#this wasnt supposed to be a long post but alas

[razberrypuck]

mmmmm I wonder if finn's always had memory problems. just because of like.

the way gillion was introduced in the hole in the sea oneshot ("and the much younger boy- you... maybe or maybe not remember the name of. you've seen him around here and there, he attends some of your seminars, a very bright-eyed boy. gillion, maybe").

the sheer amount of detail he put into his logs, that wouldn't be necessary for an outside reader to know; exact temperatures and times and the direction of the wind, pages upon pages going on about the sky and the types of clouds he saw and the humidity in the air. like he's trying to paint himself a picture in his mind so he'd be able to remember it just by reading the words.

writing hundreds, possibly thousands of books in his lifetime, with no mention of fictional stories- from what books we've seen of his it seems like finn writes from his life almost exclusively, with the exception of his research. yes he wrote for his job, and he loves his job, but I wonder if there was more to it than that.

[penisliker-moved]

ermmmermmm. erm

[hikarry]

I'm not really on the team that swears to Jesus and beyond that Crowley lost his memories after the Fall. Yes, of course, he forgot some stuff because, ya know, he has been alive for more than 6000 years and if I don't remember what I ate for lunch yesterday, Satan knows he won't remember every single second of his life, but he remembers the important things

"Ah, but what about him not remembering fighting alongside FurFur or building the thingy with Saraqael?"

Love, I give you two options:

Those are either some of the stuff he didn't consider important enough to remember OR he is just straight up fucking with them. He does remember, but why reveal it if playing dumb sometimes is good in the long run? Might be useful

Alas, I don't know, but I will die on the hill that he does remember

Which means he most probably remembers meeting Aziraphale. Not because Aziraphale was "important" at the time per se, or because it was love at first sight (because it wasnt, not for him. Bro was so focused on the nebula he didnt even introduce himself when Aziraphale did. He threw him a "Right. Nice to meet ya. Anyway, nebula time!"), but because he was there when Crowley created the nebula and, as he said, he had been waiting for that moment since "well, always". It's an important moment for him, so he remembers. Aziraphale just so happened to be present

I don't know if that was the only interaction they had in Heaven or not (and that's not the point I'm trying to get to so I will ignore that problem for a later post, maybe), but when the now Demon Crawley was sent up to the Garden, he did remember Aziraphale. That's why he approached him

Cmon, Crowley isn't stupid. Of course he wouldn't approach an angel on the wall just willy nilly and make conversation. He didn't know Aziraphale had given away the flaming sword yet. Just approaching an angel from behind and morph into a demon next to him out of nowhere could be a death sentence. Or at least an A Line for a good smitting

Yet, he did it. He had at least 3 other angels to choose from but he approached the angel that he remembered from back in the beginning that was kind enough to help him with the engine of the nebula. Hell! I even bet this was not the first time they saw each other in the Garden!

Bet they've seen and observed each other from afar a few times while they interacted with the humans (yes, cause I believe Crawley, before tempting Eve, tried to gain her trust. It's easier to listen to a friend than a random snake) or just around the Garden really.

That's why Aziraphale didn't get surprised when Crawley showed up at the wall, because he knew the demon snake had been around the Garden for a while. He probably even recognized him as the former Star Maker and hoped he was still a little bit of his old self so he allowed himself to engage in conversation

Anyhow, another clue? This:

He remembers how Heaven works. He remembers he was a high ranking angel. Satan, he remembers the bloody passwords!

Do you know what else he remembers?

Cause they didn't throw that line in there for nothing. No, gents. Cmon. Nothing is random in Good Omens

He knows who he was. He remembers being the Star Maker that hung the stars in the sky

He remembers why he fell, for goodness sake

And the fact that he remembers everything makes all of it so much more tragic, doesn't it? He remembers his life before the Fall, his supposed friends that dragged him into the pit with them, what Her love felt like, the "mistakes" he made that led to his Fall

And it must have hurt. It must have hurt so much when he found himself in a pit of boiling sulfur with his wings completely burned and without Her love because he remembered it all. He must have been so bloody confused for so long

He might have regretted it. All the questions and the company he kept that made him Fall. But he doesn't anymore.

He knows he doesn't need Heaven, he doesn't need Hell. They are toxic. All he needs is his pacific fragile existence on Earth with Aziraphale and yet...well, that's something else he won't forget now, is it?

*clears throat*

I rest my case

[key-lime-soda]

PETILIL SUMI LORE! !! ! ! !! !

SORRY I NEVER HAD THE TIME TO WRITE IT ALL OUT CUZ ITS KINDA LONG.

this story dates alllllll the way back to almost a decade ago. I was around 9 or 10 when my sister and I got a copy of Pokemon Black for the DSi. As usual, she beat the main story and I spent countless hours enjoying the post game. One habit my sister has is avoinding NPCs and forgetting to talk to them. So I ended up coming across a little girl on route 3 wanted a Cottonee in exchange for her Petilil.

*context: Pokemon releases their games in pairs (most of the time). These games are essentially the exact same, with the only difference being a few aesthetic changes and some version exclusive Pokemon. In my case, my game (Pokemon Black) only has Cottonee, while Pokemon White only had Petilil. In order to complete the Pokedex, you have to trade with someone.

I was so happy to have met this NPC. It meant I could catch Petilil without trading with another real person (cuz i didn't know anyone with this game). I immediately made the trade and ended up with the cutest little guy ever.

But i wasnt just gonna accept having one. i wanted multiple!! so i dropped her off at the Daycare, since thats where you can get pokemon eggs. i waited a while, ended up with around 5 Petilil eggs, and figured that was enough.

I go to the front desk to take my pokemon out, and the old lady tells me that there's another egg waiting for me. i go outside, grab the egg from the old man, place it in the PC after rearranging my party in order to fit the egg, (i probably also got a bit distracted too) and go back inside to get my pokemon. but alas! there's another egg waiting for me!!

*context: you cannot remove a pokemon from the daycare if there is an egg waiting for you

this cycle of taking eggs, organizing them, and going back inside kept going for a little while. i think i left to go hatch a few eggs in between. but by the time i could finally remove petilil, i ended up with 14 eggs total. that was way to many!!!! i didn't want that much so i figured i'd just release a few.

i ended up releasing them all (by mistake)

i was devastated. i lost the only petilil i could get in this game. it was so heartbreaking, and tbh i still haven't forgiven myself....

Skip to the present day. I got a copy of Pokemon Legends Arceus for the Switch as a surprise birthday gift (my birthday was 4 days after the game was released!!!). I instantly fell in love with the open-world style of it. It was a lot of fun.

One day I got to the Crimson Mirelands and was just going around, doing my thing, exploring, etc. Then i saw something small moving nearby. I snuck around to see what it was.

It was Petilil

i flipped out so hard. i didn't know which pokemon were in this game, so it was not something i expected. i caught one immediately and added it to my team. But he needed a name. One that fit the memories of my childhood of having too many eggs. Right before playing this game, I beat The Great Ace Attorney, and I couldn't stop thinking about the last case. Then I remembered the alias of one of the witnesses: Eggert Benedict. It was supposed to be a pun off of the dish eggs benedict. since it was related to eggs, i thought it was the perfect name.

Benedict stayed on my team the entire playthrough. I refused to evolve him, regardless of how terrible it's stats and moves were. Because 1) Petilil holds so many memories, and 2) its so funny to watch a 1ft tall plant bulb fight the 10ft tall gods and win.

[hurricane-utah]

Human Fnaf Characters!

Part 2!!

Sorry it took so long. I made this post twice, but it didn't save to my drafts ;-;

Third times a charm? Hopefully

Toy Freddy:

2018-2019 2021

He has been diagnosed with chubby-ness and squishy cheeks! (HE'S SO CUTE NOW)

Toy Bonnie:

2018-2019 2021

He has been diagnosed with gAy

He is a guy, btw, he is SUPPOSED to look like a girl! It's kinda the point 👁👄👁

While Bonnie is def a nerd, he's a rocker. I can't see Bonnie being the rocker. I mean, Toy Bonnie literally brings his guitar around everywhere like it's his 1st newborn lol

Toy Chica:

2018-2019 2021

Not much changed tbh

But, I have blessed her with canonical tHiCcNeSs

She's cute too tho

Mangle:

Alas, there is no old version, so I drew fixed mangle for you instead (Toy Foxy? Funtime Foxy? Idk...)

I slightly remember her 2018/2018 variant, I just don't have a pic. It wasnt as good as this one tbh

Also, headcannon: her 2nd head has a name and its Eden. That's what I like to call him. For everyone that thinks mangles a dude, I'll Draw that some other time

Anyway, I don't know where to put him and I want to hurry up and show you guys, so, have a Henry!

This is what I personally think Henry Emily looks like. If you aren't familiar with who he is (read the books) he's the puppets father/owner of Freddys. The puppet is his daughter Charlie (Charlotte) and we learn about her in the silver eyes-the fourth closet. He was also partners with William

Henry is best dad :3

EDIT: here are the new versions

Please leave this old post alone 😭

[cajunfoxnight]

I have an important announcement regarding commissions for the rest of 2020 TLDR version- I will not be opening for main slot commissions for at least the rest of 2020. Im not going anywhere im just taking a step back for the time being to revaluate some things. Below the cut in the long explination!

(copy and pasted from my FA submission) Hello everyone! 2020 has been a year has it?? So yeah I suppose this isnt coming as a surprise, is it? Im deciding to write this here in a submission bc I dont think people really read journals, so putting it in a submission might make it to where more people will see/read this. So here we go! Night!!! I dont feel like reading a long ass post about this, whats the TL;DR??😫 Fair enough! TL;DR version- I am not taking on any more main slot commissions for the rest of 2020 ...Ok now I want to read the long version...😐 After doing some thinking for a while on this matter, I have decided that due to circumstances it would be in my best interest to not open for commissions for the remainder of 2020, and then I will see how things go from there. I do feel really bad about this as I know ive had some people in my inbox asking about openings for a while, and I really thought that I would be opening again for this month but alas...I cant seem to find it in myself to do it right now. So after some talking it over with a friend of mine, and some far more strenuous thinking than I would have liked, I feel this is in my best interest- both mentally and physically. It does honestly sadden me, but I feel like after the huge batch that I took last opening, then the madness that was October Prep, and THEN October itself, not to mention the general of how 2020 is going.. yeah. I generally feel like there is much I want to do, and much I need to work on. I seriously- and I mean SERIOUSLY- need to figure out a better way to work and accept work. I keep taking on far more than I can handle because I dont know how to say "No", and in the end I just find myself being burnt out and unhappy and that aint right! Not to mention with bad hand and wrist pains, im honestly surprised I was able to do as much as I was. I guess in a strange way, I want to be able to feel the natural urge to draw and not a mechanical one, if that makes sense. NGL I may even end up moving larger commissions to my Patreon, but thats not something im thinking too hard about.. Either way im rambling now! But Niiiigghhhhttt!!! I really really REALLY want to get something from you!! Is there any way that I can??😖 I will still be offering Off-queue commissions to those that qualify for them, and for my Patreons, but my main commission slots will remained closed to the public for a while. However there are still other ways to get something from me! Ive got some YCHs that have been sitting on my computer for quite literally a couple years now as I have been waiting for "the right time" to post them. I also will also be thinking about doing smaller, quicker things like sketch commissions, YCH telegram stickers, and what not, but these will probably only be available on twitter (please check out my pages CajunFoxNight and ChicoryFox) And of course there is still my Telegram Channel. So many of you have been so patient and understanding and for that I cant thank you all enough, despite asking you all to continue waiting. I want to make sure that you are all getting only the best quality from me! Ok so is that all?😥 Yep thats all I wanted to say! I hope this wasnt too long of a read considering I know I tend to ramble a bit ^^; As always im more than happy to answer any questions about commissions anyone might have! Thank you all for reading!

[tumblunni]

I had a really weird dream involving Dr Maddiman. Its a shame i can barely remember any of it and also it seems i woke up before it ended? Like i just had this overwhelming sense that allll the plot threads were gonna be wrapped up any second now and then BOOM awake. So just a whole bunch of random stuff happened with no real explanation at all.

It was some sort of post apocolyptic setting i think? Humanity was in these small isolated cities fighting against some sort of invading army but we never actually saw the aliens themselves. And some part of my brain was like "it makes sense its the same rules as a hairdresser and the design takes cues from a pack of AAA batteries". I have NO idea what that means! So basically everythibg was super vague and undescribed and dream-me just had a sense of already being a long time fan of this series and knowing enough to fill in the gaps. Apparantoy this was some sort of adaptation of a thing id already seen, but id been told the ending was different and more accurate to the manga? Also i wasnt actually a person watching this show i was still the protagonist of the show yet i acted like i'd been reincarnated and relived this week a million times or something

ANYWAY the way dr maddiman comes in is that he was some sort of 'brilliant but dangerous' expert the government had hired to help our fight against the aliens. It wasnt really explained why he was.. yknow.. maddiman. Like is this meant to be that ghosts also exist in this sci fi universe? Was he a half alien hybrid instead of a yokai? Was it just human maddiman with the personality of yokai maddiman due to ptsd...? In any case he didnt seem entirely tethered to the laws of reality and nobody knew exactly how he pulled off all his scientific miracles. He was treated as the only guy who could understand the mindset of the aliens, but that also made him dangerous because he trapped in the delusion of everything being okay and fun and happy and he often did evil things by accident while having good intentions. But they didnt have anyone else who'd cracked the code of the alien weaponry so they had to put up with him. He was just sorta assigned a crack team of secret agents whose job was Be The Old Man's Friend So We Dont All Die. Dont let him realise how the world is all destroyed and such, just play along with his goofyness and try and remind him to do his important work while dancing around why its important. it was super creepy how he was locked up and gaslighted like this!! And he was all 'oh im sure when im done with my ultimate experiment i can go home to my wife and kids' and yeah it was implied here that the same backstory applied :( 'distract the old man and validate his false opinion that his family is still alive and waiting for him' :( poor sci fi madds :(

Oh also for some reason he seemed to be wearing elements of Adventure era Dr Eggman's outfit? But just the general style of the coat and the wearing goggles that he never actually uses. And he had a very warm and cuddly autumnal colourscheme

Anyway i was part of the Super Secret Grampa Cherishing Division whose job was to act as his assistant but also secretly be packing a bazillion weapons to neutralize him if he poses a danger to humanity. But i started to genuinely care for the guy and question the 'any atrocity is permitted for the sake of saving the world' philosophy of my bosses. Also it was just very weird how it was this post apocolypse alien fighting action thing yet i didnt see ANY OF IT cos this story was confined to this one laboratory. It was surreal hearing about all this stuff happening offscreen!

I think Maddiman's main project was some sort of dimensional transport thing using salvaged alien tech? It was just a door in his lab that usually led to a closet but if he got it working itd teleport us straight to the alien base and save the world. And a lot of it wasnt explained but i got this great sense that itd all come together with a great twist ending evebtually but then i woke up before i got that far. Same for the reveal of this maddiman's new sci fi backstory and soooo many other dropped plot threads. Alas!

So anyway: closet. Closet with one of those bead curtain things cos i was thinking about them when i fell asleep. It was supposed to be a teleport but when it malfunctioned it had really scary negative effects warping people's biology and stuff. I remember one of the test subjects was sent in for a five day trip to a specific alternate dimension but then when they came back itd been several years and theyd had to survive in a deadly wasteland and been mutated into a hellbeast. And maddiman had a huge breakdown because he felt like his recklessness and optimism towards this experiment had caused this mistake to happen, and he'd never realized just how awful the consequences could be. He was babbling motor mouth discussing theories for where it went wrong and there was something like 'we'd only tested it for one day trips and assumed that just programming two of them would equal two days but actually with each additional number on the screen it multiplies the days by 3" And there was something about like...the bead curtain was the machine rather than the door itself? Like trying it on a bunch of different doors around the lab to try and find a way to cure this person.

And there was some sort of artificial intelligence computer with the personality of an adorable lil girl, who helped maddiman do calculations and stuff. She missed the mistake in this calculation cos her concept of linear time and the limits of human organs was kinda undeveloped. She only existed within the realm of numbers after all, and didbt even have functionality to record footage of her human friends's faces. No idea wtf a human looks like! So maddiman was lost in his desperate grief of potentially accidebtally killing or at least mentally scarring a person and the government would probably kill them now if they saw they were a super mutant. And he was sobbing and begging this AI to help, his last resort was her maybe being able to see a brainwave that he'd missed. But she was freaking out cos she didnt even fully understand why maddiman was crying let alone what to do to fix it. Eventually she did manage to find a solution theough some simple different logic thing that she had from her perspective as a computer. And that person was saved but still traumatized and maddiman had a moment of realizing just how high stakes everything was and freaking out. He was like 'whats wrong with my head, why didnt i notice that, why was i so reckless, why cant i seem to grasp basic human logic that i need right now" Having a big existential crisis of 'wait how did i even get in this lab, where's my family and why do i seem to have superpowers'. Protagonist mission: hide all the goddamn mirrors to avoid this weird ghostgramp (...aliengramp??) from realizing he's dead (..or an alien??) and losing control of himself. And everyone was running around talking about 'containment procedures' and poor maddiman didnt know that if his panic attack continued he might just straight up be killed for outliving his usefulness. So the protagonist was desperate to help him calm down and it sucked SO MUCH cos they had to lie about his past and weave the web of deception around him again for his own safety. In the end they just hugged him close until he calmed down, and all the other employees were like GASP THEY ACTUALLY TOUCHED THE EVIL DANGEROUS SUPER EVIL MAN and protag was like 'i am 1% away from slapping the next bitch who insults this grandpa'. And it was super depressing cos once he'd calmed down he seemed to start forgetting that anything bad had ever happened?? And he was really panicking and scared cos he didnt understand why he was forgetting, and he knew he had to cling onto something important but he didnt know what. And then five minutes later he was back to haha cheerful nothing is wrong and i love doing my fun science in this room im never allowed to leave. And protagonist was crying the tears that this poor gramp wasnt allowed to cry :(

Also actually i think maybe he was a ghost AND an alien? Like he was a scientist who died in some sort of tragedy back when the aliens first invaded, but along the way he'd been infected so his body got back up as a twisted combination of human and inhuman. And this was something unique to him, like he just happened to have a genetic mutation in his blood that was totally undetectable in life but happened to mix unpredictably with this alien virus to turn him into a hybrid instead of just killing him. So the government was very interested in finding a way to replicate this and create new supersoldiers, as well as just taking advantage of this dude's confused mental state that granted him a unique understanding of alien tech that made him more effective than other scientists. And, of course, also made him easy to manipulate :(

And i also had a feeling that maybe his backstory was mixed up with Adventure dr eggman? Like here it seemed he had a daughter instead of a son, and she had a similar death to Maria Robotnik where she was assasinated by the government he worked for, and it tipped him over the edge. I think Maddiman-alien-scifi-dude originally died trying to save her from being used in some sort of experiment? Like she was already dying of a disease and thats why maddiman took this job to have access to powerful government technology to try and look for a cure. But when the whole alien apocolypse happened, the evil government decided to use her for experiments cos she was 'basically dead anyway'. Theyd just lie and tell maddiman she died of her illness. So this was how they found out that this particular family's bloodline had a mutation that let them form a viable hybrid with alien dna. They were turning this poor kid into a monster in the basement while lying to her dad about her being dead! And maddiman was about to commit suicide from having no reason to live anymore, with the hell of this apocolypse world and the false impression that his kid was already dead. But somehow monster-daughter sensed this or something and broke out of containment to try and save him, and when he saw her he was able to recognise her even in her twisted state. So when the soldiers gunned her down in front of him and fed him some lies about this not being his daughter, he just completely snapped. He tried in vain to fight back and take down as many of them as possible in revenge, but well he was just a simple round dad with no ability to fight a government. So he was unceremoniously executed along with his kid and they shoved the bodies back in the lab to continue testing. "Damn that overemotional science dad, he made us execute our most valable test subject! But at least this way we can analyze his corpse to see if the mutation is passed down on the patrilineal side." But at some point during the fight, monster-daughter's blood had splashed on her dad and gotten into his bloodstream. So the seemingly dead body suddenly got up out of the morgue and started sucking people's blood or something. And this led to the current situation where they have him locked up cos he's a valuable test subject but also hey he has 100% reason to kill all of us and we're screwed if he remembers his past. Also i think the computer AI thing was his subconcious attempt to recreate the personality of his daughter even if he couldnt remember she'd ever existed :(

Anyway at some point things escalated and there was this final showdown versus both the invading aliens and the evil governmebt guys. I think there was some corrupt greedy politician dude who stole maddiman's teleporter tech and sold us out to the aliens cos he wanted money and power or something. And probably predictably the aliens just threw him off a bridge after he gave them the thing, because seriously even this evil army thinks these government dudes are too evil!

So this big actiony event was happening and Maddiman was freaking out like 'no no no i cant leave the lab everyone wpuld be mad at me, i dont even know what its like outside this room' even when he was in the middle of being attacked by aliens. He was forced to face his repressed memories to survive, and he naturally had a massive fuckin freakout! And i think maybe when protagonist character was trying to protect him he accidentally lashed out with his powers and hurt them, and he was so horrified thinking another person he cared about was gonna die because of him. Protagonist was like 'dont worry gramps its just a scratch' but he'd already freaked out and run away into the battlefield to his heavily implied death.

BUT THEN at some sort of moment of dire need, he came back all powered up and re-memoried and was like 'i have every reason to despise humanity but im not gonna let more children die because of these damn corporate monsters (and also literal monsters which are infinately less scary)" And he did some sort of great sacrifice to save the protagonist at the cost of his own life, and it was super dramatic falling from a building into a lake of fire or something. While sobbing and smiling peacefully thinkibg "did i atone for my sins? Will i be able to see my family again?" As his smiling face sunk beneath the flames and the protagonist cried out into the abyss...

Aaaaand then i dont really know what happened in the big battle and i also never found out wtf the solution was to fixing the transporter thing or how the aliens invaded or any of the million plot points that were non gramp related.

I just remember that when we all saved the day and defeated the baddies we found that maddiman had actually survived and it was a big hugs reunion. He was like "OH YEAH i totally forgot i literally already died once and regenerated from it, and this was the entire start to my story. My bad!" *shrugs inexplicably not dead arms*

So yeah in summary im glad my brain summoned up a universe where my favourite sad granddad is literally immortal now, but also why did it torment him with an even sadder plot than his original one

[lifeofalaurie]

my uwc story

i remember reading through uwc blogs when i had just found out about uwc and when i was applying and going through all those months of WAITING for the next step...and they were so helpful. im so glad these exist

i first found out uwc through my brother’s friend, who actually went to UWC atlantic college (where im headed!!!!) a few years back. it was one ordinary saturday afternoon (idk if it was actually saturday but that sounds right) and we were carpooling with said friend (usually i dont participate in these but i happened to be in the car that day) and we were talking about next year and whatever and she just kinda said that she wasn’t going to be back next year bc she was going to this ‘abroad’ program. i didnt even really think about it that much. i in fact forgot about it after that...apparently my dad did not.

so my dad would talk about it here and there but i was NOT INTERESTED for that whole year..then...i started researching a bit myself and thought oh this sounds kind of cool. i still didn't really get what UWC even was or if was even a legit thing. it just sounded like another boarding school (a huge NO for me). then i saw that there was a such thing as a “short program” (or maybe someone actually told me about it) and i decided to apply for the one at the USA campus in New Mexico. i remember writing the essays over winter break and thinking they were pretty terrible (there was also a skype interview involved and that was rough) so i was pretty shocked when i found out i had gotten in but it worked out well bc my fam was going to arizona anyway a week before that so i just flew to new mexico myself after that (i say that casually but we had to cancel tickets and get new ones so that i could go to new mexico instead of home PLUS i had to fly for myself for the first time and i was pretty confused). (also, the program is called global leadership forum or GLF)

after hermit’s peak hike (ALL UPHILL FOR A SOLID 4-5 HOURS) i think it was like 8 miles IDK. view was so nice though 10/10

GLF turned out to be an amazing experience and really solidified my trust in UWC and confirmed to me that it was indeed a real thing. i really loved how much we did in those 2 and half weeks or so - camping, hiking, interacting w wolves, having important discussions - and it really pushed me to decide to apply to UWC for real. maybe ill talk more about it in another post!!!!

ok so coming home i did even more research and really really started liking UWC and decided that i might as well try to apply. i knew they never had a certain ‘criteria’ for students but i also knew it was a long and stressful process and involved really digging deep so i really didn’t think much of it (didn’t think i really had a chance) after submitting my written application. and then began the long waiting game...

here’s a nice picture of the sky @ a wolf reservation! just wanted to add a nice pic 

i never joined any of those fb groups or college confidential things for applicants and good thing bc looking at some of them now stress me out so i wouldve probably been even more stressed if i had been involved in that. also i didnt even know they existed until later so thats also probably why.

anyway i had totally forgotten about UWC (more like i was sure they’d forgotten about me or there had been something wrong like my application wasn’t submitted or something) bc i didnt hear back until the end of november (i submitted the application early october). but finding out i was a semifinalist was kind of traumatic bc in my GLF snapchat group one of my friends (who’s going to Pearson this year!!!) said he’d moved on to the next stage and i hadn’t GOTTEN ANY EMAIL. i think i just accepted it that that was the end. but then a few hours passed when i finally decided to check a different email and, alas, there it was. so a few days later, i got an email from my interviewer when we should do our skype interview and it turned out to be the same day i was taking the ACT. good

the interview turned out to be completely ok and actually really great (enjoyable even!!?). if youre at that stage, seriously the best advice i have is to just chill and be honest when youre answering. also, make it more like a conversation rather than the interviewers (yes there are prob going to be more than 1 but i assure u its ok) asking u questions back and forth. think of it as a conversation- that helped me so much to relax. the interviewers just wants to talk to you and find out what kind of person you are and if youre the same one that wrote all those deep meaningful essays from the written application - so if you were honest from the start youll be completely fine...if not, well..sry

after that, school and extracurriculars and life really went up for me and i just forgot about UWC again. i never really told any of my friends about it or anyone except for my parents. i kind of wanted it to be a personal thing- get in or not in the end.

after a really good last day of school before winter break, i went to the town library (lol) and checked my phone and therE IT WAS. I WAS A FINALIST WHICH MEANT I WOULD BE GOING TO THE UWC USA CAMPUS FOR FINALIST WEEKEND. did not know what to expect

waiting for finalist weekend felt looooong

but it came

i flew there myself AND IT WASNT EVEN DIRECT and i remember feeling so independent and proud for making it. it turned out i was one of the later ones and in the last group to be bussed over (but i met a friend on the bus who i still talk to here and there who is going to RBC this yr!!). we were so late we missed the initial meeting and first night of activities and just went straight to the hotel. at the hotel i saw my interviewer and she gave me a hug (<3) and that helped calm me down and it was also really nice to see her in person bc i remember really liking her during our skype interview. then finalist weekend happened. and im pretty sure im not supposed to expose the process so all i can say was that it was actually so genuinely fun and a real good time 

UWC USA <3 

at the end we all exchanged social media and fb and all that and started a messenger group chat -- as nice as it was to be able to connect to everyone, i think it really stressed everyone out. they told us that results would come out early that week (FALSE). THAT WEEK AFTER FINALIST WEEKEND WAS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING EVER. IT TOOK YEARS FOR IT TO GO BY. i remember constantly checking my email between classes and everyone in the group chat wondering if anyone had heard. then on wed night, we all got an email that said the results would be notified by friday instead. the worst

i remember that friday evening i was packing for my first hackathon (it was fun) and thinking the call wouldnt come until later that night. people were freaking out all over the group chat. then, as i was scrambling packing my sweatpants into my bag, the home phone started ringing and i ran..RAN TO THE PHONE. it said my interviewer’s name on the caller ID and i was like OK THIS I S REAL. and i picked it up and it turned out i was too late so i frantically called back probably 10 times on multiple different phones (my efforts did not work). but then, i got a call to the home phone again and it was her so i picked up RIGHT AWAY and when she told me... i kid you not that i screamed and ran around my house a few times. so thats it. it was kind of a really long and sstressful process for sure, but SOO WORTH IT. i definitely learned a lot just from that process bc it makes you think and reflect a lot all throughout. weeee

if youre even thinking about applying please GO FOR IT (well as long as ur in the right age limit, 16-18.... and also make sure you’ve done some research to get a feel for it).. but just DO IT. and u can ask me questions if u want and ill answer to the best of my personal ability (but remember that im just one person and one experience and each person’s experience is completely different)

here is the general website btw:

https://www.uwc.org/

i will probably do another post to explain UWC - at least in my own words and perspective!

<3 <3 <3

[victor-artist]

LONG STORY SHORT

Sigh.... I don’t feel that good today

I mean I am happy i did a doodle for my friend and alll

but I feel so empty and all....

Lately I have been trying to improve on art and have seen I am not that sued to the pen

I will work on that .

I also am almost dying inside over and over again the lately since

no matter where I go to in my pc, I have something saved that connects to people I loved and well still do love but I feel so disgusted with myself still

I am currently still trying to improve on getting better but

some people were really supportive to me and I can’t be grateful enough for them on nagging me to get back to drawing

welll

as I stated before in many of my journals I have made I am still heart broken over a person

I am still trying to forget that person since all it does to me is... welll

I remember the good times and how supportive I was to it,

I recall how I spent so much of my time just being there for that person and tried my best to make them feel good and whenever they were down I was there for it

Right now I guess like my psychologist told me I am on a phase oh god saying this makes me actually cringe He told me I’d have serious problems with trusting people which is still true, I barely trust anyone anymore and barely allow anyone to really get close to me in any form  of  closure and avoid accepting anyone admiting they like me

I know it si stupid but.... if a person I truted for so damn long without question could break my heart, who else wouldn’t ?

so yeah, that is also the reason why I have avoided being actually social and posted so small things besides the big poems here and there.

Haven’t really taken the time to tell all i feel for real so decided to really roll my sleeves up and take the time .

I was in the USA a few weeks ago, I think 2 now? eeeeh doesn’t matter

I went there to basically do this

I wanted to really just give the biggest gift for the person that broke my heart which was me spending time with it irl

I know it is corny and all but it was something I had planned for a while and set the cogs in motion by just admitting my love to it

Hence the said person didn’t seem weirded out or angry at me for it, and the fact i admitted my love in voice if i recall right i tried be closer but not be to clingy and all.... heh Back then when i said the second time I had bought and paid the tickets and made the plan to be there for the 4th time i’d say i love you to it, Like face to face.

I wanted make it a sure the person was ok with me and

one day that person and I had a call and I admitted my love for the thrid time and everything went fine

I had the tickets paid, planned the car route to around its area and well....

I think by now you all know fact I enjoy doing erps/rps and all.

I used to rp with said person in all ways as I liked to so it was common for us just to waste time with it I guess, well spending time together wasnt a waste so that means it was time well spent? bleh, look at it with a pinch of salt i guess SOOOOO..... how to start with it then, we were talking here and there and started rping but mid of it  the person wanted to see me shoot a l9oad, which even though it is supposed to be “private“ and a thing a person shouldn’t admit online what so ever

.w. I don’t really care at all, no shame about what i did

so several times I have taken a jack off and had the rps in mind so the person liked to see me squirm away a load for our rps

so the person wanted to see me make a mess thanks to the thing but

once i started getting all romantic and hinte out a sign of love

I guess that was around the time the person said we couldn’t  be dirty onto one another and I was like

“Oh you aren’t in the mood?“

it took a bit before the person started saying he couldn’t anymore until it started saying for me to guess

... well.... I told this person time after time about my feelings about people using me and having a relationship.... and then come and just smutt rp away with me

and welll....

alas

the person admitted it had someone in mind

for 3 months.... same 3 months I was planning the trip, the route, the everything really....

I was down right crushed, I didn’t know what to do, i just shut myself away from it, the following days I was nonstop sad and having near ep seizures. so I drugged myself with my meds to keep me safe, somehow I think it was either it or me who unblocked him and when i came to my senses the person was trying to befriend me .... it felt disgusting....

you know that feeling when your heart doesnt wanna admit the ruth but your mind clearly sees it.... knowing we did all those filthy things and it had a person in its mind

it felt so bad.... so yeah I was so sick of it i tried killing myself, i think i took around 5 pills of morphine I had left over from when I had a surgery and just slept

however I did wake up again and so, came the trip to the USA

it was really pleasant and i loved it all, I had to adjust the whole trip’s car route so i’d avoid the area where it lived but i did in fact pass by it and saw the person irl

heh.... you know how you’re so close and yet so frigging far?

that was the feeling i felt that moment, It was good we left the area as fast as we went there and went back to sweden .

I don’t think I am really ready to fully open up back to loving people or trusting them that much....

but hey,  guess I will have to just try my best and all.

None the less, for whoever is actually reading this and all

I don’t really want any likes or reblogs on this ok? keep it here and all.

NONE THE LESS, I am back for good

[kj-nixon]

happy v day

On any other day, it would be nearly impossible to wake KJ up before 10am. You would have to fire a gun next to her. It was actually a major concern of her family’s, but she had always been more of a night owl than an early bird.

But today was Valentine’s Day. And this year she was going to do something fantastic for Hunter.

Last night, she had stolen his Apple Watch after he had fallen asleep and set the alarm to vibrate on her wrist at 7. She hated the thing because she felt the radiation from it would lead to arthritis. Bailey had tried to explain that that wasn’t how arthritis worked, but KJ was still skeptical. Regardless, it was the only way she could think of setting an alarm without also waking up Hunter.

God damn, 7am. Any later and Hunter would probably wake up on his own and ruin the surprise. Why did he have to be such an adult?

KJ grinned at that. That’s why she loved him.

As gracefully as she could manage, which wasn’t all that graceful if you knew KJ, she slipped out of their queen sized bed and tip toed to the kitchen. Their apartment was more of an open loft. A giant, brick square with only the bedroom and tiny bath distorting the shape by jutting out to the side. Looking at the floor plan, she had never quite been able to figure out how it interlinked with the other apartments, but really, did it matter? It suited them perfectly. The kitchen was as much a part of the living room as it was the dining room.

Open concept, open vibes.

They had it decorated as some combination of industrial modern and cozy, and the kitchen was pretty much the same. The tricky part was that KJ so rarely actually opened their cabinets that it took her a few attempts to find the pans she needed. Eventually, though, she got the bacon onto the gas stove and started on making breakfast in bed.

Hunter was, hands down, the best thing to happen to her. She knew she said it a lot, but it was just facts. Without him, she would probably be chasing yet another degree that she wouldn’t complete. He rescued her. Of course, he’d never admit it, but KJ and her siblings knew that she was kind of worthless without him.

And she was worthless, no doubt about it. Worthless against conventional standards. She couldn’t keep a job, her temper kept her from really being too great a people person, and without help her living space would be a dump. But she thrived in a space where you could let her be expressive, and Hunter provided her that. He encouraged her to be as creative and goofy and obnoxious as she wanted. And, somehow, they had figured out how to monetize it online. The cookie crumbled perfectly in that way.

She wanted to get lost in all the different ways she loved him, but it was almost impossible to actually start a list. Because as soon as she thought of one detail, it was almost immediately replaced and forgotten with another. He was just.... her world. She was obsessed with him. And she was pretty sure he was equally obsessed with her.

She assumed. She hoped.

KJ wasn’t actually a secure person. Some would even dare to call her insecure. And she felt justified in her anxiousness. Comparing herself to others was one of her most developed skills, and she never could measure up. So, if by some chance a girl who was just as pretty as she was, but twice as responsible came along, was there really any doubting that Hunter would take an interest? He was actually the perfect, functioning adult. One day he’d realize he was tired of babysitting a grown child. She just hoped it was on his death bed. Because KJ quite actually couldn’t live without him.

They’d be together forever if she had any say. And if you know any Faline, they have a lot to say.

And so what if they weren’t legally linked? KJ loved being with him no matter what. Did she sometimes dream about having the big wedding? Sure. Did she ever wonder if he even thought about asking her to get married? Yeah. Was she kind of concerned that he hadn’t asked yet because he didn’t want to permanently link himself to her in such a way that it would be difficult to leave her when he was ready? Who the fuck asked you?!

KJ’s brain snapped back to the kitchen when she smelled the smoke. While zoning out, she had splashed bacon grease onto the range and started a fire. Fucking ADHD.

What were you supposed to use on a grease fire again? All she could remember was not water, but she needed to put it out before the alarms went off and woke Hunter up.

Um.

Ummmm.

Flour!

Kj had no idea where they kept flour, or if they even had it, but the pancake mix sitting on the counter was the next best thing. Without giving herself a moment to second guess it, she dumped the box of powder onto the stove.

Well... on the stove, in the pan, and on the floor, technically.

She stared at it, willing it to not be all over the place. But, alas, there it was.

Kayla Jane, you’re an idiot.

But at least the apartment wasn’t up in flames.

Sighing, she dropped the empty box on the counter and skated to the corner deigned the living room in her socks. Her sleep tank and shorts were covered in mix now, but when was she ever put together? KJ picked up her phone and quickly ordered Postmates from their favorite diner, like the proper millennial she was. Should’ve done it in the first place, but she wanted to be romantic.

The second phase of the morning was cute enough anyway. It didn’t take her long to get her computer hooked up to their TV and get started on touching up the final bits of editing for her next video. KJ had become pretty savvy with anything techy since her career on YouTube took off. Not that she understood a single thing about engineering or how any of the machines actually functioned, but she could put it all together and operate it pretty easily if you gave her twenty minutes and a 5 Hour Energy to figure it out.

The doorbell rang and she ran to grab their food, knowing full well that he’d definitely get up for that. If he hadn’t smelled the smoke already.

Sure enough, Hunter stepped out of their room just as she finished unpacking their breakfast. KJ would never get over how insanely tall and good looking he was. Like, it wasn’t even fair.

But she sure did appreciate having the injustice in her bed.

He smiled at her and chuckled, probably laughing at how messy she was.

“Don’t go to the kitchen,” she warned, pointing a finger at him threateningly.

“It kind of smells like I should,” he replied.

“You absolutely should not. You should come kiss me and get your present instead.”

“That does sound much more pleasant.”

He graciously leaned down so she could stand on her toes and give him a peck on the mouth. She guided him to sit in front of the television and placed his food in front of him. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, sunshine.”

Patience wasn’t really a Faline trait either, so she only gave him enough time to take two bites of food before she climbed into his lap and face the TV. “Okay, I made something.”

“You did? For me?”

“For you.”

“I’m touched.”

“You will be.”

“So will you.” He winked.

She licked his cheek. Then she pressed the enter key on her keyboard.

The video went live on her channel. A shaky close up of Hunter’s forehead came on screen. You could hear KJ’s laughter over the speakers as the camera zoomed out and you were able to see the picnic set up from one of their earliest dates. Minute by minute, the video played through a compilation of vlogs from the last four years of their relationship. Some were of their travel adventures, others were at home where Hunter was obviously unaware that she wasn’t filming. Two consisted of KJ being home alone, lamenting her state of abandonment while Hunter was on a business trip. Every clip, every piece, was carefully chosen to show how perfect they were.

KJ had been on social media for the last three years, but she had never made her relationship public to her audience. Anything regarding Hunter was posted to her private accounts that only friends and family could see. Even her family was often used as clickbait. But Hunter had been reserved as a secret, or marketed as just a friend. And she had never quite been able to explain why.

Part of it had been that she was afraid of karma. If she put them out their publicly, then maybe they’d break up and she’d have to announce to the world that she was alone and her person had left her. Or maybe it was because she was selfish and didn’t want him to get any attention outside of her (and Simon.)

But, around Christmas, she had decided that she wanted the entire planet to know how mad she was for her. She wanted her audience, people she loved and was inspired by, to see how lucky she was.

And she would cut any bitch who tried to bat a single eyelash at him.

The video was only about five minutes long, nowhere near the length of her usual challenges and vlog segments, but there was four years of love pieced throughout it. And she prayed to the universe that he got the bigger picture.

That she loved him more than anything on the entire planet.

It ended and she stretched her head back to see his expression, a proud smile on her face. For a moment, he just continued staring at the screen.

She knew it would take a moment to buffer in his brain. They had discussed forever ago that they’d never go public and he was okay with that. Hunter had never cared one way or the other, but KJ had insisted.

Now...

He looked down at her and she saw his blue eyes glisten. It made her smile wider. He was such an emotional tall man.

Climbing around to wrap her arms and legs around him, she sat up to look him directly in the face. “You’re my person. I’ve staked my claim across the globe now. So if any skanks try to make a move on you while you’re wherever your stupid job sends you, you now have live proof to show them that I will hunt them down and burn their eyebrows off.”

“Oh, it’ll have them and their eyebrows shaking in their kitten heels.” He grinned.

She kissed him. Hard.

“I love you, Green Giant.”

“I love you too, Thumbilina.”

KJ tucked her head into the crook of his neck and gave a happy sigh.

“So... What did you burn?”

“Oh my god, SHUT UP!”

[abbymcnevinstudio]

Leaving Brunei ..

The blog challenge today is writing my day in great detail.

So yes, it is true, I’m leaving the country… temporarily for a quick trip only :) i’ll be back by next week anyway.

The day started with me waking up at 5.30AM, which means I only got 2hrs of sleep cos I wasnt able to doze off until around 3.30AM. After getting ready, I continued packing my stuff and I literally have to sit on my luggage to lock it cos it’s “throwing up” items inside :p It is not a regular luggage that I usually use (zipped type), this is a lock type instead - snap and lock! I put in a smaller luggage inside it and place another backpack on top…which explains the “throwing up” phenomenon.

I had a conversation with my mum before leaving the house. She is still unwell and Im actually worried bout leaving. However, Tawakkal Ala Allah… my prayers are always with her and I put my trust to my brother to take good care of our mum while Im away.

Im picking up Cyb from her house supposedly before 8AM as I told her we’ll leave from her house latest by 8AM. Actually the latest could be 8.30AM but I purposely told her half an hour early so she’ll be ready or maybe almost ready :p and in case she’ll be needing an extra time, we got 30 mins to spare :p as expected, some time taken and we finally moved from her house at 8.20AM.

Driving to the airport was okay, tho to be honest I was feeling a little drowsy. Cyb’s family went to the airport in a separate car. We reached Berakas Airport in 40 mins cos I was driving like an old dying snail.

I parked my car at the seasonal parking space, was charged $30 for 1 week. Since the rest of the family havent arrived, we decided to check in first. Cyb and I went in and quee with full confidence at the first check in lane.. unknowingly the lane has changed! The first one is only for those who had checked in online. How embarassing.. However, we were lucky. The person attending us, a lovely lady was kind enough to let us in! :) The rest of the family have to quee at the normal lane however, was quite long but not so bad since it was still early.

We proceeded boarding in when it’s time. Being in the plane with Cyb and her family for the first time feels like my first time travelling with a “family”. I’ve travelled with a group of people but not a family. Although I am not part of the family at all and in fact the only “outsider” in the group, it still brings warmth in my heart.

I fell asleep in the plane after lunch was served. I selected ayam percik and odd enough, it was served with tuna potato salad :p In every of my flight, I have always always asked for pineapple juice but exception for today, it was not available for the first time. It was only a choice between orange and mango juice :/

Reaching bangkok airport, I led the way as if I knew the place very well. I feel “responsible” to at least led the group to get to the right track going out from the big airport. All went smooth and we ordered a grab XL car.

To my surprise, the thais kinda look like Malay. I havent feel like Im in Thailand so far. It feels like KK instead. Most probably is because of the people and buildings here. I am really surprised to see the very malay look alike most of the people here are. They are less aggressive too and very polite people!

The distance between the airport and the apartment we’re staying are quite far. I was sleepy but unable much to sleep. I decided to get social with Cyb’s family.

We are staying at Sunreno service apartment, at Charoen Krung.. at least for today. Tomorrow we are going to switch hotels to tour Pratunam.

The first thing I do when I got into the room was switch on the aircond :p the aircond didnt cool the entire room quick enough although the aircond is cold enough and working well. I found myself falling asleep on the floor, just below the aircond :p

I woke up after some time, prepared myself hot chocolate and cup noodle. Cyb informed me that the place we’re heading to (Asiatique) opened at 4pm…so we have 1.5hrs to spare. For the first time, I straightened Cyb’s hair with the flat iron I brought along all the way from Brunei.

The socket in Thailand is not my usual everyday socket back in Brunei. I was unaware it is going to be different. While I usually use socket type G every single day, here in Thailand is using socket type B! My phone charger plugs are really useless at this point. Thank goodness Cyb brought her previous samsung plug which supported those socket.

We had our dinner at an indian restaurant. The restaurant has an interesting name, “Mrs Balbirs” :) after dinner, we went our own ways, shopping and looking around the variety of things on sale. I manage to buy the suitable charger plug to charge my phone for 100baht ^^,

The rain was still pouring when we went back. It was almost 11pm when we went back. I took my time showering and then relaxing on the bed. Cyb and I talked for a bit til we both fell asleep.

UPDATE: I was supposed to post this last night but I fell asleep. Yesterday we toured Chareon Krung and this morning we explored Chak Phet. Today will be another adventure to Pratunam :)

[izzpeng]

Unsent Emails

25/08/2016

To: julian.smith@jus.edu.bn

Subject: Surprise bitch, I'm back!

Dear Smithy,

First of all I would like to say, fuck you for telling me I wouldn't get an A* in maths just because I messed around in class too much. Second of all, I would like to thank you for being a fraction of motivation in my math studies. I have to admit, I liked you enough to study 10% harder than I usually do and for that you deserve a blog post dedicated to you, just kidding you worthless piece of shit who wont even dedicate your thoughts to me. But it's too late now, so you're very fortunate for even being mentioned in my oh so popular blog.

Thanks for being a great teacher/supporter/motivator/useless advisor/racist bastard/...friend. See you in the afterlife you dick.

With cold fury,

Izzati Azhan

To: roland.lopez@jis.edu.bn

Subject: God Bless the Lopez

Dear Lopezo Mighty,

You don't deserve a 'fuck you' because you knew my potential and only encouraged me day after day, with your sadistic humour and the quiet blazing fire dancing in your eyes which was the only sign that you're actually human. I'd express my gratitude in a 10,000 word essay but I'm sure you'll just read the introduction and conclusion and base my grade off those two paragraphs. But without your life coaching I would not have gotten A*A* for both my Eng Lit and Lang. Dare I say it, thank you for setting us a Date Wiv Des Tinny, those practice papers were torture each week but well worth it in the end. You are my spirit animal in all dimensions, maybe except in Hell where you'd be Satan but...

Stay Healthy Senôr!

With all my love (though you believe it is just another concept of convenience),

Izzati Azhan

To: beenal.roberts@jus.edu.bn

Subject: bust out the roti, girl its about to get some of this izzatikkamasala

Dear Beenal the Brindian,

I know I know, this time its a fuck me for getting an A and not an A* but Miss I was 3 marks of an A* if that makes you feel any better, it does with me! I actually don't feel that thankful towards you since I do feel I did hm... mostly all the work, I took the exam after all. But an email of gratitude to show manners and my kissing ass abilities can't hurt can it? So terima kasih for all the lessons you spent dramatically telling us your stories, sometimes even twice of the same one, thanks for letting me doodle in class just because you talk a lot of the time and therefore I am allowed to half listen. I wouldn't be the indian food loving person I am today without you, oh and almost forgot... of course thanks for helping me achieve that almost A*! Fuck the examiner for me next time will ya.

With all my beloved assets,

Izzati Azhan

To: andy.mcculloch@jus.edu.bn

Subject: smile at me wit ur eyes, nat yo mouth only

Dear Turquoise Eyes,

I'd like to get to know the 16 yr old you but my chance has passed. Inappropriate flirting aside, guess what sir! I got exactly what I got in the most recent geo mocks 149/180 and I thought the mocks weren't an accurate indication. I'd like to thank you for having beautiful eyes and smiling at me even though on the inside you be like "lol fucktard thats the most incorrect answer ever, like not even close." I enjoyed your classes and you're sometimes funny but not on purpose, more like weird funny yknow? I think you'd like to get credit for my success but honestly i learnt how to answer case studies properly through Ajmal through Mr Cook, so who is really my teacher here? Me. Because I taught myself to sought answers and techniques elsewhere but sure I guess you can have some credit, those eyes deserve at least a generous 5%. lol ok bye tq

With a 9 on the Ritcher Scale,

Izzati Azhan,

You guessed it, the wait is over! #gcseresults2016 was trending on twitter and the sounds of 16yr olds packing their bags, getting ready to get disowned by their parents was the most honest and lit af song this year (after Frank Ocean's Blond of course). I admit its always nerve-wracking receiving results, where a single exam determines your ability to understand (or memorise) a two year course. But I had faith that with my prayers and hard work Allah gave me the results I truly deserved, so presumably my anxiety was on the down low while my trust in God was at sky high.

Alhamdulillah I got 3A's 6A*, I was so confident I would smash an A* with Business and Art but alas the grade boundaries proved me otherwise. With three fucking marks off an A* in Business I was so irritated at which examiner marked my paper, not irritated to risk a request for a remarking though. And Art, I hoped for an A*  but instead faced it's less prestigious sibling, an A. I asked around of course, not trying to compare or anything but I just needed to know what the students who I thought was for sure going to get A* actually got, to my delightful (?) surprise they too got an A which led me to believe that scoring an A* in Art is no easy business. Business isn't easy either lmao.

To this, I must admit defeat to my mother. She's been on my back for my choice of Art as an A-level subject saying its hard to score high in Art, but my cocky ass just waved it away and dismissed it altogether. Doubt has risen up in my throat, threatening my artistic capabilities to spill out across the walls of abandoned buildings as grafitti instead of street art. So thats something to think about before Saturday Morning.

UPDATE:

I attended Enrollment day alone, my heart beating, my eyes watering and my mind wandering. I chose to do IB diploma, for many reasons. I am just so drawn to how different it is, I think of all the future local Bruneians who did A-levels asking for the sam scholarship then I imagine the MoE going through the applications like "Great a-levels, a-levels, a-levels Oooo IB whats this?" and I just feel like I would have a standing chance you know? It would also help me to mix around with more international students and prepare for the university life so when I do go to university Insyallah I wont feel vulnerable and small.

But I just feel like my mother is against me taking IB, like she's trying to be supportive by giving a tight smile and grim nods but inside I know she's not convinced and this all happened on the way to the Arts Centre which made me even feel more queasy. My Father on the other hand, gave me a genuine "Go for it" which helped me so much on every level, I just need the motivation, just that little push to help me get going, feed me a trickle more of confidence.

So I had a choice to approach either Duckling or Dickinson on my IB subjects, and okay Dickinson was full okay there was a long queue and I ended up going to Duckling because I really had no choice! hehehhehhehehhe. Anyway I waved the papers in my hand high above to indicate that I was next and he laughed and told me to come and sit, so naturally I did. He took a look at my grades and praised me and then circled my subjects that I intend on studying, giving me advice that I should only need Math Studies seeing as how I'm not thinking of a mathematical kind of career. He then said " blablablabla Youre subjects are a smart choice, I think you're good to go, Welcome to the IB program"

And that was the clarity I was searching for, that little- push.

NOT JUST BCS HE'S HIM BUT BCS I NEEDED TO HEAR IT.

Just before that, Brindian approached me asking me  about my business results and encouraging me to take that remark because I was three marks off an A* saying that theres no reason I dont deserve the A*. I was uncertain because sure it makes me feel so fucking good about myself and so very satisfied, but who really needs an A* in GCSE Business to get accepted into a University? So I made a face. The face. and She went "What do you have to lose?" And of course one thing instantly came to mind "Um money?" then she gave me a look. The look. So I said I'll think about it and apparently only 1 or 2 students got A*. The thing is I actually would get it remarked if my Art grade also got bumped up to an A* but I have no idea what Ms Stroud is trying to do by contacting the exam board?

So thats that, she asked me about my ever so popular brother. So I told him oh he did well, she asked about which university and I replied Leicester and I told her that Im actually going off and missing 3 weeks of school. Then she went "oh you know Leicester's my hometown, in what area is he living because Im there in December" and i was like wtf creepy. And she continued saying "Oh Imagine if we just bumped into each other on the streets" and I was going to say something awkward because like what the fuck right? But Mr Duckling was open and ultimately saved me and she gestured me to go ahead.

After that, Mr mcluck approached me well not really, well kind of but it was super fucking awkward because I was waiting for my turn with Mrs Krüger and he was on the table nearby and made eye contact and he smiled and I returned it and i was like fuck am i suppose to go over lmao so i slowly sat down while he came over to me. YAKNOW gotta play hard to get. SO again he asked me are you happy with you results blablablabla were you nervous getting your results so I told him that I wasnt as nervous because other people were like "oh my life is over" and he laughed and blablablabla just mostly nodding and smiling. Then he asked me about my brother's results hi ok 2nd teacher to ask about my brother cool. I gave him a vague oh he did well and told him Leicester University on 18th September and I added that I was actually going to send him off and missing 3 weeks of school. Blablbalbalbalabl then he finally asked about IB saying that oh great choice.

And Wendy told me that at the YC Mcluck was talking about me to wendy asking me what I got and he saying that i Was exceptional kekekekkekekekk fuck man his eyes are so blue, dont think about it dont think about. Did i tell you I had a dream of him as Ben Affleck like wtf, first of all why would I even dream about him, maybe it was because I crossed his mind like just the night before omg. but whatever. Idk that made me feel so good about myself. Then Brindian thought that Fatin was Hana and approached Fatin and Wendy haahhahahahah and somehow started talking about me?? Like boi they both love me so much, I wonder if Lopez or Julibear bear talks about me like that. Sigh imagine

Smithy: Shes a fucking pain in the ass

Lupez: Intelligent fucking pain alright

Smithy and Lupez: But she's our pain in the ass.

OMGGGGGGGGG I loved all my GCSE teachers and classes! like those were the best days of my JIS experience so far. Art was super chill, she let us sing out loud together saying that we were the only class who did that and that she'll miss us :(((((((( Smithy couldnt care less, he just moved on click like that. Anyway, hope everyone got what they expected with their results or better and just remember kids, grades DO define who are and where you'll be in life. lol goodluck fam.

Izzati

[synergygolfsolutions]

Matt Kuchar, social media, and stories that take on lives of their own

Matt Kuchar leaves Hawaii a winner, but not entirely unscathed.

That’s the prevailing sentiment from a sect of golf observers, the byproduct of an accusation by a former PGA Tour player on Saturday afternoon. The match was lit at 5:08 p.m. ET; by 10, Kuchar, a beloved and venerated personality by American crowds, had come on the business end of a Twitter roasting . . . over how much he paid a fill-in caddie.

Five hours is all it took. Five hours in which Kuchar was on the golf course, oblivious to the drubbing.

“It’s not a story,” Kuchar would eventually say. This statement was aimed at the rumors; time will tell if he’s proven right. Through another prism, Kuchar is already wrong. Because stories like this are a reckoning more and more athletes are forced to confront.

The past decade has shown that realities can come to life through social media. There are arguments for the virtues and vices of digital platforms, but there’s no debate over their capability. Facebook and Twitter have helped overthrow tyrannical regimes, brought improper behavior to light, given the oppressed a voice. Tangible paragons of speaking truth to power.

There’s an upshot, however. The mob mentality often found on Twitter and Facebook can go unchecked, taking on lives of their own. The forums are so emotionally driven that narratives can reach a fever pitch without consideration of context or facts, and the appetite for "owning" someone overtakes the crusade that's supposed to be fought.

For Kuchar, this materialized at the hands of Tom Gillis of the PGA Tour Champions. In a series of tweets, the 50-year-old Gillis claimed that Kuchar had stiffed David “El Tucan” Ortiz—the local caddie Kuchar had on the bag for his victory in Mayakoba—something fierce.

Now, while the list of athletes indiscretions is long, being tightfisted spurs a special kind of fury. Ours is a culture that implores the rich to spread the love; those failing are branded. Michael Jordan, Scottie (“No Tippin”) Pippen, Pete Sampras and, yes, Tiger Woods are some of the alleged stars with alligator arms.

Kuchar's case, however, felt different, for it wasn’t a tip as it was wages owed. The optics alone—a veteran with $46 million in career earnings low-balling a man who makes less than $46,000 a year—were damning. That Gillis’ previous blast of Ben Crane over an unpaid bet to Daniel Berger proved accurate wasn’t helping, nor was Australian pro Cameron Percy’s reply of, “It’s not out of character if true.” Several popular media personalities stoked the fervor with their Kuchar stories. The only notable name to defend Kuch was Golf Channel analyst Brandel Chamblee, and he was promptly “ratioed"—the phantasm to describe the overwhelming amount of negative reaction to a tweet—in kind.

This outcry is predictable, and if Gillis is right, understandable. Save for one problem: neither Kuchar nor Ortiz had publicly spoken on the issue.

Golf Digest’s Brian Wacker was among a handful of journalists to approach Kuchar after the Sony Open’s third round about the Twitter rumors. This occurred around 11 p.m. ET, six hours after Gillis posted his claim. Kuchar was emphatic in denying the allegations (also worth noting when Gillis was asked how he got his information, he was light on specifics).

“That’s not a story. It wasn’t 10 percent, it wasn’t $3,000. It’s not a story,” Kuchar told reporters. Kuchar later approached Wacker in the media center saying, "We had an agreement to start the week. He was excited to go to work that week.” His remarks did nothing to stop the drama.

For what it’s worth, Ortiz told Golf.com after the Mayakoba win he had not received or discussed his pay with Kuchar, only that he was aware of the standard 10 percent. (At the time of writing, Golf Digest's attempts to reach Ortiz through the Mayakoba Resort were unsuccessful). What’s not as clear is Kuchar’s first point: does this constitute a story?

To be clear, scuttlebutt on athletes’ lives on and off the field is nothing new. Drug use, gambling, affairs, sexual orientation; the biggest sports figures have been subjected to it all. What has shifted, though, is where those questions are coming from.

The problem with narratives that emerge on social media is athletes have two options: response or silence. Neither is particularly desired. As Kuchar showed, a response never quiets the whispers, and silence only makes them grow louder.

Kuchar is not alone. Last June, Jimmy Walker self-professed to backstopping, the practice of purposely not marking a golf ball in order to give an opponent a potential advantage. It served as an archetype of the pluses and perils of mob mentality. Good in that it raised a dialogue, receiving the attention and engagement of a marquee name, providing an opportunity for discourse. Bad in that the conversation was less than civil, as Walker—who was forthright and level-headed about the manner—was roasted for admitting to doing something almost everyone does.

“I was just trying to shed some light on how it actually happens out here,” Walker said at the U.S. Open. He was guilty before charges were brought.

Fans aren't the only ones starting a fire. Tour pro Joel Dahmen took to Twitter after the Quicken Loans National to accuse Sung Kang of cheating. In 2017 then-rookie Grayson Murray called out Bryson DeChambeau for an injury withdraw at Riviera. Former major champ Steve Elkington aired some less-than-flattering remarks toward Rory McIlroy, and the Ulsterman did not take the shot lying down. Danny Willett's 2016 Ryder Cup was ruined by online remarks from his brother.

There are nuances to each, but those nuances are often lost in the commotion. A shame, as they contain truths. In defense of Kuchar, Chamblee made a handful of valid points. Alas, judging by the responses, they were points that fell on deaf ears. Chamblee wasn't so much scolded for the contention, but for the sheer audacity to go against the predominant sentiment. To counter, at least on social media, is to quarrel.

The fallout is real. Despite the tour releasing a statement that backed him up, Kang is forever marked as a cheat. The attention sparked by his bout with Elkington caused McIlroy, one of the more cerebral, candid voices in golf, to quit Twitter. "I don't need to read it. It's stuff that shouldn't get to you and sometimes it does," he said.

At least the above examples were related to competition. In the fall, an Instagram user noticed Dustin Johnson’s fiancee Paulina Gretzky had deleted Johnson’s photos from her social media accounts. Conjecture quickly spread about the status of their relationship, the gossip manifesting in the worst kind of tabloid speculation. The noise became so loud Johnson had to issue a statement. “Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, but most importantly, we love each other very much and are committed to being a family," Johnson said. "Thank you for your love and support."

Johnson and Gretzky have not been shy about their relationship. They are also not foreign to controversy, which fueled the gossip. But even the most public of figures warrant privacy, and more than a few observers asked, "What does this have to do with golf?"

Of course, all public figures are subjected to a heightened level of scrutiny, and sometimes it serves a real purpose. Good can come of a herd mentality, as witnessed by the movements against harassment and assault. And if Ortiz really was shorted, he likely has a better chance at getting what's his thanks to Gillis.

But the pack can be so consumed by righting a wrong that, at times, it fails to ask where the wrong really lies...or if a wrong has even been had.

On Sunday the Golf Channel made a brief mention of Kuchar's Twitter drama. On social media, some saw it as rubbish, the tour and its partner putting their heads in the sand to a story that had become bigger than the tournament. Conversely, as bad as Kuchar looks at the moment, we still don't have definitive proof that the story is legitimate. A mere one-off by the broadcast would have given Gillis' accusation more merit and steam. Once that train leaves the station, there's no turning around.

So you give Kuchar the benefit of the doubt. Even if that doubt is raised.

These are awkward times, where suspicion and truth are blurred. But it's the new reality.

[lowvillegolfclub]

Matt Kuchar, social media, and stories that take on lives of their own

Matt Kuchar leaves Hawaii a winner, but not entirely unscathed.

That’s the prevailing sentiment from a sect of golf observers, the byproduct of an accusation by a former PGA Tour player on Saturday afternoon. The match was lit at 5:08 p.m. ET; by 10, Kuchar, a beloved and venerated personality by American crowds, had come on the business end of a Twitter roasting . . . over how much he paid a fill-in caddie.

Five hours is all it took. Five hours in which Kuchar was on the golf course, oblivious to the drubbing.

“It’s not a story,” Kuchar would eventually say. This statement was aimed at the rumors; time will tell if he’s proven right. Through another prism, Kuchar is already wrong. Because stories like this are a reckoning more and more athletes are forced to confront.

The past decade has shown that realities can come to life through social media. There are arguments for the virtues and vices of digital platforms, but there’s no debate over their capability. Facebook and Twitter have helped overthrow tyrannical regimes, brought improper behavior to light, given the oppressed a voice. Tangible paragons of speaking truth to power.

There’s an upshot, however. The mob mentality often found on Twitter and Facebook can go unchecked, taking on lives of their own. The forums are so emotionally driven that narratives can reach a fever pitch without consideration of context or facts, and the appetite for "owning" someone overtakes the crusade that's supposed to be fought.

For Kuchar, this materialized at the hands of Tom Gillis of the PGA Tour Champions. In a series of tweets, the 50-year-old Gillis claimed that Kuchar had stiffed David “El Tucan” Ortiz—the local caddie Kuchar had on the bag for his victory in Mayakoba—something fierce.

Now, while the list of athletes indiscretions is long, being tightfisted spurs a special kind of fury. Ours is a culture that implores the rich to spread the love; those failing are branded. Michael Jordan, Scottie (“No Tippin”) Pippen, Pete Sampras and, yes, Tiger Woods are some of the alleged stars with alligator arms.

Kuchar's case, however, felt different, for it wasn’t a tip as it was wages owed. The optics alone—a veteran with $46 million in career earnings low-balling a man who makes less than $46,000 a year—were damning. That Gillis’ previous blast of Ben Crane over an unpaid bet to Daniel Berger proved accurate wasn’t helping, nor was Australian pro Cameron Percy’s reply of, “It’s not out of character if true.” Several popular media personalities stoked the fervor with their Kuchar stories. The only notable name to defend Kuch was Golf Channel analyst Brandel Chamblee, and he was promptly “ratioed"—the phantasm to describe the overwhelming amount of negative reaction to a tweet—in kind.

This outcry is predictable, and if Gillis is right, understandable. Save for one problem: neither Kuchar nor Ortiz had publicly spoken on the issue.

Golf Digest’s Brian Wacker was among a handful of journalists to approach Kuchar after the Sony Open’s third round about the Twitter rumors. This occurred around 11 p.m. ET, six hours after Gillis posted his claim. Kuchar was emphatic in denying the allegations (also worth noting when Gillis was asked how he got his information, he was light on specifics).

“That’s not a story. It wasn’t 10 percent, it wasn’t $3,000. It’s not a story,” Kuchar told reporters. Kuchar later approached Wacker in the media center saying, "We had an agreement to start the week. He was excited to go to work that week.” His remarks did nothing to stop the drama.

For what it’s worth, Ortiz told Golf.com after the Mayakoba win he had not received or discussed his pay with Kuchar, only that he was aware of the standard 10 percent. (At the time of writing, Golf Digest's attempts to reach Ortiz through the Mayakoba Resort were unsuccessful). What’s not as clear is Kuchar’s first point: does this constitute a story?

To be clear, scuttlebutt on athletes’ lives on and off the field is nothing new. Drug use, gambling, affairs, sexual orientation; the biggest sports figures have been subjected to it all. What has shifted, though, is where those questions are coming from.

The problem with narratives that emerge on social media is athletes have two options: response or silence. Neither is particularly desired. As Kuchar showed, a response never quiets the whispers, and silence only makes them grow louder.

Kuchar is not alone. Last June, Jimmy Walker self-professed to backstopping, the practice of purposely not marking a golf ball in order to give an opponent a potential advantage. It served as an archetype of the pluses and perils of mob mentality. Good in that it raised a dialogue, receiving the attention and engagement of a marquee name, providing an opportunity for discourse. Bad in that the conversation was less than civil, as Walker—who was forthright and level-headed about the manner—was roasted for admitting to doing something almost everyone does.

“I was just trying to shed some light on how it actually happens out here,” Walker said at the U.S. Open. He was guilty before charges were brought.

Fans aren't the only ones starting a fire. Tour pro Joel Dahmen took to Twitter after the Quicken Loans National to accuse Sung Kang of cheating. In 2017 then-rookie Grayson Murray called out Bryson DeChambeau for an injury withdraw at Riviera. Former major champ Steve Elkington aired some less-than-flattering remarks toward Rory McIlroy, and the Ulsterman did not take the shot lying down. Danny Willett's 2016 Ryder Cup was ruined by online remarks from his brother.

There are nuances to each, but those nuances are often lost in the commotion. A shame, as they contain truths. In defense of Kuchar, Chamblee made a handful of valid points. Alas, judging by the responses, they were points that fell on deaf ears. Chamblee wasn't so much scolded for the contention, but for the sheer audacity to go against the predominant sentiment. To counter, at least on social media, is to quarrel.

The fallout is real. Despite the tour releasing a statement that backed him up, Kang is forever marked as a cheat. The attention sparked by his bout with Elkington caused McIlroy, one of the more cerebral, candid voices in golf, to quit Twitter. "I don't need to read it. It's stuff that shouldn't get to you and sometimes it does," he said.

At least the above examples were related to competition. In the fall, an Instagram user noticed Dustin Johnson’s fiancee Paulina Gretzky had deleted Johnson’s photos from her social media accounts. Conjecture quickly spread about the status of their relationship, the gossip manifesting in the worst kind of tabloid speculation. The noise became so loud Johnson had to issue a statement. “Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, but most importantly, we love each other very much and are committed to being a family," Johnson said. "Thank you for your love and support."

Johnson and Gretzky have not been shy about their relationship. They are also not foreign to controversy, which fueled the gossip. But even the most public of figures warrant privacy, and more than a few observers asked, "What does this have to do with golf?"

Of course, all public figures are subjected to a heightened level of scrutiny, and sometimes it serves a real purpose. Good can come of a herd mentality, as witnessed by the movements against harassment and assault. And if Ortiz really was shorted, he likely has a better chance at getting what's his thanks to Gillis.

But the pack can be so consumed by righting a wrong that, at times, it fails to ask where the wrong really lies...or if a wrong has even been had.

On Sunday the Golf Channel made a brief mention of Kuchar's Twitter drama. On social media, some saw it as rubbish, the tour and its partner putting their heads in the sand to a story that had become bigger than the tournament. Conversely, as bad as Kuchar looks at the moment, we still don't have definitive proof that the story is legitimate. A mere one-off by the broadcast would have given Gillis' accusation more merit and steam. Once that train leaves the station, there's no turning around.

So you give Kuchar the benefit of the doubt. Even if that doubt is raised.

These are awkward times, where suspicion and truth are blurred. But it's the new reality.

[4seasonscountryclub]

Matt Kuchar, social media, and stories that take on lives of their own

Matt Kuchar leaves Hawaii a winner, but not entirely unscathed.

That’s the prevailing sentiment from a sect of golf observers, the byproduct of an accusation by a former PGA Tour player on Saturday afternoon. The match was lit at 5:08 p.m. ET; by 10, Kuchar, a beloved and venerated personality by American crowds, had come on the business end of a Twitter roasting . . . over how much he paid a fill-in caddie.

Five hours is all it took. Five hours in which Kuchar was on the golf course, oblivious to the drubbing.

“It’s not a story,” Kuchar would eventually say. This statement was aimed at the rumors; time will tell if he’s proven right. Through another prism, Kuchar is already wrong. Because stories like this are a reckoning more and more athletes are forced to confront.

The past decade has shown that realities can come to life through social media. There are arguments for the virtues and vices of digital platforms, but there’s no debate over their capability. Facebook and Twitter have helped overthrow tyrannical regimes, brought improper behavior to light, given the oppressed a voice. Tangible paragons of speaking truth to power.

There’s an upshot, however. The mob mentality often found on Twitter and Facebook can go unchecked, taking on lives of their own. The forums are so emotionally driven that narratives can reach a fever pitch without consideration of context or facts, and the appetite for "owning" someone overtakes the crusade that's supposed to be fought.

For Kuchar, this materialized at the hands of Tom Gillis of the PGA Tour Champions. In a series of tweets, the 50-year-old Gillis claimed that Kuchar had stiffed David “El Tucan” Ortiz—the local caddie Kuchar had on the bag for his victory in Mayakoba—something fierce.

Now, while the list of athletes indiscretions is long, being tightfisted spurs a special kind of fury. Ours is a culture that implores the rich to spread the love; those failing are branded. Michael Jordan, Scottie (“No Tippin”) Pippen, Pete Sampras and, yes, Tiger Woods are some of the alleged stars with alligator arms.

Kuchar's case, however, felt different, for it wasn’t a tip as it was wages owed. The optics alone—a veteran with $46 million in career earnings low-balling a man who makes less than $46,000 a year—were damning. That Gillis’ previous blast of Ben Crane over an unpaid bet to Daniel Berger proved accurate wasn’t helping, nor was Australian pro Cameron Percy’s reply of, “It’s not out of character if true.” Several popular media personalities stoked the fervor with their Kuchar stories. The only notable name to defend Kuch was Golf Channel analyst Brandel Chamblee, and he was promptly “ratioed"—the phantasm to describe the overwhelming amount of negative reaction to a tweet—in kind.

This outcry is predictable, and if Gillis is right, understandable. Save for one problem: neither Kuchar nor Ortiz had publicly spoken on the issue.

Golf Digest’s Brian Wacker was among a handful of journalists to approach Kuchar after the Sony Open’s third round about the Twitter rumors. This occurred around 11 p.m. ET, six hours after Gillis posted his claim. Kuchar was emphatic in denying the allegations (also worth noting when Gillis was asked how he got his information, he was light on specifics).

“That’s not a story. It wasn’t 10 percent, it wasn’t $3,000. It’s not a story,” Kuchar told reporters. Kuchar later approached Wacker in the media center saying, "We had an agreement to start the week. He was excited to go to work that week.” His remarks did nothing to stop the drama.

For what it’s worth, Ortiz told Golf.com after the Mayakoba win he had not received or discussed his pay with Kuchar, only that he was aware of the standard 10 percent. (At the time of writing, Golf Digest's attempts to reach Ortiz through the Mayakoba Resort were unsuccessful). What’s not as clear is Kuchar’s first point: does this constitute a story?

To be clear, scuttlebutt on athletes’ lives on and off the field is nothing new. Drug use, gambling, affairs, sexual orientation; the biggest sports figures have been subjected to it all. What has shifted, though, is where those questions are coming from.

The problem with narratives that emerge on social media is athletes have two options: response or silence. Neither is particularly desired. As Kuchar showed, a response never quiets the whispers, and silence only makes them grow louder.

Kuchar is not alone. Last June, Jimmy Walker self-professed to backstopping, the practice of purposely not marking a golf ball in order to give an opponent a potential advantage. It served as an archetype of the pluses and perils of mob mentality. Good in that it raised a dialogue, receiving the attention and engagement of a marquee name, providing an opportunity for discourse. Bad in that the conversation was less than civil, as Walker—who was forthright and level-headed about the manner—was roasted for admitting to doing something almost everyone does.

“I was just trying to shed some light on how it actually happens out here,” Walker said at the U.S. Open. He was guilty before charges were brought.

Fans aren't the only ones starting a fire. Tour pro Joel Dahmen took to Twitter after the Quicken Loans National to accuse Sung Kang of cheating. In 2017 then-rookie Grayson Murray called out Bryson DeChambeau for an injury withdraw at Riviera. Former major champ Steve Elkington aired some less-than-flattering remarks toward Rory McIlroy, and the Ulsterman did not take the shot lying down. Danny Willett's 2016 Ryder Cup was ruined by online remarks from his brother.

There are nuances to each, but those nuances are often lost in the commotion. A shame, as they contain truths. In defense of Kuchar, Chamblee made a handful of valid points. Alas, judging by the responses, they were points that fell on deaf ears. Chamblee wasn't so much scolded for the contention, but for the sheer audacity to go against the predominant sentiment. To counter, at least on social media, is to quarrel.

The fallout is real. Despite the tour releasing a statement that backed him up, Kang is forever marked as a cheat. The attention sparked by his bout with Elkington caused McIlroy, one of the more cerebral, candid voices in golf, to quit Twitter. "I don't need to read it. It's stuff that shouldn't get to you and sometimes it does," he said.

At least the above examples were related to competition. In the fall, an Instagram user noticed Dustin Johnson’s fiancee Paulina Gretzky had deleted Johnson’s photos from her social media accounts. Conjecture quickly spread about the status of their relationship, the gossip manifesting in the worst kind of tabloid speculation. The noise became so loud Johnson had to issue a statement. “Every relationship goes through its ups and downs, but most importantly, we love each other very much and are committed to being a family," Johnson said. "Thank you for your love and support."

Johnson and Gretzky have not been shy about their relationship. They are also not foreign to controversy, which fueled the gossip. But even the most public of figures warrant privacy, and more than a few observers asked, "What does this have to do with golf?"

Of course, all public figures are subjected to a heightened level of scrutiny, and sometimes it serves a real purpose. Good can come of a herd mentality, as witnessed by the movements against harassment and assault. And if Ortiz really was shorted, he likely has a better chance at getting what's his thanks to Gillis.

But the pack can be so consumed by righting a wrong that, at times, it fails to ask where the wrong really lies...or if a wrong has even been had.

On Sunday the Golf Channel made a brief mention of Kuchar's Twitter drama. On social media, some saw it as rubbish, the tour and its partner putting their heads in the sand to a story that had become bigger than the tournament. Conversely, as bad as Kuchar looks at the moment, we still don't have definitive proof that the story is legitimate. A mere one-off by the broadcast would have given Gillis' accusation more merit and steam. Once that train leaves the station, there's no turning around.

So you give Kuchar the benefit of the doubt. Even if that doubt is raised.

These are awkward times, where suspicion and truth are blurred. But it's the new reality.

[bestabsoluteshitposts]

1/2 post/170004154279/im-the-anon-from-yesterday-who-felt-like-your yeah, that's why i just stated my opinion and i tried to do it in a nonaggressive way (which might've also failed bc i know that your actual intention is sometimes not transported through the written word). but some are blatantly aggressive which makes zero sense to me ... to call someone out for being rude by being aggressive and rude yourself? where is the logic? and death threats are just disgusting. you'd think people might

2/2 at least try to be more kind after jonghyun’s suicide, but alas… i think it’s easy for people to disengage from any responsibility over their words and actions bc it’s “just some stranger on the internet” as if that negates the fact that said stranger is still a human with feelings so they are willing to write the most hurtful stuff you wouldn’t tell someone to their face. :/ also, the hypocrisy is astounding if their reason is for you “attacking” bap’s alleged faultlessness…

obviously you dont know this but id appreciate it if people dont bring up jonghyun to me, im still very very upset and fragile about the matter

i do get the impression people arent fully aware im like a singular human behind this blog whos just makin shit content in my spare time between deadlines and hard work. 

idk i think i dont have this like sparkly happy sweet pea attitude people kinda expect from babyz maybe idk im not like an actively Good Person all the time just because im…tired as hell man….and i do this for fun its my blog it wasnt even supposed to last this long i was gona delete it a month after it started