#this show has caused me so much heartbreak over the 5 years i've been watching and i honestly wouldn't have it any other way

[friendly-jester]

okay this will be my last post about it i'm probably lying but just. i can't stop thinking about it. fcg loved them so much that he found his purpose and what i means to truly be alive. and that was because of his family so of course he had to make sure they'd be safe. even if that meant he'd be gone.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's 2024 & I'm talking about TayNew... really?

(They pretty much told us all to sit down and shut tf up, 'cause they got this. AND THEY DO.)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 9 of 12 - I broke. In my defense, it was Monday, I needed comfort, and TayNew were right tf there. Ya know what? They are great in this show. It's a great adaptation. I might like it more than the JBL live action. You know why? Really, honestly WHY...?

That was a PHENOMENAL KISS. Those boys did Thailand fucking proud. They did fandom a solid. Thank you OGs for reminding us how it's done. I was getting used to SloppyHot. And SloppyHot has its place, but that TayNew rooftop kiss was a top tear class act. It was tender and sweet and respectful and joyful. It was eye work and breath work and years of practice. How very far BL has come while still staying so much the same. TayNew - I salute you!

(Read all about distribution issues here.)

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - we waiting, I guess? Bah.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 11 of 12 - The recipe book thing was so damn cute and I love a claiming. YOU KNOW I LOVE A CLAIMING!

In fact, I love OffGun.

I love food based BL.

I adored seeing a reboot of "the infamous dragging". 

But I don’t love anything else about this show. Sigh.

1000 Years Old ep 1 of 12 - Finally we get our gay vampire BL from Feel Good Bangkok. Stars Shane (My Engineer) and fresh face Opal, directed by Champ (2gether). It’s kind of odd but enjoyable. A group of teen UFO seekers find a vampire instead. Opal looks a bit like a mix between Newnu + Leo (VIXX) - so cute + edge. Also, nice to see Shane again on our screens after so long. 

Finally, I like the subtle (and sometimes not subtle) presence of ghosts permeating this show. Do the friends know she's there? Do they know she's dead? Is the existence of paranormal accepted but not that of aliens? Or are the two combined? Is this lazy writing or just fun world building? Who cares! It's enjoyable.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 12fin - the nail painting bit was very cutie queers and I've not seen it done in BL before, so that was nice. For some reason captions never dropped for me on this last episode, but it didn’t really matter. Not much happened and I understood everything anyway.

Quick pitch?

From the people who brought us Unforgotten Night based on a y-novel, about a young man nursing a heartbreak who has a one-night stand, but the other boy didn't want it to end. This turned out to be a pulp that wasn’t half as good as it should have been and even less memorable, but not terrible. 5/10 DON'T BOTHER unless you're v bored

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - Oh it is such a pulp: the acting is not good and the script is terrible. Of course, I’m mildly enjoying it. Very good dream kissing. There's something appealing about these main characters - I think it's the moot crushes. We rarely get to see that. These days everything feels very one sided, this... isn't.

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance.

I tried but I can't get into my WeTV account anymore and I'm way too lazy to figure it out. I'll catch it grey if I can, since I've rebooted the bootlegging side of my BL life for Cherry Magic anyway.

So this show may stay in this section, or I may bump it down to "it's airing but..."

If anyone is watching it, let me know if it's good?

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 7-8fin - Ugh it was GREAT, despite some pretty telling flaws. I ended up feeling like some of the filming was amateurish (very overworked low angles - director's first feature, I assume), and the narrative is a little disjoined and on the nose, AND the subs are clumsy (which I don't expect from KBL) BUT I still loved it. (FYI - I wouldn't be so harsh on a BL for this kinda thing except one from Korea.)

Quick pitch:

This isekai-based KBL is about a man who must win a game by convincing a reserved teen outcast to fall in love with him. Of course, that teen represents himself and his own unhappiness. Like many queer narratives, this show is actually about self worth, trust, and found family, and it is VERY on the nose. But I don’t expect subtlety from my BL and I enjoyed it's truly lovely redemption arc and earnest performances. While I found the narrative a touch disjointed with overworked filming angles and poorer than average captions, this is certainly much better than early KBL in terms of consistency of tone, script, and immersion. Highly rewatchable and charming, which counts for a lot. 9/10

Trigger warning for suicide depicted.

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Gosh, it’s so lovely. But I do just constantly want to give them both hugs. 

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Oh look, Taiwan has created yet another BL where I spend most of the time watching it grinning like an idiot. Surprise surprise. The pet name thing was fucking adorable. Also Taiwan once more proving they come by their "kings of kissing" title honestly. I mean to say. In a week of good kisses this one was just... WOW.

On the other hand, some of the underpinning themes are starting to v worry me (ownership, consent, age), and we only just got started, and I don't trust this production company so... I have concerns.

But also... YAY KISSES!

(I'm made of weak moral fiber.)

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - Like many other shows on this list. I just enjoy it the most when the two leads are on screen together. So this episode was kind of lacking because they were apart for most of it. I also am starting to agree with the tone of the plot, that maybe they ARE better off as friends not lovers. (And I'm sure I'm not supposed to want that.) Oh Japan, must you?

My Strawberry Film (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 8 - Oh it’s good. In the arthouse lane so don’t expect sweetness & light or an HEA. If there’s no cartoon aspect to a JBL, there’s usually no joy. But it is certainly good. Teens uncover some old film and a mystery around a pretty girl. The background music is wildly annoying (and rarely in the background). 

It's Done

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) - Gave me Luminous Solution vibes have decided not to watch.

It's Airing But...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - rumors are it's interesting. I'm waiting to know how it ends.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Next Week Looks Like This:

2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…

Sam Lin has a cameo so even if I wasn't already excited, I'm in. We should be on our guard though, Taiwan will occasionally go edgy, dark, and sad... this could go there.

One assumes GMMTV is filling in the BL time slot with something queer on their YT Channel after Cooking Crush ends, they gonna lose subs if they don't. But I've not been paying attention to the chatter so I don't know which of their line-up it will be. I think G4 are filming/off radar now, and Earth is in that het noona thing? Plus they gotta sort out the IP for MIx-Up and Ossen. So it won't be one of the announced adaptations. They'll hold My Golden Blood for the high season, so I think it'll be one of the lesser known lead-outs. Wandee or Only Boo maybe? But they only just started filming those. Are we getting our long awaited GL? Anything else left from 2023 that I forgot about?

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Two crawling kisses from Thailand this week. Now this is a fetish I didn't know I had. Turns out, we love this one! (*waves hand in air* I speak for all of us now.)

Cooking Crush

City of Stars

Possibly the best tsundere to cinnamon roll pivot we've had in a long time.

Also the best asshole to KING pivot. Could we have a whole drama staring this character now? Please?

And finally our sunshine learning to love himself.

SIGH. what a lovely show.

And a good SMILEY kiss from a KBL.

And then some cute cuddles? Korea is spoiling me these days. I'm catching expectations now. What's next? Japan learns to kiss in their light BLs? Ha! I kill me.

(All Love for Love's Sake).

(Last week)

[mushroomwriter]

(pt 1) "Atleast we can suffer together!" lol true! Gosh, that line (and tbh that whole scene with Sergio and Martín murders me of FEELS)... it's just so angsty cause it's not even the fact Andrés died, but he was also sick and Sergio knew that and he still never truly considered the possibility of his brother dying :(

BTW, what headcanon for the hermanos backstory do you subscribe to? I'm not sure when you first started the show, but I watched the show back when s3 was just released and in those days everyone subbed to the hc that they were half brothers, and there was this interview where Alvaro mentioned even more headcanons abt the bros (they shared a father, who abandoned Andrés for Sergio & his mom, then after he died Andrés appears on the scene and tells Sergio he is his brother, took care of him for medical treatment etc)... of course, 2 years later s5 seemingly retconned all that and just made them normal full(?) brothers growing up in the same household with both parents which I didn't appreciate very much lol. Anyway, just asking you that because some of my thoughts about the hermanos are influenced by my thoughts about their childhood - especially if Andrés raised Sergio as a kid, it makes everything so much more WORSE and heartbreaking cause of course he'd have grown up thinking his older brother is invincible almost, right? Interested to know what you think!!

(pt 2) Yeah all but one of my exams are done with... meh I've been pretty miserable but thank you for all your kind wishes! You're so right, if Andrés just mentioning Sergio makes us feel things, I can't even imagine what a whole scene with them together again would do!! I miss Sergio too 🥲 Once again, feel free to take your time and wait for the inspo, I actually came across an angsty quote that might fit the Scene that shall not be Named and since you love pain, I will tell you. "I wanted to fall down right there but I knew you wouldn't catch me because you're dead." - Richard Siken. Don't think about how as Andrés fell, Sergio was also falling in Helsinki's arms. (Also please don't feel like I'm forcing you to make a gifset with the quote or anything, I'm sorry if it comes across that way I just wanted to share for the #hermanos angst) I have no words for your next para but just. yes. I agree with everything you said. I will never get over the fact he literally tried to run back into the (idk how many metres long) tunnel himself despite knowing the police were on the other side and it would almost definitely lead to capture but Sergio was willing to risk all that just to get his brother to safety :( (pt 3) "When they're together, they're a big brother and a little brother" I knowww 🥺🥺 it makes me so SOFT. I'm with Andrés, how can you possibly eat breakfast when the world's most precious hermanito is not there yet? That scene when he wakes up Sergio is so sweet, Sergio looks so adorable and just the fond amusement Andrés has when he picks up the book "did you stay up late studying again" and how gentle he is when waking him up, Sergio also does not startle in the slightest, in that small moment you can see how familiar they are, how much they both love and trust each other, your honour I LOVE THEM!! Ah the Toledo house always makes me think how they spent those 5 months pretending to be strangers, I mean you can't tell me that Sergio was also not taking every excuse he can to spend more time with his brother (it's DEFINITELY to discuss important plans with the heist Captain!) but I like to imagine Sergio also took care of Andrés in secret, helping him with the meds and stuff... despite everything, Andrés did have a clock running out and they both knew it :( On another sidenote, I've been wanting to write a oneshot of the bros in Toledo since like 2020 but I never got around to it LOL so thank you once again for letting me ramble abt the heist brothers to you Oh god yes, those lyrics truly come straight for the heart and make Sergio's grief infinitely worse! Awww I'm glad you enjoy my thoughts (and I hope you haven't regretted your invitation yet) Haha, you should probably put this one under a cut too, how do these things always get so long??? Truly the hermanos live rent free in my head... but you're right it's great the Range of thoughts they give us from sheer tragedy to happy little childhood memories asdfjsk. YES IT'S THE CUTEST EVER and Alvaro plays it so well :') Comfort scene of all time to me <3 No, thank you for your patience and just being so lovely!! As always, it gives me so much serotonin to talk with you abt the heist bros ❤ Have a great day/week whenever you see this!! (also I hope you got all 3 parts, my wifi is being so weird rn 😭 I can't imagine how confusing it would be to get only 1 half or someth, anyway. pls ask me to resend if tumblr did in fact disappear an ask)

So true (that scene really leaves me on the floor suffering!!)... he knew and yet... at the very least he was convinced they were going to have time after the heist (the scene where he's giving instructions to the other band members about where they'll live etc. always gets me because he was supposed to go somewhere with Andrés...)

About the hermanos' childhood, I feel like I'm an outlier there 😅 because I learned of that headcanon later, I don't remember exactly when, for sure after watching season 3, and season 3 gave me the impression they were full brothers, because I think we get scenes where Andrés refers to their mother and to their father in a way that made me go, okay, so they share both parents. You know, the scene where he tells Sergio he's got mom's disease and the scene where he asks him where did dad go wrong when he robbed the bank... So when after that I saw that interview I didn't really embrace (? I don't know how to say that lol) the half-brothers headcanon because the show had already given me another impression. On the other hand, I immediately accepted the idea of Andrés bringing Sergio to Russia where he got the cures he needed (also because lol that's a point they never clarified in the show, right? How he ended up healing). That said, I really like the potential and implications of the half-brothers headcanon too... like, for example, as you said, Andrés basically raising Sergio. I think you can kinda work that into the full-brothers scenario as well, though maybe not quite at the same level, because if their parents already had trouble with medical expenses for Sergio when they both were there, once their mother was alone I imagine she really had to bury herself into work, which left Andrés in a position to really have to take care of Sergio... also as I mentioned I believe he was the one who found that hospital in Russia where Sergio could be cured, and found a (probably not very legal) way to take him there and so on... and at this point I like to play with both options and confront them and see like, okay, in half-brothers scenario Andrés probably resented their mother for abandoning him while in full-brothers scenario he ended up resenting her because she couldn't take proper care of them and (probably especially) because she failed to come up with a way to save Sergio's life, Andrés had to take matters into his own hands. And I think it's super interesting that he doesn't end up resenting Sergio (which I think he could have easily done in both scenarios! Like, in half-brothers scenario because he was abandoned for him, and in full-brothers scenario I have to imagine his unhealthy little brother received a lot more attentions!) One thing I think we get more intensely in the half-brothers scenario is that taking care of Sergio is really a Choice, like he really didn't have to and still!

Oh, and regardless of scenarios, I really love the idea of Andrés being the one who ultimately saved Sergio's life, it's possible that at some point doctors in their hometown were a bit resigned about him not making it but Andrés was like NO. And he did save him! I bet he's ferociously proud of that, and maybe it's another think that makes him feel especially protective of his hermanito (and makes Sergio feel like Andrés can do ANYTHING).

I see, at least you're almost done... ugh, I'm so sorry, I get it... I hope once you get rid of that last one too you'll feel a bit better... Gosh, I would probably never ever stop screaming if we get a new hermanos scene! And HOLY HELL, that quote fits the whole thing so well, I feel sick! Literally literally Sergio falling but he's not falling in his brother's arms, his brother isn't there anymore... no, absolutely, don't worry, it goes without saying that I appreciate the #hermanos angst, and suggestions about quotes that could fit them are always welcomed (I mean, as of right now I wouldn't know how to make a gifset with it but maybe by turning it over and over in my head I'll get an idea...)!! Also, I actually got inspiration for a gifset about them, finally!!! from another Richard Siken's quote, no less (he was really writing about them lmao), like I'm still not completely sure of which scenes to use, but I do have an idea, I hope it'll work :D

Oh god that's true. Oh man he really tried to run into that tunnel, no matter how crazy that was... I cry!!

It's trueee, that scene where Andrés wakes Sergio up OVERFLOWS with familiarity, it's so clear it's not the first time he had to wake his little brother up after he stayed up late to study and had to pick up some book Sergio left lying around... he's so fondly amused!! Please and now I'm smiling so much at the idea of Sergio coming up with Very Important Topics He Needs to Discuss with The Heist Captain... and I wonder how many times they were the last ones left in a room (a mere coincidence, of course!)... and yeah, I bet Sergio also played the Finding Many Small Ways To Take Care Of You game, this is making me emotional! Hehe I'm happy I gave you the chance to talk about these things, if you ever get around to write that please let me know (if you want to of course)

I definitely don't regret my invitation, when I saw your new messages I was like yessss! Oh right, at this point the ability to put things under a cut is my friend sjsjsjsk but I feel you, I can't get them out of my head!!

Don't mention it!! Talking with you about the hermanos is such a serotonine boost, and honestly I very much needed that, the last few weeks have been pretty tiring! Thank you, I hope you do too, despite that accursed exam! Please take care! (Also as you can see all three parts made it safely to my inbox, thankfully!)

[valenshawke]

5,18,44 for the Arcane asks 🙂

Netflix’s Arcane Ask Meme

5. Do you have any episode that you just didn’t care for all that much?

I wouldn't say I didn't care for all that much as much as I went, "Okay, good, but why is everyone flipping their shit on how amazing this?" And that was episode 1. I mean, it was good. But I really did look at it like an old pilot episode at the end. Good enough to keep me watching, but like... it wasn't the greatest thing since sliced bread. But I kept on watching and it did something that only one other piece of media in recent years (post-graduate school) has done: IT CONSUMED MY SOUL.

18. What was your favorite emotional scene?

Yeah, so I'm not going to answer this as is because I have three and I cannot truly answer this without explaining.

This scene both spoke to me and broke my heart. I don't have siblings, but like two of my friends may as well be given how long we've been friends and I've been on both sides of this where, I've been so angry at one of them I pushed them away and one was so angry at me they pushed me away after a blowout. I guess the difference is while we ended up going quite awhile without contact, we eventually did reconcile. I kinda hope the same for the siblings here. And I can relate to grasping at whatever came next, no matter how detrimental it could be.

Okay, so I can't find the moment before this where Vi is hallucinating and seeing her mother flash in between seeing Caitlyn. Someone pointed out that this is probably the only moment in Vi's life after her parents were killed where anyone showed any level of care or concern like a mother. Not saying Vander didn't care, but not in a way that Vi and Powder's mother showed them. So the injury-induced confusion Vi has that someone is actually gently caring for her is both heartbreaking that she's gone over a decade with any such care but also the realization that she, herself, had to hold this job for the rest of the kids (Powder, Mylo, Claggor).

Look at Vi's eyes. Look at her eyes and the way she looks at Caitlyn in this scene. I remember pausing this scene and walking around my apartment cause the last time I had this feeling with two characters was when I read some pages in Claymore between the character I use for my icon and the main character. I stood no chance at these two idiots not becoming a ship to consume my soul, but this scene burned the embers into non-existence at this point.

44. Any fan theories that you find super interesting? Any that you don’t care for all that much?

I'm much more into the analysis of what has happened and what it means than fan theories on what is going to happen. A lot of this is because we only have nine episodes to work with (I need a bit more) and I know zilch about League of Legends lore. Like, I played 3 minutes of the game in the early 10s and that was about it. In terms of analysis, I like nearly everything @visupremacy has written on CaitVi.

Going further, three of my favorite video essays on CaitVi are by YouTuber Tilda Owen here, here, and here.

Thanks for the asks!

[theworldweirdweb]

omg u have amazing taste in ships!! u gotta tell me ur top 5

Ahhh thank yu!!!! my first top 3 picks'll be easy but i'm not even sure what i'm gonna pick for the last two yet hehe

(under a read more cuz i wrote WAYYY more than i intended to.)

1. TENMIKO!!!!!

my misunderstood favs. a huge pet peeve of mine is people saying himiko hated/was uncomfortable with tenko when neither of those are true! she was however STRAIGHT UP ANNOYED with that girl which only adds appeal if you aren't a coward.

with that out of the way i adore how their relationship was written. it's cute and sad and opposites attract which are the three main things that matter to me in this cold & unforgiving world.

unfortunatly people tend to reject wlw ships that are complex and have conflict because blah blah society who cares their bonfire event on tenko's route in drs made me tear up tenmiko made me start saying "otp" again and i want them to get married and watch barbie movies together etc etc they make me happy and make me cry and have such an interesting dynamic i think everyone should ship them amen (i'd love to speak about them in a more literate way one day)

2. oumami... *FLOPS OVER FACE FIRST ON THE PAVEMENT RESULTING IN A COMICAL SPLAT NOISE*

everyone already knows... SIGH this started as "haha shipping two of my favs" but now i've been obsessed with them for over a year heartbreak emoji.

i really do think these two belong together. their interactions in the manga make my heart do backflips and i am squinting so hard (complimentary) at thier drs interactions.

they just balance each other out... they both see straight through the other so quickly and are both so closed off and full of self hatred and i want them to learn to love eachother throught the other. its about the "different on the outside, but deep down their the same" dynamic yk. i so think they could find comfort in eachother and they deserve to.

there's also implications neither of them got to properly be a kid and i REALLLLLY think after a while kokichi can bring out rantaro's inner child and they can have so much fun and cause so many problems together.

also i hc kokichi was immediately attracted to rantaro because he has a thing for pretty boys (SEE: shuichi and rantaro)

gee, there's so much i wanna talk about with these two but i'll leave it at that for now. i want them to kiss kiss.

3. saimota (monkey hiding face emoji 3x)

i became so obsessed with these two when i was playing v3 you have NOOOOO idea. so upset they aren't one of the more popular ships.

dni if you don't think kaito momota was closeted gay in love with shuichi saihara. /j

i feel like i don't even need to explain this one just them. <3 they. <3 <3 they both think the other is the coolest person in the world isn't that neat. they see the best in eachother. there is no universe where shuichi and kaito are not meant to be together me thinks <33333

them both seeking confidence strength and refugee in the other them teaching the other how incredible and priceless and celestial they are. GOD. SAIMOTA KISSING AND CUDDLING RN.

is it gay to stare at your bff whiles hes doing pushups. is it gay to kiss after training together. to share a water bottle to *digs into the ground head first like worm*

4. mahiyoko

sorry this is the only non-v3 one on this list i do not control the special interest but. they’re such a lovely couple! similar to saimota i think they belong together no matter what.

couple that slow dances in their living room together at 3 am <333 (hiyoko convinced mahiru to stay up by being cute & fun & continuously givinger her more sweets)

hiyoko’s family made her dependent but mahiru shows her how capable she is and that is doesn’t have to be that way. love.

you cannot fathom how crazy they made me in sdr2. chapters 3 & 4 hurt a lot. mahiru is patient. hiyoko is the hyper girl she needs. kinda similar to oumami in this sense. i they have a lot in common.

also SO aesthetically pleasing omigod

this one isn’t quite as deep as the other one just married and in love. perfect for eachother. eachother’s other half. SIGH.

be wild & insane & sapphic & kiss. big comfort 2 me. love love or whatever monomi said.

5. ranmugi

ok this one is a bit different and i only got into them recently. mostly based off the concept of them being in 52 together and growing close. swobs. normie bf and his nerd gf that he doesn’t understand at all but loves so much? sign me up.

i think their relationship would have some rivalry elements. i just think its funny. they are both autistic . they end up together in my postgame au it justs makes sense.

also i like the theory tsumugi wrote rantaro (if she wrote him at all, that is ) as her ideal partner. fucked up & awesome give me more of this.

they admire and compliment eachother in a very weird way no one else understand but thats ok. obsessed with them holding hands.

idk i just want them to kiss??? go into my #ranmugi tag for a better idea of how i made up perceive their dynamic. yayyyy.

i might come back to say more on them later. but mark my words they need to kiss.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: kaemugi, kirizono, celeschi, oumota, n soudam

ok thanks so much for asking i love talking about the little gay people in my phone ;w; hope you understand me n my ships better i love loving things

[gummy-dummy]

Warnings: sentimental, Bakugo being Bakugo, a lot of swearing, angst, unrequited love, heartbreak, self monologue, mentions of bullying, Todoroki x Midoriya. (If you think something needs to be added please tell me)

Inspired by a Taylor Swift song (Wildest Dreams/TaylorSwift)

Thanks to my Cydy @cydxcyanide for helping me with grammatical errors and for always reading everything I write, thank you, love.

Bakugo's unrequired love for Midoriya Izuku

WILDEST DREAMS

Say you'll remember me...

It was really funny, to be honest, to think that I became the cliche of the bully who is in love with his victim. A fucking comedic moment if you ask me.

I noticed I had feelings for Deku as a child, but obviously, my little brain didn't recognize it that way. My belly felt full of something inexplicable. I thought it was bad. I wish I never had believed that. It's truly stupid that I realized in my second year at UA that I was in love with my childhood best friend/victim. I had hoped that the feelings would never come back, but they did. It happened at the worst moment; the moment I noticed that Deku was falling for Icyhot. It hurt, but what more can I say? I wasn't in any position to ask for anything. Then, the stupid Todoroki started to look interested. With those sparkling eyes that look at Izuku like he was the most handsome man in the world, and he was, the most adorable-faced guy he ever has seen. I'm sure that he also noted how Deku has 4 symmetrical freckles on each cheek, how his eyes seem to be always sparkling for something exciting. He probably noticed how he rambled about heroes to analyze every move he could use to be the best hero in history. How his hands moved so quick that you almost didn't think he was writing. It looked like he was scribbling really hard, but if you were to take a peek at his notes the letters were perfect, with beautiful writing. He always had pretty handwriting and I never said that to him.

It's not like I didn't have the courage to say something, I was prepared to say it, I was on my way to tell him I loved him, that I adored him, but that I knew I didn't deserve him at all. I just wanted to lift this hard pain that settled on my heart at our second year. As I walk around the corner to his room I see them, fucking Icyhot with his hands on Izuku's cheeks, mumbling something that made Deku blush and smile. The green-haired guy just nodded and gave in to a slow kiss, I felt everything fall around me. It felt like it was the end of the world, with electricity trying to get out of my arms. This is what Kaminari's quirk must feel like.

Even when I didn't want to watch anymore, I couldn't keep my eyes off of them. I wish that it was me. The one to hug his waist closer, to deepen the kiss even more, the one who felt his two strong arms wrap on his neck. I wanted it so much that I couldn't escape what karma wanted me to see. I deserve every moment of this. I have to suffer everything I did to him. I've apologized to him a lot of times before, always with the want of just close the space between us and kiss, but no. The universe didn't want us together cause I don't deserve him at all.

The only thing that made me stop watching was when the two of them separated with a quick peck and noticed my presence, what was I supposed to say?

"Could you two get into a fucking room? I don't want to watch nasty stuff here in the open, tch." Wow, even when I'm about to cry I can be cruel as fuck. I just start to walk away from them, toward to the kitchen. It was a bad idea to head to the kitchen. Karma wanted to punch me in the face again. Only Mina was there, alone eating a snack. The only person who knew I was in love with Izuku. Fuck it's Izuku now, not Midoriya, not Deku, just Izuku roaming through my heart even when I don't want it. Mina just gave me a sad look. I suppose the two love birds are on their way to the living room. I look, and yes, they're walking to the sofa with their hands in a tight grip, and sparkles in their eyes. I went to get water and just started crying, not loud, trying to be the least noticeable possible. I just felt Mina's arms wrapping around me in a comforting embrace.

In our third year the two were a couple in the eyes of everyone. It wasn't rare to see them out and about with their hands joined and every time the season changed Icyhot would change his side, to get to the most comfortable temperature for his boyfriend. We are all actually pretty good friends. I mastered the art of looking like I don't give a fuck about them kissing or cooing sweet nothings to each other. All that while my heart was breaking. Well, by this time, the pieces were breaking, my heart just being almost dust.

Soon enough it was our first year out of UA. I was working at the same agency as the love birds, well, the fiance's now. They're about to get married and apparently they want me to be one of the best men. I just couldn't accept. I used the same excuse for not making it to the wedding. I had to go to America for a job. It wasn't a lie, the agency we three started with Kirishima and Uraraka was at the top. We wanted to open more offices around the world, so I took the job of traveling to America and doing everything. It would take me a couple of years to get everything done which was my opportunity to stop being a masochist little shit and let them be happy in their obliviousness of my feelings.

Everything was fine, until I apparently talked a lot with Todoroki when we had a "couple" of beers. It was like 3 months before the wedding. My flight was booked the same day, an hour before the start of the wedding, because I told Todoroki that I've always been in love with Izuku, that I didn't deserve him, so I did nothing about it. Just accepted my self-imposed exile to America, so they could be happy and I could stop hurting. He didn't look mad, not even a little angry. He just said, "I know, I noticed at the end of the second year".

So maybe I wasn't that good at hiding it, or maybe Icyhot noticed because I acted exactly the same as him before confessing to Izuku. He said he didn't hate me at all. That he still wanted me as his best man, for him and Izuku but I can't handle this anymore.

"Actually, you should tell him"

"What? are you crazy? you're about to get married to him and you want me to confess my love for him?"

"Yeah, you deserve to get rid of that pain on your shoulders. I know you well enough to know you will never let go if you don't. Also, Izuku would want to know you were his childhood crush you know?"

"Why are you so open to this?"

"Because I love you both, in different forms but I do. You deserve your redemption and Izu deserves to know"

And that's how at the last second I ended up meeting with Izuku. Todoroki just nodded and went out the door. I knew this was the last time I would be seeing one of my best friends and the man I've loved so many years.

"Shoto told me that you wanted to talk? its anything serious? If is something about the agency I'm gonna take care of everything. If you need help there you just need to let us kn-"

"Izuku" I stopped his rambling with his given name and a smile, the first time I have smiled at him in years, hell, even since we were 5 o 6 maybe. He looked surprised.

"Yeah sorry"

"This may be shocking to you, but I never hated you"

I took a deep breath like it was the last of my life and said "I've been in love with you since our second year at UA, maybe even earlier. I need to apologize again for everything. I will never forget how you left all the pain I caused you behind and let us be friends again. I needed to say it. Icyhot says I would never get over it if I don't and I'm so sorry-"

"Katsuki" I just stop rambling and look at him, his eyes showing affection, but not even close to what they look like for Toforoki.

"It's okay, you don't need to apologize. I can't say that I noticed because I didn't. I'm sorry you had to suffer all of these years. If I had known things would have been different. I would've been more careful"

"Nah it's okay. You both love each other and I'm actually happy for you two. My only regret is that as kids we never got to practice 'husband kisses'," I say with a laugh, and Izuku smiles at me.

I don't know what the fuck he is doing getting closer to me. With one hand he took my face and gave me a gentle peck on my lips. I felt my heart drop to the fucking floor and then he smiled.

"I couldn't let you go with regrets Kacchan" We hear a low chuckle and turn around to see Todoroki leaning on the wall behind him smiling.

"Wha- I'm so sorry, I can't I couldn't I'm so-" Izuku just started giggling while Todoroki came closer to us and gave me an awkward hug.

"It's okay. He was your childhood crush, I couldn't let you go without the opportunity of getting a kiss from him. I don't want you to go away with regrets"

But the time is running out and I need to get on a plane. I made a promise to come back to our friends, and a promise I made with myself that I would come back when I'm ready. Ready to be a true friend and an honorary best man.

Say you'll see me again, Even if it's just in your wildest dreams.

[the-velveteen-victorian]

Hi Elle! I used to follow you on your old mega-popular tumblr. I really love your new one. :) I know that you've lived in a "super spiritual" community for several years now (not sure if you want me to publicly say the place). What is the community like? Is it more bad than good? What are some strengths and weaknesses of the place/people? Thank you! I've heard mixed things and really respect your insights.

Haha I knew I would get this question one day! If I could title my response, it would be, "Why I've Chosen to Keep My Distance from the New Age Community in the American Southwest." I info-dump and write novels, so get ready! =)

I think there is something to be said for defining things neutrally for yourself overall. Fortunately, I've been able to easily do that in this instance due to: 1. Being introverted and not "needing" a big community experience and 2. Having wonderful friends all over the globe that I am able to interact with all throughout my year. With that being said, if I am being 100% honest and real with you, I truly believe that the new age community where I am is more toxic than good. Here is why. I will have a positive note at the end.

A quick preface: I am not calling out any particular individual(s) and will not be naming names.... quite frankly, there are just too many and I'm not here to humiliate people. Secondly, these traits can take place in ANY community, spiritual or otherwise. But these are things that I feel a spiritual community should be more self-aware of... and sadly right now, they are not.

********ATTENTION: There is a big content and trigger warning here: There will be mentions of sui****, sexual *******, and gaslighting/narcissism, terfs, eating disorders, and other things that could be very upsetting. Proceed with caution and stop reading if you find yourself getting stressed, triggered, or deeply upset.*********

1. Malignant narcissism and community insulation from constructive criticism. I have never seen such a ubiquitous display of malignant narcissism in all my life in a collective, save for some conservative Christian environments in my growing up years. Go onto almost any youtube channel for the Sedona community and you will see very few negative comments… why? (And I have watched this for a long time) Almost ANY criticism of anyone’s channel or blog is instantly removed. There was a time when people who simply noted that some of these small “influencers” were saying toxic things were sent cease and desist letters. The community is very tight knit and displays many marks of a cult. One of these indicators is that they all protect each other and hype each other up on their channels and blogs, while labeling ANY criticism (healthy or not) as someone who is being “triggered.” The younger part of the community cares about looking perfect and having everyone worship them, but has very little spiritual substance. It’s always about who did the alien thing “before it was cool” or “who can do a backflip off of a steep cliff without breaking their neck because their synchronicity is on point.” One youtuber said once that she only wanted to hang out with “pretty” people because they were purer expressions of the divine. The older generation expresses narcissism by assuming they know more than everyone else. Good luck having a conversation on controversial topics with any of them. They are right, you are wrong. If you argue, you are “triggered” and “seeking for truth.” If you don't believe that there are reptilians on the moon with a secret base, you've drunk the kool-aid. Not a good environment to foster open sharing and knowledge. The men have a particular problem with this when it comes to topics of sex and intimacy. If you are a woman and don’t want to “surrender” to your partner (in a lot of vague and unclear ways), you are out of alignment with the divine feminine. Most of the men believe that they should be allowed to "hunt" (look for sexual partners/spiritual twin flames) and that women should do everything in their power to be softly feminine so that they can sync up and recognize each other's souls.

2. A full denial of science and medicine. Look, I get it. We all want to solve our own medical dilemmas and use herbs to cure all ills. I try to solve any (non life threatening) health issues I have the “natural” way first too… often, I have great success! The problem comes when the community rejects all western medicine, most science (that doesn’t affirm their beliefs) and any medical opinion that has… actually been to a real medical school. There is a strong anti-vaccination movement coupled with the belief in using yoni eggs religiously and doing colonics every week (though science tells us this isn’t a great idea overall). I used a different type of yoni egg for awhile to see what would happen, but trust me, your pelvic health is going to be better without them. You will be judged harshly for going to a “mainstream” doctor to get antibiotics for a serious infection and will most likely be gaslit into oblivion regarding “what you did to attract” your infection etc.

I have midwifed for many years now and have extensive “mainstream” training to be able to do this legally. Once, I was working with another midwife on a mother who was having her first baby. The laboring woman had an ideal birth in mind like most people do. Long story short, I discerned while she was laboring that the baby was in intense distress and that the mother was displaying very concerning signs of a life-threatening condition. When I insisted on calling an ambulance and getting the woman to the hospital, the other midwife said that I was interfering with nature. I explained simply that if we didn’t get said woman to a hospital, the baby would most certainly die and the mother’s life would hang in the balance. Her response was that: “Some babies don’t deserve to live and I shouldn’t invite karma by interfering with nature’s course.” I called an ambulance anyway and the mother was taken for an emergency c-section. The mother was very disappointed about not being able to follow her birth plan. However, after the birth (she and baby ended up being okay thank goodness) she sat down with me personally and thanked me for making the decision I did. She said that one of the doctors explained that if I had waited another hour, both she and the baby would be dead. Apparently, this other “midwife” had also had her license revoked a year before for endangering a different laboring person and child. This sounds like a stand-alone freak incident, but I can cite 15-20 other situations just like this one where life-threatening emergencies were viewed as opportunities for good karma and growth… and that western medical intervention would invite bad karma.

Regarding science, if you point to the fact that jade yoni eggs are likely to cause an infection, most of the new age community will scoff and say that they don’t trust science (the logic being that science once explained volcanos as angry gods or something and now cannot be trusted overall). If you don't wear blue-blocking glasses anytime you look at a screen, apparently you've already succumbed to mind control. You get my point… It’s so bad that the new age community is willing to endanger people’s lives and place the blame on the victims for being out of alignment with synchronicity. This one bullet point could be talked about for hours.

3. A lack of discernment and victim blaming. Many have heard about Bentinho Massaro and his crew from that time when they swept through Sedona a couple years ago. The core of the Sedona community started blindly following him… some of them wanted to boost their online platforms by being associated with a well-known figure. Others wanted a guru… and others were just curious and got sucked in by his charisma. All one had to do was google him. He has allegations of physically beating his followers, gaslighting people, torturing animals in his childhood, and ignoring the fact that an alarming number of his followers commit suicide. With all of this knowledge at our fingertips, the popular new age “influencers” went so far as to get in polyamorous relationships with him, validate his platform, and gaslight people who, sadly, committed sui**** because of certain things he said in his teachings. It was insane. Now, many of the people who followed him try to pretend it never happened or that they had no part in it. Many of them claim to have “gifts of the spirit” and to have stellar discernment.

One of the people who got into a polyamorous relationship with this person did an Instagram post where she basically said that if someone is being r*ped they should show their attacker love and surrender to what is happening so that they could experience unconditional love and come back to the "light." I honestly couldn’t believe what I was reading at first when I saw it. The part that was heartbreaking was when I read the comments and watched people (not just women and men) berate themselves for “fighting” while something terrible happened to them in the past. A few of them were teenagers. I made it a point to personally message the ones I was able to, and thankfully, a good number did respond positively. This exact issue has occurred on youtube channels, blogs, and in-person encounters. I’m just citing ONE online instance of this horrible, misaligned belief. Keep in mind that the person who did this post abandoned her disabled child with a family she barely knew to pursue a sexual relationship with Bentinho.

4. TERFS/anti-LGBTQ/anti-feminism. This falls under the categories of relationships, sex, autonomy, and social issues, but expands into much more overall.

A chain of videos came out a couple years ago where about 5 women in the new age community each did a presentation on what was wrong with the “divine feminine” these days. They were saying that women had been erased because they were not conforming to gender roles or seeking out conscious relationships. They all referenced that “women are angry” and basically said it was wrong for women to feel this way and that angry female energy was throwing our whole environment out of balance and even contributing to global warming somehow. They empathized with toxic people/men/known violent incels and said that women needed to get over their traumas and be more available for the divine masculine to show up. They dehumanized women by saying they shouldn’t be expressing anger, glossed over sexual a******, and blocked everyone in the comments who took a stand against what they were saying. The general consensus is that feminists are just angry women who need to get over their trauma.

Many people in the new age community also believe that if you incarnate in a particular body with certain biological parts, you incarnated that way for a reason. Changing it extensively is to erase “the spiritual lessons you were supposed to learn.” Basically, they stand against trans people, nonbinary people, gender nonconforming people… etc. I can go deeper with this if you want, but that is the gist of it without writing a novel within a novel.

Most of them take an active stance against intersectional feminism and use exclusive language to shut out anyone who doesn’t conform to the binary. A few of them are more passive-aggressive about how they do this: refusing to show any support for the LGBTQUIA+ community or mention social issues at all, even when someone is pointing out that they did something hurtful or offensive.

5. Appropriating Indigenous cultures and using past lives as an excuse. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a white new age person say that something is their “spirit animal” or seen one wear Native American/indigenous headdresses to tight-knit community events, citing that they were “Native American” in their past life and that they are entitled to use these symbols, items, and cultural lexicons because of it. (Not that this is the main point… but they tell trans people that they shouldn’t be trans or insinuate that people should conform to the gender binary because they incarnated in a body type for a reason… but make an exception for themselves culturally? Super hypocritical.)

A couple of “woke” guys from the new age community walked around for awhile saying that the Hopi had adopted them into their “tribe” and that the were given Hopi names. I spoke to a few Hopi people about what was happening and they were shell-shocked. That is not something that they do for one thing, and for another, they had never even heard of these people! Thankfully, the behavior stopped after the two men were confronted about it, but this kind of thing happens all the time in various ways. There is a new age store here with a racial slur in the title… bring it up to the owner and she’ll kick you out and launch a smear campaign. Tell one of the white new age women that just because she studies “different traditions” doesn’t mean it’s okay to do rain dances or perform indigenous rituals (Native American, Australian, and others) without permission and they’ll blacklist you. I think many of the new agers operate within this Trojan horse of “I want to accept and validate all cultures”, but do not actually care at all about indigenous voices, feelings, or opinions. Many of them talked a lot about collective trauma in our nation during Black Lives Matter, but wouldn’t actively support it in any way themselves.

6. Let’s talk about mental health. This could go under the science and medicine label, but I think it deserves its own paragraph. Boy is mental health stigmatized in the new age Sedona community…. Real mental health professionals are painted as people who just want to “drug” you and keep you controlled. People with mental health struggles are instantly blamed. “Hell is just a state of mind, you need to change your mind,” is a phrase I have heard more often than not. Ancestral healing, umbilical healing, and random reiki sessions are somehow supposed to take the place of a licensed counselor.

A huge chunk of the “spiritual” community supported a pseudo-therapist who (without any scientific basis) was preaching that any woman who wasn’t sure if she wanted to have children or not by the age of 25 was toxic and needed to be ostracized because “something is wrong there.” A bunch of people believed it and re-posted/shared the teaching.

Another instance occurred where an unlicensed “hypnotherapist” without so much as a bachelor’s degree in anything was using questionable methods to hypnotize clients. During one session a person experienced a severe PTSD flashback and panic attack. She was not brought out of the hypnotherapy session properly or cared for. She ended up having a mental breakdown and having to spend time in the hospital. The charlatan who was treating her said that the client was willfully unresponsive to treatment and refused to confront her demons…

Anyone who is on anxiety medication, anti-depressants or anything else to support their well-being and mental health will be judged aggressively and most likely verbally confronted at some point if they are open about being on medication. The charlatans will throw essential oils into your space saying that they can cure anything. Others will try to get someone to talk to a new age leader in the “inner circle” and attempt to persuade the client that western therapists/psychologists just want to drug people and ignore the spiritual cause of unrest. They’ll cite earthing, crystals, vaginal wands, special teas, dietary habits, and color therapy as causes and answers to everything…. All while regarding victims of sui**** as unfortunate souls and lost causes etc.

7. A summary. I need to sum up other issues here quite quickly or I’ll be typing all day. XD Many of the women here are terrified of gaining weight or looking older. They hide behind the thinning veil of “health and veganism” to justify their worrisome habits to feel sexually appealing to supposedly “woke” men. Disordered eating and terror of eating one granule of processed sugar permeates the consciousness. You can be judged for anything from buying pokemon cards to eating legumes…. of all things. Most of the men are sexual predators who prey on younger women, rely on narcissism as a personality type, and don’t let anyone get a word in edgewise when their opinions are challenged. Many of the women validate these behaviors and blame themselves when they get hurt citing “spiritual growth” as a silver lining to cure all traumas. I would say that 95%+ of the people in the community present a perfect picture of themselves online while having crumbling relationships and failing inner lives. You might see a post or video about “conscious uncoupling” of a spiritual "power couple" and then find out later that someone was in a relationship with a narcissistic predator or was experiencing physical abuse. Sadly, many of the victims gaslight themselves in the uncoupling announcement. Many people here are predators in other ways… they might launch a health business that uses essential oils to replace therapy. There are con artists all over the place who can range from simply overpricing their wares in alarming ways to trying to entrap people in “business contracts” that devastate their lives. I have had personal UFO experiences here and do personally think that extraterrestrial life exists, but I would NEVER try to manufacture a fake experience… One of the UFO tour guides was having people hide out in the desert and flash lights into the sky while people on the tour wore special glasses. Then she was charging an arm and a leg to channel “spiritual messages” from the e.t.s for her clients and saying that if they didn’t receive the message, something bad would happen to them. This is the fluffiest and lightest post I could possibly do to communicate how bad it is in the “spiritual community” here. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

The good news? Sedona is so much more than a toxic new age community. It is GORGEOUS and it does have many good, healthy/normal people here. =) I have had such a beautiful experience in this place and can’t say enough good things about it. I have easy access to healthy foods, endless nature to explore and bask in, and a growing community of people who call the new age community out on its toxicity. I read what I want, play Animal Crossing without blue-blocker glasses, regularly enjoy going to listen to goth music at my preferred venue (I’ve been demonized for this lol), and eat what makes me feel good. My partner and I have had a beautiful and successful relationship for nearly a decade now and create amazing memories every day. We have good friends all around the world… and I have a solid, BIG group of academic colleagues/friends locally who DO ethically cite their sources and contribute positively to science and higher learning. If you’re into paleontology like me, you are in fossil heaven! =D If you love astronomy or astrophysics, we’re in a dark sky city! There are so many cool things to do from playing in LOTR-worthy waterfalls, to sampling delicious vegan creations, to playing DnD on red rocks with your friends while a *real* UFO passes by overhead. Get yourself a smoothie and organic wrap from one of our incredible food trucks and drive out into the desert while listening to Nightvale with your love or your friends. =)

If you ever want a list of must-do’s while visiting, let me know. I’ve got your back! The point is that I just harped on the negative above, but the good news is that you can completely avoid all of the junk. Keep it or scrap it when it comes to the Sedona new age community? I say scrap it. But you can still pursue your spiritual interests in healthy ways here while enjoying all the yummy creature comforts that the Verde Valley has to offer. I hope this helps and if just one person comes here and has a safe experience because of my thoughts, then every moment I’ve spent writing this was worth it. =) <3

[malexfan10]

Malex thoughts

I was watching some old episodes of Dawson's Creek and it made me want to get some thoughts out. I watched a lot of TV shows growing up. For me, the couples I liked were either ones I casually rooted for or on the rare occasion, a couple took me by such surprise that I became extremely emotionally invested. Malex is the latter.

I've been a fan of Captain Swan (OUAT), Stydia (Teen Wolf), Kurt & Blaine (Glee), Buffy & Angel and lots more. The rare pairings I've been completely lost on, I can name on one hand. Pacey & Joey (my first OTP), Chandler & Monica and Malex. I'd say Destiel on Supernatural too but with them, everything is subtext. I don't think the writers will have the guts to go there, not even with the show ending.

With PJ, I love how they started as antagonists, became really great friends, and then fell in love. For me, PJ vs DJ was incomparable. DJ brought out the worst in each other (my opinion) while PJ showed each other what love was supposed to be. The only thing I hated about DC was the constant back & forth between the two pairings. It lasted until the final moment when you realized PJ was endgame (one of my fears for Malex). I hated that but I was a kid so it didn't bother me as much as it would now.

I loved Chandler & Monica because they started out as friends who fell in love, got married and had all the moments in between before adopting a set of twins. I loved their story because it showed their entire journey. True, the show was a comedy but their story didn't end in season 5 when they started dating. Their story just began.

It's hard understanding writers who feel that only the journey matters. Of course it does. The journey is important. It's what makes you root for a couple but the destination and what happens after is important too. It makes you continue rooting for them, seeing all that angst and pain amounting to something substantial in the end.

So as much as I loved PJ, the fact that they kept us guessing until the last 5 minutes before we realized who she chose was too much. The long, drawn out, multi-season, will they/won't they storytelling style is one I'll never be a fan of.

Which leads me to Malex.

They were two broken boys, both brought up under horrible circumstances, who found the missing piece of themselves in each other. When Alex gave Michael a warm and safe place to stay, it was probably the first act of true kindness Michael had ever experienced and it was made by a boy whose pain and suffering mirrored his own. How incredibly heartbreaking but beautiful is that? That initial bond, that "cosmic" connection stood the test of time. Separated for 10 years and it felt like no time had passed at all.

That first moment in the pilot episode outside his Airstream, you could feel the tension. I remember reading interpretations of that scene. People thought Malex were cold and angry with one another "probably over a girl". Are you kidding me? That tension could only be romantic. But that first kiss at the reunion was when I hopped on the Malex Forever train. One stop only. Endgame.

They set them up so amazingly in the first three episodes. The angst was there but you could also feel the deep love between them. They weren't shown as two guys who had a fling back in high school and then crossed paths again 10 years later, said what the hell and hooked up again. No, they were shown as soulmates. Their level of connection even scared and confused them but they both knew it existed. Their love was pure and true and rare.

With all their history and with so many odds already stacked against them, the writers deciding to throw in a triangle just because they could and doing it in such a rushed and messy way really made me scratch my head.

Carina said she loved the triangle on DC. I honestly think she was the only one. That show was incredibly divided, DJ vs PJ. But as much as I hated the constant back and forth, I'll give the DC writers some credit. Joey's feelings for both were fully touched on. I saw her romantic feelings for Pacey more profound and her feelings for Dawson as true friendship (just my opinion), but both sides were shown in depth.

The problem with Roswell? Where did those feelings come from between M&M? They shared a moment when Maria cried and I took that as the start of a wonderful friendship. I was obviously wrong. They hooked up in the desert. OK I hated it but they were two single people and Maria didn't know about Alex so I accepted. All of a sudden, the feelings were real and Maria was conflicted because of how strong her feelings were. Michael chose to be with Maria because he needed something fresh and new and according to the wonderful Vlamis, someone he also had strong feelings for (still hate that last interview LOL).

I understand where Michael was coming from a little better, as much as I hate it and hate how he went about it by leaving Alex just waiting. He'd been through so much trauma and Max and Isobel kept telling him to stop looking to the past (which, really Max? If someone told you that about Liz, would you listen?? But he died so he gets a pass). But as far as Maria's feelings are concerned, I feel like I missed something.

Between episodes 9 and 10, did the M&M feelings bloom overnight from flirty banter to crush to "OMG this is love"? Was their moment in the desert that mind-blowing that the weirdness of episode 11 happened? I don't get it.

The one thing going against M&M is that Malex is overwhelmingly loved and has been embraced by fans and critics alike.

One critic said it best when they reviewed the finale (Vulture).

"I was intrigued by the possibility of Michael/Maria at first, but the love triangle has been so rushed — with so little time spent on Maria’s developing feelings for Michael — that it’s ended up just making her look terrible. We know from Maria’s conversation with Liz that she hasn’t even spoken to Alex about the situation because she feels too guilty, and so having her accept Michael with open arms is such an odd note. Sure, she doesn’t know Alex is waiting for Michael right at the same moment, but she does know that he’s been in love with Michael for a decade."

And therein lies the problem. A lifelong friendship ruined over a guy (unless Carina makes Alex give his blessing next season which would really make me scream) to push forward a pairing that had little development and makes Maria look bad. One side of the triangle is Michael's soulmate and the other side is the friend with sudden feelings. Not the best character development which is sad because we know how awesome Maria can be and as mad as I am with her, her character that I enjoyed until episode 10 and the actress deserve better. But instead of being original, the writers chose the path always taken. They chose to use her as the odd end of a triangle where, unless they want everyone to hate the show, she will likely be the one forced out so Malex can eventually reunite and for what? Drama?

Season 1 started out really strong and it still had a lot of strong moments in the latter episodes (end scene of episode 9 between Malex, Liz & Jenna being kickass in episode 11, all of episode 12 - my fave of the season, Kyle's confrontation with Jesse etc).

But honestly, I feel like the inclusion of this triangle (amongst other reveals like Noah as the 4th alien) somewhat brought the story down. The writing for M&M felt OOC and was messily done.

Only in recent years have LGBT pairings started becoming more mainstream, given better development and importance in the overall story. With Malex, they have the potential of making Michael and Alex one of the greatest love stories on TV. As much as I love the show, I'm not saying Roswell is on the same level as Breaking Bad or The Sopranos etc. But from all the pairings on the show, Malex is the most profound and has the potential to go down as one of the best on TV. To overcome everything they've been through and still choose each other and their love would be the ultimate happy ending because unlike most male/female pairings that go through mostly regular angst, being two males in a small town, Malex have a whole other level of obstacles to face. That doesn't even include their personal history, the fact that Michael is an alien or that Alex's father is the cause of so much pain between them. Or the fact that Alex is a disabled war veteran. I mean, there is so much amazing points to their story. They are the OTP of OTPs.

But so far, it feels like the triangle is the only major roadblock the writers want to concentrate on and that's the biggest mistake of all.

Season 2 hasn't aired yet. We don't know how little (🤞) or how long (😢) M&M will last. We'll just have to wait and see how it goes and hope that Twitter Carina is not the same as Season 2 showrunner Carina.

But for me, Malex will always be each other's endgame. That's what I saw in the first 3 episodes. That's what I saw in the flashbacks. That's what I saw in Caulfield. Try and convince me differently, show. You'll fail.

❤

[bottledblog]

Life - 2nd innings

Life evolves as we all grow. Anything from our favourite color to the special cause to support to new hobbies. None of us could ever look back by 5 years and say they are the same. The same will happen 5 years later. Sometimes we smile at how innocent..naive and chhildish we were, sometimes we frown thinking what on earth were I thinking to do that..!! And then, there is the core of us, which significantly defines us with our unique being, beginning mentally. Much of the core transpires around its origin, and only develops with the inspiration from all worldly stimulus and personal experience. When someone falls in love and believes "this is the one forever for me". Many of the times we dont even realize confessing to our own mind, let alone the other. And then, if one that it turns out that the belief was a sham or just didn't work out for any reason, most of the people I know go one of two ways - either puts the blame on the entire gender atleast for a while, vowing to never trust them and preaching that love is nothing but a formula for heartbreak. Or else, they declare a mute war, where they pick target completely irrelevent to the person that caused the heartbreak, and then pass around a portion of heartbreak that they count as a revenge taken. For people in either cases, I've argued my point of view but end of the day I know that emotion understands no logic. Till they find a platform to constructively base their emotion is only when they'll realize. The other portion of the emotional wrecks never reach the platform due to choosing life on earth has lost its worth and we often find some typical and sometimes creative ways they take leave from living.

When I was a little girl, I believed love happens only once in life. Bollywood films that had a huge influence on me made my belief only firmer. I fell in love. Life was in technicolor and then I was shocked to realize there was another possible end to it..even if it was only for me - I fell out of love, harder than I fell in. So to detach and distant myself, guess what I did. I got married - to a friend I was getting to know for a few months but to be honest, you can take it as I grabbed the first and closest one I could to say "I do" and I did. Btw...it all happened the same month I turned 18.

Now, to talk about the husband I preyed to play smart and bring balance before my emotions would play on me - he in fact didn't have to do much. Its one thing that I took marriage very seriously because thats what I grew up dreaming about, so I loved being married...except my husband - Why? Well I didn't ever fall in love with him to fall out. And I was loved so much by all in there as much as I loved them too. But to learn your 1st lesson about the existance of homosexuality from your husband of 2 months - in the most nonchallant way possible because "He wanted to be an open book to me". Well...Being 18, shocked about the new gained knowledge and zoning out for a couple of days wondering if I heard and understood right, if yes, what was it and how to cope up with the dick that was expected to enter me after exiting a guy's ass. It was all too much and not easy to talk about. So now love was what I had left behind anyways, marriage was flying out of the window and not as much as love, but I was extremely sure for no thoughtfully crafted reason but from the honesty of my gut that THIS WAS GONNA BE IT FOR ME ONCE THE MARRIAGE IS FORMALLY OVER. I got in my prey mode again and if I wasn't ever getting married, this was my only shot at motherhood. On the 5th month, I was diagnosed with pregnancy and sure I started my packing (mentally). It took me till my baby boy was born and 2 yrs old by when I had made all efforts to co-exist with the father of my child and that there wasn't any such effort left that one day I might have to think "what if I tried that....or that..!!"

Anyways, all done and darned, I returned to my country and in 3 months my dad passed away suddenly - leaving me as the "head of the house" as thd older siblings of two, a mother of a two year old and a world I don't know much about than a heartbreak and achieve a pregnancy to protect my vagina from a dick that might have played in the shit of the guy I eventually got to know. I know its gonna be gross but I have to tell it as I sincerely used to feel those days, I was less worried about the sex cuz for me it was the procedure to freedom, and more worried about how much of the poop is entering my body.

Now this is one of the things I really look back and often think "What the hell was I thinking"? But I dont regret it. Becauase of all the wonderful people that loved me for no reason that I understand and I loved them cuz they were damn lovable. The ultimate departure from there was in June 2005, my dad passed away in september 2005, I signed the divorce paper in October 2005 and my ex-husband was married in November 2005. He married a third time too. But in all 13 years now, I am in touch with not just the family, but neighbors, housekeepers, colleagues, students and so on. Its always more on their own initiative that we have atleast a weekly communication base either by call or chat etc.

Its not 2005 when I knew I was nevver gonna get married, I think I never even imagined otherwise as a possibility even though thats also a part the bollywood movies showed but juat didnt influence me.

Anyways, this post started with how we change as we grow and so does our thoughts and all. I am more like an intuitive person who does things first born in gut and then rationalizing it as well, still gut remains the dominant part I'd just admit if its a flaw. Anyways, as I watched my baby grow to a boy then now a teenager, almost a foot taller than me and busy with his own friends, studies, games and what not. Suddenly for about 2 months, a thought of whats ahead and am I thinking before doing that this is what I want" had been peeking through on and has only gotten stronger in the last 2 months that I have a lonely feeling somewhere, a need of companionship, wishing for a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on. Ofcourse I know from around that marriage can happen more than once, and from own experience - love can too. (Thats for another day)

What I'm thinking is again how my expectation from a "companionship" - marriage or not, has changed so drastically while I wasn't even thinking on this all these years at all that I feel dumb. Obviously its not the teenage year things that I feel excited about when thinking of relationship, but the whole concept has changed so much that by some auto force, I'm calling it "companionship" - why....I wonder..!! I have proven to be someone who can really act and do things that I set mind on. Not always the bad ones I've shared today.

Need your opinions. Should I think hard of giving life a second chance? Please do let me know your honest opinions on this.