#though i also have a lab coat and hairnet

[ilkkawhat]

11.07 Bump and Grind

[magic-and-moonlit-wings]

Chapter 48: To The Secret Lab!

Becoming The Mask

Stephan's footsteps echoed more loudly than usual in the base's deserted hallways. He was tempted to change his gait, to step lightly so he'd make less noise, but on the other hand it wasn't smart to sneak up on a Changeling you weren't planning to fight. Anyway, the bag of canned goods he was carrying would clank no matter how he carried it.

"Bernie? It's Stephan," he called when he neared the laboratory. The doors were standing open.

"Excellent timing, I need some fresh eyes."

Stephan gulped. He was pretty sure Bernie meant 'a new person to look over things, because fresh perspective can catch something an older, more tired perspective missed', but it was also possible the Alchemist actually needed eyeballs for something.

"There's goggles by the door," Bernie continued.

Stephan put on a set, and after a moment's thought grabbed a hairnet as well.

His hair wasn't long enough to tie back easily but it was long enough to potentially get caught on something. It felt a bit silly to put goggles over his mask, but the lab safety rules were clearly displayed by the goggle rack – goggles and close-toed shoes were mandatory for entrance. There were some modified goggles and plastic booties for use while troll-shaped.

He left the grocery bag on an empty shoe-rack. It would be out of the way there.

"I wasn't sure what your food situation was, so I brought some stuff. Canned tuna, mostly." Cans were shelf-stable and could be eaten in troll or human shape.

"Thanks, Stephan. I'm well supplied, but it was thoughtful of you." Bernie was currently human-shaped, surrounded by neatly sorted rubble and writing something on a clipboard. "Xe/xir at the moment, by the way."

"Is that with an X or with a Z?" asked Stephan, not sure if there was a significant difference, but ready to believe there could be since Bernie was bothering to bring this up.

"An X. You know, you're one of maybe five people who've ever asked me that."

"Okay. Cool. Uh, he/him for me, still."

"Got it." Bernie made a decisive last pen stroke, clicked the pen, and turned to xir guest-slash-assistant. "I've been sorting pieces, checking to see if anything's recognizable. As you can see," gesturing towards on grouping of stones, "the hooves, legs, and loincloth can mostly be identified, as can the claws," indicating another, pointier collection. "But I can't seem to find Bular's horns or face. I keep recounting the skulls from his belt and checking our video footage of him to make sure I didn't mix him up with one of them somehow."

A set of skulls, on the table in front of Bernie beside the probably-legs, were either surprisingly intact or mostly reassembled.

Stephan was suddenly, vividly reminded of his early days on the surface, sorting jigsaw puzzles with his Familiar's family. His youngest sister in particular had had a knack for seeing which edges ought to match up.

"Do I need gloves?"

"Wouldn't hurt. I haven't been using them. They don't switch over properly." Bernie crackled blue, and the tall, hefty human became a tall, hefty troll – still small compared to a Gumm-Gumm, but probably quite respectably sized for whichever group xe'd been taken from – and held up xir hands to demonstrate.

Stephan could see why Bernie might have trouble with gloves. Xir hands were bigger now, for one, which would stretch out the latex if xe carried the gloves over through the transformation rather than having different gloves on as a troll, and then xe would have to change xir gloves once they changed to human – plus, Bernie had four-digit rather than five-digit hands as a troll, so the extra glove finger would either flap loose or need to be taped down, which would also increase the odds of the gloves being damaged after shapeshifting back and forth.

It was a lot of trouble to go through when you weren't working with something caustic or reactive to the oils in human skin.

"Why are you wearing … that, though?" Stephan asked, gesturing up and down.

Bernie's lab coat had carried over between forms. It was loose on xir as a human, and now fit better. The lime green coat, with neon pink and yellow flowers printed around the hem and on the cloth-covered buttons, had looked odd on a human and even stranger on a purplish-blue troll.

"Oh, I keep a bunch of colourful ones in stock, in case I'm ever running tests on someone who's had a bad experience in a lab and doesn't like the white coats. Attempted vivisection, usually. Gets people all mixed up, conflating Mad Scientists and Evil Scientists."

Bernie shook xir head.

"Vivisection is the stupidest starting point for a xenobiological study. Surgery is complicated. Aside from risk of infection and the complications of dosing anesthesia for an unknown organism – since they'll definitely die of traumatic shock if you don't anesthetize – looking at organs only makes sense if you already know what you're supposed to be seeing."

Xe paced around the lab, gesturing with the clipboard.

"At best, you'll set yourself up for confirmation bias about any superficial parallels between the new and the known, and at worst you'll have no idea what you're looking at and kill off your test subject. I mean, I understand if it's just a thinly-veiled excuse to commit torture for the sake of torture, but as a scientist that offends me for other reasons."

"… So, why are you wearing it now?" Stephan looked around, suddenly wary. "Do you have a live test subject down here?" How restrained are they? How vengeful are they?

Bernie seemed startled at the reminder xe was having a conversation rather than talking to xirself.

"Oh – no, I just got bored of how monochromatic the base is. Plus changing how I'm dressed helps keep the days from blurring together."

"Ah."

Stephan made a mental note to visit more often.

He started looking through the shattered remains. He didn't shapeshift. Stephan had a lot of protruding teeth in troll form, not just tusks, and it could be a challenge not to drool on things. His mask would catch some of it if he kept it on, but then he's be stuck in a slimy mask when he changed back.

He picked up each stone, one by one, and turned it this way and that. Sometimes he found an identifiable feature – an elbow spur, a shoulder ridge – and pointed it out to Bernie. That got part of one arm put back together, or maybe a smaller percentage of both arms. If Stephan didn't find anything distinct, he would carefully put the stone back exactly where Bernie'd had it before, and move on to the next one.

"It's weird that his swords aren't here," said Stephan after a while.

"He could've been disarmed in the fight."

"Yeah, but then Stricklander would've brought the swords back along with the body. And if they'd turned to stone with him, there should be – some sheets, or plates, or something. Flat rocks matching up to the blades. Those things were huge."

Unless …

"Unless the Trollhunter took them, after killing him," Stephan said slowly. "You know, battle trophies." His eyes were drawn to the row of skulls Bular had worn to show off his own battle prowess. "Hunting trophies … What if the reason we can't find his head, is because the Trollhunter has it?"

"Well, that would probably narrow down the cause of death to decapitation," said Bernie, in a detached, academic sort of tone. "Although that can also be done post-mortem, it would be more difficult to remove an intact head, since the stone is more brittle once it dies."

"Which could explain the state of the rest of the body." Stephan shuddered. Gunmar was going to be so angry …

+=+

After two searches through Bular's remains, Stephan could barely tell the stones apart anymore. It looked like there should be more than enough to rebuild Bular, but jigsaws always looked bigger than they were when the pieces were all spread out, and Stephan and Bernie still couldn't find Bular's head.

Stephan was leaning on his 'hunting trophy' theory. There had to be a reason their greatest enemy was called the Trollhunter, right?

Something beeped. Stephan, more tightly wound than he'd realized, jumped and turned trollish in a flash of silver.

He was dark grey, as a troll, with a crown of stubby lighter grey horns instead of hair. His mask got pushed away from his face by his overlong teeth. His goggles clattered to the floor. His ears went back at the additional noise.

"It's okay, Stephan," said Bernie, gently, as though to a spooked animal. "That just means it's break time. Come on." Bernie reached out as though to pat Stephan on the arm, though they were on opposite sides of the room. "I'm going to meditate. I'd rather not leave you alone in the lab, no offence."

Stephan blinked a few times and tried breathing slow and deep, to settle his heart rate.

"Okay. Yeah. Let's go."

Both of them changed to human form as they left the laboratory. Bernie sealed the blast doors and herded Stephan to the next floor up, to a small square room with a gramophone in the center and low white benches around the walls.

Stephan picked the bench opposite Bernie's, both Changelings with their sides to the door.

The record was moving slowly, though the needle wasn't touching it and neither Changeling had wound the crank on the side.

Bernie seemed entirely at ease, waiting, listening for the Pale Lady's voice.

Stephan tried to let go of the resentment that kept bubbling up inside him.

For all Bernie had seemed to be lonely and pining for conversation when Stephan first arrived, xe certainly didn't seem to need Stephan around anymore. Stephan had hardly proven his mettle with how he'd overreacted to a harmless alarm. Helping with the 'rebuild Bular' project was the one thing Stephan could do for the Order right now, and he had barely contributed.

He didn't know how to help.

He just wanted to help.

Please … he begged Morgana in his mind. My Queen. Your Ladyship. Mother. Tell me what you need of me. Let me know how I can help you.

A side compartment of the gramophone table opened. A drawer slid out.

Both Changelings got up and leaned in to look without touching anything.

The drawer held an orange crystal, faintly glowing. The room hadn't changed temperature or décor, but somehow felt more comfortable. Bernie got out a pen and touched the crystal with the button end. Nothing happened.

"Is this …" for us? Stephan couldn't quite say out loud. "Are we supposed to take it? Do something with it?"

"I think it's Heartstone." Bernie touched it with a pinkie finger this time. Again, nothing appeared to happen.

Stephan backed off and sat back down. Heartstone? Really? Here? How? That stuff was legendary. He'd only half-believed it was real.

Bernie turned trollish and touched the stone with xir last finger, to no visible effect, and then picked it up. The drawer closed itself and the compartment shut over it.

Bernie held the crystal out to Stephan and urged, "Touch it."

Stephan got up and followed Bernie's lead, transforming and tapping the crystal cautiously with one finger. He staggered back and sat again.

"Whoa."

If Heartstone was a thing, that was definitely what this thing was. Stephan had been overloaded with a sense of safety and contentment. It was actually kind of scary to think about once he wasn't touching it anymore – he would have let his guard down entirely to bask in whatever the stone was radiating.

Maybe it was actually some kind of trap?

Except a trap – if it was a lotus-eater type trap – the trap would logically drain his energy, and Stephan felt invigorated. He wanted to do something. He felt like he could do anything.

"It's supposed to enhance a troll's life force, somehow," said Bernie, waving vaguely with xir free hand. "Possibly like how reptiles need warmth to regulate their metabolism, or how humans need sunlight to produce Vitamin D. Or it could just be a stimulant."

"I heard Lord Gunmar was born from the first one," said Stephan. "Maybe that was a metaphor and trolls need … Heartstone radiation … to be fertile? That would explain why we aren't."

'We' meaning 'Changelings'. Although, if Stephan was right, maybe that meant Changelings could … become fertile? Probably not from a brief touch of a small stone, but, in the future, with regular contact?

Bernie was still holding it.

"If it feeds trolls, maybe it eats them as well," xe speculated. "Feeding troll remains into it could make it grow. Like how plants do best if there's decaying animal matter in the soil."

Stephan nodded. He'd skimmed an article in a gardening magazine a while back about using blood meal to grow better roses.

"There's some connection, I don't know what exactly, but I know it's there." Bernie turned the stone over with a thoughtful expression. "I wish I had more to experiment with. Ideally five. A control group with nothing, of course, one fed with analogous minerals that weren't sourced from a troll, one fed with Changeling dust –"

"You have –? What am I saying, of course you do."

"– one with Grave Sand, and one with Bular's remains."

Wait, what?

"I don't know if Otto would like that."

"That experiment would have to wait until after the autopsy," said Bernie, reminded once more that xe wasn't just talking to xirself.

"… Do you think it could bring him back to life?"

"Unlikely but possible."

Stephan had never encountered the undead, to his knowledge, but he made a point of bringing garlic-rich food into work at the crematorium, and keeping a box of salt in his desk. (He'd read somewhere that, if a zombie tasted salt, they would remember they were dead, go back into their grave, and resist further attempts to summon them.) He probably wouldn't have much to worry about in his troll form, but his coworkers did not share this advantage.

"You know," said Bernie, "if this is emitting anything, I could probably adjust a Geiger counter to pick up on it. Let's get it back to the lab."

+=+

Bernie's first step was to scan the Heartstone with every instrument the Janus Order had and record its exact dimensions. Stephan was more of a witness than an assistant for that part.

He felt much more useful during the Geiger counter modifications. Bernie needed an extra pair of hands for some steps, and neither of them were a troll type with more than two arms. Stephan did have a prehensile tail, but it had broken a few times back in the Darklands and he couldn't flex it very well anymore to deal with things in front of him.

The alterations to the machine were more magic than tech. Bernie opened up a few sections and moved things around, extracting wires and inserting crystals and writing tiny cramped symbols here and there. Stephan held things out of the way that weren't being fully removed, and balanced pieces while Bernie attached them, and moved the Heartstone around the room for Bernie to recalibrate various settings.

Bernie put in something like a compass below the dial, so the holder couldn't only see how strong and close the Heartstone's readings were, but also which direction it was in. The compass was a sphere of rutilated quartz, with the gold-coloured acicular inclusions all going the same way. The sphere's mounting let it indicate directions in three dimensions.

It took four tries and six hours to cobble together a working model. Short-range only. Despite the Heartstone's properties, which did not seem to fade after prolonged contact, Stephan was barely keeping his eyes open.

n a surprising show of trust, Bernie let him nap in the apartment connected to the lab while Bernie typed up a report on today's findings.

Well, maybe it wasn't so surprising. Stephan, asleep, would be in a far more vulnerable position than Bernie would be from allowing another Changeling unsupervised in xir private space. If Stephan tried to leave some sort of trap, or go snooping while tired and set off a trap Bernie had left, well …

Bernie was also the Changeling primarily in charge of making any poisons the local Janus Order branch couldn't get through human channels. Stephan taking advantage of Bernie's trust would end far worse for him then it would for xir.

In any case, Stephan accepted the risk and took the nap, not wanting to drive home while tired. Bernie woke him half an hour later, and they went together to return the Heartstone piece to the gramophone room and to drop off a report in Otto's office.

Stephan carried the Geiger counter so Bernie could get a better idea of its range. It lost track of the Heartstone piece once they were most of the way down the hall. Bernie's hands were occupied with paperwork and a set of lockpicks. It was funny to see lockpicks carried so openly.

"Do you often break into the offices?" asked Stephan.

"I'm nearly certain I've been in every room of this base at least once."

"Recently?"

"I have been living down here. It's in my interests to double-check the security systems."

Stephan kept his eyes from rolling too obviously, but felt his mouth twitch in a small, brief grin.

When Otto's door opened, the Geiger counter – Bernie said xe was going to rename it, xe just hadn't yet – began beeping up a storm. The Changelings looked at each other and followed the compass needle to a bookcase, then a specific shelf, and finally behind a book.

"Well," said Bernie, "now I can double-check all my readings. I'll have to revise my report."

"How many more Heartstones are hidden around the base?" Stephan wondered.

"We should do a sweep. It'll probably take a couple of days. When do you have to leave and when can you next be here?"

"I have this week off. I can stay until," Stephan checked the date on his phone, "nine tomorrow evening before I'm expected anywhere." He and some work friends were planning to go to a bar for trivia night.

"Alright. We'll head back to the lab and you can take another nap while I do the scans and report revisions, and once you're awake we can sort out the order of the sweep."

"I should be good to go for –"

"You can't collect accurate data while sleep deprived."

"When's the last time you slept?"

"I woke up about ten minutes before you got here."

That explained why the laboratory had smelled of coffee.

+=+

Previous Chapter (Shattered King backstory, as commemorated by the Quagawumps)

Table Of Contents

Next Chapter (Jim gets Gunmar's Eye)

[elevenhoursinfront-blog]

27th October 2017

The alarm went off at 0530. Steve woke up straight away and washed up our left over cereal bowls and mugs. He made us a coffee which was a lovely start to the day. We sat on the bed, eating and drinking, I was feeling nervous. We both got dressed and ready, made our lunch and left. We were outside with Cait by 0645.

Rod dropped us in but we probably wouldn't need a lift home. The Brighton boys started work at 0500 so they had the van here. Your average day here is 0500-1900. It's so long. Just think of the money...

We got there and drove up to the Processing office. We jumped out of the car and walked in. There were 2 others from our induction, Bao Bao that I met in Bushy's, and Penelope - the local lady. We sat around the table and waited.

Lestor, is a Philippino man who is the Assistant Manager of the Processing department. Mick, is the manager. Lestor came out, camp as anything, making us laugh straight away. We felt comfortable. He went through all his information, answered all our questions and we were on our way to work by 0730.

First, was the Green Room. We walked inside into the changing area. We had to put our hair nets on, Steve had to put a beard net on too. Then we had to change our shoes into wellies, then lab coat, 2 pairs of gloves and sleeve guards. Then ear plugs as the Green Room is very loud. We were then ready to enter the room.

The Green Room is cold, around 10 degrees. Lestor said that us English would feel like home, which is true I guess. Either way, I was freezing.

You have to walk through a boot bath first and then you see the conveyor belts and machinery going. It's very loud and we had to meet the staff and be told what to do. It was really bad how much nobody could hear what was going on. Irene is the Team Leader in the Green Room so we spent our time with her going through what we have to do.

You get the bins that arrive from outside which contain thousands of prawns. Someone pushes the button and lifts a leaver for it to tip into a bath attached to the machines. Once they're in the bath, temperature recordings are required and you have to fill out the forms. Steve got allocated that job - go Steve! I'm glad I didn't, you had to do the water which is fine but at the end you have to grab a prawn out of the water and put the thermometer into it.

I had never really seen prawns before, obviously I have when others order the food but I always try to not look as it makes me feel ill. After the first bath, the belt moves so that they climb a 'ladder' out of the bath and fall onto a belt that comes across us in front of us.

We were advised that the belt will make you feel ill for the first 2-3 days. You will feel dizzy and quite sick because you stand there for 10 hours staring at a fast moving belt and that is all. I didn't really feel that ill, but it was weird. At first, the belt is moving with the prawns and after a while working, you're the one moving on a belt. It's the strangest feeling!

We stood there on platforms waiting for prawns to come past. At this stage, they are alive but they were so lifeless. They didn't move at all. It was so strange. I was grateful of course because if they were moving, I wouldn't be able to do it. I only saw one move it's legs throughout the whole day. Very, very strange. Even when they got tipped back into the water they didn't move. I didn't understand, did they die already? I'm easily confused though.

On the belt, you have to sort through good and bad. The good stay on the belt and go past you, the bad either gets chucked into the bin or a separate box. If they're bad so much so, the head is hanging off or they're cut somewhere, maybe a different colour - bin it. If their shell is soft and they're too small in size - put it into a bucket. The bucket does get sold to markets but I guess at a cheaper price.

Sorting wasn't too bad although, we didn't really understand what was good and what wasn't. We were being taught in a loud room with earplugs in. It wasn't the best way...

You had to pinch every single prawn that came through and the belt is fast. There's hundreds and hundreds of prawns so your hands are going so quickly, constantly. After they've been sorted, they go through the rest of the machinery and into the oven.

The oven is in a different room, next door actually. Irene showed me the oven which I wasn't sure why. She showed me the different temperatures and what not. It absolutely stank. It was a hot room of prawns. Yuck.

I was giving a different job of scooping out the buckets and into emptying them into belt number 2 and 4. There are 4 belts that go into different ovens and what not. They're different due to size so they must remain separated.

Steve had the man jobs in the Green Room - sorting the ice out, lifting and carrying boxes, going outside to help in the yard. No men really work in the Green Room so I guess they were excited that for once, there was.

We had a 20 minute break at 1100 and then our actual lunch at 1300. After lunch, Steve was told he was going to be working in Pack Out. That's where the prawns are all sorted and packed, ready to leave. He was also told that they would need him tomorrow which is great!

Cait and I were told we were going to High Risk Room, with Bao Bao and Penelope. Lestor said that Cait and I were to stay and assist at the end of the day with cleaning but Bao Bao and Penelope could go home. Fair enough, money is money. I just hope we're out before 1900...

We went over to High Risk. You enter the room and there’s a small wall in the middle of it. You can't go over that wall in your normal attire. Boots changed, hands washed and sanitised, hair nets, lab coat, 2 pairs of gloves, arm shields and apron. Finally ready to go...

We went into the High Risk room which is where the Brighton Boys were working so already it was good. They had the music on and it looked better than the Green Room. We were shown round although, it was chaotic and nobody had time to say hi to us. There's so much machinery there's not really anywhere to stand so we were always in the way of someone trying to get through. The girls were put onto different numbered belts to sort and I was put at the end of the belts weighing. The prawns were cooked and then frozen straight away. We were packing Frozen Tiger Prawns, whereas this morning we were dealing with Fresh Banana Prawns. Prawns are actually very spikey, especially when frozen. I grabbed a handful and was stabbed so many times. Charlie (one of the Brighton boys) had a frozen prawn antenna go straight up his fingernail the other day which he described as excruciating. I could imagine. 

After freezing, they get sorted through again and then they fall into a box with a bag inside. They must weigh 5.2kg and then I press the stop button. I had to take the bag over to the lads behind me and they would put the bag, into a cardboard box, sticker it and pass it through to Pack Out. That's that.

I was working with Charlie. We had to belts and weighing machines right next to each other. I was really enjoying this job. You stand and wait for prawns... Pretty much it. Charlie kept getting called away so I had to do both lines which made it more interesting, I guess. I did get frustrated because when I press stop, the weight was 5.2. When I move the bag, it would change to 6kg. I was getting in trouble for over weighing them but it literally wasn't my fault. The scales were messing up. Everything seemed to be going wrong in the High Risk room and nobody knew what was going on. The organisation of it was lacking. Actually, not lacking, just non-existent.

Charlie swapped me for Cait after about half an hour. The only reason being, he's sleeping with Cait. I got bumped to sorting so I was fairly annoyed. The prawns are frozen so after a while, I couldn't feel my fingers. Unfortunately, they had ran out of cotton gloves that go on before the plastic ones. My hands and fingers were bright red and probably frozen themselves. I went outside and got some when they had been replaced and I felt better straight away.

The prawns are weird, bright red and curled up. Their eyes and antenna's fall out constantly in High Risk. In the Green Room, it was there antenna's and legs that fell off the most. Sorting was fine, perfectly easy. There were some really rude staff members though and they're always talking in their own language which isn't allowed but what can you do? I was told not to put this particular prawn through by a lady from the Philippine’s but she didn't know how to explain why to me. Helpful.

The Team Leader who's name I do not know, told me that 'This particular prawn must go in the bin'. I asked an important question of, 'Why?' and she walked off. Okay... Never mind then. I'll continue doing what I've been shown and then wait to be told off.

We were in High Risk until the prawns finished. They finished at 1630. We had already done over a full days work. Cleaning takes 2 hours. Someone bat me over the head. Cleaning was chaotic. Everyone had hoses and you literally got drenched. You have to hose the room down completely and get rid of every single prawn antenna and eye down the drains. There are millions. Not an exaggeration, I can't explain the amount of prawn debris on the floor. Because it is High Risk, anything that goes onto the floor, stays on the floor. You cannot touch anything other than whats going on in front of you. I was told my hairnet wasn't on properly but I couldn't sort it because I wasn't allowed to touch it. Useful information then...

Cait was shouted at for talking to Charlie which was inevitably going to happen. Everyone was chatting though, but the lady said it was because we were training. Hardly training though, we are chucked in at the deep end with no training, and we have to swim ourselves.

I hosed down all the mats and machines near to my side. I was soaked. After the room was hosed down completely, it gets hosed down with chemicals and cleaning products. If you're the one using the chemical hose, you have to wear a helmet thing. It's quite weird. The rest of us have to wear goggles. After that, we have to hose the room down again.

It got to 1815, and Lestor said we could go. I was hoping and preying it would be anytime soon because I started work at Seaview at 1900. I just about had enough time to get home, get out of my wet clothes and go straight back to work. I was dreading having to go in my wet clothes.

Steve was in Pack Out so he finished at 1730. I didn't know that, I checked his time sheet to make sure he signed out which he did. Good egg. Steve and Charlie had left with the van so we were ringing them to come and pick us up. The other Brighton boys - Jake and Ben had to stay behind for an extra 15 minutes to help with something. So, Steve would come get Cait and I, drive me home to get changed and drop me to Seaview and then go back to the Seafarm to get Jake and Ben... What a kerfuffle. Especially for those that want to be home after a long day at work.

We got back, I chucked my clothes on as quickly as possible and got in the van. I was knackered. I had just done a 12 hour shift and now for another 7. Think of the money, think of the money...

I got to work and it was steady. I was so flustered, my face was an oven. I was bright red and I was letting off temperatures like an oven, apparently. I was chucked into the fridge to cool down and they even shut the door on me. It was great.

Steve starts work at 0500 so he'll be up around 0400, a few hours after I finish... It's so weird and messed up. He said Pack Out was really easy. You just stack the boxes. Hopefully they'll need him loads. Apparently, the Manager and Team Leaders kept on saying how well he was doing, how hard he was working. They kept saying 'thank you' and 'well done'. A good fermented egg, that boy (unless we're talking about housework, then he is just fermented).

Work was busy which was expected. It's the big fishing weekend so I'll be working a lot. Saturday I'm in at 1400 until around midnight so another ten hours. Sunday I'm in on the late but I start at 0500 on the seafarm. I'll be finishing at midnight and then up for work at 0400 which I wasn't happy about. Luckily, Jess said she would swap with me so I'm the shift before that. Thank the lord for Jess and Franzi, the best German girls you will meet. Love them. Franzi is absolutely drop dead gorgeous too. Jealous. Franzi is going to London in January to see Harry Potter world and I don't think I'll be home then so I'm gutted. I would've taken her there and picked her up. Watford isn't far from my home so it would've been great! Oh well.

Around 2100, an unexpected bus turned up with Army cadets and I wanted to cry. Talk about working me today. I was rushed off my feet, although I really did wish I was off my feet. They felt so bruised and painful. What with last nights shift, today's two shifts. Over the weekend, they are going to swell. Here's to kankles!

The bus left and I got on with what I had to do. I burnt my little finger which was stupidly painful for such a small burn. It blistered straight away so I knew it was going to hurt. I also managed to slip over into the freezer, on the floor and smash my wrist which also, hurt a lot. Hopefully they don't watch the CCTV and laugh at me. They always do that to Brandon when he falls.

Chris said that she would give me a 5 minute massage for free so I was so chuffed. I sat in the chair out the back and she started. It was so painful. She said my muscles were far too tight and I had knots everywhere, not that I actually know what any of that means. She did one knot and my back popped. It was amazing. She said I was too tired and that I should be at home. I feel you Chris, I feel you! Chris done massage work in China but apparently, they're really cheap there. I've never wanted to go to China but if Chris shows me round, I'll be fine. I've warned her that I only eat your basic English foods, IE chips and pizza. I dislike Chinese food and seafood, fish, exotic meats like lamb and pork chops. She told me not to bother with China in that case.

I was done by 0100 which is an hour earlier than I was meant to so I was happy. 20 hour day and I'm pooped. I walked home and FaceTimed my Mum who was trying to find an outfit for a night out with the girls. It was your typical 'Nope, too fat', 'Nope, doesn't look right' call.

I got home and into bed by 0200. Steve went to bed at 2100 so he was fast asleep. He didn't even realise I was home. I was out, faster than a light.