#to express their own pain
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people getting angry when abuse victims relate to billy hargove and sympathize with him because abused children who are never out from under their abusers thumb will lash out and be angry as a fear response since that’s all they’ve ever known is WILD
#how about not see him in only black and white#there’s something to be said for shades of gray#it’s why i love Harringrove fics#because they give him that environment where he can grow as a person and learn what it means to be kind and to love#and to get that in return#instead of only getting pain from everyone around him#what a shock that abused kids will lash out at others in an attempt to#to express their own pain#???#don’t even get me started on people who call him racist i could go on and on omg#people when the teenage boy finds his little sister in a house with strange men and is lied to about it and#he saw one of those boys threatening her previously:#yeah there’s no reason for him to be angry or upset here#anyways#billy hargrove deserved better#billy hargrove#stranger things#harringrove#harringrove fandom#cw abuse#tw abuse#child abuse
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Some of you have never been the friend that No-one listens to and it shows
#hey. makes sure your friends get to finsih their thoughts#make sure theyre heard#it is so obvious when im in a group and someone wants to speak but doesnt get the chance#to see my own friends be the ones speaking over others is heartbreaking#there is a special awareness that comes with being unwanted in a group#its painful to know that if i wasnt so outspoken i too would not be heard#if i didnt look the way i did if i was a little less nice and concilient noone would want me around either#anyways#make sure noone is walking behind on the narrow sidewalk#makes sure everyone gets to express their thoughts and opinion#like idk. people see me as cool most times but thats just not the truth#how many times have i been the cool person until that coolness turns out to be something else entirely?#im not cool i am apathetic#sorry for this word vomit im feeling things rn
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You know... it's okay to trust your body. If you are separated from your body to such an extent you feel you cannot trust it, I truly from the bottom of my heart empathize and feel grief for you, but you can trust your body.
It's okay to listen to your body and to heed what it is telling you. I wish you (and your body) well wherever you go. You deserve the peace of mind to feel able to do what you want.
#positivity#mental health#mental health support#gentle reminders#this is something i struggle with myself so that's why i said i empathize (well... i guess as much as you CAN empathize)#(because even if you have gone through the same thing... it's not going to look the same as somebody else going through that)#(and while it can be valuable to express empathy it doesn't mean you truly 'get it' from the other person's point of view)#i struggle sometimes not to feel like my body is fucking with me because sometimes i expect it to function at bare minimum#or i just assume that when it is in debilitating pain that it's just... somehow to fuck with me and i am cognizant that this isn't true#i am cognitively aware that the body isn't Specifically Designed to have a Fuck With You mode even if it feels like it#but my experiences with disabilities and general unwellness made it easy for me to alienate myself from my body#in order to preserve myself i felt the need to separate myself from every flaw (or 'flaw') i have#so when people are confused about why you could mistrust your /own body/ it's stuff like this that can somewhat illustrate it#i think we don't really talk about this but i think it's more common than i would assume#(mostly based on the There Are Eight Billion People principle)#hm making this also makes me realize that abuse absolutely plays into how i mistrust my body. hm.#mistrust in your body feels like self-protection and self-preservation in this weird and almost twisted way (at least in my experience)#but then you start mistrusting *everything* and nothing feels... GOOD or NORMAL anymore#i'm going to play mahjong about this 🫡👍
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I know most of our focus goes (rightfully) to the trial songs, but I genuinely believe Baptism of Fire is equally a masterpiece of meaningful writing and intense vocal acting
Incoming tag rant because I need to yell about this, feel free to yell back
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#like the other vds have good writing about the character and whatever social issue their crime focuses on#but this one is very pointedly about YOU#its about the audience. its about the milgram project. its about self reflection. its about self-appointed roles. its about you#even if you didnt vote t1 or anything the whole things is calling on you to reflect on your own judgements of others#how you treat people who come off rougher. how you treat people who have made a (bad but) common mistake.#do you also find entertainment in seeing people dragged down and suffering because it would 'serve them right?'#but es always remains in control of the situation. the drama doesnt end with 'and fuuta was right - you guys suck!'#its clarified that situations are different and have nuance. we are reminded to look at things with nuance.#then we are smoothly re-immersed in the story#and then!! the acting itself!!!#arthur lounsbery put his whole fussy into that performance (<- fuuta pussy) and i am in his debt every day for it#in both his vds hes just super expressive and fun to listen to#i dont understand japanese but he packs so much interesting intonation and emotion into every word -- im obsessed listening to him#he nails all the subtle emotions fuuta has: the pouts and outrage as well as underlying fear grief insecurity and immaturity#and then baptism of fire hes just... Wailing#like mahiru has her innocent and pathetic cries of pain in her sweet voice that works for her character but fuutas pain feels much more raw#the way hes practically sobbing at the end -- his voice cracking and screeching throughout -- the whimper of pain#its so unbearably intense!! it hurts!! and its supposed to!! but hes just so raw with it#and dont even get me started on his pained hysteric laughter omg....#its just. a masterpiece.#i always appreciate the vds but i dont think ive enjoyed/relistened to one as much as this one#okay WAIT im back to add one more thing because im obsessed with ths idea of intentions#specifically in milgram i think the intention behind the murders are very important to consider#so i love love love the huge focus on 'i didnt expect/mean for this to happen'#plus as a general theme in fiction i think its sooo juicy when good intentions get fucked up#so i loved the repetition of that#fuuta is such a special case because he genuinely had no desire or expectation for his victim to die#(maybe kazui too? but he doesn't say so in his vd like fuuta does)
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he has all these feelings and he can't find a way to express them in a way that mike can understand..... will just wanting to be understood by one of the people he loves most in this world.... the king of his heart, his very first and best friend, and his first love.... he wants to be known and loved for exactly who he is the very same way that he knows and loves mike for all that he is, but he doesn't know how to say the unspeakable.... i can't see through ym tears right now
#reading this again just to feel something (agony misery pain anguish and world-shattering heartbreak)#will byers#byler#mine#the way that will loves mike so much he's quite literally actually and canonically bursting with it and desperate to have it be understood#but he just. he cannot express it in a way tht mike understands. he paints and he veils his confession and he waits for mike even though#he receives nothing in return and he supports him through everything even at the cost of himself and his own desires and it just.#is not enough! his call doesn't get through! the same way that mike's literal calls never got through! i just. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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being a big fan of gender selectable and/or gender ambiguous characters is so hard because everyone defaults to calling them a guy all the time and it's like. i GUESS that's correct. i guess. you're perfectly free to decide that because that's the point of gender being choosable and im not one to dictate how you play or interpret your playthroughs or opinions on the game. im still gonna fucking kill you though.
#being a guy with a nonbinary durge trying to read analysis and fanworks is painful. yeah the default is a male dragonborn but like.#Give Me Something Here Dear Lord#yin-thoughts#i feel the same way about doctor arknights but if anything that's even worse bc they're not even a player insert#they're just an already existing person the player occupies the position of like a meatsuit. their gender is Doctor#i can only presume this is how undertale fans feel abt frisk and chara and kris (is an undertale fan and already knows the feeling)#idk how to express this. there's a difference between a character being canonically nonbinary and just like#having their gender decided by the player's own interpretation#and durge technically Isn't canonically nonbinary. but they ARE gender selectable. and there is a difference between canon durge and like#the durge you can make in the character creator on a durge route. but it's still always Really Jarring to see them default to being he/him#yknow?#this is all unrelated to my previous post btw this came to mind as an unrelated thought
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— i never liked that ending either. more love streaming out the wrong way, and i don't want to be the kind that says the wrong way.
buffy the vampire slayer, 5.07 fool for love + 5.18 intervention + 5.22 the gift / richard siken, litany in which certain things are crossed out
#litany again. GUYS WHO WOULD LOVE LITANY IN WHICH CERTAIN THINGS ARE CROSSED OUT!!!#btvs#spike#btvsedit#no but litany is so. it's about being stuck in this narrative of doom/tragedy whilst trying to shape it from within but u Can't. you're you#it's about regret (especially that but i should've known) its about forgiving yrself (dear forgiveness quit milling about and come inside)#most of all it's about being the dragon and wanting to be the princess or the hero but you're not#and that's why you want a better story. WHO WOULDN'T? sure i sink the boat of love but that comes LATER#idk man what if u fell in love with ur destruction ie that which killed you the first time#what if you continued to life what if you were a vampire and there was a hero. what if u fell in love with ur destruction again#what if you were a fool for love even as you revelled in causing pain and causing destruction of your own#what IF you were trying to heal your lover but then the slayer was there. what if your lover pushed you away bc she knew your destiny#what if love for you was like a religion all along... litany makes me crazy wazy#^all why the expression RIGHT after 'til the end of the world' is in here i did oscillate on including it bc it Looks innocuous#so much converges there.. it's a grand statement And it's real And it's a (promise of) love through/bc of/despite the world ending
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been growing surprisingly interested in the watchers as an audience surrogate recently. as per usual this is scott’s fault
#the funeral and the grieving widow act being somewhat performative as a way to express distress in a way that is appealing and correct#scott appealing to the watchers as a way to make his pain beautiful and enjoyed. sorry im thinking about scotts comment section. Normally.#all he has to do is make grand vague statements about all their great moments together and the audience is crying#3l!scott trying to make his own tragedy perfect and palatable to hypothetical watchers makes sense to me#that.blue.mf#ftr i dont care about martyn lore watchers this isnt about them
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...I'm gonna need more therapy after the end of season 4
#never before have we seen adora look so broken#this is the second time catra has expressed a desire to end her own life in two seasons#glimmer has never been so scared or guilty#bow has never looked so desperate#scorpia trying with all her might to get to frosta and perfuma to offer them some semblance of comfort has left my heart broken#seahawk clinging to mermista unable to do anything about her pain shattered me into a million peices#light hope is gone#hordak has become a sympathetic character#I literally want to die#spop#she ra and the princesses of power#spop season 4#crying screaming throwing up#scorfuma#seamista
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if mike’s monologue is supposed to be a genuine declaration of romantic love then why is it shot in the most unromantic way possible.
#like…#the harsh + shadowy + bluish lighting?#mike’s expression(s)??#el being in pain throughout the entire thing???#will AND jonathan getting their own reaction shots + being present in the bg????#c’mon now…#you don’t feel butterflies in this scene you feel panic#VERY odd choices all around hmm#byler#will byers#mike wheeler#el hopper#jonathan byers#stranger things
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Such sorrow our splendid sovereign never knew,
Nor was his spirit ever sunk as by that single sight.
The good King gazed, gripped with horror,
Groaned gruesomely, wept gouts of tears,
Bent kneeling to the body, embraced it,
Cast up his visor, quickly kissed Gawain,
Looked at his eyelids, now locked fast shut,
His lips like lead and his complexion pallid,
And then, crowned king, cried aloud:
'Dear cousin and kinsman, in care I am left,
For now my glory is gone, and my great wars finished.
I hold here my hope of joy and armed success;
Wholly on him depended my heart and strength!
O my counsellor, my comfort, keeper of my heart,
Renowned king of all knights ever known under Christ!
Worthy to be king, though I wore the crown!
Throughout the wide world my wealth and my glory
Were won by Gawain, through his wisdom alone.
Alas!' cried the King, 'my grief grows now;
I am utterly undone in my own country.
Ah, dire and dreadful death, you delay too long!
Why spin out so slowly? You smother my heart!'
- Arthur mourns on finding Gawain and his troops dead in the alliterative Morte Arthure, lines 3947-3968, translated by Brian Stone.
#arthurian#king arthur#arthuriana#quotes#books#idk man. thinking about things#this makes me think of the quote I posted from Erec and Enide#to whom is Arthur showing his pain?#for a king any expression is also necessarily a performance#yes he is deeply grieved by Gawain's death#is he dropping his kingly pretense to be a human?#or is this what he wants a 'king' to be? to be human?#that Arthur asks for death... a destiny that he doesn't even know#I think in the end it's not even Arthur's own death that signals his end#it's the breaking apart and death of the Round Table member by member#because that's his whole being#that's his ideal
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I know I've talked about this before, but as somebody with Strong features who has been mocked for it, it really infuriates me when people bully others for changing their strong features through surgery instead of criticizing beauty culture, you know, a big issue as to why people with strong or ethnic features are often bullied or even discriminated against. When you bully people for altering their appearance through surgery, you may just be victim-blaming somebody. Beauty culture is the issue, not somebody using their bodily autonomy as they see fit.
#beauty culture#honestly i think one of the reasons people have stopped mocking me for my features is simply because...#...they were 'masculinizing' features and since i am a man people aren't as willing to 'call it out'...#...now that people have recognized my manhood i've noticed they're less inclined to call out the features they see as masculine...#...because it's like saying 'the sky is blue!!!!' and expecting people to be horrified and shocked#even in a post-beauty culture world 'cosmetic' plastic surgery would still exist#because it is an aspect of bodily autonomy#i have some Thoughts on this#(i will say in the first few tags that people have still pointed out my features but like. my dysphoria doesn't latch onto it anymore)#(and i've embraced that i just look Like My Dad and i always have and probably always will)#this was just inspired by somebody expressing that they changed their strong feature because of bullying/beauty culture...#...and people were making fun of *her* instead of criticizing and hating beauty culture for tormenting her for how she existed#would she have changed her strong nose if not for beauty culture? who knows because that isn't the world we're living in rn#but you can't just ignore how painful it was to have been TORMENTED for your NATURAL BODY#like that's honestly the lowest of the low imo#and i 100% support her decision because her bodily autonomy is *absolute*#without bodily autonomy you have NOTHING. if you do not OWN your body you own NOTHING.
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Finished Siv's doodle and some refs for his wild shapes (i got a bit too lazy to properly color them ngl).
Backstory and stuff under cut!
So, first of, he usually wears a shirt or some resemblance of hide armor, but today was a tits-out kind of day. While I was working on this sketch I was able to think more about his backstory and why he is like... that.
He is a Blood Druid ("HB"), making his wild shapes turn into undead versions of the animals he is turning into, plus some other... fucked up stuff. Siv was supposed to be his family's next druidic leader; An amazonian-like very matriarchal type of Circle, but he started having doubts about all of that. Furthermore, he doesn't know why yet, but it seems like his connection to nature has been severed. At some point during his early adulthood, his druidic power started to act very, very wrong. Wild shapes turn into monstrosities and mixtures of various animals, ribcages and entrails ripped open and oozing blood and gore everywhere every time he transforms.
Siv eventually kinda fled under the excuse of searching for a cure or an explanation of what was going on with him; but in the time he spent away from the circle, fully transitioned. He feels extreme pressure about fixing whatever is wrong with him as soon as possible to resume his duties, but internally fears the rejection of this family once he comes back; and is overcompensating for the fear of being a family failure with BIG druid traditionalism and trying to force-fix the problem withing his powers with more magic and seals. Still no luck tho
Idk man, maybe if you fixed your whole relationship with your own gender your transformation magic will fix itself. Maybe
#yes YES trans people turning into monsters in a good way#pain turned physical and psycological stuff being expressed through magic#something something my man fix your relationship with gender and your druidic stuff will be normal again man#i love him so much grr bark bark grr#also lowkey shipping him with Sundown. just two gays being pals#dnd#oc#trans men#doodle#druid#dnd druid#own art#oc: siv
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biblically accurate lloyd based on a minifig i got a while ago
#i got the belt colour wrong but was too lazy to change it lmao#expression based on the one i think it might have made before the kid who owned it before me bit in its head#first time drawing a minifig it was pain#but i'm happy with the result#riu draws#lego ninjago#lloyd montgomery garmadon#did this due to the post i think legogeek made a la: everyone who hasn't drawn them as the minifigs before should
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The seconds leading up to utter heartbreak and disappointment, i.e Charles’ final quali run:
#the way it cuts off 🙃#words truly cannot express the pain of seeing that with my own eyes#this was supposed to my live reaction to lestappen front row part 7#alas I have one again unleashed my curse on Charles#remind me to never attend any portion of an F1 weekend#ever again#charles leclerc
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