#this term predated the others so get off my lawn

[folatefangirl]

[violetsandshrikes]

hiya! I just saw your tags on the pūkeko post and was wondering why they're considered pests? is it a canadian goose situation where they live in close proximity to humans and are therefore labeled as pests b/c waste and/or noise? despite my love for the leggy bastards, I didn't see many at all when I was last in aotearoa and thought they were actually rare

Pūkeko are kind of a weird situation - they're not actually a pest, and they're partially protected. However, you can do a cull with the permission of the department of conservation, and they are okay to shoot during hunting seasons.

They're primarily swamp birds but they do really well in most environments honestly - they're frequent in urban and rural Aotearoa, and you'll see hoards of them alongside roadsides and pretty much anywhere with nearby access to water. This means their numbers tend to do pretty well. Sanctioned culls happen in areas where they're outcompeting other threatened birds for food and space, but isn't that common.

The reason you'll mainly hear the word 'pest' attached to them is because they do enjoy a good garden or crop, whether it be urban or agricultural. Farmers tend to get quite pissed off when pūkeko come through at dawn or dusk and rip up all their crops (cabbages are the ones I hear about the most but honestly they'll eat most things - I've never seen them as a particularly picky bird). They're also one you have to watch in paddocks as they'll rip up grass in larger numbers, and they'd make water troughs pretty nasty. I have heard that they can also be a menance when it comes to tree-planting and trying to rewild native bush regions, but in Aotearoa you usually have to adapt pretty quickly to keep small mammals and birds away from baby plants anyway.

In terms of local councils running them over (especially chicks) with lawn mowers and such, I've seen that kind of thing a few times and tbh it's probably not that legal, but would also likely be hard to prosecute. They can be fairly messy and some people consider their calls annoying (you can hear some on the NZ Birds page here), therefore most people don't appreciate them in urban centers or places that are meant to be kept "groomed".

Interestingly it seems that quite a few pūkeko come through bird rescues as well. A lot get hit by cars or have bad tangles with domestic animals, but also quite a few are kept as pets and then eventually dumped (I don't know the official legality of having a pet pūkeko but I know that they usually get euthanised when they're brought in so it's definitely a "don't do that" situation). Unfortunately, a major issue seems to be that when they're raised by humans and dumped, quite a few of them develop angel wing condition - basically the wing is mangled and you'll see feathers sticking in the opposite direction of where they should be. Leading theory in pūkeko is that it is tied to nutritional deficiency, and though it can be potentially fixed if it's caught when the bird is young, not many people would bother due to the comfortable status of the species as a whole. It sucks for the individual bird however because it means they're pretty screwed when a predator or fast car approaches.

[hms-chill]

RWRB Study Guide: Chapter 4

Hi y’all! I’m going through Casey McQuiston’s Red, White & Royal Blue and defining/explaining references! Feel free to follow along, or block the tag #rwrbStudyGuide if you’re not interested!

The Willard (75): A luxury hotel just down the street from the White House, where rooms can cost up to $8,000 per night. It hosts the turkeys to be pardoned by the president.

Cornbread and Stuffing (75): Traditional Thanksgiving dishes. Pardoning turkeys are commonly named after foods associated with Thanksgiving, recently including Bread, Butter, Cheese, and Apple.

Pennsylvania Avenue (75): The street that the White House and Willard are on.

Until I pardon them (75): The pardoning of the turkeys is an actual American tradition. Americans began sending turkeys to the president around the same time we started celebrating Thanksgiving, and the tradition of pardoning them began with Clinton in 1999. Only one turkey is officially pardoned, but there is always a backup turkey, and you can read their names here. 

En suite (76): A bathroom directly connected to a bedroom.

CNN (76): Cable News Network, a liberal news station.

Republican primary debate (76): A debate between candidates for the Republican (conservative) party, held before the party decides who they will nominate for the presidential race.

Summer home in Majorca (79): Majorca is an island in the Mediterranean, just off the coast of Spain.

Jurassic Park* (79): A movie in which dinosaurs escape from their cages and the main characters have to escape them.

Autoerotic asphyxiation (80): “erotic asphyxiation” is essentially sexual choking; if it’s “autoerotic” it would be Alex doing it to himself.

Silk pillow over my face (80): This may be a reference to the Shakespeare play Othello where (spoilers, though it’s been out for like 500 years) the title character smothers his wife with a pillow after rumors that she’s cheating on him.

Jaffa cakes (80): A British snack with a sponge cake base, a layer of orange jam, and topped with chocolate.

Jabba (81): Jabba the Hutt, a Star Wars character.

Great British Bake Off (81): A famously wholesome baking show that is technically a competition between home bakers from around the UK, though it is far from competitive.

Scandinavian skin care (81): Many luxury skincare brands have come from Scandinavian countries in the past few years.

Chopped (82): An incredibly competitive American cooking show.

The Manson tapes (82): A series of tapes revealing the dealings of the Manson Cult, which was responsible for nine murders in 1969.

David Bowie (82): A famously bisexual British actor and musician known for his bold presentation and stagecraft. He was admitted to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 1996. (listen here and here)

Seinfeld (82): An American sitcom from the 1990s. Wayne Knight, who played Dennis Nedry and had a very bad time in Jurassic Park, was also in Seinfeld.

Jeff Goldblum (82): An American actor (and force of chaos) known for his role as Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park, a scientist who sees from the very beginning that maybe breeding massive predators is a bad idea.

The Post (84): The Washington Post

Oval Office (84): The president’s office in the White House

Lincoln Bedroom (85): A guest bedroom that is part of the Lincoln Suite in the White House, named after President Lincoln, who used to room as an office.

Chocolate shop on the first floor (85): According to the White House Museum online, there is a chocolate shop on the bottom floor of the White House that prepares the chocolates served in the White house.

The Atlantic (85): An American editorial magazine that covers news, politics, education, science, and more. It targets serious readers and “thought leaders”. (More)

Truman Balcony (85): A balcony overlooking the White House’s South Lawn (in the “back” of the White House).

Mijo (85): For those who haven’t read my fic “Speaking My Language” here, “mijo” is Spanish term of endearment that translates directly to “my son” (Mi hijo)

Washington monument (86): A tall obelisk on the National Mall in Washington, DC, dedicated to George Washington.

Eisenhower Building (86): The Eisenhower Executive Offices Building is a building that houses the executive Office of the President, including the Vice President’s office.

Los Bastardos (86): Spanish for “The bastards”.

Caldillo (86): a spicy Mexican beef stew.

Masa (86): A corn/maize dough used for making corn tortillas, tamales, and other Mexican/Latin American dishes.

Valedictorian (87): A student who ranks the highest in their graduating class in high school.

New Orleans (87): A city in Louisiana known for its vibrant blend of French and Creole culture, its jazz scene, and its Mardi Gras celebration. It is also Casey McQuinston’s hometown.

AP classes (90): Advanced placement classes are high school classes taught at a college level; at the end of the year, students take a test to determine whether or not they will get college credit for it.

Hanukkah (90): A Jewish celebration honoring the second rededicating of the temple in Jerusalem. It is not traditionally a major Jewish holiday, but it has become one of the best-known due to the fact that it occurs near Christmas every year. 

“Good King Wenceslas” (91): A traditional Christmas song about a king who braves the cold to give alms to a poor peasant on Christmas.

Jim-jams (91): Pajamas.

Tiger sharks over a baby seal (91): According to my roommate, who loves sharks, tiger sharks are one of the most vicious types of sharks. They’re bottom feeders, so they wouldn’t necessarily get seals too often, but if they got one, they would be all over it.

Bougie (95): Fancy or upper class (from the French “bourgeoisie”).

Real Housewife (95): The Real Housewives of [City] are a string of semi-popular American reality TV shows.

East Room (95): An event and reception room in the White House.

Tramp stamp (96): A tattoo on the lower back, associated with less savory activities and a general air of trashiness.

Zac Posen (97): A gay, Jewish fashion designer from New York, known for his glamorous evening gowns and cocktail dresses.

Middle-shelf whiskey (97): A “middle shelf” alcohol is one step up from the cheapest option; a whiskey is a dark alcohol associated with Texas/the West.

“American Girl” (98): A 1976 rock song that has become a rock classic. (Listen here)

Center for American Progress (98): A liberal public policy research and advocacy organization.

Pez (candy) (99): A type of small, sweet pieces of candy that come from fancy, collectable Pez dispensers.

Sky writers (99): Sky writers use the trails of their airplanes to write things in the sky. It costs at least $3,500 for a single message.

“Get Low” (101): Despite its incredibly raunchy lyrics, this song was a common one at school dances in the early 2010s. I was in middle school in roughly 2010-2012, and I have vivid memories of people being into this song.

The Kid ‘n Play (102): A dance move pioneered by the hip-hop duo of the same name, loosely based on the Charleston. (see it here)

Vato (102): Mexican slang for “friend”, “person”, or “dude”. 

Moët & Chandon (102): A luxury French champagne.

New Year’s Kiss (103): At least in the US, it’s traditionally considered good luck to kiss someone at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s.

Peach schnapps (103): Schnapps is a sweet, inexpensive, and very alcoholic drink.

Rookie NFL running back (103): A running back is a football position responsible for running with the ball. Most are either short and quick to avoid tackles or big and stocky to power through them.

Yacht kid (104): Someone rich.

Orion**(105): A winter northern hemisphere constellation of a hunter/warrior. According to Greek mythology, Orion was the only man (or person) the goddess Artemis ever loved, but she refused to give up her life with her huntresses for him. He began burning/destroying her forest in retribution, and she is forced to kill him.

America’s golden boy (105): A “golden boy” is a boy who is favored or put upon a pedestal. 

Tequila (106): A type of alcohol that originates from central Mexico.

Bloke (106): British slang for a “regular dude” or everyday man.

Teen Vogue (106): An American magazine aimed at teenagers that used to focus on fashion and celebrity news, but has more recently shifted to dealing with serious social issues.

------

*This movie is especially known for its special effects, which are incredible because they actually built animatronic dinosaurs and also got real scientists on the project to help them figure out how dinosaurs would move/act. After it came out, earth and environmental science departments around the world got a ton of funding to see if they could find any dinosaur DNA in fossils, as that’s a central part of the movie’s plot.

**According to a nerd astronomy class I took in like 4th grade, every culture who could see Orion saw a warrior, which is just... really cool to me. That so many people for so long saw the same thing in a set of stars.

------

If there’s anything I missed or that you’d like more on, please let me know! And if you’d like to/are able, please consider buying me a ko-fi? I know not everyone can, and that’s fine, but these things take a lot of time/work and I’d really appreciate it! A massive thanks to @lyanna-wilson for the ko-fis the other day; they meant a ton!

------

Chapter 1 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 5 

[inikavulpixelreviews]

Let’s Talk About Pokemon - The Flying Type

Moving on, next up is the Flying type. Flying type is a type that I feel like should be right up my alley, since that's where almost all the birds are. (Of course worth mentioning Flying type was almost called the Bird type.) But Flying as a concept is perhaps on the underwhelming side. It mostly gets treated as an add-on to airborne Pokemon that don't already have a secondary Typing.

I do like a number of the Pokemon in the Flying type of course, but not necessarily because they're Flying type, y'know? It's a lot like Normal in that it's a fairly non-descript type by concept since a number of Pokemon could be “Flying”. I'd personally rather have a more traditional Wind element, which despite Pokemon's leaning on Elemental Rock-Paper-Scissors, “Wind” by name is absent despite having Water, Fire, “Nature”, Ice, and so-on present.

And obviously Flying does occasionally get treated like a “Wind” type, all the moves that are big gusts of wind get to be Flying type, but Flying also gets very specific bird-like actions as moves. Pecking, Flying dive-bombs, and even something as specific as parroting someone else's action gets to be Flying type.

That said, I’m not sure if Flying can really get retooled into a “Wind” type at this point. It’s a little too integrated into the current Pokemon sphere that most things that float off the ground have the valuable immunity to Ground type. If we were to change Flying to Wind and chop Flying off of anything that would pass as mono-type since it’s not heavily associated with wind, could you reasonably expect them to ALL sacrifice their own abilities in favor of Levitate? Hmmm.

The typing can occasionally get some neat uses, but other than that, I tend to like its Pokemon more than the type itself, really.

Top 10 Favorite Flying Types:

Bottom 10 Least Favorite Flying Types:

The Cutest:

The Coolest:

The Prettiest:

The Spookiest:

Weirdest/Most Unique:

Most Inventive Use of the Type:

More like... which ones among this type full of birds and winged insects aren't either of those things? There IS Hawlucha but it's easily the most inventive in terms of BEING a bird.

FLYING TYPE WISHLIST:

NOTE: These Type Wishlists were written out before any news on new Pokemon from Sword and Shield. The Pokemon revealed over time will not affect these wishlists. Just to present them unaltered despite spoilers and in the interest of getting the wishlist out there, and to see which items on said wishlists get fulfilled by Sword and Shield!

I'm just gonna shove all my favorite birds that aren't in Pokemon yet here k thanks.

A proper Cardinal:

Yes, we got some easy cardinal stand-ins thanks to Fletchinder, so it doesn't hurt too much to not have them present just yet.

A Hummingbird:

How have we not gotten one of these yet?! Especially since they'd be a shoe-in for the Fairy type!

A Raven:

I know Ravens are aesthetically very similar to crows, and we already got one of those. But I'd still say it'd be really neat to have one of the spookier birds out there as a neat Ghost/Flying type perhaps. I just feel like they aughta avoid Dark. We already got the niche of black Dark/Flying bird filled with Murkrow, and Fakemon (Mine that I made 10 years ago include) are ALWAYS making their ravens Dark type.

Blue Jay:

Bonus points if they go for an asshole with a heart of gold angle with them. Blue Jays often get a bad rap for being loud, obnoxious, and ill-mannered birds. But in actuality, Blue Jays (though possibly inadvertently) will warn smaller birds and other Blue Jays with their loud call that predators like cats and birds of prey are around. They'll even mob these predators to keep them away from feeding areas! Yeah, they're still being huge jerks to the predators, but they're sticking up for the smaller, more vulnerable birds!

Potoo:

If they're going after meme animals lately, Potoo is PRIME Pokemoning potential.

A Peacock:

Yet another one that I'm surprised hasn't happened yet. I can only hope it's because they just have too many ideas for what a neat peacockmon would look like and can't decide. Because I certainly know that feeling.

A Flamingo:

These lovable little weirdos are up there with peacocks for one of the more requested birds to be made into Pokemon. And I personally would find it hilarious if they played the tacky flamingo lawn ornament into their look somehow.

Secretary Bird:

Now here's a bird with some kick to it! This bird's unique in that its primary method of attack is delivering some swift kicks to prey. A good candidate for the Flying/Fighting type!

Nicobar Pigeon:

And while we're getting on more exotic birds, let's take a look at the poor Dodo's closest living relative, which is this fabulous looking long-hair-having pigeon. Just imagine all the ridiculously flamboyant Pokemon you could make out of this thing alone.

Cassowary:

Sure, let's stick a flightless bird in there because I wouldn't know where else to put it. I've always loved these Cassowary weirdos because, even minding modern science has taught us birds are the modern evolution of dinosaurs, the Cassowary just straight up looks like a still-living dinosaur. With that wicked bony head crest and those big T-Rex-like legs it has. Whenever we get around to finally having an Australian-based region, I'm definitely crossing my fingers for one of these!

[Archive]

[zebraslovescupcakestoo]

My frienemies

Have you ever had two very close friends that you cherished, but you can't see how they both hate each other at the same time? And the only reason they're together is yourself?

Or am I the only guy who has those kinds of friends? That was the case for me.

I have evidence to support my claim and part of it it's in the rough area of the little Asia of Chicago, that part of town where the majorities are immigrants. It was a bit undeveloped due to the fact that at the time, the communists was a bit of an touchy subject in today's politics. It's not bad if you're born here, but to some, it was a challenge.

Everybody was suspicious of any communist countries and anyone who's related, weren't as pleasant nowadays. Lest just leave it at that.

Why am I doing here? Simple, I was here with Sam to show me something.

Why? Cause after I got off from work today, I got a surprise visit from him. He took me out of the station unusually quick today. I asked if we're in a rush, but he said no, just wanted to show me something.

The area was one of the nicer part of the district, with well done buildings and surprisingly good shops here too! I noticed that some people were looking at us like we're new or had curiosities about us.

I mean, even if we look like the 'average people,' we'd still stick out among these people.

We then came across a green colored building that had an import office that is similar to a post office, but it was more from the Eastern regions, purposely for this district if you've had packages from relatives or imports for business deliveries in those countries.

I looked up to Sam, who I was surprised he was in a pretty good mood. He usually had a grumpy expression on his face...

Pot calling the kettle black, I say to myself!

“What are we doing here?” I asked. “Remember that big case we've had three weeks ago?” He started.

“You mean the one where we've arrested and prosecuted that corrupted high powered politician, Charlie Gardenier? And that we've also protected that other guy, Leonard Lionel, who was framed by him due to the fact that he's one of the few who aren't intimidated and just like us who fought for justice?” I remembered it so well cause he's one of the peoples that made me believed that there's still hope in the higher ups!

“Aaaaand guess what I did with the shared case settlement that came with it?” I too remembered that there's people like Sam... Someone that is my one last hope but he will have to do sometimes... I could have worse.

“I'm not going to ask..Hey!” I was then taken towards the entrance underneath Sam's long arms and carried me like a briefcase. “Instead of saying, I'll do it better by showing you.” He then got his signature smug back. I hope that it's not one of those unpleasant surprises like that one time we were doing an  undercover job for 'investigating.' He wanted me to show his new 'disguise' and I was almost impressed he looks like a real Dean Martin... except for the tie! I will spare you the details so you can have a better sleep for he night but let's just say, it's not his signature rainbow tie I'm talking about.

We've entered inside and I noticed that it was a really nice looking place with some Chinese characters and some vases. The receptionist was waving at us and we did so in return. Seems like they knew Sam and didn't mind us at all. Not even if I was carried like a package.

Oh please! I 'enjoy' being awkward with my friends who dragged me in these situations without my consent!

We then reached to the stairs that it was made like a circular but in a cubical manner that had a hole in the middle. Purposely to look down from the top floors. I looked up a bit to see at the very top, I noticed something that resembled to a wooden board. Sam stood at the very middle of it in an attention pose with his freed right arm pointing straight up.

That's when I realized: Oh carp fish!

“Top floor going uuuuuup!” Sam declared as he used one of his secret weapon that was hidden inside his light blue. long sleeve shirts. It was his hook shot arms! I screamed a bit at the cheap thrills I'm having from going up. It was scary but quick. Once we reached at the very top, he swings a bit to get us over the safety bars. He then puts me down on my shaking feet and I said with a tone of voice. “I hate it when you do that! I told you a few times not to do that unless it was necessary!” I didn't want to say never, cause there was a couple of times that it DID saved me from a really rough spots... Sam used it like it was a toy.

“Had to use it sometimes or I'll get rusty.” He then takes out a key from his navy dress pants and he unlocks a door with a vacant plate name in the front. As soon as he opens the door, I see a very spacious room that seems almost brand new. Like those apartments that looks like used but looks brand new. It was like it had refurbished the ceiling, walls, some few windows that were both old and new, a few moving boxes that were stacked with just enough room to hold for a small get together party!

Among the things that were covered in blanket sheets, one wasn't and it was a brand new-ish desk. It was one of those Chinese styled decorations that caught my eyes... I subconsciously walked over to it and gently placed my hands on it. “Jinkies...” I was just as curious as my kids when I see something as lovely as this furniture. I then returned to the present world.“Where are we?”

“Well, I got myself the best thing that has ever happened to me since V-day! THIS is my self birthday gift for me but I just wanna let you know-” He then extended his arms. “Welcome to my new law office! No more self-entitled idiots walking in just cause they felt they don't have enough time to harass me with their stupid sh!t like their new lawn mower with the two tone horn and a place to settle their tourist map in case they've get lost on the lawn.” He was annoyed at work due to his colleagues and his rivals about their 'average life styles.' With our police salaries and budgets, this is no surprise they're being paid well...

Although that one seems a bit exaggerated... But I'll let it be. “Aside from that, what else did you wanted to show me?” I asked. I had a feeling that's he didn't randomly pick me up just for that.

“You can start helping me unpack some of the things I've put in those boxes over there.” He pointed out at the big pile of moving boxes. Did he really moved ALL of the things from his previous location to here and he wanted me to help him unpack ALL of it tonight? “I uh-”

“I've already made an arrangements with Kitty and your kids. The boys will be spending at a friend's place since it's Friday by someone we both know well and Kitty will be taking a break from you three tonight. You don't mind some Chinese cuisine tonight, would ya?” He said that while he was keeping himself busy unpacking his recorded files to his bookshelves. I was surprised yet speechless. He took care of my nephews' well being and gave Kitty a night off? Again? “Don't worry about getting this all done tonight. Do what you can and I can always manage the rest some other time.” He then said with reason. I kinda knew that...

It's not that I don't appreciate his thoughtfulness about me and my situations, but sometimes... I felt like I'm being spoiled or taking advantage of his generosities... I don't want to be like-

I then heard someone stomping from the stairways. Judging from the cussing and the voice that;s coming closer...

“SAM! YOU OVERGROWN, COLOR BLINDED WEED! I KNOW YOU'RE HERE WITH FELIX!” The door was then kicked opened to reveal the tigress, AKA, Sheba Beboporeba. I got scared and Sam just looked at her like he didn't gave a dang.

She was angry and glared at him. “Who gave you the rights to have his time today? He was supposed to have his weekly training with me! How do you expect him to get any better against Bendy if you keep him off like that?” She pointed out.

That when I realized that I've completely forgotten about that. I was supposed to do physical training with someone and I was supposed to be with Sheba... Carp Fish....

I've already said it in the beginning. Sam and Sheba are. Not. On. Good. Terms. With. Each. Other.

“Training? Don't you mean sadistic torturing? I was surprised that your chief of police, whatever his name is again, lets you get away with it.” Sam then continues to place some books on the shelves.

“It's NOT 'sadistic torturing!' It's special training! Felix had that potential to be something greater than he is and you keep holding him back!” She marched over and stand next to him with her arms crossed. She was puffing and pouting.

“Great at what? Being a bait? I saw you at the zoo the other day.” Sam still keeps his cool and didn't look at her again. Yet.

“Yeah, So? There's nothing wrong with that.” Sheba said.

“After I learn that you wanted to borrow some piranhas for you 'special training' at an aquarium last month and got denied, I'd figure you'd go for a land predator. What do you think he is? The next Shaolin master? He's a human! Not some sort of Demi-God that doesn't need sleep and something to eat!” He then placed one more book before he too, turns around and faced Sheba like it was some sort of a stare down in those Wild West movies...

I did somewhat reminded of that one film we all saw last week and I remember it well. It was called 'Calamity Jane' and the characters, Calamity Jane and Wild Bill Hickok, are just like Sam and Sheba at times like these.

Except that they were fighting almost all the time with each other and they show no sings of interests with each other...

And there's that one song in the film that suited a situation like this.

“I know he's human! I just wanted to help him push over his limits so that he cam become better!” Sheba retorted.

“You've done more than enough damage to him as it is. Last time I've let you, he almost had no energy to take his kids to the park where he promised to practice soccer with them. How many times did you done that before I came in the picture, I wondered?” He then puts a hand on her head as she was about to jump on him. Due to his size and her's it looks like he was holding her down with one hand no problem.

[Calamity:]

In the Summer... you're the Winter, In the finger... you're the splinter, In the banquet, you're the stew.

Say! I could do without you!

“Get your giant hands off of me! I do gave him a break at times!” She was hissing and flailing her hands to reach him.

“For how long? Two seconds? He's not as free as you are you know! Unlike you, he's got kids to be taken care of and you're not making thing easier for him if you run him down like that.” Sam retorted.

“You don't know who we're really dealing with. We're dealing with a mafia king and his loyal bodyguard. Both were and currently members of the ruthless Alfonso Mafia. These guys are extremely tough!” She stopped flailing but she keeps on steaming.

“From MY experiences and point of view, we're dealing with a four foot infant that haven't finished his third grade bullying and his trusty over sized doormat. I would be surprised that beef boy would read story time to that little fork before bedtime.” Sam joked, but his face wasn't showing it.

[Wild Bill:] In the garden, you're the gopher, In the Levi's you're the loafer, Like an overturned canoe... Well, I could do without you!

“How would you know THAT? Huh? Your disguising skills? People would notice you from your height anyways!” Sheba pointed out one of his flaws.

Oh no, not this again... “Guys, please! We've promised this befor-”

“Unlike you, at least I can manage my height to be 'unrecognizable.' At least I can hide myself better than you in a dress you keep borrowing from Kitty and your old lady.” Sam beats me and then HE pointed out one of her flaws.

[Calamity:] You can go to... Philadelphia Take a hack to Hackensack.

Hey!! I'll never RING a BELL fer ya! Or yell fer yer to come back!!

“Like it's not my fault I don't like wearing dresses and play house! I could totally do an undercover job with high heels and lipstick anytime!” Sheba said.

“If you used lipstick like the ones you're using now, people would think you're Coco's little sister!” Sam teased her with a smirk.

“Said the pot calling the kettle black! As if your taste in ties are any different! You'd probably gonna get finned for making people go color blind!” Sheba comebacks with his clothing options.

[Wild Bill:] In the question, you're the why In the ointment, you're the FLY!!

“I don't wear clothes to impress people who are not worth sh!t and you're not better than I am with your greasy look!” Sam said.

[Calamity:] Though I know some things are indispensable...

Like a buck or two, If there's one thing I can do without, I can do without you!

“As much as we both 'agreed' on not to be in a cookie cutter shaped world, our methods on seeking out and gathering 'information' for our cause are like day and night. I knew everybody on these streets and I knew who had alibi AND I knew where the roughest and toughest suspects hangs out! It's a much reliable sources compared to your pencil pushing jobs outside of court!” She then seeks out the turquoise colored, love seat couch that was in one side of the room and she flops on it with her arms crossed. Her whole body had taken over the space with her feet on the seating cushions. “Sheba, please get your-” I was cut off again by Sam as he tosses some coats on her upper half, stunning her.

[Wild Bill:] In the barrel, you're a pickle, In the goldmine, you're a nickel ,

You're the tack inside my shoe. Yes!! I can do without you!

“Unlike YOUR methods of the back streets, I can easily check any backgrounds of businessmen, attorneys, politicians, higher socials, and even the judges and juries to see which ones that are really trustworthy and not just from drunk talks from a rough late night bar. I can also check on their financial too if there's a plausible chance that they are in Bendy's payroll. I can even dig up some old bones if Bendy had blackmailed them too. At least I can confirmed that not all of it is simple as black and white.” Sam retorted again.

“Guys! Please stop this already! You're both great with your own talents!” I tried to reason with them.

[Calamity:] In my bosom, you're a dagger

You're a mangy carpet-bagger!

In the theater you're the 'boo'! I can do without you.

She then tosses his oversize jacket off of her and on the ground before she got up. “Ha! Talent is one thing, but manners is another, ain't that right, Felix? I do have PLENTY more than you have in your entire body! Your so called honesty is scaring off almost all of your clients when they visit you! At least WE don't pissed them off at first sight.” She then stomped on his jackets she just threw off and placed her arms around my shoulders to imply.

[Wild Bill:] You got charms, they ain't bewitchin' me!!

You've a face no one would paint!

“Who said you have better manners than I am? At least I don't bullsh!ting people! There's plenty of it as it is without criminals! Besides, you're just as a bad influence to anybody as I am. At least the kids aren't getting dumber whenever they're doing their homework.” Sam then snatched me away from her.

Ah, Tuna fish, not my kids, guys! Don't bring them to this!

[Calamity:] I got the darndest itch in me!!

To be wherever you ain't!

“Are you really gonna talk about them? They were doing just fine before you came along in the picture! You've made them lock the doors and windows in the house and left Alex outside!”

“Exactly! That albino garbage bag belongs in the thrash where he will be pick up the next morning! You'd be doing the same thing once you and Kitty snapped out of it and realized he's not as nice as he seems! He only cared for diamonds and himself!” He then puts me down and then he and Sheba had another stare down.

[Wild Bill:] In the bullfrog, you're the croak.

“If you think you're a better influence than I am, you'd better start thinking about Félix's life. Again, he doesn't have the same freedom and responsibilities as you have! Then again, you've never had those kinds of responsibilities!” Sam pushes the issues.

[Calamity:] In the forest, poison oak!

“Well, excuuuuuuuse me, MISTER Toucan. There are women at my age that doesn't want to be settle down and do house work while the men do whatever they want! I wanted to help him get better at his training, not softer!” Sheba defended her title as the rebel biker girl.

[Wild Bill:] Though I know some things are necessary

My half-pint buckaroo, If there's one thing I can do without, I can do without.....

“I have nothing against women who wanted to live independent, but you've taken his time and energy more than you should! If this was the army, you'd be kicked out for unnecessary and reckless discipline judging from your methods! If you'd start thinking anything that's fire related, I'm locking you up in the slammers during those training times!” Sam then got angrier.

[Calamity:] You're a knot-head!

“I wondered whatever happened in that European war that made you like this! Was it THAT hard to you or you think our fight isn't the same?”

[Wild Bill:] You're a faker!

“Trust me, if you flew in my wings at the time, you'd be learning the hard way of pushing yourself and just plain reckless! That kind of tactics you're giving is gonna bite your butt cheeks off and God knows if you'd still have it on ya!”

[Calamity:] You're a bonehead!

“You think the enemies would give the heroes a chance to finish them off? Those plots only exist in cartoons!”

[Wild Bill:] Troublemaker!

“And those fantasy story heroes you read aren't any different?”

They were then having this intense thousand sun stare down to see who was right. This is just too similar to my kids when they're having a fight. Except they're adults and armed....

[Both:] I can do without you!  “I CAN DO WITHOUT YOU AT LEAST!” they said in union.

I bet while they're growling at each other from their mouths, they can be heard from the streets...

I think I have to be the grown up again, but this time I have a plan to get them along. I then carefully placed myself between them and pushed them apart.

“Guys! Please! Enough of this! We've been through this before! None of you are better than the other and both of you have unique and talented in your professions! You're both my best friends form childhood and companion. None of you are wrong in the case of my training.” I looked at each of them for a second and then said. “If you both cared about me that much, then how about from now on, on training days, us three will be training together. THAT way-” I looked at Sheba. “I'm not gonna get soft and pushing myself to the limit-” I then looked at Sam. “AND I'm not gonna get overly exhausted and do reckless stunts. After that, we can all have our weekly get together at our usual dinner. Kitty and the kids included like always, does that sound good?”

I knew that the only person that ties them together is me and that what really matters to them is their friendship to me. They looked at each other for a bit until Sam broke the silence. “If I compromise, would she be able to keep her end of the bargain?” He asked me. “I'm right here, dodo brain, and only if you'd promise to let me train him good. Without fire or animals.” She extended her hand for a shake. He reached out... “And until he need to pick up the kids!” They then made the pact and nodded. “Deal!” They said with a smiling smug in their faces.

To me, that means they're back on neutral term with each other. “Alright! Now that we've settled this, let's help Sam unpacking most of his stuff.” I then went back to one of the boxes I've tried to opened.

But Sheba had other plans. “I wish I could, but right now, I don't feel like touching any of his weird stuff. Who knows what will scare people off.”

“They were meant to scare off unwanted visitors. My clients are just fine with them. We'll see you at dinner when you walked in unofficially and take our food for free!” Sam retorted again.

“I'm getting burgers MYSELF with my OWN money, ya lamp post!” She yelled at him before she steps out. “See you tomorrow, Felix!” We waved at each other before she slams the door.

I looked at Sam with a frowning expression. “She'll be back for leftovers, don't worry.” He said. “That's not it. Why are you two at each others throats all the time?” I asked as I took out a picture frame of our group photo at the park.

“Let's just say her picture and mine are two very different landscape. Even if it is the same subject. Now less chatting, more unpacking.”

I wanted to learn more on why these two aren't sharing the same terms without me, but at the same time, I don't want to overstep their boundaries...

But for now, the least I can do is to get them along as much as I can or else I'm gonna have a much harder time managing our team.

----Author’s notes------

Here’s another one shot for the BBTIM AU.

I wanted to experiment Sam’s relations with Felix’s current allies and families.

I wanted to gave him an guardian complex when it comes to Felix like Boris to Bendy, but more in a relatable manner and he just sees him as a younger brother.

I did wanted him to have a frenemy relation with Sheba. I was guessing that Sheba wanted Felix to be more than capable to stand on his own and defend himself much better than anyone else. (and treats him like one of those protagonist on a journey to become the strongest heroes) Sam on the other hand, wanted to let him know that it’s alright to have flaws and that he doesn’t need to be overly exhausted. (Everything is f#ked anyways, that what he wanted to say.)  Thus, this and then some other stuff, sparked some rivalry between them on who’s Felix’s real best bud! But Felix wanted them to get along and that there’s no competition.... but that doesn’t stop them from competing each other!

The song in this is from the 50′s musical of Calamity Jane and I think it suited well with them!

Hope you all have a fantastic day!

BBTIM AU and characters belongs to Marini4 and the humanized Sam Toucan is mine.

[mareebrittenford]

The Extra Fakes- Shadow Mirrors Chapter 2

I’ve decided that I’m going to update this every Friday. So here is the 3rd installment (it’s chapter 2 because I broke the first chapter in half). I have made a WIP page, so you can keep track of things there, and I’ll also be posting to Patreon, so any subscribers will get automatic updates when the new post comes out.

As always I appreciate any support for my writing, so please check out my novels #1, #2, patreon and ko-fi!

Also here’s a link to the first part in case you missed it.

Lionel messages me to set up an early morning run, which is a bit surprising, until he shows up with David.

Of course.

I glare at him. Was I really planning on giving this guy the benefit of the doubt? I told him no, and so he went around me to get what he wanted anyway. I briefly consider ditching them both, but that's only going to make me look petty. Instead I decide to experiment on him. That's fair, right?

David is already wearing (rather pretentiously I think) his team shirt. Did he even get a chance to wash it?

"So, you landed him?" I say to Lionel. Perhaps I can ignore David for the whole run.

"We came to terms. Can I go in real quick and use your bathroom?"

I groan. "Use the sucker fan!" I am too closely acquainted with what morning runs do to that boys digestive tract.

Lionel gives me a jaunty wave and heads inside, leaving me and David standing there alone, and me wondering if any of Lionel's 'terms' involved me. He wouldn't do that to me, would he? Besides, I still don't quite know if David was hitting on me or is just really intense about getting a running partner. I haven't figured out how to read him, which is unsettling. Most people are easy to read. Perhaps if I could actually see his face. But he's got that cap on again, pulled down to hide his eyes, even though the sun hasn't even cleared the horizon.

We stand there in awkward silence. The thing that is really annoying me is that before he got all weird and pushy I liked him. Not falling in love with him liked him, but a lets be friends liked him. I'd thought he'd seemed nice. Are my instincts off? I'm not used to that.

"You know the fairy house?" I ask. Demand really.

He looks startled. "The what?"

"Oh, it's this stupid old house that Lyse is obsessed with," Lionel says, joining us, finally. "I guess this means we're going to run a route past it. Where do you normally like to run?" he asks David as we head off down the street.

"I like the river trails, or I head into the hills and trail run." I knew it. He probably uses his runs to scout places to hide the bodies of his murder victims.

"Cross country would probably be your thing then."

"Yeah I guess."

They chatter back and forth, and I drop behind them feeling irritable. I'm completely ignored. They've probably forgotten I’m here. Perhaps I should just take off on my own.

"How many miles do you normally run a week?" Lionel asks.

"Carlyse asked me that yesterday." David glances back at me, as if he knows what I'm thinking and wants to make it clear that he's still aware of me. "I don't keep track. But usually about two hours a day."

"And you don't know your pace either?"

"No, I just run. Sometimes I take it easier, sometimes I push myself, but I don't know how fast I am."

Lionel shakes his head at this. Someone as results orientated as him finds this sort of attitude incomprehensible.

David seems so easy and comfortable I'm starting to wonder if that whole thing he told me about panic attacks and anxiety was fake, a way to gain sympathy. Because apparently I'm ready to believe all sorts of bad stuff about him now.

And then we make the turn onto Orangethorpe. Giddy anticipation starts to build up inside me, knowing how close we are. I don't know when I started looking forward to seeing this house like it's all my Christmases come at once, but that's almost how exciting it feels as I see it coming up.

After the weirdness with Brad I'm curious to see what David thinks of it.

But what I don't expect is for him to stop dead and stare.

"Where the hell did that place come from?"

"I'm guessing it was built in the twenties?" I say, uncertain of what he means. "It looks like that sort of design."

"It wasn't there before."

"It's not fake." I hate fake old stuff. I'm no expert on architecture, but I looked at some of the books Georgia had about local history and houses, and I'm certain this place really is almost a century old.

"Not what I meant. There was a model train store here. I know there was. I've been inside."

He pulls his hat off and fixes me with that intense stare. "What is going on here? What are you guys?"

"Look dude," Lionel says, and pats him on the shoulder.

David jumps in the air like a startled cat and spins, giving Lionel a terrified look, and then takes off down the street.

"Damn. Okay,” Lionel says.

David's fast. And  I feel guilty for thinking that maybe he lied about his anxiety issues, because that was a guy in panic.

Lionel starts after him, but I can see that there is no way he's catching up. So I don't bother. I can't imagine that running him down when he's panicked is the best move anyway. He wants to get away from us, not be pursued.

Instead I do something that I've never done before. I walk up the broken concrete path that curves across the lush lawn.

There is no direct access to the house. Instead there’s a wall made of odds and ends, sheets of roofing iron, concrete block, and a whole section of tiny strips of wood all nailed together like some modern art sculpture. The whole thing is overgrown with vines, and in the middle of it is a gate. It's pretty in a faded sort of way. It's made of wood, with an arched top and a diamond shaped peephole insert made of lattice. It was once blue, but all that's left of the peeling paint is on the lattice and in the grooves between the pieces of wood.

There's no handle or latch, only a keyhole. I push on it, but it doesn't give.

My heart is pounding, I'm sure that someone is going to yell at me at any moment, but I can't help myself, I bend and try to peek between the lattice slats. But all I can see is vines. Does this gate even work?

I press my hand against it one more time, and a thrill runs up my arm, and I know that I have to see what's on the other side.

I start looking for a place to climb over. Perhaps those slats of wood can give me a toe hold.

"Lyse?"

I look around and Lionel is standing on the sidewalk staring at me.

I turn back and test my first foothold.

"What are you doing?" he asks, his voice much closer now.

"What does it look like? I'm going to see what's over there. Maybe I can figure out what scared David."

He grabs my arm and pulls me back, away.

"Are you crazy? You can't just go climbing fences into peoples yards."

I look at him and then back at the wall. "But I really need to see what's over there."

"How about we come back later then? After we find David?"

"He had a panic attack."

"Or something. We should find him."

Once we're back on the sidewalk I shake my head. Was I really about to climb that fence just because? But for a moment there it felt like the most important thing in the world.

But David is frightened. We should try to help him. How did I forget that?

"He really did have a panic attack. He told me that he gets them." I say.

Lionel looks stricken. "We need to find him."

#

We don't find David.

I worry about him until I catch a glimpse of him later at school. He looks- perhaps not fine- but normal. His hat pulled down over his face, his body language making a stab at invisible, although now I've noticed him he's anything but. He's more like a lurking predator, invisible until he choses not to be. When I try to catch his eye he looks right through me.

It's like that for the rest of the month. He's on the team, but he shows up right before practice and leaves as soon as it's over, so I never get a moment to talk to him. He's always alone on the long runs too, I know he’s varying his pace to keep it that way. I'm getting frustrated with him shutting me out, but Lionel is thrilled. The boy really is as good as he thinks he is. He's pretty decent as a sprinter, although he's not really tall or muscular enough to be excellent. Where his real talent lies is as a distance runner. Out there no one can keep up with him. And he is showing up for practices. He's just avoiding social stuff.

Lionel tells me that he tried to talk to the guy and figure out what spooked him that morning, but he can't get him to give a straight answer about it. He's doing better than me. I can't even get him to look me in the face.

I know he's watching though. I catch glimpses of him around school. Which, okay that's normal. It's not like he's hiding the bushes or peeking in my windows. But I feel his eyes on me at school, like I'm a puzzle he's trying to figure out.

I try to forget about him, put him out of my mind.

But the house won't let me. And I guess my conscience won't either. Somehow the fairy house and David have become entangled in my mind, and I can't stop thinking about either of them, and whether I did something to betray his trust in me.

It doesn't help that I'm starting to wonder if the entire team is playing a practical joke on me. Although it feels more like my sanity being questioned.

Because as I run with different people over the next few weeks I start specifically pointing out the fairy house. Asking casual questions.

Everyone else sees a model train store. Everyone. Except me, Lionel, Georgia, and apparently David.

I'm so spooked and frustrated that on Friday afternoon when Georgia and I pick up Melody from school I make them both walk over to Orangethorpe with me, and the three of us stand in front of the house.

"Okay," I demand. "Tell me, what do you see?"

"You've shown it to me before. It's a cool old house," Georgia says. "Is this the one that you've been saying is haunted or something? Because I could totally believe it."

I heave a massive sigh of relief. Okay. I'm not crazy. I'm being pranked. The team is pranking me.

"Oh! Thomas!" Melody squeals.

I look at her with dread.

"What?"

"Thomas, look see? They have trains like Thomas. But I like Percy better. Maybe they have Percy."

I crouch down next to her.

"Did someone tell you to say that? Was it one of my friends from school?"

She frowns at me in confusion. And then before I can stop her she races away from me, and- disappears.

"Melody!" I scream. And then she just sort of comes back, right in front of me. I grab her hand.

"Georgia, did you see that?"

"Huh? What?" She says. She's staring up at the trees rising over the house's fence with a dreamy look on her face. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What happened?"

All my giddy feels for the house have frozen like ice in my guts.

Before now, it was fun, a little eerie, frustrating too, but fun. Or maybe a crazy prank. But I just saw my sister disappear into a void or something. It's not funny or cool anymore.

I grip Melody's hand more tightly.

"Let's go home."

tagging @pinehutch @focusdumbass @timeenoughforamasterpiece @maximillianvalentine @q-oetry @rosy-writes as always if you’d like to be added or removed from this list please shoot me a message or comment on this post!

[creativitytoexplore]

How To Be A Good Episcopalian by Yash Seyedbagheri https://ift.tt/3eRjqCN Yash Seyedbagheri's character considers joining the Episcopalian Church as a way to deal with the trauma of an absent mother.

Join the Episcopal church one winter day after run-ins with fundamentalists on campus. This is a particularly difficult day for you, sitting through creative writing classes (you are a graduate student), contributing nothing of value in comments or in stories, lost in a creative malaise. You are that guy who babbles incessantly, but whose words simply do not add up to anything of value. They hold a certain emptiness. It is just before Christmas, when smiling Santas and families together put you in a bad mood. On top of this all, you have to deal with being branded a sinner by angry bearded fundamentalists who look like a combo of Hemingway and child predators. "You're going to burn," they shout, waving their hands into the charcoal-colored skies, as though they've snorted too much cocaine. Their eyes are wide and crazed. "This campus is a den of sin. Fornication." "Turn away from evil pleasures." The only thing you've pleasured lately has been your right hand. They bellow homophobic, sexist, racist comments and make you feel utterly like there is no love, like you are in the middle of a pit of nothingness. It's like love is a fucking construct. Something you preach, but don't practice. Love is as fleeting as the moon on a Rocky Mountain evening, as fleeting as your own mother, a flame-haired stranger who has flitted in and out of the world. "You're fascists," You yell. Staying classy aren't you? Walking past this church on an evening stroll, you see the sign glowing in the dusk, proclaiming ALL ARE WELCOME, its light spilling out onto the sloping lawn, filled with fresh snow. This sign seduces you, seems to call. It's as though you could be any number of people in the world and still be special at the same time. You send an email to the rector, the Reverend Nancy Botkin. When Reverend Botkin asks you reasons for being attracted to the faith, you can only admit that you don't know. You were drawn in by the positive message, by the inclusiveness (you did some reading on the church after the moment with the sign). This is all you can say. You cannot describe your experience with the sign. It might seem absolutely silly, even to a priest whose life is predicated upon faith, upon the unseen, the unknown. A blunt truth, which you have so conveniently not disclosed to Reverend Botkin, and which you have tried to abort: Your mother has been having an affair, a fucking affair, with an Episcopal priest, Father Cooper (along with a pianist, a waste management consultant and a park ranger over the years). So she told you in her last letter, written a few months back, a letter written as though you were some acquaintance, some old chum, not her son, the byproduct of her loins. You recall terms, written in her oddly graceful penmanship, such as "fucking awesome" and "the fucking light of my life." He was supposedly the most engaging, dynamic figure on the planet. So were the other men your mother gravitated towards, and they ultimately left her in the lurch. You feel anger and pity reading all this. What is the appeal? What is this man's magnetism? Is it something in the faith itself? Your mother doesn't really have any fixed religious convictions per se. How does one measure the "light" of one's life, one's innermost sense of success, really? Of course, you leave this out. Reverend Botkin might think you joined the church for all the wrong reasons. And you like to think you haven't, that your mother had nothing to do with this all, that this was all pure coincidence. At least you don't spout platitudes about being Christ-like. You know your limitations. You might withhold your mother's Episcopalian connections, but certain truths are abundantly clear, as much as you try to push them back, resist. You have a volcanic temper, a foul mouth, a tendency to lash out irrationally even at friends and there are times when the intensity catches even you off guard, makes you feel as if you have been taken over by some Incredible Hulk-like being. You blame people for being too organized, too focused on their lives, when in fact you envy their abilities. Thankfully you do not tell Reverend Botkin all this. Not just now anyway. Reverend Botkin seems to take your simple response with good humor. "I don't expect a concise answer," she chuckles, when you meet in her office with its faded white walls, its commanding, yet simple cross, and elegant rows of theological tomes, filled with the weight of centuries, of conflicts and peace. "It's not like asking someone why they like a movie. Unless, of course God is, in fact, Morgan Freeman." You cannot help but like her sense of humor. It is as if she is not some calculated construction, but a spontaneous and dynamic and flawed person, not ashamed to exhibit it. Perhaps she has lost much in her life. Perhaps she has been losing and losing. But you cannot fully trust. Not just yet. You feel a certain shame, a sense that there is a wall between you and the world. But you also need to defend yourself. Perhaps it is her duty to disarm, to give the impression of openness. "I'm afraid I'd need a flashlight to find a reason," you joke, pursing your lips into something of a scowl. You insist on maintaining a poker face. "I don't really know where I'm at now." "That's why we're all here," she says gently, patting you on the shoulder, an almost motherly gesture that makes you want to burst in half. "Everyone has their own journey." This is a priest who has stories to tell, and who has heard many a story. You can tell this, even if you cannot fully understand her yet. You have an instinct for people, for their mannerisms. You can feel it her wry smile, the way she surveys you with a certain detective's eye. In a way, priests are like detectives, trying to plunge their holy flashlights into the soul. You wonder if Father Cooper has plunged his flashlight into your mother's mysteries. Plenty of people have tried to figure you out, tried to add you up according to their own ideas. Your Aunt Betty, who saw a potential lawyer or businessman, if you just gravitated towards it. Your principal, branding you a troublemaker. The policemen and policewomen who typed the reports after you were brought in for your share of pranks, their words permanently making you a delinquent. Yet, you do not get this vibe from Reverend Botkin. She seems to hold a certain understanding, or the desire to understand if nothing else, as if she knows there is something more than meets the eye. You cannot sink any lower. You can only traverse a different path. So what harm is there in going? Attend the first service. This is the first time you've set foot in a church since you were a teenager. You must present yourself like a gentleman. Trust me. Jesus might have worn sandals, but he earned that right. You have no claim to greatness. You have not healed the sick or the least. You haven't even healed the mess that is your life, figured out your path forward in life. You don't know exactly what you want, but that's not the point. Point is you need to radiate grace and verve, convey a sense of sophistication, as if you hold much knowledge. Dress nice. Wear khakis and that nice dress shirt Aunt Betty sent you a year ago. Or that nice purple shirt you found in the thrift store. Both are classy. Become engrossed in the richness of the liturgies, the organ music which fills the Gothic spaces with a kind of warmth, the ghosts of Bach and Handel swelling before you. It seems a stark contrast to the lazy rhythms of your classes at school, where you seem to be simply trying to make sense of theories and principles of writing, without any of the pageantry or glory. Reverend Botkin's sermon moves you with its unpretentious focus on love and applying it to the modern world. She speaks of love with such fervor that you cannot help but listen, like a student trying to become immersed in a foreign language, something that sounds seductive and mysterious, but whose meaning is unclear. She does not speak in platitudes, but vivid, specific images. Looking into the audience of young and old, men and women in the polished oak pews, the aged and the youthful, she recounts how her younger brother Nick dropped out of school, and became a drug dealer a la Scarface, and she struggled through seminary. You feel pity, you may feel anger that she has endured such injustice, and you wish that you could say something to assuage these truths. But you also believe that empty words sink people. You will be drawn in by the exchanging of the peace, the simple utterance of the words "peace be with you", the shaking of parishioners' hands as you move up and down the aisle of the Gothic church. It is as if they can wash over the tides of hatred and weariness that fill your soul. You will be fascinated by the idea of Communion, by this idea of being worthy. At the same time, it may seem like a bullshit scam, a way of peppering over certain truths. Does God have a list of who's worthy? You will be greeted kindly by the parishioners during coffee hour, who seem to make an art form of shaking your hand, looking into your eyes, as if you are the most important person in the room, as if your twenty-something life is of absolute fascination. This is bullshit. This is an act. But they are good at it. "How did you come here?" one may ask. "It's good to have you here," an old woman tells you, smiling beatifically. "I'm delighted you chose St. Matthew's." They will tell worldly jokes, about politics and being miserable and happy in marriage and life. They will even joke about booze being the third sacrament, and they will let you in on the joke, as if you have been a part of their world for eternity. This is the first time anyone's welcomed you anyplace, at least without a grimace or a scowl. Well, there was grad school, but that turned into its own world of grimaces and scowls fast. Surrounded by a sea of parishioners, among the scent of incense, cigarettes, and old-building muskiness, you think of being shuffled as a child, and now it seems, you are being shuffled again, amongst parishioners bearing love, or at least the semblance of love. This is an odd, delightful little feeling, but you cannot help but wonder when it will end. You went from your mother, to other relatives, after she said she needed to find some inner peace. "Some living space," she said. If you'd been wise and worldly you'd have reminded her that this was also what a certain German dictator wanted. Living space. Living space to wipe out the past occupants of a certain land. It was three years before Aunt Betty finally took you in, a period that involved being propelled from one home to the next, without any sense of settlement, any sense of roots. Belonging. You remembered only vague half-images, of weary men and hostile women, people connected to you by blood, but not by love. You remembered images of cracked flowerpots and loose porch swings and rotten walls, of commands and edicts. Sit up straight. Eat your dinner. Do your homework. All commands that seem general, that could have been lobbed at anyone, that didn't acknowledge your being, your existence. That was so long ago, and yet all so recent, the words still seem to hang above you, taunting you.

"How do you like it?" Reverend Botkin says, greeting you after the postlude, the organ music dying away like some beautiful vision, the sound replaced by the clatter of high-heels on the floors and murmured voices. People moving out into their little worlds. "You haven't seen anything like this, have you?" "Fuck," is all you say, albeit in the way that connotes wonderment. You do not want to commit just yet, to lock yourself into a world of people whose connections to you are tenuous. But you do not want to feign hostility either. Reverend Botkin laughs, as though she understands the feeling, as though she once made this leap from a world of unanswered questions and despair, into an equally bewildering world, but a joyful bewilderment, an exploration of the deep theological questions. How do we serve God? How do we "do good" without becoming sanctimonious? Who the fuck is God? Slumbering in your small apartment late at night, you picture this day forever, the energy, the people whose lives you have yet to know. You will descend into a pleasant dream, one whose beauty will linger with you in the morning, even though you cannot recall what the dream is. That's the problem with beauty. Its spirit makes itself known, but it cannot be pigeonholed into concrete forms.

Make your viewpoints known, once it becomes evident that you are in communion with most fellow parishioners where the world is concerned, politically and socially. Do not poke bears, something you used to do. You had too much trouble pretending to like Hitler in high school. Besides, people have gotten wise to your bear-poking. It has lost its fun. Espouse dislike for racism, homophobia and sexism amongst fellow parishioners, who are whiter than a White Christmas. You can all agree on this, even if you share different views on liturgical matters, such as transubstantiation. You feel a sense of connection, even though you are not a member of said persecuted group. You can pretend to care about social justice, even though you've never waved a sign, and as much as you don't want to admit it, three hundred immigrants could get beaten up and you wouldn't give a hoot, if it didn't affect you. Try to avoid thinking about your mother. Of course you inevitably slip. You did try to conjure her spirit once during prayer, when you kneeled and confessed your sins before the big guy. You don't know why you did it, but you felt the impulse stirring at you, invisible, yet all too present, its spirit taunting you. Teasing you. You conjured the bloodshot eyes, the messed flame-colored hair, the look of despair or happiness. This fascinates you. She was either despairing or in a kind of disturbing euphoria. There was never any in between, no room for nuances between those two opposite poles. At points, you feel like she might be hiding in this very parish, and that you might have an encounter by chance. You know this is ultimately bull, but cannot help but imagine it. An image that you play over and over, like a Geto Boys rap song: Your mother is walking up the aisle, settling into the same pew. She has grown older, has more wrinkles, looks even more world-weary. Or perhaps she looks younger, has found the happiness she claims. There is a look of shock as she sees you, her long lost son, gone from delinquent to tenuous Episcopalian. She will try to add it all up, fumble for the words to bridge this gap of awkwardness. Perhaps you will tell a dirty joke (your go-to method) to diffuse the situation, a joke about racist chickens. Or maybe you will ask a dozen questions about Father Cooper, trying to find out what makes him special, different from the other men, how he speaks to forces within your mother she cannot put into words. Of course, you cannot dwell on this too long. You came to move onward, to put the past behind, like a child riding a bicycle, looking only forward. Onward. Onward. Onward. Feign interest while listening to parishioners' stories during coffee hour and after services. Become genuinely interested after placing all this into perspective, after letting the facts make themselves clear. You are among people. You have no need to go home, where you will drift alone, idly and celebrating all things wasteful and superfluous, amongst beer cans and half-discarded stories you have yet to revisit. These parishioners' stories are fascinating, but seem to hold a certain gravitas that your own life lacks. One woman was the first in her field to train mountain lions. Another gentleman rescued 300 orphans from Eastern Europe in a move out of a spy-thriller. Operation Suffer The Little Children. Another woman built homes for the poor. Another did scholarly research on Rasputin and his dismembered penis and even wrote some sort of liturgy for the dismembered unit. Perhaps Father Cooper too is accomplished in this way and your mother relishes this achievement. These people have purpose, a focal point that beckons them day after day, like a lighthouse on a wide, crashing sea. You can tell by the way they tell these stories with a certain grace and composure. They have the strength to plunge into the maelstrom of love and hope and disappointment and despair. You try to imagine yourself in such a position, imagine yourself assuming strength, pushing it like Atlas, holding it upon your lanky shoulders. You wonder how anyone can move forward, what keeps them from being propelled backwards into the abyss. You can only tell parishioners that your purpose is to write stories that convey tales of humanity. That convey the human experience. This is partly true, but you also like to write because you consider it a ticket to fame. You cannot admit this, admit this fantasy of being on top, and discarding modesty and humility for achievement. You cannot explain the sheer power it means to find some semblance of success, to distinguish yourself, to transcend your family (as pompous as this sounds).

Learn how to be meek. You'll inherit the Earth. Although having a mother would be preferable. Or money. Honestly, you'll take a mother. The mere word itself connotes something soothing, something mysterious and wonderful. You wouldn't mind having the sort of childhood home that seems to permeate shitty Lifetime movies. The sort of home filled with warm scents. Goodnight kisses and inane arguments over clothes and school supplies. Cheesy music playing softly on some hi-tech sound system. Normal things, really. You wouldn't mind a mother who smells like perfume and musk, rather than booze and cigarettes and such. Someone who can encourage you, shape your artistic vision. Someone who has achieved herself, who can point you to greatness, and someone who can brag about you, referring to you as "my son" or "my dear child" - things that might seem corny, but hold a kind of warm possessiveness. But God made up his mind. No mother for you, young man. So learn how to accept the unacceptable, how to compartmentalize the past among the present and the future that has yet to be formed. You've heard some dark stories from parishioners, and you envy their ability to move forward. And yes, they involve dead children mowed down by freight trains, house fires, and diseases (something out of the most clichéd country song, you think). Go into classes at school embracing the fact that you know nothing. This is how you get organized. Wipe the slate clean, boy. Experiment with life, try to shake things up. Try to give up drinking, or at least cut back to once a week. Clear your mind of everything you know about your life. Try to imagine yourself as a successful author. A respectable middle-class teacher. A man with a family of your own. These brim with possibility and pitfall. You'd fall into laziness, you'd fail your family. Or God help you, you might succeed. But you have time. Give up something of yourself. But don't pat yourself on the fucking back. Perhaps you volunteer to teach fourth-graders how to write, kids with gusts of energy and dark minds, who write about evil warlords named Lord Cheeto. Or maybe you play piano at an assisted living facility, which the cynic in you still refers to as "Geriatric Junction", a symphony of aged flesh and fading dreams. These are things your mother could envy, things she has not achieved. You can change the cycle of family lives. Go to movies. Release your cynicism the right way. Laugh at the inappropriate moments, and relish this release. Laugh when a guy gets shot in the dick. Or impaled with a pencil. You don't know anything, so why not laugh it up a bit? Who's to say someone being shot in the dick isn't funny? Or can't be? God help you. Perhaps the act of being humble will transform into something real. Or perhaps humility and ego will fight each other, a sort of steady struggle that will leave you helpless. Suck at singing every hymn. But sing. Sing away. Release the energy. Pray that fellow parishioners don't beat the ever-loving shit out of you while belting, "Crown Him With Many Crowns." Of course, Episcopalians are exceedingly polite. They would ask permission to beat the shit out of you, and then apologize following said act, no doubt. Of course, if they knew you long enough they might be inclined to beat the crap out of you anyway. Just sing away. Lip-synching is acceptable too. It's the Episcopalian way, especially when more than four stanzas are involved. But you want to speak truth to power, release all that pent up energy, that misplaced energy, so you sing away. The sorrows, the confusion, every ounce of energy within you. Look around you at your fellow parishioners and feel a connection, a sense of being part of this majestic experience, with stained-glass windows spilling across your face, as if to wipe away your tears with palettes of blue and red. Let yourself loose. Lose yourself in the majesty of the hymns, the organ swelling like your heart, and forget the world outside, the utter facts of your life. Relish being a part of this unchanging church, whose rituals are as predictable, as smooth as a Swiss watch. Relish the sameness of the processional, the Communion, the exchanging of the Peace, the people moving about with grace and verve, up and down the aisles, in and out of the church, and amongst the parish hall at coffee hour. Try to forget the what-if questions that used to dance through your head at night, like ghosts. What if your mother didn't drink? What if she found her own contentment? What if she'd taken you with her? Where might you be now? That's a question that you've thought about many times, watching families moving about, seemingly connected, relishing the rhythms and rituals of shared histories. You've not been able to come to any particular conclusion, your answers shifting day to day. Perhaps you might have found some semblance of peace, a sense of belonging, even as you and she fled from town to town, like ancient Israelites fleeing a phantom Pharaoh. Or perhaps you would be a carbon copy of her now. Who knows? It's counterproductive to dwell. But here are the brutal facts to consider: You lived with your mother for ten out of your twenty-nine years. You've seen her exactly three times in the last ten years. She occasionally writes, of course, but her letters are full of "I", self-absorbed accounts of boyfriends, of lost jobs, and dreams of attaining something "grand and splendiferous" as she calls it, a dream that changes from letter to letter. Living in the wilderness, away from the bullshit. Becoming wealthy. Becoming an actress. All things that seem delightful on the surface, but have no thread, nothing to tie them together. The last good memory of your mother involved going to the park and releasing balloons at sunset. You were ten, and it wasn't long before she left. She seemed so captivated by the rising balloons, spinning, twirling in the thick purple dusk, by the freedom inherent in them. "Wouldn't you like to be up there," she said. "Just drifting, with no sense of being or place at all?" She looked so at peace, a contrast from the brusque, bitter-tempered woman, arms outstretched, as though holding onto this moment, as though this moment were the sweetest thing in her entire life, a life about which you knew so little. And you wonder now if this is what she wanted, through the drunkenness, the liaisons. You wonder if this is what she truly wanted, or she wanted something deeper, something she wasn't letting on. And perhaps you want this sort of moment too, if nothing else. In all likelihood you are a chapter she has put behind, spread to the winds like stardust. This is somewhat understandable. You can only move forward, put the sins of your mother and father and ancestors behind you. You are a being that has yet to be formed, even if it seems otherwise. Your grandmother was a drunk from childhood. She had her first hangover at ten, according to a story your mother told. Your great-grandmother got drunk right off the ship from Liverpool or London or wherever she was from, in 1901. Your cavemen ancestors were undoubtedly drunks. You feel like you're on the brink of following in their footsteps, hanging over the edge of a cliff into an abyss full of beer bottles, tantalizing and seductive, laughing at you with their gleaming metal. Sitting in the pews, listening to tales of douchebags turned saints, with their road to Damascus moments, you can only hope for some moment, some semblance of clarity, some moment when the world unfolds around you, and you look at everything around you with a new understanding. Do you expect to lead followers through a desert or preach good news? Hardly. But this is a start.

Volunteer to be an usher. An acolyte. Carry a torch. Volunteer for every church function possible. Play the do-gooder. Volunteer to get involved in church social justice movements, carrying signs and smiling. It gives you a sense of purpose, even if it's only within the confines of this tradition, even if it has no bearing on whom you will become. It beats sitting at home, holed up with Netflix, when you should be writing. There's a certain awe to being part of history, to carrying the communion wine down the aisles of this great Gothic church, to carrying five-foot signs protesting the injustice of the week. Carry a sign at a demonstration that reads, "Make Love Great Again" to protest an orange-tanned Oompa Loompa. You will feel a sense of inhabiting another body, another self. It will feel surreal, and yet delightful, not recognizing this side of you, a side who speaks of peace and love, who truly wants to believe in all this. Attend every Sunday service. Get back on the wagon. Do not look back, young man. There is a period in which you fall off the wagon, miss out on services, and retreat back into drinking and stewing upon your future: Will you teach, or will you end up in a low-end job at some movie theater? Will you keep writing, or will you fall into the abyss? This is roughly around the anniversary of your mother's abandonment, and a time when school seems to be getting nowhere. You seem to be getting nowhere, and you wonder if you are raging against forces beyond control, if your fate is sealed already. Perhaps you should give up. But the past as future is not a pleasant prospect. That period leaves you utterly alone in your apartment, back in the arms of Lady Netflix, and movies that hold no significance to the scheme of your life. You let your stories lag. You go out only to go to class, to go shopping and procure food. One time, you actually go for a walk around the block, but that's as far as you get, seeing no purpose. One night, you feel the sense of containment, the sense that the room is like a maze with no way out, with nothing to offer you. This is coincidentally a night in which you have received a letter from your mother in which she says that her life is the "happiest." And this seems utterly ridiculous to you. You want to lecture her, to reach out and beg her to become normal, but at this moment a kind of thought rises to you like a tornado, the truth twisting around and around: It cannot happen. The distance between you both is too unbridgeable, too vast, too wide, like the mighty sea. An image of your mother: It is the day she left you. You are ten years old, and she is driving you to some relative or another. You cannot even recall them all anymore. She looks at you with a kind of desperation in her eyes, a look that calls out to be understood. You are driving somewhere, through some run-down section of your hometown, when she starts talking about how that area used to be so successful. Your grandfather, she said, used to work in the old steel mills there. "Look at how things change so fast," she says. "Everything's so temporary. You don't have enough time to think about it. You either go with it, or you're screwed." "What does that mean?" "It's a lot of bullshit," she'd said, "Your grandfather always said that. It sounds good, doesn't it?" It doesn't at this time in your life, a time of transition, a time when you are being swept up. But looking at it now, you think you get a sense of what he meant. You are like a stranger standing on two train tracks, uncertain of which track to take. You are looking for the most obvious route, the straight track. You always have been. But sometimes the right track is the unknown. You look out the window, the rooftops of college buildings and apartments silhouetted in black. Students are moving through life, making love, making plans, growing old, going through it all with grace and despair and bewilderment and humor, and you feel like you exist outside of them, just watching and watching. The thought of trying on possibilities, experimenting seems exhilarating. Frightening. You think of the Biblical characters Reverend Botkin preaches about, men and women wandering into the unknown with a certain determination, a certain inner drive, people able to embrace the unknown and all its vastness, and you imagine them following you forward, encouraging you. Challenging you. "Welcome back," is all Reverend Botkin says, when you return for your Sunday pew aerobics (as Robin Williams lovingly refers to services). She does not attempt to question your absence, and you imagine after dealing with a brother like Nick, there are some questions she cannot broach. She has seen tragedy and bullshit. She has probably seen thousands of her own parishioners come and go, and you wonder what this must feel to her, to be helpless, to lose people, for whatever reason, people evaporating like water from the pews. Regret past actions. Figure out how to transfer regret into action, namely regrets over the knocking over trash can phase when you were a teen. It seemed like you were in control, as though you were a mighty force then, with each can you knocked over, cans full of people's livelihoods, people's waste laid bare, like some museum on their lawns. Clippings, cereal boxes, newspapers, even boxes of condoms, things that amused you and made you feel like you had their number. You still recall how your aunt had to pick you up at the police station so many times, they practically had a cell with your name on it. You'll be drinking a coffee, or on your way to class, or even on the crapper, when the memories will rise to you, wrapping themselves around your consciousness like a blanket. Plus there was swilling of your aunt's booze, the spray-painted houses, the toilet-papered gyms. Weep like a sinner thinking of your aunt's world-weary face, the way she never actually scolded you, the words left unspoken, hanging in the air like shadows. Consider actually writing letters to the poor bastards you victimized. What would you say? God knows. How do you apologize, explain yourself, try to begin to make up for all you have taken. Maybe meet a girl in church. Not likely. Old ladies and lesbians. Perhaps at the movies. Or not. If this were a Choose Your Own Adventure, you would choose page 3 for the former, and page 10 for the latter. Of course, you are somewhere in the middle of that vast spectrum, still learning that your life is not a perfect sequence of events, but a chaotic series. If you go for her, open up to her about what has happened in your life, but focus squarely upon movies and other cultural interests. Do not exaggerate the facts. Perhaps she's a nerdy sort, addicted to Coen Brothers movies, and she can quote "The Big Lebowski" verbatim, including during sex. Or an opinionated, gruff type with a heart of gold, who can swear like a sailor in the Queen's navy. You do find a certain attraction to those types. Perhaps because they employ their manners as a mechanism of survival, a means of withstanding the ups and downs, and because they can garner respect. If you make the right choice, you will feel a sense of connection, belonging. Pray in silent thanks during church and have a celebratory libation afterwards. Actually try to love people on Monday too. Don't check your love at the door Sunday night at 11:59. It's tough. You run into your old enemies, the bearded fundamentalists around town, you find it tough to keep your shit together in your writing workshop when people tear your stories down like the walls of Jericho. Or on the bus, seeing the happy, smiling families, who exchange secrets and smile beatifically at you, which you mistake for condescension. But laugh at it all, try to find the humor in it. This is good fodder for stories, after all. So write a story. Let everything loose. Love your mother. Think of her not as a bad mother, but a woman unable to give, to give love, stability. Think of her as a wanderer. Perhaps she'll wander back. More likely not. Make a pledge to conjure her only on holidays and birthdays. For her sake, stop drinking too. Think about ways to put the past aside, to plow forward. And stop thinking about Father Cooper, or try to. Set aside all documents that relate to your past. Photographs, papers, and your mother's letters. Drive out to the edge of town. Set said documents on fire in a field, feeling the release of their weight from your fingers, the release of history. Toss them in a particular order. Or fuck it. Toss them in no logical order at all, watching as the past is enveloped in curtains of smoke, rising into the dusk. Watch the moon rise, smiling a silent luminous smile, silhouetting you in all its splendor, as you walk away into the unknown, the hills rising before you, smooth shadows on the horizon.

[theonyxpath]

Above you can see two of the sentient species in Cavaliers of Mars, illustrated in lovely b&w line-art by the multi-styled talent of Andrew Trabbold. That was a decision we made a couple of years ago, actually: to have all the interior art in Cavs by rendered line-art. The style works just right as it references both the old pulp-era illustrations and the early art in the tabletop RPG hobby.

Is going black and white line-art going to alienate current day gamers who are used to and demand full-color interior art? Well, it probably does limit the appeal of Cavaliers of Mars in terms of a more broad-based audience, but we knew that would happen with this sort of game anyway.

When Rose and I first started throwing ideas at each other the Gen Con after she pitched me the “canals/Venice” line, as explained last week, we were kind of brainstorming, kind of riffing off each others’ ideas. It became clear to me as the ideas started clicking together organically, that Rose had a very specific vision that she wanted to give full reign to rather than holding back for “business” reasons.

In fact, the label “Fantasy Heartbreaker” was mentioned pretty early in our discussions as a point of pride. (Note Rose’s Patreon page.)

For me, I tend to think of games like Cavs as beautiful jewel-boxes where every design decision is made to reinforce the overall feel and themes of the game. The world, the rules, the system, the visuals – all given consideration as an intrinsic piece of the whole.

This was a huge part of the appeal to me for publishing Cavaliers of Mars. If you look at Scion or the Trinity Continuum, they are designed to enable a lot of access points and ways to play, with built-in ways we can further expand the game to appeal to more people. (WoD, CofD, and Exalted, are also designed to “go big”). I like that Onyx Path can publish Cavs, apply our high production values as always, and help Rose create the focused game she imagined.

As we have done before, you can check out whether that approach to Cavaliers of Mars works for you by reading the KS page and the ongoing Updates, or by backing the project and you can read the complete text via a link in Backer Update #1.

    VtR: Half Damned illustration by Felipe Goana

    Besides discovering our jewel-box of a game, backers of the Cavaliers of Mars Kickstarter also discovered the newest member of the Onyx Path team in the person of our Kickstarter runner, Jammin’ James Bell, when they read their first Update. James will gradually be taking on more and more of the extremely varied responsibilities of running our Kickstarters – which is a huge weight off my shoulders and greatly appreciated!

Since James is entirely focused on our Kickstarters, we’re looking forward to his many years of customer service and business management experience to really pay off for our backers.

Hiring on James was one of the awesome things to come out of GenCon this year, much as with bringing Fast Eddy Webb on full-time as announced last month. I was really busy finalizing a lot of ideas for improving Onyx that we had been putting together all through the year, and we have a bunch more of them to reveal in the months to come.

Now, this announcement didn’t really come out of GenCon, but Steve Wieck and I did discuss a bit what was the best way to handle the Scarred Lands game-line with the passing of Stew Wieck. It was after the con that I tendered an offer to purchase Nocturnal Media‘s half of the rights, and last week that offer was accepted. Onyx Path now owns Scarred Lands outright, and we are all absolutely thrilled to be able to continue to create new projects for one of the very best settings to come out of the d20 days.

Onyx and Nocturnal are still linked together to fulfill the SL Kickstarter, but after that is all achieved, we’ll be moving forward into the Scarred Lands based on the plans I was developing with Stew, but on our own.

    Wraith20 illustration by Mark Kelly

    Finally, I just wanted to shout out to Mighty Matt McElroy, who flew out at the last minute to the studios of Geek & Sundry last Friday to join a taping of their One Night Only show focused on tabletop game publishing. Matt represented for Onyx Path, together with a panel of fellow game creators, and he says the whole thing was absolutely polished and fascinating. I understand you can find the show on their ProjectAlpha site with a 30 day free trial: http://ift.tt/2fBHzlF

If you check it out, let us know what you think and we’ll pass your feedback on to the Geek & Sundry folks!

Until next week:

Many Worlds. One Path.

    BLURBS!

ON SALE!

KICKSTARTER:

  The Cavaliers of Mars Kickstarter funded and has been rolling along nicely past 500%, including a variety of Stretch Goals! For more on the thinking behind the game see above, and here is the link: http://ift.tt/2jF6HdQ

  ON AMAZON:

  We’re delighted to announce the opening of our ebook store on Amazon! You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle. Our initial selection includes these fiction anthologies: Vampire: the Masquerade‘s Endless Ages, Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th Anniversary Edition‘s Rites of Renown: When Will You Rage 2, Mage: The Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition‘s Truth Beyond Paradox, Chronicles of Darkness‘ God Machine Chronicle, Mummy: The Curse‘s Curse of the Blue Nile, and Beast: The Primordial‘s The Primordial Feast!

And now you can get these books in the Barnes and Noble Nook store too!

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Endless Ages Anthology

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Rites of Renown: When Will You Rage II

Mage: The Ascension: Truth Beyond Paradox

Chronicles of Darkness: The God-Machine Chronicle Anthology

Mummy: The Curse: Curse of the Blue Nile

Beast: The Primordial: The Primordial Feast Anthology

  And here are six more fiction books:

Vampire: The Masquerade: Of Predators and Prey: The Hunters Hunted II Anthology

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: The Poison Tree

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Songs of the Sun and Moon: Tales of the Changing Breeds

Vampire: The Requiem: The Strix Chronicle Anthology

Werewolf: The Forsaken: The Idigam Chronicle Anthology

Mage: The Awakening: The Fallen World Chronicle Anthology

  Andand six more more:

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Beast Within Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: W20 Cookbook (Kindle, Nook)

Exalted: Tales from the Age of Sorrows (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: Tales of the Dark Eras (Kindle, Nook)

Promethean: The Created: The Firestorm Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Demon: The Descent: Demon: Interface (Kindle, Nook)

And even more books are going up on Amazon and the Nook store on Wednesday!:

Vampire: The Masquerade Dark Ages: The Cainite Conspiracies

World of Darkness: Strangeness in the Proportion

Vampire: The Requiem: Silent Knife

Mummy: The Curse: Dawn of Heresies

Scarred Lands: The Walled Warren

    We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the Screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there!

http://ift.tt/2w0aaEW

    Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Here’s the link to the press release we put out about how Onyx Path is now selling through Indie Press Revolution: http://ift.tt/1ZlTT6z

You can now order wave 2 of our Deluxe and Prestige print overrun books, including Deluxe Mage 20th Anniversary, and Deluxe V20 Dark Ages! And Screens…so many Screens!

And you can now order Pugmire: the book, the screen, and the dice! http://ift.tt/1pOsnTb

  ON DRIVETHRURPG.COM:

  EX3 Music Suite #1: Fanfare for the Chosen sounds off long and proud on DTRPG on Wednesday!

We’re also releasing the five EX3 Electronic Wallpapers only previously available to EX3 Kickstarter backers on DTRPG on Wednesday! And you completely underline this Exalted day: our monthly dose of creatures from the Thousand Devils Night Parade will also be releasing!

      From out of the Dreaming, the C20 Jumpstart: Yours To Keep PDF and PoD are now live on DTRPG.com: http://ift.tt/2fmlF3s

There is magic hiding everywhere. You just need to know where to look.

You are a changeling, a faerie soul hiding in a mortal body, fighting the chill of Nightmares and the oppressive weight of Banality with the pure creative power of Glamour. You have lived many lives, but the story of this one? It outshines them all.

In this hidden world, knights in steel and leather clash sword to sword outside the homecoming dance, dragons fly between skyscrapers, and fantastic castles rise from suburban lawns. A world of magic, intrigue, and adventure, and now that your fae side has awakened, it’s your world too.

“Yours to Keep” includes a rules and setting overview, as well as pre-generated characters and a complete introductory scenario for Changeling: The Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition. It’s perfect for jumpstarting a new Changeling chronicle!

    The PDF and PoD versions of C20 are now on DriveThruRPG.com: http://ift.tt/2w4Eq2m

Twenty years ago, White Wolf published Changeling: the Dreaming, the fifth of their promised five game-lines that together comprised the World of Darkness. Seen by some as a lighter, more fantasy-based setting in the modern-day, and by others as the darkest game White Wolf had yet created, players had to face the question of what happens once creativity and magic fades from their world.

This 20th Anniversary Edition of Changeling: the Dreaming returns to that deceptively bright yet terrifying world and both compiles and completes the concepts of the previous two editions. Led by veteran White Wolf and Onyx Path developer “Blackhat” Matt McFarland, our writing team consists of longtime Changeling creators like Ian Lemke, Jackie Cassada, Nicky Rea, and Peter Woodworth, as well as familiar names such as John Snead, Maggie Carrol, Matthew Dawkins, and Krister Michl. One and all are dedicated to making Changeling: the Dreaming Twentieth Anniversary Edition the most playable edition yet – while not losing the wonder, awe, and majesty that Changeling is known for.

A revised and up to date look at the World of Darkness through the eyes of the Kithain – what has happened to the Dreaming in the last 20 years, and what is the state of Glamour and dreams?

Rules for all of the kiths including in 2nd ed, plus fan favorites from other books: selkies, piskies, clurichaun, and both Arcadian and Concordian sidhe.

Rules for the Gallain: The inanimae, the hsien, the Nunnehi, and others!

An overhauled and reimagined system for fae magic, including new Arts and the powerful but dangerous practice of Unleashing!

New full-color beautiful artwork as well as classic Changeling illustrations including remastered full page pieces of the kiths by Tony Diterlizzi.

      Now available, this all-new Trinity Continuum: Aeon poster, featuring the art we used for the cover of the StoryPath Booklet at this year’s GenCon! http://ift.tt/2y2MOkm

And this version for art lovers is without the logo: http://ift.tt/2xt4ngk

      From the massive Chronicles of Darkness: Dark Eras main book, we have pulled this single chapter, Dark Eras: After the Fall (Demon: The Descent Constantinople 1453-1458). The Ottoman conquest shatters Constantinople…and also the God-Machine’s grip on it. Unchained flock from all over the world to seek their fortunes in rebuilding the city. But is the Machine really gone, and if it is, can the Unchained face the horrors it drove into the shadows?

On sale in PDF and physical copy PoD versions on DTRPG! http://ift.tt/2y1ZoAe

      Calling all Good Dogs! The Pugmire Core Rulebook PDF is now available on DTRPG.com!

http://ift.tt/2wAaAp3

And the actual physical book, screen, and dice, are available to order on the IPR and Studio2 websites!

Studio2: http://ift.tt/2w0aaEW

      From the massive Chronicles of Darkness: Dark Eras main book, we have pulled this single chapter, Dark Eras: A Grimm Dark Era (Changeling: The Lost Grimm’s Tales). With the publication of Grimm’s Fairy Tales, the Lost find themselves subject to the strength of stories, to a degree never before seen. As numerous stories reach greater audiences, the power of tales redefine what it means to be a changeling. Here, we explore a shift in the veil between fiction and reality, and find changelings who escaped by embracing the odd rules of the fantastic.

http://ift.tt/2iD3wTu

On sale in PDF and physical copy PoD versions on DTRPG!

        Satyr Phil Brucato beckons you once more into the Annex of Mage: The Ascension with this 300 page follow-up to M20. The M20 Book of Secrets is NOW on sale in PDF and PoD versions at DTRPG.com! http://ift.tt/2tKyJtb

More Than Magick

For mages who think they have everything, this trove of treasures expands upon the wealth of material presented throughout Mage: The Ascension’s 20th Anniversary Edition. New Traits, new rules, essays, answers, information… the Secrets are revealed within.

Enter the Annex

Building upon the M20 core rulebook, this Book of Secrets features updated rules and setting material, such as…

An M20 FAQ Genres & Resources

Matters of Focus Justice & Influence

New Abilities, Archetypes, Merits & Flaws

Expanded Rules for Combat, Resonance, Wonders, Computer Systems, and More

This Ascension Continues…

        What dark secrets do the eldest vampires hold? Find out in Thousand Years of Night for Vampire: The Requiem! Advance PDF version available now on DriveThruRPG.com. http://ift.tt/2sV8lZR

You may think that with a multitude of people coming, going, dying and running away, we’d be tired, done, or ready to give up. Instead, I find myself restless, looking for the next thing.  There’s always a next thing, and I for one am not yet ready to die.

– Elder Kincaid, Daeva Crone

This book includes:

• Detailed instructions on creating elder vampires, including how to base chronicles around them

• A look into the lives of elders, how they spend their nights, who they work with, and why including their roles in both their clans and covenants

• New Devotions, Merits, and Rituals for elder vampires

• The kinds of creatures that pose a threat to elder vampires, including Inamorata, Lamia, Sons of Phobos, a new elder conspiracy, and more!

          CONVENTIONS!

Fast Eddy Webb will be running Pugmire during the online convention Gauntlet Con: http://ift.tt/2sSctbs which runs from Oct. 20 – 22. Here is the sign-up link for the event which will be live-streamed. Currently three of six seats are still open: http://ift.tt/2xt3HaM

  In November, we’ll be at Game Hole Con in Madison, WI. November 2-5: http://ift.tt/2xsOnuzMonica Valentinelli (Hunter: the Vigil 2e, Dark Eras), Manda Collis (Exalted 3e), Scott Holden (Scarred Lands), Matt M McElroy (Operations Manager) and other folks from the OPP crew will be there!

  Also in November, the Onyx Path crew including Rich, Matt, Lisa, Neall, Dixie, and Meghan will be at the first ever PAX Unplugged in Philadelphia, November 17-19. http://ift.tt/2kBzmfv

  Planning ahead for 2018, we’re heading back to Midwinter Game Convention in Milwaukee, January 11-14, where we’re going to be bringing a big crew of many of your favorite Onyx Path designers and we’ll be running demos and making some special announcements at the show!  http://midwintergamingconvention.com

  And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM ROLLICKING ROSE (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

M20 Gods and Monsters (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

M20 Book of the Fallen (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

C20 Novel (Jackie Cassada) (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

Monarchies of Mau (Monarchies of Mau)

Night Horrors: The Tormented (Promethean: The Created 2nd Edition)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

They Came From Beneath the Sea! Rulebook (TCFBtS!)

  Redlines

Kithbook Boggans (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

Hunter: the Vigil 2e core (Hunter: the Vigil 2nd Edition)

  Second Draft

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Tales of Good Dogs – Pugmire Fiction Anthology (Pugmire)

Exalted 3rd Novel by Matt Forbeck (Exalted 3rd Edition)

  Development

Signs of Sorcery (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

SL Ring of Spiragos (Pathfinder – Scarred Lands 2nd Edition)

Ring of Spiragos (5e – Scarred Lands 2nd Edition)

Pugmire Pan’s Guide for New Pioneers (Pugmire)

Scion: Origin (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion: Hero (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum Core Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

Trinity Continuum: Aeon Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

GtS Geist 2e core (Geist: the Sin-Eaters Second Edition)

The Realm (Exalted 3rd Edition)

  WW Manuscript Approval:

Dragon-Blooded (Exalted 3rd Edition)

  Editing:

Ex Novel 2 (Aaron Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

DtD Night Horrors: Enemy Action (Demon: the Descent)

  Post-Editing Development:

W20 Changing Ways (Werewolf: the Apocalypse 20th Anniversary Edition)

Changeling: the Lost 2nd Edition, featuring the Huntsmen Chronicle (Changeling: the Lost 2nd Edition)

C20 Ready Made Characters (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

  Indexing:

    ART DIRECTION FROM MIRTHFUL MIKE:

In Art Direction

W20 Pentex Employee Indoctrination Handbook – Art at WW for approval.

Cavaliers of Mars

W20 Changing Ways

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

Scion Origins

Ring of Spiragos

VtR Half Damned

Book of Freeholds

DtD Enemy Action – AD’d… contracts and notes sent out.

C20 RMCs – Finished with sketches.

  Marketing Stuff

  In Layout

Prince’s Gambit – Remaining art is arting.

Beckett’s Jyhad Diary – Layouting.

Wraith 20

Beast PG

M20 Cookbook – Working on it after Beckett is done.

  Proofing

VDA Jumpstart – At WW for approval.

Ex 3 Arms of the Chosen – 1st proof.

Becket’s Jyhad Diary – First half proofing with Dawkins.

  At Press

Beckett Screen – Shipped to shipper.

Scarred Land PGs & Wise and the Wicked PF & 5e – On a boat to the US. PoD files processing (see above).

Dark Eras: God’s Own Country – PoD proof on the way.

VTR: Thousand Years of Night – Errors discovered at GenCon, getting fixed.

Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition) – Deluxe Edition cover and Screen in the works.

C20 Jumpstart PDF – PDF and PoD versions on sale this Wednesday!

CtL Huntsmen Chronicle Anthology PDF

Art of Mage – Prepping for PoD this week.

Pugmire Trick, Condition, and Initiative Cards – PoD proofs ordered.

Exalted 3rd Music Suite #1 – On sale this week.

  TODAY’S REASON TO CELEBRATE: A couple of days ago, our friend Murray the pug, inspiration for Pugmire and Eddy Webb’s very good dog, passed away suddenly. Let us salute and celebrate his life, and the long shadow cast by a very little guy.

[mcmansionhell]

50 States of McMansion Hell: Johnson County, Kansas

Hello Friends! Sorry for the late post - I got distracted yesterday by taking a moment to enjoy the beautiful weather after shutting myself in various libraries for so long as to not see the sun. :)

Welcome to Kansas - the heart of America. [Insert Wizard of Oz joke just to get that out of the way]. Did you know that Kansas was also the inspiration for the 19th century mathematical fantasy Flatland? Wow! The longing for topological variation explains the rather mountainous layout of our lovely estate:

This classic Beigehaus™ was built in 1996, and boasts 4 bedrooms + 4.5 baths, totaling around 4800 square feet. It can be all yours for the LOW LOW price of 25,060 payments of $19.95 + S&H. Sorry no CoD.

Law Student Foyer

The carpet on the stairs is what gets me. I swear I’ve stared at that floor in some sort of big box store as an impressionable child and it is here to haunt me for buying beer at Walmart over winter break.

Foyer/Dining

Maximalism is coming and it is difficult to get right. I’m talking very, very, very, very difficult. I am going to have A DANG FIELD DAY and I CANNOT WAIT.

WHOLESOME LIVING ROOM

Because I know most of you are going through finals right now, I wanted to provide to you a small island of wholesomeness to get you through your day! Please remember to drink lots of water and take good care of yourselves during this time of deep strife. 

:)

Place of devoted labor

My mom is ready to pistol-whip the deer that have decided to stage a coup against her valiant attempts at landscaping. Also dumpster rococo is 100% a reverb-saturated girl band.

Sitting Room where people actually sit

i am a v sensitive girl and hunting makes me sad bc i love birds & other folk and think the whole sport is only acceptable to control the deer population whose natural predators have been driven away due to habitat loss so people can build their fake ugly houses with massive useless lawns. 

Area for Mastication 

sponge paint that looks like a wet kitchen sponge that is nearing the time for replacement = methodology becoming metaphor or something dumb like that.

Kitchen

I like my friends and want to acknowledge and appreciate them :)

Master Bed

That sitting area could be a 1996 exhibit in a design museum. That green marble tho. 

Master Bath

gotta give people credit when they try. 

Bedroom 2 [sad]

I can’t not be dark - I still have 2 exams next week. 

Basement

Ah, high school - a time when I thought my classical music career would swiftly and effortlessly take off. 

And finally, our friend the rear exterior:

Is there a new fancy 8-letter literary term for the deliberate subversion (really a deconstruction, thanks Derrida) of grammar and syntax in internet humor yet? Because I’m p sure high school English teachers would love that. 

Anyways, that does it for Kansas! Based on current exam priorities, there’s not going to be a Sunday post next week, but the schedule should be back on track the week after. Stay tuned for Wednesday’s Kentucky McMansion! 

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon!  Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as Wednesday bonus content on Patreon! Not into small donations and sick bonus content?  Check out the McMansion Hell Store - 100% goes to charity.

Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs in this post are from real estate aggregate Zillow.com and are used in this post for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2017 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

[batslime]

So on Circus of the Dead ( now that I’ve actually watched it )

Content warnings ahoy for lowly-to-moderately detailed discussions of acts including rape, torture, murder, cheating, ableism, reproductive violence, cannibalism, necrophillia, and general violence. That’s right, all that in more in one clown movie! Also pretty long.

 I've talked about this briefly but as a sake of an example, even if he tortures them Pennywise isn't genuinely "evil"..... it literally exists to consume, it was created that way, it's not BETTER but humans are like day-old ants to this timelessly old entity. I don't know if I can really even find the focus on preying on mostly children since it's easier prey for it, and in nature, the young aren't spared. Because Pennywise ISN'T human, it's a primal beast that far PREDATES humanity. It only tortures them because it says it makes them taste better, and it feeds off their fears, not their bodies. It doesn't kill just to kill, and I'm kind of even on the fence about being able to call it malice. IT isn't good but I still wouldn't consider IT evil. This stuff is genuinely just its nature.

 Papa Corn from Circus of the dead is what an EVIL character is. Papa Corn kidnaps, rapes, physiologically and physically tortures people before murdering them, sodomizing their corpses, and mutilating them, or letting one of his other clown goons eat it. And he does it all gleefully, he LITERALLY gets off when meditating it, he jokes it off because he doesn't even see it as more than a day's work ( "What are you gonna DO to her?" "I'm gonna do what I always do. I'm gonna rape her, I'm gonna slit her throat, I'm gonna feed whats left to my clowns." He starts this reply out shrugging, and uses a tone talking about his plans for the day going on a walk or mowing the lawn ). 

 One thing early in the film that fades in comparison to all this but that still sticks out to me is when Don, the main character who's held hostage by Papa Corn and the clowns at the expense of his family, is backstage with them after having his seat drawn for a prize. He doesn't actually suspect anything is wrong yet, but Papa Corn already slipped in a chipper "I'm going to kill your ENTIRE family!" that the clown brushed off as a mishearing, and is putting off creepy vibes. So in his discomfort Don makes a short joke about one of the other clowns played by a little person. Papa Corn goes off on a little passive-aggressive rant at this, using language not only that would be considered "politically correct" but actual medical terms. "Ah! I see, you've made a JOKE at my coworker's expense based on the fact that he's OTHERED from you! Well, I will INFORM you that Mr. Jumbo suffers from a genetic hormonal deficiency called DWARFISM. However, his sense of humor is quite intact, so I'm sure he'll still be able to appreciate the joke." That's heavily paraphrased, but what he says here is undeniably recognizing and chastising Don for mocking somebody's disability and going to the length of teaching him about it. This is even what I'd call a very good way to point out bigotry in a way to not start a scene, had it been in earnest- because Papa's next line after Don apologizes and tells him shamefully he didn't consider how disrespectful it would be Papa says "But he's a dwarf, so who gives a flying fuck what he thinks." And then forces out a very theatrical guffaw straight into Don's face.

 Again, that bit is insignificant to all the shit that comes later in the movie ( and even some scenes beforehand ) that this character isn't "craaaaazy" or just saying and doing whatever, he's FULLY aware of right and wrong even to an extent a lot of people in our society aren't; the thing is he really DOESN'T care and really DOES find dehumanization and faking people out, misleading them to think they're safe or he's not evil, funny.

 This is kind of solidified again in a pretty early scene where he's broken into Don's house and caught his wife, Tiffany. Tiffany is screaming "let me go! I wanna go!", and Papa Corn actually puts on this calmed down facade and the panicky music stops, in a now very average tone, "Oh. You wanna go?" "Y-yeah, let me go!" "Oh. You want to go. Well, I'm feeling generous today." He actually SHOOS Tiffany away, doing so again when she glances back several times in disbelief, before abruptly screaming and running after her again. He then laughs as he waves his crotch around in her face, sticks his gloved fingers up HERS to scold her on her cheating, then slicing her neck open in the following scene. This really solidifies two things: 1, Papa Corn really does just fucking love giving his victims a tiiiny bit of hope then just yanking it away from them, and 2, the writer is SOMEHOW aware of some horror tropes and manages to challenge them in a genuinely funny way, just to be totally unconscious of all the others he shoves into the rest of the movie. 

 And what makes this a BAD character ( not a bad person, he's already that and more ) is that despite practically BOASTING all this, when his hostage who he's forced into a night of watching him do all this shoots him at the first chance when the two are finally alone and Papa Corn is about to violate another random teenage girl who got dragged into this shit at the blink of an eye, Papa Corn pulls this "you're just like me" bullshit that I hate sooo much.

 "Don. You shot me. Were you just going to leave me here to die? You tried to kill me... I'm so proud of you." Nothing makes a villain I hate more, and not in a good way, than being untouchable. I hate that he's written to still be smug and have the upper hand even after taking bullets through the chest ( and somehow lives, presumably without going to the hospital? To my further infuriation ), I hate when villains who are so PROUD of their villainy until somebody finally raises a hand against them try to use the "but I'm not that bad, because you are too". T's SO lazy, it's SO out of character, specifically for this guy who laughs in people's faces as he skins their face or watches his goons gut a pregnant woman or fuck a guy's wife's mutilated head in front of him while he talks about how she'd been cheating on him.

 Papa Corn is a villain who's a prime example of a horrible, irredeemable, inhumanly EVIL person, who does what he wants not just with no regard to others, but to revel on their agony on every level he can possibly inflict. It's far, far overdone and this makes the film cheesy and almost even LAUGHABLE despite all the awful content, but this is what makes him a good VILLAIN- somebody who IS evil, not just really doing what they were made to. 

 And then he defends himself as "not that bad, because who isn't?", which shows total incompetence on the writer's part, and that that entire concept of what's actually evil about his character has gone totally over the guy's head, that it really is just all shit that he wanted to film people doing.

 It's not the low budget, poor sound and picture quality, the admittedly ( slightly ) better than expected writing, and mostly amateur cast that makes Circus of the Dead a bad film, to me, it's all that shit. It's that all in all the "psych challenging message" here that it tries to play is that even people who admit they're evil and have fun doing it aren't ACTUALLY evil because everyday average people who do good and bad as part of their life do bad things sometimes too, but they're still going to suffer at the hands of the evil-not-evil characters BECAUSE of their wrongdoings.

 All in all, after everything I've heard about Circus of the Dead, it didn't really challenge the low expectations I had for it, nor did it challenge all the bad horror/ "mindfuck" genre tropes it set itself up for. It feels like a chore to watch with little to no reward ( Don and his whole family DO all end up dead, and the whole clown gang gets away more or less unharmed. A 2nd one is confirmed to already be written but I really hope for at least the sake of realistic forces at least one of the clowns are killed in the next one ). If I do have anything to praise, it's definitely Papa Corn's snd Pepe the mime's designs, I really do love them and it makes up for the other clowns being ass ugly and tacky. Quite a few of Papa Corn's lines really did make me laugh too, when he's not the filthy example of the lowest form of shat you can still call a man, and even admittedly when he's killing actual assholes, he is pretty funny in his total indiscreetness. 

As a sidenote though, genuinely, HUGE props to Bill Oberst Jr. for his sensational portrayal of this role. I've read a lot of reviews before seeing the film describing him as having a "switch" needed for playing Papa Corn's fickle and unpredictable sense of calm before the storm, and I agreed even just seeing the trailers, but there are some parts of the film it really feels so RAW and it kind of yanks you around in a sense. I've seen interviews with him and he's such a down to earth, proudly and happily religious guy with so much obvious humility and sense of bettering himself, it's kind of awe-striking hearing him talk about how he looked through the script and said "I NEED to play this". He's a phenomenal actor and even if not necessarily for this film I hope recognition for him skyrockets.

[lifeareyouthere]

A Love Letter to Langley

This is not intended to aid child predators. This is the prattles of someone who over thinks and as too much free time. None of this is to taken seriously.

If there was one person who’s attention Yaniv did not want it was his own personal stalker. Am I calling Langley Resident a stalker? No. But in the twisted, and diseased minds of Yaniv and Mrs. Yaniv that’s exactly what they have. An ever present set of evil eyes with ears that record their “private” meltdowns to share with the world. A guilty conscious doesn't like to lose control of their own information. LR knows this and has taken upon themselves to take the bullshit they endure from these two neighbors and publish to makes sure the one thing a cockroach needs is taken from them. So since Yaniv is too busy lubing tampons to solve this little mystery I thought I’d Nancy Drew it myself.

Now I do not live in Canada. I’ve never visited Canada. I grew up thinking Canada was the hat of the states, so I have very little background to work with. I have google, some posts, and an over active mind. Yet somehow, I feel I could get closer to the facts than Yaniv who has dissolved into taking pictures of neighbors, harassing them and shouting, “Meow!” at everyone. A real Sherlock that one. 

Let’s start with looks. At this point it’s impossible to tell. Any photos that might be them are marked as being from other sources. However, Yaniv has some strong opinions about who’s worthy of sharing the same elevator with them and who’s not. Because of Yaniv’s very public racism we can assume LR is white. It’s the only appearance that Yaniv blocks out as part of the background. White is normal, nothing to take note of. If they had any kind of color they would be the source of Yaniv’s poor jokes, and would raise Yaniv’s suspicions.

Following that logic of Yaniv’s blindness we can assume they are older than what are “trans-activist” likes. LR’s first and only avatar is a perfect picture of  Edna Krabappel(more to follow about that), it’s a still from the show back when it was hand drawn, and by the off colors of it I’d place it sometime before season 7 of The Simpsons. This says that this person it older than 25, as younger than that would not be as interested in the character and the hand drawn look isn’t a turn off. Many of the younger set can’t stand the rough look and inconsistent colors. I’m willing to bet that the quality of the still didn’t even register when it was chosen because that’s what this person grew up with. They were more concerned with the emotion being conveyed. My bet is that this person is closer to 30 as they use early internet short hand, but still try to maintain proper writing structure on twitter. A battle many dismiss.  Is it possible that they are an older adult tired of a man-child’s tantrums? Yes. Nothing they’ve done shows any great skill with technology. Someone with a phone, and a dream. But science as proven the older you are, the less of a damn you give. Just look at Mrs. Yaniv, she’s forgone underwear for as long as I’ve known her. Even with the Yaniv’s violent outbursts I doubt an older person would have the patience for all this tip-toeing anon shit. (I long for the day an old stands up during one of those meetings and tells the Yaniv’s to shut up, and get out or they can find some where else to live.) There’s also my suspicion that LR works with a close group of friends on the internet.  The Meow Mix blog has shots of Yaniv bragging on twitter that he was able to get 2 numbers of LR’s cellphone number (great work, you win,). MM refers to them as “A gang” and continues referring to themselves as a group. https://jymeowmix.wordpress.com/2020/01/01/worlds-worst-tech-guru-tries-to-hack-the-meow-mix/  And with MM having a similar writing voice to LR and the number of similar twitter accounts using the idea of living near Yaniv I think it’s safe to say LR is indeed working with 3 or more people in efforts to document and organize information so the world can see exactly what type and degree of fuck up Yaniv is. I don’t know about you, but the last gang of boomer I met hung out in dead Quake forums, and they knew nothing of lolcows.

Now some more solid facts. LR has a car. We know that because they tweeted about being at “Brown’s” the same time as Yaniv. Using the old Google, I can see a Mary Brown’s Chicken & Tater’s just off the highway that runs behind where they live. It’s not a walk-able distance, and the highway makes it unsafe for foot traffic despite the homeless camps. Chicken & Tators sounds right up Yaniv’s alley, so I don’t think my assumption that this is the location in question is far off.

LR is Canadian. This is duh, but I believe they were born and raised in Canada. In tweet wishing Yaniv a lovely day they use the words “chequing account.” My French was sent tingling. In the States we spelling it, checking. So this person was raised in the land of hockey lovers.  

Now we get to the pure speculation portion.

The profile.

If we return to LR’s avatar it’s good ole Edna K standing in front of the chalkboard looking disgusted and tired. A teacher who has seen it all and not amused by the antics a child who acts up to hide the fact they cannot understand the material they’ve been given. I feel this is how LR feels about Yaniv in general. Withe him you go through a cycle, first confusion, then disgust, followed by rage, then disbelief, and finally to settle on he’s is nothing more than a man child who craves attention because they have nothing else in their life. A girlfriend requires work and showering. A job requires work, and showering. Being a role model requires work and showering. All things Yaniv doesn’t want to do. It’s easy to smear on lipstick, slam his unwashed balls on the counter at Starbucks and demand coffee, then screech discrimination on twitter about his trans-rights being butt hurt and get a gift card. If it wasn’t for the fact that Yaniv wants to kidnap a child and brainwash her into thinking tampons are sexy, and limp, smelly, pencil dicks are all a woman can hope for, I doubt LR would have reason enough to do any of this. Despite their obvious disdain for Yaniv and Mrs. Yaniv, they post very little besides what a neighbor would have to deal with. They don’t post their pranks. They don’t leave things on Yaniv’s door. They leave stickers to warn kids, and record the Yaniv’s screaming at each other like the trailer trash they are.  Most people aren’t compelled to create a twitter account to complain about how their neighbor’s dog shits in their lawn on mowing day.

That being said, they do enjoy the trolling. By far LR and MM have gotten under Yaniv’s nut-sack like a reporter waiting to ask about the Elmo voice. It’s an honor not many hold as Yaniv wants the attention, but that that it’s not on his terms, and in a way he can’t bully to control it’s driving him up a wall. Poor thing. All he can do is film himself fingering his ass in his mom’s house in front of underage girls. Truly, MM and LR are terrors. How is our brave “Trans-activist” to live without going out to stalk around Justice so he can finger his ass in the dressing rooms?

And on a unrelated note. LR likes the elevator. Seems like they’re in there a lot. And Mary Brown’s is all southern comfort food. The kind that you eat when you hate yourself. It’s my favorite. So I would hazard that LR isn’t going to the gym, and is often very tired, either from a stressful job, insomnia, depression, or iron deficiency. It’s hard to get in their head because they are careful. Very careful. They know who they’re dealing with and moves according, taking advantage of weather and human nature to move. I would guess they wear something with large pockets or walks a dog that allows them to move at night with a bag or purse. It gets confusing as posts on MM aren’t clear what are supplied by LR.

If I could sit on a meeting I might be able to finger more closely who it could be by body language. But, I could be 1000% off. Honestly, I don’t care. I mostly wanted to prove I gave more thought to it than a pedo.

[gyrlversion]

Inside Backpage.com’s Vicious Battle With the Feds

In Michael Lacey’s younger and more vulnerable years, his father gave him this advice: “Whenever someone pokes a finger in your chest, you grab that finger and you break it off at the knuckle.” Lacey grew up in the 1950s as a bright, bookish boy. His father, a sailor turned enforcer for a New York construction union, had little use for his son’s intellectual gifts. If Lacey lost a fight at school, he says, his dad “came home and beat me again.” But the boy toughened up, and he carried the lessons he’d learned into adulthood. He became a newspaper editor and earned a reputation as a down-and-dirty First Amendment brawler. Early on in his career, he struck up a partnership with James Larkin, a publisher whose sensibilities matched his own. Together, they built the nation’s largest chain of alternative newsweeklies.

Lacey and Larkin were heroes to many—micks from the sticks who made a fortune thumbing their shanty-Irish snouts at authority. Their papers went after mayors and police chiefs, governors and senators, Walmart and the Church of Scientology. They provoked outrage with their business practices too, by setting up Backpage.com, a kind of red-light district for the internet. As attorney Don Moon, the pair’s longtime adviser, puts it: “Their brand was always ‘Fuck you. We don’t have friends. We have lawyers.’ ” That approach served them well for 45 years, right up until the morning Michael Lacey found himself staring into the barrel of a Glock.

A few minutes before 9 am on April 6, 2018, a fleet of unmarked vehicles with government plates rolled up in front of Lacey’s multimillion-dollar compound in Paradise Valley, a few miles outside of Phoenix. These weren’t the guests he’d been expecting. The 69-year-old divorced father of two had recently gotten remarried, and he was preparing to host a lavish party to celebrate his vows. Tents were pitched on his lawn; retired journalists and overworked lawyers were winging their way into town. FBI agents informed the groom that he was being arrested on charges of money laundering and facilitating prostitution. They cuffed him, then subdued the home’s other occupants, including Lacey’s 76-year-old mother-in-law, whom they ordered out of the shower at gunpoint.

For the next six hours, the lawmen tossed the compound looking for, among other things, “evidence of wealth.” They seized art, cash, computers, even the bride’s wedding ring. Meanwhile, at the Phoenix airport, federal marshals awaited a 747 inbound from London. When it touched down, the flight crew made an announcement: Police would be boarding, so passengers must stay put. “I wondered who they were there for,” recalls Larkin, then 68, who was seated beside his son in business class. “I quickly figured out it was me.” (The Department of Justice declined to comment on the arrests.)

Partygoers soon received a cryptic text message. Owing to “unforeseen circumstances,” it said, the wedding celebration had been “postponed.” A notice went up on Backpage, explaining that the website had been seized “as part of an enforcement action.” More than a few guests completed the journey to Phoenix anyway; reporters can’t resist a story, and Lacey had already paid for a block of rooms at the Hotel Camby. They gathered at various local watering holes, offering what one attendee describes as “toasts to the accused,” and pieced together a gripping narrative—a tale of free-speech crusaders crossed over to the dark side, dedicated news­hounds become digital pimps.

Backpage, the domain that brought the federal government down on Lacey and Larkin’s heads, wasn’t much to look at—a bare-bones interface wrapped in Facebooky blue, similar to Craigslist in both form and function. Its name alluded to the old days of print publishing, when classified ads, especially ads for topless bars, escort services, and other sexually oriented businesses filled the final pages of alt­-weeklies and provided much of their revenue. Visitors to the site were greeted with several columns of links, which directed them to listings for various metropolitan areas around the country. From there, they could reply to ads or write their own.

Many of the ads—for auto parts, part-time gigs, vacation rentals, and so on—were free to publish. But the lewd stuff, listed under the adult section, cost money. For as little as $2 a day, users could post in such categories as “body rubs” and “dom & fetish.” The site’s terms of use prohibited any content that could be considered “unlawful,” “harmful,” or “obscene.” To gain access to the adult section, all users had to do was click a link confirming they were 18 or older. Once inside, they saw an endless scroll of titles, some laden with innuendo (“Cum lay your hotdog on my bun for memorial day”), others more explicit (“Three holes anything goes $90”).

As in the print days, these adult ads reigned supreme. In 2011 they accounted for 15 percent of Backpage’s listings but generated more than 90 percent of its revenue. By the time the Feds pulled the plug on the site, it was operating in 97 countries and was valued at more than half a billion dollars. People called it the Google of commercial sex ads, a platform that dominated its market as thoroughly as Facebook dominated social networking or Amazon did online retail.

The government indictment that triggered Lacey and Larkin’s arrests, United States v. Lacey, et al., includes 17 “victim summaries”—stories of women who say they were sexually exploited through Backpage. Victim 5 first appeared in an ad on the platform when she was 14; her “customers” made her “perform sexual acts at gunpoint, choked her to the point of having seizures, and gang-raped her.” Victim 6 was stabbed to death. Victim 8’s uncle and his friends advertised her as “fetish friendly.” The indictment accuses Backpage of catering to sexual predators, of essentially helping pimps better reach their target audiences.

In the years before their arrest, Lacey and Larkin had successfully beat back charges like these in court. They took refuge not only in the First Amendment but also in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, Congress’ great gift to the internet. Passed in 1996, Section 230 largely immunized online platforms from liability for the user-­generated content they hosted. They were free to police offending material as they saw fit, without undue fear of prosecution by state or local authorities—as long as they didn’t create it themselves. America’s tech behemoths, from Twitter to Facebook, have often invoked Section 230 in court. The internet we have today wouldn’t exist without it. After all, you can’t build or sustain a giant network if you’re getting sued every time a user says or does something objectionable.

For a while, Lacey and Larkin’s strategy had worked: They’d won case after case, with the support of Big Tech and civil libertarians alike. But by the time the Feds descended on Paradise Valley that morning in the spring of 2018, the tide had turned. Many of their friends and allies had fled, spooked in part by too much bad press. The tech industry, which faced withering scrutiny over its role in the outcome of the 2016 presidential election, had thrown them under the bus. Their top lieutenant had flipped. And Congress had used them as an excuse to finally accomplish what it had been trying to do for more than 20 years—tear a hole in Section 230.

Maybe they should have seen it coming: The betrayals. The asset seizures. The changing zeitgeist. They were, to be sure, brazenly cashing in on the sex trade. But here’s the thing: Silicon Valley had better hope they win. United States v. Lacey is a dangerous case, with potential consequences far beyond the freedom of two aging antiauthoritarians.

A view from Paradise Valley, looking out onto Camelback Mountain.

Jesse Rieser

It’s a mid-November afternoon in 2018, and Mike Lacey and Jim Larkin are seated on either side of the 20-foot-long glass table that dominates Lacey’s living room. They’re clad in jeans, polos, and ankle monitors. A black charging cord snakes from a wall outlet to Lacey’s left foot, which emits an occasional beep.

Both men are out on million-dollar bonds, secured by real estate the government eventually hopes to own. The bulk of the charges against them fall under the Travel Act, a law designed by Robert F. Kennedy’s Justice Department to target organized crime. According to the indictment, Lacey, Larkin, and their underlings not only turned a blind eye to prostitution and child sexual abuse but, driven by greed, actively worked to abet it. Their case is set for January 2020. “El Chapo got to trial quicker,” Lacey quips.

I’ve worked for both sides in this showdown. In the late 1990s, I was a staff writer for the Dallas Observer, a weekly owned by Lacey and Larkin. Then, in 2001, I went to work for the Department of Justice as an assistant US attorney in Plano, Texas.

The two men have lived large, and it shows. Larkin is a burly former football player, 6 ’ 2 ” and easily 250 pounds, with cornflower eyes, chubby cheeks, and a ruddy complexion. Lacey’s mug reveals decades of sun and single-malt Scotch—the hooded lids, the sagging chin, the lines running like canyons down his face and into his neck. His spiky hair has thinned and grayed, but he still has the prominent schnoz, the ice-blue eyes, and the knuckles famously tattooed with “HOLD FAST.” (His father, who served in the Navy during World War II, had the same slogan inked across his fists.)

Their situation looks bleak. The government has seized all of Lacey’s financial accounts and most or all of Larkin’s. Prosecutors have already produced more than 10 million documents and have promised, or threatened, more to come. It will cost the defendants several million dollars just to buy the software they need to search the government’s files. For the time being, though, they’re still drinking well. When I arrive, Larkin has uncorked a bottle of Jack Quinn, a cabernet produced at his 3-acre vineyard in Napa. (Although Larkin has owned the place since before Backpage existed, the government has given notice that it intends to seize the vineyard, alleging that he used Backpage-derived funds for its maintenance.) Lacey, meanwhile, is still knocking back Macallan 21—although nowadays he stops to ask the price. At the Blue Hound bar in Phoenix, where we repaired for a later interview, it’s $120 per shot.

Lacey got his start in journalism in 1970, in the wake of the Kent State shootings, when he and a group of antiwar comrades at Arizona State University founded what would become the Phoenix New Times. In the beginning, he claims, he sold his blood to pay the bills. He met Larkin two years later—not long after Lacey’s father, the union enforcer, and his mother, an opera singer and registered nurse, were found frozen to death in a rented trailer in Oswego, New York. (“It was a murder-­suicide,” Lacey says. “They were drunk, and she turned on the gas.”)

The men connected immediately. Both were college dropouts, and both had suffered through difficult childhoods. Larkin’s mother died when he was 2, and he spent most of his youth in what he describes as a “Catholic ghetto.” In high school, he cofounded a student newspaper, The Big Press, then promptly got himself suspended for criticizing administrators. “I wanted to be in that business,” he says. Lacey brought him on as publisher.

In 1977, Lacey and Larkin staged a putsch. They wrested control of the New Times from Lacey’s cofounders and set about turning the fledgling broadsheet into an empire. Larkin worked out a lucrative revenue model, emphasizing classifieds and personals. (While a page of big retail ads might net $1,000, a page of classifieds, 100 ads at $25 a pop, could bring in $2,500.) Six years later, they began to expand. They bought up struggling weeklies in cities across the country—Denver, Houston, Miami—and transformed them into serious news organizations, hiring experienced, high-profile reporters and giving them resources to do the job.

“I didn’t get into this racket to be told what to publish,” Lacey growls. “By anybody.”

They believed there was an audience for in-depth, long-form investigative reporting. A month after 9/11, for instance, The New Times Broward-Palm Beach published an exposé on how lapses in federal immigration policy had allowed the hijackers to enter the country. In 2003, Westword got the scoop on a sexual assault scandal at the US Air Force Academy. In 2013, The Miami New Times ran a story on the steroid scandal in Major League Baseball, which ultimately resulted in the suspension of 14 players. Lacey once told an interviewer, “As a journalist, if you don’t get up in the morning and say ‘Fuck you’ to someone, why even do it?”

They tangled with shareholders, authorities, competitors, printers, and municipalities that tried to restrict their distribution. Lacey, who wrote numerous stories himself, was known to clock reporters and pummel press aides, usually when spirits were involved. (He estimates that he’s been arrested “10 or 11 times,” but “only three for writing.” The one criminal conviction on his record is for a misdemeanor DUI.) When violence didn’t settle things, Lacey and Larkin often moved matters to the courtroom. Litigation was their idea of fun, the continuation of hell-raising by other means. “I didn’t get into this racket to be told what to publish,” Lacey growls. “By anybody. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.”

Steve Suskin, their former in-house counsel, says they and their companies were sued 56 times between 1997 and 2012 alone. “We won them all,” Suskin recalls. They were successful in part because they recognized that litigation is a war of attrition, and they were willing to go the distance. Says Lacey: “You want to sue us, bring your lunch pail, ’cause we gonna be awhile.” In their most famous legal set-to, they successfully sued Joe Arpaio, Maricopa County’s notoriously anti-­immigrant sheriff, for false arrest, winning a $3.75 million settlement. In a final flip of the bird to Arpaio, they used the money to set up a nonprofit to defend the rights of undocumented immigrants and Latinx Americans.

Through it all, Larkin kept the money coming in, embracing each new fad in classified advertising. In 1989, for example, the New Times group launched its first adult section, appropriately dubbed Wildside. (The ads were moderated by sales staff to ensure no blatant sex-for-money propositions made it into print.) Racy ads fueled the company’s explosive growth; by 2001, Lacey and Larkin owned 11 papers, which raked in more than $100 million a year. But the good times didn’t last. Craigslist had begun expanding into cities outside the Bay Area, offering free ads in all categories except jobs and erotic services. Classified revenue tanked.

In 2003, Larkin was approached by Carl Ferrer, an ad salesman he’d hired away from a small paper in Louisiana and installed as classified ad director at the Dallas Observer. Ferrer, a short, slight man with a goatee and a perpetually worried look, proposed that they create an in-house version of Craigslist. Larkin put him in charge of building and running the website, which launched in 2004.

The following year, Lacey and Larkin won the prize they’d chased for years—The Village Voice, the grande dame of alt-­weeklies. When the New Times group merged with Village Voice Media, the two companies formed a 17-paper megachain valued at about $400 million, with an estimated $180 million in annual revenue. Lacey and Larkin’s timing could not have been worse. Between 2006 and 2012, according to the Pew Research Center, American news­papers lost half their advertising revenue. Backpage, however, grew steadily, even if it wasn’t nearly enough to offset the papers’ declining receipts.

Lacey and Larkin say they were advised by counsel that what Backpage was doing was 100 percent legal. They saw no distinction between advertising and editorial; it was all protected speech, all mission-critical. In 2008, they were honored by the Arizona chapter of the ACLU as Civil Libertarians of the Year. In his acceptance speech, Lacey decried “the gentrified instincts of soccer moms,” which led demagogues like Joe Arpaio to crack down on press freedom. He vowed that both he and Larkin would continue to oppose the “forces of offended decency” wherever they found them.

Today, they remain defiant. “I didn’t do anything wrong,” Lacey declares. “I didn’t do what they say. And if they think they’re gonna punk me, they got the wrong fucking guy.”

One of the great ironies of internet history is that the Communications Decency Act—a law conceived, as its name suggests, to rid the web of vice—actually ended up doing the opposite. It was proposed in 1995 by Senator J. James Exon, a Nebraska Democrat who’d watched with increasing alarm as “the worst, most vile, most perverse pornography” spread online. He was particularly concerned about what all this obscenity might do to the minds of America’s children, and went so far as to compile a “blue book” packed with X-rated screenshots. “This is a sample of what is available today free of charge,” he told his colleagues on the Senate floor when the CDA came up for debate. “Click, click, click on the computer, on the information superhighway.”

Although Exon repeatedly described the legislation as “narrow” and “streamlined,” the Department of Justice warned that its indecency provisions were unconstitutionally broad. Within a year and a half of the CDA’s passage, the Supreme Court agreed and struck those provisions down. Section 230, however, survived, offering a safe harbor to some of the same sites that Exon had hoped to bring down. The information superhighway began to look more perilous than ever.

In 2001 two academics at the University of Pennsylvania published a widely cited study in which they estimated that some 326,000 children were “at risk of commercial sexual exploitation.” Although the authors didn’t formally address what role the internet played, they asserted that “online sexual victimization of American children appears to have reached epidemic proportions.” By 2008, a new coalition of would-be regulators had emerged, led by the National Association of Attorneys General and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, a nonprofit partly funded by the US government. Together, both behind the scenes and in the press, the two groups began pushing some of the internet’s major players to strengthen their safety protocols.

In response, Myspace, the web’s largest social media platform at the time, gave the boot to some 90,000 convicted sex offenders. Facebook, meanwhile, took steps to prevent underage users from sharing personal information with strangers. Craigslist started requiring that anyone who posted an ad in its Erotic Services section provide a verified phone number and pay a fee by credit card. It also hired attorneys to moderate ads.

For some officials, though, these changes weren’t enough. In early 2009, Thomas Dart, the sheriff of Cook County, Illinois, sued Craigslist for facilitating prostitution. “Missing children, runaways, abused women, and women trafficked in from foreign countries are routinely forced to have sex with strangers because they’re being pimped on Craigslist,” he said. “I could make arrests off Craigslist 24 hours a day, but to what end? I’m trying to go up the ladder.” That same spring, tabloids across the country were awash in headlines about the “Craigslist killer,” a young man in Boston who’d responded to a massage ad on the site, then murdered the woman who posted it.

A federal judge in Chicago quickly tossed Dart’s case, citing Section 230. But Craigslist eventually surrendered anyway. On the night of September 3, 2010, it quietly covered its Adult Services section with the word censored. Two weeks later, in testimony before Congress, Craigslist execs explained that they’d done their best to address their critics’ complaints; now, it seemed, they just wanted out of the headlines. They also warned that law enforcement was losing a valuable partner in the fight against trafficking. Yet Ernie Allen, the lanky Kentuckian who ran the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, saw this as a necessary step. “Some of this problem will migrate to other areas,” he said, “but frankly that’s progress.”

Allen’s prediction was right. In the wake of Craigslist’s capitulation, the sex trade did indeed shift to other sites. There were many to choose from—myRedBook, Naughty Reviews, Cityvibe, Rentboy—but Backpage was the chief beneficiary. Larkin sent around an email advising his employees to expect “a deluge” of adult ads and reminding them that, “like it or not,” such ads “are in our DNA.” Lacey says he remained focused, as always, on the editorial side—though he had “no problem” seeing the ads “take off like they did.” Ferrer, meanwhile, seemed only too happy to inherit Craigslist’s share of the adult market, even if that meant assuming its place in the crosshairs. “It is an opportunity for us,” he wrote in an email. “Also a time when we need to make sure our content is not illegal.”

Backpage was already getting into hot water. A girl in Missouri had sued the site in mid-September, alleging that she’d been pimped out at the age of 14 and that Backpage had willfully “failed to investigate for fear of what it would learn.” She claimed, without clear evidence, that the site’s operators “had a strong suspicion” she was underage. Ultimately, a federal magistrate dismissed her case. The situation was tragic, he said, but Backpage was protected under Section 230. The girl needed to sue her pimp.

On October 18, Backpage announced on its blog that it had retained Hemanshu Nigam, a former federal prosecutor who specialized in sex crimes and child abuse, to develop a “holistic” safety program. Nigam sat on the board of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and had done similar work for Myspace. In the months that followed, Nigam and his new clients met repeatedly with representatives from anti-trafficking organizations. They discussed changes to Backpage’s site architecture, moderation practices, and content policies. The organizations suggested, for instance, that users should be prevented from employing search terms such as “incest” or “Lolita,” since these might “indicate illegal activity.” Backpage moderators, meanwhile, should be on the lookout for “ads written from masculine perspective,” particularly if they employed the euphemism “new in town,” which “is often used by pimps who shuttle children to locations where they do not know anyone and cannot get help.”

“You want to sue us, bring your lunch pail, ’cause we gonna be awhile.”

By late January 2011, Backpage had implemented many of the recommendations: It had banned photographs with nudity, drawn up a list of “inappropriate terms,” beefed up its vetting process, and begun referring “ads containing possible minors” directly to Allen’s staff. Ferrer also worked closely with the authorities. According to a Justice Department memo from 2012, “unlike virtually every other website that is used for prostitution and sex trafficking, Backpage is remarkably responsive to law enforcement requests and often takes proactive steps to assist in investigations.” A later memo noted that “even Ernie Allen believed that Backpage was genuinely trying to rid its site of juvenile sex trafficking.”

Lacey and Larkin say they were more than willing to help crack down on child abuse. But the demands being made of them seemed increasingly unreasonable. Sex trafficking, defined as commercial sex involving coerced adults or anyone under 18, was one thing. Consensual sex work was quite another—and it wasn’t even illegal under federal law.

In March 2011, Lacey and Larkin flew to Virginia to meet with Allen. “To say that the meeting did not go well is an understatement,” Allen wrote later that day. After a full hour, he and Lacey “were still screaming at each other.” Allen demanded that Backpage do more to combat prostitution. Larkin said the site would enforce a “news­paper standard,” but Lacey added, “We are not Craigslist, and we aren’t going to succumb to pressure.” A Justice Department memo continues the story: “Allen responded that ‘At least you know what business you are in.’ ”

Lacey’s memories are no rosier. “Allen pulls out this shoddy U. Penn report”—the one from 2001—and “thumps the table with it,” he recalls. The report sent Lacey into orbit. “They love to inflate the numbers by talking about children ‘at risk’ of exploitation,” he says. Owing to the shadowy nature of sex trafficking, such numbers are notoriously hard to pin down: Experts at the Crimes Against Children Research Center have noted that “scientifically credible estimates do not exist,” and one of the Penn report’s authors told The Washington Post in 2015, “Clearly, a new, more current study is needed.”

Lacey thought he knew what business Allen was in too—fearmongering in the interest of fund-raising. He took the meeting as a finger in the chest. Within a few weeks, The Village Voice began to run articles examining the fishy data on child sex trafficking.

In April, Nigam suggested that, as a gesture of goodwill, Backpage should join the Demi and Ashton Foundation, a nonprofit created by actors Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore. The foundation had recently run a series of PSAs under the slogan “Real men don’t buy girls,” featuring various Hollywood bigwigs. Lacey ignored Nigam’s suggestion. Instead, he instructed The Village Voice to publish an article titled “Real Men Get Their Facts Straight.”

Larkin, for his part, tried to make nice with the authorities—at least until he and Lacey could cash out. Backpage was causing too many headaches, and the papers were growing deader by the day. “Selling print sooner than later was the winning move,” Larkin explains. “The longer you waited, the dumber you were.” Initially it seemed that Backpage would be the easier business to unload. By September 2011, a private-equity firm focused on “out-of-favor industries” had agreed to buy it for $150 million. But the deal fell apart after the National Association of Attorneys General announced an investigation of Backpage. Larkin and Lacey were incensed. Section 230 provided that websites could be prosecuted only under federal criminal law, so they considered a state-level investigation extralegal. From that point on, both men were ready to go to the mattresses.

The following fall, Lacey and Larkin sold their beloved alt-weeklies to a group of their own editors for just over $32 million, about 8 percent of what the chain had been valued at in 2005. (Even this amount was later negotiated down, after the buyers defaulted.) In a farewell letter, Lacey wrote that they were leaving to carry on their jihad “over the First Amendment, free speech on the internet and Backpage.” Cynics pointed to the money; by 2011, Backpage was raking in more than $50 million a year, nearly as much as the newspapers that spawned it.

Whatever their mix of motives, Lacey and Larkin moved their cause to the courtroom. With Section 230 as their weapon, they won a series of civil suits and successfully challenged anti-Backpage laws in New Jersey, Tennessee, and Washington state. Many of the court opinions noted the First Amendment problems inherent in regulating internet content. “When freedom of speech hangs in the balance,” wrote the Tennessee judge, “the state may not use a butcher knife on a problem that requires a scalpel to fix.”

By this point, the nation’s attorneys general had had enough. As they saw it, Backpage and other internet platforms were using Section 230 as an excuse to duck their responsibilities to users. In July 2013, 49 of them signed a letter to Congress saying that the law needed an overhaul.

Lacey shows off his ankle monitor and knuckle tattoos.

Jesse Rieser

State attorneys general weren’t the only prosecutors itching to get in on the action. The Feds were too, but they had a problem: They couldn’t identify a viable crime. Prostitution wasn’t a federal offense, and they didn’t seem to think they could make sex-trafficking charges stick. Back in 2011, the Justice Department had quietly opened a grand jury investigation into Backpage in Washington state; according to an internal memo, prosecutors interviewed more than a dozen witnesses and subpoenaed more than 100,000 documents but ultimately decided that “a successful criminal prosecution of Backpage is unlikely.” They thought about trying to make a case under the Travel Act but, as they noted, that theory “had never been litigated in a similar context.” So they formulated another potential plan of attack. “Moving forward,” they wrote, the Justice Department should “take a hard look at bringing this case as a civil forfeiture case,” with its “lower standard of proof.” In this scenario, the government would seize a website operator’s assets and property, then force them to prove they weren’t implicated in criminal activity.

In June 2014 the Justice Department put this plan into action. It seized myRedBook and demanded that the site’s owner, Eric “Red” Omuro, forfeit $5 million in cash and property. The following summer, the Department of Homeland Security launched a similar raid against “the nation’s largest online male-escort service,” Rentboy, and its owner, Jeffrey Hurant. Both men pleaded guilty to violations of the Travel Act in exchange for lighter sentences and lesser fines. The forfeiture approach seemed to be working.

Meanwhile, Backpage opponents were finding sympathetic ears on Capitol Hill. In April 2015, Senator Rob Portman, a Republican from Ohio and the chair of the Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations, fired off the following tweet: “backpage essentially sells human beings. It’s horrible, and I’m going after them.”

That same month, Lacey and Larkin finally located a serious buyer for Backpage: Carl Ferrer. He agreed to pay just under $603 million for the platform—four times what they’d been offered in 2011.

Portman’s subcommittee soon issued a series of subpoenas, seeking internal documents that would reveal Backpage’s moderation practices. The site fought back, but in September 2016 the US Supreme Court ruled that it had to fork over more than 1 million internal emails and other records. Every dubious decision, every bit of chatter and commentary, every lame joke between Backpage employees and managers, was about to come spilling out.

On January 8, 2017, the Senate subcommittee released its final report, titled “Backpage.com’s Knowing Facilitation of Online Sex Trafficking.” It pushed the theory that Lacey, Larkin, Ferrer, and their employees had invalidated their liability protections under Section 230: Rather than removing illegal and obscene content, the Senate said, Backpage had helped develop it, using clever moderation practices to “sanitize the content” and conceal it from the eyes of the law—all in the name of earning a few extra dollars. This, the subcommittee implied, put Backpage in the position of a content creator, not a mere content host.

Most courts had been rejecting the same argument for six years, but now Portman and his colleagues had what they considered incontrovertible evidence. Much of it was contained in the report’s 840-page appendix, which included highlights from the emails and other documents that the site had been ordered to produce.

The report outlined three major steps in Backpage’s road to perdition. In the early days of the site, most ads for commercial sex were deleted outright. By early 2009, however, Ferrer had begun to instruct his employees to manually remove any obscene photos and “forbidden words,” then post the ad anyway. In an email, he wrote that he considered this the more “consumer friendly” approach, because it would avoid “pissing off a lot of users who will migrate elsewhere.” But the true goal, according to the Senate, was to give those ads “a veneer of lawfulness.” One former Backpage moderator, identified in the report as Employee C, testified that she saw her role as “putting lipstick on a pig, because when it came down to it, it was what the business was about.”

By late 2010, Backpage had developed an automated filter called Strip Term From Ad. It was tuned to remove problematic words (“lolita,” “rape,” “fresh,” “little girl”) before any human moderator had seen the ad. Because the original language wasn’t saved on Backpage’s servers, the Senate complained, there would be no real record of the offending content—nothing to send to law enforcement. “Of course,” the subcommittee wrote, “the Strip Term From Ad filter changed nothing about the real age of the person being sold for sex or the real nature of the advertised transaction.”

Perhaps that’s why, in mid-2012, Backpage instituted a kind of hybrid process, automatically editing some ads while automatically banning others, depending on the terms used. But the Senate saw chicanery here, too. Ferrer complained that the auto-bans were causing confusion among users; if they submitted an ad that contained a banned term, they had no way of knowing why it had been rejected. And so Backpage rolled out an alert feature, which informed users which specific term was to blame. In the Senate’s eyes, it was “coaching its customers on how to post ‘clean’ ads for illegal transactions.”

The appendix was full of what appeared to be smoking guns. In late 2010, for instance, Backpage’s operations manager, Andrew Padilla, castigated one of his employees for putting a note on a user’s account suggesting she was a prostitute. “Leaving notes on our site that imply that we’re aware of prostitution, or in any position to define it, is enough to lose your job over,” Padilla wrote. “If you need a definition of ‘prostitution,’ get a dictionary.” The following summer, four months after the ill-fated meeting with Ernie Allen, Larkin cautioned Ferrer against publicizing Backpage’s moderation practices. “We need to stay away from the very idea of ‘editing’ the posts, as you know,” he wrote in an email.

On the night the Senate report was released, Backpage finally shut down its adult section. It was, of course, far too late to stave off what was coming. The next morning, Lacey, Larkin, Ferrer, and two other Backpage executives appeared in Room 342 of the Senate’s Dirksen Building for a grilling by Portman and his colleagues. It was a carefully choreographed bit of political theater. The Backpage witnesses took the Fifth, as senators knew they must; thanks to a pending case in California, they had no choice. Portman denounced them for refusing to “come clean.”

Within six months of the hearing, at least eight new civil lawsuits were filed against Backpage. The Section 230 defense now worked only intermittently, as courts increasingly read in exceptions. The site’s operators began preparing for a rumble with the Feds. Backpage handed out fat legal retainers, as key employees lawyered up. Lacey and Larkin started segregating cash; funds from the sale of Backpage went into one set of accounts, while proceeds from the newspaper sale went into another. Ferrer bought a brand-new Texas McMansion, put it in his wife’s name, and poured hundreds of thousands of dollars into renovations.

Still, Lacey and Larkin largely shrugged off the Senate’s report. “We didn’t go out and try to disprove it,” recalls an attorney who worked on the matter. “It’s not like there isn’t plenty to say. But to try to rebut 50 pages of allegations in the press? That’s fighting a losing battle.” The lawyer added: “It was a hit piece. It was intended to be a hit piece. What are you going to do?”

In August 2017, Portman launched another attack against Backpage. With a bipartisan group of 20 senators, including Connecticut’s Richard Blumenthal, he introduced the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act, or Sesta. Later, in an op-ed for WIRED, Portman laid out the bill’s key features: It would remove Section 230’s “unintended liability protections for websites that knowingly facilitate online sex trafficking” and “allow state and local law enforcement to prosecute” those sites. Just as J. James Exon, the sponsor of the Communications Decency Act, had done two decades earlier, the senators deflected concerns about constitutional overreach. Portman described Sesta as “narrowly crafted”; Blumenthal called it “narrowly tailored.”

Silicon Valley disagreed. On the day Sesta was introduced, the Internet Association—an industry consortium that represents Airbnb, Facebook, Google, Twitter, and more than three dozen other tech companies—released a statement calling the bill “overly broad.” While it was important to pursue “rogue operators like Backpage.com,” the association said, Sesta was more butcher knife than scalpel; it would create “a new wave of frivolous and unpredictable actions against legitimate companies.” In a letter to the Senate, a coalition of human rights and civil liberties organizations warned that the result of all this litigation would be “increased censorship across the web.” Platforms that had once sought to encourage free speech through light moderation would now take an iron-fisted approach. According to the Electronic Frontier Foundation, the chilling effect would be particularly damaging to sites like Wikipedia, which “don’t have the massive budgets to defend themselves that Facebook and Twitter do.”

But Big Tech and its allies were no longer really in a position to complain. On Halloween, Congress hauled in executives from Facebook, Google, and Twitter. Legislators wanted to know why the platforms had failed to stem the tide of fake news and misinformation in the run-up to the 2016 presidential election, why they’d sold political ad space to Russian nationals, why they were supposedly muzzling conservative voices. Pundits opined that the web was all grown up now; many questioned why platforms still needed Section 230’s protection.

Several days after the Capitol Hill perp walk, the Internet Association suddenly reversed course. It came out in favor of a lightly modified version of Sesta, which by now had been combined with an equally clumsily named House bill, the Allow States and Victims to Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act, or Fosta. It was hard not to see the association’s move as a cynical act of political pandering. As Winston Churchill once said, “Each one hopes that if he feeds the crocodile enough, the crocodile will eat him last.”

The Fosta-Sesta law is already panning out as its detractors feared. Once Trump signed it into law, platforms rushed to self-censor; nobody wanted to be Backpaged.

By the spring of 2018, things had gotten even worse for Big Tech. That March, news of the Cambridge Analytica scandal broke, seeming to confirm the public’s worst suspicions. Four days later, Congress passed Fosta-Sesta. The law amends Section 230 to allow states and civil plaintiffs to go after websites that “promote and facilitate prostitution” or “knowingly benefit from participation in a venture that engages in sex trafficking.” Senator Ron Wyden of Oregon, one of the original authors of Section 230 and a longtime tech industry ally, warned that further measures could be in the offing if “technology companies do not wake up to their responsibilities … to better protect the public.”

In spite of the protests of free speech advocates, more than 100 organizations had come out in favor of the law—Truckers Against Trafficking, Girls With Grit, the Christian Action League of Minnesota. Seth Meyers and Ivanka Trump touted it too. But sex workers and their allies were bitterly opposed. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists noted that Fosta-Sesta contained “a sweeping and unproductive conflation of sex trafficking and consensual sex work.” The association further argued—just as Craigslist had when it shuttered its adult section in 2010—that, in forcing sites like Backpage to remove or censor their content, the law would merely drive predators into even darker corners of the internet. Their crimes would be harder to spot and investigate, and many sex workers would be forced “to pursue far riskier and more exploitative forms of labor” on the streets.

Two weeks after Fosta-Sesta passed, Carl Ferrer appeared in a closed federal courtroom in Phoenix. He pleaded guilty to conspiracy to facilitate prostitution and launder money, surrendered Backpage and its assets, and promised to cooperate with federal authorities. (Ferrer’s plea forbids him to talk to the press. “I’m not trying to avoid you,” he told me at a recent court appearance. “I just have to say no comment.”) A day later, the Feds nailed Lacey and Larkin in Phoenix, charging them and five other Backpagers under long-­existing criminal statutes. As many legal experts pointed out, the move suggested that the government never needed Fosta-Sesta to prosecute the pair; President Donald Trump had yet to even sign it into law. Lacey and Larkin never seemed to seriously consider that Ferrer might flip. Other insiders certainly did. “I think he just chickened out,” offers an attorney who worked with Ferrer for almost 20 years and spoke to me on condition of anonymity. The lawyer points out that Ferrer never shared Lacey’s and Larkin’s disdain for cops. “That’s an awful lot of pressure to put on a skinny white guy,” he continues. “And Jim was never all that nice to him.”

Though it is still relatively early, the broad outlines of each side’s strategy are clear. If this case reaches a jury, the government will likely argue that the end justifies the means—that sex trafficking and prostitution generally are so abhorrent that the government had to do away with Backpage, protected speech and all. They will employ what trial lawyers call “reptile theory,” tapping into the jury’s primitive instincts, arguing that Backpage constituted a public danger and that convicting the defendants will make the community safer. They will tell the grisly tales set forth in the indictment’s 17 victim summaries. They will depict Lacey and Larkin as calculating profiteers, outlaws who refused to honor the reasonable requests of law enforcement because they might make a few mil less. They will hope the defendants’ seeming indifference to the plight of trafficking victims inspires the jury to overlook holes in the prosecution’s case.

The defense strategy is equally clear. Lacey and Larkin will offer high-minded arguments in defense of what the public regards as low-value speech. They will challenge government experts who claim they can look at a sample of Backpage ads and know beyond doubt that they proposed illegal transactions. It’s unclear how effective a witness Ferrer will be; over the past decade, he has given numerous sworn statements in Backpage litigation that contradict assertions in his plea. To the extent that Ferrer has anything damaging to offer, the defense will likely argue he was acting on his own. “We had lawyers telling us how to do this,” Lacey says. “The only way this was going to blow up was if Carl was doing something he shouldn’t have.”

Backpage cofounder James Larkin.

Jesse Rieser

Backpage cofounder Michael Lacey.

Jesse Rieser

Fosta-Sesta is already panning out as its detractors feared. Once Trump signed it into law, platforms rushed to self-censor; nobody wanted to be Backpaged. Cityvibe shut down altogether. Reddit banned numerous communities, including r/escorts and r/SugarDaddy. Google reportedly began purging its users’ cloud accounts of sexually explicit material. Cloudflare, one of the largest cybersecurity and website performance companies in the world, terminated service to Switter, a social media platform on which sex workers connected with each other and vetted their clients. Cloudflare is known for its commitment to free speech, but it was compelled to enforce what its general counsel called, in an interview with Vice, “a very bad law and a very dangerous precedent.”

The endless game of whack-a-mole continues. A month after Fosta-Sesta passed, ads for commercial sex had plummeted 82 percent, according to TellFinder, a data analytics tool originally built by the Defense Department. Within another four months, though, the numbers had rebounded to 75 percent of their previous daily volume. New sites popped up, seeking to fill the void left by Backpage, just as Backpage had done with Craigslist. One of them was called Bedpage.

Still, the Justice Department remains committed to taking the Backpage defendants down. Its plan seems to be to force them to plead, à la Rentboy and myRedBook. Since March 2018, federal prosecutors have seized more than $100 million in cash, real estate, and other assets from Lacey and Larkin. The strategy is simple: No money? No lawyers. QED.

The asset freezes raise all kinds of thorny constitutional questions. Generally speaking, federal prosecutors are permitted to freeze a defendant’s assets based on probable cause alone, even before the defendant has a chance to challenge the government’s case in court. But regular forfeiture rules do not apply in cases involving forums for speech—newspapers, films, books, magazines, websites. The US Supreme Court has decreed that when the government seizes these expressive materials, or the proceeds derived from them, it must immediately hold an evidentiary hearing to determine whether the seizure is valid.

But the Backpage defendants have a problem: So far, they can’t get a court to hear their claims. Since last summer, the Justice Department appears to have been playing a clever shell game. They’ve brought cases against the Backpage defendants in two federal districts—civil seizures in Los Angeles, criminal matters in Phoenix—and they’re making the defendants spend what money they have left chasing Uncle Sam from place to place. So far, judges in both districts have agreed with the government’s suggestion that they should defer to each other, effectively denying the defendants a forum to challenge the asset freezes. The US Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit will hear arguments in the case in July.

“The abuse on these platforms does not stop at sex trafficking,” the association of Attorneys General wrote.

Paul Watler, a media law specialist at Jackson Walker LLP in Dallas, is troubled by the seizure tactic. “It’s an end run around the First Amendment,” he says. The big question remaining, according to Eric Goldman, a professor at Santa Clara University School of Law, is whether federal prosecutors will use this strategy to crack down on other platforms in the future. “Is this the leading edge or a one-off?” he asks. “I still don’t know the answer to that. But they’re coming for us, one way or another.” Even if Fosta-Sesta is one day ruled unconstitutional, as many legal scholars expect, government officials have shown that they’re willing to subvert Section 230 in other ways. If Lacey and Larkin lose—if the asset seizures stand and the Travel Act charges stick—prosecutors will have a valuable new weapon to wield against Silicon Valley. Personal wealth will be no deterrent.

Meanwhile, the National Association of Attorneys General is on the warpath once again. On May 23, 2019, the group sent a letter to a handful of congressional leaders urging further cutbacks to Section 230. “The abuse on these platforms does not stop at sex trafficking,” they wrote. “Stories of online black market opioid sales, ID theft, deep fakes, election meddling, and foreign intrusion are now ubiquitous.” They recommended that Section 230 be amended to allow a wide variety of state-level criminal prosecutions.

Lacey and Larkin remain convinced that the furor over sex ads is a moral panic, irrational and hysterical, cynically stoked by politicians and law enforcement. And they’re not about to surrender. They know they’re not the world’s most sympathetic defendants—rich (or formerly rich) white men accused of, at the very least, morally questionable business decisions, fighting for their right to hire the best lawyers money can buy.

Yet they can still seem oddly tone-deaf, even a touch naive. In April, a federal judge shot down Lacey’s request to have his ankle monitor removed in order to swim during a Hawaiian vacation. (In pleadings, Lacey’s lawyers explained he had use-’em-or-lose-’em flyer miles.) Prosecutors called Lacey a flight risk, and the resulting headlines were predictably brutal. Lacey responds with incredulity: “The idea that I would run—are you kidding? I’m taking the first flight to confront you.”

Christine Biederman is a lawyer and investigative reporter based in Dallas. She is working on a book about Backpage.com.

This article appears in the July/August issue. Subscribe now.

Let us know what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor at mail@wired.com.

More Great WIRED Stories

The post Inside Backpage.com’s Vicious Battle With the Feds appeared first on Gyrlversion.

from WordPress http://www.gyrlversion.net/inside-backpage-coms-vicious-battle-with-the-feds/

[captaingardening100-blog]

Top Gardening Tips to Build Better Health

New Post has been published on https://gardenguideto.com/trending/top-gardening-tips-to-build-better-health/

Top Gardening Tips to Build Better Health

30 Tips in 30 Days Designed to Help You Take Control of Your Health

This article is included in Dr. Mercola’s All-Time Top 30 Health Tips series. Every day during the month of January, a new tip will be added that will help you take control of your health. Want to see the full list? Click here.

Growing your own food has many rewards, from providing you with fresher, uncontaminated produce and cutting your grocery bill, to increasing your sense of well-being and slashing your risk of .

Interestingly, research shows gardening is also the most common hobby among centenarians around the world, suggesting the benefits it provides may help maximize your longevity as well.

Likewise, research shows farmers are one-third less likely to have a chronic illness than non-farmers, and are less likely to die from or heart disease. Research also shows elderly individuals who garden on a regular basis have a 36 percent lower risk of dementia than non-gardeners.

According to longevity researcher Dan Buettner, who has studied the habits and pastimes of centenarians around the world, people who live to 100 and beyond have a number of things in common, including strong social support networks, daily exercise habits, a plant-based diet — and gardening.

9 Health Benefits of Gardening

Perhaps this is not so surprising when you consider that gardening fulfills several healthy lifestyle criteria, including:

1. Regular sun exposure (which has benefits beyond vitamin D production)

2. Fresh air

3. Fresh, uncontaminated food

4. Exposure to beneficial soil microbes that may support a healthy microbiome

5. Physical activity

6. Social contact and camaraderie

7. Stress relief and general sense of well-being — As reported by BBC News:

“In a recent Dutch study, researchers asked participants to complete a stressful task, then split them into two groups. One group read indoors and the other gardened outdoors for 30 minutes.

The group that read reported that their mood ‘further deteriorated,’ while the gardeners not only had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol afterwards, they also felt ‘fully restored’ to a good mood … There is no panacea for growing old but, the science suggests, gardening does appear to improve our quality of life as we age.”

Indeed, many gardeners report feeling a sense of joyful well-being, and according to research from Johns Hopkins, having a cheerful temperament can significantly reduce your odds of suffering a heart attack or sudden cardiac death

8. Life purpose — As noted by Dr. Bradley Willcox of the University of Hawaii, who studies centenarians in Okinawa, an area known for having the highest ratio of centenarians in the world (approximately 50 per 100,000 people are over 100 years old), “In Okinawa, they say that anybody who grows old healthfully needs an ikigai, or reason for living. Gardening gives you that something to get up for every day”

9. Life satisfaction — According to a Gardeners World magazine survey, 80 percent of gardeners report being “happy” and satisfied with their lives, compared to 67 percent of non-gardeners, and the more time spent in the garden, the higher their satisfaction scores; 87 percent of those who tend to their gardens for more than six hours a week report feeling happy, compared to those spending less time in their gardens

Gardening Can Be Done Even in Tiny Spaces

There are many different ways to grow your own food, even if you live in an apartment. If you have a yard, consider yourself blessed, but if not, Alex Mitchell’s book, “The Edible Balcony,” is an excellent resource for how to grow produce in small spaces.

You can use virtually every square foot of your space, including vertical space, for growing food. Hanging baskets are ideal for a wide variety of foods, such as strawberries, leafy greens, runner beans, pea shoots, tomatoes and a variety of herbs. And, instead of flowers, window boxes can hold herbs, greens, radishes, scallions, bush beans, strawberries, chard and chilies, to name just a few.

For tips on starting your own garden — whether large or small, indoors or outside, for winter or spring — see my previous articles on the following topics:

Basic Gardening Guidance

Rule No. 1 for growing nutrient-dense food is building healthy soil. There are five basic principles to growing topsoil and building a healthy soil ecosystem, and these rules apply whether you’re working a farm or tending a small vegetable garden in your backyard:

Avoid disturbing the soil microbiome — The less mechanical disturbance the better, which means no tillage, herbicides, pesticides or fungicides

Protect the soil’s surface — Use cover crops, untreated lawn clippings, mulch and wood chips to maintain soil biology, prevent water evaporation and lower soil temperature, which is particularly important on hot days

Diversify your crops — Having a diverse array of plant life is essential to healthy soil, and cover crops help fulfill this requirement

Maintain living roots in the ground as long as possible — Growing something at all times is key to soil vitality, so be sure to plant a cover crop after you harvest your vegetables

Integrate livestock and other animals, including insects — To mimic the impact of wild herds, regenerative farmers will pasture chickens, cows, lambs, pigs and other animals to benefit the soil and ensure a highly nutrient-dense finished product.

While many homeowners cannot keep farm animals on their property, you can easily attract pollinators and predator insects to ward off garden pests by including lots of flowering plants.

New to Gardening? Start With Sprouts

One of the simplest and most inexpensive gardening alternatives is to grow your own sprouts. They’re a particularly excellent choice during winter months, when outdoor gardening is limited or ruled out. They also grow quickly, allowing you to harvest in about a week, and you don’t have to cook them. Sprouts are also a perfect complement to fermented vegetables, which are also easy and inexpensive to make at home, from scratch.

Sprouts are actually among the most nutrient-dense foods out there. Topping the list are sunflower seed and pea sprouts, which are typically about 30 times more nutritious than organic vegetables. Sunflower and pea sprouts are among my own favorites. Broccoli sprouts, known for their anticancer activity, are another excellent choice. Other commonly sprouted beans, nuts, seeds and grains include:

Alfalfa — A good source of vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F and K

Mung bean — Good source of protein, fiber and vitamins C and A

Watercress — According to nutritional tests, watercress appears to be the most nutrient-dense plant food available. Based on 17 nutrients, including potassium, fiber, protein, calcium, iron, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, folate, zinc and vitamins A, B6, B12, C, D, E and K, watercress scored a perfect 100

Brussels sprouts — One cup of cooked Brussels sprouts contains just 56 calories but is packed with more than 240 percent of the recommended daily amount (RDA) of vitamin K1 and nearly 130 percent of the RDA for vitamin C. Brussels sprouts are also a good source of fiber, manganese, potassium, choline, B vitamins, antioxidants and other health-promoting phytochemicals

Another plant that is easy to grow that has many valuable health benefits is fennel. All parts, including bulb, stalk, leaves and seeds, are edible, and have a delicious flavor reminiscent of licorice. Raw fennel contains more than 7 grams of dietary fiber per bulb, and each 1-cup serving contains 360 milligrams (mg) of potassium, 43 mg of calcium, 10 mg of vitamin C and 15 mg of magnesium.

The nutrients in fennel helps support healthy digestion, metabolism, blood pressure, heart health and immune function, and help prevent inflammation and cancer.

Many of the benefits of sprouts relate to the fact that plants contain more concentrated amounts of nutrients in their initial phase of growth. As a result, you need to eat far less sprouts, in terms of amount, compared to a mature plant. For example, when sprouting seeds, nuts, beans and grains you get:

• Higher vitamin content — In some seeds, the vitamin content is increased by as much as 500 percent during the sprouting process

• Higher enzyme content — Sprouts contain an estimated 100 times more enzymes than fresh fruits and vegetables. These enzymes allow your body to extract higher levels of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients from other foods you eat in conjunction with the sprouts as well

• Increased essential fatty acid and fiber content — The essential fatty acid and fiber content also increases dramatically during the sprouting process. Most people do not get enough fiber or healthy fats in their diet for optimal health, and sprouts can be a great source of both

• Increased bioavailability of minerals and protein — When the seed starts to sprout, minerals such as calcium and magnesium bind to proteins in the seed, which makes both the minerals and the protein more readily available and usable in your body.

In addition, the proteins are altered in beneficial ways during the process of sprouting, so you get more, and higher quality, protein from sprouts compared to eating the unsprouted seed

Many say they cannot afford to eat fresh and healthy foods, but sprouts are so inexpensive, there’s really no excuse for avoiding them, especially if you grow them yourself. Doing so can cut the cost by about 90 percent or more, compared to buying them.

My Sprout Doctor Starter Kit provides everything you need to get started, and comes with a bag each of sunflower shoots, broccoli sprouts and pea shoot seeds. When grown in soil, you can harvest your sprouts in about a week, and 1 pound of seed can produce over 10 pounds of sprouts.

Sunflower shoots will give you the most volume for your effort and, in my opinion, have the best taste. In one 10-by-10 tray, you can harvest between 1 and 2 pounds of sunflower sprouts. You can store them in the fridge for about a week. Broccoli sprouts look and taste similar to alfalfa sprouts, which most people like. They’re perfect for adding to salads and sandwiches, and are especially tasty in combination with fresh avocado.

I’ve partnered with a company in a small town in Vermont that develops, breeds, and grows their own seeds, and are industry leaders in seed safety for sprouts and shoots. All of my seeds are non-GMO, certified organic, and packed with nutrition.

Resources for the Urban Gardener

As growing numbers of people are becoming excited about local food, healthier eating and greener cities, there’s renewed interest in the development of urban agriculture around the country.

However, it’s important to educate yourself about your city (including your homeowner’s association), state and federal ordinances before you plunge your shovel into the ground. There’s nothing fun about getting a citation for breaking the law.

Zoning laws and ordinances are constantly changing, so you really need to do your due diligence in planning your urban garden. Common garden and yard care laws include:

Regulations on fence and hedge heights, and length of grass

Restrictions on front yard food gardens

Watering requirements and limits

Regulations pertaining to the protection of wildlife

Regulations on weeds and invasive species

Farm animal ordinances, including beekeeping

Composting ordinances

Regulations on rainwater collection

Gardening-related business activities, should you consider selling any of your produce

Hell strips — This refers to the section of land between the street and the sidewalk. By and large, this land belongs to the city, but must be maintained by the homeowner; oftentimes, you’re not allowed to remove or damage plants or trees growing here

A policy reference guide to community gardening can be found on PublicHealthLawCenter.org. Below are a few other resources that may assist you in your quest as well. Whether you want to plant organic veggies, a berry patch, or a much larger edible landscape project, make sure you are proceeding within the legal guidelines before you start, in order to avoid major headaches down the road.

Take Control of Your Health by Growing Some of Your Own Food

There is no magic bullet when it comes to aging well. Generally speaking, the better you treat your body throughout your life, the better your aging experience will be. Aches, pains, forgetfulness and loneliness are not automatic givens. You can achieve physical and psychological wellness at any age. For me, in many ways life continues to get better as the years go by.

It does require a measure of effort, however. To improve your health, you need to take proactive steps today, and every day going forward. Starting a garden, even if it’s just growing a batch of sprouts on your countertop, is perhaps one of the most rewarding steps you can take that will support your health in numerous ways. And, if you keep it up, you may even find yourself enjoying the boons well into old age.

Source

https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2019/01/11/growing-your-own-food.aspx

[paullassiterca]

Top Gardening Tips to Build Better Health

30 Tips in 30 Days Designed to Help You Take Control of Your Health

This article is included in Dr. Mercola’s All-Time Top 30 Health Tips series. Every day during the month of January, a new tip will be added that will help you take control of your health. Want to see the full list? Click here.

Growing your own food has many rewards, from providing you with fresher, uncontaminated produce and cutting your grocery bill, to increasing your sense of well-being and slashing your risk of depression.

Interestingly, research shows gardening is also the most common hobby among centenarians around the world, suggesting the benefits it provides may help maximize your longevity as well.

Likewise, research shows farmers are one-third less likely to have a chronic illness than non-farmers,1 and are less likely to die from diabetes or heart disease.2 Research3 also shows elderly individuals who garden on a regular basis have a 36 percent lower risk of dementia than non-gardeners.

According to longevity researcher Dan Buettner, who has studied the habits and pastimes of centenarians around the world, people who live to 100 and beyond have a number of things in common, including strong social support networks, daily exercise habits, a plant-based diet — and gardening.4

9 Health Benefits of Gardening

Perhaps this is not so surprising when you consider that gardening fulfills several healthy lifestyle criteria, including:

1. Regular sun exposure (which has benefits beyond vitamin D production)

2. Fresh air

3. Fresh, uncontaminated food

4. Exposure to beneficial soil microbes that may support a healthy microbiome

5. Physical activity

6. Social contact and camaraderie

7. Stress relief and general sense of well-being — As reported by BBC News:5

“In a recent Dutch study,6 researchers asked participants to complete a stressful task, then split them into two groups. One group read indoors and the other gardened outdoors for 30 minutes.

The group that read reported that their mood ‘further deteriorated,’ while the gardeners not only had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol afterwards, they also felt 'fully restored’ to a good mood … There is no panacea for growing old but, the science suggests, gardening does appear to improve our quality of life as we age.”

Indeed, many gardeners report feeling a sense of joyful well-being, and according to research from Johns Hopkins,7 having a cheerful temperament can significantly reduce your odds of suffering a heart attack or sudden cardiac death

8. Life purpose — As noted by Dr. Bradley Willcox of the University of Hawaii, who studies centenarians in Okinawa, an area known for having the highest ratio of centenarians in the world (approximately 50 per 100,000 people are over 100 years old), “In Okinawa, they say that anybody who grows old healthfully needs an ikigai, or reason for living. Gardening gives you that something to get up for every day”8

9. Life satisfaction — According to a Gardeners World magazine survey,9 80 percent of gardeners report being “happy” and satisfied with their lives, compared to 67 percent of non-gardeners, and the more time spent in the garden, the higher their satisfaction scores; 87 percent of those who tend to their gardens for more than six hours a week report feeling happy, compared to those spending less time in their gardens

Gardening Can Be Done Even in Tiny Spaces

There are many different ways to grow your own food, even if you live in an apartment. If you have a yard, consider yourself blessed, but if not, Alex Mitchell’s book, “The Edible Balcony,”10 is an excellent resource for how to grow produce in small spaces.

You can use virtually every square foot of your space, including vertical space, for growing food. Hanging baskets are ideal for a wide variety of foods, such as strawberries, leafy greens, runner beans, pea shoots, tomatoes and a variety of herbs. And, instead of flowers, window boxes can hold herbs, greens, radishes, scallions, bush beans, strawberries, chard and chilies, to name just a few.

For tips on starting your own garden — whether large or small, indoors or outside, for winter or spring — see my previous articles on the following topics:

Creating a winter garden

Creating edible gardens in small spaces

Composting made easy, even for city dwellers

How to increase your garden yield eightfold, using high performance agriculture techniques

Basic Gardening Guidance

Rule No. 1 for growing nutrient-dense food is building healthy soil. There are five basic principles to growing topsoil and building a healthy soil ecosystem, and these rules apply whether you’re working a farm or tending a small vegetable garden in your backyard:

1. Avoid disturbing the soil microbiome — The less mechanical disturbance the better, which means no tillage, herbicides, pesticides or fungicides

2. Protect the soil’s surface — Use cover crops, untreated lawn clippings, mulch and wood chips to maintain soil biology, prevent water evaporation and lower soil temperature, which is particularly important on hot days

3. Diversify your crops — Having a diverse array of plant life is essential to healthy soil, and cover crops help fulfill this requirement

4. Maintain living roots in the ground as long as possible — Growing something at all times is key to soil vitality, so be sure to plant a cover crop after you harvest your vegetables

5. Integrate livestock and other animals, including insects — To mimic the impact of wild herds, regenerative farmers will pasture chickens, cows, lambs, pigs and other animals to benefit the soil and ensure a highly nutrient-dense finished product.

While many homeowners cannot keep farm animals on their property, you can easily attract pollinators and predator insects to ward off garden pests by including lots of flowering plants.

New to Gardening? Start With Sprouts

One of the simplest and most inexpensive gardening alternatives is to grow your own sprouts. They’re a particularly excellent choice during winter months, when outdoor gardening is limited or ruled out. They also grow quickly, allowing you to harvest in about a week, and you don’t have to cook them. Sprouts are also a perfect complement to fermented vegetables, which are also easy and inexpensive to make at home, from scratch.

Sprouts are actually among the most nutrient-dense foods out there. Topping the list are sunflower seed and pea sprouts, which are typically about 30 times more nutritious than organic vegetables. Sunflower and pea sprouts are among my own favorites. Broccoli sprouts, known for their anticancer activity, are another excellent choice. Other commonly sprouted beans, nuts, seeds and grains include:

Alfalfa — A good source of vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F and K

Mung bean — Good source of protein, fiber and vitamins C and A

Watercress — According to nutritional tests, watercress appears to be the most nutrient-dense plant food available. Based on 17 nutrients, including potassium, fiber, protein, calcium, iron, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, folate, zinc and vitamins A, B6, B12, C, D, E and K, watercress scored a perfect 10011

Brussels sprouts — One cup of cooked Brussels sprouts contains just 56 calories but is packed with more than 240 percent of the recommended daily amount (RDA) of vitamin K1 and nearly 130 percent of the RDA for vitamin C. Brussels sprouts are also a good source of fiber, manganese, potassium, choline, B vitamins, antioxidants and other health-promoting phytochemicals

Another plant that is easy to grow that has many valuable health benefits is fennel. All parts, including bulb, stalk, leaves and seeds, are edible, and have a delicious flavor reminiscent of licorice. Raw fennel contains more than 7 grams of dietary fiber per bulb, and each 1-cup serving contains 360 milligrams (mg) of potassium, 43 mg of calcium, 10 mg of vitamin C and 15 mg of magnesium.12

The nutrients in fennel helps support healthy digestion, metabolism, blood pressure, heart health and immune function, and help prevent inflammation and cancer.13

Great Reasons to Eat More Sprouts

Many of the benefits of sprouts relate to the fact that plants contain more concentrated amounts of nutrients in their initial phase of growth. As a result, you need to eat far less sprouts, in terms of amount, compared to a mature plant. For example, when sprouting seeds, nuts, beans and grains you get:14

• Higher vitamin content — In some seeds, the vitamin content is increased by as much as 500 percent during the sprouting process15

• Higher enzyme content — Sprouts contain an estimated 100 times more enzymes than fresh fruits and vegetables. These enzymes allow your body to extract higher levels of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients from other foods you eat in conjunction with the sprouts as well

• Increased essential fatty acid and fiber content — The essential fatty acid and fiber content also increases dramatically during the sprouting process. Most people do not get enough fiber or healthy fats in their diet for optimal health, and sprouts can be a great source of both

• Increased bioavailability of minerals and protein — When the seed starts to sprout, minerals such as calcium and magnesium bind to proteins in the seed, which makes both the minerals and the protein more readily available and usable in your body.

In addition, the proteins are altered in beneficial ways during the process of sprouting, so you get more, and higher quality, protein from sprouts compared to eating the unsprouted seed

Many say they cannot afford to eat fresh and healthy foods, but sprouts are so inexpensive, there’s really no excuse for avoiding them, especially if you grow them yourself. Doing so can cut the cost by about 90 percent or more, compared to buying them.

My Sprout Doctor Starter Kit provides everything you need to get started, and comes with a bag each of sunflower shoots, broccoli sprouts and pea shoot seeds. When grown in soil, you can harvest your sprouts in about a week, and 1 pound of seed can produce over 10 pounds of sprouts.

Sunflower shoots will give you the most volume for your effort and, in my opinion, have the best taste. In one 10-by-10 tray, you can harvest between 1 and 2 pounds of sunflower sprouts. You can store them in the fridge for about a week. Broccoli sprouts look and taste similar to alfalfa sprouts, which most people like. They’re perfect for adding to salads and sandwiches, and are especially tasty in combination with fresh avocado.

I’ve partnered with a company in a small town in Vermont that develops, breeds, and grows their own seeds, and are industry leaders in seed safety for sprouts and shoots. All of my seeds are non-GMO, certified organic, and packed with nutrition.

Resources for the Urban Gardener

As growing numbers of people are becoming excited about local food, healthier eating and greener cities, there’s renewed interest in the development of urban agriculture around the country.

However, it’s important to educate yourself about your city (including your homeowner’s association), state and federal ordinances16 before you plunge your shovel into the ground. There’s nothing fun about getting a citation for breaking the law.17

Zoning laws and ordinances are constantly changing, so you really need to do your due diligence in planning your urban garden. Common garden and yard care laws include:

Regulations on fence and hedge heights, and length of grass

Restrictions on front yard food gardens18

Watering requirements and limits

Regulations pertaining to the protection of wildlife

Regulations on weeds and invasive species

Farm animal ordinances, including beekeeping19

Composting ordinances

Regulations on rainwater collection

Gardening-related business activities, should you consider selling any of your produce

Hell strips — This refers to the section of land between the street and the sidewalk. By and large, this land belongs to the city, but must be maintained by the homeowner; oftentimes, you’re not allowed to remove or damage plants or trees growing here

A policy reference guide to community gardening can be found on PublicHealthLawCenter.org. Below are a few other resources that may assist you in your quest as well. Whether you want to plant organic veggies, a berry patch, or a much larger edible landscape project, make sure you are proceeding within the legal guidelines before you start, in order to avoid major headaches down the road.

American Community Gardening Association (ACGA) is devoted to community gardening and greening up communities across the U.S. and Canada

APA Urban Agriculture offers information about urban agricultural zoning and lists a good number of government initiatives, plans and ordinances that are up for vote across the U.S.

Food Not Lawns is a sustainability movement focused on getting rid of lawns in favor of more ecofriendly alternatives; also has chapters in nearly every state across the U.S.

IOBY.org provides a primer on how to turn vacant lots into community gardens

To find a municipal law lawyer to help you, see FindLaw.com

Take Control of Your Health by Growing Some of Your Own Food

There is no magic bullet when it comes to aging well. Generally speaking, the better you treat your body throughout your life, the better your aging experience will be. Aches, pains, forgetfulness and loneliness are not automatic givens. You can achieve physical and psychological wellness at any age. For me, in many ways life continues to get better as the years go by.

It does require a measure of effort, however. To improve your health, you need to take proactive steps today, and every day going forward. Starting a garden, even if it’s just growing a batch of sprouts on your countertop, is perhaps one of the most rewarding steps you can take that will support your health in numerous ways. And, if you keep it up, you may even find yourself enjoying the boons well into old age.

from Articles http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2019/01/11/growing-your-own-food.aspx source https://niapurenaturecom.tumblr.com/post/181916936956

[jerrytackettca]

Top Gardening Tips to Build Better Health

30 Tips in 30 Days Designed to Help You Take Control of Your Health

This article is included in Dr. Mercola's All-Time Top 30 Health Tips series. Every day during the month of January, a new tip will be added that will help you take control of your health. Want to see the full list? Click here.

Growing your own food has many rewards, from providing you with fresher, uncontaminated produce and cutting your grocery bill, to increasing your sense of well-being and slashing your risk of depression.

Interestingly, research shows gardening is also the most common hobby among centenarians around the world, suggesting the benefits it provides may help maximize your longevity as well.

Likewise, research shows farmers are one-third less likely to have a chronic illness than non-farmers,1 and are less likely to die from diabetes or heart disease.2 Research3 also shows elderly individuals who garden on a regular basis have a 36 percent lower risk of dementia than non-gardeners.

According to longevity researcher Dan Buettner, who has studied the habits and pastimes of centenarians around the world, people who live to 100 and beyond have a number of things in common, including strong social support networks, daily exercise habits, a plant-based diet — and gardening.4

9 Health Benefits of Gardening

Perhaps this is not so surprising when you consider that gardening fulfills several healthy lifestyle criteria, including:

1. Regular sun exposure (which has benefits beyond vitamin D production)

2. Fresh air

3. Fresh, uncontaminated food

4. Exposure to beneficial soil microbes that may support a healthy microbiome

5. Physical activity

6. Social contact and camaraderie

7. Stress relief and general sense of well-being — As reported by BBC News:5

"In a recent Dutch study,6 researchers asked participants to complete a stressful task, then split them into two groups. One group read indoors and the other gardened outdoors for 30 minutes.

The group that read reported that their mood 'further deteriorated,' while the gardeners not only had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol afterwards, they also felt 'fully restored' to a good mood … There is no panacea for growing old but, the science suggests, gardening does appear to improve our quality of life as we age."

Indeed, many gardeners report feeling a sense of joyful well-being, and according to research from Johns Hopkins,7 having a cheerful temperament can significantly reduce your odds of suffering a heart attack or sudden cardiac death

8. Life purpose — As noted by Dr. Bradley Willcox of the University of Hawaii, who studies centenarians in Okinawa, an area known for having the highest ratio of centenarians in the world (approximately 50 per 100,000 people are over 100 years old), "In Okinawa, they say that anybody who grows old healthfully needs an ikigai, or reason for living. Gardening gives you that something to get up for every day"8

9. Life satisfaction — According to a Gardeners World magazine survey,9 80 percent of gardeners report being "happy" and satisfied with their lives, compared to 67 percent of non-gardeners, and the more time spent in the garden, the higher their satisfaction scores; 87 percent of those who tend to their gardens for more than six hours a week report feeling happy, compared to those spending less time in their gardens

Gardening Can Be Done Even in Tiny Spaces

There are many different ways to grow your own food, even if you live in an apartment. If you have a yard, consider yourself blessed, but if not, Alex Mitchell's book, "The Edible Balcony,"10 is an excellent resource for how to grow produce in small spaces.

You can use virtually every square foot of your space, including vertical space, for growing food. Hanging baskets are ideal for a wide variety of foods, such as strawberries, leafy greens, runner beans, pea shoots, tomatoes and a variety of herbs. And, instead of flowers, window boxes can hold herbs, greens, radishes, scallions, bush beans, strawberries, chard and chilies, to name just a few.

For tips on starting your own garden — whether large or small, indoors or outside, for winter or spring — see my previous articles on the following topics:

Creating a winter garden

Creating edible gardens in small spaces

Composting made easy, even for city dwellers

How to increase your garden yield eightfold, using high performance agriculture techniques

Basic Gardening Guidance

Rule No. 1 for growing nutrient-dense food is building healthy soil. There are five basic principles to growing topsoil and building a healthy soil ecosystem, and these rules apply whether you're working a farm or tending a small vegetable garden in your backyard:

1. Avoid disturbing the soil microbiome — The less mechanical disturbance the better, which means no tillage, herbicides, pesticides or fungicides

2. Protect the soil's surface — Use cover crops, untreated lawn clippings, mulch and wood chips to maintain soil biology, prevent water evaporation and lower soil temperature, which is particularly important on hot days

3. Diversify your crops — Having a diverse array of plant life is essential to healthy soil, and cover crops help fulfill this requirement

4. Maintain living roots in the ground as long as possible — Growing something at all times is key to soil vitality, so be sure to plant a cover crop after you harvest your vegetables

5. Integrate livestock and other animals, including insects — To mimic the impact of wild herds, regenerative farmers will pasture chickens, cows, lambs, pigs and other animals to benefit the soil and ensure a highly nutrient-dense finished product.

While many homeowners cannot keep farm animals on their property, you can easily attract pollinators and predator insects to ward off garden pests by including lots of flowering plants.

New to Gardening? Start With Sprouts

One of the simplest and most inexpensive gardening alternatives is to grow your own sprouts. They're a particularly excellent choice during winter months, when outdoor gardening is limited or ruled out. They also grow quickly, allowing you to harvest in about a week, and you don't have to cook them. Sprouts are also a perfect complement to fermented vegetables, which are also easy and inexpensive to make at home, from scratch.

Sprouts are actually among the most nutrient-dense foods out there. Topping the list are sunflower seed and pea sprouts, which are typically about 30 times more nutritious than organic vegetables. Sunflower and pea sprouts are among my own favorites. Broccoli sprouts, known for their anticancer activity, are another excellent choice. Other commonly sprouted beans, nuts, seeds and grains include:

Alfalfa — A good source of vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F and K

Mung bean — Good source of protein, fiber and vitamins C and A

Watercress — According to nutritional tests, watercress appears to be the most nutrient-dense plant food available. Based on 17 nutrients, including potassium, fiber, protein, calcium, iron, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, folate, zinc and vitamins A, B6, B12, C, D, E and K, watercress scored a perfect 10011

Brussels sprouts — One cup of cooked Brussels sprouts contains just 56 calories but is packed with more than 240 percent of the recommended daily amount (RDA) of vitamin K1 and nearly 130 percent of the RDA for vitamin C. Brussels sprouts are also a good source of fiber, manganese, potassium, choline, B vitamins, antioxidants and other health-promoting phytochemicals

Another plant that is easy to grow that has many valuable health benefits is fennel. All parts, including bulb, stalk, leaves and seeds, are edible, and have a delicious flavor reminiscent of licorice. Raw fennel contains more than 7 grams of dietary fiber per bulb, and each 1-cup serving contains 360 milligrams (mg) of potassium, 43 mg of calcium, 10 mg of vitamin C and 15 mg of magnesium.12

The nutrients in fennel helps support healthy digestion, metabolism, blood pressure, heart health and immune function, and help prevent inflammation and cancer.13

Great Reasons to Eat More Sprouts

Many of the benefits of sprouts relate to the fact that plants contain more concentrated amounts of nutrients in their initial phase of growth. As a result, you need to eat far less sprouts, in terms of amount, compared to a mature plant. For example, when sprouting seeds, nuts, beans and grains you get:14

• Higher vitamin content — In some seeds, the vitamin content is increased by as much as 500 percent during the sprouting process15

• Higher enzyme content — Sprouts contain an estimated 100 times more enzymes than fresh fruits and vegetables. These enzymes allow your body to extract higher levels of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients from other foods you eat in conjunction with the sprouts as well

• Increased essential fatty acid and fiber content — The essential fatty acid and fiber content also increases dramatically during the sprouting process. Most people do not get enough fiber or healthy fats in their diet for optimal health, and sprouts can be a great source of both

• Increased bioavailability of minerals and protein — When the seed starts to sprout, minerals such as calcium and magnesium bind to proteins in the seed, which makes both the minerals and the protein more readily available and usable in your body.

In addition, the proteins are altered in beneficial ways during the process of sprouting, so you get more, and higher quality, protein from sprouts compared to eating the unsprouted seed

Many say they cannot afford to eat fresh and healthy foods, but sprouts are so inexpensive, there's really no excuse for avoiding them, especially if you grow them yourself. Doing so can cut the cost by about 90 percent or more, compared to buying them.

My Sprout Doctor Starter Kit provides everything you need to get started, and comes with a bag each of sunflower shoots, broccoli sprouts and pea shoot seeds. When grown in soil, you can harvest your sprouts in about a week, and 1 pound of seed can produce over 10 pounds of sprouts.

Sunflower shoots will give you the most volume for your effort and, in my opinion, have the best taste. In one 10-by-10 tray, you can harvest between 1 and 2 pounds of sunflower sprouts. You can store them in the fridge for about a week. Broccoli sprouts look and taste similar to alfalfa sprouts, which most people like. They're perfect for adding to salads and sandwiches, and are especially tasty in combination with fresh avocado.

I've partnered with a company in a small town in Vermont that develops, breeds, and grows their own seeds, and are industry leaders in seed safety for sprouts and shoots. All of my seeds are non-GMO, certified organic, and packed with nutrition.

Resources for the Urban Gardener

As growing numbers of people are becoming excited about local food, healthier eating and greener cities, there's renewed interest in the development of urban agriculture around the country.

However, it's important to educate yourself about your city (including your homeowner's association), state and federal ordinances16 before you plunge your shovel into the ground. There's nothing fun about getting a citation for breaking the law.17

Zoning laws and ordinances are constantly changing, so you really need to do your due diligence in planning your urban garden. Common garden and yard care laws include:

Regulations on fence and hedge heights, and length of grass

Restrictions on front yard food gardens18

Watering requirements and limits

Regulations pertaining to the protection of wildlife

Regulations on weeds and invasive species

Farm animal ordinances, including beekeeping19

Composting ordinances

Regulations on rainwater collection

Gardening-related business activities, should you consider selling any of your produce

Hell strips — This refers to the section of land between the street and the sidewalk. By and large, this land belongs to the city, but must be maintained by the homeowner; oftentimes, you're not allowed to remove or damage plants or trees growing here

A policy reference guide to community gardening can be found on PublicHealthLawCenter.org. Below are a few other resources that may assist you in your quest as well. Whether you want to plant organic veggies, a berry patch, or a much larger edible landscape project, make sure you are proceeding within the legal guidelines before you start, in order to avoid major headaches down the road.

American Community Gardening Association (ACGA) is devoted to community gardening and greening up communities across the U.S. and Canada

APA Urban Agriculture offers information about urban agricultural zoning and lists a good number of government initiatives, plans and ordinances that are up for vote across the U.S.

Food Not Lawns is a sustainability movement focused on getting rid of lawns in favor of more ecofriendly alternatives; also has chapters in nearly every state across the U.S.

IOBY.org provides a primer on how to turn vacant lots into community gardens

To find a municipal law lawyer to help you, see FindLaw.com

Take Control of Your Health by Growing Some of Your Own Food

There is no magic bullet when it comes to aging well. Generally speaking, the better you treat your body throughout your life, the better your aging experience will be. Aches, pains, forgetfulness and loneliness are not automatic givens. You can achieve physical and psychological wellness at any age. For me, in many ways life continues to get better as the years go by.

It does require a measure of effort, however. To improve your health, you need to take proactive steps today, and every day going forward. Starting a garden, even if it's just growing a batch of sprouts on your countertop, is perhaps one of the most rewarding steps you can take that will support your health in numerous ways. And, if you keep it up, you may even find yourself enjoying the boons well into old age.

from http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2019/01/11/growing-your-own-food.aspx

source http://niapurenaturecom.weebly.com/blog/top-gardening-tips-to-build-better-health

[jakehglover]

Top Gardening Tips to Build Better Health

30 Tips in 30 Days Designed to Help You Take Control of Your Health

This article is included in Dr. Mercola's All-Time Top 30 Health Tips series. Every day during the month of January, a new tip will be added that will help you take control of your health. Want to see the full list? Click here.

Growing your own food has many rewards, from providing you with fresher, uncontaminated produce and cutting your grocery bill, to increasing your sense of well-being and slashing your risk of depression.

Interestingly, research shows gardening is also the most common hobby among centenarians around the world, suggesting the benefits it provides may help maximize your longevity as well.

Likewise, research shows farmers are one-third less likely to have a chronic illness than non-farmers,1 and are less likely to die from diabetes or heart disease.2 Research3 also shows elderly individuals who garden on a regular basis have a 36 percent lower risk of dementia than non-gardeners.

According to longevity researcher Dan Buettner, who has studied the habits and pastimes of centenarians around the world, people who live to 100 and beyond have a number of things in common, including strong social support networks, daily exercise habits, a plant-based diet — and gardening.4

9 Health Benefits of Gardening

Perhaps this is not so surprising when you consider that gardening fulfills several healthy lifestyle criteria, including:

1. Regular sun exposure (which has benefits beyond vitamin D production)

2. Fresh air

3. Fresh, uncontaminated food

4. Exposure to beneficial soil microbes that may support a healthy microbiome

5. Physical activity

6. Social contact and camaraderie

7. Stress relief and general sense of well-being — As reported by BBC News:5

"In a recent Dutch study,6 researchers asked participants to complete a stressful task, then split them into two groups. One group read indoors and the other gardened outdoors for 30 minutes.

The group that read reported that their mood 'further deteriorated,' while the gardeners not only had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol afterwards, they also felt 'fully restored' to a good mood … There is no panacea for growing old but, the science suggests, gardening does appear to improve our quality of life as we age."

Indeed, many gardeners report feeling a sense of joyful well-being, and according to research from Johns Hopkins,7 having a cheerful temperament can significantly reduce your odds of suffering a heart attack or sudden cardiac death

8. Life purpose — As noted by Dr. Bradley Willcox of the University of Hawaii, who studies centenarians in Okinawa, an area known for having the highest ratio of centenarians in the world (approximately 50 per 100,000 people are over 100 years old), "In Okinawa, they say that anybody who grows old healthfully needs an ikigai, or reason for living. Gardening gives you that something to get up for every day"8

9. Life satisfaction — According to a Gardeners World magazine survey,9 80 percent of gardeners report being "happy" and satisfied with their lives, compared to 67 percent of non-gardeners, and the more time spent in the garden, the higher their satisfaction scores; 87 percent of those who tend to their gardens for more than six hours a week report feeling happy, compared to those spending less time in their gardens

Gardening Can Be Done Even in Tiny Spaces

There are many different ways to grow your own food, even if you live in an apartment. If you have a yard, consider yourself blessed, but if not, Alex Mitchell's book, "The Edible Balcony,"10 is an excellent resource for how to grow produce in small spaces.

You can use virtually every square foot of your space, including vertical space, for growing food. Hanging baskets are ideal for a wide variety of foods, such as strawberries, leafy greens, runner beans, pea shoots, tomatoes and a variety of herbs. And, instead of flowers, window boxes can hold herbs, greens, radishes, scallions, bush beans, strawberries, chard and chilies, to name just a few.

For tips on starting your own garden — whether large or small, indoors or outside, for winter or spring — see my previous articles on the following topics:

Creating a winter garden

Creating edible gardens in small spaces

Composting made easy, even for city dwellers

How to increase your garden yield eightfold, using high performance agriculture techniques

Basic Gardening Guidance

Rule No. 1 for growing nutrient-dense food is building healthy soil. There are five basic principles to growing topsoil and building a healthy soil ecosystem, and these rules apply whether you're working a farm or tending a small vegetable garden in your backyard:

1. Avoid disturbing the soil microbiome — The less mechanical disturbance the better, which means no tillage, herbicides, pesticides or fungicides

2. Protect the soil's surface — Use cover crops, untreated lawn clippings, mulch and wood chips to maintain soil biology, prevent water evaporation and lower soil temperature, which is particularly important on hot days

3. Diversify your crops — Having a diverse array of plant life is essential to healthy soil, and cover crops help fulfill this requirement

4. Maintain living roots in the ground as long as possible — Growing something at all times is key to soil vitality, so be sure to plant a cover crop after you harvest your vegetables

5. Integrate livestock and other animals, including insects — To mimic the impact of wild herds, regenerative farmers will pasture chickens, cows, lambs, pigs and other animals to benefit the soil and ensure a highly nutrient-dense finished product.

While many homeowners cannot keep farm animals on their property, you can easily attract pollinators and predator insects to ward off garden pests by including lots of flowering plants.

New to Gardening? Start With Sprouts

One of the simplest and most inexpensive gardening alternatives is to grow your own sprouts. They're a particularly excellent choice during winter months, when outdoor gardening is limited or ruled out. They also grow quickly, allowing you to harvest in about a week, and you don't have to cook them. Sprouts are also a perfect complement to fermented vegetables, which are also easy and inexpensive to make at home, from scratch.

Sprouts are actually among the most nutrient-dense foods out there. Topping the list are sunflower seed and pea sprouts, which are typically about 30 times more nutritious than organic vegetables. Sunflower and pea sprouts are among my own favorites. Broccoli sprouts, known for their anticancer activity, are another excellent choice. Other commonly sprouted beans, nuts, seeds and grains include:

Alfalfa — A good source of vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F and K

Mung bean — Good source of protein, fiber and vitamins C and A

Watercress — According to nutritional tests, watercress appears to be the most nutrient-dense plant food available. Based on 17 nutrients, including potassium, fiber, protein, calcium, iron, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, folate, zinc and vitamins A, B6, B12, C, D, E and K, watercress scored a perfect 10011

Brussels sprouts — One cup of cooked Brussels sprouts contains just 56 calories but is packed with more than 240 percent of the recommended daily amount (RDA) of vitamin K1 and nearly 130 percent of the RDA for vitamin C. Brussels sprouts are also a good source of fiber, manganese, potassium, choline, B vitamins, antioxidants and other health-promoting phytochemicals

Another plant that is easy to grow that has many valuable health benefits is fennel. All parts, including bulb, stalk, leaves and seeds, are edible, and have a delicious flavor reminiscent of licorice. Raw fennel contains more than 7 grams of dietary fiber per bulb, and each 1-cup serving contains 360 milligrams (mg) of potassium, 43 mg of calcium, 10 mg of vitamin C and 15 mg of magnesium.12

The nutrients in fennel helps support healthy digestion, metabolism, blood pressure, heart health and immune function, and help prevent inflammation and cancer.13

Great Reasons to Eat More Sprouts

Many of the benefits of sprouts relate to the fact that plants contain more concentrated amounts of nutrients in their initial phase of growth. As a result, you need to eat far less sprouts, in terms of amount, compared to a mature plant. For example, when sprouting seeds, nuts, beans and grains you get:14

• Higher vitamin content — In some seeds, the vitamin content is increased by as much as 500 percent during the sprouting process15

• Higher enzyme content — Sprouts contain an estimated 100 times more enzymes than fresh fruits and vegetables. These enzymes allow your body to extract higher levels of vitamins, minerals and other nutrients from other foods you eat in conjunction with the sprouts as well

• Increased essential fatty acid and fiber content — The essential fatty acid and fiber content also increases dramatically during the sprouting process. Most people do not get enough fiber or healthy fats in their diet for optimal health, and sprouts can be a great source of both

• Increased bioavailability of minerals and protein — When the seed starts to sprout, minerals such as calcium and magnesium bind to proteins in the seed, which makes both the minerals and the protein more readily available and usable in your body.

In addition, the proteins are altered in beneficial ways during the process of sprouting, so you get more, and higher quality, protein from sprouts compared to eating the unsprouted seed

Many say they cannot afford to eat fresh and healthy foods, but sprouts are so inexpensive, there's really no excuse for avoiding them, especially if you grow them yourself. Doing so can cut the cost by about 90 percent or more, compared to buying them.

My Sprout Doctor Starter Kit provides everything you need to get started, and comes with a bag each of sunflower shoots, broccoli sprouts and pea shoot seeds. When grown in soil, you can harvest your sprouts in about a week, and 1 pound of seed can produce over 10 pounds of sprouts.

Sunflower shoots will give you the most volume for your effort and, in my opinion, have the best taste. In one 10-by-10 tray, you can harvest between 1 and 2 pounds of sunflower sprouts. You can store them in the fridge for about a week. Broccoli sprouts look and taste similar to alfalfa sprouts, which most people like. They're perfect for adding to salads and sandwiches, and are especially tasty in combination with fresh avocado.

I've partnered with a company in a small town in Vermont that develops, breeds, and grows their own seeds, and are industry leaders in seed safety for sprouts and shoots. All of my seeds are non-GMO, certified organic, and packed with nutrition.

Resources for the Urban Gardener

As growing numbers of people are becoming excited about local food, healthier eating and greener cities, there's renewed interest in the development of urban agriculture around the country.

However, it's important to educate yourself about your city (including your homeowner's association), state and federal ordinances16 before you plunge your shovel into the ground. There's nothing fun about getting a citation for breaking the law.17

Zoning laws and ordinances are constantly changing, so you really need to do your due diligence in planning your urban garden. Common garden and yard care laws include:

Regulations on fence and hedge heights, and length of grass

Restrictions on front yard food gardens18

Watering requirements and limits

Regulations pertaining to the protection of wildlife

Regulations on weeds and invasive species

Farm animal ordinances, including beekeeping19

Composting ordinances

Regulations on rainwater collection

Gardening-related business activities, should you consider selling any of your produce

Hell strips — This refers to the section of land between the street and the sidewalk. By and large, this land belongs to the city, but must be maintained by the homeowner; oftentimes, you're not allowed to remove or damage plants or trees growing here

A policy reference guide to community gardening can be found on PublicHealthLawCenter.org. Below are a few other resources that may assist you in your quest as well. Whether you want to plant organic veggies, a berry patch, or a much larger edible landscape project, make sure you are proceeding within the legal guidelines before you start, in order to avoid major headaches down the road.

American Community Gardening Association (ACGA) is devoted to community gardening and greening up communities across the U.S. and Canada

APA Urban Agriculture offers information about urban agricultural zoning and lists a good number of government initiatives, plans and ordinances that are up for vote across the U.S.

Food Not Lawns is a sustainability movement focused on getting rid of lawns in favor of more ecofriendly alternatives; also has chapters in nearly every state across the U.S.

IOBY.org provides a primer on how to turn vacant lots into community gardens

To find a municipal law lawyer to help you, see FindLaw.com

Take Control of Your Health by Growing Some of Your Own Food

There is no magic bullet when it comes to aging well. Generally speaking, the better you treat your body throughout your life, the better your aging experience will be. Aches, pains, forgetfulness and loneliness are not automatic givens. You can achieve physical and psychological wellness at any age. For me, in many ways life continues to get better as the years go by.

It does require a measure of effort, however. To improve your health, you need to take proactive steps today, and every day going forward. Starting a garden, even if it's just growing a batch of sprouts on your countertop, is perhaps one of the most rewarding steps you can take that will support your health in numerous ways. And, if you keep it up, you may even find yourself enjoying the boons well into old age.

from HealthyLife via Jake Glover on Inoreader http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2019/01/11/growing-your-own-food.aspx