#to be fair theyve done their best to space us out

[steph-squatch]

Back to work irl today 🙃 I don't even have a consistent space to set up because we're sharing a campus with another school (HVAC fire on our campus and we're not allowed back in yet) and I've been assigned to share a room with a counselor, meaning one of us has to leave if there's an appointment because of confidentiality and it's going to most likely be me (even tho she's willing to work outside and be as flexible as I am)

My anxiety is having a field day with this. Not only am I breaking routine and driving somewhere new (ish), I'm not even guaranteed a dedicated space to work! Also, because it's two schools combined into one rn it's going to be loud and I'm probably going to get distracted! But guess what I have at home?! A dedicated work space!!! And quiet!!!! Also a private bathroom!!!!!! AND I'M NOT PACKED IN WITH STRANGERS LIKE A SARDINE AT THE TAIL END OF A PANORAMA

I'm not the only one who feels this way, but admin is set on the decision so here we are

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[chezforshire]

AU where marceline is the school's local harana for hire she writes quick songs for anyone who wants to have a song sung for anyone for whatever reason they want

It's usually a lot of love songs (she's gotten tired of this really fast) but sometimes she gets requests for songs for friends

Anyway, Lady and Jake help her out with this business by making bouquets and playing along with her respectively. And Bon is usually just someone she bounces ideas with cause Marce may know so many people, but there's still a number of rich prissy losers that Bon knows and that's usually her clients. Also, Bon loves getting to stretch her writing skills.

(Though she's also pretty tired of love songs)

Marce gets a commission one day to make a song for Bon and she just kinda. Stares at it. Her clients aren't anonymous. Well, not usually. A lot of her songs are made from shared memories and the small percent made from flowery words are usually douchelords who are too confident about their place to think they'd need anonymity in case of rejection.

So when she sees that this one didn't have a name she was a little... confused. There was also the fact that Bon is notorious for saying no to everyone who tries to ask her out. And not in a way where friends tell friends this, but more of she said no to a guy who payed the whole school to get in on his grand plan to ask her out

(Even Marce tho it wasn't for a song. It was more of he asked her to drive Bon to school at a specific time. She obviously told Bon this but they didn't have a lot of time to talk about it bc the guy texted everyone their roles literally on midnight and wired the cash after sending the message.

A little worrying how he not only got everyone's number but also everyone's bank account. She and most of her friends changed phones then bc that was creepy as all hell)

She doesn't tell Bon. Not because of some customer confidentiality or whatever but because... Well she doesn't really know. It just made her irrationally irritated and sad. Odd.

She takes far longer than usual to reply to this. She doesn't understand the hesitation. Or maybe she does? Bon has called her a bleeding heart a million times and she guesses thats the reason. She feels bad for them and doesn't want to watch another person who put in effort be rejected. Yeah that's it. She should tell him that. Maybe they were new or something. It'll be fine, plus they didn't want a full song so they werent paying much. Yeah, that sounds like a game plan.

The next day she says yes and wonders all day why she did that

For about a month she keeps this commission to herself. She spaces out more than usual during this time. Not quite disassociating, just staring into space and thinking.

Bon isn't worried bc this is usually how she gets when she's got a song in the works. She needles her about what it is and who it's for, but she generally deflects and at some point just straight up lies and says some random names.

She also learns more about her client. They're not new, they've actually known Bon for about 3 to 5 years. They're pretty close apparently and actually knows Marce personally. Theyve talked several times and have hung out here and there too. (That sure didn't make her anxiety and paranoia skyrocket)

She feels a lot of anxiety and worry and trepidation and god other irrational shit about this commission. She doesn't really tell anyone (something her therapist, or Bon more importanly Bon, would frown at) so she's just left to wallow about it on her own. She tries working on it as much as she can but it just feels... wrong somehow. She doesn't really get it but she feels like she'll lose something because of this. She doesn't get it. She knows they'll be rejected and they'll all laugh at it in the end and just.

What is it. What's wrong.

She feels a tap on her shoulder and she almost falls off her bed. Jake's apparently been trying to talk to her for a solid minute and oh jeez now he's got that Worried Big Brother look.

He peers at her and asks what's wrong and not-so-subtly threatens that he'll stay and use his Big Brother mode on her if she tries to lie to him

She just sighs heavily and curls up

"Someone commissioned a suicide mission"

Jake makes an 'o' with his mouth. Theyve always called anyone who tried to flirt with Bon a suicide mission and laughed pretty hard at it. Even Bon calls the poors souls who try suicide missions.

She uncurls a bit and faces Jake with a small smile, ready to laugh with him about it as she should. But for some reason Jake just... Looks at her with this worried look. Not his patented Im-Worried-For-You-Little-Sibling but more of one would give to a friend when they know something they don't.

Marce laughs, shakey and unsure. "What? S'not like this doesn't happen. It's Bon, ya know? The sweatheart of the school." With a mean streak that rivals the devil, she adds quietly- fondly- in her head.

Jake just nods slowly. He drags his eyes away from her and stares at her wall, eyes unfocused.

Marce starts having a bit of a panic because what is that face, why is Jake acting like this, is there somethin on her wall, wait does he know the client, is he friends with the client, is he the client, w-

Jake flops his short, chunky body on her bed and pulls her to lay down too. Roughly, might she add. And not to mention absolutely unexpected.

He's smiling again, big and all teeth. It twitches for a second when he makes eye contact but bounces back so quick she thinks she might have imagined it.

"Ha! You're gonna write for a suicide mission this is hilarious!" He makes a move to ruffle her hair and she just starts flailing to avoid this. "Man! I haven't seen one in a while so this'll be fun at least. Something else to keep us busy other than those stupid douchefucks who thinks a song is a sure fire way to get laid."

Marce is confused but doesn't question this sudden change. Plus it actually helps? She snickers -because no, she doesnt giggle she is cooler than that- at the thought of watching the client be rejected before Marce can even pull out her guitar.

"Yeah, threw me off like hell cause Bon is practically legendary but hey apparently there are still some brave souls out there."

"Oh dude, I've got a great ass idea," Jake sits up and leans on his elbows, "Let's keep this a secret from princess. Oh and Lady cause you know she cant keep anything from her."

Marce kinda laughs at this in confusion. "Uh what? Why? If you haven't noticed my services include a bouquet and unless you've learned flower language I dont think we can take Lady outta the equation."

He snorts "I may not know flowers, but I know my girlfriend. I can just be vague and she'll take it as a challenge and try to make the perfect bouquet. S'no problem on that front.

"I figured we could keep it a secret so we can see Bon's pure and raw reaction. Like I said, there hasn't been a suicide mission in a looooong while so she probably doesn't expect this. And it'll be way more funny cause someone commissioned you for it. Where it is no secret that a) you do this and b) you get help from the three of us."

"You got a point there detective. Bur fair warning, Bon will be giving us the stink eye for days if we do this. Especially me because she's my thesaurus and metaphor maker. You know how she loves taking credit for making them sound like a stupid romance novel."

"Psh, she loves you to hell and back. She'll just pout at you for a while and when you buy her her favourite candy it'll be right as rain."

Okay, that sounded valid but at the same time Marceline kind of shut down after Jake said Bon loves her so uh she guesses she'll just trust that it'll be fine?

" 'nother idea," Jake says softly. He's looking at he- actually. No he's not looking at her, hes just looking her way but his eyes are just. Not there.

"Uh, shoot"

"Make this song the best you've ever made."

Marceline laughs for a second before she realizes okay wait Jake is serious about that. What. Why the fuck would she do that.

He shrugs and smiles again. Soft and pitying -what why why is Jake acting like this what the fuck- and he gestures around a bit before speaking.

"Well, first off it'll be good practice for you. You've been workin with Bon for about as log as you've been doing this so think of this as a test to see how you are now on your own.

"Second, well ya gotta admit if you pull out a banger and Bon actually likes it it'll be way funnier cause you can sing it and she'll look all annoyed but you can see that her tapping her foot and bobbing her head. It'll be funny for everyone involved.

"And lastly," Jake takes a deep breath before speaking, as if this is one of the toughest things he's done in a while. "Call it a father's intuition."

She stares at him. She- she doesn't know hwo to react to that.

After a second, Jake cracks a soft smile and "Did you get Lady pregnant, you fucking askal" just slips out of her mouth.

Jake laughs loud and boisterous at this and Marce just follows.

Yeah, she might as well make this the best one she's ever made. The client won't get the girl, but at least she can make her like it

[flockofdoves]

I totally get ur post in re Gerard and labels but as someone who is neither cis nor het, is it wrong for me to wish they were less subtle about it? Like I wish there was a resounding "heck yeah" when "is Gerard queer/w.e" came up and not a "well they demonstrated attraction to men and attachment to the female gender but they'd rather not label themself so....." Like. There's nothing not queer about saying you don't wanna label urself but I also can't call it queer :(? IDK if I'm making any sense

i get what you mean! i feel similarly sometimes

i think its a complicated thing with like. what is it that motivates some lgbt people to label themselves or not in various ways. i don’t want to be invasive and say people Have to label themselves a certain way because i know its frustrating when people do similar to me. its inherently tricky to navigate lgbt identity in this patriarchal world because literally lgbt identity derives from not conforming to the constructs of gender patriarchy uses to perpetuate itself, so we’re in a weird place of having to navigate our lives and how we describe ourselves and are perceived by others within that same system that can’t give us any real space to begin with.

so with that in mind, even if i personally have somewhat found solace in certain specific labels for gender/sexuality for myself, i really can sympathize with how a common trend for many people is to just not even bother with that.

but then also of course there can be other factors to why people choose to do that, like internalized homophobia/transphobia/biphobia/etc, or using it as a stepping stone for testing out waters before being comfortably open about anything more specific.

and i think a lot of times multiple of those factors can exist at once (not just talking about people who don’t use labels, but the reasoning any one lgbt person navigates their identity any specific way) and thats not even to say people should dissect all that, sometimes nothings really gonna be satisfactory, but one compromise is more appealing/comfortable/safe to live with compared to other ways of navigating stuff.

so with that in mind i always think like, i can’t claim to know whats best for other people but at the same time of course theres been plenty of people throughout my personal life i’ve gotten the sense were lgbt and maybe could benefit from being more overtly aware of it or challenging certain internalized notions they had.

gerard is a celebrity i don’t know personally at all, so its a bit different (although i guess i don’t have access to extensive interviews and live footage of people in my daily life lol. so its a different set of things to get intuition from) and what i tend to think is like. i respect that they are a grown adult further along in life than me and who obviously knows themself better than any fan does. i get the sense they probably at this point in their life have more of a grasp on their own gender/sexuality stuff then they’ve let on publicly (whether that means using more explicit labels or just articulating it more abstractly) i don’t want to disrespect what i see as them expressing publicly stuff they’ve clearly put thought into (they’ve stated they don’t even like labels in other contexts, so i don’t think its entirely fair to chalk it up just to being evasive about lgbt stuff) but also i think its a pretty normal thing for lgbt people empathizing with fellow people they perceive as lgbt (whether that be peers or celebrities) to speculate beyond the surface. i think its fair to speculate that with various things theyve said and done that maybe they will open up further someday (like saying

or how the way they used to go about certain things even if they were comfortable expressing gender/sexuality related stuff in certain ways/contexts, some of it was through a lens that demonstrated some internalized stuff (like for ex. the whole concept of prison) so maybe even if thats not the only or even main reason they don’t label themself, processing that (ofc they might have already! i don’t know them. they def have in some ways comparing recent statements wrt gender vs early interviews mentioning it) could change how they go about stuff publicly)

but yeah, i’m bad at saying things briefly, but i don’t think you’re wrong to wish that they’d be more explicit about it sometimes, or to speculate that someday they might be more open about certain stuff. i feel similarly a lot. basically like. if they’re satisfied where they are now then i’m happy for them. i can’t know one way or the other what their inner life or wishes/comfort with this stuff really is and am not gonna pretend i know whats best for them, but i do know speaking as a fan, it would make me really happy to see them as a celebrity i looked up to in part as a gender/sexuality role model back when i was a tween be more open about it in a way that people would have a hard time denying. they don’t owe that to me of course, that might not be what they ever want to do, but i think its fair to say it could be a possibility, and its okay to be interested in that prospect.

edit: also ftr i think its fine to refer to them as lgbt, thats more of a general classification than a personal label. and even like. casually referring to them as like. ‘functionally bi’ or nonbinary i dont think would be a big deal unless they some day became vocally against that. bisexuality specifically has an interesting history with its use as a term to describe anyone whos actively attracted to any gender vs many people who technically fit those qualifications preferring to personally express that in different terms but not necessarily having that mean they want to distance themselves from bisexual communities/discussions/etc

[jbuffyangel]

Other than an Olicity baby and Maya being their daughter in FF, what would you like to see for Olicity in 7b and for them individually? Fingers crossed for a baby and Smoak Tech! It would be great to see Oliver being more honest and open with Felicity, including the deal with the Monitor, but you sound skeptical on that point. Do you think the "what is love without respect and trust?" discussion in the xo was to excuse this behavior or set it up for a change in the future? Tx!

It’s a good question Nonnie, but I have to be honest - I don’t really watch Arrow with a lot of expectations or a laundry list of things I want to see. Honestly, I feel like that’s setting myself up for disappointment if the list doesn’t get checked off ya know? I like to cook up theories about what’s going to happen based of what Arrow has shown us, but I don’t really come up many storylines on my own. I genuinely enjoy just receiving the Arrow writers’ vision and responding to it that way. It’s more of a passive approach I guess.

Sure! I would love a baby and I’ll be thrilled if we get one, but if we don’t that’s okay. William has really fulfilled the child storyline for me in a lot of ways, so I’m already pretty happy. 

As far as Smoak Tech, my investment in that particular storyline has waned over the years. I know this probably makes me a traitor to my people, but I’d rather just see it up and running. I think the writers explored the creation of it a little bit in Season 5, but it felt kind of stagnant once they came up with a name and something to sell. I’m not really interested in seeing Felicity pitch to investors. I also don’t like that they involved Curtis so it’d be nice to see him disentangled. 

Honestly, the Smoak Tech appearance in the flash forward made me really happy. I know Felicity creates her empire, it’s HER empire, and that’s mostly what I wanted. Hopefully, we get to see that empire flourish but at the end of the day the real meat and potatoes of this show is Team Arrow. I’m always more invested in Felicity being a focus there because it will always be the A storyline. If they can build Smoak Tech and fold it into Team Arrow similar to how Queen Consolidated and Palmer Tech were in Season 1-3, I’ll be thrilled. But again, if it doesn’t happen I doubt I’ll be changing the channel.

Am I expecting Oliver to tell Felicity about the deal he made with the Monitor right away? Eh. Not really. Every time I think Oliver is going be honest with Felicity he isn’t, so I’m going at this another way. Reverse psychology time! 

I don’t think the “What’s love without respect and trust?” line was intended to excuse any behavior or future lies, but on the flip side I have to be realistic about the world Oliver and Felicity live in. Being a hero requires sacrifice and that’s who Oliver Queen is. This means Oliver will constantly be sacrificing his happy life with Felicity. This is the life they both chose, which is exactly what Felicity explained to William in 6x11.

There is no world where Felicity would be okay with Oliver going to jail for life. There is no world where Felicity would sign off on Oliver giving up his life for Barry and Kara (if that’s what he agreed to do). Ultimately, I think the realization Oliver and Felicity came to at the end of this prison arc was they will make sacrifices because they are heroes, but they won’t judge each other for it. Nor will they judge the choices they each make as a result of those sacrifices. 

Let me put it another way - Oliver is going to do what he has to do and Felicity is going to do what she has to do. That’s what they signed up for. They will never belong only to each other as long as they are fighting for Star City and the world. There will always be some crisis that comes before their marriage and happiness. I think Oliver and Felicity have decided instead of arguing and resenting each other for the sacrifices they make they will simply love each other unconditionally through it.

I don’t blame Oliver for not picking up the cell phone and calling the wife while he negotiated in space with an all powerful Whathaveyou to make sure she was cool with him trading his life for the lives of Barry, Kara and the entire world. Sometimes Oliver just has to make the call and this was one of those times. What’s done is done. It wasn’t about disrespecting Felicity or not trusting her. It was about making a choice no regular person would make. That’s why Oliver is a hero. And nobody knows that better than his wife. 

That’s not a free pass for Oliver to lie or make decisions without Felicity. I think he should tell her about the deal he made with the Monitor, I’m just not expecting it on my time table, but rather Oliver’s. If he tells her later rather than sooner I’ll disagree with his choice. But I’ll just add it to the laundry list of decisions Oliver has made over the course of this show that I’ve disagreed with. 

Is it a lack of character growth? Is Oliver constantly making the same mistakes over and over again? Sure. That’s absolutely a fair lens to view it through. But we are moving along a spectrum here. Oliver’s lies are for increasingly selfless reasons, so that’s some progress I guess.

“Selfless reasons? Are you nuts Jen?” Probably, but a real big piece of this for me is intent. Oliver’s intent is always intensely and innately good. It’s very hard for me to stay angry with the guy who is willing to sacrifice his freedom to secure his teammates’ and wife’s freedom. It’s very hard for me not to forgive Oliver for hesitating to tell his wife he offered his life in exchange for Barry and Kara’s (if that’s what he did) because he offered his life in exchange!  Here’s the kicker - when Oliver is making these types of decisions he’s doing all the things that made Felicity fall in love with him in the first place.

There is an exceptionally great scene in Grey’s Anatomy that explains what I’m talking about. Meredith has done something awful, but her intent was good. Still the consequences of her decision are pretty disastrous for Derek. I really encourage you to watch the scene because it drills to the marrow of what it means to be married. But my favorite exchange is always this:

Derek: I know you took her to protect her. I know you altered the trial for Adele and for Richard. You stood in front of a bullet for me. I know why you do all of it. It’s what I love about you.

Meredith: And what you hate about me.

Derek: Yeah.

Felicity has made many similar speeches about Oliver.

Oliver and Felicity loving each other even when they hate each other is the reality of the commitment they’ve made. The things we love most in our partners can also become the things we hate most. But marriage is also a lot about acceptance. Oliver and Felicity bring out the best in each other, they challenge each other to be better, but they also accept one another. There are simply aspects of Oliver Queen that are never going to change. He will always be the put-it-all-on-the-line-fall-on-the-sword-sacrifice-everything-for-everyone guy. And as maddening as this may be, Oliver is not always going to ask Felicity’s permission before he does it. But the flip is- Felicity is the same kind of hero. If she was put in the same position as Oliver she would make the same choice. And she has.

That’s one of the reasons I’ve sort of stopped applying real world expectations on Olicity’s marriage. I certainly expect my husband to discuss life altering decisions with me, but he’s also not responsible for saving the world. In many ways Olicity is just a regular couple living in an insane world. But they are also an extraordinary couple living in an insane world. That requires a different set of expectations, which I believe is the realization they both came to.

So, Oliver gets to sacrifice himself for the world and Felicity accepts it. But Oliver doesn’t get to put on his judgey pants over the person Felicity becomes while she’s dealing with the ramifications of all Oliver’s sacrifices. This is an unusual, out of this world, extraordinary compromise, but it is a compromise nonetheless. Can I relate to Oliver and Felicity entirely? No, but then again I’m not a hero. 

What do Oliver and Felicity get from their extraordinary sacrifices? An extraordinary love.

[bigbadwolf-16]

i had bonus thoughts about rahool and drifter so here they are

rahool and drifter arent dating but they could be in a world where drifter isnt an insane feral spaceman with rabies and heres the thing about that;

rahool knows it. hes intelligent and perceptive, he can see that theres something there, he knows how to tell when drifter likes someone and when hes playing games, but he can also see theyre so immensely different in some very critical ways that he knows it wouldnt work -- that doesnt stop him from casually looking the other way while drifter breaks rules, though and, hey, its been a long time since anyone's flirted with him even jokingly and he could use a little bit of harmless fun in his daily life.

because rahool is very. i dont want to say traditional? because that doesn't feel quite right, but if he were looking for a relationship with anyone, he would want stability and some level of sanity. something relaxed, something low stakes. hanging out with someone as unhinged as drifter is fun and, dont get him wrong, drifter is fascinating, but being friends with a nutjob and being in a relationship with one are two completely different levels of intensity. if youre friends with someone crazy, its easier to tap out of an insane adventure and be like no. nope, this is where i get off, good luck with that thing youre doing. and when youre dating one, the expectation to be there extends beyond the initial headcount when you get on the bus; its more intimate, its more personal, and rahool doesnt excel in intimacy. he doesnt have time for it, he doesnt have time for sidelong glances and dinner dates, and he doesnt have any desire to be emotionally or physically intimate with anyone. all the better because when was the last time drifter had a heart-to-heart with anyone where he wasn't cornered and down to his very last handful of quips, looking like a dog about to bite?

neither of them want to be that close to someone; rahool because he doesnt feel like its necessary and drifter because hes literally incapable of that level of trust to such an extent i wouldnt put it past him to sabotage a relationship, intentionally or subconsciously, when it gets to a level that makes him nervous.

and thats not to say rahool a fair-weather friend, because youd be hard-pressed to find someone more resolutely loyal than him just because, as far as hes concerned, it makes sense, but rahool operates in a black and white world where drifter exists solely in gray. drifter will break rules, he'll break laws, he'll break the fucking geneva convention for a laff and all for a bigger picture that only people like drifter or eris or elsie could understand. people who havent just been touched by madness, theyve been consumed. theres things out there bigger than rules and patterns and its that level of unknown danger that rahool just cant jive with - even as a man of science who actively pursues answers, there are just some that hes more content not knowing because knowing opens doors that he doesnt want to be pushed through. hes not osiris.

and drifter? oof. i dont think he longs for companionship, hes done perfectly well on his own for centuries give or take flings or brief friendships that were the perfect means to an end and partners that got snuffed because they got a little bit too close to the truth of the universe, and he knows that things dont last. nothing is eternal and when youre a lightbearer, even a rogue one, not even death is forever until you piss off the wrong people. hes spent his whole second life in survival mode because thats where the excitement is. thats where the bloodthirsty thrive. he could have stayed on earth, grown with the city, been some rule-following stooge barking at the vanguard about how this or that isnt fair or just, but instead he decided to live his life on the bleeding edge and thats where hes at his best.

where black and white break into gray and theres no right or wrong answer for anything so long as survival is still the final result and theres probably some good in him somewhere, you think, but nobody knows the motives behind his cooperation. every so often you catch a glimpse beneath the curtain where the man who talks about a good old-fashioned hive stew around the campfire and interdimensional space monsters becomes a man who can snatch a chunk of the nine realms and tether it to his ship, build a machine overnight that can decrypt the impossible when the cryptarchs themselves have spent uncounted years just trying to crack one sequence of code with lost knowledge only recently unearthed, and who somehow always has an answer for an insurmountable problem that even the greatest minds of the golden age just couldnt quite reach - a man, not a legend, whos not so much clinging to the last thread of his sanity as he is bungie jumping from the end of it because there are answers at the bottom of this chasm and so long as hes got his gun and his wits, he'll bounce back when he reaches the end.

to rahool, the drifter is incomprehensible, fascinating, ingenious, dangerous, and strange, and he wants to see more so he keeps a close eye on what the drifter lets him see, never under any illusion that hes gaining some unknown insight beyond what anyone else could find if they kept up - and very few can keep up. it takes a special kind of lunatic to understand the drifter, but all you need to see him is the knowledge that some things just have to be done for the greater picture and fussing over politics and tiptoeing around hard truths just isnt the way.

to drifter, rahool is the path of least resistance to information he finds useful, yes, but hes also someone (like eris) who doesnt expect him to follow protocols and doesnt expect him to be anything but reprehensible and gross, but also understands that - at least on a surface level, because the real hand cant be shown until the right time - drifter is also a man hellbent on making sure humanity is ready for whats coming next, because hes one of few who's not just seen it, but knows what needs to be done to stand against it. its coming, it cant be avoided, it cant be fought with heavy artillery and hope. he can rely on rahool not to try and stop him, not because hes stringing rahool along for the long con, but because deep down rahool understands that sometimes you need to get your hands dirty and not worry about what other people are going to think about it. theres just enough of a bastard in him to be worth liking, and drifter can respect that.

theres a part in good omens, speaking of, that kind of sums up drifters deal and why i think rahool would be so interested him exceptionally well and its this: "God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."

that, in a man, is what fascinates rahool so much and he splits his time between trying to solve immensely complex lattices of ancient code and trying to solve drifter and most days hes not sure which one is more impossible. but he does know one of the two slings a mean drink and isnt bad company when he isnt portraying himself as a man who isnt bothered by anything, is dangerous to even know, and who can and will eat anything that doesnt somehow manage to eat him first - and even thats up for debate if youve heard his stories. there are so many layers to the drifter that rahool could spend the rest of his life digging and still never break through the outermost surface and when your job is the scifi equivalent of data entry on roids, he's up for a challenge where hangups and failures still give interesting returns.

[vitalmindandbody]

If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call our child after a New Zealand volcano?

Franki Cookney and her husband didnt much like one another surnames, so now theyre having a baby theyve are determined to pick a brand-new one

When my husband, Rob, and I wedded last year, the question of what to do about our surnames scarcely participated our discussions. We are both writers, so our identifies are on every piece of work we do. That we would impede our own seemed a demonstrated. There was just one niggling mistrust. What would happen if we had children?

I had always had considered that we would just protrude both our reputations on birth certificates credential, but I knew this didnt quite resolve the problem. Whose call would go first? And which appoint would end up being used?

We could use a double-barrel identify, but didnt seem our surnames, Cookney and Davies, lent themselves to hyphenation. Whichever prescribe you have selected, the result is clunky and we were reluctant to saddle a child with it.

We could have just chosen whichever refer sounded best with our newborn given name. But in that scenario, one mother purposes up not sharing a surname with their child and neither of us missed that. Plus, Id listened too many narratives of mothers being agreed upon at airfield insurance because the epithets on their passports didnt competitor that of their children.

The conventional alternative of taking my husbands surname was never on the table. Fairly apart from the feminist principle of not was intended to relinquish my identity for his, I wasnt keen on the reputation. Rob supported this and was by no means offended. The misfortune was, he wasnt a fan of my name either. Its just a bit cumbersome, he said. Its virtually Cockney but not quite. Youre incessantly having to spell it out. We looked at our moms maiden mentions and our grandparents names but always ceased up back in the same plaza, feeling that it wasnt equal, that picking one side of their own families over another wasnt fair.

We hit on the idea of taking a brand-new name about a year ago when before our wed we went to write our wills. As we chatted to one of the attorneys, it transpired that he and his wife had done exactly this. Theres a fair bit of admin, but its good, it makes, he said , nod decisively. Unexpectedly, it didnt seem so preposterous. This wasnt some foolish rebellion or bohemian pretentiousness, this was something lawyers did!

We mooted it with pals, who were largely unfazed. What refer will you go for? was the thing they were most strange about. Good topic. Could we blend the letters of our identifies and develop something new, we amazed. Rosters were reached: Dents, Cave, Devine, Kinsey, Dacovnicks Cookies? Nothing of them fairly hit the mark.

As our wedding depicted nearer, we employed the appoint activity on a back burner. But when I became pregnant 3 months later, we were forced to look at developments in the situation afresh and decided to change tacking. How about a home? I recommended. Somewhere weve saw that we cherished. A backpacking stint before we got married had left us with batch to choose from but most sounded reasonably odd when attributed to a couple of ordinary Brits. Rob and Franki Tongariro owned a certain verve, but naming yourself after a New Zealand volcano would be ridiculous. And Zhangjiajie might make remembers of dazzling Chinese mountains, but imagine having to incantation it every time you booked a whisker appointment or called your internet provider. For a while Salento and Chaltn were on the schedule, after places available in Colombia and Argentina. But we werent convinced we are to be able pull off the patently Latino-sounding former and supposed the latter would result in a lifetime of chastising people who pronounced it Charlton.

Then Rob said, What about Stone Town? The beautiful old-fashioned town of Zanzibar City is where he had asked me to marry him. It instantly appeared right. Stone was straightforward but significant. It chimed good with both our first name and after a few weeks of trying it on with other reputations would work well with almost anything we chose for our baby. It was perfect: a solid name( with a potential for puns that was not failed on us) that felt like a constructive solution to our problem. We would keep our original surnames for undertaking and accept this new last name for our personal lives.

By law, all you need to do to change your reputation is, well, change it. Simply accepting and using your brand-new epithet is enough. Modernizing your accountings and accounts, nonetheless, requires a document of proof such as a union credential or, in our case, a deed poll. There is no official space of acquiring a deed ballot. You can write one yourself expending free templates from the internet, but shortfall of lucidity about the relevant procedures develops in some institutions demanding an original credential despite the fact that no such happen dwells. You can either fight it out or you can do what we did and pay 15 -2 0 for a company such as the Deed Poll Office to draw up the word on your behalf and periodical and stomp it on watermarked newspaper. Passed the roll of bodies and organisations you have to notify and the health risks statements over what constitutes an original certificate, this seemed a reasonable compromise.

Perhaps it was naive, but we didnt expect to meet with resistance. Uncertainty, perhaps. Intrigue, for certain. When it is necessary to getting married, we had trenched almost every institution proceeding, prohibiting the matrimony itself, and no one had wondered us. Surely this too would be seen as a modern updated information on an outdated habit. But where reference is announced our decided not to our families, the reaction was mixed.

Franki and Rob. Photograph: Christian Sinibaldi for the Guardian

While they understood our quagmire, the common refrain was that the child would lose the connection to its family history. Try as I might, I cant know what this is. To me, family history moves far deeper than ones refer. Its in accordance with the rules “were living”, our values, the gumption and shared event passed down through generations. It is part of the storytelling our parents did and its in the legends we, more, will tell and the beliefs we will share.

Our roots are not in our calls, they are in our natures. My grandmother, whose surname was Jones, is important to me not because of her reputation but because of her love. My great-grandmother, a midwife I never even encountered, let alone shared a name with, forms a part of my feel of identity. Why? Because of the road my own mother talks about her, because of the pictures she has painted in my head of that life, that family, that time.

Interestingly, the mention itself has also testified a sticking point, with a few people commenting that its bearing. Youre doing this really unusual thing but youve picked a really ordinary mention, said one colleague, as though by doing something different we are obliged to go the whole hog and announce ourselves Rob and Franki Thundercats.

In fact, the accessibility of the figure was something we reckoned would be used sell the idea. It is about to change “were in” naive there, too. My baby, a former primary school teacher, insisted that someone called Stone would be taunted. Another relative describing him as a dead weight of a name.

In my experience, children will come up with nicknames no matter what. I wasted often of my school years known as Franki Cookie while my first name was regularly elongated to Frankenstein, Frankincense or Frankfurter.

Never tell people your call options in advance, advised one pal( too late ). Its as if telling people in advance is inviting a exchange or consultation!

While my familys notions apparently matter to me, I suspect she might be right. Eventually, this is our decision, based on our requires, and I hope they will come to see it as a practical and positive step , not an irresponsible one.

Its almost impossible to get everyone on board, lawyer another friend, who changed her surname by deed poll in 2004. The project upset my granny but my dad, her son, understood. When I marriage my husband, he took my reputation. Im still not sure two brothers was 100% behind us, but when we had our first son, he was the first to be born into our empire. Im so excited that we are the first in our tree!

This is exactly how I seem. I love the idea that our child will be born into this new, specifically opted and carefully thought-out family name. And if one day he or she decides to change it either to something new or to one of our old-time family name we will fully support that.

Even when you change names, lineage going to be able be traced and, if nothing else, I like to think we will be looked back on as all those people who tried something new; who instead of preparing do with an unsatisfactory place, remembered creatively about how to solve it. Thats a family bequest Im glad with.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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[vitalmindandbody]

If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call our child after a New Zealand volcano?

Franki Cookney and her husband didnt much like each others surnames, so now theyre having a baby theyve are determined to pick a new one

When my husband, Rob, and I wedded last year, the question of what to do about our surnames barely entered our debates. We are both novelists, so our epithets are on every piece of work we do. That we would retain our own seemed a rendered. There was just one niggling skepticism. What would happen if “were having” children?

I had always thought that we would just put both our calls on birth certificates certification, but I knew this didnt quite resolve the problem. Whose refer would go first? And which reputation would end up being used?

We could use a double-barrel figure, but didnt experience our surnames, Cookney and Davies, gave themselves to hyphenation. Whichever prescribe you choose, the result is clunky and we were reluctant to saddle a child with it.

We could have just choice whichever call resounded best with our newborn first name. But in that scenario, one parent culminates up not sharing a surname with their child and neither of us wanted that. Plus, Id discovered too many tales of parents being agreed upon at airfield defence because the reputations on their passports didnt competition that of their children.

The conventional option of taking my husbands surname was never on the table. Fairly apart from the feminist principle of not wanting to abdicate my identity for his, I wasnt keen on the name. Rob supported this and was by no means offended. The disturbance was, he wasnt a fan of my mention either. Its just a little bit ponderous, he said. Its almost Cockney but not quite. Youre constantly having to spell it out. We looked at our mothers maiden calls and our grandparents names but always objective up back in the same lieu, feeling that it wasnt equal, that picking one area of their own families over another wasnt fair.

We hit on the idea of taking a new epithet about a year ago when before our wed we went to write our wills. As we chitchatted to one of the attorneys, it transpired that he and his wife had done exactly this. Theres a fair fleck of admin, but its good, it drives, he said , nod decisively. Suddenly, it didnt seem so outlandish. This wasnt some childish rebellion or bohemian pretentiousness, this was something solicitors did!

We mooted it with acquaintances, who were largely unfazed. What name will you go for? was the thing they were most curious about. Good inquiry. Could we compound the messages of our mentions and create something new, we wondered. Lists were acquired: Dents, Cave, Devine, Kinsey, Dacovnicks Cookies? None of them quite hit the mark.

As our bridal outlined nearer, we set the mention competition on a back burner. But when I became pregnant three months later, we were forced to look at the situation afresh and decided to change tack. How about a plaza? I proposed. Somewhere weve inspected that we adored. A backpacking stint before we got married had left us with plenty to choose from but most sounded jolly ludicrous when attributed to a couple of ordinary Brits. Rob and Franki Tongariro owned any particular vigor, but appointing yourself after a New Zealand volcano would be ridiculous. And Zhangjiajie might invoke storages of dazzling Chinese mountains, but imagine having to incantation it every time you booked a hair appointment or called your internet provider. For a while Salento and Chaltn were on the register, after places available in Colombia and Argentina. But we werent convinced we could pull off the certainly Latino-sounding former and believed the latter would result in a lifetime of chastising people who declared it Charlton.

Then Rob said, What about Stone Town? The beautiful old town of Zanzibar City is where he had asked me to marry him. It instant appeared right. Stone was straightforward but important. It voiced good with both our given name and after a few weeks of trying it on with other epithets would work well with almost anything we chose for our child. It was perfect: a solid mention( with possibilities for puns that was not failed on us) that felt like a constructive solution to our trouble. We would prevent our original surnames for study and adopt this new last name for our personal lives.

By law, all you need to do to change your reputation is, well, remained unchanged. Simply adopting and using your brand-new name is enough. Modernizing your accounts and enters, nonetheless, requires a document of proof such as a wedding certificate or, in such cases, a deed poll. “Were not receiving” official way of acquiring a deed referendum. You can write one yourself applying free templates from the internet, but paucity of clarity about the relevant procedures answers in some institutions demanding an original certificate despite the fact that no such event subsists. You can either fight it out or you can do what we did and pay 15 -2 0 for a company such as the Deed Poll Office to draw up the note on your behalf and reproduce and stomp it on watermarked paper. Returned the listing of bodies and organisations you have to notify and the potential contentions over what constitutes an original certification, this seemed a reasonable compromise.

Perhaps it was naive, but we didnt expect to meet with fight. Uncertainty, perhaps. Intrigue, for sure. When it came to getting married, we had ditched almost every tradition running, prohibiting the union itself, and no one had interrogated us. Surely this too would be seen as a modern update on an outdated tradition. But where reference is announced our decision to our families, the reaction was mixed.

Franki and Rob. Picture: Christian Sinibaldi for the Guardian

While they understood our quandary, the common restraint was that the child would lose the connection to its family history. Try as I might, I cant know what this is. To me, family history travels far deeper than ones refer. Its in the way we live, our values, the gumption and shared suffer passed down through generations. It is part of the storytelling our parents did and its in the narrations we, more, will tell and the beliefs we will share.

Our roots are not in our appoints, they are in our centers. My grandmother, whose surname was Jones, is important to me not because of her figure but because of her passion. My great-grandmother, a midwife I never even converged, let alone shared a reputation with, forms a part of my appreciation of identity. Why? Because of the space my own mother talks about her, because of the pictures she has decorated in my head of that life, that kinfolk, that time.

Interestingly, the appoint itself has also proved a sticking point, with a few people commenting that its abiding. Youre doing this really unusual thing but youve picked a really everyday mention, said one colleague, as though by doing something different “weve been” obliged to go the whole hog and announce ourselves Rob and Franki Thundercats.

In fact, the accessibility of the appoint was something we thought would be used sell the idea. It turns out “were in” naive there, too. My baby, a former primary school teacher, insisted that someone called Stone would be taunted. Another relative describing him as a dead weight of a name.

In my experience, girls will come up with nicknames no matter what. I spent much of my school years known as Franki Cookie while my given name was often elongated to Frankenstein, Frankincense or Frankfurter.

Never tell people your reputation picks in advance, admonished one acquaintance( too late ). Its as if telling parties in advance is inviting a talk or consultation!

While my familys concerns patently matter to me, I suppose she might be right. Eventually, this is our decision, based on our requirements, and I hope they will come to see it as a practical and positive step , not an irresponsible one.

Its almost impossible to get everyone on board, adviser another friend, who changed her surname by deed ballot in 2004. The hypothesi upset my granny but my dad, her son, understood. When I married my husband, he took my figure. Im still not sure two brothers was 100% behind us, but when we had our first son, he was the first to be born into our empire. Im so excited that we are the first in our tree!

This is exactly how I seem. I adoration the idea that our child will be born into this new, specially opted and carefully thought-out family name. And if the working day he or she decides to change it either to something new or to one of our old family name we will fully support that.

Even when you change names, lineage can still be traced and, if nothing else, I like to think we will be seemed back on as the ones who tried something new; who instead of obliging do with an unsatisfactory statu, belief creatively about how to solve it. Thats a family bequest Im joyous with.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call our child after a New Zealand volcano? appeared first on vitalmindandbody.com.

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[vitalmindandbody]

If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call most children after a New Zealand volcano?

Franki Cookney and her husband didnt much like each others surnames, so now theyre having a baby theyve are determined to pick a brand-new one

When my husband, Rob, and I marriage last year, the question of what to do about our surnames just recruited our discussions. We are both novelists, so our mentions are on every piece of work we do. That we would preserve our own seemed a generated. There was just one niggling incredulity. What would happen if “were having” infants?

I had always thought that we would just stick both our refers on birth certificates certification, but I knew this didnt quite resolve the problem. Whose refer would go first? And which appoint would end up being used?

We could use a double-barrel name, but didnt seem our surnames, Cookney and Davies, lent themselves to hyphenation. Whichever order you have selected, the result is clunky and we were reluctant to saddle a child with it.

We could have just elected whichever identify resounded best with our baby given name. But in that scenario, one mother culminates up not sharing a surname with their child and neither of us missed that. Plus, Id listened too many fables of mothers being stopped at airport security because the names on their passports didnt equal that of their children.

The traditional option of taking my husbands surname was never on the table. Fairly apart from the feminist principle of not was intended to abdicate my identity for his, I wasnt keen on the reputation. Rob supported this and was by no means offended. The disturbance was, he wasnt a fan of my appoint either. Its precisely a bit ponderous, he mentioned. Its virtually Cockney but not quite. Youre forever having to spell it out. We looked at our mothers maiden refers and our grandparents names but always resolved up back in the same lieu, feeling that it wasnt equal, that picking one area of the family over another wasnt fair.

We hit on the idea of taking a brand-new epithet about a year ago when before our wed we went to write our wills. As we chitchatted to one of the attorneys, it transpired that he and his wife had done precisely this. Theres a fair fleck of admin, but its good, it drives, he articulated , nodding decisively. Unexpectedly, it didnt seem so preposterous. This wasnt some childish resistance or bohemian pretentiousness, this was something advocates did!

We mooted it with friends, who were largely unfazed. What call will you go for? was the thing they were most strange about. Good interrogation. Could we combine the messages of our figures and create something new, we pondered. Inventories were become: Nicks, Cave, Devine, Kinsey, Dacovnicks Cookies? Nothing of them quite hit the mark.

As our wed gleaned nearer, we put the reputation competition on a back burner. But when I became pregnant three months later, “were in” forced to look at the situation anew and decided to change tack. How about a region? I indicated. Somewhere weve visited that we adoration. A backpacking stint before we got married had left us with slew to choose from but most sounded fairly ludicrous when attached to a couple of ordinary Brits. Rob and Franki Tongariro owned any particular sparkle, but naming yourself after a New Zealand volcano would be ridiculous. And Zhangjiajie might create reminiscences of fantastic Chinese mountains, but imagine having to sorcery it every time you booked a “hairs-breadth” appointment or called your internet provider. For a while Salento and Chaltn were on the roster, after places in Colombia and Argentina. But we werent convinced we are to be able pull off the certainly Latino-sounding former and suspected the latter would lead to a lifetime of correcting people who enunciated it Charlton.

Then Rob mentioned, What about Stone Town? The beautiful old-fashioned municipality of Zanzibar City is where he had asked me to marry him. It instant appeared right. Stone was straightforward but important. It announced good with both our first names and after a few weeks of trying it on with other identifies would work well with almost anything we decide to for our newborn. It was perfect: a solid call( with possibilities for puns that was not lost on us) that felt like a constructive solution to our trouble. We would preserve our original surnames for production and choose this new last name for our personal lives.

By law, all you need to do to change your identify is, well, remained unchanged. Simply adopting and using your brand-new refer is enough. Revising your accountings and preserves, nonetheless, requires a document of proof such as a marriage credential or, in our case, a deed canvas. There is no official way of acquiring a deed ballot. You can write one yourself exploiting free templates from the internet, but lack of clarity about the process develops in some institutions asking an original credential despite the fact that no such event exists. You can either fight it out or you can do which is something we did and offer 15 -2 0 for a company such as the Deed Poll Office to draw up the character on your behalf and publish and emboss it on watermarked article. Yielded the index of bodies and organisations you have to notify and the potential contentions over what constitutes an original certificate, this seemed a reasonable compromise.

Perhaps it was naive, but we didnt expect to meet with resist. Uncertainty, perhaps. Intrigue, for sure. When it is necessary to getting married, we had trenched almost every habit proceeding, prohibiting the marriage itself, and no one had interrogated us. Surely this too would be seen as a modern update on an outdated practice. But where reference is announced our decided not to our families, the reaction was mixed.

Franki and Rob. Photograph: Christian Sinibaldi for the Guardian

While they understood our situation, the common refrain was that the child would lose the connection to its family history. Try as I might, I cant understand this. To me, family history becomes far deeper than ones call. Its in accordance with the rules “were living”, our values, the knowledge and shared event passed down through generations. It is part of the storytelling our parents did and its in the storeys we, too, will tell and the beliefs we will share.

Our roots are not in our refers, they are in our centres. My grandmother, whose surname was Jones, is important to me not because of her refer but because of her desire. My great-grandmother, a midwife I never even assembled, let alone shared a appoint with, forms a part of my sense of identity. Why? Because of the space my “mothers ” talks about her, because of the pictures she has coated in my head of that life, that lineage, that time.

Interestingly, the appoint itself has also supported a sticking point, with a few people commenting that its accepting. Youre doing this really unusual thing but youve picked a really ordinary call, said one colleague, as though by doing something different we are obliged to go the whole hog and call ourselves Rob and Franki Thundercats.

In fact, the accessibility of the figure was something we reckoned would help us sell the idea. It turns out “were in” naive there, too. My mom, a former primary school teacher, insisted that someone called Stone would be pestered. Another relative describing him as a dead weight of a name.

In my experience, girls will come up with nicknames no matter what. I expended much of my school years known as Franki Cookie while my given name was regularly elongated to Frankenstein, Frankincense or Frankfurter.

Never tell people your figure picks in advance, advised one sidekick( too late ). Its as if telling beings in advance is inviting a talk or consultation!

While my familys looks undoubtedly are important for me, I suppose she might be right. Ultimately, this is our decision, based on our wants, and I hope they will come to see it as a practical and positive move , not an irresponsible one.

Its almost impossible to get everyone on board, admonished another friend, who changed her surname by deed referendum in 2004. The notion upset my grandmother but my dad, her son, understood. When I marriage my husband, he took my appoint. Im still not sure two brothers was 100% behind us, but when we had our first son, he was the first to be born into our dynasty. Im so excited that we are the first in our tree!

This is exactly how I appear. I desire the idea that our newborn will be born into this new, specifically opted and carefully thought-out last name. And if one day he or she decides to change it either to something new or to one of our old-fashioned family name we will fully support that.

Even when you change names, pedigree can still be traced and, if nothing else, I like to think we will be appeared back on as all those people who tried something new; who instead of acquiring do with an disappointing place, remembered creatively about how to solve it. Thats a family legacy Im joyous with.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call most children after a New Zealand volcano? appeared first on vitalmindandbody.com.

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[vitalmindandbody]

If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call our child after a New Zealand volcano?

Franki Cookney and her husband didnt much like each others surnames, so now theyre having a baby theyve are determined to pick a brand-new one

When my husband, Rob, and I marriage last year, the question of what to do about our surnames barely registered our discussions. We are both novelists, so our figures are on every piece of work we do. That we would hinder our own seemed a payed. There was just one niggling indecision. What would happen if we had babes?

I had always thought that we would just stick both our mentions on the birth certification, but I knew this didnt fairly solve the problem. Whose call would go first? And which reputation would end up being used?

We could use a double-barrel mention, but didnt detect our surnames, Cookney and Davies, lent themselves to hyphenation. Whichever tell you have selected, the result is clunky and we were reluctant to saddle small children with it.

We could have just chosen whichever mention seemed best with our babys first name. But in that scenario, one parent intent up not sharing a surname with their child and neither of us craved that. Plus, Id heard too many fables of parents being stopped at airfield protection because the calls on their passports didnt match that of their children.

The traditional alternative of taking my husbands surname was never on the table. Quite apart from the feminist principle of not was intended to abdicate my identity for his, I wasnt keen on the appoint. Rob supported this and was by no means offended. The disturbance was, he wasnt a fan of my identify either. Its precisely a bit unwieldy, he mentioned. Its almost Cockney but not quite. Youre incessantly having to spell it out. We looked at our moms maiden identifies and our grandparents names but ever objective up back in the same situate, feeling that it wasnt equal, that picking one surface of their own families over another wasnt fair.

We hit on the idea of taking a new name about a year ago when before our wed we went to write our wills. As we chitchatted to one of the attorneys, it transpired that he and his wife had done exactly this. Theres a fair fleck of admin, but its good, it wreaks, he alleged , nod decisively. Abruptly, it didnt seem so outlandish. This wasnt some childish uprising or bohemian pretentiousness, this was something solicitors did!

We mooted it with pals, who were largely unfazed. What figure will you go for? was the thing they were most curious about. Good theme. Could we compound the messages of our mentions and make something new, we meditated. Schedules were realized: Dents, Cave, Devine, Kinsey, Dacovnicks Cookies? Nothing of them quite hit the mark.

As our marry gleaned nearer, we introduced the reputation activity on a back burner. But when I became pregnant 3 months later, we were forced to look at the situation afresh and decided to change tacking. How about a region? I suggested. Somewhere weve called that we desired. A backpacking stint before we got married had left us with batch to choose from but most sounded quite bizarre when attached to a couple of ordinary Brits. Rob and Franki Tongariro possessed a certain vigour, but naming yourself after a New Zealand volcano would be ridiculous. And Zhangjiajie might invoke memories of fantastic Chinese mountains, but imagine having to charm it every time you booked a “hairs-breadth” appointment or called your internet provider. For a while Salento and Chaltn were on the listing, after places in Colombia and Argentina. But we werent convinced we could pull off the undoubtedly Latino-sounding former and supposed the latter would lead to a lifetime of correcting people who declared it Charlton.

Then Rob enunciated, What about Stone Town? The beautiful age-old city of Zanzibar City is where he had asked me to marry him. It instantly seemed right. Stone was straightforward but important. It seemed good with both our first names and after a few weeks of trying it on with other calls would work well with almost anything we decide to for our newborn. It was perfect: a solid figure( with a potential for puns that was not lost on us) that felt like a constructive solution to our problem. We would keep our original surnames for act and borrow this new family name for our personal lives.

By law, all you need to do to change your figure is, well, remained unchanged. Simply borrowing and using your new mention is enough. Informing your details and chronicles, however, requires a document of proof such as a marriage certification or, in our case, a deed ballot. “They dont have” official space of acquiring a deed referendum. You can write one yourself utilizing free templates from the internet, but lack of lucidity about the process solutions in some institutions necessitating an original certification despite the fact that no such thing subsists. You can either fight it out or you can do what we did and compensate 15 -2 0 for a company such as the Deed Poll Office to draw up the word on your behalf and publication and stomp it on watermarked paper. Dedicated the inventory of bodies and organisations you have to notify and the potential proofs over what constitutes an original credential, this seemed a reasonable compromise.

Perhaps “its been” naive, but we didnt expect to meet with opposition. Uncertainty, perhaps. Intrigue, for certain. When it is necessary to getting married, we had ditched almost every institution moving, prohibiting the union itself, and no one had wondered us. Surely this too would be seen as a modern update on an outdated habit. But when we announced our decided not to our families, the reaction was mixed.

Franki and Rob. Picture: Christian Sinibaldi for the Guardian

While they understood our predicament, the common restraint was that the child would lose the connection to its family history. Try as I might, I cant know what this is. To me, family history disappears far deeper than ones appoint. Its in accordance with the rules “were living”, our values, the gumption and shared ordeal passed down through generations. It is part of the storytelling our parents did and its in the narrations we, very, “re going to tell” and the beliefs we will share.

Our beginnings are not in our identifies, they are in our centres. My grandmother, whose surname was Jones, is important to me not because of her refer but because of her adoration. My great-grandmother, a midwife I never even assembled, let alone shared a identify with, forms a part of my feel of identity. Why? Because of the behavior my “mothers ” talks about her, because of the pictures she has decorated in my heads of state of that life, that family, that time.

Interestingly, the appoint itself has also supported a sticking point, with a few people commenting that its bearing. Youre doing this really unusual thing but youve picked a really everyday identify, said one colleague, as though by doing something different we are obliged to go the whole hog and announce ourselves Rob and Franki Thundercats.

In fact, the accessibility of the mention was something we fantasized would help us sell the idea. It is about to change “were in” naive there, more. My baby, a former primary school teacher, insisted that someone called Stone would be teased. Another relative describing him as a dead weight of a name.

In my experience, children will come up with nicknames no matter what. I wasted much of my school years known as Franki Cookie while my first name was frequently elongated to Frankenstein, Frankincense or Frankfurter.

Never tell people your epithet picks in advance, admonished one sidekick( too late ). Its as if telling beings in advance is inviting a talk or consultation!

While my familys impressions apparently matter to me, I suspect she might be right. Eventually, this is our decision, based on our motives, and I hope they will come to see it as a practical and positive step , not an irresponsible one.

Its almost impossible to get everyone on board, counselled another friend, who changed her surname by deed referendum in 2004. The suggestion upset my grandma but my papa, her son, understood. When I married my husband, he took my mention. Im still not sure his brother was 100% behind us, but when we had our first son, he was the first to be born into our empire. Im so excited that we are the first in our tree!

This is exactly how I detect. I love the notion that our newborn will be born into this new, specially choice and carefully thought-out family name. And if the working day he or she decides to change it either to something new or to one of our old family names we will fully support that.

Even when you change names, ancestry can still be traced and, if nothing else, I like to think we will be appeared back on as the ones who tried something new; who instead of clearing do with an disappointing place, made creatively about how to solve it. Thats their own families legacy Im happy with.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post If not my surname or my husband’s, could we call our child after a New Zealand volcano? appeared first on vitalmindandbody.com.

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