#thomasian! seulgi | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

spadesolace · 6 months ago

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long live (seulgi's version)

thomasian! seulgi x lasallian! reader

you're familiar of the girl with a face card that doesn't decline for as long as you can remember. loved her for years that you genuinely saw a future with seulgi, but with complications of tradition and religion, was she willing to fight for you the same way you would? (alt synopsis: the one that got away)

words: 4.3k

warnings: it's straight up angst, i don't know what to tell you; mentions of homophobia

“i’m so sorry!”

you didn’t notice the girl kneeling in front of you, rushing to get all the papers scattered on the floor. she had bumped into you, a bit surprising how a small girl like her manages to pack such a blow now that you’re on the floor. she’s carrying a bunch of props for her class - you’re familiar that this was a class requirement for the arts class. it was out of courtesy that you started helping her out, gathering the papers on the floor and some of the books as well. her face was familiar, you’ve seen her since sophomore year of high school.

the somewhat chiseled jaw, subtle cheekbones, and her eyes are captivating - that was how you remembered her back in sophomore year.

two years later and she seems a bit more mature, her jawline is still somewhat chiseled but it seems like her baby fat is already gone. she has bangs now which suits her face and showcases her eyes much more, but her smile is something. the way she thanked you as you handed her the props and watched her run towards the auditorium - she had to take off her school shoes just so she wouldn’t trip again.

“thank you, y/n!!”

she remembered your name, it shouldn’t matter - everyone in your high school knows everyone. such a small space that you feel like the world revolves around it but her remembering your name somewhat leaves an impression on you. her being a year lower than you and let alone you never left quite an impact on your school, aside from being an honor student and participating in events that actually interest you which was mostly the sportsfest. still, you know her face, you know that she's a year below you and that she’s a great dancer, but aside from that nothing else.

sure, you may or may not find her pretty when you first saw her back then during the annual dance competition at your school that you passed on. not like the pretty girl in the center really knew you but somehow she remembers your name - it’s so small but why is it affecting you so much? even looking at some identification around your body; your ID on your pocket and you have no nametag.

walking back to the auditorium after your prom practice, fate has a weird way of playing with you that day. the atmosphere was somewhat tense, everyone in awe as you stood at the back, watching the play on stage that was produced and performed by the juniors for their arts class - she was on that very stage. hair in a ponytail as she danced her heart out, as if she was made for the stage and you understood why everyone was immersed in this high school play. the way she carries herself, her movements, the guy she’s dancing with seemed like an amateur but you’re well aware how great of a dancer he is, just that he couldn’t match her energy.

you’re glad that your best friend was there, filling you in on the play and what has happened but you weren’t that interested in it - you had one thing in mind and you needed it out.

“ano pangalan niya?” your eyes glued to the girl on stage as she exits, the lights go out but you could vaguely see her silhouette as whatever the narrator says goes in your right ear and out your left.

“huh? si seulgi? pre, medyo tanga ka ata - prom partner ko yan.” it never really occurred to you that the girl was your best friend’s prom partner, then again - they’re both great dancers.

“crush mo?” almost out of instinct you wanted to push your friend and deny it all but you weren’t even sure. you could consider her a happy crush to say the least, your only response is to shrug because you don’t know much about her to conclude anything. that conversation was immediately forgotten as you heard the sound effect of a gunshot loud and clear, watching seulgi slowly fall to the ground to act as if she was shot, gracefully done as well.

that was your first encounter with seulgi.

the following week was prom practice and you found yourself talking to your best friend, who kept on nudging you to at least try and talk to the girl.

“tigilan mo ko, bam.”

“nyeh nyeh, aminin mo na crush mo.”

you rolled your eyes as you let your friends converse amongst themselves as you slowly sneaked off to the side and played on your phone - no one was bothering you until you sensed someone sitting next to you. the quick glance at your phone and the whispered ‘wow’ and ‘amazing’ was distracting you a bit but nonetheless you looked to your right and there she was. watching you play a random rhythm game on your phone as you tried your best not to make it seem too obvious that you’re now a bit distracted with her next to you.

usually you’d hate having people watch you play but there’s something about her watching so intently to you playing this game and almost as if she’s taking note on how to do it as well. it didn’t take long till you silently offered for her to play – there wasn’t much to do during prom practice, you were only waiting till they actually taught the dance.

“ah hindi -” she tried to push your phone away, although you could perfectly see that she indeed wanted to play - you still insisted.

“it’s fine, go for it.” your first proper interaction with this pretty girl was through a game, one that she admits that she was bad at - you told her she’s average even if she was bad. a part of you wanted her to feel good at least, to have fun, enjoy it, but there’s the other part of wanting to see her smile up close.

“seulgi nga pala. seulgi kang.” she handed back your phone, that subtle smile of pure shyness and happiness. you’re sure you’ve probably added her on facebook before when you were in elementary - back when the basis of friends were the amount of mutuals you have despite not knowing them personally.

“y/n. y/n sevilla.”

a week of prom practice and you bonded over a rhythm game, what an odd encounter yet it was a chance to talk to her without the influence of others. that was the beginning of you and seulgi becoming friends. almost talking every single day as you go back and forth on random topics, her ranting about groupmates while you ranted about preparing for exams.

it was like fate was playing with you when you only started talking to this girl when you’re about to graduate high school and head on to college. given the circumstances, you never really understood your feelings for her, understanding that once you go to college that it might be the end of it. the plans to fully cut people off from your high school that aren’t your best friends was about to be pushed through but seulgi seemed to remain in contact.

during the summer, out of the blue she had asked you to hangout, it was not much. you threw a few suggestions until you both decided to just go to the mall and look around, get lunch or snacks within the day.

this wasn’t a date but you tried to put a bit of effort in your outfit, both agreeing to just meet up at the mall. she gave you a pic of her outfit to know what to look for, somewhere within you gained some confidence and sent her a message saying she’s pretty. all you got in reply is her laughing and cursing at you in a lighthearted manner, yet you doubled down and told her in person once you two finally met up.

“you’re pretty.” there’s a faint blush as she jokingly shoved you, avoiding your gaze as if she’s going to turn into stone if she looked at you directly.

“gago.”

“minura pa ako.”

everything was taken lightheartedly, the curses, the compliments, you were being honest and she couldn’t handle it everytime you would say she looks pretty with the bow she wanted to buy or the cap she wanted to get you - almost everything about her made you say that it’s pretty or cute. that it reached the point where she had to try to make you flustered because it seemed unfair how much she’s blushing from the amount of compliments you threw her way, unexpectedly, she held your hand as you were about to enter another store - you’ll never forget how soft her hand is compared to yours, or how small it is, and how it wasn’t just you that was blushing once you closed your hand around hers.

“are you trying to flirt with me?”

“what if-” she loved to tease you, squeezing your hand back as she took the lead and continued on with your window shopping. this time you kept your mouth shut, never mentioning how cute it is that she’s holding your hand as she tried another cap on you and getting herself one as well. saying that it matches the whole opposite aesthetic you both have.

you found it endearing how she still held your hand even after you had to let go just to tie your shoelaces, it felt natural that you’re starting to consider if this was actually a date. some girls are physically affectionate, it wasn’t like you knew if she swings that way - that was a question for another day.

it was mundane as your friends would say. that there was nothing exciting about going around the mall and window shopping, or getting bubble tea before heading home. regardless of what their opinions were, you enjoyed your time with her, a simple hangout that does not require much physical activity aside from walking around. then again you truly wondered if it was a date or a hangout.

once summer was done, seulgi continued on with her life back at your high school, while you were already starting your life in college. the talks and hangouts didn’t stop there - it felt like a tradition to see each other once a month, find something to do and talk about life or any updates. the longer you talked and spent time with her, the more you realized that you were developing more than just a happy crush, you were liking her more by the minute.

when the conversation came up, one that you never really talked about - crushes. a bit reluctant to admit that you had a small crush on her back then but didn’t think much of it because you never knew much about her. a crush is simply the lack of information about the person.

“so, wala sa block section mo?” it almost made you laugh, not expecting her to be curious about any possible relationships happening. you simply shook your head, placing your boba on the table, leaning back on your chair with arms crossed. seulgi was never one to ask about such things, most of which she’d ask directly or word would have gotten to her.

“no, i’m like dying over my classes and you expect me to look at someone in hopes of dating?” there was a look of disbelief on seulgi’s end, as if she wanted to slap you across the face and make you see what she sees.

“oo. hello? you’re y/n sevilla, who wouldn’t have a crush on you.”

“you?”

before you could process what you had replied, seulgi was quick on her feet and was hitting you on the shoulder. a habit she does whenever either one of you would say something funny or shocking, and it doesn’t seem like it’ll die down any time soon.

“tangina mo? anong ako?” you bit your lip, looking away from her piercing gaze as she made sure you would look at her when you answer her question but you could only look up at the ceiling or down to the floor.

“gusto kita.” that’s how seulgi found out, she already had a hunch but to hear you say it out loud at a cafe with its only customers being you two, it felt like you had screamed it. a minute had passed, turned into five, then ten, sitting in silence as you kept your eyes on your drink and on the floor.

“kailan pa?” you never had an answer to that, when you’ve only known her for almost a year and suddenly you’ve lost track of time because when did you start liking her that way?

“i’m not sure i could pinpoint the exact moment when i felt it but i could tell you that i’ve liked you for a while now.”

“tangina, englishera.” you rolled your eyes at seulgi’s teasing, having been months and you’re heavily exposed to people speaking in english, it just naturally happened. seulgi laughed as you flipped her off, but she was happy, surprised to say the least; she felt the same way and it was nice to know she wasn’t delusional.

“gusto din kita.” you’d think it would be that easy; you like each other why not just put a label to it already. no, if anything she wanted to test the waters a bit more, see if you’d stick it out and honestly you didn’t mind. the true test of your feelings had always been time and distance - she had asked you to wait for her. it was seulgi, you’d do anything for her even if it meant you need to be patient and see if she’ll answer you.

everything felt like it was normal, except the messages became sweeter, a bit more affectionate, and neither of you held back when it came to admitting that you missed each other. you called whenever you can to study together, she would initiate and ask whenever you’d be free for your monthly date - no longer a hangout.

it had been 4 months when you two had confessed and you were at her graduation not because she gave you an invite. you were there because of a mutual friend who had given you the extra ticket she had bought just for you. this should have raised a red flag in your mind - she didn’t invite you but her friend did. questions were slowly being raised when she didn’t hold your hand in front of her parents or how she kept her distance, then it made sense why she had asked you to wait. in the eyes of her parents, you were a friend and a possible threat because no friend would do the same things you would do. when you were left alone, by the stairs away from prying eyes close to the school gym, anyone could hear the quiver in your voice as you watched her pull her hand away from yours.

“are you ashamed of me?” seulgi knew how observant you are, but it took her by surprise to see how you had managed to get it wrong.

“i’m not - ang complicated, ok.” the slow reach of her hand, carefully looking around as she held your hand giving it a reassuring squeeze as she explained it all. she wasn’t ashamed, her parents are simply too traditional that they want her to date someone who is as traditional as them.

“god, i wanna scream it out to the world how much i love you and i didn’t mean to hurt you. i’m not ashamed of us, or what this could be - you have to understand that we live in a country that isn’t keen on the idea of two girls dating.”

it pains you to admit but seulgi is right, in a country that isn’t fond of any form of same sex relationships, it was expected. some safety precautions to be considered to not be outed as neither of them knew what her parents could do. you were grateful for not having to experience that yet it pained you that the girl you like can’t openly express her feelings. so you’re now labeled as best friend till who knows when.

despite that, you still managed to go out with seulgi after her graduation and anyone could see the happiness in your eyes despite the insanity of your program at DLSU. when animusika came, you had asked her to come. it was gonna be the first time she’ll be at your university and you wanted her to meet your college friends, when she said yes, it felt like your heart was gonna explode.

when you both watched animusika, you asked her the question while lola amour was playing - your heart definitely exploded when she shouted a yes through the crowd as you tried your best not to kiss her in front of the band or the crowd. she also told you how she would be going to UST for college, a complete win for you, meaning it would be easy to see her whenever you have the free time to do so. everything felt like it was going your way and it did, your entire relationship with seulgi was the happiest you’d ever been.

there were hurdles.

seulgi hadn’t been replying to you for a week now, you tried to recall if you had done anything wrong or if her schedule was busy. if anything she would have told you and as tempting as it is to suddenly show up at her dormitory, you knew better than to just show up unannounced. she was ghosting you.

that entire week was the worst - you’ve never overthought a situation so much that it made you feel queasy, food looked unappetizing, and all you could do is study till you drop because you were in such a fast paced environment that taking a day off would cost so much. so many questions went into your mind, all left unanswered when she finally replied; a part of you was pissed, relieved that she was fine, but also confused.

“sorry, busy with classes. now i get why you’re losing your mind over organic chemistry.” that was her reasoning, classes, studies, and at first you could let it slide, that it wasn’t something you should hold her against. then weeks turned into a month, and at this point you were close to assuming she had broken up with you.

you didn’t.

same reason, she tried her best to keep up with the relationship and her studies. she loves you, that’s what seulgi kept saying after she apologized. that entire thing only happened for a year - she stopped ghosting you after you confronted her about it, she apologized once again.

and you still didn’t notice the red flags as much.

some would say you were blinded by love, others would call you a martyr with how much pain you could endure for your girlfriend. still, you loved her with everything that you are. it was seulgi, there was a future with her in your mind.

there were also good times.

seulgi was one for physical touch, but she truly showed her love through acts of service. it was just a normal day, luckily for her she was on vacation while you were suffering from your classes especially with midterm right around the corner. you definitely were losing it but something about seulgi calling you and checking up as she listened to your rants that started out light then slowly turned into a full blown breakdown - she had to come over and make sure her girlfriend felt better.

it was such a simple thing of bringing a care package of your favorite snacks, a small plush that had her perfume to keep you company, and a bunch of letters that made you question if her love language is acts of service or words of affirmation.

that wasn’t the first time she had done it, within the span of your relationship, almost every midterms or finals she’d send a care package. who wouldn’t think of a future with someone as sweet and considerate as seulgi?

then again, you didn’t want to end it… but she did.

out of all the relationships you’ve had before and after kang seulgi, you can admit that she was the one that got away.

how did it end? how did you lose her?

you weren’t at fault, she just couldn’t handle the way her parents had been forcing her to break up with you when they found out. it was an accident on her end, she had kept your relationship a secret for so long but she wasn’t ready to be kicked out or disowned. how was she going to support herself when her tuition is insane, she can’t depend on you on something as big as her tuition - she didn’t want you to think that she was only dating you for money. god, kang seulgi loved you so much but she wasn’t willing to fight for it.

she wasn’t willing to fight for you.

“so that’s it?” there was disbelief in your voice as you croaked while tears freely flowed from your eyes. time had passed by slowly as you both sat there at your place while seulgi held the box of her belongings as she tried not to break down in front of you. if anyone was going to be the strong one, it would be her yet she let a tear slip as she nodded, biting the inside of her cheeks as she looked at you one last time.

“i’m sorry.”

“i know…”

seulgi could only stand by the doorway as you cried in front of her, tear stained cheeks with blood shot eyes.

“you were a wonderful experience, y/n…”

“... you were everything, seul.”

kang seulgi, the girl who you learned a lot about love from - you matured within the four year relationship you had with her. after the break up, you didn’t want to be friends as it stings so much that you wanted to hate her just so you could move on but you can’t. everything that you were back then, she saw it all; from your best up to your worst - seulgi saw it all and yet she still loved you through thick and thin.

ten years had passed since you broke up - life works in such mysterious ways because once you cut someone off, you never see them again even if you were in the same place at the same time. within those past ten years, you met a lovely girl at medical school and she was so patient, understanding, you did end up marrying her.

you adopted a child and to say the least you never expected the kid to rummage through your old belongings and see a picture of you and seulgi back when she officially became your girlfriend. you told her everything in a way that a five year old would, she took it lightly - didn’t question your loyalty to your wife and hoped that she won’t bring it up once again.

“what if you see her again?” there was no answer to that question because what would you do if you saw the very girl that got away?

“i’d say hi, ask her how’s life been treating her, and end it there.”

“are you really telling our daughter about her?” irene had walked in, she’s well aware of the story of you and seulgi and she didn’t hold it against you. she was grateful that you had met seulgi, that things had gone through its natural course as it led you to her.

“minjeong is only a kid, rene. she won’t remember it.” you were so wrong.

fate is indeed a tricky thing because your daughter had runned off somewhere in the mall, frantically retracing your steps - until you saw her with a lady that somewhat looked familiar. her hair was longer, the baby fat was gone, she seemed a bit leaner with some muscular definition but time had been kind to her. there she was, with your daughter, watching as the kid ran towards you as you scolded the poor five year old for running away somewhere.

“y/n?” her voice had definitely matured as well, slowly looking right at her as you carried the kid in your arms as you smiled at her. the pain was no longer there, that’s when you knew that you have long moved on and didn’t care for any of the answers to your questions.

“hi, seul.” she was all too familiar with that smile, a part of her longed for it for years but seeing you right in front of her felt like she was back to being a kid. seulgi regretted not fighting for you once she saw how happy you are with your wife and daughter. she could have had that but fear had consumed her yet it didn’t stop her to talk to you like an old friend.

“tinawag niya akong tita… ni-”

“minjeong, yeah… not long ago she saw a picture of us and asked about it.” you cut her off, immediately explaining the entire thing on how your daughter got curious. she never expected you to freely talk about her nor the fact you kept a picture of you two, even when you’re now married. there were a lot of things she wanted to ask but a part of her wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. she did want to say one thing.

“i’m so sorry, y/n.”

“it’s fine… it’s been a decade, seul.”

it felt like deja vu, like you’re back to being high school students who had bumped into each other. this time you’re not chasing after her, she’s now a girl who you loved that your daughter will surely ask about and it won’t hurt as much as it did as you tell her the story in a way that was written as a fairytale.

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