#threads r still continuing ofc but my god

[schleckermaul]

MOST OF THE JOURNEY OUT OF THE MIST is a haze, in the aftermath. the memory of zhilan's home dissipates around them, alongside the grey muddiness that's been accompanying him for ... how long? it feels like days. the exhaustion settles on break's bones, the warmth of this memory not fully enough for him to keep going for much longer. it might've been that zhilan caught him, or maybe break managed to avoid falling, merely leaning against his friend.

   the trek to a physician blurs entirely, in his mind. he almost wishes he'd passed out, if only that didn't mean he'd be abandoning zhilan in the middle of nowhere. like this, he at least managed to take it step by step, even if their pace remained slow.

   zhilan was probably worried, anyways. break didn't manage a lot of proper sentences, when spoken to, and he doesn't remember what he'd said once they sat in the waiting room of a clinic he wasn't familiar with. most likely, break had let zhilan know that he would very much rather die than have to go to a hospital again, so that's apparently where they are— a smaller facility, one that doesn't overwhelm him as much, less people and voices.

   his awareness returns once he's being examined, zhilan still at his side. he was a bit worried that he might stab somebody if by himself, surrounded by strangers that mean to investigate his ... his health? his injuries? the shadow, sitting in his mind, killing him slowly?

   when the doctor asked whether or not break is fine with zhilan hearing about it, he stared at his hands. unseeing. unsure. but the tiredness sits on his shoulders all the time, these days, and lady shelly's presence softened him enough for his relent to be easier. carrying her feelings with him, the truth of it all doesn't feel that heavy. zhilan cares about him. he's not supposed to let that go to waste, if he can help it.

   sighing permission, a muttered, ' it's fine, ' the blurry memories aren't due to his injuries, this time. he remembers rattling off confirmation after confirmation, being asked whether this or that is normal for his condition. the chronic cough, usually spilling blood. his inability to keep most things down. the lack of sleep. the headaches, the lack of energy, the loss of consciousness. the scars, placed across his body. it's the first time he spends time thinking about the one by his shoulder, so close to his neck, certainly part of why he died back home.

   he doesn't mention that part.

   zhilan speaks up, once they're back in his apartment, once break has settled on his bed and zhilan was finished hurrying about, taking care of the bandages and medicine he was given, texting something on his phone. he stands at break's bedside, propping up the pillows behind him, so that breathing will hurt a bit less.

   break can't really brace for it. can't judge the emotion in zhilan's voice, his ears ringing. ' it's not ... 'why didn't you tell me', because it's not about me, xerxes, it's. i wish i would have noticed, because maybe you wouldn't have had to be alone with this for so long. '

   and that, too, doesn't get a proper reply out of him. he's too tired. he's too tired. he just nods, after covering his eyes with the back of his hand, teeth gritted. it doesn't take long for him to finally surrender after that, unconsciousness tugging at the back of his shirt, pulling him into a restless slumber.

   not for the first time in his life, xerxes break realizes that he's hopeless.

[rickriordanfandam]

opinions on riordanverse ; my edition

a lot of people have been doing this so i decided why not right. probably gna lose some followers or smth but anyways. pls respect my opinions! if u disagree, thats fine, but please be polite. unless any of my opinions strikes u as morally wrong then pls point it out to me respectfully. thanks!

- i actually liked drew. im so sorry to everyone who hates her but full offence, why. think about it this way ok, first of all drew became hc because silena died. silena was the traitor, the one who betrayed chb, yet after she died campers celebrated her as a hero? and then drew suddenly has to replace her and live up to idk that legacy she left behind,, when all of a sudden this girl named piper swoops in and takes her place. idk abt u but i wld be salty abt that too. not only that, but as an asian, the chances of drew having faced racism/bullying as a child is pretty high (she studies at brooklyn academy). which means that when she finds out shes a demigod, and arrives at chb where most of the campers are white (this is an assumption btw), she’d obviously be scared of being bullied for her skin color right?? so the first thing she wld do before the campers get to bully her is to bully them before they can do so. (sentence structure here is wack i apologize) ofc this might not even have happened, drew could have had a perfect childhood && was a b1tch for no reason, BUT EVEN THEN HER ROLE AS A BULLY WAS PRETTY VITAL BECAUSE THAT FURTHER SHOWED THE CONTRAST BETWEEN HER AND PIPER,, HIGHLIGHTING PIPER AS A HERO//GOOD CHARACTER,, AND THEREFORE MAKING READERS LIKE PIPER MORE. anyway stop hating on drew please. ALSO WHY IS THIS SO LONGA SDFJHG

- jason isnt bland, the fandom just kinda erased his backstory (thanks to @pjohoo-memes for the phrasing lol)

- reynabeth wouldnt have lasted/would have broken up several times. idk i just see them as two extremely powerful characters who have firm opinions and will definitely clash at some point. in a platonic relationship,, i can see them as really good friends but as lovers? idk i just think theyll break up

- PIPABETH

- i dont really like jercy,, i see them as better friends than lovers. also idt jason and percy were that close..?

- the dam and not my type jokes are srsly cringey and were never funny. ik that seems hypocritical since my username literally makes use of the dam joke but honestly i dont actually like the joke. its not funny to me and has never been funny

- the seven were not best friends. they definitely argued,, and honestly probably werent as close as the fandom makes them seem. like ure dumped with 6 other people, out of which u only know a few. my introverted ass would have jumped off the argo 2 quicker than leo valdez could bomb camp jupiter up. also leo was a dick to frank. so what if frank is bigger sized?? thats not a valid reason to tease him

- the fandom needs to stop hating on octavian while worshipping luke. if u hate luke and u say u hate octavian too, then okay. but if u tell me ure a luke stan but u despise octavian?? imma disagree w u. luke was worse than octavian im sorry. first of all, octavian being a dick was kinda justified. hes been after the praetor position for so long, and everyone keeps saying to “wait for jason” when suddenly this dude, whos a son of NEPTUNE (neptune wasnt liked much by romans), and the camp decides to make him praetor?? dude i would be pissed off big time. and then afterwards, he finds out that greek demigods are real and the dude they made praetor is greek. AND THEN GREEK DEMIGODS COME TO CJ AND ONE OF THEM BOMB IT UP?? octavian has been told all his life that greeks are scum and this dude called leo valdez attacks cj. sure it was an accident, but did octavian know that? no. so it was honestly justified that he was such a salty prick im just saying. also some of yall be hating on octavian for cutting a teddy bear open and thats the funniest shit ive ever heard i swear 

- luke didnt go to elysium

- travis and connor stoll r way too underrated. the two have been head counselors of the hermes cabin since luke was revealed as a traitor, can u imagine the stress? luke, the person they probably looked up to as a brother, betrayed them. and they didnt even have time to process this when they were  thrown the roles of being hcs. that would have been so stressful and i would probably have broken down if i were them. the stoll brothers taking turns to wake up at ungodly hours because a new camper is crying and homesick and terrified, the stoll brothers having to comfort and take care of new campers, having to deal with the amount of people in that cramped space because not enough campers are being claimed fast enough. having to resolve issues between campers in the hermes cabin all the time. the stolls arent just comedic relief, and we need to stop treating them as such

- tratie shldve been canon idc idc

- demigods of the demeter cabin arent talked about enough and i love the fact that meg was demeters kid. like she isnt the child of one of the big three yet shes so powerful.

- we need to hype clarisse up more her character arc was phucking amazing 

- rachel is overhated. sis found out greek gods exist and regularly come down to earth to fuck around and went “ok cool”. queen shit behavior methinks

- the floor 19 crew of mcga is srsly underrated. like do u even remember halfborn gunderson, mallory keen, tj, etc??? bc i feel like we only remember samirah, magnus, alex, and sometimes blitz and hearthstone

- sadie (tkc) was kinda annoying at first. i like her more now tho but i rmb not liking her for a phat while

- tkc and mcga need more love

- carter kane and jason grace arent boring. theyre just really sweet boys who are too good for this world and yes yes yes 

- hazel and frank (especially frank) need to be hyped up more. i hardly ever see anything about them. also yall seem to forget that frank was literally made praetor and that even hecate admired hazel and was willing to fight beside her because of how powerful she was

- frazels age gap is kinda sketch but i still think theyre really cute

- nico definitely had trauma from going to tartarus on his own

- GROVER IS PERCYS BEST FRIEND

- annabeth isnt smarter than leo but neither is leo smarter than annabeth. ive seen a lot of discussions about who is smarter and heres my hot take on it: neither. theyre equally smart, just in different ways. leos a genius mathematically speaking. he has no issues solving math problems meant for people much, much older than him. annabeth on the otherhand, is great at strategies etc. she can make an army of 1000 more powerful than the enemy, even if theyre outnumbered. so in my opinion, both are equally as smart//u cant compare their intelligence, because their talents lie in two different areas.

- while i do agree rick riordan isnt a god and that hes bound to make mistakes,, AND that hes given us a lot of representation,, if the representation offends the people its sposed to represent, then theres a problem. im talking about piper as a poc and wearing feathers in her hair. im not a poc, so i cant speak for them on whether or not its wrong, because i dont know either. HOWEVER, i have seen multiple posts BY pocs talking about how they didnt really like rick’s representation of piper, and thats an issue. pocs have been and are still oppressed and discriminated against by many. as a white cis man, we cant really blame him for not knowing (tho he could have done a research,, asked some pocs,, idk), but by representing pocs in that manner, hes influencing impressionable kids/teens into thinking “oh pocs wear feathers in their hair all the time” etc, which isnt true. the pjo/hoo series is extremely successful, and kids who read the books will probably start forming inaccurate opinions on pocs. the amount of fan art that depicts piper with feathers in her hair dont help either. “but rick said so in the books, so its canon” yeah well rick isnt a god and he can get some things wrong at times. im not saying we should cancel him, im saying we should start educating ourselves and not spread false info like pocs wearing feathers in their hair all the time. also that snake song shit where she sang Summertime was just- yeah. bc heres the thing you can be racist, and still include minorities, but portray them in a racist way. And even then, ignorance isn't a thing to admire. Getting those facts wrong still has a major impact. It continues to perpetuate racist stereotypes.

“ With the feather thing, I looked it up myself; it takes less than five minutes to figure out that Cherokees don't braid feathers into their hair. I didn't grow up in the country where my parents are from. I have many other first/second generation American friends who have also been through that, with a bit of a disconnect from their culture. But something that most of us have in common is that when we didn't know something, and when our parents weren't that big of a help, we looked it up. We sought out resources online and through other people from our culture to be able to connect more with where we came from. Some of that took a Google search. So I find it hard to believe that Piper, a girl who Rick's trying to portray as someone who is attempting to connect with her culture and is totally against racist stereotypes, wouldn't know that eagle feathers aren't supposed to be braided into your hair casually. She may be disconnected from her culture, but she's also shown to want to connect back to it. Piper wouldn't be casually braiding feathers into her hair while also telling off people for being racist. It makes no sense.” - reddit thread (down below) 

for those of yall who wanna know more please please read this, it has a lot of things i wanna add in here : https://www.reddit.com/r/camphalfblood/comments/gy3gl2/piper_mcleans_portrayal_is_innacurate/ 

as well as https://finding-my-culture.tumblr.com/post/189422373260/maxie-ratties-and-cattie-finding-my-culture 

i will be posting screenshots of these in future posts so if ure viewing this on ig and u dont have tumblr,, dont worry 

- the fact that most of the strong female characters in the series refuse to be “girly”, and ngl i dont really like that. just because ure girly doesnt mean u cant be strong. 

- piper would have been a great way for him to start making the strong characters act girlier, but instead he went with the “I’m not like other girls” trope which is quite obnoxious to hear constantly, and I don’t think it’s necessarily great for younger girls to read that idea growing up.  the closest we've ever had to a strong female character who was also into "girly" things was Silena. when I was younger I admired Piper's "I'm not like other girls" thing, but then I got older and realized that the whole mentality of "not like other girls" is super obnoxious, and a little bit toxic

i have a heck load more that i cant rmb rn but yeah feel free to add more 

[duyxjpg]

ties of fate [g.d. ff] chapter 1

p r e v i o u s  c h a p t e r | c h a p t e r  o n e 

Summary: R E D   S T R I N G   O F   F A T E; According to the myth, the gods tie an invisible red string around the little finger of people who are destined to be soul mates, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break.

Author note: Sisters, first of all thanks for enjoying the story! Secondly please do not get confused at this chapter I promise everything will make perfect sense just read it till the end. if you want to ofc. and sorry if a made grammar errors.. love ya’ll sisters ♥ 

A sudden attack on us woke me up from my peaceful sleep. I knew who it was, and I wanted to kill him so badly. I was having the best sleep after a long time probably, but an idiot just had to ruin it. Fucking great.

“Ethan why the fuck would you fucking jump on us, are you out of your mind?” I heard Grayson yelling at his twin. I opened my eyes and had a full ass overgrown bunny on us mostly on me.

“If you really want your twin just for yourself E you have to try more!” I grumped as I tried to move him away from me. He wasn’t even moving an inch, I could tell he was enjoying seeing me suffer, that little bitch.

“Try more what?” Ethan asked me. As he stood up carefully finally. Grayson was just watching us argue half asleep.

“To kill me you idiot!” I yelled at him as I pushed him out of Grayson’s bed. He landed in slow motion on the ground. Grayson just started laughing after hearing my answer to his twin brother. Ethan slowly got up and set down on the bed as he tried to stop laughing. I took my phone under my pillow and looked how late is was. You must be kidding me!

“Ethan.” I said calmly, and he looked at me with a questioning face. “Why the fuck would you wake us up and such a way in 3 fucking AM.!” I calmly asked him but yelled the last three words. He smirked and I looked at Grayson who was silent the whole time, he just shrugged.

“We have guests.” he sung, and I wish I never heard him sing like ever. I made a disgusted face, “Who the fuck comes to visit at 3 fucking AM?” I tried to ask calmly, I was so close to choke Ethan to death. He suddenly stood up from the bed and looked at us mischievously, “Glad you are asking.” he said before leaving the room. At this point I couldn’t care less so I cuddled my now awake boyfriend. His chest was so calming.

“Who do you think is here?” I asked him low key knowing the answer already. I looked up at him and he was looking down at me already. I rolled his eyes at me playfully.

“You know I hate to break the news, but I am sure James and Emma are here, who else would fucking come to visit us at 3AM?” he whispered. I laughed at him. He was right no one else would come at such a time besides the famous “sister squad” members.

“If they come just to announce an idea for our next sister squad video, I am going to call the cops.” he half joked. I nodded in agreement. I could hear voices coming closer and getting clearer every passing second. Bingo I thought, it’s them as expected. As they all showed their heads and just their heads from the bedroom door I chuckled lightly. It was funny to watch them. Ethan was above all of them under Ethan was James head and under James it was Emma’s face to be seen. I heard Grayson chuckle as well.

“Disappointed but not surprised.” was the only thing I said before they all entered the room. I got up from my boyfriends’ cozy chest and sat down and Grayson did the same. The dumb and dumber squad were still standing there like little kids who were ready to get yelled by their parents.

“Ya’ll, what are you doing up so late and why the fuck are you guys here?” Grayson questioned them and raised an eyebrow. He was so beautiful, I always got distracted because of his beauty. I shook my head. Suddenly all of them started running towards us and jumped on the bed as they started screaming. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“We are just here to visit sister Grayson and his girlfriend!” James answered after he stopped screaming. I was so used to them that nothing actually surprised me anymore, but something was off because they would never ever visit at this time without wanting something.

“James don’t even try to lie, I can see it on your faces you clowns want something from either me or Y/N or from both of us, so spill it.” Grayson groaned in frustration. I could see he was tired, and I also was tired, but our friends won’t let us fucking live like normal people do. They looked at each other, they were having a silent argument over who should ask whatever they were about to ask. After spending so much time with them I could literally read their gestures and facial expressions.

Grayson and I were just sitting on Grayson’s bed half awake and half pissed off and tried to figure out what they probably would want to ask us. After a long silence Grayson finally talked. “Okay now just ask or leave I want to sleep you fuckers.” And he was right I wanted to go back to my sleep as well, but I could tell this night would be a long night for me and Gray.

“Sooo actually…” Emma stared talking finally. “We wanted to ask you guys…” Ethan continued Emma’s sentence, “to tell us your story.” James finished the sentence. I looked at them confusedly.

“What are ya’ll talking about?” I asked them as Grayson muttered a quick “Yeah, same, wtf?”

“You kitty girl are dating daddy Grayson almost for what? Eight months now, but you both of you never ever told us how you guys met.” James explained, his eyes were filled with curiosity.

“And we were talking on our group chat about something and I was like wait a second you guys realize we don’t even know how Grayson and Y/N met.” Emma continued to talk and smiled awkwardly as she put her messy hair into a ponytail. I looked at Ethan.

“No, I didn’t tell them anything I promise it’s your story, it’s your life I just said, ask them if you guys are really curious and they kind of ended up here.” Ethan explained. Why are my friends so dumb?

“You never asked us guys and we never told.” Grayson answered like as if he read my mind. I just nodded.

I also mentioned, “And everything got so quick and we all had so much going on, we were all so busy that we actually never come to an idea to talk about us.” All of them looked at each other and hummed in agreement. I told you they are all idiots.

“And you clowns woke us up just because you were curious about how we met?” I snapped as I hit my forehead with my hand. Grayson chuckled, as the three friends of ours looked at us like three little puppies.

“But can you guys tell us your story, no cameras, no fans knowing, no anything just us as friends.” Emma asked with hopeful eyes. How could you say no to her? I could tell they were all curious about what happened between us.

“Yeah, I really want to know as well.” James said. “I want to know how sister Y/N steal my man’s heart.” he joked. And I burst out laughing as the others started laughing as well. I looked up to gray and slipped closer to him to rest my head on his shoulder. Ethan and I made eye contact and he just shrug off in an apological way. That was what I loved about my boyfriend’s twin, he looked like he didn’t care but he did even this small gesture of him made me soften. I knew he knew that I wasn’t happy to talk about how we met but it was in the past now and my friends deserved to know. No one saw his apological look on his face, but I noticed. As Grayson and James were having an jokingly argument about how I stole James crushed heart and Emma was perfectly enjoying the argument, I low key grabbed my phone and texted Ethan.

From: me To:  Ethan “It’s okay E. Don’t worry ♥“

He looked at his phone and opened the text and smiled after reading my message. I smiled at him as well. We were good. As James and Grayson continued to argue over how James heart was broken, I clapped my hands to get their attention to me. They immediately stopped talking and I got their full attention.

“So, you guys want to hear our story?” I asked a bit nervous now. I felt Grayson grabbing my hand to show me that I wasn’t alone. I looked at him and smiled. “Okay let’s get it!” I answered my own question. James and Emma were so excited, and I could almost see stars in their eyes, that’s what true friendship is like, being happy with the slightest thing about each other.

“Well, everything started when…” Grayson began to reveal our story to our most precious friends.

[notatypicaldimension]

Tagged!

Thanks for tagging me @theragamuffininitiative ! 

I tag @hurtbyintensejourneys @thylovelylionheart @falconhawk9​ 

— what was your last…

1. drink: tea!

2. phone call: my mom.

3. text message: to a group chat with friends 

4. song you listened to: “Meltdown” by Lorde, Q-Tip, Push, HAIM, Stromae

5. time you cried: uuuhhh I think it was a couple of days ago, when I was just trying to get out of some pretty bad states and actually felt OK enough to cry so it was a good thing! 

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: No.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: No.

8. been cheated on: No.

9. lost someone special: Sorta....if the term is used quite broadly.

10. been depressed: Haha. Yes. Ofc. 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Niet. 

— fave colours

12. Purple, or gray/black scale probably. 

13. I actually quite like brown....so maybe that? 

14. Hm. Probably a deep navy? Like a sailor outfit blue? 

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: Yes. Absolutely. 

16. fallen out of love: No. 

17. laughed until you cried: lol yes (thank you to theinsanereader for your book wedding video)

18. found out someone was talking about you: Yes! 

19. met someone who changed you: Hahahahah...yeeeesss. Helped me a lot tbh. 

20. found out who your friends are: In a way. Like it’s not that I didn’t know before, it’s more like now I understand it better in terms of human leanings etc. 

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: Uuuhhhhh....no, not on the lips.

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: Nearly everyone, there are a few I only know via the internet somehow, but I still know them from everyday things, or I have already met them.

23. do you have any pets: Nope!

24. do you want to change your name: No. 

25. what did you do for your last birthday: Oh boy. It was a weird day but good. I spent time with a cute lil kiddo, went on a walk and saw lots of flowers, watched an episode of doctor who, went out for starbucks with a friend, and got to hold a baby amongst some other more ritualistic things. 

26. what time did you wake up today: like, 10:30 or so. 

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Probably just listening to music and...um...maybe writing down in my diary or something?? idek.

28. what is something you can’t wait for: Hmm...this is gonna sound lame but fr I have very little social life so seeing a couple of friends once their schooltime frees up a bit more or whatever....oh! and also my little sister is competing this weekend o I can’t wait to go and watch her and her team :)

30. what are you listening to right now: Static, for the most part, and in the muffled background, my family just doing everyday things (lil screeches, telling offs, whAT?! etc.) lol. 

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: For sure. 

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: HA. The government, and some approaches that the American Evangelical Church seems to be oblivious to or non-sympathetic smh. 

33. most visited website: “Youtube and Tumblr are probably about equal.” (lol same)

34. hair colour: Brown. 

35. long or short hair: Long..

36. do you have a crush on someone: No... at least I don’t think so. Idek if I get crushes or whatever idek it’s confusing moving on

37. what do you like about yourself: Ooh. I like that the single most re-occuring obstacle in my life is that I’m so confusing to both myself (im still learning its ok to be me) and the entire world that it’s very, VERY conflicting in odd ways and that that is what makes everything mean things to me.....it’s like my essence etc. and I now know my main passion etc......tl;dr I like that I’ve figured out what the single epitome of most of what I am is and how its path has severely been distraught, and that though it’s going to take a lot of work to get back, it’s also just going to be the most incredible thing. 

38. want any piercings: nope.

39. blood type: sis, if y’all think I’m gonna put out vip information like that on this already crackhead-justice owned website by same-type  company like yahoo, y’all are w r o n g.  

40. nicknames: Uuuuhhhh. idk. @hurtbyintensejourneys​ , you should give me one. 

41. relationship status: Single. And probably most definitely not ready to mingle (but it’s ok! I’ll be someday, sometime soon...ish)

42. sign: Taurus. But I don’t follow horoscopes. 

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv show: Idek anymore....I love Lie to me, and like rags said, Fringe (tho I am still on like s2 aahh), and maybe Doctor who? I actually love Granite flats and GMW/BMW as well tho. 

45. tattoos: Nope.

46. right or left handed: Right-handed. 

47. ever had surgery: Nope. 

48. piercings: No.

49. sport: Alrighty; look, I will watch just about anything even though I’m bad at it....I think it has something to do with an interest in developing my recognizing of stuff/talent???? also it’s v cool. 

50. vacation: uuuhhh????? Probably my last “”vacation”” was in California? idek. 

51. trainers: I think they’re Nike. 

— more general

52. eating: I just want some sushi right now. The good stuff tho. NOt the *shudders* doobly-tasting kind. I love Asian food that’s not spicy tho. That’s some real bod-foodspiration right there for me.

53. drinking: Water, tea, juice that’s actually juice...... fresh smoothies. 

54. I’m about to watch: probably just safe-feeling trailers for me, so like, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl or something. 

55. waiting for: My mental health/processing desire to buffen up a little so I can actually start doing things again maybe (that’d be nice). Perseverance, basically, I guess.

56. want: Soundproof area maybe, to record //things//? A small local group of friends. 

57. get married: At some point, maybe. I’d not be surprised if I end up single tho. BUt I feel like I won’t which is....honestly.....sorta scarier for me rn dfhbjdhsbjdf

58. career: lol. idk. God’s plan? 

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: eyes, I think.

61. shorter or taller: taller

62. older or younger: depends

63. nice arms or stomach: niCe ArmS oR SToMacH? (bruh idk)

64. hookup or relationships: relationships is the only way to go, and not only in romance my friends. 

65. troublemaker or hesitant: Uuuhhh....hesitant. but you know what...imma pretend I come off as, like, a fine brand so. Hésitante. 

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: No lol. 

67. drank hard liquor: No. Thank GOD. 

68. turned someone down: Only one (1) time. Sorta. 

69. sex on first date: N o. 

70: broken someone’s heart: I actually don’t know. I don’t think so. I hope not. 

71. had your heart broken: Not like that, but also yes. At least a little. It’s sorta like having to go back and unstitch a stitch of yourself that’s all messed up; you thought you’d be ok with moving on from it, except ways further along you realise that you can’t and then having to go undo everything and start back up but even then your thread is all folded up and a little extra rugged. 

72. been arrested: No. 

73. cried when someone died: I want to say yes. But I actually am not sure. For sure, in fictional chracters so....(dad from my big fat greek wedding voice) there you go

74. fallen for a friend: No....I don’t think so. 

— do you believe in

75. yourself: Sorta. But inherently? yes. 

76. miracles: !!!! yes! If y’all knew some of the stories I’ve known....I love God so much I can’t even. It’s so marvelous. I just....Ah!

77. love at first sight: Yes, but only because I think it’s like some weird intuitive thing that’s legitimate for some people. Or maybe even a spiritual thing sometimes? 

78. santa claus: “He exists in every way that counts.” 😂 looolll

79. angels: Yes. Again, if y’all knew...

— misc

80. eye colour: brown

81. best friend’s name: I don’t have a best friend rn. 

82. favourite movie: Idk. 

83. favourite actor: Idk!

84. favourite cartoon: *Idk intensifies*

85. favourite teacher’s name: Not gonna say any specific names, but probably my German teacher in middle school, or 5th grade teacher. Also, non-official teacher friend man who taught me abstract concepts way beyond my grade level. I love them so much and they continue to have a very important impact in my life voyage. 

[beingmyownhxro]

tagged by: @alexdanvers-rp​, thank you! ^-^ tagging: @leadershiipskills​ / @fossilis​​, @marsdin​, @i-am-diana-of-themyscira​, @emblemofxfeminism​, and anyone else who wants to~ RULES:  answer the questions & tag some blogs you wanna get to know better !

A  -  AGE:  22 B  -  BIRTHPLACE:   US C  -  CURRENT TIME:  1:04am D  -  DRINK YOU HAD LAST:  pepsi E  -  EASIEST PERSON ( OR PEOPLE ) TO TALK TO:  offline i don’t really have a “can tell them anything” person at this time. online there are and ofc here’s where i get super duper shy since they’ll actually see this. but I have a really easy time talking to ashleigh, elysian, ren, sam, robin, and val. i really love this rp community everyone is so nice ; w; F  -  FAVORITE SONG:  i’m having trouble deciding, but i think i’m gonna go with demi lovato’s “let it go.” (the other contenders are idina menzel’s “let it go” and “libérée, délivrée” [movie version] by anaïs delva YES THAT’S LET IT GO IN FRENCH DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT) G  -  GROSSEST MEMORY:  it’s really fricking gross so i’m gonna put it under a cut at the end to save those of you who understandably do not want to see it. it’s from when i was working in the care field and involves a lot of feces. H  -  HORROR YES OR HORROR NO:  horror no. I  -    IN LOVE?:  does my crush on katie mcgrath count lol J  -  JEALOUS OF PEOPLE:  occasionally i get a little bit jealous of my sister, who’s always gotten really spoiled since she’s the baby. sometimes she gets jealous of me too since i’ve always been given more independence, so it’s just normal sibling stuff. K  -  KILLED SOMEONE:  do bugs count L  -  LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT OR SHOULD I WALK BACK BY AGAIN?: i think you can get a crush on someone right away, but i don’t think it’s LOVE when you know nothing about them. M  -  MIDDLE NAME:  rose N  -  NUMBER OF SIBLINGS:  1 O  -  ONE WISH:  i really really really wanna be a good therapist. P  -  PERSON YOU CALLED LAST:  my mom Q  -  QUESTION YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKED:  it’s not exactly one consistent question, but people regularly mistake me for 14. like when i ask about jobs in person and the person tells me i need to be at least 16 to work there. or when i saw atomic blonde yesterday (r-rated so 17+) and the ticket cashier looked skeptically at my ID for like a solid minute searching for signs that it was fake. and i say 14 specifically because i’ve been told multiple times “you look like you’re 14″ or had my coworkers asked “is she old enough to work here she looks 14.” R  -  REASON TO SMILE:  lena and my awesome threads and friends on here. :> S  -  SONG YOU SANG LAST:  “happy” by marina and the diamonds T  -  TOP 3 FICTIONAL CHARACTERS:  elsa from frozen, lena luthor, and maria torres from trama team U  -  UNDERWEAR COLOR:  ummm white with pandas on it V  -  VACATION:  my trip there was a research project more than a vacation (though i still got to do tons of fun stuff), so i hope someday i can go back to japan as a proper vacation. and i wanna go to disney world sometime. definitely disney world. W -  WHEN’S YOUR BIRTHDAY:  december 17 X  -  XRAYS:  i got a ct scan a few years ago as they were trying to figure out what was causing the sudden horrid pain in my side/back. that was “fun.” it wasn’t anything serious though. (though i had 3 separate men ask me if i was sure it wasn’t period cramps like jfc) Y  -  YOUR FAVORITE FOOD:  it’s a family recipe so nobody’s gonna know what i’m talking about lol. i guess the closest thing to it would be lasagna. it’s made in a casserole dish, and the top layer is ground beef mixed with tomato sauce, then cream cheese + sour cream + cottage cheese + green onion mixed, then egg noodles on the bottom, put in the oven for an hour at 350 F. but we almost never have it because there are so many steps and it makes so many dishes to wash. Z  -  ZODIAC SIGN:  sagittarius

okay my grossest story under the cut, as promised. you’ve been warned.

so this was at my old job, like i said. it involves one of the residents, who was occasionally incontinent (both types -- but it normally wasn’t an issue as she wore adult diapers) to begin with, getting a stomach bug and having diarrhea. she was also blind, so while she was mobile, she wasn’t able to see to clean things up. and her developmental disability was such that she didn’t have a very clear understanding of a lot of things. so you can already guess how fun this day was.

it started off with me doing all her laundry and cleaning the carpet of her bedroom. which wasn’t that bad. but then my coworker, who didn’t clean a single thing in that entire time, decided that this woman really needed to take a bath.           now, quick context. this woman, as i said, was incontinent sometimes to begin with. there had been an incident a couple of weeks ago where as she was taking a bath -- which she can do unassisted except for washing her hair (which she could probably do except she won’t, but she lets us) -- she had a bowel accident during her bath. and proceeded to continue with the bath as though nothing had happened. that wasn’t during one of my shifts so i don’t know why, but yeah, so that happened.          i told my coworker that it was a bad idea -- i thought we were going to have an even more horrid repeat of that incident. she said that no, the woman needed a bath, and i said, more emphatically, “if she tries to take a bath, she’s probably going to have an accident.” the woman tended to take long baths and on this day was having diarrhea bowel movements pretty often. my coworker insisted it would be fine and the woman really needed a bath. now the thing is, someone like my coworker or i could easily get out of the bath and to the toilet if that were us. but it was hard for the woman to get in and out of the tub and to find the toilet to begin with, and add to that the other factors......

sure enough, some time later i hear the woman calling for me from the bathroom. now, thank god she didn’t have an accident while she was in the tub, but she had one as soon as she got out. she felt super bad about it but obviously it wasn’t like she could help it. she said she needed help to get out of the bathroom because she didn’t want to step in it. so i helped her out and to her room and to get dressed, gave her some water, and she went back to sleep. the bathroom was shared with another woman, so i let that woman know that i needed to clean the bathroom and it might take a while so if she needed to use the bathroom she should use the other one. with that, i grabbed a roll of paper towel and cleaning supplies (incl rubber gloves obviously, and a trash bag) and went to see the extent of the damage and get cleaning. to be clear, my coworker did not help me at all. or even offer to help. or even bring me more paper towel when i asked mid-cleaning.

IT WAS HORRIBLE. the next paragraph will continue with the story, so stop reading this paragraph if you don’t want the details. for starters, it was more yellow than brown. actually it was roughly the color of puke. i have somewhat of a phobia of puke, so that was super fun. it was also liquid. i mean LIQUID. it clearly had fallen where she had been standing and splattered into an enormous puddle. virtually the entire surface of the floor was covered. it was on the cupboard under the sink. it was on the bathtub. it was on the wall. it was on the toilet paper. it was on the toilet seat. utterly nightmarish.

but the cleaning needed to be done. i put on some music from my phone -- normally my coworker plays her stuff on the radio and i don’t play my own stuff, but i was like, y’know what i’m cleaning this up by myself she can deal with my demi lovato playlist -- didn’t breathe through my nose, and tried not to think about it too much. i just held on to the fact that i was doing this to help the residents who depended on me and the other staff to take care of them, and hey at least it wasn’t vomit.

i’m a fast worker, especially at cleaning. it took me two hours.

bonus points that the other residents kept like asking me stuff and trying to talk to me while i was doing that cleaning??? which is fine normally -- they’re the first priority, so if i’m doing the dishes or something else that can wait, i didn’t mind pausing to talk to them; some of them have trouble understanding that if we’re in the middle of something and can’t talk at that time, we’re not ignoring them, so i tried to make the time when i could. but uh, this was a special set of circumstances. now you’d think my coworker could’ve handled those things, but no, she was busy playing candy crush or something on her phone.

the real kicker is that after i got done, my coworker left early for no reason (not for the first time) and had left everything from dinner on the table and counters, and told me like 5 other things that needed to be done by the end of my shift. i spent the time between then and my next shift trying to convince myself not to quit until i found a new job -- i’d already been looking for new jobs anyway. but guess what? my supervisor was there and chewed me out because my coworker told her that I made HER do all the work. because my coworker had to make dinner by herself. i hadn’t been going to tattle to our supervisor but since my coworker did that i flat out told my supervisor that she had made dinner alone because i was spending two hours cleaning up diarrhea in the bathroom by myself, and that every single bit of the diarrhea messes all shift i had cleaned up by myself with no help from my coworker.

my supervisor didn’t care and continued to scold me. i handed in my two weeks’ notice the next day. that was too much.

yes, i’m still hella pissed about that.