#this is very much a shitpost but that doesn't mean I'm wrong

[multifandomlandfill]

If L read explicit Kira x L rpf in front of Light, Light would be caught way sooner because he'd murder L (with his hands if he had to) on the spot. Memories or not it wouldn't matter.

[spectrum-core]

hi if you don’t mind me asking I’d love to hear more about serrated duo parallels?

Alright, just to make sure we are on the same page because I'm not sure if many people know who am I even talking about when I say serrated duo, I mean this pair of goofballs who I love very much.

Fuckass essay about them and how this thing even came to be (which is not what you asked for but it's still important I think) under the cut, as a warning though this is EXTREMELY long, i'm also writing it assuming the readers have played ruina to completion, have at least glanced at the ruina artbook once and are decently familiarized with the pjm universe and its terminology.

"But Spec", you may (and reasonably so) say, "these guys show up in different story tiers, one is a glorified ranged attack tutorial with a minor lore exposition attached to him and the other doesn't even have anything going on due to being a general reception, what the hell".

So let's get into this, more meticulously organized than some essays I've submitted for my uni classes because I care that much about these guys (don't be like me and do your uni projects, please).

Table of contents:

How the fuck did this even come to be 1.1. Me yapping about character dessign

Liwei as a character 2.1. The surface 2.2. Emotional internal nature 2.3. Resentment

Dong Hwan as a character (sorry can't separate him into many categories bc there's NOTHING THERE man i'm absolutely grasping for straws here i KNOW it, but please bear with me)

Summarizing parallels

If you don't feel like sitting through my attempts to contextualize how this ship came to be and me desperately grasping for straws, feel free to skip all the way down to part 4

1.- How the fuck did this even come to be

Honestly the whole thing started as a sleep deprivation shitpost I rolled with because yeah i like these two guys a lot (if you read that one post talking among other things about why I like liwei so much in the first place, the short reply also applies to dong hwan and... Yeag, the only thing that's better than one hot guy is two hot guys and so on).

There was also an interesting aspect about this because maybe it's just me but based of liwei's dialogue lines and keypage text he suggests not trusting, or even liking/admiring/looking up to, high graded fixers (despite feeling that he's supposed to). With an emphasis put into colors because, I mean, he fucking died because he met one at the wrong moment, but I feel it's a general thing he feels for grade 2s and above.

With this in mind, putting him to interact with a grade 1 is... at the very least it has the potential to put them into a funny mutual vitriol kind of dynamic with lw constantly thinking "what's the deal with this guy? does he expect me to praise him just for having a high grade? well, tough luck, i'm no bootlicker" and dh constantly thinking "what's wrong with this man? is he unable to recognize greatness even if it punched him in the face...? should i punch him in the face?", but it becomes far more interesting when you try to imagine (and, with dong hwan being an absolute background character we can only assume things of from extremely vague hints, pretty much all we can do about him is imagining) what made them both special enough for each of them to think "wait, hold on, i actually like this guy" of the other.

After the initial shitpost stage was over, we (the guy who came up with serrated duo while sleep deprived and me) started talking about why we liked both characters and we essentially concluded that, at least dessign wise, they are the same type of guy (ofc I also added a couple of characters I like and who fit the criteria to my post but this post isn't about them).

1.1.- Me yapping about character dessign

On top of that, if you pay attention specifically to liwei and dong hwan in there, you can notice that there's a pretty neat balance of common and contrasting themes in their dessigns, almost in a two sides of the same coin way, so here's a non exhaustive list:

both characters have a primarily monochrome/dark aesthetic going on, with their eyes being the primary colored element that stands out in their dessigns (yeah, you could say that dh has brown hair too but it's a dark shade of brown that doesn't catch the eye nearly as much as the bright-yet-deep shade of red of his eyes)

on top of that, liwei's eyes are blue while dong hwan's are red (i thought they were reddish brown at first but that's just an effect of the transparency, if you separate the sprite in it's different parts, you'll notice his eyes are actually red), which happens to link with a certain trope about two-sides-of-the-same-coin pairs... (will elaborate on this later trust me).

despite the previously mentioned similar monochrome aesthetic, there's a clear contrast between their styles and how they wear their clothes, with liwei having a much more "only informal if it's more practical that way" type of look, with a focus on practicality over trying to stand out too much (for the most part at least, he was dessigned with the idea of a cool guy in mind after all), while dong hwan is essentially wearing a business suit in the most fucked up way possible (really, what the fuck dong hwan), which of course makes his dessign incredibly memorable. To further elaborate on this (and to add details that don't really follow this formal until unpractical/informal AND unpractical pattern): -Liwei's clothes stay in similar shades of grey and black giving him a more uniform look, while dong hwan uses more contrasting shades in his clothing (despite wearing primarily black clothes, that light grey shirt absolutely stands out, and by extension he does) -Liwei wears long boots, while dong hwan wears regular shoes -Liwei wears a long coat, while dong hwan wears a short jacket -Liwei has a fully buttoned dress shirt with a tie, dong hwan wears his shirt unbuttoned, in an universe where clothes are basically like armor this is essentially him saying that he's confident that his opponents won't be able to hit him in the chest, or that even if they did he wouldn't get too hurt from it, and it's a dessign detail that absolutely stands out in an universe where most characters only show skin in their head, neck and hands at most, as we know since its stated in multiple keypages and cutscenes, if a character shows more skin than the absolutely bare minimum, then that means that A. they are inmensely strong, and B. they are even more confident in their capacities, with this being a tactic to intimidate potential enemies for many factions -Liwei wears fingerless gloves while dong hwan wears regular gloves, while at first glance this detail seems to subvert the pattern, let's be real here... have you tried to hold any object and using it properly with gloves? unless you're wearing latex gloves or something made of very thin fabric that shit's absurdly hard, of course i assume there's weird city tech involved in dh's gloves but at least that's my own personal impression of that particular contrast)

and going back to common but not really details: both characters have something noteworthy in their ears (this is most likely just a result of the characters being visible as chibis in game so the best way to give them memorable dessigns is by slapping somewhat unique stuff in their faces and heads BUT IM GRASPING FOR STRAWS HERE OK) with liwei's earpiece (which serves a practical function) and dong hwan's earrings (which look cool as hell, going in line with both characters' general priorities)

similarly, both have something in their opposite eyes, with liwei partially covering his right eye with his hair and dong hwan having the scar going through his left eye.

the right-left motif is actually very relevant in their dessigns. You see, most character sprites in ruina switch the hand in which they're holding their weapons for certain frames (or at least, this is not uncommon to see), either for rule of cool, clearer silhouettes or whatever reasons. However, in every frame in which liwei is visibly holding his knife, he holds it with his left hand (and when he uses his pistol he holds it with both hands), suggesting that he may be left handed. On the other hand (see what I did there?), dong hwan consistently holds his knife with his right hand, in every. single. frame. of his sprite, suggesting that he's right handed instead.

And of course, both of them have elements in their opposite legs too, with liwei having these two stupid fucking belts (affectionate) in his right leg while dong hwan has... whatever the fuck that thing is, in his left leg.

Of course I'm not here saying that they were given contrasting dessigns on purpose, but all these details end up making both of them looking really cool when put together, specially with how their dessigns emphatize their personal preferences and priorities, something I will elaborate upon in each character's section later.

2.- Liwei as a character

Liwei is one of my favorite pjm characters as a whole, yes i like him more than ayin, yes i like him more than angela, yes i like him more than carmen, yes i like him more than dante, yes i like him more than your favorite sephirah/patron librarian/sinner, no im not saying i think any of these characters is bad or poorly written and in fact i think pjm has made an amazing job with protagonists so far catching my interest even with characters i thought i wouldn't vibe with at all, but i have a thing for unremarkable background guys.

As you may have guessed, this means that i have a lot, and i mean A LOT to say about him.

This also means that I have a very specific interpretation of him, this interpretation, while clearly taking bases from what we can see of him in game, is entirely fanmade and i'm not trying to claim this is what anyone intended to convey with him, but it's what makes sense for me.

This interpretation also strays away from some other fan characterizations I've seen of him. So if you think he's actually, at his core, a serious, formal, emotionally detached and unbearably professional, even outside work hours, guy who's deeply dedicated to the honorable task of murder and who is in good terms with the shi association or holds them in high regard? sorry, but for me he's nothing like that.

2.1- The surface

"But Spec", you may say again, "he does act emotionally detached during his cutscene, he even says that people die all the time! are you sure you are actually reading this character right?"

Of course I'm not, I'm just saying that I'm reading him in a way that makes enough sense to me, but I do have reasons to believe that the serious and emotionally detached attitude is an akward mixture of a facade he puts up to be taken seriously by others and an incredibly unhealthy coping mechanism, so let's start by analyzing his artbook profile...

Wait a minute, is that..?

Ok, I'll see myself out and continue writing the actual character analysis this is what people are here for.

Anyway, going back to the character profile, you may be inclined to see it and assume "well, that actually just proves that he's a serious and formal dude" at first, until you realize that artbook profiles, due to their in-universe explaination being that they were compilled by roland and angela from the information they could take out of the guests' books, are most likely to be about what the guests perceive themselves as/would say to describe themselves rather than what they actually are when looked at from an outsider's perspective. Further proof of the artbook profiles being subjective comes from how the profiles change almost erratically for distortions and ego users, with people in the middle of both states simply not knowing how to describe themselves, the fact that we lack any information about the agents of the head as they were never booked, or how characters such as tomerry have...

This, which I mean, it's very clear that's just tomerry talking about themselves.

Now, liwei's personality traits, or at least what he'd use to describe himself, are "Meticulous, Efficient, and Sharp". We know that he has to be efficient at the very least, considering the nature of his job and guns in universe, the same thing goes for meticulous, we can assume he wants to do things the right away so that he gets paid, sharp as a personality descriptor can take multiple meanings and frankly i don't know which was the original korean word used to describe him so i can't tell which is the right one but most of them seem pretty accurate, at least when looking at him from a surface perspective.

To be honest, I don't think any of the traits mentioned there is precisely wrong, I simply don't think that they are the main or core ones, but they are the traits liwei tries to show, at least.

Another interesting detail is that all full stop fixer artbook profiles have food related items for the likes and and dislikes sections, except for stephan disliking dangerous jobs.

Not particularly noteworthy for this category in particular but still tangentially linked to a point that I believe is also a core characteristic of all three full stop fixers and that is key to understand all three of them, their dynamics and the choices they make during their reception: they are Poor As Shit, because guns and bullets are expensive of course, we also get to see this in stephan's obssesive fixation in money (come on nobody actually checks their bank account as a hobby... right, guys?), and of course this ties in with wanting to be seen as someone serious and professional people will trust with their money AND with the idea of them having the need to maximize efficiency to... well... you... you know... not end up even worse than they actually are.

2.2- Emotional internal nature

Alright, and here we dwell into the actually spicy part of the essay, at least for liwei's character: the moments in which the mask of a professional and emotionally detached guy cracks and he shows his more emotional, and mostly caring, side. This is focused in the way in which he treats stephan and tamaki (compared with how several other faction leaders treat their underlings).

While I should probably need to read all the dialogue in the game to make sure this is a particularly notorious detail, something that inmediately caught my attention is... the fact that liwei never uses a single honorific when refering to other people, neither he's bothered by stephan's more informal speech and the fact that he doesn't refer to him by any honorific or title either (sure, you could say this is because they were in a life or death situation but also y'know, it says something about you that the people below you don't feel the need to use formalities when talking to you), the only person he calls by title instead of first name is... well, the blue reverb, whose real name we can assume he didn't know, with also him being someone perfectly capable of killing not only him but the guys standing beside him as well, you'd want to be as respectful as possible when talking to a guy like that and trying to negotiate.

(even then he doesnt use any sort of honorific towards him, at least in the english translation of the text, he simply refers to him by title)

He neither uses any title or honorific when talking to angela, despite keeping a formal/respectful attitude, i honestly believe that he is genuinely formal and respectful but... you know, that's not the beginning and end of who he is.

Of course, this isn't a major point, but I think it's worth mentioning considering how important honorifics can be to establish the speaker's relationship with the people a message is directed to, they can be used to distance oneself from others. So in a way it could be seen as him putting himself at an "equal" position relative to stephan and tamaki, as opposed to trying to assert that he's their superior (at least in the context of the mission they were working in, since his title is merely fixer, not operator, president, director or anything implying some form of leadership on his end).

Another extremely important detail is his inmediate first reaction once argalia shows up and ruins their plan is... not coming up with a plan b, not trying to fight him in any way, not doing anything about trying to save what little money they can, he quite literally tells stephan "forget about money, we need to survive now".

His initial reaction is directly just yelling at his team to run away, and this stays consistent once he:

Notices that stephan and tamaki are beginning to argue over the future of their mission and how much money they lost.

Realizes that they can't outrun argalia as long as they're wielding their heavy (and again, extremely expensive) equipment. This says a lot as it shows that he cares enough for the people under his care to let the office go bankrupt if it means they can live.

Needless to say, stephan and tamaki refuse to do so and while he clearly isn't precisely happy about the inevitable confrontation with argalia, he doesn't argue about this, he does understand their concern about money, he's not like the other authority figures who will ignore their underlings' concerns at best and ditch them once they outlive their usefulness at worst (at least, that's what i imagine he thinks as he makes these choices).

Not to mention, once they are in a, if only slightly, safer situation in the library, his inmediate response is trying to comfort stephan and tamaki, things dont look good but theyre at least alive, for now.

And there's this line which... doesn't seem to fit at first glance with the idea of him wanting his office to survive at all costs... right?

That is until you realize that he says that line during yet another argument between stephan and tamaki, as an attempt to get them both to calm down, this could also fit in with him trying to keep or restore the cynical, stoic and serious act, but then again we get to see his more emotional and sincere side once he:

Gets killed, quite literally saying that he didn't want to die yet, at least to me this line alone is enough to pretty much confirm that he didn't really mean it when saying that trying to delay their deaths was pointless, but if you need more, he also acts against that same line when he...

Sees his allies die, and inmediately starts freaking out.

Wins the reception, in which case his inmediate first concern is, again, not money, lost ammunition or anything, but rather if stephan and tamaki are okay and if they will be safe once they return.

I don't think that line was him fully lying though, it does say something about him that makes enough sense to me and fits with the rest of the characterization: that his cynism runs much, much deeper than stephan's.

Tl;dr he is extremely caring and emotional deep inside, and even though he tries to suppress that side of himself it always finds a way to show itself, I feel like in other contexts this makes him prone to emotional outbursts and generally make him an unpleasant person to be around... save for people who are already familiar with his personality quirks and the fact that he is Like That.

2.3- Resentment

Of course, this dissonance between the person he tries to pretend to be to fit in/keep his job and the person he actually is made him grow a pretty strong disliking of... well, everything he considers related to the fact that he has to act like that to get enough money to feed the people in his office.

I also feel like he feels genuine guilt over the fact that his job is essentially just glorified murder, I have no base for this other than the more detached way in which he refers to the church of gears, it almost feels like hes forcing himself to not care because its them or him and his office, and that he has genuine self-hating tendencies because of it (which he also uses his stoic act to hide, he doesn't want to worry his office and become a burden to them, after all), in a way he may be trying to overcompensate by being nice to his office to feel like there's people he can help/protect.

But this hatred towards himself also manifests in the form of hatred towards anything he can blame over him being the way he is and working the job he has.

As I said before, I don't think liwei likes colors, or most high grade fixers for that matter, you may also extend this to figures of authority, influential organizations or even the city's society as a whole (and honestly? i do personally, i don't think he's actually capable of forming any particularly healthy bond with people outside his office because of this, and even then saying that the relationships he has with his office are healthy is... generous to put it softly, this is not to say that he secretly hates the other people in the office, but rather that he fears that they may secretly hate him, because he's the highest graded member of the office, he hates people sitting above him so it only makes sense that people below him hate him for being above them, right?), and of course I'm not saying this because I'm projecting or because I think it's cool and edgy and sad but I actually have bases for this from what I can see in the game.

The first example of him not trusting high grade fixers AND influential organizations being one of the very first things he says when being introduced: that having an important person, from an important organization, belonging to an important section of said organization, approach him and give him a request was shady as fuck.

And he turned out to be right, as Yujin was planning for him and his office to get sent to the library and die there so she could read their books and find some passage saying shit like "well we were found by the blue fucking reverb and our only choice was to come here and die even though we were royally fucked either way life sucks see you all in hell my final message 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕" so she could use that on her favor.

In this topic too, I'm personally firmly opposed to the idea of full-stop office being affiliated to the shi association and this is the hill i'm willing to die on, but I digress.

We see this same resentment on an even deeper level in his keypage where he talks about colors (and we can assume this view extends to other high graded fixers, and to a lesser extent to the hana association), he doesn't sound like he wants to become a color, he doesn't sound like he even likes the concept of colors being a thing that exists in the first place.

The most important lines from these fragments to me being the following:

"A color is the dream [...] of all fixers who wish for freedom.", freedom is a VERY relevant concept in project moon and ruina makes a very clear point about how nobody is free in the city, roland says it, most plot relevant guests say it, some patron librarians say it too... a huge part of the story is how angela comes to terms to the fact that turning human wont grant her freedom and how she ultimately becomes free by embracing her nature as a machine (so free indeed that the head decides to kick her and the entire library out of the city, not only shes a machine that acts like a human, which is already a major city wide taboo, she made a choice that no human in the city should ever make). Essentially, liwei seems to see colors (and im assuming that by extension high graded fixers) as the ultimate example of an impossible aspirational class (think of these "self made" enterpreurs who received extremely generous financial support from their rich parents to start massive companies as the closest irl equivalent, except that obviously not the same, i will elaborate more on this later).

"They put forward the colors as great and successful people that other fixers will look up to. They dream of earning wealth and fame, and to be free like them one day." Why would he be talking in third person here if he too admired colors, or wanted to be like them, or thought that were free in any way? Also that separation between money and fame (something that colors objectively do have since they can afford exclusive high tech weapons and armor) with freedom (something that is debatable, but liwei seems to assume colors don't have) feels too much like a deliberate choice to further push towards that point of him seeing colors as not only an impossible goal to achieve for the average fixer but also that the ideal of a color as someone who is free is something impossible to achieve even if one were to become a color.

"Colors are assigned by the 'Hana Association'. [...] The title of a color is forcibly given to fixers who qualify essentially. Can a fixer be truly happy with freedom that was forcefully handed to them?" This particular fragment, specially the last sentence, is absolutely key for Liwei's characterization, and the final and most important part of him saying "wait, no, colors aren't free, because nobody is" to me. It is also worth noting that this fragment can be read in multiple ways, all of them are important and accurate for his characterization.

He thinks that the responsability and risks that come with being handed the title of a color are far greater than the prestige that comes with the title, can you really say that someone who cant afford to decline requests due to being contacted by the most important organizations in the city, whose closest friends or family WILL be regularly targetted by rivals either to extort them for money or just try to attack them to the point in which most high graded fixers abandon any personal attachment to others, who will have to see the horrible things that happen in the city in an almost day-to-day basis and will likely have to do even worse things in the name of corporate interests is free? Can you really call it freedom if you can't refuse it? Essentially he is saying "actually every single aspect of being a color is terrible and to make matters worse that life is forced on them after they go through extreme miseries in the hopes for a better life but all they get is more of the same if not even worse, they aren't free and shouldn't be refered to as such."

He thinks that in order to become a color (or any highly graded fixer, really), you must essentially lose yourself, which is to say abandoning all friendships or familiar bonds, only keeping shallow interactions with people, desensitizing themselves to whatever horrifying shit they may have to see, abandon all sense of morality as they never know what their next request will be and "im sorry but i dont do xyz, it does against my personal morals" isnt an argument that will work in a place like the city, this also fits into the whole "actually having a much more chaotic emotional side he's trying his absolute hardest to supress but failing" theme mentioned in point 2.2., someone who is so deeply emotional and whose actions are ultimately defined by what is the most likely to keep the people around him alive is obviously not going to like the idea of keeping his distance to them, or to dispose of people with lower grades than him because they were supposed to be expendables anyway.

I don't remember the exact quote and i dont feel like looking for it but in one of gebura's cutscene she claims that all power in the city only serves to strike those below but never up. You have to climb to get stronger and then you'll only be able to assert dominance (through violence) over people weaker than you are, and she grew to dislike this, as she wanted to protect others but was never able to do so because of how the city was dessigned.

Of course, liwei reached the same conclusion but he took the much simpler but much more unhealthy approach of assuming "well, if things are like that, then that must mean that everyone in a position of power (over me) must be responsible for this".

Of course this also comes with the side effect of him being as caring for the rest of the office as he can because he doesn't want to be like other figures of authority as i mentioned in point 2.2, but thats not to mean that things are all fine in the office, i feel like there are several moments in which he internally curses his position of authority but not quite (bc i don't think he's actually The Big Guy In Charge of the office, really), most obviously the aforementioned moment in which he yells at tamaki and stephan to drop their guns so they can run away and live when they clearly dont want to, i feel like at moments like that he feels like they only do things because he tells them to and they "can't argue" (except that they do, fortunately for him the enviroment in the office is healthy enough for the rest of full stops to not abuse this fact, but the "what if"s are absolutely eating him from the inside). As ironic as it sounds his earnest desire to not be Like The Others is the same thing stopping him from being the perfect and efficient leader he wishes to be, and he probably isn't sure of which thing he values more than the other (it's staying true to his own morals and keeping the people under him safe).

However, there's a key detail here that's worth noting: liwei has a tendency to treat everyone else as equals, sure he is formal and respectful when doing so (pressumably even when talking to people he'd rather never interact with if we assume his conversation with argalia was actually how he is and not him just walking on eggshells to not get killed) but he doesn't bother trying to make a clear distinction of who is above and below him, no matter what their title and rank may be, and for people who are used to being looked up to by everyone else this will be seen this as him insulting them in some way, it may come from a sincere desire of him to come off as insulting while not breaking any (major) social convention in an act of malicious compliance or just the type of person he is, that's up to you to determine.

"But how the hell does any of this relate to dong hwan?" we'll get there right now.

3.- Dong Hwan as a character

This is kinda... the hardest point to talk about, because sure I can yap all I want about him but... it's hard to without going "Source: I made it up" too much.

So, looking at his combat sprites you may notice one thing: he is unbelievably hot for real what the hell he has an incredibly smug aura, most people who care about him to some extent i've seen tend to depict him as a very prideful person, and honestly i dont think differently either.

HOWEVER, i feel like despite this he's still a levelheaded guy who can aknowledge his own flaws. On top of that, i think he's a pretty charismatic guy and he's capable of noticing other people's strenghts, and he'll let people know about their own strenghts too.

Also, to contrast with his smug and cheerful exterior, his combat lines depict him as someone very serious when at work, he doesn't even react emotionally to getting killed.

His first "on kill" line is also particularly interesting, as it shows that he prefers to work on his own (unlike everyone's favorite monochrome moody boy), which makes sense considering that he comes alone to the library when you fight him, he may belong to a one-man office (which is the closest a fixer can do to be fully independent, as far as we are aware).

His keypage story also fits this more serious and analytical personality but not much of it is particularly noteworthy from a character analysis perspective, it doesn't say much that you couldn't notice from his combat lines anyway.

Another important factor to me and to contrast him to liwei is... okay, this may be the fact that he's a solo fight and he is, pressumably, an independent fixer, so he's not titled as a member of a particular organization, instead his title (for him, his reception, his keypage and his book) is "dong hwan, the grade 1 fixer", which i mean, again, is most likely just so we dont fight this guy with zero context on who he is and what hes even doing in the library in his own is he stupid? but i like to imagine that the in universe explaination is that he has tied his perception of himself and his own self worth to his grade, to the point in which using both his name and grade is what comes naturally to him when introducing himself, since books are essentially physical manifestations of the soul, then it just makes sense then that his book will give both his name and grade the same importance. This may come from a need to compensate for something else and i actually like to imagine that's the case because it adds yet another layer of parallels with liwei (source: trust me).

Another point is... remember that I mentioned how food was a very consistent thing in the full stops' likes and dislikes sections in the artbook? this point is also not relevant but dong hwan is frequently assumed to be the owner of that pub that shows up at that short side story about roland and angelica which i never watched because i Literally Can Not Care about angelica sorry, but, hey, it's a cute detail, i think he should cook for the full stops.

I feel like there's something to be said about dh's red eyes because in pjm when a character has red eyes you know that means one thing: they will be a big deal, but dong hwan, other than looking incredibly fucking cool and carrying me through the snow queen suppression (FUCK THE SNOW QUEEN ALL MY HOMIES HATE SNOW QUEEN) and star of the city tier 1 (thank you dong hwan i love you dong hwan)… he is rather unremarkable on the grand scheme of things, he's a general reception so you don't even need to defeat him to beat the game, and he only serves to give us some insight on who the fuck was the vermillion cross, and even then he does a terrible job at explaining who he was other than "well, he was a guy i guess" and honestly, the relevance of both liwei and dong hwan is ALSO an important factor in these parallels, as with one being the guy who introduces the concept of colors and the other being the guy who introduces one particular color fixer by casually mentioning being friends with him, both feel like characters who would be much more narratively important in any other story, but here they... aren't.

4.- Summarizing Parallels

Aka the part you may want to skip to if you don't care about me analyzing characters with little background info about them.

So, basically a list of personality (and background, i guess) traits they have in common and how they're different:

Both characters are putting some sort of facade, with liwei trying to act serious and stoic so he's taken seriously while dong hwan... i dont think he even knows what the facade he's putting even is, he's been putting an act for so long that his mask became his true self

In both characters' cases, the first impression they give isn't really the kind of person they truly are (in lw's case this is a deliberate choice and in dh's case i assume that's just the type of person he is), HOWEVER, while liwei acts serious and analytical (and to some extent he is), his true self is far more emotional and prone to form deep bonds with people, while dong hwan has a more passionate, smug and cheerful external attitude but he's much more serious and levelheaded deep down

Both characters have different, conflicting views about their grades, however these differences ultimately lead to both of them being able to treat each other as equals, or as close to that as possible in the city, i feel like liwei can see dong hwan as someone of worth so to speak for reasons unrelated to his grade, while dong hwan does see liwei as a good person (well, good is a subjective term specially in a place like the city) and far better at teamwork than most people in the city, in a way both value something in the other that the other never stopped to consider "hey this is actually a good thing i have"

Both characters are (pressumably?) trying to compensate over something, with liwei putting his professional and formal act to compensate for his sentimental self while dong hwan puts a strong emphasis on his high grade for... who knows, really, i just like this parallel being there because i think it adds a lot

Both have problems forming relationships, with liwei being a generally unpleasant person but being capable of forming deep, meaningful relationships with the people capable of seeing through it, while dong hwan is a charismatic guy liked by almost everyone he's met, but whose relationships tend to be shallow

Not really a personality thing but both characters have a thing for being remarkably unremarkable guys, dong hwan is obviously forgotten by most ruina playes because he's a general reception and the biggest impression liwei leaves in most players is "OH SHIT HE HAS A GUN", even though both are pretty intentionally dessigned with the intention of making them look cool however ive very rarely come across full stop or liwei fans (by which i mean people who like them particularly instead of "actually the entire pjm cast is cool and that includes them) and dong hwan fans are.... yeah, i think ive met like, 4 of them at most (thanks guys i owe you my life)

Something about their combat styles including their passives, liwei's only visible passive is called Concentration and gives him extra strenght for the first turn of a fight, after which he relies in the fact that his attacks weaken the enemy, so he comes off as the sort of guy who prefers to keep his distance and figure out the opponent's weak spot(s) (something he canonically is good at doing) to keep an upper hand at combat, however despite this he's still lacking in both strenght and technique, being only a grade 4 (which i mean let's be real the grades go from 9 to 1 and i feel like a majority of fixers are in the lower grades so he's still pretty much above average but he isnt doing all the cool shit you see the stronger characters do, because that's not the kind of character he is). On the other hand dong hwan's passives have much more cooler sounding names (Fervor, Carver of Scars, Toughness...), all of them focused on either inflicting bleed (status ailment that gradually makes the opponent lose hp)/buffing him against enemies with bleed or buffing him as he gains emotion levels, and his focus is just inflicting bleed like crazy, as well as delivering harder blows against people with bleed, prioritizing raw damage over strategy (but likely being able to figure out an opponent's weaknesses as well, brute strenght alone are most likely not enough to get you far in a world where the powerful people are INSANELY strong bc physical enhancements are commonplace)

I feel like in a way both admire each other, liwei admires dong hwan's capacity to keep a cool head at all times when at work and not letting his feelings have too much weight over his desicions, but dong hwan admires how honest liwei is about himself as well as his capacity to work in a team taking in consideration what will be best for the team as a whole even if it's perjudicial for him in particular.

In Conclusion

Your honor, two of them

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff: Best Movies of 2023

This was NOT a great year for blockbusters, huh? This was probably Disney's worst in years, multiple flops including what was meant to be their centennial anniversary film. It looked remarkably by the numbers, but think of the conglomerate's losses... Anyway, this to me was a pretty great year for films. Like 2022, I'm amazed at the variety we got that says more about the shifting tides of people's interest in movies. It was the most times I've been to the theater. We got a big worker's strike over the summer, especially large push back against degenerates trying to push AI to do more than just shitposting. And it was enough for me to know Adam Sandler, Godzilla, and Hayao Miyazaki could get the better of Disney. With this said, let this be a first for Good Stuff and count down my favorites of this year.

12. Renfield

My suspicions were on the money and I'm glad I gave this a shot in the theaters. Cage was the best Dracula I could've asked for in what you might say was an Adult Swim-esque dark comedy. It definitely has that style of gruesomeness and humor given Robert Kirkman and the Writer/Director behind Moral Orel made this. Unfortunately, Ben Schwartz stuck out like a sore thumb even if he fulfills his purpose in this, reminding me of Christopher Mintz-Plasse in KickAss; I feel he or Jason Schwartzman would've been better suited. Plus it can feel all over the place, an identity crisis that you can't even grasp after it finishes. Then again, I just had fun watching and would gladly rewatch for Cage and Hoult who are the highlights of this.

11. Migration

Call it blasphemous, but I enjoyed this more than the Mario movie. It's essentially Rio mixed with National Lampoon's Vacation, with a lovable cast, solid animation, and an eazy breezy road trip story. I've always looked to Illumination for simple enjoyable romps and I got what I expected here. Gave me Amphibia vibes in a way, replace frogs with birds. Everything surrounding the villain is my only real issue, he was an obvious and very nothing bad guy, but it's overall better paced than Super Mario Bros where it felt like you watched an eternity in 3 minutes. Still don't get the air of folk looking down on this for just being serviceable when it's honestly become my favorite Illumination movie next to the first Despicable Me.

10. Killers of the Flower Moon

Sad to say this is the weakest Scorsese movie for me, mainly because it felt like we're following the wrong main character. Lily Gladstone is incredible in this, among the other great performers, but she felt sidelined in favor of DeCaprio and De Niro's perspectives. It's like if in 1995's Casino, we just follow Ginger throughout the moment Sam introduces her. I liked the turmoil Leo's character goes through, but it paled in comparison to Mollie who was more affected by his and Hale's actions. That does not mean it's all bad. This can be a beautiful, dynamic, and ruthless movie that just made me feel bad for watching it; running with the words "harsh reality" throughout the 3 and a half hour runtime.

9. Good Burger 2

I watched Good Burger 1 & 2 this Thanksgiving weekend, and just had a blast. These are the kind of movies that are charmingly stupid but not insultingly so. Kel Mitchell's Ed is emblematic of how much dumb fun this duology is where he's actively comical but not smoothbrained to ruin your time. This I say is like Home Alone 2 where it is just beat for beat the 1st movie with minor developments but that doesn't really matter when it's just as well put together. It never feels like Kenan nor Kel missed a beat and the drama not overstaying its welcome. It is just "Good Burger Again" without it feeling like diminishing returns compared to other rehashing sequels.

8. Leo

Can you believe this got better publicity than Disney's Wish? Even YMS could appreciate this movie, that's how you know Sandler has his recognizable game when you least expect it. But Leo is a surprisingly good comedy that has actually sincere moments. Being Happy Madison's 2nd ever animation, it's like Adam waited to refine the production as opposed to putting a cash grab together like one would expect. It's not all good, especially trying to be a musical, but seeing it once you'd be impressed how much good it does with the risks it takes.

7. Nimona

Like Migration, everything surrounding the villain is the one big issue I have with this, especially when it comes to affecting the film's message. At the same time, she pales in comparison to the dynamic pairing of Ballister Blackheart and the titular shapeshifter. Nimona is my favorite character of 2023, her energy and confidence matched by the struggle she bears existing alone and the facade made to band-aid it. Her and Ballister's journey alone made me glad this got out of development hell, being Blue Sky's final production posthumous. To me it wasn't about being a take that to Disney, it was about the fact a movie like Nimona got to exist as great as it did. Hoping Stevenson is satisfied with their adaptation, because it definitely earned its flowers.

6. Emesis Blue

Offhand, it openly sucks that Letterboxd refuses to let this stay on the site to log, but it can't be overstated how much of a marvel this was. Repurposing not just the characters, but the lore and mechanics of Team Fortress 2 into a feature length horror thriller. The animation's top notch where it can have godly framing that was on par with the known legends of horror film making. SFM animations can be beautiful on their own, shitpost or otherwise, but Emesis Blue goes a step beyond by having a compelling story fitting for the universe on top of, again, every frame being a painting.

5. Shin Kamen Rider

I've never really saw any Tokusatsu shows. Not that I hate the genre, just could never get into it while recognizing the glorious looking chaos found in clips. Knowing Hideaki Anno directed was what got me into seeing this film and it opened my mind quite a bit. This was the legacy film that definitely had Anno's touch in both the action and drama. While the climax can notably drag, you never feel left out of what was essentially the original Kamen Rider's origin story. It doesn't have the complex VFX of stuff like Marvel, but the costumes and fight scenes makes me wish we got more of this in America beyond Power Rangers.

4. TMNT Mutant Mayhem

Advertising before release really didn't make this appear like a promising film. If there's anything I learned from this year though, appearances can be deceiving. Like Nimona was for her movie, the creative choices for this made it the TMNT movie I never knew I wanted. To me this felt akin to the Lego Batman movie where it's not only a good love letter of the franchise for more than its fanservice, but this spin on the characters is able to have a new sincere view of them without overhauling everything about the TMNT. That and it has the greatest needle drops I've had in a long while like how do insert He-Man Fabulous Secret Powers and expect me to hate this?

3. Godzilla Minus One

I call this a great year for films because it marks the first time I got to see a Toho produced Godzilla, with subtitles, in an real movie theater. Needless to say, it felt like I got to enjoy the 1954 film again anew. Not a remake mind you, but the parallels were uncanny and this spins here work just as well, if not more here than with the original in a couple places. Both are still strong movies nonetheless. Minus One is a refurbish that dishes out what people always wanted and uniquely giving a little more while never sacrificing why the OG is that timeless. With it getting more than a limited release, I'm glad this got to be more than a niche celebration of the kaijuu king.

2. Oppenheimer

This film's been meme'd to heaven, hell you could say it got meme'd to success thanks to its dual release with Barbie, but it didn't undermine getting hooked to watching this anyways. This really has become my favorite Nolan film, a compelling biopic that doesn't exactly herald its titular lead in the best light thanks to the paradoxical storytelling. Oppenheimer gives us the largest ensemble I know, and delivers in the most breathtaking moments I never knew I could get. Cillian killed it among the many who made the three hours of people sitting and talking in rooms actually tense and intriguing to thread. Plus it gave us the beauty of Josh Peck being the guy to detonate the test bomb like cherry on top of this cinematic cake.

1. The Holdovers

I remember watching Alexander Payne's Sideways with Paul Giamatti as a high schooler but couldn't appreciate it until rewatching this year. It's one of the best mid-life crisis comedies you could see, still fresh in its easy going presentation and music. The same can be said for this film, made to feel like it came from the late 70s or 80s with the old opening logos that I didn't think you could do in these times. Out the gate, this was the holiday story I was shocked would be as relatable as it was, with the trio of Giamatti, Randolph, and Sessa each having their story that resonated with me strongly. With the right amount of time, Payne offers an remarkably cozy, down to earth movie where from reserved to outgoing, it did a lot for me emotionally. Like Netflix's Klaus, I kinda want this to be a traditional rewatch for the holiday seasons. One that everyone should try at least once, especially if they feel the disillusionment of the season where this might lift their spirits one way or another.

If there's anything to learn from this year, it's that the meta has definitely shifted. Even when the many on my list didn't make billions like the Avatar films, the variety and risks made spoke more than the big dogs like Disney and WB putting out unprofitable blockbusters that ranged from very by the numbers to you don't need to see The Flash to know how god awful it just was. More people are & should branch out beyond the major mainstream names. Not that the big dogs aren't ever gonna make great films in the coming years, but we should appreciate more than the big budget features you can tell are playing it safe. Time can be patient for great cinema, sleeper hits or not, so take advantage while you're young.

[tamelee]

Hiiii 🥰 If yin HAD to choose some couples for the Next Gen which one would you choose? Personally I think Shikatema was a okay, but I don’t have any ideas for the others

Hi!~💕 Oh uhm-

No one really, I'd be happy to eradicate it all.

Obviously Naruto and Sasuke should've figured their shit out. Both internally and externally and then say; take it or leave it' to the entire village and system. You either going to get two gay-men leading the village and a new system because their bond was the entire answer against war or nothing at all and then just... die ig while Naruto sleeps his years away and Sasuke is stuck in a damn tree 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Otherwise.... (aka, 'Boruto' meetings be like;) Shitpost (don't take me seriously);

Naruto and Gaara although it probably won't last long. Naruto'd probably settle for some black-haired girl and make her cut her hair so it reminds him of Sasuke if he squints really hard and doesn't think about it and covers his ears, oh wait-

Charasuke and Dark Naruto, fem version. Menma and Zetsu. Since non of it is Canon anyway, Sasuke and his pet lizard from the filler story. They seemed to have an 'okay' connection, yeah? Well, ShikaTema is fine, it's understandable and predicted. I don't even know who Kiba, Shino, Lee or Choji are with lmao. I can look it up, but... I really don't even remember :') I think one of them is with the Kumo girl, right? Sai and Kumo girl would've been better though. They can argue about loyalty and stuff. Wouldn't she kinda think it was hot how he stopped her fist from plunging into Naruto's 'refusing to talk about Sasuke's face?' That's the extend of their development, but it's 'Boruto', the bar is low here. Or.. if we ignore the homophobia for a second, Sai and Gaara. I mean whatever. Size matters obviously to Sai and Gaara had huge bde before his questionable haircut (no I don't think him becoming Kazekage made him weak) and I also don't think Gaara's lack of expressive emotion currently would be too overwhelming for someone that doesn't understand them much. Not a lot of energy in that relationship though but Gaara is very beautiful to draw let's be honest but the lack of eyebrow does make it challenging. Or Sai and Deidara. A bit difficult because one isn't there, but still, just throwing it out there. Or even Kankuro would be good. Gosh, Sai has so many options... and then he ended up with someone he thought was ugly ;-; (Ino is very beautiful though so he's wrong, but still.) Idk, I think Kiba should've married a cat-girl or the blonde one from Kumo. Lee should be with someone that appreciates effort especially now that his effort is proven absolutely worthless -.- and is seen as a loser again which destroyed the poor guy. Well, I wouldn't have minded Tenten, but... GaaLee 👌👀? Aren't they both single fathers? Or? Idk. Maybe Sai Gaara and Lee together, why not. Throw the Shi guy from Kumo in there also, he kinda looks like blonde Sai. Even Naruto thought he was handsome as he used him for inspiration for his sexy reversed harem Jutsu.  Actually, Tenten and Kotetsu would've been a good surprise. It makes no sense Canon-wise and I don't think it even works age-wise, but I approve otherwise and they're both weaponized. I rhyme and reason. Ino and Suigetsu. Okay, hear me out. He can water all her plants. That's all, that's it. Sakura and Kankuro? I mean, by 'Boruto's low standards, they could've made it work and they'd even have history. And fine, even Sasori could've been interesting a little. Or that girl from the Sound from the beginning. Or the guy. Or Kimimaro. Or Kabuto. We're not too difficult here, pick one, but I guess some are dead though. Everyone but Sasuke ffs. Obviously Neji should've lived. Well I'm okay with Tenten or even Lee, but it doesn't make too much sense to me. Actually, let's ship him with Haku for no other reason than them looking good together. Or Neji and Juugo, maybe Juugo'd be able to set the bird free iykwim. I'd say Hinata and her beloved 'Oro-chan'. (Yes she called him that in some novel.) Both creepy as hell. Except one of them is somewhat likable and it ain't Hinata. But age-wise that doesn't work. Or, maybe someone can make her a Mecha Naruto, that's a bit more appropriate. Not much, but still. I'm sure she has the money and I don't think she really minds because she knows Naruto as much as she'd know a robot version of him. I see no difference there. OR, Kankuro's puppet. That way she can always walk next to the one she 'loves' as it follows her anyway with some basic puppet training and have the sentimental wood around for comfort when she reminisces about the time she thought Naruto wasn't gay. No need to be shy either as it doesn't say much. Then Naruto can visit tree-Sasuke in peace without a creepy face glancing up at him from behind it only to be ignored anyway. 

Or maybe a lousy Daimyo because we can't have any less than a Hero or royalty for the princess, of course. CHOJI ACTUALLY should've married the daughter from the ramen stand. Idk her age though.. Or the owner of the BBQ restaurant? If he didn't already. Or, it would've been good if there was a younger version of Tsunade, I think they'd get along. Akamaru and one of Kakashi's dogs- sorry, Ninken. I think Pakkun is too old maybe. Idk what he's into. Maybe Punpun? Am I missing anyone? Oh lmao, Shino ;-; He would've been good with Fu, Jinchuriki of the 7-tails, the flying bug thing. Guess that's not possible either, but we can't have them single and focussing on the world either so... we gotta create imaginary filler babies somehow. Karin with that other guy who emphasized with her during her confession-thing. I mean, what other reason do you need. That's true love right there.  Kakashi and Shizune? Kakashi and Iruka? Kakashi and Gai? Kakashi and Genma? Kakashi and Obit- oh no. Kakashi and secret-ANBU waifu? Kakashi and actress of the movie adaptation of his ero-novel? Kakashi living his best aro life?

I mean, we could always create a card game if you will and match whatever comes up first. There'd be no difference really.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Is it possible(in your opinion) to write a villainous character with free will(free will as in "You could have done things differently", not some dumb idealized version of free will as in "You could have done a 180 in 1 second") who comes across to most of the audience(even if the audience doesn't admit it) as someone who's not morally accountable for their actions? A character whose notions of right and wrong are so radically different to the average person that you reasonably could say to that character, "You couldn't have lived a more moral life with the experiences you had, therefore you didn't have the free will to be able to do better and you're not morally accountable for the things you've done"(If by "free will" you mean "You could have lived a more moral life with the experiences you had"). Would a feral child who was literally raised by wolves qualify?

Before actually responding to this I'm going to preface by saying that this will be the end of the discussion. I am not running a discourse/meta blog. This is a fic and shitposting blog with some serious mini-metas sprinkled in.

I've stepped away from discourse back in 2020 for many reasons and I think that I've been doing good at sticking to that. I'll answer asks inquiring about my opinions every now and again. But I am not interested in debating over fictional characters anymore. Not with the fandom atmosphere being the way it is. That said I do feel like this is stepping into debate territory.

On top of that it meta/debating is a time commitment. It takes me about a half-hour to an hour to reply to these asks (and asks like them) as I try to be thoughtful about my responses. And that hour is without proof reading and taking the time to present my points in an organized fashion. I just don't have the time to put into doing that. I would rather spend that hour working on fics.

All of this said, this isn't a personal attack. It's kind of just a general housekeeping thing and I'll probably add a little something like this to my pinned post or blog bio.

So to address the actual question in mind. I was kind of thinking about these asks last night and came to realize exactly why I've been having trouble answering these asks.

It's because I'm trying to discuss my opinions that operate within a framework that you set up. I don't mean this in a hostile or accusatory way. Just in a way to say that my thoughts on this are particularly unorganized because I've been trying to discuss this in a way that I don't normally, using phrases that I don't normally use.

My bottom line is that I think that Azula is a very conflicted and complex character. I think that she was raised with a skewed sense of right and wrong. I don't think that she is born evil. I think that she is the product of her environment. I think that she knows that some of her actions were wrong (the ones regarding personal relationships and fear as a tactic in those relationships) but she thinks other actions (the political and war related ones) were the right thing to do because of how she was raised. I think that everyone has some sense of right and wrong and I've always believed that people are born neither good nor evil; they're a blank slate and environment and experiences help shape a person's sense of right and wrong. Everyone has a different sense of what that is--what is right to someone is wrong to another person and that's what makes this whole argument so complicated. Azula is smart, she has her opinions but she is so young that a lot of her opinions and worldviews are still heavily influenced by people that she looks up to and the propaganda that she has been exposed to.

This whole 'free will' aspect of the argument is way too philosophical for my blog. It's a discussion of it's own and I believe that we would have to have a much longer and separate conversation about what I think free will means. A conversation that doesn't have the extra fluff of fictional characters. And this is not something that I'm interested in discussing because I don't run a philosophy blog and I don't think that anyone really wants to sit through Bella's philosophy class. I am, in fact, not a philosopher lol.

So the aforementioned are my opinions on Azula and her sense of right and wrong. Place that where you will on your no free will to all the free will spectrum. Likewise you can place that where you please on your 'Azula knows better' spectrum.

In terms of accountability I will just reiterate what I said; Azula should be held accountable but her punishment shouldn't be cruel. The other trap that I fell into was trying to justify my reason for thinking the italic statement based on your discussion of whether or not Azula has free will when that is not how I came to decide that she should be held accountable but fairly so. I think the above statement not because of I think that Azula has or doesn't have free will but because of her age and because I simply think that everyone deserves a chance to change, heal, and grow regardless of whether or not they had free will or the life experiences to make better choices. The whole point of healing and redemption is that the person, for whatever reason, made mistakes and bad choices that require growth. And growth and healing can only be done if the accountability/repercussions are fair and offer a chance to learn.

So to answer the new question; it is absolutely possible to write a realistic, multi-faceted villain. I do think that it is possible to write a realistic villain who has free will. I believe that it is possible to write any type of character.

This statement also operates under the assumption that I see Azula as evil or a villain. Which I do not. She is an antagonist for sure. She's a mean person, yes. But I don't think that she's evil. I think that Azula's character is far too black and white to be classed as evil or good. I think that most people and characters (the best written ones imo) are written in shades of grey.

Regarding the feral child statement, I kind of don't know why this was bought up. Azula isn't a feral child, she was a highly educated child living in a palace in the middle of a big city. I do not know enough about the psychology of feral children to talk about feral children. And again this requires a discussion about non-fictional people and topics and that's just not what this blog is about. Bringing this in just feels like a tactic to complicate an already very complicated discussion that is beyond the scope of the type of discussions I usually have regarding fictional characters and just on this blog in general.

TL;DR this discussion is just very complicated and has so many layers. At the end of the day I just like Azula, I see her as a confused child who could use love and healing. I have many ideas about what influences her choices and a lot of them have to do with how Fire Nation politics and her father influenced her, her need for perfection, and so on. And I feel like there are a vast many ways that a redemption/healing arc could go for her. There isn't one single right way to go about giving her a redemption arc that holds her reasonably accountable, but several right ways. Likewise there are several wrong ways. And all of it is subjective.

Those are my opinions feel free to interpret them how you will and place them wherever you feel like placing them in a discussion about free will.

And finally, to close, I do mean this in the most respectful way. And I don't intend for this to come off as condescending or harsh if it does. Mostly, I'm trying to establish what I think is a reasonable boundary on my blog. Thank you for opening up a discussion and for listening to my opinions without being judgemental. But I am going to put an end to this one now.

[fujijori]

✦ 𝐋𝐄𝐎 or 𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐌 (18) | any prns!!,, TECHNICALLY ON HIATUS, sfw writing blog branched from @seraphicsm, mainly circulating around genpact (genshin impact). multi-fandom author / dc + nsfw free / vv nice, 10/10 would friend. reqs & thirsts are permanently closed, do not ask for 'em ✦ m.list / taglist / carrd.co / spotify / wattpad / ao3 ✦ affiliated w/@favonius-library, @goldfishhie, @kshahrewarr

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𝐋𝐀𝐖𝐒.

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𝐕𝐈𝐈. I welcome asks + DM's from my readers, but for certain reasons (cough, sex bots, cough), I only allow messages from my mutuals (aka, people I follow back). Asks, however, are welcome to everyone and anyone! Just remember, if you're here to shit on me or spread hate, or just be a bad person in general, I will not be answering you asks, and they will be promptly deleted! ^^ For those of you who simply just want to chat and be friends, I can't wait to get to meet you!

𝐗𝐈. This one's a quick rule, but, harrass any of my readers or friends and I will report you faster than you can say "fuck you" <3

𝐗. I will most likely be cursing a lot (which probably isn't healthy or good considering I'm barely considered an adult, but what can you do?) throughout my posts, so, just fair warning. I mainly ever cuss when I get upset or really excited about something, so that shouldn't be too often, right? I also use tone tags occasionally (tone tag list with meanings), so if I use something with a slash (ex: /j or /hj), just know that it wasn't a typo or me just casually spamming my keyboard and that it means something.

thank you for reading my rules (i hope you did); i can't wait to interact w/yall, and i hope you enjoy your stay here on my blog! ^^

[incarnateirony]

The fact that you addressed only the Anchor Baby part of the ask and nothing else (being wrong about “Jared” on the phone, wrong about Jake Abel, wrong about Misha, claiming some southern identity to hide the mayo) proves you know I’m right: that you’re full of it. And you did exactly what I said you would. Pretend to be intelligent, hurl insults that mean nothing, and deflect, deflect, deflect—talking about shit I didn’t even bring up. Meet and greets and TFW2P0 and other things you’re obsessed with and talk about at every turn just to distract from what I really said. And you can choose to publish my exact ask right now or not (while publishing others lmao). We both know.

no actually, you just sent 15 pages of nonsense and there's only so much garbage.

"WRONG ABOUT JARED ON THE PHONE". Bro. it was a shitpost that included "I wasn't sure it was him", and within about 30 minutes, was deleted. Because, unlike you, I'm not above or beyond reason, but I"m not sure how you're trying to connect "instagram prank misheard" as "PROVES YOU ARE AN UNRELIABLE LEAKER!!"

no dude i didn't declare nothing. i didnt say it meant shit. it was funny. Before you guys ran out of pocket doubling down how wrong I was, I deleted it, not because OMG IM ASHAMED, but because like you, I don't share misinformation at length. I'm also VERY FUCKING UNCLEAR WHAT PART OF YOUR MUTATED BRAIN FACULTIES CONNECTS THIS TO LEAK ACCURACY.

And? Yes, I already addressed Jake, at length, where you guys are dipshit lying pieces of shit that can't read the posts where I said... yeah, he was in austin too. Omg!!! {falls over dead, clutching chest} THE PAIN, THE PAIN OF IT ALL THAT {checks notes} He was in fact in austin like I said but never cared to check because nobody gives a shit about your shitty show? Like we're not mad. Dude we just don't care. what's not clicking. That's not a leak either. Walker doesn't have leakers because nobody gives a shit about Walker to leak it for or from.

THIS IS ALL YOU TRYING TO TELL YOURSELF THAT "FAN HAS REACTION TO FAN CONTENT PROVES FAN DOESNT HAVE ALL THE REAL PHYSICAL SOURCES THAT HAVE BEEN PRESENTED AND PROVEN TRUE TIME AND AGAIN WHILE WE SCREAMED AGAINST IT."

Maybe... just... MAYBE. YOU guys' malfunctioning cerebellums not understanding what is a *source*, what is a *shitpost*, what is *reality*, what is a *meme*, and other segregating factors is why you crashed out on that GIANT ASS LIST OF THINGS YOU DENIED AS I SAID THEM THAT CAME TRUE. Like, maybe if you stopped listening to fucking dumbfuck speculation and 2po's M&Gs he's been busted lying about and thinking they're sources:

you'd stop failing at spn

you'd stop confusing my shitposts with sourced leaks

What in the fuck kind of broken brained, jackshit insane logic is this. No really. I want you to look in the mirror and tell yourself you're okay, when you're literally screaming that I dared to delete an incorrect SHITPOST, and shows that I'm somehow an unreliable leaker. I want you. To go. Stare in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye. Say that. And then apply whatever self will is needed to not do self harm when you perceive how stupid your entire desperate spiral is right now while you deny blatant reality

What even are you trying to do? Is this your acceptance spiral that Destiel is happening and you're just trying to convince yourself I bullshitted all the details through the last 2 years? Is it you realizing all those times I said the crew sees this shit, and all your denials, that I might be right, but you can't accept that you've been clowning yourself while the main account openly retweets Destiel?

Cope. dumb motherfuckers think instagram stories count as leaks and sources, holy fuck, no wonder you guys can't hit the broad side of a barn.

[qhostqizmo]

personal

i try so hard to hold on to christmas spirit every year and ride some false high and every year its. not. it's not there.

i can't bring back the childhood memory of laying on the skirt of the christmas tree, staring up at our decorated pine, the smell of sap, the soft bulb mutli-color lights. the house dark; decorations everywhere, the faint sound of the tv in the background.

it's like the only positive memory i can recall. other than getting a gameboy and pkmn yellow the year of its release. only vaguely otherwise recall going to my grandmother's or my aunts, but nothing concrete. no details.

christmas time is literally the /worst/ time of the year for me and i'm so exhausted. i cook, i clean, i do everything to make christmas the best i can for everyone else- baking and buying gifts and decor and helping to put things up and going on and on. i'm tired. i'm working myself to the bone and constantly stuffing new things in that trauma box in the back of my head.

grandmother passed away christmas eve 10 years ago

not having presents under the tree for years and feeling like i'm worthless compared to everyone else (i understand it's not the meaning of christmas but try telling anyone it doesn't hurt to see adults and kids getting to unwrap surprises and you're just There, handing them all out). (oh and now you're an adult ADDICTED to the concept of surprise gifts becuz you have repressed feelings about 'person who got me smth cuz they like me and saw this and thought of me').

being burnt out and told by your family you're being mean and grinchy and cause all the fights and dramas on the holiday when you just want some peace or not to be asked to do something every 5 seconds. literally. called to cook or pick up or help with something or mocked for being the family blacksheep who gets overstimulated and needs a min or won't allow hugs or won't drink-- just leave me alone just let me be for a moment, please. i'm so tired of always doing everythign for the holidays i never got to be the one that sat down ever since i was fucking 7-8ish i've always been the second matriarch i didn't want to be i'm SICK of it. i'm SICK of having had to pick up my parents slack and be a second parent without realizing it god it's so goddamn exhausing and i don't really dwell on it until the holidays roll around just how long and how much i've had to do to make the holidays what they've been all my life for eeryone else.

this is my first year without my orion

last christmas is when i noticed something was very wrong with him

it fucking klls me how much i miss him. i'm devastated. i hate everyone talking about getting a new pet in this house i just want my boy back i'm so exhausted. my soulmate, my sweet boy, my goofy moose my protector my friend my smelly man. he meant the world to me. and no one fucking gets it.

it feels like there's this constant wall between me and happiness all the time and it's so much more pronounced in winter / especially dec through february. i hate carrying my burdens. i hate having to smile through and push through for something that hurts so much. this time of year is draining and filled with heartache for me. and it aint' even over becuz come my birthday i once again have to deal with the 'day that something bad alwys happens' and be mocked for being old but unaccomplished for my age according to normal people stands.

but i don't know any other way than to ball up my feelings and swallow them with the exception of like middle-of-the-night-diary-shitposting-all-over-the-internet. just throwing up my baggage. hoping the universe hears e i suppose. hoping somehow that yelling into the void can soothe the aches i carry deep down.

i want to hold my dog. i miss my boy so much. i hate pretending. i hate christmas. i hate that it will never have the innocent spark it had in childhood ever again, and will always be a muddled mix of misery and loss and grief and the struggle of adulthood and mockery.

i just want it all to be over.

i don't want to hold up a fake smile anymore or hold up traditions for anyone else i just want to be alone with my sadness and a blnanket. i 'mt not worth much more than finished housework anyway.

[normal-horoscopes]

I have a question I hope you understand, and I hope you do not take the wrong way. Do you believe any of this stuff? Do any occultists really believe in what they say?

I firmly believe in spiritual realities, (I am a Christian). I believe one can consort with spirits beyond our understanding, but they are generally demons not to be spoken to. I truly do believe, hook me up to a lie detector if I seem insincere, I truly do believe that you can communicate with “gods” and devils, and that you can even gain worldly power through doing so, and that such activities are VERY dangerous and are NOT to be taken lightly, and you can LOSE your SOUL.

With occultists, it seems like you all take a jovial half-hearted approach to something which must be taken very seriously. I find it difficult to gage if an occultist is a true believer or if they’re merely bored. Truth be told I would assess the majority of occultists to be fans of fantasy ya lit like Magyck or Groosham Grange or even Harry Potter, and they wanted to play dress up.

Maybe I shouldn’t begrudge you, on grounds that the majority of Christian’s are cultural believers with familial ties, and how many truly believe in the tenets of Christianity is a bit up in the air.

I don’t know, this ask has gone longer than I meant it to because I am explaining myself too much. To wit: do you believe in cosmic powers? Do you believe material conditions can change as a result of magical practice? Do you think the majority of occultists believe these things?

That's a fantastic question! You worded it well and I genuinely appreciate both the time you took to write this ask, and the humility it takes to put your own beliefs out there like that.

I generally don't enjoy talking about my own spiritual briefs and practices here, Tumblr is weird enough about normal opinions, much less complicated and fairly personal metaphysical ones. The last thing I need is to have a cult form around me.

I consider "belief" to be a profoundly more complicated concept than people really understand. I'm not just saying this to be flippant or evasive, much of my background in education is from the computer science/math-logic end of things, my occult thoughts are heavily influenced by thinkers like Bertrand Russell and Ludwig Wittgenstein. Basically, people who were very concerned with the raw logic of the world, with capital t Truth, the fine details of knowledge, what it means to know. Not to say that my understanding of belief is somehow So Much Cooler And Deeper than yours, just that these are men who could spend an entire book picking apart the definition of the word "is." I like details.

As an Occultist, I would say that I am heavily influenced by the works of Agrippa and Sir Issac Newton. I am an alchemist at heart, a systemizer. I believe if there is truth to be found, it must be studied from many angles. What do Christians say about belief? What about Muslims? Jewish people? What does Hinduism think? Taoism? The myriad indigenous religions of the world? Non-religious cultures? What about Philosophy? Every single one offers a unique and beautiful lense through which one may understand the idea of "belief."

Suddenly, "belief" becomes this complex architecture of ideas with a dozen subtle meanings that all interact with each other in different ways, full of wonderful harmonies and contradictions! I feel that if there is a single attitude more antithetical to the occult than anything else: it is certainty. The world is abyss and phenomena.

Over the years I've found that humor is actually a surprisingly effective way to express this wonderful complexity. (Doesn't always mean that I'm successful at being funny though.) Humor has a way of softening the mind, helping the reader to entertain an idea without internalizing it, a skill I believe is critical to the study of the occult. Sometimes I'm just shitposting. Gotta keep people on their toes. Helps you stay humble.

Do I believe in cosmic powers? Yes and no. I believe I am a limited cog in a grand system of the world with a limited ability to understand my design. I figure if there is a god, it's rude to presume about her nature. There are things people call gods, and that's good enough for me.

Do I believe material conditions can change as a result of a magical practice? Maybe? It really depends on the magical practice. Like, I think airport security checkpoints and corporate branding can be considered magic, but I'm not sure if that's what you're asking. If you're asking if I think, say, astrology can be used for prediction? No. But that doesn't make it meaningless.

Do I believe the majority of occultists believe these things? Not a clue. I don't really consider it my business. Occultists aren't exactly known for their consistency. Who knows, by next month I might not believe any of this anymore. Sometimes it's hard to tell when I'm dreaming.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

(Tone/intention indicator: non-aggressive!! Pensive and open/hopeful for discussion and/or advice. Not at all trying to be a grouch.)

I do get the joke and I get that there's plenty of evidence that he does like to take it up the ass which is rad for him if he does, you know, but it feels crappy to me, the way a lot of the fandom (NOT you—I haven't seen anything like this from you) and actually also Misha treats Dean and sometimes/by proxy Jensen with the whole calling him/them a bottom, especially when Jensen isn't part of the conversation and doesn't even know that there's anything to respond to. It just gets said about him in public, and then onus is on him to find it and respond. It's a gotcha situation though, I don't think there's even anything he could say in his own defense (if he wanted to, that is. idk, for all I know, maybe Jensen is into it too, but that's sort of my problem.. I don't how he feels about being called a girl, a bottom, an omega etc) that people wouldn't claim that, by saying he isn't a bottom, sub or femme, he actually is proving he's a "subby little girlboy," or so I saw it said. I wish we as a community could talk about the nuance and inherent homophobia and transphobia in leering about it that way, in stereotyping 'bottom/subby behavior' and categorizing that behavior as feminine etc. I'm a trans dude, a dom and a top and a lot of the things I see people saying about Dean being a bottom or, worse, about Jensen being a bottom, are just so.. emasculating to me, because a lot of that stuff is stuff I do, too. Dean is a fictional character so his feelings can't get hurt, but Jensen is a real person, you know? And there's like a million people on the internet saying they can tell he's a subby, femme bottom despite whether he's ever said anything to the contrary or not. It's.. jarring, too, since I'm also a real person and they're often pointing to traits and behaviors that I share as evidence. It makes me so dysphoric to see so many people calling him girly and needy and in heat or what have you and citing how he (over)performs masculinity. I over-perform masculinity, too, but I do it because I enjoy the presentation, not because I'm over-compensating and Actually A Girl. I'm actually pretty comfortable in my relationship with gender at this point. Sometimes I also wear dresses. I'm still a dude. It sucks that it seems like the overwhelming opinion is that loudly performing masculinity can only ever mean overcompensation, and never gender euphoria. It seems like a lot more people are more interested in forcing Dean to perform femininity—like people want to humble and humiliate him for his past/present comphet and his idea of his own masculinity—not in allowing him to participate in traditionally non-masculine things according to what he likes, or to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy. It's like, instead of him aggressively overcompensating his Manly Man-ness, everyone wants to make him aggressively, stereotypically effeminate and one dimensional in the opposite direction. What are your thoughts on it, if you don't mind sharing? Do you think there's a way to have this conversation in the fandom? Or am I missing the point?

hi! okay first of all I love your tone indicators, we should all be doing this online tbh because it absolutely sets the voice for the rest of your ask and I appreciate it so very much.

preliminarily - I am not an expert on this topic in any way, so please take my response with an entire value-size canister of salt.

I think your feelings and thoughts are absolutely valid, and I don't disagree. I personally try to steer clear of most of the real person is this and that thing unless they uh. you know. tweet it out loud at the internet (for what it's worth, I do think - any joking I may have vaguely done aside - that Misha's past two top related tweets specifically were fairly pointed at himself (yes, I know one was about Dean and Cas fanfic, but he said "I" enjoy being on top, not Cas enjoys topping Dean). I am certain he is aware of the innuendo though, and how fandom will take it so your commentary on his being a participant is certainly correct as well. Also, I firmly believe that Misha does treat humans, especially those he is close w, with the utmost respect and any joking he has done re Jensen has been in a place of Jensen being okay with it (like I don't think he would ever say anything he knows would make Jensen feel uncomfortable whether he is within earshot or across the country when it's said).

*takes off Misha apologist hat*

As for the rest, I think your points are extremely well made and it's definitely a conversation that can (and should!) be had in fandom. I do agree that this topic can and has been misconstrued (sometimes for shitposting's sake sometimes not) as it applies to irl people and situations. I personally think that Jensen is a very multidimensional and layered human (which serves him greatly as an actor, I mean he contains literal multitudes) and to classify him as either pendulum end - as you mentioned, is doing his human self a disservice. I think it's also important for all of us to remember that gender is a construct and can be so fluid, so putting any of it in a socially constructed box just defies the entire point of the conversation.

I don't know if this is making any sense (your points are a lot more well spoken and coherent than mine), but I do think what you said is so important and needs to be out there. Also, I hope you know you are so freaking valid and nothing that's said on this site or others about traits/behavioors of Jensen's that mirror your own is a firm definition for those traits/behaviors, especially if people are putting them in a category you don't necessarily agree/feel comfortable with or identify as the right 'definition' if you will. Your words - "to perform gender in ways that make him feel authentic and happy" really resonated with me, and I think they hold true for both Jensen and you. To radically be our authentic selves is the goal, and I'm so glad that based on what you said you're feeling about your own relationship with gender it seems like you are in that place!!!

Sorry this is so long of a response and probably. muddy. I hope I got the gist of what you were asking, but also thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, you expressed them really clearly and it's given me a lot to think about :) if I got anything wrong, or misunderstood a point you were making please feel free to pop by and clarify or correct me.

I hope you have an excellent day <3

[utilitycaster]

So, to keep dunking on Pathfinder/3.5e and also for lack of a better term...indie, looser systems, I do have a handful of reasons why the systems themselves don't sound like things I'm into but more generally the reason I keep making cheap jokes is because the way people sell these systems is so antithetical to what I want out of TTRPGs. Which doesn't mean they're not good, or that they're not right for other people! But god...you are not superior for liking something other than D&D 5e, you are just a person who isn't into that particular experience and if you want to get people to play other games...learn to fucking sell it.

The crunch of pathfinder has some appeal, because I do love math and rules, but it always feels like the arguments go like this.

"I can't figure out how DCs in 5e get set!"

"well, the DM sets it based on a rough estimate of difficulty, using their brain; the DM's Guide gives a scale broken down by 5-point increments that you can use."

"What? You mean I, an inveterate metagamer cannot find it by adding up 8 numbers based on the weather, my class, my feats, active spells, and the migration patterns of nearby birds in a process that brings the narrative to a screeching halt?"

Or else it goes like this (this is a literal screenshot from a reply on a shitpost I made about paladin archetypes):

Well, in 5e you are allowed to ride things without being good at dex on the grounds that the average normal person in a pre-industrial society would probably be able to sit on a horse (animal handling is also an option). You can play a halfling paladin by playing a halfling whose class is paladin, and if you cast summon steed a reasonable DM will allow you to flavor said steed as a celestial wardog. You do not need special abilities to...turn around? in 5e? damn you lived like this? and sure, you can have a spear or lance as your weapon. I guess charging doesn't do much in 5e (the charger feat exists but isn't amazing) but like, you could do it.

Like, seriously, so many posts are like "I don't see a ruleset for how I can confirm I was able to drink my coffee without dropping it on the floor? 5e seems bad" and in general 3.5e/Pathfinder appear to treat your character as a Sim or something, where if the ladder disappears from the pool you're just like "guess I'll die" [note: I haven't played either 3.5e, Pathfinder, nor the Sims but like. I'm right.] And if you want to play this that's fine! Crunch can be very fun! but god it's unnecessary and it seems like there are too many rules for the sake of just like, having rules.

Moving on to the looser systems, the "just a d100" or "just a d6" ones that "foster more RP": so many of these "foster more RP" by having systems that actively corral the conversation, or PC emotions, instead of just...letting people talk. I actually find things like Monsterhearts "turn someone on" mechanic or the sanity mechanics in Call of Cthulhu really off-putting! I'd rather be allowed to respond to things genuinely, in character.

"But M," you say "that's kind of the point of Call of Cthulhu, the sanity slippage." And you know what? You're absolutely right! Because that is where my point is leading:

The TTRPG game you pick should be mostly based on the kind of story you want to tell, and anyone who ignores that in their considerations can themselves be ignored.

I happen to enjoy Dungeons & Dragons because I enjoy that particular form of fantasy in a quasi-early renaissance* setting, and I would, perchance, like to explore a dungeon and maybe even fight a dragon. I do not want to be dealing with horrors beyond comprehension**, except in the sense that I'd like to smite/disintegrate/viciously mock them. I do not want to pretend I am in high school again, under literally any circumstances, even if I can hex people. I like fantasy combat because I am both simmering with incandescent range basically always and yet I cannot typically act on it*** and I'd like to be able to save the world through hitting things with a sweet-ass sword or casting. Hyping up a system because it lacks combat is absolutely the wrong tack with me.

And if you don't like that it's fine! But I have yet to see someone actually make an argument, to me specifically, for a different system, that actually accounted for even a whiff of my own personal preference and honestly at this point the damage, while not irreversible, is pretty severe; my attitude towards anyone trying to steer me from D&D 5e is pretty cynical.****

*look I will pick many battles on any hills wagering that ultimately I will only die on one and this is on the list. Anyway if printed books are available and gunpowder has reached your vaguely European-in-flavor society? It's Renaissance.

**always thought this quote was from Lovecraft but it's from Tesla, objectively a much better dude despite a shitty dude using his name to sell cars.

***Yes. I am an eldest daughter. Why do you ask.

****This is also the root cause of why I adamantly refuse to watch either Titanic or Finding Nemo.

[touyaz]

oh frick this is such a cool concept?? Congrats on your milestone bby!

Ok the matchup ! Either BNHA or JJK and I'll give you a pro/con type vibe list ok?

My best traits?

Generous- I will absolutely share my money/time with anyone. I love paying for the car behind me at starbucks, buying family and friends dinner, and lending a hand to help friends out for their projects. I love to spoil the people I love.

Compassionate- parallels with the generosity. I care very deeply about the people/things in my life particularly animals. I once left work early because I found a mouse still alive on a glue trap and spent two hours with oil and a paintbrush getting the lil babe loose.

Goofy- It's one of the biggest parts of me, I love having fun and will constantly be cracking jokes and generally being a living shitpost.

My worst traits?

Super sensitive - It's literally so bad. My partner breathes at me in the wrong tone and i'm either crying about it and shutting down or getting ready to fight about it for the next three days straight

Vindictive - goes super well with the sensitivity. that time I interpreted my partner breathing at me wrong? I'll bring it up in an argument three years from now. I struggle very much with letting things go.

Abysmal attention span- it's like two seconds long thanks to the crippling adhd. This ends up with me leaving messes around and losing things super often, since there are fifty projects I'm working on at once.

thank you <333 !

for you, i'm going to say anyone out of dabi, shigaraki, bakugou and megumi, if any of them are your faves im not sorry adksdhj they all hate your sensitivity bc it means they have to watch what they say/ keep their tone of voice in check, & thats just so much unnecessary effort. you either accept them and their bluntness or you leave. none of them sugarcoat their words for you bc they think that's stupid; you should hear it as it is + not let your emotions overwhelm you. they also hate the pettiness, like they have more impt things to do than argue again over some fight from weeks ago that they thought you'd gotten over. they think it's childish + get tired of it real quick. bakugou would argue back. megumi is quick to get the convo over with + move on/ leave. shiggy will ignore you/ leave. dabi is a menace + might purposely rile you up just because. bakugou + megumi especially hate your lack of an attention span. bakugou will help you keep in check but he gets annoyed easily if he has to keep doing it bc you're not listening to him, like he doesn't know how else to get the point across that you need to do certain things yourself, he cant do everything for you/ he can't keep cleaning up after you when he has his own things to do. megumi will also try his best, but he does get irritated when you lose smth + it ends up delaying him/ causing an even bigger inconvenience, especially if he had told you to do smth a certain way and you didn't listen to him. dabi + shiggy are indifferent to this, they dont rly care unless it impedes/ impacts them somehow. these two probably also hate how unnecessarily kind you are to everyone, both saying u should be more selfish/ only show that generosity to them bc the world is undeserving. think ur dumb for paying for other ppl's food when u could spend that on them :/

[prismatoids-archive]

[to the tune of firework] do you ever feel like an empty crab

[thebenzene]

I have no accurate words to articulate my current state, but with the next clauses, I will attempt to. I am in deep yet numbing pain. I have unresolved fury towards people who have wronged me unjustly. I am traveling towards a vague future I could only hope what I'm thinking has a gist of whatever it is. I coat my fear with my brand of humor -- the very same coping mechanism I use to survive each day. "Copium overdose", they say. "Easing every heartache one shitpost at a time", whatever. I hate the fact that my body rejects my volition to study and concentrate due to the fact that I don't know what's happening with me and at this point, I refuse to admit that there's something wrong just because I've been used to this feeling. Maybe this is just a phase and this phase has yet to come to its worst before I get better but when will it be? Will I be able to get through it? If sentience means tolerating the extreme to the numbing yet excruciating point of wanting to exterminate yourself, maybe I would rather lose my mind than try my best to think and act upon each circumstance rationally. I miss the old days when we get to know the cause and effect of sentences our English teachers provide us. I miss the place where we learn everything simplified. Devoid of complex logic and context, we learn everything objectively, and we don't question much. What is the cause and the effect of this state I am currently in? Will a first-grade English teacher help me know? Of course, not. I wish they could, though. After ghosting my two therapists from the past, here's what I learned: I never learn. I'm not an expert but whatever theory you're going to apply, I believe whatever's happening in my mind, body, and whole system, has already gone really really bad and the only way to cope is to pretend it's not happening. As I sabotage myself every day, I never learn to act better, help myself, or even have a staged sense of saving my sentience from its separation from reality. They say you'll never get through it if you won't get through it. Will I ever succeed with fighting my demons? Do I have to antagonize these unwanted behaviors to conquer whatever it is that needs to be gotten off my system? Or do I have to surrender and accept these parts as my "flaws"? Saul Goodman once said, "We live to fight another day." If existing means being courageous every day then shame on me for just wanting to survive. I don't want to fight another day. I may have had already accepted all the defeats in the world yet the challenges won't even accept all the white flags I raised. Why do I need to accept these challenges? Why is everything perceived as a battle? What is the point in winning anyway when there are more battles to lose? I don't know. I can never live in peace. No dosage of placebo could permanently disillusion me from this inevitable dread. I could cope and pretend but I could never be over it — and that is what I fear the most. I fear the day I'll run out of ways to entertain my soul and have nothing to do but have that one-on-one fight with that gigantic dread I know I am no match for. It's like fighting the boss in a game I know my character's predetermined to helplessly die. But why do I know I'm going to lose in the end? Where does this certainty come from? There are days I am confident to fight but these days are fewer than the years I have conditioned myself I'm bound to accept the biggest defeat yet win in my life — the moment I die. The very second the dread would finally accept all the white flags I raised, all the fights I chose to forfeit, and all the times I said: "I surrender". It's a loss yet a win. I just don't know what comes after but surely, I would savor the taste of eternal rest and solace — if that's what it's gonna be.

I seek for that peace where I don't need to suffer anymore. I long for that warmth of love where I don't have to prove anymore I'm worthy of it. I thirst for a desert full of oases in which water doesn't appear from a visage or any delusion. I look for a fortress that would make all the wars cease and rebuild all the cities ruined. The ideal world doesn't exist for all the people who have come into the finality of believing that existence is pain but there is no guarantee that termination of existence assures one of living in a better dimension or world or space or whatever it's called. For now, guess I'll just shrug it off and cope. It never gets better but who cares. It's just a matter of tolerating and enduring it,

for now.

[ikari-eu]

WARNING: I TRY TO BE REALISTIC WITH THIS POST. IF YOU GET OFFENDED FOR SOME REASON WOULD BE. THIS ARE JUST MY HORROR STORIES FROM RP, NOTHING MORE. IF YOU ARE TOXIC, PLEASE LEAVE.

I normally post just about positive things or cheap memes that happen to me but after reading the horror stories from RP, I feel like I'm on the need to tell why did I leave Twitter RP and RP in general. Most of the time I did RP in my 1st language which is SPA and some in ENG. In those verses:

• Multiverse/Fantasyverse.

• Pokémon (mainly because of Mana, you know in previous posts I did talk about her.)

• Touhou (With my girl, Reimu, Sanae and Orin) I was surprised for good with how chill the community is once more. Some very isolated bad people here and there but that was all. The most chill fandoms were the least active I'm afraid.

• Zelda (In fact it was Time Link after Majora and a Navi with an adult FC on the BOTW era as the Queen of Fairies not saying just hey listen anymore).

• LoL (Even if I don't like the verse anymore I had a time with Tristana. It was nice to rp my old main in that crusty game since I did find in the gunner a potentially comical but potentially serious character for nice plots.)

• Fire Emblem with a very comical Elise, Adult Tiki, Soren... (yeah Soren is my boy).

• Smash (using Mana in Lucario place. Better a character with story than a random wild Lucario. But that verse sucks because of community like in LoL imo so I got back.)

About the verses I should comment that most of them had some repeated people from other sites (obvious if it's massive) and very few of them were good (if not I wouldn't have met my GF and future wife)

But the ones who were bad... well~. They always were unwilling to actually rp.

• Do you know why did I call Twitter "Twinder" because the main goal from such people never was RPing o making plots to start with. It was to make ships asap to try dating irl with the other mun. Ships can be a consequence of plots but they shouldn't be the absolute core of your life. And the +18 thing is not necessary for the plot. I say this bcs if someone is not willing for it, no one should force that person I think. You can skip it.

• The elitists who just appreciate an acc. Only for the level of its Edits. Dafuq man, is not wrong to use them if you know basic editing but is wrong to value an acc. Just with that. What if a very basically decorated acc rps much better than the other that is just focused in looking cool?

• People who recycle their muses or leave them hiatus to never develop them. I get that you can have a muse you don't end liking but doing it everytime gets tiring.

• You can't expect to get along with everyone no matter how hard you try. You'll always find some that doesn't like you for any non-good reason.

• Ppl who bully newbies. I mean, everyone was a noob. If you see me in 2014 I promise that you laugh at me. Instead of teaching or giving advices to them they insult them when they don't look most of times. Some of the abusers are even ppl who don't know yet how to rp because they do continuous ooc's. They don't rp their chacacter, they do rp themselves like a self oc. And they have the dare to insult newbies. Ok. Sorry but It's a bit sad.

• The 24/7 shitposting accs that don't specify they are about it instead of rping. Some ocasional comedy is good. Shitpost is nice but putting it everytime makes me go elsewhere. At least warn that your acc is full shitpost I think.

• People who are just in closed groups. You can do whatever you want of course but I don't recommend to go in any groupal community and go with your own path. If you enter any turf you'll just see things that you wouldn't like to have seen. Some people know what I'm talking about. At least I was lucky to know my GF in one. She was the only one who has care of me. Yes, some admins are abusers. I'll go to next point.

• This did happen in a Smash discord server, I don't regret being there because of meeting my GF. But admins were toxic ppl that picked on me for being a man and rping yuri. My GF can assure you that every femenine character I get I treat her with the max respect and focused on the plot first. In fact, we did many epic things with Mana and Kyoko. And Reimu & Yukari. Even some hetero pairings like Time Link and Nabooru or Twilight Link and Midna. Like ffs I rp with any kind of character (I like Ike x Soren in FE I'm a great fan of those two). If I don't disrespect the characters what's the matter? Yes, people who impose their absurd rules by force under the threat of marking you as a pariah are clearly toxic. I mean, even at times they are ppl (man or woman I don't care) who rp just lgbt things to have +18 fantasies and they still dare to point to others. Even if it was true from the moment you do THE SAME and you are THE SAME you lose the right of accusing anyone. It was a meme to witness it I swear.

Why did I left RP? Because such experiences. I have my GF, we do RP things ocassionally with our best characters, we are quietly, in peace, no toxicity around. That's why~. Idk about how everything is in tumbrl but I'm not very up to RP again at least atm.