#those 2 i turned up maybe the right person's deeply ambiguous business

[inklingofadream]

not having a campaign website + profile through the state voter info site is almost always a disqualifier, but for the rare double whammy, be sure to have a heavy, unconnected internet presence revealed when i google your email where you are revealed to be 1) an insane bigot and 2) as seen on TLC

[oumaimaougrige]

unrequited love

Part 1:

How can I represent myself to you dear diary, you can say an ordinary guy who just wants to live his life quietly without being disturbed.

Yeah, you can say that, I’m just a crude boy, in his twenties, living with his parents, no dreams to pursue, just living each day with same rhythm no colours just black and white…

That’s me a callow person with a simpering composure who like to spend most of his free time in a cafe near his home,  I don’t even like to go far away from where I live…

My life is an unrestrained routine to follow …

First, when I get back from work worn out, I head directly to the shower to get rid of the day roughness, then I eat what my mom had made me for lunch … I can’t say that’s her food is the most delicious because  I’m not actually a taster, everything is the same for me, the sweetness is like bitterness no difference …

Anyway, I hate staying much at home, it just makes me feel frustrated and bemused but I just can’t run away though…because at the end its home. That’s why I prefer going hiding in that small café called the love’s café but it’s not really related to its name. You will say how can a person who enjoys loneliness to like being at a crowded place, well my answer would be: that place is almost deserted no one dares to come here because of its dull location…

I presume I’m the only one bound to go there… I enjoy that breeze of loneliness and comfort there, my mind is scrambled with those kinds of emotions.

Even my mom finds me a weird person with a severe plight. She is always telling me to change my attitudes, and not deprive myself of enjoying life.

But when she talks, the only thing I’m yearning to find is silence… not hearing a simple voice …

Part 2:

A new day but the same old me, trying to get up from bed without any desire to do so. Anyway, I’m bound to, it’s time to pass through the same lame routine … then head out to work…

That lousy place… oh God how much I hate it, it’s an egoism, hatred, hypocrisy platform.

The most unwanted thing it’s being around those kinds of people who laugh at your face but talks behind your back. I know that they have been doing that with me all the time.

Unfortunately, I can’t just stop working, it’s a life need though. But meeting those people everyday suffocates me, barging in your life without any warning, asking about your personal life needs. Do you like working here? Have you got a girlfriend or a wife? Do you live by yourself? How much is your salary? What did the boss tell you yesterday? Have you got any plans for weekends? All dull…and I’m like… can you people shut up? …

What a joke how can I live amid this…

I hate it but I can’t yell and tell them it’s none of your business … I just can’t, don’t know why? You’ve seen dear diary I’m just a weird boy … no one can understand why am I like that?

After getting out of my workplace I’ve decided to go read a book in that coffee shop… where no one can disturb you…

I got there and sat in the corner where I couldn’t let myself have sight of anyone outside. Of course, they were 3 people sitting inside but everyone is busy with something … mission accomplished no personal intruders.

I’ve ordered a dark bitter coffee and dive into the book. I’ve been like that for almost 2 hours. Then took off my glasses and glanced toward the other side when suddenly……

Part 3:

Then suddenly with my eyes lifted toward the other side. There we are, our eyes had met; I was totally taken by that spellbinding colour.

I couldn’t move my eyes, captured by the most unforgettable landscape made by a human eye. She has dragged me to the ambiguous place and made me wonder what’s on earth is happening?

She was there sitting a few meters away from me, regarded purely as an angel, I couldn’t forsake that eye contact of ours. Drowned I was, trying to figure out what have I gotten myself into? My heart was tingled, strange feelings overwhelmed my existence. Then at a moment that linking aura had broke by her because she has chosen to glance at her laptop, of course, she was unaware of me staring at her.

Anyway, I was consumed by her eyes, couldn’t conceal that fact.

Without realizing that I was staring at her for a long time, I leaned my head to the table feeling blushed by those emotions. Then looked again but found her still fixed at her laptop screen. What a mess? I never felt like that?

By a rush, I took my things and promptly got out. Like running away from something, all muddled I kept walking until my feet got me home.

What I had felt was like nothing more or less than a breathtaking sensation that possessed me for seconds.

Part 4:

Finally, I’m home…

I lied in my bed with my arms sprawled, thinking about my mind’s condition.

What was that? What had happened to me back then? I mean the girl was nice but why did she capture my attention …

Isn’t that so confusing, but to be more frank with me, she was a beauty queen especially her eyes, they were astounding.

Maybe in her twenties like me with dark long hair covering all of her face, a student or a writer I’m not sure because she was so related to her laptop as if nobody could break that connection between the two of them. She didn’t even pay attention to me. I presume she was a writer, that demeanour of her only say that. The moment I was staring at her she was gazing at something so deeply like if she was waiting for inspiration.

Anyway, I should stop thinking about her, because maybe it would be the last time for me seeing her. She’s not a daily costumer, I’ve never seen her there before.

I turned off all of my sensations and let myself get some sleep.

The next day, I was so consumed by being in a day-off. but it was a family gathering day, those lousy meetings and hypocritical talks.

My mom wants me to meet my cousin, to see if we match each other or not, what a joke mom… did you really expect me to agree with this lame idea?

I would never approve to do such thing, marrying from a person I only met in some several family meetings.

But my mom keeps insisting and I can’t say no to her. So I’ve seen the girl for like 5 minutes then got out saying that I have work to do.

I head out to the coffee shop and sat at the same corner of mine, ordered the same thing, we could say that’s my favourite routine.

After a while, I kept searching in people faces looking for her, but without hope, she wasn’t there. Suddenly a feminine voice came from a distant corner, I felt like I know its owner. I’ve turned around and surprisingly it was her sitting alone over there. I couldn’t believe my eyes at first, but it was the same mysterious girl, I kept staring at her, watching every move she makes. While doing that I could hear my heart’s pounding, it’s weird, isn’t it?

Days had passed, and seeing my mysterious lady became a habit of mine. It’s like if we had arranged our acquaintances even though she really doesn’t know my existence.i’ve memorized every move of her, what she could order? What she intended to do? Everything about her. That’s when I knew that I’m falling for her step by step.

When she doesn’t show up at the coffee shop, the world seems to be fall away from me. From then on I’ve realized that I was no longer required to remain silent about my love for her. No longer did I have to hide my feelings anymore nor maintain distant from the one my heart has chosen. But despite all of this, my fantasy lady doesn’t know me at all.

And that’s what keeps me afraid of taking the first step………..

Part5:

Yeah, I fell for her, that mysterious girl.

I’m yearning to see her every day, she is the one. But what do I have to do to tell her about me, she is in a totally different world of hers.

Also, I do not exist in that world, I want eagerly to free all those caged words from my heart but at the same time I’m thinking…. what would be her reaction?

Appalled, feeling dreadful and astonished at the same time….but finally decided that tomorrow would be the day; I’m going to let it all out. I can’t take it anymore.

I’ve waited so much for this day to come, and finally, there it is, despite my tensed condition but I’m going to go for it.

I got ready, called off all my work and went to the coffee shop, at first I felt so disappointed because she wasn’t there… my dreams got ruined … what a luck?

Eventually, she showed up, the same timid lady, wearing a nice white dress. This time she looked more astonishing.

But wait she wasn’t carrying her dear friend, that’s odd. I start watching her again, I could feel her tensed too, could we say it’s a good coincidence, I guess it’s not.

Even if my being is in a strange situation, but I could get through it, I kept breathing and thinking about my next move.while doing that my angel was sitting all alone glancing at the doorway, she didn’t even bother to order something. Our eyes met again but she turned my gaze coldly, that just made it worst for me.

I’ve waited for the right moment, there she was smiling for the love of God, I got to perk up and go to her. But what if I lost words, murmuring it’s all I’m good at.

I’m almost there, come on then, suddenly my feet just stopped, like if I was petrified or something. Who’s that coming near my only love, and he is carrying roses, are those for her? What am I supposed to do? Am I dreaming? I’m only one step away from my goal, but surprisingly it got ruined by this anonymous guy.

I’ve gotten back to my seat, trying to figure out what kind of relation exists between the two of them? Could someone please bail me out from this messy situation? A sudden fear urged me, I’ve started watching them from my seat place, wait does he just hold her hands, are they in love or something, couldn’t believe my eyes for a moment, darkness loomed over me….. Suddenly I lost conscious; all I could hear are people’s voices trying to wake me up…. Hey you, what’s happening? Are you alright? Open your eyes? Call the ambulance? I was laying there unable to think about anything.

I was so hazy but still awake, then she was there standing in a few steps away from me, she got closer touched my wrist; I could smell her perfume like an ocean smell. Hold on she just touched my face, what’s going on? The boy, it’s next to her. I’ve tried to talk but hopelessly I couldn’t. Oh, my god, she is beside me, and I can’t introduce myself or do anything toward her.

Suddenly I felt an unbearable pain under my back, it’s like someone had propelled me. Couldn’t open my eyes because of it, I guess I’m highly injured.  I ’ve started touching the ground, it‘s dirt and dust, where am I? I hardly opened my eyes and all I could see is my bed next to me and a messy room, then I heard my mom’s voice calling me for dinner. It was all a dream, and that pain was because I fell from up, I was dreaming, there is no mysterious girl No confessing day. It was all from my mind’s imagination, my dream had all made it up.

Actually, I felt relieved, one because I didn’t really waste my chance about talking with her. Two I was happy because I didn’t really feign out in front of her. Three I’ve learnt my lesson if I ever passed through the same experience I would definitely take the first shot and introduce myself without wasting time because we actually don’t get second chances a lot in this hard life.

The next day, I really was feeling awful about my backache I even had spent a sleepless night because of it. So I’ve told my parents that I’m going to see a doctor.

After getting back from the hospital I passed by the coffee shop, I entered and sat down there having a flashback about the dream I had seen yesterday. I’ve finished my cup of coffee and took my things ready to leave, when I was captured by that magnificence eye colour it’s her ………….. And this time I know I’m not dreaming.

                                                                                               The end.