#to me this is THE story (the stories) to be told in rhis day and age and Dream is the perfect person to tell em

[gravidwithlore]

Building a Home part 1

word count: 7,500

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“Tell me again, why do we need a guide to get through the Wandering Woods?” Jiyan drawled as he picked at his nails. Rhiannon sighed in exasperation.

“Because, the woods are scary and dangerous?” She snarked.

“Yeah, but I mean, the three of us could totally handle whatever spooky whats-its and scary whose-its the forest can throw at us! Between your super cool sword skills, my charming smile, and Melian's druid nature powers, we don't need some lame village guide to tell us to keep on the path.”

Rhi snorted. “What was that middle one?”

“Your super cool sword skills.”

“No, the other one.”

“Melian's druid nature powers.”

“Yeah,” She rolled her eyes at Jiyan’s antics. “And if Melian of all people says we need a guide, then we're getting a guide, whether your cocky ass likes it or not.”

“Fine.” He huffed and poutily crossed his arms. “But don't come crying to me when-” Jiyan trailed off as he noticed Melian approaching them with an absolute mountain of a man. “You know what Rhi? You're so right, we absolutely need a guide.”

“Oh? Really? I was actually just starting to think you might have a point Ji! I should probably go let them know their services aren't needed anymore.” Rhiannon smirked at her companion.

“No, no! Rhiannon, you were absolutely so correct, we're in desperate need of this man’s services, we can't make it in the woods alone!” Jiyan hastily objected.

Before Rhiannon could tease him some more, Melian approached them and introduced them to Brone, a giant of a man. His face held the gaunt scarred look of someone who's seen (and caused) their fair share of trouble, with a perpetual looking 5 o'clock shadow to match, but the faint wrinkles and streaks of gray in his long greasy hair told a story of survival throughout all the struggle. Brone towered above them, as he grunted in begrudging acknowledgement to Rhi and Jiyan’s greetings, hand remaining tightly clutched tight on the hilt of his sword instead of meeting Jiyans handshake.

Immediately bored of the talk of the logistics of their temporary partnership and preparations for their journey, Jiyan tried to give Brone a very unsubtle once over. He was a bit dismayed by just how much his cloak managed to cover him, leaving no clues as to exactly what he was, ahem, packing. But from the size of the man's hands, Jiyan had a feeling he would not be disappointed. And oh, how Jiyan loved a challenge.

Rhiannon and Brone took off to inspect their wagon to ensure it was safe for their passage, despite her assurance it was perfectly fine. As Brone had said, in that deep gravelly voice of his, “I've heard that before.” Once they were alone, Jiyan playfully nudged Melian with his elbow.

“So, where did you find this absolute dilf Mel?” He winked.

“The tavern, where the shopkeep said he'd be.” They responded straight-faced. “And how do you know he has any children?”

“Well I don't know!” Jiyan said, a little shocked that Melian even knew what a dilf was. “Being a dilf isn't just about having kids, it's, like, a vibe. Trust me, I know a dilf when I see one!”

“And this sellsword I have found in a dirty village tavern, to take us through the Wandering Woods, gives off the vibes that he has children?” Anyone else would think Melian naive, more accustomed to being surrounded by nature than by other people, but Ji had known them long enough to catch the slight uptick of the corners of their lips and know that in their own unknowable way, Melian was teasing the shit out of him.

“Yeah. In, like, a sad and grungy sort of way, yeah.”

“And you are… attracted? …To the sad grungy dilf?” Jiyan didn't miss the faint tone of judgment in their voice.

“Mark my words Melian, I'm going to climb that man like a tree.”

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Three days later, Jiyan was exhausted. The Wandering Woods had proved dangerous, not just for the wild peoples and monsters that could attack at any moment, but also for the difficult terrain and half overgrown path. He was definitely grateful Brone was with them, and not just for the grumpy eye candy. His sword, and crossbow, had come in handy more than once, whether it was shooting an attacker going straight for Rhiannon or hacking away vines that had blocked their path.

He was a skilled guide, despite having seen some combat, Brone had managed to steer them away from even more battles by sneaking around on less traveled pathways. It may have made their journey a bit longer, but everyone was grateful for it. One might think that their group would feel a bit closer to each other, but Brone still regarded them with distanced suspicion. Sure, he shared their campfire for dinner, but he slept separately from the group, often insisting on taking watch through most of the night, as if he didn't trust them capable of sharing the duty. Or to not stab him in his sleep. Always wrapped in that giant cloak, as if he didnt even trust them to know he had a body under there, in case they might know where his vital organs would be. Even that day, all day, he was grumpier than normal, eyebrows constantly furrowed in annoyance, snapping at Jiyan (even if he did deserve it most of the time), and terse with Rhiannon and Melian. Considering the man looked like the encyclopedic definition of someone who would lure them out into the woods with the promise of safety and security, then rob them and leave them for dead, the whole act felt a little rich if you asked Jiyan. Who definitely wasn't more than a little bitter that all of attempts at just simply flirting with Brone had gone completely, brutally, rebuffed.

At least that day had been quiet, at least where getting attacked was concerned. As they chose a spot to set up camp for the night, Brone grunted that they had just passed the thick of it, two more days and they would be at the next village. When Rhiannon had mentioned inheriting an old family farm and her desire to leave the adventuring life behind, Jiyan had been skeptical to say the least. But after the past few days, he was starting to see the appeal of settling down into a farm life. Well, maybe not settling, but he was definitely more open to the idea. As he thought about embracing the peace and serenity of life on a farm, Jiyan went to take care of the horses while Melian and Rhiannon started making dinner. He was just about to unhitch the horses, when he heard Brone's voice just on the other side of the wagon.

“-thought I had another week.” Brone muttered. Jiyan ducked down behind the horses and tried to be as quiet as possible. “Look, I just need two more days, alright? Just two more days and-” One of the horses softly whinied and dug their hoof into the dirt, Jiyan fought all of his instincts to shush it so he could listen. “Just one last job, and I'm yours, okay? Please, just two more days, I beg of you.”

Jiyan couldn't hear whoever Brone was talking to, but he sounded scared. He didn't even know Brone could be scared, let alone sound scared. It sounded like he'd made a deal with something, and now he'd gotten in over his head trying to keep his end of the bargain. Eyes wide, Jiyan snuck back to the campfire where his partners sat, blissfully unaware of what had just transpired.

“Guys, I think we're in danger.” He loudly whispered to them.

“What? What is it? Where's Brone?” Rhiannon practically shouted at the top of her gods-damned lungs as she stood, already unsheathing her rapier.

“Shush!” Ji desperately motioned her to sit back down. “I think Brone's who we're in danger from!”

“What, why would you think this?” Melian looked at him wide eyed and startled.

“I heard him talking to somebody behind the wagon, he was saying something about ‘one last job’ and ‘I just need 2 more days.'” Jiyan did a pretty fine impression of Brone's deep gravelly voice if you asked him, but Rhi's subtle eye roll seemed to disagree.

“Did you see who he was talking to?” She asked.

“No, I was safely hidden behind the horses, I didn't even hear them speak. I think he's going to, like, sacrifice us or something!” He whisper-shouted again.

“Look,” Melian put out their hands to motion them both to stay put. “We do not have all the facts, nor do we know exactly what we're up against. For now, just act as normal and stay with each other. Do not react yet.” Rhiannon and Jiyan looked at each other and nodded, ready to heed Melian’s word when they heard a loud slap against the side of the wagon.

“Fuck.” Brone growled, as one of his arms leaned against the side of the wagon facing them, the other clutching his stomach. Jiyan did not waste his first opportunity to catch a fleeting glimpse of what lay under that cloak, as it parted in front of them. Honestly, he was a little surprised, he hadn't expected Brone to be so… round… and… so soft looking under that leather armor. And he was dripping? Jiyan gasped as he realized a small pool had formed by Brone’s feet, his hand clutching at his stomach. Whatever he was talking to must have stabbed him, mortally wounding him, betrayed him for failing to follow their commands, now he’s bleeding out, bemoaning ever making that dark deal in the first place!

“He's in labor!” Melian gasps, as they leap up and rush towards him. Oh. OH. Yeah, that made a lot more sense actually.

Even lost in the throes of a contraction, oh gods a contraction, Brone still instinctively flinched away when Melian tried to put a comforting hand on their back. Jiyan's heart broke a little just watching it. Here he was afraid Brone was about to betray them all while they were asleep and vulnerable, yet the whole time Brone had been the most vulnerable one in the entire forest! Mel respectfully withdrew their hands, hovering in case of a sudden collapse. After a moment it seemed like the contraction ebbed away, as Brone looked up to find them all circled around him, wide eyed and staring.

“Fuck.” He groaned for the second, but probably not the last, time that night.

“You're in labor.” Melian stated, tone more purposefully neutral than usual.

“Yeah, I can bloody fucking tell.” Brone spat, and then he straightened up and sighed. “Look, we're already past the most dangerous bits of the forest, and you lot are already a lot stronger than most folks I take through here. Less than two days out, jus’ leave me here, and finish the journey. You don't even half to pay me the second half of the coin.”

“Let us get you to sit by the fire. Rhiannon, get extra buckets of water, and Jiyan, find some extra blankets. It is going to be a long night.” Melian replied.

“Didn't you just hear what I bloody fucking said?” Brone seethed, like a tomcat trapped in a corner.

“Yes. And I have decided to ignore it.” Mel calmly explained as they began to guide him towards the campfire.

“Why? You don't owe me shit!” He shouted, as if he wasn't the one being ridiculous here.

“I am trained in the arts of healing and midwifery, and it would go against my sacred duties to leave you here to birth your child alone, even if we were not in one of the most dangerous locations in the land.” Even Brone could sense the anger lurking in Melian’s usually unphased disposition, and his shoulders sagged as he relented and accepted his fate. He let Mel and Rhi help him sit as comfortably as he could by the fire, while Jiyan panicked and rushed to find the blankets.

“Here,” They reached for the ladle in the cooking pot and brought a ladle-full of softly steaming stew towards his mouth. “Eat something. You shall need to keep up your strength.” Brone glared at them as he reluctantly took a sip of the stew. Then another. Then another, as Melain watched him, until the ladle was empty.

“How far apart are the contractions?” Mel asked gently.

“I dunno, ‘bout 10 minutes I think.” He growled. They hummed in response.

“And why are you guiding groups through the Wandering Woods so close to your due date? Why are you anywhere near the Wandering Woods at all while carrying such precious cargo?” Mel’s anger returned, a rare display. Rhi decided it might be a good time to go get those buckets of water they'd requested earlier.

“I needed to save up for the kid didn't I?” Brone's jaw tensed, and he couldn't quite seem to meet Melian's eyes. “Not like anyone would hire me fer much else. Safer than staying with the mercenary companies anyway.”

“And what exactly, was your plan here?” Melian narrowed their eyes. Brone sighed.

“I thought I had more time, I thought I could do one last job, get a bit more coin before the kid came, then fuck off to some remote little cottage where I could raise them in fucking peace.”

“And where is this ‘remote little cottage’ located?”

“I, uh,” Brone shifted uncomfortably. “I hadn't quite gotten there yet.” Melian could see the quickly growing tidal wave shame and guilt swelling in his eyes, so they took a deep breath, and chose mercy. If his estimate was correct, his next contraction would be coming soon anyways, and it wouldn't do to add to his stress when he still had such a long way to go. Just then Jiyan came rushing back, arms full of blankets, shirts, pants, just about any and every piece of fabric he could find.

“Alright, I'm ready to catch this baby!” He cried, spreading his arms under all the fabric and squatting down in front of Brone. “You've got this Papa Bear!”

“What the fuck are y- augh!” The contraction hit Brone mid-protest, his eyes squeezing shut in surprise and pain, gritting his teeth while his body held him in a vice grip.

“Go on, push! You're going to meet your little one so soon!” Ji encouraged him, proud tears welling up in his eyes. Usually Rhiannon was the one to roll her eyes at his hijinks, but just this once Melian took the mantle as they put an arm out to stop his dramatics.

“Brone, do not push. Jiyan, do not give advice you are far from qualified to give.”

“What?” He gaped like a fish. “His water broke, isn't it time to push?”

“No, Jiyan.” Melian sighed. “Birth doesn't work like it does in the plays.”

“What are you talking about Mel? They can't all be wrong!”

“Jiyan.” Mel said after staring at Jiyan in disbelief for a moment. “If a play were to accurately depict a full and complete birth experience, the play would be several days long. It is simply shortened to water breaking and the baby being born immediately after to save time and heighten drama.”

“Wait, what do you mean days long? Do you mean he's going to be in labor for several more days?!” His jaw dropped as his eyes went comically wide.

“No, his child will likely be born before the dawn arrives. But, he has been in labor for the past several days, whether he had acknowledged it or not.” Mel gave a pointed look in Brone's direction, who was focused more on the intensity of the contraction without the cushion of his waters, than on educating Jiyan on the reality of childbirth.

“So this whole time Brone’s been in labor? Even through all the attacks, and hacking away at vines, and shit? Holy crap, he's even stronger than I th-”

“Would you please shut the fuck up.” Brone growled as the contraction ebbed away. “Is he going to be this annoying, the whole time?”

“You need to breathe.” Melian ignored his grumpy outburst.

“I need to wot?”

“Breathe. You are holding in your breath too much, and it is making the contraction more painful. Next contraction, try breathing like this.” They demonstrated the proper breathing technique for him.

“That's stupid. I'm not bloody doing that.” He frowned.

“Then you will regret it.” Melian stated plainly.

“Is that a fucking threat?” Anger flashed through Brone’s eyes, thinly veiling the relief of re-entering familiar social territory.

“No, I am simply stating the facts.” They replied, refusing to take Brone’s bait to rise to his anger.

“Don't knock it ‘til you try it, Papa Bear, that's what I always say!” Jiyan interjected in an attempt to be helpful. Brone rolled his eyes.

“Look, if you won't leave,” He pointed a finger at Melian. “can we at least send him on his way?” He jabbed his thumb in Jiyan’s direction.

“No.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“Now, have some more soup. You will need it.”

Eventually Rhiannon returned with the extra water, which Melian then set to boil. When Brone’s contraction returned, his face scrunched up again as he braced himself for the pain. At a simple reminder from Melian to breathe, he reluctantly relented, as Jiyan ‘helpfully’ exaggerated the breathing technique Mel had showed them earlier. When the contraction ended, Jiyans supportive thumbs up and big smile was met with an exasperated eye roll, but Ji would swear he was making progress with breaking down the emotional walls of the laboring man. Even if he did look like he was going to bite Jiyan’s hand off when he tried to help Brone out of his cloak and leather armor so he could be more comfortable. After a few more contractions, and making sure everyone had gotten some dinner, Melian approached Brone again.

“I'm going to have to check you at some point you know.” They said, glancing down.

“Wha-?! Like the bloody fuck you will!” Brone objected, hackles raised again.

“Uh, check what?” Jiyan asked while Rhiannon buried her face in her hands.

“His dilation, to see how far his cervix has opened to allow his child to pass into the birth canal once active labor begins.”

“Absolutely not!” Brone cheeks started to turn a deep shade of pink.

“Look, my guy,” Rhiannon interjected. “Did you plan on just giving birth into your pants?”

“... No.” He eventually muttered, refusing to meet any of their eyes as the pink of his cheeks continued to spread.

“Good. I will try to make it as unobtrusive as possible.” Mel knelt down in front of them. Brone rolled his eyes, but complied and started to take off his boots and pants, only pausing to breath through a contraction in the middle of it.

“How do you want me?” He finally asked, the blush blooming across his cheeks now completely unhideable.

“However you will feel most comfortable.”

Brone snorted but complied, not necessarily by getting comfortable but by just spreading his legs apart and refusing to look in Mel’s direction. True to their word, Melian tried their best to be as unobtrusive as possible, gently narrating what they were about to do as if they were talking to a spooked horse. Even so, Brone flinched when he felt their fingers inside, his body rigid and tense. Jiyan thought it would be the perfect time to step in to ask some questions and sate his curious mind.

“Sooooooooo... do you know who your ‘baby daddy’ is?” He asked, innocently and with no ulterior motives at all. “Asking for a friend.” He winked.

“Why the bloody fucking hell do you wanna know?” Brone glared at him. Ji shrugged.

“Just curious… Does your ‘baby daddy’ know they're your baby daddy?” Brone snorted.

“Bloke was so sozzed he didn't even realize I don't even ‘ave a cock, so I think it's safe to say, no, he don't know he’s my ‘baby daddy.’”

“Cool, cool, cool.” Jiyan nodded, mentally taking notes. “Good to know.”

“5 centimeters.” Mel rose, their diagnostic completed.

“And is that good? Is that bad?” Ji asked.

“It is neither, it simply means that his cervix has opened 5 out of the 10 centimeters it needs to in order to be fully dilated.”

“Oooooh. Way to go! Halfway there Papa Bear!” Jiyan cheered.

“Brone, you should take off your armor. It's already constricting your breathing, and it will continue to be a detriment during the course of your birth.”

“First my bloody pants, then my bloody fucking armor…” Brone grumbled as he complied and started to uncomfortably shift to unbuckle himself from his chest armor. He couldn't resist the sigh of relief that escaped him as the tight pressure on his chest released, then immediately became red in the face again as he realized there were two very large very prominent wet patches that had soaked through his dark gray top underneath the armor.

“Wow, you must've been hot under there too!” Jiyan said, before Brone could cover himself in his embarrassment.

“It is not sweat, Jiyan, it's milk.” Mel explained, before Rhiannon could stop them, as Brone’s face grew even more red. “The tightness of the leather armor likely applied enough pressure on his breasts to force a higher expression of milk than would have occurred naturally so close to giving birth.”

“Oh, so his armor was, like, milking him?” Jiyan asked. Brone ran a hand down his beet red face.

“You lot sure we can't leave him back in the thick of the woods? It's not too late.” He growled. Rhiannon smiled and shook her head.

“No can do. With our luck, he'd end up more powerful than ever, and still end up back here to annoy the hell out of us.” She teased.

“Yes. He is unnaturally canny at stumbling into lucky situations. There's no telling what horrors he would unleash from within those woods.” Mel pondered.

“Aw, you guys! I love you too!” Jiyan drawled, his hands over his chest as if he was overcome with emotion.

“Alright, change of subject before his ego gets too big to handle.” Rhiannon laughed. Melian nodded in earnest agreement.

The night passed on, with Brone’s contractions slowly getting closer and closer together, as he kept refusing Jiyan’s requests to feel the baby kick. Melian encouraged them all to try and get a little shut eye, but no one was very successful at it, least of all Brone himself. At some point Melian had convinced him to walk around a bit, reluctantly letting Rhiannon and Mel support him whenever a contraction hit as they slowly shuffled around the campsite, Jiyan playing some gentle calming melodies on his lyre.

Melian had tried to reassure Brone to move however his body wanted to move, whatever helped to relieve the discomfort, since he still tensed and seemed to be trying to squeeze in on himself, to lock himself in place whenever a contraction grabbed him. At first he had shaken his head, as if Melian's suggestions were absolutely ridiculous, but eventually he started to loosen up, swaying his hips just a little as he began to give into his body's demands. It was while he was leaning against the side of the wagon, groaning and swaying his hips through a particularly rough contraction, that Jiyan and Rhi were helping support him so Mel could have a rest before the ‘big event,’ that he spoke.

“This feels stupid.” He said, panting from the exertion his own body was putting him through. “This probably looks bloody stupid as hell, doesn't it.”

“Stupidly hot, Papa Bear.” Jiyan winked at him before Rhiannon could respond in the way a person with some semblance of common sense and self-preservation would have responded. Brone growled, getting increasingly overstimulated from everything his own body was putting him through already and annoyed with Jiyan's ‘teasing.’

“Why the fuck do you keep calling me that?” He snapped.

“Why do I keep calling you Papa Bear? I mean look at you.” Jiyan ignored Rhi’s warning look. “You're a giant bear of a man, and well, the baby's not born yet, but you're already a papa in my heart!”

Brone's response to his encouragement and complement was underwhelming. He'd expected at least some indignation and confusion, but instead was met with soft cursing and a scrunched face.

“...Something’s… different.” He ground out after a moment.

“Mel!” Rhiannon called out, unable to hide the rising edge of concern in her voice. Melian, who was supposed to be resting, but decidedly was not resting, was at Brone’s side in a heartbeat. A quick check later and they looked into his eyes.

“Do you feel like you need to push?”

The terrified whimper seemed to come from somewhere else, because never in a million gazillion years could that sound have come from Brone of all people. But come from Brone it did, to match the wide eyed look of terror that briefly took over his face.

“See, even your baby knows you're meant to be a Papa Bear!” Jiyan smiled. Brone’s face shifted back towards a comfortable annoyed eyeroll and the sound that escaped his throat sounded less like a terrified whimper and more like his classic disgruntled groan.

“Quit joking Ji, and help get him into the cart.” Rhiannon commanded, her voice terse as if she were shouting out directions during a fight. Together they guided him towards the back of the wagon, which Mel had been preparing to be a makeshift birthing center, lamenting that they wouldn't have the usual soothing pools and hanging ropes that would have, supposedly, helped Brone feel more comfortable. At the back of the cart another contraction squeezed him in its vice grip, harder than it ever had before.

“Push if you feel the urge to push, do not fight your body Brone.” Mel said, softly but sternly.

“But-” Was all he could gasp out, barely more than a grunt.

“Your baby will not be born in one push, I assure you.”

It must have been Melian's tone, or perhaps their apparent expertise in the situation at hand, but by some miracle Brone trusted them, and bore down into a hard squat. Teeth clenched together, brows so furrowed together they almost became one, gripping the top step of the wagon, he pushed, and pushed hard. The contraction released him with a gasp, Mel's hand applying pressure on his lower back keeping him from falling backwards.

“I felt- I felt it… move down.” He whispered, both in wonder and in fear. “Fuck, it feels so heavy now.” He groaned and clutched at the low hanging base of his belly.

“Where do you feel most comfortable? Here, in this position, or within the wagon?” Mel prompted, as focused as they ever are when in their role as healer.

“Wagon, definitely inside the wagon.” Brone panted, still out of breath from the contraction and awkwardly climbing the steps into the wagon, slowly, with their legs spread wide, as if ready to squat and push again at a moment's notice. Or perhaps he was simply unable to with his baby’s head already spreading him wide from within his birth canal. The trio helped him get as comfortable as possible, his back resting against a built-in bench near the front of the wagon.

“Why inside the wagon? It's so cramped with all of us in here.” Jiyan complained.

“Safer in the wagon, covered on three sides, can see any threats coming from the fo- augh!” Brone’s head fell back as the contraction hit without warning, Melian reminding him to listen to his body, to push, to breathe. Jiyan and Rhiannon instinctively offered their hands for support, their offer hesitantly taken at the contractions peak.

“Jiyan-” Rhiannon started to warn but was cut off by a melodic voice, Melian’s voice echoing through their heads. Keep distracting him, Jiyan. He looked to his friend, preparing the supplies they needed, and gave them a brief short nod. Then, just for a little bit of fun, as a treat, turned and poked his tongue out at Rhiannon.

“Keep pushing, Papa Bear!” He made it his own little game to try and find all the different ways he could encourage Brone to push. Winning quite a few confused reactions from the rest of the wagon. It didn't take very long until Brone was plastered with sweat, hair sticking to his face, the wet sheen making it more apparent how red his face was getting with the grueling effort of bearing down through the contractions. To everyone's surprise, he even let Rhiannon put his hair into a loose bun, only flinching twice. Having his hair out of his face and off the back of his neck was even more of a relief than he thought it would be, judging from the brief moment his body untensed once she'd finished.

Jiyan continued to hold his hand through the contractions, while Rhiannon clasped his other forearm and dabbed at his forehead with a damp rag. Considering the size of him, and the man’s almost supernatural strength proven over the last few days, Ji thought he was holding his own pretty well, with his thin manicured musician's fingers tightly gripping Brone’s scarred meaty hands in response. Until during a particularly rough contraction, when Jiyan briefly felt a painful twinge run through the back of his hand, he wasn't able to catch the soft hiss of pain before the traitorous air escaped his mouth. He felt Brone’s grip release despite him being caught in the throes of a contraction, and was supposed to be putting his full concentration into pushing his baby out to meet the world. Ji felt a ball of guilt start to form in the pit of his stomach, as he realized Brone was spending his much needed baby-pushing energy on holding his strength back. He knew any encouragement to do otherwise would just be met with grumpy stubbornness, but Jiyan didn't know how to let Brone know it was okay to let go, even if it would hurt him temporarily in the process.

“Brone, you're starting to overheat. Would you feel cooler if you took your tunic off?” Mel asked, to the rescue as usual. Brone looked at them, panting and red in the face from the contraction that had just ended, eyes full of pain and uncertain emotions, but paused only a moment before giving one quick nod. Together, they all got him out of his sweat drenched tunic, quickly, before his next contraction hit. He sighed in relief again, as the cool night air hit his skin, hairy chest and the happy trail from his popped out navel down the swell of his belly now on full display. As he glanced down, Ji could see his breasts already beginning to release droplets of milk on their own, as if they knew they wouldn't have long before his baby would be feeding at his chest.

“Nice tits Papa Bear.” Jiyan leered, just as the contraction hit and quickly ramped up. Without enough time to react with a growl or with an eyeroll, Ji felt the full force of Brone’s strength, taking a note out of Mel’s quick birthing lessons and breathing through the pain searing across his hand as Brone himself screamed from behind clenched teeth, his lips curled into a snarl. He could even see Rhi wince a bit on the other side of him.

“Fuck… off…” Brone growled as the pain began to ebb away.

“Hey, I'm just sayin’, that's one lucky baby.” He winked as the pain of the next contraction quickly flowed back through Brone's body, earning himself more searing pain radiating from his hand, squeezed so tightly he could barely grip back. Brone growled in annoyance at the end of it, but with a couple more well-timed over the top inappropriate comments about how hot he looked pushing out his big beautiful baby, Brone seemed to get the message. That Jiyan, and by extension Rhiannon and even Melian, could handle whatever he could dish out if it meant it would help him. And just in time too.

“F- fuck! Something- something's wrong, it burns.” He groaned, head rolling back as tears pricked at the corner of his eyes.

“It is called the Ring of Fire, painful, but completely natural. It means your child will soon be here.” Melian explained. But Brone shook his head, too overcome by pain and exhaustion to listen.

“I can't- I can't bloody do this!” He sobbed helplessly, his head still lolling side to side.

“Give me your hand.” Mel gently commanded.

“I can't. I can't do it.” Brone whined, too consumed by pain to hear them.

“Brone, please give- … thank you Jiyan.” Melian said, as Jiyan held out the hand still clutched in Brone's to them. They guided the pairs hands down between Brone’s legs. Jiyan hesitated and tried to let go but Brone’s hand was still white knuckled and refusing to unclasp, barely aware of anything besides the pain wracking his body. Mel gently brushed both of their knuckles along something that felt slimy, and a little sticky, and hairy?

“Is that?” Brone’s eyes shot open, wonder and amazement momentarily overcoming the pain and panic.

“That is indeed the top of your child’s head.” They smiled.

“I was just gonna say ew, Mel,” Jiyan momentarily glared at them. “But nevermind, that's your baby’s head! Let's go Papa Bear!” He cheered. A new energy surged through Brone, his jaw tensed in determination as he steeled himself for the next contraction.

“You've got this Brone.” Rhiannon clasped his forearm in preparation and gave him a quick supportive nod. “Just a few more pushes to go.”

“Help hold his thighs back further, it will help him spread further.” Melian commanded, and Rhi and Ji were quick to comply as they watched the stomach muscles across Brone’s belly begin to tighten again. Chin pressed down into his tits, Brone shouted as if charging into battle as he bore down with all his strength into his biggest push so far. It felt like forever before the contraction subsided, Brone, red faced from the effort let his head lay back on the bench for a moment.

“Good, keep pushing! Just like that!” Melian encouraged. Now too focused on putting all his energy into pushing instead of words, they only received a brief nod in response from Brone. But as long as he was responding, that was enough for Mel. It was only a few more big pushes like that before Melian stopped him.

“Brone.” They made sure to get his attention as the most recent contraction ended. “The next contraction do not push. Don't push again until I say so.”

“Wot?!” Brone snapped up and stared at them wide eyed and panicked. “Is the baby-?” He trailed off, as if he couldn't handle finishing the sentence, finishing the thought. Jiyan and Rhiannon’s wide eyed stares mirrored him.

“No, the baby will be perfectly fine. You need to give your vagina a chance to stretch, or you will tear.” Mel said sternly.

“Who gives a shit?” Brone groaned.

“I do.” Melian snapped. Well as much as Melian of all people could snap. “And you should as well. I only have so much healing magic and I do not have the tools or supplies out here to stitch you up if I need to.” Ji shivered, as he thought about how painful it must be, to get stitches in your coochie. Brone rolled his eyes in exhausted annoyance.

“Fine.” He grunted as the next contraction quickly started. It was obvious that without pushing that pain wore down on him more quickly, sobbing whines escaping his throat as he uncomfortably writhed on the wagon floor, still clasping tightly to Jiyan and Rhiannon.

“Fuck, this- this is worse. This is so much worse.” He shakily moaned in the brief break between contractions, each one practically one on top of the other, as if his body was getting just as impatient as he was.

“I know. Just hold on to Rhiannon and Jiyan, let them support you through it. Just two more okay?” Mel laid a cooling hand on Brone’s sweat soaked belly, feeling the muscles twitch and constrict as the next contraction started. Brone huffed out an annoyed groan in response as he gripped both of their hands tighter than ever before, preparing for another tidal wave of pain without the relief of pushing. After what felt like an eternity that one ended, and a microsecond later the next one took over the exhausted man's battered body and overwhelmed mind.

“FUCK!” He screamed to the heavens, as he threw his head back, back arched as if the pain was so great it was forcing his body off of the ground as the most intense contraction yet peaked, and peaked, and kept hitting new peaks of endless pain for the poor man to endure. Jiyan, realizing Brone was too far gone to pay attention to him, briefly whimpered through his own pain, as if Brone was so overwhelmed he was subconsciously transferring some of his own into him. He yelped as he heard a muffled crack! coming from his own hand, and his personal pain increased tenfold. Panicked and his cheeks puffed out, having miraculously, and in a feat on uncharacteristic strength, stopped himself pre-scream, Jiyan looked to Melian for help.

Later. They said sympathetically, telepathically, as Melian could on occasion use their gifts to do. I do not know how much healing magics I will have left once this is over. Jiyan could see concern in their eyes, not just for him and his hand, but for the fate of Brone and his baby. Things have gone smoothly enough so far, but I do not know yet what may go wrong. Jiyan, biting his lip to continue to contain his scream, nodded. A broken hand could be reset, if something went wrong with Brone or his baby then… he didn't want to think about that. He coaxed Brone, in his discombobulated state, to take his other hand. No use causing it further damage. Especially if he might need to get a splint instead of healing magic once this was all said and done.

“Alright Brone, on this next one, push.” Melian commanded.

“Thank fuck. Finally.” He groaned, as Rhiannon reached out again and pulled back his thigh on her side, and Melian leaned forward and pushed back the thigh on Ji’s side. The relief was short lived as the next contraction gripped him, but he grit his teeth and used all his strength to bear down, determined to meet his child before the dawn's light.

“You are doing good, Brone. The baby is making good progress.” Mel encouraged him after a few more contractions. Brone's frustrated growl seemed to disagree. He seemed to get more antsy and frustrated as the contractions wore on, despite everyone's assurances that he was doing a good job.

“Fuck this.” He eventually snarled at them, letting go of his death grip on their hands and kicking away their support on his thighs. He then grabbed his thighs himself and pulled back as far as he physically could, as if trying to curl in on himself, then pushed. Ji could see the veins throbbing in his forehead, as Brone pushed so hard no noise escaped his mouth, his teeth clenched so hard it looked like they might break.

“I see the nose, you are doing well.” Melian encouraged again.

“No offense Mel, I don't think he's listening at the moment.” Jiyan said, now awkwardly sitting there while he watched Brone, so lost in labor that the only thing he was capable of listening to was the overwhelming instinct to bear down and give birth.

“Yes, I know Jiyan, but the soothing tone of encouragement never hurts does it?” They raised an eyebrow at him while they monitored the baby's progress. Ji shrugged.

“Hell yeah, let's fucking go Papa Bear!” He hollered, pumping his fist in the air. Not the one that was broken of course, the other one. Duh. He watched as Brone continued to push and push, following in the time honored tradition, passed down from generation to generation, followed as long as such a thing as creatures and people have existed, by listening solely to the instincts so deeply encoded into his being to spread his legs and give birth. Ignoring everyone and everything else, just solely focused on what his body commanded him to do in order to safely push his baby out. If Melian told Brone to stop just then, Ji didn't think he'd be able to. If he could even hear them in the first place. Suddenly relief flashed across Brone’s body and he momentarily untensed.

“The head is out! Wait one moment, let me check the babe’s neck.” Melian said, as they quickly made sure the baby wouldn't choke on the umbilical cord. “Alright, you're good to push. All that's left is the shoulders and I can safely pull them out.”

It didn't even seem like Brone was paying attention to them at that point, but even so he readjusted and prepared to push again. It only took two more powerful determined teeth gritting pushes, before he suddenly collapsed as relief flooded through his body. Gasping for air as if he'd been sprinting the entire length of the Wandering Woods, Brone closed his eyes for a moment as the sweet sweet high of relief raced through his veins. After a moment of silence, everyone expectantly looked at Melian, still moving down between Brone’s legs. One more beat of increasingly concerned silence, then the loud sharp cry of a newborn infant deafened them in the confines of the wagon.

Brone immediately held his arms out in wide-eyed wonder, eyes already wet, not from the pain anymore, but from joy and pride. Melian smiled fondly at him as they quickly but gently put the baby into a soft towel, then reverently placed them in their father's arms, umbilical cord still attached.

“This one has been born male.” Melian informed them. Brone held his newborn child and smiled. A big smile, one that would have looked so foreign and out of place on his face just hours ago, a smile so pure and full of joy. A smile that made him look 10 years younger, a smile they somehow all knew he hadn't smiled since he was a small child himself.

“So, you're the wee little thing that almost split my cunt open.” Brone sniffled and laughed proudly, in this pure blissful moment, unashamed of letting his tears of joy fall freely down his face. His baby still cried, likely upset over being forcibly ejected from its warm comfy home, but started to settle down in his father's arms, clenched little hands clumsy moving up as if reaching towards his voice.

Jiyan put his non-broken hand over his heart, practically on the verge of tears himself. Even Rhiannon, the usually stoic warrior of their little group, sniffled and wiped a tear from their eye.

“What’s their name?” She whispered, as if she was afraid she'd ruin the sanctity of the moment.

“Wulf. My little boy’s name is Wulf.”

------------------------------------

“At least it was a clean break.”

Jiyan breathed a sigh of relief as Melian’s healing magic flooded through his hand, mending the fracture, gods, weaving back together the damaged tendons in their hand and fingers.

“Wait a moment before trying to move it, let the magic do its work.” They told him, before they turned to Rhiannon’s less injured, but still extremely bruised arm. After Melian had helped deliver the placenta, then coached Rhi on massaging Brone’s belly to help his uterus contract back towards its normal size, while they cleaned up both baby and father; the trio had left the pair to get some quality one-on-one time alone in the wagon. Back by the campfire, now down to its embers, Melian had finally asked to take a look at Jiyan’s hand.

As the first light of dawn began to peek through the forest, Ji couldn't help but smile as he thought about the events of the night, of the past few days even, of the new happy little family resting in the wagon, grateful that both of them had Melian’s official stamp of good health.

“Hey Mel.” Melian hummed in response, only looking curiously at Jiyan once they were sure their magic had taken hold on Rhiannon’s arm.

“Told you I knew a dilf when I see one.”

Part 2

[skyfallscotland]

Some updates since the last summary post. I didn't go to the convention on Sunday, but @caitm1 did and she said the workers told her that Rebecca's wrist swelled up from the amount of signatures she was doing (already, one day in!) and she had it taped up.

Rebecca also mentioned last night (Monday) at the second event I attended that she'd had a vestibular migraine just before and couldn't walk in a straight line a few hours ago, so I mean, I felt like I wanted to mention that first because as a chronically ill girlie I know how fucking hard it must be and I don't think a lot of fans appreciate what she does for us and how much she puts her body through.

Her signings this weekend were free and even though we paid for a ticket on Monday night, if you bought the ticket with the pre-signed book, that was at cost. $20 for a signed paperback. So yeah, just...I know it's a business, but she does a lot, ok. Don't be unappreciative of the extra mile.

Now, I recorded both Saturday's panel and Monday night's, I'm trying to figure out how to post it, but no website wants to cooperate with such a big file, so stand by, or like...help if you know tech things 💀

If you haven't seen my post with what we learned from Saturday's, it's here. Below is a summary of what we've learnt since then.

Bombshell alert: @caitm1 tells me that on Sunday, Rebecca said one of her original ideas for the end of Iron Flame was for Violet to become venin and not Xaden. *crickets* let's just take a moment here together... 😨

Honestly, I'm all for it, I low key feel like I would have liked that better, it would have been so good, but alas, we have venin-Xaden now, so we have to deal 🥲

Now, about Monday. A lot of the questions asked and things spoken about were the same as Saturday. The host picked the fan questions she asked and didn't really pick much that was plot or character related. She didn't pick any of mine and yes, I'm still mad about it. WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES

Here's the quotes, questions and tidbits I found interesting:

• Her editor for Fourth Wing and Iron Flame, is the head of Red Tower, so she's the publisher. I did not know this. I don't think I've seen this in practice before? She's also involved with the Amazon series because of this.

• "I'm not afraid of hurting you." That we already knew. 💀

• "Because we knew what had the television series when I was in edits, so we had to write out a synopsis and when I first thought it would be five books, I immediately sent the synopsis to my editor, who, you know, we sent it to Amazon because we needed to tell them; this is the definitive vision for the story. I can tell you, in Onyx Storm, I've already deviated from like...who I thought would pass in that book, as opposed to...I've already deviated some from that."

Sorry, what? Who was meant to die? My money is, as always, on Rhi or Garrick. You know I have thoughts/feelings about that. Look, if I've learned anything this weekend it's that someone important is going to die, a lot of people are going to die, ok? She's very frank about death and the realities of war and if you're worried about your favourite side characters for the next few books, well...you should be.

• She loves writing Ridoc. @yanny-77 no chance to ask about bodoc, sorry! 😂

• On Xaden and people's perception of him: "It's always funny because I always hear...he gets compared to Rhysand a lot? Xaden's like twenty-two at the beginning of Fourth Wing; Rhysand's like what? Five hundred? Ok, twenty-two, so it's very much like—it is a college. It's a college romance and that first love."

• She was surprised at how much people loved Aaric, given how little he's on-page.

• She also defended Dain again 🥳💗 #DainApologistsClub

• She expanded a little more on Jack. So perhaps what she meant on Saturday about his reasons, was simply that his reason will be touched upon in OS, but it's clear. "Jack's motivations are clear-cut, which makes him so easy to write. He's such an example of the hunger for power and what happens when you aren't selected for the power you think you deserve, which is one of the themes of Fourth Wing. So Jack's an easy character, he's straight-on."

• Are there any easter eggs that you put in the first two books that you don't think were caught by fans? "Violet's second signet! I totally thought it was obvious. Um, I did, to the point where my editor was like 'hey, we should probably put a line in here' and I was like dude no, people will catch it." Y'all know my thoughts on that so I'll stay quite over here in my corner.

Someone asked "what is it then?" and she replied, "no, no, no, now we're having fun with this, now."

• The hardest scene for her to write in Fourth Wing was the battle scene, because it was her first fantasy and so her first one. She wrote it and her editor said no, it has to be a little longer than this.

"So that was really hard for me to write, especially because in the moment she loses Liam, she has to get up and go. And I'm used to being able to give my characters this moment to grieve, this moment to take the news, this moment to absorb it and really feel it. And it's hard to get the reader to really feel that emotion when death is coming straight for you. So that was really difficult. And I was crying."

ME TOO, TBH

• If she was to describe Onyx Storm in two Taylor Swift songs, it would be Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? & So It Goes.

• If Empyrean was written in interconnected stand alones, she would have already jumped to Rhi or Imogen.

• Her favourite sections are the epigraphs that she writes above the chapter headings. "It's my most valuable real estate, the fact that you guys skip over them sometimes, I'm like—I'm wicked funny in there, ok?"

• If Violet and Xaden visited Australia, what would they do for fun? "I'd say go visit places they can't catch on fire. I guess they could find a beach." @empyrean-thrones there you go, we're on point! 😂

And that's about it! Happy theorising! 💗

It was a wild weekend, but so worth it. I was in my feelings a lot. I hope you guys get a chance to meet her or hear her speak in person one day, too 🫶

[miyaniacs]

Corrupted by Darkness

- Chapter 1 -

Intro ; Wattpad

A/N: Hey :) Yes I’m forcing myself to write again… and if I wouldn’t update it immediately I’ll never update - so yes maybe there’ll be some some adjustments / reuploads. Still I hope you enjoy it. The next chapter will be a bit more story heavy - Thank you for reading it! <3

“YIELDDD” the blond haired guy yells. Getting up with a smirk, you take his dagger and leave the mat.

“Well that was … personal?” Rhi looks at me.

“I don’t even remember his name?” I look at her confused.

“I’m not talking about Leon.” She smirks and looks across the room, towards a shirtless Xaden… and Eve.

How is it possible that she’s always glued to him?

And why aren’t you glued to him?

‘Ohh shut up.’

Maybe he takes her because he can’t have you?

‘I look nothing like her? And before - I’m not jealous. I’m just forced to spend time with him and she’s always there.’

Uhuuu

‘NOCTIS!’

“Hellooooo? Earth at Nea?” Ridoc waves his hand infront of your face.

“Sorry sorrrryyy”

“Class is over - and we’re finally free!”

“For the day.” Liam sighs as he walks over towards your group.

“Aren’t you the most energetic out of all of us?” Rhi raises her eyebrows.

“OMG LIAM!” Ridoc fake gasps, “who’s the lucky one?”

“That you should ask Nea.”

And now all their eyes are fixed on me. I really should have remembered that his room is right next to his.

“Non of your business.” I smirk at them and start to make your way out of gym.

“No no nooo not so fast.” Rhi hurries next to you, quickly followed by Ridoc on your other side.

“There’s nothing to say.”

Sure there isn’t

‘Could you please stay out of this?

Hey you were the one involving me in it last night.

‘I already apologized for it didn’t I?’

I am still traumatized

‘Not my fault that you don’t get laid.’

Excuse me?! Maybe I just know how to keep you out of it?

‘And now I know for sure that you don’t get laid.’

“Sorry guys but it’s a secret.”

“Ok but was it good?” Rhi asks.

“Sounded like it was.” Liam laughs from behind us.

“… could we not discuss this right now.” I beg and rub my temples.

“And what should we discuss then?” Ridoc smirks and looks at me.

Rolling my eyes I glare at him: “ Well how about we discuss our next history test?” I smile innocently, while he groans.

“Why don’t we discuss the whole Eve thematic again?” Liam asks and pushes between me and Ridoc.

“There is nothing more to discuss. Her family is friends with people my family isn’t really … found of.”

“And she’s a bitch that thinks she’s better than us just because she’s a fae - no offense Nea.” Rhi adds.

“Non taken.” I laugh.

“And that’s why she doesn’t like you?” Ridoc asks.

“Yup this and the fact I’m friends with someone she desperately wants to fuck.” I laugh.

“What? Why haven’t any of you told me that she wants to fuck me? I know she’s a bitch but I wouldn’t say no…” Liam fake gasps.

“No Liam we’re talking about someone who’s actually attractive and doesn’t just have a big ass ego.” Rhiannon laughs.

“Ouch. That hurts Rhi.” Liam puts his hand over his heart and pouts.

“Nawww Liam… you know I wouldn’t say no to you - If you weren’t one of my friends.” I laugh.

“Thanks it helps hearing this from the hottest Fae around.” He smiles and puts his arm around my shoulder.

“Well… I loved this conversation, but my bed calls me.” Wiggling out of his “hug” I stop in front of my room.

“If you need any company - just call me, the walls are thin.” He winks and opens the door to his own room.

“See you at dinner?” Rhi asks while she and Ridoc walk towards their own rooms.

“Yes see you there!”

Closing the door I immediately take off my clothes and put on the big shirt Azriel left me last night.

As soon as my head hits my bed my mind wanders off to the events of last night.

Closing my eyes the image of Azriels face appears. It was always different between us.

While Rhys quickly became a father figure for me, Cassian and Mor immediately adopted me as a little sister. But Azriel… I was 15 when Rhys brought me with him and introduced me to his family.

Azriel was always cold and closed off, he avoided talking to me if not necessary, always had someone else with us when he trained me. Things changed on my 19th birthday. Mor was throwing a party for me, inviting everyone including my boyfriend at that time - to make it short he cheated on me that night … in my room… my bed.

While running away from him and the party I ran into Azriel… when I told him what happened something snapped inside of him and let’s just say I woke up next to him that morning… and the morning after… and after … and -

I get it. Please stop thinking about it.

‘Then stay out of my head.’

‘Hey Noctis?’

Yes little shadow?

‘Do you think it’s more than just sex for him?’

Is it for you?

‘…no.. I mean… he’s a close friend, so obviously I care for him…’

And you’re sure that’s all?

‘Noctis. I’m here and he’s in Velaris. Even if I wanted it to be more, it wouldn’t work out.’

And why not? He’s already visiting you.

‘I - He- yes..’

But?

‘Nothing… I should sleep now.’

Sure little shadow.

Wake up. Nea. Wake up. NEA!

I wake up to a voice in my head that isn’t Noctis and feel a hand placed over my mouth and start to panic, searching for the weapon under my pillow. How did this person get inside of my room? Isn’t my magic working? And why didn’t Noctis wake me up?

“Nea. It’s me.”

That voice… I blink and let my eyes adjust to the darkness in my room.

“Rhys?!” I muffle.

“Oh sorry.” He moves his hand off my face.

“Why are you here?”

“You wanted a care package didn’t you?” He smiles and gestures to my desk, where a big as basket full of food and presents, is placed.

“Thank you. And now why are you really here.”

“… Your letter.”

How could he already got … Azriel tool it with him. I mentally roll my eyes.

“Get dressed.”

“And why should I? It’s 3am?”

“Because I want to see your blood manipulation. So get out of Azriels shirt and come with me to the flight field.”

“How…. How do you?”

“Nea please.” He rolls his eyes and chuckles, “We all know.”

I just stare at him.

All of them?

Yes they all know. Now get dressed. I’ll meet you there.

‘Why are you coming?’

Because I asked him to come.

‘Yes it was planned for me to come before I got your letter’

‘WHY ARE YOU BOTH IN MY HEAD?!’

‘Because you forgot to have your wall up.’ Rhys scowls.

‘But why are you two talking?’

You’re underestimating my powers

‘I thought you’re only allowed to talk to me…’

Do I look like I stick to any rules?

[infinite-ticking-clock37]

Help why is Silved mpreg a new thing on this app- like what started this help me

OH BOY how the fuck do I explain this shit

Ok so basically back in very early January I decided to draw Silver Spoon.. but pregnant. AS A JOKE-

Then my gf (@humanaltarr) posted the pic, and a few of my moots on Tumblr saw it, and at first I was like "Welp this is the end of my Tumblr career" and I think just a few hours later one of my moots (@spiritmander13) wrote the first Silver Spoon mpreg fic called "Silver Suffers With Morning Sickness" with 6 chapters (technically 7 but the 7th isn't involved with the story)

Then Silver Spoon mpreg became a big joke mostly on the oscc discord I believe (I joined it for a few days but left) and then for a while it was quiet, until I started an ask blog called @askthe-iii-shipchildren, on April 5th, and on April 30th I got an ask by an anonymous person where they wanted Candelabra to put Silver Spoon in a maid dress, and I ended up drawing Silver in a maid dress

Now here's were the second Silver mpreg era began. I made a joke with Candle saying "If Silver stays in that for much longer Candelabra is gonna have a little sibling soon" cuz I thought it would be funny (had no idea what it would cause)

Then @spiritmander13 reblogged it and said something like "CANDLE NO-" and I replied back saying "Silver Spoon mpreg part 2 /j" AS A JOKE. She told me not to start it again, and I said "Aw shucks" but in the tags of that reblog, I said "Time to draw Silver pregnant in a maid dress" and that's where I messed up since Spiritmander said they were intimidated.

Suddenly, I got tagged in a post by Spiritmander, and it seemed to be a screenshot of them saying "Don't tell Infinite, my sins shall stay hidden until it is the right time (I scrolled for like 20 minutes on their blog to find that fucking hell)

Then I got a little spooked cuz yk it's not everyday shit like this happens. I then screenshotted it and went into her inbox with the screenshot and asked "WHAT IS RHIS, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN" and she replied with another screenshot and it said "*Casually steals Tumblr mutuals fankid for the story*" and that's when I knew what was happening.

Soon, Spiritmander posted another Silver Spoon mpreg fic called "Little Moth"

Then it was a little quiet after that, with me making an occasional joke about it, always ending it with Spirit saying "HEY YOU STARTED IT!"

There is also this whole thing with "Bab Incest" Spirit did but I wasn't involved with that

Later in to May, me, @spiritmander13 and @mxmc13 formed the "Silver Spoon simp trio" cause apparently we all saw each other as friends so why not

Then the (sort of) mpreg era 3 started again. I'll put this part simply and say that me and a few other people on osc Tumblr got asks in our inboxes by "Anon~Chan" that were basically like a shitty Wattpad story but with II characters, and I personally got a Silverloon mpreg thing.. so fun..

And the most recent thing that happened. There was a Two x Jax post, and me, Mc, and Spirit were basically joking more about Silver Spoon mpreg in the reblogs, until Spirit came along and said "Silver Spoon simp trio canceled." And me and Mc were absolutely DEVASTATED and then Spirit said that me and Mc had to write Silver Spoon mpreg as well, for me as punishment for drawing it and confusing the original poster, and for Mc.. dunno..

And that's what's currently happening, I am working on my Silver mpreg and so is @mxmc13 ..

And yeah that's the whole story pretty much, this was a VERY long post and probably not even was the asker really wanted but meh

Anyways I imma end this off with saying.. I do not regret first drawing the Silver Spoon mpreg, since this is all genuinely fun and it even got me some friends on this site (Spiritmander and Mxmx and their great) so yeah =]

(also this is NO hate to anyone mentioned in this, and the fics that Spirit wrote are actually really good so I recommend checking them out)

[sensivs]

What do you think of angst where ghost and soap are together but soap finds another person then ghost develops depression and very unhealthy coping habits like smoking and drinking

I mean, I could do it?

But the person will be y/n if you don’t mind, I don’t make story posts unless they include the reader

————————————

Basic summary: soap is a WHORE

Disclaimer: I do not condone in using unhealthy coping mechanisms, if you are feeling severely depressed please tell someone, I’m always opened eared and I’m here for all of you:( I love you guys sm

———————————

No saw this happening in a million years. Soap and ghost splitting up? What kind of timeline were they living in?

Soap loved ghost dearly, nothing could separate them. They were the best partners in crime in all of history.

But when you were introduced to 141.. it all changed. Soap now had eyes for you, you were.. perfect.

You were everything he had ever imagined, from your hair to your thighs. He just found you perfect in every way.

Ghost was a bit slow to realize it, after being dumped with mass amounts of affection after being in a family that never gave you anything.

It takes time for you to really take it in. In the mean time while ghost was horribly blinded by love.

Soap had been sneaking around just to see you, the two of you hit it off. You two both shared interests that him and ghost would never be able to talk about.

Gaz was the first to realize soap’s actions, he grew more resentful towards soap and kept his distance to a maximum. But soap didn’t care, you were with him so why would he ever stress about loosing a friend over a man he would spend the rest of his life?

A knock was heard on ghost’s door, the man looked up from his phone and sighed. Getting up from his creaky bed, he opened the door to see Kyle.

“Lieutenant.. I really have something to tell you..” ghost quirked a brow, Garrick? Calling him lieutenant? Gosh this must be really important.

Ghost grew wary of gaz, him and soap were big pranksters and sadly he was always the victim. Come to think of it, Gaz and soap hadn’t pranked him in about 5 months.

Ghost then furrowed his eyebrows at that thought, “ok.. come in” Kyle said a quick thank you and walked in.

Ghost followed behind him, “I.. I think you should sit down for this one” ghost hummed and walked to his bed, sitting on the edge waiting for whatever Gaz had in store for him.

“So.. long story short, soap is cheating on you, and I know that you don’t believe me but just look” gaz handed ghost his phone with his photos open.

There, was a shit ton of pictures and videos of soap flirting with you along with taking you two to secluded areas.

Ghost absolutely couldn’t believe his eyes, Soap..? His Johnny??? Cheating on him???

No this just couldn’t be.. could this be a dream?? It was too surreal to be a dream. Ghost was on a verge of having the most worst break down and excused gaz out of his room.

Where he cried, for hours and hours on end. The tears just couldn’t stop for him, the man he thought was the love of his life.. was getting rid of him like this..??

Couldn’t he been more civilized and told him straight up that he didn’t love him? Ghost’s mind ran in circles rapidly, making him dizzy.

He just.. he just couldn’t do it

A few days later ghost retired from 141 and the army all together. He couldn’t help but just feel so empty.

So what was his answer for this?

Smoking and drinking

Every night a cigarette would be lit or a bottle of beer would be opened, it was the only way he could stop the emptiness inside him.

He just.. couldn’t help it

———————————————

I LITERALLY HAD A BREAK DOWN BEFORE POSTINF RHIS DJSKMSFKSKMSKS LMSMSKLAOOOO

But heyyyyy guys i posted 😱😱😱❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[thesherrinfordfacility]

wow so in the championships of fucked up batshit posts written by rhi✨, i do think this takes the title but i am really concerned that this might be the case... so,, hear me out

s2 = possibly clue? like, for real???? like alternative EP1 ENDINGS/SCENES???

so laure @theeminentlyimpractical and i had basically noticed at the same time that crowley's sideburns drastically change clip to clip, promo to promo, throughout the stuff we have of s2 so far, and this led us to have the, i guess, fairly insignificant theory that there is a falling out and a timeskip. now obvs this theory is quite old, very much in its infancy, and probably very inaccurate, but like 2500 people have at least seen it and we have reputations to maintain so we looked into it further

now pretty much ALL content released to us is either ep1 or ep2, or minisodes, or maybe the odd photo (e.g. i think the aziraphale/clipboard one is firmly ep5). but most stuff we have tbh can almost be chronologically traced and plotted. well - all except this:

the scene where crowley finds out about the naked man friend? short sideburns:

in the shop, finding out that it's gabriel?

long sideburns.

(not to mention that crowley's glasses change between ep1 and ep2 somewhere but that's a different story)

now i know that this could be an error with make up, or additional photography etc blah blah blah but one appears to be forgetting that this is amazon, and id put my money on every single person on that set wanting s2 to be nothing short of loophole free, continuity error-less perfection *😘👌*

so my Occam's razor is there is something we are missing between these two scenes in particular, or one of the scenes is not as it seems. from what we have worked out (and save this post because ill hopefully link in a sideburn timeline once laure and i have got our shit together and are operating on the same timezone again) most of ep1 and ep2 plot seems to feature crowley with short sideburns and predominantly the silver (not grey) sunglasses

whilst we have spotted a couple of confusing possible exceptions to this (example is below), it feels like overall that's basically right. bearing in mind that stuff that might say it's an official promo from e.g. ep4 may actually refer to events in ep2 --- there is nothing to say that the story has to be told in chronological, linear order!!!

so yeah overall; everything with crowley, present day, for ep1/2 is shortburns. now an interesting tidbit ive found from accounts of the nycc screening (and speaking to lovely people who gave me more info, not sure if they want to be named!!!) is that the screening

did not show an ending for episode 1.

that it basically ran straight through to the job minisode cold open, and then into the ep2 opening credits. for clarification, there was no ending credit for ep1, and apparently nothing to show that there was an end (e.g. no big gutsy 'well then... welcome to the end times' scene) ***and this is where i need input from sdcc people!!!

so apparently (and this may need further input), the last scene that took place before the job minisode is crowley returning to help with the miracle on gabriel to hide him... now im not sure if this is the same scene as the "I'm back"/apology dance scene (which btw we think is a shortburn/silver glasses scene, which is even weirder) but if someone could let me know that would be great ✨EDIT: CONFIRMED✨

👀 at sdcc viewers that only saw ep1 - WHERE DID IT END???

so in summary: the first sideburn loophole we have is the "ah gabriel!!" scene. obvs people have seen it so it's not a flashback, but i think potentially there will be additional scenes added to ep1 + an official ending upon the full release... or potentially scenes are replaced altogether to prevent spoilers from the screening? hmmm

does this remind anyone of clue lmaooooo wink wink

second, this is also an issue: so the first screenshot im pretty sure is late ep2 after aziraphale is talking to a rug salesman...? but features les longburns and possibly grey glasses:

but then this ep3 interaction with muriel? them burns are definitely short, which could obvs mean it is posed as a flashback, but those are DEFINITELY crowley's new grey glasses?

so yeah I'll be honest I'm not sure how far ill swing with this but ill keep updating with more info and link to the timeline etc etc, but yeah i think someone might have been writing a love letter to clue rather than writing s2 hahaha✨✨✨

but all nycc screening viewers pls come scream at me about this!!! and sdcc please tell us where ep1 ended??????

[justahappycloud]

@duquesademiel tagged me to share my top 10 books (1) of the year so here they go in no specific order bc i read a lot this year and if i think too much about it i will combust (it's dec 30th, it's illegal to think too much)

but since it's still me, you also get a loose synopsis and we can pretend this is also a book rec list, okay? it's a win-win, i know.

📚 Babel: An Arcane History by R. F. Kuang

a postcolonial view of steampunk magic England from 1982. revolution and all its ugly but powerful reality. long, but really worth it.

📚 Cenizas de Carnaval by Mariana Travacio

a collection if short stories focused on the fragility of life. read it in august i think but i still think about the stiry of the man and the glue

📚 Under The Whispering Door by T. J. Klune

magic and grief and gay and death and gay and life and GAY. loved it. not as much as the house in the cerulean sea, but really loved it

📚 Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid

reading this with sand under my feet and the sound of the ocean was one of my best ideas, ngl. interesting story, not one of my faves, but it was good

📚 A Spoonful of Murder by J. M. Hall

murder solved by retired teachers. 10/10

📚 The Embroidered Book by Kate Heartfield

the story of the life of marie antoinette and her sister charlotte except they can do magic. what are you waiting for??? go and read it!!

📚 Operación Masacre by Rodolfo Walsh

non-fiction retelling of the events that occurred on july 9th, 1956, when 12 civilians were arrested in Argentina before being illegally executed

📚 Orlando by Virginia Woolf

mock-biography of the famous poet of the 17th (and 18th, and 19th, and 20th) century, Orlando.

📚 The Grimrose Girls by Laura Pohl

fairytale retellings with a macabre twist, very focused on friendship and #girlpower [part of a duology]

📚 Nosotros dos en la tormenta by Eduardo Sacheri

historical fiction about two friends from opposing revolutionary units in 1975's Argentina

📚 A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske

fantasy historical fiction about two members of the bureaucracy who represent two different worlds (that of magic humans and normal humans) who must work together when the imposition of one world over the other puts all of them at risk. [part of a series]

📚 The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic

invented sports. found family. mafia. gay and ace. it reads like a fanfiction both derogatorily and affectionately, so read at your own risk, but i did read all three books in three days

📚 El Juguete Rabioso by Roberto Arlt

alternatively titled "Silvio Astier Tries To Be The Most Successful Thief Of Buenos Aires And Fails Spectacularly At It (HAPPY ENDING)"

📚 Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

not a synopsis bc you know what the book's about but just a note to say that i had this books since my last year of highschool and only now i got to read it, so yay me, tying loose ends from the worst period of my life

📚 Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhis

a prequel to jane eyre told from the point of view of bertha mason, previously known as antoinette cosway

📚 A Mercy by Toni Morrison

1680s story about a family of misfits and what happens to this group of slaves when the man who enslaved them dies

open tag bc if you made it this far i want to know what you've read so i can get recs for next year 👀

(1) sol fucked up so you get +10 recs, but you don't have to be insane like me and you can o it the normal way

[blossom-adventures]

15 Questions!

I’ve been tagged by @thequeenofthewinter & @oblivions-dawn to answer these 15 questions, thank you for the tags my dears ☺️💙🌸

I’m going to tag… @bostoniangirl21 @bougainvillea-and-saltwater @seradyn @savage-rhi @andywinter16 & @hauntedadagium but there is absolutely no pressure to do this yourself, I hope you’re all ok and are having a good day ☺️💙

1. Are you named after anyone? I share my name with a famous TV character (which has helped some people spell it in the past) but no I am not named after them. Long story short… when my mum went to the doctors when she was pregnant with me, she heard another mum call out to their daughter, who had the same name, and she decided that day that she loved the name and wanted me to have it too

2. When was the last time you cried? Tuesday morning, a friend on here, that I’m meeting at KupoCon in September, offered me their spare ticket after I had a panic the night before (the ticket I had didn’t have access to meeting the guests) I was that shocked at the kindness they showed that I cried when I started explaining to my mum what had happened (they know who they are ☺️💙)

3. Do you have kids? No

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Noooooo… 😉 honestly though, yes, all the time. Sometimes though, people don’t realise I’m being sarcastic, which has lead me to have to explain it

5. What sports do you/have you played? I played football (soccer) for 5 years with a women’s team based in Derby, I was the teams goalkeeper, I enjoyed playing so much, but chose to finish when the manager and coach retired. I also played contact rugby for my last year at school, although my goalkeeping coach noticed I was catching a football like I would a rugby ball so he told me to finish that 😆

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people? I… don’t really “notice” things in that regard… however, if it’s a man, I’m generally being drawn to their arms… I’m very much an arm person 😉

7. Eye colour? Blue

8. Scary movies or happy endings? As some of you know from talking to me on streams, I am not a horror fan, I would much rather have a happy ending than a scary movie

9. Any special talents? I’m not bad at singing, I was in the school choir for 4 years. And I’ve been surprising myself just recently with my skill with textiles, sewing in particular

10. Where were you born? Nottingham, England

11. What are your hobbies? Reading, writing, video games, watching films and - at the moment at least - working on my cosplay

12. Do you have any pets? My dad kept fish, really big fish that we keep in the pond at the top of the garden, when he died, I said to my mum that I wanted to keep them… so I have a pond full of massive fish

13. How tall are you? 5’10”

14. Favourite subject in school? Photography

15. Dream job? Film industry, being a set decorator would be amazing! I love watching the behind the scenes of the Hobbit films (I have them on the extended edition of the films) and it’s so interesting to see all the sets and props

[merry-go-round-jailhouse]

Mayak Datat: The Hairy Man Pictographs

Line drawings of the Hairy Man pictograph, "mother" Hairy Man pictograph, and "child" Hairy Man pictograph, located in central California

"ABSTRACT. The purpose of this article is to examine the association of prehistoric pictographs with contemporary stories told by the Tule River Indians about Hairy Man. Located on the Tule River Indian Reservation, the Painted Rock Pictographs are approximately 1000 years old. According to members of the tribe, the pictographs depict how various animals, including Hairy Man, created People. Other stories tell why Hairy Man lives in the mountains, steals food, and still occupies parts of the reservation. Since the Tule River Indians equate Hairy Man to Bigfoot, the pictograph and stories are valuable to our understanding of the modern idea of a hair-covered giant."

"... when the Yokuts observed animal behavior in the wild, they incorporated those observations into their traditional stories. The more they observed, the most elaborate the stories and details. Following are several examples of traditional stories, collected by the author unless otherwise noted, and the observed animal behavior represented in the story. How People Were Made All the birds and animals of the mountains went to Hocheu to make People. Eagle, chief of all the animals, asked each animal how they wanted People to be. Each animal took a turn and said what they had to say. Fish said, "People should know how to swim, like me, so let them be able to hold their breath and swim very deep." Hummingbird said, "People should be fast, like me, so let them have good feet and endurance." Eagle said, "People should be wise, wiser than me, so People will help animals and take care of the Earth." Turtle said, "People should be able to protect themselves, like me, so lets give them courage and strength." Lizard said, "People should have fingers, like me, so that People can make baskets, bows and arrows." Owl said, "People should be good hunters, like me, so give them knowledge and cunning." Condor said, "People should be different from us, so give them hair, not feathers or fur to keep warm." Then Coyote said, "People should be just like me, because I am smart and tricky, so have them walk on all fours." Hairy Man, who had not said anything yet, shook his head and said, "No, People should walk on two legs, like me." All the other animals agreed with Hairy Man, and Coyote became very angry. He challenged Hairy Man to a race, and they agreed who ever won could decide how People should walk. They gathered at the waterfall, below Hocheu, to begin the race. Coyote started and took a shortcut. Hairy Man was wiser than Coyote and knew that Coyote would cheat to win and People would have to walk on all fours, so Hairy Man stayed behind and helped Eagle, Condor, and the others to make People. They went back to the rock and drew People, on two legs, on the ground. The animals breathed on them, and People came out of the ground. Hairy Man was very pleased and went to People, but when they saw Hairy Man, they were scared and ran away. That made Hairy Man sad. When Coyote came back and saw what they had done, he was very angry and drew himself on the rock eating the moon (he is called Su! Su! Na). All the other animals drew their pictures on the rock as well, so People would remember them. Hairy Man was sad because People were afraid of him, so he drew himself sad. That is why Hairy Man's picture is crying to this day. That is how people were made."

Strain, Kathy M. "Mayak Datat: The Hairy Man Pictographs." The Relict Hominoid Inquiry, vol. 1, 2012, pp. 1-12. Idaho State University, https://www.isu.edu/media/libraries/rhi/research-papers/Mayak-Datat-Hairy-Man-Pictographs-1.pdf.

Strain, Kathy M. "Mayak datat: An Archaeological Viewpoint of the Hairy Man Pictographs." Bigfoot Information Project, 13 Aug. 2004, http://www.bigfootproject.org/articles/mayak_datat.html.

[amberjazmyn]

matthew gray gubler one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - ghost of you

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - really sad, loads of crying, like super depresso espresso, flashbacks, ofc lennon gubler, daughter of lennon's from a previous relationship when lennon was a young teenager, and some more crying

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - based on 5sos's "ghost of you", instead of a break-up, it will be the suicide of lennon and matthew gray gubler's 25yo daughter, carmella rose and each verse will tell a story of how the gubler and criminal minds family deal with the loss of their daughter and niece.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i remembered i had written this in a different book so i wanted to rewrite it for this one! so i'm sorry that it's another depressing one. as always, flashbacks are italics, lyrics is bold italics and everything else is normal font.

masterlist

- - -

here i am waking up, still can't sleep on your side. there's your coffee cup, the lipstick stain fades with time. if i can dream long enough, you'd tell me i'd be just fine. i'll be just fine.

rhiannon gubler finally peeled open her eyes from her restless three-hour sleep, still not able to sleep on the side of the bed she used to share with her older adult sister, carmella, in their shared bedroom at their l.a house that they lived in with their criminal minds uncles and aunties. she couldn't even look at that side of the bed without getting flashbacks of that night that was coming up to four months ago now. a frown instantly came to her face, just like every other morning when her eyes met with her coffee cup, her bright red lipstick stain still there, unmoved, just even more faded than it was the day before. then, she tried to close her eyes again just to back into this dream where she was being told she'd be just fine.

"...rhi, you need to wake up sweetheart," matthew, rhiannon and carmella's dad whispered softly as he held florianne, the third daughter of matthew and lennon gubler as an annoyed groan came out of rhiannon's mouth as she reluctantly got up

"fine..." rhiannon mumbles and grumbles, staring down at the shirt that was laying in front of her, just hoping that telepathically the shirt would just come to her so she didn't have to move any more than she already had done

matthew however, somehow, got the hint from his newly turned teenage daughter and chucked it to her so rhiannon wouldn't have to move any further.

"...there ya go, rhirhi," matthew spoke soft, smiling sympathetically at his second daughter, knowing today was going to be a really hard day for her

"thanks daddy, i'll be down in a couple, just give me a sec," rhiannon spoke lowly after taking a huge gulp of water, matthew nodding his head and taking that as his cue to leave with florianne so rhiannon could have that second on her own before joining the rest of her family downstairs

just as rhiannon was about to walk downstairs to start her long but hard day with her family, she walked past a photo that was of her and her sister from years ago, when rhiannon was a toddler and when carmella was at least seventeen. it took the now sixteen-year-old a second to recognise that it was of the two of them but as soon as she caught eyes with it, she was brought right back to that day of the photo being taken. even if she was only five years old at the time, it was still a photo that had a memorable story attached to it.

flashback : nine years ago

"...RHIANNON STOP!" carmella, the eldest gubler daughter's contagious laughter and squeals filled out the lounge room as rhiannon, the second gubler daughter chased her throughout the room

carmella weaved through her uncle shemar, Uncle thomas, dad, mom and aunty aj as she tried to get away from her sister, who was still hot on her older sister's tail, both of the girls' laughter ringing through everyone's ears making everyone all laugh and smile

"NEVER!" rhiannon yells out before bursting out into laughter as she had accidentally run into grandpa joe who also started bursting out into laughter

"WHAT DID YOU...rhi, you silly little goose!" carmella abruptly stopped running to turn around to see what had happened, bursting out into even more laughter as she noticed the look on grandpa joe's face and rhi's as carmella placed her hands on her knees as she tried to calm herself down from her laughing fit

however, due to carmella's paused position, it gave little rhiannon the upper hand and she took that opportunity to ram her older sister onto the couch for some cuddles so she could attack her seventeen-year-old sister - the one thing five-year-old rhiannon has been trying to do all morning.

"---CARMELLA, WATCH OUT!" uncle shemar suddenly called out, carmella shooting her uncle the death stare as carmella looks at her four-year-old pocket rocket sister, fear in her teenage eyes as rhiannon jumps onto carmella, the both of them falling onto the couch behind them

"what the--holy crap, rhiannon grace!" carmella squealed as she was finally pinned to the couch as rhiannon started to attack her older sister with cuddles, squishing her cheeks, poking her face as the two sisters started to laugh at the sudden attack of little rhiannon

matthew, the father of the two girls suddenly called out for them to look at him. they do as their told only to see that a photo was being taken which made the two girls giggle after the photo had been taken.

"really, dad? you wanted a photo of rhi and me?" carmella chuckled sarcastically, like the teenager she was as matthew giggled as rhiannon had since fallen asleep on her sister

"i always do caramel, what's wrong with that?" matthew matches his eldest daughter's sass by using a very old nickname, caramel, which was used when people couldn't pronounce carmella's name right - which in turn got matthew an eye-roll reaction from his daughter

"nothing daddio just, why did you have to wait until after rhi attacked me, you could've stopped her!" carmella giggled as she didn't dare move as her rhirhi still remained sleeping on big sister's chest

"why would i want to stop the joyful laughter of my two daughters? doesn't that sound a bit silly to do when the both of you are having that much fun?" matthew crossed his arms, acting all sassy as carmella giggled and rolled her eyes again as she very lovingly watched the way her rhirhi slept so soundly on her chest

"i guess you're right, it's not very often it happens now that i'm seventeen and spending less and less time with you guys cause of school..." carmella trailed off as matthew nodded his head, taking the free spot that was next to his daughters as carmella smiled - matthew had shown her the photo of her and rhiannon

present-day : rhiannon's pov

i didn't even notice i was even crying until i licked my lips when i lifted my hand up to my face to wipe the remaining tears off my cheeks. i placed the photo frame of me and carmella back down and walked past a mirror. and, sure enough, my entire face was red, puffy and it was obvious i had been crying. i quickly rushed off into the bathroom to wash my face to see if the red and puffiness would subside so mom, dad and florianne wouldn't be able to see that i had been crying. however, just like my tears, i didn't even notice mekhai, my cousin, coming into the bathroom to check up on me until i felt his comforting hand on my back and his small, soft words of comfort despite the fact he was two years younger than me, at thirteen.

"...hey, rhi, you okay cuz?"mehkai whispered softly as i turned around to face my little cousin

"does it look like it...i...i am so sorry mehkai, i shouldn't have--" 

"--it's fine cuz, come on, let's sit in the hallway for a bit?"mehkai questioned softly, holding his hand out for me to hold as i smiled, taking his hand in mine we then sat in the hallway floor that had recently been vacuumed 

mehkai and i sat in silence for a little while before we started to talk again. the silence, however, was comforting almost since it wasn't just me that had lost my sister. florianne, our younger sister and my criminal minds cousins, like mehkai, had also lost carmella as well, so when mehkai spoke up again, it was strange. 

"you ready to go back downstairs to see everyone?"mehkai was soft and careful with his choice of words and i was thankful for that 

the context of mehkai's question is that, since we lost carmella four months ago, every second day of every second week, a group of our family would come over to regularly check in on us and the extended criminal minds family since the whole lot of us lived together between a house in los angeles and one in las vegas every week. and this week, it was dad's family that was coming to visit us at our house in las vegas and i was not looking forward to it. the only people i like in dad's immediate family are obviously my grandparents, grandpa john, granny marilyn and my dad's siblings, aunty laura and uncle gray and their partners and kids but no one else. despite that fact though, even the people on dad's side that i didn't like were coming and i was not looking forward to it at all. 

"i mean...i guess but, no, not really. the last time we saw those other guys were when we were like, what, seven and six? why is it that we have to see them again now after carmella's died?" i trail off of my question, swallowing the lump resting in my throat as mehkai rubbed my back 

"i know rhi but, we'll be able to get through it, i promise, just ignore them as you've always done and just don't pay them any mind," mehkai shrugged with a hopeful look in his eyes as i nodded my head - ignoring my entire family and paying them no mind has been the thing i've been doing since carmella's death so, that should be easy enough 

so i drown it out like i always do

matthew, lennon and the rest of the family (gubler and extended criminal minds family) watched uneasily as rhiannon had finally come downstairs to see matthew's side of the family as she sat on the couch. completely disassociated from the conversations going on after she had given hugs to her parents, grandpa john and granny marilyn and her aunties and uncles. even though the conversations were asking about how rhiannon was holding up since it had been four months since carmella's passing, not once did the teenager respond. 

"---so, matthew, how is rhiannon doing in regard to the loss of carmella? i mean, it's obviously devastating but, how is she really?" one of matthew's mom's sisters judith, just called out as a pin drop could suddenly be heard from everyone as they all lifted their heads to look at the older lady who was littered with wrinkles and freckles -rhiannon even lifted her head to look at her aunty once removed 

thankfully, matthew was able to compose himself quickly enough and spoke up on behalf of his now eldest daughter. answering his aunty's deplorable and outright senseless question about his daughter. 

"she's doing the best she can judith, what in the right mind makes you say that out loud though? she's a fif...sixteen-year-old girl who has just gone through a devastating loss alongside the rest of her siblings, who is six and her cousins who are also around that age!" matthew refused to even believe that his aunt judith would ask such a question about his daughter 

"i...i'm sorry matthew, i...i was just curious and concerned about my niece, i...i don't understand--" 

"--she's barely even your niece, this is the first time you've seen her since she was a baby so shut up," laura, matthew's older sister then speaks up in defence of her younger brother which caused the lounge room to stifle their laughter at laura's ruthless yet nonchalant comment to her aunty 

"okay then..." judith trailed off as she then quietened down, lowering herself in her seat, bringing her glass of wine closer to her mouth so she'd know to stop talking and stay like that 

"...that's what i thought!" laura snarled as she gave her younger brother, sister-in-law and niece a comforting hug as rhiannon barely reacted which everyone noticed, including judith but didn't say anything about it 

"who really cares about how i feel anyway, no one even tries to care anymore..." for the first time in what felt like forever, rhiannon speaks up only to then get up off of the couch that she sat with mehkai, pheonix and florianne on before storming away 

this broke matthew's heart along with lennon's, and the rest of the criminal minds family's. maybe it truly wasn't the right time to be talking about rhiannon and bringing her up in these conversations if she still felt as though her feelings weren't cared about. which, of course, they were, but maybe not in the best way in an accidental way of just wanting to see rhiannon again and not have her stuck in her room all the time. 

florianne's pov

my heart sank and broke as i saw the way my older sister rhiannon refused to eat or drink anything anymore. i used to think it was her just feeling unwell as, when i don't feel well, i struggle to eat too but, because it's now constantly happening, it's no longer a joke or her being sick anymore. she doesn't even sit with me, mommy, daddy and the other cousins at dinner anymore. we were currently in our los angeles house again for the week and i knew that rhiannon wanted to go home. i did too in all honesty even though our los angeles house was also ours because we do come here every other week when we're not at our home in las vegas. 

"...florianne, why are you here princess? shouldn't you be with mommy, daddy and your cousins in the lounge room with the rest of the family?" rhiannon's hoarse voice spoke as she stared out into nothing and i shook my head 

"nah-uh, it was boring and aunty laura and uncle gray were trying to kick judith out for talking smack about you. besides, i don't like it when you're sad so i wanted to make you happy again," i spoke softly as rhiannon looked up at me and for a split second, she kind of looked happy before her eyes cast back down again  

"well, thanks for trying to check in on me florianne but, i'm fine, princess. you should head back into the lounge room though before mommy and daddy wonder where you are..." rhiannon trailed off as she played with her fingers making me sigh, shaking my head - yes, i'm six but that doesn't mean i'm stupid by any means 

"...rhiannon, we get you're upset, we all are but, you've got to do more than just not eat and ignore what happened. please, for your own good!" i beg just like any six-year-old begs as rhiannon sighs loudly and bites her lip 

"i'm trying florianne, princess, i really am. it's just easier to drown it out by not eating anything and pretending that nothing wrong happened, ya know?" rhiannon whimpers at the end, my eyes widen and with all the strength i had considering i'm smaller than rhi, i pull her in for a hug without hesitation as she starts to cry 

"ssh, it's okay rhi. we deal with things differently but not eating anything is not okay, it's not safe, okay?" i say softly, rhiannon nodding her head on my shoulder as i smile softly 

"i wanna go home, home," she whispered as my heart broke for my older sister and i nodded my head, agreeing despite how we both loved living in our house in los angeles as well, i also wanted to go home, home

matthew's pov

dancing through our house with the ghost of you and i chase it down, with a shot of truth. dancing through our house with the ghost of you. 

lennon, rhiannon, florianne and i were back at our home in las vegas after being in our los angeles house for a week like always with the rest of the criminal minds family. we were all now coddled up on the couch watching home videos of when we were a family from when it was just lennon, me and carmella, to when it was lennon, me, carmella and rhiannon, to when it was lennon, me, carmella, rhiannon and florianne to what it is now with the criminal minds cousins. the majority of the videos we were watching now were of when it was just lennon, me and carmella with a couple including a baby rhiannon which started to bring back a lot of so many old memories that should be making us upset but doing the complete opposite. for florianne, she was finally seeing videos and photos of her older sister carmella and some of rhiannon when they were her age and younger. 

"...this is so sweet daddy..." rhiannon mumbles as she saw a video of when she and carmella met for the first time after rhiannon had just been born, florianne also looks at the video of her two older sisters in awe 

"...isn't it, rhiannon?" i smiled at my sixteen-year-old as my six-year-old also seemed shocked at seeing their older sister carmella look so young while rhiannon looked even younger as she had just been born 

"do you have any more videos of me as a baby with carmella?" rhiannon then questions as she looks up at me as i smile and bit my lip, lennon rubs my back as i give her a small smile 

"uh...yea-yeah, there is more but, i think they are at the house in los angeles with uncle nathan and aunty aj because they wanted to show them to mehkai and pheonix but also because there are also videos on there of carmella with your cousins when they were all born as well, or they could be with aunty laura, or even uncle gray," i responded as rhiannon's eyes sparkled almost like they used to 

"well, i know we don't see uncle nathan and aunty aj and the boys until...next week or-or the week after that but, could we possibly drive over and watch those videos with them?" rhiannon then asks as florianne also seemed to like that idea and agreed with her older sister as i chuckled breathlessly 

"i don't know rhi, it is a personal moment for them but, i can still text uncle nathan, uncle gray and aunty laura and ask but if they say no, you gotta respect that okay you two?" i spoke sternly but still lovingly, the both of them nodding their heads as i smiled - my girls were perfection as i grabbed my phone from my pocket and texted the group chat i had with my siblings and the extended criminal minds family 

within seconds of texting the group chat as another video of carmella with her sisters and cousins played on our tv, i had gotten a response back. both gray and laura (sister) had said that they didn't have the videos and nathan responded by saying that he and aj did at their las vegas house just across the road, reminding me that the andersens had travelled up those two hours from los angeles to be in their vegas house for this week and that it was completely okay for the gubler girls to come over to see the rest of the home movies of their sister carmella. i smiled at the responses and thanked my brother and sister and then let nathan know that the girls would be three minutes. 

"well, daddy, have uncles responded yet?" florianne speaks up for the first time as i giggle at my youngest daughter 

"yes, they have florianne and, whilst uncle gray and aunty laura don't have them, thankfully, uncle nathan does have them and they are just down the road visiting vegas for the week so we are allowed to watch the rest of the home videos of carmella with them. i told them we'll be there in three so, we better be quick, rhiannon, you think you'd be able to get socks and shoes on florianne in a minute?" i challenged rhiannon as she nodded her head, rushing over to the foyer to grab them as i just laughed at how quick, like carmella, my little rhi was  

"did you seriously think i had stopped being fast all of a sudden?" rhiannon quips as she comes back from the foyer with florianne's socks and shoes, as well as a pair of everlast slides for herself as i giggle, kissing the top of her head as i run to grab mine 

"no, i didn't, cheeky bugger!" i giggle, shaking my head as lennon also laughs at our eldest daughter 

getting ready in a minute and a half, we were out the door and on our short walk over to nathan and aj's las vegas house where the cousins, mehkai and pheonix awaited rhiannon and florianne so they could all bunch up on the couch cuddling together. 

by the time aj had led us into the house, rhiannon and florianne were already rushing to the couch to cuddle with mehkai and pheonix as i laughed, hugging aj and then nathan who had gotten up from the couch. 

"aren't they just a little bit excited and we saw them a few days ago," nathan laughed as we pulled out of our hug and i nodded my head 

"i know right, besides, thank you so much for letting them see the rest of carmella's videos, nathan and aj. i completely forgot you were in vegas this week. even though the majority of these videos are of carmella with mehkai and pheonix, i know how badly they both, rhiannon especially, want to watch them. especially since rhi was so entranced by the video of her and carmella first meeting each other after she was born..." i trailed off as they both nodded their heads understandingly 

"...oh, don't even need to thank us matthew, it's their sister, they'll always be welcome to come over to watch them throughout the week whenever they feel the need to," aj spoke up this time, giving me a small wink and nudge, nathan then giving me the same look as i chuckled and nodded my head as the four of us, nathan, aj, me and lennon moved into the lounge room where the kids were already waiting to watch the videos as a video was already paused ready to be watched 

two hours later after watching videos of carmella, majority of them with the andersen boys, i could tell that my girls were starting to get tired, none more so than rhiannon. the last one was halfway through when i had picked up rhiannon, deciding that it was time to take them home to put them to bed. despite the fact that rhiannon was a teenager, i still picked her up as she was still relatively light whilst lennon grabbed florianne, nathan pausing the video to say goodbye.

nathan's pov

matthew and lennon were halfway home when as i watched them on the few-minute walk back to theirs that rhiannon was starting to stir in her dad's arms. that was when i decided i'd follow after them as aj, agreed to put our boys up to bed. it seemed as if whilst florianne was fast asleep, rhiannon was starting to wake up again on the walk back. the five of us had walked into the gubler household when lennon had placed florianne down as she then grabbed the three adults a drink of beer. that was until rhiannon was fully awake after matthew had placed her on the couch. 

"daddy, get up!" rhiannon suddenly says enthusiastically as i am taken aback with confusion 

"why rhiannon? i thought you were tired, besides, uncle nathan's here to have a beer with mom and me!" i giggle as i watch matthew put his beer down anyway and walk over to his daughter, grabbing her hands as rhiannon then offers an explanation 

"i wanna dance daddy, please?" rhiannon mumbled out, her cute puppy eyes that either me or her dad taught her making butterflies flutter inside our tummies 

"why do you wanna dance rhi? it's getting late, theoretically, we should all be going to sleep right now," matthew spoke as i chuckled quietly as rhiannon's mood had seemingly crashed instantly before speaking again 

"the last four months, when everyone else or whoever else was here would go to sleep, i would stay awake, down here for however long and just dance alongside the videos we'd watch of carmella dancing as if it was normal and like she was still here. i-i would then, harm myself, clean it all up, patch myself up and then crawl back upstairs to my room to cry myself back to sleep. only to semi-repeat the routine over again the next day when it got really scary one day as some mornings i'd accidentally cut too deeply until mehkai or even sometimes florianne would shake me awake after finding me collapsed on the kitchen floor..." rhiannon's voice wavers at the end as we all notice her getting teary-eyed

i watched as matthew shuffled himself closer to his daughter as they swayed side to side as he pulled her in for a hug, holding her tightly so that she knew she was safe. 

"...oh, princess...baby, is this the first time you're telling this to anyone?" lennon and i gasp quietly as we hear rhiannon mutter a "yes" on matthew's shoulder as he rubbed her back 

"you need to tell your criminal minds uncles and aunties babe. i mean, when was the last time you cut yourself?" matthew asked worriedly, he had no clue that his daughter had even started self-harming let alone had the thought to go through with it

"i-i don't remember, last week maybe?" rhiannon trailed off as her voice got caught in her throat, she was about to cry again and my heart broke 

"can you show me the scars baby?" matthew whispered as rhiannon nodded, lifting up her hoodie which uncovered red patches of semi-infected scars as well as ones that had seemingly healed as matthew's breath got caught in his throat 

"babe, you need to stop with the self-harming, it's not going to fix anything, okay?" matthew pleaded as he let the hoodie cover rhiannon's lower body again as she nodded her head in agreement 

"i'll try my hardest," rhiannon muttered as matthew solemnly smiled as did i as matthew kissed her head 

we then all danced for five more minutes before we were so tired that we fell asleep on the couch. obviously not making it back home, i texted aj in advance, letting her know about the situation and she understood perfectly.

cleaning up today, found that old zeppelin shirt you wore when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt.

due to rhiannon and the kids having to go back to school but rhiannon not really in the mood, we decided to bring her with us for some reshoots that the criminal minds cast was doing in los angeles whilst the other kids were all at matthew and lennon's house homeschooling them with a tutor, except for florianne who went into her school. however, i decided to stay back and help clean around the gubler household and in particular, rhiannon and carmella's shared room which had been untouched for way too long since i had no reason to be on the criminal minds set. knowing that they, as a family, had handled their grief differently than me and my family did and didn't clean up after themselves, i thought it would be a great way for me to also loosen up but in a productive way.  

it wasn't until i walked into carmella's part of the room (rhiannon and carmella slept in the same bed but had different sides of the bedroom) that i could really sense that rhiannon was still very much grieving four months on. carmella's side of the room was absolutely trashed, and last time i was here, it was as clean as clean could be considering a fifteen and twenty-four-year-old shared this room together. this then gave the thought that, this mess must have happened recently and that it couldn't have been florianne or my two boys as this mess was done in a way that wasn't made by a six-year-old or two boys. giving me the hint that it was rhiannon that had made the mess as she had calculated it perfectly. rhiannon was the closest to carmella, they were the two eldest despite the fact that carmella was thirteen when rhiannon was born and were sisters from different fathers, those two were like two peas in a pod, they got along so well. they barely ever fought which is why matthew and lennon made the collective decision alongside the two girls that they'd share a bedroom until they decided that they wanted their own rooms once carmella got into her late teen years and early adult years. 

however, it seemed as if they loved sharing a bedroom together so they never got their own separate rooms. so, when carmella died, it was the worst for rhiannon. of course, gia was devastated but, she's still a kid, being only six years old, it's harder for her to understand what was happening especially considering by the time she was born, carmella was in her early young adult years and should have been in the stage of her life where she wasn't always at home with her family even though she had major age gaps between both siblings but she was home and always with her sisters. everyone just knew that rhiannon had a harder time coming to terms with carmella's death than florianne did because one, she was old enough to really understand what was going on and two, she realistically spent the most time with their older sister since they shared a room together and no one, even florianne found it offensive. 

after about a good hour or so, everything on carmella's side of the room had been restored and cleaned by me to my satisfaction and what i hoped would be rhiannon's. everything except carmella's wardrobe. which seemed like it had been completely untouched due to her wardrobe door being closed. but, when i opened it, it absolutely shocked me that all the clothes came toppling out of her wardrobe onto the floor in front of me. the main item of clothing i noticed was the led zeppelin shirt that, she, carmella, was wearing the day she ran away and then later killed herself wearing. i had actually not been aware or told that the police had given back all of the clothes that carmella was wearing on the day but, i can't lie, it gave me some relief to say that they did return the clothes. as since i am carmella's uncle, i hadn't seen this shirt in what felt like ages and it brought tears to my eyes just looking at it and seeing it without all the blood that had previously been on it. it was pristine and clean yet it still smelt completely like my niece, as if she never left. 

"...uncle nathan...i'm...home..." rhiannon's voice rang through the upstairs level but stopped when she realised where i was 

"...you didn't tell me that the police had given you her clothes back...the shirt's clean..." i whisper as tears stream down my cheeks as i hand my niece the clean zeppelin shirt, knowing it meant a deal of a lot more to rhiannon as i watched her face change from confusion to an emotion i wasn't familiar with from her

"...that's because i-i washed it, uncle nathan, i washed it after the police returned it..." rhiannon's voice, which had changed to a small, broken voice struck with grief came out of her mouth, my head tilting in confusion as nicky had now come in after hearing the commotion 

"...oh, rhi, babe, you didn't need to do that!" i sniffled, wiping my tears away knowing that it would set rhiannon and her dad off, wrapping her tightly in my grip as matthew watched

"yes, i-i had to uncle nathan. the-the blood everywhere was awful and i-i just needed it to be clean! i couldn't let it rest in her wardrobe knowing that her blood was still all over it," rhiannon softly cries into my shoulder as i brush my fingers through her hair to help calm her down 

i had a feeling there was something she still hadn't told her dad and mom about that night four months ago because she was supposedly in her room with my two boys, mehkai and pheonix, her sister florianne and the other cousins but according to frankie, adam's daughter, rhiannon wasn't even anywhere near hers and carmella's room but somewhere else, outside of the house. 

"rhi, is there something you're still hiding from your mommy and daddy from the night carmella died?" i spoke carefully and softly, sniffling quietly as rhiannon took in a tearful shaky breath as she nodded her head which worried matthew and i 

"ye-yes..." rhiannon trailed off as she started to tell the story, lennon joining us as the three of us were incredibly worried 

flashback | four months ago: rhiannon's pov | trigger warning 

everyone thought i was playing with mehkai, pheonix, florianne and uncle gray's son, but, in reality, i wasn't. i was on a walk to clear my head when i realised that carmella had turned her life360 off, making me turn back around the path i was walking to run back home to ask uncle adam, who was home from a criminal minds filming session in los angeles with the cast, to ask if he had any idea where carmella was and why she had turned her life360 off. on the run back over, i called carmella, seven times but not once did she pick up, making me run back home even faster.

slamming the door closed as i rushed into the house in los angeles, uncle adam was right up my side in a panic, grabbing the tops of my arms as i breathed heavily 

"what's wrong rhi, you nearly woke up florianne and frankie, is everything okay?" uncle adam asked worriedly as i attempted to get my breath back as i held onto uncle adam to keep myself steady 

"where-where's carmella? have-have you seen her? she's turned her life360 off when she wasn't supposed to!" i was speaking at what felt like a news reporter who was running out of breath as uncle adam gave me a worried look of confusion 

"pardon babe? what did you say?" adam asked with a sorry smile on his face and i gulped and took in another deep breath before asking again

"i said, where's carmella? have you seen her? she turned her life360 off when she wasn't supposed to," i repeated as uncle adam's eyes instantly widened 

"umm, i did see her leave but, i reminded her to keep her life360 on and she said she had no plans in turning it off, have you tried calling her?" uncle adam was just as confused as i am as i groaned 

"yes, i have! i tried seven times uncle adam! all of them went straight to voicemail and i don't know why or where she is!" i squealed out as i was on the verge of crying, i just wanted to know where my older sister was 

"okay, crap, that isn't good babe. okay, rhi, calm down as best as you can, stay here with the kids just in case she comes home and i'll ring matthew and your uncles and the rest of the aunties to let them know. if she does come home, call or text the group chat and everything will be fine, okay?" uncle adam calmly plans as i nodded my head in agreement as i caught my breath 

"okay, see you soon uncle adam," i spoke breathlessly as uncle adam ran out of the house, closing the door behind him as i then just anxiously sat back on the couch

florianne, frankie, mehkai, pheonix and the rest of the cousins were all sleeping easy on the floor next to me - as i wished that whilst carmella was okay that i'd get to the level of calm that my sister and cousins were in. 

it had been twenty minutes later when the door creaked open. instantly, i calmed down knowing that it was carmella. however, instantly i noticed something wasn't okay, she was unusually quiet and withdrawn. 

"carmella, you okay?" i call out quietly but still loud enough that carmella heard me and quiet enough that i didn't wake up the kids 

"yeah-yeah, i'm fine, thanks rhi. i'll just be upstairs in the bathroom taking a shower," carmella mumbled as i nodded my head, seemed normal for carmella i guess, she was such a clean freak 

"okay. i'm just gonna call uncle adam to let him know you're home," i called back, carmella not responding, just running up the stairs which made me worry 

just as i went to call uncle adam, i was startled, just me though, by two loud bangs coming from upstairs. leaving the kids, i ran up the stairs, after making sure that those bangs didn't wake the kids up, as quickly as i could only to be faced with probably my biggest nightmare; carmella covered in her own blood. 

"carmella!" i screamed at the top of my lungs, running over to her, just hoping that what i was seeing was only imaginary and that it was like all those crime shows that dad and our uncles and aunties acted in

however, i unlocked my phone and instantly called uncle adam, just hoping he would pick up 

uncle adam 

"...nics? did you find carm--"

"--call 911 *rhiannon sobs* call 911! she tried to kill herself! please i beg uncle adam, just call 911 and get here as quickly as you can!" 

i sob through my phone as i then hear the car door open as uncle adam starts the car up so he could get back home quickly

"rhi-rhiannon, stay on the line rhi! put the phone on speaker and pressurize carmella's bleeding. okay, stay calm and listen to me, stay on the phone with me!" 

i struggle to calm down but i try my hardest as i hear uncle adam's voice. he calms his voice down so i can calm down as i gulp and listen to him. i turn my phone to speakerphone, throwing it down in front of me.

i go down onto the floor, grabbing carmella and laying her over my body as i rested my back against the furthest wall from the door. i then put pressure on her bleeding just like i was told to by uncle adam but there was just so much of it that i couldn't seem to figure out where it was coming from. 

"rhi, have you done that? are you doing that?" 

uncle adam's calm voice comes back as i verbally respond, wiping my tears with my shoulder as i was getting covered in the blood very quickly 

"yes, i-i have. uncle adam *sobs* there is so much blood, please-please hurry!"

i whimper, another rough sob leaving my mouth as i try to figure out where the blood was coming from but also trying to make sure that the younger kids weren't hearing this. 

"okay-okay, it's okay rhi, calm down babe! i know there's a lot of blood, just calm down. i'm less than a minute away so stay calm and keep on applying pressure. i have also speed-dialled the paramedics and they are less than two minutes away. breathe, stay calm and make sure carmella stays awake. okay, i'm nearly there!" 

how uncle adam was staying so calm as this is his niece, is way beyond my knowledge but it was so helpful as i sat on the cold tiled and bloody bathroom floor with my older sister as she bled out onto my lap as i panicked. sobbing in fear that she was probably already dead - hoping to god or jesus or just someone that mehkai, pheonix, florianne, frankie and the other cousins couldn't hear this.

"uncle adam, the-the kids are all downstairs, i-i don't know if they can hear this or not! i-i don't w want them to! what do i do about them?!" i panic, sobbing into my shoulder again as uncle adam breathes before responding 

"as bad as it sounds babe, don't worry about them, your main focus is keeping carmella awake and her eyes open. do not let your sister close her eyes. i'm getting out of the car now and i'll deal with the kids and frankie when i get there. just focus on your older sister sweetheart!" 

uncle adam spoke calmly again as i mumbled a "yes", completely forgetting about my sister and cousins and just focusing all my attention on carmella 

and, just like uncle adam promised, less than a minute later he had come running into the house, alongside uncle shemar, straight to the bathroom upstairs where carmella and i were. 

"rhiannon!" uncle adam calls out, i look up from caressing carmella's hair out of her face as i don't even take into consideration how bloody i looked from my lap upwards 

"what-what do i do uncle adam?" i whimper out, carmella's body trembling due to my own body trembling as i breathe shakily 

"you've done all you can do babe!" uncle adam whispers as he pulls me up, softly placing carmella down on the floor as he pulls me into his embrace, not caring that i was now getting blood all over him 

i then looked up to see that uncle shemar had turned the shower off as i connected the dots. that's why she turned the shower on, she wanted to distract me from hearing her kill herself by thinking she was having a shower...

"she wasn't taking a shower!" i cover my mouth as i loudly sob into uncle adam's embrace as he squeezes me even tighter, also feeling uncle shemar next to uncle adam and me 

"ssh, it's gonna be okay rhi, stay calm and breathe babe, breathe!" uncle adam whispers as i whimper 

i then notice that uncle shemar had also found what she had used. and out of anything, it was a gun. how did i not hear the gunshot? the shower wasn't even...wait, is that what the first bang was before she hit the floor? 

"the paramedics are here! adam, clean you and rhiannon up, while i take the kids into matthew and lennon's office while you then after getting changed, let in the paramedics. after that, keep the kids distracted and i'll stay in here with rhiannon as she was the one to find carmella, understand?" uncle shemar devised as both uncle adam and i just nodded our heads, the both of us getting changed so uncle adam could then distract the kids whilst i stayed here with uncle shemar 

i spoke up again, "what-what about mommy and daddy, and uncle nathan, what about the aunties and the other uncles? who's gonna tell them?" i ask breathlessly as uncle shemar looks at me softly 

"they've already been called the moment 911 was called, your parents and then nathan are carmella's emergency contacts, which then means that they already know and are on their way home already," uncle shemar explained as i gasped, they couldn't know that it was me that found carmella, that would devastate them even more 

"please-please don't tell daddy and mommy or uncle nathan or anyone that it was me that found carmella. even if it means you have to hide my bloodied clothes. they cannot know, it'll devastate them, and they'll think it was my fault!" i panicked as uncle shemar went down to his knees, bringing me down with him, holding my hands tight 

"i promise rhiannon, i won't tell dad, mom, uncle nathan or the others, they'll never find your bloodied clothes but they will absolutely not and ever think that it was your fault if you were to ever tell them or if they ever found out on their own, okay?" uncle shemar made me understand as i nodded my head as tears streamed down my cheeks, uncle shemar tried to wipe them away

uncle adam then returned with crispy clean clothes at the right moment as i got changed and then immediately, in my clothes hamper, hid away my bloodied clothes. 

then, ten minutes later i was asked to be evaluated by the paramedics and tell them exactly what happened and what i'd heard. absolutely hell on earth. i was in hysterics the entire time and i was just blanking on everything about myself for the patient assessment. 

"...rhi-rhiannon, are you okay babe?" daisy, the female paramedic quickly corrected herself as she asked kindly, looking up, a tear streamed down my cheek 

"i-i was too late... i could have stopped it from happening... it-it's all my fault," i breathe out, a couple more tears streaming down my cheek as my hands shake 

"it's not your fault rhiannon. you just thought that carmella was simply taking a shower. do not blame yourself for your sister's death. there was no way you could have predicted she was going to go through with her act of suicide. no one predicts it, no matter how well you know the person. especially when she's the eldest sibling with younger siblings and cousins in the house," daisy softly responds, giving me a hand to hold as i nod my head 

"i-i just wish i was more aware," i gulp as i feel uncle adam and uncle shemar hug me from behind, making me cry even more 

"we do too, rhiannon," my two uncles say at the same time as i dig my chin into their embrace across my chest, trying to stop my tears

"dai-daisy, have my parents and other uncles and aunties been called?" i shakily ask as daisy looks up, giving me a soft look 

"yes, they all have. obviously, they are a couple of hours away in vegas so it'll take them a few hours to get here but, everyone has been called. and your parents have also been called as uncle adam said earlier. everything is going to be okay, rhiannon, you'll see your parents, uncles and aunties soon. but for now, uncle adam and uncle shemar are gonna take care of you," daisy spoke with a sadned smile as she then left for she had to now take carmella's body and place her onto the stretcher 

trigger warning over

matthew, lennon and uncle nathan were shocked and taken aback by the new news that it was their own daughter and niece that had found carmella and was with her in those very last moments of her life those four months ago. it horrified matthew that his second eldest was a witness to what his eldest had done to herself. that it was his fifteen-year-old that was the one covered in his twenty-four year-old's blood. that it was his fifteen-year-old that held and rocked his twenty-four-year-old as she died. that his twenty-four-year-old died in the arms of his fifteen-year-old daughter. 

"...i-i'm sorry i didn't tell you, mommy, daddy and uncle nathan. uncle shemar promised me he'd never say anything and i-i just never could say anything and the blood-bloodied clothes are still in my clothes hamper...i-i just got so scared, mommy, daddy, i'm so sorry," rhiannon stuttered out as matthew shook his head as lennon and nathan bit their lips, swallowing down their tears 

"please...please don't apologise rhi. i-i am sorry that daddy, mommy and uncle nathan were so far away from you that uncle adam and uncle shemar had to be the ones you needed to call. whilst i am forever grateful to them that they were there to take care of you and help you, it should have been me and mammy. you don't need to apologise for anything baby girl. i am so proud of you and glad that you were the last person your older sister saw and that you also made sure that your siblings and cousins were taken care of and made unaware of everything going on. never apologise about this ever again!" matthew's voice wavered the entire time he spoke as he grabbed his fifteen-year-old daughter, pulling her in for a hug as they both cried, lennon and uncle nathan joining shortly after 

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rhiannongracegubler we're too young, too dumb, to know things like love, but i know better now

*

carmella rose, you were my best friend, in the entire world. i say were and not "is" or "are" and it still confuses and bothers me that i have to use past tense when i speak about you otherwise my english teacher squeals fury and grammar police rules at me. because she says i now have to talk about you in the past because you're no longer with us. i won't lie, when she first told me that, i blew up right in her face in front of the rest of my class and i was sent to detention yet, i didn't get grounded by dad or mom (not even uncle shemar, uncle nathan or aunty aj). if anything, they were proud of me for standing up for our family and for you. i'll always stand up for your name, caramel, even if some people still can't pronounce it correctly and have to call you by that ridiculous nickname of caramel and not carmella. losing you felt almost like i was in that scene of criminal minds in which dr reid's girlfriend had just been killed by the unsub and dr reid was on his knees sobbing, most likely rocking her back and forth just muttering his girlfriend's name and for her to just wake up, and for everything to be okay again. because that's exactly what it was like except, you didn't get shot due to a murder-suicide by diana, the unsub but by the gun that you held in your own hands. if only we were in the world of criminal minds and i could, i would have done everything in my willpower to convince everyone that you just faked your death as emily prentiss did. but, that's not how life works, especially if you take it away from yourself that easily and unethically. whilst i'll never be able to understand why you decided to take a gun to your head whilst our sister and cousins was home along with me, i can't hate you for it. whilst i hate the idealisation of dying at the hands of a gun in your possession, i can't hate you specifically for doing it. because i love you carmella. i love you too much to hate you for killing yourself. there was obviously a reason as to why you did it. and it's valid, i just wish you had told me sooner or given me the letter earlier so even if i did try to convince you otherwise, i would have been better equipped and would have had more knowledge. yet, you still wouldn't have told me because you knew that i was the only person to convince you to stay alive. which isn't what you wanted. you didn't want to stay, you didn't want me to convince you to take that gun away from your head, hence why you made me think you were having a shower when you then shot yourself. you were my older sister carmella, you taught me everything i know. you taught me that the characters daddy and uncle shemar play on the tv and all the unsubs and injuries they get are all fake and that they're okay in real life. it was you that taught me to not be scared to watch daddy get hurt on the tv because he was always going to be sitting right next to me on the couch or over the phone on facetime. you taught me that no matter what, you were never going to leave me even if you were gone physically. i still see and hear you everywhere carmella, my fear has since changed from the monsters on criminal minds to forgetting what you look and sound like. if i ever forgot how you sounded or how beautiful you looked, i don't know if i'd be able to continue. i love you so much carmella, i hope you're looking after all those criminal minds characters and keeping them all in line. daddy, mommy, florianne and i love and miss you every day. love, rhiannon grace gubler 🤍

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matthewgraygubler rhiannon grace gubler, no matter what you say about your older sister, it always makes me cry! this was perfect rhirhi and i'm so proud of you for keeping your older sister alive every chance you can get 🤍

nathanandersen rhi, this killed me and it hasn't stopped killing me. exactly like your dad, any time you talk about carmella, it always makes me cry. you'll never forget how beautiful she was or what she sounded like, i promise, you'll always hear her voice and see her voice somewhere, i can guarantee you 🤍

ajcooke carmella loves you so much, rhi and she is so proud of you! the way you were able to articulate your sister's suicide is beyond anyone my age, let alone yours, you are such an intelligent girl 🤍

so i drown it out like i always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you

it's now been around seven/eight months since carmella's suicide and i had since turned seventeen and it has started to feel like everything is starting to go back to normal again. the family's stop button has been pressed play again after being on stop for so long. i stopped cutting and self-harming which i'm glad i stopped doing. i stopped pretty much the night that dad, mom and uncle nathan found out but, i still occasionally, every other night, depending on whether we're in los angeles or vegas, go downstairs to watch the home videos of carmella on the tv when i struggle to sleep without her next to me. the way i "drown out" my grief is i no longer ignore it and i actually allow it. i embrace and acknowledge my grief, letting it be until it passes and then i get up, dust myself off and smile and laugh again without feeling guilty about it. even though florianne and my cousins but, florianne in particular, is still six, turning seven in a few months, she was now starting to finally understand carmella's death and why she had done it from the letter that had been written that we showed her. the cousins in the criminal minds family and my biological family were also now starting to finally understand as well. whilst it was hard to tell, especially at how much they all cried, it was healing in a way to explain it to them in the big kid/adult way that it had been explained to me even though i'm still a kid by techical means even at seventeen years old.

"...watching back these videos still shock me at how much of a talented dancer carmella was....i'm shocked she didn't pursue it professionally..." i trailed off as tonight, the family decided that we were going to do an all-nighter of watching the older home videos and some newer ones that had recently been uncovered but having a pass on the dancing ourselves

"...i know, rhi, your sister and cousin was really talented," dad smiled, bitting his lip as all the memories came rushing back, for all of us and different memories too

"do you think she's dancing up there in the sky mommy?" florianne questioned as she cuddled up to mehkai and pheonix who nodded their heads in agreement with their cousin

before mom could respond, i responded instead, "i'm sure she is florianne, mehkai and pheonix. and i think she's finally happy again, no longer needing to fake anything..." i trail off as dad pushes me into him and uncle nathan and i smiled as a group hug had been initiated

"...we love you carmella!" we all mutter and giggle as we continued to watch the videos just like we do every night

and i'll chase it down, with a shot of truth, that my feet don't dance like they did with you. 

sure, dancing with my sister florianne, my cousins and dad wasn't the same as dancing with carmella but, it was just as beautiful.

"...carmella would be so proud of how you've recovered in these last seven/eight months. we all are rhiannon, you already went through hell and back with the initial loss of carmella but also with the secret that you had been holding onto the whole time as you were the one that saw everything happen in front of you and was with carmella as she died. yet, you still managed to get back on track and find your happiness again. something you said three months ago, give or take, that you wouldn't even be able to do because you always said you were the happiest with carmella, yet, here we are, sevenish months later and look how happier you are," dad smiled emotionally, wiping a tear of his away as well as one from my own cheek as i can't help but smile at him and the rest of my family

"yeah but, that was only because you guys pointed me in the right direction and didn't give up on me as you promised. i love you so much," i say, a tearful giggle falling out of my mouth as uncle nathan, followed by my sister, cousins and everyone else as they all jump on me

now i understand why you were constantly dancing, carmella. you were dancing with the ghost of your soul that was already dead before you reunited it with the one that was still alive and now, the rest of the family can dance with the completed ghost of you.

- - - 

this was a mammoth to rewrite but i genuinely enjoyed writing it which says a lot about me i think considering i write so many depressing one-shots. but, i promise, the next one-shot will be less depressing and more happy and fluffy, i promise. 

ok ily bye xx

wc; 10987

[kittenofdoomage]

Hi Rhi! This might be completely random and probably long, but I’m really in need of ideas or advice. I’m currently 16 weeks pregnant with my first child, and my sex drive has completely went away. At first my bf and I would have sex 2-3 times a day, and now he’s lucky if he gets twice a month. I’ve read that a change in sex drive is normal and completely fine, but that it normally starts to correct itself in the second trimester. There’s also the fact that a few weeks ago, I found out I had a subchronic hemorrhage, which means that the membrane connected to the baby has a tear in it and I was constantly bleeding for 2weeks. I believe that’s also the time my sex drive completely went away as I was just worried about the baby’s health. My bf understood at the time, but just tonight he’s asked if I’m gay because I haven’t shown any interest in him sexually for almost a month now and expressed how it’s bothering him and he feels like I’m not attracted to him at all. I told him pretty much what I just told you, that my sex drive is just not what it used to be. I did let him know that I would work on feeling like my normal self, and getting my sex drive back. I guess he wasn’t happy with that response, as he ended up dressing and leaving, saying he needed to clear his head and would be back after he’s settled down. It’s been about 4hrs and it’s currently 5:40am and he’s still not back yet. Do you have any ideas at to what I can do to help bring my sex drive back? I mean sex is always the furthest thing from my mind, he’ll kiss on my neck and normally that would be enough to get me in the mood, but now I genuinely feel nothing when he does it. Any ideas or advice would be greatly appreciated!

Well that was something to wake up to 😆

Okay, first off, what you're experiencing is completely normal. I'm going back a bit but when I was pregnant, I abhorred being touched. Like, don't come near me, I will murder you. It put a strain on my relationship at the time (turned out not to be a bad thing bc he was a dick but that's a story for another time) and it didn't seem to want to go away.

The important thing you need to remember is that you are growing a WHOLE ASS HUMAN BEING. It's tiring. It's painful. Your hormones are gonna be changing from one day to another. Your bf needs to understand this, and not be a huge fucking baby about it. The fact that you're making an effort to try and revive your libido is more than he deserves, and you should not force yourself into anything you're not comfortable with. If he has any respect whatsoever, he will zip his bloody lips and appreciate that you're growing his child. No sex drive doesn't mean you're gay or not attracted to him anymore, it's mean you're fucking pregnant and he can go without getting his end away for a few weeks - I promise him, he will not die. What's he gonna be like for the eight weeks postpartum where your doctor will absolutely tell you that sex is a NO? Is he going to throw a tantrum? Probably not because he'll be experiencing a fraction of the tiredness you felt growing the baby when it's needing a bottle/boob at 3am.

Sorry if I've gone off a bit there. I'm testy where it comes to men who think pregnancy is easy and nothing is going to change. Your bf needs to realize he's not the most important thing and he cannot be coddled anymore.

I hope you find a way to feel more settled in yourself, anon, and that the rest of your pregnancy is smooth and uncomplicated. Please don't feel like there's anything wrong with you, you're an amazing human being and I wish you all the best xxx

[word-wytch]

WHAT?! HUH!?! WHAT WAS THAT!?!??

*leans in cupping ear to hear better*

Y’can’t just say shit like that and not share wifey.

AT LEAST SHARE WHAT HE COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DONE🤣🤣🤣🤌🤌🤌

@wroteclassicaly as promised, here's my story.

@storiesbyrhi I thought you ought to know the full story as well since I was too embarrassed to tell it after it happened.

*takes a deep breath*

Ok so I haven't actually told this story to anyone other than my therapist and discord group since they got live updates that whole day. At the time I was too mortified to share it with anyone else, buuuuut time has passed and since we're all getting excited over Joseph coming to New Orleans I figured what better time share my experience at FanExpo Canada. 🙈

Buckle up.

Now historically I actually handle myself really well in front of celebrities. I've met Tom Hiddleston, Maya Hawke, Uma Thurman, and Kim Coates all from just being at the right place at the right time. I'd never been to a fan convention before so I didn’t know how these things work.

While I was waiting for the autograph, standing in one of the longest lines I've ever been in in my whole life, I came up with this big brain idea:

Ask if I can get an audio recording of him saying “I love you” in Eddie’s voice so me and everyone in the fandom could have it forever.

I had one shot and I thought that would be absolutely worth it if I could pull it off. He’s a super sweet guy after all.

So finally after hours of waiting I get to the front of the line and I see that there are no phones allowed at all so there goes my initial plan. I wonder if they'll let me ask him for an audio but I'm too afraid they'll say no so I have about 2 minutes to make a decision but yall I am desperate to pull off my plan and get this audio because I think it would be really cute to have it forever 🥺

So what I end up doing is this — as I'm approaching the booth I open the voice recording app on my phone and keep it at my side. When I get up to the front of the line I SET IT ON THE TABLE face down, literally right in front of him.

I know they don't want phones because they don't want videos and I have a feeling that if they see it just sitting there innocently and not pointing at him they probably won't say anything but I am freaking the fuck out about it.

So I go and shake his hand because no hugs were allowed (💔) and it's so soft and his chocolate button eyes are sucking me in and I'm making intense eye contact and he says my name and it's such a sweet moment.

I tell him briefly about the zine that my friend Rhi made and he signs it and says that it's really awesome.

All the while my heart is RACING because I've got my phone out right in front of him and I'm thinking that I only have seconds before somebody says something about it so I fucking panicked and thought that I need to get straight to the point or I was going to lose my shot.

I said that I had a silly request and he said go for it and so boy I fucking went for it

I asked him if he would say "I love you" in Eddie's voice.

and yall. YALL. he said it — but he was so caught off guard and the voice that came out of his mouth was the most bizzare sounding voice I've ever heard and we both knew it

it was not Eddie. it was something else and he just laughed and was like "that it? I think that's it." and inside I was so mortified like no honey that was not it but I just chuckled and thanked him profusely.

BUT HERE'S THE THING

Since I was too afraid to let him know I was recording because I didn't want to get tackled or something he had NO IDEA what the context for me asking was??? I didn't think that part through. I literally just came of as a fucking crazy person 🤣⚰️💀

If he had known I was recording then I could have explained to him that it was something I wanted to KEEP and SHARE with other people who love Eddie and want to hear him say that in a sincere way since we had no idea if we'd ever get to hear Eddie say anything else ever again.

I came in wanting this gift that I could give to the fandom and instead I walked away with one of the most embarrassing moments of my life forever immortalized.

I have the audio recording. 🫣

I haven’t figured out how to convert the file to make it shareable on here though. 💀

[miyaniacs]

Corrupted by Darkness

- Chapter 6 -

Chapter 5 ; Wattpad ; AO3

A/N: Heyy... sorry for not updating... Work and Uni were occupying me... But here it issss the next chapter :) Thank you so much for reading and for your feedback the past days <3 

'What are you starring at?' Xaden smirks. 

'Garrick's arms' I respond and smile to myself when I see Xaden glancing to his left at Garrick , while flexing his own arms. 

"Ready for flying lessons?" I ask my friends and steal a pice of the apple Rhi was just cutting.

"That's the only thing I'm exited for today." Rhi sighs. 

"Honey, we need to study later. No buts." I laugh. 

"Has any of you seen Dain tho?" Liam asks. 

"Nooo... I need my flying break." Rhi whines. 

"Let's just go to the field and see if he's there." I suggest, hoping as much as Rhi that we get that break. Or more to get a break to fake that everything's fine.

Talking about Liam's embarrassing childhood story's we make our way to the flying field. 

"Liam. A worm isn't an acceptable gift for the girl you liked." Rhi laughs. 

"I was 5 okay?!" Liam defends himself, walking a bit faster and turning around to face Rhi, while continuing to walk backwards. "As a little boy a worm is something cool so I wanted to gift the girl something cool? That's just logical?" 

"It is not logical." Ridoc agrees. 

"He's always been strange." Another voice joins our conversation and I immediately roll my eyes. Not him please. 

"You are supposed to be on my side Riorson." Liam points his finger to the person behind us. 

"I'm on no ones side here." He answers and laughs. 

"What are you even doing here." I look over my shoulder glancing at him. 

"Being a good wingleader and taking over your flying lessons, since Dain's not able to make it."

"What's wrong with him?" Ridoc asks and turns to his left, looking at Xaden who's by now walking next to us. 

"Didn't care enough to ask." Xaden shrugs. 'And I never seen Noctis in action.' 

Rolling my eyes I look ahead on the filed, where our dragons already landed. Or to be more precise their dragons already landed, mine not. 

'Where are you?' I ask him. 

'Discussion.' He answers shortly. 

'And how am I supposed to be flying now?'

'Non of you will if I don't finish this discussion so be quiet now.' And he cuts me off. 

"Where's Noctis?" Rhi asks and looks around.

"Discussion." I repeat what he told me and roll my eyes at her. 

"What with who?" Rhi asks confused. 

"Sgaeyl." Xaden sighs. 

"Sga- why?" I look up at him. 

"Oh he didn't told you?" He raises his eyebrows. 

"Told me what?" 

"You could say that he's her .... Well.. ex." He says and looks at me desperately. 

"Dragons have Ex's?" Liam asks and looks up to his dragon, which seems to nod. Before I can ask Xaden what that means, a sound close to thunder echos though the field. The other dragons shield there riders while moving backwards. Looking up, there's a giant navy blue dragon and a swirl of dark shadows.

"Someone's dying today." I sigh and run my hand over my head. Sgaeyl and Noctis land simultaneously on the field, Noctis still not fully materialized. The other dragons jump backwards as the two of them make their way over to us, teeth snapping at each other. 

"For once I agree with you." Xaden looks down at me, his eyes showing the same distress mine do. 

'You know the saying's ladies first, right?' I roll my eyes at him, which results in a now fully materialized teeth snapping at me. 

With a sigh I crawl up on Noctis back and open my connection to Xaden, 'Okay how are we going to survive this?' I ask him. 'Well... let him fly behind Sgaeyl and she'll be fine.' He suggests. 'Okay good for her and you, but not for me?' - 'Not my problem.' Xaden laughs and Sgaeyl immediately takes off into the sky. 

If it wasn't for Noctis keeping my up, I would have fallen off of him by the way he shoots up in the air. 

'COULD YOU CALM DOWN?' I scream at him. 

______

Looking at the water on my nightstand I sigh. I'm thirsty... but is it really worth it moving my body to reach it? Every muscle in my body hurts. The flying lesson was pure torture, I fell off of him about four times, not counting the one I his magic kept me on him, while I was dangerously slipping to one side. Trying to rob up a bit, I almost scream at how much my arms hurt. The water is definitely not worth it. 

'Noctis..?'

'Hello?'

'Are you for real still ignoring me?'

'...what do you want.' Noctis deep voice echos through my head. 

' For you to talk to me.'

'Well it's a clear night isn't it?' 

'It is. So what happened between you and Sgaeyl?'

'Nothing that should interest you.' he mumbles. 

'Oh please says the one that's always getting involved in my life.' I roll my eyes, ' Noctis...you've been there for me before so I'm here for you too if you need me.' I say softly. He's always been alone for god who knows how many centuries. I get that he's used to dealing with stuff on his own,..., and that opening up isn't the thing he tends to do... funny enough he kind of reminds me of me of Azriel. Immediately after he crosses my mind again, i feel a sting in my heart. 

'Please stop thinking about him. You're too good to be treated that way.' Noctis answers, his voice way more softly than usual. 

'I know I know...' I sigh and nuzzle deeper into my pillow. 

'We had something ...' Noctis suddenly says. 

'Xaden mentioned she's your Ex?' I ask. 

'Well yeah you could say that...I ended things with her...not in the nicest way.' 

'That explains why she's so mad at you.' I laugh, 'Why did you end it?'

'I started to like her...' he grumbles. 

'Noctis. You're telling me you ended things with her... because you liked her?! I should slap you in her behalf.'

'As if I'd even feel that.' He huffs, ' But yes i did.' His voice sounds nostalgic now. 

'You still feel like you made a mistake...' I whisper, his feelings flowing over to me. 

' I promised to wait for someone. She saved my life a long time ago... our souls are linked.' 

'She's your mate?' I asked. 

'More than the mates you know... or the ones other dragons know.' 

'Where is she now?'

'She locked herself away... she lost faith in this earth and well... in herself.'  I waited for him to continue, not daring to interrupt him now.

'We can share our powers and one day, she took some of mine. It was an unspoken agreement between us, that we keep our powers balanced. I was mad at her and left her for a some years, retracing myself from every fae or humankind. Things got worse... the power was too much for her and she lost control. I tried to help her, saving her from herself...' I feel like crying, all of his emotions are too much for me. 

'Fae and Humans agreed to a pact trying to kill me... they thought I was the reason for all the wrongs they lived through. Before you ask, their spell couldn't kill me... she didn't need to do all of that... San didn't need to kill all of them.' The last part of his sentence, is barely more than a whisper now. 

'San?' I carefully ask. 

'Sanguis. That's her full name.' The way he says her name sounds like a prayer, 'She killed everyone who was there. They started bleeding until there was nothing left.'

'Bleeding? As in...' Despite my arching muscles I shoot up in my bed.

'Yes... the blood manipulation is her power. You're... you're bonded to her as well.' 

[homosociallyyours]

Can I hear about 5dol?

YES OK

So waaaaaayyyyy back in 2018 one of my fave louies (Rhi, who's no longer on tumblr) did a project called 5 days of Louis. I wrote fic for 4 of the 5 days, each one inspired by one of the songs Louis had released. Of course at that point we only had 4 songs, so for the 5th I used the tiny teaser of "Always You" that we had gotten on his social media, which was literally just, "I went to Amsterdam without you and all I could do was think about you." (Wild to think back to that time, seriously).

I was late finishing the fic, and iirc I just wasn't totally happy with it. I remember opening an AO3 post and starting to put the fic in as a draft, but then I never posted it??? WEIRDLY???

Here's a link to the series parts 1-4, and here's a snippet from the 5th, which perhaps unsurprisingly includes Louis going to Amsterdam without Harry and missing him A LOT. This is after Louis' just gotten home:

“Alright, I need to hear everything about Amsterdam. Did you make it to Begijnhof? Were you able to do one of the canal tours?” Harry asked once they’d started eating. “I hope you took photos; I haven’t been there in years.” 

“We talked every day, love,” Louis said, reaching out to touch Harry’s arm. “Must’ve told you half of it already.” 

“Hardly! Every time we got on the phone, you’d ask me how things were going here, what Niall was up to or how Liam and Zayn’s flat hunting was going. One night we spent half an hour talking about the blueberry honey loaf I was testing out for the cafe.” Louis looked back at Harry incredulously, waiting to see if he had more to say. “You talked a bit about what you were doing, but a lot of that was telling me how well things were going for Lottie or a funny story from one of her business dinners. Feels like I missed all of it, babe,” Harry said, face scrunching into a frown that made Louis reach out to squeeze his hand. 

“Oh love, ‘m sorry. Never meant to make you feel left out. ‘F anything it was like you were there with me. Or like all I wanted was you there with me.” 

“What d’you mean? You missed me?” Harry asked, gazing back at Louis with the fond, careful smile that he sometimes got when he didn’t want to show his hand entirely. 

“More than,” Louis said, stroking Harry’s arm. “I did take one of those canal tours. They have one where they offer you music to listen to as you cruise along, and some of it was so bad. I kept thinking of the faces you’d make at the songs that were playing, you looking back at me and the two of us having a laugh. Had to take the headphones off halfway through, thought I’d listen to the guide, but turns out I’d gotten on the wrong boat. She was speaking French, and I barely caught anythin’ she had to say about the canals.” 

Harry laughed, resting his chin in one hand as he grazed Louis’ wrist lightly with the fingers of the other. “What else? Begijnhof?” 

“I was right in the middle of the garden when Lottie called me. My ringer was on top volume, and it scared the shit outta me. Dropped me phone as it was going off and I thought they were gonna kick me out,” Louis said, laughing to himself at the memory. “So I didn’t get to spend as much time there as you’d have wanted to. But I could see why you wanted me to go there. It was so old and quiet. Thought about walking through it holding hands, maybe the two of us seeing who could make the other be too loud.”

[lovevalley45]

#fictober22 day twelve

"You're making my head hurt"

original fiction

word count: 853

Most people, when finding out their roommate was a werewolf, would either be in utter denial or freak out on the spot. That depended on how they found out, of course. If their roommate told them, they’d deny and deny until there was irrefutable proof in front of their eyes. If they came home to a full werewolf in their living room, they would pass out within moments of processing the sight in front of them.

Josie had figured her roommate was most people, specifically when it came to the denial part. For all the time she’d known Rhiannon, she had been pursuing her Masters in biology and ruthlessly logical. She was the type of person who scoffed at Bigfoot and Mothman and detailed all the actual reasons for the phenomena surrounding their myths. 

To put it bluntly, Josie thought Rhiannon was a buzzkill. A buzzkill who was very hot when detailing why all her favorite cryptids were hoaxes, but a buzzkill nevertheless. So when she did in fact cross paths with a werewolf and made it out with her life and a story, she didn’t dare bring it up with her roommate. 

That didn’t stay a secret for long. 

She supposed she’d been wrong about Rhiannon being most people. Instead of passing out when coming back from drinking with her fellow peers, she had smacked her over the head with her laptop bag and knocked her out embarrassingly fast.

Now, Josie was slumped over a cup of coffee, feeling extremely thankful she hadn’t broken the coffee machine in her lycanthropic rampage. She was sure she might have had a concussion. Meanwhile, Rhiannon sat across from her with her hands clamped around her mug, staring off into space as she most likely processed her new reality. 

Eventually, she broke the silence. “So, how are you going to disprove this?”

Rhiannon blinked a few times, before finally prying her hands away from her mug to readjust her glasses. “Well, I… I can’t. After all-” she gestured to the wreckage of their apartment- “It’s hard to disprove all this. What can I say? Oh, it wasn’t the beast you turned into last night, just a rodent infestation?”

“They’d have to be some big rodents,” Josie muttered. 

“What happened?” Rhiannon asked. 

“Well, I was watching Netflix when it got dark out and-”

She waved her off. “No, not that.” She took out her phone and opened it to her voice recording app, leaning closer with her elbows pressed against the table. “How did you become a werewolf?”

Josie suddenly felt very nervous, with Rhiannon’s big brown eyes focused entirely on her. She didn’t think the encounter was very impressive, but she cleared her throat anyways. “I, uh, well… I was in the forest with my friend Cynthia, you know Cynthia? She wanted to go foraging and asked me to come with her so she wouldn’t get jumped in the woods. And I knew it was a full moon, so I brought my camera just in case.”

At that, Rhiannon lit up. 

“I didn’t get any good pictures, Rhi. I just… So Cynthia had gone ahead without me, and I heard this noise, and BAM! Something had me in a bear hug, and we grappled for a moment. Obviously, I wasn’t more powerful than this thing, but it got its claws into me before seemingly realizing I was a human and withdrawing. Cynthia had brought her first aid kit - God, I love her - and bandaged it up and everything. She’d used a disinfectant wipe so I kinda thought, hey, no werewolf danger here!” Josie sighed. “Guess I was wrong.”

“So it must be something stronger than a normal virus. Of course it must be,” Rhiannon muttered. 

“Hm?”

“I wanna do tests. If it’s fine with you, of course. Maybe a blood sample, a few to be safe. Then there’s all the myths.” She grinned. “Your cryptids are so easy to disprove because there’s no actual proof. Nothing that can actually be provable, at least.”

“Wait, wait-” Josie groaned. “You wanna, what, do tests on me?”

“Yes, I just said that.”

“Sorry, you’re making my head hurt. Or maybe it’s because you cracked my skull with your old-ass laptop,” she complained. 

Rhiannon exhaled. “I’m sorry for bashing you on the head. But I don’t think my laptop is enough to cause you brain damage.”

“It knocked me out!”

She waved her hand again. “Listen, Josie. This could be big. I’m not reworking my thesis for this, of course, but you always want to prove those cryptids and myths you love so much are real! And now you’re living, tangible proof!” There was a glint in her eye that made her start to fear this was her roommate’s descent into her mad biologist era. “What do you say?”

Josie considered it for a moment. She had a point, after all. And although she wasn’t psyched about blood samples or being treated like a test subject, she thought it could be pretty fun.

Also, that meant spending more time with Rhiannon. And she couldn’t complain about that.

“Alright. I’m in.”

[annieslalaland]

30.april.2024 12:07pm

why are old people always complaining? their lives aren't that hard, if you think about it. sometimes i wonder, if the old people who complain about the smallest things have mental illnesses, maybe undiagnosed. because why would someone complain about me standing too close by a door.

as you know, i have a doctor's appointment today. bevause i wrote an entry earlier today, things got a little bit hectic and i had to rush to get to the bus. i had to change busses and the second bus i took, i had to get off after two stations. because there were no seats available and, as i said, i also only needed to go two stations, i was standing by the door. and not IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, as you might think after the story i will tell you now.

i was standing BY the door, anyone could get in and out. a woman with a stroller had to get out and she got by perfectly. sure, i was standing there, but the mother didn't look like she was struggeling with the stroller. that was the frist of the two stations i had to go. while waiting to get off, this old woman stands next to me. i smile at her. i always smile, at everybody. you never know what they might be going through. out of fucking nowhere, rhis lunatic pokes me and goes: "i don't like that you're standing here." i was, i think visibly, perplex because, what? i just said "okay" because there is no point of talking to these people. you know they just want to complain. but miss girl went on. she said that where i was standing, is an exit. i told her that, yes, i'm aware, but everybody would get out safely. "people are afraid they can't get out." like i was 800 pounds blocking the whole door. my stop was about to come up. "i would let everybody pass or step out of the bus, if someone needed to and couldn't get out. you don't know me." and i got off and walked away.

these people, who always critizice out of nowhere: whats your problem? why do you feel the need to tell me? thoughts can be just in your head, you know. i do understand complaining if there is an obvious, actual problem. i once complained because a guy spilled his beer over me, on the train, at 8am, on my way to work. that is something you can complain about (i dont think he knew what i was talking about, but would when drinking beer on the train at 8am on a thrusday?) .

it sucks, hardcore, because this woman ruined my day, she couldnt hold back her selfishness to be a bitch in public and now my day sucks.

anyways i went to the doctor's, now on my way home

love and kisses from somewhere in the world