#time change + work kicking my ass 😞

[yunogf]

ppl r being weird abt taeyongs xray

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

heyy could i have an outsiders ship???!!?

i'm like 5'3 i think. my hairs curly and blonde (bottle blonde 😞😞) and being honest i cant rven tell what color my eyes are but in bright lights they look blue so theyre dark blue i guess. my style changes like every week so i cant accurately say what it is. if i had to pick itd be whatever you call like 80s typa stuff. im kinda quiet around other people but my friends are making me actually like talk more around people. when im with my friends i talk their asses off all the time. in terms of interests and stuff, j love reading (especially horror), insects, rock music, and like hanging out with my friends. my favorite books are the stand, it, phantom of the opera, dracula, the outsiders (nooo shittt 😱😱😱), and uh the shining i guess. im super smart (so sorry if that sounds like im bragging 🙏🙏🙏 ) and im always working my ass off to get stuff done. uh i play drums and do theater too. thanks for the yap session and for the ship!!!!

There’s nothing wrong with admitting that you’re intelligent by the way!! Just to let you know for future reference that should never come off as narcissistic to someone unless you believe you’re intelligent and no one else is as intelligent as you. Like it only crosses the point of bragging whenever you think that can be intelligent at any given moment. By the way, that’s not a rant that’s really directed at you. I’m just saying this in general I hope you find it helpful!

Your Outsiders Ship: Steve Randle

Explanation: starting off the physical description I think that he would love how you look from being way shorter than him and easily you know tease ball and he would just love picking you up and spinning you around just to mess with you or if you’re into that cause it’s romantic I think it’s a win-win I think he would find dark blue eyes gorgeous, and he would love staring into them and I personally think that is the kind of guy that little things that no one else notices about you like how your eyes glint to be a lighter shade of blue in the sunlight or your favorite color. I think he loves your fashion and while he doesn’t always get reading, I think it would mean the world to him if you read him a book while he was working on cars or something. He would come to all your band practices and performances and cheer you on very obnoxiously and maybe even get kicked out of the theater. He doesn’t care that much about school and I think he’s a little slow so I think you being intelligent would help him greatly because I mean you’re basically his tutor let’s be so for real… I also think that he loves rock music so I could see you guys easily like jamming out and I think that would be such a cute day. Idea is just hanging out talking listening to rock music maybe eating some takeout I don’t know I could see that being a solid idea for you too. I think your personalities also would go very well with each other. He’s a bit more closed off whenever you first meet him but then when you get to know him, he’s a lot more friendly and sometimes he has a hard time showing that he cares when he really does. Also, I think that he loves you change your style quite frequently because he can always have something to bet on with soda like oh what’s she gonna come in wearing today dude?! 💚💚

[aleksa-sims]

RL Sims-Story (18+)

⚠ CW: addiction, drugs, adult content ⚠

When we got home, I wanted to talk about Irena. I didn’t hate Irena! Honestly not! But even before this fight, I always had an unpleasant feeling in her presence because of him. I put myself in her shoes! How I would feel, if Nico suddenly lived with another woman in our apartment, where I have furnished everything. 😔

I asked Daniel why Irena was suddenly so jealous of me? But Daniel wasn’t in the mood to talk about Irena, he was just fucking high! But I wanted it to work out with him and me! So I thought about telling him? Well, you know? About my feelings. That I fell in love with him, and who knows? Maybe he’ll finally tell me too!? 🤷‍♀️ 😬

Me: Maybe Irena is so mad at me because she found out I’m living here with you? I feel totally stupid about it. Kind of bad. 😞

Daniel: There’s no reason for that at all! And I gave her part of the money back when she moved out. I wanted to stay fair and did the right thing! I even wanted to leave so she could stay here.

Me: Were you happy with her? 😟 I mean, you wanted it to end, or she just left you, because of your addiction?

Daniel: You know the whole story! Why are you asking me all these questions now? 😕

Me: Well...I don’t want to lose you or get it wrong!

Daniel: You’re NOT doing anything wrong! I want you to stay with me! Here in my apartment. And....I hope you will stay! I haven’t forgotten your promise to Philip! I just wanted a fair chance and so far, you’ve always been fair to me! 🤍

Me: You think I’ll go back to P.? 😦 This promise was totally stupid and naive of me! I just hurt P. with this! 😞 I told him, that I can’t keep this! But I’ll be there for him as a friend. I want only you! You changed everything! I never would have believed that 3 months ago!

Daniel: I didn’t plan on living with a woman again, so quickly. But circumstances have led to this.

Me: You mean my crazy dad, who kicked me out! 😒 But you know, we can be together even if I don’t live here with you. If you prefer, I can go to Sandra. But...I’d miss you so much! 🙁

Daniel: No! Now you’re here and you stay with me! I love being with you. When I come home from work and you’re waiting for me, I don’t want to miss it.

Me: Do you love me, D.? 😟

Daniel: 😄 .... What kind of question is that? I could ask you the same! 

Me: I’m just so insecure. 

Daniel: If you really want to know what I feel, come sit on me and find out.😏

I did what he said and hoped he would finally tell me. At some point, while we were.....doing it, I just told him, I love him. I expected something similar from him to come back, but instead he just told me that he’s crazy over my ........hot ass. 🤨 I mean, that’s nice too, but not what I wanted to hear from him! I was just hoping that my... “hot” ass alone, will be enough to stay with me. Because as it looked, I was a bit right about Irena and him. 😞

However, the next morning I was busy with a completely different thing. My “new” job! I was afraid to be bullied again.😩

Me: Thanks for your help with my outfit. I don’t think anyone will notice me! I look perfectly boring! Just right! 👍

Daniel: You’re a fucking hot bore! 😏....I’m sure you’ll like it there, even without Dilek!

Me: Hm, Idk? 😟 I wish I could take you with me as support.

Daniel: You can do it! But I’m coming to pick you up!

Me: Ok! Can’t wait! And.... you know, last night was really hot, but I still don’t know, if you love me. 😳

Daniel: Then we have to repeat it so many times until you’re sure! You’re so amazing & I constantly want you.

Me: Daniel! 😕 Can you try to be serious?😔 If I only knew you loved me, this would make everything easier for me.

Daniel: But I’m serious! Honestly! And now stop thinking about me, focus on your job, babe, and I’ll pick you up. Just trust me, okay.

Me: Yeah, see you later. 🙁

And what awaited me on my new job, I will tell next time. Just so much, this office was a total madhouse! To be perfectly correct, it really was a madhouse for elderly. 🤣 🤦‍♀️

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[maerenee930]

random thoughts.

kinda venting. just need to get some stuff/feelings out of my head.

heads up, i do mention depression and anxiety.

the past couple of weeks have been so rough. 😣😓

work has been something else and it’s been taking a toll on me mentally, emotionally and physically.

this is stupid and not actually a big deal, it was just a “aw, come on. really?” *sigh* kind of moment. you know?

so the other day i came home for lunch to take my medication and well, have lunch lol. i was reeeally looking forward to having a salami sandwich cause it just sounded so good! but then when i went to the fridge to get what i needed so i could make my sandwich, no bread 🙁

and there’s just been other little things like that lately and idk… it’s just all feeling a lot.

what doesn’t help is that my mom has been having a tough time mentally and emotionally lately as well. (for various reasons) and seeing her struggling with her mental health issues (and family issues.) has been breaking my heart 😭 all i wanna do is help her or try and make things better for her. but i can’t 😞 and i feel so useless. 😔 how can i not help the person who is always there for me and helps me when i need her.? why can’t i just know what to do to help make things a little bit better for her.?😣

you know what also really sucks? feeling so hopeless cause your depression is kicking your ass but then also invalidating your own feelings cause that’s just who you are and what you do to yourself and you try and just distract yourself and ignore the depression just hoping it’ll finally go away for a minute or a bit but it obviously doesn’t 🤦‍♀️

like uuuugh!! why can’t i be normal and just fucking let myself feel how i need to and why do i always invalidate my own feelings still? like how can i know that my feelings are valid and it’s okay to actually feel that they are valid, but don’t actually let myself feel them or feel that they are valid. i just don’t get it. why am i like this? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

i’m soo fucking tired of feeling like i have to cry but can’t. like sometimes i physically just can’t cry and as weird as it sounds, it hurts 😣 and i just feel like i’m not allowed to cry right now. like i need to be strong for my mom and not let my shit stop me from being there for her or supporting her when she needs me/needs someone.

i’m tired of feeling like i’m not allowed to feel negative feelings. that because i objectively and realistically have it soo good and that things could be waaay worse than they are that, i’m not allowed to feel depressed. i’m not allowed to feel like i wanna run away and need a break from everything.

like in my head, i’m not allowed to feel lonely when realistically i know i’m not. and i’m only lonely (didn’t mean to rhyme lmao) because i don’t reach out to anyone. so i don’t really have the right to feel that way. i mean like if i don’t ask people to hang out/spend time with me or be there for me, then i don’t get to feel lonely. i could change it and i don’t.

(but i don’t reach out to anyone or ask them because i’m afraid i’m bothering them or that i’m annoying them. that if they say yes, they’re only saying it because they feel obligated to/like they have to. or i worry that by me asking them to hang out with me, it’s gonna come off as needy and obnoxious. i also don’t tend to reach out because i worry that people will say no. i worry that they’ll actually just not want to hang out/spend time with me. and my anxiety gets the better of me and it makes me feel bad about myself. i start to feel like i did something to make people not want spend time with me. or if they say no because they have plans, i get disappointed. that is stupid, i know lol. but it’s just something that gets to me. i mean not as much as it used to cause i worked on that when i was in therapy, but still sometimes it still does get to me and it bums me out so it makes me not want to like put myself out there to possibly be rejected. if that makes any sense at all. and i’m sure/i know there’s more to it than i like actually realize and i’m sure i’ll figure out what it is and work on that when i at some point go back to therapy 😅 and i do have other reasons as to why i worry why someone will say no, but i won’t get into that right now 😅🙃😂 so anyway lol.)

but yeah, so i’m just very frustrated with myself.

there’s more that i want to say but i’ll leave it at all of this rambling nonsense for now. i mean i’m sure i’ll make another post with the other stuff i feel like getting out of my head/off of my mind soon.

[saetoru]

YOUR THEMES NEVER MISS THOUGH AAHHH ur so amazing omg this one might have to be one of my favs frfr 🤭

i missed you too!! i went on a cruise for the first time a couple weeks ago & then i came back and tested positive for covid 🧎🏻‍♀️ BUT IM FEELING SO MUCH BETTER i’m back to work & school (except my first day back at school, my class was literally canceled & my prof didn’t email us abt it 🧍🏻‍♀️)

also i’m finally working more on my piece for ur “when nobody’s home” collab 🤭🤭

i hope you’ve also been well tee my darling <3 remember to take good care of yourself especially since ur taking 7 classes and remember to show yourself lots n lots of tender, loving care 💓💓

BESTIE SAJHDFJSD the way i deadass change them every 2 days now 😭 before i used to at least keep them like a week 😭

BUT OMG A CRUISE SOUNDS SO NICE i wanted to go on a cruise last spring but then my whole dads side of the family decided they wanted to do a family cruise and i was like "nope" and my mom was too so then we withdrew LMAO and then there was drama with the planning (as always) and it got canceled for everyone. BUT I HOPE URS WAS FUN and i hope u ate to ur hearts content bc i heard u can just have wtv u want on the cruise bc the food is paid for beforehand. idk tho i never been on one 😞 AND NOT COVID DEAR GOD it gets everyone eventually >:( that shit sucked covid was the worst week of my life i wasn't even that sick i just couldn't taste shit and i was pissed and grumpy KJSAGD. but im glad ur feeling better love !! and work and school can SUCK IT the first day was raining fucking cats and dogs for me and my prof didn't mention our room got moved so i had to DOUBLE walk in the rain. WHAT IS IT WITH PROFS AND NOT TELLING STUFF BEFOREHAND. they take all that tuition for what 😒

also hehe im so excited to read it OMG but make sure to take ur time !! im late myself to my own collab KJSDHF

but i have been well beloved !! rly busy this week but i been taking care of myself !! these 7 classes are a pain in the ass BUT im also rly happy w them bc i changed my major and they're so much more well fit for me and im actually happy sitting in class even if the assignments are kicking my ass SOBSOB. but i will take breaks and rest up do not fret !! and u better too >:(