole function, darling girl." You blushed and Jenny laughed. "My, you are such a precious creature and one so beautiful and rare for the eyes to behold."

"Y-you flatter me."

"I can tell. Come, darling. I'd hate to keep your beloved Phineas waiting longer he has..."

...

"..Oh please, don't be daft Phineas!" You downed another glass of wine as Jenny laughed, trying to become oblivious to the tension that was radiating from the two people next to you. "I don't mean to cause a row, Miss Lind but my proposition was for you to come for us. Not for you steal away my top singer."

"Well you're trying to steal me away from my own obligations so wouldn't it be fair to offer the same?" The smile on Jenny's face was sarcastic and you could see Phineas' face turning several shades of red. Jenny lifted up your chin with her index fingers. "She is quite darling, Mr. Barnum. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, she is and she's her own person who makes her own decisions. Am I correct, Y/n?" You nodded limply, seeing the tension in his eyes. "Which is exactly why I offered her. Because she can make her own decisions." Her eyes were full of lust and you tensed as you felt her caress her cheek. "What do you think, darling? Doesn't a life in Sweden sound nice?"

You felt Phineas' eyes burning daggers into you as if it was a test of your faith even though he knew very you knew where your alliances laid yet you found yourself so drawn to Jenny. "I mean-" You let out a giggle, attesting to your drunkenness. What was muttered between the two next, you didn't know. You glanced over at Phineas who snapped his fingers. "Yes sir?"

"Will you take Y/n back to her room please? I'm afraid she's been spent for the evening. Aren't you, my dear?" You nodded in agreement. "Sure. Goodnight, Jenny."

"Goodnight, darling." She kissed your hand. "You know where to go if you need to find me?" You met her eyes as if to say yes and left with Phillip.

What happened after you left, you would never know. All you could remember was someone changed you into y/f/c nightgown and being woken up by the heavy treading of feet down the hall followed by the sound of numerous voices. You were still slightly drunk and were too dazed to pick them up but you could hear what they were saying.

"So what she did say when you offered?"

"She refused, of course! I don't know what to do at this point. I can't force her to come and I'm certainly not going to just give up Y/n. She's family."

Eventually after a while the voices faded away and you laid in bed, staring up at the egg shell white ceiling. The words replaying over and over on your mind. Surely Jenny was quite flirtatious with you but she didn't mean anything serious. Did she?

Memories of how she caressed your face so tenderly ran through your mind and you felt yourself swelling up inside with what was a mix of lust and adoration.

You didn't have to be around her for a while to take the hint she was a good time girl but it was driving you mad. You had to know and you had to know now. You turned the lamp on in your room and searched through your trunk, pulling out a pair of flats and slipped them on. Not even bothering to change out of your pajamas. You still had the address of where Jenny was staying hidden in your bra and you took the paper out, memorizing the street and room number before grabbing your room key. The halls of the hotel were completely and you glanced at the old grandfather clock at the end of the hall.

"3 AM." You shrugged, quietly walking downstairs. The lobby was completely empty with most of the lights off but it didn't bother you. What mattered was making it to Jenny.

Rain was pelting down from the lit up sky, the light illuminating the cool liquid that caressed your cheek. You shivered slightly from the cool breeze outside but pushed it aside. Walking through the wet streets on London.

You were getting soaked and you were sure your y/f/c nightgown was becoming see through but you paid it no mind. 'Jenny will probably enjoy it,' You thought snidely. Her hotel came into sight and you walked past all the rooms until finally finding her room number. Ever so hesitantly you knocked on the door.

There was pause, an agonizingly long one. You debated on knocking again when the door swung open. Even with bed messed hair and scantily dress she was still one of the most beautiful women you ever seen.

Her eye makeup was smeared, highly the disdain in her eyes. "What the hell are you doing here? It's three in the morning." Her voice came out as low growl and you found yourself surprised. Her voice was so smooth the entire evening and you could never picture it being as nasty as it was now.

"Can we talk?" You asked softly. "At three in the morning?! Wow darling, you must truly be desperate." You seen her eyeing you up and down like a piece of meat and you shifted uncomfortably as you seen her eyes eagerly sizing up your breast.

"Maybe but does it matter?" Jenny let out a humming noise. "I suppose it doesn't. Very well, come in my sweet."

You stepped inside and Jenny shut the door before tossing a nightgown at you. "What's this for?"

"Because you're soaked. You might of pissed me off but how well mannered would I be to leave you cold and wet?" You shrugged, as if silently saying yes to what she was saying and turned your back as you stripped your clothes off.

Changing into the warm outfit. You could feel her eyes like little beads on the back of your neck but said nothing. Not knowing what you would even say to her. The situation was incredibly awkward as it was and you didn't want to make it any worse.

You turned around as you finished changing and Jenny smiled at you. "That's better." She sat down on one of the sofas and you followed her motion. "Now, tell me darling. What brings you here so late? Did the tyrant send you as a ploy or are you seeking out for a new..experience?"

The words came out so voyeuristically you had to do everything in your power not to shudder. 'What a milf.' You thought to yourself before responding. "Neither."

"Oh? Enlightenment me, Y/n. For now, I'm curious."

"I want you to come with us." Jenny laughed. "Phineas must be truly desperate." Her expression was so snide and you wanted to smack her across the face. "Actually, I want you to come."

Jenny choked on the water she was drinking. "Me, come with you? My dear, the offfer was you come with me."

"Yeah well, compromise is needed in both love and war. Don't you agree, Miss Lind?" You met her eye with a certain sassy glance Jenny found so attractive. "We're off first name basis?"

"We are negotiating business, aren't we?" She hummed softly and smirked. "Yes, we are...give me one reason why I should come with me. I am a very busy as you know. I know Chopin, people at the Music Academy.."

You said nothing and Jenny grew impatient. "Speak!"

"I-i feel connected to you..like I can trust you." She laughed. "Oh darling, do you honestly think I'm going to fall for that?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at her. "I'm speaking the truth!"

"Are you sure it's not for another reason?" Her eyes found their way back down to your chest again and you cringed. Jenny stood up and placed two of her fingers underneath your chin, caressing your cheek with her other hand. "You are quite the precious thing. Aren't you? My precious thing."

"I-i belong to no one." You tried your hardest to sound firm but knew it wasn't working. "Sure you don't. When do we leave, darling?"

"Y-you're going to come with me?!" Your eyes lit up with pure joy. "Only because you asked so nicely." She climbed into bed and held her arms out for you. "What are you doing?"

"It's three in the morning and I'm sure darling Phineas won't be looking for you a while. Now come." Hesitantly you slipped into bed next to the older woman, letting her run her fingers through your hair. You knew it wasn't right but it felt so nice just to be there in that moment. Could you be having..feelings for her?

....

To say yours and Jenny's friendship was a peculiar one was an understatement. No one could wrap their heads on the dynamic between the two of you. The two of you were surely best friends as wherever you went, Jenny was and vice versa but the two of you were very physically affectionate with each other.

Jenny always kissing your cheek before she would leave the seem and it seemed more often than not the two of you were either holding hands or hugging each other.

Not that the others minded but they just couldn't quite wrap their heads around it and you always seemed to have an excuse for her when people would ask why she was always all over you.

"I just think she's trying to be sweet." You smiled as you sat down next to Anne after one of the shows.

"I think she's trying to be a milf." You furrowed your brow at Anne. "What do you mean?" She shrugged. "Have you not seen all the people that come in and out of her trailer?"

She was your partner. It was hard not to notice or know about how much of a flirt she was, especially towards Phineas, but it was none of your business anyways as far it was your concern. You and Jenny worked on a policy that the other wouldn't ask unless you wanted to tell and you were fine with that.

Screw what other people thought and if you're happy shouldn't they be happy for you?

...

"So I started working on a new piece-" Jenny hummed as the two of walked hand and hand towards the piano. "I don't know what to call it yet but I guess that doesn't matter now though. You well be happy to know that I thought you of you since there are a-" She tapped her finger on the piano. "F5's in here."

You smiled and looked at the woman sitting down in front of you. "I want you to work on this with me. Critique me."

"Oh no, Jenny! I couldn't possibly-"

"Do you know what one of the main claims made by successful musicians and writer's are? They listen to the criticism of others so you can and you will, now sit down." She commanded, patting the empty space next to her on the stool. You quickly did as she asked, not wanting to make her mad and straightened her posture. "You'll do the soprano section and I'll do the alto."

"Yes ma'am." You hummed softly. You noticed a little smirk forming on the sides of Jenny's lip and you bit down on your lip, trying your hardest not smile. "Now, 1 and 2-"

Her long, nimble fingers hit the keys on the lower part of piano and your voices met in harmony. "Everything went wrong, and the whole day long I'd feel so blue. For the longest while, I'd forget to smile, then I met you. Now that my blue days have passed, Now that I've found you at last."

Your echoed her words and Jenny smiled. "With a love that's true always. When the things you've planned. Need a helping hand, I will understand always."

"..Always." Jenny turned to look at you and for a moment you could of sworn you seen a look of something other than lust in her eyes and she leaned towards you.

Despite your inner voice screaming at you stop what you moved closer to her, your lips nearly brushing with her plump reddened ones before she pulled.

"Oh god..I'm sorry. That was-that was inconsiderate. I-i don't know what came over." Jenny's laugh was almost brimming on nervousness and you had to try your hardest not to frown. "I-it's okay. I wasn't thinking either."

Jenny stared deeply into your eyes and for a second you could of sworn you seen a glimpse of love in her eyes.

"I should leave." You shook your head. "No, no! Stay, Jenny. Please, I insist." She shook her head. "No, no, no. This would be inappropriate of me to do."

"Aren't we already inappropriate?" She narrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not blind, Jenny. Nor am I deaf. The others ask me things about us. Why you touch me so much."

"Y/n, my dear, this a step above us holding hands. This is kissing. We are partners. It would never work." She growled. "But you love Phineas, do you not?"

Jenny looked at you almost betrayed and stood up. "That doesn't matter right now! I overstepped my boundaries and made you uncomfortable. Now if you'll excuse me."

"But Jenny-"

"No buts, Y/n. Please! You're just making this harder on yourself but me as well. For us to do this, we would have to live a lie. Do you want to live a lie, Y/n?"

"But aren't we already living a lie as it is?" For the first time since you met Jenny Lind, you could of sworn you could seen that she was at a loss of words. For once.

"Yes, I mean- No! No, we are not! I love Phineas! I want to be Phineas!"

"Then if you love him, then why would you of tried to kiss me?" Jenny's cheek turned cherry red as if she was child caught in the midst of stealing a sweet. "He's married, Jenny! And he's not leaving his wife anytime in the foreseeable future. You're setting yourself up for heart break and I love you Jenny and I want you to be happy!"

"If you love me you'll let me do what I need to do! Now if you'll excuse me, I have matters to attend to." She stormed past you.

"Jenny, I'm telling you-"

"And I'm telling you, to let me do what I do best.." She grabbed the sides of your face, staring deeply into your eyes before kissing your forehead. "Now if you'll excuse me, for the last and final time."

The singer walked past you. Leaving you with millions of unanswered questions and emotions. Did she love you? Did you love her? You didn't even know anymore. You walked out of your rehearsal space, nearly bumping into Phineas.

"Jesus!"

"I'm sorry my dear, I didn't see you coming. I just bumped into Jenny down the hall. Am I interrupting something?"

"No." Your tone was sharp and it made Phineas narrowed his eyes. "Don't ask. It's a long story. Anyways what do you need?"

"Are you performing tonight?" You shook your head. "No, this is Jenny's solo night."

"Okay, I just wanted to ask because she ignored me when I seen her...are you sure you're alright my dear?" You stared at him for a few moments, not knowing what to say. It was an incredibly awkward situation. What could you even say to him. "Yes, everything's fine. I'm just not feeling the greatest."

"Go get some rest then, my dear. I shall see you tomorrow morning." He placed a small kiss on the top of your head. "Goodnight Y/n."

"Goodnight Phineas."

....

"It's not tight enough!"

"How tightly do you want the bobby pins then, Jenny?" You sighed and ran a hand through her red hair as curled it. "Sorry..sorry."

"It's fine, You huffed. There was an awkward silence for the moment. "So are we going to talk about what happened earlier?" You shrugged. "What is there to talk about?"

"Y/n-"

"No, Jenny. I'm not doing this with you. You pushed me away. There is nothing for us to talk about. There is nothing I want to talk about. You burned the bridge. You deal with the consequences."

You finished her last curl and set the iron down. "..I didn't mean to hurt you, Y/n."

"Sure you didn't." Jenny sighed and pulled you into a slight hug. You softened up a little bit and sighed. "Don't do anything brash please?"

"I make no promises."

"Jenny-"

"You trust me right? Trust me enough to make my own decisions?"

"Jenny you know I do but I'm just afraid of you getting hurt."

"I won't. What's the worst that can happen? He turns me away." You shrugged as if to say maybe and Jenny smiled. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck." She pressed a kiss against your cheek and smiled. "Bye, Y/n."

"Bye."

....

The next few hours you laid in bed in yours and Jenny's hotel room, wondering how the show went and what she was doing. She should of been back hours ago. What the hell was she doing?

Your eyes settled on the clock at the far end of the room. 12:55. You brushed it off as maybe she lost track of time but you knew that was too good to be true. Something felt wrong.

A few minutes later you heard the door unlock followed by the sound of heels clicking against the floor and sniffling. "How much did you have to drink?" You joked but there was no laugh.

"Jenny? Jenny, are you okay?" You felt her weight sink down next to you on the mattress. "H-he doesn't like me." You furrowed your brows. "Who?"

"Phineas." You sat up in bed and took her hands gently in your own. "Jenny, what the hell did you do?"

"Remember how you told me the story about your first time on stage and Phineas tolf you, you have to learn to fall before you fly?" You grabbed a tissue out of the box besides your bed and handed it to Jenny. "Yeah.."

"So I thought maybe, just maybe, he'll like me the way I like I like him."

"Jenny-"

"I tried to kiss him. I tried to kiss him but he refused me." She looked so mad and upset. Despite the part of you that was relieved Phineas didn't cheat on Charity, you felt your heart breaking for the woman sitting next to you.

"Jenny.." You wiped some of the tears off her face and she pulled you into a hug. You never seen Jenny act like this before and it shocked you. It was the look of rejection. It was the look of pain. She never had been rejected before.

"And the worse part is, is I thought I love him but I don't know what I feel anymore. I-i'm just so confused." You shushed her and hugged her tight. "It's okay, Jenny. Everything is going to be alright. It's okay to be confused. It's normal. I'm sure everything will work out. Everything happens for a reason. We may not understand why in the moment, but eventually it will make sense in the future. It's going to be okay. I promise."

"Yeah but, where do I go from here? People will talk. Say things about the both of us and nothing is going to be the same after this." She was practically panicking. "Just relax..For right now, no one has word of anything and don't worry about where to go yet. You have time to figure all that out. It's going to be alright." You held onto her tightly, not knowing if you should do more or less for her. "Thanks, Y/n."

You kissed her sweet smelling red hair and patted her back. "You're welcome." The two of you sat together in silence for a moment. Despite not knowing how you even felt about all this, you treasured the silence between the two of you.

After a while, Jenny pulled away from you abruptly and stared deeply into your eyes. "Jenny? Jenny, you're staring at me. What's-" Her luscious red lips smacked against yours and your eyes widened, trying not to melt into the kiss. "Don't speak."

"Jenny..Jenny, what are you doing?!" You rasped and attempted to pull away from her but she grabbed your hand. "It's always been you, you know that right?"

"Jenny, it has not always been me. You basically just told me, you want to fuck Phineas. This is not you acting out of love. This is you acting out of-"

She interrupted you, putting a finger up to your lips. "I've always loved you. I thought I loved Phineas but no, I love you. You and only you."

"I-i love you too..I think? I don't know! I'm so confused! Jenny, people will talk. People will say things about us. Mean things about us. Don't you care?" She kissed you sweetly on the lips. "Who cares what people think as long as we have each other."

Despite how wrong it felt, it also felt so right and you gave into her touch. Praying you wouldn't regret it later as she ran her hands through your hair as she kissed you. "I..I love you my darling."

"L-love you too." You could feel Jenny caressing your sides and you moaned slightly as her lips left yours. "I want you, Y/n. I want you right now." She pressed you back again the mattress and you looked at her wide eyed and terrified. "I-i never done this before."

"Then I'll teach you. No fear, understand?" You nodded in spite of your growing anxiety and Jenny began to pepper small kisses down your face and neck, leaving little love marks here and there. "So, so beautiful." You could feel her hands working at the buttons on the top of your blouse, the sides of her hands kneading your breast.

You bit down on your lip to prevent a moan of frustration and you could of sworn you seen Jenny smile. "Oh darling..by the time I'm done with you, there will be no amount of lip biting to hide those luscious noises."

You blushed in embarrassment as she pulled off your top and bra. Peppering tiny kisses all over your breast before playfully biting at your nipples. You hissed in a mix of pain in pleasure, pulling at her hair as she moved lower down your body.

She looked up at me before pulling all your clothes off, dragging your silk panties along the way. Jenny spread your legs apart before lifting one of them up, placing it on her shoulder. You felt her trail small kisses on the inside of your thigh, your tongue licking alongside your folds.

Jenny's hand took hold of your thighs, holding them in place as she started to lick back and forth with her tongue against your cunt. “So wet and I’ve barely touched you” Your eyes rolled in the back of your head as your head fell back against the wall.

You felt her tounge flicking back and you arched your back. "Fuck, fuck!" You screamed then covered your mouth, not wanting anyone to hear you. "T-this feels so good!"

"I told you..I'm a piece of work!" You heard a hand bang against the wall from whoever had the room next door to you and Jenny sighed. "Oh fuck off!"

She quickly got back to work. The room which felt cold from the rain a outside was now hot like a sauna and the two of you were sweating. You were hitting your peak and you gasped, squeezing onto the white satin sheets.

"I-i can't take much more!" You grunted. "Cum for me, my darling. I want you to." You felt the pit in your stomach growing and you screamed in euphoria as you came. What the hell had you been missing all this time?

As you laid there, still in a daze. Jenny wiped the sweat off your forehead and laid down next to you. "That was...amazing."

"It was always is when you're with me." You slapped her arm and planted a kiss on her lips before burying your head in her chest. "My good girl." She kissed the top of your head and you laid there in her arms, not caring who thought what about anything that just happened between the two of you. None of that mattered now. As long as you had your Jenny.

[hedwigstalons]

High Expectations

This is a fic that I originally told myself I wouldn’t post any of until it was complete.   Evidently I lied.  It’s not complete but I do have 21k words and eight chapters built up already.  It was meant to be Gordon’s story of how he ended up in WASP but the other brothers have decided to put in an appearance too (I blame the boys and also @willow-salix​ for encouraging them)

I’ve also set myself a secondary challenge with this to produce a piece of art for each chapter.  I’m hoping to try out different styles and hopefully make some progress over time.  This first bit was very much about getting a feel for the tools (a challenge seeing as I first have to wrestle the drawing pad away from the small person who just likes being able to make rainbow glitter pictures)

Anyway....

xoxoxox

Summary: Jeff Tracy has very strong beliefs about what he expects from his sons.  Sometimes his expectations are at odds with what his sons themselves want from life, especially Gordon.  

Chapter One

The office was tiny, barely large enough for the single desk it contained.  It didn’t really matter.  This room no longer had a permanent resident. State wide cuts to the careers service and an investment in online guidance meant that careers advisors were stretched across districts; a few lonely individuals doing the rounds of the high schools to dispense reassurance and wisdom in statutory ten minute blocks.  As a consequence this area of the school hadn’t been refurbished in many years and had a general air of neglect.  The carpet tiles had been worn bald in a clear path to the two chairs in the room, one in front of the desk and one behind.  The painted cinderblock walls were covered in posters, bleached and faded by the California sun, bearing inspirational quotes.  

 You can do anything!

 Be the change you want to see

 Aim for the skies

 The posters mirrored the sentiments he had heard at home too many times.  Although at home they tended to come tinged with disappointment as he handed over yet another report card that didn’t meet the standard set by the siblings who had gone before.  Yale, Harvard and the Denver School of Advanced Technology had already accepted a Tracy.  Gordon just couldn’t match up to their lofty heights of academic success.  He was bright but that just got overshadowed by the glittering trio above him.  Anything he did had always been done better by at least one, but more often all, of his older brothers.  

 The pressure to achieve academic excellence had lessened slightly as his swimming training had ramped up in intensity.  As competitions progressed from local, to state, to national, to international the family had grown to accept that this was no passing hobby.  But Gordon still lived with the constant threat that he would be pulled out the pool if his grades dropped too low.  It was taking all his energy to keep on top of his school work to the required B- average insisted on by his father so that he could keep doing the one thing he felt truly good at.  The one thing that set him apart from his over-achieving brothers.

 At least the teachers didn’t judge him or at least couldn’t judge him against his more intellectual siblings.  As soon as John had graduated high school and started at Harvard, an accomplishment for which he was several years younger than the average after skipping a couple of grades, Jeff had moved himself and the youngest boys away from rural Kansas to Los Angeles.  The old farmhouse was retained but was no longer a permanent base for the family.

 The move to the city was a strategic decision by Jeff and one that was only delayed in order to allow John to complete his high school education without the disruption of an inter-state move.  For Jeff it meant the ability to site himself in the commercial heartlands expected of the business that was flourishing under his direction.  It also meant he was able to get back each night to care for his youngest children, even if he sometimes didn’t make it back to the apartment before midnight.

 It may have been expected that Jeff Tracy, an individual rapidly climbing the lists of America’s richest and most influential individuals, would have used the move as an opportunity to enrol his youngest sons in the finest educational establishment Los Angeles had to offer. But Jeff Tracy was a man raised in Kansas wheat fields.  A man for whom his own success and the successes of his eldest three sons had been built on the foundations of learning delivered in small town rural schools. What was good enough for him was good enough for all his children.  There were no private tutors or exclusive schools.  Gordon and Alan found themselves enrolled in the regular district school with its air of neglect and underfunding.

 A large part of Gordon really wanted to be back in his math class.  Not because he had any great fondness for the subject but because he found it hard in a way the others didn’t.  He was not above digging out Virgil’s old annotated English texts or Scott’s history files if he wanted a bit of extra insight for his essays but math was different. Any notes left by his siblings were generally an incomprehensible scrawl.  Not that any of them had made many math notes; they all seemed to just get it.  

 Gordon still remembered the first time after John had headed off to Harvard that he had called for help with his homework.  John had tried to be patient but there had been an unmistakeable tone of annoyance accompanied by a condescending eye roll clearly visible on the call screen.  Gordon had been left in no doubt that John found the idea of a Tracy struggling with algebra to be frankly insulting.  Virgil had displayed rather more patience and understanding but the pity that came with the help was too much for Gordon to take.  He didn’t want to find out what Scott’s reaction would be.  The golden haloed first-born was becoming increasingly distant and superior as his career in the Air Force progressed.  

 And so Gordon ploughed on alone.  Taking study guides to swim competitions to read between the heats.  Trying to juggle the conflicting demands of Team USA and Team Tracy.  The former striving for physical excellence and peak performance, the latter demanding excellence across the board.

 The careers advisor on the far side of the desk looked up at the young man sat opposite her.  The school records showed he was academically above average.  He had prospects.  

 The students that entered her office tended to fall into three broad categories.  There were the ones that didn’t really need their regulation advice session having already got their chosen career path mapped out, whether that involved furthering their education or just jumping straight into the local jobs market. There were those that were bewildered and clueless about where to turn next.  Then there were those that just didn’t seem to care and who drifted through her office much like they drifted through the rest of their school career. She wondered which she would encounter in this interview.

 “So Gordon” she smiled at the teenager, “have you considered what you want to do after you graduate high school?”

 The teen looked at her with a slightly surprised expression.

 “Swim, ma’am”  

 It was said bluntly and without preamble, accompanied by a mid-western politeness that the move to the city hadn’t shaken off. Stated as fact rather than as some hypothetical idea.  She had encountered plenty of teenagers with dreams of making it big on the sporting circuit but very few made it professional.  Usually the dreams were of football or basketball; swimming was a new one to add to her list.  

 “Swim?”

 “Yes ma’am, swim.  I’ve already got my qualifying time sorted.  Come the summer I’ll be at the Olympics.”

 Cogs clicked into place.  This was her nineteenth interview of the day and the students were beginning to blur together, even with the supplementary notes put together by the tutors that actually got to see these kids each day.  The low attendance scores suddenly made sense. Gordon Tracy, the rising star of the swimming circuit.

 “Of course.”  She flustered slightly over her notes.  It was a new experience to have a member of the Olympic squad sat before her. But she was obliged to be a sounding board for his career choice for the next ten minutes.  She couldn’t just send him back to class off the back of a one word answer.  She decided to stick to familiar territory; if they know the plan, find out the backup plan.

 “Have you considered what you will do after swimming? You have good grades here.  I’d recommend making a college application.”

 The youngster gave a hollow sort of chuckle. “Not good enough for anywhere that matters.  I think I’ll stick to what I’m good at, ma’am.”

 The interview was brought to a close by the final bell of the day and Gordon was glad to be able to scoop up his rucksack and escape the claustrophobic confines of the office.  He was sure the careers advisor meant well but he felt that the session was a pretty pointless experience.  Actually being in class would have been a better use of his time.

 As he reached the front of the school he spied Alan waiting for him in their usual spot.  The younger boy was scuffing his shoes in the dirt while waiting, the bored expression of his face breaking into smile when he saw his older brother.  They set off on the short walk back the apartment.

 “Good day, Al?”

 “Yeah, ok”

 “Much homework?”

 Alan grimaced.  He was about as fond of homework as Gordon was.

 “I’ll take that as a yes.  Well make sure you get on with it as soon as we get in.  No video games until it’s finished.”

 “Yes Sir!”  The response was accompanied by a mocking salute which earned Alan a gentle whack on the back of the head.

 “Hey, less of that.  I’m not Scott.  But seriously Al, just make sure you get it done.  I’ve got an extra training session tonight but only a short one; you’ll have the place to yourself until about 6.  I’ll sort us some dinner once I’m home.”

 “Will you be able to play video games with me once you’re back.”

 “Sorry, I’ll have my own work to get on with.”

 Alan’s shoulders slumped dejectedly and his feet dragged along the sidewalk.

 “Another quiet night then.”

 Gordon hated seeing Alan so flat.  The pair spent a significant amount of time together and, like all his brothers, he had a desire to protect the youngest.  He wrapped an arm around the shoulders of the shorter boy and was rewarded with a shove in the ribs.  Evidently anything even slightly resembling a hug in public was out this close to the school grounds.

 “I’ll see what I can do.”

 They had reached the apartment by this point. Gordon dashed inside to grab his swimming kit and left Alan with strict instructions to make sure he got all his homework done.  He didn’t like leaving Alan home alone but it was a regular occurrence now.  Their father wouldn’t be home for hours and with all the others moved away the youngest two had got used to fending for themselves.  He left Alan with a promise that they would spend some time together later.

 The training session passed in a blur of drills.  There were now more days with both morning and evening training in preparation for the Olympics and the extra workouts were taking their toll.  By the time Gordon reached the apartment his shoulders ached and all he wanted to do was stand under a scalding hot shower before collapsing in to bed.  Unfortunately he knew he had other responsibilities to attend to first.

 Gordon rolled his shoulders, plastered on a smile and scanned the entry system for the apartment.

 xoxoxox

 Normally weekday meals were Gordon’s domain or he was at least there to help out if Alan ventured into the kitchen.  But he had completed his homework quicker than expected and in the boredom of the empty apartment it had seemed like a good idea to start dinner.

 He took the pack of greens from the fridge, prodded the pan of pasta and gave the chicken a quick stir.  As he sliced the greens an acrid smell assaulted his nostrils.  The chicken, which had been cooking nicely until now seemed to have chosen the moment he took his eye off the ball to catch and stick to the bottom of the pan.  Carefully prepared strips of prime breast disintegrated and crumbled as he tried to scrape the dried out offerings from the base of the pan.  He cursed, turned out the stove, and went back to preparing the greens.  

 The clock ticked closer to 6pm.  Steam rose in billows from the pan of greens which had reached a rapid boil.  Perhaps he should have waited until Gordon was actually home before cooking the vegetables, the shredded leaves were starting to disintegrate.  

 At least the pasta should be ok.  

 The pasta which wasn’t boiling.

 More cursing filled the air as Alan realised his error. In his attempt to salvage the chicken he had turned off the heat under the pasta as well.  Perhaps he should have just let Gordon cook the whole thing. This was a mistake.  All he wanted to do was free up some time in the hope of getting a game in with Gordon and instead he had ruined everything.  He wondered if it was too late to dig out the emergency credit card and call for take out.  He would just have to make sure Dad took it out of his allowance rather than Gordon’s.

 The sound of the front door broke through his thoughts.

 “Hi Alan.”  The voice echoed up the hallway.  Footsteps approached, only pausing briefly as a kit bag was launched into a room, landing in a corner with a heavy thud.  Too late to salvage anything now, within moments Gordon was in the doorway.  “Hey, you cooked.  Thanks”

 “No need to sound so surprised.  Don’t thank me til you’ve tried it though.  It’s, um, not really gone to plan.”

 “I’m sure it’s fine.  Want me to drain these pans while you get the plates out?”

 Alan signalled his agreement by delving into the crockery cupboard leaving Gordon to drain and stir together the contents of the various pans.  He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the meal but Gordon seemed grateful to be spared the chore.

 Dinner was everything Alan expected it to be.  They sat opposite sides of the kitchen counter, Gordon shovelling down vast quantities of noodles while he picked at his own much smaller portion.  The meat was as dry as cardboard and stuck in his throat alongside the shards of undercooked pasta. Perhaps he ought to pay more attention in the kitchen, especially as Gordon was likely to be training more and more over the coming months.

 Gordon’s fork clattered onto the empty plate before Alan was even half way through.  He looked up to see eyes the colour of mahogany under the harsh kitchen lights looking at him with concern.

 “You ok?  You’ve hardly eaten.”

 “I’m fine.  Just wishing I’d ordered us a pizza instead.”  He waved a forkful of charred chicken to emphasise his point.

 This earned him a small chuckle and at least dispelled the worry.

 “Hey, no complaints from me over it.  I think my coach would have something so say about that too, we’ll save the pizza for the summer.  I’ll start clearing up while you finish off.  You still want that game?”

 Alan grinned.  Suddenly the pasta was a lot easier to stomach if there was a chance to thrash his brother in the goblin realms at the end of it.  

 xoxoxox

 As the clock ticked past midnight and into the small hours of the morning Gordon lay in the darkness, sleep refusing to come.  His normally comfortable bed felt too lumpy and he turned this way and that.  First facing the blank wall next to the bed, then the ceiling and finally the open room. A shelf of trophies glinted faintly in the light that managed to spill around the edges of the heavy blackout curtains.  Back in Kansas Gordon had rarely bothered closing his curtains; he had always been an early riser and was usually up long before the dawn in order to get to early morning training or fit in a gym session before school.  But the pervading yellow glow of the city from the ever present light pollution wasn’t like the peaceful moon.  On nights like this the city felt oppressive and he yearned for the open fields of home, as he still though of Kansas.  Gordon might now be able to access better training facilities and coaches which had enhanced his Olympic prospects but he had never embraced city life.

 He was exhausted.  The training session after school had been intense and he had thrown himself into the drills with maximum effort.  The gaming session had probably been a mistake but he hadn’t wanted to let Alan down.  The kid had gone to the trouble of trying to make dinner and save him a job.  Ok, the noodles had been still firm to the point of being slightly crunchy and the greens had been on the verge of turning to soup but it’s the thought that counts.  It was calories.  It was from his prescribed meal plan.  It was mostly edible.  He appreciated the level of consideration shown by a teenager who shouldn’t have any more pressing concerns than getting his chemistry paper completed and working out whether Ellen from World Studies class had a crush on him.

 His own homework had been its usual slog.  He wrote until his eyes became sticky and the notes he was reading became a jumbled blur.  Sleep should have enveloped him within minutes of climbing into bed but instead the words from his earlier interview kept churning around his head.  The thoughts drowning out even the gnawing ache in his overworked muscles.  

 What about after?

 He had always managed to stave these thoughts off before.  Whenever his father had made comments about future plans he has always managed to deflect the conversations.  He didn’t have room in his head for anything other than visualising the dream.  Why on earth should the words of a complete stranger, parroted from some state approved script, make life any different.

 He was a Tracy.  A name synonymous success and achievement.  He had found his calling in a way that set him apart from the others.  

 He was going to swim.

 He was going to represent his country.

 He was going to win.

 He ran through the visualisation that had been a constant companion in his head for years.  He could feel the flow of the water over his body as his muscles flexed in perfect synchronicity.  He could hear the roar of the crowd as the results flashed up on the scoreboard.  He rode the wave of emotion as the medal was presented.  This was the moment that would mark him out as more than just the fourth son of an astronaut.  Gordon Cooper Tracy.  A name in his own right.

 With the sound of the national anthem still ringing in his ears Gordon tried to visualise the next steps.  He tried to force the dream beyond its current conclusion but instead found only darkness.  

[architectuul]

Metavilla

In a discussion with Merve Bedir and Jason Hilgefort we discovered the French pavilion from the 10th Venice Architecture Biennale 2006 - EXYZT where the curator Patrick Bouchain proposed to collaborate EXYZT to bring up architecture in an alternative way. In such direction was born the Metavilla, consisted in the act of transforming the classical French exhibition pavilion into a space full of life, generosity and freedom. 

Read also “Emblem Of A Better Germany?”, “The Invisible Church”, “The Greek Experiment” and “Is It Possible To Exhibit Architecture?”

Jason Hilgefort: I remember very fondly going to the Biennale for the first time in 2006. As I had not attended before I was in awe and excited to take everything in. After some time the rhythm of entering, seeing big texts, provocative drawings, exciting models, etc became regular. I was completely caught off guard even before entering the French Pavilion of that year, ‘Métavilla’ by EXYZT. Even from the outside I could see the ‘exhibition’ exploding outside and above the existing pavilion structure. Not to mention the crowd of visitors looking confused/ excited before and after entering the ‘exhibition’. The installation was not a traditional exhibition of standard architectural elements. It was more a live inhabitation or perhaps performance art; it felt as though maybe the exhibition was looking at me as I gazed upon it. The building was reinterpreted via a series of scaffolding that formed a hotel, communal kitchen, reading room, shared work space, and on the room a sauna/pool/garden element. 

Looking back one must remember, this was JUST before the financial downturn that befell the world in 2007. Following those realities, the notion of ‘pop ups’, activism, and other such tools in architecture become more the norm. This piece somehow foresaw this impending reality and in some ways was not just looking out towards me as the viewer, but was looking forward into the future.

Merve Bedir: Call me cynical but why does the attention need to go in a certain direction when there is economy/market necessities and obligations around it? I also remember many architects being interested in reuse and renovation rather than new buildings, once the crisis hit. As we were forgetting about it the global pandemic hit, and we got interested in the digital, and now everyone is interested in issues of racism, justice, inequality in built environment. I guess my appreciation for the pavilion would have more to do with being proactive, with being interested in what you are always interested in, and so on. 

Metavilla presented an ordinary daily life including sleeping, washing, working, eating and resting. Visitors could also participate, they could take a sunbath, grab a drink, share a meal or go to the sauna. | Photo © exyzt/ Cyrille Weiner

JH: Very true what you say there. In light of the past 15 years, this work really suggests a shift from the focus on representation – plans, sections, renders, models – and towards that of human use of space. The exhibition felt less like a showcase and more like an invitation. And invitation to join into the notion of what is architecture, what is a pavilion, and what is ‘collective’ or ‘community’. That blur of living, working, and public has only increased exponentially in the past years. 

MB: With the current tendencies of architects making space for performative representation by stepping back sounds very conscious and sensitive, but I'm afraid we are undermining our role in making/designing/planning/constructing. When I look around myself in any city I go, I see the need for all kinds of design even more, otherwise I feel we will have more unsatisfactory, less sustainable, and more ugly cities. The question is to find why and how architecture is important in creating cities? 

JH: That is on point. I think another quality of this exhibition was the questioning and playing with ‘systems’. Again the work was not so focused on formal agendas. Instead it started to play with larger systems and frameworks. For example the food and water networks included within the spaces. This saw the building and the exhibition itself as being connected to larger linkages. And framed how these existing systems could be reinterpreted. The ‘infrastructures’ of the Biennale were harnessed and used to engage and question the onlooker in terms of how these infrastructures could reframe the spaces we use day to day. Not to mention the regulatory reality of allowing people to actually live on site. Questioning the rules of the biennale itself and even the notion of guest and host.

MB: This is precisely one of my questions, how do designers get involved in systems thinking, what systems, at what level, scale, what are the systems in the universe that we know of, and that we don't, the ones we created, we imitated, we can further think on. Let's turn the tables, sure, but let's also be proactive on what kind of world we want to live in, beyond existing rules and regulations, and from there try to take steps towards that world.

JH: Yes, I still reflect on this exhibition not merely on what it foretold, but now on what it means going even further forward. I look forward to seeing how this year’s installations push these notions/questions even further. 

***

VAB 09: Jason Hilgefort and Merve Bedir

Merve Bedir and Jason Hilgeford | Photo by © New Cities Future Ruins

Jason Hilgefort is an urbanist | architect who studied at the University of British Columbia, University of Cincinnati, and is currently a PHD candidate at RMIT. He was a subcurator in the Shenzhen/Hong Kong Urbanism/Architecture Biennale and a co-director of its ongoing educational platform - An Aformal Academy. Currently he is an Adjunct Professor at Hong Kong University Faculty of Architecture. He is a regular writer, contributing to Volume, Architecture Review, Domus, AD, EPFL Press, and more. He recently co-founded the Institute for Autonomous Urbanism

Merve Bedir graduated from Department of Architecture at METU, in 2003. She was involved in a variety of projects in Turkey, Egypt, Georgia until 2008. Since then, she has been conducting her PhD on behavior and consumption at the Faculty of Architecture, TU Delft. There she was involved in projects about urban regeneration and reuse in Salzburg and Copenhagen. She has written several publications on urban transformation, sustainable development, and user behaviour and energy consumption. She was a freelance curator for the Netherlands Architecture Institute in 2012, where she made two main projects on reuse of buildings and urban transformation in Turkey.

Together they run Land+Civilization Compositions  (L+CC), a Rotterdam, Hong Kong and Istanbul based office in which they collaborates on issues related to built form, with a portfolio scope from research to design. The practice seeks to interactively and informally brainstorm through some of the current questions about the formation of our built environment in a variety of countries and contexts. 

[yegarts]

EAC celebrates the Outstanding Achievements of 20 Local Professional Artists

The Edmonton Arts Council, City of Edmonton and Edmonton Community Foundation are pleased to announce the 2020 recipients of the Edmonton Artists’ Trust Fund awards.

“We are delighted to celebrate 20 remarkable local artists that call the Edmonton region home” said Sanjay Shahani, Executive Director of the Edmonton Arts Council. “These artists excel in their disciplines and are constantly working to broaden and promote the Edmonton arts community. The recipients help make Edmonton a vibrant and engaging city, alive with arts and culture.”

“Congratulations to this year’s recipients,” said Martin Garber-Conrad, CEO of Edmonton Community Foundation. “We look forward to watching these artists’ careers grow as they continue shaping our city.”

The Edmonton Artists' Trust Fund (EATF) recognizes an artist’s work and contribution to the community. The $15,000 awards provide financial stability for artists to renew, develop, create or experiment. These awards are supported by the proceeds from the Edmonton Artists’ Trust Fund, held by the Edmonton Community Foundation. In 2017 the Eldon and Anne Foote family fund began making contributions directly, to allow for an increased value and number of awards. This stands now at $120,000 annually, committed through 2021. In addition, in the fall of 2020 an anonymous, private donation of $100,000 was received via the Edmonton Community Foundation to invest directly in artists though the EATF process.

More information about the Edmonton Arts Council’s grants and award programs can be found at: grants.edmontonarts.ca 

Recipients of the 2020 Edmonton Artists’ Trust Fund Award:

Former Edmonton Poet Laureate Ahmed Ali, AKA Knowmadic, is a community organizer, public speaker, youth worker, poet and musician who strives to empower diverse communities across the globe. Knowmadic is co-founder and former Artistic Director of Edmonton’s only spoken word collective, Breath In Poetry.

Alma Visscher is an installation artist whose actions and built environments are inserted into the landscape. Her work is influenced by traditional dye methods, notions of vastness and intermediary spaces, and surface architecture.

Andrea Bellegarde-Courchene is a skilled fiber artist from Little Black Bear First Nation in Treaty 4 who truly brings vision to form. Through her traditional star blankets and ribbon skirts she transmits her gift of artistic expression and a healing resurgence of her Cree/Ojibway culture.

A long-time fixture in the Edmonton music scene, Cam Neufeld has played his own style of fiddle music in clubs and festivals across the prairies and around the world. From the street to the concert hall, his musical journey has spanned the gamut of styles from traditional fiddling to jazz.

Celeigh Cardinal is a multi-award-winning Métis singer-songwriter. With numerous accolades to her name, several highlights include taking home awards at the 2020 Juno Awards, the 2018 Western Canadian Music Awards, multiple Edmonton Music Awards, and recently she received two nominations for the 2020 Western Canadian Music Awards for Indigenous Artist of the Year and Songwriter of the Year.

As a musician and sound designer, Dave Clarke has composed and produced music and sound designs for over 500 projects in theatre, film, dance and multi-media. He is also a playwright, whose multi-award-winning Theatre for Young Audiences piece, Songs My Mother Never Sung Me, draws on his experience growing up as a CODA (Child of Deaf Adults).

Josh Languedoc is an Anishinaabe playwright, theatre artist, and educator. Josh has toured across Canada with his solo storytelling show Rocko and Nakota: Tales From the Land, and is currently studying at the University of Alberta, working on his Masters of Fine Arts in Theatre Practices with a research interest in Indigenous playwriting and storytelling.

Kristi Hansen is a prolific theatre artist whose work includes dramaturgy, direction, stage management, administration, and teaching. She is also the co-founder of Edmonton’s all-female theatre company, The Maggie Tree, whose mandate is to support the development and visibility of female-identifying humans in creative leadership roles in the arts, and was until recently the co-Artistic Producer with Azimuth Theatre.

Leona Brausen is a multi-talented actor, writer, costume designer, and improviser. As a costume designer, she has worked for Mayfield Theatre, Citadel Theatre, Shadow Theatre and Teatro La Quindicina where she's an Artistic Associate. Her work has garnered her both Sterling nominations and awards.

Marty Chan is a children's author with a background in theatre, radio, and television. Using a combination of storytelling, improv, humour, and stage magic, he shares his love of words with audiences young and old, inspiring the next generation of lifelong readers and writers.

Matthew MacKenzie is a multi-award-winning Métis playwright. MacKenzie founded Pyretic Productions in Edmonton in 2008, which produces new works with strong socio-political themes. In 2018, his play Bears won Doras for Outstanding New Play and Outstanding Production, was named a co-winner of the Toronto Theatre Critics Outstanding New Canadian Play Award and won the Playwright Guild of Canada’s Carol Bolt National Playwriting Award.

Matthew Stepanic is a freelance writer, poet, editor of The Glass Buffalo, and poetry editor for Eighteen Bridges. Stepanic also co-manages Glass Bookshop, Edmonton’s newest bookstore that focuses on Canadian writing with special attention paid to LGBTQ2SIA and IBPOC writers, as well as the independent publishers who help to produce their work.

Matthew Wood, AKA Creeasian, is an entrepreneur, youth educator, dancer, DJ, producer, and tours as a dancer with the Juno Award winning group A Tribe Called Red. He is committed to bridging hip-hop and Indigenous culture, using the arts to empower and unite youth.  

Megan Dart is a playwright, poet, and the co-Artistic Producer of the award-winning indie company Catch the Keys Productions, best known for its site-specific, immersive theatre creations. Dart is also the co-Artistic Producer of Common Ground Arts Society, the Communications Specialist with Fringe Theatre, and a member of The Edmonton Poetry Brothel.

Swiss native Michael Zaugg is the Artistic Director and Principal Conductor of the professional chamber choir Pro Coro Canada. A passionate pedagogue, Zaugg is strongly committed to his work with choirs and emerging artists.

Michele Vance Hehir is an accomplished playwright. She won first place in the 2017 annual Alberta Playwrights’ Network competition for her full-length play, The Blue Hour, which received its premiere production at Edmonton’s Skirts Afire Festival in 2020.

Shannon Blanchet has appeared on stages across Canada, off-Broadway and in London's West End.  Off the stage, Blanchet is a teacher and coach with the University of Alberta’s Department of Drama and has recently completed a Master of Fine Arts in Theatre Voice Pedagogy at the University of Alberta, where her interdisciplinary research focused on the neurological correlates of Voice and Speech Training.

Sharmila Mathur is the Director of the Indian Music Ensemble in the Department of Music at the University of Alberta and the founder of the Indian Music Academy. Through her music instruction and performances, she shares the rich tradition of classical Indian music, and continues to collaborate with musicians from other cultures to create fusion music showcasing the diversity of our community.

For over two decades, Timothy Bowling’s fiction, non-fiction, and poetry has been regularly published and recognized for its excellence, garnering numerous national, provincial and civic honours. In 2008, the John Simon Guggenheim Memorial Foundation awarded Bowling a fellowship recognizing his entire body of work. As an active member of Edmonton’s literary community Bowling has worked closely with many local writers as a mentor, writer-in-residence and Sessional instructor in literature and creative writing.

Zach Polis is a writer, filmmaker, and photographer, and former Poet Laureate of St. Albert. He has performed in New York City, as well as on CBC Radio. His poems have been recognized on Vogue Italia’s PhotoVogue, and he recently completed a spoken word residency at the Banff Centre for Arts and Creativity.

[darkhymns-fic]

A Little Opera Goes a Long Way

Colette Brunel has finally moved on from her pop-idol group to more freely sing what she wants, while famous YouTube star, Lloyd Irving went from playing covers on video to going on the big stage. It was only a matter of time before they teamed up and made a hit single.

But what happens when stage fright becomes a problem?

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel, Presea Combatir Rating: G Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: Slightly obsessed with idol colloyd helped by this art by @frayed-symphony! Would love to write more on this universe when I have the time.

-

The crowd outside was getting louder. 

They had been growing within the past few hours, and if she peeked out just enough, she could see the multitude of rave sticks and cell phones that lighted each wave from the fans. Colette was used to it – she had heard it so many times! Except, it was different now. Everything was different.

Colette didn’t typically perform in Palmacosta. The port city was a long way from her usual tour gig with her group, mostly going around Tethe’alla, starting out from Meltokio before going back. But the Governor had been more than pleased to let the concert go underway, a stage already being built before it had even been requested! More truth to the very idea that the new single had been such a hit.

When she had arrived, she had heard the ocean rushing across the shore, the beaches filled with with so many people. How nice would it have been to walk across the sand, but there was already so much to prepare for. Would she even have the energy to want to go in the evening?

Colette stood within a small corner, being as small as she could while other professionals scattered all around to get everything ready. Sound check, mic check, light check, special effects check, making sure there were no sudden dips on the floor for when they would perform, that no stray excitable fan had snuck their way backstage to meet the band. (This always happened with Alice though, so Colette didn’t think it would be much of an issue now?) 

Everyone was working their hardest to get things ready and perfect – and all they asked was that she would do the same.

As Colette messed with her green ruffled sleeves, her heartbeat took over the noise. Soon it was all she could hear, all she could even think about! What if she tripped on stage? (Again!) What if she reached a wrong note in her part of the song?

What if she only ruined things for…

“Colette?”

The backstage was dark, most of the technicians still further off into the sides, busy fiddling with the lights, the special effects that would take place. She saw the dazzling flash of the red lining of Lloyd’s outfit before seeing Lloyd himself. He must have found her the same way in the corner – her green and white ensemble a unique look, reflective gold bouncing off the eyes.

“Hey, are you okay? Sorry, they kept me stuck in the dressing room just to get all this stuff on.”

“Oh! I’m fine, it’s just… the usual pre-stage jitters, hehe.” Colette instantly smiled, winking at Lloyd with all the practiced flair of her idol persona. Although, she wasn’t supposed to be in that role now… She was being herself this time. Just Colette. With Lloyd. And…

“Ah, yeah? I’m kinda getting those too!” Lloyd laughed, and she heard the shakiness within its tone. It made sense for Lloyd. He had only performed a few times in front of an audience, and they were usually much smaller. His black gloved hands reached to pull back at his hair. “The uh, crowd is really loud, isn’t it?”

“Y-yeah! But that’s a good thing!” She knew it was a good thing! So why the sudden beating of her heart. Could she really be this nervous? She kept pulling at her ruffles, they were all uneven! And so wrinkled! But wait, weren’t they supposed to be?

Then she saw Lloyd reach out to her…head? She felt his fingers briefly touch her hair, feeling warm.. “Your hat’s gonna fall off!”

“Huh?” Colette blinked. “Oh, it’s supposed to be tilted like that! And it’s held to my hair with a pin.” She bowed her head slightly for Lloyd to observe. “See?”

“Ohh.” Lloyd nodded. “Sorry, I was wondering how it was staying on!”

“Yeah! I’ve worn it before with my group…and sometimes we have to do dance routines so they make sure it stays on tight!” Colette pressed down on her skirt, still seeing wrinkles and dust and whatever else. Or maybe it had just been the lights… but wait, wasn’t it dark here?

She felt Lloyd’s eyes on her still, so she turned back to him, because her heartbeat was less distracting when she looked at him. Even if it still beat so much, its rhythm so steady. “I guess I’m not used to it,” Lloyd was saying. “This outfit feels really…uh, bright?” And maybe he was right, for the rose pinned on his front lapel was such a loud red, right over his heart. More than once had Colette wanted to reach out and touch it. Whoever had designed his costume had really put thought into all its details.

“It’s because of me. Remiel says I need to keep my image…” She was already on the search for a new one, as her producer was being even more controlling than usual. It had taken so much just to get this show to happen, her producer trying to block each step of the way. “I’m sorry, I really wanted it to be casual instead.”

“Heh, that’s okay though! I like that we kinda match, you know?” And when he grinned, even within the darkness of backstage, the sounds from outside reverberating the very floor they were on, she thought she felt everything stand still. “And…man, I’d wear anything just to perform with you!”

“Really?” she asked, still stunned. Star-struck. Completely and utterly. His outfit couldn’t match to his smile.

“Yeah! I still can’t believe we wrote something together!” His voice carried well through the noise surrounding them. And soon everyone would hear that voice, along with hers. Was it selfish of her to want to keep it for herself?

When in the studio together, working on their song, it had almost felt like he was singing only for her, his fingers moving over the guitar strings with barely a glance to them. To have such a voice and to play an instrument too… Why was he wasting time with her?

“Yeah, I’m so happy we did,” she said, still feeling her nerves jitter all around. “And… everyone will finally get to hear it too!”

At that moment, there was some feedback sounding off from stage, distracting her slightly. But experience told her it was a few stagehands probably setting up speakers, making sure none of the wires would get in the way of their feet. They would still need to wear their mics later, and hopefully she wasn’t already wearing them and talking into it without realizing it was on, like she would do a few times before…

She shook out her hands a bit, while keeping her feet still. Her ruffles still looked so uneven, so wrinkled and frayed and… “Maybe I’m more nervous than I thought,” she finally admitted.

She waited for the moment for when Lloyd would be disappointed with her. Like the other members of her group would be, like her producer, and-

The same gloved hand, but now on her shoulder, forcing her eyes back up. Some of the lights started to flicker backstage, along with a shouted instruction from one of the technicians. They dazzled off Lloyd’s red cape, off the golden filigree that decorated the trim of his jacket.

“Hey…” he said, smiling still. She saw a little tinge of nervousness too, but not with the frustration she was used to seeing from so many people. “I’m still here.”

She nodded. “Yeah…yeah!” She nodded again, then felt she was doing it too much. “Sorry… I’m supposed to be used to this. I should…” Be the one to help you through this instead. How strange was it that the experienced pop singer would need comfort from someone who was still starting out?

“We…still have like 20 minutes before we go on,” Lloyd said, looking back towards the stage that was still out of sight for them, if not out of sound’s reach. “Wanna hang out in my room till then?”

Something about the way he said it got her breath hitched in her throat. But at least with all of her stage experience, she recovered pretty quickly. “Oh, I guess we could! Did you want to rehearse or…?” Sometimes she’d do so with her band, usually on Alice’s insistence which usually just turned into fights with Marta…

“Yeah, come on!” That same gloved hand moved down to grip her own, guiding her from the backstage to the hall. 

Passing a few concerned lookers (Colette hoped no one would think to pull out a camera), Lloyd soon took them to a door. There was a piece of paper on it with his name printed roughly. And also… a drawing?

“Oh! Is that supposed to be you?” Colette asked, recognizing the features, giggling at the exaggerated smile she had long grown to like.

“Agh, why’d he put it here too?” Lloyd blushed furiously as he quickly took it down from the door. “Stupid Zelos… sorry, I know it looks dumb.”

“It’s cute!” Colette announced. “Your friend is a good artist!”

“Is… are you sure about that?” But after crunching up the little poster into a paper ball and tossing it in a nearby garbage can, Lloyd tugged her inside the dressing room. “Anyway, I thought it would be good to get away from all the noise.”

“Thank you, Lloyd,” she said gratefully. 

His dressing room was a bit bare, much of it just some bags that he had taken on the trip, still in the luggage. Hanging on the wall, she could see the red jacket she saw him wear to his own shows, more casual than what he was made to wear right now. It looked so loose and comfortable. How nice it would have been to wear something like it too.

“…Also, I guess I wanna sit for a while first,” Lloyd confessed, sitting in his chair just then. Colette made sure to not mention that the same portrait of his face was also drawn on the back of the chair, though she still couldn’t help a giggle or two.

“So, which song should we practice first? ‘Star Shining’ might be an easy one to start with… Or maybe ‘Almateria’? Sorry, I should have thought it through before!”

“Huh?” Lloyd blinked up at her. “Uh, no I didn’t mean we should rehearse actually!”

“Oh…then what are we doing here?” Colette felt so genuinely curious.

“To relax, dork!” Lloyd said with a smile. Then that same smile turned a bit softer, his eyes flicking to the right side of him. She hadn’t caught sight of the instrument at first. “Well… I mean if you wanted something like that, it doesn’t have to be both of us, you know?”

She was only getting more confused by the minute! Was this Lloyd’s way of saying he didn’t want to perform with her on stage? “But both of our names are on the listing…” She brought her hands up, fingers pressing together nervously. “I mean… if you really wanted though, I can step out…”

“What? I…don’t know what you mean, I just meant I wanted to sing for you!” Lloyd reached over to grab the guitar that had been laying carefully by his seat. His fingers were already brushing across the strings, eliciting a few sounds that echoed around her.

She took that phrase to heart, hands now clasped together, the ruffles along her skirt, her arms, her shoulders, less on the forefront of her mind. “Sing for me?”

Lloyd nodded, adjusting the small pegs on the end. “Whenever I get nervous about stuff, sometimes I just play whatever. Um, guess I got it from my dad. He’d sing to me when I was little. Oh yeah, and he plays a pretty mean harmonica!” He was grinning again, planting both feet on the ground as he better fit the guitar on his lap.

Colette had never met Lloyd’s father, but the image of a younger Lloyd already tickled her. But she made sure not to mention it, because that would certainly be strange, wouldn’t it? “That’s…but you shouldn’t have to do this for me. I’m used to this…”

“Colette,” Lloyd called out to her, and she faced him again. 

His white jacket and the red rose hanging from it, black gloves already moving over the strings so deftly, just as it did in the studio that one day they had taken a chance, leaving all other obligations just to finally sing their song together after so many email exchanges and video calls. “Let me sing for you.”

She stood still. She had heard his voice dozens, hundreds of times. She had heard him through those videos before he’d get famous, hair disheveled, and his unbuttoned jacket hanging off his shoulders. His own album sat on her shelf back at home, the cover art for it so different from anything else she had seen. (So many stars and rainbows! With a nice drawing of a boy and his dog there too…) In all of those times, she liked to imagine he was singing for her.

“Okay,” she finally said, leaning against a counter, her skirt just making a tiny rustling sound as she shifted. “Um, what are you going to sing for me then?”

“Something my dad would sing to me,” Lloyd said. She thought his cheeks had gotten even redder. “So uh, don’t laugh too much. I can’t pronounce all the words right yet.”

“I won’t. I promise.” And she really did promise that. She didn’t want to ruin that smile.

The strum of the guitar, followed by his sound, by Lloyd, had always felt truer to her than anything else.

-

Only a few minutes later, a knock on the door echoed in the room. Luckily, the notes from Lloyd’s guitar had been on their very last. “Uh, come in?” he called out, his voice still within that range from before.

Opening the door, a small lady appeared. Her sharply pink hair was in contrast to the dark-hued clothes that most of the backstage hands wore. She wore a headset, and apparently one of the giant headlights in one hand – the kind that usually weighed a ton. “Five minutes until curtain time.”

“Presea!” Colette called out to her old friend, waving at her. “I didn’t know you were working here too.”

“I heard you would be performing, so I requested to join.” Presea shifted the headlight to better fit her grip. “Do you have your mics ready?”

“Yeah!” Lloyd went to retrieve his from his pocket while Colette did the same, but Presea had gone up to them, reaching to adjust it before silently requesting for both to bend down so she could have a better hold.

“I can stall if you need. But the crowd wants you.” Presea turned away after making sure the mics were pinned correctly to their clothes. Still, Colette caught a small smile from her. “I’m looking forward to hearing you both sing together.”

Presea already left, and soon it was just Lloyd and Colette in the room, their smiles wide and excited. From the concert, from the music still bouncing around in their heads.

“Still jittery?” he asked, taking the strap of the guitar to finally pull across his back.

“Yeah! But it’s the good kind now!” Colette was standing on her toes, swaying with the beat she still remembered. “You always sing so good.”

“Ah, it was just…like a lullaby, basically.” That flush again, and she wanted to believe it was because of her. So maybe, for at least tonight, she could. “But if you liked it, then I’m happy then.”

“I am! But…I’m also happy we can sing our song live now.” She turned to him, Presea already disappearing into the swell of the backstage darkness. Colette stepped out the door, but not too far off without her partner by her side.

“Heh, yeah… I’m still really surprised Goodness and Love was such a hit though!” With that, he followed Colette out of the dressing room, both heading towards the sounds of the crowd.

“Hm, I knew it would be,” she confessed, her heart racing. Jitters. But the good kind of jitters.

“Oh? How’d you know?” And somehow, in the way he asked her, she wondered if he suspected what she was about to say… So maybe it was okay.

“Because it’s you.” That was all she would say, teasingly sticking out her tongue before taking his free hand and rushing out with him on stage. But always making sure she didn’t trip them both.

Lloyd was grinning so wide once they came out under the lights, the glare setting the red dancing on his outfit, the green on hers. The crowd was loud, but there was only one voice she would listen for.

-

.

.

.

Everything was so loud, so fast and so much. This wasn’t just like singing out in front of the yard, or to any of his friends that happened to swing by home for a visit.

Lloyd was completely out of his element. 

Backstage, as he tried not to get in the way of other professionals, Lloyd gripped the handle of his guitar case, wondering if maybe he had just made a huge mistake. He was by himself, his so-called producer chatting with some other people in the field, (or just woman he spotted honestly), and he couldn’t bring Noishe along, even if the dog was on the album…He’d only get frightened by all the noise, and for once, Lloyd couldn’t blame him.

“Ugh, shouldn’t have let Zelos convince me…” he muttered to himself. The guy had clear dollar signs in his eyes when he told him about where he would perform. ‘You’re a big hit now! Don’t waste it!!’  

Lloyd knew he’d do better by just crawling into a hole. Any confidence he had hours ago seemed to have evaporated once reality set in.

It was just when he heard the rest of the lineup and …. He had been stupid to think that would matter. Wouldn’t he just embarrass himself on stage? Then she would see…

“Hi, are you Lloyd?”

He turned at the sound of her voice. Was it pathetic of him to have already recognized it then? He had heard her voice a hundred times, picking it out from the chorus of other voices, of other people…

Colette Brunel stood before him, wearing a green skirt, with frilly ribbons in her hair. She had a microphone in her hand, which seemed to echo with feedback suddenly when she held it a certain way. Once Lloyd flinched from it, she hurriedly turned it off.

“Ah, sorry! I didn’t mean-“

“You’re Colette…” he said, already kicking himself for interrupting her. But his brain was going into overdrive, catching up with every admirable thought he had of her. “From the Angels group!”

“Oh! Yeah, hi! We’re performing too. The other girls are still getting ready to go on, so, I wanted a chance to talk with you!” She sounded quieter as she spoke, eyes cast downward. “I probably should have brought them with me, I’m sorry.”

“N-No, it’s okay…but…you know me?” He still couldn’t quite believe it.

“Yes, of course! I’ve watched your videos! I think they’re so good!” And with the way she spoke to him, he could almost believe it. That she liked his songs. She liked them. “I… I just wanted to let you know that your music is… it’s something I’ve needed to hear.” A pause. “Would you ever want to-“

“Colette! We’re on! Hurry up!”

“Ah! Okay, sorry, Alice!” Colette turned around briefly to wave away someone else. Lloyd recognized them too… but he’d never been a fan of that girl in the group. “Sorry, I need to go. But… I hope you keep writing your music! I, I really like it.”

If Lloyd died at that moment right then and there, even before he ever got a chance to perform, he’d be satisfied. For Colette to come up to him and tell him all this… “I… T-Thanks! I don’t…know what to say…”

Colette smiled, gripping her microphone, her ribbons bouncing with her motion. “Just, I hope to keep hearing you sing.” Another shout from way back, making Colette shudder. “Sorry, but good luck!”

And gone like that, disappearing into the crowd, into the bright lights and sound that made up this terrifying world Lloyd found himself in.

Yet the nerves passed through him, and his cheeks ached from smiling. I’ll sing…but for you then. But before he would go over his song, he’d sneak a glance at Colette’s routine, eyes for her, voice for her, and the crowd encompassing it all.

[thatscalledtoughlove]

Didn’t Want to Fall in Love - 5: Obscure Painting and String Duets

         Zack somehow managed to recover from a night of drinking with ease. When I walked into The Wandering Traveler at one in the afternoon, he looked completely sober. If you hadn’t been there the night before, you’d never know he had the ability to put most alcoholics to shame.

         “How did you manage it?” I asked, a grin starting to spread across my face when he walked over to me. “You look like you’ve never had a drink in your life.”

         He shrugged, hurrying away to take care of some customers before returning less than a minute later. “The alcohol goes right through me. I went to bed nearly sober.”

         I shook my head, not believing my eyes. Most people I knew would’ve called in sick to work after a night like ours. But that wasn’t the reason I was here.

         “Hey, so I left my backpack here last night. Did you—”

        “See it? I sure did. Very responsible of you, by the way.” Heat rushed to my cheeks and he laughed. “It’s fine. I brought the bag home with me, where it still is. Don’t worry, I didn’t snoop,” he added when I raised an eyebrow.

         This was the first time I’d observed Zack in the daytime. Our two previous encounters took place after the sun had already set, when the city really roared to life with a younger crowd. Now, looking at him under the artificial lighting of the ancient pub, I had to admit he looked even better fully awake.

         My eyes flickered to the clock hanging on the wall behind the bar counter and I involuntarily flinched. Justin and I were supposed to meet at the school in less than fifteen minutes. He hadn’t told me what we were supposed to do, only that he wanted to show me something. I tried my best not to interpret that in an inappropriate way.

         “Do you think I could stop by your place to pick it up after your shift? Or you could even drop it off at my apartment. My roommate should be home all day.” I knew Tony wouldn’t confront Zack about letting me get that drunk, though he’d rant about it to me the second I returned home. Tony was irritating that way.

         Zack’s lips started to turn down in a frown, but he caught himself and stopped the full frown from forming. “Yeah, sure. I could stop by later this afternoon and leave it there. Wouldn’t want to ruin any plans you might have. Uh, could I, uh—do you think I could get your number? You know, so you can give me the address and everything.”

         I bit my lip to supress a teasing smile, nodding instead. He interrupted me when I started to reach for my phone, turning to look around the room for someone. It occurred to me he was still on duty.

         “Write it down on a piece of paper and I’ll put it in my phone later. I’ll write mine down for you too.” He withdrew a notepad from his apron and flipped it open. I stood in silence as he wrote his number down, ripping it from the pad before handing it to me.

         Once I had his number, I took the notepad and wrote my own down as quick as I could while still making it legible. He gave me a close-lipped smile when I handed both the pad and pen back, telling me he’d see me around before disappearing to help some more customers. I just felt thankful my wallet had somehow managed to come home with me.

         A new text snapped me out of my daydream and I hurried out of the pub, switching between walking and jogging the eight minutes it took to reach the college from the nearby train station. Justin told me to meet him in the Fine Arts building that was at the far end of campus. I didn’t dare question it, texting back I would be there in less than five minutes.

         By the time I reached the front doors, Justin had texted me again. I didn’t bother to check what he said. We would be face to face in a few more seconds.

        The beauty of the building caught me off guard when I entered through the main entrance. A wide spiral staircase wound its way up in the middle of the main floor. In my three years of being a student, not once had I visited the Fine Arts building. Now, looking around, I wondered why.

         “Izzy!” Justin’s voice echoed in the building, the acoustics breathtaking.

        I looked up and saw him standing on the third floor, looking down at me. The building had been built in a way that all the floors were exposed, making it like one giant room with dozens of classrooms off to the sides.

         Somewhere far above, a lone piano played a sad melody. I could hear a choir practicing on the second level, the different voices mixing to create a beautiful sound.

         But none of those could ever compare to what lay on the main floor, directly across from me.

        Before I knew what I was doing, my legs had carried me across the lobby, to the art gallery on the opposite side of the floor. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat when I peered in.

          Footsteps pounded on the smooth floor, and Justin ran to my side, panting when he reached me. “I should’ve know this would be the thing to immediately draw your attention,” he said, a strained laugh following.

        I opened my mouth to make a witty response, but the words died on my lips when I noticed the case hanging from his left hand. My excitement grew, the art gallery temporarily forgotten. “Is that—”

          Justin grinned, nodding. “It sure is. You told me you wanted to hear me play, and Saturday’s are when I usually practice, so I thought you might like to hear what I’ve spent the past seven months working on.”

        “Are you kidding me? Let’s go!” I headed for the spiral staircase, promising to take a longer look at the artwork in the gallery after I’d heard Justin play.

         We climbed the stairs to the third floor, and my steps faltered when I noticed a girl sitting in the corner of the room Justin entered. Her hair was dyed lavender, her denim dress a light blue, making her olive skin glow. She smiled and waved when she looked up from her phone.

         “Hello,” she said, the smile growing into a grin when I looked at the instrument resting against her leg. “It’s a cello. I’m Melodie, by the way.” She held out a hand.

        I shook it, sparing a questioning glance back at Justin, who turned even redder. “Nice to meet you, Melodie, I’m Izzy. Justin never told me he played with someone. Well, I guess we haven’t been friends that long, though.”

         Melodie laughed, the sound amplified in the room. “We’ve been practicing a duet for the past seven months. I’ve told him countless times that we’re beyond pros at it by now, but he refuses to let anyone else hear. Which sucks, because I have connections that could get us a slot in the college talent show.”

          “There’s no way people will want to hear my parts.” Justin eased the door shut, ignoring the glare Melodie shot his way. “You may be ready, but I’m not.”

        There was some of the side of him I’d seen at the banquet mixed with the shy young man from the sociology club meeting.

         After a few more minutes of arguing, the two finally stopped bickering and told me to take a seat on the other side of the room. I obliged, bouncing my right leg as Justin hooked his phone up to a cord that I assumed connected to the room’s speakers. He took a deep breath and stood beside Melodie, who winked at me when we made eye contact.

        She raised her bow and began to play at the exact moment Justin hit play for something on his phone. The room didn’t have the same acoustics the hall outside did, but the music still sounded beautiful. I recognized the song after about ten seconds and grinned even wider. It was “Rewrite the Stars” from The Greatest Showman. My favorite song for an entire year when it first came out years earlier.

        I clapped when they finished, words to describe what I thought escaping me. Instead, I just nodded when they asked if I liked it. I looked at Justin and tilted my head to the side.

         “If you’d told me more about this side of you at the banquet, I have a feeling I never would’ve escaped through the bathroom window.”

         Melodie laughed at this, packing away her cello. “I heard about that. It’s nice that you two made up and decided to become friends. Anyway, I should get going. Wendy’s waiting for me and she hates it when I’m late. It was nice to meet you, Izzy! I hope we meet again!” And with that, she ran from the room and around the corner.

         “Wendy’s her girlfriend,” Justin said after a few seconds of silence. “They’ve been together since freshman year of high school and are disgustingly adorable together.”

         “I thought you said violin was your darkest secret.”

        He laughed, placing his violin in its case. “For the most part, it is. But Melodie and I were in band together in high school. She’s one of the few people that I know from before who goes here. We’ve been talking about performing in front of a live audience for years, but it hasn’t happened yet.”

         “Well, what are you waiting for? You two play amazing together!” I walked over to the piano resting against the back wall and started to absentmindedly hit keys.

         “The idea of playing in front of so many people terrifies me. You sound just like Melodie, do you know that? She always gets mad at me.” He finished packing up his violin and headed for the door, checking behind to make sure I followed.

         I stopped at the stairs and turned to him. “I think you should do it.”

        Justin shook his head, waiting for me to start descending the stairs before answering. “That sounds like a pretty bad idea. I just don’t think I’m ready for other people to hear me yet. Besides, the talent show is in two months. Any available places must be long gone by now.”

        “But Melodie said that she has a slot reserved for you guys!” We reached the main floor and I whirled around to face him, crossing my arms over my chest. “Come on, Justin, you’ll never know what might happen if you don’t try.”

         “Can we please change the subject? I don’t want to talk about this right now. I think we should use this time to get to know each other. Also, want to take a look inside the art gallery? I noticed you checking it out earlier.”

        I felt tempted to call him out of changing the subject but decided against it. We could address the issue again within the next week. “I’d love to check it out. You don’t have anywhere to be today, do you?” It would be nice to spend the afternoon with someone other than Tony for once. As much as I loved him, he could get on my nerves at times. Not to mention he was still pissed at me for getting drunk the previous night.

        “Nope, I’m free the entire afternoon. We could even find somewhere to sit and talk after this. If you’d like to, of course.” His face turned bright red like it always did.

         “I know this little café near my place that we can visit,” I said, pushing the glass door to the art gallery open and heading inside. “The drinks can get a little pricey, but unlike most places, they’re actually worth the extra few bucks.”

         “Perfect.” He followed me into the room.

        And so, we spent the next hour browsing through the student artwork at the gallery. Most of the paintings puzzled me, with their obscure images and color schemes. I stopped in front of a particularly interesting portrait, staring at it for a long time trying to figure out what it might be.

         A myriad of vague shapes filled the canvas top to bottom, pastel purples, greens, and pinks seemingly splashed on top of a drawing. Justin noticed my fascination and stood off to the side while I continued to examine it. After fifteen minutes, I figured it wouldn’t make any more sense and moved on. Another ten minutes later, we both agreed it might be time to leave.

         In the café, we each ordered a latte with a fancy name and took a seat at a table beside the shop window. I didn’t see the girl who had a crush on Tony anywhere. That surprised me, considering I couldn’t remember the last time I’d visited where she wasn’t present.

         “I think we should volunteer for something,” Justin said, wincing after he took the first sip of his latte. “The club said they need some people to donate blood, what do ya say?”

         The last time I’d donated blood, I’d been sixteen. “Sure. We’re approaching graduation anyway, it might be a good idea to get in as much volunteer opportunities as possible.”

        He nodded, taking another sip of his drink. “I can get the forms for us tomorrow. Just tell me a meeting place and I’ll wait for you there to give you yours.”

         “Okay, that sounds good.”

        Before I knew it, the day was coming to an end and Justin was walking me to my apartment door. He hesitated once we reached the end of the hall, still carrying the violin around with him.

         “I had a great time today, Izzy. So great that I’ve completely forgiven you for running away from me during our first meeting.”

         I rolled my eyes, another grin spreading across my face while I shook my head. “Once again, I apologize.”

         “It’s all good. See you on Monday?”

         “Definitely.”

        With that, we parted ways. I was just reaching out to knock on the door for Tony to let me in, when I received another message. I glanced down and chuckled under my breath when I saw who it was from.

        It was Zack, and he was on his way to my apartment. He said he would be outside the building in less than five minutes. I backed away from the door and ran down the hall to the elevator, surprised a small part of me was excited to see him again.

[path-of-my-childhood]

Taylor Swift helped design her Time 100 Gala dress

Page Six // By Elana Fishman // April 24th 2019

With new music rumored to be on the way this Friday, Taylor Swift has spent the past several weeks teasing her fans with a slew of pastel-hued social media posts and countdown clocks. And on Tuesday night, she offered a glimpse at what her so-called “TS7”-era style will look like, hitting the red carpet at the Time 100 Gala at NYC’s Lincoln Center clad in a pale pink and yellow gown from J. Mendel that fit right in with her recent snaps of rose-colored ruffles and Easter egg-hued bicycles.

“Taylor always has a very strong point of view; she’s really extraordinary in how she transforms herself constantly,” J. Mendel’s creative director Gilles Mendel told Page Six Style of working with the pop star.

“She always comes to me with an idea; in this case, the theme was pastel colors and soft tones. Luckily, my recent spring collection was very much about those tones, these beautiful pale citrus colors. So we started with my spring palette, and from there, we built up the dress. Taylor wanted a really ethereal, hand-pleated moment, which is something we’ve always done so well.”

The primary challenge of creating Swift’s outfit? Since she was set to perform an acoustic set at the gala, she needed a way to ensure her arms would be free to strum her guitar and play the piano without being encumbered by extra fabric. And as it turns out, it was Swift herself who came up with the solution.

“That bolero didn’t come from me - it was her,” Mendel revealed. “She had the vision of having some sort of cover that would give it a different volume than just a basic dress. So we developed, with our Gilles Mendel touch, this little hand-pleated silk sleeved bolero cover that I thought came out really stunning.”

Best of all, the billowy-sleeved piece made Swift’s look convertible, so she could make a dramatic entrance on the red carpet and then shed it before she took the stage later in the evening.

“I love to design for people who perform,” the designer, who has created costumes for the New York City Ballet, explained. “It’s always a challenge, and it’s fun, to give someone the freedom of movement that’s so important for their art. The concept she brought to me - creating volume out of a super-soft, drape-y material - is a very complicated task, but it’s great to work with Taylor because she always pushes us, as designers, to bring out our best.”

And there’s good news for fans eager to shop Swift’s Time 100 ensemble for themselves. “I’ve never duplicated any of the dresses I’ve done for her,” Mendel said. “I’ve been with her twice to the Met Gala, and those two gowns are still in my archives. But after this experience… I think definitely, in the next collection, [there will be] some modification of what I’ve done for Taylor.”

As for whether Swift and Mendel might make their third appearance together on the Met Gala red carpet next month? “Unfortunately, it’s so hard to give you an answer, because we never know until the very last minute,” the designer said with a laugh. “And it’s maybe bad luck to say, because you never know!”