#this shit single-handedly shatter my dream

[dollya-robinprotector]

To whomever wrote this scene:

✨🩷✨I hate you✨🩷✨

[justatalkingface]

The Problem With Endeavour's Redemption Arc Part Two: The Burnin-ing

So, awhile ago, I talked up the biggest problem with Endeavor's redemption arc (to sum up all my talky words in one sentence, it's that no one cares about anything he did, so it's hollow and empty), but I've decided to touch on the other major problem: the redemption itself isn't actually that great.

People keep saying this is so well written, or it's the best handled abusive parent arc in manga, and that's not wrong, but it's not exactly saying much, either.

The thing is that manga, historically, and especially shonen, is shit with handling abusive parents well. It either is never addressed, is forgiven almost instantly, they die to get forgiveness, or some combination of these things. So, yeah, Endeavour actually feeling sad, and not being instantly forgiven by his entire family is far beyond that.... but that's because the bar is so low you can walk over it. His story hasn't gone far enough past that point, yet. It hasn't actually acknowledged the shit Endeavour has done, and had him truly grapple with his sins.

To start with, the first problem is when it starts: when Endeavour becomes the Number One hero. There are two different concerns here: the first is that, simply, this isn't him making the right choice. The fundamental problem of Endeavour is that he has two priorities, his job and his family, and that every time, every time, he's chosen his career over them.

After Kamino, he realizes he needs to stop being such an ass and be with his family. This is shown to us as him growing as a person, but he hasn't resolved that conflict, is the thing, he still hasn't chosen his family over his career. It'd be one thing, for example, if one of the (many) family members he discarded was put in danger, and he had this realization that he needs to spend time with his family. Or, if Shoto was severely injured, and it clicked in his mind that this wasn't his prized possession, his means to victory, but his son, a living person he brought into this world and thus was responsible for his happiness... but that's not what happened. His career simply peaked, and he had nothing more to strive for. The conflict was taken away from him, which means he still hasn't chosen his family over his job, there's just nothing stopping him from spending time with them, no All Might to train to defeat, no obsession for him to feed. He's basiclly handed this start, instead of earning it, it's fucking easy mode, and he still hasn't overcome his most fundamental problem of his own shitty priorities because he has no reason to.

The other problem is that, from his own perspective, that this was a crippling loss for him. Sure, he's Number One Hero, but he wanted to surpass All Might more than get that position, even if it was through a proxy, and now? He can never get that, the opportunity is gone, All Might, as he understood him, that impossible obstacle to surpass, is gone. To Endeavour, this is having his dreams shattered and rubbed into his face, because he can't beat All Might, hell, he can't even beat the person who beat All Might, because he didn't even lose! His goal, that he spent his entire life single handedly pursuing, is gone.

And on the face of it, that's not actually a bad thing; defeats are a time honored way of a character growing. The problem is he had a crushing defeat and realized that he was a horrible dumpster fire of a person. He didn't fail to, for example, save someone, or help someone, he didn't have his face slapped with how horrible he was, he personally failed. That? That is a very specific formula. That is the formula for a bad guy redeeming themselves.

Endeavour's redemption is coded in a way similar to that of a villain redeeming himself, starting from the bottom and building himself back up, but as I've mentioned before, Hori doesn't want Endeavour to be looked at as scum. He starts it off with a set up that says, 'this guy has to crushed as a person so he can start over', but as time passed, he's been propping up this idea that, 'No, no! He was a good guy all the time! No bulli! He's just a misguided nice guy!'

Let me expand on this a bit. For the longest time, any fanfic with Endeavour in it would almost certainly have him as a pure monster, someone with civilian casualties, who burned Dabi himself, all sorts of things. No one, I think, ever disagreed with the idea Endeavour did horrible things, just the degree of what he did. Nowadays, Endeavor fans look at that and basiclly go, 'Read the manga', and there's a non-zero amount of them going, 'Endeavor did nothing wrong!', which I hate.

The thing is, until recently point, our only real look at Endeavor as he originally started as was the Sports Festival, where, on national television, surrounded by civilians, he howls like a rabid animal at the sight of Shoto using his flames before monologuing about how Shoto will have to fulfill his, Endeavour's, ambitions. Where we see him meet the All Loving All Might, and show the energy of, 'I'd stab you to death if I thought I had a fucking chance of it working'. Where he runs into, after searching for him, Izuku, a literal child, and basiclly dismisses his entire existence as fertilizer for Shoto's growth.

Sports Festival Endeavour is a monster, is the thing. There are no redeeming features, nothing to emphasize with, or even a hint of professionalism; he's just someone so obsessed with being the best that he's lost his mind to it. Why wouldn't such a man accidentally kill villains? Why wouldn't he burn his own son if he found that child was inferior? After, he clearly only sees his children as tools in the first place; what's wrong with throwing a defective one away?

People say he'd be super careful with his reputation, that of course he would act perfect on the job, but we don't see that. We someone who will stop at nothing to get what he wants, no matter who he offends, no matter what enemies he maktes, no matter who he hurts, no matter who he kills. Is that heroic? No, but I think people forget is that is the point with a lot of early MHA; heroes are imperfect, the institution is corrupt, and being a hero has become wildly disconnected from acting like a hero. Moreover, that even if he does something bad, the general public will treat it like a celebrity scandal, rather than something about law enforcement abusing their power, with all the implications therein. With that set up, before Hori suddenly drop the 'heroes never kill bit' that came post war (and so must be distrusted on general principles), I could easily see some people dying to Endeavour, accidently or (unknown to them) otherwise, and the public being upset but ultimately accepting it, and with some cheering him for it.

This is the person that Hori started with: a single minded pursuit of success and power in the shape of a human being, the manifestation of everything wrong with heroics, and I feel like a lot of his newer fans forget that. This view of him as someone who would casually harm someone comes from a very real place.

And it's not that such a person isn't redeemable; Dragon Ball, for example, turns Vegeta, a mass murderer, into a better person. Part of the reason he gets away with it, true, is the fact DBZ morality is kinda questionable, and there are no authorities to bring him to justice for his crimes, but at the same time Vegeta grew as a person immensely over the years. The problem is Hori starts from this, and then pivots into him just.. meaning well, being misguided.

And here's where we ultimately tie back in with my first big Endeavour post, because he hasn't reached the bottom in the way the story told us he should.

He hasn't lost anything with his coworkers, who still respect him as a hero, he hasn't lost anything with his family because he had already lost all of that years ago, knew it, and just didn't care until that moment. He feels like he's at the bottom, sure, but in terms of his career he's better than ever. Shoto started re-engaging with him before Endeavour had his big realization, carrying the heavy work of starting their reconciliation because... reasons, even though he hated the man originally, and so Endeavor walks into a bridge to his family built for him already, on the heels of a choice he didn't have to make.

Not too long ago, in story time (probably a month or two?), he was howling, again, about Shoto daring to leave him on read. His wife had decided he was changing not because he talked to her (because, lest we forget, she was still so traumatized by him he couldn't), not because of what she's seen him do, not because he apologized, but because of a flower. Dabi has devoted his life to ruining Endeavour, but no one cares about what his father did, and the story itself has backed away from what fans originally believed to make it clear that no, while Endeavour clearly abused him, Dabi is horrifically scarred and left for dead not because of Endeavour, but because of his own actions and he was so sad about it, honest, even as he moved on to Shoto.

What has Endeavour lost? What has he sacrificed, beyond, what, buying another house with his vast wealth? His relationship with his family has improved, but so much of it is because of them, bending over backwards to bring him back into the fold. He gets them back on his side, ultimately, not because he's improved, but because he's acting like a hero, and nearly dies, and they all suddenly realize they love him after all. The problem is the reason for everything, the cause of his abuse, is because he was acting like a hero in the first place. There's still no reckoning with that fact, even though he's getting everything he wants: his family, a successful career, even the knowledge that he (some the fuck how) has grown strong enough to drive back All For One, even though back in Kamino the man treated Endeavor like an ant.

If this redemption wants to be real? Let him lose. Make him give up something (and not just his life, like so many abusive parents in fiction before him, to retroactively absolve all his crimes), make him make a choice, a real choice, if being a hero is more important to him than being a father. Not him being crippled, and thus unable to be a hero, saving him from having to chose yet again, not just sacrificing himself to save Shoto, like so many of us suspect is coming, because not only is that giving up on the hard work of changing, it's still just him doing his job, still him refusing to make a choice, because that's both the action of a father and a hero. Make more than one of his family (and the one he already wrote off as dead) refuse to forgive him. Give him a wife who refuses to accept his changes, because why would she? What reason does she have to think better of him? Give him a son and heir who doesn't come back to him to him for no apparent reason to apprentice under him, but instead continues to isolate himself from his father, even if he's not longer rabid with hate but is simply apathetic to the very idea of Endeavor's existence.

In other words, make him do more than just stop his abuse, because at the end of the day, that's what his redemption feels like sometimes: he stopped hitting them, verbally at least (and for Shoto and his mom, physically), and like beaten dogs they're coming back to him, still hoping to get that love and acceptance.

[wandapinkay]

hiyaaa 👋 it’s the same anon from before back again with an update!

my friend, it is without a hint of irony that i bring you this momentous news. i don’t know what manner of spell you have cast on me with your lovely art and your immaculate vibes, but i genuinely think you have infected me with the self-shipping virus.

evidence to support this theory:

this morning i woke up from an indescribably wonderful dream where i went on a romantic date to the movies with the current fictional man of my dreams

in the 12 hours since then i have done nothing except fantasize about introducing him to my family and getting married (insane behavior)

i have drawn cat ears on like 4 different pictures of him (INSANE BEHAVIOR)

i spent two hours doodling him in my workbook instead of doing the assigned exercises

simply put, i love him, your honor

i cannot make this up. for all my life i have never once had any particular interest in self-shipping, but you single-handedly shattered that illusion with TWO sweet responses to my asks and some truly adorable art! i am ever grateful to you for opening my eyes, peace and love 🫶💕💞💓💗💖💘💝

.

.

.

(p.s. this is so embarrassing to admit but i am obligated by rule of funny to confess that the fictional character in question is in fact okabe. i cannot think of anything more on-brand for daru’s s/o than the inherent comedy of said s/o accidentally getting his bestie a girlfriend, you are truly the ✨Real Deal✨)

HOLY SHIT YOOOO?? NO WAYGFSDGH

Congrats on starting your selfship journey!! With the mad scientist of all characters? That's amazing 🤭 The first time I read this, I honestly was like ".. no way, I can't believe I inspired someone like this." because IT FEELS SURREAL WHEN IT HAPPENS LIKE UH?? /POS Just as a lil' trivia fact btw; my selfship journey started all the way back in 2013, so you could say I'm a veteran selfshipper before I knew the term existed GHDFHG But still!! Anyone can begin doing so in literally any moment of their life! It's never too late to indulge into it, and I'm proud of you for doing so 🥹 I wish the both of you a great relationship as well!!

Also, I gotta say.. I adore the cat ear edits on his pics in particular GHFDHG I need to do that with Daru LMAO And, more importantly, love the helping you both get together! Happy and glad to do that hehe~ (Thank you again for the series of asks, you wonderful being 💕 have a great day/night!)

[echo-three-one]

Good day tumblr.

I'm migrating to using google docs for writing and I found something I wrote that was unpublished.

It's like an OC x OC because I wrote this at the time I got invested in A LOT of contemporary romance books.

It's also NSFW, It is a one-shot and I don't know how I made that last sentence. I'm single since birth and maybe had a couple of girls in my life but never really made it together. Enjoy? I guess

Matt

I released yet another deep sigh as I tossed my controller on the couch. It has been two months since my heart got shattered but I still haven’t found the chance to move on. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to, that’s why my mind has been tormenting me ever since. Even my best bud gave up on me when after all those “conventional ways” he knew failed, evidenced by me still visiting her profile page every now and then. Heck, I even have her notifications of whenever she posts.

My phone vibrated and that specific ding means that it’s an Instagram post from her. Yes, call me crazy and all because I still am even after all this time. She posted a picture of a plane ticket and a passport to whoever knows where, it’s one of those photos that didn’t contain her face, meaning, it’s a personal and unsponsored post and it’s something she wants to express. See, I’m still clearly not over her. I groan in frustration and threw my phone beside the controller, as I slide down from the couch down to the floor like a kid who didn’t get the toy he wanted for Christmas. I lazily reached for the tub of ice cream on the coffee table beside me and looked at it, it’s half melted and sad, Just like me. I got up and brought back the sad dessert to my refrigerator and as soon as I got back, I saw myself on the mirror. Fuck, I looked horrible, my hair was a bird’s nest and my beard grew thicker each day. I’m actually glad my work doesn’t involve me showing up in an office because, I could get used to this look, I wanted the world to see how broken I am right now, I wanted her to see what happened to me. I surveyed around the room, it was a mess. Empty beer bottles sprawled over the living room, while chips were all opened and half eater on every chair of the room. The only good thing is that the mess only accumulated on one specific room, I don’t sleep on my bed anymore because I could still smell her on the sheets, and I never wanted that to leave.

A few more days passed and I finally did something not involving gloating: I ordered a cleaning service for the living room and specifically told them not to touch any other room. The past days reminded me that there’s more to life than her and I actually went outside today, grabbing my camera and slipping on my trusted hoodie which I use for work, I let the cleaning team fix my mess as I unwind by doing what I am really passionate about, taking pictures.

My best friend, Patrick, was actually proud of my decision, wishing he could support me but was stuck in his wife’s family gathering. I felt guilty that I didn’t talk to him the past months as I gloated, hearing someone who actually cares for me was a good feeling, especially after locking myself from the world after a miserable break-up.

As soon as I got to the park, I started taking simple pictures, flowers, children playing, flowing streams, and skyscrapers. It actually feels good to be back outside, seeing the beauty of the world not from a glass screen. I flipped through my camera roll and examined each photo I took. They really weren’t that good, but mixed with a nice back story, It could be a killer post. I chuckled as I rotate the dial of my camera and went a little too far back and I froze in the middle of the park. It was a picture of me and Bianca, my ex-girlfriend, whom I missed so much. It was taken on a gazebo at the park we visited back then and a 7 year old kid took the photo, We were travelling around so if the two of us were In a photo, it means we asked someone to take it for us. The said photo was where I saw myself smile the widest. She was wrapping her arms around me from behind and my eyes were closed, smiling while she was looking at me and laughing.

A single drop fell on the screen and I woke back to my senses, did I just cry? I looked around and saw children running about as I looked up into the sky and saw dark clouds forming. So much for going outside…

That evening, I actually had the inspiration to work. With the storm brewing up outside, sending tendrils of lightning across the sky, I decided that It was the perfect set-up to get something done. Hours flew by as I managed my schedules and checked my e-mails letting my clients know that I was alive and just hit a rough patch. I didn’t even realized that my entry got nominated on a competition I signed up for earlier that year, which was probably the little ray of sunlight on my gloomy skies. Just this evening, I managed to book 3 photo sessions for next week, which might give me something to get busy on while I do the inevitable: moving on.

Later that night, my phone buzzed a familiar tone. She was calling me. Rubbing the sleep off my eyes, and making sure I’m not dreaming, I hurriedly grabbed my phone. It’s her photo. She. Is. Actually. Calling. Me.

My heart sped up and I took deep breaths. I’m not dumb. I’m going to pretend I’m over her. I’m doing this for myself.

“Hello?” I croaked.

“Hello! Is this you Matt?” her voice reignited my mind. Shit. My mind went blank.

“Uh.. Yes. This is Matt. Who is .. Who is this?” I stuttered. I’m not a great pretender, but I did my best.

“This is Bianca, your uh.. friend. We’re still friends right?” she chuckles, the sound of an intercom could be heard from behind. As I thought, she’s in an airport.

“Oh. Of course, Bianca, we are.” I scoffed. Yeah. Friends. Would it hurt you to say we’re at least ex lovers?

“Listen, um.. I badly need your help. I’m at the airport right now and they canceled my flight due to the storm. I was about to look for nearby hotels but there’s a concert right now that filled up the rooms fast. Do you mind if I stay in there for a while?” my breathing sped up. No way, she’s spending the night here?

“Oh sure sure. I’ll come pick you up there, just wait for me..” I stuttered and ended the call, so much for being able to move on, I managed to make a fool of myself yet again. Without any more hesitations, I quickly prepared myself and drove to the airport.

Bianca

“I won’t regret it.” I whispered one last time as I sat on the waiting area by the entrance, hugging my phone close as I breathed out a heavy sigh. I can’t believe I’m in this situation, it’s like fate wanted me to give Matt a proper farewell, the one with no vague explanations and quick goodbyes. I closed my eyes and braced myself as sooner or later I’d be facing him. He sounded fine over the phone, except he felt nervous.. and hesitating. Maybe he’s busy and he has to make quick changes so he could cater to me. He shouldn’t, but knowing him, he would. Everyone who knows Matt knows he’s very accommodating.

“Bianca..” a voice whispered in front of me as I opened my eyes.. Matt stood there, with an umbrella open and another one hanging on his hand. He offered his other umbrella and carried my luggage behind me. I can’t help but wonder how he’s holding up and the longer I wonder, the more shy I become knowing that I caused a part of this change. Last time I saw him, he was this slightly chubby, always freshly shaven and a smile never leaves his face. Now, he looked like he lost a couple of pounds and he hasn’t shaved in days as his stubble grew around his mouth, and he’s not fooling me with that fake smile he plastered on his face. He should know that I could see through that smile of his.

I started to feel nervous as I entered his car, although nothing much changed, the consistency bothered me a lot. It felt the same when we were together, the smell, the same things in his dashboard and even these dust settling on the floor. Did he not use his car ever since? I shouldn’t be bothered by this, but I can’t help but be curious as to what he was up to all these months.

I admired how Matt handled this situation maturely, he kept casual on his questions, evading everything that would lead to the events of two months ago. I took the chance to ask how he was doing and surprisingly, he answered quickly that he took a lot of photo sessions and how he got nominated on some indie photography award. At least that talk shook off the worry that was growing in me and gave me hope that this night will turn out great rather than a disaster.

As soon as we walked into his room, he talked about how I should feel at home since I am his guest. He talked so nonchalant it felt like he rehearsed what he said, I tried to ignore his emotionless introduction as he led me to his bedroom, I glanced around and noticed that nothing really changed during my time here, and it probably means that he’s holding up pretty well. He settled my luggage beside the bed and he grabbed a pillow and some comforters, and single-handedly carried it outside.

“I’ll be sleeping by the couch if you need something. I mean, you probably know your way around, Good Night, Bianca.” he says as he slowly shut the door, leaving me alone in his room. I slowly plopped myself into his comfortable sheets and tried to shut my eyes, but I can’t help but smell my old shampoo in his pillow. Slightly bothered, I got up and took a whiff at the pillow and realized it was my smell, I quickly grabbed the other one and caught a whiff of Matt’s scent on it. He probably doesn’t use the whole bed when he sleeps, I thought to myself, dismissing any other thoughts and tried to sleep. I shifted positions every other minute until I couldn't take it anymore. I grew curious until the point that I wanted to confront him about it. It looks like the talk we’ve both been evading should happen.

Matt

I fluffed my pillows one last time and glanced at my bedroom door for the last time. She’s in there. I muttered to myself. I wanted to talk to her one last time, maybe ask some questions and say what I feel… But that won’t happen tonight, she has a lot of things on her plate right now and has to deal with rebooking a cancelled flight, I should probably stay out of her way. I heard the door creak and I quickly got up and locked my eyes on her, as she peeks at the door.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked.

“I’m just going to get some water.” She replied as he walked to the kitchen, I can't help but let my eyes follow her as she carefully moved to the fridge. She was wearing her favorite pajamas, pink with flower prints sprawled everywhere. I smiled as our gazes met.

“Feeling comfy?” I asked.

“Yeah, what about you?” She nodded and nudged toward my direction.

“Yes.” I replied shifting comfortably on my couch, grinning like a little kid. She let out a soft chuckle and entered back to the room. I smiled as she shut the door and drifted myself to sleep.

The cold burst of air crossed against my foot and made me shiver, this wasn’t supposed to happen, did I forget to close the windows? I slowly got up and looked around, I wasn’t dreaming, my ex is still here. I peeked at the balcony and saw her staring at the moon, I saw that she scratched the pajamas and is now wearing possibly only her underwear behind that silk robe, a robe she got when she competed that one competition overseas.

“Can’t sleep?” I asked her as I offered a mug of warm milk. She looked surprised and a faint blush on her face formed as it was illuminated by the moonlight.

“Actually, yeah. Just thinking of what’s ahead.” She smiled as she grabbed the mug, wrapping it with her hands and blowing the steam away and taking a sip. “You?”

“You opened the balcony and the cold breeze kinda made me shiver.” I laughed.

“I’m sorry.” She bowed and chuckled softly. “I never knew you were that sensitive to cold.”

“Well, I wasn’t until…” I answered while I looked down on myself, emphasizing how loose my shirt was.

“Oh.. I noticed that. What happened? You hit the gym? Oh, you’re trying to impress someone! Do tell!” she asked grabbing my shirt, I could feel the shakiness in her reply, as if it was invading uncharted territory.

I sighed. “I can’t lie to you… I didn’t really want to bring this up but… I forgot to eat. When you left… You can forget that detail. I just want this off my chest, that’s all.” My heart pounded through my chest as I told her.

She pursed her lips and averted her gaze elsewhere. “I’m sorry about that…” she said but I shushed her mouth with my index finger. “You don’t have to… It’s my fault.” I said, trying to save her from recalling what she did. I didn’t want that, I wanted her to know that I’ve been trying. I continued talking, I told her about the things I learned from her, and that I was willing to move forward with my life, I wanted her to keep the details of our break up to herself, so I could evaluate on myself and become a better person. Lastly, I told her that I still loved her up to this very moment, and how it might take a while for it to slowly fade away.

A tear fell from the corner of her eye and I wiped It off with my thumb as I cupped her soft warm cheeks, her hands slowly grabbed mine and slowly guided it to her heart, I felt it pound and of course, I felt her soft breasts as she let me feel it.

“I’m still at fault for letting you go like that… I didn’t even consider how it’d affect you…” her voice croaked and I can’t help but embrace her and rub her back.

“I guess, it’s just like that sometimes, Bianca. Words don’t need to explain everything.” I whispered to her ear as I slowly accepted that we were never getting back together. I have lost the war for her heart and at least I did it with her wrapped around my arms.

She then looked up to me, reaching her arms on my cheek, gently rubbing my stubble. She then pulled my face close to hers as our lips met each other. I hesitated at first, but I’m only human and I still loved her, so as I felt her tongue beg to enter me, I tilted my head and wrapped my tongue against her, tasting her again possibly for the last time. I gripped her waist, slowly sliding my hand to her ass and held it tight pulling her body close to me. This action made her moan while she was inside my mouth and I closed my eyes wishing this moment would never end. Bianca quickly hoisted herself toward me and wrapped her legs on my hips which led me off balance. I quickly regained composure as I blindly led her to the couch and we both crashed on it while she was straddling on my lap.

We almost never had the time for sex, it was either she was too tired or I was and most of the time, she's away for trainings. If I was given the chance to rate all of our sexy moments together, this was possibly one of the best, yet it also is one of the worst, as it was the last one. Our make out session was full of soft kisses on every angle possible, smacking sounds echoed across the room along with soft pants and groans escaping from our mouths. My hands clung on to her ass most of the time, slowly rubbing her soft ass cheeks and stretching it outward during long kisses. She didn't stop me, so I started kissing her chest area as I let her perky nipples peek through her bra.

All I got from her is a smile and a sparkle in her eye saying 'go ahead' and I began to suck it and lick around her nipples, her soft moans felt rewarding as her hand guides my free hand to play with the other one. I hungrily sucked on both her nipples, changing course quickly, giving each of her breasts undivided attention. This went on for quite a while, until she moved back and pushed me back, her hand trailed through my chest, teasingly grazing through my nipples and slid down to my stomach, gripping the hem of my shirt and pulling it upward. All I did was oblige and she lifted my shirt off and tossed it behind her. She then left my chest and grabbed my shoulders, guiding me to rest my back on the couches' arm rest as she crawled towards me, giving my chest a soft kiss, slowly trailing down just below my belly button. Her eyes looked at me and our gazes met, she smiled menacingly as she grips my cock through my pants and slowly rubs it. I let out short and fast pants as she slowly yanked my pants down while I quickly pulled it off my feet and kicked it away.

Her index finger slowly circled around my shaft as she spread my precum around it and moved her mouth and began to devour it whole. My mind began to blur as I let out a huge sigh, my hand moved her hair and tucked it behind her ear. Her warm tongue welcomed my cock as it licked the shaft like an ice cream cone, then started circling around it finishing her act by going deeper into her mouth. Fuck, I wanted to cum so bad but I shouldn't, so as soon as I felt it drawing close, I yanked her hair up. She didn't flinch. I was expecting her to be mad at me, but all she did was flash a wide grin on her face and all I could ever do is slowly get up and quickly push her to the other side of the couch and pin her.

I pressed my whole body into her and my hand quickly unclasped her bra, setting her impressively huge tits free. Grabbing her breast, I quickly leaned into her mouth and kissed her angrily, growling inside her as our tongues clashed inside each other. My hand slowly let go of her chest and my mouth slowly trailed down to her dripping wet pussy, angrily pulling her panties down and tossed it behind me. I started playing with her pussy by giving it soft licks, my tongue barely touching her inner senses, then I applied a little bit pressure, followed by steady repeated licks on one area while my fingers spread open her labia.

I stopped and guided her to sit on the couch properly as I sat next to her, spreading her legs wide and let my fingers enter her, feeling the warmth and tightness of her pussy. I stopped a moan from escaping her mouth as I kissed her while my hands played inside her. I picked up the pace and all she could do was pant and cup my face, letting me kiss her as she moans inside my mouth while I continue to pleasure her using my fingers. I grinned at her and kissed her tits, my heart racing as I felt her getting excited at the effect I have on her right now.

"Oh. My. Fuck. Matt." she moaned in between pants, her voice quavered giving me the motivation to move my fingers faster, as I hear the sound of her pussy and my fingers compliment each other. She arched her back as I steadily pleasured my mouth on her right breast.

"So good.." she whimpered as I felt her wetness in my fingers and moved my lips back to hers, my fingers now moved slowly inside her. She panted and straddled herself on my lap, facing me with lust sparklin on her eyes as she gripped my cock and guided it slowly in her. Her wetness easily drenched my shaft as my mind went hazy when she quickly sat on my cock, letting out a soft yelp as she bounced on top of me. She started it slowly, letting us moan 'haa' at different intervals, as she circles her hips while slowly sitting on my cock. All I could do was open my mouth in pleasure, while looking at her maneuvering my cock like a cowgirl.

My mind will never forget this memory of her, riding on my cock and her tits bouncing in front of me while I held onto her waist. Ever since she picked up her pace, our soft 'haa's turned into loud 'aah's as the sound her ass clapping with my thighs rang on my ears. She continued to bounce as she leaned forward to me, letting our foreheads meet and eyes steadily lock in each other.

"Holy shit, you're still amazing." I whispered and all she could reply was a kiss, another long kiss while my hips met with her bounces. I felt my orgasm close, so I broke the kiss to warn her. "I'm about to c-" she cut me off with another kiss, as I felt my cock release waves of hot cum inside her, feeling her tighten me as we slowly ease the pace until it stopped. As soon as I pulled my cock, I saw her pussy drip down my cum, a smile escaping my face while I pant.

"I guess this is goodbye?" I whispered as I asked her for one last kiss, and she obliged, giving me the closure I needed to move on. Funny story is, we had more steamy sex after that, in the kitchen, on the bed and even on the floor, I even sneaked into her while she showered. But at the end of the day, I managed to delete her name from my contacts, along with unsubscribing on her notifications and washing the sheets she used to sleep on. Later that day, I looked at the sky as her plane flew past the building and took a deep breath. I guess first love never dies, but then again not all first loves are not meant for you.

[braindeadskeletons]

I'd like to request a matchup of you don't mind! I dunno what to put down so I'm gonna ramble and call it good,, I'm 5'2 [and a half. I'm adamant about that half] and have adhd + severe anxiety! I tend to ramble a lot! I do have haphephobia, which means I hate being touched.i get violent when its not on my own terms or with people I trust. I'm very protective of people I love! I really like stars and bonfires! I'm my friend groups therapist,which I don't mind.I love reading and naps, Thank you!

I saw that you didn't mind two posts being used for the match up- I thought I'd give you more to work with! I have a kitten called sweetpea who's a RAT but she gets away with it! I have a ton of books,everywhere,I'm running out of space. I seem mature when alone but with friends I can and will hop from a giant pipe to a higher up one just to prove I can,scratches or not.I've put a small lightbulb in my mouth and broke it on accident, I felt like this was important to include

Hello! May I just say that I absolutely adore the utter chaos of a human being you are?? Like hello?? You accidentally broke a lightbulb in your mouth?? I appreciate greatly that you told me this but also please explain?? Why was it in your mouth?? How did it break?? Did you just?? Chew?? And didnt expect it to break?? You just had it in your mouth and when it broke you had glass in your mouth looking like: :0 

please I'm begging you for a story time wether its dm or on here through submissions/asks for all of us to see and behold

aLSO PLEASE I I DON'T KNOW SWEETPEA BUT TELL THE RAT CAT I LOVE HER THANK YOU

Okay now onto the actual matchup I'm sorry I rambled you literally just left me with so much to think about. These questions will haunt me. I want you to know that. This matchup is a fever dream and I mean that in the best way possible.

I match you with Underswap Sans!

No doubt in my mind that this is your guy. This is a cursed couple. You both frighten people immensely and for you two that is a mission well done. You genuinely bring out both the best and the worst in Sans. On one hand, he has never been happier with anyone! On the other hand, Papyrus suspects that the reason as to why Sans was missing in the ball pit for 72 hours then later retrieved with 24 stolen items in hand was your doing. How did you play a role in this? He doesn't know yet but he'll figure it out.

You think that Sans is innocent? A bouncing blue baby boy man? No. Well yeah, but also no. He seems like a very happy skeleton who just wants to help others, and yeah that's still accurate; but he's also a literal troll. You both can relate to each other due to how people see you as mature at first, which isn't incorrect i'm assuming but you're also capable of utter chaos. Nobody suspects him to do half the chaotic shit he does. He will be the cause of Armageddon. This man single handedly causes the world to end. Normally Papyrus is the one to keep him from doing something chaotic but with you here now? Now it's just utter chaos. If you do something stupid just to prove that you can, Sans is not too far behind to prove that he can also do it but better. Genuinely the worst part of all of this is how Sans has his own motorcycle he rides and he can take you wherever you need to go. Want to go into some obscure area people fear to cause chaos? Sans will drive you no questions asked. He does have some limits however, for example y'know, he'd be immensely concerned if someone broke a lightbulb in their mouth.

----------

You: hehehe

You: hey sans look

Sans: HM?

You: [shoves lightbulb in mouth]

Sans: :0

You, voice muffled: isn't this cool?

[insert shattered lightbulb noises]

You: :0

Sans: OH FUCK

Sans: HUMAN ARE YOU OKAY 

You: :00

----------

Whether or not at the end you're shocked about how Sans cursed or you're still in shock about the glass in your mouth is up for interpretation. 

Honestly most of the stuff you two do together are your ideas. Sans just really wants to impress you and show you how magnificent he is! So please, of course you two can have fun, but don't completely rot this skeleton's mind. Not that Papyrus would allow that anyways. You both are essentially the Sans protection squad, and you're both very protective and would die for Sans before he got hurt, but Papyrus is the more responsible one out of the two members of the squad. Depending on how you view Papyrus, that can be seen as concerning. 

Okay let's actually get serious for a moment here since I got carried away. That's my bad lol. When it comes to physical touch, Sans would typically all for it! However the moment you inform him that you have haphephobia he initially doesn't understand what that is. Once he does the research and understands it'd be totally alright with him! He respects your boundaries and wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. Sometimes you'll have to remind him since when he's happy his immediate instinct is to hold the person closest to him, but a light reminder is enough to get him to back off again. If you ever want to try and overcome your phobia, he'll be right there. If not, that's okay with him too! He's here to support you no matter what.

It's important to mention that I personally headcanon that this version of Sans also has ADHD. Sooo in terms of usefulness, he's very sorry, but he isn't going to be of much help since he has a lot of the same habits you do. He can offer you some of his fidget toys if you'd like them though, and some pointers as to how he handles having it! Papyrus has gotten him plenty once he was officially diagnosed by Undyne and he's very happy to share! Sometimes both of your conditions lead to hilarious conversations and rambling since you both have that habit. Or just no conversation. Sometimes the two of you will be mid conversation and you both just kinda.

Forget.

You both forget what you were talking about.

In quiet acknowledgment you both just decide to move on to something else and not dwell on it.

However with anxiety, Sans is willing to do anything he can to help you! Would you like something to distract you? Soothing words? He knows that you typically don't like touch, but would it help in this situation? Would you like him to breathe with you? He's trying his best to help you in any way possible and he's there to listen if you need him. 

Speaking of listening to each other, Sans appreciates the fact that you listen to people so much. He loves his brother very much but being treated like a child is frustrating, you know? Sans is an adult just like his brother and he has his own worries and problems. He won't like it if you try to treat him like a kid, so please refrain from doing that if you could. He'd greatly appreciate that.

Most of your date nights take place in your own home! Once Sans learned that you had a cat he was immediately determined to become besties with your cat. I'd personally like to imagine that your cat, for whatever reason she might have, doesn't feel the same way. If he ever cat sits it goes a little like this:

----------

You: hey Sans, I'm home! How was sweetpe-

Sans, covered in scratches: SHE WAS GREAT

Sweetpea: >:)

You: 

You: o h ?

Sweetpea: >:))

Sans: I FEEL LIKE WE REALLY BONDED TONIGHT

----------

Yeah, it isn't great. But Sans hasn't given up just yet!

For dates Sans tends to take you out to places such as bookstores (a popular location for you two), the movies, restaurants, the park, and then end the night at his place! Alternatively, Sans would love to set up bonfires and a night of stargazing with you! If you'd like him to he could invite a handful of his friends and yours to share the night together with. If not, he's more than happy to sit with you and gaze at the stars as he lists all of the reasons in his head of why he loves you so damn much. These are the moments he loves the most with you. Just spending time together, no one else there to disturb you two and the beauty of the stars above.

[onwesterlywinds]

One Last Step

So still this broken melody And therewith shoulder thee One last step only leaving An empty hearth down by the sea

Content warning for suicide. | Contains spoilers through 5.0.

I.

In the weeks before the Calamity, Ahtynwyb Eynskyfwyn often dreamt of a tempest of mythological proportions. In those dreams, the storm would bring itself to bear against the mighty cliffs of Quarterstone, upon which perched her grandparents' cabin. The seas would rise in a deafening pulse with waves fit to level any lesser artifice, breaking against the wall of stone and sending their spray up into the blustering sky.

And she would stand alone at the top of those cliffs and know, even in her dreams, that naught would ever be the same again.

II.

The Cabinet of Curiosities held a trove of books. Throughout her travels, throughout her journeys through ruins long forgotten and civilizations engulfed in war, she had wondered every now and again what works she would preserve if forced to do so - if the only remaining testaments to a culture were the things that she and others like her could carry on their backs and in their minds.

She had seen Doma's answer; Ala Mhigo's, too, was becoming clearer by the day. But the Crystarium's had taken her by surprise for the sheer breadth of it: thousands upon thousands of tomes encompassing the last vestiges of mankind. Each book contained not only knowledge, but the dreams of those who had carried it to safety and given it up for the betterment of all. Each book had been entrusted to the community and its future, free for any to peruse.

And after no more than a morning of taking stock of the catalog, Ahtyn left the library to explore the Crystal Exarch's private collection.

She scanned the topmost shelf in his study, her heart pounding in her ears, until she laid eyes upon a tome she'd spotted from afar earlier in the week. Though slightly shabbier around the edges, its pages far more yellowed than she had remembered, she could not have mistaken it for the world. Her feet carried her across the room in a daze. Once she lifted the book from on high, she massaged the intact spine; as she flipped through the volume leaf by leaf, she found not a single page missing.

No book in the Cabinet of Curiosities could mean as much to her as this one, for none of the books beyond this room had come from the Source. None of them had traveled across time and worlds in the very subject they depicted - the Crystal Tower - and not a single one had been her favorite companion as a child.

Her eyes filled with tears as they rested upon the opening lines:

Once upon a time, four young Warriors of Light journeyed forth to right the wrongs of Allag.

III.

It had been bound to happen sooner or later. Looking back, she had ignored all signs from the beginning that her first-ever adventuring party had not been meant to last. One of their number had an ego; another prioritized too many commitments back home; another found fault with everything the others did. Ahtynwyb, for her part, had spent too much of her time smoothing over the fissures emerging in their group with each passing day. Regardless of how or why they had gone their separate ways, the excuses for why they would never have been a team worthy of legend brought her no comfort.

And on a more practical note, her lack of a party left her that much further from entering the Binding Coil of Bahamut.

Though if she were in the Binding Coil, she thought, she wouldn't be able to see the stars over Silvertear. She could stare at that dusk sky forever, with its gathered clouds still purple-hued over the lake and the Crystal Tower shattering the horizon.

She would be inside that tower soon enough. That had to count for something.

"Ahtyn!"

Cid made to throw her some sort of bread but then, noticing the book in her hands, jogged it over to her instead. It was a flaky pastry the size of her face, wrapped in paper and filled with spiced vegetables and cheese. "Fresh from the Toll. Figured you could do with a pick-me-up after running around the lake all day."

"Thanks, Cid."

Either Cid hadn't yet seen her teary eyes, or he had enough grace not to comment on them. "What's that you're reading? Something of the Scions'?"

She shook her head. "No, I've had this one for a while. It was my grandpa's." She closed the pages on her index finger, the better for him to see the cover emblazoned with the very tower before them without losing her page. "Just some old stories. They're a little childish, but they've always been kinda nostalgic, you know?"

Cid let out a long, low whistle, then thumped her on the back a little harder than she had been expecting. "G'raha!"

From where he sat at the center of Saint Coinach's Find, the young man's ears perked up in the middle of his swig of ale; he jumped to his feet in a single fluid motion. "Y-Yes?"

"You said the key to the tower was in legends, yes? Something that the ancients wouldn't have thought to preserve via tomestones?" Cid beckoned G'raha over with a wave of his arm. "You're going to want to see this."

IV.

"Find what you were looking for, then, hero?"

She gave so great a start that she very nearly dropped her book. Emet-Selch leaned against the closed study door, examining a nearby desk and all the clutter the Exarch had left lying atop it. Ahtyn opened her mouth to tell him he wasn't supposed to be in there, then, given the nature of her own trespass, thought better of it.

"I did," she replied, cautious of the venom with which he spoke the word "hero." "And now I'm going to stay in here and read. Alone."

Emet-Selch cast a conspicuous glance at the tome's cover and heaved another of his sighs. "Hmph. How very tedious."

She pointedly ignored him and turned a page.

V.

"And you say this book has been in your family for generations?" Rammbroes murmured. He rubbed the back of his bald head, a sure sign that he was deep in thought.

G'raha Tia turned the book over to reexamine the front cover, even holding it up to where the tower stood to their north. It was a perfect representation, down to the positioning of each crystalline turret. "Despite the fact that the Crystal Tower has not been seen in millennia," he said, echoing Ahtyn's thoughts perfectly. He returned the book to her, bequeathing it as gently as one would hand over a tool of one's trade. "Could your family be descended from survivors of the Allagan Empire, perhaps?"

She shrugged. "I guess there's that chance, but... we're farmers on one side, and pirates on the other."

"After thousands of years, one could never truly know where one's ancestors-"

"What I meant was," she interrupted, "I think if we were descended from Allagans, we'd have way more family stories to tell about how we single-handedly saved the world."

G'raha squinted at her, then at Rammbroes, who was chuckling somewhere over her shoulder. "She's described Roegadyn culture in a nutshell for you," Rammbroes specified.

VI.

"But how can you throw together two whole worlds without things getting smushed?" she had asked her grandfather once during the climax of one of his stories. "Wouldn’t that hurt a lot of people?"

"Sometimes," he replied. "But other times, it’s just what everyone needs. Ye know what the stories say happens when there’s nothin’ but light. Sooner or later, the darkness comes back, and then what’re ye left with? Ye’ve got to have some some darkness to balance out that light once in a while, aye. Because it’s not light that brings the heroes home at the end, Liveen - it’s balance."

VII.

"What is it that so captivates you about that book, then?" Emet-Selch asked some twenty-odd pages later. She had no idea if he'd ever left the study at all - but strangely, even after his constant pestering in the Rak'tika Greatwood, she found him something of a welcome presence. There was, after all, no danger of him revealing her.

"It reminds me of my grandpa. And of a lot of friends."

He let out a noise that might well have been a yawn. "How quaint."

"I thought you were supposed to be a big fan of stories like this one."

"This may surprise you, but omniscience is not among my many talents. I'm afraid I don't know the first thing about it."

"Sprawling epics, dramatic motivations, tragic flaws. I thought Solus ate that shit up." The mention of that name caused him to stop examining his gloves and start actually looking at her. "At least," she continued, with some smugness, "that was what I heard on the Prima Vista."

Emet-Selch's lips twitched into a brief smile as he let out a barely perceptible chuckle, leaning to rest against the nearest wall with folded arms. "So my grandson's suspicions were well-founded: you did meet with Jenomis after all."

"I have."

"He spoke truly. I never will say no to a well-constructed story - particularly not from a master of their medium, as Jenomis is. It's fitting that you were able to bear witness to one of his performances. I can only imagine his resultant works will be better served for your collaboration."

Her eyes were too busy tracing the next line of text-

For why would the hero have thought to look for the villain in her own shadow?

-to immediately register Emet-Selch's words. By the time she did, they took her somewhat aback. "...I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

VIII.

"Hey. Alphinaud."

The crunching footsteps to her right slowed but did not halt. The fulm-deep Coerthan snow made it difficult for them to traverse side by side, but despite lacking her long stride, weather-resistant armor from the Crystal Tower and overall affinity for the cold, Alphinaud had always preferred to keep an even pace with her on the road whenever possible.

"You okay?"

Alphinaud did not stop, even surpassing her on the wooded trail. He made some small noise to indicate he was paying attention but otherwise did not turn to look at her.

"Don't worry. It should start to warm up once we get closer to Mor Dhona, especially around the next hill."

He gave another noncommittal nod, though he shivered a bit through his tunic.

"I wanted to ask you something," she continued. She followed in his steps, mostly so as not to leave him behind - but also, if she had learned anything over the past few weeks, it was that eyes and ears truly were everywhere, and that a misplaced shout could be fatal. "While it's just the two of us." The understanding that Haurchefant would be too overbearing to take part in such a delicate conversation would have to go implied.

"G-Go on," said Alphinaud.

"What Ilberd said, back at the Observatorium, about the prisoners he'd taken into custody." She waited. "About how they would be thoroughly interrogated."

"Do you find fault with his methods? If so, allow me to raise your concerns with him. I imagine he would be amenable to finding an alternative method of..." He trailed off, presumably to search for an acceptable word.

"Gathering intelligence?"

"Precisely."

"You're well within your rights to ask him what his methods actually are, Alphinaud," she said. "And to tell him to stop, if he goes further than you'd like. But if he's one man operating alone, without your oversight-"

"Thank you, my friend," Alphinaud snapped, "but I would rather we speak of something else for the remainder of our journey."

They continued their trek back to Mor Dhona in utter silence.

IX.

The waves over Quarterstone had ebbed since the Calamity, but the ocean still reached a far greater height than she remembered from her youth. She would never get used to such a view, even less so now that her grandparents' house no longer stood: it had been drawn over the cliffs not even a year after their family had relocated to Moraby, its foundations too weathered to withstand the constant onslaught from a changed world.

Grehswys merely sipped at her wine, looking as much at the road on which they had traveled as she was at the horizon they'd memorized throughout their shared childhood. At length, she passed the bottle over to Ahtyn, and she took as long of a swig as she could get away with.

"There's one thing I've come to appreciate about adventurers," her sister said. "You've learned how to talk about shite like this. Most of you, at least."

"What do you mean?"

"You've met folk from all over the world, right?"

"Right."

"So you've had to describe this to them, if it ever came up. What it meant to you, that is, and what it meant to lose it."

Ahtyn racked her brain and was surprised to recall several such conversations: with the Leveilleur twins, with Mupal, with Sairsel, with a full bar at the Sandsea on at least a couple occasions. For something that she had thought of as some great weight, she had brought up the topic more than she'd thought. "I... I guess so. Yeah."

Grehswys shrugged. "That's what's so horrid about staying here. We all went through it, but... we just keep it bottled up. A story everyone knows but never tells."

X.

The void was wearing on her in subtle ways. Or perhaps it was that the creatures she'd fought here had been stronger than any others she'd encountered throughout her adventures thus far.

But the Cloud of Darkness was fading with each passing second. Devoid of its summoned monsters, devoid of immediate purpose, the air in the void was beginning to grow stale - heavy. All around and above her lay a roaring expanse of abyss. It was dizzying to be so entrenched in the dark, save for a ripple of aurora to mark a semblance of light at the end of the tunnel, or a silver lining, or some other grandiose metaphor she didn't have the energy to engage with.

"Right," said Aoife Mahsa beside her, waving a hand in front of her own face. "So... what now."

Ahtyn took as deep of a breath as she could, though the burgeoning void was constricting her lungs with a sickly sweet sort of taste. "Find a way back to Hydaelyn," she said, and ran further toward the aurora. "I'll find G'raha and Nero!"

"Yes!" Aoife replied, bounding in front of her before she could protest. "WE find a way back to Hydaelyn, with G'raha and Nero! You're really on the ball, aye!"

"But Aoife-"

"Don't you 'but Aoife' me!" the bard scolded. "I'm not leaving you alone in here! Besides - if you got lost in the void, Cid and Baithin will each give me at least one lecture!"

Her eyes suddenly stung, and this time, she didn't have any light to blame it on. "Okay," she said, and stepped straight into the oblivion stretching out before them both. "So uh... dibs left void?"

XI.

Ahtyn knelt in the black sand to gather up the last of her belongings from the camp, the better to hide a sudden spike in her anxiety - the first distress she'd felt since wandering along the coast of Valnain more than a moon ago. With Ultima defeated and the Orbonne Monastery cleared of its haunts, Hrjt would have no cause to leave her home for the foreseeable future.

And Ahtyn had yet to overcome an inability to remain in touch.

Her movements stilled over her pack as she considered her impending return to the life of a solo traveler; then a slender finger tapped her twice on the shoulder. Ahtyn turned to find Hrjt's outstretched hand, and Eternal Wind clasped in it.

"You forgot this in my robes," Hrjt said.

There was such earnestness on her companion's face, without a hint of mischief or irony, that Ahtyn couldn't bite back her chuckle. "Okay, sorry. This isn't my strong suit."

"What isn't?"

"I should've just been direct. Hrjt, it's a gift."

"But-" The ends of Hrjt's ears twitched as she frowned. "Oh, no. I couldn't. You said this book was your favorite."

"It is! Which is why I think you should have it."

Hrjt gestured outward with her other hand - the one holding her staff - toward the remaining visible stretch of black coast. Through the heavy fog, Ahtyn could barely make out the dark tides forming a powerful rip current stretching far out into the Valnard Sea - and for once, the sight did not make her wistful for La Noscea.

"Ahtyn," said Hrjt, firmly. "This is how I live. I won't be able to keep it safe or dry with me."

"That's fine," she replied, even as the wind cast a fine spray across her cheek.

"You wouldn't wish to leave it to someone? A future child, or a pupil? Besides, what if I never have the chance to read it?"

"That's shite and you know it; you'll get at least four hundred more years than me."

"And what should happen if I'm instead captured by a voidsent and become lost to the lightless abyss forever?"

Recognizing her deadpan jest for what it was, Ahtyn grinned. "That's just depressing."

"There is, as you would say, a non-zero chance."

"Okay." Ahtyn held up both palms in surrender. "If you really aren't sure, I'll take it back."

She waited, unsure if she had been too pushy from the first. As Hrjt hesitated, her eyes gleamed with a sort of shyness Ahtyn had yet to see from her. "If you're sure... I'll keep it as safe as I am able. I promise."

"I'll visit you again soon," Ahtyn said, and meant it.

XII.

She could not reconcile the sight before her with the weeks of intimacy she had come to take for granted. The aether tugged at her senses; it sparked in the air like diamond dust as Ysayle Dangoulain made her descent against the sickly green sky. She fell faster than gravity, faster than flight. And yet time itself slowed as Ahtyn watched her from the airship, with Cid's hands pulling her back at the arms and the sounds of her own screams deafened in her ears.

She had never, never been able to reconcile the vibrant woman she'd come to know with the dead-eyed primal she had once fought, so long ago, when she'd still been convinced that doing so would bring about Eorzea's salvation. For all of Shiva's conjured majesty, she could convey none of her ideals except to those already devoted. They had had countless conversations during their Dravanian journeys; they had spoken in Ishgardian and Common and tongues long since lost to other mortals, sharing in the wonder of their blessing and burden, partaking together in the joys of being understood as equals. Shiva's summoner was far more wondrous bereft of her power. Ahtyn doubted, even now, that the same could be said of herself.

It was none of it fair. Ysayle was not meant to be the one to fall-

The hull of the Agrius froze, then shattered, then exploded - and soon the flames from the dreadnought's engine melted every last trace of ice. Ysayle's aether, too, was beyond her reach forever.

XIII.

"There are so many things I don't understand," said the young Minfilia, staring out across the hillside at the ribbons of Light pouring over Lyhe Ghiah. "But most of all, I've been wondering... how you manage to do it all on your own."

It was a question she'd been asked time and time again - only this time, she didn't wave away the girl's concerns. She didn't deflect with humility, insisting that the Scions had been at her side all the while or some such. Someday Minfilia would have to tread this same path, as her namesake had before her. Honesty would be the kindest possible gift.

"Well," she began, and the word hung in the air for a little while. "It helps that I've always been the type to want to save the world. Even when I was your age. Mostly I wanted someone, anyone, somewhere down the line, to know that someone tried to make things just a little bit better." She didn't say that when she was Minfilia's age, that desire had usually manifested as an abstract, foolhardy vision of self-sacrifice. "And when it's something you've grown up feeling, when it's that innate to you-" Twelve, and she thought she'd had it bad with merely a preference for books; from what Urianger had divulged, Minfilia had spent her childhood locked in a tower with only a name and a responsibility. "-it's usually less about finding the will to go on and more about... not burning yourself out, or spreading yourself too thin. I'd say that's the hardest part."

Minfilia nodded in the direction of her knees. "It must be difficult," she murmured. "Thancred's told me only a little of what you've done, but I... I can't begin to imagine it."

"It helps when you can be yourself in the day-to-day," she admitted. "Though of course, that's much easier said than done." It was why she had never come around to feeling comfortable in Ishgard: the more Edmont and Aymeric and all the rest came to revere her, the more she wondered if any of them had ever truly known her. "Aside from that, I try to vouch for others as often as I can. It relieves some of the pressure, it helps make some real allies, and... and sometimes it gives people another hero to focus on for a bit. Much as people don't want to hear it, it's not healthy to rest all your hopes and dreams on one person."

From beside her, Minfilia took in a deep, shuddering breath.

"D-Don't get me wrong," Ahtyn stammered. "I'm not saying I think everyone has to be strong enough to look after themselves. That's not a charitable way to think about things, and it doesn't account for all the people who haven't had a choice - like people from occupied territories." She was rambling now. "And there are some real advantages to having a single hero, like being able to take decisive action when it matters most. But I've seen it go wrong: once people get it in their heads that one person, one being can fix all of their problems, they'll go to all sorts of lengths to make it true."

She breathed in deeply, staring hard at the Light. "And honestly, I thought it would be different here in the First, when I heard people resented their Warriors of Light. I thought it'd mean they'd rely less on heroes and more on each other. But I still see it with the Exarch, and with you, and-"

She took one look at Minfilia's wide eyes and finally had the sense to curb her thoughts.

"I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to get so heavy, and none of this is your problem, and... and I don't know how much it makes sense. Long story short, it's just... it's something that gets me because it's..."

"...Because it's not fair," Minfilia finished.

XIV.

Ahtyn had come face to face with a siren before - the creatures that sang to sailors of their purported destinies. Once she had seen a captain walk into a siren's arms against the heeding of his crewmen, and the gory aftermath that had come of that scene had haunted her dreams for nearly a week. And as a song foretelling her own destiny rang out through the reaches of Azys Lla, she wished she could know its promises to be false.

The Goddess regarded her with heavy-lidded, dispassionate eyes.

It’s not light that brings the heroes home at the end, Liveen.

And then the scales tipped.

For a moment she was weightless. She fell through the golden air, watching Sophia grow ever further from her. When the others righted, she did not; with another lurch, with her own balance stymied, she tipped backward over the edge.

"AHTYN!"

A hand, small but strong, grabbed her at the wrist. It hoisted her, perhaps with the added strength of others, upwards and upwards until her feet regained their purchase on the platform and A'zaela Linh's worried face returned into view.

"Thanks!" she called. Sylvan Rain and Crimson Bull were holding off the primal in her momentary absence, pushing back against the Goddess' Daughter with their shoulders and no shortage of will to keep her from reaching Arae'sae and Nivelth. And still, for a moment, she merely stood. For the briefest of instants, the primal's call had granted her a vision clearer even than the Echo, though now it faded from her like water in her hands. She made to charge and then, in a terrifying second, realized she could not find her shield; only when A'zaela handed it back to her did she raise her sword to provoke the Goddess to face her again.

"How's that for judgment?!" she cried. "Now come and get me!"

XV.

No one spoke in the Ocular. Not even a plate of the Exarch's famous sandwiches could tempt them into conversation after their discoveries in the Qitana Ravel. For all their earlier bickering, Y'shtola and Thancred cast identical glowers of fatigue. Alisaie sat cleaning her rapier with single-minded dedication; Alphinaud paced from one end of the hall to the other. Urianger thumbed through a tome Ahtyn didn't recognize from the Exarch's private library. Minfilia pivoted her gaze from one Scion to the next, always folding and refolding her hands in her lap.

"Maybe this is hypocritical," Ahtyn said at length. "But I don't think this really changes anything."

They all turned to her.

It was wishful thinking, but if she had to continue to ponder in silence the possibility that she could be tempered, she would likely lose her mind.

"I agree," drawled Emet-Selch from out of nowhere behind her. "Listen to the hero. Continue your course." He took a bite of a sandwich and, presumably unsatisfied, set it back down onto the tray. Only Minfilia had the energy to glare at him.

"What I mean is," she continued aggressively, "if it's true that Hydaelyn is a primal, then anything we do to try to change or mitigate that fact could have serious consequences for the Source, if not other worlds."

Urianger nodded his agreement. "This matter requireth deliberations with our esteemed colleagues in the Source."

She opened her mouth to promise that she would raise the topic as soon as she could, but the Light suddenly heaved in her chest. The wave of nausea cut off any of the promises she might have made, any reassurances that the foundations of their worldview would remain intact.

XVI.

Even with the power surging around and through him, she held out a hand. She held out a hand as though doing so could undo all that he had schemed and dealt throughout the past half year, as though she could pull him from that precipice through her own sheer will.

Instead Ilberd Feare stared directly into her eyes, his eerie grin widening, as he stretched out the hands that held the eyes of Nidhogg and leaned further and further backward-

"COWARD!" Alphinaud screamed.

The Griffin gave one last tip of his head - a nod in her direction, it seemed - and she was seized with a horrific calm as he fell from Baelsar's Wall.

XVII.

The knock, quick and quiet, came upon her inn room door at nearly three in the morning. She staggered out of bed in a flash, halfway to grabbing her pauldrons. It could only be another Eulmoran attack, or some other initiative that required her urgent participation, and Captain Lyna would just have to get over her dishevelment. Then she threw open the door and found Alisaie in a robe and nightgown, carrying a pillow.

"May I borrow your floor?" Alisaie asked, conveying somewhat more consciousness than Ahtyn had expected, given the hour.

"Uh, yeah," she grumbled, albeit before she'd fully processed the question. "Of course."

Alisaie slipped inside, kicking off her slippers with enough force for them to land yalms apart. "It seems neither Alphinaud nor I can sleep. Only he insisted on making cocoa, and conversation-" Ahtyn could not determine from Alisaie's tone which of these she held in greater disdain. "-and I simply didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't remotely interested."

Despite the proposal she'd agreed to, Ahtyn shepherded Alisaie toward her bed and took the floor for herself. There was more than enough room for them to share the mattress; then again, she had experienced all too often Alisaie's sleep-kicking during their expeditions in Gyr Abania and the Far East, when she or Lyse would have to share accommodations with her. The sight of the smallest among them enjoying her own sleeping mat was one that had never failed to bring Gosetsu to fits of his boisterous laughter. One by one, the memories of their adventures flickered through her head, bringing with them the crushing realization of how much of Alisaie's life she had missed while they had been worlds apart.

With the both of them settled and the lights long extinguished, Ahtyn whispered, "How are you holding up, really?"

She had expected a groan of frustration, or a muttered curse. Instead, Alisaie rolled over and stared in the general direction of her voice. "As always, I'm worried for you. ...I suppose that's why I can't sleep."

XVIII.

Her first thought, exhausted as she was from the interdimensional battle with Shinryu and the mere sight of Zenos lying dead in a pool of his own blood, was that Lyse looked beautiful with her arm stretched aloft. Her second thought was that Lyse had an incredible singing voice, and so did Ashelia Riot, though the latter was leaning the entirety of her weight against her husband and trying to look inconspicuous while doing so.

And as she stared out from atop the ramparts of Cotter Tor, she had never been prouder to stand among a crowd. For once, for once, all was put to rights. She did not quite know how she had come to stand here, beside Arenvald and the pennant, with a throng of Ala Mhigans far below. Between her and those people - the people whom she had played her own part in protecting - there lay a drop of half a thousand fulms.

"Ahtyn!" Lyse clasped her from behind at the shoulders, giving her a little shake to pull her from her reverie. The others behind her had begun to disperse back into the royal palace. "We're regrouping back at Porta Praetoria. Unless you need a minute?"

She shook her head. Better to look into Lyse's eyes than to peer into that empty, dawn-hued sky; better to have Lyse's hands on her than to trust in her own feet not to take her over the edge.

XIX.

It was easiest to take hold of his hand, crystalline though it was. They both needed the fresh air, but there was little to be found, even on the tall cliffs of Kholusia: she could scarcely smell the sea over the tinny smog from the dwarven forges.

But the Exarch did not appear to mind. He recovered slowly but steadily from his moment of collapse, his breathing growing more and more regular the longer they shared their simple contact.

"Construction on the Talos is proceeding apace?" he asked.

She nodded. They lapsed then into an easy, comfortable silence, presiding together over the Light-strewn sky. Soon, if all went as planned, that Light would be gone - contained amongst the vast sea already rising within her.

"It still doesn't feel right to me," she said at last. "None of this does, without the wind."

The Exarch's face gave no movement that she could see, but she could sense the smile in his words. "Then if you have a moment yet to spare, I would ask you to indulge me with a tale from your people - Eternal Wind, wasn't it?" As he turned to her then, she could see his grin in full. "Perhaps it would put both our hearts at ease, given the impending juncture."

It did not matter that he could easily have known of her connection to that book through any of the Scions, or learned it from gazing through the rift to the Source.

She knew then who he was for certain.

Her grip on his hand had grown so tight that it had begun to ache against the crystal. "Thank you," she whispered. "For everything."

And then she burst into tears.

"Oh, no no no," G'raha Tia murmured. His hood visibly shifted as his ears went flat. He reached out with his free hand, his hand of flesh, as if to touch her shoulder; instead, his hand lingered somewhere above her pauldron. "I'm so sorry, my friend; I-I never meant to-"

"I just-" She was sobbing now, as hard as she had cried alone at the banks of Silvertear Lake after she and the rest of NOAH had said their farewells to him. "Whatever happens next - no matter how it all ends - I want you to know h-how much it means to me. All hundred years of it! Everything you've done, everything you've been through... gods!"

He did not confirm her praise. As she rested her head upon his shoulder, still weeping for him alone to see, he laid his own head against her - his lips brushing mutely against her temple.

XX.

Tucked three-quarters of the way into Eternal Wind lay a strip of dyed Dalmascan paper, with words written lengthwise upon it in a hasty scrawl:

For the Ironworks.

May her light guide our journey home.

Hrjt Brotin

XXI.

"My dear, beloved sapling," Feo Ul crooned.

But she was beyond such praises now. All the different parts of her lay fractured. Here, atop the watchtower and brimming with sacrifice, she was neither savior nor warrior nor woman. She could not be anything, let alone the one thing she needed to be. She could scarcely maintain her consciousness without focus, let alone a process of thought, let alone the weight of her disparate memories. She was fit for nothing save destruction, save an Ascian's machinations.

"You are lost - confused - and have precious little time to gather your wits."

Time was not what she needed. Oh, to rule from Lyhe Ghiah forever would be a wondrous dream, a blissful reprieve - and yet it would be an ending, and one she was unworthy of at that.

"Stand very, very still," said the king. "Think not of where you need to go, but where you are right now at this moment. At this time, in this place..."

Ahtyn breathed in deeply. She let Feo Ul's words flow over her, like a steady breeze to greet the waves of Light breaking over the ramparts of her body. A single tear slipped down her cheek; Feo Ul swiped it away with the point of a single finger. The gesture, surprising in its intimacy, provoked an unexpected chuckle.

"I'm still here," she whispered. "And I still have you." And the twins, and Ryne, and all the other Scions. Her family, Hrjt, every friend whom she had ever known and loved. G'raha. "I know what comes next. But I'm... I'm so afraid, right now. And it feels silly to be so afraid." What would happen to the Light if she burst from all the fear and sadness and guilt?

Feo Ul shook their head. "It isn't silly at all at all, my sapling. But as you set off for who knows where, making even more of a mess of that aether of yours - remember that you have withstood this before, and you will surely do so again." They laid their hands upon her cheeks, flitting close enough to touch their tiny forehead against hers. "And know too that for all the miseries you have endured, you give back joy in equal measure."

XXII.

[Let us debate today the topic of our colleague's newest collection.]

The tide of Light had carried her to the deepest reaches of the Tempest, to a place where shades treated her as one might treat a misbehaving child. She sat staring at her own feet in the Hall of Rhetoric, a means of grounding herself against the aether's pull.

The masked, robed figure sitting opposite her gave a grandiose gesture with his arms. [It is an outrage, and a danger to young ones such as our guest.]

[The work is certainly unconventional,] his identical partner agreed. [Yet a danger? It inflicts no pain, and it neither incites nor promotes harmful behaviors.]

[It serves as a call to action and is therefore inflammatory by its very nature and purpose. Its themes are like to instill ideals of nonconformity within the most impressionable.]

[My friend,] the masked figure beside Ahtyn said, [it sounds to me as though you oppose the mere idea of this work. Have you yet read it?]

[Er... no. I have not. But I have heard enough from those I trust to know that it challenges the very fabric of the society we all labor so hard to uphold.]

[And yet these trusted friends and many other noble souls have read it, and are presumably no less patriotic for having done so. It seems to me, therefore, that this work is but a touchstone for a broader debate: that of censorship, and if some individual ideas deserve to be curbed in order to better provide for the needs of all.]

[What's this work about?] Ahtyn asked. She could not follow the conversation, even as she recognized each and every one of the arguments they made.

The figure across from her held a finger to his lips but otherwise ignored her. [You know I am all in favor of creation as self-expression,] he insisted. [But creation necessitates responsibility. We employ the Bureau of Architects to ensure that a patent is not accessible to those of insufficient skill and understanding. There is no such way to determine whether ideas could or should be similarly judged to ensure that those of weaker wills do not take it upon themselves to... to act upon ideas which they do not fully understand.]

[You raise a valuable point, my friend,] the specter beside her acquiesced. [Perhaps we shall discuss this matter with Emet-Selch. He is ever impartial with moral quandaries such as this.]

With their final debate settled, with their purpose served, the two figures faded into peaceful obscurity.

XXIII.

"You truly don't remember."

The more the Light surged within her, the more she wanted to, even as she feared what else that remembrance might bring. Her ramparts already threatened to crumble amidst the Ascian's private hell; were they to fall now, were the Light to overtake her, she would be lost.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, girl."

The words filled her with rage, as they always had, but neither could she tie them to any particular memory - and so she stared up, trying to summon anything more than a growl of pain in her throat.

"Well, retorts never were your forte." Emet-Selch knelt, the better to grasp her chin and tilt her face up toward his, forcing eye contact. Beads of sweat borne from pain obscured her eyes, nearly blotting out her vision. "And neither was irony, apparently. That you of all people should forget."

A new crop of Light rose in her gut, burning like bile as she spat it out onto Emet-Selch's Garlean boots. "Tell me." For words meant as an order, they rang pathetic from her lips. "Tell me who I was." Who I am.

He rolled his eyes and stood, dragging her up only part of the way before releasing her to crumple once again onto the crystal floor. "You were full of potential, most of it wasted. Just as you are now." He swept an arm wide, across where she lay half-broken upon the cold aetheric surface. "You could have been something, had you applied yourself - had you cared one whit beyond your own stupid dreams! You could have saved all of us. But no!"

"What did I do?" For whatever great sin she had committed, she had no doubt that it contributed in no small way to these people's destruction.

Emet-Selch's arms fell; his shoulders slumped. "What did you do?" he repeated, incredulous.

When he turned, he turned to face her without a hint of mischief in his eyes - only a mad grief.

"You created stories. Long, long ago, you wove a tale about a hero's journey - and from that tale sprang every other legend of heroes and journeys these sundered worlds have ever known."

The next breath she drew in was painless, steadying. Filling.

Emet-Selch drew himself up to his full height, coughing into his fist before adopting an orator's pose. "'A hero leaves her home, with the knowledge that naught will ever be the same again. She is tested, time and again - by monsters, by enemies, by allies, by the great and irrevocable struggles taking place in the world and in herself. She endures an ordeal graver than any other, something she has worked towards perhaps without ever knowing it, and in so doing sacrifices a part of herself. And when she returns home, if she returns home, she is changed - not in the way she hoped but in the way she needed.'" He sneered down at her, at the Light pouring out from her. "Is this the glorious homecoming you always imagined, my dear? Is this the necessary change you so envisioned for yourself, at long last... Sappho?"

Over the Light, over even the humiliation and fear and regret, that name triggered within her an ancient knowing. She staggered to her feet. Cold, unfeeling aether burst from her spine like wings, like a Passage of Arms given form.

The others could not save her now, for there could be no saving her. For all her insistences, she was the only one. There could only be this end - her end.

"You could have saved them!" Emet-Selch screamed, even as she transformed further into the broken creature he had sought for his own ends. "It was not enough for us to beg to you, oh, no. You decided you alone wanted no part in creating our savior, our god. And so we were left to summon Zodiark without your guidance."

He laughed so loudly and for so long that the sound doubled him over, even as she found the will to stand tall. By the time he composed himself once more, his voice was as soft as death.

"But you were correct on one point," he seethed. "My world will have no need for heroes."

XXIV.

At the end of days, the world needed a hero. Amaurot had chosen Zodiark.

Against her fears, against her protestations, the ritual would be performed on the morrow.

She stared down at the burning city, at the end of days. She wished she could evoke pity or grief for her people. She wished she could summon anything but her own worthless guilt.

A stillness emanated from the horizon, the first vestiges of Zodiark's lightless dawn. She tore off her mask to greet it.

They had used her own words to justify it. At the end of days, a savior comes. Would that she had never written at all.

With that thought etched into her mind, Sappho stepped from Amaurot's tallest cliff.

XXV.

"This world is not yours to end." Ahtynwyb Eynskyfwyn, the Queen Light, drew her sword against the Dark. "This is our future. Our story."

"Very well," said Hades. "Let us proceed to your final judgment. The victor shall write the tale, and the vanquished become its villain!"

???

And when she sat down upon her bed, aching and purposeful and devoid of every last obligation but one, she opened up a spare notebook to its first page and wrote:

Once upon a time, a young Warrior of Light journeyed forth into a realm reborn.

I tell you someone will remember us in the future.

-Sappho, Sapphic Fragment 2

[johnnygstaffordshire]

I’m on here as the founder and creative director of this staffless company in it’s infancy broke as fuck in bed on a phone with a shattered screen about to change it’s name to YSFA which might stand as it’s alternative not thinking about numbers a t-shirt idea apparel some stupid bitch tryna make a tabloid off the wave car trouble bills events meetings people/fans deadlines legal touble STDs from some irresistable slut who’s absoultely undeniable deadlines *a reputation* deadlines the federal bureau of investigation and it’s in these days where I’ll rest and return to for more ideas and a clearer understanding of where I am today but in hindsight it’s in these days where I’ll remember how big of a fuck up I thought I was when I snapped that selfie in my bedroom for not immediately enrolling at the local community college because I wanted to learn how to write two different verses to be married by a hook it’s in these days where I‘ll remember driving myself insane trying to learn how to be a producer for a label it’s in these days where I’ll remember that no one actually gives a fuck when the wheels aren’t on it yet even if it’s a black 993 targa with blue seats it’s in these days where I’ll remember thinking I wanted to be someone important as a kid when I wasn’t sure if I knew how to make and keep friends it’s in these days where I’ll remember growing up dreaming of making an album and doubting my abilites it’s in these days where I‘ll remember being a fanatic of the genre because all I’ve been doing is listening to tracks from my projects old new and unreleased and it’s some of the shit I want to hear today which is an indicator of success right one indicator of success may be if you’re a fan of your own product I grew up not sure of who I was wanting to be a character on any quirky TV show from either of the two powerhouses from my childhood and it didn’t happen for me I mean I wasn’t expecting it to but it still didn’t happen for me I picked up this skill full-time for a season studied the craft like I figured I would’ve and became something I wasn’t sure I could become I’m a 27 year old male who’s technically poor by socioeconomic standards but I couldn’t give less of a fuck because I have two projects online where I showcase that I can rap my ass off like I always knew I could and this one synth solo that subconsciously has me thinking I own a house in the fucking hills I’m humble I’m neurotic I’m relentless I’m great at rapping dude it’s in these days where I’ll remember that I became the great rapper I’ve always wanted to be and didn’t get to drive the black 993 targa with blue seats after finishing and posting two different projects I completed single-handedly it’s in these days and in this post where I’ll remember I don’t even do it for a Porsche

[mrgrant9559-blog]

Witch Way Is Right? Part 9

A/N: Ok so after being done with this, I realize I made this a lot longer than I intended… If you guys want to be added to the taglist then send me an ask… Hope you guys like this one… The reader’s relationship grows with Steve Rogers, Scott Lang and… Spider-Man?! Enjoy!

Summary: (Y/N) is a male witch and also comes from a family of witches. When (Y/N) is backed up in a corner by his brother, who chose the dark path, he is forced to choose his own fate, choosing the light path. This causes an Ecliptic War between Light and Dark Witches. During this war, an eclipse (both solar and lunar) is happening, and won’t end until one brother is left standing. With the help of the Avengers and other helpful heroes, will (Y/N) be able to defeat his brother, or will the world be forever secluded in darkness?

Subject: Avengers x Male!Reader/Steve Rogers x Male!Reader

Characters: Avengers, Y/N, Mom OC, Dad OC, Peter Parker, Scott Lang/Ant-Man (since he’s not really an Avenger)

Warnings: Cursing, Underage drinking

Tags: @thegreatficmaster @avengersohyeah @lzzywinchester @uselessace @writeyouin

Word Count: 3,250+ words

Masterlist!

__________________________________

Reader’s POV:

If I had to describe myself, partier would not be a word I’d use. To be frank, I’ve never really been to an actual party before. And no, its not because I never got invited to one. In fact, I DID get invited to one of Flash Thompson’s house parties before all this. It was cool, but would’ve been better if Spider-Man stopped by like Peter said he would, which I guess would’ve been hard for him to do considering what I know now.

This party, however, was a bit different than that. There’s still a sick DJ, except no one has to be sneaky with the alcohol because we’re all adults here. The music is a lot better. It’s like modern music with a mix of smooth jazz. I walk over towards my parents, who are just laughing and all over each other. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were already buzzed.

“Okay, heres the shots you guys wanted.” I say as I hand them one each. I look down at my drink, which is also a tequila shot, and I feel like I’m dreaming. I’m about to have my first drink with my parents and I’m not even 21, yet. I gotta say, I’m really liking the UK.

I go for a sip of my drink, but get stopped by my dad. “Hold on there, hot shot! This is your first drink, so I think it’s only fair if we do a toast.” He tells me and I nod my head in agreement. What I didn’t agree to, was him getting everyone at the party’s attention for the toast. I actually thought it was just gonna be a thing between family but nonetheless.

“I just want to make a toast to my son, Y/N!” He says, grabbing a few “Here heres” from the crowd of people. “Y/N, I’m so proud of the man you’ve become, even though you became a man in just a couple of minutes.” Everyone gives out a laugh, while I chuckle. “Despite whats been going on and what we’re probably gonna be going through in the near future, I just want to say none of that can or will change the fact that I… WE love you!” My dad brings my mom close to him in those last words.

My mom raises her glass and we all do the same. “To Y/N! Our brave son, and newest Avenger!” My mom says and everyone cheers as they take a drink from their cup. I finally drink my tequila shot and instantly regret it. It tastes like orange juice after brushing your teeth with just a hint of earwax. I don’t how anyone could just drink this like its nothing. I look towards my parents and there they are, drinking it like its nothing. How can people just drink this stuff to the point where it becomes a problem? There has to be something at the bar that tastes better.

I walk to the bar and ask the bartender for a margarita. Those always look good on TV. As the bartender gets the ingredients and tools to make it, I see Steve come up to the counter next to me. The second bartender walks up to him from the other side of the counter.

“Hey, Rogers! What can I getcha? Same as always?” He asks in a strong british accent.

“Yeah, same as always.” He replies with a smirk. The bartender walks away to get the drink while Steve looks my way. I try looking away until he calls my name. “So, thats what the emoji meant?” He asks.

I finnaly give up and look at him and he has a cocky grin. “Yeah, well mid-text I decided that I’m tired of adults thinking they can tell me what to do. I’m 18 now and I’m responsible for my own actions. You understand, right?” I say with a sorta sassy tone.

Steve chuckled before saying, “Actually I do.”

I raised my eyebrows in surprise, not expecting a legitimate answer. “Wait, really?!”

“Yup! You know, I used to be 18 too.” I give out an obvious fake gasp which in turn causes him to chuckle again. “Yeah yeah I know, its crazy. Anyways, back in those days it was real common for 18 year old men to be on their own and out their parent’s house. Have their own job, their own life partner.”

“You mean their own wife, right? Cause I can’t imagine it being any other way.” I correct him, but he shakes his head in disagreement.

“No, I meant what I said. Just because that lifestyle was frowned upon back then, doesn’t mean it didn’t exist.” He adds.

That causes me to wonder. I mean, how would he know that fact? Could THE Steve Rogers be hiding something bigger than his secret identity? I was about to have the courage to ask him on it, but our drinks arrived. He grabs his, which looks to be just whiskey with some ice in it, and I grab my margarita. We glance at each other and he gestures to clink glasses. I catch on and do the same. “Here’s to being an adult.” He says and we clash glasses as I nod in response.

As I’m sipping my drink, which actually tastes better this time, I see what looks like a long string dangling from one of the windows. I walk closer towards it and realize it’s actually a string of web, which means only one thing. I curse under my breath as I try to shimey through the crowd of people and towards the balcony to see a couple more strings of web leading to the roof of the building. “No fuckin way…”, mumble, but through all the music going on I didn’t notice Steve was next to me and was also able to hear me.

“Hey, language!” He said to me with a stern look.

“Oh, sorry, Steve. I didn’t know you were next to me.” I explained.

“Are you ok?” he asks me, concerned.

There’s no way that these WEB strings are from who I think they’re from. Right? “Yeah, I’m fine. I just need to… um… get some air. I’ll be back…”

“Well maybe I can come with you…” Steve suggested.

“NO!” I yelled. “I mean… No, I don’t want you want you to miss the party.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Steve replies right before he turns around and gets lost in the crowd of people. I feel bad for yelling at him, but my nerves are at an all time high because in midst of all this partying, I feel my brother has something big planned against me. I grab another drink, a bottle of Heineken this time, and make my way out the door to the building stairs to the roof where I spot Peter in his Spidey suit with his mask only revealing the bottom part of his face. He brings a bottle of beer, which looks to be the last one of the pack, up to his mouth until he spots and turns to me.

“Y/N! H-H-Hows it goin ma dude!” Peter says, slurring his words and studdering. Is he really drunk? Thats not even what I’m really concerned about.

“Peter?! What the hell are you doing here?! And how’d you get all the way to England?!” I asked him, surprised that he’s even here. He should be back home in New York.

He stood up from his sitting position while trying to walk to me. He wobbles in all directions until he’s taken the literal three steps he needed to get to me. I roll my eyes, already annoyed at how hammered he is. Just when it looks like he about to speak, he starts bursting into laughter like a hyena.

“Peter, this isn’t funny!” I say through gritted teeth. “You gotta control yourself or else you’re gonna get caught.”

“Yeah? And… And who would be STUPID enough to challenge… Spider-Man and his trusty sidekick… Uhh… Umm… Oh I got it! The Golden Bitch!” He says in a superhero announcer voice. This causes him to laugh hysterically again. “My bad… I-I didn’t mean to call you a Bitch!”

“Alright, thats it! I need to get someone else here.” I say in defeat. But if someone see’s us, they’ll think that I brought him here and got him drunk. Who could I tell that wouldn’t rat us out to the whole party?

“Oooh! Oooh! I know! I know! Pick me!” Peter says with his hand raised in the air like a kid in kindergarten.

I turn to him and sigh in frustration. “Yes, Peter?”

“What about that-that guy with the asian last name but isn’t asian at all?” Peter suggests.

“You mean Scott Lang? Peter, thats kinda racist.” I ask him.

“Yeah yeah, him.” He replies, nodding his head sporadically until he has sit from being dizzy.

“No, Pete thats… Actually not a bad idea.” I say, realizing that Scott would be the perfect guy to help us. “Huh? Leave it to Peter Parker to come up with great ideas, even under intoxication.” I start walking towards the door until something shoots at my hand, knocking my drink out of it and onto the door just above my head. The bottle shatters and I’m covered in both glass and alcohol.

I turned around and see Peter with his hand out like he just shot a web. “Oh shit. I-I’m sorry! I-I tried to grab the bottle w-with web!” Peter says innocently.

“Whatever just STAY. HERE. Got it?” I confirm with him and he nods.

I go downstairs to where the everyone’s at and find Scott easily talking with Bucky and Sam about how he could’ve single handedly taken out Tony and his team in that airport. I tap him on the shoulder getting his attention. “Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?” I ask him.

“Yeah, sure whats up?” Scott asks. I look behind him and see Bucky and Sam looking at me like I asked them too.

“Um actually, can we go somewhere private and talk?” I ask.

“Yeah, is everything ok?” he asks, concerned.

“Yeah everythings fine. Just come with me real quick.” I say pulling his arm to come follow me. As we go upstairs I decide this would be a good time to tell him. “Alright so, you know Peter Parker, right?”

“That Spider-Kid I faught in the airport, right? You know I could’ve taken Tony’s whole team on my own right?” He says.

“Yeah, thats so cool,” I say in a rushed manner. “Anyways, we have kind of a big problem.”

“How big?” he asks. As we approach the last step, I open the door to the roof but there’s no one there.

“What the hell? Peter?!” I yell but hear nothing.

“Wait, the kid’s here in England? How the hell did he get here?” Scott asks.

“I have no idea,” I say in defense. “I was just downstairs enjoying the party, when I see some web strings dangling on the balcony. Peter!” Suddenly I hear a sorta feint response. It sounds like it’s coming from the side of the building. Scott and I walk to the side of the building where we see Peter laying in a huge spider nest like an actual spider. I don’t know how but the bastard got more beer while I was gone.

“Hey, Y/N! You got Anty!” He says as he wheezes again in laughter. “I said Anty like he was my aunt! Oh shit I wonder what Aunt May is up to!”

“Son of a bitch!” Scott curses under his breath but I still heard him. “Is he drunk?!”

“Drunk is a bit of an understatement. He’s fucking hammered.” I reply.

“Whats going on here?” a voice says behind us startling both Scott and I. We turn around and see Steve. Well, this just got better.

“Steve, why are you here?” I ask.

“Because clearly you’re hiding something. I don’t know what, but for some reason you feel like you can talk to Scott about it.” He says annoyed.

“Listen, Cap, its not what you think, alright,” Scott says, trying to reason with a pissed off Steve. “Y/N just needed help with a situation and he thought I would be able to help out.”

“Help out with what exactly?” Steve asks.

“Alright, fine. I just really need you to promise me you won’t tell anyone.” I say, making him swear he’ll be on my side with this. He agrees and I walk him over to the side of the building where he see’s a drunk Spider-Man. He surprisingly kept his cool and started coming up with ideas.

“Well can’t you use some spell to make him sober again?” Steve asked.

“I could if it was first caused by alcohol, but I have a feeling that my brother had something to do with this. He’s probably sent him here too.” I explain. I know Peter, and I also know that he’s not the type of guy to drink his emotions away. I mean, yeah he was bummed that he didn’t get recruited to the Avengers like I did, but he knows right from wrong. Unlike me.

I use my magic to teleport Peter back on the roof and to get rid of all the webbing. Luckily, Scott brought his Ant-Man helmet and was able to send his ants downstairs to get Peter a bottle of water so he could calm down.

“Hey, Kid? I need you to focus, alright?” Steve says, trying to get Peter to pay attention to him. “I need you to tell me if you remember anything before you got here to London.”

“Yeah I was stopping some bad bad people in this high speed chase.” He says, then takes a gulp from his water bottle. “And after I stopped them, I was swingin around like… BLAM! BLAM! SWISH!! And then outta-outta nowhere some bright purple hole came in front of me and next thing I know, I’m here.”

“Ok well that explains Alex’s doing,” I say turning to Scott, “but that still doesn’t explain why he’s so fucking drunk.” Steve just shrugs, he’s just as oblivious to the situation as we are.

“Oh yeah,” Peter says, perking up, “then your brother came by and said something in a different language.”

“Was it Greek?” I asked, thinking we might be getting close to a solution. That was until he shook his head no. “Dammit, Alex, what the fuck did you do to him?!”

Peter takes another drink from his bottle of water and gives a refreshing sigh. “Man, I t-thought that this was water.” He exclaims.

“What are you talkin about? It is water.” I say correcting him. “It IS water, right Scott?”

“Yeah it should be.” He says before grabbing the bottle from Peter and taking a swig of it. Scott nods his head confirming that it is, in fact, water.

“Hey, Kid! Lemme smell your breath real quick.” Steve says. Peter leans towards Steve and blows on his face. Steve grimaces in disgust at what he smells. “Y/N, what else did he drink besides beer?”

“According to Peter’s story, nothing. Why? What’s wrong?” I asked.

“His breath smells like whiskey, but the water just tastes like water?” He confirms.

Thats it! Alex must’ve put some spell on Peter so that whatever he drinks tastes like whiskey. If thats the case, then I just mght be able to reverse the spell. “Alright, Steve, Scott I might know what spell my brother used.” I tell them.

“Thats great, then hurry up and fix it, so we can get him home before his Aunt worries.” Steve says.

“Alright, lets see if this works.” I mumble. My eyes and hands glow gold as I get an idea of what my brother exactly said to cast the spell. I remember Dad told him this phrase when they went for Alex’s first show of whiskey. “Iksiwla nim uluhla meatla,” (Sweet taste of whiskey.). Peter’s mouth glows good like my hands and eyes do when I cast a spell. Then, 5 seconds later its stops. “Okay. I think it worked! Scott, try giving him that water again.” I say and Scott does just that.

Peter takes a gulp and smacks his mouth, trying to get an accurate taste of the drink.

“Alright, Kid,” Steve says, “what does the drink taste like now?”

“W-What are you talkin about, bro? Its water!” Peter replies with slurred words. Scott, Steve and I sit down on the ground relieved that the spell wore off.

“Oh, I almost forgot to sober him up!” I realized and quickly used a spell to make him sober. I look at Scott who looks like he’s just down with tonight. “Hey, Scott! Thanks for helping me out with this. Really I don’t know what I would’ve done without your help.” Scott waves his hand at me gesturing that it was no problem for him. I look towards Steve and he gives me a thumbs up. “Steve, I really appreciate you helping us out with this,” I admit. “If it wasn’t for you, I’m sure Tony would be going for my neck if my parents hadn’t gotten to it first.”

“Its no problem, honestly. But do you really think your parents wouldn’t of taken your side?” He asks me.

“I don’t know. To be honest, I don’t know anything anymore.” I say, making Steve adjust himself so that he’s facing me more. “After what I did, choosing a path that I apparently wasn’t supposed to, making you guys fight a war that doesn’t even involve you, putting you lives at risk. I don’t know if the next thing I do will help you guys or doom you. I’m better off fighting this war on my own. Facing the consequences that were set for me. You know what I mean, right?”

“No, I don’t!” Steve protests.

“What?” I say, surprised.

“Y/N, don’t think for a second that you were wrong for choosing a light path. You’ve got to realize that you weren’t the one who caused all this.” He says to me. “You and your brother were both raised to choose the light path when you turned 18. It was Alex who chose the wrong path, not you! He’s the one that forced you to choose your path and he knew you were gonna choose the light path. Don’t you see? This whole thing, the eclipse, the war, the spells being casted on us. Thats all him. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be able to see the light in these dark times.”

Steve’s right! I have to stop pinning all this chaos and distress on myself. I’m the one whose fixing these problems he’s leaving behind. When my Dad was almost beaten death, it was me who healed him, not Alex. When Peter was under Alex’s spell, it was me who figured it out and snapped him out of it. It’s not about making the wrong choices, it’s about me changing the wrong into a right. Changing the dark into light.

“Thanks Steve! That actually made me feel a whole lot better.” I say, as a tear runs down my face but Steve brings his hand to my face to wipe it away.

Steve and I stand up and try to get Peter to do the same so I can take him home. “Kid?! What the hell are you doing here?” Tony says in his Iron Man suit, catching us all by surprise. “Why are there beer bottles everywhere?!”

Shit! This night just keeps getting worse and worse.

[sqwidgirl]

masterpost of iconic lines/moments in Froot (2015) by Marina and the Diamonds

Happy: 

when the chorus effect starts on the line “melted away like I was free” and my soul escaped my body, went to hell, and was immediately forgiven by the benevolent god that is marina diamandis

“I realize to be happy, maybe I need a little company” and I started crying one minute and forty seconds into the album

the sheer force with which my head was ejected from my body when she hits the high note on “I believe someone’s watching over me”

the chord changes in the bridge making me feel melancholy realness, honey

invented the piano, invented happy songs that sound sad, invented music

I’ve fallen asleep crying to this song an uncountable amount of times

Froot:

THE FUCKING BASS RIFF IN THE FIRST TWO SECONDS which precisely and methodically severed my ear canal from my cranium

everything about this song

“ju-u-u-uice, la la la la la la la” >>> the entire discography of the rolling stones, the beatles, led zeppelin, and all of your dusty-ass “iconic” faves 

the sultriness of the fucking low G she hits perfectly and consistently throughout the verses

“but I ain’t in a patient phase” probably the most iconic modern music will get

the way she sings “come on fill your cup uuuuuuuUUUUUPP” shattering my femur

“i’ve been saving all my summers for you” assassinates all of the poetry by William Shakespeare combined

every part of the second verse, especially “baby I am plump and ripe, I’m pinker than shepard’s delight, sweet like honeysuckle late at night” which was better sex-ed than I received throughout my entire adolescent academic career

“birds and worms will come for me, the cycle of life is complete” making fucking DECOMPOSITION the sexiest thing anyone has ever said in the compendium of human history

The Fucking Bridge Melody that she sings well beyond the troposphere, above the stratosphere, and sitting sexily in the mesosphere

“oh my body is ready, yeah it’s ready, yeah it’s ready”

I’m a Ruin

marina single-handedly addressing the complexities of young-adult relationships with “I could treat you better but I’m not that smart”

the insane degree to which I scream “yeah yeah, uh huh, woo hoo, yeah yeah” at the end of the chorus, thus startling my neighbors and setting off car alarms

“It’s difficult to move on when nothing was right and nothing was wrong” making me spray tears out of my eyes like a machine gun

the way the back up vocals come in on “I’ve had my share of beautiful men, but I’m still young and I want to love again”

the dichotomy of “I’ll ruin you” and “I’m a ruin” are proven to be one and the same, thus ending the careers of marriage counselors across the world

Blue

the iconic and instantly-memorable backing track

the continuity between the themes of the last song with the opening line “we’ve broken up and now I regret it”

the FORESHADOWING of “and I don’t know why but I can’t forget it” which alludes to the themes of the NEXT song, Forget, basically proving Marina doesn’t need references to any body of literature but her own goddamn songs

“gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self-esteem” ejecting my wig at mach 3 into another dimension

the sheer craftsmanship of the pre-chorus, which is perfectly catchy and memorable while refraining from cliches

the way the beat picks up on the chorus and I demand my non-existent ex to “gimme one more night”

“I’m sick of looking after you, I need a man to hold on to, I’m bored of everything we do, but I just keep coming back to you” proving marina is just as fed up with fuckboys as we are, but is just as flawed and hypocritical as us, showing her imperfections and making her more worthy of our worship

ending the song on the pre-chorus like the fucking INNOVATOR of MODERN MUSIC she is??? like please tell me WHEN will your fave

Forget

this list doesn’t include the visuals from the music videos but I will make an exception for the ICONIC wig she wears in the video

the vocals for “never heal” sending me into a tailspin and crashing into a ditch at 70 mph

50% of the chorus is the word “forget” and it is STILL the height of modern literature

after her mention of an “abacus” in the second verse, abacus sales went up 2000% and surpassed their unprecedented popularity in ancient Greece

“yeah it’s time to be letting go, yeah baby you know what I’m talking about” probably the most iconique start to a bridge physically possible in this dimension

“YEAH I’VE BEEN DANCING WITH THE DEVIL I LOVE THAT HE PRETENDS TO CARE IF I’LL EVER GET TO HEAVEN WHEN A MILLION DOLLARS GETS YOU THERE OH ALL THE TIME THAT I HAVE WASTED CHASING RABBITS DOWN A HOLE WHEN I WAS BORN TO BE THE TORTOISE I WAS BORN TO WALK ALONE” is not supposed to be a high-intensity part of the song but I don’t fucking care obviously

the way she fucking develops the lyrics of the chorus throughout the song and makes each line the best life lesson you ever heard??? who is this woman?????

Gold

by FAR the most underrated song on the album for no goddamn reason like, have you demons even listened to it?? hmmmmm????

i have no idea how the accompaniment was made for the song but whoever did it was a genius and needs to be remembered for the rest of time

“doesn’t matter long as I am your star, sta-AAARRRR” melodically groundbreaking, please take notes everyone

“don’t think i want what I used to want, don’t think I need what i used to need” addressing the pains of growing out of old friendships and passions in a fun approach

“you can’t take away the Midas touch, so you better make way for a GREEK GOLD RUSH” YES MAMA REPRESENT YOUR COUNTRY LIKE THE GODDESS YOU AAAARE

knew she could rhyme “El Dorado” with “Colorado” and fucking did

the fade out at the end of the song painting her as a con-artist or corrupt gold-dealer being hauled off to jail while reveling in the near success of her schemes is what???? I C O N I C

Can’t Pin Me Down

this song is direct proof that marina is a straight up motherfucking KUNT in charge of her destiny. the album is labeled as explicit because of this ONE song and only ONE line: “you might think I’m one thing, but I am another. You can’t call my bluff, TIME TO BACKUP MOTHERFUCKER” like not only is this the most badass line in the history of language, but this line was so important to her that she made the album explicit JUST FOR THIS ONE LINE. SHE IS AN ICON. END OF STORY.

she is a feminist! BUT! “Do you really want me to write a feminist anthem, I’m happy in the kitchen cooking dinner for my husband” proving that you do NOT know this bitch. she is nothing you think she is. except that she is an I C O N.

the meter of “just another girl in the twenty-first century” has me unpredictably and immeasurably shook because she is just! that! kind! of! girl!

“You think I’m like the others, boy you need to get your eyes che-e-e-e-e-e-ecked, che-e-e-e-e-e-e-ecked” blew the skin clean off of my face

“i can be your russian doll” like,,,, gag

the entire concept and existence of this song is revolutionary and cements her position as the strongest female artist of our generation

Solitaire

holy FUCK you guys love to hate amazing songs, don’t you?? this song is without a doubt one of my favorites and you fuckers have the NERVE

the production on this song is one of a kind and continues to prove her versatility in style on this album. any reservations you had about her from electra heart better be EVAPORATED by this point.

the melodies on this song are, besides Froot, the catchiest on the album for me. they are so well crafted and inventive, i am shaking

“hard like a rock, cold like stone, white like a diamond, black like coal, cut like a jewel, yeah I repair myself when you’re not there” is such an amazing pre-chorus for this song like it could no possibly be better than that

the way the mood shifts from the verse to the chorus cut off my arms with raw blunt force

the flourish on the line “and I’ll admit all I wanna do is get drunk and silent” gave me an aneurysm

holy fucking SHIT the end of the bridge is for sure a highlight on the album. “but I’m not cursed, i’m not cursed, I was just covered in dirt” like damn marina go all the way off

the extra-dimensional high notes on this song are second to none, babes

Better Than That

“You’re just another in a long line of men she screwed” is the FUCKING WAY TO START A SONG, GIRLS. ARE YOU JOTTING THIS DOWN??

“So why’s she looking like a cat who got the cream?” ugh marina is so perfect I cannot deal with this bitch anymore

the sheer vocal talent on the chorus, like how high can this girl go? someday she’s going to rupture my eardrums and I will thank her personally

“with an angel voice, devil in disguise” the vocal production for this is perfect and successfully made me shit myself

“and she’ll network till her dreams come true, even if it means getting in a bed with you” miss marina is out for BLOOD everyone, the music industry is cowering in fear of her objective talent and lack of fucks

“i’m not passing judgment on her sexual life, I’m passing judgement on the way she always stuck her knife in my back” whoever this woman is she is getting READ for FILTH by lady diamandis and you all need to watch your backs

Weeds

this song is straight out of a sappy rom-com and I am fully living for it

“but it keeps growing back like WEEDS” I am currently screaming please give me a moment

“and God knows what sex is, a way to feel a bit, a little bit less lonely” marina chose sex to be a prominent theme on this album but she has shown she can handle it in the moment mature way any woman in the industry can. it’s subtle, it’s methodical, it isn’t vulgar, it’s just straight real and honest and such an important thing to discuss! this song is another aspect of how sex can be important in our lives. she better preach tbh

the aesthetics can reserved character on this song are a beautiful contrast that the album needed. filler tracks who???

Savages

full disclosure, this song blew a hole right through my body with the sheer impact of its lyrics and chorus

there are so many fucking good lyrics on this song, it’s truly baffling that anyone has a career in the music industry after this was dropped

“I’m not afraid of God, I am afraid of man” I am Screeching

the first beat of the chorus, my bodily fluids are already dripping from the ceiling and my bones are crushed into a fine powder

“underneath it all, we’re just savages hidden behind shirts, ties, and marriages” she is prophet, the chosen one, the woman who will deliver us from our mortal coils

“another day, another tale of rape, another ticking bomb to bury deep and detonate” Marina is fully aware of the important problems our nation is facing at the time the album was released and even to today. she isn’t a shallow artist like the persona she created in electra heart, she has become almost the exact opposite. She is taking on these issues with a clear judgment and grace and I am so proud and appreciative of her work.

“are you killing for yourself or killing for your savior?” YES YOU BETTER ASSASSINATE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS

the buildup in the last chorus to the E T H E R E A L ending is clearly the climax of modern pop music

Immortal

you could play this song for me and tell me it’s a message from an angel and I would 200% believe you

the melody on this track is so fucking pristine it’s like a glacier melting in your mouth

it continues the themes of humanity from Savages but looks at a completely different issue about it. this album is cohesive, planned out, and a complete and full body of work

the moment the chorus hits with “I’m forever chasing after time” my limbs are being forcibly extended by a device of love and torture

“but if the earth ends in fire, and the seas are frozen in time, there will be just one survivor, the memory that I was yours and you were mine” ok not kidding anymore this is STRAIGHT up MOTHER fucking POETIC genius and innovation at its most concentrated and talented moment

when she says “twice” on the high note in the chorus, it’s like the most beautiful bell shattering in my ear, tbqh

THE FUCKING BRIDGE is actual art. “I just wanna be able to say the I live my life” the way she executes this melody is cold-blooded and frankly she should be charged with manslaughter for it

bottom line, Marina Diamandis released the biggest breakthrough in pop music to date in 2015 and all of you demons let it flop. if you have the nerve to call this album a failure, I have literally 0 respect for you and no one is ever going to love you

[tsmz-ig]

Yeah, feels like I'm losing myself

Feels like I'm losing myself

Why am I dooming myself

The fuck did I do to myself

Should've been true to myself

Dumb to think you would've helped

Dumb to think you would've helped

Feels like I'm brewing in Hell

Feels like I'm brewing in Hell

Can't be hard for you to tell, uh

Stuck in a slump and I keep climbing up

I just turned 25 feels like my time is up

Feels like everyone's us and it's harder to trust

And I can't shake the gut feeling

I'm feeling like there's a knife in my gut

And that's a gut feeling

When you know deep down that the real person you love

Is dooming you that's why I left

No don't get upset when you see me ‘cause I didn't wanna give you up

And it's fucked to think for you I wasn't enough

I just wanted your love but you wanted

There's some nights I wanna go and get hella drunk

So everything I was feeling could turn into numb

Addicted to you, you're my favorite drug

I buy your lies, you're my favorite plug

Sometimes at night I will stare up above

And wish under a star that I wasn't so dumb

Why does it even matter, shit I didn't matter

I built up my hope just for it to get shattered

I'm always alone with the thoughts that I gather

I flip through my thoughts it's a terrible pattern

As if flipping through ‘em will lead me to answers

I try to move forward, but keep going backwards

I hide all my pain behind smiles and laughter

Where no one knows that I'm a wild disaster, fuck

Give me all

Oh, I wanna walk away

I'm living like a ghost

And no one ever knows

See me fall

Oh, I knew that I would break

I'm living like a ghost

But no one ever knows

Always alone I wish someone could see me

I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling

Talking to myself until I'm overthinking

I'm home all alone no one knows that I'm weeping

I swear my whole life is so fucking deceiving

And I stand for broke with the checks I'm receiving

My money can't buy the family I'm needing

My money can't heal the agony I'm feeling

I need someone to love to me, someone to hug me

Someone to be there when my mind gets ugly

I swear they really think my life is stunning

Bro I come home to absolutely nothing

I'm just a lonely guy loaded with money

Nobody told me my days won't be sunny

I'm bleeding on people who didn't cut me

So when they leave me, they leave ‘cause they bloody

I have issues with women, I'm so co-depended

I can't love myself, so I need her to give it

And that's always where my self-worth is depicted

And that's why I date women so narcissistic

My mind is a mess and it's always conflicted

And lately it's been hard to make a decision

And it pains me that I finally admit it

I've been suicidal and trying not to end it, fuck

Give my all

Oh, I wanna walk away

I'm living like a ghost

And no one ever knows

See me fall

Oh, I knew that I would break

I'm living like a ghost

But no one ever knows

I'm saddened to think people that think that I'm reaching

And that is the reason I feel what I'm feeling

I may have some fame, but it's pain that I'm reaping

I been praying to God asking Him for a healing

Man, I need my mom, I need my dad

I need the family we never had

Our family's broken, I'm feeling hopeless

Nobody notice I'm in a trance

All I have is my daughter I stare in her eyes

And I break down all I do is provide

How can I give her a family life

When it's just me and her every night, fuck

Yo, this shit is too much

I'm single-handedly killing my buzz

I don't make music ‘cause I'm in a rut

And all of the stress of it is making me numb

Why do I dream of a Grammy I'm winning

When I don't have a family to celebrate with me

Look there is no bullshit excuse that you could give me

To make me feel like my damn life is worth living

I swear loneliness is a cancer within me

I'm searching for friends ‘cause my family's missing

This shit is exhausting, I'm thinking of quitting

And maybe the end for me is a new beginning

Give my all

Oh, I wanna walk away

I'm living like a ghost

And no one ever knows

See me fall

Oh, I knew that I would break

I'm living like a ghost

But no one ever knows

[tammyforce1158-blog]

Approximately-- Oh She Shines.

Call of Duty: Infinite Combat gets here in a very busy market neighbored by competition. Most of all of them involve individuals chasing me or attempting to injure me. I even possessed a handful of dreams about Job Food Blog post this previous week. I have actually aimed to sympathize the women with everything they need to have, as well as though their mother as well as I are certainly not gotten married to, I think that I am even more from a father compared to the ex-boyfriend which could care less concerning his personal kids. Beginning a book off along with an unpleasant minute that brings about the reciter having a good laugh out loud is my form of book. Later Wednesday our experts received an all new trailer for Season 7, which focuses once more on the develop to The Great War. I intended to miss past Bailey's phases, Friedrick Thiessan's phases, as well as a few more sections that reduced the book down in the center. The Night Circus is a magical, fantastic manual full of such tragic and also bittersweet dread that nearly acquired me to splits. Guide excellented 80% summary from different festival camping tents, efficiencies, dinners and quite, aesthetic acts of magic. Although you weren't able to swim in Red Dead Redemption, the map produces us ponder if it is actually a feature that Superstar has actually added to the next video game. Full Amount 7 by completing Strike On Cloud Cuckoo Land phase to unlock this trophy/achievement. But dust off that geometrical cover and you'll discover there is actually something really exclusive regarding this activity. Those who enjoy the video games playing as well as or even experiencing them as their pastimes may ill manage opportunity to talk the business of unfavorable community. Not everybody can easily go, however the lucky ones are delivered tickets, and as soon as they arrive they have the capacity to select if they wish to watch the video game or even really conform. Like the players, that certainly didn't feel like an activity determining by the volume of times my center price enhanced. The very first character will definitely cast a spell and also take down the brick bundle, you will certainly need to place the little bit of bridge with each other as well as have a smash around, when you shatter around there will certainly be actually a few items you will definitely need to craft. At a program when the majority of Sony's display was paid attention to playing VIDEO copies of The Matrix, this game really stood apart and also single handedly added to the increasing hype for the PS2's upcoming launch in North America. Just before self-reliance the role of activities and also sports in educational institutions was actually confined. Education Games: Video games and also enjoyable activities for ages 4 with 11 that concentrate on building proficiency skills. Manufacturers made do with man-made snow in season one, but have actually relied on bushes from Iceland since. Still, with the nightmarishly long wait before Period 7, our team've reached take whatever disputes from relevant information our company could acquire. The EOBS (end from book shit) will possess hit that up to 5 celebrities if this book wasn't 5 celebrities for me. Service selections possess their location, but Video games are an art form, and also they need to be actually supported and also appreciated therefore by staffs who desire to make video games. You might limit your eyes at alleged 'realistic look' in mobile phone sports labels, given that this usually suggests 'an activity that looks a little bit like when you view telly'. In the event you loved this information and you would want to receive much more information about filarolab.xyz assure visit the site. About Blogging site - A blog post concerning bedspreads as well as making quilts, along with an occasional cat photo thrown in once and for all solution. The belows lists are beneficial sources for crews that have to enlist additional players throughout the season. The Hot Shot is actually the 4th standalone in the Video game On series said to in varying POVs. The 3DS video game made its own method to mobile some time ago along with Scribblenauts Remix, and was actually later signed up with through Scribblenauts Unlimited. The video games are additionally indicated to pack faster and give up the extensive put up times on various other consoles. I really love the restaurant location that he built, as well as i imagine that this is going to be actually terrific for your blogging site food items digital photography also. They are actually normally extra complex in comparison to typical board games, along with long play opportunities as well as progression/upgrade elements reminiscent of video games. The group behind Video game of Thrones has actually likewise affirmed Ed Sheeran will create a visitor look in the 7th series of the program. Having said that, if you want to buy the PS4, you'll experience far better settlement video gaming and also its activity collection is receiving more powerful every week. What attracts attention about this trailer still today is actually the method which it illustrates the motives from the developers. Among the most distinctive shooting areas are Downhill Hair, a seven-mile coastline overlooked by Mussenden Holy place, which is explored by Stannis Baratheon and his regularly disrobed friend Melisandre (for the evening is actually dark as well as full from fears"), the oft-photographed Darker Hedges, a stunning collection from beech plants that edge a street near Stranocum, County Antrim, and also the little bit of seaside town from Ballintoy, which ends up being Pyke, capital from The Iron Islands, in Game from Thrones. He doesn't-- that is actually where the neighborhood comes in Continuous concerns, news, as well as video game updates are curated by countless supporters who go over gameplay and also advancement on the World from Minecraft online forums, the Minepedia (a wiki-style resource where most head to know ways to play the game), on Reddit and on various other off the record haunts. In the classic preamble Wenger don't forgot outlawing Mars pubs before his very first video game in charge, back in 1996. You find, this is just what I love regarding Salinger's therefore typically disputed job - its capability to stir thoughts and viewpoints that exceed the story as well as the book file and create you assume, and maybe -just maybe - be actually a contact rebellious, too. I always looked at pre ordering as a strategy to buy an activity and you gone on a budget.