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Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun Episode #1: Hanako-san of the Bathroom Transcript

This episode has Nene meeting Hanako-kun.

Female student: Hey, come here! Have you heard the rumors? About the school's Seven Wonders?

{Ornament #1: One}

{Ornament #2: Two}

{Ornament #3: Three}

{Ornament #4: Four}

{Ornament #5: Five}

{Ornament #6: Six}

{Ornament #7: Seven}

Female student: You really haven’t? Oh my gosh, well, where do I start? I’ll tell you the most famous one first.

{Lit ornament: Seven}

Female student: It’s the seventh of the Seven Wonders…Hanako, the Bathroom Ghost. She’s on the third floor of the old building, in the third stall in the girls’ bathroom.

{Sign: Girls’ Bathroom}

Female student: You can go there and summon her right now if you want! She’ll grant you any wish no matter what it is, but she’ll take something precious from you in exchange, and you won’t know what it is until it’s too late.

Nene: Eumph…

Female student: To call her, knock three times…

Nene’s hand: Knock, knock, knock!

Female student: …and then say…

Nene: Hanako, Hanako, Hanako…are you in there? Eum…eum…

Hanako-kun: Helllllloooooo…

(Nene: Huah! Heum…)

Nene: Eaum…huah. Okay, hearing things.

Hanako-kun: You summoned me?

Nene: Dueah! Eheauheah, heah! Eueum…HAH! AAAHH! NO!

Hanako-kun: Snerk! Hehehehehehahahahahahaha!

Nene’s thoughts: That sounds like a boy.

Hanako-kun: What’s the matter with you?

Nene: AAH!

Nene’s thoughts: I can see right through him. Such an old uniform…those look like orbs…

Nene: Are…are you a ghost?

Hanako-kun: I prefer “apparition”…or the seventh of the Seven Wonders of the school: Hanako the Bathroom Ghost. I’m delighted to meet you.

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{Caption: Apparition 1: Hanako-san of the Bathroom}

{Sign: Girls’ Bathroom}

Nene: Wait, are you saying you’re Hanako?

Hanako-kun: Yeah. You rang?

Nene: I’m not stupid! And where’s your bob haircut and red jumpskirt?!

Hanako-kun: Well, uh, that’s not really the look I’m into these days.

Nene: THESE DAYS?!

Hanako-kun: Anyway, mind telling me who you are?

Nene: I don’t understand; you look like a boy.

Hanako-kun: That’s because I am a boy. Believe me, I’m just as bothered about that inaccuracy as you are, but the rest of what you’ve heard is true.

Nene: Euauhm…

Hanako-kun: I will grant your wish and collect a payment that I see as fit. So what is your wish? Please don’t tell me you came here unprepared.

Nene: Why are you in here? What kind of pervy ghost chooses to haunt the girls’ bathroom?

Hanako-kun: Okay, we’re done.

Nene: I TAKE IT BACK! YOU CAN HAUNT ANY BATHROOM YOU’D LIKE AND I THINK IT’S COOL THAT YOU’RE A BOY!

Hanako-kun: You think I’m…cool? In that case, tell me your name and what it is you wish!

Nene’s thoughts: He got over that fast.

Nene: My name’s Yashiro Nene! And I’m a first year in Class A! My wish is that the guy I’m crushing on will like me back as much as I like him!

{Text in Hanako’s notebook: YASHIRO: LOVE}

Hanako-kun: Hm, Yashiro. Got it, and you’re asking for your love to be returned. What’s the guy’s name?

Nene: Everybody calls him Minamoto. He’s a second year and way smart. He’s that guy who’s so cool but still nice to everyone! One time, I dropped my pencil case and he picked it up for me!

Hanako-kun: I see…

{Caption: Stare}

Hanako-kun: Easy enough!

(Nene: Huah?)

Hanako-kun: Consider your wish granted!

Nene: Are you serious?! Wait, how does the wish granting thing work from the toilet stall?

{Text on banner: Success}

Nene: Do you use a special item or something?

Hanako-kun: I do. The one I carry works wonders.

Nene: Will you show it to me?

Hanako-kun: Hmhmhm! Voila!

{Text on book: 100 Methods of Love: This Is Love}

{Caption: A how-to book}

{Caption: NO}

Nene: Nuh-uh.

Hanako-kun: Ehuh, hear me out! If I use my power to help you, we’ll have to do an equivalent exchange, and if I’m making a human heart do something that’s not natural, the price is going to reflect that. Trust me, this is much safer.

Nene: Hold on. What if I’m okay with any price?

Hanako-kun: Oh, are you? I’d say, “Sorry, I don’t have tools that advanced”.

Nene: You were bluffing?!

Nene’s thoughts: But…maybe I should try it.

{Caption: High hopes}

Nene’s thoughts: I mean, he’s a ghost who grants wishes. He must know some tricks. I can’t be the first person to ask for help in the love department.

Hanako-kun [reading from book]: Method #78: Find creative ways to impress them with your skills.

Hanako-kun: Let’s show you off! What are your talents?

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Hanako-kun: Where are we?

Nene: The best place I could think of to show what I can do: the school student garden! NEAH!

{Caption: TA-DA}

Nene: I’m a garden club superstar!

{Caption: Dirt…}

Nene: Why are you looking at me like that?!

(Hanako-kun: Neah…)

Nene: I can grow flowers too, you know! I’M FEMININE AND DELICATE!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene: That’s why I joined. A boy I once liked said he was only attracted to girly girls and I noticed there were lots of ‘em in the garden club. I was also learning how to cook and sew at the same time. I figured once I mastered all three skills, I’d tell him how I felt.

Hanako-kun: How long did you like him?

Nene: Since right after I started junior high. I only told him how I felt last month. It took me three years to do it, but…

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Nene’s former crush [flashback]: Hold on. You’re saying you like me? Do I even know you?

{Caption: SHOCK}

Nene [flashback]: Neauheauh!

Nene’s former crush [flashback]: Creepy. Sorry, you’re just not my type. I’m not into thick daikon legs.

{Caption: Daikon legs…}

Nene’s thoughts [flashback]: Daikon legs…daikon…daikon.

(Daikon: Radish → Japanese)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene: That was a month ago! I’m completely over it and I’m a completely different person now!

Hanako-kun: I don't believe you.

Nene: Well, you should! I am totally obsessed with someone else now. Once that guy sees that someone like Minamoto loves me back, he’ll regret ever turning me down!

Hanako-kun: Is that so?

(Nene: Huah!)

Hanako-kun: So anyone’d do?

Nene: Huh? No, Mr. Smarty Pants. I want Minamoto. Don’t pull any funny stuff!

Hanako-kun: You sure? Because something tells me you don’t know very much about this guy.

Nene: Yes, I do.

Hanako-kun: Then answer this question: what’s his full name?

Sound effects: Bonk. bonk, bonk, ding!

Nene: Oh, look how big this worm is. Bet Mr. Carp would like to eat that.

Hanako-kun: That’s what I thought. Huah…here.

Nene: Huah? A blank gift tag?

{Text on heart: Love}

Hanako-kun: Yep! Write a sweet message, then give it to your boy with something you grew! I call this move Operation Present!

Nene’s thoughts: Creative title.

Nene: I’ve tried things like this before; I need magic!

Hanako-kun: But you haven’t tried exactly this on this day, have you? Make the most of what you have now. Let your hard work work for you.

(Nene: Huah?)

Nene: That makes sense. Euahm…okay! Let Operation Present begin!

Hanako-kun: Yaaaay!

Nene’s thoughts: I still think writing down everything I feel would be too much.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Minamoto [flashback]: Hey, I think you dropped your pencils.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene’s thoughts: I’ll tell him thank you for picking up my pencil box the other day. He cares about me!

Hanako-kun: He’s going to love it! So what type of plants did you grow this season?

Nene: Over there.

Hanako-kun: Other side. Euah…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hanako-kun: Well…that’s…fun.

(Minamoto: Hey)

Minamoto: What’s going on? Why the excitement?

Boy #1: Dude, you tell us. Come here! Someone left produce on your desk with a thank you note.

{Text on note: Thank you for the other day}

{Caption #1: TOMATO}

{Caption #2: KYU-RI}

(KYU-RI: CUCUMBER → Japanese)

Minamoto: Euhn…euahn…

Boy #1: Did you help a vegan cross the street yesterday or something?

Minamoto: Huh? No…

Hanako-kun: What fun.

Nene: How did this turn into some weird mystery?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Text on card: Mermaid}

Hanako-kun: I’m changing the name to Operation Vegetables. Congrats, they’re all talking about it!

Nene: I know they are! Everyone thinks some grateful vegan broke into the school!

Hanako-kun: Or a grateful daikon.

Nene: Huaeah!

Dream daikon: For you!

(Daikon: Radish → Japanese)

Nene: Nawahwahwahwahwahwah!

(Hanako-kun: Hahahahahaha!)

Girl #1: Oh my gosh, she’s screaming at the ceiling!

(Nene: Nawahwahwah!)

(Hanako-kun: Hahahaha!)

(Boys: Ewuah?)

Girl #2: I’ve seen her talking to herself all day.

(Nene: Nawahwahwahwahwahwah!)

(Hanako-kun: Hahahahahaha!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene: I’m so embarrassed. I have to drop gardening club.

Hanako-kun: That’s a little extreme, isn’t it? You have other talents and interests. We’ll try something new!

Nene: Yay…

(Hanako-kun: Yay!)

Nene’s thoughts: I can’t contain my enthusiasm.

{Caption: Operation: Button of Love}

Minamoto: They say he lives under the stairs…

Girl #3: Oh…

Minamoto: …but I’ve never seen anything.

Hanako-kun: Score! I got one! Now’s your chance! Go sew his button of love!

Nene: I’m on it! Hey, Minamoto!

Girl #3: Looks like you’re missing a button.

Minamoto: Weird; it wasn’t like that earlier.

Nene: DAAAAAAAHHHHOOHAH!

(Girl #3: Don’t worry, I’ll save you!)

Girl #3: Use mine!

Girl #4: No, use mine!

(Boy #2: No, take mine!)

Nene: Oah…

(Hanako-kun: Hehehehe…)

(Girl #3, Girl #4, Boy #2: Pick me! I wanna be Minamoto’s button!)

{Caption: Failure…}

Nene: I failed.

(Hanako-kun: Hehehe!)

{Caption: Operation: Boxed Lunch}

Hanako-kun: How about using the vegetables to make him a boxed lunch? You can keep it exciting by making them look like cute animals!

Nene: Uh-huh!

{Caption #1: Chop, chop}

{Caption #2: Sizzle}

Boy #1: Nice wrap! You got a girl makin’ you lunch now?

Minamoto: I don’t know who it could be.

Woman’s voice: AAAAAHHHH!

(Minamoto: Huah! Dueah…)

Minamoto: I think someone forgot this. I’ll take it to the lost and found.

Nene: HE HATES VEGGIE MONSTERS!

{Caption: Failure…}

Nene: Another failure.

{Caption: Operation: Corner of Love}

Nene: Nom!

Hanako-kun: Put this toast in your mouth and then bump into him as he turns a corner. Dash out there when I give the signal.

Nene: Uh-huh!

Hanako-kun: TIME TO RUN!

Nene: Hm!

Hanako-kun: Will be the signal for you to go. Uah! Deah!

Kou: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAH OOH AAH AAH AAH AAH OWAUH!

Minamoto: Kou? KOU!

(Hanako-kun: Eh, huah…)

Boy #3: Look, someone just flew at them!

(Hanako-kun: Eh, auah…)

Boy #4: He fell down those stairs! Is he okay?

(Hanako-kun: Ah, ah…ehehe…)

Nene: What? I think I may have run into the wrong person! WAAAAAHHHH!

(Hanako-kun: Oh…oohueah…woaeuh…)

Boy #3: Don’t just stand there! Call an ambulance!

(Nene: I’m so sorry!)

(Hanako-kun: Uah…uh, uh…)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Sign: Girls’ Bathroom}

Nene: Owauh…none of these things are working, none! And how is running with toast in my mouth supposed to make him want me?

Hanako-kun: Ehehe!

Nene: Ehehe, NOT FUNNY! Now he seems more confused than ever!

Hanako-kun: Yeah…ooh, I know! Why don’t you just tell him?

Nene: Owah? I can’t!

Hanako-kun: Come on! I’m running out of ideas! This is all so…new to me.

Nene: Eum? What do you mean, “new”?!

Hanako-kun: Eheh! Not many people know how to summon me, so I’m not as experienced as you think.

Nene: I knew something was off! All these fluffy, wholesome attacks are not what ghosts are usually about!

Hanako-kun: Except for me! Just call me wholesome Hanako!

{Caption: Grrrrr}

Nene: HUAHGRRRRRRR!

Hanako-kun: I have items that are a little darker too! If you want! Let’s see, where is it? Found it! Here!

Nene: What is this?

Hanako-kun: Kokeshi doll.

Nene: So?

Hanako-kun: It’s kinda sexy.

Nene: HUEH!

(Hanako-kun: AAAAAAAHHHHH!)

Nene: Hueauh!

Nene’s thoughts: I really believed he was going to grant my wish.

Hanako-kun: Note to self: don’t show them the dolls in front of an open window.

{Text on bag: Seal}

Nene’s thoughts: Is this Hanako’s? Did he mean to drop it?

Hanako-kun: Oweah…

Nene: Hey, Hanako…what are these?

Hanako-kun: Oh. Those are for matchmaking.

Nene: Matchmaking?!

Hanako-kun: No! DON’T TOUCH! Give it to me! I’m serious!

(Nene: Ewuah!)

Nene: Aaaahhh…nom!

(Hanako-kun: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!)

Nene: If you don’t want me to swallow it, you’d better explain right now!

Hanako-kun: Euh! Okay, okay, I will! Those are clusters of mermaid scales. Anyone who swallows them will be cursed. Part of that curse is a bond with another who made the same unfortunate---

Nene: Gulp!

{Caption: Gulp}

Hanako-kun: AIYEE, YASHIRO!

{Caption: Panic, panic}

Hanako-kun: WHAT PART OF “DON’T SWALLOW IT OR YOU’LL BE CURSED” WAS UNCLEAR?!

Nene: I don’t mind!

Hanako-kun: Uah!

Nene: If Minamoto will like me back, then I don’t care if I’m cursed! You had the right items the entire time! Hanako, you…YOU’RE NOTHING BUT AN EVIL LIAR!

Hanako: Ehuheum…

Nene: Heum…ehem!

Hanako-kun: Ohueaum…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nene: Awah…euh!

Nene’s thoughts: There he is! Finally! But…who’s that girl?

{Caption: Slender legs}

Girl #3: I, um…

{Caption: Blushing}

Girl #3: I’m sorry, this is hard. Okay. I’ve had a crush on you ever since first year!

Nene’s thoughts: AAAAHHHHHOWAH!

Minamoto: Oh…

Nene’s thoughts: No, don’t! Don’t say it, please! You can’t like her back! I…I was so close.

Minamoto: Look, I…

Nene: Huah!

Minamoto: Thank you for telling me, but I like someone else. I’ve liked her for a long time, and I hope to be with her someday. I know that’s hard to hear. I’m sorry.

Nene’s thoughts: So that’s it. He likes someone else. But now that I have this, I guess it doesn’t matter.

Hanako-kun [flashback]: Anyone’d do?

Nene: It’s not the same. Hm…neah! My arms! What the…? No!

Nene’s thoughts: I don’t get it. Why is this happening to me? You worked so hard to show him…no, that’s not true. I barely even talk to him at school. It’s my own fault that he doesn’t know my name.

Hanako-kun [flashback]: Let your hard work work for you.

Nene’s thoughts: But what was I working toward? Did I think we would live happily ever after? Or did I just want someone to like me so I’d feel better about myself? Did I swallow this thing to feed my ego? Am I really that selfish? If so…it serves me right. All of it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hanako-kun: There you go!

Nene: Am I in…water?

Hanako-kun: And good thing you are. You were about to dry out.

Nene: Hanako?

Hanako-kun: I’ve got everything ready for you. Hope you like it.

Nene: Hope I like what? What happened to me?

Hanako-kun: Ta-da!

Nene: Uwaeuh?! WHAAAATT?! WHY AM I A FISH? IS THIS A NIGHTMARE?!

(Hanako-kun: Hm…)

Hanako-kun: Oh good, I knew she would love it!

Nene: I DON’T!

Hanako-kun: I tried to tell you; there’s a price for everything. Eating the scales put you under the mermaid’s curse. All the fish are her servants, so that explains your look. And the fact that only you ate one; if you had convinced someone else to swallow a scale with you, then the curse would’ve been split between the two of you. Most people under her spell aren’t turned into fish completely. You still would have had some fish-like traits, however.

Nene: Uhnh!

{Caption: Ugh…}

Hanako-kun: The thing is…only the person who consumes the mermaid scale is affected. The reason they’re called “matchmaking charms” is because people under the same curse will share a special bond with one another. You didn’t give this to him. Why not?

Nene: When I thought about what love means, I realized that’s not how I felt about Minamoto. You were right. I wanted someone like him to want me back, but it could’ve been anyone. I just wanted love. I didn’t realize it until now, after I’ve caused all this trouble. I’m the worst.

Mermaid: Well, well…

Nene: Aah!

Mermaid: …isn’t that tragic?

Nene: What’s happening?!

Mermaid: Humans truly are the most foolish creatures. But I’ve brought you a reason to celebrate. From this moment on, you will be serving me! I’ll be so good to you. You don’t need anyone else!

Hanako-kun: Look who’s here. Hello.

Mermaid: Hahahahahaha!

Nene: AAH! THAT FISH HAS A FACE!

Hanako-kun: That fish is the mermaid, and it looks like she’s ready to collect you as her servant. But I’m not done with you. So she’ll have to wait.

Mermaid: MOVE OUTTA THE WAY, KID! HIYAH!

Nene: Hanako!

Mermaid: How adorably pathetic! The little School Wonder boy thought he could best my powers and millenia of experience.

Nene: AAH!

Mermaid: Come to Mommy!

Hanako-kun: Please hold on a second.

Mermaid: Hm?

Hanako-kun: I haven’t had the chance to grant the girl’s wish for summoning me. Let me finish my work. I’ll then leave you to yours.

Mermaid: Silence! Don’t you dare presume to command me!

Hanako-kun: I didn’t. I asked. But now…I have no choice but to use force.

Nene: Awaueh!

Mermaid: SUCH A DISH FOR ME! Aweuagh! I’ve been hit, and by a feeble apparition barely a few decades old? Curse you, School Wonder!

Nene: AAAAAHHHH!

Hanako-kun: Score! Catch of the day!

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Hanako-kun: She’s gone back to her realm for now. She’s pretty persistent though, so we’ll see her again. But at least we’ve bought ourselves some time to plan our next move.

Nene: I don’t wanna go through that again! Can you keep her away? I just can’t spend my life with that awful, angry sea-witch! This is all because I wanted a boy to like me.

Hanako-kun: Hmhmhmhm! Humans love ghost stories, but they don’t take them seriously until someone gets cursed. You think every spell will work in your favor. I begged you not to eat that scale, didn’t I? You. Did it. Anyway.

Nene: Newauh!

Hanako-kun: I also urged you not to use this on your crush. You listened, which means I can still grant you a wish.

Nene: Awauh?

Hanako-kun: Do you want to be human again? If that’s your wish, I’ll grant it, although there will still be a price.

Nene: Oh…what kind of price?

Hanako-kun: Well, you know I can’t say until it’s done, but I will keep your life as normal as possible. Do you want to risk it?

Nene: Yes! Please turn me back! I wish to be human again! I understand there’s a price, just get me out of here as soon as possible!

Hanako-kun: You got it. It’s done. As for how you’ll be paying me back…you’ll use your body.

Nene: What? Awah!

Hanako-kun: Gulp!

Nene: WAAAAAHHHH! Uweah…

Hanako-kun: As promised, I’ll minimize the curse’s effects on you. You and I have now been linked across the border between this life and the next.

Nene: Awah!

Hanako-kun: It’s time to pay.

(Nene: Neah!)

Hanako-kun: I want…a solid work ethic!

Nene: Huh?

Hanako-kun: Oh wow, what a relief! I was just thinking this would be so much easier if I had a human assistant.

Nene: Hehehehehe!

(Hanako-kun: Hahahahaha!)

Hanako-kun: What’d you think I meant?

Nene: Eheueaheah…

Hanako-kun: Yashiro, you dirty daikon!

(Daikon: Radish → Japanese)

Nene: HUAEAH!

Hanako-kun: Aah, heauh! Oh, duoh…

Nene: You’re hurt? I’m not supposed to be able to touch you.

Hanako-kun: We share a bond now and therefore we’re linked, like I said. You know, the least you could do was go easy on me after I granted you an additional wish.

Nene: Hm? What extra wish?

Hanako-kun: You did say that you wanted somebody to share your feelings, didn’t you?

Nene: Ahuah…

Hanako-kun: Well, now that we’ve entered into a bond, I’m sure we’ll share all sorts of things.

Nene: Um, that’s kind of stretching it.

Nene [narrating]: That’s how we met, and where it all began. I became friends with a ghost boy in an empty classroom, as he held my hands by the red rays of twilight.

Hanako-kun: Oh, by the way…you should let those dry. The moisture makes them flare.

Nene: Huh?

{Caption: Scales}

Nene: Aaaahh! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

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Radio announcer: Do you ever wonder where the things we’ve forgotten end up, forgotten moments or souls? If we don’t remember them, does that mean they’re gone? Or are they still here in a new form, desperate for us to notice them? Has anyone out there heard this story? The one about Yousei?

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