#this list is so much longer than i thought itd be

[emmetofthestars]

ok lets see how far i can go. im gonna startt. kim just gonna start.

fair warning this will either seem like incoherent rambling because my thoughts are hard to formulate or just me wanting to be rude about the sequels past we love katamari despite never playing them (i wrote this line after i finished the whole post)

anyways im about to list alot of king's outfits over the games and then rate them on 1) whether i like them personally (partly removed from context), and 2) whether i think they actually fit king. im doing this for absolutely no fucking reason and honestly im scared ill be very wrong or biased but im mnot being paid to do this for gods sakes im writign a tumblr post. i wont get cancelled for getting king incorrect. anyways

katamari damacy

(im probably going to switch between using game screenshots and transparent images)

1#: yeah i like it. he looks stupid and i like it. the cape and whatever the collar is called, in combo with the chain and gold accessories looks so silly. he doesnt look like a king besides the crown. he looks like he wants to be cool but doesnt know what that means but he knows nobody will question it cuz hes the king after all.

headdress: perfectly over-loaded. you have way too much going on. you dont need those blinking lights. and you really dont need those patterns and colors. can i try it on

2#: well its hard to say since this is the first one. and of course the first one fits him cuz. its the first one. but i think it gets his impression off very well. its a prussian blue v neck and a golden chain, with sort of maroon tights and a golden belt with the face of a lioness. bracelets and rings, and of course the triangle ruffle collar and purple flower pattern cape. its a mixed warddrobe, kind of silly, i think it works well with how you cant really take him seriously, too. rude and hurtful, yet also he. dresses like this. a kings crown, cape and collar, but his personal style underneath it. also expresses how he may be king, but hes not really taking that as being his role - rather, being himself means to be king. or being king is like, a side thing, not as important as just doing what he wants. maybe a bit of a reach, dont know if i managed to explain what im feeling properly... also, his actual clothing besides his headress isnt actually complicated, which is an interesting contrast. you would think he wants you to pay attention to his face, and not his body. he is egotistical, it makes sense that he wants you to look at him and pay attention to him in general, but the emphasis on his face is interesting.

headdress: absolutely fits. very extravagant in a way that works. the colors arent bright as hell either, which im glad they did because if they were neon and too flashy itd look too obnoxious. well itd look bad but also hes not about exactly "standing out". he loves attention, but he still has his style, and that style IS colorful, but not neon. i think it fits him well, it teeters on being over the top and subtle at the same time, like complex embroideries perhaps

we love katamari

1#: also like it. has the same color scheme of blue top and magenta purplish bottoms. though here its a bit less saturated and lighter in color. the flowers on the sleeves are a nice touch since hes no longer wearing his flower cape, and the golden ankle ring, as hes wearing nothing on his hands but his wedding ring.

headdress: neat!! i like this more than katamari damacy, but just because its kind of cute. well i like them both, but this one is easier to draw (lol) and the color scheme is nice. the lights are now flashing from the spaces of color, instead of looking like round lightbulbs, if that makes sense, and it seems more casual this way, somehow.

2#: it kinda fucks me up. but judging king in we love katamari, from how different he is compared to katamari damacy, this outfit seems kind of perfect to showcase how (almost eerily) laid back he seems to be in we love. his ruffle collar is now smoothed out, its wiggly instead of sharp. hes wearing a very wide sleeve light cyan top, a purplish flower on each sleeve, with a squiggly cut on the lapel, open to reveal his chest and a golden chain, with a piece that looks perhaps like a flower attached to it. he now has a band wrapped around his waist instead of the golden belt, with a golden lioness head piece holding it in place. lighter wine color tights. its so- i dont know. king starts off obviously excited at the fanbase and attention hes getting, so its curious he puts down the iconic outfit and gets into something so comfortable. he wants to stand out less, all of a sudden. its still very much a king outfit, but he dropped so much, i wonder why. hes laying back as usual to let prince do his work but hes really leaning into it now. not just that, but he seems almost less hurtful than katamari damacy. more open. hes still full of himself, but its toned down, muted. his occasional interjections talking about his childhood and papa are offputting in the sense that its unusual. and this outfit is unusual, too, in comparison. katamari damacys impression is that hes pompous but a bit silly (and also just a dick), we love katamaris impression is that hes egoistic- but aimless. he seems more forgetful and more lost in thought. the cape missing could also be symbolic of his openness, even if a bit cheesy. i noted that his cape might also hold some emotional weight similar to the crown, but thats based on my feelings.

headdress: reflects the casuality. its got a smaller color palette now, less patterns, and more flat spaces of color. reminds more of his headdress patterns in his childhood. its also longer now, but i dont have anything to add for that.

me & my katamari

this is where i start to get a bit iffy in general. the games are no longer directed by keita, and king doesnt actually progress any. he stays the same or changes purely because different people are writing his dialouge. me & my katamari seems to have no story otherwise, or cutscenes, even - so from here on i suppose i do get biased but there isnt much character to go off of. however- i did not play any of the games besides the first two, so i am watching gameplays.

1#: i think its alright. i dont really like the combo of colors, it feels weird with the super yellow thin cape, but it is a swimsuit style thing. i wish they changed the collar, though, or outright removed it. it feels wrong to be in there.

headdress: ehh too neon, doesnt help with colors.

2#: this is. alright, its ok. the swimsuit is relatively simple too, thought the yellow cape doesnt seem like something hed wear, especially since its supposed to be a swimsuit- a cape would make it very hard to swim, though kings zaniness could get him to wear a cape if it means looks over functionality. it isnt his normal cape of course, though im a bit sad the flower pattern is entirely missing here, or even a hint of it. instead its a swimsuit.. something... with wine and orange, and what looks like a necklace. its not a necklace exactly, but i dont know the name for this. its also got a lioness head. i dont really get the golden armband around his left arm, but eh. i think its passable overall but straying further from kings personality, though given he is just like. having a splash and having fun. and it is skin tight, which isnt really that important, but its not swimming boxers or something. swimming suit still with a touch of decency. i guess it wouldve been repetitive if this one also had a v cut, but to continue onward from we love katamari, if it had to be real casual and open as a sort of conclusion to we love katamari, i could imagine something similar to this swimsuit, but its a one-piece that covers his legs and chest but leaves his arms free. idk though. i also added this bit in an edit, so now im starting to think about actually sitting down and redesigning it, but im uh. not able to rn. and you cant save edits as drafts. oh well.

beautiful katamari

1#: really very stupid looking. i think the sleeves and puffy pants are very funny but boy i dont like this. dont really like the colors. id try it on myself tho. again, with the wiggly collar- this straight up just doesnt change in all games after we love katamari.

headdress: meh. not a big fan. its getting a bit boring now.

2#: not sure what to say. king wouldnt wear this. its really not his style. it looks more like a jesters outfit, and the lack of shoes makes it look even stranger. the weird random opening that shows a bit of his stomach is also a bit nonsensical, alone in terms of how the hell this piece of clothing works. the pants are too puffy- stripes arent something that make sense as a pattern for him. and the whole theatrics thing, with king talking to you from behind curtains he opens up, on a stage like background, feels out of character. hes not one for theatrics (literal). he likes admiration but he performs by showing off what he can do physically, not through theater or a play. not that its said he does, but the theater bit is just weird. doesnt fit him as a character.

headdress: in combo with the outfit it just doesnt make much sense, it doesnt really harmonize. its alot of shapes and colors, but not with much consideration. the colors seem to be random. the headdress and outfit are kind of at equilibrium with how much they catch your attention. obviously the headdress is more saturated and in game it has blinking lights, but you do have to look longer at the outfit, and it kind of sticks out with how it seems like such a weird pick for him. also it is just kind of a silly looking thing. maybe im just looking too hard though.

also ill b real im just getting more mad at the gameplay. the physics are missing and the katamari feels way too fast and responsive, which is frustrating me, and the game is basically back to basics with you and king and nobody else, which makes kings lines disappointing, but once again, i handle watching a game and playing it differently, and i already have bad feelings about the sequels besides we love katamari as they arent directed by keita, and king is such a specific character. the gameplay part is irrelevant though but it is making me want to watch it less. lol.

katamari forever

1#: curious! i like this outfit, removed from context. i cant say i like it as a king outfit at all, but i just like this type of outfit. fucking. no idea what that thing hes wearing at his collar is called but i have a little soft spot for that thing. hehe. dont care that its a king outfit though.

headdress: i like the colors! its mainly blues, purples and greens, but i like it. the patterns work fine for me. still boring though.

2#: this is hard. katamari forever has a bit more substance, but the whole plot literally is that king loses his memories. though he IS wearing this before he loses his memories. he has dialouge as he has levels, but technically, roboking is the main character in this. doesnt really matter, you can choose between either of their levels at free will i believe. thissss outfit is. sssssss. i dont know. the direction its taking with the fancy dandiness isnt out of place for *a* king, but it is out of place for *the* king of all cosmos. his suit and whole shebang being so bright is incredibly juxtaposed to his comfy darker pallette of katamari damacy and we love katamari - yet hes still the same character? hes not changed. he still belittles prince for low scores and small katamaris, still pretty egotistical. his outfit doesnt reflect anything on a deeper level. if anything just reflects a change in taste, but thats really not that interesting. theres cutscenes (finally) but these say nothing as hes asleep in those cutscenes. so theres nothing more to pull out of that. his responses to low or high scores seem to be mostly the same, and rather short, to be honest. when he requests something, its also pretty short. theres not alot to take out of that.

touch my katamari

1#: scared. scared of touch my katamari. i dont like this outfit but also i just dont like kings 3d model. like i dont need to tell you his face his scary and uncanny looking. its not that bad in this image but if you see even one closeup of his face its just. uncomfortable. his collar is sharp and triangle-y again, though.

headdress: i like the hearts hehe. thats about it though. dont like the fabric overlay over the texture, was kind of unnecessary. i want to spare you from looking at a closeup of the kings face though.

2#: man i dont know bro

im also getting tired and Hooo shit look at the time. i know i shouldnt do these things but you know how it is. i dont know why i did this, to be honest, but i just felt like talking a bit. my mind is a little too full on things around the cosmic family(s) and im already thinking more about queens family. oh well. i have no idea whether to tag this. i suppose i would conclude it here, despite the indeed dry touch my katamari review... this is just my little thing for me. im sure if i tag it with the katamari tag Nothing bad will happen. im going to sleep.

extra:

THIS IS AMAZING KATAMARI not tap my katamari. you can see the edge of the title literally right there in the image but i was too distracted by their whismy.

queen ❤️

amazing katamari is just a mobile endless runner so theres no story but i will say: i like this! its cute! its simple, and a combo of the katamari damacy and we love katamari outfits. yea its not special, but its ok! though again with the collar... would've liked if they kept either one or the other collar piece. but thats about it, no deep analysis. i just think this render and art style is cute in general, so exclude this from the review. headdress is neat too. again nothing special but atleast it isnt so neon, mainly pinks purples and blues. completely taking it as being cute art though.

bonus AGAIN:

roboking. there will be no outfit review its just king but robo. hes also an entirely different character anyway so an analysis doesnt make sense. but i like that his belt looks stupid and his colors go pretty well, purple yellow blue. and that his eyes are always angled down. i just like robots. all im putting him here for is to say i think his pathetic self is entertaining and i kinda wish katamari forever was better. it couldve been good. but yeah ending this off with sad little roboking. thanks for reading. bye bye

[betawooper]

why YJH orv shouldve been a girl

*Specifically a trans woman, btw. If she was a cis woman that would be a different conversation and there are nuances regarding transness which wouldnt exist in what im talking about otherwise

(This is gonna be a bulleted list bc fuck ordering things in an essay format, also mega orv spoilers so look away if you havent read the novel in its entirety)

it wouldve been a legitimate time save in previous regressions while mastering breaking the sky swordsmanship and that concept is So Funny to me

the transcenders are all gnc af, theres a whole theme surrounding breaking from the norm to reach their true potential, it wouldve fit thematically

if done right, it could emphasize the theme of loneliness thats tied with joonghyuk’s character if none of her other companions are trans; even if they were it wouldnt have mattered since they would have forgotten she was a woman in future regressions anyway

if she tries to repress her identity bc expression of it is deemed unnecessary or meaningless, even more points

would have pushed the narrative foiling with dokja even further since they already have opposing imagery and metaphors, now they would be the opposite gender too

the ‘does dokja and joonghyuk is gay’ joke wouldnt poke fun at the thought of two men being together, but rather at the absurdity of a relationship occurring and still being called such in the first place simply bc of joonghyuk’s gender

bonus points if you emphasize joonghyuk’s canonical lack of interest/attraction to men in light of this, dokja could have joked about that easily

random person: “you two look like lovers lol”

dokja, internally: the bitch is literally a lesbian but Okay-

it would have fit orv’s style of comedy a lot and also remove the slightly homophobic undertones of the original joke too, do you see a downside to this? i dont

she would parallel sookyung (dokja’s mom) even more since joonghyuk essentially “raised” dokja after sookyung could no longer do so

theres already a strong theme about how twsa became dokja’s caretakers in a sense and having joonghyuk be a mother figure instead of a father figure would push the idea of her taking up what should have been sookyung’s duties

besides, the narrative focuses way more on how the lack of a present maternal figure affects dokja over a paternal one so itd be more relevant

also insert joke about joonghyuk being a milf

next, this would parallel sooyoung a lot more, there tends to be this joke amongst creative circles that a creator often projects parts of themselves in their works and that includes characters, both of them being women would make that way more obvious

parallels hayoung bc uh, Trans obviously (sooyoung loves her trans main protagonists lmao)

transfem joonghyuk wouldve made her dynamic/relationship with seolhwa much more interesting since they wouldnt be a typical “het” couple anymore, seolhwa’s character could have been given a little more relevance with the kind of conflicts which could arise from this, the most obvious relating to sexuality

on that note, their ideas of femininity and how they prefer to express it are completely different despite them both being the same gender which could bring up interesting conversations about it (mostly thinking about that scene where seolhwa and joonghyuk go to the auction house prior to gigantomachia and talk about cosmetic skills, this scene couldve been way more fleshed out than it was presented in canon)

if you still want the punisher to exist, this could also fit into that conversation about gender expression and bring up interesting ideas depending on how butch you make joonghyuk

both seolhwa and the punisher would add a lot of complexity to joonghyuk’s whole relationship with self-indulgence and happiness since again, bc of her situation as a regressor she either wouldnt want to open herself up in the interest of practicality or doesnt feel deserving of it when her goal hasnt been accomplished

god are there more points? ill edit this if so but this is already so fucking long-

I actually wrote a whole thing about joonghyuk being uncracked during the events of orv and the comedic potential of it is endless when dokja is the only one who knows, so trust me when i say it does work out very very well (i can link to the stuff in the replies? so far ive got uhhhhh *counts* 54k words of that shit)

Anyways transfem yjh supremacy

[suolainensilakka]

favorite kingdom hearts characters. for science

WELL, gently taps the current pinned post of this blog, that one's a freebie ^__^

Anyway. BOY ranking them all is really hard bc so many characters in the series have permanently set up camp in my head by now and arent particularly inclined to leave any time soon, but if I had to list off just a couple examples that have caused me the most brain damage so far, itd be:

- Terra, hands down my number 1 most specialest guy in the whole world. Instantly became enamored with him from the moment I first set eyes on him and then proceeded to have all of my ribs carefully and meticulously pulled out of my chest one by one throughout the entirety of bbs and the entire rest of the series after that. Its so dire man I literally cannot look at any images of him now without physically having to hold myself back from making a long strangled whine Out Loud With My Mouth every time

- the entire Wayfinder Trio as a collective unit + Vanitas also tbh. Terra's obviously my Primary Favorite but the wayfinders as a whole also make my heart hurt so fucking bad man. My partner and I choose to interpret them all as siblings bc it leads to some exceptionally delicious and painful rs dynamics to explore imo and something abt it just makes The Miseries hit that much harder in ways that have literally had me writhing on the couch with a thousand yard stare rapidly cycling through the five stages of grief on loop. I'm also counting Vanitas as part of the unit bc he's just so closely tied to Ven in my brain that separating them (lol.) feels Wrong (lmao.), and. God. Vanitas might just be one of THE most tragic characters in literally any media I've experienced and I say this without a single hint of irony. The current total wordcount of the rps that I've written abt the wayfinders with my partner so far has probably shot past 50k by now. Why am I hurds

- Kairi. I was originally mostly ambivalent/neutrally intrigued abt her but kept getting increasingly more pissed abt her treatment and constant sidelining by the writing to the point where I got to kh3/mom and something in me snapped entirely, and from that moment onwards I decided to love her entirely out of spite. She instantly shot up to become one of my favorites after that and if I think abt her meta and story potential for longer than five minutes at a time I start frothing at the mouth

- Sora, naturally. I have so so so so many thoughts on this little darling boy that could easily double the wordcount of this ask just by themselves but the most important thing to mention here in lieu of that, for now, is that he's is the One (1) and ONLY child ive ever seen, whether real or fictional, that has made me experience emotions anywhere Close to resembling baby fever. I want to dribble him like a basketball but also gently pinch his cheek affectionately and also spoil him silly like a grandma seeing her beloved grandson again for the first time in months

- Xigbar. This fucko is the one I'm the most mad about ending up liking as much as I do, not because hes a bad character, absolutely far from it I fucking ADORE this terrible bodyhopping little cunt, but because it happened by complete accident after I realized he shares a lot of (surface) similarities with my favorite blorbo from another entirely unrelated franchise and I then got mad about realizing I have a very easily clockable Type (which I've affectionately dubbed the Guys That Suck category. I have more too obv but its the funniest one I have). He's also infuriatingly fun to write. Get me OUT of here

- Xemnas, Terranort and Ansem SoD. Everyone in the Nort Collective counts tbh but those three are the ones I lose sleep over the most, particularly the first two; Xemnas bc he makes me feel an unfathomably deep and haunting sense of grief (brought on by me finishing bbs and then realizing days later the exact way his creation connects to Terra's story and hearing the sound of fucking glass shattering at the back of my head instantly), and Terranort bc I'm fucking terrified of him and he also makes me want to eat gravel whenever I think abt him in context with him interacting with the rest of the wayfinders. He's also really fun to write and this fact Upsets Me. Ansem's listed bc you can never go wrong with the ol reliable mad scientist. The rest of the norts I would probably also be a lot more insane over once I actually get off my damn ass and start picking through the mobile games but that's an endeavor for Future Salty (i am very excited and terrified)

- the Lingering Will. I'm counting it as a separate entity from Terra and the rest of the Terra Collective on a technicality bc (LOUD TELEVISION STATIC AS I GESTURE FRANTICALLY AND FURIOUSLY @ THE JUMBLED BALL OF YARN LABELED "my thoughts on the physical and psychological effects of being a guy who got his soul and entire being shattered into like five million distinct pieces for over 10 Whole Entire Years" THAT I HAVE NOT EXPLAINED THE ENTIRETY OF TO A SINGLE OTHER SOUL ON EARTH) but. Eah. This fucking haunted hunk of metal has been eating holes through my brain tissue ever since I first saw the kh2 secret superboss and I'm distraught over it every single day of my life. This thing is like a weird bug to me. Do you understand. (tearign up) Do you get me. Do I have to pull out the Lingering Will/The Hollow Knight venn diagram

And as for the other fuckos haunting my cranium on the daily I can only mention a couple other honorary picks that honestly could also very well have made it to the main list if not for the fact that this post is already long enough as it is, and these following characters are therefore mostly delegated to Sleeper Agent Blorbos who I don't think about QUITE as often as the ones listed above but whenever I Do I get just as distraught and ailed over them. Anyway, shoutout to the entire Seasalt Trio, Demyx, Riku, Repliku, Naminé and Saïx and probably many others I'm forgetting rn bc it is currently 2 am and I'm running on approximately 5-6 hours of sleep and a prayer 👍 god bless and amen

[magnoliamyrrh]

genuine question how did u deal with your pregnancy scare because i think im going through one at the moment :(

hey dear <3 im sorry to hear that ur going through this, i hope its gonna b a false scare. it can definetely be scary and both times when I've gone through this it made me feel rather crazy

before i say anything else ill say tho: i went through this luckily in a place that allows abortion and knowing i had the money for tests or an abortion. if you dont, please reach out and ill try my best to work together to figure out something that would work. and if itd be really hard to get the money for tests (you can get those at most pharmacies and bigger stores) or an abortion any other way, please also reach out to me; i can most likely help out at least a bit with that. know that you're not alone, many of us have gone through this; it happens 🫂

...mostly, i tried to keep myself grounded and not spiral, which was hard, but i tried. i tried to tell myself that until enough time passed to take a test, there was nothing I could do about it, and thus it'd be best to just not think about it as much as possible until then; just set an alarm for that day and see then, because no amount of worrying, spiraling, thinking, etc. in the meantime would change anything. i also tried to not spiral into self hatred or self blame too much, because that again wouldn't be productive or change anything, just make me feel worse. these things happen, it is what it is.... i still thought about it and freaked out from time to time and it was always in the back of my mind, but trying to just think about it like this helped me during that time, and helped me from losing it as much as i could have..... i also had a tendency to want to put off getting a test and to avoid it, but I tried to tell myself again, that weather i know or dont know it wont change if its positive or not, and thus it would be better to know, and to know before the whole thing goes on longer if it is so. so, taking the actual tests was definetely anxiety inducing and scary, but i tried to tell myself that it had to be done, and it was the better option, and that I would be more okay if I knew, than didn't

.... one of my issues personally was that despite whatever rational thoughts i was having about if i was pregnant i realistically should not keep it for a very long list of reasons, i found out that i had an instict from somewhere in me to want to do so anyway. thus, i was more reticent to find out if i actually am or not, because I didn't know how I would handle that. i really struggled with this both times, dont know if you are. what helped me with that was just telling myself that no matter what, i couldn't. listing to myself all the reasons why it wouldn't work out - both for myself, and because even more importantly i wouldn't realistically be in a position to provide a kid everything they would need and everything that i would want to give them.... and trying to tell myself too, that its alright if i need to get an abortion; its not a bad thing (even though I generally feel this way, I've tended to end up personally conflicted when it comes to me). now, idk how your life is, where you're at, and how you're feeling about all this. what I can say is, if you are actually pregnant it's going to be your decision, and you'll get through it, and you'll be okay, but please if that is the case, really think about it.... but I would generally say, that is not something to keep too much on your mind until you take an actual test (or your period comes). it helped me to tell myself all the thoughts and contemplations just arent doing too much or taking me anywhere until i know

something i tried to tell myself too and that I'll tell u too, is that its gonna be okay. some women have a hard time with abortions, and others don't - thankfully ive never actually had to have one, just been there for friends who have- but it's going to be okay. you'll get through it and come out the other end and you'll be okay. you'll be okay until you find out and after you find out, whatever the results may be. you'll get through it, as you have gotten through other things in life <3

.... im sorry if this didn't help too much, but that's basically how I got through... the first time this happened it was actually due to something non-consensual too which was kinda a different kind of scary and crazy feeling to deal with, and I hope that's not the case with you, but if it is im sorry, and if you want you can send me another ask and I'll share how I got through that one..... but.. mostly.. just try to be gentle and kind with yourself, and try not to overthink until you can get an actual answer. do other things you enjoy, get other stuff you need to get done done, meditate, listen to music, talk to people, whatever may help you keep calm and take your mind off of it in the meantime. and know that you're not alone with going through this, and that youll b okay. ❤️🧡💛 wishing you the best 🌸

[elmmni]

jfc

alright so 2020 has been snorting crack cocaine since january we all agree on this correct?

so we all know the chaos its all kinds of wack BUT i thought id make a list, just so we can ✨observe✨ the sheer magnitude of the chaos and the way its EXPONENTIALLY gotten worse

-we started off with wwiii, this was about three days into january no one really knew what was happening, plenty of memes, great start

-the australian bush fires, yep that was this year remember those?

-prince harry and megan markle just...... left the royal family they quit asdhj ok

-covid was announced as ✨A Thing✨

-kobe bryant died rip in peace

-trump was impeached and then they couldnt actually get rid of him

-the stock market began to crash fun fun

-quarantine (:

-george floyd was killed and the black lives matter protests began

-as did some riots

-but ill be level with you if given the opportunity to burn down a target, so long as you got everyone out, wouldnt you take it?

-also people were protesting the quarantine too but no one cared about that did they mhmm 

-all countries matter on the 4th of july that was the funniest birthday present ever thank you twitter

-kanye west running for president??? i dont really remember when this happened but i know it happened

-the kim jong un death rumors????

-like this mf faked his own death to weed out the traitors in his circle what kinda sci-fi/fantasy antagonist bullshit is that im sorry wh at

-killer wasps yeah remember them who knows what theyre up to now im worried about it

-brendon urie got canceled and i still dunno how to feel about him 

-lots of famous people got arrested but idc because idk who they are

-chadwick boseman died, rip in peace

-the california fires began, yeah these were fun the sky looked pretty neat im ngl glad i live in south cali cause i had to evacuate last year and i dont really wanna do that again yah know?

-oh and those fires began because a couple of ✨cishets✨ decided to use fireworks for a gender reveal party my god

-trump got covid and fulfilled john mulaney’s prophecy of the horse being in the hospital

-tik tok was banned because some teenagers were bullying trump and yes ik that happened before he got covid im just too lazy to rearrange the list

-oh also rick astely made a tik tok a little while ago and idk how to feel about it

-ruth bader ginsburg died, rip in peace

-the presidential debate was a complete fucking disaster oh my GOD

-the fly on mike pence

-eddie van halen died, rip in peace

^my dad was really sad about that one

-why are so many good people dying jfc 2020 chill out a little bit do you fucking mind

-im 90% certain they came out with trumps tax records and he’s been committing tax fraud for the last 30 years which is a mood but bruh

and now for shit thats happened This Week

-girl in red said lesbian was her least favourite word uhhh ok bitch

-the election has been a ✨Nightmare✨

-TEXAS was a swing state and we’re all watching georgia turn blue thats how bad it is

-twitter verified and then unverified jschlatt and we’re all pretty sure its because they thought he was running for president

-nevada???? is incapable???? of counting???? like are they giving the ballots to toddlers theyre teaching to count whats going on

-a guy whos been dead for like a month was elected into congress

-destiel is canon and everyone whos ever used tumblr is dying

-putin annouces his retirement 20 minutes after destiel is made canon so thats wonderful

-unus annus ends next week and im sad about it

-and there is Going to be a supreme court ruling about this whole election thing because trump is Going to lose and he is Going to throw a hissy fit and im not here for it

oh my FUCKING god that list is even longer than i thought tf

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Announcements and Updates

Please note the following has not come easy or without long thoughts and anxiety filled nights along with it.

Be patient and bare with me as there are moments of rambling, heartache and discouragement below the cut.

Thank you for taking the time to read the following and I hope to see you all on the other side. 💚

First and foremost thank you. Thank you for being patient. Thank you for understanding that life has had its ups and downs the last year or so. That writing motivation and inspiration have drastically plummeted while lack of posting has skyrocketed with a few drops in between.

I initially wanted to give you two weeks of fics this month to determine if it was worth staying here. To determine if I could handle the heartbreak of leaving this site and taking my fics elsewhere after an amazing 3 years of posting fics. But in all reality wasnt fair to myself to give myself a deadline to stay or go. An ultimatum that made it so easy to say forget it and I wont write at all.

But I couldnt do that. I couldn't force myself to go through an ultimatum and make it so I wouldn't write anything else and that's what it was leading to. That's what it was becoming and I never thought itd be me discouraging myself not to write and end my blog posting here.

Yes I could stop posting here and write elsewhere. Yes I could continue the series I love so much on other platforms. But how could I move on and essentially start over?

So I'm going back to the basics instead. We're going back to the 2018 Dom that was nervous about starting a blog. Where she wrote what she loved when it wanted to be written instead of forcing it out and burning myself out in the process.

There are fics that I've been dying to write but have put on the back burner for so long. Mostly because I have a sea of requests that I feel guilty not getting to so why should I wrote what I want to? But there will be no more of that.

Any and all requests that do not currently have over 500 words written will be purged completely. A clean slate to focus on what I would like to write. This doesn’t mean that I won’t open them in the future. It just means for the time being I will be focusing on what I want and love and not what others want. 

In a way I am putting myself first and that is what is important, after all. 

Next, the following fics will be discontinued as of today. * Indicates the fics that will be continued to be posted on other platforms as they were posted there first and there have been no real interest here at all. 

Untold Future*

These Violent Delights 

The following Fic has been moved to @xxwrittenafterdarkxx for darker themes that are no longer considered ‘for everyone’. 

What the Future Holds

The following Fics will be finished on a posting schedule that is TBD starting in August. 

Monster

A Life With You

Sweet Family of Mine

Bound to Break

Chemical Reaction

Once Upon a December

The following fics currently have over 500 words and will be posted sometime in the future at my own decision and discretion. 

Enchanted (Elijah Mikaelson x Reader)

I Had You (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Marked for Death (Klaus Mikaelson x Reader)

Eyes On Me (Druig x Reader)

Forgiveness (Tony Stark x Reader)

Lethal Bite (Salvatore Sister)

Ghost of You (Enzo St. John x Reader) 

With that being said, there will be no new fics or posts until August (Maybe. We’ll see). I will be randomly reblogging things until my fandom heart is content. However nothing new from me will be posted until August. 

But Dom, I was really looking forward to _Insert fic title here_. Will you be posting it?

That depends. If I’ve given a preview it will at some point get posted since it was over 500 words that were written in order for you to get a preview of it. If it was simply a hey, here’s what I am planning to post in the near future, but nothing has been written yet, then no. It wont be posted and will more than likely be purged with the rest of the requests on my very long 10+ page to do list.

But wait! Why are you stopping these fics but continuing others?

Motivation and creative decisions. These Violent Delights was an idea that I absolutely loved and wanted to write out. But I have no desire to finish it. I have lost all thought on where I wanted that fic to go or how it would get to the ending. While I had an outline and an ending scene, it was the middle that I no longer have a desire to write. When it comes to the others, I still have that desire. I still have that desire to get to point B,C,D, E all the way to Y before we get to the destination of the ending at Z for the others. And the point of this is that I wont force myself to write something that I have no interest in.  

But what will you be posting if its not those requests that you’re purging?

Drabbles, oneshots and head canons that I want to write. Prompt inspirations that I saw and decided that I’d write in that instant because I wanted to. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this and if you didn’t that’s on you when I laugh at the random ask saying wait this or that is missing? Or wait you’re not doing this? 

So hopefully you’ve read this and this wasn’t for nothing. Have a good rest of your day/Night. And thank you for being here ♥

[sporksaber]

Ok, I love the role swap concept with zuko and azula, but I feel like they switch their abilities and personalities a bit too and I think itd be more fun without that. Where Azula is an antisocial and unstable genius who wants to gain power and zuko still struggles with being the less powerful and extremely empathetic sibling. So here's how I'd do it.

(Note, this is just for fun. I'm not saying anyone else's version is bad. But I've though about this so much and need it out of my head before I go off cuz make a whole comic and I do not have the time, i need to work.)

First off, Azula wouldn't call out in concern for the men like how zuko did. In my version she's allowed into the meeting because of the aptitude for strategy shes shown. She speaks up because it's an inefficient plan that uses up too many resources when there are other options. This enrages her father and leads to the agni kai. Azula is terrified and feels betrayed but has no idea how to handle any of it. She fights back during the agni kai, but in her panic she sets off a bolt of lightning. Ozai finishes the match and severely burns on her lower back. Azula is banished for her use of lightning on the fire lord (bc ozai fears she will no longer be easy to manipulate and might plot his death) and is forced to leave the next morning.

Some things to note: azula is eleven at this point. I changed the placement of the scar bc I think zuko's is very symbolic in a way that doesnt suit azula. Zuko's scar being over his eye and close to the light chakra shows the way his view of the fire nation and honour obscures his vision and how he is unaware of the truth of the world under fire nation rule. I set azula's over her spine because that chakra is based on survival and blocked by fear. It also represents trust which will fit into her arc with the gaang. Finally, she doesnt have Iroh to guide her. One of the things that bothered me was Iroh writing her off as evil despite her being a mentally unstable child. She did have to be defeated, but the way he talked about it was too dismissive. (Personally I think he was projecting his views of his brother and his perceived failures with him onto her.) Azula isnt sent to capture the avatar so she isnt given soldiers. She's completely alone without an advisor to look to or keep her calm.

Azula is given a manned ship with a disgraced soldier and an attendant when she leaves. The way I see it the soldiers zuko had were probably more irohs than his. The soldier is relieved to not be executed but hates being demoted to playing babysitter to a child at sea. The attendant views it as a punishment and hates Azula for it. Eventually the attendant will betray her and be killed for it. Azula never trusted the soldier and he eventually leaves to start a family in an earth kingdom colony. Azula doesnt miss him, he was no longer useful. The loneliness does get to her though.

Azula is obsessed with getting the underhand, so she had been successfully building connections and planting spies where needed.

(Zuko has been acting as a respectable crowned prince. He holds a zealous loyalty to his nation and father. He still faulters as Iroh tries to steer him from tyranny, but his sights are set on his father's approval and that alone. Afterall, if his prodigy could be discarded who's to say what would happen to him if he failed?)

This brings us to the start of the series. Like Zuko Azula witnesses the trap on the old fire nation battle ship go off. She investigates and finds that an air bending avatar is living at the south pole village. She decides she wants to speak with him.

Azula didn't believe the avatar existed before this point. Hiding didnt add up to her knowledge of the morality of airbenders, so she assumed the air nation avatar from the start of the war would be dead. She would know if one had appeared in the water tribe, as the south had all its benders killed and the north was compacted so close together it would be impossible to hide. Earth would be harder, but they were most likely to fight back and out act. And if in ba sing se they'd be used as a weapon or gotten rid of to preserve the peace of the city. Once the culcle progressed to the fire nation it would either be used to take over the other nations or enf the cycle for good. After all, there hasn't been an air bender for a hundred years even if the rumors of some acolytes surviving were truthful.

Azula kidnaps aang with far more ease than she should of been able to. Once he stops struggling she calmly offers him tea and promises to release him once their discussion is finished. He takes the tea and drinks it without question and besides a wary glare shows no more hostility. She thought him a fool, the tea could have easily been poisoned and promised are nothing but words. His naivete makes her job easier though.

She finds out that he was suspended frozen in the avatar state the last 100 years. And so, Azula informs him of the war and the fire nations crimes, advising him to master the elements if he wants to prevent all his new friends and the avatar cycle from certain destruction. Aang is conflicted, he never asked for any of this. Azula just gives a bitter smile. "The hands of fate were never designed to take requests, they move without regard to any life dependent on it. Dont waste your breath when there is nothing you can do."

Azula wants to see Ozai fail. If helping the avatar is what it takes then so be it. When his friends appear to save him she let's them leave without a fight. Theyll be useful in the future.

As the gaang's travels kick off she sets out to find out if the rumours about the acolytes are true. In this she finds a traveling circus. The youngest daughter and an old friend of hers was eager to escape and found Azula's life exciting. She didn't hesitate after being invited along, insisting that traveling would be easy for her and that she'd pull her own weight.

She encounters the gaang a few times as time goes by. The relationship is reluctant on the water tribe siblings part, they dont trust her and hold a decent amount of fear towards her. Her cold and calculating demeanor was unsettling, but the unhinged way she fought was terrifying. Her form was perfect and her attacks were precise, but the bigger the fight the more lost she became as she laughed and shrieked and occasionally snapped at someone who didnt seem to be there. The only worse reaction was when she zeroed in on one opponent, picking them apart both mentally and physically as she drove them to the ground. )

Things that'll happen as I move through an episode list:

Azula doesn't have her ship attacked do she diesnt run into zhao while doing repairs, instead going straight to ty lee.

Azula learns that the gaang is on kyoshi island and heads ther after them. She has been keeping track of the avatar as they move. Ty lee gets along well with the kyoshi warriors while azula buts heads with them. They dont want her there and azula hates it when people get in the way. Zhao appears to try to capture aang and Azula dips at the same time as the gaang. She tells ty lee she can stay but she insists on sticking with azula. This puts her on edge.

Ty lee gets captured by earth benders, when she escapes on her own she cements her usefulness to Azula.

They run into zhao trying to capture the avatar and azula tells him she'll capture him first. They both attack aang during the solstice, though azula's attacks are all purposefully set to miss and trip up zhao as much as possible. Aang is the best way to prove her father wrong and she's not going to lose that.

They rob the pirates that try to capture the avatar. Azula needs the resources and it gives her leverage over the gaang.

After almost killing ty lee for scaring her by popping up behind her Azula tells her why she was banished. (In more of a "my own mother thought I was a monster" way than an opening up about trauma way.)

Azula learns that zhao has captured aang and frees him. She then sets to reworking her information network as not all of them are scared enough of her to not fail her. She remedies it quickly.

Azula learns that zhao is plotting her assassination and decides it's the perfect moment to fake her death.

Azula enters the north pole to defeat zhao and gain any information she can. Ty lee rades a library during the confrontation. Zhao is surprised and infuriated to see her alive, Azula smiles as she sends him to his death knowing that she is not only helping the avatar but also that he gave her a perfect way to hide from the fire nation. (When news of his sisters death reaches hum, Zuko doesnt know what to think. She was always cruel to him, but she was still his little sister.)

The crown prince of the fire nation is sent to capture the avatar. Azula follows him as he begins his search. (Zuko begins to think he's going insane as he keeps catching glimpses of his recently deceased sister out of the corner of his eye.)

Ty lee keeps running into a girl she slowly befriends. She's gloomy and sarcastic and ty lee thinks Azula would like her. (Zuko's fiance Mai tells him that she thinks his sister is still alive.)

As Azula notices ty lee become more and more distracted as she absorbed herself into the cultures that surround them she decides it's best for them to split up. Ty lee diesnt agree, but Azula leaves anyway. She has work to do.

While traveling alone Azula cant escape the thoughts of her mother. Of her fathers betrayal. Of the life she lost because the idiot elders had no grip on proper strategy that even a child could create. She meets a boy that reminds her far too much of zuko with a mother far to similar to theirs. When she sends the bandits controlling the town running she knows it's more than just controlling a territory that compelled her. But at the same time she doubts not following through on the whim would have bothered her.

Ty lee meets toph and chat for a bit. Ty lee tells her about azula and how she left. When toph tells her she should forget her she insists that azula didnt really ditch her and that they're still friends. They talk about their friends and childhood.

Ty lee finds Azula and immidiently jumps at her, which she does not enjoy. Ty lee insists that she still wants to travel with her and Axula sighs as she let's her tag along to the next location, ba sing se.

Azula slips through guards and protocols as she tries to gain any information she can to help her once they reach the city. Ty lee befriends a guy named jet and his group, the freedom fighters. When he tries to get more than friendship she turns him down and it becomes much more awkward.

Ty lee becomes a street performer and chames everyone she meets as Azula researches the dai lee and how they keep control. After lashing out in frustration ty lee drags her out to enjoy the city's night life.

Azula learns of the presence of the avatar and location of appa. She frees him and sets to work taking control of the dai lee. She let's herself be briefly captured but her plan shifts when katara is thrown in with her. Katara is pissed just being around her and azula plays up a cool kind of annoyance. Katara briefly catches sight of the burns on Azula's back and offers to heal her, only for Azula to freak out and yell at her to stay away, backing against a far wall in a fighting stance. They are saved by the rest if the gaang and ty lee shortly after.

Azula goes back to try and salvage her plan only to be caught off guard by the appearance of her brother and his offer to return to the fire nation. Not willing to lose all possible advantages, she agrees. They battle the gaang, and when they are almost captured azula sends a bolt of lightning at aang, causing them to retreat. Katara can heal him more easily than she can maneuver them out of an execution.

Azula returns to the fire nation with her brother, mai and ty lee, starting the beginning of a large power play between her and her father. They are sent to lo and li beach house. The relationship between the siblings is tense, zuko has always been the child born with nothing who gained everything when his blessed at birth sister lost it all. Azula has always been cruel, but he cant help but let his heart catch on the moments when she's not. ("My own mother thought I was a monster, My father thought i was too difficult to keep around" "Don't let their words blind you, you need to be more careful, zuzu." "I learned the hard way to never turn your back to anyone, and the scars will always be there as a reminder if I need it." )

Azula runs into iroh, who is very disapproving of her presence. He warns her to stay away from zuko and to watch herself while at the palace. Later, zuko comes to her asking about their great grandfather. Upon being pressed he admits that he was sent a mysterious letter. He thought she was going to burn it when he handed it to her but instead the heat from the fire revealed a hidden ink. "Honestly brother, did you ever pay attention at all during lessons?" They find a autobiographical scroll of their great grandfathers life and the secret that their other great grandfather was roku. Azula scoffed at the idea of bloodlines deciding fate and quickly left. But Zuko remained conflicted.

During the day of the black sun Azula confronts Ozai. As iroh and Zuko fight the avatar. She learns that her mother left for zuko's sake and that she was never going to be fire lord. Azula tells him she'll be somthing even better and leaves the palace.

Azula and ty lee follow the gaang to the western air temple. Katara immidprntly attacks but is quickly rendered unable to bend by ty lee. Azula tells them that the only way for them to of gotten out was for Aang to be incapacitated, and she knew katara could heal him. Aang decides they can stay but have to stay distanced from everyone else.

Azula tries to teach aang fire bending but is slowly growing sick while aang is barely able to produce a puff of smoke. Unable to sleep and constantly on edge, it soon affects her bending, sending her spiraling as she loses control on the only consistent power she's ever had. Her and aang journey to find the true source of fire bending to try to help their conditions.

Still sick, Azula is itching to do anything away from the temple. Finding sokka trying to reach the boiling rock to find his father, she decides to go with him as she knows the prison well. Sokka declines but she goes anyway. They dont find his father, but they do find suki. Azula formulates a plan but they postpone when sokka's father arrives.

Azula comes up with a new plan, now reluctant to include sokka. He tells her to trust him but she insists she has no reason to. Her sickness has been getting worse and he tells her she needs to trust him, making her angry. Only when he catches her while they're escaping dies she finally begin to accept trusting him, if only slightly.

(While they're away ty lee tries to convince

Azula goes with Katara to find the man who killed her mother. Azula has no concept of why katara is so upset, which causes her to get angry. But azula tracks the man anyway.

Ember island players- azulas character has the scar across her chest. She's absolutely insane and "not entirely inaccurate, but I'd never come up with such a dumb plan." Shes also heavily implied to be more than close to ty lee, which azula has no reaction to even as the others freak out.

I havent decided the ending, zuko will probably turn to the gaang's side. I'll add more later and maybe write or illustrate a bit.

[doomednarrative]

On the topic of listening to "Marsha, Thank You for the Dialectics" one too many times, and the idea that you might be identifying too much with your trauma and mental illness:

----

If you've followed me for any length of time on this blog, you'll probably be aware of two things about me:

A. I'm clearly mentally ill in some regard, and B. I use music to cope and work thru the issues related to my mental illness and trauma a lot.

The past four years have been both the worst and best years of my life. I ran away from an abusive home, I've gone thru two major breakups and one of them just absolutely rocked my shit for awhile, I've been consistently working thru my queer identity and figuring all of that out for myself, and the list goes on.

Finally leaving an environment that had trapped me in a cycle of traumatic experiences for years left me in a weird place. For once I was somewhere where my illness and suffering was being taken seriously and not constantly belittled and ignored, and my queerness was accepted and respected. And that felt great!

What Wasnt so great about that was the Overwhelming feelings of "oh my god I've been suffering for so long and now that i'm out of that place, I cant stop thinking about it and realizing how much its truely fucked me up and worsened my mental health" that came with everything else.

And with that overwhelm, somewhere along the line I started to identify with that suffering. I had spent so long in a place that refused to acknowledge that I was hurting at all, that now that I was in a place where I could truely express that hurt and how it affected me, I didnt want to let go of it.

This was a cycle that went on for awhile, and one that I didn't really realize I was trapped in until about March this year.

Enter Will Wood and his wonderful music.

I'd heard of him months before, already had Dr. Sunshine and Hand Me My Shovel in my spotify library. But I didn't really give him a Proper listen until Miles suggested I do so, and I fell in love almost immediately with his stuff. Underneath his music just being fun and wild to listen to, Will's music talks so openly and genuinely about deeper themes of personal identity and mortality and the current culture we live in, and so many other important things.

"Marsha, Thank You for the Dialectics" is a song about both sides of the mental health discussion and about the struggle of how everyone deals with their own personal identity in relation to their mental health treatment. Its a song that once I heard what it was really saying, it slapped me in the fucking face to say the least. I havent heard someone describe the things this song is trying to say in a way that actually made sense and summed up my feelings on the discussion so nicely ever honestly. The things Will addresses in this song are important, and its all stuff I've personally pondered on for awhile too.

Some lyrics that really stuck out to me would be these two:

"Who makes the call, whats a symptom whats a flaw, can it be both? Well I suppose thats an answer."

"Ain't your identity at stake? Does aspirin kill you with the pain?"

What a complex question, isnt it? Does treatment kill your identity, change who you are as a person? Is that a bad thing? Whats really a symptom of the mental illness and what makes it that? Do those symptoms also count as personal flaws?

What do you do when you identify too much with your illness that you feel you can't get treatment for it?

That was the real question I got stuck on for myself. Because after a lot of deeper reflection on my own behavior and thoughts towards my illness and trauma, I made a discovery I hadn't known before really thinking about what this song was saying:

I found that I was scared to be treated. I was scared of finding an identity outside of my illness. I had become so accustomed to defining a part of myself by my suffering, that i became afraid of what or who I could become without it constantly weighing me down. And thats a very heavy thing to realize about yourself, but it was a very eye opening thought for me to have.

And I dunno how much longer itd have taken me to figure out if it wasnt for this song tbh. Its just not something I wanted to think about for awhile. I became content with identifying myself by my illness, and I was resistant to seeking out treatment for fear that I wouldnt like who I'd become if I tried to treat it.

Thankfully, this is something I've been working thru more recently after having that revelation.

I don't really have some grand statement to make at the end of this. I'm really just here journalling and writing down how I feel about all of this stuff recently. But, I do think theres something to be said about how art and music can really affect people. Hell knows I've had quite a few good mental revelations about myself since listening to Wills music more recently. Its been helpful honestly.

If you take anything away from this tho, maybe it should be that its not a bad thing to examine just how much you define yourself by your illness and trauma sometimes. You might find that you're in a little too deep sometimes and want to pull yourself out.

You're more than what your illness is. And treatment for it isn't a bad thing either. I may just be learning this for myself, but I do think its true.

Just something for yall to ponder for now I suppose.

[stardust-make-a-wish]

Do you have any fic recs for haikyuu and fruits basket? c:

ANON I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THIS ASK I LOVE TALKING AB FICS BUT IM GONNA NEED U TO BE MORE SPECIFIC RE: HAIKYUU PLS there r so many pairings its hard to rec stuff unless i know what ur looking for.........i guess ill just rec a bunch of diff ones then !!! (disclaimer i am Bad at summaries- rambling ahead bc i cant control myself hxjsh)

i actually dont read too much fruba fic but these two r v good i love

must be love on the brain (that's got me feelin' this way)

💌　kyoru - 4.3k words | “Tohru has a secret admirer. Everyone reacts to it accordingly. Except Kyo.”

it has.......a rooftop scene......its got that good kyoru pining.....its so good ... (honestly this authors kyoru is just *chefs kiss* just go through their frba tag)

my heart on your sleeve

🧣　kyoru - 3.7k words | “In which stealing your boyfriend’s clothing is an art, and Tohru Honda has perfected it.”

,,,, post curse fluff.....established relationship kyoru ufhdhfgcg i die this is so cute and just....rlly good vibes

alrigjt OK so i have.........a lot of hq fic recs........ if u want like all of them here r my hq bookmarks u can sort through them theyre all gems but ill list like a few of my favs !! this is just going to b ship stuff bc i dont read too much gen <//3

• (mostly)canon compliant:

your wide eyes are the only light i know

🌱 bokuaka - 9.2k

kind of like...how their relationship develops over time., its a bunch of really soft moments i love it.. i cant do it justice in this description but its so so lovely...(this author writes the SOFTEST bokuakas i am in sha mble s... pls check out their fics)

From Tokyo and Osaka, With Love

🌻 bokuaka - 8.2k | akaashi and his birthdays from 17-21, or five years' worth of birthdays spent with bokuto

i,, adore ts bkak and this fic is SO HFJFJD i love it a lot ughhgdb its one of my fave timeskip fics !!def a comfort fic of mine <3 (this author also has a bunch of good stuff on their page !!)

you never have to wander, wonder

🍨 sunaosa - 23k | Between food sharing, intimate conversations, special smiles, and thousand-word pictures, this is how Suna tries to not deal with a crush.

honestly i am not even the biggest sunaosa stan but this fic is just so much fun !! i actually.. reread this one a lot FHDJ i have a few fics that i just tend to read when im sad & this is one of them ! its got summer vibes, v v good friendship dynamics + miya twin shenanigans,, even if ur neutral ab the pairing, this is just such an enjoyable read! (its also got fun socmed aspects.... internet famous miyas is always fun) (this authors fics also slap ahshdb honestly just check out the fics of anyone linked here)

all that you were

🍃 sakuatsu - 4.6k | Sakusa confesses to Atsumu with all the enthusiasm of someone reporting a traffic jam.

this!!! is the fic that got me into skts so itd b a disservice if i didnt rec it !! (yes...check out this author too.......their fics r always so good)

liminal spaces

🚪 sakuatsu - 26k | Fuck you, Atsumu thinks, pointing at the pixelated Sakusa in the team photo on his bedside table. It’s easier than you’d think to ignore loving your teammate.

this fic made me feel things and also its just v vibey. i dont rmbr too much but its like....rlly good hdhd

• aus/canon divergent:

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

🌿 iwaoi - 66.3k

alright if u like iwaoi & read fics for hq u have probably read this already but it doesnt hurt to throw it in bc this fic is an experience man its SO good. it hurts so much and so good and idk its just kind of iconic

famous angels (never come through england)

📸 sakuatsu - 10.4k | actor au!! its got fun socmed bits via like movie review articles & insta posts n the like its v fun !!! the character relationships r rlly good even aside from the main pair! this one ive been meaning to reread for a while now tbh

as blood returns and returns to the heart

⚔️ kuroken - 8.5k | royalty au by same author as above!! this fic,,, has almost all the things i love in a royalty au and it executes them all so so well... u have... king and loyal protector...pining....rlly fitting vibes,, ugh this fic is so great (check out this author too their fics r v good)

but not for spring to well up

🕰 sunaosa - 40.8k | After ending a relationship with a fiancé, Suna returns home and tries to heal from heartbreak. Here, he finds friends in the form of the Miya brothers, and learns patience, forgiveness, and what happiness means to him.

magical realism/antique shop au thats honestly just so thoroughly written it could b a story independent of these characters,, the miya twins r rlly good & the whole setting is such a vibe,, its def on the longer side but i enjoyed every bit of it!! all the magical lore was super cool n its just. so good man...

a certain slant of light

⛅️ bokuaka - 18.4k | akaashi is an author in need of help. bokuto is a witch who sells him a little light.

i actually just read this fic yesterday but i was rly going through it so i thought id include it fjfhg,, its a magic au still in a modern setting, (lowkey ghibli vibes honestly) and the slow build of akaashi dealing w his problems and growing more fond of these ppl he meets... its so lovely....u become so attached to the setting and characters and their relationships u rlly end up feeling right along w him........it has a happy end though dont worry i would never rec a fic that doesnt end happy mostly bc i myself cant handle it LOL. also the words r very pretty. thats def not the right way to describe it but im here to talk ab how it made me feel not talk abt word choice :’)

ok this was so so long im so sorry omg but i had a lot of fun putting this together & i absolutely have more where this came from if anyone wants FJDJHDJ

[dopposhusband]

I know I say it all the time, but I wanted to tell you directly for once: I think the stuff you write is genuinely great! Whether it be a few headcanons, a fic or a description of one of your AUs, I really love them! They're well written and always interesting to read, so thank you for posting your stuff! I'll always be looking forward to more! Once again, I have another question about your boys! Do you have some friendship HCs? Either between them or in general? ^^

@yokairu​ Youre the absolute sweetest!! It means the world to read that, I owe you so much, thank you! I wrote a whole thing about Doppo having friends once at three in the morning and its been sitting in my drafts for a few weeks so I thought the ideas I had there would be interesting here! I also put a lil hc what I think being friends with them would be like too!

Doppo doesn’t really have any friends outside of Jakurai and Hifumi which is a huge shame because I think he could get along with everyone! He really deserves more people to care about him!

💼 Dice inviting Doppo to try a more adventurist life for a night, have the two go gambling and drinking together. I just want Doppo to be able to loosen up and have some fun and I also want Dice to understand just how much of Doppos apology loops come from such an abusive work life. They’re complete opposites and they could learn something from each other!!!

💼 Doppo being a big brother figure for Ichiro, Doppo is literally the walking definition of exhaustion and having to take care of two baby brothers must’ve been tough on Ichiro. So Doppo can understand having to hide more negative emotions from his years hiding them from co-workers, managers, customers, and maybe even his own younger brother. Doppo might not be able to help carry the burden Ichiro has but let him give him like a nice lil head pat, tell him hes doing a great job!!!

💼 Also speaking of buster bros, Jiro and Saburo??? Like imagine Doppo teaching Saburo how to use Microsoft Excel!! Jiro catching Doppo on his lunch break and begging him to buy him lunch too, then Doppo complaining about how much his job sucks and Jiro giving him some of the worst career advice ever.

💼 Rio teaching him how to make all kinds of drinks and foods he can eat to relieve his stress and tension. Just Doppo out in the woods to clear his mind from the bustle of the city, taking in fresh air and just relaxing. Having someone like Rio who isn’t too talkative but is always willing to let him vent then after hes let it all out he can just lie back and look at the stars!!

💼 Even though Ramuda and Matenrou are on very tense terms but having him make clothes for Doppo. It could just be something small like a nicely designed tie but it’d be enough because itd liven him up knowing that this is something no one else in the world has!! And just having him model for Ramuda at all, it would be such a good boost to his self esteem and hed get to wear all kinds of pretty outfits!!

💼 DOPPO BOOK CLUB!!! DOPPO BOOK CLUB!!! On Doppos days off he host a book club with Gentaro and Rosho! They all talk about books they’ve read, Doppo usually only talks about chapters rather than full books because he rarely has time to read. Gentaro constantly lying about the ending of a book to goof on Rosho and Doppo but always feeling a little bad when Doppo takes it seriously and gets all bummed that it was taking him too long to finish.

💼 Sasara the funny clown man trying his damnedest to make Doppo laugh at one of his jokes!! The salaryman is sad too much he deserves a good laugh too and sometimes Sasaras funny so its perfect!!

👔 Being friends with Doppo changes the longer you know him, at first he’ll be very nervous and overly considerate, but after a long while he’ll eventually relax. He worries a lot about being a burden or about you thinking being friends with him is an obligation so you’ll have to be the one to initiate conversation with him at the beginning. Once he feels confidant that you really care about him then comes the second hurdle of him feeling terrible about never having any time. Time is an issue for Doppo but he tries his hardest to always answer whatever texts you send him and he always extends an invitation to you whenever he can! Slowly, he’ll also be more open about his emotions, not like he isn’t already but he’ll be less worried about expressing them. He’ll be less indecisive on vocalizing his annoyance if you do something that bothers him or if you’re doing something stupid alongside Hifumi. He’ll still be apologetic but less so when it comes to him keeping his ground because you guys are close enough for him not to worry about bending over backwards. Its all a long process but if you do make it to the end you have a very loving friend who is just glad to have you around!

Ichiro needs more people to hang out with, people he can de-stress with when he’s away from his brothers. MC BIG BRO DESERVES A BREAK!

🎧 I know I ship with IchiDice but the two would make great boyfriends and regular friends! Ichiro tends to avoid things that he’s too young so he can’t go gambling instead he gets Dice addicted to a gatcha games. Dice isnt huge on the anime stuff but he sure loves hitting those SSRs! The two are always talking about their pulls, bragging about the good and complaining about the bad almost 24/7. On the other side though when a day gets too stressful Dice is more than okay to listen to Ichiro vent a little, although it is rare and its not like Dice gives good advice but its nice to have an outlet. In return Ichiro always lets Dice crash at his place whenever he hits a massive losing streak.

🎧 Ramuda constantly complains about Ichiro and his brothers clothes so he has an excuse to make them new ones. He also loves texting Ichiro just to chat, always using stickers and litters his texts with emoticons.  。.:☆*:･'(*⌒―⌒*))) °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) ヽ(￣ω￣(。。 )ゝ

🎧 Okay, now hear me out, Rio and Ichiro. It’s the strangest combination but Rio is just such a sweetheart, after the DRB he came over to the Yamada household to check up on them and bring them food. After a little while of gaining his trust Ichiro would slowly warm up to him, I mean he helped with chores and cooked for them. (Even tho the food is a little suspicious being made literally anything) It must be hard to take care of two kids when you’re still a kid too so Rio wants to try and help a little.

🎧 I think there isn’t enough of a focus on him being on good terms with Jakurai and the two being friends. Like Rio, Jakurai worries about Ichiro and how much of his childhood was taken away from him so whenever the two are together he tries to take up the responsibility of paying or driving so he can relax. He takes him and his brothers out fishing occasionally, how much they catch depends on how much Jiro and Saburo argue though.

🔴 Ichiro is an absolutely amazing friend to have! Although his brotherly instincts can make him a little overbearing sometimes, always inviting you over for dinner or reprimanding you if you do something a bit more reckless. He loves involving people in his interests so if you even hint about anime or hip hop he’s on you in a second to drop everything he knows about the subjects, he has whole list of series, artists, and light novels he can’t wait to share! Of course he loves to hear about whatever you’re interested in at the time too and tries to get into it too! Day offs or slow days are anime days so be prepared to get hit with a spam of messages from Ichiro to watch that anime he kept talking about!

Dice travels literally all over the place, he deserves to know pretty much everyone, honestly.

🎲 Jiro and him are some rowdy boys, they get into all kinds of trouble! Whenever Jiro goes tagging sometimes Dice will tag along if he’s too broke to be gambling. If Jiro has any extra cash on him he’ll take Dice to get something cheap to eat since he can’t have him starving himself. Honestly, Dice is like having another older brother except he’s more embarrassing than Ichiro could ever dream to be.

🎲 He usually ends up seeing Samatoki at some of the casinos around Yokohama and like the true idiot he immediately begs for money, not the smartest thing to do to a yakuza but this is Dice. After being yelled a firm no, he’ll usually bum a smoke off him and the two will chat for a little. Sometimes if Samatoki is feeling friendly he’ll tell Dice about any gambling rings happening and if hes being even friendlier he’ll warn him about the dangers too.

🎲 Jyuto and him have run into each other a couple times although it was mainly him having to be escorted off private property. Every time Jyuto gets a call about about someone trespassing he gets so exhausted the moment he shows up and its just Dice again. After being pretend arrested Dice always ends up begging Jyuto to drive him to Rios camp.

🎲 Hifumi has found Dice in the alleyways he takes to the train station, the two usually chat on the way back to his apartment because Dice can’t say no to Hifumi’s cooking. After eating everything Hifumi would make him he’d usually either beg for gambling money or just enough to get back home. Although, on winning days he’ll visit the club, request Hifumi and a champagne call as thanks for feeding him with an extra bonus of downing a whole bottle of champagne. 

🎰 Congratulations you have gotten your very own stray cat! Dice is constantly coming and going so don’t be surprised to wake up and find him sleeping on your doorstep or couch if you gave him a key. He’ll be looking to you for food and the occasional pity 10,000 bills because he swears THE NEXT ONE IS THE WIN PLEASE. You never have to worry about telling him no though, his ability to go from groveling to standing on his feet to just chat is at a record speed. He usually spends his time gambling but if you can’t then he’s more than fine just talking a walk through the town pointing out places where he won or places he lost everything and had to hide while he waited for Gentaro. Past all the begging he’s a funky boy here for a good time and when he hits that 777 you are definitely one of the first people he goes to when its time to celebrate! 

[gratitudeforshishou]

who wants some mob psycho tunes im back on my bulllshit

i made a list of pieces of music id use as character themes for mp100 characters and mentioned tweaking it so

here u go bud

Shigeo Kageyama – Einstein on the beach by Philip glass

i found this piece fitting to mob’s character, it’s a minimalist ‘opera’ (operatic nature is up to debate) with an ongoing theme of counting repeatedly upwards. there are occasional interjections of short spoken sentences in very monotone voices. i think this piece at face value fits mob as a character theme very well, appearing vast, almost empty and unknown in nature, but in further inspection it’s constantly moving, full and unpredictable (each performance of the piece ranges in time, hours longer or shorter than expected). i think the nature of this piece still does nothing to really reflect some of the best things about mob’s character - his deep rooted kindness, motivation and determination, his deep love for the people around him and unwavering respect - but i think as a basic character theme, it fits quite well. n to reiterate I think the counting thing is neat as hell lol

Reigen Arataka – Turkish Bath by the Don Ellis Orchestra

i adore this piece and i think it reflects reigen’s character amazingly! it gives off the overall tone of being plenty sleazy and absolutely ridiculous, with a fairly relaxed tempo and a clashing harmony – for example, when the melody comes in for the first time, both trumpets are very obviously out of tune with each other. what i love about this though, despite this piece giving off this shady and almost humorous vibe, it’s meticulously written and performed. the descending quarter tone scale on the trumpet is tough as hell to nail, for example. this whole piece emits such vivid reigen vibes for every reason, its so funky fresh

Ritsu Kageyama – Electric Counterpoint by Steve Reich

ill just link the third movement but if anyone wants to listen to the whole thing be my guest ! i think wit ritsu being a kageyama sibling, we gotta stick with the minimalist theme. this piece is performed by a total of ten electric guitars (two of which are basses), and is made up of a series of short guitar licks that grow and develop until the end of the movement. i don’t have a huge amount to say besides that the method of layering and adding guitar parts is organised, but additionally clever and complex,,,,,,,,,,,,just like ritsu,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also haha electric guitars theyre pretty emo right

Serizawa Katsuya – Warrior by Hiromi: The Trio Project

when i made this list for the first time, the one i gave seri was a lot shorter and more subdued in nature. ive decided that nah, he deserves something much more bright and beautiful so !! heres this !! this un really makes me think of post-claw seri – the whole thing is absolutely flourishing, so emotive and it has such a large and captivating sound. it comes with moments of high and almost manic energy, some more subdued and relaxed parts, but is overall has such a solid and comforting presence. Is this my comfort piece ? perhaps

??? – Sacrificial Dance from Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinsky

hooooo shit buddy lemme tell u about this un. so rite of spring is a ballet about a pagan ritual that happens once per year in which a virgin woman is selected and given a red dress, who then has to dance herself to death as a sacrifice for a fruitful spring. Its stupid batshit but the reason i bring that up is because the specific part of the ballet id put to ???% is the sacrificial dance itself. basically this is the part of the ballet where the girl is given the dress and she loses control, going ham while the music gets choppy and violent. still it is more the music than the story that id put to the character – its terrifying because it’s so unkown and so unpredictable. rite of spring is notorious for being fiendishly difficult to play, and that’s because the timing and rhythms are so whack and random. the chords are clashing and sudden, as the piece nears an end it escalates and its impossible to know what is going where. but this being said, there are areas of ominous calm – still unpredictable in rhythm, but subdued. in one way it’s a polar opposite to Einstein on the Beach (the piece i put to mob) but in some ways i feel like that woulda been a good piece to use for ???% too

Shou Suzuki – Garage Drummer by James Campbell

tbh I don’t really know anything about this piece so i cant say much but i think itd make an interesting theme for shou ! aside from being weirdly sorta funky and unpredictable and not to mention with moments of going ham, the fact that its carefully written and practiced fits with the character as well – coming off as impulsive and brash maybe but in fact very thought out. also drums are the fucking cool

Kurata Tome – Fish and Chips by Grace Kelly ft. Leo P

guys…..its funky fresh….. high energy, use of improvisation and also Using The Instrument Not Exactly How It Says On The Tin. its short but sweet, bit ridiculous and completely unashamed which is some Good Shit !! I was also thinking of John Adams’s short ride in a fast machine – its also super high energy, fast paced and it gave me p vivid space vibes if u fancy checking that un out aswell

Teruki Hanazawa – Jazz Suite II by Dimitri Shostakovich

when i made the first list and put this un to teru, an amazing artist replied with this fantastic drawing of teru with the caption ‘lets dance!’ n that is p much exactly why i put this piece to teru. this piece is almost drawlingly sarcastic in nature, though i feel it fits teru as a sort of huge and boisterous dance !! u know how after teru loses his first fight w mob he goes through that whole “superiority complex about not having a superiority complex” thing ? i feel like this piece encapsulates that mood so well, but not just that !! in his moments of utter selflessness as well as those of bigheadedness, teru has such a large and loveable personality and I feel like this tune fits it so well !! teru if ur reading this…….i love u bro

Tsubomi Takane – Leila’s Birthday by Hanneke Cassel 

i heard this one for the first time when a scottish friend of mine was playing some trad tunes in the kitchen ! weve never known much about tsubomi, besides her old connection to mob and what we’ve seen of her personality in the later chapters. ofc i love that tsubomi shits on the “main character gets the girl at the end of the day” trope, and that she remains a loved and solid character of her own afterwards. shes a self respecting, take no shit and genuinely kindhearted girl and i felt this tune captures the sort of freedom i associate with tsubomi’s character well. plus in my personal experience, i don’t know much about scottish trad at all but i love to hear it and like to learn about if where i can – just like how we all feel about tsubomi int it

Dimple – Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? By Frank Zapper

i thought of this as a joke when i was really drunk the other day but it was like 2 am and i couldn’t sleep after that bc like…….spirits eat other spirits right……do they have to like……piss…….

[szopenhauer]

Give me a random word in another language. Tell me what it means. ulica - street or czekolada - chocolate *I bet you read/spell those wrong :P

How long does it roughly take you to do grocery shopping? depends, I’m pretty fast, especially if I buy local but sometimes there’s no product I need in the store so I go to another 

Which city would you like to visit- Rome, London or Paris? London, then Paris, then Rome

Would you rather visit Australia or Germany? Germany, I have no interest in Australia at this point

Would you prefer a pet rat, mouse, snake, lizard or spider? rat or mouse, definitely not a spider because of M.

Can you play the violin? If not, would you like to? no and no

Can you keep a pokerface and not show your emotions easily? often

Are you a good liar (tell the truth this time)? can be but I don’t like to lie

Are you wearing shoes, just socks or nothing on your feet? ugg slippers and fuzzy socks

Do you prefer to write etc, etcetera or something else? etc itp itd and such

Do you think rainbows are pretty or overrated? overrated

Are you more skeptical or gullible? skeptical

How often do you drink sodas or fizzy drinks? never

Do you currently live in the same country you were born in? sure

Do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? sometimes

Do you like carrot cake? gross

Don’t you hate it when people say ‘I don’t mean to be rude but…’? omg

How good is your memory? ha ha ha 

Is there anyone you love, whose name starts with M? XD

Have your neighbors ever complained that your music/TV was too loud? weird but they actually didn’t!

How many zeroes occur in your mobile phone number? none

Are you currently wearing anything green? am not

Name an animal that starts with the 2nd letter of your middle name. -

Have you ever had feelings for someone whose name started with S? yup

How many red lipsticks do you own? old one, past expiration date 

What are you doing to improve or maintain your health currently? my best lmfao which is not enough, if only I had money...

Do you ever look at someone’s social media posts and feel a little jealous? who doesn’t?

Do you like how your hair looks today? I washed them last night but didn’t look at myself in the mirror in the morning just yet

What health problem are you struggling with currently? list is too long

Do you take life day by day? I’m on survival mode

Do you have a lot of questions? would say so

List 10 fashion trends you like/dislike. current? I’m not aware... let me check  according to Vogue there are puffy sleeves that I’m not into but they’re not gross, gold - fine if not too much I suppose, cardigans - I prefer not open tops but sometimes they’re useful indeed, check pattern (no surprises here - checkered stuff for summer? groundbreaking) - same opinion as with puffy sleeves, maybe it’s the fact of popularity and fall stereotypes that pushes me away from the thing but... nvm, lets move on! fringe - bags with it are noice but I prefer to not use smth that might cause an accident... matrix coats? why not?! Nat’s Spike mode - count me in? gonna feel like a leather couch again, red color causes my anxiety and anger issues but in small doses is like gold I mentioned above, suits are Vinnie’s but I don’t mind ‘em for specific occassions, inflate bottoms aren’t casual so not no chance of using that in everyday life, masculine fashion? POSITIVELY TRIGGERED - love me some bad boy vibes - excited AF, back to black - classy, what else is there to say? ;)

Are you ready for Jesus to come back? please

Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning? hopefully?

Do you have too much clutter in your home? we are hoarders/maximalists 

If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done? *shrug*

Have you ever taken a photo every day for a year? no patience for shit like that, sorry

Do you have way too many photos stored on your computer? oh well...

Do you take a lot of selfies? probably 

Do you ever multi-task? usually

Are you multi-tasking right now? not really atm

Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? we’re engaged 

Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? poniekąd na koloniach  był taki chłopczyk, którego nikt nie lubił, najmłodszy, no i mi go było żal, że Aneta (w jego wieku, moja koleżanka) nie chce z nim tańczyć to się nad nim zlitowałam i od razu mnie polubił, przyniósł mi kwiatki jakieś wodne i potem po prostu przestałam się nim zajmować bo nasza opiekunka szukała dziewczyn dla takiego grubszego chłopaka nieśmiałego i dzięki temu miał grono fanek, ale wybrał akurat mnie i to mi pochlebiało, dał mi swoją czapkę z daszkiem na trochę (potem wyjechał szybciej niż inni więc mu oddałam i w sumie trochę szkoda było iż nie miałam z nim kontaktu bo się wstydziłam poprosić - mówili na niego LODÓWA), w końcu zdeterminowana wziąć kolonijny ślub uczepiłam się wręcz Łukasza (kolegi tamtego - Piotra czy Pawła) i nawet miałam pierścionek zrobiony specjalnie dla nas przez kowala oraz dyplom, wykonywaliśmy zadania i wyniósł mnie na rękach (ledwo) i suknię ślubną skleciłam hahaha, a tak na serio robiłam to tylko żeby się pochwalić, że ktoś mnie chciał, nie ważne kto, a tamten pierwszy malec mnie za to kopnął w dupę (serio) i musiałam się z nim godzić przy wychowawcy, ale mnie unikał jak ognia obrażony potem, wszyscy byli ode mnie kilka lat młodsi ^^”  taka byłam, albo to była Anya/Amy, nie wiem, chciałam się dopasować, moje BPD ze mnie wyłaziło ehh  jeśli to się nie liczy to były potem też przecież momenty kiedy przerzucałam się z jednej dziewczyny na drugą zainteresowaniem bardzo szybko, czasami wracałam do poprzedniej byleby dostać odrobinę uwagi, czuć sie potrzebna, nie być taka samotna czy coś - ale nie liczyłam na nic poważnego, żyłam tu i teraz, żeby nie odstawać, bo przyszłości przecież i tak miałam nie mieć, więc dowartościowanie się jedynie wchodziło w grę lub poczucie przynależności, bycie opcją, wręcz masochistycznie nawet jak wiadomo, swego rodzaju bezpieczeństwo - flirt/zabawa

How many windows are open on your computer? shitload

Have you ever laughed at something that wasn’t meant to be funny? whoops

Have you done anything sneaky lately? maybe 

Does someone have feelings for you? it seems 

Are you hard to please? am I? I’m picky about some things but usually it’s not my fault like food, sigh...

Relationship to the last person you called? my doctor

What color shirt are you wearing? grey

Is there anything you wish you did today? Why haven’t you done it? I plan, I’ll try

What were you doing before you started this survey? bunch of things

Can you honestly say that you love yourself? umm...

Do you think you spend too much time feeling upset? sadly

Do you own a pair of uggs? have ‘em on! as I already said above

Has the person you have feelings for ever told you that you’re attractive? I don’t believe her

Do you hide your feelings or show them? depends, usually show tho

Do you like to have long hair or short hair? short 

Do you think relationships are hard? everything is but point is if it’s worthy

Any friends who are constantly venting about their significant other? luckily no longer have any friends like that, no friends at all actually

Have you ever been ice-skating? just once and don’t wanna

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? often

Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? I haven’t

Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? nope

Do you obsessively apply lip-gloss or lip balm? eww, hell no

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? yeah, gross

When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it? sometimes, I might

Do you like Musicals? nooo

Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? no comment

When was the last time you cried? that night from happiness :3

What kind of bottoms are you wearing? my SW pajama pants but gonna change now

What do you hear right now? my mom talking <rolling my eyes>

In the past week have you got your hair cut? nope

In the past week have you felt sad? obvi

Has someone disappointed you recently? yep

If you could pack up and move, would you? asap

What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? I’m scared to...

What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? my gf proposing to me for example?

What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? bread, I wish I had variety :(

When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? with my mother it’s frequent 

What was the last thing you changed your mind about? it’s a rollerclaster XD

Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? dad and M. - I wish I could count on my other parent and sister...

[j0x3r]

not Quite a donation post

hi im joxer, im a tiny musician w a big pp heart & im here to self promo.

i fucked my car up a little bit ago & i need $$$$ to fix it but .,. unfortunately finding a job has been harder than i thought & i am an independent musician ,,,. so u can see how thats working for me.

also i do happen to be trans so im working on that transition fund and stuff but shhhhh dont tell anyone.

if you have a spare bit of cash i would really really really appreciate you buying my album on bandcamp ! every dollar helps & you can pay as much or as little as you want & itd be really super appreciated!! (if you dont have money tho i also SUPER encourage you to download it for free bc ppl downloading my music makes me rly happy hdkshsg)

if you dont have cash but you do have any streaming service, you can find me there under the name “joxer”!! heres a list of some of the streaming servives im on & links to them & stuff. the only thing about that is i have no idea when i get the money from it & i kinda do need the money soon, but it still does help a lot in the longer term!

sorry for this lengthy post! dont feel guilty if you cant buy my music yourself!! timez r rough & stuff!! i would really super appreciate reblogs though ! ily, thank you for reading

[helperhoopoe]

hi! recently i just started college and im doing an aerospace engineering. I relly like the career, i mean im pretty happy with it, but i dont know why, lately i just find so unsatisfying to do something at all, like study, get up to go to classes, making meals and dinners... i just want to sleep all the time and im tired all the time and spend the day watching netflix or finding some distraction to not do anything at all, and the worst of all is that i dont know how to fix it, i lost (part 1)

the interest in everything and i dont know why. I moved to go to college and im living alone and i dont have that many friends yet, but its like im not sad, like, i dont miss my family, i dont cry like, i dont feel anything at all, nor excitement for college nor sadness nor anxiety, nothing- its just as if i had this void inside of me and i dont know what to do about it. I havent told anyone about this because if i tell some friends i feel like itd be a burden for them and if i tell my(part 2)

- my mom- she would think im not happy with my career or that i dont like it and i really do!! but i dont know whats wrong with me. what should i do?

you’re experiencing depression - you basically just gave me a laundry list of all of its symptoms. try taking the [phq-9] for a quick read on how bad things are.

if you’ve just started college, you’re probably around 18, which is when many mental illnesses not caused by external factors start to manifest. if you look back a few years you’ll probably notice that this has been creeping up on you for much longer than you thought it was.

it’s absolutely essential that you talk to your friends about it, if not your mother. the deadliest part of depression is how it isolates you. a support network is absolutely essential to your wellbeing. chances are if you’re afab that your mother has it too whether she realises it or not, because it tends to run in families.

i also recommend looking into medication and therapy. if money is an issue, there are ways of getting discounts for both of those things if you look. it will probably take a few attempts to find a medication that works for you, because every brain is different - whatever you do, do NOT start on prozac. speaking from experience there because hoo boy that was a bad month

my [depression] tag might be helpful for you.

act as soon as you can - if you try to ignore it, it’ll only get worse. but it’s not unbeatable, and it’s not permanent. you’ll be okay.

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[frostcryptid]

Reaper76 Week, Day Two: Keep Yourself Alive

--Keep Yourself Alive / OMNIC CRISIS--

“Gabriel Reyes, get the fuck down!” Tali threw a grenade towards the OR-14 units making their way towards them. Gabriel listened and kept his head down, forcing Jack down with him to avoid anymore shots. Tali just saved their sorry asses as the grenade went off, blowing the units to bits.

“Nice throw, Tal!” Jack observed the remains before deeming it safe and yanking Gabriel to his feet. The two made their way over to their teammate who gave them a thumbs up along with a cocky grin.

“Thought you two lover boys could use a moment.” Tali guffawed at the twin looks of red faces she got. “Honestly, gents, you don’t hide it very well and anyone with eyes could see the rings you both wear. And we all know very well how you’re no longer with previously mentioned lovers. I’ve known you both for almost twenty years now, it’s about bloody time you boys hopped to it.”

Jack and Gabriel were positively gobsmacked they knew without ever saying a word. Relying more on their eyes and observation all the while keeping it to themself until their friends were ready to tell them the news. Though life and death situations kind of changed that sometimes; making that one of those times.

“By the way, congrats.” Tali gave them another cocky grin as they shoved them forward. “Come on. We’ve got to make it by nightfall or these arseholes will fill us with holes.”

“Jackie’s got enough holes that need filling.”

“Not the time, Gabe!” That didn’t stop Gabe’s sly smile or how Jack’s face got even redder, if it were possible. “I swear to god.”

“I swear to all the gods and goddesses I’ve ever researched if you don’t get moving I’ll leave you both here to be filled with holes.” Tali gave both men another shove to get the message across that they were serious. They wouldn’t have any regrets doing it either.

The three marched along, suddenly wanting the mission done and over with. Jack and Gabriel knew they needed alone time and wanted reassurance they were in one piece. Tali just wanted a good meal and a full eight hours of sleep; also they knew a party would be thrown in congratulations for their two best friends after beating around the bush so long.

Once they got back to their camp, they all holed up in a room together. Gabriel and Jack not trusting anyone to take care of their partner in crime and Tali hating to be away from her friends too long while feeling unsafe. It was their way of life after so much shit went on in SEP. All three of them pulled through and swore not to abandon their little band of misfits.

“So Gabe and I finally broke down about two months ago, asked each other out. What about you, Tal? Ever think of being with someone?”

Gabriel snorted and jabbed Jack with his elbow. “Real subtle, mi sol.”

“You two remember Ana Amari? The sniper from Egypt?”

“Oh, Horus?”

Tali nodded, not cowed in the least bit but nervous in the face of them. They worried what her friends would say since Ana was a few years older than them and at least five years older than Gabriel and Jack. It’s not much but Ana might be the one for them, which sounds a little cliche even though it was true. “We’ve been talking, told her about my knack for history. She seemed really impressed with my memory of facts for Egyptian culture, old Egyptian culture.”

Jack moved over to Tali’s side before hugging her waist and his face buried in their hip. “You honestly have no idea how happy I am for you. We were both worried about what would happen if they sent us all in different directions. Now we don’t. With all of us together, it’d be a waste.” He tightened his hold slightly. “We won’t have to say goodbye.”

“What the dork means is that we love you and wanted you to stay with us. We also now have ample reason to form a team for scenarios like this.” Meaning when the omnics converge mostly in one place, often pinning groups down if they weren’t careful.

“Like a strike team?” Tali stroked through Jack’s blond hair mostly thinking about the possibility.

“Why not? We have the means and people to do it. It’s entirely up to the people we ask.” Gabriel leaned down, kissing Jack’s temple softly; the love wafting off him and Jack was palpable to the point of making tears creep up unexpectedly in their eyes.

Gabriel ran his hand through Tali’s undercut. “It’ll be people we trust and people we’re close to. You’re number one on that list, Tal. There’s no one in this world I trust more than you who’ll take care of us.”

Tali was more than honored by that statement as they knew not to take it lightly at all. They always made sure Gabriel and Jack made it out, made it back to each other. The two were their number one priority. Everything else came after, including their own safety. But it seemed they were just important to them as each other.

“You two get some sleep. I’ll take first watch.”

“We’re in the encampment?” Jack looked up at his fiancee confused. They were all safe, walls protected them. Old walls, but formidable ones. Other soldiers kept watch, walked the walls, and sent out patrols to stay safe. Why would Gabriel be worried if they were safe?

Gabriel just gave him one of his winning smiles without an answer. Jack huffed and buried himself back in Tali’s hip. The older two knew it would take a few more minutes for him to drift off completely. Gabriel forced their head against his shoulder. “Come on. We’ll talk about the love of our lives when we wake up. Or, better yet, we’ll talk about them when we’re back home at HQ. How’s that?”

“Bloody brilliant.”

They dozed off, still running a hand through Jack’s hair. Comforted by their best friends on either side of them.