#this post brought to you by my friend…. apologising for buying the same model of fitbit that i have?????????

[fingertipsmp3]

Full disclosure I do not care if someone copies me. I quite literally do not give a shit. Maybe it’s just because I’m 28 and getting mad about someone “copying” you is high school shit, maybe it’s genuinely not a big deal, I don’t know. I could run into someone who’s wearing the same thing, head to toe, that I am and I would neither notice nor care

[firesidefantasy]

so last night i realised i had almost hit 500 posts on this account. and then i had the brilliant, genius idea to make a post with 500 facts about monster house for my 500th post.

this was not a genius idea in any way shape or form.

i am not a genius.

but i did it anyway, so now i present to you:

five-hundred-fucking-facts about monster house

enjoy. 

KENZI

1) Kenzi was abandoned as a baby 2) She was adopted by Monster House 3) She does not know when her birthday is 4) Her best friend growing up was Toby 5) Kenzi thought she was a vampire when she was a kid 6) She went around biting people’s necks for weeks 7) Kenzi loves photography, Instagram, and modelling 8) She has ran four marathons and six 10ks 9) She has been dying her hair since she was 14 10) Kenzi’s favourite chocolate brand is Cadbury’s 11) She loves cooking and hosting parties 12) She hates being human and wishes she was a monster too 13) She is almost fluent in French 14) Kenzi has no idea what she wants to be when she’s older 15) She never wants to leave Monster House 16) Kenzi is always chewing gum

HARLOW 17) Harlow dyes her hair black 18) She plays drums because her dad told her it was for boys 19) She plays basketball because her dad told her it was for boys 20) Her mum died three years ago and Harlow has never got over it 21) She lives with her dad, their relationship is recovering 22) Harlow won’t leave the house without a beanie 23) She loves video games like overwatch and call of duty 24) She is absolutely shit at video games 25) Doritos are her favourite snack 26) Harlow has lost count of how many cousins she has 27) If she could be any monster, she’d be a vampire 28) She’s in a college band called ‘4am’ 29) They’ve played three actual gigs so far 30) Harlow wants to be in a famous band 31) Harlow does NOT want to ever get a real job 32) She writes a lot of songs 33) Nobody will ever see these songs 34) She hates the beach 35) The only thing she hates more than the beach is spelling errors 36) She also hates vegetables and weather over 20 degrees C 37) She loves the sound of rain and thunder 38) She hoards TV boxsets and prefers them over Netflix 39) She loves antique stores and charity shops 40) She has an impressive vinyl collection

TOBY 41) Toby is bisexual but prefers guy 42) He’s known he was bisexual since discovering Tom Holland 43) His favourite superhero is Iron Man 44) Spider man is a close second 45) Toby wanted to be a superhero when he was a kid 46) Now he wants to be a super villain (#edgyteen) 47) He’s enrolled in school part time 48) Avoiding sunlight makes school difficult 49) The kids at school joke that he’s a vampire because of this 50) They don’t know why that’s so funny 51) He plays bass guitar but never lets anyone else listen 52) Except Matty. Sometimes he joins in with the ‘drums’ 53) Toby loves going to the skate park at night 54) He once wrote a 500 word essay on why the moon is better than the sun 55) He knows every constellation and loves stargazing 56) He loves sitting on his dad’s balcony and watching the stars 57) Toby doesn’t know who his mum is 58) Metal and rock music is his favourite 59) He chews on his finger to satisfy his desire to bite things 60) Sometimes he’s tempted to see if he could bite his finger off 61) He never has 62) Toby loves tomato ketchup 63) Immortality intimidates him 64) He only wears band tee shirts 65) He starts wearing beanies everywhere after meeting Harlow 66) Toby idolises Harlow 67) His favourite food is pancakes with chocolate sauce 68) Kenzi makes him pancakes to apologise after they fight 69) Toby buys her bars of chocolate to apologise 70) Kenzi and Toby bicker a lot 71) They are also best friends 72) Toby’s favourite period of history is the Roman emperors 73) Caligula was his favourite emperor 74) Toby almost turned Kenzi when they were 14 75) He despises pop music 76) Kenzi and Toby fight over nothing more often than pop music 77) Custard makes him want to throw up

KAI 78) Kai has six older sisters 79) He is one of two guys in the witches coven 80) He speaks French and Italian (almost) fluently 81) He volunteers at the local animal shelter 82) He does not get along with his family 83) Kai tries to fit in but he isn’t very good at it 84) He gets very upset if his hair doesn’t look right 85) He struggles with dysphoria but his parents won’t let him get T 86) Kai loves doing jigsaws and watching reality shows 87) He listens to music to drown out his parents arguments 88) His oldest sister Natalia is his favourite 89) She cut his hair and bought him guys clothes after he came out 90) Natalia plays board games with him and helps with homework 91) Kai loves baking - especially banana bread 92) He hates bananas but could eat banana bread all day 93) Being a witch is hard and he’s really really bad at it 94) Kai once turned a dining room chair into a frog 95) He also turned his mother’s earrings into a donkey 96) They never let him keep the animals 97) Pop music and indie rock are his favourites 98) Kai is scared of the dark 99) Science and maths make no sense to him 100) He plans on leaving the witches coven when he’s 18

PHILLIP 101) Philip is a history professor at Seabrooke University 102) He was born in 1893 under the reign of Queen Victoria 103) He campaigned with the suffragettes - and even broke a window once 104) He is a hardcore liberal and despises the conservative party 105) He attended the 1908 summer Olympics held in London 106) He once had a fling with a maid of George V’s 107) Phillip had entered a competition to be on the titanic 108) He was an engineer during world war 2 109) His nose was broken at a protest for women to be given degrees 110) Phillip has been married three times 111) The first died, the second left him for another man 112) The third was a Vegas marriage about 30 years prior 113) Phillip is straight - but he’s experimented extensively in the past 114) He does the newspaper crossword puzzle every morning 115) He bans TV until after 3pm 116) Phillip moved to Monster House in the 70’s 117) He despises the movie ‘Twilight’ above all else 118) He is the one who decided to adopt Kenzi 119) Phillip is essentially in charge of Monster House 120) He adores barbecues with his family 121) He hates Russia, incorrect grammar, and coffee

MATTY 122) Toby brought a stray dog in one day 123) The next morning, a toddler was asleep in their living room 124) Phillip decided to keep him 125) His hobbies include chewing people’s shoes and phone chargers 126) He has broken exactly seven bones 127) There is no soul clumsier than Matty 128) His face is full of freckles and his cheeks are always red 129) He runs everywhere 130) He wants to be a footballer or an astronaut when he’s older 131) Matty breaks Phillip’s morning TV ban so he can watch cartoons 132) His favourite game is fetch 133) Toby created a machine for him that throws a ball over and over 134) Matty hates it - he likes playing with an actual person 135) His wolf form is small, fluffy and a little too blonde 136) Phillip has been assured that he will get less blonde as he grows up 137) Toby once tried to enter him in a dog competition 138) They won £20 and bought the biggest ice creams they could 139) Matty loves porridge almost as much as he loves shoes and Toby 140) He has an imaginary friend called Boris who he blames for everything

CALLIE 141) Callie is half fae and half human 142) Her full name is Calypso, but everybody calls her Callie 143) She cannot tell lies, but is excellent at talking around the truth 144) She’s introverted and shy - but also amazing at public speaking 145) She wants to be a legal aid barrister 146) Her hair is naturally brown but she dyes it red 147) She plays acoustic guitar in 4am - the same band as Harlow 148) Her roommate is a werewolf but she doesn’t know about it yet 149) She has travelled to France and Italy 150) But she wants to travel the world 151) Her bedroom walls are covered in maps 152) She has an emergency supply of snacks in a room at all times 153) Her biggest dream is to have her own library room once day 154) With a secret bookshelf door, of course 155) Her lava lamp and beanbags are her prized possessions 156) She does not have a good relationship with her parents 157) She struggles with insomnia and rarely sleeps 158) Coffee is her one true love 159) She adores long car rides and she adores driving 160) She works part time at a coffee shop 161) Her car is her other prized possession 162) Callie can devour bags of skittles in an instant 163) She forgets everything in her personal life 164) And remembers everything in her academic life 165) She loves fire and will sit and stare at it for hours 166) Sometimes she goes to the local aquarium to study 167) Change is her worst enemy - everything needs to be consistent 168) She has been a straight A student all her life 169) She goes for a long walk every Saturday afternoon 170) Callie writes songs when she’s feeling bad

MILO 171) Hiding antlers in public is the bane of his existence 172) He is part of a group who want to tell humans about monsters 173) Milo does not particularly like humans 174) He has curly blonde hair that is usually a mess 175) One of his eyes is darker blue than the other 176) He loves blanket forts and fairy lights and hot chocolate 177) He has a part time job delivering pizzas 178) This means he gets a discount on pizzas, which he takes advantage of 179) Percy Jackson is the main reason he’s doing a classics degree 180) He enjoys writing fantasy books in his free time 181) He is reasonably fluent in Ancient Greek and Latin 182) ‘Out of Bounds’ signs are a welcoming invitation to Milo 183) He will explore everything and anything 184) Milo wants to travel to South America the most 185) He has two mums 186) They both adore Callie 187) He goes rock climbing in his free time 188) This is so he can climb trees, fences, and monuments better 189) He claims he’s climbed several mountains 190) Callie does not believe this claim 191) He was not raised in Seabrooke and had few monster friends as a kid 192) Milo is a nymph 193) His father is one of his mother’s best friends - also a nymph 194) His ‘father’ taught him to garden and to bake 195) Milo never called him dad - he was always Uncle Barney 196) He loves growing his own flowers 197) Nymph magic allows him to grow the most beautiful plants and flowers 198) It also allows him to bake exceptional cakes and cookies 199) He adores his younger brother and sister 200) He is double jointed and left handed

KENZI AND HARLOW 201) Making out is their favourite pastime 202) Harlow spends most of her free time at Monster House 203) They enjoy joking about how ‘platonic’ their relationship is 204) Kenzi loves cooking for Harlow 205) They spend a lot of time watching TV shows together 206) Stranger Things and Friends were their last binge-watches 207) Harlow is always invited round for Friday Board Game Night 208) Kenzi constantly steals Harlow’s clothes 209) Harlow loves playing with Kenzi’s hair 210) Harlow loves holding Kenzi’s hand 211) Harlow just loves touching Kenzi as much as possible 212) They both have a years pass to the local petting zoo 213) Kenzi goes to all of Harlow’s band gigs and basketball games 214) She wants to set up a cheer leading squad for the basketball team 215) Harlow just wants to see Kenzi in a cheerleader costume 216) Harlow asked Kenzi to be her girlfriend 217) Kenzi said I love you first 218) They’re planning on getting an apartment together after graduating 219) Also a dog 220) Harlow adores getting Kenzi to play (and fail at) video games 221) Kenzi is a massive flirt - Harlow does not appreciate it 222) Harlow once stabbed Kenzi on the hand whilst cooking together 223) Kenzi and Harlow do not cook together 224) They bicker a lot 225) But Harlow adores Kenzi more than anything else, and vice versa

TOBY AND KAI 226) Toby only got the guts to ask Kai out because his dad made him 227) They are polar opposites in just about every way 228) Toby didn’t know what being transgender meant before meeting Kai 229) Toby calls Kai ‘sunshine’ 230) Kai calls Toby ‘grumpy guts’ for the most part 231) They fall asleep on the phone together a lot 232) They also fall asleep in the same bed a lot 232) Kai’s parents do not like vampires so they don’t know about Toby 233) They met through the Monster House toddler group when they were kids 234) They both went to the Monster House study group as kids/teenagers 234) Nowadays, they ‘study’ in Toby’s room instead 235) Kai drove Toby mad up until very recently 236) It wasn’t exactly love at first site 237) Toby threw up on Kai - the hatred only grew from there 238) Over time, Toby developed a soft spot for Kai 239) Nowadays, Kai still drives him crazy, but in a good sorta way 240) They have every intention of moving in together after school ends 241) Kai has a drawer of clothes at Toby’s place 242) Toby has punched six people in defence of Kai 243) One was an eleven year old. He has no regrets 244) Toby frequently takes Kai stargazing 245) Toby also taught him how to skate 246) Kai speaks French to Toby and he loves it 247) Sometimes Kai takes Toby to volunteer at the animal shelter with him 248) Their biggest fights are over pop music and science 249) They plan on getting a turtle when they move in together 250) Kai loves sitting on Toby’s lap 251) He also loves stealing his sweaters 252) He also loves fixing his hair 253) He frequently picks flowers for Toby and spends hours arranging them 254) Kai also loves falling asleep on Toby 255) Toby kisses Kai’s cheek a lot 256) Toby adores Kai, but he rarely admits to it 257) He took Kai to a Troye Sivan concert in February 2019 258) Kai sends Toby selfies a lot throughout the day 259) Toby saves every single one to his phone - but won’t admit to it 260) Toby’s dad r e a l l y wants him to marry Kai

CALLIE AND MILO 261) They met when they were both searching an abandoned church 262) They thought the other was a ghost 263) For the longest time, Callie was ‘ghost girl’ in Milo’s phone 264) Their first date was in Starbucks 265) But they tell people it was back in that abandoned church 266) They are both too terrified to ever go back to that church 267) They have plants to travel the world together 268) Callie’s phone background is Milo and his messy bed head 269) Milo’s background is Callie in one of his sweaters 270) Callie hoards Milo’s sweaters 271) Milo practically lives at Callie’s apartment so he doesn’t mind 272) Callie only really sleeps when she’s with Milo 273) Milo likes playing with her hair while she reads out loud 274) The sound of her voice calms his anxiety 275) Callie frequently plays guitar and sings for Milo 276) He considers himself her number one fan 277) Callie likes listening to him ramble about history and classics 278) She often falls asleep while he talks - he never seems to notice 279) Callie drives Milo everywhere 280) Milo always makes the best road trip playlists and snacks 281) Milo’s mum’s adore Callie 282) They go for family dinner every other Sunday 283) They are going to Greece together over the summer holidays 284) Their opinions on monster politics differ wildly 285) Callie enjoys teaching Milo how to play guitar 286) Milo grows his own flowers to give Callie 287) He also enjoys cooking for her 288) Sometimes he brings her breakfast in bed 289) He usually gets a blowjob in exchange for this 290) They make a game out of fucking in as many places as they can 291) This has included: the grocery store, a church, the forest 292) Milo’s parents frequently bring up marriage 293) They’re both quite content with how things are 294) One day, they’d both like a small wedding in Europe somewhere 295) Zoos, petting farms, and aquariums are their favourite dates 296) Milo is basically Callie’s pillow 297) Callie writes songs for Milo 298) Her parents do not approve of her dating a Nymph 299) Callie’s roommates adore Milo and love that he basically lives there 300) They fight about how much wardrobe space Milo takes up frequently

BACKGROUND CHARACTERS 301) Callie’s roommate is a werewolf 302) She doesn’t know that Callie isn’t human and vice versa 303) Werewolf roommate (Arya)’s family is originally from India 304) Arya loves escape rooms 305) Callie loves petting Arya in wolf form 306) Milo is the only one who questions why there’s a wolf in the kitchen 307) But Milo still feeds Arya-in-wolf-form blueberry muffins 308) Bruce the Minotaur has lived in Monster House forever 309) Nobody really knows where or when Bruce came from 310) He has a very distinctive Greek accent 311) Bruce makes the best waffles 312) And he knits a damn good scarf and woolly socks 313) Which is incidentally what everybody gets for their birthday 314) Sheryl the Siren is like a crazy aunt to the kids in Monster House 315) She auditioned for X Factor once - she didn’t get in 316) Her vocal inspirations are beyonce and mariah carey 317) Sheryl is married to Mary-Anne the Mermaid 318) Mary-Anne lives in the coves behind Monster House 319) Sheryl loves singing for Mary-Anne 320) Maybe it’s the water-clogged ears, but Mary-Anne enjoys the singing 321) They had a beautiful beach wedding twelve years ago 322) Kenzi was a flower girl, Toby was a page boy 323) There is a ghost living in the attic of Monster House 324) It never seems to come out 325) Bruce sits outside the attic door each night to keep it company 326) Sometimes it likes to play drums with pots and pans 327) Nobody really has a name - it’s just ‘the ghost in the attic’ 328) They leave cookies for it at Christmas - they always get eaten 329) Sometimes Matty gets there first 330) Grace the Gorgon is an interior designer 331) She wears a veil-like head cover to hide the snake hair 332) Most humans just assume the head cover/snake hair is a new trend 333) Grace constantly redecorates Monster House 334) The house usually puts everything back overnight 335) Monster House does not like change 336) Grace is a wanted felon for the murder of a man named Perseus 337) Humans seem to be destined to forever walk past Monster House 338) Thus, Grace has never been caught 339) It is rumoured that she was once called Penelope 340) Nobody quite knows what Perseus did to warrant murder 341) Nobody quite trusts Grace with a knife, either

SEABROOKE 342) Seabrooke is a small, sleepy seaside town in southern England 343) It is the suburban hot spot for Monster life 344) Seabrooke has a population of 4,500 345) Around 250 of these are monsters 346) For some reason, Seabrooke has it’s own university 347) Nobody really knows why - it’s possible Phillip had a role in this 348) Seabrooke has two primary schools, a secondary, and a sixth form 349) It gets a lot of tourists during the summer 350) Everybody hates the tourists - especially Monsters

WITCHES COVEN 351) When Bruce the Minotaur gets sick - he can’t be taken to the doctors 352) The Witches Coven is the main place Monsters go when they’re sick 353) Witches are difficult creatures and the Coven are no different 354) If you get on their bad side, they’ll refuse you service 355) The Witches Coven therefore practically run the town 356) There are three families that make up the Coven 357) Admittance is only to witches with the blood of prestigious families 358) Kai is part of the Witches Coven 359) Kai’s family practically runs the Witches Coven 360) There is a lot of tension between the Witches and Phillip 361) Largely because they both have a lot of influence over Seabrooke 362) Regardless, Phillip still genuinely likes Kai 363) The Witches tend to be high maintenance and spoilt 364) The parents are like the worst white suburban soccer mums ever 365) Regardless, they are excellent at healing magic 366) But also excellent at ruining your life 367) They have definitely killed a few monsters - but it cannot be proved

LOCAL NEWSPAPER 368) The Daily Seabrooke is ran by shapeshifters 369) Nobody remembers when the TDS was started 370) Philip adores it for the crosswords 371) Apparently the crosswords are ‘out of this world’ 372) TDS is ran by a group of crazy looking students 373) Of course, they’re shapeshifters, so they’re probably all 1000+ 374) The shapeshifters behind TDS don’t mingle with other monsters 375) At least not as themselves 376) They report on human politics and news as well 377) Only monsters are sold the copies with monster news included 378) Half of TDS is gossip about the people in Seabrooke 379) Nobody is really safe from their snooping 380) Their methods include being a literal fly on the wall 381) Most breakups, Witches Coven drama, and Vamp/Wolf fights are put in 382) TDS is extremely controversial amongst Monsters in Seabrooke 383) Kenzi thinks it’s fucking hilarious

SEABROOKE UNIVERSITY 384) The University is crawling with monster life 385) Several professors are monsters 386) Most notably are Phillip and Steven 387) Phillip teaches Modern History 388) Steven teaches Medieval History 389) Phillip is a Vampire, Steven is a Werewolf 390) They have a competition for who gets History Professor Of The Year 391) This competition frequently gets out of hand 392) Everybody knows about their rivalry, few knows why 393) Nobody knows how long the two have worked there - most say forever 394) That wouldn’t be far from the truth 395) Steven happens to be Arya (Callie’s Roommate)’s father

MONSTER HOUSE 396) Monster House is practically alive 397) It constantly expands and shrinks 398) There are always exactly as many rooms as are necessary 399) Only the first floor can be seen by passersby 400) And they often walk straight past it 401) Ordering pizza is a nightmare 402) It’s like the human brain cannot comprehend where it is 403) Even though it’s in an incredibly obvious location 404) When they do see it, they see only a normal house 405) The construction of the house makes no sense 406) There are rooms hanging over nothing and stairs leading to nowhere 407) Sometimes bedrooms move and finding them is a nightmare 408) The living room and kitchen like to switch places 409) On Monday’s the kitchen is green and nobody knows why 410) It is black and white the rest of the time 411) It is almost impossible to paint or decorate Monster House 412) It prefers to do that itself 413) Somehow the bedrooms always look exactly how they are wanted 414) At least they save on paint - that shit is expensive 415) Unfortunately, Monster House doesn’t clean itself 416) Toby has registered several complaints about this

LULU 417) Lulu’s full name is Lucifer 418) It has been living in the basement since the beginning 419) It has only been seen by four people 420) Phillip and Kenzi are two of those 421) They call it Lulu because Kenzi couldn’t pronounce Lucifer as a kid 422) The nickname kinda stuck 423) Lulu gets fed raw fish every morning 424) They just dump a bucket full down the hatch in the kitchen 425) Sometimes Toby threatens to feed Matty to Lulu 426) This causes Matty to have nightmares and sleep in Toby’s bed 427) So that one kinda backfired on Toby 428) Nobody actually knows what kind of creature Lulu is

MISC. FACTS 429) Harlow’s favourite song is ‘Lights Down Low’ by Max 430) Seabrooke is not on any map - nobody knows why 431) I really regret this 432) Never ever try to write 500 facts it will not be fun 433) Callie’s favourite kind of law is criminal law 434) Particularly fatal offences 435) She also likes land law because she’s fucking weird 436) Kai got into reality TV because of his sisters 437) One of the arcades in Seabrooke is monster themed 438) Toby works there on Saturdays - always taking the night shifts 439) Kai really wants to own his own bakery one day 440) He tried to get the local bakery to hire him but he’s too young 441) Kai also wants to live in France or Italy 442) He also wants to be on reality shows and get a fake tan 443) (Okay. Toby is pretty sure he was joking about that) 444) Kai always has to wish on a lucky star 445) Milo wants to be a published author one day 446) Kai has tried to run away from home twice 447) His parents put a tracking spell on him and found him too fast 448) Toby wishes he could skate at the park with the other kids 449) But he also secretly likes that everyone finds him mysterious 450) Toby used to have a (massive) crush on Kenzi 451) Now they’re both pretty gay 452) Everyone is gay tbh 453) Monsters have no concept of heteronormativity 454) Kenzi’s favourite colour is pink 455) Callie’s favourite animal is an octopus 456) Kai has a picture of him and Toby stuck on his bedroom wall 457) Kai has had a crush on Toby since they were kids 458) Coming out as trans wrecked Kai’s relationship with his parents 459) It is seen as a disgrace for witches to have male sons 460) Men are submissive in witch culture 461) Kai’s parents frequently misname and misgender him 462) The kids at school are much more accepting 463) Kai came out when he was 14 464) Toby has actually been one of his biggest supporters 465) Natalia has been his main supporter as well 466) Toby likes Kai a lot more since he came out 467) Kai feels more real to him now - and irritates him less 468) Toby doesn’t know how long Kai has liked him for 469) Kai is pretty open about being trans 470) Seabrooke is quite accepting, even if his parents aren’t 471) Kenzi is terrified of being rejected by the monster community 472) She really wants Toby to turn her so she can be an actual monster 473) She wears contact lenses so her eyes look purple 474) She doesn’t really like school and puts the bare minimum effort in 475) Harlow is taking four a levels - a difficult thing to do 476) Fuck this was the worst idea 478) Harlow channels her anger out through drumming 479) It’s therapist mandated so her dad cannot stop her 480) Even though he very very much wants to 481) Harlow’s favourite video game is overwatch 482) Her mains are lucio, junk rat, bastion and rein 483) Harlow despises spelling and grammar errors 484) Matty likes stealing Toby’s tee shirts 485) Between Matty & Kai, Toby barely has any clothes left 486) Which is fine as far as Kai’s concerned 487) Matty is like a little brother to Kai 488) Originally, Callie & Arya were part of a polygamous relationship 489) I cut that out, though, because I couldn’t think of a third girl 490) Seabrooke tends to have mild weather 491) During the summer, the heat can spike to 25-30 C max 492) It rarely snows, but it does rain a lot, and there’s a lot of wind 493) Most of the houses in Seabrooke were built 100ish years ago 494) It has a train station - nobody knows why - it’s the last stop 495) There is a Seabrooke museum ran by a vampire and a Fae 496) There is a secret monster section in the back 497) Idle Town by Conan Gray reminds me of Seabrooke 498) As does This Town by Neil Horan (I think that’s the name idk) 499) Fuck you to @livvywrites for not stopping me 500) I am never doing this again

tag list: @livingthelovelylife, @commasinsidequotes, @4kidsopfan, @thatworldinverted, @livvywrites @ravenpuffwriter @the-writer-turned-procrastinor @livingthelovelylife  (ask to be added or removed more likely after this shit)

[hari-writes]

Little Louis Dupain-Cheng - Chapter 7

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Pairings: Adrien/Marinette Summary: In the seven years since Hawk Moth’s defeat, much has changed. Adrien Agreste PhD returns to Paris and is reunited with his friends. Marinette has a degree in Fashion Design, a thriving boutique and a son, six-year-old Louis. Louis is like his mother in many ways, except for green eyes and a familiar smile… Will Adrien do the maths?

Read on A03 ★★★ Buy me a coffee?

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Mon coeur aime Adrien

Adrien was just getting his head around the fact that Alya had been a miraculous holder when he arrived at her and Nino’s place, only to find Chloe waiting at the door. At least that explained why she knew about his and Marinette’s identities.

“Trixx.” A glass was held aloft.

“Pollen.” Another joined it.

“Wayzz.” A third glass.

“Tikki.” Marinette added hers.

“Erm, uh, Plagg?” Adrien added, lifting his glass to the others.

Alya, Chloe, Nino, Marinette and Adrien clinked their glasses together and drank deeply.

Marinette had arrived last. She was reading Louis a bedtime story before she left her house and, apparently, he’d chosen a particularly long one. Adrien chuckled at that, he used to do the same thing with his mother. She was perched on the arm of the sofa next to him and, now, she squeezed his hand. Her look was pure concern.

“Is this ok?” She asked.

“I guess so?” He replied. “To be honest, there’s so much to take in that I’m not sure how I feel yet. “

“You know we always included Plagg in our toasts? Even when you weren’t here.” Marinette said.

“She’s not kidding, dude. We had to have a plate with some Camembert on it at the table every time we met. It stunk the place out, but Mari claims it was a perfect tribute.” Nino shook his head.

Adrien grinned at the memory. “He would have loved it.”

In the weeks following Hawk Moth’s defeat, Marinette had noticed her friends showing signs of stress. The same sort of stress she was feeling. She recognised her emotional turmoil reflected in Alya, Nino and Chloe. She already knew who wore the fox miraculous, and now that she knew Chat Noir’s identity, it wasn’t difficult to figure out who he’d trust enough to wear the turtle bracelet. A visit to Master Fu revealed Queen Bee.

Marinette asked Fu if it was safe for her to know the citizens behind the superheroes. She explained that she strongly suspected that her friends were suffering from the same post-traumatic stress that she was and wanted to support them through it. She started the OT5 (-1) gatherings as a form of talking therapy.

“It worked,” Chloe admitted. “Knowing we weren’t alone through it all.”

“And it gave us an outlet. We could shout and cry, or bitch and laugh and it was okay. It brought us through the hardest times.” Alya explained.

“And now?” Adrien asked.

“Mostly, we toast our kwamis, then eat Alya’s world-famous Jambalaya while watching reruns of Le Bachelor,” Nino admitted.

“Hey, don’t judge us!” Marinette laughed, seeing Adrien’s amused expression. “It’s still a sort of therapy.”

»»★««

“Thank you.” Adrien squeezed Marinette’s hand as they left Nino and Alya’s apartment building.

“What for?” Marinette looked at him, her blue eyes searching his face.

“For keeping everyone together when it all ended, for arranging group therapy sessions for the others.” He said, waving his hand in the general direction of the apartment. “You kept on being Ladybug, even after you gave your miraculous back.”

She smiled sadly. He knew the aching gap in his life left when he said goodbye to Plagg and knew the feeling of constantly missing his kwami. He had weekly visits to an expensive psychiatrist to help him deal with the loss. Now, he wanted to take away the grief she felt, help her the way she helped the others.

“The nightmares are back?” He asked, already knowing the answer. “Louis told me.”

Marinette snorted through her nose, “What else did he tell you?”

“Don’t be upset with him, he was only interested in the man whose name you shout in your sleep.” He said.

Marinette’ head dropped, “Oh, God. Can I die now, please?” She groaned.

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “No, My Lady! Don’t do that, I’ve just got you back in my life.”

“The nightmares started back after I saw you at your welcome home party,” Marinette said from behind her hands. “I don’t know why, but I’m reliving the fight again. The fear comes back to me and you… your reaction when we took the butterfly miraculous from Hawk Moth. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to hear this.” She shook her head.

“I spent four years in therapy to get over that moment and many others. I can talk about it.” Adrien reassured her, “I’m worried that you spent the past seven years making sure everyone else was coping and nobody was looking after you.”

“I’m okay, Adrien, I promise.” Marinette rested her head against him. “Thank you for caring, though.”

They walked on in silence, unasked questions swirling around Adrien’s head. He wanted to help her, but she was so used to looking after that others that he wasn’t sure she could ever accept his assistance. He saw it all too often as Chat Noir; Ladybug had the weight of Paris on her shoulders. She felt personally responsible for every last citizen and cared deeply about each of them.

“This is me.” They had reached the hotel. “Are you sure I can’t see you home?”

“Ever the gentleman,” She giggled, “Honestly, I’m fine, it’s not far.”

He didn’t want her to go, was already missing her touch even though she was less than a metre from him.

“Why don’t you come up to my room and have a drink with me, then I’ll call a taxi for you. Deal?” He tried to be casual, grateful that Chloe had somewhere else to be after they left Nino and Alya’s.

“That’s fair.” She smiled, “Lead the way, kitty.”

»»★««

Once they reached his room, a knock at the door distracted Adrien so Marinette took in her surroundings.

Chloe had done a great job on the rooms, she thought. The furnishings were luxurious without being ostentatious (she talked Chloe out of garish gold and black Brocade curtains and convinced her that a mocha Damask would match the mink satin wallpaper far better). The room came with an espresso machine, phone speaker dock, bureau and two plush tub chairs and a low coffee table. It was cosy and she could see how Adrien was able to live here long term.

“Monsieur, Miss Chloe instructed me to bring this to you,” A male voice spoke, but Marinette couldn’t see who it belonged to.

“Oh, wow. Tell Chloe, thank you.” Adrien sounded pleased.

“And, ahem, Miss Chloe also said if you ever brought the dark-haired girl to your room, to give you this.” The other voice sounded uncomfortable.

“I… Tell Chloe, I hate her,” Adrien said seriously.

“I apologise, monsieur, I am just doing what I’m told.” The door closed.

Adrien returned, cheeks pink, carrying a tray containing a bottle of whisky and two crystal glasses. Marinette raised a quizzical eyebrow.

“A gift from Chloe.” He explained.

He set the tray on the coffee table before palming something small into the drawer of his bedside table. Marinette didn’t ask.

“I got into whisky while I was in Cambridge. One of the guys in my halls of residence, his father owned a distillery and he educated us on it. This,” He gestured to the bottle on the table, “Is Chloe’s way of showing off. It’s a fifteen-year-old Islay single malt that must cost at least €150.”

“She’s incredibly generous, isn’t she? Has she always been that way?” She asked, wondering if Chloe’s generosity was a newfound trait.

“She’s always bought gifts, but it used to be more proprietorial, I guess. It was like she was marking her territory if she gave you a present, telling you that you belonged to her. So, I don’t know, I suppose the selfless gift-giving is a new thing.” Adrien said.

He poured two generous measures of whisky into the glasses and added a splash of bottled water into each. He passed one to Marinette and put his nose in his, inhaling deeply. She did the same, unsure what she was smelling for. Adrien looked at her expectantly so she closed her eyes, blocking out one sense to focus on another.

“It smells like a bonfire on the beach.” She said.

He smiled in encouragement. “You have a good nose.”

He took a sip so she followed. She winced at how strong it was and the way it burned her throat when she swallowed. It wasn’t unpleasant, though, so she took another drink.

“It’s smooth,” She noted, “Sweet, a little spicy and… woody?”

He clinked his glass against hers, eyes twinkling. “You’re practically a connoisseur already.”

She liked it when he was animated like this. Since his return from Milan, she noticed that he was more restrained than usual. Never aloof, but he was definitely more guarded. Talking about whisky, in this moment, she saw a twinkle in his eye that she recognised from all the times she saw it behind a black mask. This was his freedom, pursuing simple pleasures, finding joy in the little things.

Her phone trilled and she flexed her fingers in response.

“Do you need to check that?” He asked.

“Sorry, I texted maman to let her know I’d be later than I thought. Do you mind?” She reached for her mobile.

He settled on his bed, curling his legs under him. Marinette checked her messages.

Maman: Of course, dear. Louis is fast asleep and your papa and I are off to bed too. Stay out as late as you like, just don’t be too noisy when you come home! Have fun x

She grinned and switched her phone to silent, slipping it into her bag. She perched on the bed, next to Adrien. He might not be a model any more, but he retained the effortlessly perfect posture from those days. There was a cat-like grace about him that was relaxed and accessible. These days, he was the perfect mixture of Adrien and Chat Noir; charismatic and flirtatious, but thoughtful, reserved. His fun side showed when he was with friends and it made his face glow. If possible, she loved him more now than she did in her teens.

His hair was lighter now, with flecks of grey just beginning to show and the cool tones in his hair made his eyes seem even more piercing than before. His green eyes searched her face and she felt him look into her soul. It was disconcerting.

“They’re not all nightmares.” She heard herself say. Where did that come from?!

“They’re not?” Adrien looked surprised at this outburst of honesty.

“No,” She cringed internally, why was she telling him this? His eyes were acting like truth serum on her as the effects of the alcohol hit and she couldn’t help herself. “I have… other… dreams that feature you.”

“Other… dreams?” His jaw dropped a little at this.

She chewed her bottom lip nervously, then swallowed more whisky for courage. She looked straight into his eyes.

“Other memories. More… pleasurable memories. Some… fantasies.” She prompted him.

“That leave you shouting my name? ...Oh!” He got it. He took a large gulp of whisky, too, and Marinette figured he was buying time to consider his response.

Wordlessly, he took her glass from her and set both on the dressing table. He sat closer to her now and cupped her cheek in his hand, stroking her face with his thumb. His gaze had become so intense, Marinette was worried she might melt into a puddle under it. Like the sun, it wasn’t wise to look directly at it.

“I have those dreams, too.” He was close enough that his breath warmed her face, it smelled sweet and smoky, like the whisky. “And… fantasies... about you.”

“You do?” She whispered.

Marinette tilted her face towards his, lips slightly parted as she felt him draw closer. Their mouths met hungrily and her eyes closed, once more blocking out one sense to focus on another. Their tongues clashed insistently. His hands raked through her hair, tugging slightly, pulling her into him. Urgency grew within her and she climbed into his lap, trailing kisses along his jaw until she reached his ear. She nibbled his earlobe and heard him sigh breathily.

“Wait,” He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” She bit her lip, worried that she had done something to upset him. Had she gone too far?

“Nothing,” He moved his hands to her face, “I want this. It’s just that, I need you to know how I feel. I still love you Marinette. This isn’t a fling. I want to have a relationship with you, if you’ll have me.”

“I love you too, Adrien,” She smiled at his earnest expression, “I want you in my life.”

Adrien grinned at that, his face looked younger and brighter when he did and she felt another swell of affection for him.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng, would you like to be my girlfriend?” He asked, cheeks flushing a little as he did. It was adorable.

“More than you know, yes.” She couldn’t stop a happy giggle from slipping out.

He leaned back on to his elbows and she followed, resuming their kiss. It was less urgent than before and, somehow, more intense. In saying the things they’d been wanting to since Adrien returned to Paris, they were able to relax and enjoy each other.

One of his hands moved to her waist and the other cradled the back of her head. His kisses paused for just a beat as he flipped her so she was laying on the bed and he was on top of her. His tongue traced her collarbone, hands unfastened the buttons of her blouse, hips ground into her. She sighed and the sound came out as a moan. She pulled his shirt from his waistband and pushed her hands underneath, running her nails down his back.

They broke apart momentarily to remove their shirts and Adrien unclasped her bra, slipping it reverently from her arms.

“Adrien, wait. I don’t have any protection.” She said, putting her hand on his chest. The realisation arrived with a healthy dose of disappointment. Adrien, however, looked sheepish.

He reached over to the drawer of his bedside cabinet and yanked it open. A small blue square box sat in the otherwise empty drawer, the words ‘Extra-Safe’ emblazoned in bold. Condoms.

“Another gift from Chloe.” He grimaced.