#this pic didn’t quite capture what I had in my brain but it sure fucking captures

[p0rchc0ll4ps3]

Fucking mcr show in Boston on Wednesday was an ENTIRELY transformative experience

Drew this at 2am after the show

Also pics from show feat gerry + staging. 2nd one Might have been during black parade but idfr

[bard-llama]

WiP List

This is gonna be looooong (like, REALLY long), so I’mma go ahead and give you a cut here. But if you’re interested in what i’m working on, take a look!

Order purely based on the order my tabs are in. I’m only counting WiPs that actually have more than a paragraph written, because if I didn’t, this list would be even longer. Also, pls don’t judge me but what I name my WiPs 😂

Post-Coital Smoke

Kinda what it sounds like tbh. I just wanted Iorveth getting high and admiring Roche’s body and then Roche decided to be a tease. At some point, I assume there will be sex.

Angst: Sex object Roche

Iorveth’s POV of realizing that Roche hurts himself whenever he flirts at Iorveth. Premise is that Roche has been groomed (intentionally or not) by Foltest to be his. So when he feels attraction towards Iorveth, he needs to be punished. And obviously Iorveth helps him learn that no, that’s not okay and idk recovery???

Midwinter Feast

This idea was 100% spawned by me trying to write holiday fics, but Foltest hosts a Midwinter Feast where they close the city for 12 days, leaving Roche to get along with the Nonhuman/Scoia’tael(ish) delegation during that time. Also, Foltest might be using the feast as a delaying tactic to resupply his army. I legit have no idea where this is going, I just thought the idea of Roche and Iorveth stuck at a feast for 12 days was funny.

Solstice Feast aka To Birth a Verdant Future

This was actually an xmas gift for @lutes-and-dandelions, but I havent finished it yet 😓 But the premise is similar to the former in that it’s another solstice feast. But it’s set post-W3 with Emhyr as Emperor throwing a party in the new conquered capital of Vizima. Roche broods a lot about Foltest’s memory and how he hates Emhyr and decides to distract himself by hanging out with Iorveth and suggesting they follow an old elven tradition. And that’s all I’ll say. XD

Next Year (Solstice Feast sequel)

Literally set the next year. This time they merge their lives by merging their people’s traditions.

Lily Preserved in Amber

Okay, haven’t gotten very far in this, but I decided it was an elven rite of passage to go searching through the forest for a sign of your future. And Iorveth finds a piece of amber with a lily preserved inside. I haven’t decided if it purely means Roche or if it means his whole family with Roche and Boussy and Anais and all. So far, he hasn’t even found the amber yet lmao. But he did just discover music!

Character taking control of the other and Character B just letting go and enjoying themselves

Under the subheading “Porn Snips”, so uh, yeah. Starts with Roche and Iorveth fighting to decide who gets to top, involves Roche getting choked, and Iorveth ripping Roche’s pants off. Oh, also, they’re currently at a fancy party hiding somewhere in the garden lmao

Based on @moonlights-ordinance‘s art

Moonlight’s working on an adorable piece where Roche leans his forehead against Iorveth’s back between his shoulderblades. I decided to make it post-W3 with both of them working as paper pushers/administrators under Emhyr’s Temeria. And Nilfgaard does not believe in chairs with backs (or, really, Emhyr wanted to see how long Roche’s pride would make him suffer. It’s a long time). The idea is to show development over time as they slowly get more comfortable with touch and start using each other as backrests. And then the sweet scene Moonlight is drawing.

Eliza for @useless-empty-brain aka Can’t We All Just Get Oolong?

Next is Iorveth’s POV, but I legit cannot figure out where to start. But we’re gonna see some of his thoughts (like how Eliza volunteered him to stay in Vizima for an unspecified period of time and he said yes even though he can’t and now has to commute regularly because he doesn’t want to miss tea with Roche but also doesn’t want Roche’s spies to catch on lmao) and his curiosity about Roche and Foltest and what Roche’s mission is (which I... totally know.)

Roche’s Scars

@moonlights-ordinance sent me a great pic of a mod for Roche where he had some pretty vicious scarring/mutilation. So of course I decided I needed to tell the story of each one. But really, it’s a story about the stages of acceptance with scars. Both Iorveth and Roche start out hiding theirs, but eventually come to reveal them comfortably in public.

Vernon Roche of the Scoia’tael aka The Value of a Man

Does my title give it away? Oops? So, this is a found family fic where Roche is captured by the Scoia’tael and the elves and dwarves slowly come to see him as - well, I was gonna say human, but as a person, I guess. And start feeling really, really guilty, especially when some not great things happen to Roche. 

Oh also, Foltest is a giant dick and uh, SPOILERS he does not try to get Roche back. Which leads to a whole subplot that will end with a found family for EVERYONE, because they all deserve to be happy dammit.

All of that was just one document lmao. I have 24 documents, some of which have quite a few WiPs in them. 😱

Kiss Prompts

24. Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer. AKA How to Fluster an Elf

When I got the idea for How to Fluster an Elf, I decided it was gonna fill the prompt dammit. And then it really, really expanded on me.

33. An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

Roche dreams occasionally that Iorveth visits him and watches over him and sometimes speaks, but he can’t understand Elder Speech, so he assumes it’s all gibberish.

Then he finds out it’s not and suddenly he’s not so certain it’s a dream

16. One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.

Okay, I literally just need to buckle down and write some good kissing. This is set in (Im)Perfect Strangers and Iorveth is pouting about them leaving the gardens, so Roche makes it up to him.

25. Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.

This one won’t actually be published with the kisses ‘cause it’s porn and the rest are T-rated lol. Buuuut Roche and Iorveth are trying to have a secret liaison in the forest when the rain starts. Featuring nature magic, tentacles, and Iorveth getting filled.

Scenes from Another World (aka AU premise)

Old Men in Vergen

Set during Witcher 3, but with an established relationship. Roche comes to visit Iorveth in Vergen to ask for advice on leading an insurgency. Iorveth just wants to feed Roche while he can now that he’s not the one starving in the woods.

Language Aphasia/Deal with the Devil

I wanted to write Gaunter! So I decided that Gaunter is in a mood for some mischief (he calls it being generous) and comes upon a traveling Vernon Roche who wishes that he could be understand Iorveth. Then Iorveth’s Scoia’tael find a passed out Roche in the woods and bring him to Iorveth for judgement. Only somehow, Roche only understands Elder Speech now. He can’t understand Common at all. The Scoia’tael find this very offensive and Iorveth is mostly freaked out that someone who can do THAT was wandering around his forest.

Bunk Beds: The Portrait of Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon

Based on a silly comic, Ciri convinces Iorveth and Roche to try to help her destroy the portrait. Geralt gets pissed and sends them to Bunk Bed Exile. Shenanigans ensue and somehow they start to get along.

Iorveth’s Scoia’tael Giving Him Shit For His Taste in Men aka The Lovestruck Fox

Right now, working on a piece from the POV of a new Scoia’tael recruit who is discovering that Iorveth’s Scoia’tael roast the fuck out of him over his crush on Roche. 

Speaking of, anyone have suggestions on prime roast material? I am not this creative.

Let’s Torture Roche!

No, really. This one is pretty dark. And told in kind of a different style than my usual, because I felt like it. So, premise is that Iorveth and Roche were a thing in the past, but then Roche was recalled to Foltest’s side and he went. So Iorveth is understandably pretty hurt and pissed (this was decided for a prompt of someone breaking down as soon as they’re behind closed doors). Buuut what he doesn’t know is that Roche is not with Foltest of his own volition. Hostages, blackmail, and torture are all involved and Foltest is a pretty horrible guy. But of course we need a happy ending, so eventually, Iorveth will rescue Roche and they get to recover together.

Life Debt aka Iorveth is an Asshole

The concept for this was that Roche saved Iorveth’s life and now that they were no longer enemies (set during Witcher 3), his honor demands that he follow Roche around until he can repay the favor. Featuring Iorveth being a trolling asshole, correcting the new Temerian Loyalist’s fighting abilities, and Roche being very, very tired. 

In application, it’s mostly angst so far, ‘cause I had to set up HOW Roche saved Iorveth’s life. And then I decided to really hurt Iorveth. But tbh I will probably skip ahead after establishing this stuff, because I just want shenanigans.

King and Country

I’ve got several WiPs for this one, including the Stripes’ recruitment, their decision to change sides, the Stripes being double agents, and of course, Iorveth and Roche’s developing relationship. But hey, I’ve skipped ahead to writing their wedding already, so... you know it ends happily ever after?

Friday Fight Night for Jan 29 (which I did not make oops)

So, this actually turned into a long piece that’s gonna be part of my Chronic Pain series. Basically, King Foltest is treating with the leaders of the Scoia’tael in Temeria and Iorveth is one of them. Unfortunately, he’s having a REALLY BAD pain day, but he’s also determined to be there to represent his people. Roche helps him see sense. Possibly forcefully.

Exhaustion Prompts

“If we’re both in this state, we both really screwed up somewhere huh?”

Iorveth and Roche are trapped in a dream and I got a little stuck creating the creature that trapped them there. But pretty sure Saskia is gonna interrupt their flirting by saving them.

“You were almost dead from pushing it too far!”

In which Roche has a heart attack from too much coffee. Yeah. He’s okay, though! But PT is about to blow a gasket and coffee will very much be disallowed.

Found Family Prompts

Taking Out the Trash for @useless-empty-brain

Literally a story about taking out the trash lmao. We’re gonna see if I can make this intersting.

Touch Starved for @mochii-girl

Honestly, haven’t gotten much done on this yet, but I’m thinking puppy pile cuddles in Corvo Bianco

Coffeeshop AU aka Brewing Romance and Dissent

Ooof I’ve got a lot of bits and pieces of this written, but nothing quite finished, except for the moment when things change from “we flirt as I order coffee” to “I make you special drinks and invite you to come visit me after hours”. Writing a canon coffeeshop au when I know shit all about coffee is HARD.

Curse Breaking

Omg this is one of the first WiPs I started for Iorveth/Roche, no joke. STILL WORKING ON IT! The premise is that Roche finds a feverish and dying Iorveth in an empty Scoia’tael camp, saves him with the power of True Love’s Kiss The Power of Strong Emotions, Like That Which You Might Have For Your Enemy. Then they team up to go save Iorveth’s Scoia’tael from a big bad mage and Roche invites Triss along for the ride, which totally doesn’t make Iorveth jealous. I kinda stalled out at the part where they reach the mage’s hideout and see the results of the mages failed experiments. On Iorveth’s people. It’s gonna hurt. A lot. But afterwards, there might be makeouts. And some sort of implication that they’re all down to do this (minus the horrible, traumatic parts) again.

Roche POV bloodplay

Roche’s POV starting from before his first encounter with Iorveth. Then he has a weirdly sexually arousing encounter with the elf, and tbh, that’s as far as I got. But Iorveth draws blood from Roche’s neck, presses his thumb to it, and then licks it off his thumb. Next, Iorveth was gonna be the one getting Uncomfortably Aroused, but I haven’t gotten that far. No idea where this is going overall.

Iorveth Investigates Roche

This kinda isn’t a real WiP in that idk if I’ll ever finish it. I mostly started it to do some worldbuilding about what public information there would be about Roche. 

Voyeurism AKA Eye on You

Yeah, I don’t have much for the next chapter yet, tbh. So premise is that Iorveth accidentally ends up watching Roche get off at the brothel and finds it really, really hot. Hot enough to get curious and go back for more. Next one is going to involve thigh fucking and Iorveth might possibly get pegged by Daph??? idk

Fake Relationship

Poor @lutes-and-dandelions has been waiting forever for this one and I can’t even find a place to end the scene and post what I have so far. Premise is that Iorveth and Roche are both investigating their missing men and the trail takes them to the Murivel Resort for Couples. So they go undercover. Featuring Roche’s POV of being doubtful, Iorveth using the excuse to flirt outrageously, strip gwent, and a magic amulet that hids Iorveth’s scar and that Roche hates.

Competitive Makeouts AKA The Chase

This was kissing practice and it turned into a casefic! Which is awesome because I love casefics even though I haven’t published any yet. So in this one, as Iorveth and Roche sneak off to makeout, they also end up investigating a conspiracy in the Temerian military. 

Iorveth/Roche(/Kayran) + Roche/Foltest aka Every Kiss Begins with Kayran

In which Roche accidentally walks in on Iorveth’s monthly fuck date with the Kayran and gets invited to join in. Then, somehow,  it starts to turn into a relationship. With an elf and a tentacle monster. And yet, somehow, this relationship is healthier than the one with Foltest. The contrast opens Roche’s eyes.

Pining and Poignards

In which Iorveth stabs Roche with his favorite knife and wants it back and is also maybe pining a lil bit. Meanwhile Roche is rather pissed, but also curious and begins to teach himself Elder Speech to try to read the inscription on Iorveth’s knife. I stalled out in the scene where Iorveth accidentally watches Roche masturbate in the bath.

Iorveth tittyfucking Roche

Look, it’s what it says on the tin. Roche’s POV of Iorveth’s fascination with his chest and how it makes him feel and then there is sex.

Dirty Gremlin Man

Iorveth gets off on Roche being a sweaty, stinky human. Roche pins Iorveth in a fight and Iorveth gets very distracted watching a drop of sweat trail down Roche’s face. So distracted, in fact, that he doesn’t think twice before stretching out his neck and licking it. Then, of course, he remembers where he is. Featuring a very confused Roche, a smidge of jealousy, and Iorveth stealing Roche’s sweaty clothing to do unspeakable things to it. And somehow they get together.

Want me to sit in your lap?

Geralt LEGIT says this to Roche like 5 mins into the Witcher 2 and it’s GREAT. So of course, I had to write a scene where he actually got to. This is set post Witcher 2 while Geralt, Triss, Roche, and Ves are headed back to Temeria. Triss offers Geralt a little stress relief - which involves warming Roche’s cock and watching Triss and Ves get to know one another.

Red is the Rose

So, Chapter 4 is set post-Witcher 2 and Iorveth is obsessing over the fact that the Rose of Remembrance still has not wilted. He wonders what might be possible, so when he hears a rumor that a certain Temerian Commander was taken captive by Dethmold...

Dethmold most definitely dies. But unfortunately, that doesn’t save Roche from the curses he cast. So they go looking for Geralt to find out how to fix it.

This has only been 9 of my documents, y’all. I think I have a problem.

De-Aged Fic aka The language of friendship is not words but meanings

Ugh, I lost my momentum on this one, which sucks, ‘cause the next chapter is so close to done. Iorveth just needs to do a little freaking out first. But then they will both be back to adults and have to DEAL with the fact that they made good friends and would kinda like that again. I think this fic is gonna be purely friendship for them, but they’re gonna get there.

Glory Hole

A fic for the @sugar-and-spice-witcher-bingo where Roche hears a rumor that some Scoia’tael go to this brothel on the outskirts of town and hey, he may as well check it out, right? By going undercover and working the glory hole, of course. He never ACTUALLY expected Iorveth would come, but his legendary mouth was enticing enough to draw the Scoia’tael commander out.

Snuggling

Thirteen “accidentally” handcuffs Iorveth and Roche together when they capture Iorveth. This leads to them lying on the cot in the Stripes’ holding cell, spooning. There is banter and tickling and escapes not attempted and also maybe some sex with Inexperience Iorveth (i say maybe because I already started the sex, but idk if it will fit in). 

Petals and Stripes

A weed is but an unloved flower

Okay, the Stripes are going to attempt to woo Iorveth during a battle. Also, there is a stabbing. And then a kidnapping. And then, miracle of miracles, someone actually tries talking!

One person's weed is another person's wildflower

Ves’s POV! She cleans up the mess her idiots make and terrifies the life out of one elven suitor, but first she’s gotta deal with her own conflicted feelings about her Boss, the guy she relies on to show her the shades of grey in the world, loving the elf she’s supposed to kill. 

After that, I’ve got 2 more fics planned in this ‘verse. One is gonna be a fluffy and/or sexy date after Iorveth and Roche have gotten together. The other is a Scoia’tael side story, featuring lots of gossip about the humans sending their Commander love letters.

Love Shack

The Better Part of Valor

Ugh, I’m stuck on the sex again. Roche is having a really shitty day, so he goes to the cabin and signals Iorveth that he wants a round. Iorveth offers gentle (for them) sex and praise. And at the end, there’s a very significant scene where Iorveth removes his bandana. Roche buries his fingers in Iorveth’s hair, but doesn’t actually see his face, as he’s laying on his stomach with Iorveth on top of him.

Medicine

The morning after! Roche wakes up to find Iorveth in the bath, facing away from him, and notices a new scar. Iorveth has to deal with actually revealing his scars in daylight and they discuss the significant differences in elven and human medicine. Hint: I turned my own medical procedures into elven medicine, so it’s pretty fucking good.

PWP Ovi

Set ambiguously late, maybe after Thou Art More Lovely and More Temperate. Iorveth and Roche explore what Roche can take. We start with overstimulation, go into consensual somnophilia, come inflation, breeding kink, and oviposition. Because elves reproduce by laying eggs, which is not at all the case purely because I started this WiP ages ago and was horny.

The Picture Says It All

There’s going to be 5 more pictures that Rinn draws for Iorveth. Next is Roche hard at work, hunched over a desk. Then we’re getting some shirtless Roche, for “research”, of course. Then Roche cuddling with PT and the rest of the team, about which Iorveth is not at all jealous. Then a face study of Roche during a fight and uh, Iorveth is uncomfortably turned on. And finally, a drawing of their cabin with a silhouette in the window. She knows.

Roche & Rinn: The Haunting of Barrack 8B

Oh man, I really want to finish the next chapter, because I already have the one after that done. But first, we get introduced to Adda! This ‘verse is going to feature Adda the White a lot more than any of my others have done so far and I’m very excited. Also, Silas continues to be terrified of the ghost and the ghost and Adda become girlfriends buddies.

Roche builds Iorveth a home

Set late in the ‘verse, after Roche knows his feelings, but they haven’t said them yet (not out loud, anyway). Iorveth takes a trip to go meet Saskia do things off screen and Roche ends up turning to his old hobby, carpentry, to keep himself from pining too obviously. So obviously he ends up builing Iorveth a solarium. And a pillow nest. And a scaffold so that flowers that blossom in the moonlight cover the glass and give them privacy.

I got stuck here because Rinn needs to give Roche a hint to get him to build the pillow nest, but I hadn’t developed Rinn and Roche’s relationship yet, so had to go back and do that. But eventually Iorveth returns and they have wonderful I’m-not-saying-it-but-i-love-you sex in the new pillow nest.

Foltest (WiP): Long Live the King

This is actually the last fic in the ‘verse, so I don’t want to give too much away. But actually, I haven’t figured out what the next chapter is, BUT I have the chapter after that started and it is GOOD, just you wait!! I’m very excited.

Don’t Cry For Me, Temeria

This ‘verse alone, I have 14 WiPs and a dozen more unwritten ideas.

(Im)Perfect Strangers

I am frustratingly stuck on this chapter. Theoreatically, we are going to have a check in on how the mountain and the rest of our cast is doing and then Roche launches his Wooing TM plan (aka dinner, gift, and dancing).

Between Two Fools

Yeah, Roche and Iorveth have very different understandings of what their gifts represent. There is some soft happiness and then a swift rug pulled out from under Iorveth’s feet, I’m afraid. BUT we are almost to the part where the two idiots sit down and actually talk properly.

Unlucky Number Thirteen

Not only do I have more of Thirteen’s story planned, but I have ideas for ALL the Stripes to have stories. We’ll see how that goes. But for now, Thirteen starts spying for Roche. A lot of still-nebulous stuff happens, including Thirteen’s first time, for which he asks Roche to help. Additionally, once we reach the (Im)Perfect Strangers timeline, Thirteen has a special story all his own. It involves learning to read and a secret I shall not yet reveal.

Silas

Like I said, all the Stripes are hopefully getting stories. But Silas’s is coming along nicely. He starts a new life as “Silas”, as a man, and joins the army. Boot camp is rough and awful and he’s not very good at any of it, but one day, Roche comes looking for a recruit. He needs a codebreaker to decipher Thirteen’s scouting reports (another one for pictures). So Silas joins the Stripes, but he’s still terrified that they’ll fnd out and think he’s been lying to them. Fortunately, they’ll be putting his fears to rest.

Stripes Sex aka Earning Your Stripes: The First Time

PT’s POV! The Stripes (pre-Silas) are all still getting comfortable with each other as a team. But Thirteen has known Roche the longest and in a specific capacity. So one evening when he needs to get out of his head, Thirteen asks Roche to dom him. PT is confused and scandalized and then jealous, but he gets to join in soon too. Meanwhile, Finch and Ves have fun with their bratty arsonist and Fenn is loving it.

break (v /brāk/): to destroy someone's resistance

This is very long and entirely build up to porn. And then lots of porn. A question during a random conversation leads Roche to make Iorveth ask him to take Iorveth utterly apart in a consensual non-consent fantasy set when they were still enemies in the forest.

Bath House

This was supposed to be a simple PWP where Roche talks dirty to Iorveth under his breath while the two of them are at the bathhouse with Boussy (who LOVES baths and brought them to the fancy bath house), Anais, and Thirteen (who HATE baths and react to water much like a cat). They kinda took over the story and there has been no dirty talk yet oops.

Iorveth POV: Tutti

Iorveth begins to reclaim his love for music and lets himself improvise and compose again. And he ends up writing a song that is the story of his and Roche’s romance.

Daggers, Dumplings, and Dresses

The Elihal/Hattori side story! Though we haven’t actually met Hattori yet. So far, Elihal is expounding on his past and his relationship with Iorveth (he used to make all of Iorveth’s fancy gowns for concerts). Elihal and Hattori won’t play a HUGE role in (Im)Perfect Strangers, but they will be appearing!

Ves and Ciaran aka The First Rule of Fight Club

Ves is stuck walking a very long way back to Vergen with the memory of Ciaran’s skin against her teeth. And even though elves lie like breathing, she can’t help thinking about what he said about Roche not being worth her loyalty. Slowly, she begins to work some things out.

Sex with Saskia/Dragonfucking

Yeah, it’s what it sounds like. Iorveth tells Roche that Saskia agreed to a threesome and where to meet, but he neglected to mention the rather large dragon that was currently rimming his ass. Roche gets distracted from his confusion by the hotness and watches Iorveth get fucked by a dragon (with 2 dicks to fit 2 holes, of course).

Come Inflation + Piss Play

Um. Yeah, it’s a PWP where Roche asks Triss for a potion that will make him come a lot. And then Iorveth wants more. No idea where it’s going, tbh.

Stripes vs Scoia’tael: Water Balloon Fight

Literally a water balloon fight. For morale.

Baby Mama

Uh, the title is a bit telling here oops. But let’s just say Iorveth and Roche go on vacation to the cabin on top of the mountain again when Iorveth is hit with the sudden extreme urge to breed. Roche is down, but at some point, they do actually need to talk.

King Roche aka fics where Roche is in charge and hates it. Some are more in line with this than others.

Post W3 Becoming Terrorists Together

Ah yes, the murder husbands fic. Literally, Roche gets stuck leading Temeria under Emhyr’s orders and he’s good at it, but he HATES it. Enter Iorveth, who both points out security flaws, joins Roche for a surprisingly unawkward bath, and proposes that they go hunting down war criminals on their own time. How can Roche say no?

Pre-W2 Ambassadorial AU

Different first meeting AU! In this one, Iorveth is sent as the elven ambassador to Temeria and it’s about as much fun as one might expect. Triss and Roche, the other outcasts amongst Temerian court, decide to befriend him. Well, try to anyway. idk where this is going, but it’s been fun. Also, Iorveth wears a fancy braid over his eye, because I said so. Also, I might be planning an OT3 porn scene at some point, because it turns out, elves are VERY sensitive to magic XD

Leap of Faith

Okay, yeah, this has nothing to do with King Roche, but it’s the doc I was working in when I got the idea. In this one, a mage captures Iorveth for Foltest and starts torturing him. Roche, without really thinking about it, decides the mage goes too far, so he kills them. Leaving him with an elven prisoner and a castle full of people who will consider him a traitor for that. They escape the city, but now Iorveth has gotta convince Roche that no, the King really won’t forget that whole murder and prisoner escape thing. 

The whole point of this fic was for me to write them jumping off a cliff lmao. When am I gonna get to that? Probably like last or second to last chapter, tbh. Which should be... after the next one? No, I lied, it’s next chapter! I need to get on that!

An ill-favour’d thing, sir, but mine own aka Possessive Sex

Piss Fic

Um. Yeah. Roche is really horny when Iorveth gets home and is on him immediately, which is great, but Iorveth has gotta piss. Which becomes less urgent as Roche is determined to have his face fucks, but after he comes all over Roche’s face, it’s VERY urgent and Roche is a fucking brat and won’t move out of the way. So obviously the response to this is to piss on Roche’s crotch - which Roche is apparently more than okay with.

Cum Dumpster Roche

Yeah, this one doesn’t have much yet, I literally just wanted Roche getting railed and claimed and L O V I N G it. 

Possessiveness

Iorveth spends a lot of time thinking about his enemy, his nemesis. He’s researched Roche extensively, spent hours thinking up tactics and strategies to outwit his nemesis. He literally knows what Roche named his stupid weapons, but he’s never actually met Roche.

But he’s dreamt about it. The Roche in reality doesn’t look like the assumptions he made in his dreams, but who cares about looks? Because Roche is his, and certainly not some dh’oine king’s.

Tentacles + Breeding

Gods, this one is SO CLOSE to being done dammit, I just gotta finish it!! But it’s a fun one. Iorveth and Roche are fighting, when Iorveth suddenly starts fighting plants, which are fighting back. Then the plants notice Roche and suddenly he’s tied up with vines and his clothes are getting torn off and uh, he’s not supposed to find this hot, is he? But he really kinda does. And then Iorveth goes and claims him and tries to protect him from a nearly-extinct non-sentient plant that sensed a warm spot to lay its eggs until someone else could come along and fertilize them. Iorveth is delighted to be that person.

Dream: Pleasure Slave

Yeah, Roche really likes getting claimed in these. In this one, he has a favorite dream setting where Iorveth rules some grand elven kingdom and Roche’s only role is to bring him pleasure. Not to deal with politics or nobles or policy, but just to make Iorveth feel good. So far, this features cock warming, come inflation, a leather cock cage (so to speak), prostate milking, and a very nice silver chalice that Iorveth expects Roche to fill before they’re done.

Roche wears a collar

This was gonna be a simple lil thing based on me creating Roche in heroforge and giving him a lil hidden collar. But then Iorveth decided to get really sappy and had to design and create the perfect collar for his enemy. And then, much to his surprise, he gets the opportunity to PUT his collar on Roche. Which is great, except the sight distracts him so much that Roche manages to escape.

But the next time they meet, Roche is still wearing that collar, hidden under his chaperon and armor. Iorveth has feelings about that.

Standalone

Crones fic aka And Ghosts Did Shriek and Shrill

So this is the angsty fic that started from a crack premise. Er, one of them. I seem to do that a lot. But in this one, Roche goes to the Ladies of the Woods and asks for his men back. The Ladies agree, in exchange for 6 lifetimes of service. But no creature can reverse death. Which leads to the Stripes coming back to “life” as ghosts - only Roche is the only one who can see them. Ves can’t (not at first). 

Believe it or not, the whole idea behind this was the Stripes roasting Roche as he tries to flirt (terribly) with Iorveth. But uh... somehow it turned pretty dark. Like, it’ll have a happy ending for sure, but it’s gonna be a lot about processing trauma and grief and building families and also curing a plague, because that’s the first assignment from the Ladies.

Stripes fics

Cuddles with the Commander

This is intended to be a sequel to The Pride of Temeria, but I kinda got stuck figuring out exactly how Roche should react. Tbh, I don’t have much of this written yet, but the goal is for Roche to approve cuddles with everyone lmao.

Fire Breating

Okay, this one started as crack purely because I love fire, but it’s actually been really fun. So, Iorveth and Roche are established and Iorveth has been invited to a family night with the Stripes, which is kinda a lil awkward. So they decide to showcase some of their talents - which includes Roche singing musicals and PT breathing fire.

Iorveth is horrified that humans have harnessed this skill.

Iorveth’s missing eye

This is really short and idk if I’ll continue it, but the idea was for Roche to really wonder what was up with the bandana over half of Iorveth’s face was about. And then, of course, to find out.

Iorveth Gangbang

Why is this under Stripes fics, you might ask? Well, I have great news for you. Guess who the gang is?

In which Iorveth and Roche are in an established relationship and Iorveth gets tied up in the middle of the Stripes’ camp while Roche orders his men to take him apart. Iorveth very much enjoys himself, and then when the Stripes are tapped out, Roche shows ‘em how it’s done.

Kink Bingo fics aka that event that I totally failed, but hey, prompts are prompts.

Age Kink

In this fic, Iorveth and Roche both end up captured by unknown forces and end up imprisoned together. I think the Stripes and Scoia’tael are probably working together to find them and save them, but in the meantime, Iorveth and Roche decide to get to know each other a bit better. Featuring muscle spasms, blow jobs, and pain kink.

Eskel/Lambert (okay, a little out of place here, but eh, it’s in the doc and I am still working on it)

Started for a prompt on tumblr, Eskel and Lambert end up fighting and, trying to keep the peace, Eskel casts axii on Lambert. Which leads to Lambert confessing that he bit Eskel because it’s the only way he could get his mouth on him. This leads to some dodged confessions, some frottage, and some snarky banter, because of course it does. 

Tempt Not a Desperate Man aka the Fuck or Die series that started with Devour What’s Truly Yours

Fisting

The next part of the series, where Roche struggles with the fact that he’s been high key horny ever since the encounter in the woods with Iorveth and nothing is satisfying him. Iorveth, on the other hand, is jealous and annoyed that Roche keeps going to the whorehouse.

Then Roche decides to make a potentially suicidal move and enters the forest to try to find the clearing from last time. And, as you might guess from my heading, fisting will be happening. 

Iorveth POV: The Chaperon

Okay, I don’t actually have much of this written, but it’s really cute so - Roche keeps using his chaperon as a cum rag, so Iorveth knits and/or sews him a new one.

“Human Bootlicker”

PWP where Iorveth jokingly suggestions Roche should surrender on his knees - and then Roche does. And asks Iorveth to take his prize. Featuring Roche coming all over Iorveth’s boots from getting his face fucked, then leaning down and licking up the mess while Iorveth watches and then comes over his face.

One Accidental Proposal and Five Attempts At Accepting

So one of the themes of this ‘verse is gonna be the Elven Baths where the Roses of Remembrance grow. As in, they decide to make the elven baths a place they meet up. This is the first time Iorveth takes Roche there, and Roche does not know what significance the roses have. But he DOES know that Iorveth blushes cutely when he tucks a rose behind Iorveth’s ear, so...

Iorveth would like to accept, only Roche doesn’t know WHAT he’s trying to accept.

The Legend

So in the game, there is a legend around the statue of elven lovers above the elven baths. “Legend has it the lover’s sighs are enchanted within these very stones, though only those in love can hear them.” 

Iorveth overhears his Scoia’tael gossiping about the legend and comes to an abrupt realization that Roche and him were the ones they were hearing. Oops?

Standalone Fics

Letters

This is kind of a bittersweet WiP that I mostly wrote in one go and then went to sleep and kinda lost the will for it. BUT the premise is that post-Witcher 3 Roche is in charge of Temeria and his brooding is interrupted when he receives a letter sealed with a forget me not pressed into wax. Iorveth continues to send letters describing his life as a “civilian” in Nilfgaard and how much he hates it and Roche relates a little bit too much. Then Iorveth decides to run away and live on the streets as a musician and he might inspire Roche to start learning the cello and presumably at some point, they meet.

Identity Porn

Iorveth and Roche have a meet cute in Flotsam’s tavern while the elf is listening in for local gossip and Roche is passing through on his way to meet with the other northern kings to get support in fighting against the new emerging threat of the Scoia’tael. Neither knows who the other is, but that doesn’t stop them from starting a relationship where they meet every time Roche passes through Flotsam. But their house of cards can only last so long, and at some point, they will meet as enemies. Who knows what happens then? idk, not me.

Gwent pinup calendar aka Cards Out for Your Country

Hahaha, so I started this series in response to some WONDERFUL art of Roche with his Tits Out For Temeria. And obviously we need more of that, so I created a list of 24 characters who are asked to pose for some pinup art, all in the name of Gwent. So far, I’ve only finished Dandelion’s pose/the introduction, but I do plan to do as many of them as I physically can.

Gwent Game in Corvo Bianco

Wow, I didn’t even remember this WiP, so uh... clearly I haven’t worked on it in a while. But it’s Iorveth’s POV of how surprisingly comfortable he is in Corvo Bianco and Iorveth and Geralt get drunk and play gwent.

Zoltan/Jaskier/Priscilla

A giftfic for Wibbly that involves Zoltan being sappy about his bards and then Priscilla dominates them. Featuring all my headcanons about dwarven genitalia (two holes, one with a retractible dick).

Dijkstra fics

Noticing Roche’s Fucked Up Relationship

Anyone else randomly finding themselves shipping Dijkstra/Roche? No? Ah well. For this one Dijkstra observes Roche and sees a few too many reminders of himself with Vizimir, except Foltest is no Vizimir, and Roche clearly hasn’t learned to set up boundaries. Dijkstra feels weirdly compelled to help him figure that out before Foltest destroys him.

Developing Respect Fic

Also known as “let’s torture Roche 1.0!” This fic switches between the present, where Roche has woken up in a cell somewhere unknown and it brings back far too many memories for him to be entirely sure of what is happening when. In the past, he was captured by Redania while on a mission for Foltest, long before he was anyone notable. Dijkstra comes to visit, curious about this prisoner who refuses to break, to even tell them his name or confirm his country (but he has a Temerian tramp stamp, so they know lmao). So Dijkstra decides that this is not a man who will be broken through torture and decides to try conversation instead. The idea is to show them slowly gaining respect for each other, but like, obviously Roche is still a prisoner. Eventually, he’s returned to Temeria in a prisoner exchange, but meanwhile, in the present, Roche is all alone, with not even guards around and no way to free himself.

and that’s all!! I am... legitimately scared to count, tbh. This post is so fucking long, the number cannot be good for my heart. But, that said, please come talk to me about any ideas you find interesting!! Or anything you have questions about! 

And if you made it this far down the list... wow. Thank you, you rock.

[malumsmermaid]

i wish you could write a fic about the reader finally feeling apart of the group? she’s met the band/gfs many times but she’s not like there yet. not saying they’re mean to her but she’s nervous and wants to make sure they like her. one day everyone’s hanging out and the girls invite her shopping and cal squeezes her hand knowing she’s excited to finally feel comfortable & everyone posts a pic on insta od the guys & girls in one pic and it’s all family hehe and later on they’re as strong as ever

Hi sweet pea, I have been staring at your ask all weekend. I understand the gist of what you’re asking for, I think some of the extra details threw me slightly. I’m sorry if I don’t quite capture what you were asking for, also bi!reader because fuck it.

Requests Closed

You were all crowded around Michael’s fire pit, enjoying a few drinks and the summer air. You’d been with Calum for a few months now, and the boys and their girlfriends have been nothing but welcoming ever since Calum first introduced you. However, you still felt like the newcomer, still trying to find your place in the full group. It also didn’t help that all three women in the group were incredibly attractive. 

Those three words had yet to be exchanged between the two of you, but you could tell that you were well on your way to being in love with Calum. And that meant that you would never do anything to hurt him, but you weren’t blind. Knowing that they were also taken, by Calum’s best friends as well, eased some of the intimidation you felt from when you first met them, but still, you worried that you’d say something wrong to those beautiful women and they’d never feel comfortable with you again, have you ousted from the friend group and eventually cause you to be alienated from your boyfriend. 

Sierra’s hand on your knee forced you out of your reverie, setting down the bits of your bottle’s label that you’d been picking at and meeting her warm gaze. “So what do you say?” She asked, “Noon fine for some shopping tomorrow?”

You tried to gain control of your facial expressions, nodding quickly and saying, “Yeah, sounds great!”

Sierra and the other girls nodded, and after confirming that you would be at Calum’s in the morning the conversation moved on. You got to your feet, heading inside to dispose of your empty bottle and the damp scraps of paper you’d removed from it, Moose following at your heels.

~~~~~~

The next day, right at noon, Crystal was at Calum’s door. You grabbed your bag, giving Calum a kiss on your way out the door, him telling you to have a good time, already knowing some of your insecurities within the group, not the full thing, but some of it.

You walked side by side with Crystal down the driveway, chewing your lip slightly as you passed your car, parked where you’d left it when you came over to Calum’s after work before the bonfire. Your car already looked slightly out of place next to his Land Rover, but now it looked downright foreign with Crystal’s Tesla parked behind it. You pushed down your anxiety, climbing into the backseat, KayKay greeting you with a smile. 

Once you were at the mall and began wandering through the shops together you relaxed, finally beginning to feel part of the group as all your earlier perceived pressures faded away. You all modeled in the changing rooms, Crystal taking photos, handing her phone to you when it was her turn, all three of you cheering her on when she stepped out from behind the curtain. 

You all went out to lunch after shopping, sitting around the table chatting as you waited for your food. “Today has been great,” you stated during a pause in conversation. The attention turned to you, Sierra nudging your shoulder with hers, urging you to continue. You took a breath before starting, “I just...it took me a while to actually let myself be part of this. I’m so happy with Calum and the way you guys welcomed me in was incredibly comforting but...I couldn’t help but be intimidated.

“You guys have all been here for like a lot longer than me and I just felt out of place from the get go. Cal and I have talked about it and all and he’s assured me time and again that I belong but there are just things that linger in the back of my mind. 

“On top of that all three of you are so pretty and I’m like super bi and so for a while anytime I was around any of you, including last night, it was just like, my brain screaming and sirens, trying to get me to watch what I was saying to make sure things didn’t get weird. 

“But spending this afternoon with you guys really helped calm all of that and I think I finally let go of all of that. So like...thanks for inviting me to hang out and all.”

You were staring at your hands on top of the table by the time you finished, some anxiety creeping back into you after spilling your guts like that, but the next thing you knew you were enveloped in a group hug, gasp escaping you as you leaned into the embrace. 

The food arrived and the hug slowly ended, KayKay and Crystal returning to their own seats on the other side of the table to eat. Conversation continued around bites of food and eventually you’d all finished. The bill got paid and you all got back in the car, Crystal handing over her phone to Sierra for a last group selfie. After a few snaps Sierra put Crystal’s phone down in the cupholder and Crystal began the drive back, dropping everyone off one by one.

She pulled into Calum’s driveway and you thanked her, grin on your face as you went around to the trunk to get your bags and then skipped all the way up to the door. You pulled out your key, letting yourself in and surprising Calum. “Good time?” he asked, smiling as you set your things down.

You nodded as he made his way over, holding your arms up to him. He smiled, lifting you and spinning around with you in his arms, walking back to the couch. You nuzzled into his neck, pressing gentle kisses to his skin as he sat down, shifting you to be comfortable in his lap. “I’m glad you got to spend some time with the girls, and that you had fun.” He whispered softly, rubbing your back.

You made a content noise as you sat there, feeling your phone buzz in your pocket. You pulled it out, humming as you read the insta notification and opened it. Crystal had posted a thread of some of the photos from the fitting room modeling as well as the post-lunch photo:

Shopping day and strengthening our bonds 😘

You smiled as you flicked through the photos, humming happily before liking the post and leaving a few emojis in the comments before turning back to Calum, tucking yourself into his chest, having enjoyed your day out, but also happy to be back in his arms.

[queenmorgawse]

loving you is my gift tonight

missgoneril : there’s so much going on in that pic i don’t even know where to start fearthedeer : you gotta be more specific. is it dima? his parents in a two-person sweater?? the piglet in a fluffy hat they put on the armchair??? missgoneril : i missgoneril : the holy kingdom of faerghus has actually been on crack this whole time, in this essay i will -

or, some good old-fashioned holidays fluff ft. dimiclaude in modern fodlan.

READ ON AO3.

The envelope arrives a week or so before Saint Cichol’s Day. It’s made of creamy, off-white paper and sealed with an actual wax seal bearing the griffin knight of Faerghus, because royals apparently have to be extra even with something as mundane as sending holiday cards.

It’s actually addressed to Claude’s mother ( President Juliette von Riegan, the envelope reads in elegant, swirling script), but as First Son of the Leicester Alliance, Claude considers himself plenty qualified to snatch it up from the pile of holidays-related mail and whisk it off to his room.

He flops down onto his bed before breaking open the seal. The card inside is just as fancy as the exterior, done up in dark blue and silver highlights, and it’s the funniest thing Claude’s seen all week.

Now, the Faerghan royal family has been sending Saint Cichol’s cards to the von Riegans since the beginning of his mother’s presidency, so this is nothing out of the ordinary. It also doesn’t say anything special, besides Merry Saint Cichol’s day & best wishes from House Blaiddyd in embossed letters.

What is new, however, is that this time, it doesn’t have  one of the Blaiddyds’ formal state portraits front and center. Sure enough, King Lambert and Queen Patricia are posing, flashing toothpaste-ad-worthy smiles at the camera, but there the resemblance comes to a brutal stop.

The photo features Dimitri, clad in possibly the gaudiest holiday sweater Claude’s ever seen. As per ugly sweater tradition, it sports an unholy amount of red and green, but nothing can dethrone the roaring lion’s head emblazoned over Dimitri’s torso, myriads of multicolored lights haphazardly sewn into its mane.

And he still manages to look like Prince Charming straight out of a collector’s edition of Fódlan’s Fables, because Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd is unfairly photogenic like that.

Seiros, life is unfair. Or maybe it isn't, because it’s given him a boyfriend who miraculously still looks good while looking like he’s been hit and run over by a garlands-filled truck.

Because he’s the most loyal best friend anyone could ask for, Claude sits up, holds the card to the lamp on his bedside table, snaps a picture and sends it to Hilda. Her reply is almost instantaneous.

missgoneril : there’s so much going on in that pic i don’t even know where to start

fearthedeer : you gotta be more specific. is it dima? his parents in a two-person sweater?? the piglet in a fluffy hat they put on the armchair???

missgoneril : i

missgoneril : the holy kingdom of faerghus has actually been on crack this whole time, in this essay i will -

fearthedeer : LMAO

fearthedeer : fr tho i think it’s sweet

missgoneril : you have them rose-tinted glasses ON i see

fearthedeer : bold words coming from miss hilda ‘do you think dimitri’s hot blonde bodyguard will text me back?’ goneril

You can no longer send direct messages to this person.

Claude snorts and taps out of the conversation. Not a week goes by that Hilda doesn’t block him at least once. Whatever the reason - from posting their kindergarten playdates pictures on the Golden Deer group chat to that time he jokingly hit on her brother -, she always ends up unblocking him within the hour.

In the meantime, there’s someone else he wants to talk to. Claude flips to the second topmost conversation on his phone, lays back and starts typing.

fearthedeer : on ur way to light up all of fhirdiad by urself i see

hrhdima : I take it you’ve received our holidays well-wishes.

fearthedeer : it’s the BEST how did you not tell me about this before

hrhdima : Mother and Father wanted a ‘fun’ photo to go with our usual ones. I didn’t know they would actually use it for anything official.

fearthedeer : give whoever made that decision a raise bc they just made my entire week

hrhdima : You don’t think it’s silly?

fearthedeer : well.

fearthedeer : yes i do

fearthedeer : it’s definitely dorky

fearthedeer : but since it has you in it it’s dorky cute

fearthedeer : why are u not saying anything

fearthedeer : i told u u gotta learn to accept a compliment!!

hrhdima : Thank you, my dear. I had to take a few moments to compose myself.

fearthedeer : SEIROS

fearthedeer : HOW ARE YOU SO FUCKING ADORABLE 😭

hrhdima : 😳😳

fearthedeer : if i were here you BET i’d be kissing your cheeks

fearthedeer : but alas, the day’s just started for ur local first son

hrhdima : What’s the first thing on the list?

fearthedeer : visiting a kids’ hospital i’m pretty sure! hilda and i have some Clownery planned so i sure hope they’ll laugh

hrhdima : I’m sure they will. If you end up filming, I’d love to see it.

fearthedeer : eager to see me embarrass myself huh

hrhdima : Claude! Of course not!

fearthedeer : flames, i was kidding!! of course i’ll send u the vid!

hrhdima : Oh.

hrhdima : Good luck with...the clownery?

fearthedeer : thanks, good luck with what you have to do too <3

hrhdima : Thank you. Speaking of which, can I call you later? Ingrid’s banging down my door about the holidays address right now.

fearthedeer : sure!! have fun at rehearsal, romance that sweet sweet mic for me 😘😘

hrhdima : Claude, please.

fearthedeer : u love me

hrhdima : I do.

hrhdima : I wish we could see each other more, especially at this time of the year. I miss you a great deal.

fearthedeer : wtf you can’t just say stuff like that

hrhdima : We’re quite literally dating.

fearthedeer : STILL

fearthedeer : anyway don’t you worry your pretty royal head over it

fearthedeer : it’s time for a secret scheme >:)

hrhdima : Claude. What does this mean.

fearthedeer : ;)

hrhdima has sent a vocal message.

Hi Claude, this is Ingrid. Sorry for interrupting you guys, but Dimitri has an address to practice, so I had to take his phone away for the time being. Will give it back when he’s done. Say hello to Hilda for me!

fearthedeer : dedue wouldn’t do this to me

---

missgoneril : SWEET BABY SEIROS SHE SAID WHAT

---

“...And with that, my dear citizens, all that's left for me to do is wish you a Merry Saint Cichol's day. Hold your loved ones close, so that they might share the holidays' cheers with you. I know I will.”

Dimitri flashes the camera another bright smile before the operator signals to him that they're done filming. From the treshold, Sylvain gives him a thumbs-up, and Dedue an approving nod. Only then does Dimitri allow himself to relax, shoulders slumping ever so slightly.

It isn't the address that bothers him, nor the ever-present fear of slipping up in front of millions of Faerghus citizens on live television. He's been groomed in protocol for public appearances, virtual or not, since he was old enough to walk. No, it's the creeping realization that, year after year, he gives a little more time to the people, and keeps a little less to himself.

It's selfish, which is precisely why Dimitri's only vaguely mentioned it even to his closest friends. They'd whisk him off to some holiday destination at the speed of light if he asked, he knows, but it doesn't feel right to shirk his duties — even though Sylvain wouldn't call it shirking, only giving himself a well-deserved break.

After a few minutes of idle chatter with the camera crew - Dimitri's made it a habit to try and get to know everyone he works with, to the point he can now ask after some of the operators' children by name -, he finally steps out of the royal office requisitioned for the occasion. When he idly checks his phone, the screen flashes with half a dozen notifications : a picture of Felix and Ingrid on St Cichol's shopping (presumably for Glenn), some last minute recommendations from both his father and Duke Fraldarius, and…

fearthedeer : hey hey hey

fearthedeer : dima

fearthedeer : u should go get some fresh air 😜

fearthedeer : (front gate. hurry!!!)

fearthedeer : i see u typing. why don’t u walk faster instead

Dimitri picks up the pace, until he’s almost flying past the castle’s front gates and into the main courtyard. At first, nothing seems more out of the ordinary : the gatekeepers even shoot him perplexed looks as their crown prince stares out, half disheveled, at the snow-covered cobblestones.

Then a nondescript black cab pulls up, somehow unbothered by security checks, and everything suddenly pieces itself together.

Dimitri’s down the staircase before anyone can stop him, right as the cab’s door open and a silhouette clad in a vibrant yellow sweater steps out. Claude’s barely finished handing the driver a tip when Dimitri comes to a brutal stop just a few steps from him, heart beating wildly against his ribcage.

They exchange pictures pretty much everyday, but there’s an inherent brilliance to Claude a screen can’t capture. It’s something, Dimitri thinks, in the way his smile blooms first over his lips then reaches all the way to his eyes. Every time, it’s like watching the sun rise.

Claude opens his arms. Wordlessly, Dimitri lets himself be drawn into his embrace, curls around him and breathes in the fresh scent of pine needles.

Eventually, he finds it in himself to step back. His hands stay firmly planted on Claude’s shoulders, grounding himself in the other’s presence. “It really is you.”

Claude grins and tips an imaginary hat at him. “The one and only.”

“Flames, I—” Dimitri takes a deep breath in an attempt to compose himself. “How...when did you get here?”

“On a plane this morning. And before you ask, it wasn't on taxpayers' money,” Claude quips.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted to see you, but why now?” Dimitri’s brain frantically cycles through their relationship milestones. Their anniversary’s in early summer, and Claude’s birthday isn’t for another few months, and⎯

Claude gently takes his face into his hands, tiptoeing a little to rest their foreheads together, and Dimitri’s mind comes to a standstill.

“Hey, calm down, okay? You’re overthinking everything again.” Claude pauses, breathes in, breathes out. “Would you believe me if I said I’m a little late for your birthday?”

Oh. It’s true. His birthday, a national holiday. How did it slip his mind again?

As if able to read his mind, Claude chuckles. “Really, I just wanted to see you again. In person. I already meant it to be a Saint Cichol’s surprise, and our texts the other day were just...additional motivation, if you will.”

“You’re amazing,” Dimitri says, as earnest as he’s ever been. This time, it’s Claude’s turn to blush, a rosy flush creeping up his neck and onto his cheeks. It offers a nice contrast to the paleness of the snowflakes that have started accumulating in his hair, dusting his dark curls with white.

It occurs to Dimitri that perhaps they should have had this conversation inside.

“Come,” he tells Claude, slinging an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders to steer him back towards the castle’s warmth. “You must be freezing.”

Claude snorts and tucks his chin down into the collar of his coat. “Only because your country considers negative temperature to be mild weather.”

“It’s only starting to get chilly, really⎯” Dimitri cuts himself off when Claude shoots him a half-exasperated, half-fond look.

Before he can fumble himself into another clumsy explanation, Claude tugs him down by the lapels of his jacket and presses a kiss to his lips. It courses through him like lightning, all the way down to the tips of his toes, and it lingers even after Claude pulls away.

“Well, you’re here to keep me warm, aren’t you? Lead the way.”

Like this, his love is bright and lovely, the great hall’s flickering hearth painting him in broad strokes of honey and gold.

Dimitri takes Claude’s hand, and follows.

[nnegan13]

lil gift for paige (@air-bison-yip-yip) ily girl 

textfic, on ao3 here 

set in college!AU, if everyone feels kinda OOC its cuz I personally feel like people are different when they’re texting than when they’re interacting irl so sorry if it feels off lmao it’s still fun if you overlook that part aha 

also the formatting is different bc if I did it the same way I usually do texts in fic this would’ve been So Much Harder 

anyways enjoy!!! 

— 

Martino Rametta to entirely dead inside: head count please 

Eva Brighi: sadly, awake 

Sana Allagui: silvia and fede are still sleeping 

Luchino: Marti Elia says that if you don’t stop turning the lights on and off he’s going to fucking kill you

Luchino: and gio and Sofia are missing 

Eva Brighi: Sofia? 

Sana Allagui: nice 

Martino Rametta: nico’s with me 

Martino Rametta: eyes on ele? 

Eva Brighi: bathroom 

Sana Allagui: someone go tell her not to puke too hard cause I had to clean up last time and I don’t wanna do that again

Eva Brighi: she says fuck you 

Sana Allagui: delightful

— 

Edoardo Incanti to Eleonora Sava: heard you had quite the night 

Eleonora Sava: remind me to never do college again 

Edoardo Incanti: i thought you liked all the higher education shit 

Edoardo Incanti: ya know 

Edoardo Incanti: learning things so you can make ur mark on the world 

Edoardo Incanti: all that sentimental shit 

Eleonora Sava: fuck sentiment 

Eleonora Sava: can you call the police on a university? the school’s trying to kill me 

— 

Giovanni Garau to Eva Brighi: what do you want for breakfast 

Eva Brighi: you’re an angel 

Eva Brighi: but it’s almost noon just come back we’re getting lunch 

— 

Luchino to fede text when u wake up we went to get pizza: turns out I was wrong gio and Sofia weren’t missing 

Luchino: just gio 

Luchino: does anyone actually remember Sofia leaving the party last night? 

Luchino: anyways gio’s back 

Luchino: chicco and edo say they’ll be here in five 

Eva Brighi: shit we’ve left 

Luchino: you did? 

Elia Santini: do you pay attention to anything? 

Elia Santini: anything at all 

Elia Santini: sofia didn’t even come last night ffs 

Elia Santini: they fucking changed the name of the chat dude 

— 

Sana Allagui to Eleonora Sava: when ur done we’re downstairs 

Sana Allagui: please hurry up some of us are starving 

Eleonora Sava: why did you let me drink so much ur supposed to stop this stuff 

Sana Allagui: ur very persuasive when you want to be  

Sana Allagui: are you hurrying or are you just ignoring me now 

Sana Allagui: I’m sending edo to get you 

— 

Sana Allagui to Edoardo Incanti: how long does it take to wrangle your girlfriend 

Edoardo Incanti: not my girlfriend 

Edoardo Incanti: and don’t fucking say stuff like that you’ll give me ideas 

Sana Allagui: so she’s as slow at getting with you as she is at getting dressed? 

Edoardo Incanti: fuck off 

Sana Allagui: I’m hungry, charms 

— 

Edoardo Incanti to Fede Canegallo: when are you taking ur test 

Fede Canegallo: why 

Fede Canegallo: need me out of the apartment or smth? 

Fede Canegallo: miss sava coming over? 

Edoardo Incanti: dick 

Edoardo Incanti: i guess you aren’t coming to pizza then  

Fede Canegallo: you don’t even care 

Fede Canegallo: you can just take ele now 

Edoardo Incanti: there’s nine other people with us 

Fede Canegallo: you’d still get down then n there if you were given the chance  

— 

Eva Brighi to Fede Canegallo: edo says he’s disowning you 

Eva Brighi: what toppings do you like on ur pizza 

— 

Eleonora Sava to Giovanni Garau: did i leave my shit at yours 

Eleonora Sava: please say yes 

Giovanni Garau: yeah its here 

Giovanni Garau: [pic] 

Eleonora Sava: blessings from above 

Eleonora Sava: are you joining us or no? 

Eleonora Sava: Eva says to send you the tongue emoji but I’m not feeling nasty today 

Eleonora Sava: she’d send you one herself but she’s got pizza grease on her fingers and doesn’t want to get her phone dirty 

Giovanni Garau: tell her that’s sexy of her 

— 

Edoardo Incanti to Eleonora Sava: it’s rude to text at the table 

Eleonora Sava: desperate times, mr. hypocrite 

Edoardo Incanti: who’s getting ur table manners so wonky 

Eleonora Sava: wouldn’t you like to know 

Edoardo Incanti: i would, yes 

Eleonora Sava: ur no fun 

Eleonora Sava: just gio, I left my stuff at his this morning

Eleonora Sava: and I’m worried that if I go back to get it I’ll be roped into another midterms drinking game like last night 

Eleonora Sava: he’s not exactly being the most helpful right now 

Edoardo Incanti: want me to get them for you? 

Eleonora Sava: my knight in shining armor 

Eleonora Sava: don’t you have your own midterms to studying for? I don’t want to take time away from that 

Edoardo Incanti: its nbd 

Edoardo Incanti: how bout this 

Edoardo Incanti: I’ll get ur books and you come study at mine and make sure I actually get shit done instead of playing fifa all night 

Eleonora Sava: deal

Eleonora Sava: wait if I rat you out for playing video games instead of joining us last night can we still do that or no  

— 

Eva Brighi to *plays Baby K even harder*: @chicco @edo @fede ur all the WORST 

Eva Brighi: fifa instead of drinks? 

Eva Brighi: I’m appalled I really am 

Edoardo Incanti: who knew appalled was even in ur vocabulary 

Edoardo Incanti: and why are you texting about this we’re all here 

Eva Brighi: fede isn’t and I want to express my anger at all 3 of you at the same time 

Chicco Rodi: when fifa calls it calls 

Federico Canegallo: doesn’t make it sound better chicco 

Federico Canegallo: nd some of us like having working brains to get through midterms with 

Eva Brighi: who are you and what have you done with fede 

Federico Canegallo: fuck off Eva

Edoardo Incanti: its true high school fede would be ashamed 

Elia Santini: last week fede would be ashamed 

Elia Santini: I’m ashamed 

— 

Eleonora Sava to Edoardo Incanti: eva’s reading my texts over my shoulder I’m sorry 

Eleonora Sava: please let me study at urs they haven’t killed you yet 

Eleonora Sava: I will spam you with pleases until you say yes 

Edoardo Incanti: are you done eating 

Edoardo Incanti: lets just go now 

— 

Sana Allagui to we’ve reached 40 days and 40 nights in relationships wilderness ladies and germs: barrage of obnoxious texts? 

Silvia Mirabella: they’re leaving to go study 

Silvia Mirabella: both of them are too straight laced to actually think of doing otherwise 

Silvia Mirabella: leave ‘em be 

Sana Allagui: they left pizza early 

Sana Allagui: and now we only have one car to get back 

Sana Allagui: chicco’s not going to let me DJ so what’s even the point anymore 

Sana Allagui: it’s what they deserve

Chicco Rodi: when did I say that 

Giovanni Garau: i’m coming n I’m bringing my car don’t get ur panties in a twist 

Sana Allagui: stop thinking about my panties gio 

Giovanni Garau: ffs 

Elia Santini: Sana i’m behind you 

Sana Allagui: many thanks 

Federico Canegallo: I’ve filled my obnoxious quota earlier I’m too tired to do anything else 

Martino Rametta renamed the group what happened to having a working brain fede? 

Eva Brighi: Marti you shit 

Eva Brighi renamed the group we’ve made it to 40 days and 40 nights in relationship wilderness ladies and germs 

Eva Brighi: literally the only established rule of this chat is that we only change the name to keep track of the days 

Martino Rametta: this is exhausting 

— 

Chicco Rodi to Rocco Martucci: do you have the chat muted

Rocco Martucci: sorry who is this? 

— 

Eleonora Sava to Eva Brighi: Eva 

Eleonora Sava: Eva I’m struggling 

Eva Brighi: you left pizza early to go study with edo I am not speaking to you 

Eleonora Sava: evaaaaaa 

— 

Eva Brighi removed Eleonora Sava from Le MAT&T 

Eva Brighi: ele WILL try to thirst text you today do not answer her 

Eva Brighi added Eleonora Sava to Le MAT&T 

Eleonora Sava: sorry what the fuck was that for

Silvia Mirabella: no you don’t get to protest you’ve abandoned us 

Silvia Mirabella: go study miss sava I’m disappointed in you, frankly

— 

Eleonora Sava to Federica Caciotti: are you guys at gio’s 

Eleonora Sava: Fede? 

—

Federico Canegallo to Giovanni Garau: how’s it going over there 

Giovanni Garau: we don’t have dumb sticks up our asses and aren’t studying so it’s going well 

Federico Canegallo: Eva if I wanted to talk to you I would’ve texted you 

Federico Canegallo: give gio the phone 

— 

Eva Brighi to Federico Canegallo: fuck you 

— 

Eleonora Sava to Sana Allagui: are you guys at gio’s 

Sana Allagui: ERROR 404: The person you are trying to reach is not available. Check your connection and try again later. 

— 

Sana Allagui to Le MAT&T: [screenshot] 

Sana Allagui: and here we have the rare procrastinating ele sava in her natural habitat 

Eva Brighi: what a beautiful creature 

Federica Caciotti: truly moving to see such majesty in nature 

Silvia Mirabella: i can’t believe you’ve captured her on record 

Eleonora Sava: I know you’re all sitting in the same room laughing at each other 

Eleonora Sava: I’m never speaking to you again

—

Federico Canegallo to Edoardo Incanti: so are you guys still studying 

Federico Canegallo: or are you fucking now

Federico Canegallo: because if you’re fucking I’m not gonna come home 

Edoardo Incanti: 1. you’re a piece of shit 

Edoardi Incanti: 2. did you text me thinking that I would respond if we were fucking? 

Federico Canegallo: I mean its been a couple hours since I left so I was just making sure it was cool to come back 

Federico Canegallo: typically people don’t fuck for entire afternoons on end so 

Edoardo Incanti: please stop saying we’re fucking 

Federico Canegallo: so you’re not? 

Edoardo Incanti: i’m not going to answer that  

Edoardo Incanti: go to gio’s tho she’s moved past procrastinating and gets annoyed if you interrupt her 

—

Martino Rametta to Eleonora Sava: nico is wondering if we can use your pasta 

Eleonora Sava: will you be following a recipe 

Martino Rametta: i’m not gonna lie to you that was an ask permission after the fact kind of thing 

Martino Rametta: it is edible tho if you want to have some when you get home 

Martino Rametta: when will that be? 

— 

Eleonora Sava to Edoardo Incanti: what are you doing for dinner 

Edoardo Incanti: i think talking in person about this isn’t violating the rules 

Eleonora Sava: it is 

Eleonora Sava: I can text and study at the same time and therefore I’m still studying and therefore we have to stay in separate rooms 

Edoardo Incanti: you can be really obnoxious sometimes 

Eleonora Sava: it’s a talent 

Eleonora Sava: welcome to studying with me 

Edoardo Incanti: ok you’re getting crabby 

Eleonora Sava: rude 

Edoardo Incanti: we’re officially done studying for the moment 

Eleonora Sava: ok official means two party consent 

Eleonora Sava: I did not consent to stop studying 

Edoardo Incanti: acknowledged and overruled 

Edoardo Incanti: i’m coming to you don’t flip ur shit 

— 

Chicco Rodi to someone get milk I haven’t been able to eat cereal in four days and i’m dying: [pic] 

Chicco Rodi: Spotted! Edoardo Incanti out getting saucy with Eleonora Sava when they both said they’d be studying. Maybe they can use their combined genius to turn their ‘break’ into a ‘date.’ xoxo Gossip Girl 

Edoardo Incanti: fuck off man 

Federico Canegallo: edo all you have to do to make this stop 

Federico Canegallo: is stop being a fucking coward and tell her how you feel  

— 

Chicco Rodi to Eva Brighi: edo and ele are at that greek stand by the conservatory 

Eva Brighi: how dare they get gyros without me 

Eva Brighi: what are you doing there 

Chicco Rodi: not getting gyros bc now I have to spy on them 

Eva Brighi: unfortunate 

Chicco Rodi: the things I do for them 

Eva Brighi: what, exactly, are you doing for them 

Chicco Rodi: ur getting too hung up on the details 

—

Elia Santini to *plays Baby K even harder*: drinks tonight? 

Martino Rametta: some of us value our livers 

Eleonora Sava: and our grades 

Eva Brighi: if you value ur grades so much 

Eleonora Sava: don’t say it 

Eva Brighi: why aren’t you studying rn? 

Eva Brighi: mm? 

Elia Santini: again, drinks tonight? 

Elia Santini: bueller? bueller? 

Luchino: I’m in 

Chicco Rodi: @elia we’re gonna try to play that one game from New Girl tonight 

Giovanni Garau: i fucking love new girl 

Federica Caciotti: doesn’t that revolve around American politicians 

Chicco Rodi: historical figures, please 

Chicco Rodi: and yes 

Federica Caciotti: interesting 

Sana Allagui: I’m coming just to watch you guys be confused 

Edoardo Incanti: when is this starting 

Chicco Rodi: may or may not be four drinks in 

Edoardo Incanti: is2g 

— 

Eleonora Sava to Giovanni Garau: is anyone at urs rn? I need a quiet place to study 

Giovanni Garau: no 

Giovanni Garau: why don’t you go home? 

Eleonora Sava: Eva will yell at me 

Eleonora Sava: and edo forgot one of my books there earlier when he picked them up I’m sorry 

Giovanni Garau: ok i’m leaving right now 

Giovanni Garau: door’s unlocked but please be quick our neighbor will steal everything we own  

Eleonora Sava: eva’s right you are an angel 

—

Federico Canegallo to Edoardo Incanti: are you coming home or nah 

Edoardo Incanti: went to gio’s to study 

Edoardo Incanti: back later 

Federico Canegallo: do you even need to study this much for the one test you still have 

Federico Canegallo: I don’t understand you 

—

Edoardo Incanti to Eva Brighi: ele is exhausted please don’t yell at her when she gets upstairs 

Eva Brighi: … 

Eva Brighi: fine 

Eva Brighi: but only cuz you said please 

— 

Eva Brighi renamed the group 41 days and 41 nights in relationship wilderness ladies and germs 

— 

Eva Brighi to Eleonora Sava: Marti wants to know if you want anything for breakfast he and Nico are going out 

Eva Brighi: he also called me lazy for not getting off the couch to ask you in person 

Eva Brighi: will you yell at him for that pls 

— 

Silvia Mirabella to *plays Baby K even harder*: drinks here tonight for those of us who are feeling reckless or actually are done with midterms 

Silvia Mirabella: starting at 21 but we’re getting Thai at 19 if anyone wants to join 

Chicco Rodi: can u be both? 

Silvia Mirabella: yea that’s allowed 

Chicco Rodi: sick 

Elia Santini: if we want Thai but don’t feel like actually going to the Thai place 

Silvia Mirabella: no 

— 

Silvia Mirabella sent a link to silvietta.sil, profile on PayPal to Le MAT&T: fund drinks for tonight pls and thanks  

Federica Caciotti renamed the group Le Mom’s not buying the booze anymore 

Silvia Mirabella: funny 

Federica Caciotti sent a link to federicarica, profile on PayPal: fund my career launch into comedy pls and thanks 

— 

Federico Canegallo to do NOT speak to me about the scooter: fifa tourney @ 15? 

Elia Santini: ye 

Giovanni Garau: taking my last midterm but I can be there at like 16:30 

Federico Canegallo: lame 

Chicco Rodi: will I actually get to play today sir 

Luchino: sounds good 

Rocco Martucci: do any of you actually go to class 

Elia Santini: @chicco @rocco no

Chicco Rodi: fuck you @elia

Martino Rametta: same with gio but Nico says he’ll be there at 15 

Martino Rametta: he’s wondering if you’ll have snacks or no 

Federico Canegallo: tell the little fucker he can die before eating all of my good pretzels again 

Martino Rametta: he says bite me 

Federico Canegallo: @edo hello???? 

Federico Canegallo: update edo is still sleeping but told me to tell you all he’s going to kick your asses 

Elia Santini: fat fucking chance, charms 

— 

Eva Brighi to Eleonora Sava: making coffee would you like some 

— 

Edoardo Incanti to Eleonora Sava: hi please tell me you actually went to bed last night instead of studying more 

Eleonora Sava: I did 

Edoardo Incanti: ok good 

Edoardo Incanti: when are you taking it 

Eleonora Sava: tomorrow 

Edoardo Incanti: are you feeling better about it than you were yesterday? 

Eleonora Sava: yes 

Eleonora Sava: thank you 

Edoardo Incanti: of course 

Edoardo Incanti: i’d offer to let you come study here again but fede and chicco want to play fifa 

Edoardo Incanti: lucky fuckers are already done with their midterms 

Edoardo Incanti: but if you need someone to study with again, I’ll take on the task 

Eleonora Sava: how kind of you 

Eleonora Sava: I’m ok tho 

Edoardo Incanti: if you’re sure 

— 

Eva Brighi to Eleonora Sava: are you down for Thai or no? 

Eva Brighi: because now is the time to say something if ur not 

Eva Brighi: silvia is Determined to get spring rolls 

Eva Brighi: I think only you could stop her 

Eva Brighi: sana tried suggesting that Salvadorian place but sil shut her down hard 

Eva Brighi: come save us from tyranny pls 

—

Chicco Rodi to *plays Baby K even harder*: just wanted to publicly make it known that I kicked Fede and Elia’s asses at fifa 

Sana Allagui: ladies we’ve been demoted to peanut gallery

Sana Allagui: this is a federal offense 

Eva Brighi: @chicco I’ll be impressed when you can beat ele at mario kart

Federica Caciotti: same 

Martino Rametta: points were made

Silvia Mirabella: guys he might die lets not make him do that 

Sana Allagui: can we still take them to court 

Federica Caciotti: yes of course 

Eva Brighi: get ur fucking lawyer ready boys 

Luchino: wait court for what 

Giovanni Garau: grabbing the game cube when I go home this weekend 

Giovanni Garau: mario kart tourney Sunday night 

Federico Canegallo: um pay attention to this tourney pls and thanks 

Chicco Rodi: I’ve been challenged tho 

Chicco Rodi: and they’re suing us 

Federico Canegallo: I will smother you in ur sleep chicco PAY ATTENTION 

— 

Edoardo Incanti to Eleonora Sava: contrary to what the gc says it was mostly me who beat fede and Elia 

Eleonora Sava: color me even more impressed than I already said I was 

Edoardo Incanti: you didn’t say anything 

Eleonora Sava: exactly 

Edoardo Incanti: no one asked you to be sarcastic about it 

Edoardo Incanti: now what’s this about mario kart 

Eleonora Sava: don’t even try I will kick ur ass 

Edoardo Incanti: I’ll have you know I’ve won every single Incanti cousins mario kart tourney since we started doing them when I was like nine 

Eleonora Sava: its not that hard to beat Eva she’s shit 

Edoardo Incanti: we have other cousins ya know 

Eleonora Sava: did mario kart even exist when u were nine 

Edoardo Incanti: ya p sure

Eleonora Sava: hm 

Eleonora Sava: sounds dubious

Eleonora Sava: old 

Edoardo Incanti: hey 

— 

Eva Brighi to Le Mom’s not buying the booze anymore: yeah I think Thai is fine 

Sana Allagui: its not 

Eva Brighi: what’s not fine is hiding in ur room and not answering ur texts all day 

Federica Caciotti: ok so we’ve gotten through procrastination ele and annoyed ele and now we’re on to hermit ele 

Federica Caciotti: we’ve almost completed the cycle 

Silvia Mirabella: is she alive can you tell 

Silvia Mirabella: sana shut up about the food for a sec 

Sana Allagui: ok easy for u when ur the one that’s winning 

Eva Brighi: yeah I’ve heard her go to the bathroom once or twice but she hasn’t come out besides that 

Eva Brighi: I’ve texted her several times and when I call she sends me to voicemail 

Sana Allagui: have you like knocked on the door 

Eva Brighi: I may be an idiot but I’m not stupid Sana 

Eva Brighi: of course I have 

Eva Brighi: ele if you’re reading this knock on ur wall twice 

Eva Brighi: ok she did it. love you ele please come out and eat something  

—

Chicco Rodi to *plays Baby K even harder*: @ele so are you going to beat my ass in mario kart or not 

Chicco Rodi: you didn’t say anything 

Chicco Rodi: i need to kno how many blows my pride is gonna take this week 

Federico Canegallo: ok you are preemptively anticipating ele beating you when gio’s beating you right now 

Federico Canegallo: you’re not even playing anymore ffs 

Chicco Rodi: some things you just have to accept fede 

Edoardo Incanti: who the fuck says preemptively anticipate 

Eva Brighi: don’t be jealous just bc some fede sounds fancier than you 

Edoardo Incanti: is this bc I insulted ur vocabulary yesterday 

— 

Sana Allagui to Eleonora Sava: not responding to hermit ele takes some strength 

Sana Allagui: is everything ok?

— 

Edoardo Incanti: appalled 

Edoardo Incanti: dubious 

Edoardo Incanti: preemptive 

Edoardo Incanti: anticipation 

Eleonora Sava: no I am not arguing with you about this 

Eleonora Sava: I’m studying 

Eleonora Sava: unlike some people 

Edoardo Incanti: mm ok point taken  

—

Sana Allagui to Le Mom’s not paying for the booze anymore: ok Eva w/e you’ve done to piss ele off has extended to me 

Sana Allagui: she’s not responding to my texts 

Eva Brighi: well what did you say 

Eva Brighi: also she’s not pissed off she’s Stressed 

Eva Brighi: i’m Stressed 

Sana Allagui: I asked if she was ok 

Sana Allagui: n she didn’t say anything  

Silvia Mirabella: ele knock twice on the wall again if ur stressed 

Silvia Mirabella: eva did she do it 

Eva Brighi: no 

Eva Brighi: her phone’s going straight to voicemail now I think it’s off 

Silvia Mirabella: damn 

Silvia Mirabella: frontal assault into her room? 

Eva Brighi: I have a better idea 

— 

Eva Brighi to Edoardo Incanti: hey

—

Eleonora Sava to marti make sure nico cleans out the lint filter on the dryer or I will cut you: someone please water the plants on the veranda 

Eleonora Sava: I just realized that I didn’t get to them this morning and they’re sitting directly in the sun 

Martino Rametta: i would totally do it but I am not home atm 

Eva Brighi: I have a good idea for you 

Eva Brighi: you could come out and do it yourself 

Eva Brighi: ele? 

— 

Martino Rametta to Eva Brighi: everything ok with ele? 

Eva Brighi: you’ve been gone all day I forgot 

Eva Brighi: she isn’t coming out of her room or answering her texts 

Martino Rametta: oh so Test Ele 

Eva Brighi: I think its worse than usual 

— 

Martino Rametta to Eleonora Sava: hi i would request that you set aside your books and take ten deep breaths 

Martino Rametta: nico seconds me 

Eleonora Sava: :/ 

Martino Rametta: eva did water the plants on the veranda she sent me a pic 

Eleonora Sava: :) 

— 

Edoardo Incanti to Eva Brighi: sorry I was talking to nonna 

Edoardo Incanti: she wants us to come over soon 

Eva Brighi: like today soon? 

Edoardo Incanti: no like in a few weeks 

Eva Brighi: ok 

Eva Brighi: wait aren’t you guys doing fifa right now 

Edoardo Incanti: does that make me incapable of texting nonna 

Eva Brighi: she doesn’t text 

Edoardo Incanti: calling nonna then w/e 

Eva Brighi: edoardo incanti did you actually speak to our grandmother or are you bsing me 

Edoardo Incanti: i promise I did I’m just very tired atm 

Eva Brighi: ok lover boy I’ll let it slide this time 

Eva Brighi: text ele for me I haven’t heard or seen her all day and I’m getting worried 

Edoardo Incanti: weird she’s been texting me 

Eva Brighi: of fucking course 

Edoardo Incanti: is everything ok? 

Eva Brighi: she’s being a recluse 

Eva Brighi: I’ve found that she gets like this around tests its p usual 

Eva Brighi: but this feels off I’m worried 

— 

Edoardo Incanti: in order to properly be a recluse you have to turn your phone off you know 

Eleonora Sava: I have no idea what ur talking about 

Edoardo Incanti: Eva says she hasn’t heard from you all day 

Edoardo Incanti: you haven’t been responding in the gc 

Edoardo Incanti: but you’ve been texting me 

Edoardo Incanti: don’t recluses avoid all contact w the outside world 

Eleonora Sava: whoever said I was trying to be a recluse 

Edoardo Incanti: is everything ok? 

Eleonora Sava: yes 

Eleonora Sava: why wouldn’t it be 

Edoardo Incanti: i’m coming over 

Eleonora Sava: you don’t need to 

Edoardo Incanti: i am tho 

Eleonora Sava: edo 

Eleonora Sava: edo seriously you don’t have to 

Eleonora Sava: edo pick up your damn phone 

— 

Edoardo Incanti to Eva Brighi: are you home? 

Eva Brighi: ya 

Edoardo Incanti: come buzz me in 

Eva Brighi: she’s not gonna let you in I’ve tried that 

Edoardo Incanti: w/e just do it pls 

— 

Federico Canegallo: where did you go 

Edoardo Incanti: ele’s 

Federico Canegallo: ok 

Federico Canegallo: not gonna finish the tourney? 

Edoardo Incanti: we played for like two and a half hours I think that’s enough

Federico Canegallo: ok 

Federico Canegallo: are you gonna come to drinks 

Edoardo Incanti: depends 

Federico Canegallo: ok 

Federico Canegallo: tell her to feel better 

— 

Eva Brighi to Le Mom’s not buying the booze anymore: ok better idea is here now 

Sana Allagui: don’t tell me you got edo to come over 

Silvia Mirabella: eva now is not the time to try to set them up 

Sana Allagui: it’s brilliant 

Eva Brighi: ok contrary to popular (silvia’s) belief chicco and I are NOT crazy for trying to set them up 

Eva Brighi: n this isn’t part of that 

Eva Brighi: they are friends and friends are allowed to do shit like care about each other 

Federica Caciotti: and have romantic feelings for one another 

Eva Brighi: not! the! point!

— 

Silvia Mirabella to *plays Baby K even harder*: numbers for Thai? 

Luchino: me

Elia Santini: ok the tourney’s almost done 

Elia Santini: you’re sure you won’t bring any to us 

Silvia Mirabella: we are going back to mine after this why would we bring it all the way to fede’s 

Chicco Rodi: me for Thai 

Giovanni Garau: same 

Martino Rametta: me n nico too 

Elia Santini: traitors 

Martino Rametta: we literally are already done with the tourney you’re just a sore loser and want to play until you win a game 

Elia Santini: ur exposing me 

Elia Santini: i will eat ur firstborn 

Silvia Mirabella: edo? fede? 

Federico Canegallo: nah I am gonna pity play Elia until he wins 

Elia Santini: fuck you 

— 

Edoardo Incanti to Silvia Mirabella: any chance you could make a stop here after Thai 

Silvia Mirabella: no i literally just told Elia I’m not going to yours 

Edoardo Incanti: at ele’s 

Silvia Mirabella: oh 

Silvia Mirabella: yeah of course 

Silvia Mirabella: what do you guys want 

Edoardo Incanti: the drunken noodles and that one yellow curry 

Silvia Mirabella: will do 

Silvia Mirabella: is ele ok? 

Edoardo Incanti: yeah she’s alright 

Silvia Mirabella: tell her I’m glad she’s ok 

— 

Eva Brighi to Edoardo Incanti: how’s ele 

Edoardo Incanti: hungry 

Eva Brighi: we’ll stop by soon 

Eva Brighi: almost done I promise 

Eva Brighi: besides that? 

Edoardo Incanti: she yelled at me for a bit for coming over n got mad when I took away her textbook 

Edoardo Incanti: but then she calmed down 

Edoardo Incanti: currently on the porch 

Edoardo Incanti: she’s v concerned about the plants 

Edoardo Incanti: says you did a shit job of watering them 

Eva Brighi: that is what she wants to say rn 

Eva Brighi: so picky 

Eva Brighi: is she feeling better? 

Edoardo Incanti: i think so 

Edoardo Incanti: really remains to be see tho 

Edoardo Incanti: she’s very stressed 

Eva Brighi: ok 

Eva Brighi: keep me updated 

— 

Silvia Mirabella to Edoardo Incanti: i come bearing food 

Silvia Mirabella: buzz me in pls 

— 

Federico Canegallo to *plays Baby K even harder*: we’ll be over soon 

Eva Brighi: cool we started w/o you 

— 

Eva Brighi to Le Mom’s not paying for the booze anymore: mission check on ele post drinks is a go 

Eva Brighi: I might be too drunk for this but w/e

Eva Brighi: all the lights are off 

Eva Brighi: it’s quiet 

Eva Brighi: checking her room 

Eva Brighi: oh! 

Eva Brighi: they are asleep 

Sana Allagui: they 

Silvia Mirabella: they?

Eva Brighi: yes edo is here still 

Sana Allagui: nice 

Federica Caciotti: how does ele look 

Eva Brighi: relaxed 

Sana Allagui: are they snuggling 

Eva Brighi: yes 

Eva Brighi: its v cute 

— 

Eva Brighi renamed the group ok they were snuggling last night are we still in the relationship wilderness, who knows? day 1 

Chicco Rodi: sorry they were what last night 

[ifridiot]

1 3 12 19 for fanfic asks

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

oh god this is difficult. Hmm. I have a few, because... I have written over a hundred short stories this year, and I honestly can’t pic just one. Sticking with what I posted on AO3, I am quite pleased with the entirety of the Let Them Eat Flesh series, especially The Widening Gyre and Wretched and Joyful. Delicate was such a monumental effort for me, and I think i could have done better at capturing the emotions it was meant to evoke, but it’s still quite solid and I’m pleased with it. Things Change, My Dear is quite good, if only because of the discussions we’ve had about the AU and the work you’ve done from the foundations I knocked together. I am maliciously fond of Never, if only because of the disgust I’ve received in response to the idea of Frank Castle having, of all things, a gun kink. Of course, Memento Mori, Puncture Repair, and Come Home really laid the ground work for how I wanted to present my takes on these characters.

For fandoms that are not The Punisher, I’m particularly pleased with Protector, because I quite enjoy Nate and Wade calling each other out on their bullshit. Science is Cool was just a lot of fun to write and I absolutely adore seeing people’s reactions to it -- a lot like Memento Mori, honestly. Owned and Jarmed in the Target Jathroom were both supremely enjoyable to write. I loved doing the stupid ass puns in Jarmed, and Owned is of course about War, so what’s not to love? A Green Eyed Demon is... well, it’s just a lot of things I like, okay. Jealousy, pining, Nate knowing Wade way too well... it’s fun and sexy. And of course, the first published fic of the year deserves a mention, because I got to write an old, old love of mine, so Drunken Lament, there you are.

GONNA HAVE TO DO THE REST UNDER A CUT, YOU BASTARD.

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

Jesus christ. Okay. I’m going to try to be reasonable here. One or two lines from only the Best Fics. Oh who the fuck am I kidding... 

“You smell,” Kakuzu says by way of greeting, “like expensive sake. And self-pity.” 

(from Drunken Lament)

"Fuckin' cunt," he snarls, "you stupid fucking," blood dripping down his face, all over the carpet, all over Wade, and Wade musters half the strength in his body and throws Nate off over his head. His body makes a satisfying thud on the dingy carpet, and Wade launches at him, pins him again, always on the stomach, and this time he bites Nate's neck, leaves uneven pinpoint marks where his teeth have been, not drawing blood though he could, he could so very easily. Nate groans.  

(from Glittering)

It becomes easier to avoid him. Only go over when he needs something, and even then, scurry away at the first sexy sign emanating from the apartment, stop going on missions together unless Nate comes asking him to help out. A man can only jack it so many times behind a dumpster before he starts having unhealthy associations with the smell of hot trash. He can think about getting fucked six ways to Sunday by everyone’s favorite scowling soldier in his own room, thankyouverymuch, and it’s nicer to jerk off where there are clean tissues on hand. 

(from A Green Eyed Demon)

“Would it be easier to come if I were fucking you like you don’t matter?” 

(from A Green Eyed Demon, also fuck that is a Horny Line)

“The jurtains,” he whispers, and Nate gives him a look, which just seems to make him even more pleased with the find. “We need them. Those are what we want. Good eye, honeypie.”

“What the fuck,” Nate says slowly, not sure he wants to know, “are jurtains?”

“Curtains but denim,” Wade replies with utter earnest sincerity. “It’s – don’t give me that face – it’s basic English.” 

(from Jarmed in the Target Jathroom)

Okay so I would basically be copying the whole back half of Jarmed, but... Pretty much all the dialog while Nate’s jerking Wade off is just Good. All the denim puns.

Once, when he’d been another man, a weaker man, he’d loved Wade.

In his own way, he still did; loved him and wanted him safe and kept and all his own. But it was easy to hate him, too; his arrogance and selfishness and constant cries for attention.

But Wade belonged to him now. And in a way, owning him was better than loving him alone had ever been.

(from Owned. I really love how crisply this highlights the difference between War and Nathan.)

When he finally thrusts into the tight, pliant heat of Wade’s body, he focuses on his TK, stripping the scarred flesh from muscle from bone down Wade’s back. Wade moans, smothering the wet tearing sound of the mutilation, his tone dripping with lust and excitement, audibly delighted over the flesh flaying from his body. As it comes free, the blood and tissue is held by telekinetic force all around them, extending out from Wade in a gory fan.

(from Owned. This is just disgusting and I live for it)

“Fuck you,” Wade says pleasantly, and then groans beautifully at the sensation of the raw muscle and nerve of his back being torn open again. “This? This is all for me. If you were really punishing me, I wouldn’t get dick, pun very much intended; you’d leave me all alone for a few more fuckless days, and if you ever thought for a goddamn second about me anymore, maybe you’d figure out why I keep trying to run away so often.”

(from Owned)

It’s all Wade’s fault, he thinks furiously as he digs his fingers in hard enough to feel something crunch, blood welling under his fingers, clutching hard to the skin under his fingers and squeezing until the frustration leaks out between his knuckles. It’s Wade’s fault. Because Wade’s skin feels like it’s burning, always, imprinting on War’s back and hips and thighs as he futilely tries to cling. Because Wade doesn’t say anything he doesn’t mean, doesn’t try to placate him, doesn’t make him feel like any more of a man even when he’s bucking under him and making strangled, incoherent noises like he’s drowning, they’re both drowning, and he can’t get enough air or enough of War. Because when it’s done, and his heart is still stuffed up somewhere in his throat, War knows Wade will beg him to stay for cuddles he hasn’t got time to indulge in, like they’re just two of a kind, two normal people living normal lives together.

(From Owned. Love that War still has so much complex emotion)

Bearded Nate isn’t just taller, his version of the TO is cleaner, somehow, sinking in a smooth line under his flesh, swallowing his arm and dancing down his side, his hip, his leg. Short!Nate is more organic looking, very nice with the scars and the proud flesh and the jagged lines of metal bursting from under his skin. He’s got a thick vein of TO running up his dick, and Wade’s mouth waters at the sight, his brain going hazy at the thought of getting that inside him. As soon as possible, yes please.

(from Science is Cool)

Laughter bubbles up out of him like the kind of vomit you get after drinking too much soda too quickly, frothy and jagged. 

(from Science is Cool. Such a Wade line

“Is curiosity really going to kill the Cable?” He asks, closing his eyes again. He’s very tired uddenly. He liked not remembering. He wants to get back to that. “Bodyslide outta here. Your Wade is in another castle. This is not the Wade you’re looking for. Good fuck though, thanks for that.”

“Wade.”

“War is coming. That’s what you go by here. So get the fuck out. Please.”

(from Science is Cool. I know this is a spoiler for the whole fic, but god i love this line)

The more they start to work together, once things get rolling, the harder it is to find his disgust for this man, this man who ruined lives trying to do the right thing. The sickest part, to Frank at least, is that one day he’s thinking about that, about how David ruined so much just trying to do the right thing, and realizes he’s proud of David. David did what a lot of people would have refused to do, David took initiative, David tried his damnedest to do right. And it had destroyed everything, there had been no justice, no grand revelation of corruption.

(from Come Home)

He watches Frank like he knows the kind of pain he’s in and wants to spare him and when he realizes that, he responds the same way he always had when he’d caught Maria with that look on her face. He forces himself to act more put together, forces himself to get over the bullshit. Because Maria hadn’t deserved the concern he’d tormented her with, and maybe David didn’t either.

(from Come Home)

They’re drinking one night when David leans over and kisses him. Frank makes a point to never have more than a couple fingers of anything harder than beer, but David gets white girl wasted when he’s upset.

(from Come Home. The phrase ‘white girl wasted’ makes this)

It’s some time later that Sarah kisses him. Between the two of them, the Liebermans are going to give him some kind of fucking complex.

(from Come Home. GOD, POOR FRANK LMAO)

I can’t take it if you go, David is saying, though he’s beyond words. I will die, if you die.

He wants to tell him how wrong he is. He knows from experience. It might feel like you’re dead for a while, and you might wish you were dead for even longer, but the loss wouldn’t kill you. That was the cruelest part of it.

(from, you guessed it, Come Home. Im sorry)

Frank watches David disappear into his house and drives away before anyone else can come out and try convincing him to stay. It’s a bittersweet parting – David deserves to go home to his family. Frank’s not sure what he deserves, but he’s starting to think maybe this unending loneliness isn’t it.

(from Come Home. The good news is, that’s the end of the fic.)

(the bad news is, now it’s time for Puncture Repair)

Sarah missed Pete, maybe. Missed someone who’d snuck in, like a thief, to get close to her, to have something to hold over her husband. Who had offered comfort in a hard time. Somehow she’s missing the part where Frank could have gotten her husband killed for real. She’s missing the part where Frank’s blood brother had abducted and could have murdered her and her son. She’s missing the part where Pete was an act (until he wasn’t) and hadn’t ever been meant to mean anything to her.

If he’s honest with himself – and he’s trying to be that, more often now – he’s terrified of seeing her again, of seeing her realize how bad an idea it is for him to be around them. Because Sarah is smart, Sarah is brave and determined and wants to keep her family safe. She’s not like David, too close to see the danger.

(from Puncture Repair. Love Frank being terrified of Sarah hating him, acknowledging that she has cause to.)

And maybe that’s the right thing to do. Maybe hurting David now will help the dumbass get over this. Because Frank loves him, and he knows what his love does to people. He sees it every time he tries to sleep. He can’t stand the idea of seeing it happen again, here, in waking.

But when has he ever done the right thing where David is concerned? David had given so much to Frank; his trust, his affection, his fucking blood, pumping through Frank’s veins. Frank takes and takes because he doesn’t know how to stop. He’s greedy for what David offers, for the chance to spend some time being alive after so long of being dead.

(from Puncture Repair)

When David’s hand comes to rest, gently, on his arm, his whole body tenses up, reflex curling his fists as he snaps his head toward David, face an angry mask, warning. David doesn’t even flinch. He looks concerned, though. Not afraid – David’s not afraid of Frank because while David might be a certifiable genius, he’s still an idiot. Frank could kill him in fifteen ways without breaking a sweat, and David knows that.

His hand strokes over Frank’s arm, and Frank holds his breath. Lets it out. Breathes again.

He’s working on a lot of things. Sometimes, it even seems like he’s getting better.

(from Puncture Repair)

“It’s called a spare room, Frank,” David says, patiently and patronizing at the same time, forcing the air in the room to lighten with his stab at humor. Frank’s lip twitches. “Some even call it a ‘guest room’. Guests are people you invite into your house to –”

“I know what guests are, asshole.”

“Well, I just wonder, you know, since you act like you were raised outdoors.”

(from Puncture Repair)

He needs to leave. He should leave. He stands and glares at David instead, feet planted, hands curled. It’s like being back in the power station basement, when he had no where else to be. Part of him knows he can go at anytime, the rest of him is stripping gears in a war over whether he needs to destroy this thing happening between him and David before it gets David hurt.

(from Puncture Repair)

“You ever get tired of punishing yourself, Frank?”

David’s voice is so gentle and so tired, laced with a bitterness that is so familiar. Frank is used to people giving up on arguing with him. He knows what it sounds like.

“No,” He says sharply, because it’s easier to deny than acknowledge that there’s even a chance that David’s got him figured out.

“Now who’s lying?”

(from Puncture Repair)

“You gonna hit me, Frank?” David asks. Frank just pushes him harder against the wall, face twisted in a snarl. David smiles very gently, as if, up close, he’s seeing something too. Frank really does flinch when fingers stroke over his cheek, David reaching up to gently frame his face in his hands. “See, I don’t think you are.”

“You don’t know me, David, you think you do, but you don’t know –”

David drags him in, and Frank lets himself be dragged. The kiss is hot and inevitable and somehow furious. David hums, the sound surprised but accepting when Frank bites at his mouth. His death grip on David’s shirt relaxes, until his hands are just resting over David’s chest, holding him to the wall as David steals his breath. His eyes are blue, so blue; Frank could never look in those eyes and imagine he was with anyone else. No one had eyes like that.

(from Puncture Repair. Damn, David)

David deserves better. Frank still doesn’t know what he deserves.

(from Puncture Repair. Frank, stop being a jackass please)

“You never shut up. You tellin’ me this is all I gotta do to make you quiet?”

A little whine, indignant, helpless, and Frank chuckles. “You still think about me suckin’ you off, David?” He asks quietly, moving his hand to pull, carefully, at the button of the fly. The zipper, when he jerks it down, sounds loud in the quiet room. “What was it again? Rough, behind a dumpster? Real romantic imagery, there.”

David’s dick is hot and hard in his hand when he shoves his way past the waistband of his underwear, gripping him firmly. Fingers clutch back to his shoulder, David’s hips twitching into his touch. He leans in, so he’s talking against David’s hair, feeling the softness of those curls as he mutters in David’s ear. “What’s it gonna be, huh? There’s no dumpster, but I know you got a vivid imagination.”

(from Puncture Repair. :Eyes Emoji: amirite?)

“Lemme do this for you, Frank,” David says softly, and he’s begging, quiet and restrained but it’s still begging, pleading to be allowed to touch him. “You’re always giving for me. You never take. It’s not right. Lemme do this.”

(from Puncture Repair. Love this throwback/contradiction to Frank’s obsessive thoughts over how he’s always taking from David.)

David stands at the top of the steps, looking out at the street like he’s waiting for something he knows isn’t coming. He’s slouched more than usual, one arm wrapped around himself, half a hug, and the other held at his side, something glinting in his hand. Frank wonders if he’s drunk, and watches him turn back towards the door and decides both yes, he is, and also that he’s not too drunk. And the ridiculous urge to get out of the van passes when David turns away and opens the door, tossing back the end of whatever’s in his glass as he crosses the threshold. Frank turns the engine back on and pulls away before it can come back.

(from Memento Mori)

If asked why, Frank would never in a million years be able to answer. It’s like asking a half drowned man, why breathe when he’s offered fresh air – because it’s a need. Because he had to. He had to step in closer, bringing his hands up to brush away those tears. And when David surges against him, kissing him? He had to wrap his arms around that shivering frame, had to kiss back.

(from Memento Mori)

Frank remembers Maria touching him much the same way when he’d first come home, and god, that hurts. Hurts his heart, but maybe not as bad as it should, and he doesn’t know if that means he’s healing or not. He doesn’t even know anymore if healing is a good thing – without the pain, he’s not sure he knows how to define himself anymore.

(from Memento Mori)

What they end up doing on the floor, which is hard and cold and not exactly the ideal place, is sloppy and needy and rough. It’s months of pent up frustration, it’s finally allowing something that both had wanted and neither had dared address. Its fast and dirty and satisfying, David’s breath on Frank’s neck rabbit-quick and sharp as they grind together, shirtless, their pants hitched low. Frank thinks he’s got the feel of the hardwood against his back memorized, the way it digs and drags with every thrust and roll of David’s hips.

(from Memento Mori)

He’s thinking about wants and how they creep up on you. He’s thinking about needs, what each person in the world needs to survive, and if affection – not love, not desire, but honest affection – is one of those needs. He’s thinking about his children, dead and buried, and sleeping upstairs.

(from Memento Mori)

By some miracle the kids actually obey, letting Frank loose and running off to go chatter at David a million questions – When had Frank gotten there, where had he come from, was he staying, how long was he staying –before the tears rise in Frank’s eyes. He’s shoving them away with the heels of his hands, trying to play it off as rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, but when Sarah envelops him in a hug of her own, he knows she knows. She holds his face against her shoulder, curled over him as he sits, and combs her fingers through his hair.

(from Memento Mori)

That’s how he ends up with a fully furnished house – not just a couch and a bed to sleep on, but a table to eat at, an easy chair David likes to lay across the arms of rather than recline in normally, a coffee table he puts his feet on and Sarah, when she catches him, slaps him on the shin to make him stop, despite it being his.

(from Memento Mori. I know this is a dumb bit, but like... domesticity...)

That’s all the justification Frank needs to bring her home, and then – well would you look at that. The house, it’s… well. With Molly to come back to and a bed to sleep in, a kitchen he feels obligated to keep stocked with food because why else should he be paying for the electricity to power the fridge, a living room he entertains David’s family in sometimes – all the sudden, it’s not just a house. It’s home.

He has a home.

He blames David for that. Blaming is easier than thanking.

(from Memento Mori)

Home is three blocks away, with his dog and his own bed, but sometimes home is here, too.

(from Memento Mori)

When he’s home, though, he’s known. He is Frank, just Frank, and he is loved. He loves in return, and god – god but it’s good. It’s about the living, it’s about the living.

(from Memento Mori)

He doesn’t say he loves them, but he shows it in everything he does. He’s working up to it, working up to externalizing the things he feels so deeply. This is his family, and he won’t let anything happen to them this time. He has a second chance and he will do it right this time.

(from Memento Mori, also WHY DID I DO THIS)

Something crashes in the kitchen and the laughter cuts off as everyone turns to look at Sarah. Frank meets her eyes as her skin darkens and breaks. He’s on his feet and she’s crumbling, blowing apart in the barest breeze. Leo screams, and Frank’s head snaps back to the table, away from the horror of Sarah turning to dust, to look at his little girl and see – “no, no, no” – her skin going dull, her outstretched hand crumbling to ash as she reaches for – “no, no, no” – David, who sits in stunned shock, looking at his own crumbling hands and then up at Frank, those piercing eyes pleading in a way they never had before, and he breathes the softest curse, almost a laugh, before his face is gone and Frank looks across the table and there’s Zach – “no, no, no, wait, no” with his hands pressed flat to the table, all eyes as he watches, helpless, alone in the way the solemn child often seems to be, and slowly falls apart.

(from Memento Mori)

When he opens his eyes, he’s alone. Some trick of the breeze stirs the ashy dust in the air, drawing it toward him so his dark clothes are filmed with a fine coating of it, so he’s breathing – he gags and covers his mouth and nose, struggling.

The dust – the dust which is his family – is so thick now, floating aimless in the air, directionless as the breeze from the open door settles again. There are piles around the table and on the kitchen floor, piles of dust that he can identify by location but by no other factor as his – “oh god.”

(from Memento Mori)

When he feels a cold, wet something press against his ankle he jumps, startled, whipping around to find the threat, something – but it’s only Molly. Molly, looking scared, shivering, but whole. Molly is still here and he clings to that as he goes through the process of finding her leash, putting it on her. They need to leave the house. He can’t be here, he can’t keep – the dust is in the air, the dust is them and he can’t hold his breath so he’s breathing –

(from Memento Mori)

Memento mori, he hears David explain to him, deep in his head, in his memory. You will die.

Except it’s never him that dies.

For the living, it was for the living, the living.

Someone has done something monumentally stupid, and whether it was intentional or not, they’ve hurt his family. They’ve taken from him.

For the living, memento mori

He pulls out his phone, the very same one David left for him so long ago now, and he calls Curt. There is no answer, and his fingers leave dusty prints where the brush the numbers. He chokes out something approximate to ‘Call me ASAP please’, but he doesn’t think Curtis is in a way to make phone calls.

(from Memento Mori)

Well, Frank knows monsters, and he knows they can die.

Memento mori.

He knows he can put them down.

You will die.

He can only hope.

(from Memento Mori)

“Here in public?” David intones, thoughtful and pleasant, miles away from his old habitual nervousness. “Think about all the attention we’d get. You wanna get Pete in the papers? Maybe someone with a camera phone and a steady hand get you up on YouTube; Brave Man Fights Off Would-Be Gunman. The text doesn’t point out your pretty necklace, but everyone sees it. Everyone knows, and when the smart ones watch, they recognize the way you move. Is that how you wanna get back in the public eye, Frank,” David murmurs, smug and calm, gun pressed steadily against his spine, “everybody wondering who’s bitch you are?”

(From Never)

He thinks about the bullet tearing through, shattering everything in its path. This close, it’d be a horrific mess. Almost certain death.

His cock is hard against the sheets, and what that says about him, he doesn’t want to examine much.

(from Never. I fuckin love how fucked up Frank is)

David hasn’t known any touch but his own in almost a year. The little bit of contact he’d gotten from Frank up to now had been accompanied by pain. No wonder he’s trembling. No wonder his hands are white-knuckled fists on his knees.

(from Things Change, My Dear)

When David touches his wing, just the trace of fingers over the upper curve, he flinches away. It’s almost the same, sharp denial he’d shown Karen, and he feels his breath catch in his chest. The was a new war inside him; what he thought he deserved versus what he knew he needed. But ultimately, it was a glance over his shoulder, the sight of David’s face, so sad and so alone and so willing to just accept that Frank wouldn’t allow this after all, that makes him steady himself on his feet and lower his wings, slow and deliberate.

(from Things Change, My Dear)

A kiss is communication. It can say different things. This kiss is soft and questioning, not quite chaste. It says I’m hungry, it says I can wait. It is a promise, and a dare, and an assurance. David never takes more than is offered; David can be a selfish little shit, but he respects boundaries.

So Frank pushes his wings open, a sudden show of force that knocks David back, so his own wings flutter, just barely keeping himself on his feet. Frank turns on David, rounds on him with his wings raised, posturing without meaning to. Later, David will describe to him the way he looks in that moment, his face set, his wings aloft, stepping toward David ‘like the wrath of God’, and he’ll say that, his tone torn between amusement and awe, and Frank will have no choice but to punch his shoulder call him, affectionately, a jackass.

(from Things Change, My Dear)

Frank thinks about pulling away, and all the ways a man can do that. He thinks about loneliness so vast and dark that you were blinded by it. He thinks about the softness of a man and all the ways he could be hurt, all the ways it does and doesn’t show. Eyes so blue they can’t be real, glistening with tears, shining with fury, bright on him with delight.

At some point, he falls asleep too, and that’s better.

(from Things Change, My Dear)

You know what, i’m done, thats all i have in me. next question blease

12. favorite character to write about this year

Frank Castle, David Lieberman, or Wade Wilson. Had fun with all of ‘em.

19. any new fics to start next year

hmm, i don’t really think that far ahead. I plan to finish the last two Important, Main Plot stories for Let Them Eat Flesh before New Years. I have an idea rolling around for more Cablepool/Liebercaste crack and yes you read that correctly, so maybe that.

[ellstra]

Ellstra’s Kylux fic rec Vol. 2

I decided to make another fic rec in the moments when I’m too drained of energy to do anything that requires brain activity. I couldn’t tag some people (again, tumblr is fucked) which breaks my heart. The fics are in no particular order, only organised in groups from filth to innocent T rated fics (which I honestly didn’t expect to see. Bless you guys.) Enjoy!

Rated E

Grease Lightning by @slutstiels 4k, Modern Au “I’ll fix it for free–” Hux gasps, hardly able to believe his ears. The man holds up a finger to Hux’s lips and Hux frowns, flinching back instinctively. The offending finger is pulled away and Hux reflexively licks his lips, tasting salt and copper; the man’s eyes flow the movement of his tongue before those eyes focus on his own again. “–if you let me fuck you.” “Excuse me?” Kylo is a car mechanic and Hux is a very rich man with a very expensive car that needs to be fixed immediately. Yes, this sounds like a porn intro, and it is. And a great one.

Into the Garbage Chute by @longstoryshortikilledhim 15.5k, Techienician, Modern AU Techie and Matt are Star Wars fans who meet at a convention. This is such a sweet fic, you’ll love yourself for reading it. Techie and Matt are huge adorable dorky nerds and I love them.

it’s not fashionable to love me by @thesunandoceanblue 10.5k, Modern AU Stop staring at his jeans. He knows they’re too tight on him. That’s the whole point; so people will stare at his—don’t stare at his junk. Hux is persistently bothered by an odd but attractive man during his shifts. Hux is a horrible person who cheats on his boyfriend, Phasma is the best, Kylo is hot and straight-forward. It’s set in a tea shop which is something I never considered as a setting for a fic but it works really well.

In the Flesh by @srawratskcuf 3k, High school AU Kylo is that one kid in school who gives piercings in the bathroom. Prep!Hux comes in for one on a dare and keeps coming back for more (a good mix of ‘dam these are hot’ and 'damn hes hot’) Seriously, it’s disgusting and Hux is so pretentious you’ll want to spill blueberry juice on his expensive shirt and it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

Bohemian Rhapsody by @longstoryshortikilledhim 18k, Modern AU Kylo is a street musician in Prague. Hux is touring with the prestigious First Order Orchestra. They collide. Hard. In the unlikely case you haven’t read this fic yet, drop everything you’re doing and do yourself the favour. It’s everything you might want from this AU and more, the style is gorgeous and it’s set in my country so bonus points for the advertisement.  

More below the cut! 

Black Powder, Black Hearts by @sundogsailor 6k, Pirate AU “I can’t,” he insisted, playing the one remaining card his panicked brain had managed to find. “It’s against regulations.” “You’re not in his Majesty’s Navy anymore,” Ren growled. “I thought that was abundantly clear.” Hux opened his eyes to find the man much nearer than he’d thought, leaned in close enough for him to pick out each of his dark lashes in the lamplight. And at that moment he knew he’d lost, both the fight against himself and the one against Kylo Ren: mutineer, pirate, and apparently, sodomite. Hux is a good navy officer who does his job, until he doesn’t and decides to save his life instead of trying to get himself killed. Turns out the pirate who captured him is truly, truly, truly perverted and wants Hux, the good man, to do the unspeakable and Hux doesn’t want to until he does and it’s all very embarrassing. Wrapped up in navy terms you’ll probably have to look up. A pleasure. 

Hotline Bling by @minzimpression 37k, Modern AU Hux wants a dick pic from his recent hook-up. Unfortunately, he texts the wrong number. There’s phone sex, there are chance encounters, there’s a long distance relationship and actual feelings involved. A wholesome read. There’s also a rather good podfic of this by @asailordreamingbeyondthehorizon

Wild Honey by @longstoryshortikilledhim 9.5k, modern AU Armitage Hux was raised by his mother. He’s still an asshole. An innovative take on a coffee shop AU (the barista is Hux’s mum), Hux’s father makes an asshole-y cameo, there’s sex followed by a date, all in a very lovely package. 

On The Cusp by @solohux 5k, canon-verse Hux has a fantasy about groping and public touching. Kylo finds out. It’s filthy, mentally-scarring for some of the officers of the Finalizer and very enjoyable. 

Misfits by @hollyhark 20k, canon-verse, Techienician (+Kylux) Matt (short temper, disturbing fixation on Kylo Ren, snores) and Techie (night terrors, excessive jumpiness, “creepy” eyes) have both become notorious for driving their bunkmates to request a room change. General Hux is tired of processing the admin work they create. He assigns them to bunk together. They’ll either deal with it or lose their jobs. What a lovely and wholesome fic. I can’t describe it properly, but I can promise it’s worth the read. It has everything.

Coupe by @eralkfang 3k, canon-verse “I don’t have breasts,” Ren says, quickly—but too quickly, his eyes darting away as he bites his lip. No wonder Ren wears the mask, Hux thinks. His face betrays him at every turn.“Of course not,” Hux soothes, with more than a little sarcasm in his voice. “You couldn’t feed anyone with these. What you’ve got, Ren, is a nice pair of tits.” Shameless porn. Disgusting. Have I convinced you yet? Thought so.

Rated M 

A Rose and its Thorn by @solohux 2.5k, canon-verse ’Hanahaki disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient coughs up flowers or flower petals. The only cure is to have that love reciprocated. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.' 

Hunger by @eralkfang, @reserve, @badspacebabies 9k, canon-verse Kylo Ren keeps returning from missions with gifts for Hux. Neither one of them is really sure what it means. Foodporn, really confusing relationship, slow steps towards whatever the outcome of the story is. 

alors on danse by @huxes 32.5k Ballet AU Between seemingly random bestowals of their art upon the world (guerrilla dance, suggested a Toronto Sun reporter), the Knights rehearse, or don’t; or go on crime sprees, or don’t; or are a motorcycle gang, or a drug-smuggling ring, or a hacktivist group — or they aren’t.The point is, this company is less a dance troupe and more a legend, and their founder is the greatest myth of all. Hux, like many, wasn’t sure the Knights — or Kylo Ren, for that matter — even existed anymore. It had been six months or so since their last “guerrilla” performance, and the art world was beginning to lose interest in them, when Hux received the email.The subject line read, Ballet choreographer wanted — Knights of Ren. The “from” line was blank. It’s a ballet AU, so there’s awkward tension, Kylo’s childhood is fucked up, there’s a lot of pent-up feelings, Hux meets the family, the give Snoke the metaphorical finger. Bonus for the most beautiful sex scene I’ve read in a long time.

Lacuna by @solohux 14.5k, canon-verse, WIP After a bad head injury, Kylo wakes up with no memory of the last few years of his life. Including his marriage to Hux. A lovely and angsty take on memory loss. It has Emperor Hux and the sweetest idea for wedding rings. It will fuck you up and make you feel grateful.

Rated T

Cut Your Losses by @sinningsquire 5.5k, modern AU Ben has to spend the summer holiday at Luke’s farm. He hates it. After he meets a pretty ginger in a local town, he hates it even more. Or… maybe a little less? This beauty is set in my home country and it’s awesome. Hux is a little shit and Ben talks too much. Need I say more? 

oh, is it love? by @42dicks 14.5k, modern AU, WIP Armitage Hux (16, scary) is a “Counselor in Training” at Camp Endor where he has spent far too many summers. His father, up until this year, was a Counselor himself and Armitage suffers under his shadow. Ben Solo (15, doesn’t want to be here) is forced to attend Camp Endor after prior efforts to get him out of his room and enjoy his summer vacation fail. Queue two socially alienated teens accepting each other’s company after a series of shared mishaps, and more making out than is probably healthy. An interesting dynamics that promises a lot more, they’re both a mess™ and the prose is lovely. Bonus points for bringing back happy memories of summer camps. 

The Loveliest Letters by @space-girlfriends 2.5k, canon-verse Hux finds a letter on his desk. His secret admirer, whoever calls themselves S, is quite a…poetic fellow. A very lovely crack fic. Features everything a good crack fic should have and an extra serving of hilarity because it was posted on Valentine’s day.