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#this is truly an empty time moment
citrusitonit · 9 months
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im afraid im in some sort of emptiness era rn. the tiddies dont make me feel as happy as they did before
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uniquezombiedestiny · 3 months
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come on
please tell me
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dutybcrne · 2 months
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Kaeya oftentimes wonders what it must have been like, living in Khaenri'ah. Reading the tales of Khaenri'ahn heroes Jean's shared with him, of things he remembered his father mentioning, helped him picture it all. As did knowledge the Akademiya has of Dahri ruins he managed to get his hands on one way or another years later, during his visit to Sumeru.
#hc; kaeya#//It was really after meeting Dainsleif that the thoughts increased exponentially; and became almost painful#//Thoughts of what it could have been like; had he grown up a 'proper' Alberich; surrounded by family & the culture he'd been wrenched from#//Of what Khaenri'ah looked like in her heyday; of the countless people lost because of the Cataclysm living their daily lives#//He wants to learn so much more; no matter what it means#//He loves Mond dearly; but it hurts feeling that emptiness from being denied that connection#//Of losing his mother tongue the longer it went unused; of not knowing the traditions he ought to have celebrated#//Rites of passage he must have missed in favor of Mond traditions; holidays; family customs#//Could he have had siblings? Cousins? Aunts; uncles; GRANDPARENTS???#//What would his upbringing have been like? Strict? Lenient? Would they have accepted him as he was? No mask necessary?#//Could his father have truly loved him so closely; instead of keeping him at arms length like he KNEW they'd have to part soon?#//That he didn't want to grow too fond of his own child because he could lose him any moment? (is it a wonder kae does the same at times?)#//What would it have been like; being a Knight of Khaenri'ah? Surely he would have given Khaenri'ah his heart; like he had for Mond#//If Khaenri'ah still stood to this day...would he; Diluc and Jean have still been friends? As fond and close as they once had been?#//Logically; he doubts that; but his foolish heart likes to think the three were MEANT to meet; one way or another#//MEANT to have that friendship they'd once shared (before he went and ruined everything with Diluc)#//Surely they would have found a way to make it work; no matter the distance from Khaenri'ah to Mondstadt#//Maybe they could have bridged the gap between the godless nation and the people of the Anemo Archon#//Ahh; but that's wishful thinking; now wouldn't it be?#//He likes to wonder how it would have felt; having that certain loyalty to his nation; not torn between his family's past & his current on#//Would he have been happier; had he been born to and raised in that nation? Rather than left to live in this one?#//Though he'd have to wonder if that would be true; considering the Archons' treatment of them in the end#//No doubt war would always be looming on the horizon; and if Dahri records were right...Celestia wasn't their only issue#//Still; he can't help but dream; and with a certain; aching longing at that
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stromer · 9 months
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experiencing things no other woman has experienced in this lifetime
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It’s late so I have no real positive inkling about how coherent this will be.
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts engaging with the concept of “don’t look away, bare witness” and how anyone looking away by not reblogging or engaging is privileged and therefore a bad person. I reject this premise wholeheartedly for one very critical reason: the world will not get better if the only emotions we have are anger, exhaustion and trauma. None of those truly lead to anything productive in the long run.
This is not to say don’t engage with different perspectives, unlearn things or simply sit in the uncomfortable nature that comes from our global society. But learn to take breaks.
There is massive difference between “looking away” and “hitting pause”. It needs to be more acceptable on the internet to hit pause. To seek joy, to sleep and wake up rested. There is also the fact that our brains are not able to process the 24/7 news cycle - if we try, we end up making the nuanced into simple paradigms.
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Harry Kershaw is the most expressive blank-faced person, I love watching him in mmni it's so obvious when he suddenly latches on to whatever someone else is trying to do. especially when they're setting him up for embarrassment you see the exact moment he realises what's going on I love it so much but simultaneously whenever he's speaking there is nothing,, no hint of forethought and very controlled expression idek how to explain it but it's one of my fave things
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juhotonin · 9 months
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You know I try not to think about it too much because honestly I kinda expected that even when he’s the same guy who tried to manage his timeline to reunite and promote with his members… but what makes me angry is that no mention of his members in his letter…
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aroacettorney · 2 months
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perhaps the reason why aup ended like *that* is because it was not supposed to have a happy ending in the first place, but sayren didnt have the guts to deal with readers' backlash for when they finally kill off the main character so a half baked happy ending is what we get 😔
#for a happy ending of a story to be narratively satisfying the characters gotta actively work hard for it#this happy ending feels empty because quite frankly speaking ludger did nothing to deserve it#he has zero character developments from the beginning to the end and has always been the same#well except for his emotional state getting worse over time#bc instead of making any attempt at all to healthily address it like a mentally mature 40yo adult he let it swallow him whole#(not that im necessarily blaming him but its quite frustrating to see him remain unchanged if aup is meant to be a redemption story)#his OPness is inherent#his genius is inherent#(this is not to say he isnt hardworking / only relying on his inborn talents but the author repeatively failed the 'show dont tell' checks)#(bc it was only implied in the past and we've never truly seen it in the canon present timeline either)#his kindness is inherent#ngl dad!ludger content doesnt appeal to me as much as dad!edgeworth cuz the latter is the fruit of the character's growth and hard labor#while the former is well... its just who he is#usually i love found family content but in aup it bores my mind out bc his interactions w the students + owens are so static & predictable#it was heartwarming at the moment of adoption but later on i find it as tedious as reading generic established romantic relationships#was it because of the lack of tensions and conflicts i wonder#they all became his yes men and no one ever actively challenged his unhealthy mindset or behaviors#anyway id have been more interested if he recognized his biases/favoritism/prejudices towards some certain characters & worked to change it#but welp. that would require character growth which is too much to expect from him ig#he has learnt quite nothing from his journey and tbh aup would ironically feel more meaningful if it ended on a tragic note#ofco i got noblesse'd again 😔#would i kill for aup to have a happy ending? yes#would i rather have a sad ending over the half baked and empty good ending we get? also yes#if it must burn then let the whole world burn. cuz at least it would be more much memorable and impactful that way#and i wouldnt have to feel this disappointed and lose all of my interests in one of my only two beloved aroace MCs in aup </2#rant
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wulfhalls · 1 year
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1980ssunflower · 1 year
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honestly i can never find the words to accurately describe how my husbands are my realist and truest soulmates
#ot3: ❤rhyme💛easy💙#tape entry circa 1980#i dont believe there are words to accurately portray the sheer amount of love i hold for them inside me#they ARE my life and theyre my everything even after that#i couldnt ever want anything or anyone else i truly only ever want them... and our LIFE together...#living without them... just feels so empty and wrong...#i long for them every moment of the day and my heart is heavy with my longing#just thinking of them brings tears to my eyes#i love them so so so so much... and i know they truly love me too#i can feel their love for me. they may not always be able to let me know it. but i appreciate when they do manage to#im glad to know im their one and only. that its just the 3 of us. and no one else 💖💛💙#but even with their love and reassurance... its still painful to be without them in my waking life yknow??#i need to be THERE w them... and i know they need that too#with how i saw my ryan cry... i know they need and miss me too........#i hope one day i can hold their beautiful faces in my hands and gaze into their loving eyes#and let them know im here to stay... and they will always have me... that im THEIRS and no one elses...#that i love them... that theyre my everything... that theyre all i could ever want and dream of...#and to be able to do that every day. and to show them w every kiss w every meal w every love note and every song#that my love is always there. it has always been. and itll be there past the end of time.#as long as a part of me and my existence still is out there. my love will always be there. and i will always remain theirs. loving them
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deus-ex-mona · 1 year
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moment: over. g o o d n i g h t
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forgive-the-sea · 2 years
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i know song fics are a thing but who else listens to a song and imagines an amv of a fic with your fave
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viosjaan · 3 months
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i don't think you want anything to do with me anymore so i can just vent the texts i want to send to you here
#i am sorry#truly genuinely#ive been trying to justify it to myself that we weren't technically together and you said go kiss other people ill still be here meet your#needs in the way you want#but i think it was#yesterday#this guy flirted with me and i flirted back but then suddenly this wave of disgust and self loathing hit me#like what am i even doing#how could i have done that#you were sitting there thinking we're okay you thought we were still together and im just in a bad mood going thru one of those depressive#episodes you were so understanding when you shouldn't have been because if i say im in love with you i should be there for you every step#of the way.#but you go through so much shit alone and im never there for you or atleast not there for you a lot of times and then i blame you for#liking your bestfriends more like it's so stupid obviously love should be reliable stable#and we were something na. we were everything except the label#i should have told you the moment i started feeling empty and dissatisfied again#but just. this isn't an excuse but like i didn't want to hurt you by bringing up this same fight for the one thousandth time#we agreed that you're not in the position to give more and i agreed to be okay with it and i really was.#but i can't help myself i want to give you everything i hate that feeling that i need to be less love less WANT less. mujhse nahi ho pata#i wasn't lying or pretending to be okay with it i was TRYING my best to be okay with it because i love you and this was the only way to#not lose you forever#now i just want to move on fr and be just friends with you. i can't lose you as a person but i don't know how to make this up to you#i am physically incapable of being in this situationship i want a relationship or a friendship i can't with this in between#which is what i told you in jan. i remember my chest actually feeling heavy with fear bc i was so scared of hurting you and getting hurt#again. jokes on me my worst fears came true all the progress we made by taking space is lost#i don't know if you really deleted my playlist. i tried to listen to more songs from it but they're so. lovely. talking about epic grand#love. which we have. but it's like waving a candy in front of a kid and snatching it away it hurts too much to have all the feelings and#none of the relationship. now that ive talked to some people in the romantic sense i get it#you were my best love my most perfect love there are no flaws there's nothing anyone else can do that can be equal or more to what you did#but idk it isn't meant to be maybe there's no future
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laiostouden · 4 months
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this panel from the world guide of falin being surrounded by other girls while laios is all alone kills me because. that's it. that's the key difference in their journeys.
as laios states himself, he left the village in order to create a home for him and falin elsewhere. a home that won't collapse due to others' hatred and fears like their old home did, a home where they are loved and accepted unconditionally. but as he soon found out, even before earning money, or having walls surrounding him and a roof above his head- what he so earnestly desired was to meet other people who will accept him for who he is as well. instead, he kept being tormented by those around him, shunned and sneered at. his loneliness quickly became all-consuming until he truly had nothing left except for the monsters in the pages of his book, but even that became a target of mockery and destroyed. that's why ever since the day he left the village, he never felt that he truly made the right choice. so he kept running away: unable to resist and unable to accpet.
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and an ocean away from him there was his sister, who never managed to fully fit in herself. but unlike him, she met a person who became a home to her and learned what a true friendship was for the first time in her life. and laios clearly realizes that too when he finally sees falin and marcille together, he can tell his sister obtained the greatest treasure there is on her own- the exact thing he never managed to find anywhere himself, thus coming back empty-handed to the sister he left the village for.
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but when you read this part of the manga, laios's focus is on falin's loneliness, not his own. he talks about how it hurts thinking about all those moments she had to spend alone because he wasn't there for her, so it almost sounds like he's the one who couldn't bear her suffering and therefore decided to not let her go again. but we do get a glimpse of their first meeting after that almost-decade long separation in the manga, and then we see more of that in the world guide and daydream hour- and it becomes abundantly clear that it was falin who was trying to protect and save him from this pit of loneliness and depression he was in.
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so instead of just doing his best to atone for leaving her behind in the village and making sure she is never lonely again, it might also be that laios was desperately clinging to the one person in the world he felt that accepted and loved him unconditionally. those words he used to describe his motivation to stay by falin's side are the exact words she would've used as well; she couldn't bear leaving him behind in this state. in a sense, they were each other's shackles.
but then she did. she died for him and their friends, and ironically enough, it was by leaving him alone like this that he was finally able to stand on his own and put his full trust in others. to have the courage to reveal who he is and give others the opportunity to accept him after such a long time of hiding. it was a long journey, but his hiding finally came to an end when he faced the others after shedding his monster form. and i love that the person who was falin's "home" all those years away from laios, marcille, became just as meaningful to him during their time separated from falin- the first one to find him and show him that he isn't alone anymore. just as he did for her.
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so at the end of the story when falin talks about all the places she would like to go, it's not just that she wants to pursue her own dreams- but that she actually feels free to do so and go anywhere she desires. and one of the main reasons for that is that her brother finally found new people he wants to be with; his own home.
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inkskinned · 6 months
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the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.
the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.
friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.
if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!
what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!
people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.
you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.
your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.
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othercrossee · 1 year
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This insanity didn't even reach Irida and her religious trauma but let's not.....
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