#this song makes me think of the Actor in the different 'With Markiplier' series so much. specifically his relationship to the viewer/DA

[hiding-under-the-willow]

♾

NOT ENTIRELY ALONE - The Narcissist Cookbook

I haven't met God myself, I don't know anyone that has so I can't vouch for her gift-giving abilities Maybe she put a lot of thought into you Or maybe you were something she picked up at the 24-hour petrol station at the last minute, on the way to the party

[do-angels-dream-of-starry-seas]

Okay, so I woke up at 7:45 this morning, so I was not coherent enough to do my normal WandaVision livewatch for today's episode, BUUUT I will speak my mind now!!

Spoilers under the cut (duh):

The title of the episode itself was huge foreshadowing - "On A Very Special Episode" is what sitcoms back then referred to when they were doing episodes that dealt with heavy topics, thus the "very special" part

It's not only a nice tribute to the old sitcoms of the day, it's - again - blatantly foreshadowing what's gonna happen in the ending

But now, onto the episode:

So I had to rewatch the beginning, but now I definitely noticed how Wanda's voice was more down when she said the "previously on" bit. Extremely clever.

Vision is becoming more and more awaaaare

I know people still make out Agnes to be the big villain of it all, but she's either a really fucking good actor, or she's not entirely acting.

This entire episode was mostly me feeling bad for Vision :'(

That entire opening was so adorable, and I think that opening song's my most favorite one of the series

Though please don't make me see Baby Vision ever again, please and thank you

Wonder how Elizabeth felt -

Love the nice transitions between scenes of "WandaVision" and the world outside of Westview

I don't even notice the screen ratios, it's so smooth!

Darcy finally has her coffee :D

The trio of Monica, Darcy and Jimmy is not something I predicted, but now I love it

There was a quick clip of crying Wanda - doesn't look like foreshadowing though, cause there was a nice house in the background, a modern one - a flashback maybe?

They FINALLY confirm her powers and age!! I mean, it still causes major continuity issues with her MCU story, but hooray for something!!

Hayward is definitely suspicious (wow, how shocking -_-), but at least the trio are noticing it

I had my suspicions there was beef between Monica and Carol, but I didn't want them to be true

Homophobia

I saw this one blog who's a fan of Monica/Wanda, and same (I'm a dumb sapphic bitch, what did you expect)

So back to Vision

All the men reading the email was creepy

"Norm" saying it's just a joke was creepy

Him snapped out of it and yelling about "her" being in her mind was mega creepy

Also the actor did a fantastic job, just snapping between personalities like that

THAT LAGOS COMMERCIAL HONEY IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT

It really did make me smile seeing the trio still sticking up for Wanda, understanding how she's processing her grief and knowing she never had the proper therapy she needed

Fucking Wanda strutting out all badass, flinging back the broken drone

Also what the fuck was Hayward planning to do with Vision, cause fuck him

I don't like animal deaths or children deaths in general, so that did kinda get me

But I was mostly more confused by the twins - they seem to know more than what they should

Even Wanda said "what?" - she's at least not in control of them

Agnes still looking terrified, wondering if she'll do anything to her since she found Sparky

God, it was just so cool seeing the end credits while the scene was still going on - reminded me of Too Many Cooks in a way

Vision confirming for us that he has no memory of his life outside of Westview is so heartbreaking, Paul Bettany's really getting to show his chops now, turning this side robot character into a fleshed-out (no pun intended) personality

Also can Markiplier sue Marvel for taking his idea? (Go watch Wilford Motherlovin Warfstache if you don't understand - also go watch Markiplier if you haven't)

So I think we all, including me, joked about the mindfuckery of Evan Peters playing Pietro, but I don't think any of us thought it would actually come true

I'm pretty sure my brain was a mixture of the "potato flying through the ceiling" vine, the "YOU BETTER STAHP!" vine and the "BITCH WHAT THE FUCK" clip all at once

I really thought they were going for a "oh, this is the same Pietro, just similar in a different way, haha", but Darcy said they "recasted" him

Wanda was confused and a little freaked out the whole time

I know people are disappointed it's not Aaron-Taylor Johnson (I honestly didn't care if he played Pietro in this or not, sorry), but considering all of this, I believe this is intentional and will absolutely play a bigger role

Will he be revealed as Peter Maximoff? I don't think so (also I don't want him to be - way too confusing and we should leave the Fox X-Men to rest)

Is Wanda completely in control of Westview? I still don't think so, probably being manipulated by an outside force like Mephisto or maybe even Agnes (also it's such a red herring, everyone trying to insist she's the main villain)

Will the ending of WandaVision almost definitely tear my heart out? Absolutely (cause we know shit's gonna get fucked)

[blackaquokat]

The Song You Might Have Been (Chapter 1)

Fandom: A Heist with Markiplier/Who Killed Markiplier

Pairing: Prison Attorney (Yancy x Y/N District Attorney)

Summary: In which circumstances occur and the assistant district attorney ends up in the same prison as a certain inmate who might be their only chance at survival. 

A/N: Yes, it’s been months. I’m sorry. I had trouble finishing the last chapters so I put off posting it, because I didn’t want to leave you guys hanging if I never finished, and then I got hit with a major bout of depression regarding my writing and a bunch of other stuff in my life.

But, I’m feeling a lot better about myself and my writing, so I thought I’d share what I did have of this fic. Yes, this is the same nonbinary DA from my other series. Please let me know what you guys think!

Many thanks to @timelords-13

---

It’s unthinkable. Except that it isn’t, because it happened.

You’ve been framed for a crime you didn’t commit. 

And the frame job is good. Enough to have you arrested. Enough to taint what little good reputation you’d cultivated in the city as a public servant working under the District Attorney.

But not good enough to convince your closest friend. 

“Listen,” Damien reassures you, just before you’re hauled off to prison, “Don’t worry, we won’t leave you in there. I’m on this, Mark is on this—”

“Why should I be reassured that your B-list actor friend is interested in my case?”

Damien rolls his eyes. “I understand your doubt, but Mark is well-connected, my friend. His social capital rivals mine. I’m sure he can get a dedicated detective interested in clearing your name.”

“Why do you expect me to trust Mark’s judgment in detectives—”

“My friend, retain some of your optimism, or at least have some faith in me, please? And, listen, while you’re in prison, Make. Friends. Or alliances, at least. You’re going to need someone to keep you alive.”

“What, you don’t think I can look after myself?” 

You knew he was right, he is right, but if you didn’t give him a little bit of a hard time like you normally would, you would have lost what little cool you’re retaining.

And so here you are. Being escorted into prison. A non-white, not-quite-male prosecution lawyer. 

Great. Just great.

And apparently your reputation precedes you. Once you’ve been processed and properly stripped of almost all your personal possessions (you managed to sneak a picture of your mother into the pocket of your jumpsuit), you find yourself shoved into the outside yard and on the receiving end of stares from just about every prisoner milling about.

Your natural prickly bravery is warring with your fear of being in a place like this with no chance of protection. You find the most uninhabited corner of the yard and lean against the fence, hands in your pockets. Touching the photo in your pocket helps to ground your pounding heart.

Make friends. Easy for Damien to say. He’s not the one with the personality of a housecat only slightly used to human interaction, but that’s what happens when you dare to go against the status quo from the get-go and refuse to take shit from anyone about it.

The big difference between you and Damien is in your political approaches. Damien is transparent, kind, honest, and has enough social capital that the entire city adores him. Even the tabloids don’t dare to trash his reputation and any attempts to do so have fallen flat.

You, on the other hand, are far more cutthroat and firm in your approach. You emphasize justice and cracking down on the criminal element in the city, but you don’t leave out corrupt officials either. You’ve put just as many white collar criminals away as blue collar, and you’ve done so without any particular bias. You’ve created the reputation of an incorruptible crusader, but not someone who pursues a case without being absolutely sure the perp is guilty.

Hence your cynicism about the likelihood of anyone liking you enough to a) keep you alive here in a prison full of criminals you prosecuted or b) clear your name and get you out of prison in the first place.

“Hey!”

You immediately tense up. Please don’t be talking to me, please don’t be talking to me—

“Hey, you’re the attorney that put me in here!”

Jesus Crucified Christ. 

You make eye contact with the guy approaching you and, sure enough, you recognize him. A former gang member who’d taken a side job as a human trafficker. Who’d have thought even gangs looked down on that sort of thing? It was thanks to the gang leader himself that this guy was charged in the first place.

“Trent Newman,” you greet nonchalantly. “Long time, no see.”

Newman’s eyes narrow dangerously. He moves toward you like he’s got a shiv in his pocket. What’s the turnover on dead guards and prisoners here? You’ve tried to find out in the past, but the Warden who’d earned the nickname “Murder-Slaughter” didn’t exactly have an open book policy into the kind of prison he ran.

“Well, looks like my luck is turning around!” His hand reaches into his pocket. Shit. Sometimes you hate it when you’re right. “I’ve got something I’ve wanted to give to you since the trial, and now I’ve got my chance!”

You move slowly into a defensive position. Getting shivved on Day One of your prison stint won’t look good for you. “You sure you want to do this now, Newman? With the guards around? With this many witnesses?”

“Do I look like I care?” Newman spits back.

“Well, youse should, shouldn’t ya?”

Newman whirls around and your attention focuses on the guy who just popped up behind him. This inmate has multiple tattoos on his neck and arms, and the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to his biceps.

“But, c’mon, Boss, this ain’t just any criminal, this is an attorney, this is the attorney—”

“I thought I told you, Newbie Newman. No one gets shivved here without my knowin’ ‘bout it. So why don’t youse go occupy youself elsewhere whilst I welcome our new guest?” This guy’s tone is casual enough, but only an idiot would miss the outright threat underlining his words. 

Newman is an idiot, but he’s not that clueless. He tosses one last glare your way before storming off.

Once Newman is gone, this guy saunters up to you with all the confidence of someone who’s been here for too many years to count. “I’ve heard of youse, I think. You’re that big-time attorney somebody, huh? I’ve got quite a few inmates here who’ve got youse to thank for their residence.”

This isn’t off to a promising start, delayed shivving notwithstanding. You wait for him to get to his point.

He inclines his head at you. “Not much of a talker, huh? That’s fine. I loves to chat it up. The names Yancy, by the by.” He rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck. There looks to be a pack of cigarettes stuffed into his rolled up sleeve. “So, what are youse doin’ in here? Get a little tired of following that justice book of youse’s? Take a bribery from the defense? Get a little snort of the good stuff?”

“Frame job,” you answer, against your better judgment.

“So you finally snapped and framed a guy? Can’t say I’m surprised, you lawyer types—”

“No, I was framed,” you correct. You’re not sure why. It’s not like it will matter to this guy. 

Yancy’s eyebrows shoot upwards. “Is that right?” When you don’t respond, he leans forward, his eyes squinting at you. “So you tellin’ me youse innocent, then?”

Your brow lifts at him in response. “Would you believe me if I did say that?”

Yancy blinks at you like a baffled cat. He leans even closer, sniffs a few times, and straightens away from you. “Yes, yes I think I could. What were youse framed for?”

Wait? What? Does guilt smell like something? Your arms cross over your chest. “Uh, well, I don’t have any proof on me—”

“This ain’t the kinda place lookin’ for proof, just get on with youse’s tale, huh?”

Well then. This wasn’t exactly how you expected to tell your life story for the first time. This day is already shaping up to be far different from your expectations. 

“Another attorney at the office was on the take. Connor Smith.” His office nickname had been “Pit-stain,” but that’s not exactly pertinent to your story. “Leaking information and taking bribes from another public official that I’m pretty sure is embezzling from the charity he’s running. Maybe even funding the new drug empire in the city. I only had been investigating off the books for a week before Smith ended up dead, and the police found evidence implicating me.”

Yancy listens to all of this quietly, nodding along and stroking his chin with two fingers. “I see, I see…” Then he shrugs. “Well, that’s unfortunate for youse, but hey, life’s an unfair bowl of cream, ain’t it? So, while you get comfortable in youse’s cell, I can show youse the ropes of this place—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” you interrupt. “You’re making it sound like I’m never getting out.”

Yancy blinks at you again. “Well, why would youse wanna leave?”

Is he...is he serious? “Why would I want to stay in a prison full of inmates who want me dead?”

“What, like that jackass Newman?” Yancy scoffs. “Look, Gorgeous, many of youse’s arrests are happy to be here. No water bills, hooch wine, no nine-to-five job eating their mind away.” He clicks his tongue and winks. “What more could you ask for?”

Well for starters, you’d like wine not made out of toilet water, but that’s not the point right now. “My freedom, maybe? Because I’m innocent?”

“Hey, what makes you think I’m not innocent myself?”

“Are you?”

“No, but it’s the principal of the thing, ya know? Innocent until proven guilty, and all that nonsense!”

You can’t help it. You laugh. This is so goddamn surreal, and you’re still utterly baffled that this is your life for the foreseeable future. Your laughter catches Yancy off guard and you wave your hand dismissively. “You’re right, you’re right. Still, I think I’ll focus on staying alive until my name is cleared.”

Yancy’s eyes narrow at you again. “What, you think you’re too good for this place, is that it?”

The anger in his voice is confusing. “No? I just...have…” You shrug helplessly. “I have people I need to get back to.”

The anger leaks out of Yancy’s posture as a look of understanding comes over his face. “Ah, I see! Youse gotta piece on the outside, huh? Well, Gorgeous, that’s what conjugal visits are for, I don’t see why that would hold youse up—”

“No, God, no, that’s not what I meant. I mean...ugh, fine.” Against your better judgment, again, you pull your mom’s picture out of your pocket and show Yancy. It’s one of the few you have of the both of you together. Happy. Smiling. 

Much to your horror, Yancy yanks the picture right out of your grip. “Hey!”

He skips out of your reach without taking his eyes off of your mom’s image. “Youse the family type, huh, is that it?”

You snatch the picture out of his hand and stuff it back into your pocket. “What if I am?”

“Hey, no need to act all defensively there, Gorgeous,” Yancy reassures. There’s a glint of...something in his eyes. You’d dare to call it regret if you didn’t know better. “But lemme tell you what I’ve learned since coming here, yeah?” He leans in just close enough to make you uncomfortably aware of his soapy smell. The last person to be this physically close to you was Damien. “You’ll forget about youse’s familial bonds soon enough. The past doesn’t survive within these walls, you hear?”

He pulls away from you just as the prison bell rings and you suddenly feel like you can breathe again. “Anyways, you’ll change youse’s mind soon enough. Once you forget about your worries and strife, youse’ll fit right into this luxurious place.”

The man jogs inside with a gang of inmates surrounding him before you can respond.

You don’t see Yancy again until breakfast the next morning.

After a night of anxious sleep on the bunk underneath the cellmate who barely spoke two words to you (you’re pretty sure this is another criminal you condemned in court), you weren’t really sure what to expect at mealtime. You came in long after dinner the day before and your conversation with Yancy left you wrongfooted for many reasons.

(Of course, first things first, you have to deal with the public showers. Hopefully that’ll be the worst part of this experience.)

You settle at a corner table all by yourself. Breakfast consists of a runny but hot oatmeal and a small carton of milk. Your appetite is nonexistent, but seeing as the food situation might not improve anytime soon, you take small bites anyway. You can’t afford to let your strength wane from hunger.

“Are you the framed lawyer?”

You almost choke on your oatmeal as you spin around in your seat and see a giant of a man standing behind you, his forearms crossed. There’s a spider web tattoo on his bald head and a long bushy beard on his chin. “I...might be?”

He nods and sits next to you. The seat creaks underneath him. He pulls a fork out of the pocket of his jumpsuit and takes a giant bite out of your oatmeal. “Boss told me to make sure no one bothers you. The name’s Jimmy.”

By “boss” does he mean Yancy? Why the hell would Yancy bother with giving you a personal guard? 

“...oh. Thanks?” 

Jimmy nods gravely. “I do what the boss tells me. He’d be here himself, but he had business to tend to with the warden.”

You have nothing to say to that, so you continue eating your oatmeal and continue to just let Jimmy eat off your plate. He asks for your milk carton and you hand it off without a word. 

It’s not until breakfast is about to end that the man of the hour himself appears. “G’morning, g’morning, Legal Eagle!” Yancy greets. “How are you and Jimmy the Pickle here getting along?”

“They gave me their milk!” Jimmy reports with a toast of your milk carton.

“Oh, a generous lawyer?” Yancy looks you up and down. “First one to come to this place. That’ll be all, Jimmy, thank you.”

When Jimmy goes to leave, turning back one last time to smile at you with a wave of the milk carton, Yancy takes his place the next seat down from you, feet coming up to rest in the space between the two of you.

“Dare I ask why you assigned me a bodyguard?” Suspicious as you are, you try to convey through tone that you have no problem with having one.

“Can’t have a new inmate die right off the bat, now can I?” Yancy pulls a bread roll out of his pocket and tosses it to you. You catch it in surprise. “Casts a bad look on me. No one dies here without my say-so.”

You take a bite out of the bread roll. It’s a little stale, but it’s much preferable to the oatmeal. “So I’m more useful to you alive right now?” You’re not offended. At this point, you’ll take what you can get until you’re released from Happy Trails Penitentiary. 

“You could say that.” Yancy blows a loose strand of hair out of his face. “I was just talking to the warden about your cellmate situation.”

“What about it?”

“Well,” the bell rings, signalling the end of breakfast, and Yancy winks as he swings his feet off and hurries away again, “you’ve got a new one, of course!”

You don’t think much of this until that evening. In the meantime, your first job is in the kitchens washing dishes. There’s a pleasant routine to doing a chore you’re familiar with. The guard in charge of this job is more than terrifying, but he leaves you alone once he sees how quick and efficient you are.  (You’re not so naive as to forget that prison guards can be even more dangerous than the inmates.) 

Jimmy plops next to you again at lunch and your time in the yard passes, miraculously, without incident.

When it’s time to return to your cell for the night, you see an unfamiliar pair of legs dangling from the top bunk. Then you see the face at the other end of the body.

“What,” you begin with no small amount of suspicion, “the hell are you playing at?”

“I’m sure I have no idea what youse talkin’ about, Legal Eagle,” Yancy (because of course it is) responds in a too-innocent voice. 

Looks like that nickname is sticking. Great. 

“Listen,” Yancy continues when he sees that you’re not at all convinced at this ‘coincidence’ that has taken place not even twenty-four hours after your arrival. “Like youse said. There are plenty of inmates here who’d like to see you dead. I can hold off most of them, no problemo. But a few are just whack job enough to be out of my hands. They barely listen to the warden, let alone me. Henceforthing, I say that the best bet is to keep an eye on youse myself. I’m a rather busy bee durin’ the daytime, so I’ll be takin’ the night shift, I will.” 

He shifts around the bunk until his top half is dangling upside down, right in front of your face. “Unless you’d rather someone sneak in at night and stick ya in youse sleep.”

“I think you know the answer to that,” you retort. “But why put in this much effort to protect a new inmate, and more than that, a prosecuting attorney?” A thought occurs to you and your eyes widen. “Wait. Do you...do you know something about my case?”

Even upside down, Yancy’s face is inscrutable. “I guess you’ll have to figure that out for youself, don’t ya, Gorgeous?” He lifts himself back onto the bed and crosses  his ankles. “Why don’t you get some rest, huh? The guard in charge of the kitchens doesn’t take too kindly to cranky inmates who don’t appreciate the work they’ve been given.”

You stand there, glaring at him, for another several seconds before dropping to the floor and doing fifty push-ups. Because you didn’t do your usual twenty-five last night and also because you’re not just going to take this guy’s word as gospel. You’ll wait until he’s asleep first before getting to bed.

--

Thank you for reading! Please relbog/comment! If you want to be tagged/untagged for the rest of this series or this pairing, please leave a message in my inbox!

Link to Chapter 2 is here!

@starcrossedforever87 , @dontworryaboutanything , @beereblogsstuff , @falseroar , @intemperantiae , @memetoyoko , @soul-wolf , @marki-dumb , @withjust-a-bite , @raimeyl , @scribbeetle , @its-dari , @neverisadork , @silver-owl413 , @sassy-in-glasses , @chelseareferenced , @sketchy-scribs-n-doods , @axolittle-boi , @wildfandom , @shrinkthisviolet , @purple-anxiety-blog , @conceitedink , @skidspace

[locolioness]

30 Days of Autism Acceptance 2019 - Day 7

(https://pro-autistic.tumblr.com/post/183765294749/30-days-of-autism-acceptance-2019)

Day 7: Talk about special interests. What does having special interests mean to you? Talk about your current special interests. Or talk about past special interests. What’s the most unusual special interest you’ve had?

Having special interests is like a good feeling to me and it helps me cope in different ways. There are some that make me feel relax, happy and excited.

My current interests so far are The Last Unicorn film and the Game Grumps. There’s just something about the Last Unicorn that gets me drawn into it. It is aesthetic like pleasing to me in many ways I can't describe it. The soundtrack is also enchanting but its theme song will always be memorable. I saw it about a year ago with my older sister when I was staying at her place after my job at the pharmacy was getting worse with not receiving enough working hours. After seeing it, it made me interested to read the book that the film was adapted from and made me love unicorns even more than ever.

Game Grumps was another current interest of mine. When I first heard about them, I was like curious about them. I knew they were Youtubers like Markiplier (a Youtuber I'm mostly familiar with). I saw a few of their let's play videos and a couple of sketches they done called the 10 Minute Power Hour. I got hooked afterwards. They make me laugh in some unexpected ways. They seem like the type of people who give off that vibe like they're lovable. Especially the major duo, Arin Hanson and Dan Avidan.

My past interests was Wolf’s Rain, Storm Hawks, Pinky and the Brain and League of Super Evil. Wolf’s Rain was an anime got me interested when I was 10 years old when I first saw it aired on Toonami. At that time, I was a kid who loves animals and wolves were one of my favorites (which they are still to this day), so anything that has wolves or anything with animals in it, be it a movie, cartoon or TV show, I get immediately absorbed. It’s pretty much an underrated anime. It’s about four wolves who are on a journey to find Paradise in a post apocalyptic setting. I really loved the characters, the plot and the aesthetic of it. I got the complete series in Blu-ray & DVD combo set so I can watch it whenever I’m in the mood to re-watch it again.

Storm Hawks was a Canadian cartoon that used air around when I was 13-14 years old. That was when Cartoon Network was airing it in 2007. It’s mainly about a group of teens who are heroes called sky knights and saving their world called Atmos from many villains and other types of threats. It’s got a good level of humor and action and it contains a sci-fi and fantasy type of genre. It’s pretty awesome and I love the voice actors behind the cartoon itself. I even own a few DVDs of it including some of the figures that are hard to find now.

Pinky and the Brain was a cartoon I used to watch a lot when I was a kid next to Animaniacs. I always love watching these two lab mice trying to take over the world and their personalities are just what makes them so likable. It just makes you want to cheer them on to reach for world domination and the humor is just so creative it makes me laugh every time. I have all three season of the series including the infamous spin-off series, Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain.

League of Super Evil was another Canadian cartoon, made by the same people who made Storm Hawks and there are a few Storm Hawks voice actors who worked in there too. I was introduced by it when I was 15 years old. It aired on Cartoon Network a few years after Storm Hawks. It’s about a group of villains who are trying to take over their neighborhood and the world even though they’re not much a threat and their “evil” plans are just pranks that mainly annoy people. It’s like Pinky and the Brain in some elements. I have a DVD and recorded VHS tapes of the cartoon.

As for unusual interests, I don't think I have any from what I can remember unless I do but I forgot about it .

[nyxi-styx]

It’s hard joining a new fandom sometimes

I’m just going to take a minute to vent a little bit of my feelings and I honestly don’t care if anyone reads this.

At 25 years old (24 when I started getting dragged into it all), I thought I was “too old” to be a YouTube fan. It was, after all, rather after my time. Established in 2005, I didn’t really experience anything on YouTube until about 2007-2008. Back then it was meme-y BS like Shoop-da-Whoop, “Shoes”, Charlie the Unicorn, and Potter Puppet Pals. As I grew older, YouTube seemed like something better left to teens. Maybe use it to look up a music video or something instructional and then fall down a Slow-Mo Guys or choreography rabbit hole. Still not a fandom. The closest I came to such was binge-watching Rob Dyke’s WWYPTOTI series and Twisted Tens series.

At Indy PopCon 2016, I was there with friends to see a guest (and caught glimpses of a passing Kevin Smith as I was so that was badass). Two of my friends were already in the YouTube culture world and fans of Markiplier and Dan & Phil. While we were having a snack and playing a card game, they spotted Wade (THE LordMinion777) taking some photos with fans int eh same food court area. I went over and took the photo of them with him, having no idea who this dude was. Less than a month later, (I’d say about 2 weeks) one of those two friends finally introduced me to Markiplier. I don’t remember the reasoning, but she showed me I Am Bread first. It was funny. I liked it. I didn’t think I’d get as into it as she did. However, curiosity had the better of me and I went to my room that night and watched him play ALL of OctoDad: Dadliest Catch. I laughed so hard I cried and that sold it for me. I fell in love. Of course, I had known a little about him due to gratuitous gifs and photos all over this godforsaken hellsite and I always thought he seemed like a nice, genuine person. Overtime, I just kept watching. I got to know about Bob and Wade and Team Edge. I fell in love with Chica. I just really enjoyed myself. Of course, I knew a little bit about JackSepticEye too, but I though being a Markiplier fan was about as deep into YouTube fandom as I was going to get.

About February, I saw a recommended playlist of JSE videos on an unrelated site. At this point, the post with the playlist was about 4 months old. I decided to go ahead and watch it, just to try something new. Naturally, I fell in love. I loved Jack more than I love Mark soon enough, not through any fault of Mark or anything. He’s still a wonderful person. I just loved that Jack was jsut unabashedly, fully, enjoying himself and nerding out and THEN doing the “professional” thing and reviewing the game whereas Mark would try to review while playing and get distracted by his own emotions and reactions. Not that that is a bad thing. That doesn’t mean Jack is better than Mark. I love them both SO much, but I find it easier to connect with Jack that way because that’s how I am too. I think that’s how most of us are. Once again, I thought this was as deep into YouTube fandom as I was going to get. I caught up with most of their videos (both Mark and Jack). The ones that interested me anyway. And then I would go back and forth and catch up on their latest. So, naturally, I got to know Tyler and Ethan too.

Unfortunately- and I feel like dirt admitting this, like I feel so fucking guilty and that’s why I’m venting here- I paid a lot of attention to Tyler and Mark and not a whole lot to Ethan. I didn’t have anything against him at all. He was funny and adorable. I just... *shrug*. But eventually, his self-deprecating jokes about “my channel is dying” started echoing in my head. And I found myself going “Why?” I knew they would tease him about his opening (which I think is a little unfair since it happens to be joked about more than Mark’s or Jack though there’s are targeted too) and that was about it. So, I finally went and I hit that subscribe button and waited until I had a little bit of time to really check out the content.

I finally sat down and opened the Crank Gameplays channel and started saving playlists of content that I found interesting. I don’t remember where exactly I started but I was kind of like “Okay. Cool. Cool. I mean there’s a lot of similarities between YouTube gamers, so how much can you really do?” But then I saw the video of Ethan and his brother singing “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” and I was like “Wow! He can sing! He’s got a really nice voice! It’s kind of that rugged jazzy, folks-y type voice. He kinda reminds me of like... Train or Matt Nathanson. Neato.” But then in ‘recommended’ came a video (I assume a clip from a livestream) of Ethan playing ukulele and covering “Can’t Help Falling In Love”. If there’s one thing I’m a sucker for, it’s Elvis songs.

I watched that video and fell. in. LOVE. Instant stan. I don’t know what it was but I just... couldn’t help falling in love. Haha.

Like I do, I instantly tried to find out a lot about him as if to play catch up. I was surprised to find out he’s a bit younger than me. But he’s got the same birthday as my dad (three days before mine and 3 days after my favourite actor) so of course I thought that was pretty freaking cool.

Maybe it’s because I always root for the underdog and the secondary characters... maybe it’s because blue is my favourite colour... maybe it’s because I am a sucker for hazel eyes... maybe it’s because I always fall for the biggest dork... I don’t know. I can’t pinpoint it, but Ethan is so wildly different from Mark and Jack. They’re all super nice, super genuine guys, but something about Ethan tugs at my heartstrings way more.

Whatever it is, I’m happy to be here. I’m happy to watch him grow and succeed in the next year. And I’m SO excited to have the chance to meet him at Indy PopCon 2018.

The thing is, though... I feel... like I don’t belong here. In Mark’s fandom, I really am just a number. Nobody notices. Nobody cares. In Jack’s fandom... well, the Overnight Watch was my first foray into community interaction and I was so surprised and overwhelmed by how welcome I was. Like it didn’t matter how long I had been a fan, what mattered was that I was a fan and I was happy to be interacting. And it’s nice to be a part of a fandom in which there’s little to no toxicity and drama and hatred amongst fans. It’s nice to be completely accepted.

In Ethan’s fandom... well, I’ve been here all of about a week... and I feel like I’m trying too hard. Like I shouldn’t be in this community because everyone else has been here longer. Everyone else understands more. Everyone else is better than me. I don’t matter.

This is why it’s nice to have @markidarkimoo as a friend. She stans with me no matter who or what.

The worst of it all in these three fandoms is that I can’t make fanart. I am shit at mood/aesthetic boards. I CAN make video edits, but my current laptop will not support my preferred software and I can’t afford a better laptop for a while. I am shit at photo edits.

I just... I can’t do anything worthwhile. I see all this other amazing work that all of the rest of you put out and I just... feel so insignificant.

Being part of a “big box” fandom like Supernatural or Marvel or Sherlock is easy for me because they’re all fictional characters and people eat up fanfic like they’re starving to death. Doesn’t matter if I can’t fan art. I can contribute to the fandom and show my love by making stories.

YouTube is different. It’s not based on fictional characters (Jack’s Egos and Darkiplier aside), it’s based all on real people. I can’t fanfic that unless it’s reader insert and that’s not something for the creators to see (*if they ever do, please kill me*) and enjoy.

I don’t know... I just feel pretty useless. These fandoms are smaller than the “big box” fandoms so I feel like I have to contribute something in order to properly show my love and appreciation and gratitude. But I can’t. I’m just useless. I’m just a blip.