#this is the most concerning anon I've ever received in my inbox

[spacexseven]

Fyodor would be a family man that’s good at hiding his true intentions from his family such as the decay of angels and rats house along with his s/o just nurturing their son and having a peaceful side along with Nikolai being a family friend who would entertain Fyodors son. One happy family

anon i could kiss you senseless rn...literally one of the best things i've ever had the honor of seeing in my inbox. this idea has ruined me i swear it's Perfect

fem reader, reader is married to fyodor and has a son w him

cw: yandere character, deceit, manipulation, mentioned murder

fyodor dostoevsky makes for a wonderful husband—loving, ordinary, almost suspiciously so, but you married him knowing that he was an ordinary man. you loved him knowing that he was an ordinary man.

an ordinary man with some extremely unsettling secrets, none that you knew about.

the fyodor dostoevsky you knew and loved was the man who kissed the palm of your hand, and if he was feeling particularly affectionate, your forehead, every morning before he left for work, with a half-smile on his lips and a fond gleam in his eyes. you weren't quite sure what he did, except that he worked for a company of some kind, but you didn't like the way his face hardened when you probed, so you left it at that. it didn't matter what he did, anyway, so long as he came back to greet you every night, safe and unharmed.

the man you married was the one who'd come home to greet you with a tired nod and a warm embrace, entertaining your son's excited rambling over dinner. he held you close when he read before sleeping, stroking your hair with a light touch. as far as you were concerned, he was an amazing husband and lover.

though he was not necessarily a good person otherwise.

you were so easily blinded by the tender warmth he showed his family, that you hardly cared for his uncharacteristic slip-ups. like when he scowls, ever so slightly, when the news broadcasts some detective agency receiving an award, or when a ghost of a smile lingers as you wonder out loud how a casino could be floating in the sky.

you never once questioned the times he came home in an entirely different coat from when he went out, or when he was away for days on end, not calling you or leaving you a single message. was it because you trusted him wholeheartedly, or because you were afraid of what the truth really was?

but even if you had your own suspicions, it would have never even come close to what fyodor was really doing. how were you to know that the same lips that whispered sweet songs of praise to you with a coquettish smile were the same ones that uttered a death sentence to his countless victims? and how were you to know that the steady hands that caressed your body so intimately had also touched numerous corpses? the husband that spoiled you on anniversaries and birthdays could not be the same man that was actively planning to cover the world with the blood of sinners.

for the most part, you liked nikolai too. he was a little odd, considering his getup and his tendency to seemingly pop out of nowhere, but he was good friends with your husband—dos, as he called fyodor—and your son loved playing with him. he didn't tell you what he did, either, though he let it slip that he worked very closely with your husband. he refused to explain fyodor's unexplained disappearances, though he would often stop by to show your son a new magic trick when fyodor was gone for a little too long, just to reassure you a little.

nothing really gave it away; not the amused expression when you told him to stay safe on his way, nor his eccentric coworkers. you were just happy that your husband always came home to you, and never failed to remind you that he loved you. there were, perhaps, more things that should have worried you. the way fyodor insisted that you keep your social circle small, or the frustrated look in his eyes that was beginning to appear more and more often. even the peculiar things he was beginning to tell you.

you're lying in fyodor's lap, mind drifting between sleep and consciousness as he looks at you with an unreadable expression. then, perhaps noticing that you weren't completely asleep, a little smile appears on his face. "tell me," his voice is soft, but every word feels strangely heavy, "will you ever leave me?" you frown slightly, and he chuckles. "even if i did something you don't agree with?" you shake your head, "what's this about?" his smile widens, and he gently pinches your cheek. the look in his eyes is unnaturally cold. "it doesn't matter. either way...you don't have anyone else to turn to."

and you could have continued the way life was, with your mostly ordinary husband and your wonderful family. at least, until he turns up at your door after an especially long period of disappearance. you would be thrilled, normally, but you're much too shocked at the sight of your husband in what looks like a prison uniform to feel any relief.

[requiesticat]

Wait, you're in danger of not having insurance anymore? Why are your followers not more concerned about that?? I haven't seen anyone respond to this post /734109435883143168

I'm in the process of getting the situation resolved. I've been approved for Medicaid and submitted everything for state insurance, but the ones who run it keep telling me I haven't filled something out correctly and it's taking a long time as a result

That's effectively been my experience using tumblr and twitter ever since I joined. People have started communicating with me more, but only last year. I didn't receive messages prior to 2023. Everyone on here gets to communicate on a daily basis, without fear of participating. I got harassed by the a/atwt portion of the a/ce att/orney fandom on twitter to the point of taking breaks because of how much stress it was causing. People said I didn't play the games and denigrated my art behind my back; I've been playing since 2017. My first aa fanart was drawn in 2013. Longer than half of these individuals have been in the fandom, but to them it doesn't matter. My work based on Pocket Mir/ror is popular, somehow. All the asks in my inbox to date have been about it. I've stated that I would rather talk about other media, but some of the senders ignored that.

So you tell me. I honestly have no idea, anon. It feels like I've been branded somehow and that makes people stay away. Noone supports my personal projects. I've considered stopping my webcomic entirely because there's no audience. It seems like everytime I mention it, people say "that's cool" and move on. I have to create scripts for every interaction I engage in on these sites, or there's no reply on the other end. Meanwhile other users say the most ridiculous things with no filter. I can't search my username on tumblr anymore because anons took a forum post I made out of context and have attacked me over it, leaving horrible things under the hashtag. My close friends aren't helping me, either- they've offered no support. I haven't heard from some of them in years.

I wish I could leave social media entirely sometimes. Sick of being treated like this, with everyone just acting like it's totally fine.

[mothmansbutt]

i dont know why i got an anonymous submission of the entire script of happy feet but here we are

(SINGING) Once way was a way, to get back homeward…

(Are the stars out tonight?)

Once way was a way, to get back home…

I only have eyes

Sleep pretty darling, do not cry…

for you….

And I will sing a lullaby…

With the song in my heart

So, tell me…

Tell me something good…

Tell me that you love me

Tell me baby

Tell me something good

Only you…

Norma Jean: But how you can know for sure?

Can make this world seem right…

Norma Jean: Is there really just one?

I need your love…

Norma Jean: So many songs, but i’m feelin’ so lonely!

Where is the love?

Norma Jean (SINGING)

You don’t have to be beautiful..

To turn me on..

I just need your body baby

Other penguin: Hello…

Norma Jean: From tusk ‘till dawn..

(it is me your looking for….)

you don’t need experience

(take…)

to turn me on

(this broken wings)

you just leave it up to me

(let’s talk about eggs baby, let’s talk about you and me)

don’t have to be cool to be my pearl

don’t have to be cool to rule my world

ain’t particular song i’m more compatible with,

i just want your extra..

(STOP SINGING) boys, boys. Give a chick a chance.

(Memphis singing) Well since my baby left me

I found a place to dwell

It’s down at the lonely street, at heartbreak hotel.

I’m feelin so lonely baby

I’m feelin so lonely…

Oh i’m feelin so (Norma Jean) lonely… I could die.

(Memphis) don’t have to be cool to be my girl

(Norma Jean) don’t have to be cool to rule my world (Memphis) you rule my..

(Norma Jean) you’re the particular song i’m more compatible with…

I just wan’t your extra time and your kiss (Norma Jean and Memphis)

His mom and dad met in the usual way.

The song became love…

…and love became the egg.

Memphis?

-You got it, sugar? -Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Safe and warm.

Hold it tight, now.

Whoa, l think l felt a move in there.

And in the usual way…

…the moms left for the fishing season…

…while the dads stayed home to do egg time.

You gonna be okay, Daddy?

Oh, sure, honey. We’ll be waiting for you, right here on Lonely Street.

I love you more and more, tell me why

Bye-bye, now.

Goodbye, Norma Jean. Don’t you worry about a thing.

Don’t wanna let you go

I never can say goodbye, boy

When all others leave…

…we remain!

When the sun vanishes…

…we remain!

I’m feelin’ so lonely I’m feelin’ so lonely–

Heed the wisdoms, brothers! Make a huddle!

Warm thy egg!

Make a huddle!

-Share the cold! -Share the cold.

Each must take his turn against the icy blast…

…if we are to survive the endless night.

Raise your voices, brothers!

Give praise to the Great ‘Guin…

…who puts songs in our hearts and fish in our bellies!

Ain’t no particular song I’m more compatible with

Oh, baby, l think l wanna dance now.

No, no, no.

There is a wisdom, brothers and sisters…

…that stands above all others.

-Never, ever… -lt’s okay.

-…no matter what… -No harm done. See?

…drop your egg.

No, we’re cool. We’re cool.

Of the many thousands who sang through that long night of winter…

…it was Memphis who cried out most fervently…

…to turn the Earth and bring back the sun.

-lt’s a boy! -Hey, it’s a girl!

-What a peach! -What a bruiser!

-Come here, son. -Come to Daddy, there you go.

Son, you have made your daddy so proud.

lt’s all genetics, you know.

Memphis?

ls everything okay?

l don’t know. l can’t hear anything.

-ls it empty? -Honey.

-Can l have it? -Gloria.

lt’s okay, Maurice.

lt happens sometimes, Memphis.

Yeah.

Wait, you hear that?

-Yeah. -Hey, l can hear you, buddy.

Oh, your papa’s here, it’s okay.

Oh, he’s okay, Maurice. Whoa, there it is!

That’s his little foot there.

There’s his other one.

That’s different.

Hey! Come back here, Mr. Mumble.

Gloria….

She can call him whatever the heck she likes.

Whoa, little Mumble.

-Mumble? Mumble? -You okay?

Freezing. Freezing.

Oh, you’ll get used to it.

Come on. Come to your daddy.

-What do you make of that? -Little wobbly in the knees.

-ls he okay? -l don’t know.

What you doing there, boy?

l’m happy, Pa.

What you doing with your feet?

They’re happy too.

-l wouldn’t do that around folks, son. -Why not?

-Well, it just ain’t penguin, okay? -Okay.

Yeah. Hey, come on over here. Get under here. Get warm.

Watch the beak. Watch the beak– Beak!

The beak.

Okay, good boy.

So late. What’s keeping them?

Pray, brothers, the Great 'Guin does not test us with a lean season.

Why, Noah? Have we not all been dutiful?

So when you see your mama….

-l stand perfectly still. -You got it.

But how will l know which one’s my mama?

Oh, you’ll know.

She’s got a wiggle in her walk and a giggle in her talk.

And when she sings, it darn near breaks your heart.

Hey, wait. l see them. l see them!

You’re right! You’re right!

Wives, ho!

Wives, ho!

Wives, ho!

Wait, no. Wait, no, Mumble, get back here. No, Mumble! Get back– Mumble!

Mumble! Mumble!

Mumble!

Michelle? Michelle?

-Roxanne? -Michelle?

Alfie?

-Maurice! -Michelle! Michelle!

Mommy!

Oh, she’s so darling.

Excuse me. Pardon me, pardon me. Mumble? Mumble?

Oh, Mumble.

-Mama? -Mumble!

-Mama? -Mumble!

Mumble!

Mama? Mama?

-Mumble, boy, where are you? -Mama!

Memphis?

Oh, Mama. Oh, Mama.

-Oh, my. -Daddy.

So where’s the baby?

Well, honey, l’ll find him.

-You lost the baby? Memphis! -lt’s okay.

-Mama? Mama? -Stay!

-Come to Mommy. -No, Mumble.

Mama, Mama.

Hey, what’s wrong with his feet?

Oh, that’s just a little thing he’s got going. He’ll grow out of it.

Mama!

Oh, Memphis, he’s gorgeous.

-lsn’t he, though? -Look at you.

l got something for you.

Open up.

Oh, l love the way she does that.

W, X, Y and Z

Good morning, class.

Good morning, Miss Viola.

Right.

Well, today we begin with the most important lesson you will ever learn…

…at Penguin Elementary.

Does anyone know what that is?

Anyone? Anyone?

Someone? Seymour?

-Fishing? -No.

Mumble?

Don’t eat yellow snow?

No, that’s not it, no.

-lt’s our Heartsong, Miss. -Thank you, Gloria. Excellent, yes.

Without our Heartsong, we can’t be truly penguin, can we?

No.

But, my dears, it’s not something that l can actually teach you.

Does anybody know why? Anyone? Anyone?

You can’t teach it to us, ma'am…

…because we have to find our Heartsongs all by ourselves.

Well done, you.

lt’s the voice you hear inside…

…who you truly are.

Yes. Thank you, Gloria. Excellent, lovely, thank you.

So let’s all be very still now.

Take a moment and let it come to you.

-l got one! -Pick me!

-Pick me! Pick me! -One at a time. Yes, Seymour.

Don’t push me 'Cause I am close to the edge

I’m trying not to lose my head

Yes, l like that one. l could really get jiggy with that. Lovely.

l’m ready. l got one.

Oh, l thought you might, Gloria.

Midnight creeps so slowly

Into hearts of those

Who need more than they get

Daylight deals a bad hand

To a penguin

Who has laid too many bets

That’s as far as l got so far.

-Oh, yes, lovely. Really lovely. -That’s beautiful.

Well, Mumble, since you seem so keen to share.

Mine’s sort of a boom and a:

And another boom.

You heard that in there?

-Do you like it? -l’m afraid that’s not a tune.

-lt’s not? -No, dear. A tune is like:

Oh, okay.

Who is that?

That is the offspring of Memphis and Norma Jean.

The wee hippity-hopper.

lt’s not funny!

No. No, not in the least.

A penguin without a Heartsong is hardly a penguin at all.

l think he broke my ear.

ln all my years, l’ve never, l mean–

And you having such fine voices. Well, it’s bizarre.

Did anything happen, you know, during early development?

No, all fine. Normal incubation.

-Right. -Wasn’t it, honey?

Yeah. Yeah, it was a tough winter, l guess.

Right, right.

-He did hatch a little late– -Yes, l understand. Yes.

-To think he might spend his life alone… -Quite, quite.

…never to meet his one true love.

Oh, please, Miss Viola, isn’t there something we can do?

Well, there is always Mrs. Astrakhan.

Mrs. Astrakhan?

lf anyone can, Mrs. Astrakhan can.

Can’t sing?

Can’t sing? Rubbish, darling.

Every little penguin has a song.

When l have finished…

…your singing will be giving everyone the goose pimple.

Now, to begin. First, we must find a feeling.

Happy feeling, sad feeling.

Maybe lonely feeling.

You feel it?

Good. Now, let it out.

Be spontaneous.

That, what is that?

l’m being spontan-you-us.

Darling, you want to meet beautiful girl?

You want to make the egg?

Oh, yes.

Well, sing! And no jiggy-jog. Do not move muscle.

No moving!

Twinkle, twinkle, little star

Enough!

Okay. We go back to the top.

Forget body. Look inside soul.

Feel the feeling. Enormous feeling.

So enormous it fills whole body.

lt must escape or you explode.

-Now, open your little beak. -Come on.

Yes, yes. Lift up the head, that’s it.

Now…. Now….

Now

Disaster! Catastrophe!

l never fail before.

Never! Never!

-Well, l thought it was kind of cute. -But it just ain’t penguin, okay?

So what if he’s a little different? l always kind of liked different.

He’s not different. He’s a regular emperor penguin.

Hey, you know what? l can leave school.

l can go to work. The three of us.

Whoa, little fella. You ain’t going nowhere till you got yourself an education.

You get them singing muscles big and strong, you got that?

l’ll try, Pa.

You bet you will. The word triumph starts with try, and it ends with…?

-Umph. -That’s right. A great big umph.

l’m going fishing.

Oh, Mumble.

That first hard summer…

…while his mom and dad were working overtime…

…on the great commute to the sea…

…Mumble found a place away from disapproving eyes…

…where a funky little fella could be himself.

Hey, what you doing there, flipper bird?

Nothing. What are you doing?

Nothing. Just dropped in for a little lunch.

There’s food? Here?

Leg or wing?

Oh, no, no, wait. Not me, l’m a penguin.

Exactly. The flipper birds, that’s you, eat the fish.

The flying birds, that’s me, eat the flipper bird and the fish.

And lately, there ain’t a lot of fish.

-So…. -This time l’m getting the juicy bits.

-Me first! -Hey, you want a piece of me?

Hey, hey, hey! l’m trying to think about lunch.

Wait! Watch this!

Yeah, that’s weird, all right. Listen. For once, we’re gonna do this civilized.

-Now, get in line– -Hey! What’s that on your leg?

-What? This little thing? -Oh, no. Don’t start him on that.

Shut up! The little flipper bird asked me a perceptive question.

-A question like that deserves an answer. -Here we go.

l got two words for you:

Alien abduction.

-Oh, you had to ask. -Have mercy.

Quiet!

Now, little buddy, there is something out there.

Creatures. Not like us.

Bigger, fiercer, and smarter too.

-Ask me how l know. -How?

Because l’ve been captured by them, that’s how.

Unbelievable.

What do you mean unbelievable? lt’s true.

l’m sitting on a rock, minding my own business…

…when suddenly, they’re onto me.

These beings, like big ugly penguins.

Fat, flabby faces with front-ways eyes…

…no feathers, no beaks, and these– These appendages.

They probe me. They tie me up. They strap me down.

They take this pointy thing and they stick it into me.

And then, blackout.

Gosh.

l woke up and there’s this– This thing on me.

Every flying bird is dissing me, Hey, what’s happening, yellow leg?

lt was humiliating.

And then what?

lt was humiliating. What more do you want?

They could have eated you.

Yeah. Yeah.

l guess my pitiful cries for mercy appealed to their better nature.

Can l appeal to your better nature?

Nice try, kid, but no.

No. No. No!

What you doing down there, flipper bird?

Get up here.

Get back up here this minute.

Oh, great. You let him get away. Didn’t you?

All your screwy alien talk.

-Hey, l’m an abductee. -Abduct this.

-Don’t make me call Uncle Angie. -Oh, fine.

Where youse going? l’m an abductee!

-l don’t care what you are, l’m hungry! -Would you like to hear our specials?

How about fish? There’s no fish. How about penguin? There’s no penguin.

What are we gonna eat?!

There’s a world where I can go

And tell my secrets to

In my room

Paying no mind to his dancing heart…

…the kid saw out his school days at the back of the class…

…lost in his imaginings.

Now it’s dark and I’m–

What fabulous worlds lay out there, far beyond the ice?

–I won’t be afraid

Was there any place…

…where one small penguin without a Heartsong…

…could ever truly belong?

In my room

And so, a thousand generations ago…

…our forefathers forsook our wings for flippers.

You graduates going to sea for the first time…

…are to reap the benefits of their wise choice.

These are lean and uncertain times.

But by the power of the ancient penguin wisdoms…

…we, my brethren, will endure.

-Blah, blah, blah. -Norma Jean.

Who is he to say my boy can’t graduate? He’s not hurting anyone.

–true to our ways and you will always be worthy of this…

…our brave penguin nation. Excelsior!

Ocean, here l come!

You know what? We’re gonna have a little graduation ceremony of our own.

-You mean it, Ma? -You betcha.

-Excelsior! -Excelsior!

Keep it down.

-Pa. -Memphis.

-Go get them, tiger. -Thanks, Ma.

-Make every moment count! -Got you, Ma!

-Remember, Stranger Danger. -Yeah, sure, Pa.

And watch out for those leopard seals and them killer whales.

Mark this, Noah.

That boy was always a bad egg. l’m telling you, no good will come of this.

Guys!

Wait up!

What do you think?

-You first. -No, you first.

No. No, no, no.

Stop pushing!

-What was that? -l think it was the fuzzball.

See any blood?

What you waiting for?

Hey, Gloria!

Gloria, l adore-ia. l’d like to see more-ia.

Gloria.

-Mumble? -Gloria.

l’m sorry. l didn’t mean to….

Fall back, coming through!

Gloria? All my life, l’ve wanted to say that you’re so–

-Fish. -Yeah. You’re so fish.

No. Fish!

Fish!

Oh, that’s mine.

-That’s lousy. -You didn’t get one?

Sorry.

Gloria. You got one?

-Nope. Not this time. -You have it.

-Thank you, Mumble, but it’s yours. -l want you to have it.

-No. You caught it. You eat it. -l want you to–

Skua! You get back here!

-Come on. -Mumble! Let go!

Mumble! Let go!

You just let him get away!

-ls he breathing? -He’s certainly not eating.

Mumble? Are you okay?

Mumble?

Take the fish.

-What? -Take the stupid fish.

Oh, okay.

Thank you, Mumble.

You’re welcome.

–somebody to

Love

On this, our night of graduation, infatuation, illumination…

…top of the class, Missy Gloria.

Each morning I get up, I die a little

Can barely stand on my feet

Take a look at yourself

Take a look in the mirror and cry a little

Lord, what you doing to me?

I spent all my years in believing you

I just can’t get no relief, Lord

-Somebody -Somebody

-Somebody -Please

Can anybody find me

Somebody to love?

-She works hard -Every day

Every day

Oh, I try and I try and I try

But everybody wants to put me down

They say, they say, I’m going crazy

They say I got a lot of water in my brain

Got no common sense I got nobody left to believe in

What’s wrong with you?

-Mumble. -Yeah?

-lt’s better you just– -Yeah, l know.

-You listen. You know? -Yeah.

-Sorry. -lt’s okay.

-Sorry. -Sing the song.

You’re great. That was great.

Oh, baby, find me

Come on. Put your flippers in the air, now.

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love

l’m searching high and low.

l’m searching the high and low.

Yes, there’s somebody out there who needs to find me.

Somebody, anybody

l’m somebody.

I wanna love someone

Send someone over here

Can anybody find me

Somebody to

Love

Mumble!

-Who do you think you are? -Yeah, you’re spoiling it for everybody.

-Take a flying leap. -Yeah, jump in the lake.

Where is my baby?

Anybody find me, find me Find me, find me

Somebody

Okay, fellas. Cut it out.

l’m completely terrified.

Gloria?

Guys?

Get up here or l’ll come in after you.

-Safe! -Oh, yeah!

-You the bomb, bro. -That’s a 9.8.

-l give you 1 0. -Why?

Oh, no, no, no. Come on. Bring it. Bring it on.

-Kiss my frozen tushy. -Kiss it. Kiss it.

Come here, sausage. l take you with ketchup.

But first you got to catch up.

Oh, here he comes. You better move in a half an hour.

Let’s get out of here.

-Hey, amigo, do that again. -Do what?

-That thing with the– -The clickety-clickety.

-That. -Yeah, do it.

-Come on, come on. -Well, l just kind of go:

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Oh, nice.

And then this:

Way to go! lt’s amazing!

-Oh, the little whisker. -Look at him.

Oh, he’s leaving. Oh, no, that was his face!

Remember, dumplings, l know where you live.

Yeah, it’s called land, lard face.

Flop back anytime, rubber butt!

See you, fatty.

That’s cool. See you, fatty!

Did it take you a while to come up with that one?

All right, way to go, tall guy.

Give me fin, give me fin.

To the left, to the right I’m getting it, oh, yes

Look out, here I go

I got it, I got it, I don’t, I had it

Oh, my stomach hurts. l gotta pee.

Ain’t you coming, tall boy?

What, you got something better to do?

-No. -Well, then, come along, Fluffy, let’s go.

Hey, stretch, you like to party?

Party? l guess so.

Well, stick with us, baby.

Yeah, because we practically own the action here.

Mambo!

Everybody’s so…spontan-you-us.

Spontan-you-us!

And these are the bad times!

-Yeah, our food chain go loco. -Everyone a bit down.

But it ain’t gonna stop no party!

-Viva la party! -Watch me work.

Gosh, he’s eating rocks.

-You hear what he said? -Eating rocks.

But he had a rock in his mouth.

That’s no rock, hombre. lt’s love stones.

-For building the nest. -The one with the most pebbles wins.

You know:

You’re not interested in chicas?

-Hey, hey, hey. -You kidding?

Without us, the chicas got no boom.

-Why aren’t you collecting pebbles? -Pebbles, schmebbles, man.

We got personality, with a capital Y. Why? Because we’re hot.

Watch and learn, tall boy.

-Hey. Hey, baby. -Over here, mama. Chicky baby.

-Baby. -What are you looking at?

-You looking at me? -Come over here.

-Come on, mamí. -You see something you like, yes?

l don’t think so. Not tonight, baby.

Oh, don’t be so snooty, booty.

That’s the way…you like it, you like it

You want it, I got it Could’ve had it, you missed it

Look at the feet, huh?

-Where’d you learn that? -The big guy.

-He from out of town. -He with us.

-Do it again. -Do it, baby. Show me those flipping feet.

-No, no, no. Sorry, girls. -Some other time maybe.

You guys are soft in the head, okay?

Let’s go.

-Leave them wanting more, you know? -Hold back till the season.

-You show them what you got. -Either you got it or not.

-And the Amigos? -We got it!

You think l could get some of it?

Hombre, you’ve got so much already, you dangerous, baby.

You really think so?

You kidding? With moves like yours…

…you must have all the ladies drooling at your feet.

-l wouldn’t say that. -Oh, listen to him. He’s so cute.

Let me tell something to you.

Except for me, tall boy, you got the most charisma of anybody.

Put that ego away, Ramón, you’re gonna hurt someone.

You so jealous. Just a moment. l hear people wanting something.

Me!

-Mambo -Okay, you girlies, Mambo

One more time now, mambo Mambo, mambo, mambo

Mambo!

Your turn, your turn.

Oh, get down.

Man, this guy is so accidentally cool.

Okay, okay.

Mama!

Mommy!

Come on, Fluffy.

Oh, l love gravity.

-Oh, l feel like reminiscing. -Remin-icing?

-lt was too close. -Come on, come on.

Hey, guys! Where are we going?

-We relocating. -Placing ourselves elsewhere.

-But that thing, what was it? -How should we know?

-We’re penguins. -Very little penguins.

But where did it come from? lt’s so weird, so alien.

-What’s he talking about? -Some hombre called Elian.

l don’t know a guy Elian. l knew a guy named Estevan–

-Not Estevan, Elian. -Guys, we have a mystery here.

A mind-boggling mystery.

So? What are we supposed to do about it?

Amigos, we gotta get to the bottom of this thing.

Big guy, let me tell something to you. Come close. Don’t be afraid.

-You want answers? -Yeah.

-That’s all you need? -Yeah.

-Nothing else? -No.

Then this is very easy.

You go see Lovelace.

-Lovelace. -Go see Lovelace.

-Genius, Ramón. You are the man. -Thank you.

-l take a moment for myself. -Let’s go.

-Bow down. -You the man.

-That’s enough, l feel your love. -Who’s Lovelace?

-Lovelace is the guru. -Go see Lovelace.

-He got the answer to everything. -Everything.

-Really? -Ask him, he never wrong.

But first, you gonna need a pebble.

Hold it, y'all. I have a warning for the audience.

Ladies, please, avert your eyes…

…because I’ve been known to hypnotize.

You heard the voice, now you’re about to meet…

…the one and only Lovelace, in the flesh…

…right here, right on, right now.

The devotion, please.

Oh, yeah.

And now, your question.

Senor Lovelace…

…my wife has disappeared. ls she alive?

Is she alive now? Separate the truth from the jive

Speak to me, oh, mystic beings

Yes! She’s happy and you’re in her thoughts.

ls she with another male?

One pebble, one question. Next!

Oh, Serene One. Please ask the mystic beings…

…will l ever be as rich as you?

ln your dreams, Jean. Next!

-Go ahead. Go ahead. -Get up there, big guy.

-That’s it. Don’t be scared. -Gentleman, please! One at a time.

-We with him. -Yeah, we together.

-He got a beautiful question. Go. -Do it.

Just don’t look him in the eye.

Have you ever been abducted by aliens?

Excuse me? What kind of question is that? Next!

No, wait, senor.

l met a skua once, with something like that on his foot, said he was abducted by aliens.

This, friend, is my sacred talisman…

Talisman, talisman

…bestowed on me by the mystic beings…

Mystic beings

…during my Epic Journey of Enlightenment…

…to the Forbidden Shore.

Forbidden shore

Oh, say it one more.

-Forbidden shore -Oh, yeah

Wait, you saw mystic beings?

l hear them! They speak through me!

Oh, yeah.

There’s a power that makes me stand upon this tower!

Did they have front-ways eyes? Did they probe you? Strap you down?

Enough! Did they probe me?

Too many questions! You don’t have enough pebbles, fool.

You haven’t answered any of my questions.

-How many questions he got? -We’ve all got stuff to ask!

Enough!

You bring this stranger before me.

He doubts my powers. He compares me to a skua.

The voices are shrieking in my head.

They say, Lovelace, who is this fool?

Tell him! Tell him to go forth and multiply!

Come to think of it…

…why don’t we all go forth and multiply?

-Lovelace. -What he saying?

-lt’s mating season. -Already?

l will retire now to my couch of perpetual indulgence.

-Okay, ladies, who’s first? -Me!

One at a time. Don’t touch the talisman, baby, please.

Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What about us?

Lovelace, Lovelace, Lovelace!

Hear me!

There’s not enough love in the world.

Turn to the penguin next to you.

Put your flippers up. Fluff him up a little bit.

And give him a great big hug.

Okay, ladies.

Oh, make that little noise again, girl.

Hey, what he got we don’t got, man?

-What you hugging me for? -He told me to.

-Get away. -No, you like it.

Get off him, Ramón.

Stretch, got any stones where you come from?

-We don’t collect stones. -You don’t? Why not?

We live on the ice.

So how you win the heart of the ladies?

Well, we sing.

-Stop! That’s crazy! -You’re kidding, right?

No. We sing to each other.

lf someone special likes your song, you know….

Oh, and you have someone special?

-A tall beauty in your dark romantic past? -Of which you never speak?

Well, sort of.

Hey, let’s go check it out. Maybe she got some friends.

l like them tall.

lt’s never gonna work.

-Hey, big guy. -lt’s the loving season.

All you gotta do is sing.

That’s the problem. l can’t.

-You a bird, ain’t you? -All birds can sing.

I don’t sing like the birdie do

All right.

Find me, find me

What’s he doing?

-l think he’s singing. -l know singing, that’s not singing.

l heard an animal once do that, but then they rolled him over, he was dead.

Yeah. And when she sings, it darn near breaks your heart.

You in tragic shape, man.

-Don’t worry. We can fix it. -We can?

-Absolutely. We can. We can. -We can?

-Really? -Yes! Let me tell something to you.

-Come close. Closer. You wanna sing? -Yeah.

-You sure? -Absolutely.

You making fun of me? Then this is very easy.

Really? Gosh, if l could sing, that would change everything.

You will sing. You just got to do exactly what l say.

-Okay. -Did l say okay?

-No. -No. What did l say?

-Do exactly what you say. -Exactly what l say.

Don’t push me 'Cause I’m close to the edge

I’m trying not to lose my…

Gloria

It’s like a jungle sometimes It makes me wonder

How I keep from going under

Midnight creeps so slowly

Into hearts of those Who need more than they get

Daylight deals a bad hand

To a penguin who has laid too many bets

I’ll make love to you Like you want me to

And I’ll hold you tight, baby, all…

Gloria

The mirror stares you in the face

And says, Baby–

Shake a bon-bon, Shake a–

It don’t work

You say your prayers Though you don’t care

You say your prayers Though you don’t care

Boys! Boys!

Boys!

Mumble?

Mumble.

Oh, hi, Gloria.

And this is you?

Sure, it’s me. You like?

Well, l would, if it were really you, yeah.

Well, it is me, sort of.

Yeah.

Turn around.

-Turn around. -Why?

-Well, why not? -Well….

-What do you know? -Yeah.

My way

-Gloria. -Mumble, how could you?

Hello.

l know size can be daunting, but don’t be afraid. l love you.

-Gloria, please. -l love you.

-Gloria! -Gloria!

-Gloria! -Gloria!

-Please, Gloria, wait! -Please, Gloria, wait for me!

-Stop it! -Okay.

Mumble, what could you possibly be thinking?

l don’t know what else to do.

Oh, Gloria, no.

Gloria

Gloria

Go up there, right now.

Daylight deals a bad hand…

Gloria. Gloria.

Sing to this.

Mumble, you’re embarrassing me.

Baby…it don’t work.

Baby

So slowly

So slowly into hearts of those

Who need more than they get

Daylight deals a bad hand

To a penguin that has laid too many bets

The mirror stares you in the face

You say your prayers Though you don’t care And says, Baby…it don’t work

You sing and you shake the hurt

Dance!

Boogie wonderland

Dance

Boogie wonderland

Midnight creeps so slowly

Into hearts of men Who need more than they get

Daylight deals a bad hand

To a penguin who has laid too many bets

The mirror stares you in the face

And says, Baby…it don’t work

You say your prayers Though you don’t care

You dance and shake the hurt

Dance!

Mumble!

Boogie wonderland

Dance, dance, dance

Mumble

Boogie wonderland

My brothers

You look so beautiful to me, baby

-Mumble. -Hey, Miss Viola.

-All the love in the world can’t be gone -Mumble!

-All the need to be loved can’t be wrong -Mumble!

Disgraceful!

Who do they think they are?

Where is Noah? This is getting out of hand.

Hey, Memphis. lt’s your boy, Mumble.

-Mumble? -Mumble?

No, no. No, it's Mambo. O!

Baby. They’re saying, Mumble.

Boogie!

Behold, Noah, look!

This was an omen from the start and now we have this uprising.

Stop! Stop!

Stop this unruly nonsense!

Stop it right now!

A little self-control, if you please!

You bring this disorder, this aberration, to the very heart of our community.

Have you lost your minds?

-We’re just having fun. -Harmless fun.

Harmless? lt is this kind of backsliding that has brought the scarcity upon us.

Excuse me, smiley. Can you speak plain penguin, please?

He thinks the food shortage has something to do with me.

Do you not understand that we can only survive here when we’re in harmony?

When you and your foreign friends lead us into your easy ways…

…you offend the Great 'Guin.

You invite him to withhold his bounty.

-He rules the seasons. -He giveth and he can taketh away.

Wait a minute. Happy feet can’t cause a famine.

lf thy kind of pagan display did not cause it, then what did?

l think it comes from outside. Way beyond the ice.

There are things out there, things we don’t understand.

-Mysteries. -Mind-boggling mysteries.

-Mystic beings. -Yeah, aliens.

-He’s mad. -No, aliens.

-l hear they’re smart. -He’s insane.

No, they might be smarter than all of us. Who knows?

He drove the fish away, now he’s ranting this rubbish!

-Hey, let me tell something to you. -Don’t touch me, you filthy vermin.

-Hey, watch it. -And so it follows.

Dissent leads to division and division leads us to doom.

-You, Mumble Happy Feet, must go. -Hear, hear.

Don’t you take one step, sweetheart.

You have as much right to be here as any of these daffy old fools.

Norma Jean, l’ll deal with this.

Pa?

Mumble, you must renounce your so-called friends…

…your peculiar thoughts, your strange ways.

-Memphis. -lf we are devout…

…sincere in our praise, the fish will return.

-But, Pa– -Listen, boy, l was a backslider myself.

l was careless and now we’re paying the price.

What’s this got to do with Mumble?

-lt’s why he is the way he is. -There’s nothing wrong with him!

-Face it, our son’s all messed up. -He’s not messed up, hear me?

-Believe me, l know. -How can you say that?

Because when he was just an egg, l dropped him!

Memphis.

Mumble.

Oh, my poor little Mumble.

But, Mom, l’m perfectly fine.

-No. No, you’re not, boy. -That’s right.

For all our sakes, you must stop this freakiness with the feet.

Your father speaks wisely. Heed his suffering heart and repent.

But it just doesn’t make any sense.

Then your arrogance leaves us no choice!

No, wait.

Please, son, you can do this. lt ain’t so hard.

Don’t ask me to change, Pa, because l can’t.

And that, my brethren, is the end of it.

You, begone!

-Mumble. -No, Ma, it’s okay. lt’s okay.

Let me tell something to you.

When l find out what’s happening to the fish…

…l’ll be back.

Let me through? Let me through.

-Mumble, you don’t have to go. -Let it be.

-Gloria. -No. No, Dad, this isn’t fair.

Gloria, listen to your father.

My folks were always putting him down

Down, down, down

They said he came From the wrong side of town

He came from the wrong side of town

They told me he was bad

So bad

-But I know he was sad -So sad

I’ll never forget him The leader of the pack

We sing the heart of our true friend, Mumble.

You are a nation of peeny-weeny, piffling, piccolini, piddly-diddly pouft!

Together, we prevail.

ln the wisdoms, we trust.

We trust.

Look out

Look out

Look out

Look

Don’t worry, tall guy. My father also called me a pitiful loser.

Look how l turn out.

You’re not helping, Ramón.

He gonna be okay. All he gotta do is find out what happened to the fish.

-How he gonna do that? -He think of something.

-The aliens. -What?

-l’m gonna talk to the aliens. -How you gonna find aliens?

-Lovelace. -He don’t like you. He don’t like you at all.

That’s okay. l’ll appeal to his better nature.

-How you gonna do that? -Cruel and unusual punishment?

-Unimaginable torture? -lmaginable torture?

-Your singing? -No!

Can anybody find me…

-You’re cracking the ice! -Avalanche!

Yes, okay. Thank you.

Lovelace. You there?

Lovelace!

Lovelace.

Lovelace?

ls this a bad time?

l know we don’t have an appointment, but–

Just one question and l want a straight answer.

Where do l find the mystic beings?

Why don’t he speak?

Lovelace, you okay?

-Boy, he’s possessed. -lt’s a seizure! lt’s a seizure!

-Open the beak. -Grab his tongue.

He’s choking. That thing around his neck, it’s too tight.

-Well, why didn’t you say so? -On three.

Stop! Listen! No! Amigos! Amigos! Stop!

-What? -You’re hurting him.

Any better?

Lovelace, how did you get that thing around your neck?

-lt was bestowed on him. -By the mystic beings.

-They didn’t bestow it? -No.

Oh, come on, he don’t know what he’s saying.

You were swimming and it just got caught around your neck.

Oh, no way. He the guru.

Lovelace, did you ever actually meet a mystic being?

Officially?

No.

l knew it! lt’s all a lie.

But this belongs to someone.

lf we could find them, l bet you they could take it off.

Show me where you found it. l’m sure they could help us. You and me both.

Two words, three syllables.

-What is it? -You’re dying?

No, no, wait. Past, past, your past life.

You’re passing gas.

Now he thinks he’s an elephant seal.

No, no, no. Go over the mountains.

-Go over the mountains! -Through the land of the elephant seals.

-Beyond the land of the elephant seals. -Beyond the land of the elephant seals!

-Wait. -What?

l hear voices.

-There is a voice. -Where?

-There’s a little voice on the wind. -Mumble!

-Mambo? -Mambo?

-Listen. -Mumble Happy Feet.

-Gloria? -Gloria!

Gloria?

Hey, you got a stalker. She’s obsessed with you, man.

l can’t believe it’s you.

Of course it’s me.

What are you doing here?

All the love in the world can’t be gone

All the need to be loved can’t be wrong

-Oh, my. -So which way, twinkletoes?

No, no, no. lf you come, you may never get back home.

Fine by me.

Gloria, you have a life back there. l don’t. l mean, we don’t. Not out here.

How can we keep an egg safe? That’s if we ever had an egg.

Well, l don’t need an egg to be happy.

You say that now, but what about later when all your friends have eggs?

Then l’ll have you.

Now he’s going to pledge his soul forever.

-Aw, Gloria. -Here it comes.

l’m a particular kind of guy, the kind of guy who needs his own space.

lt’s not you, it’s me.

l’m just not up for a serious relationship right now.

What he’s trying to do now is he’s pushing her away.

-Mumble. -Let’s watch.

No matter what you say or do, you’re stuck with me.

Oh, come on. As if you’re not totally thrilled that l’m here.

-Now she got him on the ropes. -See, right there is your problem.

You think you’re irresistible, don’t you?

l don’t care where you’re from, that’s got to hurt.

-Excuse me? -Gloria’s so gorgeous, Gloria’s so talented.

What?

Just because you can hit a few high notes.

You got a problem with my singing?

No, it’s perfectly fine.

-Fine? -lf you like that sort of thing.

-lt’s a little Nana Tootsie for my taste.

Ouch

What?

You know, showy, flashy, froufrou.

-Froufrou? -That’s right.

Ah, Coming from someone who thinks it’s cool to jig up and down really fast on the spot…

…like some twitchy idiot.

Ugh! You stubborn, hippity-hoppity fool!

Right back at you.

Ugh!

Amigo, that was a good thing you do.

She is going to be so much better off without you.

She is going to find a good, steady guy to comfort her…

…and love her up real good and raise a big family.

-Ramón. -And then she’s going to let herself go–

Ramón. He’s hurting. He’s hurting bad.

Oh, listen, listen, don’t hold it in or you explode. You got to let it out.

You just let it out. You let it out.

Everybody, turn away for a moment.

If she leave him now

She take away the biggest part of him

Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo

Don’t, baby, please, don’t go

Please, guys.

No more singing.

Then she say to me, Enough, you are making me nauseous.

So l become silent, almost moody, and you know what she says?

You never share. You got to let it out.

-Ramón, come on. -Let it out. Let it out.

Stop it! Let it go.

-l never had a good relationship in my life. -Give him a hug. Give him a hug.

-l let it out! -There we go.

-l let it out. -l know. Get over it.

-Can you keep going? -Yeah.

-What’s that smell? -lt wasn’t me.

Hey, Fluffy, we’re following you. Get up here.

So these elephant seals, they’re not penguin eaters, are they?

l don’t know. l believe they are herbivores.

-What? -You know, kelp-suckers.

Here we go, Lovelace. Come on.

Jump in time. Jump in time.

-Okay, let’s do it. -Okay, okay, okay. Ready?

l can do this. l can do this. l got to trick myself.

Boy, look at that. What?

You blokes better be lost, because trespassing’s a crime.

-We’re just passing through. -Yeah. We’re with him.

Oh, You wouldn’t be heading over them distant hills…

…and through the blizzard country?

lf it’s the only way to the forbidden shore, yeah.

Crikey.

You might come face to face with an annihilator.

An alien annihilator?

Too right. Cut you up as soon as look at you.

Waste every living thing in their path.

Could they be annihilating the fish?

Every living thing.

Merciless, mate. Merciless.

Even if you’re a whopping great whale…

…they drag your sorry carcass ashore…

…dice you up, melt you down, and turn you into fun food.

One day you’re a big old whale…

…next minute…

…fun food.

Someone’s gotta stop them.

Oh, yeah? What’s gonna be your approach?

lf l could just talk to them.

Appeal to their better nature.

Beauty.

When that crafty little trick pays off, you be sure to let us know, won’t you?

All right, Lovelace, let’s go.

See you, Lovelace.

Your funeral, mate.

Oh, man!

-Push tight. -Okay.

Come on, guys. Let’s do it.

You can do it. Come on, push!

What’s that noise?

There’s no noise.

-No gasping. No wheezing. -Where’s Lovelace?

Sometimes a brave penguin will just slip away to die.

Do you think he went to a happy place?

-Probably. -No, no. l think he went this way.

Come on. Let’s go.

Lovelace!

Lovelace!

Hello?

ls there anyone there?

-No– No need to shout. -Somebody might hear you.

His feet don’t look too good.

-He rested here. -Now he’s on his belly!

-No, this way. -You don’t want to know what he did here.

-You’re right. -There he is. Lovelace!

-All right! Lovelace! -Lovelace!

-Oh, look at Lovelace. -We’re here.

-Are you okay? -Come on, man. Hang in there, buddy.

What is it?

Oh, look. There’s one for everyone.

Hang in there, Lovelace. l know they’re here somewhere.

-Why would they leave all this behind? -l don’t know.

Hey.

-Tell them we come in peace. -We come in peace!

-Lovelace. -Lovelace.

-Lovelace. -Oh, buddy, come on.

-Are you okay? -Hang in there, buddy.

-Oh, that’s not good. -Stay calm.

-Stay calm. -That’s not good.

-Okay, don’t stay calm! -Panic!

Oh, no, no!

-Oh, they’re making us appe-teasers. -They’re appe-teasing us!

We’re all gonna die.

Whatever you do, stay out of the water!

-Stay out of the water. -Don’t go in the water!

Lovelace, don’t go in the water!

Lovelace, hang in there!

Hang in there!

Get your dirty tongue off him!

No, no, no!

Stay out of the water!

-Mumble! -Mumble!

-They playing birdminton? -No, it’s a show. Dinner and a show.

Lovelace!

Rejoice!

Lovelace!

-Help! -Reach out!

Thank you, my brother, thank you!

l wasn’t scared! l wasn’t scared!

Oh, my beautiful brother, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

-Go, Lovelace! You the man! -Go, go, go, go, go!

Enough!

lt’s a bad day for you!

You dealing with Lovelace now!

-And my man, Mumble, here. -You tell them, Lovelace.

Begone, demon fish. Adios.

That’s right.

You hightail it back to your mamas.

-How did he do that? -Don’t make me come in the water.

l’ll come after your sons and daughters.

l’m gonna give you the bad eye.

A whole bunch of them.

They gonna rule the world.

lt’s gotta be them.

-lf it is, l don’t wanna know about it. -They don’t even know we exist.

Let me tell something to you.

This is the end of the road. lt’s over.

You did everything penguinly possible.

-You found the aliens. -We gonna testify to that.

We’ll tell your whole laughing-boy nation they were dead wrong about you.

Now, let’s all go back home. Right now.

Right on.

-Could l ask a favor of you? -Sure.

-What kind of favor? -Could you make sure Gloria’s okay?

-And my ma. -What?

And if you see Pa…

…tell him l tried.

Okay, what you talking about?

l’m gonna stop them taking our fish.

How you gonna do that, Mumble?

Adios, amigos!

Amigo! He did it.

You believe that?

How we gonna tell his mama he bring us all this way just to kill himself?

No. He didn’t. Look.

He loco maniac.

First ever flying flipper bird.

How tall you think that tall boy was?

Who could say? Taller than anyone.

Hey, it’s me, Lovelace…

…formerly known as guru.

l’m gonna be telling your story, Happy Feet…

…long after you dead and gone!

Hey! Hey!

Enraged by their indifference…

…he followed them long after they were gone from his sight.

He ventured further than any of us had gone before…

…beyond all hope of return.

Swept up by the great currents…

…he was carried endlessly across vast oceans…

…to worlds unknown.

Excuse me. What is this place?

You’re in heaven, Dave. Penguin heaven.

ls it anywhere near Emperor Land?

lt’s wherever you want it to be.

Try the water, Dave. lt’s really real.

I heard tell, when he finally saw aliens up close…

…they were just as the skua had described.

Excuse me. Why are you taking our fish?

Big, ugly penguins without feathers on their fat, flabby faces.

Why are you taking our fish? You’re kind of killing us out there.

No! No, wait!

Oh, my.

Hello. Hello from Emperor Land. Good afternoon.

Why are you taking our fish?

l’m sure you don’t mean to, but you’re causing an awful lot of grief.

Am l not making myself clear? l’m speaking plain penguin.

Penguin! Don’t you understand? You’re stealing our fish.

Oh, please, anyone, talk to me!

For pity’s sake, you’re stealing our F-l-S–

After three days, he would lose his voice.

After three months…

…he would all but lose his mind.

So you found the fish, baby.

Ma?

-Hi, sweetie. -Ma.

Fluffy, no matter what they say or do, we never stopped believing in you.

So you’ll be back soon, right?

Hey, come on. Let him eat.

Go ahead, Dave. Don’t mind us.

But there’s plenty for everyone.

lt’s okay, sugar. We can wait.

No, no, Ma! Ma!

There’s lots here. Ma!

Ma!

-Kids, you gotta see this. -He’s on now.

Hey! Hello!

-lsn’t that the fellow with the wacky feet? -Looks like.

-What was his name? -l thought he was dead.

-Everybody– -Apparently not.

Everybody, listen up! l’ve got big news.

l know who’s taking the fish!

-Yeah, and they took his brain. -lt’s the aliens.

-l made contact with them. -The lunatic is back.

The aliens are taking our fish.

Someone ought to fetch Noah and the elders.

Hey, you.

Gloria.

Kind of weird, seeing you again.

Yeah.

-Everything cool here, baby? -You remember Seymour.

Yeah. Hi, Seymour.

Yeah.

So which one is yours?

All of them.

This is our singing class. He teaches rhythm. l teach the blues.

-So you’re not–? -l guess l never heard the right song.

That’s great! l didn’t mean….

l found out who’s taking the fish.

They’re big and kind of ugly, but, Gloria…

…the things they can do. They’re coming here.

Oh, is that so?

They’ll be here soon. l think they wanna help us.

So now you speak with them?

Well, they don’t speak penguin, but they seem to respond to this.

-What’s he doing? -You gotta be kidding me.

l suggest we all do it. lt really gets their attention.

And why would it do that?

Beats me, but it works.

-Hey, it’s the hippity-hopper. -Freaky feet!

Boys, boys–

-Fluffy. -Tall guy.

-Stretch! -Amigo!

So you dare come back?

He says he’s found aliens and they’re taking our fish.

He says that they’re coming and we all have to do this.

There be no such thing as aliens!

Mumble, turn around.

lt’s a disease.

ls that from them?

Yeah. But don’t be afraid. l think it’s a way to find me, that’s all.

You led them here? You turned them on your own kind?

Wait a second, you just said there’s no such thing as aliens.

Well, there’s not.

But if there were, only a traitorous fool would bring them here.

But they have to come.

They’re the ones taking our fish. They can do something about it.

None but the Great 'Guin has the power to give and take away.

The Great 'Guin didn’t put things out of whack, the aliens did.

A fool returns this day to mock our suffering.

We are starving and he wants us to hippity-hop.

So do we hold fast to our ways…

…or do we bend to the fetid fantasies of a dancing fool?

Say, how does that feet thing go again?

Yeah, show us, Mumble.

Oh, it’s really quite easy.

No, no!

No, you must resist!

That’s right.

-Pointless nonsense. -Resist! Stand your ground!

Stand your ground against this folly!

Raise your voices, brothers.

Cry out in defiance of this jiggity-joggity!

Show me what you got.

You got it.

Come on.

Work, work it.

Yes, yes! Call on the wisdoms!

Let the world tremble!

For when all others leave…

…we remain!

Mumble! Mumble!

Mama? Amigos.

-Oh, Mama. -Oh, my boy.

-My gorgeous boy. -Oh, Mama.

-Look at him. -You’re so dazzling.

-Oh, Fluffy. -We waited and waited for you.

-Oh, yeah. -Where’s Pa?

Believe me. You don’t wanna see your deadbeat dad.

-Your pa is sort of…. -What?

Come on, l’ll show you.

Memphis?

Memphis?

Pa?

Mumble?

ls it truly you?

Every last bit of me, Pa.

l thought….

Pa?

There ain’t been one day…

…not one day, that l done right by you.

Oh, Pa.

Dance for him, Daddy.

Dance with your boy.

You’ll have to forgive me.

The music’s gone clean out of me.

No, it hasn’t.

lt’s just like singing with your body.

Come on, baby. We can do it.

Oh, Mama.

lt’s just one big old foot after the other.

That’s it.

Yeah.

-Yeah, see? -Well, that feels good.

You don’t have to be beautiful

Yeah, Memphis.

To turn me on

Daddy.

I just need your body, baby

From dusk till dawn

You don’t have to be rich to be my girl

You don’t have to be cool To rule my world

Ain’t no particular song I’m more compatible with

I just want your extra time and your…

Holy flock!

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.

l think you better dance now.

First, there was just one. Now there’s thousands.

-Are they trying to tell us something? -What’s the problem?

-We’re messing with their food chain. -We’ve gotta do something.

-We suggest a ban on all marine harvesting. -Too much money. Too many jobs.

Why should we do anything at all?

They’re just a bunch of flightless birds at the bottom of the world.

l don’t wanna live in a world without penguins.

What are we gonna do about it?

Bang up the sign No Fishing.

ls equal to the love…

…you make.

Oh, baby. Right on.

Looking back on when I Was a little nappy-headed boy

It’s like a jungle sometimes

It makes me wonder How I keep from going under

Bring it on! Go ahead!

Even though we sometimes Would not get a thing

We were happy with The joy the day would bring

I wish those days Would come back once more

Come back those days, those days Come back, don’t go

Come here, babe. Come on back.

Come on back

-Come on back -Come on back

-Come on back -Come on back

I love them, I love them

I love them, I love them

Those days, those days Those days, those days

Those days

[battlestar-royco]

i was the author of both anons and i just want to reiterate that i'm not trying to accuse sjm antis specifically of anything regarding why they criticise sjm its more something i've noticed as a general trend with other problematic authors like cc and jkr as well as sjm. i just don't feel like grrm or other male authors receive ample pushback in comparison and i imagine that being the reason sjm stans fixate on him. anyway thank you for the explanation.

Okay, thanks for the clarification. I understood by your second ask that you were generally making a statement about the nature of criticism against men vs against women. This is a big fandom problem that’s been around since the dawn of fandom itself. It has to do entirely with the systemic problems of the world we live in. Simply because of the fact that GRRM is a white man who writes about white men doing ~dark and edgy~ (AKA boring and tasteless) things, he gets a lot of unwarranted praise and nowhere near as much criticism he deserves. I’ve seen many a Youtube comment praising GRRM and other comments on disparate websites that make fun of SJ/M for her appearance and for the fact that she writes about and for girls. Personally I hardly ever read fantasy books written by men anymore simply because of this issue and because their lens doesn’t bring me anything new. I find most of the staple fantasy writers at the moment to be dull, overrated, and not very inclusive (Rothfuss, Sanderson, GRRM, etc), so the media I consume and comment on skews toward women. I suspect that a lot of readers of fantasy written by women have this issue or a similar one. And I don’t have a source for this info, but I have read from more than one place that women are more often the ones who make metas, fic, art, etc (creator fandom) while men are the ones who collect (curator fandom), so that probably also adds to the difference in criticism of men vs criticism of women.

Does anti SJ/M discourse contribute to this problem? I’m sure in some ways it does. When that happens, SJ/M antis should be called out and we should make adjustments to our behavior, but I also wish there was recognition on stans’ part that this isn’t just SJ/M antis’ problem. Our community is dedicated to calling out the privilege that this specific white cishet woman has used to disempower several minoritized groups. And while I don’t think this was your point, I still think it’s relevant to the conversation: just because she is a woman does not mean she is not responsible for problematic things she writes about women and minorities. That’s my biggest issue with SJ/M: that she has never taken responsibility for the things in her books. I also greatly wish that stans would take our criticisms of SJ/M and their fandom antics to heart. We have called out SJ/M and the problematic fandom several times. While I’m sure some stans have grown from that criticism, the fandom as a whole has shown little capacity for self-reflection while I have seen many antis respond and adjust to criticism from other antis and stans multiple times.

Additionally, maybe instead of targeting their comments at antis who actually have a vested interest in greater diversity and more inclusive fan discourse, like apparently some stans do if they are concerned about misogyny against SJ/M, they should direct their comments not just at us but at GRRM and other white male author antis/stans who do not recognize the privilege these authors exercise in their writing and careers. They have the power to make their own anti posts about GRRM if they find him that abhorrent, or to ask antis to discuss GRRM more, or to look at the GRRM critics that they find too lenient. In fact, they are always welcome to my inbox or to comment on my posts (although like you said yesterday, are in the minority) that criticize him. Picking apart the posts and dynamics within the anti SJ/M community is a very bizarre way to go about the problem of misogyny in fantasy fandoms at large and the interactions I’ve had with stans leads me to believe that their issue is about antis in particular and not the lack of inclusion within fandom at large.

[fantastic-nonsense]

I've gotta be honest, your vehemence regarding indoor/outdoor cats is honestly baffling. Like, what makes your [technically invasive] cat more entitled to space then the animals outdoors? And like, the argument that "indoor cats" is a "newer" concept and therefore worthy of dismissing is also baffling. Like, seat belts in cars are a "newer" concept. Smoking being bad for you is a "newer" concept. Something being "newer" doesn't make it incorrect?

I read the article you linked - the article you cited says that while unowned cats kill more animals then owned cats, owned cats still kill between 403 million and 1.24 billion animals / year. Furthermore the study says on owned cats “simple solutions to reduce mortality caused by pets, such as limiting or preventing outdoor access, should be pursued.” and “This mortality is of particular concern within the context of steadily increasing populations of owned cats.”

On top of that, it’s a bit disingenuous to link the pet obesity page when it doesn’t actually say when you’re claiming. Yes, pet’s are getting more obese, but when it comes to exercise, the paper only goes into dogs and exercise - it says nothing about cats. It only talks about feeding when it comes to cats. And the paper doesn’t talk at all about “psychological health, mental stimulation, better socialization skills with other animals, and fewer behavioral problems”. Did you read the papers?

Well one, showing up in my inbox on anon with a three-part response instead of just…you know…responding to my reblog is kind of baffling in and of itself. I also fail to see how my response was “vehement” just because I was pointing out that the OP’s entire post was based on a false premise and then explaining why said premise was false; this is the first time I have ever talked ‘cat discourse’ besides a couple of snarky comments here and there. It’s incredible that a post that basically boils down to “feral cats and outside cats are not the same thing, letting your cat outside is not evil, don’t treat cats like dogs, and here are some steps you can take to actually help with the problem” is considered a “vehement” argument. If anything, your response is far more vehement than anything I said in my original reblog. But I’ll indulge you anyway, because I have nothing else better to do with my life tonight. I’ll even section it off to make my response easier to read.

—

Let me put it this way: a cat is a pet, just like a dog or a hamster or a snake. If you are not prepared to care for them the way they need to be cared for, you shouldn’t have one. Cats, being a different species from dogs, have different needs and function differently from dogs. Therefore, it is entirely illogical to treat them like they are just small dogs. Doing something like clipping a leash on a cat and trying to take them for a walk is a ridiculous concept for the vast majority of people who have ever actually owned or interacted with cats. It’s a trendy Instagram fad that is completely useless and ultimately harmful in practice. Either keep your cat inside and care for it appropriately, let them outside for limited amounts of time, or take them to a cat-friendly outside environment on a regular basis. Stop acting like they’re just small dogs who need to be walked.

—

On the concept of indoor cats: a cat is not a seatbelt. It’s not a cigarette. They are sentient, fully functional animals with their own brain and desires; their care does not function independently from that fact. It is also of a species that has survived and adapted and evolved to live largely outdoors in harmony with humans. Humans quite literally domesticated cats to be convenient pest catchers. This is not up for debate; it is a biological fact of their existence. 

You are right that something being newer doesn’t make it incorrect. However, please consider:

I never said that keeping a cat inside was inherently incorrect. I only said that insisting all cats regardless of circumstance be kept inside is incorrect.

When people try to argue that cats are “not outside pets” based on a fundamentally ridiculous conception of how cats and humans have operated since the domestication of cats 10,000 years ago, it is imperative to point out that misconception. Pointing out that “inside cats” were not a thing until around 70 years ago is not saying that keeping your cat inside is BAD; it is saying that “inside cats” are the historical aberration in the human-cat relationship and that keeping your cat inside was functionally impossible until the advent of modern technology. Thus, trying to argue that cats are “not outside pets” is an inherently ridiculous statement to make.

Cats (much like dogs, actually) entered into a mutually beneficial relationship with humans based on food: humans kept cats around because they kept pest animals like rodents out of their food and homes, and cats received food and care by being around humans. Yes, our relationship with them has changed just as our relationship with dogs has changed, but there are still plenty of people who still keep cats (and dogs, for that matter) for their original, intended purposes: pest control, hunting, and protection, with the incredible side benefit of companionship. Projecting your hurt feelings about abandoned, feral cats onto owned cats who are doing their job by being outside is unproductive and ultimately unhelpful. 

—

Cats are not actually invasive. The natural habitat of domestic cats is anywhere humans are, and particularly in agricultural areas. Ferals are in many jurisdictions legally classified as a “pest species” because of how they function, as feral cats are effectively wild animals. Ferals are considered an invasive species and are a problem specifically because human irresponsibility has allowed their populations to grow out of control and caused them to flourish in areas where they shouldn’t be. The problem of feral cats is our fault, because we as humans have failed to properly care for our environment; they are directly the result of un-neutered strays/abandoned cats having kittens. There would be no feral cats without the abandonment of domestic cats into the wild by humans, and feral cat colonies exist only where there is a human-supplied food source. 

We know that feral cats are the actual problem. There have been hundreds of articles written about how feral cats are the problem (see some here!). Australia is actively trying to grapple with its feral cat problem and specifically cites feral cats as the main issue at hand, to the point where they are trying to kill 2 million feral cats by 2020. Some states in the US allow hunters to kill feral cats. But feral cats =/= owned outdoor cats. Why people like the OP are trying to conflate owned, cared-for, outside and indoor-outdoor cats with ferals is beyond me; they’re completely separate issues. That was the point of my original response. 

—

Now, onto the rest of your response:

In terms of cat obesity, I freely admit that was actually a stylistic error on my part; I wasn’t clear that I was talking about how cat obesity in general has been steadily rising in recent years and how it can in some ways be linked to the rise of urbanization and the rise of the ‘indoor cat.’ I would, however, note that complaining about how the article “only talks about cats in relation to food an isn’t really fair” doesn’t take into account that it’s basically the only thing to talk about in relation to indoor cats, since they don’t get much exercise, comparatively speaking.

Part of the reason indoor cats have such statistically high weight rates in relation to indoor-outdoor and outside cats is because they are not getting the same levels of exercise that cats who are allowed to go outdoors get; scratching posts and cat playgrounds can only go so far. A sedentary lifestyle for a predator species when not carefully controlled results in obesity. This shouldn’t be news to people.

The other concerns you mentioned are things often brought up in discussions of indoor vs. outdoor cats; I didn’t feel the need to link them because I (incorrectly) assumed that this was common knowledge among people who liked talking cat discourse. My mistake, apparently.

Finally, I’m well aware of what I posted. I never once stated that outside cats don’t kill animals; you’re welcome to go back to my original post and check if you like. What I said was “owned cats are not nearly as significant of a threat to wildlife as some people believe, at least compared to ferals and strays.” If you actually look at the numbers in the study I linked, they back this sentiment up: feral cats are responsible for 69% of bird deaths and 89% of small mammal deaths in the United States every year. There’s simply no comparison to be made at this point; it’s incredibly obvious which population is the actual problem.

If you want more statistics, here’s another one: via one study, feral cats kill about 316 million Australian birds per year while pet cats kill an additional 61 million annually. That’s uh….what? Maybe 15% being killed by outdoor cats, while ferals take out the other 85%? The researchers freely admit which one is the problem: “This footage shows domestic cat owners that there is a big difference between domestic and feral cats.“

It’s also telling that almost every news story that actually focuses on the problem (this PBS story, for example) is actually talking about strays, ferals, and other un-owned cats. Basically all conversations around this topic in the actual activist and conservation spheres are essentially centering around un-owned cats that people feed. There is basically zero focus or effort put into discussing what most people think of as “outside cats”: cats that are owned, collared, and cared for by humans that happen to spend the majority of their day outside and their nights in the garage or basement. Strays and ferals are the real problem, and it’s the problem people are discussing.

Anyway, I hope that incredibly long response satisfied you and your decision to come dump in my inbox on anon tonight. Have a good night, and next time please feel free to actually respond to me via reblog.

[serenagaywaterford]

1) Hey, it's me again. The idiot rambling anon. I wasn't gonna spam you again, but then I read your responses. At this point, I'm convinced you're my alter ego, lol. My thoughts are all over the place, but I'll try to organize them. So, about Nick. I've purposely avoided talking about him so far, but why the hell not? Let me make one thing clear: I'm NOT of of those thirsty fangirls. But even if I was? I wouldn't get offended or butthurt, because another person likes different fictional

2) characters (of all things) than me. I mean, big fucking deal. Each to their own, no need for apologies. ;) (My tone is a little aggressive, I know, but I’m sick and tired of some people on social media –in and out of fandoms– acting holier-than-thou and sending hate messages and even actual death threats (!) to creators or people that express unpopular opinions*. It’s reached a point where many people feel the need to put disclaimers in their posts so as not to be attacked.)

3) Back to Nick. I liked him just fine back in early S1, when he was all mysterious and his background story was unknown to us. When we did learn about it and the fandom started acting like he’s that pure, handsome angel uwu? Nah. Obviously, he’s no Fred/Serena/Lydia,but he’s not a “cinnamon roll” either. (Imo, the only decent dude on that show is Luke.) I mean, if Nick was SO altruistic, he wouldn’t have joined this job. Or even after everything went down, he could have tried to help other

4) handmaids without expecting anything in return. But no, he only helps June and that’s because he’s in love with her. I’m not blaming him for trying to survive under such circumstances, but I won’t idolize him either. Now, in s2? I’m kinda neutral about him. I don’t hate him, but I can’t say that I’m a fan either. Not gonna lie, he bores me at times, because he’s just… there. No sparks, no fireworks. Not sure if it’s the writing that doesn’t do the actor any favors, but his acting hasn’t

5) really drawn me in yet. A counterexample to this? Aunt Lydia. Her personality is despicable 98% of the time and yet. Dowd’s captivating performance makes me want to know so much more about her character.) On the other hand, I’m glad that June has someone (besides Rita) to back her up in that hellhole. She needs comfort and allies. But the whole ‘tRu Love 5eva" fanon thing? No, thanks. Not only it doesn’t fit the tone of the series, but I also believe that sharing an intense, forbidden love/

6) during such a shitstorm is not the same thing as keeping it alive after all is said and done (post-Gilead). Maybe they’ll stay together (as long as Nick doesn’t die), maybe they’ll fall apart. I can’t really see June romantically reconnecting with Luke either. After everything she’s been through… She’s a completely different person now. Unfortunately, the same things goes for Emily and her wife. Even though I’d love to see her interact with both her wife and her child in S3.

———

My inbox is so beautiful right now! Never, ever call yourself an idiot, my friend. (If you are, then so am I!) Brain twins, you see.

(Also sorry about this being out of order lol.)

I was trying not to talk about him too cos generally I just … I prefer not to think about him much. The fangirls, just, *sigh*. I try to avoid as much as possible in this fandom, esp on tumblr. Just hang out in my quiet little, not-Serena-hating corner. I always feel a need to put disclaimers these days cos as much as I don’t really care about random hate, I’d prefer not to have to deal with dogpiles or to look at it lmao. Like people can go around just hating on any character here–especially if they’re women–but say one critical (not even hateful) thing about their male fav and things just go off. 

I’m more than aware the majority of people don’t like Serena and think she’s the worst thing ever. And fair play! (I get it… cos I’m not delusional. She’s awful.) Each to their own. I don’t go around bitching at people who say shitty things or stuff I don’t agree with, or blocking anybody who doesn’t like her. (There are a few posts I do engage with cos normally they seem like they want to go deeper in The Discourse but most Serena/Lydia/Eden/Janine/June-hate I just ignore.)

ITA. S1 was, like, okay. That’s Nick. What’s he up to? What’s his deal? (I don’t really care but I’m not opposed to him either. Just like I didn’t care about Luke’s backstory/escape.) He’s trying to be good to June and she needs that.When we did learn his backstory I was not pleased cos he seemed like a twerp but whatevs. Grey characters are grey. It wasn’t until S2 that I started to get irked by him (and the hypocrisy of his fans but that’s a whole other issue). 

I can’t agree ANY more with your assessment of Nick. Like that’s EXACTLY what I’ve been saying! Firstly, he was RIGHT THERE when the Handmaid/Ceremony thing was first suggested and was like “Oh, yeah, great idea!” to Fred. I get that perhaps he was pressured to go along to keep his job but that’s a stretch imo, and if you can give him that sort of leeway, why can’t characters like Eden, Serena, Lydia and June get the same benefit of the doubt for certain things? Why is Nick’s pressure to keep his job more important and forgivable than anybody else’s pressures? It’s like that entire scene doesn’t exist to fangirls and Nick is so precious and in love and wonderful. Then there’s the rape of June. Like I know it’s pretty controversial to look at it that way, but that first time, with Serena overseeing it like a fucking creepy pimp (YUUUUUUCCCKKKKK I HATE IT THANKS) was rape. June barely knew the guy and I’m pretty sure if she wanted to have sex with him it wouldn’t be like that! And sure, after that, it was totally consensual but that first time was not. And I’ve heard the justification and excuses of “Well, Nick didn’t have a choice either!” which I call bullshit on, cos Nick is not some powerless delivery boy. 

He’s a fucking Guardian who is tight with the top Commanders. He’s a man, if nothing else. Serena can act all high and mighty but she’s still a woman in a highly misogynistic society. I’m not convinced Fred would take his wife’s word over Nick’s tbh, especially if it was like “Dude, your crazy wife asked me to fuck the Handmaid you’re obsessed with”. If he really didn’t want to do it that badly, he could have taken that chance to report Serena. Even if Fred wanted to keep it hush hush away from other Commanders, he would have gone after Serena. Men are far more likely to turn on women than each other, esp in THT. But that’s just my take. Maybe I am missing something about Nick’s status. To me, it was like double rape. Neither of them wanted to do it, like that anyway. But Nick also did fuck all to stop it when IMO he did have some power to do something. He is not a helpless victim in that society, imo. Again, probably not a well-received opinion. 

Don’t even get me started on his “Poor me!” routine in S2 when June tells him to have sex with Eden. I’m glad she called him on that bullshit. (But again, over the fangirls heads. Enough about them!)

Basically, everything Nick has done wrong isn’t his choice; he’s just a victim. In a story about women, Nick’s victimhood at the hands of these nasty women and men is the real issue. Blah. Whatever.

I just find Nick lacks total self-awareness about being part of the shitty ass system. He kind of just floats around thinking nothing is his fault and he’s blameless for it all, and he certainly can’t seem to see it from anyone’s perspective except his own. He’s upset about Fred & June’s Jezebel trips, not for her own safety or well-being but mainly he’s jealous. Of course he’s concerned about her safety but I believe it takes a backseat to his jealousy. He just seems to never take any responsibility for anything.

And BINGO about the previous Handmaid. Nothing we’ve been shown has given any hint he cares about any other woman’s plight in Gilead other than June, and only cares about her cos he had a crush/fucked her/is in wuv wiv her. Basically, she’s HIS so suddenly he cares about her. Look how fast he dumped that Martha as soon as he got brooding about June. He’s done fuckall for anybody except himself and that alone makes me dislike him. He’s no better than Fred in that way for me. But where Fred can occasionally be an interesting villain, cos Fiennes is nasty good, I find the actor who plays Nick just… not engaging. And he’s not SUPPOSED to be a villain! He’s meant to be a good guy! It’s crazy. He’s not compelling, he’s not interesting. He’s bland. He’s not even good looking, lol. I was watching with a friend once and mention I thought Fred was way better looking than Nick and she just stared at me and said, “You shouldn’t say that. But me too.” So, count me in the camp that just does not get the appeal of the character OR the actor.

I don’t hate Nick generally. I am just totally indifferent to his existence. If he left the show tomorrow, I’d shrug and probably be a little glad I don’t have to see that bland moping anymore. If he stays, oh well. Shrug. And I just don’t want his and June’s star-crossed romance shoved down my throat. It’s so… I dunno. I’m not opposed to June finding solace and hope but making it some beautiful forbidden romance, I’m not buying it. Like you said, it’s all well and good in Gilead–but it doesn’t strike me as something that can be sustainable outside it. To borrow from you last time: It’s the Handmaid’s Tale, not The Guardian + the Handmaid’s Tale.

Okay, enough about that pipsqueak. I don’t even like talking about him, tbh. He’s not worth it when there’s so much else going on.

ITA about Luke/June too. I feel like the level of disconnection and trauma that they’ve sustained, especially June, they can try to reconnect but it’s pretty difficult and I think especially with June having a sexual/romantic relationship with Nick pulls that really tight. It’s just two different planets they live on now. I don’t doubt that she still loves Luke, but actually reforming the relationship they previously had seems like an impossible task considering everything both of them have been through. It’s sad, but … sadly true for many people. Relationships can fall apart for far less.

And on the same page about Emily/Sylvia too. She is just soooooo fucking broken, and hopeless, that if they have them just rekindle with no issues, it’ll be bad writing. (I dunno if you see spoilers but there’s one about them.) She needs therapy so much more than a cutesy feelgood storyline.

Back to Lydia: Exactly! There’s a character we know very little about and who is a horrible person, yet the performance by Dowd makes almost everyone go, “TELL ME MORE!” With Nick, it’s the opposite for me. I’m just like, “Please, less of this.”