#this is very messy bc i physically cannot handle anything more rn

[dizzybizz]

incoherent mumbling and whimpering and sobbing and-

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode # 12: “I Can’t Shut Up to Save My Life” ~ Dana

i am actually trembling. will is so mad at me but it's okay. this feels okay. I'm literally the biggest rat in this series LMAO fkasdjh fuck I feel so bad for Ali rn but I also am....fkadshf really kinda happy idk. I just know a lot of heat is coming my way and Cameron's idols are going to make me pay for this

Everyone is mad. Everyone is crying. Everyone feels fucked over. But um. Everyone is me merge vote and I am everyone merge vote. So. I guess we’re even.

im so sorry

Hi im drunk and im here to say that I almost cried in the club tonight because of how much i miss Will.   I just feel really alone and I think everyone hates me, especially owen, and im just trying to be friends n have fun and make it to the end of the game and also win is that too much to ask. IDk I played myself.  Also I actually just started crying now writing this yikes. I dont know what to do, I'm never in the minority because usually I just get voted out over all my allies because i'm upsetting. I don't know what to say to people, I don' trust anybody, why is kevin in the game. Does Ashvika actually like me? WHo knows. I'm just happy I wasn't totally blindsided. I knew Will might leave, I knew he was getting votes and I let it happen so I wouldnt get any which makes me a snake ass bitch. I just couldnt believe his vote out stayed so air-tight with the exception of Ashvika letting me know what happened. Idk if this means she wants to work with me, probably not, who would, she didn't respond to my pms after the vote, but i'm trying not to stress. Hopefully I can just continue to be a meme and appear non threatening but I just want some tea im getting thirsty nd also i love to strategize i crave it. Remember... I'm the village idiot? Like I will photoshop as many lizard hidden immunity idols on these people as i need to if these snakos dont vote me out thank u so much. This is the first time in my life where everyone hates me more than I hate myself and i just cannot handle IT. 

I...can't believe that worked??? I can't believe I voted in the majority??? ???????????? I'm really happy about this and I hope the Soup alliance (??? where did soup come from) can stick together even if just for one round. The biggest problem is if Cameron or someone else has an idol. Owen told me an idol had gone missing in one of the areas which means someone has already gotten it so we have to tread very carefully if we don't wanna get fucked.  

I love filming a 30 minute confessional about the game, where I get upset again over Will hating me and crying over how much I love Owen and Emily. I'm a mess sakdjhfa

You know? No matter what I do in this game, I’m going to be deemed a threat. Even if I don’t do shit. Even if I just sit and take orders. Hm. Well. Here’s to proving people right! If anyone’s upset with me, just know that they woke me up! Threat Emily is here and she’s ready to fucking win.

I love Ali. I love that he's such a good friend and that we're so able to move past things like this - I really do want to go far in this game with him. It's what we deserve. Wouldn't it be cute if Owen got 4th again too <3

this would be a better challenge if we could discuss xo but I think like....there isnt any way we shouldnt win unless someone is intentionally messy. two groups of people, four A's and five B's. no matter how it gets cut, whoeveer starts, one A and one B should end up in the final two with three As and four Bs voting, so someone from B SHOULD win, I think. It just alternates who starts each time, A, B, A, B or B, A, B, A, until yeah one from each is left. and it'll be easy to see who a snake is bc we directly see the lists. I'm more worried about Ashvika and Kevin at this point....but oh well. I also need to be on high alert of getting idoled out this round. Cameron is denying that he has two idols which like....yeah I'd way rather have Ashvika or Emily have one and be lying than Cameron have one, but at the same time I'm just gonna like assume  ksadjhf that Cameron has two :) worst case scenario :) so I like?? would think he uses both of them this round maybe unless he is worried more about himself, and also ugh idk like ashvika or kevin could flip or even emily/ali although I think the three of us can trust each other rn. idk yet.

I came in second... again. Woohoo! I love immunity challenges yes I do! :—————) ________________________________________________________________

(This was filmed like 7 hours before the immunity challenge)

The soup alliance is hopefully sticking together!!!! Unfortunately we can't get Cameron out so we're playing some 4d chess mind games tonight. The plan's to vote Ruthie, and then we tell the others...Zach or Cameron, I'm not sure I already forget. Not like they'll approach me about this but you know. My ass will scream if things flip on us because people are rats, double the screaming if it's me who gets flipped on butttt things are looking good so far, but then again I've found that it's when I'm most confident in our plans that I get blindsided. 

Welcome to my roundly long confessionals where I, Zachary rae, gives information on the past few days. Before we begin, I should put a disclaimer - this may be the last one! --- Hello fans! So where do I begin. Last vote Dana and Will called me in paranoia and, frankly, they were right! However, on that call I suggested that if the idea of them having majority (or half; 5) was accurate, we may as well just not split and pray for no idols. Dana didn't like that idea, and in hesitation, asked to split the vote 3-2 and... yeah. Bye Will. I was like crying afterwards though cause I genuinely love him and he's a great person and ugh it sucks cause I really wanted to continue working with him and i'm just so disappointed. Moving forward, I made an alliance of four [Ruthie/Zach/Dana/Cameron], entitled "Will's Puppets".  In this immunity, it's common sense by any mathematical logistics that one person from each "side" will make final two, and one of them five will win immunity. However, Cameron adjusted our views and just saved Ali and maybe it was because they didn't comprehend what a proper strategy was, or perhaps to build bonds with Ali. In the end, I voted (once again, wow) in the minority and for Emily to win immunity, but Ali came out victorious. Good job for him! Going into tribal it's kind of like... there are 5 people on one side, vs us four. Dana and I talked and it's kind of like... we needed a plan. Ideally, everyone knows that Cameron (and Ali) have an idol. They want Cameron out, I believe THAT part of their expression, but they know he isn't easily struck as he's likely playing his idol tonight. Dana and I realized a good way to escape, since it's probably better to take out one of us, is to get in the good graces of Emily and Owen. I like them both as people, I genuinely do, but in this game they are two of the biggest threats to win. What we are suggesting to Owen is that in the event we take out Ruthie this vote, and then Cameron next, it's final 7 and that's when you need to start realizing who you want to be with in the finale. Dana called with Owen for so long suggesting that if me and her are safe (we're trying to separate ourselves slightly but like saying we both think alike), then we can help him take out Emily at 7. He needs the numbers since Emily is a powerful player. I don't know if he sees value in me but hopefully he likes me cause he thinks i'm funny and I love him. I go to Emily and I say that I will make sure Cameron plays his idol as my piece of leverage to keep me safe. They vote out Ruthie, Cameron flushes his idol and goes next, and then it's FFA at final seven, and I think at that time Dana and I are safe for one vote. Do I want to go to the end with Dana though? HELL NO!! Originally I was thinking I would love to sit with Kevin and Ruthie. If Ruthie goes, then I think i'd want to go with Kevin and Ali. Maybe Ashvika but... i'm not sure. She's just so adorable and likeable but she's not playing strategically amazing like other people. Neither am I though so I can't talk. Do I think Emily's being honest with me though when she leaked that "Ruthie's the vote and she wants to clue me in"? Not at all. I would not be surprised if I leave tonight, and she better be able to justify herself when she lies. She's manipulative and a liar (IN A GOOD WAY I STAN!!) but like I don't vote bitterly, I vote who I think I connected with more and played better, and if you can't justify why i'm the good vote this round (which I truthfully disagree i'm a good vote this round), then you ain't getting my vote. I also think if I survive I can easily go final 4/5. Dana's a bigger threat than me, which is my strategy to align with physically bigger threats so i'm able to slide by like a little snake, and say Ruthie/Cameron leave next, then Dana, one of Emily/Owen and Ashvika even are the big threats. I don't see how I will go unless it's final 4/5 but who knows. I'm not being cocky but that's how I see things, and if they let Dana make it further than me, which is possible, i'll be shocked. I really will be. Also can I just say how much I adore Owen. Dana said he talked about how funny I was and he pmed me saying that i'm funny and hilarious and despite the occurrences in this game, he'd love to be friends and I agree. Though this is a message reassuring i'm probably leaving tonight, I adore him and he has my vote 100% if he makes FTC and I leave. I don't want to leave, but that's the fact. Weirdly - well not weirdly but just... I don't know. I'm troll. I'm just trying to play fun but I really don't want to leave tonight like i'll cry. I've had so much fun and i'm not ready to leave and... ugh. I really want to be here and prove myself because I don't think I have and I don't want to see myself as a flop. Not saying 10th+ is a flop, but saying that I haven't done anything or utilized my All Star spot yet, and it's just... ugh. I'm defeated. I hope I can stay to keep going further in this game but... I don't know. I hope this isn't my last confessional. I really hope I get to stay and... elaborate on my amazing gameplay. Joke, of course, but I do hope I get to stay. please!!! :(

This could be my last confessional. When I go home tonight and become the long suffering 4th juror I have waited 8 games and lots of failed strategy to become, I just want to say it’s been a fun game and I genuinely love everyone. Tribal is in 3 hrs and I just don’t know how i’m Voting. The biggest meme of all is that I implicitly trust Owen, who I feel is far and away the best player in this game. I told him I don’t think he can get to the end with goats, because they’ll all flip on him, and I think that’s true. He needs other key players as buffers towards the end. Inevitably when the Emily v. Owen power struggle for power, glory, and stardom breaks out, I’d LOVE to be a spectator still in the game. I will vote how Owen tells me tonight, and even though he has promised me i’m not going home, i’m Not sure he’s in the position to promise that. I just dunno. I had such a good talk with him last night and tbh if nothing else that was amazing jury management. He knows I can’t shut up to save my life, and he just let me talk for hours. So thank u for validating my goblin personality. Also he told me he thought I was smart which honestly... my kink thank u. I also talked to Ali for a while this morning, and he says he’s doing his best to keep me and Cameron safe, I believe it idk. Like why lie to me i’m On the bottom and everyone knows i’m an idol-less sad snake, so like no point tbh. The hardest part about playing with him is that I feel like I want him to succeede more than he wants himself to succeede. Like I can’t want it for you, and had so much to work with, I just wish he would own it. He’s like a defenseless almond and I just want him to be a bad bitch ya know? Finally, I’m trying to play with Ashvika here and use the fact that she game me info last round that I “kept quiet” as a bargaining chip to show I can be trusted. Will Ashvika end up as my target or my closest ally u be the judge. Overall I’m so prepared to get voted out i’ve all but made total peace with it. Hopefully I can push through tonight wih my sparkling personality and some wheeling and dealing. ________________________________________________________________ Owen stopped talking to me about the game which means i’m going home. I love watching my own death occur in real time. 

thanks for reminding me about the way zach pronounces mario. I know what I'm writing on the parchment tonight.

I..... have no idea what's going on tonight.

THAT WASNT MY LAST CONFESSIONAL BECAUSE.. OWEN AND EMILY ARE SNAKES! (mario)

iiiii feel really uneasy about ashvika for some reason??? idk she keeps asking if we're voting for ruthie, so she could be planning to #flip on us which would be a dumb move, or maybe she's just confused and if that's the case then me too. Owen and I kinda talked about this the night before because we know she's somewhat attached to Dana but like we ain't voting Dana so I hope that's not a problem. And I mean we both voted for Ruthie at the Duncan blindside so like??? I hope she wants to do it again?? I just think any of us flipping now especially would be bad for us and for them. I have secure trust in everyone else in this alliance so like...let's make it through please??? If anyone goes home I hope it isn't Emily because I think her vote negator can play an important role in f8, no matter who goes home tonight. Iiiii just don't want things to get fucked up tonight!!! and i haven't talked to anyone from the other side (i mean they could approach me but yknow two way street and all that) and idk if i should??? bc being too pushy and saying oh yeah we're voting cameron could be a big miss steak??? 

I can’t be the only one who sees that Owen is aligned with Cameron right?? I thought I would have been one of his closest allies after the duncan voted but he didn’t save me and later chose to save Cameron over ali even though he’s supposedly in the minority, and now he’s vying not to vote Cameron out? I understand he makes some good points but  it’s sketchy 

im going home bye ________________________________________________________________ I LITERALLY FEEL WHAT IS HAPPENING DSAKSJHF I AM GETTING FLIPPED ON BY EMILY PROBABLY EITHER THAT OR LIKE???? IM GETTING IDOLED TF OUT OF HERE AND I JUST WANNA DIE WHERE IS ALI I NEED TO TALK TO ALI I WAS SUPPOSED TO TALK TO HIM FSDHAFHJ GOD

Day by day, I get closer to voting Kevin as the sole survivor of Athena All-Stars. Congratulations, I played myself, but Kevin played me better. 

ali is rlly acting sketchy why :'( i think I'm going home ugh ________________________________________________________________ I dont think ali will idol me and I want 2 scream dfskajhkdjfhkjsdhfjkhsdkjfhkjsdhfkjds

so I won immunity and literally am confessing at tribal and am a mess

Ruthie becomes the 12th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 5-4 vote, and the 4th member of our jury. You can see Ruthie’s preseason interview here. 

[shitlessful]

@ 3:12 pm

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? Nope, in fact we are broken up

Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now? Definitely not. I thought I would be at a much happier place and achieved much bigger things at this point in life.

Do you like someone? Some feelings are still lingering

Is a best friend pissing you off right now? Nope, she never does

Are you happier now or three months ago? Honestly lol. This past 3 months in general have been pretty shitty. I hope things get better from here on out

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? Being able to sleep in a little.. lately that has been quite difficult

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? By 30? I hope it’ll fall in the range of 27-30 aha

Are you waiting for something? Yes. Waiting for myself to recover

If you could change your eye color would you? Ooooh, light brown hazel eyes

What was the weather like today? Clear sky and sunny

Do you think you’ll be married in ten years? I hope to be

Does your ex still love/like you? Lmao no. If he did, he wouldn’t have treated me like shit

Are you stubborn? Oh yeah, extremely

Do you tend to hold a grudge? I don’t really want to, but sometimes I can’t help

Where were you at 9am this morning? In bed

How has the week been? Pretty normal..

Did you go out or stay in last night? Stayed in after work

Something you do a lot? Chase my own thoughts in my head a lot

How many states have you lived in? Just one

Can you commit to one person? Yes. I’ve learned that I’m a really damn loyal person, even when that person wasn’t worth it

Who was the last person to hold your hand? Can’t recall

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? Ugh, there isn’t an exact number. But I always give out more than enough, and it’s so very sad

Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in 10 years? For sure. Closer than ever

What do you miss most about your ex? How nice he was

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Uhm, I can’t distinguish between attraction and comfort w/ him..

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? He’s a cheater

Something you really want right now? To be at a good place: physically, mentally, and emotionally.

How long have you liked the person you like? I don’t wanna say that I like anyone right now. Just a whole lot of hatred

Does any part of your body hurt right now? My arms when I stretch it, good hurting tho bc I worked it out the other day

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? No, we were in a dark room

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? Yeah I can. I remember innocently liking him before things got messy

Are you happy with the way things are going? I’m neutral about it. If I could choose, I wouldn’t want all this to be going on right now. But honestly, this will all be worth it one day

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Aha I doubt it. I want to focus on myself for a good while

What plans do you have for tomorrow? Just work

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish hadn’t? All my fake roommates, when we broke up- I sadly lost my relationship w/ everyone at that house also

Ever given your ALL to someone who walked away? Man, the amount of emotions I feel reading this question. I gave out way much more than I should’ve, to someone who walked all over my feelings multiple of times

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? Aha my cuz Ty, he kissed me on the forehead & cheeks. Does that count?

Do you and your last ex hate each other? I hate him rn yes. I do hope that one day I can free myself and not give a care anymore

When was the last time you were sick? Don’t remember, I never get sick

Are you one of those people who are always cold? My hands are always cold during the winter

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? Kind of, I wish I was better at saving

Have you ever regretted kissing someone? No. The two were my bf at one point, so there’s no regrets at all

When was the last time you got a haircut? I think in June?

Did you sing at all today? To the radio yeah

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? Control over the weather! I’d make it cold and gloomy all the time

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? I don’t

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? I think it’s the same for both

If you won a trip to a nude beach would you go or give the trip away? LOL. I would go for the experience cause why not

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? Love

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? I gots one, I think it’s cute w/ a hint of wild

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? Skinny

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? Star break dancer

Honestly - can you say that looks don’t matter at ALL? Honestly, no. Physically looks actually play a role

When it comes to Baseball would you rather be on the field or in the stands? Neither, not really into baseball

I’ve got to know, who do you prefer: Mario or Luigi? Mario

Have you ever changed clothes in a public area (not a dressing room)? Yeah, at Coachella

How many months apart is your birthday from your best friends? Just 6 days

Yes or no: Techno music? No

Yes or no: pigtails? Yes

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? Diamonds are nice. But there other things I wish to have in life

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? Probs

Have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? Yeah.. he was lazy and never really likes to shave

If you were famous do you think you could handle the popularity? I don’t think it would be easy, but one can do anything if they put their mind to it

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a letter P? Nope

Did you talk to one of your best friends today? What did you talk about? Not yet

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? Funny people

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? Never, thank goodness for that

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? Yeah

How old is your oldest cousin? I think like in the 40′s

What if you saw your best friend holding hands with your ex? That would never happen

Your last relationship, who dumped who? I’m unsure. We both gave up together

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend/girlfriend? 17

Is your home town nice? It’s humid af, but it could be nice

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? I forgot who last messaged me

When/where did your last hug take place? A hug... lol I cannot remember

Do you consider yourself mature enough to make your own decisions? Yeah, I think my I’m mature enough

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? No.. I wish mom was more into that stuff. The talking stories and being my friend type of mom

You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from? Myra or Abelhoe

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? “It don’t matta” & “It’s summer!” w/ Julieanne and Myra

Do you think someone has feelings for you? Are these feelings returned? No, and no

What if the last person you texted were to ask you out? Ahaha but he’s my cousin

Do you believe in love at first sight? Explain. I believe in it.. but I think the chance of it happening is extremely low. How could you love someone before knowing who they really are?

Would you prefer to be somewhere else right now? If so, where? And why would you prefer to be there? I’m at a coffee shop, it’s pretty peaceful so I’m alright

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? Definitely, more than I wish they could affect me sometimes

Can you remember what you dreamt about last night? I think sex while I’m on my period or something aha