all these people think love's for show, but i would die for you in secret
"what's it say that peeta was here not one hour ago begging me to save your life?" "it means we have to save him."
the devil's in the details, but you've got a friend in me
"friends tell each other the deep stuff." "uh oh, the deep stuff?" "yeah" "like what?" "like what's your favourite colour?" "oh well now you've stepped over the line."
would it be enough if i could never give you peace?
"i'm sorry, it was just a nightmare." "it's okay, i get them too."
"they turned him into a weapon, katniss. to kill you."
your integrity makes me seem small / you paint dreamscapes on the wall
"you could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve that boy."
"i just don't want them to change me."
i talk shit with my friends / it's like i'm wasting your honour
"it's an act, gale."
and you know that i'd swing with you for the fences
"they're coming katniss. in district 13 you'll be dead by morning-"
"that's what you and i do. protect each other."
sit with you in the trenches
"peeta? would you stay with me?" "always."
give you my wild, give you a child / give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other
"and we'd have no regrets at all if it weren't..." "if it weren't for what?" "if it weren't for the baby."
"peeta wanted kids."
family that i chose, now that i see your brother as my brother / is it enough?
"you love me. real or not real?" "real."
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TOLERATE IT
(Peeta’s version)
In loving memory of this song being removed from The Eras Tour set list, I'm publishing this little thing I just finished to write. It is technically set after the 74th Hunger Games and during the victory tour, and from Peeta's point of view. Let me know what you think about it, be kind because it's the first time that i write something not in my first language :)
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
I sit and watch you reading with your head low
We’re in the living room.
I don’t even know why I came here, I just wanted to bring your family bread, but I should have said no when Prim asked me to stay for dinner.
It isn’t right to have dinner with your family and forcing you to see me when you don’t have to.
Well, I guess it won’t be a problem, you barely lifted your head when I walked in.
You looked at me behind the book you’re pretending to read for half a second, you couldn’t manage to hold the eye contact even while mumbling ‘hi’.
Now I’m sitting on the opposite side of the couch; you’re just staring at the book in your hands and it’s so obvious that you would want to be anywhere but here right now.
I feel like throwing up.
I should have said no.
I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed
I take in a breath so violently that it seems like I was drowning.
I was, in my dream at least. I was underwater, I couldn’t breathe or speak, but the water was so clear that I could see you being mauled by mutts near the lake in the arena. I was trying to scream so hard, to distract them from you, but nothing came out.
I try to not let the tears that are flooding my eyes fall, attempt to adjust my respiration but managing to take just some shaky pathetic breaths.
I feel a weight on my chest: looking down I realize that is your head.
You’re sleeping so peacefully, and I realize you didn’t wake up this night yet.
The thought that I can help you do that makes me want to cry.
Instead, I try to focus on your steady breaths, on your hand that is slowly and involuntarily caressing my rib and on the little smile that is forming on your face.
I sit and watch you
And notice everything you do or don't do
You're so much older and wiser and I
We’re in district three. The last stop at the Capitol is getting closer and tonight you’ve barely eaten anything. I’m watching you dissecting your duck, without even faking to stab it with the fork. Considering that you would never waste food, it is very concerning.
I tentatively tap your knee, thinking I can comfort you, but you shove my hand away.
A fat man with green hair engages me in a conversation and I try to contain my tears while he’s going on about how cute we are together.
Half an hour later, I’m standing in a corner with some red wine in my right hand when I feel a tentative touch on my left wrist.
“Can we sneak out?”
I should say no, I should be mad at you for shutting me out earlier.
I’m resolute to do so, but then I look into your eyes and see pure desperation.
I’m taking too much time to answer, you’ve noticed I’m struggling, and I can see that your bottom lip is starting to tremble, even if slightly.
You’re slowly retracting your hand from my wrist and I really should say no, because I know what sneaking out means with you.
Instead, I grab your hand and lead you away from the crowd.
I wait by the door like I'm just a kid
I feel so stupid waiting here. You always make me wait, don’t you?
Maybe it’s because you know that you will always find me right here.
I know that tonight wasn’t easy for you, we’re just one day away from the Capitol and I shouldn’t blame you for how you’re treating me.
I take a glance at my watch and notice it’s almost midnight.
I feel like that time I was five, maybe four, waiting outside my mother’s room to give her a drawing. I hoped that would make her forgive me for not being able to carry the pans. I remember standing there for hours, with the piece of paper in my right hand and a burning cheek; she never opened the door.
Just as I’m starting to feel my eyes burning, probably because of the lack of sleep, I can hear your footsteps approaching the door.
Use my best colors for your portrait
I know you hate them.
I saw that in your eyes when I showed you my paintings.
I know it was mostly because they reminded you of the arena and your nightmares, but I can say almost for sure that you were not happy about the fact that you were in almost all of them.
I’m perfectly aware that you would hate what I’m working on right now, and I promised myself to never let you see it.
But I can’t help searching for the best colors to use for your hair, trying to imagine what they would look like outside, in the sun.
What colors your eyes would have if you smiled at me as if you really meant it.
Lay the table with the fancy shit
And watch you tolerate it
I’m really trying to make this dinner pleasant for you, I really am.
I know that you hate all of this: this enormous table, the stupid pink cloth on top of it, the unnecessary gold cutlery.
You’re clenching your fist around the knife while some lady with blue hair is explaining to me how they make jewelry here, and I’m listening along just so she won’t bother you.
She’s quite old, and she’s insistent while making me feel her necklace that is sitting just a little too low on her exposed cleavage.
I’m assuming that you’re not even aware of what’s happening when you let the gleaming knife drop on the plate.
The blue haired woman immediately drops my hand while directing her stunned look towards the source of disturbance, but you’re already standing up and dragging me with you on the dancefloor.
While we’re swinging on some soft notes, I brush your hair to the side and put my mouth close to your ear.
“What was that earlier? If you wanted to dance, you could just go.”
My tone is playful, but your expression isn’t when you look up at me. It’s clear that you’re hesitant about what to say, and your cheeks start to veer toward a light red while your brain is searching for the right words to use.
I begin to think that it decided to use no words at all, when I feel your hand slightly brushing my hair before answering me.
“I wanted you just for me.”
I feel the words tickle my neck, and they seem to give me a little more air to breath.
You look up at me just for a millisecond before diverting your eyes again.
“At least for a little while.”
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everlark feelings in songs
1. Oblivion, by M38 featuring Susanne Sundfør
I know, i know, it's part of the Oblivion soundtrack. But hear me out: the angst, the epic tragedy, the lyrics.
This song gives me EXTREME end of Catching Fire/entire THG feelings. Post Peeta's rescue Mockingjay too. I did use to listen to it a lot when I first read the books as a teen, so I may be influenced, but! Here's a bit of the lyrics:
"Since I was young
I knew I’d find you
But our love was a song
Sung by a dying swan"
How could a love be sung by a dying swan more than living under a heavily oppressive and violent regime in which you get thrown into a dying game (twice) with the one you (came to) love
"And when the nights are long,
All the stars recall your goodbye, your goodbye
And in the night, you hear me calling, you hear me calling
And in your dreams, you see me falling, falling"
It's giving trying desperately to keep each other alive. It's giving mourning for Peeta's hijacking and everything they've been through, it's giving Katniss desperate to rescue him, both of them having nightmares the other has died, the absolute incapacity they have of losing each other.
And just to top it off, there's a kind of epilogue in the song. It's so calm and yet melancholic after the tragedy of the main part. Whenever I'm reading post MJ everlark I find this segment playing in my mind.
Verdict: everlark song
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