aroaessidhe · 2 years ago
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2023 reads // twitter thread  
Lucha of the Night Forest
YA fantasy about a girl struggling to survive with her sister in a land overtaken by a forgetting drug, who makes a deal with a forest god to escape
spooky fungi magic, forest, sisters, lesbian MC
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 years ago
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Looking for a Place to Happen 2
Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity, some violence and threats
This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.
Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely
Note: Here’s chapter two. Think I’ll probably slow down writing. Appreciate y’all.
Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)
I really hope you enjoy. 💋
<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!
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Chapter 2: I follow every little whiff
💀💀💀
You gave yourself a day off that week. Rather, the desolation of Birch allowed you an excuse to get away from your desk. An internet outage across the town had you up and wandering the main road just after noon. Your grandmother refused to join you so she was left to her true crime novel and the weekday droning of talk show hosts.
After a peek in the book shop where you picked out some used thrillers for your nan and a guilty splurge on one of Babs' pies to add to the surprise, you stopped by the diner and had some soup to warm up from the unrelenting cold. You played around on your phone as you blindly slurped from your spoon. With no available connection, you swapped candies to achieve a score high enough to get to the next round.
After another loss, you put your screen down and added some pepper to the tomato soup. You leaned your chin in your hand and peered across the road. The Asp was just diagonal from The Chipped Saucer and from your seat by the window you could see the comings and goings of the dingy bar.
You chuckled to yourself as you remembered the hundreds of comments on your video. You weren't entirely surprised that the internet cheered at the sight of a woman beating up a man in broad daylight, you'd seen much worse on the web. But many were curious and asked about how it started and about the small town alluded to in the caption.
You picked up your phone and flipped open the camera. You pointed it through the glass as one of the many bikers strutted out of the bar and down the street. You knew him, like most in town, he was the leader's right hand man. Steve Rogers. He had an odd gait, rigid with long strides, and you remember Kelly used to make fun of him when you walked home from school. That felt like forever ago.
You ended the video and dropped your phone again. You'd send it to Kelly when the outage was over. It would be a good laugh. Plus, you hadn't heard from her much since she moved to the city.
You finished your soup and paid. You went out into the street and cut around to the backstreets. You made your way back to your nans and found Pippin scratching at the front door. You stopped and scooped him up before you let yourself in.
"Don't like the snow, do ya?" You set him down and he whipped his tail before skittering off, "hey nan, I got you some stuff."
"You spend too much," she grumbled as you hung your coat and grabbed her treats.
"Only on you," you sang as you entered the front room, "sugarless blueberry pie, your fave, and some books about murder and all that freaky stuff you love."
"Hmm," she watched you put the pie and books down on the coffee table, "suppose the pie will go good with tea."
"Ah, and I suppose I'll be making that tea?" You returned.
"My arthritis…" she pouted but her grin came through.
"Yeah, yeah," you snickered as you went to the kitchen to put on the kettle, "we going black today or something lighter?"
"Put on some of the pekoe," she called back, "make a whole pot."
"Will do, ma'am," you trilled and basked in her annoyed mutter.
💀
When the internet came back, you sent of an email to inform the agency of the interruption and promised to meet your deadlines. Then you puttered around and added a caption to the video before you sent it off to Kelly; 'why he walk like that tho'. She sent a series of crying emojis back and told you to post it.
'Nah, it's a dumb joke.' You typed back.
'Saw ur last vid, ppl will eat it up,' she insisted.
'Well, got nothing else to put up. The account’s dying since no one cares about my writing.'
'DO IT.' Her words sealed your resolve and you uploaded the video with some dramatic music in the background.
The response was almost instantaneous. Several comments saying they were happy to see more and others being for another video. 'We all wanna see inside this fucked up town' one added and several latched on. Ignoring the questions of where this was, you gave a thin promise of future small town thug content. 
You turned back to your work email and opened up your draft for your next gig. You couldn't help but smile as you went over your work. You might have just found your niche.
💀
You knew your nan would lose it if she knew you were snooping around the club, so you didn’t tell her. You went down, made her breakfast, went back upstairs to do your work, then tiptoed out in the late afternoon to poke around town for something to upload. Birch was so dull when you lived there but to those outside, it was a novelty you were all too eager to provide.
You got more videos of the bikers; some revving their bikes, others arguing, but there was nothing overly usable. You were getting bored of it until the man himself walked out of the bar. You record the man’s glower expression as he marched down the sidewalk and turned off just down the way.
‘His name is Bucket… wtf?!’ you keyed in and snorted as you waited for it to load to your account.
Still, there was nothing special going on, like always in Birch, and your grandmother was bound to get suspicious if you kept sneaking around. You went back and hid your phone before she could bitch about it. You cooked her dinner and sat with her as your thoughts swung between work and your TikTok.
You went to bed but couldn’t sleep. You ended up watching YouTube on your phone as the windows shook with the night winds. It wasn’t until the darkness began to glow that you were roused from the cocoon of your comforter. You looked out and saw smoke coming from the main road.
You didn’t think before you pulled on your jeans and shoved your feet into your slipper, unconcerned about them soaking through as you barreled down the stairs, the sleeves of your hoodie only half on. The back door bounced behind you and you crunched down into the snow and clamored past the row of lifeless houses. 
You were out of breath as you got to the end of the path and rounded the diner to gape over at the burning garage. You got closer as the line of bikers stood in their leather with breath puffing before them in the frigid night. You stepped back into the shadow of the brick façade of the realty office and swiped your camera open.
Your hands shook and you struggled to steady the image on the screen as the mechanic woman raged in only her tee shirt. You didn’t quite understand what was going on; only that her garage was up in smoke and then men were doing nothing to smother it. She swung at the dark haired man and spat at several others; “cowards”... “fuck all of you!”
You gulped and held your breath as she was dragged away by the large redheaded henchman of the slender outsider. She fought for a moment before she was flung over his shoulder and the biker followed their leader back to The Asp. You sidled in between the building and hid until the voices faded into the wind.
Well, that would be a hell of a video. It might even go viral.
💀
Your phone did not stop. You almost felt bad as you saw the screen limn the edges of your cell as you left it face down on the little table beside the couch. Your nan sat in her rocking chair talking away on her corded phone to Linette from down the road. You suspected that every other person in town was gossiping about the same thing; the fire.
You finished your coffee and rubbed your eyes as you checked the time and ignored the pulsing notifications. It was too much to keep up with.
Your grandmother hung up and sighed, “can’t believe it. You hear?”
“Hear what?” you pretended ignorance.
“That old garage burned down. The one with the lady,” she said, “pity. When I was a girl, that place was a salon. Ma used to take us there to get our hair cut. The barber would give us wrapped candies and pretend to cut himself with his scissors.”
“Oh? It burned down?” you weren’t sure you were very convincing but you also could just say you saw it happen.
“Yep, no one really can say. You know, maybe she was welding or some rag caught, but I bet my money on those bikers,” she sneered.
“Good thing you’re poor,” you kidded, “and why the bikers?”
“Oh, well, you know Kimmy, Linette’s girl, works down at the diner and she saw that mechanic arguing with one of those strangers, the ones dealing with the club men. Well, it’s no coincidence that trouble follows those leather jackets around,” she rocked as she nodded knowingly, “oh, one of the boys I knew back in the day, he was found burnt up with his bike. They said the tank blew… well, I saw it and that tank was pristine.”
“Nan,” you gasped, “you… Jesus.”
“Well, things don’t change in Birch, we just get older,” she continued, “when you’re young, everything seems new but then you age and it’s all just the same.”
“Wow, how… inspiring,” you said dryly.
“Girlie, you gotta be careful,” she intoned, “that fire, that’s a lesson to all the women in this town. To everyone. You don’t cross the Commandos.”
“I don’t think anyone--”
“That’s another thing, there has never been a shortage of stupid people, not now not then,” she girded, “those women who get tied up in that club, their lives are already done.”
You frowned and hid your phone in your pocket as you stood. You rubbed your neck and picked up your empty mug, “I should get started.”
“Mmm,” she said as she dialed the phone again, “I wonder if Fran knows yet.” 
💀
You were being really fucking stupid but peer pressure was not a logical thing. Even through a screen, you found it hard to resist the goads. So there you were, your phone in your hand as you live-streamed your walk down to The Asp. The data costs alone would make you regret it but you were caught up in the hype of you fifteen second of internet fame.
“Alright,” you stopped across the street and gave a view of the moniker with Cleopatra sultrily looking down at you, “this is it… I just gotta play it cool…” you turned the lens towards you and smiled nervously, “hopefully that dude at the front doesn’t stop me.”
Comments flicked up the bottom of the screen so fast and smilies and hearts floated up the side around your face. You crossed the screen as you turned your phone against your coat and approached the bar door. The large biker butted out his smoke and you bared your teeth nervously. He didn’t stop you as he rolled his shoulders and coughed.
You entered to the noise of classic rock and low voices, the clink of glasses and tap of chalk on marble. You glanced around and quickly swept your phone around to give a view of the patrons. You hurried over to the bar and climbed up on a stool.
“You need a drink?” the woman behind the bar scowled. She looked worn out even with her lips painted bright pink and her eyes clouded with blue shadow.
“Uh, sure, can I… can I get one pint of everything you have on tap?” you asked as you set your phone down and shrugged out of your coat. You draped it over the next stool and reposition your phone as you flipped the cam and used the built in stand on the case to angle yourself onto the screen.
“Sure,” she narrowed her eyes and glanced past you.
You swung your feet as you waited for her to pour the five pints; some with too much foam and the others with no head at all. You took the first and held it up for the camera.
“A classic, BudLight,” you held it up to the light, “no head and…” you sipped, “flat.” You plunked it down and coughed as you grabbed the next, “this is a raddler?” you looked at the tap for confirmation, “grapefruit… smells like piss…” you had a sip, “tastes like it too.”
You chuckled to yourself and asked for a water. You made a show of swishing it around in your mouth before you moved onto the third beer.
“Had to cleanse the palate,” you joked, “now… lots of foam on this one, dark. You know, I’m pretty surprised they have Guinness here but let’s see…” you tasted it and crinkled your nose, “that’s it. Exactly like toilet water!”
You read some of the comments telling you to check the bottles for bugs and laughed. Suddenly you were yanked off the stool by the back of your shirt and your phone was swiped up by another man as the first restrained you. You struggled against his thick arm as it hooked around your neck and the leader of their crew stared at the screen of your cell.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he snarled as he hit the screen with his thumb but the stream kept going. He dropped the phone to the floor and stomped it instead.
“This is the bitch posting about us online,” the man at your back growled. It was Steve, the one with the weird walk.
“I doubt either of you know how to use a computer,” you scoffed, “hey, let me go.”
“And why would we do that when you’re snitching to the whole world, sweetheart?” Bucky kicked your phone away as he crossed his arms.
“Actually, I’m--” you grasped Steve’s arm as it threatened to get tighter, “--promoting your trash business. I was just having a tasting, if you had just asked--”
“Shut up!” Bucky stepped closer and brought your legs up and stopped him as you planted your feet against his stomach.
“Hey,” a woman’s voice came from behind the bar as the waitress shoved aside her empty tray, “hey, she’s just a kid.”
“Bullshit,” Bucky huffed, “she looks full-grown to me.”
“So what are you gonna do?” she said, “she’s young. You can’t--”
“Don’t tell me what I can’t do,” he snapped.
“She’s right,” another voice intoned and that man, Sam, came up beside them with a pool cue in hand, “she’s just goofing around.”
“She’s a rat,” Steve insisted.
“You’re being dramatic. It’s called a meme and you do walk a little strange,” he chuckled, “no one’s gonna follow her breadcrumbs back to this shithole anyway.”
Bucky considered Sam and then looked at Steve. He poked his cheek with his tongue and sucked his teeth.
“So… you vouching for her?” Bucky asked.
“She won’t cause any more trouble, promise,” Sam said, “I’ll make sure of it.”
“You better,” Bucky snapped his fingers and you were released, “get her out of here.” 
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tellywoodtrash · 6 years ago
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ishqbaaz 09.08.18 lb
ugh back to this half-assed performative apology of his. what’s the point of apologizing HERE, bitch????? go do it in front of her basti-waale and restore her honour. fucking asshole.
ASK HER, TYAGI. ASK HER. SHE’S NOT GONNA TELL YOU, BUT ASK! OR ASK *HIM* WHAT HE DID!
ughhhhhhhhh these fucking flashbacks are making me relive the trauma. 
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EXCUSE ME. HOW DARE *YOU* LOOK LIKE THE VICTIM HERE????????? GTFO WITH THIS MOURNFUL PUPPY FACE. 
lmao om is me and i am him. watching this whole thing with the most distasteful expression, yet cannot look away from the ~drama of it allllll. 
.... i hit pause before she could complete her sentence but this dumbass bish is about to say“ jo kuch bhi hua, woh humaare beech mein hai” isn’t she????? 
i mean well and good, it’s the sensible way to go to prevent any further garbage in the press, but ohhhhhhhhhhh goddddddd does he deserve to have it all outed and be shamed in public and then fucking jaileddddddd. 
lol poor tyagi. didn’t get his scoop. 
LMAO WHY IS DAKSH STILL EVEN HERE????????? 
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lol you shoulda done that like 5 minutes ago son, when bhaiyya and his wife were distracted with all their angst. now it’s his turn to do some marammat of your face. 
BUT ALSO. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND, IS SHIVAAY THE FLASH? HE WAS STANDING BEHIND ANIKA, NEXT TO PRINKU. SUDDENLY HE’S IN FRONT OF HER AND MANAGED TO GRAB HIM? SAME WITH DAKSH???? MATLAB KUCHHHH TOH TRANSITION DIKHAAO? PPL JUST BE TELEPORTING ALL OVER THIS DAMN LIVING ROOM. 
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itne pyaar aur sexual tension se toh isne kabhi anika ko nahi pakda.
yes, pleaseeee DO come back, daksh kapoor! you’re the only villain worth watching in this show. 
i mean, svetlana too, but her dumbass plans never really work out. daksh always at least manages to do some damage. 
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lmao A+ to camera angles for attempting to make tingu look tall. 
why’s dadi consoling prinku? she was chill af at how everything unfolded. you’re the one who was having a minor heart attack at every slap daksh got, dadi. 
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lol ofc omRu are focused on her thappad skills. 
why didn’t anyone bother cluing omRu in on all this? they could have held daksh down as anika and prinku kicked him in the nuts repeatedly. 
ohohoho someone’s allllll team anika now. SAALA, BADA AAYA PLAN KA CREDIT DENE WAALA. IF YOU’D LISTENED TO HER IN THE FIRST PLACE YEH SAB KARNE KI ZAROORAT PADTI HI NAHI. NA PRINKU COMA MEIN JAATI NA ANIKA KE SAATH WOH SAB HOTA. 
you dumbasssssssssssss son of a bitchhhhhhhhhhh shivaaaaaaay WHY THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK COULDN’T YOU FUCKING CHECK THE FUCKING CCTV FOOTAGE BEFOREEEEEEEEEEE, AT ANY ONE OF THE MILLION OTHER INSTANCES, YOU FUCKING GOBARGANESH
why the fuck is anika standing here listening to all this bs? 
yeah no, whoever it was should have run him over. he deserves it. 
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om in full on MOM mode. 
HAAN KARNI CHAHIYE THI. WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU?????
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NO OM. NO. PIGHALNE KA NAHI. 
GOD WHY IS ANIKA STILL HERE????????????? THIS SELF-SERVING ANIKA ZINDABAAD LECTURE OF HIS IS SO CRINGEY. 
ffs is anika operating under MY HEROOOOOOO kinda feelings now, just coz he came and jalaofied the batti???? godddddddddd. he didn’t even do it with the intention of saving you or anything.
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“kaash maine ussi din tumhaari baat maan li hoti. kaash maine us din tumpar yakeen kiya hota.”
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“yakeen karte karte bohut der kar di aapne.” 
i hope you stick to this stance and not give in to his damn puppy eyes.
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UH HOW DARE YOU??? HOW DAAAAAAAAAARE YOU?????/ YOU DO NOT GET TO TOUCH HER.
she shoulda fucken slapped his hand away, instead of just moving away all dignified.
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“ab aapko mujhse kya chahiye?”
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“tumhaara saath.”
betaji woh toh milne se raha. 
but at the breakneck pace this track is going at tho, you should be able to get it (it = her forgivness, undying love, all the pati waale rights, including bow chicka bow wow) by like... tuesday.
nothing a tellywood heroine’s sanctimonious ass loves more than a big public exposé. and he promised her the chance to slap as well. how could she say no!
“sirf priyanka ke liye.” that’s their safety phrase in this universe. 
at this rate, sex karte waqt bhi yehi bolna. fucking idiots. 
OH HOW CONVENIENTTTTTTTTT, LEAVING THE MESSY WORK TO HER. GROW A PAIR BILLU. START DOING SOME FUCKING EMOTIONAL LABOUR YOURSELF. GOD. MEN. 
the girl just woke up from a coma literally one hour ago. can you fuckers wait before springing this shit on her?????????????
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this poor kid. 
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YEAH FUCK OFF OUTTA HERE WITH YOUR PUPPY EYES. LITERALLY JAAKE CHULLU BHAR PAANI MEIN DOOB MARR. 
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(i made this gif coz i’ll be using it at least once every lb @ shivaay. please listen to it so you can imagine the level of disdain i have in my voice every time i use the gif.) 
prinku is 1000% ready. she about to spend all night practicing that ulte haath waala maneuver to fucking slap the teeth outta daksh’s lie-spouting mouth. 
payal is the biggest dumbass in this whole plot. firstly for tapping it without wrapping it. secondly for just playing along to anyyyyyyyyone saying anything. daksh ne kaha toh she did this. then anika ne kaha toh she did that. phir se daksh ne kaha toh she did a third thing. and now she’s doing whatever these two are telling her to. honestly woman. for someone with TWO brains inside you right now, you have zero functional critical thinking skillz. 
i heavily relate to shivaay’s daant-chabaana at her stupidity. 
... yeah it’s really none of y’all business about what she does with that baby, so piss off maybe? 
WTF WHY IS SHIVAAY TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE SIDECHICK OF HIS SISTER’S FIANCE AND THEIR ILLEGITIMATE CHILD? THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????????????? IF YOU WANNA TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR A CHILD, THERE’S ONE IN ANIKA’S HOUSE THAT COULD USE SOME HELP. THAT ONE IS ACTUALLY ONE IT’S APPROPRIATE FOR YOU TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR. JESUSSSSSSSSS.
yeah literallly fuck off with your maafi payal. NO MAAFI FOR YOU. 
UGH ANIKA, YOU TYAAG KI MURTIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. 
yeah that ladne ka naatak was hella bad. it’s just your good fortune that daksh was an overconfident dumbass. 
lel om feeling hurt he was left out of all this plotting. 
imma just apply navina’s RL to tia baby and headcanon that she’s enjoying herself on the swiss alps rn with a new man. 
are you guys watching her insta live and musically videos? she’s cute af. 
UM NO OM. YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST THING WOULD HAVE BEEN? HIM NOT MARRYING ANYONE. COZ HE DOESN’T DESERVE A WIFE. HIS BROKEN ASS WITH 6000 UNDIAGNOSED MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL ISSUES NEEDS A THERAPIST, NOT A WIFE. 
lel has billu been watching suno chanda? interesting use of the word “zyadti”. 
UM NO OMRU. SHE SHOULDN’T FORGIVE HIM. COULD YOU DUMBASSES GET BACK ON THE RIGHT SIDE???????? 
how convenient dadi’s come around to being on team anika, now that she’s done allllll the fucking emotional labour for this fam. fuck you dadi. in every universe your affection for anika depends on what she can do for you oberois. 
lmao allllll this lecturebaazi mein no one noticed that anika noped the fuck outta there. you self-involved bastards. 
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billu ka sensor doesn’t work in this universe kya? 
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TADAP, MOTHERFUCKER. TADAPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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SHE GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, ASSHOLE. SHE GONE AF. 
also, if he isn’t into tia anymore, why is he still wearing the engagement ring she put on him?
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TADAP!!!!!!!!! RO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!1 JAL JAL KE MARRRRRRRRRRRRR BC!!!!!
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yeah damn right you’re not worthy of maafi. the best thing you can do rn is free her from this garbage sham of a marriage, credit her account with like a few hundred million dollars and set up a cool life for her and gauri somewhere outside this hellish country. new zealand maybe?
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who beat shivaay up and can i get a piece of that action? 
LMAO I SINCERELY HOPE IT WAS GAURI, WHO FUCKING WENT TO TOWN ON HIS ASS AND STRAIGHT UP ROUNDHOUSE KICKED HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE. 
and good on omRu for fucking schooling him on his bs maafi maang-ing methods. 
i’ll need at least 3 continuous weeks of billu’s sachche dil waali koshish before i’ll even consider thinking about maafi. 
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sabergowitz · 8 years ago
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GHD
Groundhog Day Broadway reaction post!!!! I’ve been waiting to see it for like a year and a half, and boy howdy do I like this show. I saw one preview, opening night, and once front row! General thoughts, plus a section at the bottom for opening night specifically (aka me stressing unnecessarily about his injury)
Disclaimer one: I wrote about spoilers, stuff I like, stuff I don’t like, staging, the whole nine. largely show-chronological. may not make sense to you unless you’ve seen the show
Disclaimer two: I wrote this on a bus in the middle of the night so it is not the most coherent. 
tl;dr all the people who say “i’m too busy literally spinning on bill murray’s dick to even consider seeing this show” can suck my fucking toe
ACT I
one of the screens in the beginning shows phil talking about the weather on mars? wot is tha abah
that beginning-of-frozen/come from away swag in ‘there will be sun’, that mountain sound. one of the reviewers pointed this out too
I saw one of the reviewers say that not one song was memorable to them after the show??? I don’t know what they were smoking, because I’ve had ‘day one’/””””small town usa”””” stuck in my head since I first saw it
the punxsutawney jingle is so disneyland-ready it’s scary
barrett never enunciates "flood" story. the first time I heard it I was like "blood story? wat"
Also re: barrett -- she fits the character so well and I LOVE her singing voice!!! I think her acting is mostly In Service Of andy, which, duh -- but I’d like her to (and I have confidence she will) make it her own/a little more individual/idiosyncratic. Just the three performances I’ve seen I think she’s growing into it/getting more comfy :3
the "with a kiss- twist!" gets a little laugh, but following it up with "/fuck/" just tickles me every time hehe
love how the point they freeze at in ‘there will be sun’ is right before the sunrise/"oh if i could i'd will these clouds away" stuff - which all happens once phil is freed, and he watches the sunrise with rita :')
I LOVE ned’s chopped and screwed jingle on the third go around. it's like five seconds but it's so good at setting the mood. I am Frankly Appalled that the jingle isn’t on the cast recording, you don’t get the full impact of ‘night will come’ then
did not see ned’s pedo stache on my first two viewings, it grrrrosses me out and is not even ghd-movie-canonical, why this
the drunk driving joke always gets a big laugh which makes me a bit uncomfy
‘nobody cares’ is so FUCKING good. I esp like "shoot some cans, crack some cans, shoot the breeze". I wish they’d perform it at the tonys but alas….
… okay an Aside for tonys performance thoughts: I’d love them to perform ‘nobody cares’ but it would kind of waste andy and I feel like they’d want him prominent. Plus the big car is run on the turntables, which they wouldn’t have on that stage, but maybe they could just block it differently. ‘hope’ would obviously be fucking incredible but I think it’s too Dark and staging-complicated for the tonys. I have a feeling we’re gonna get ‘if I had my time again’ which is fffffine but a little generic for my taste. Obviously the solution is ‘seeing you’, pls. okay moving on (ETA: they are apparently doing a medley that includes one of the Days. I am Nervous about this choice)
still don’t know how they do the bag blowing across the stage so well in ‘philanderer’! I don’t see a string or anything and it blows so realistically
also, important note: when he goes behind the door with nancy and is making ~sex noises~, he is actually in real time also thrusting/writhing up on her, I saw it with my eyes lordy lou
"me, in all my finery! and you, in your - practical attire!" makes me laugh EVERY time I just love how andy delivers it
the shining armor masturbation joke never lands and I think barrett have given up on trying to telegraph it super clearly haha
"same! that is my favorite drink!" handonchest.jpeg
rita's constant response to phil’s sleaziness is "grow up" -- which, I understand that is what they're trying to push thematically for phil? but like grown ass men aren't doing gross ass shit every day???
“for me modesty is second only to humility" is the laugh line for me but "my humility is legend" always gets it
in ‘one day’ when rita sings “metrosexual”, phil points to himself like “me? why you gotta call me out wtf”
in the snowball fight scene, once when rita’s turned away, phil turns to the kids and mouths “FUCK OFF” with hand gestures, I screamed
love how phil’s “fictional man” hits at the same time as rita’s “actual man”, and they’re both right, and they’re both wrong
ACT II
okay ‘playing nancy’. I see what they were going for with this song, but I think we can all agree that “it’s better to be leered at than not desired at all” is A Bad Take, Greg. whatever, none of the reviewers like this song either, it gives people time to get back to their seats ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ not only is the content strange, but it’s kind of boring musically/melodically too. also I think it’s fucky that they have nancy be a sympathetic character for “taking what men give her”, but shit on rita’s ‘one day’ farm girl for doing the same thing? idk, I haven’t really unpacked all my thoughts about it but it’s not keeping me up at night. they tried, they largely got there, whatevs
the shooting scene before ‘hope’ was so shocking to me when I first saw it, but ‘hope’ itself was just thrilling and exciting. music fixes everything I guess
I love ‘everything about you’, it really struck me in the sternum the first time I saw the show. I’m a BIG sucker for very simplistic imagery communicating larger ideas of love or death or whatever (see also: underwater from caroline or change, origin of love from hedwig and the angry inch)
also “you thought jesus was going to appear from the dark” in your bedroom is totally ripped from the headlines of tim minchin’s life (right? I remember a very similar anecdote from an interview of his) ETA: YES
‘if i had my time again’ is fun and fine!! for me there’s not enough blocking/telegraphing of phil ~truly falling for~ rita. you get some of it in the tilt-a-whirls but it’s pretty hard to follow visually. this song is like a slightly less effective ‘when you’re home’? “feels like you’re showing me around your hometown”, yanno.
“and I would be a lot more zen” immediately followed by “and I would punch a lot of men” same girl
also phil holds the hot dog for SO LONG in this song, I didn’t realize. like for more than half of the song he’s holding this hot dog rita handed to him near the beginning ahahaha
andy karl gets the tony award for best coat-ography, whipping that shit around his shoulders twenty times a show
ned ryerson’s ballad about death is one of my favorite songs, which is a sentence tim minchin made me type with my own two goddamn hands. and john sanders sings it sooooo well I love it. (I like him singing it live better than some of the vocal choices he made on the cast recording)
if I think too hard about what phil is actually doing?? or trying to accomplish?? during that moment it fucks me up so hard. sisyphian 4 real
also the staging at the end of the number, phil (who is dark) following in step behind ned (who is lit) fuck meeee
‘philanthropy’ is the most joyous I have ever been in a theater fight me
also vishal did the whole number and then came back on and was supes sweaty in a tuxedo plus coat, poor thing
and then when all the sound is sucked out of the room and seeing you kicks in I’m d o n e :’’’’’’’’))))))))))
when the final scene comes around and it was clear he had been freed, a lady behind me scoffed and said too loud, “he’s broken out of it now. watch.” and I was like DEBORAH WE’RE ALL AWARE OF THE MOVIE your insight is not necessary pipe down pls
matthew warchus has a talent for ending shows with lovely simple artistic vignettes (ms honey and matilda cartwheeling towards a tiny house, phil and rita with their arms around each other bathed in sunrise) :’)
OPENING NIGHT
maybe it was just me because i had too much coffee beforehand? but I think during the first half I/the audience, plus andy himself, were a little tense/stiff/high strung? not quite ~in the groove~. it is a very anxiety-inducing first half to be fair. (plus it was literally opening night, so.) some of the audience was v aware he was injured: at one point putting on his shoes he almost slipped off the bed platform and a bunch of people gasped/winced. I swear I saw him at one point (when he was stage left, not in the spotlight yet) wave off “no im fine” to someone in the wings. I took deep breaths during intermission to zen out tho, and once he nailed ‘hope’ I was like pshaw we good
he was not quiiiite limping but almost. was stiff. at "with what a dixie cup" I saw him like ~hobbling off the stage :( and he was pulling his punches somewhat with the physical comedy, but I only knew that because I saw him do it at full strength at the preview. I don't think it was obvious to first timers. he didn't go Full Loony Slapstick Panic Attack, it was more like real ass nervous and Stressed, which just made ME stressed because I didn't know if he was struggling injury wise or not
he really gave his all in the slick dancing of ‘philandering’ tho. and everyone was cheering him on, it was great
“one lonely people? c’mon...” *extends his leg with knee brace up onto a diner stool, gestures to it, massages his thigh, literally two distinct applause breaks* “aren't you even curious?”
he kept bending down as the snowball fight scene warrants and I was like BUDDY PLS
in ‘hope’ “there will be mornings you’ll be utterly defeated by your laces” got LAUGHS, I was upset. but people gave crazy cheers each time he woke up again. he just crushed it like fuckin YEAH
when the bell chimes started in for philanthropy my heart rate skyrocketed. instead of doing a silly gangly full on sprint like he did uninjured, he did like, tiny running? in the style of a powerwalker? it was still very comedic and good
‘seeing you’: he broke down/cracked a bit on “I know nothing” and paused, looked upstage, looked at barrett, looked out at the audience, and continued. READER I CRIED
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thegeminisage · 8 years ago
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i realized i had been typing up zelda blogging into notepad for like a week plus without posting, cause i didn’t wanna post everyday once i finished the main story? but then it got SUUUPER long. i waited for it to kinda taper down since now i’m mostly down to completionist stuff, and since it has, i’m gonna post it & just do small posts if i decide to blog abt anything else.
it feels rly weird not to zeldablog now
i ran into a blue? silver? lynel and got trapped fighting it on my way out of hyrule castle AND KILLED IT!! yay!!
also im going back to the mountain to check out that glow
i checked the shrine out next to it, since i was only activating them near the end and not DOING them
and they've gotten way more complex
now i understand when the monks commend your resourcefulness like before i was like, pls. that was way too easy. literally anyone could have done that
i went to the lake at night and it isn't glowing ): idgi did i see something else? does it only do that from a distance? on certain nights? i could see it from SO far away...
o my god theres a GOLF minigame the camera angles even do the thing
fucking fuck dinraal showed up WHILE I WAS PLAYING GOLF 
i MISSED him im so mad i couldnt fast travel away bc minigame!!!
WOW AND HERE COMES THE BLOOD MOON WHICH I WAS WAITING ON AT THE LAKE MOUNTAIN im so pissed i fuckin hate golf at this point its faster to finish than to run all the way back and quit :|
i finished golf but the blood moon just turned into?? a normal moon??
ah okay the glow is random and it's a rare mount!! thank god it wasn't just me losing my mind lol
haha i went to kill the shock arrow lynel just to see if i could and it only took like less than a minute with atk+ armor and decent weapons/shields
plus i'm just better at that special timing stuff now
figures it wouldn't happen til post-game
wtf another blood moon only a few nights later???
i read it was super glitchy but i never really realized until i was paying attention...
aww i bought a house!! maybe link and zelda can live there until the castle is restored YES THEY WILL BE MARRIED SOMEDAY
it's a cute quest i wish i had brought enough rupees to buy all the furniture in it
anyway like. it's super nice to have finally beaten this game's story?? i feel like now i don't have to Rush, i can stop and poke around and explore just like i want, tbh i kinda wish i had done it sooner
anyway im done for the night but i think i will rack up a bit more blogging before making a post i don't wanna be making one every day anymore
——
okay so im gonna wait for the blood moon at this shrine
ive been reading that its random and glitchy?? but had i never read any of that i would have been SURE it was just every full moon, like clockwork
so maybe i'm wrong or the internet is
anyway i have enough fire arrows and wood to camp for a full 10 nights, after which im bailing lol
OH FUCK CANCEL EVERYTHING A SHOOTING STAR
I WONDER IF I CAN FAST TRAVEL TO IT??
only one way to find out
I CAN!!!!!
tonight's a halfmoon...if it's waxing then only 2 more nights, if the blood moon is the fullmoon
waning - 6 more nights :/
and who even knows if the blood moon is the full moon...
i've been reading so much and there's so much i was aching to do while trapped in bed that i don't know where to begin...! yet i am waiting at this dumb shrine, haha
i think i wanna to the terrytown quests? tarrytown? where you build a town, those sound so fun, but ofc i need rupees
three-quarters moon! pleeease letthe next one be a blood moon, i say for once in my life lol
oh no...full moon but no blood moon ):
ugh i do not WANT to camp here for a hundred years
i suppose with the nearby shrine i can get to it fairly quicky but not quickly enough for my liking...once the moon rises you only have literally like two minutes before it leaves
so i have to notice it, get out there, and get naked in less than 2 minutes, without warning :/
ok yeah no this is stupid i'll just do something else while i wait
ah, but what! this is what i was talking about earlier, where do you even BEGIN
i could go back and solve shrines, but puzzles are only fun for so long, i wanna explore and there's so much left to see
i could also rupee farm hahahaha
and for better or worse i do eventually wanna get all the korok seeds...
actually i think i wanna fight minibosses?? which is so weird but i feel like i can take em
i know the silver lynels will kick my ass from reading tvtropes but i can take the others!!!
i also read about the lon lon ranch ruins, which i either missed or didn't realize what they were...i don't have a clue as to where they are, but i wanna see them, i know i'll be Sad
omg people startle when i get close to them wearing dark link armor
oooh i was wondering what this big circular tower was...man i havent seen ANYTHING in hyrule field
apparently there are monsters inside...i see a blue lynel? silver lynel? who knows
but i fought one before, so maybe i can take it
i WAS wanting to fight stuff
camera says it's silver, tvtropes says silvers are harder than calamity ganon himself
but the ones that aren't red all look alike to me, so i have no idea which kind i fought in hyrule castle...and my sword had superpowers then
the problem is all these OTHER monsters...no way could i take them on all at once
so i gotta go around and pick them off first without being noticed if i can
omg i cant drop the master sword when electrocuted ahaha nice
oops i dropped a lizalfos down there with the lynel....lmao maybe i better just go fight him before i fuck up anything else
ah no it's coming back on its own. well done
ok, got em
man, wouldn't it be just my luck if the blood moon rose NOW
tbh if it did i would have to abandon this entire thing, which i would, reluctantly, just so i wouldn't have to wait anymore
ooh god he saw me i was hopin for a sneak attack ;w;
ok here we go i guess!!
i did it!!!!
it actually wasn't that bad, tho it got a bit dicey a couple of times
so much of this game is like, your buffs and armor and weapons, i've had harder fights against weaker foes just bc i wasn't properly equipped
but learning to dodge and use my shield a bit better certainly didn't hurt
tbh it looks like most of what i wanna do requires rupees, so i should go farm some i guess!
boring, but you know
apparently i was wrong about the music in goron city and the gerudo areas and they ARE the classic tunes...i just didn't hear it??
AAAAH the satori mountains are glowing!!
;w; i caught him
what a freaky-lookin boy
i wish i could keep him!!
jesus fuck the blood moon came up and i idled at the screen without looking, god, the ONE TIME
i bet i'll never make it in time but i gotta try
dark link armor will make me move a BIT faster at night for what its worth but i dont even think i have revali's gale ready jfc
thank god i made it with just a few seconds to spare
yikes its lightning af outside so im gonna quit for now
——
aww tarreytown looks so cute so far!! i wanna build it up ;u;
lol i hate when you know a guardian is nearby and can't find it even tho i can fight them now my heartrate is still so jacked up
——
god the tarreytown sidequests are so pleasant and relaxing like
i havent felt so calm playing this game since...i don't think ever
and like, they talk about the yiga clan and the monsters outside
and if i were a person with more time i would write the cute genfic about how tarreytown gets put under seige but their location makes that hard and they fight off the bad guys
it's always sunny there!!! no matter the weather elsewhere :')
also i finally did break the hylian shield cleaning out the guardian room on maze island and i got a replacement there......for3k, but still
anyway im finding all the chests from the shrines i missed and one is in the plateau ): my heart
like, i can't believe i used to think this mountain was massive, this plateau was massive. it's so small compared to everything else. and so lonely ;_;
like, i miss it, weirdly, but i miss the version that had the easy enemies and the old man and where when i looked outside of the walls it was all very misty and i couldn't even comprehend the true size of this world
so: nostalgia, i guess
——
jesus FUCKING christ i went out to see the ranch ruins with epona and i got attacked by a guardian, a yiga clan member, and two silver bokoblins on horseback
FINALLY fought them off, terrified the entire time something would happen to epona, and i got attacked by three stal moblins
fought THEM off and there's a stal bokoblin on a stalhorse! but i can't catch it or ride it because of all times, the blood moon is rising!! j e s u s c h r i s t
now i've gotta get on my horse and get the hell out of dodge before those things come back to hurt her
i was thinking of a nice relaxing-if-sad trip before bed but no i gotta come back on FOOT to kill these guys AGAIN and then bring her back during the DAY so we can properly look around
who KNEW this would be so awful, jesus
okay update i did get on the stalhorse bc i have about 30 seconds to snap a cool pic (no way i can ride it out to whatever stable i need for the quest...even if i could leave epona here, it's much too long of a trip) but fucking hell dude
FUCK i took too long it rose epona and i are STILL HERE LMAO (((:
i didn't know if i should get on epona and ride for it or teleport to the stable and then board her
i teleported and it looks like she's still safe bc they boardered her ;_;
i took her back out and gave her a bunch of apples ;____; my poor brave girl
lol as if that wasnt enough its about to start lightning
ugh i'm coming back tomorrow and cleaning that place out good and fucking proper
i'd kinda like to do it tonight but it's already so late and i don't feel well and it would take a long time and also be a bit stressful probably
at least now i know where to find lots of stalhorses lol
although if you think about it they're there bc a lot of horses died
aaaaand i'm sad again
(super mad i didn't get pics on my in-game camera of the horse, but the snapchat pic i snapped of dark link riding it under the blood moon was still pretty damn cool)
——
w o w
i kinda wish i had been able to bring epona, but i couldn't—it's so dangerous here
but after clearing it out and actually getting to look around, uh
this is brick-for-brick the most faithful recreation of oot's lon lon ranch
and i am SO sad
ugh i just had to restart an entire shrine bc i dropped my korok leaf at the last second bc i was trying to open all the chests and i had to go back and get my good spear that i had to drop to get the korok leaf in the first room...but i needed the korok leaf to get back to the end!!!!!
i hate the weapons system in this game sometimes i won't lie like sometimes it's really good and sometimes it drives me bonkers
oh my fucking god lmao
i can't even RESTART the shrine bc the leaf was in a CHEST which is now empty. holy shit
like, that is NONFUNCTIONAL
they should have had a tools section for leaves and axes and shit i swear to fuck bc i always drop korok leaves as soon as i can bc i don't ever use them to sail and i have so little room and there's so many weapons...jesus christ
i made a huuuuuge list of everything i need to fully upgrade all my armor. it took hours but i think i did the math wrong
remember when i said i was never going back to eventide? well here i am! i'm farming bokoblin guts/general monster drops lol and i knew there were a bunch here :|
but i'm better armed now! so it should be a cakewalk
even red hinoxes don't give me much trouble these days. we'll see
sniped the upper camp no problem with some pretty basic bows. don't know WHY i sniped it, i could have fought them...
haha just kidding. yes i do
time to fight the hinox, i suppose
tbh this is giving me trauma flashbacks lol
duuuude theres a lil star by this hinox's name!!
does that mean the game keeps track of which i kill.......awhile ago the fang and bone guy said he wanted me to kill every hinox and i'm like "fffft yeah right like the blood moon wouldn't come up halfway through each and every try"
but maybe that doesn't matter O:
now i can use stamps to only mark hinoxes i HAVENT killed............interesting
unfortunately i've also been stamping lynels, and i'd hate to take stamps off just bc i'd killed something...man
i wish i had more kinds of stamps and the ability to USE more stamps, geez
i could kill all four moldugas first and see what he did before deciding if it was Worth It
this doesn't make me feel like a badass and i'm not actually getting any great drops. i just have war flashbacks and feel slightly creeped out and anxious. so i'm leaving
holy fuck i finally got the rubber armor and duuuuude it really is shock proof! i got struck by lightning and it knocked me off my feet but only took a quarter of a heart!!!
——
guess i should make a list of taluses, hinoxes, and moldugas i KNOW ive killed :|
it won't be comprehensive but i wanna keep track of it, sigh
i'm trying to farm bokoblin guts but this one area is like all these high up bridges and platforms and they ALWAYS fall so every time i have to fly down and climb back up :|
this place was from one of the coolest parts of the trailer though i really like it
i thought foolishly to knock them all off and then go down and get them. of course they'd despawned by then </3
——
I FOUND KASS IN THE RITO STABLE? HE HAS A WIFE AND KIDS BACK HOME??
like tvtropes spoiled that for me i'll admit but im still cryin...hes so homesick!! he fulfilled a promise!!!! kass buddy i'm gonna clear those shrines for you ;_;
also update i get medals for killing all the things so ofc i gotta do that if i want 100%
i Dread the getting of the korok seeds i just dont know if i am Capable especially knowing there's no reward
like, i'm trying to get all the shrines done before i finish off the sidequests bc once i finish off the sidequests i am not gonna wanna play anymore, the story stuff and exploration stuff will mostly be over, my drive to keep going will drop dramatically, so like
gotta do the shrines first so i actually have time to WEAR the super cool armor i get
otherwise it would be sidequests, shrines, armor, but then no more playing lmao
——
I GOT IT AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL
I MAY NEVER WEAR ANYTHING ELSE
(thats a lie i gotta wear other stuff until i can get this upgraded bc the stats are so low...but its BEAUTIFUL)
——
i did all the stables so why won’t kass come see his daughters? ;_;
oh ok i had to go get the cache
AWWW BUDDY
he finally knows it’s me!! furthermore zelink #confirmed thank u nintendo this is probably the most overt it’s ever been tbh
——
finally fully upgraded my armor & i never wanna see another dragon again
they kept failing to spawn where they were supposed to and the only one who spawns reliably/is easy to hit/doesn’t send scales flying 100000 miles away is farosh, naydra and dinraal are absolutely horrible, naydra in particular has nowhere you can fast-travel to, you have to fast-travel to a nearby shrine and then walk a good distance no matter where you drop in at. naydra was also the most finnicky about showing up when she was supposed to
at least i figured out i can use a flame sword instead of fire arrows to light campfires
getting honey was pretty easy there’s a fuckton next to those hinox brothers and acorns are kinda everywhere
the beetles were a little more tedious but once i put them on my sensor not too bad...the worst part was turning beedle down every time he wanted one because he does a LONG speech that is SUPER annoying after the 100th time and you’re just trying to buy arrows
anyway im gonna go test the defense
surprise! lynels and guardians can still kick my ass!
everything else seems to fly right off me tho so that’s something
it’s been ages since any hinox or talus was able to put up a fight against me
i’ve still only killed about half of each tho like :/ damn they are everywhere & there’s sooo many
——
i’m lowkey wondering if i will attempt to 100% this game like i do Not look forward to getting all those fucking korok seeds, at that point it is no longer fun, yk, and the reward is so stupid
also i saw a video about having to visit every major named place on the map as well
and both of those things obviously guarantee that you see EVERY INCH of this huge and exapansive and beautiful world, but i feel like if i forced myself to keep going and doing it i would learn to hate the game a little bit lmao. lowkey feel like that’s adding fake hours onto your game for something that stop being fun and turns into absolute tedium, but i guess i can understand wanting to give completionist players a reason to see EVERYTHING
we’ll just see how i feel - i still have quite a few sidequests left, and while i don’t wanna burn thru them too quickly (bc again, after they’re over my interest will drop dramatically) i also still wanna fight the minibosses and upgrade as much of my armor as i am able to
but like, who the fuck has time to farm 160ish star pieces...? not me my dude and that mmo-type drop rarity is like :/ i disapprove, that’s like...cheating. but anyway. we’ll see how far i get
0 notes
tellywoodtrash · 7 years ago
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ishqbaaz ep 400 - 404 lb
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now, let’s see what fresh hell my idiot children have raised in the one week i left them unsupervised! 
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ep 400 (30.10.17)
ok you know what, i reallllllly do not care about this lameass shivika plot. i didn’t care one week ago when i was watching in real time, and now one week later, i literally couldn’t give less of a fuck. ugh. already disgruntled at having to sit through this garbage. 
YOU FUCKERS SHOULD BE CONCENTRATING ON RIKARA, PAR NAHI, IDHAR BHI APNE AINVAYIII KE ISSUES. HONESTLY. THINK ABOUT SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELVES FOR 4 MINUTES. AND IF YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT YOURSELVES, THINK PROPERLY LIKE NORMAL MARRIED COUPLES, AND GO BANG. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD. 
ugh ok i really don’t care about anika’s nonsense mental issues when there’s literally so many other problems. fwding this bs. 
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas, rikara!!!!!!!! 
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i am honestly so emosh rn. 😭😭😭
yaaaaaaas baby girl! call him out on his bs! 
ok can’t help but feel a little bad for kunal’s kamar in this scene. is it just me or is he ladkhadaayiing a bit? 
UGH GTFO SHIVIKA I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU TWO RN UNLESS YOU’RE FUCKING. 
anika has legittttttttttttt lost her goddamned mind. honestly, what the fuck have they done to my girl???? 
IS THIS HONESTLY AN ISSUE???? LIKE???? I CAN’T EVEN WITH THESE TWO ASSHOLES RIGHT NOW. JUST GTFO MY SCREEN BEFORE I RAGE QUIT WATCHING THIS EP. 
lmao ok kunal ki saaas phul rahi hai, someone give the poor boy a sec to catch his breath. 
YAS GAURI ASKKKKKKKKKKKK HIMMMMMMMM 
pffffffft, don’t even talk about shivika’s ishqbaazi rn gauri, coz... i just can’t. 
“WOH DONO EK DUSRE KO NEECHA NAHI DIKHAATE KABHI.”
ok someone needs to sit gauri down and tell her all of bade bhaiyya ke puraane paap. 
and rudra’s just going snip-happy on ajay’s car like a toddler in crafts class. best. 
ok ruvya nonsense is what i care about least in this show so fwd fwd fwd. 
this trope of shit getting stuck in each other’s jewelry and what not is literally the worst. 
OK RUDRA NEEDS TO BE GIVEN ONE TIGHT SLAP. WHY THE FUCK IS BHAVYA EVEN PUTTING UP WITH THIS BS? SHE JUST NEEDS TO TELL SHIVAAY WHAT’S UP AND GTFO THE STUPID “BOND” CLAUSE. 
god i’m just so mad at heterosexuality rn. all these ppl just need to leave each other alone already, coz together, they just make each other and everyone else miserable as fuck. 
YAS GAURI. TEAR THAT DUPATTA. FREE YOURSELF FROM THE SHACKLES OF THE HEGEMONIC INSTITUTION THAT IS MATRIMONY IN THE DESI SOCIETYYYYYYYYYYYY
why am i being forced to watch this utter TRASH that is this shivika plot? it’s literally worse than the ruvya plot. #bloodyUNSAHIKKABLE (something for my southie peeps there.) 
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never thought i’d relate SO MUCH with shivaay during an argument, but hey, here we are. matlab facepalm kar kar ke mera toh mooh hi laal ho gaya hai. 
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ok what even is this editing? ffs, kuch toh transition effect daalo scenes ke beech mein. 
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oh gauriiiiiiii, my baby girl, don’t cryyyyyyyyy. mera dillll jaltaaa haiiiiii. i can’t bear to see you like this. 😥😥😥😢😢😢
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ok i can’t bear his crying either, but he deserves to cry a little, so dil pe patthar rakh ke seh loongi main. 
GOD SRSLY ANIKA YOU NEED TO GROW UP. 
great. usko bhi pakad ke taana and issue. shivaay just leave her be. let her go eat something and she’ll calm the fuck down in time and come find you. 🙄🙄🙄
i’m just fwding this garbage, because after EVERYTHING they went though, if she still doesn’t trust him, phir mujhe kuch nahi kehna. honestly, so done with this. 
ok just in case i didn’t hate men enough in this episode, ajay’s here to MAKE SURE ki koi kasar reh toh nahi gayi. 😒😒😒
okay fuckkkkk offf shitty ajayyyyyyy, with your crappy unibrow. 
OMFG HAATH LAGAAYA, SAALE KAMEENE HIMMAT KAISE HUIIIIII KAAAT KE GANDE NAALI MEIN NA PHENK DOON MAIN
ok this grownass man has been TOLD the issue to his face and he’s still like “idk why she’s mad at me?????” why are men like thisssss????? 
god why won’t this shitty ass episode enddddddddddddddd??? 400th episode my ass. 
waah, bhavya’s gonna solve the mysteries of the feminine mind for bhaiyya. 
lol this little golu molu baby sardar. what a cutie. 
this show really nails their casting of kids. highly surprising how all of them are non annoying. 
YOU KNOW HOW YOU CAN BRING BACK HER KHOYA HUA CONFIDENCE? BY SEXING HER. SO PLEASE. GET TO IT. MATLAB, TUM AADMI HO YA PAJAMA?!!?!
GOD FINALLLLLLLLLLY THIS DAMN EPISODE IS FUCKING OVER. HALLELUJAH. 
ep 401 (31.10.17)
aaaaaaaand golu molu is back. 
shivaay, don’t you have enough issues in your life???? ek aur issue ke beech mein taang adaa rahe ho???? go talk to your stupid wife.  
... is there a reason he got outta costume for this???? 
and god the ugly blue filter. hate. HAAAAAAAAATE. WHY DO THEY USE IT EVERY TIME THESE TWO HAVE A SCENE IN THIS LOCATION????? IT’S SO FUCKING UGLY. 
man do i haaaave to watch this???? he’s just gonna be all i promise ill love you when you’re old and blah blah blah physical looks don’t matter dil matters and blah blah. 
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“i’m not trying, i AM cute.” 
pffffffffft. ek toh overconfidence ki hadh. you’re not even that cute. doosra, bebe!Anika is this close to taking off her chandni and beating all the cute outta you. 
my god i cannot be gladder than i am to be utterly single rn, coz jesus above, being in a relationship looks fucking exhausting. yahaan mujhse apne emotions aur issues jhele nahi jaate, and you have to be deal with someone elses’ neuroses too???? no thanks. 
i am baby!sardar and he is me. utterly sick of these ppl and screaming “meri jaan baksh do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 
called shivaay’s nonsense speech almost down to the word. not feeling particularly proud about it tho, coz that just means the writing of this show is just thaaaaat thakela. 
OMG ANIKA WHICH OTHER WOMAN WOULD EVEN WANT THIS STUPID GODFORSAKEN DEMON OF A MAN?????????? HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF THAT????????? THAT LITERALLY NO OTHER WOMAN IN ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH CAN TOLERATE HIM????? 
ok i swear to god rudra needs to get hit by a bus or something. #freeBhavya
WHY WON’T THIS STUPID SCENE END OMG
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fwding. don’t care. gimme gauri. NOW. NOWWWWWWWWWWWWW. 
OOOOH. WHY’S BULBUL COMING TO OMKI????? is she realising that she’d rather be married to repentant hottie shaayar rather than ugly unibrow handsy fucker???
ok. clue has been given that richa is the reason. use your goddamn brain now, omki. 
god his sexyyyyy agony whisper voice. it’s doing things to meeeeeeee. 😍😍😍
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haaaaaye his face. be still my beating heart. 
of course. ajay is daksh 2.0, but not even half as entertaining. 
i miss daksh, man. after svetlana, he’s the most lolz delivering waala villain this show has ever had. 
OK WHAT EVEN IS THIS OUTFIT GAURI IS WEARING LORD ABOVE NA SAR HAI NA PAIR, JAANE KAISE TEEN CHAAR CHICHDE JOD DIYE HAI AUR USKO “OUTFIT” BULA RAHE HO
angsty sexyyyyyyyyyyyyy eyes are being maaaaaade. 😭😭😭
and ugly ajay is noticinggg and grinding his teeth all shivaay-style. 
ughhhhh ajay you’re the fucking worst. i really fucking hope the oberois go to town on you and repeatedly kick you in the nuts. 
ok shivaay’s outfit has actually made me go blind and i’m now watching this episode with my mann ki aankhein. 😣😣😣
shivaay still can’t understand the concept of consent and free will. honestly, i think this idiot needs to have the point beaten into him. 
aisi time par bhi isko shayari sooj rahi hai. emo!maxxxxx only my son is. 
“mujhse vaada karo hum aur kuch nahi karenge.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BOY DO YOU NOT KNOW YOUR OBEROI KIN AT ALL??????? SHAADI KHUD KI HO YA KISI AUR KI, TAMASHA TOH KARNA HI HAI! 
omfgggggggg anika, COZ PYAAAR (woh bhi aisa ek number ka ghatiyaaaa “pyaar”) ISN’T EVERYTHING IN LIFE OK????  
ok anika just don’t give a fuck anymoreeee. 
aaaaaaaaaaaaand the wig is offfff.
why’s gauri shocked? she fully knew anika was here? they slept in the same bed??? 
ajay is the shivaay of bareilly. all authoritative and shouty and shiz. pity that the real shivaay is here, and about to teach him how it’s really done. 
LMAO MAAAAAAAAAA IS LIKE “I DIDN’T KNOW NOTHING! MAIN TOH ALLAH MIYAAN KI GAAAIII HOON!!” 😂😂😂😂
shivaay’s having a haaaaaard time controlling himself. teeth grinding and eye rolling to the max. 
lololololololol looks like ajay’s maa itself shall be cockblocking him. 
“THA NAHI. HOON.” 
daaaaaaaaaayum son! 
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LMAO SHIVAAY’S FACE LIKE “I TRIED, MAN. I TRIED.” 
styyyyyylish and tadi-filled removal of pagdis and wigs. 
god kunal, tumhe koi haq nahi banta ki tum itne khoobsurat lago. NOT FAIR! 😫😫😫😫
lol nakuul’s champu hair, compared to the other two’s faaaaaahbulous, totally-unaffected-by-pagdi hair. 
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obligatory ‘haaye my beautiful boys!’ waala shot. 😍😍😍
gauri be like WHY ARE MY SASURAAL WAALE SUCH FREAKSSSSSSSSSSSSSS OMG
EP 402 (01.11.17)
LMAO like whaaaaaaaat trip is ajay even on? she’s HIS wife, not yours. what “cheeeen lega” and all??? kuch bhi. chal hatt, chutiya kahinka. 
can’t wait for obros to hand ajay’s ass to him. coz he’s quite honestly asking for it. 
hee hee hee, i shall always get a kick outta shivaay jumping men who have like at least half a foot on him and trying to fight them. my smol fighty baby. 
OMFG OMKARA KO CHAANTA. AB TOH NAHI BACHEGA TU BETA. AB TOH TICKET KATAA HI LE WAAPSI KI. 
WHY’S RUDRA STOPPING SHIVAAY???? BRO, YOU’RE SUPP TO JUMP AJAY TOO???? MY GOD, NIKKAMMA KA NIKAMMA ONLY THIS IDIOT BOY IS. WHEN YOU GONNA START PULLING YOUR DAMN WEIGHT AROUND HERE, ASSHOLE???????????????
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awwww man shivaay’s face is making me cryyyyyyyyyyyyyy. 😭😭😭😭
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OMG OMG OMGGGGGGGG BULBUL CALLING OUT TO BADE BHAIYYE #MYBROTPLIVES #shivriHameshaAmarRahe
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS BITCCCCCCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
ab baby bulbul ne aadesh diya hai tohhh... 
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lol bulbul’s bloodlust will not be satisfied with just the one obro. she wants them ALL to go to town on these bareilly bastards. and that’s allllllllll the encouragement hubs needs. 
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how awesome is this shot of bulbul and her three protectors tho! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
gimme some shots of anika and bhavya kicking ass too plz??? 
ugh no, they’re relegated to cheerleaders. how lame. 
LMAO GAURI’S HAPPINESS AT THE CHAOS, FADING AWAY AT RICHA/MUKESH’S WTF FACES HAHAHAHA
shivaay’s like bro i’ve had enough of this small town bs. can we gtfo here pls? 
god i realllllly hate gauri’s outfit. it’s drowninggggg her tiny frame. 
“hum waapas nahi jaa sakte.” 
lmao everyone’s faces like “behen itna maar dhaar karne se pehle nahi bol sakti thi???? phukat mein energy waste.”  
i really love how shivaay is having waaaaaaay more of a devastated reaction than om at gauri not coming back. 
protip to shivaay: just legally adopt gauri (like you did sahil), so she’ll be your sister no matter what the fuck goes on in the rikara marriage. 
... we’re back in OM? 
oh yes we are. unless shivaay authoritatively makes hot chocolate for ppl in others’ kitchens as well. 
ok that sleeved vest looks really bad under THAT kurta, shivaay. 
shivaay, ever heard of giving someone (anyone!) personal space? no? ok cool. 
CAN A MAN ANGSTILY MOPE IN THE DARK ABOUT HIS WIFE MARRYING SOMEONE ELSE IN PEACE? PLEASE???!?!?!!!!!!
heavy vibes of post-ishaana kadhi-chawal scene no? 
still one of my eternal fave obro scenes. (“main iss baare mein baat nahi karna chahta!” *talks about it for 2 hours*)
“hota hai.”
haan is ghar mein toh aksar hota hai, ki biwi kisi aur se shaadi karne chali jaati hai, lekin NORMAL LOGON KE SAATH aisa nahi hota. 
oh boyyyyyy, shivaay ke khurafaati dimaag mein idea. 
meanwhile gauri is doing full intezaam of bhaagna from there. 
gosh gauri, since when are you such a terrible liar???
maa is doing everything she can to cover bitiyaa’s ass. love it. 
ajayyyyy doesn’t even wanna marry her???? then why’s he so insistenttttt????? 
STOP LYING TO HER SHIVAAY. FOR FUCKS SAKE HAVE YOU LEARNTTTTTTTTT NOTHINGGGGGG. GOD. 
“shankar ji apni chiraiyya ka dhyaan rakhlenge.”
YUP. IN THE FORM OF BADE BHAIYAAAAAA. WHO’S FLYING OVER AS WE SPEAK TO SAVE HIS BABY BIRD. 
omg how daaaaaaare he LIE TO HER FACE LIKE THIS. BITCH, ONE. YOU A HELLA SUCKY LIAR. AND TWO. SHE KNOWS YOUR DUMB ASS BETTER THAN YOU KNOW YOURSELF. 
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“WE GOT OURSELVES A BULBUL TO KIDNAP.”
god this asshole really going to fucking kidnap gauri. srsly, it’s like he learned nothing from his first wedding. 
“yaar hum raat ko ghee lene jaa rahe hai????” 
LOLOLOL
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fuck, my hearttttttttttt. god i love these stupidass boys so much. 
ooooooooooh gauri is overhearinggggg. 
YAAAAAAAAAS BULBUL YOU BEAT THE F OUTTA THIS ASSHOLE. 
pffffffffft, oh nowwwww she wants to call omkiiiiiii. 
of course he won’t pick up. girl, this is why you should depend on no man. 
ugh the cgi for the helicopter is so terrible. 
lol gauri has emptied her whole wardrobe into making escape waali rassi. she’s seen golmaal (puraana waala, not the chutiya new ones) one too many times i think. 
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pffffffffffft waise toh bada kidnapping ka plan bana raha tha??? karne ka time aaya toh shivaay is just standing there frozen and other two just pushed him to side and moved on. 
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LMAO HER INNER MONOLOGUE I LOVE GAURIIIIIIIIIII SO MUCH 
LOLOLOLOL HE WAS GONNA BUST INTO A SHER AND RUDRA’S FRUSTRATION
“YEH KAISA AADMI HAI???? BHAABI MUBARAK HO, HUM AAPKO KIDNAP KARNE AAYE HAI.” LMAOOOOOOOOOO
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be still my beating heart! 😍😍😍😍
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omfg ommmmmmmmmm you idiot her headdddddddddd!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaand great. ajay and minions are here. ugh. 
obros exchanging “it’s go time!!!!!!” faces. 
wow. that was hella easy. 
ep 403 (02.11.17)
wow, gauri still hasn’t regained consciousness? maybe you shoulda taken her to a doctor for a ct scan or something first.
“bhaiyya, aur koi illegal kaam karna hai ya main sone jaaon?” LMAO 
anika’s detective dimaag is on during half-sleep also. AMAZING. 
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but never fearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! billu’s here to romance it outta her. haaaaaaye.
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ugh. fuck these two ridiculously attractive assholes who won’t bang and insist on killing me with sexual tension. 
uh ohhhhhhhh, billu made a boo boo! wife is on to him!
omg look how tiny shrenu’s feeeeet are! 
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ugh my heart. can these two just be happy now... pleaseeeee. they’re the life raft i have to tie myself to now that shivika are... just... idk what. 
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snort. fucking idiot. 
“japan mere zehen main hai kyunki it’s my favt. country. wahan ki jo mount fuji hai na, it’s a really good mountain! mujhe wahan ka khaana bhi bohut pasand hai!”
LMAO WHAT IS THIS A NIBANDH HE WROTE FOR INTERNATIONAL DAY AT SCHOOL????? 
omfggggg “sabudaana vada khaaya hai tumne japan ka???” hahahahahahaha
I NEED SPACE?????? BITCH GO MAKE AN OBEROI COLONY ON MARS THEN. BADA AAYA SPACE MAANGNE WAALA. 
IDGI???? WHY CAN’T YOU JUST TELL HER GAURI’S IN THE HOUSE???? WHAT DOES IT EVEN MATTER????? 
goddddd anika, why must you discuss all your marriage matters with some other person???? 
lol anika calling bhavya out on knowing rudra wasn’t home last night haha
ouffffff anika, you really need to get a hobby. like, take up watercolours. or knitting. maybe get a pet. horseriding?you need SOMETHING to distract you from the fuckery that is this house and your weirdass marriage. 
LMAO RUDRA “usually kidnapping ke baad phiroti ke liye call karte hai. main karoon kya???” 
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“BIWI HAI MERI, GHADDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 😂😂😂😂
“we have to keep it under wraps”... MAYBE START BY CLOSING YOUR DAMN DOOR?!?!!?!? 
lolololol man i’m loving the return of omRu scenes. i reallyyyyy missed these two together. 
OMFG OM EK TOH SHE’S UNCONSCIOUS UPAR SE YOU’RE WRAPPING HER AND STASHING HER IN A CUPBOARD????
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the sisters are here. with their shak waali nazrein. 
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the face on an honest man who isn’t lying his pants off. amazing. 
oh hooooooo anikaaaa, you’re so annoyinggggg when you get like this. 
pfffffffft. brothers are here. ab hoga tamasha. 
LMAO AND TAMASHAAA IT IS. THE WAY HE FAINTED ONTO THE BED HAHAHAHAH 
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ouff the amount of nautanki. 
LMAO THE WAY HE GOT UP ALL FINE AND THEN REMEMBERED HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE AND FELL AGAIN LOLOLOLOL
lol for first time rudra is doing bagaavat against his eternal master bhaabi
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OMFG THE WAY RUDRA JUST PICKED HIM UP AND TOOK HIM I AM DYING HAHAHAHAHA
ohhhhh boy she’s going back into om’s room. 
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand caught! 
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OMFG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA “DEKHO KAUN AAYA HAI!!!! GAURI! AA GAYI!” HAHAHAHAHHAHHA I AM FUCKING DYING OMG HAHAHAHAHA
ok, what exactly is anika’s problem here? she also wanted gauri to come back? matlab... i really don’t get her newfangled issues these days. 
kabhi nahi socha tha ki yeh din bhi dekhne padenge where i’d be on shivaay’s side during arguments. waah re prabhu, teri leela. 
gauri’s having a legit “main kahaaan hoon?” moment. 
great anika has taken her lecturebaaazi outside to the devars. she’s really getting on my last nerve these days. 
like i get her point and all, but behen, tum apne buddhi waale dhong se kaunsa usko izzat-o-aabroo se lene gayi thi???? matlab kuchhhhh bhi.
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lmao anika ki toh tain tain phisssssssssssss ho gayiiii. 
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and lolololol look at this idiot boy who’s not even hugging her back, he’s just like OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO SOMEONE TELL ME?!?!!?!?! 
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lmao shivaay’s look of triumph. he’s literally likeeeee 
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ouff ok gauri, heavy on the mythological references this early in the morning. 
lmaoooo shivaay knocking om on the back for the patti thing. matlab, when sso thinks you’re being a little extra, know you’ve gone truly overboard. 
ugh ok she forgave him already??? itnaaa bhi lightly nahi jhaadna tha matter ko. 
anika be like behen, y u no tell plan? ainvayiiii mein moral science lecture diye phir rahi thi.
ok i really thought the anika learns about gauri title was about the chutki secret, but siiiiiiiiigh. 
aaaaaand these two are fighting. 
“aise hi rehna hai???? sudharna nahi hai???” 
lol 1 crore ka sawaal pooch diya tumne anikaaaa
god you two, this relationship is fucking exhausting and i’m just a passive witness to it. I CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE BEING IN IT.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND THERE GO THE PHONES. 
ep 404 (03.11.17)
servants of the house be thinking ��itne din se kitchen achcha khaasa saaf-sutra tha. lo aa gaye phir gandh machaane.’
godddddddddddddd rudra’s besura singing.
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shivaay’s being hella relatable these days.
ok i really don’t like this shakki biwi nonsense of anika’s. like, stop ruining my girl pls. 
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awwww my chiraiyya and her bhaujai. 
um, why is this person dressed literally in pinky’s clothes??? 
ok i don’t caaaaaaaaare about this nonsenseeeeee. fwding. 
what even is happening?? you two have been married for like 3 hours and are still fucking up on a minute by minute basis. bade aaye rudra ko marriage advice dene waale. 
I HATE THIS GARBAGE TROPE OF MEN IN DRAG ON INDIAN TV. DAMN YOU KAPIL SHARMA FOR STARTING THIS NONSENSE. A PLAGUE UPON YOUR (ILLEGALLY CONSTRUCTED) HOUSE!
lol shivaay and om inspecting the custard in the bg as if it’s some huuuuge lab experiment or something. 
..... god anikaaaa, you’re a fucking idiot. 
lmao bhavya’s such an enabler. 
ouffff gauri, not you toooooooooooo. 
anika idiot, custard toh lekar bhaagti. 
he’s not gonna catch her. and this is gonna create a huge big raita. *siiiiiiiiiigh*
calllled it. 
bhavya, my sweet, please find yourself a better man. you deserve sooooooooooo much better. 
OMFG SHIVAAY PUT THE FUCKING PLATE DOWN. FUCKING IDIOT. 
GOD THIS IS THE STUPIDEST PLOT EVER ITS FUCKING 4 AM WHY AM I WATCHING THIS GARBAGE 
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NOWWWWWWWWW WE TALKINGGGGGG 😏😏😏😏
oooooooooooooooh the chutkiiiiiiii photooooooooooooooo. 
SHE’S IN THE SAME HOUSE WITH YOU. SHE’S MISSED YOU TOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BABIESSSSSSS!!!! MY TWO GIRLSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
EVERY TIME I THINK OF THEM BEING SISTERS FOR REAL, MY HEART OVERFLOWS WITH FEELS
abbe, seedha seedha custard deke jaa na; yeh senti waala lecture kisko sunna hai.
that custard is fucking LIQUID. matlab, set hone tak toh sabrrr karta bro???? 
GOD I HATE THIS NONSENSE OF THE GIRL SAYING SOMETHING WHEN SHE MEANS SOMETHING ELSE. I KNOW WE DO THIS SHIT A LOT BUT WE REALLY GOTTA STOP. MEN DON’T UNDERSTAND IT THE WAY OTHER GIRLS DO. THEY JUST DON’T. SO STOP IT. 
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“400 episode ho gaye lekin anika abhi bhi yehi keh rahi hai ki SHIVAAAAY AAAP KYAAAA KAR RAHE HAI???”
i would laugh at the meta but i am too angry that you haven’t as much as made outttttttt yet. what the everlovingggg fuckkkkkkk. you ppl better bang before ep 500 so help me god. SO HELP ME GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ouffffff rudra, ever heard of personal space? you’re the worst. dafaaaa ho!
oh haaaaaaaaaai abhayyyyyy, you hotass demonchild. how you been???? actually, fuck you, where’s my girl tanya and how’s she been???? 
THIS IS LITERALLY DOODH AND JAM THAT HE’S FEEDING HER. LIKE.... IT’S ANNOYINGGGGG ME YOUGAIZ. IT’S ANNOYING ME SO MUCH. 
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dayummmm, omki making sex eyes at wife. will i get my tharak fulfilled here first????? will omki shomki and chutki maarofy baazi first?!?!?! 
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OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!! I JUST MIGHTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! 😯😯😯
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OMG FUCK YOU RUDRA MAY YOU NEVER HAVE ANOTHER ORGASM IN YOUR LIFE EVER AGAIN YOU STUPID COCKBLOCKER 😡😡😡😡
lmaooooo om’s glee when rudra finally left. i love this idiot child so much. 
UGH BAATEIN?!?!?!!? WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT BAATEIN?????GET BACK TO THE MAKING OUTTTTTTTTTTTT YOU STUPID NERDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
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