#this wouldve been made sooner but for some reason i had it in my head it came out tmrw not today?? woops | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

diavolosthots · 3 years

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Can I request the demon brpthers finding something important that MC lost so out of happiness/gratefulness MC literally tackles them with affection ?

I think I understood this right so here it goes. I just did random things and hoped they'd make somewhat sense

THE BROTHERS finding something important and giving it back to MC

Lucifer:

The day he found a random gold necklace with a cross on it in the bathroom wasn't all too special, in the beginning at least. He knew it wasn't Asmo's, seeing as it had a cross on it, so it could only belong to you. He knocked on your door to give it back, was ready to say "you're welcome" and walk on his merry way, but instead, you saw the necklace and body slammed him against the nearest wall, clinging to him as if your life depended on it. Now, in reality, he absolutely loved that. He loved having you cling to him like you need him and owed your life to him, but he has a reputation to uphold and just cant let his brothers find him like this. "it's my grandma's... She gave it to me before she passed..." So, with a soft squeeze and a warm smile, he pushes you back and hands you the necklace, "I'm glad I found it for you, then..." Hes more than glad. Please body slam him again. In private, next time.

Mammon:

"Oi, I found this picture and it ain't any of us, so if this you or what?" He held a picture up, which had been folded to properly fit into a wallet. You gasped in shock, running up to him and yanking it out of his grasp. "You found it! I thought i lost it.... Oh, Mammon!" Your arms wrapped around him tightly as you leaned up to kiss his cheek again and again. He was flustered, and even thats an understatement. He just brought back a picture and you give him this kind of treatment? Maybe he should bring pictures back more often... "That's my baby brother....i miss him..." He scoffed, wrapping his arms back around you and pushing you into him a little too tightly, probably to be selfish. "Yeah, well... You could always borrow mine." You laughed in response, shaking your head.

Leviathan:

He had noticed a while ago that you left a jacket in his room. He meant to give it back, he really did, but it smelled so much like you and he kinda just got hooked on it? But next time you were over.... He did decide to hold it up. "Hey... Uhn... You left this...?" You gasped, taking it from him and hugging it tightly, tearing up and then hugging him. "I-i was looking everywhere for it... How did you find it...?" Between sobs, he understood you and awkwardly wrapped his arms around you too "I uh.... I found it in here..." Well... That wasn't too much of a lie, was it? Right now he's trying not to hyperventilate due to the close proximity of your body against his.

Satan:

Unlike some people *cough* Levi *cough* he gave you your things back right away. The minute he found your journal, he handed it back.... After sneaking in a few peeks. He quickly noticed that it wasn't yours though, although he knew it belonged to you, but that wasnt your hand writing. He knew your handwriting like his own. "You... You had it...?" Your emotions were mixed when he presented it to you before you finally lost it and pulled him in, jumping up and wrapping your arms and legs around him, which barely gave him time to catch himself, and you. "Thank you... That was my dad's journal..." It meant a lot to you, especially after he passed, and you appreciated satan being kind enough to give it back, and he appreciated being hugged like this; keep going.

Asmodeus:

You body slammed him onto his bed before he could even open the door, quickly grabbing the scarf from his hands and holding it up to your nose "how did it get mixed in with your stuff?! Nevermind...!" You plastered kisses all over his face, still clinging to the scarf tightly as he laughed. He wasnt quite sure what was going on, but apparently it belonged to your aunt and it meant a lot to you, which means it meant a lot to him by default and he's happy to deliver it back. "Oh love... If I knew it meant that much to you, I wouldve searched for it sooner.... Can I have another kiss?"

Beelzebub:

It was so random. Beelzebub knows every plate in this house, for obvious reasons, and he knows they don't own fine china like this. Bringing it back to you made you gasp out in shock and quickly take it from him. "This is gonna sound ridiculous... My childhood best friend turned out to be super good with ceramics... She made it her job later on in life... She made me this and I treasure it so much... Our friendship well apart, but... This keeps the memories you know?" You set it down gently before wrapping yourself tightly around beel, who nodded in response. He gets it, holding onto the memories. Right now he appreciates holding onto you.

Belphegor:

This blanket wasn't his, he knows for a fact. Although it is warm and fluffy and he would like to keep it. He didn't give it back, per se, and you actually found him wrapped up in it, quickly yanking it from his body which is what woke him up. "Why did you take the blanket?" He found you hugging it tightly, on the verge of tears. You shook your head, taking a shaky breath, "i misplaced it... I dont know... Seeing you have it was both a relief and a curse... My mom made this blanket... She's no longer with us, and... I use this blanket for everything; comfort, sadness, happiness..." He only nodded, taking your invitation when you opened your arms and wrapped him tightly up in the blanket; he gets it. This does feel like everything you ever wanted, although he isn't sure if it's because of the blanket or you.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #asmodeus obey me #obey me lucifer #mammon obey me #leviathan obey me #obey me satan #beelzebub obey me #belphegor obey me #cheys headcanons

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modharlow · 5 years

Text

Today was one of those days again. The sky looked stormy yet shed no rain, the sun barely peeking out for a second before sheltering itself away. People were bustling about to do their everyday work, all seeming to enjoy themselves. Oh, how you wish that were you, but alas it was not. No, you were out here, passing through Valentine, because some sorry excuse of a father left the camp again. “Probably drunk off his ass again.” You lowly hissed out.

When Charles came up to Dutch and reported the missing man, the leaders eyes happened to fall on you to retrieve him. Fortunately he also sent Arthur with you. “I trust you kid,” Dutch started off as he lead you to your horse, “but not enough to believe you won’t kick Mr. Swanson’s ass.”

Well… at least he was cautious because he was right. If it had been just you, you would’ve beat the man black and blue—mostly out of anger but if you happen to fix whatever the hell was going on in that mans brain then that’d work fine too.

It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve lied hands on him, though you never want “too far”. Given everything he’d done, or hasn’t done for better words, you going easy on him was a mercy.

”Aw, now now, little birdy,” Arthur’s voice cut through your thoughts, “I know that face. Don’t tell me you plannin’ on killin’ him this time?” His tone was joking but you couldn’t help the silent “and if I do?” that came out.

Letting out a whistle, the outlaw adjusted his hat. “You ever gonna tell me what’s the bad blood between you two?”

”On my deathbed, maybe.”

”Don’t be like that.” He replied, his tone growing soft. “He’s still your father. Doesn’t help that he’s always drunk, I know, but he’s tryin’.”

You swore you’ve never felt such hot rage boil deep inside your veins. Your knuckles turned white from your grip in the horses’ reins and your teeth clenched down to prevent you from shouting at your friend. “Arthur,” your voice was tense, just like your body, “don’t be defendin’ that man when you’ve no reason.”

The ride was silent now, save for the goodhearted people that said hello to either of you as you passed, until you both made it out of town.

Arthur let out a long sigh before taking lead and changing the direction you both were going. “C’mon, we’re gonna talk this out, you ‘nd me.”

”Arthur-”

”We’ll find him, trust me. We always do. Right now you just need to explain to me why the hell you hate his guts so much when neither of you even look at each other.”

You took note at the new destination. It was somewhere away from the roads, perfect for a private talk.

Now it was your turn to let out a long sigh. You didn’t say anything until you both ended up by some trees. From there Arthur got off his horse and motioned for you to do the same. When you did he sat both you down at the foot of a tree, perfectly protected from prying ears and the possible rain if it were to happen.

Leaning his head against the tree, Arthur spoke. “When you joined our camp you were so happy, so giddy. You didn’t have a care in the world. It was… nice. A nice change of pace.”

”I was young then. I didn’t understand anythin’.”

”What makes you think you understand now?”

Scoffing, you turned away from him brought your knees to your chest. Silently, you said, “I understand enough to know he’s a dead-beat dad.”

”Feel like elaboratin’?”

It became silent again. The horses were eating grass as the tree swayed itself side-to-side, birds flying overhead in a mixture of dull colors. All were unaware of the grief and burning hatred you held inside.

Taking in a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth, you started to pick at the dirt and rocks in the ground. “I was four when mama died.” You breathed out. “I didn’t know that’s what it was. Just thought she was nappin’, y’know? She’d always seemed so… tired.” You faintly turned to face Arthur. “Was like she lost her light.” A soft chuckle filled the moment. “Guess in the end… she did, huh?”

”I’m… Listen, I-”

”You wanna know how she died, Arthur?” You were facing him now, your face calm yet the grip you had on a spare rock from the ground said otherwise. “She used the exact mechanisms my father’s usin’ right now.” You turned your attention to the rock in your hands, fingers nimbly toying with it. “Turns out, you know, that she didn’t want a child. She wanted to be free… but was tied down because of me—and dad? Oh, well, he had his teachings to do. No, he could never come home on time or spend some moments with his only kid.” You tossed the rock away from you, your eyes narrowing to keep yourself at bay. “Don’t think he wanted a child either.”

”Now that ain’t true.” Arthur interjected before flinching slightly at your glare yet not faltering. “I dunno about your mama but Reverend loves you.”

”If he loved me then why the hell are we out here having to look for his sorry ass?!” You yelled, getting up from your spot and walking away a few steps. “If he loved me then why was he never there for me? When men would be lookin’ at me weirdly, or when kids would hurt me ‘cause I only had one parent? What about when I was almost kidnapped ‘cause his dumbass had a damn “meeting” to go too, huh?”

Arthur got up too with his hands held up in surrender as he took careful steps towards you. “Easy now. It’s okay. You’re okay.” But his words fell on deaf ears as you let your pent up emotions explode inside you.

”I was six when I learned what death was. I tried killin’ myself, then tried again a few months later. I was eight when I tried to talk to him only for him to push me away. I was nine when I ran away before comin’ back. It’s funny, you know, ‘cause it was like he didn’t notice I was gone.” You swallowed down the sob that desparely wanted to come out, instead letting whimpers leave your mouth. “I was fourteen when I realized he didn’t care for me. He never did, he only worries about himself—if you can even call whatever he’s doin’, “worrying”.”

You furiously wiped at your eyes, teeth eating away at your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying more. “Arthur. Arthur, I’m bein’ honest when I say this,” you took in a shaky breath, “I’ve dreamt of killin’ him. I’ve always felt free when I did it, too. It felt so refreshin’ to me. Was like chains were melted off and I could finally run again. It’s a feelin’ I chase after every time we have to look for him.”

When you looked up at Arthur with those vulnerable eyes, he was at a loss for words. He thinks back to his own memories of you being that happy-go-lucky kid he grew up with and felt his chest tighten. So was that all a facade so you could hide away your pain? How had he not noticed to sooner? Did anyone else know? Dutch? Hosea? You were close to those two but… did you ever really let them in?

”I’m… I’m sorry, I…” Those were not the words he wanted to say. Truly, he didn’t know what to say. He knew Swanson was not an ideal father but this—this is how you were treated? How you lived your life? “I don’t… know what to say.”

”No one ever does.”

After a short pause, Arthur felt his own anger begin to form when your died down. “Why the hell do we still keep him ‘round then? If he’s like this to you, then why don’t we just get rid of him? You’re the only one we really need. You hunt, fish, and you can even haggle someone almost as well as Hosea! He doesn’t do shit-”

”Arthur, I thank you for feelin’ my anger for me but it’s… I hate him, I do, but it’s more complex than that.” Now you felt bad for pulling your friend along with your emotions. You should’ve kept your mouth shut like you always had, only showing anger when it was just you and your dad alone.

Huffing, Arthur let his hands hold onto his belt as he leaned on his foot. “Well… we got all the time in the world for you to talk.”

While you dried off your wet face with your sleeve, you tried to formulate the correct words. “It’s… hard to explain. If he’s gone then… I’ll have no more blood-family. ‘Nd despite everythin’, well, he still let me go with him to join Dutch when he could’ve left me.” You voice trailed off, your eyes straying from the looks Arthur was giving you. “I-I know, okay? It’s idiotic for me to feel like this even after all that’s happened but I just—I can’t leave him to fend for himself. He lost his wife, ‘nd now I’m all that he has. Even if we don’t talk…”

”I don’t think I’ll ever understand you.” Arthur muttered as he took steps towards you. “I ain’t ever been in your boots so I guess I can’t say much but,” cautiously, he put his arms around you, “if you ever want his ass gone, just say so. Or if you… if you wanna leave ‘nd let him stay with the gang then… that’s alright. Just tell me beforehand, okay? I’d be mighty down if you up and left without a goodbye.”

You nodded your head while you returned the hug. Your eyelids stung and your body felt heavy from your outbursts of emotions, though you couldn’t deny how safe you felt right at this moment.

Closing your eyes, you let yourself get lost in the feeling of being openly loved by someone you held dear to you.

Arthur had been your first since you were first welcomed to the gang and a side of you berated yourself for keeping silent from him for so long. Still, within these moments, you felt alright. You felt… free. “I won’t leave. Not when I have someone like you lookin’ out for me.” You tried to bury yourself deep into his chest, wanting to stay with this comfort for much longer. Softly, you whispered out, “Thank you.”

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stratus-skye07 · 6 years

Text

Suga On Top [Nine] | Suga

When things begin to look up, they go back down.

[Masterlist] [Eight]

The result of last night felt like a dream but the realization hits when I awoke to Suga's chest pressed against my cheek. I look up to see his sleeping face. It looks more like the boy I met ten years ago.

"How much longer are you gonna keep staring?" He slowly opens his eyes to look back at me.

"You look more like Yoongi when you’re asleep."

He smirks before holding me tighter, "Is there much of a difference?"

"Why did you become a mafia leader? I was born into it but you had opportunities outside the underground."

"I wanted to be strong enough to have you. That's one of the reasons why I respect your dad. He's feared by almost everyone in the underground world. They know that if any harm comes to you, he'll make that person suffer. Before you came along I was weak. Marrying the daughter of Shin Mafia means being as strong as your dad, that’s what I wanted to be for you."

"So you made the deal to marry me?"

He nods, "I was gonna wait a little longer so that we could meet properly but once there was word that Hyung-Sik was trying to merge Shin Mafia I knew he would be after you in order to do it. With or without your dad’s permission, he was going to marry you in order to have Shin Mafia under his power. So I offered to marry you sooner in order to keep you close."

"You didn’t have to. I would’ve understood."

"You didn’t have to save me all those years ago but you did." He rubs my back before continuing, "Why did you become a nurse?"

"Growing up I saw a lot of things, especially my dad coming home hurt. I mostly saw how many people he hurt in return and I guess in some sick twisted way I wanted to balance out the karma. Help as many lives as my dad took."

“Your good at it. You saved Jimin’s life and he’s grown really fond of you like an older sister.”

“Jimin mentioned that you guys had walked into a trap. What were you guys doing?”

He sighs, “We were going to meet a source that was going to give us information about what Hyung-Sik was planning in order to get to you. It turned out our informant was working for Park Mafia the whole time. It was my fault. I should’ve seen it coming. It nearly caused Jimin his life.”

“He would’ve lived. He’s a tough guy.”

"You know, the only reason I got mad when you saved him was because I didn’t want you to get caught up in the middle of everything. I wanted you to continue your life as though nothing was happening."

"As much as I’d want that it'll never be possible. A Dalmatian can't get rid of its spots."

After a few hours of talking, Yoongi and I cleaned ourselves up. We both had work to attend to pretty early in the morning. Yoongi volunteered to drive me to work since he has business to attend to on the way to the hospital.

We pull up to the back entrance of the hospital. The whole drive here he had been holding onto my hand. It was a feeling that felt natural when you put aside the fact that we are in the middle of a territory war.

He pulls my hand up to his lips to leave behind a kiss, “I’ll pick you up after work?”

I nod feeling almost like a high school girl with her first boyfriend, “Okay,” I reach for the door when something comes to mind before leaving, “Um, about what happened with Jin-”

Yoongi’s face seemed conflicted like he wanted to address it but didn’t want his feelings about it to blow up, “We can talk about that later. You’re gonna be late.”

I lean in to give him a quick peck on the lips before entering the hospital. I head to the nurses’ station when my heart begins to race. Jin is standing in front of the desk area looking through a patient’s files. It takes a moment as I got closer for him to notice my presence.

He glances at me before giving me his usual smile, “Good morning, Y/N.”

“Morning, Jin.”

It was nothing but silence after the basic greeting. I shake off the awkward feeling I was preparing for to get this out of the way.

“Jin, do you have a minute?”

His regular demeanor changes, knowing what this would be about. He nods and leads the way towards his office.

I stepped into his office first as he followed. The door closed behind me. Just as I was going turn to face him, arms make their way around me. I stay frozen, the warmth of his body overwhelmed my back. His breathing was long and deep as though he had been holding his breath all this time.

"Are you okay?" He whispers in my ear.

I nod slightly, "I'm fine."

He swiftly flips me to face him. Now that I looked at him closely it looks like he didn't sleep at all since last night, "Did he do anything to you?"

"Who?"

"Your husband. Did he hurt you?" He asks with this intense look in his eyes.

"What? No." He did other things to me but I wasn't going to tell him about it after shoving my tongue down his throat an hour prior.

"He looked pissed last night. I was worried all night. I thought something might have happened. I shouldn't have let you go home with him when he was like that but you two were gone when I came out to look for you."

"Even though nothing happened, it wasn't your fault. I came on to you. I was in a shitty place with my personal life that I wanted to forget about it for a night with someone I trusted for once."

"How are you feeling now?"

"I feel things would get worse for you if you got more involved with me. I'd rather keep you close as a coworker than anything that could be bad for you."

I walk past him to get to the door but he takes me by the wrist, "What would you say if I asked you to disappear with me?"

"If you knew my life's story you wouldn’t be offering me that."

"And if I understood?"

"I wouldn’t let you ruin your life for me. I'm not worth it. Your friendship is more valuable to me than my desires of a perfect life."

"Y/N-"

"Jin, if you really care than please respect my wishes and continue to be an amazing doctor that I can follow as a nurse." I give him a bow before leaving his office.

This is my life. I'm not destined to have nice things and Jin is one of those nice things. Yoongi is my fate. Reuniting like this is proof of that. My involvement with him years ago awoke something dark in him to become who he is today. Jin has no darkness in him. I fear that if I were to run away with him that I would awake it like I did Yoongi. It’s better this way...for his sake.

I went about my day like normal. Finishing my rounds with the other doctor, I head towards the nurses' station when someone catches my eye, a patient wandering around the end of the hall with his IV pole wheeling close beside him. It looks like he’s heading towards the back exit of the hospital.

I follow after him to make sure he isn't a confused patient trying to leave and find his way home.

"Sir," I call out to him but he ignores me and manages to go out the door.

I rush out the door when I start to sense a unnerving feeling go up my spine. As soon as the door shuts behind me I hear a man grunt and catch the sight of the metal IV pole heading towards my head.

My reflexes kick in. I duck to feel the wind brush past my hair. I spin to kick the pole out of his hand. The man in the hospital clothes lunges at me. He tackles me to the ground. Having complete control over me, he starts choking me. I try to maneuver my legs to push him off me but he lifts me up and slams my head on the ground making me disoriented. I start gasping for air as his hands start to squeeze tighter.

All of a sudden, there's a loud bang and the man's grip releases, his body weight lifting off of me. I intake as much air before I start coughing.

"Are you okay?"

I follow the man's voice that was helping me sit up, "Jimin?" I horse out through harsh breaths. "What are you doing here? Were you watching me at work this whole time?"

He lifts my to my feet, "J-Hope saw you leave out this way but got worried when you didn't come back out right away."

"J-Hope?"

I look at the other man that looked nothing like J-Hope until he reached down into his neck line and rips off a prosthetic piece from his face.

He smiles, "Yeah, didn't know my talent was disguises, did you? I've been posing as the patient in room 304's father."

The patient in that room is in a coma and I remember seeing the old man sleeping, or so I thought every day.

J-Hope nods his head, "Let's get back to the penthouse before more come to finish what this guy started."

"What about him?" I point to the corpse.

"We'll call V. He'll hack into the security system and make him disappear. We were never here either." He says pointing at the security cameras nearby that might have caught the whole thing.

We start rushing towards the parking lot when three black cars stop in front of us. They box us in. A group of men exit the cars to approach us.

One of them points to me, "We just want her. If you hand her over, we'll act like we didn’t see you two." Jimin and J-Hope put me in the middle, Jimin in front of me and J-Hope's back against me, like human shields.

"If you hand your lives to us then we won’t make it painful for you when you die." Jimin responds.

The man laughs. "Take her alive." On cue all the men take out a small black stick from their pockets. I couldn’t tell what they were until they swung them to make them longer. They were baton sticks.

J-Hope and Jimin disperse to take down the incoming men, leaving me to watch. They both get outnumbered then two men come towards me. One of them swings the baton at me but I grab hold of his arm and kick the other one back. I deliver a knee to the man in the crotch then swipe at his legs to drop him on his back.

I get taken down by a baton to the knee. The man that hit me raises the baton again to strike at my head but his arm gets caught by J-Hope, who twists his arm then drives his elbow into the man's armpit most likely dislocating his shoulder. He follows up by slamming his head into the hood of the car.

J-Hope takes my arm to pull me up, "Are you okay?"

"Look out!" Another man manages to strike J-Hope in the back with the baton followed by a blow to his head causing him to collapse on the ground in front of me, "J-Hope!"

"Y/N, run!" Jimin shouts to me before getting grabbed by another man from behind. He was being pulled back by the chest with the baton as another man strikes him in the abdomen. Jimin drops to his knees to gasp for air.

Before I could reach over to help, I get lifted from behind by one of the men that hit J-Hope. Another man that had hit Jimin came to grab a hold of my legs. They both tossed me in the back of one of their cars. As soon as the doors slammed close the tires screeched out of the area.

"Y/N!"

I look out the back window to see Jimin trying to chase after the car but he was hold his stomach in pain as he started to get smaller as the distance between us grew. I fought the men holding me down by kicking my legs but the man behind me managed to get a rag over my mouth which had an overpowering smell that made me dizzy. Eventually my body goes faint and everything goes dark.

[Ten]

#bts #bts suga #bts min yoongi #bts yoongi #bts au #bts mafia au #bts suga au #bts suga mafia au #bts suga scenario #bts min yoongi au #bts min yoongi mafia au #bts min yoongi scenario #bts yoongi au #bts yoongi mafia au #bts yoongi scenario #bts scenario #bts angst #bts suga angst

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cyincalangels · 4 years

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a final goodbye

as a warning, this is going to be all my thoughts and emotions in one long post. a post i never even thought i would have to make. when i first made this page, i wanted to show this to you at a bigger milestone in a relationship, i wasnt sure what that was going to be or when that was going to happen to be honest. but here we are, at our final milestone. parts of me also never really wanted to show or mention this page to you. but in all honesty, this makes it easier for me to recognize and acknowledge what im feeling and being able to come back and see how my feelings and thoughts have grown or may have changed. i read through all the posts ive written to double check if these are even worth showing you. and i still think they are. i still feel the same way in each post ive written. and i think ill always feel the same way, even after you’re no longer a huge role in my life. i was hurting after i read through all the posts because 1. ive never written things about other people like that. i never even write my feelings out like that 2. i always felt at peace almost after writing each post. each post made me more grateful for you. and dont get me wrong, its not like i only wrote these posts when i was happy, i only wrote when i remembered or made time. there should have been waaaay more posts than there really are. so ill try to make it fit in this one. and 3. im scared ill never really be able to feel like this about a person again. or at least want to be vulnerable anytime soon. again, i never really felt this way about someone. so it definitely hurts having to sit here and write this. i hurt because i know this is my fault. i dont need you to accept or validate anything in this post or what ive done and i dont need you to say it wasnt my fault. ive come to terms that a lot of this was caused by my baggage i failed to heal on my own, which eventually ended in me basically neglecting you and taking you for granted. ive honestly had to stop and cry and recollect myself several times in writing this so it may be all over the place. im also really sorry if this is way too much for you and if this is nowhere near how you felt about me.

i can thank you in a million ways for how you have impacted my life in the very short four months ive known and got the chance to experience you. you were the first and only person who really made the effort to want to get to know me and learn about me. its taught me to be vulnerable and be okay with sharing myself and my stories with others. it showed to me that some people actually still care about what made me, me. i think thats what really intrigued me the most about you. you like stories and you wanted to hear mine. and i wanted to share and experience some of my life story with you. but now all i really have of the memories that remind me of you.

you also exposed to me a lot of my own trauma that needs to be fixed. it was a hard and ugly truth i had to accept about myself and still trying to process it all now. you were strong enough to stand up for yourself and realize that youve had enough of all my baggage. that was probably one of the most humbling moments ive had in a long time because i mean yeah, people leave me for reasons, but it didnt affect me like how this did. it really woke me up to realize that i need to stop making excuses for my trauma. i cant just rely on attention to make it go away. maybe because i tried so hard (at least in my head) to do things to make you stay and i forced us to change to make it work. when ive always known that i cant control or force someone or something to stay. thank you for forcing me to want to work on myself. for me now.

i know i spent a lot of time talking about me and not enough about you. i asked you today and you said you never needed much from me and for some reason, i felt like i failed you. because you did not need much and i couldnt even give that to you. although i kept asking and telling you what i needed and what works for me and i just wanted you to listen, i couldnt even do the same. i wanted change in a relationship its like i wanted to help change you to be better for me but i couldnt even change myself to be the best for you. i didnt want to accept that the change that was needed, was in me instead. i guess you were right when you kept asking if i was ready for you. because now looking back at it all, there is still so much work for me to do.

i really went through all five stages at grief today. almost all at once. one second ill be okay and productive and really accepting of what i have to do from now on. but it could be seconds later where i think of you and suddenly bust into tears because i can no longer have access to you and no longer have you in my life. i thought to myself, “wow, i didnt think the last time i saw him was really THE last time ill probably ever see him again. ill never be able to hold his hand, hug or big spoon him, rub his back, or even scratch his head again.” all weird little things, but all things that i can never do again. i was more angry and disappointed with myself because my passion and emotions cost me someone i genuinely loved and cared about. it pushed someone away. again. i neglected you and let you slip away. i always had a feeling you’d leave me, i just didnt hope it was so soon. im going to miss you so much. beyond what words can explain. but even though i was upset or needed more when i wasnt physically with you, the second youd pick me up from the airport, all of that went away. being there with you made me forget what even makes me upset in the first place. i always appreciated every moment i got to spend with you. i was never bored. i was never tired of you. i never wished to be anywhere else than with you.

theres so many things i regret that we couldnt experience together like how we hoped we could. like we couldnt go out anywhere together. you couldnt meet my people, even though they really wanted to. and i couldnt meet your people either. im actually really sad and hurt we couldnt travel or take a trip together. i was really looking forward to it because i know how much it meant for you to travel with your partner. theres so many things i wanted to do with you because i really enjoyed your presence and just wanted to share stories with you. but we couldnt experience a normal part of a relationship because of whats going on in the world. maybe that wouldve changed some things, but also it doesnt matter now.

i wish i wouldve told you sooner. about how i really felt. not sure if that wouldve changed our situation much and what that would mean. but i never really would have thought i would fall in love with someone through an iphone screen. and i never expected you to feel the same, which may be a reason why i was always too scared to say it out loud to you. just know that i meant every word that i have ever said to you. ill still deadass ride or die for you. still support you. still always be here for you. still be a rock for you while the world is falling apart. still got your back, front, side, whatever you need. still be a call or text away. still be a nike plug if you need more shorts (or clothes and shoes in general). i could never hate you for this or for anything. i know all this is probably super dramatic for the four months ive known you, but i can promise you that this is nothing like ive experienced in a good way. i really do love you, camilo. and i knew for many weeks now. im sorry it had to come out this way. im sorry our story ended a lot sooner than we (mostly i) expected. i promise that ill still stay true to everything ive told you and promise to you that ill go to therapy for myself. please take good care of yourself. of all aspects of yourself please. i hope i can still count on you in the future. i love you. ill always keep praying for you. xoxoxo

ps this took me about two hours to write. and i might write more on here if i ever feel the creative need to release anytime soon, if youre curious to see later.

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ethelbertpaul444-blog · 6 years

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Toronto’s Aaron Sanchez reignites inning restraint debate

David Lengel: Aaron Sanchez is the whiz of the Blue Jays gyration, at least for one or two more starts Lets start with the obvious: nothing not renowned surgeon Dr James Andrews , not agent Scott Boras , not Washington Nationals and New York Mets general managers Mike Rizzo and Sandy Alderson , not Hall of Fame pitcher John Smoltz knows the right path when it comes to protecting young arms. When young Nats hurler Stephen Strasburg was controversially shut down in September of 2012 and New York ace Matt Harvey blew through his innings restriction last-place season, both were coming off Tommy John elbow surgery: Aaron Sanchez, the Toronto Blue Jays 24 -year-old ace at the center of the latest innings debate has not, farther muddying the questions. Jays GM Ross Atkins, who along with their Ceo and President Mark Shapiro have been deliberating a decision to pulled the former reliever from the starting gyration possibly sooner rather than later, is smart enough to realize that he doesnt know whats right either. Theres not data either way, Ross told TSN radio in Toronto on Tuesday. With all the unknowns winging around Toronto, heres what we do know: Sanchez is the centerpiece of what is arguably the best starting rotation in the American League. Hes run 17 starts without a loss, a long time active unfold in MLB, while compiling a 2.71 ERA during a season in which hes become a legitimate Cy Young candidate. Sanchez is also efficient, averaging 14.9 lurches per inning, good enough for sixth in MLB. Why is Atkins preparing to remove Sanchez from the spin? At 139.1 innings thrown this season, Sanchez has already eclipsed his 2014 high marking of 133.1 innings, who the hell is thrown between the Blue Jays and their bush league affiliates. In a disagreement where home-grown pitching whizs are a scarcity, the Jays are highly motivated to keep Sanchez health for the long term. In addition to theoretically protecting Sanchezs prized right arm, the move too mounts up what could be a formidable 1-2-3 bullpen perforate together with set-up soldier Jason Grilli and closer Roberto Osuna. It could help a aid core that ranks 11 th in ERA, but that thought also presumes Sanchez has no editions moving back to relief work. Replacing Sanchez in the spin “wouldve been” inconsistent Francisco Liriano, acquired at the non-waiver trade deadline, with journeyman Scott Feldman waiting in the backstages if that didnt work out. We feel like transitioning him[ Sanchez] to a relief character would be the best act for us being in Play 7 of the World Series, said Atkins on a conference call following the deal for Liriano. Interesting thought, specially when you consider the dogfight Toronto are in to even reach the playoffs, let alone the World Series. When Strasburg left the spin in 2012 the Nats had a 6.5 tournament NL East lead in early September. Meanwhile, the fact that one is well aware right and wrong for Sanchezs health in the long run isnt continuing those working in Toronto and beyond from taking slopes. On Wednesday, Torontos SportsNet5 90 radios Andrew Walker said its crazed to throw him 240 innings![ that number would be reached only if Sanchez finished the season and the Jays experienced an extended playoff pas ]. Categorically insane! Smoltz, who sloped both as a starter and then in the bullpen, told Torontos The Fan radio on Wednesday that he doesnt like the space Toronto are handling the situation. Going to the bullpen and youre not the closer has a lot more of an effect on your forearm and organization than parties recall because you dont have a characterized capacity. Its not like they go in the seventh inning of every competition were gonna get him up and get him in. When youre a top-line starter, which I make[ Sanchez] is, you got to make sure that that becomes the DNA of this player. Jays starting catcher Russell Martin has discovered the majority of members of Sanchez innings up close. I dont like it, Martin said here on Sportsnets Tim& Sid show. You got a guy who is cruising, testifying no mansions of tirednes … How many stressful innings has he had? I dont think hes had too many, you know? His innings are pretty scavenge … if the guy is completely healthy and putting up character start after quality start, I dont even know why its a discussion right now. Thats merely my views. Im not the one attracting the fibres. Martin wants to win and apparently, so do his team-mates, so such a move could potentially stir the clubhouse negatively at exactly the incorrect time. Throw out all of the unknowns in the health question and youre left with a pure baseball decision. Removing a Cy Young candidate shapes little to no sense, and risks derailing all the momentum the rejuvenated franchise is hold. Canadas team are poised to break through the 3 million marker in attendance for the first time since 1993 and are among the favourites to reach the playoffs and potentially acquire their third World Series title. They should be all in for today , not tomorrow. Video of the week On Sunday, Cincinnati Reds hurler Homer Bailey accomplished his long wander back from Tommy John surgery, sloping well in his first major league tournament since April of 2015. But he was still rust-brown: with runners on the recess in the sixth, San Diegos Wil Myers took off for residence after Bailey turned his back following a stroll, spanning the plate easily to steal a operate. Bryan Price came out to discuss the play with the adjudicator, but “havent had” recourse after given to understand that his pitcher was sleeping at the rotation. Cue the lulluby … Quote of the Week Ken Rosenthal (@ Ken_Rosenthal) August 2, 2016 To those upset with first version of Puig story: Im with you. I take great pride in accuracy. It infuriates me that a key item was wrong. Thats Ken Rosenthal rationalizing for his Yasiel Puig story that said that the Dodgers outfielder had stormed off after learning he wouldnt be on the team airliner to Denver. When Rosenthal learned that Puig wasnt at the ballpark, and thus could not have stormed off “the authors ” evidenced genuine class in admitting the error, and also added that the information came from informants, but thats not an justify. Its my work to check everything thoroughly. Puig, who was replaced by the incoming Josh Reddick and sent down to the children by LA, was sympathetic. Yasiel Puig (@ YasielPuig) August 2, 2016 @ken_rosenthal don’t annoy bro, we all become blunders #puigyourfriend #seeyousoon Whos closer to victory: Donald Trump or the Cubs? Well, the New York Post produced some little-known photos of the Trumpsters wife Melania this week, and, depending on your disposition in life, that could be considered either a win or a loss. However, the flap with Humayun Khan must be a black mark species wherever youre standing. When you weigh it all up, Le Grande Orange has been playing from behind all week. Meanwhile, the Cubs experienced a walk-off win on Sunday against the Mariners thanks to pitcher Jon Lester, who cant throw to first base but can lay down one heck of a bunt. While in the very same recreation, pitcher Travis Wood made a fantastic catch up against the ivy in left field. And all that came before Chicago wiped the Marlins: Cubs get the edge this time around. How did the minors piss off Goose Gossage this week? By Miamis Derek Dietrich stripping off his uniform top after snapping an 0-20 slump with a pinch-hit walk-off triple to defeat the Cardinals on Sunday, thats how. Goose would go gonzo if he saw this. Meanwhile, Goose continued to stick to his AR-1 5s concerning the practice baseball is heading. While addressing young musicians in Maine over the weekend, Gossage told the girls: I said my agreement about at-bat moves and remaining video games in check. Nobodys overtaking the light to teach these boys how to play. They reach so much money, theyve got a bunch of coach-and-fours that have never been in the big league that exactly tiptoe around these people. I was taught how to deed. You act like health professionals. Ive said my armistice. The activity, in my views, is going to hell. Actually, based on Dietrichs physique, it looks like the game is going to the gym. Nine expects in order 1) Has there ever been a Subway Series with less sizzle than the 2016 publication of Mets v Yankees? One New York radio host said it best: this line is more like a wake. The Mets are sinking fast under the weight of incredible harm issues, and the Yankees are eventually in full rebuilding mode after coping Aroldis Chapman, Andrew Miller, Ivan Nova and Carlos Beltran. All the Yanks have now is bringing up the children and deciding whether or not the Yanks preserve Alex Rodriguez around long enough to thumped his 700 th home run or precisely release him, the latter of which is being reportedly being seriously considered. Meanwhile, the Mets, who are clinging to National League wild card hopes, acquired Jay Bruce from the Reds, in a move that also adjusts up what could be one of the most difficult outfield the defence of all-time: Yoenis Cespedes( now on the disabled list) in left field, Curtis Granderson in middle and Bruce in claim. If Braves fans to benefit from pray for rainfall after Spahn and Sain, Mets fans better better start praying for strikeouts and ground balls on every slope. Perhaps John McEnroe can help with that? Give that serviceman a contract! 2) Can the Colorado Rockies form the playoffs? Its not beyond reasonable suspense, even without Trevor Story, who may be lost for the season after sustaining ligament shattering in his left thumb. The Rox, who held on to their key element at the non-waiver trade deadline, are 14 -5 since the infringe. Most of this Rockies guide has come on the road where their pitching has been far superior. In Colorado, where the staff members almost always suffocates in Denvers thin air, theyre rock bottom in team ERA rankings with a 5.98 marker. Fantastically, along the road, the Rox have given up 98 fewer operates, posting an Period of 3.62: thats third in the NL, in front of the Chicago Cubs, Los Angeles Dodgers, St Louis Cardinals and San Francisco Giants. Tyler Chatwood is 6-0 with a 1.30 Era in nine away starts, and 4-6 with a 5.69 ERA in 10 home starts, which is ridiculous. Naturally, their greatest obstacle to contacting the season is their own stadium, where unfortunately they have 32 competitions continuing against 26 on the road. 3) Wednesday was D-Day for baseball and softball, in addition to providing athletics climbing, skateboarding, surfing and karate: all endeavors being considered for the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo. All five became the slouse, but dont reckon for a minute that MLB will halt their season to send actors: their brass are fully committed to constituting the World Baseball Classic the crown jewel of international play-act. Still, that doesnt mean it isnt good for the athletic or the players. John Blundell (@ JBMLBPR) August 3, 2016 Last time baseball was an Olympic sport( 08) these guys won bronze. Strasburg, Fowler, Cahill, Arrieta. #mlb #Wbsc pic.twitter.com/ ZLzpfQDGkU 4) Heres a downer kindnes of the official Instagram of Skeeter Duffy, Matt Duffys large-scale feline TAGEND Thanks for all your lovin’ San Francisco. We’re gonna miss ya. Onwards to Tampa! #furrevergiant #duffcat #duffmanforever #byeSF A photo posted by Skeeter Duffy (@ duffcat3 5) on Aug 1, 2016 at 9:17 pm PDT Duffy, who was sent to the Giant as part of a cope to for hurler Matt Moore, was the felines meow in San Francisco last season, playing the hot corner in place of the departed Pablo Sandoval. Duffy broke out, positing an unexpected. 762 OPS, but hasnt been able to match that Giant spark in 2016. Now he and Skeete, who has over 15,000 folloers on Instagram, are apparently patronizing for Iams and catnip after a long transcontinental flight to Tampa, a true-life blow to felines in the Bay Area. UPDATE: its too hot for Skeeter in Tampa, so hes staying with Duffys mothers. 5) Heres a record you require no part of: the Los Angeles Dodgers, currently in second place in the NL West while guiding the wild card race, have made 22 musicians on the disabled inventory this season, that after starting 2016 with 10 players on the DL. Only the 2015 New York Mets can pair these sort of harm numbers, and on the bright side for LAs love, many of whom are in a nasty feeling with Clayton Kershaw not eligible to pitch until late August, New York won the NL East. 6) Just periods after putting together one of the best, if not the good bullpen in baseball, the Indians rotation received a punch with Danny Salazar thumping the DL with elbow inflammation. Clevelands righty hurler abode his shortest start to the season while get pasted by the Twinneds on Monday and had what was supposed to be a precautionary MRI on Tuesday. Salazar had given up 21 moves over his last five starts after allowing merely 23 moves over his first 15 starts of the season. Cleveland are trying to acquire their first World Series entitle since 1948 and are four games up on the Beast in the AL West. 7) On the heels of the Tribe are the red hot Detroit Tigers, who have won eight straight recreations while going health at precisely the right time. With a payroll of roughly $200 m, the team werent prepared to attain meaningful adds-on at the busines deadline, but they are getting buttress in matters of the activations of Jordan Zimmerman and JD Martinez from the disabled schedule. After being left for dead by most experts picking the Royals to repeat as AL Central champs this season, the Tigers ought to have hang about thanks to a high-powered offense driven by Miguel Cabrera, Ian Kinsler and JD and Victor Martinez. Now their pitching staff are coming around with their second half ERA dropping by 1.33 to 3.14. With tough line against the Mets, Navigator, Red Sox and Rangers coming up, the next few weeks will show us how real Detroit are. 8) Joey Votto is having an interesting era with love lately. On Monday Joey Votto desegregated it up with a person in a Reds jersey while chasing a fouled ball into the stands. Cut4 (@ Cut4) August 3, 2016 It took some innings, but Joey Votto& a @Reds fan sorted everything out. Full Story: https :// t.co/ iCNjYJulXz pic.twitter.com/ bwznPWocJB Votto apologized, but the mea culpa comes just days after he chastened a young love who asked for his batting gloves in San Francisco. Melanie Nichols (@ kiasuchick) July 27, 2016 Kid asks for Joey’s batting gloves. Votto responds “You’re sitting in the figurehead row, you’re elite. This isn’t a ‘Make A Wish’ situation” … Im all for messing with followers as long as its kept flare, but the Make–AWish Foundation crack is totally unnecessary. 9) And ultimately, on Tuesday, umpire Bob Davidson encountered a devotee at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. Philly Influencer (@ PHL_Influencer) August 3, 2016 A fan was ejected from video games by home plate umpire Bob Davidson pic.twitter.com/ k7gwhG9K2l Davidson has a reputation for confrontation, but it seems the veteran ump got it right this time, speaking to the fan about homophobic heckling before security questioned the offender to leave. People heartened me, said Davidson. which is unusual in this town for me Read more: www.theguardian.com http://dailybuzznetwork.com/index.php/2018/08/30/torontos-aaron-sanchez-reignites-inning-limit-debate/

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novapopstar · 7 years

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Let me tell a story about true love and loss.

This is one of my favorite stories to tell. And at the same time, its one of the hardest. You don't really get second chances. But if you were able to take that second chance in something you horribly screwed up on, you would take it, wouldn't you? This is gonna sound exactly like those very cliche white boy romance movies that try to be kinda edgy, i know it does in the beginning. Ive lived long enough to know that. But she... She was everything to me. Ive lived so long feeling nothing. She brought a spark to my dead soulless empty life. She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Its the reason i took that second chance. She can never know i exist. It was the beginning of summer of 2015. The final day of high school. I finished the exam at least an hour and a half early. And as most 18 year olds do, i put my earbuds in at full blast and passed out at my desk without a care in the world. Im awoken by an earthquake. The worst earthquake imaginable. My name is being screeched by what i can only describe is a Pterodactyl. I pull my headphones out of my ears. "What, Kamyrn?" I am not a happy boy. "The bell rang like 15 minutes ago." Are you serious? "You...didnt wake me up sooner?" The pterodactyl shrugs. "Didnt seem like i needed to just yet." I shouldve punched him right through his ginger face. He had a pale complexion, although more color than mine, freckles on his nose and cheeks, bright green eyes and the most irish looking red hair youve ever seen. Hes actually Italian. Hes basically what you call a cinnamon roll in meme terms. "So theres a music venue happening tonig-" "Nope." I stand up quickly, fix my bangs, and throw my hood up. I tried to bee line for the door but the fucker is always faster. I do NOT do social gatherings. Hes lucky i even talked to him. "Cmon, Tyyyyy! I want you to meet my friends. Theyre playing tonight!" "You know i dont like social events. I cant handle them. Besides i have to get home an-" He grabs my arms and pleads with his eyes. "Just this once? Pleaaaase?" I sigh. I hated it when he did that. I loved him so much i could hardly say no to him most of the time. "Fine. When do we go?" "We can start heading over right now. Theyre setting up and we can watch them warm up!" "You actually seem more cheery than normal. Anything special happening tonight?" "The Goddess, Tyler!!" Of course. "The Goddess" was a girl named Diana. The love of his life. She was literally too perfect. Beautiful black flowing hair, the deepest of blue eyes, beautifully pale skin, the most perfect smile. The sight caused Kamryn to become speechless. Especially since her father was there at the venue. The venue was basically as normal as you can get i guess. Smelled of sweat and heartbreak. The colors were a mix of greys and more greys. It was a really spacious area with some dining tables and chairs. I believe there was a bar at one end of the room. And right in the back was a big stage where they kept all the equipment for the bands. Big speakers lined the sides of the stage including the top of walls for surround sound in the building. This....this was the place i met her. Kamyrn was being interrogated by Dianas father, Marcus. Kamyrn sweating profusely. I mean, i dont blame him. Marcus was ripped and that rugged look and deep voice of his was something to feel threatened about. If you can picture what a roman soldier looked like, ya got Marcus. Diana was giggling and watching Kamyrn squirm the whole time. My senses were broken when the lights dimmed down and the first show was about to start. And as if an Angel has glided across the stage, she appeared. She was the most stunning thing i had ever laid eyes one. Shoulder length chestnut hair, from afar youd think they were green but she actually had hazel eyes, she had the sweetest smile, and i cant forget the red streaks in her hair. Her voice was something of an angel. And i caught myself staring. Ive never been a believer in love at first sight, but, damn... There was no mistaking it. I had slowly began to fall for her that night. But of course, i always have something come up to ruin my moments of bliss. Heres the part where things get complicated as all hell. I finished that graduation exam an hour and a half early because, ive taken it at least 25 times by now. At least at that school. I passed with flying colors because i know all the answers a little too well. The reason is the dumbest reason you have ever heard of. Im an 182 year old, as of 2015, vampire with the body of an 18 year old. All my features resemble a scrawny emo kid. Right down to the black nails, the black eyeliner, and the black emo hair. My purple eyes are natural however. Right now im having what is called Cravings. Now listen, i do not love being a vampire. Ive been running from that life for years. So i cringe at the thought of feeding off a humans. But at this moment in time, i am in need NOW. Therefore i cannot just waltz over to the nearest bloodbank and "charm speak" my way into dinner. I had to do my best to leave the venue without causing suspicion. I keep my eyes closed as i turn to Kam, holding a hand to my head. "Kam, dude im really sorry. The whole social thing is really getting to me. I really have to head out. I do not feel well." "Im really glad you tried to make it though, Ty. Ill check in on you later okay?" I nod and make the horrible mistake of opening my eyes. Kamryn wasnt looking however. But someone else did. My eyes tend to change color depending on the need. Right now theyre clearly gold. Gold for hunger. I quickly make my way out into the alley way. I hate every second of this. The alley smells like rotting shit and cat piss. Its the least of my worries. But its all i can smell. I need that trace of blood. Now. This isnt fun for me. I hate having to walk up to an unsuspecting human and trick them into letting me feed. This woman didnt deserve it. But they dont know what theyre doing when the "charm speak" is involved. Im able to pin her to the wall at this point, shes moaning in pleasure very loudy as i sink my teeth into her neck. I want to vomit. But i swallow and keep it down. She slumps down the wall unconscious. I didnt bleed her out, i never drink enough for that to happen. I fix her body in a way that when she wakes up, she'll think she just passed out from intoxication. Poor girl.. "A vampire? Never wouldve thought." I spin around, blood sorta dripping from my chin. I had made sure i was alone. It was just Marcus. But i didnt know why Marcus would have known. "Clean yourself, boy." I dont even blink as i wipe my chin furiously. "W-why did you follow me?" "I know the actions of a vampire when they need to feed. You showed clear signs back at the venue. I also saw those eyes of yours." "Well, what do you want from me?" He smiled wide. "Youre obviously no threat if youve been living the human world for so long. You nearly looked like death feeding off that woman." I looked defeated. "I didnt have the time to make it to a bloodbank, sir." Needless to say, i was taken back to venue after it was all cleared out. Kamryn looked worried as hell when i got back. "Dude, are you okay? I thought you were going home?" I smiled weakly. "I just needed to take a walk. Marcus found me to tell me to come back so i could meet your friends." Kam flashed a big smile. "Well the only one thats still here is-" "Emma." The Angel had spoken. Kam decided that was good enough and had walked over to flirt with his goddess. "So, a vampire huh?" I blinked. "Im sorry..?" She pointed to the shoulder area of my jacket. The fact Kam never noticed still annoys me. She laughs. "Thats not really the reason. I just know." She smirked. "Ive seen a few in my day. None looked like you though. Why are you trying so hard to seem human?" I felt it was pointless at this point. "I despise vampires." "So you despise yourself?" "Precisely." "Does Kamryn know?" "He can never know." She nods in understanding. "So yeah, im Emma Grayson." She extends her arm and i shake it nervously. Her hands were always so soft. Not to mention calloused. But the best hands ive ever held. "Tyler Deravious." This Tyler didnt realize what he was getting himself into. How this meeting would change his life for the worst. You dont get a third chance. If i could turn back, i would. I cannot begin to tell you the regret i feel writing this all down. I ended up leaving my apartment that i had been illegally living in for years now and i moved into the mansion that i never knew existed in chicago. This mansion housed demon slayers. An immortal roman soldier demon slayer and his adopted daughter. I had chosen to slay demons as well. Including my kind. Things only get more complicated from here. ------------- So im thinking about writing a story out that ive had in my mind since 2015. Im not the best at writing but maybe i can get better along the way if i stick with it. I dont have a name for it yet, but heres the prototype Prologue for my most favorite story ive thought of. This story is an emotional rollercoaster. But it follows the life of Tyler Deravious, a Rogue Vampire who hates the thought of being a vampire. He becomes a demon slayer and learns what its like to have a family after so many years. Falls in love. Learns to be less awkward and more brave. He has to help defeat a great evil that threatens to destroy Chicago, and maybe the world if hes not careful. It might just turn out too much for him. Im really hoping i can do something with this. Its all original! So take my shitty prologue and give me some critiques.

#vampire #original story #no title yet #demon slayers #demon hunting #angst #prologue #rough draft #prototype #romance #action #tyler deravious #emma grayson #kamryn steelwater #marcus #loss #pain #critique me

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arriannamweldon-blog · 7 years

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A letter to the heart broken and lost

Dear reader, I do believe I have reached the healing stage of heartbreak. It seemed nearly impossible two years ago, nonexistent three years ago, and never would I have thought I'd have to go through such a thung, being as naive as I was four years ago. Lately, I've been running into individuals who are experiencing similar situations to my experience that had been going on for 5 years of my life. Stuck in the same place I was. W ik th the same decisions I was. Should I stay or should I go? Is this an act of love towards me and hate towards themselves? Did I do something wrong to screw this all up? If I had only changed this one thing it wouldve been this. I'm so conflicted I don't know what to do. But put on a pretty smile and pretend everything is okay. To them I say. I personally, believe: everything happens for a reason. As cheesy as it it is there is proof in time. And the place in which you put a person in your life, yourself, in your life, put them there for a reason. One that may not ever been clear to them or you. But there is a reason. There is a reason they wouldn't commit. Is it a reason to justify what they did? You won't know. And to promise yourself you will move on when you are convinced you have the closure you need, will only hold you back. It will only ever hurt you. Because here's the thing. You won't be able to convince yourself that it is a valid enough reason to justify the hurt that's has been inflicted upon you. What you need to realize is whatever that reason is—as easy as it's said versus how hard it is to do—With time you will come to accept that no closure is the only closure you have. There is a certain capacity we reach when loving someone. It will seem endless like it goes on and on and it's truly unconditional love, but that is not true if what is below has no truth to you for yourself. 1. You have no love for yourself 2. You are unhappy with your life The things you cannot control. (The loss of people for ex. VS. Not working out to lose weight because you feel as though you don't like your body and that is how you fix it," You must love yourself first. And until either one does that, it is not possible to reach the full capacity of real love. I've found that first, you must stop being so hard at yourself. Eliminate "could be better," from your vocabulary. Live the best you can. Remind yourself "I'm doing the best you can," and if you know you're not you need to think about what you have to do so you can be. Perfection is an illusion, that cannot and will not be met. Remember to Live in such a way, it will reflect what people say about you when you die. For me it's: kindness, integrity, honesty and empathetic. That's how I will achieve that goal. Have goals. Apart from your significant other or ex SO. Because as I've come to learn. If you invest yourself too far into someone, you lose yourself. I knew who I was, I know what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. But then I joined a council at my school for service learning. (tutoring and teaching classes) and that has got to. Because the worst feeling you will ever experience. This is another reason self love is so important. You need to be comfortable in every part of yourself. Every aspect you can control in your life. Mental well being, physical well being. Your career. Independent from them. That is your insurance to yourself. Because in case no one ever told you it hurts. And it will always hurt. It will bee seemingly unbearable in the beginning and with time. It'll sting like a minor paper cut. You'll always have that scar. But for your sakes, working through your anger. Feeling out your sadness. You will be depressed. And chances are you will be for a long time. Depending on the depth of your true feelings. But forgiveness does not have to be for them. It can be for only you if that's what you so wish. It will be hard. And you have to face your feelings. There is no shortcut. You have to deal with every emotion head on. Regardless of gender. To feel emotions is to only be human. You will grow stronger because of it. As tempting as it is to bury it deep inside. You must face it. You will conquer it. Because to be numb is another one of the worst feelings you will ever feel because all you want is to be able to feel the happy times, the bad times and the okay times. You yearn to feel something so badly and you can (seemingly) never reach it because you are still running. Everything will take time. But there are things you need to remember for you: you are not at fault: Unless of course the mistake you made, you repeated. Because then it's a choice and you had control of that. Granted there may be a thought to justify it or a valid reason to do so. But if it was a choice, they seem to be excuses. There is a reason you may never know behind it. And the sooner you accept that fact the sooner you can move on and be happier. Isn't the meaning of life the pursuit of happiness? You matter. To someone in this world you matter. You may not even know your impact. But you have one. Good or bad that's up to you, and how you choose to lead you life but you do. You are going to be sad for a while but feel everything. Cry as much as you need to and don't be ashamed. My advice can only do so much for you. You are going to do what you feel is best regardless of if it is. But before you make a decision think about the out comes because no matter good or bad every choice has a consequence. Self love, acceptance, empathy, kindness, honesty, gratefulness will always take you farther than arrogance, selfish, ignorance ever will. You are guaranteed to that pathway. Self love is the greatest gift you can offer yourself. And time is your answer. You can go about it in whichever way you see fit, but I I as isolatinhg yourself from that person who hurt you. It will help your growth as opposed to tearing down. Find your passion, travel, figure it out however you choose. I remind myself You don't owe anybody shit. This is your obligation to yourself. Stop feeling bad for the places in your life you stock people in. If they loved you beyond conditions, they won't care. Because being in your life is better than it would be without you. If they leave and realize what they missed and some would mean it and some won't. Either way is as benefit for you. And if they choose the second option don't feel bad, you still benefit. Someone negative has left your life and ultimately that leads for a happy you. Eventually all this will work itself out, just believe it. You are doing just fine. You matter. Live how you want to be remembered when you die. Stop finding reasons to blame yourself. Remind yourself, I'm doing the best I can for what I can control, and that's okay. Because it takes a while for anyone to figure out who they are it's okay to be lost or feel. To tell you the truth, It's the lucky ones who know. You will find yourself. Just be patient and take more time than you think you need because chances are you'll always need it. I may not know you or be remotely close to you. But you're doing just fine and I'm proud of you. Don't let yourself down. Keep fighting.

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ethelbertpaul444-blog · 6 years

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Toronto’s Aaron Sanchez reignites inning restraint debate

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ethelbertpaul444-blog · 6 years

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Toronto’s Aaron Sanchez reignites inning restraint debate

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