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dare1pon · 4 months ago

Text

The Peacock and The Crow

(Chapters 9 & 10)

Word count: 5,898

TAGS:

Reyno - @radkatzzstuff

Elaine (character who finds june in forest) - @lordofthefrogs11

Author's note: chat I forgor it was the 25th today lmao anyways (UPDATE LIKE 5 MINUTES LATER AFTER POSTING THIS I JS REALIZED THAT CHP TEN IS KINDA DONE SO I DECIDED TO ADD IT HERE)

CHAPTER NINE: Can't wait to tell this story to my grandchildren.

The next day was the same as yesterday, a horn woke us half bloods up and everyone headed out. I yawned and stretched, hearing the loud cracks coming from my joints and my back, sleeping on the floor wasn't ideal, it was stiff but at least I had somewhere to sleep. I saw Rey already at the hermes table, talking with some other camper who looked to be the same age as him.

“morning Junie!” Rey got up from his seat after giving the camper he was talking to a small goodbye wave. “morning.” I grumbled, rubbing my eyes as he went up to me. Its energy like this that I wonder if he photosynthesizes this energy. We sat back down at the table, waiting for the food to be served. Rey went to talk about more on his life, the wolf house, Lupa, and other stuff until Keaton came by and did the same thing as yesterday. Make some big speech on how he was gonna save us all.

”I have a question, what is this prophecy Keaton’s talking about?” I looked to Rey, already tuning out Keaton in the background. “oh, it goes like this!” Rey let out a cough before speaking out this prophecy. “A child, one feared but one most cheered. Be the one, the prophecy neared.” Rey continued, this seems interesting. “through the deepest depth, lay a great name, find the one who attains this fame.” Rey ended with that, the breakfast soon came. Reyno had gotten eggs and bacon, I got a grilled cheese sandwich. “so thats what Keaton’s been on and on about? never really did get that ‘most feared’ part from him.” I told Rey, he was already shoveling the bacon into his mouth as if it was the last meal he’s ever gonna have. “Same here but the moment Keaton heard of this, he immediately started acting all special.”

“Well, I guess whatever happens, we’ll find out soon enough, huh?” I said, taking another bite of my grilled cheese. It was comfort food, and right now, I needed that.

Rey nodded, his mouth still full of food. “Yep. Whatever the prophecy means, it’s probably going to make things interesting around here. Hopefully, we don’t all get dragged into whatever chaos Keaton’s convinced we’re about to face.”

“Let’s just hope that ‘great name’ in the prophecy isn’t referring to him,” I muttered under my breath.

Me and Rey finished breakfast, after that he took me to do the camp activities. The first thing he wanted to do was fighting so we went to the arena. “here! I’ll teach you how to wield a sword!” As we walked in, there were already people sword fighting, some in the actual arena itself and others off to the side. I followed Rey to the rack of wooden swords, he tossed me one. It felt light in my hands, I held it on my right hand. Rey stood across from me, grinning widely. He wasn’t holding a sword, though. Instead, his eyes twinkled with mischief, and I noticed his hands were flexing, his nails beginning to elongate, sharp and claw-like.

“Ready for this?” he asked, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

I blinked, taken aback. “Uh, you’re not using a sword?”

Rey laughed, a deep, easy sound. “Nah, I’m good without one! Watch this!” His hands fully morphed, the claws extending from his fingertips in a smooth, almost graceful movement. “I’ve got my own weapons.”

I swallowed hard as he flexed his claws, giving me a wink. “No need to worry. I’m not gonna bite... unless you really deserve it.” He gave an exaggerated growl, showing off his teeth.

I chuckled nervously. “Right... okay, let's do this.”

With a sudden burst of energy, Rey lunged, his claws swiping through the air faster than I could react. I raised the wooden sword in front of me just in time to block the strike, the sound of wood meeting claw ringing through the air. The force sent me stumbling back a step, my arms buzzing from the impact.

Rey straightened up, grinning ear to ear. “Whoa! Nice block! You’ve got some good reflexes! But you gotta think quicker, yeah? You can’t just wait for me to come at you.”

I tightened my grip on the sword, trying to shake off the initial shock. “Right, thinking. Got it.”

He bounced on his toes again, clearly enjoying himself. “Good! ‘Cause I’m gonna come at you fast. Don’t blink!” Without another word, Rey darted forward, claws slashing at my side. I tried to dodge, but I wasn’t fast enough—his claws grazed my arm, a sharp sting that made me grit my teeth. Everything seemed to just stop for a moment, I could hear my heartbeat louder then Rey’s voice. The blood from the slash on my arm only seemed to grow bigger as I stared at it, the metallic blood now filling my nostrils. My breath grew deeper while I felt the heat from my blood drip. I could only stand there, and hold my stance, sword still in hand. Last thing I saw before passing out was Rey lunging towards me, concerned.

It had probably been hours since I passed out, now I was in the infirmary. It was quiet in the room where I stayed, too quiet for my liking. My arm was not wrapped up in a bandage, there was a slight brown stain on it. I could still recall the smell of blood, metallic. That was the first real time where I felt just, scared? It really wasn't fear that I felt, I didn’t know what to feel. Looking around the room, Rey wasn't there. He probably felt bad for attacking me by accident.

”oh, your awake.” I heard a voice enter the room. It sounded calming. The first thing I saw was a tray of food, then I knew exactly who it was. “Keith?” I mumbled out, he must've heard it “how do you know who I am?” Shoot, I probably sounded like a creep “Uhm, a friend told me? Reyno. I don’t know his last nam-“

“wolf guy? I saw him rush you here in a hurry, after that he left” I watched as Keith placed the tray of food down by the table to my right. As he got closer to me, I started to notice things I didn't yesterday: he had a mole on his upper cheek, right underneath his left eye, Keith also had an earring, it looked like a peacock feather. “how are your bandages, not to tight?” He snapped me back to reality as he touched my arm.

”Oh! yeah yeah, not too tight” I sat up while Keith was making sure my bandages were just right. Keith finished adjusting the bandage on my arm, his touch gentle but precise. I could feel the warmth of his hand linger for a moment, and I couldn't help but notice the careful attention he gave to making sure I was comfortable.

Keith then turned around to place the tray of food on my lap. It was bread, some fruits and soup.”You should eat something. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.” “thank you” I mumbled, picking up the bread to eat.

Keith nodded before heading toward the door. "Take care of yourself, June. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask." He left, I was alone again. As I picked at the food, my mind drifted back to Rey. I wondered if he felt guilty about what happened—he must’ve been worried. I couldn’t blame him. It was my fault for freezing up like that. I should’ve reacted faster.

I stayed in the infirmary, it had probably been a few hours since Keith had left me alone. I wonder how Rey’s doing, I should apologize to him, I should've been faster, should have countered his attacks.

Then I spent the rest of my afternoon just at the infirmary, soon will came in and checked up on my arm before telling me that I could go back to cabin 11. He gave me the same yellow liquid from when I first arrived. It still tasted like mango pudding cubes. Leaving the infirmary with a new scar, the first person to run up to me was Rey.

He hugged me so hard I swear to you he would have broken my ribs. He was saying sorry a thousand times for his earlier actions, saying that he should have just used a wooden weapon rather then his claws. I just said that I forgive him and that it was my fault for not reacting faster. “WHAT?? but it was my fault that I slashed you an- and you didn't even know how to fight!” He rambled into my shirt, the anxiety prominent in his voice. “I know I know but, I should've dodged your attack. Reflexes, am I right?” I tried to lighten up the mood by smiling in the way that Will does, but Reyno just looked at me worried. I knew that look too well.

We continued training, but Reyno was a lot more cautious than before. He watched me carefully as we fought, moving a lot slower. Reyno flexed and unflexed his claws, gripping the wooden sword he grabbed from the rack beside the training dummies. The scar on my arm stung a little, not fully but just a little. It felt like an ant bite, or a jellyfish one.

Reyno and I trained for awhile, we trained until it was dinner time. Same routine as yesterday, except Keaton walked up to me.

“Hey, you! You’re the other new camper that arrived here, right?” He gave me a look, the same look that one gives you before they start being mean for no reason at all. “Yeah…?” I mumbled, Reyno had left me by myself because he needed to talk to some other friends, maybe something important. I fidgeted, averting my eyes uncomfortably from his gaze.

“What? You think you’re too good to look me directly in the eyes?” I looked at them, just for a second. They pierced into mine like bright rubies, the moonlight reflecting off them menacingly. The effect made him look more threatening than how he really was. I winced, turning my head away. “Ha! So you do, huh?” He slowly stepped forwards, which a “Well, listen up, okay? I’m not gonna let you upstage me just because you’re also new. If you do anything remotely fancy like become some child of the big three!” He exclaimed, almost as if he was saying that I was gonna upstage him. “Stay in your lane, four eyes.” Keaton turned away right after flicking my forehead, it didn't hurt really. It felt like a fly just flew right into my forehead. That was a weird interaction, thankfully Rey came back and sat next to me. “Sooo, what did I miss?” “nothing really, Keaton just told me to stay in the background.” I shrugged, not really knowing what to say.

The next day came by faster than I expected and Rey was called to go on a quest with some other campers. I recognized one of them as the camper I saw at the arena, the one who was practically beating the hell out of that training dummy. I wanted to go with him of course, but…

“It's better if you stay here at camp, Junie.” Rey put his hand on my shoulder, looking at me with a serious expression rather than his silly sunshine one. “But why?” I asked him, a bit confused. I know I didn’t know how to wield a sword or a bow but. I didn’t want to be alone. “You need some more training, but don’t worry! I’ll try and finish this quest as fast as I can!” He soon slung his bag over his shoulder, walking away after he ruffled my hair. I watched him leave with the others, he disappeared into the foliage of the trees, walking farther and farther away from where I stood.

This felt familiar somehow.

“You look lonely” I hear someone remark from behind me, I quickly fixed my hair as I turned to see who it was, it was Keith. “Don't worry, I've seen Reyno finish a quest as fast as hermes, he’ll be fine.” I nodded, not really wanting to speak after Rey had left. The next day felt short, it passed, one blink and it was gone. All I could remember from that day was…Keith?

I woke up early, before everyone else. Shuffling through the covers of my sleeping bag, I found my glasses and stared at the small clock the person beside me had, 6:30 am. I got up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. It was extra cold that morning, almost freezing. I pulled the covers of my sleeping bag off my legs, the cold hitting them. I shivered, even with socks on it still was cold for me. Honestly I don’t get how the campers here can wear shorts in the morning.

The only and last clothes I had left that I had found in the lost and found were just some plaid white and blue pants and a black and red nirvana shirt. I wanted to go back to bed but my mind was telling me to take a walk outside. Quickly and quietly I left the cabin, looking around the place. It was plain, no campers running around or training. The slight sound of the trees and the wind whistling felt calming.

My eyes scanned the area, looking left and then right. Something, more specifically someone caught my eye, I saw a camper sitting by the campfire, wrapped in a blanket. It took me a second to realize who it was, Keith. I wondered why he was awake at this ungodly hour of the morning. There was something about him that felt somehow mysterious? I couldn't explain it but it was drawing me in.

Before I knew it, I was standing right behind him, Keith must've heard my footsteps. “I see i'm not the only one who wakes up this early” Keith looked at me, turning his head.

He looked tired, almost like he’s never slept a day in his life, “what time did you wake up?” I asked, sitting next to him.

“around 5? 5 or 5:20” I nodded, “I woke up at 6:30”

We sat there in silence, just enjoying the warmth of the fire, Keith broke the silence “is your arm okay? you should probably change the bandages soon.” He said, looking down at my arm. It still stung a little, felt a bit numb, “oh, okay.” I replied, looking at my arm too.

“not much of a talker, are you?” He commented, “Your name's June right? June Manalo was it?”

“yeah, how'd you know?” I was a bit surprised at that. I mean sure a few days before when Rey rushed me to the infirmary he would've said my first name but even I haven't told him my last name…

Keith looked at me with a small smirk. "Rey mentioned it, when he was panicking about you getting hurt. It wasn’t exactly hard to piece together." He stretched, adjusting his blanket around him. “He talks about you a lot, you know. How you’re quick to forgive him and all that. Kind of cute, actually.” I let out a small chuckle “did he ask you to watch over me while he was gone?”

Keith chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Nah. I just like the quiet. It’s peaceful, you know? I don’t get much of that during the day. And I’m used to being awake when everyone else is still asleep.” His eyes flickered toward me for a moment before he added, “I’ve seen you around camp. You don’t look like you fit in, not yet anyway.”

I frowned, not really sure how to take that. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged, his expression unreadable. “You’re different. You haven’t really found your place here, have you?” His gaze softened as he looked at me. “But you will. It takes time.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. I didn’t know Keith had this way of seeing through people, like he understood something deep down that no one else did. And honestly, it kind of scared me.

“So, what about you?” I finally asked, breaking the silence again. “Do you feel like you belong here?”

Keith looked at me for a long moment, his expression blank. Then he exhaled slowly, pulling the blanket tighter around him. "Not really," he said, his voice quieter than usual. "I’m just here because I have to be. But I don’t really fit in with anyone either." He glanced at me, as if deciding whether or not to say more, but then shrugged it off. “It’s complicated.”

I didn’t push him for more, though I was curious. There was a lot about Keith that I didn’t understand, and something told me that if I kept digging, I might end up finding more than I bargained for. But for now, I was content with the quiet.

The fire crackled between us, and the silence felt less oppressive as the minutes ticked by. It was strangely peaceful, being with someone who didn’t feel the need to fill every moment with words.

Soon the breakfast sound rung, all the campers now leaving their cabins to eat food.

Keith stood up, wrapping the blanket around him like a cloak, and stretched his arms above his head. "Guess it’s time for breakfast," he muttered, I started to follow him as he walked to the pavilion. It was the same old crowd, one I've gotten used to over the past few weeks. Separating from Keith, I felt his hand catch my wrist “Why don't you come sit with me at the hera table, June?”

“...okay” I said, letting Keith pull on my wrist to his table. I watched him sit down and pat the seat next to him, I just kept my silence and followed.

I followed Keith that day, wherever he went I went too, whatever he did I did too. I followed him like a lost cat or his shadow, Keith would pop in from time to time, saying something about the activity we were doing. He was pretty good at a lot of camp things, archery, arts and crafts and sword fighting. I sat off to the side most of the time since my arm still had to heal. I was able to do some camp activities though, like arts and crafts.

There was still that same feeling that someone was just watching me, my every breath, move, and speech. Looking around, nothing was out of the ordinary. That apollo camper and nico were hanging out, probably just chatting, younger campers were running around and playing some game, and others just doing what they wanted to. I shook my head, must be paranoia, but the moment I looked back to nico and that camper to check again, nico was staring at me as if I had some answer to a question he was burning to ask.

Before I could even get up to ask nico to stop staring, keith tapped me on the shoulder. “do you want to head to the pavilion early?” I nodded, I'll just ignore nico. Maybe he’ll stop.

Dinner was just the same routine, except I had keith to sit and talk with me. We chatted about today’s activities or just some campers, “did you hear that demeter kid’s on her fourth boyfriend this week?” Keith whispered to me, I looked in the direction he was pointing at and saw a curly haired brunette hugging a dude’s arm “oh damn…how old is she?” I asked, she didn't look older than 13. “somewhere around…14 or 13 I think, her boyfriend is like 17” I was surprised that a thirteen year old had a boyfriend who was 4 years older than her, was that not reverse pedophilia?

Soon after dinner ended, keith walked me to go get more sleeping clothes in the lost and found. I didn't find much except for long baggy pants with stars on them and a t-shirt with a cat. He waved me good night after He walked me to the shower rooms.

I prayed to whoever and whatever gods that the shower rooms where empty, surprisingly they were. Turning on the shower valve, the water came out hot. The hot water felt good against my skin, its warm enveloping me like a warm hug I'd get from my friends. Showering was quick, I wanted to get out and onto my bed immediately.

I was in and out of the shower rooms quick, putting on the clothes as fast as I can before bee lining to the cabin. The door was closed as I reached the foot steps of the cabin. “damnit!” I semi shouted to myself as I tried knocking, no answer. It was freezing outside and my sleeping bag was in there. Not wanting to cause a whole scene, I just laid down on the ground and curled up like a cat would. I pulled my arms into my shirt, crossing them for warmth. Why was it always so cold during the nights?

I felt sleep soon take me over, my eye lids getting heavier and heavier by the second. The last thing I saw before succumbing to the slumber was the moon…

CHAPTER TEN: The calm before the storm

The sound of laughter rang through my ears, eyes staring at me in every direction. I felt the void around me close in, taking every breath I had. When I looked up, I saw Keaton laughing at me, pointing to my shoes and my outfit. He laughed like a hyena, being joined by his group of friends. All of them surrounded me, predator and prey, pointing and whispering stuff unintelligible, their eyes were pure white with a black dot.

I couldn't think, couldn't breathe out a word to say something. My mouth was covered with a piece of red tape. Their voices became louder and louder, filling up my ears. I tried running away, to find anyone or anything besides them. It was a dark and empty void that followed me with every step I took. I covered my ears to block out the sound of their laughing but it was no use. I soon stopped as a hooded figure, boney in structure appeared in front of me. He held his staff and lifted his hand up to point at me…

“your next, little crow.” His voice was raspy and hagarred, sounding like nails on a chalkboard. I stared at him and before I knew it, I was being dragged down into the depths of where I stood. It was red, blood red, I looked down to see what was pulling me and it was a white string that burned like a thousand fires. I tried to swim up but the surface only seemed to get farther and farther away. I just gave up, letting the blood red liquids seep into my lungs, the laughing stopped.

Is this what death felt like? Was this the freedom I needed? Death isn't something to be afraid of, it happens once and once only. Death is a beautiful thing, for it lets you be released from all the sins you have committed.

But soon, I woke up to a sharp pain to my stomach. “wake up four eyes!” I heard a familiar voice say, I jolted awake to see Keaton kicking my stomach as hard as he could. I winced but didn't do anything about it, “I said get up!” He yelled at me, I flinched. I got up as fast as I could, dusting myself off of the dirt Keaton had kicked onto me. “Sorry” I looked down to my shoes, feeling embarrassed that someone saw me sleeping outside on the ground like some dog. “Next time at least find a tree to sleep in, little bird.” Keaton scoffed and walked away, his entourage following him behind. My stomach hurt like hell after Keaton kicked it, all I could do was clutch my stomach with my bandaged arm as I walked to the pavilion for breakfast. I didn't want keith to see me right now, I looked pathetic, I looked like a homeless man.

I headed straight to the hermes table, sitting beside two tall campers to avoid Keith seeing me. They didn't notice me sitting in between them, maybe it was because I was short.

The two campers beside me were talking about something—probably the latest prank that had gone down—but I wasn’t really paying attention. I grabbed a piece of toast from the tray in front of me, the crunch almost too loud in my ears, and forced myself to take a bite. The bread was dry, barely tasting of anything as I chewed. My mind kept drifting back to the nightmare, the feeling of suffocation, of being dragged deeper into that suffocating red abyss. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, trying to push it out of my head. I wasn’t sure if the pain in my stomach or the memories from the dream were worse. Maybe they were both a sign that I wasn’t really awake yet.

"Hey, you alright?" A voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

I turned to see one of the campers beside me looking at me with mild concern, her dark eyes studying my face. I hadn't even noticed her sitting there until now. I blinked, caught off guard. "Huh? Oh, I’m fine."

She gave me a skeptical look, clearly not buying it. "You sure? You look... off."

I forced a smile, though it felt more like a grimace. "Just tired. Bad night."

She nodded slowly, her expression softening a little. "Yeah, I get that. The camp can mess with your head sometimes. Just don’t let it drag you down."

Her words hung in the air like a distant echo, and for a moment, I couldn’t decide if they were comforting or just another reminder that I wasn’t really fitting in here at all. Still, I appreciated the gesture. She wasn’t Keaton, who seemed to take pleasure in making my life more difficult.

"Thanks," I muttered, trying to sound more at ease than I felt.

As I finished the last of my toast, I forced myself to stand and blend into the crowd, pretending to be like everyone else. My eyes wandered for a moment, and that was when I saw Keith—his usual calm demeanor as he sat by the fire, chatting with a few campers. He didn’t seem to notice me right away, and for a second, I almost let the chance slip away.

She gave me a small smile before turning her attention back to her own breakfast, and I did the same. But my mind didn’t settle. It never did anymore. Every second was a battle between the familiar chaos of camp life and the unsettling thoughts that kept creeping in.

I didn't realize it at the time, but the more I looked at the campers around me, the more I felt like I was on the outside looking in—again. No one knew what I was really going through. No one understood. Not even Rey. The day continued on as normal, like everyday but I tried my hardest to hide away from keith. Every activity I did I made sure keith wasn't there or looking my way.

The activities were a blur, each one slipping by faster than the last, but the weight in my chest never quite lifted. Every time I thought about Keith, I felt a knot twist tighter. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was watching me, even when he wasn’t. That constant, gnawing sense that I was always on the edge of something terrible, something I couldn’t control.

I still followed the same routine, after dinner I showered and got a new set of clothes. The sun was starting to dip low in the sky, casting long shadows over the campgrounds, but I hardly noticed the change. The unease gnawed at me, crawling beneath my skin like a bug that wouldn't leave. I couldn't escape the feeling that someone was always lurking just out of sight, waiting for me to slip up. My thoughts kept drifting back to Keith. He was there—somewhere in the back of my mind—like a shadow, just out of reach but always there, like the echo of a bad memory.

The sun sank lower, painting the sky with streaks of orange and pink, I found myself walking toward the edge of camp, away from the laughter and the noise. I needed to breathe, to get away from everyone and everything. I felt bad, not more or so depressed but bad, I didn’t do anything wrong though? Why am I feeling this way if all I did was wake up? Maybe that was the problem, maybe me just being here was the problem all along. I didn’t even notice when I walked up to a tree somewhere on the outskirts of camp.

I let out a long breath, hoping the air would clear my mind, but it didn’t. It never did. My eyes shifted to the campfire, far off into the distance. It was cold. I missed the warmth from the campfire, the heat from the flame warm against my skin. There had to be something else, something I could focus on that didn’t tie me to this dark place. But every time I tried, my mind circled back to the same fears, the same dread. It was like a storm inside me, relentless and impossible to ignore. The feeling of the shadows wrap around me, covering me like some shield. I pulled my knees up to my chest, hiding my face in my arms.

I want to disappear.

“Hey is anyone over there?” I looked up to see a camper, she had blunt bangs and glasses. Her hands were cupped against her mouth, making whatever she was shouting louder for me to hear. I immediately got up from my spot, brushing myself off as I walked over. “oh hey, just uh…needed some air to breathe?” I said, my voice a little higher pitched then normal.

The camper blinked at me, clearly not expecting that response. “Yeah? Well, you might want to breathe a little quieter next time, or someone’s going to think you’re dying out here.” Her voice was sharp but oddly casual, like she wasn’t fully invested in the idea of small talk. I had expected her to keep walking, maybe even roll her eyes at my awkwardness, but she just stood there, watching me with a raised brow.

“Not dying, just... drowning in my own thoughts,” I muttered, quickly regretting it. "But hey uhm…I mean, it's not like anyone cares about that anyway, right?"

She raised an eyebrow, her lips curling slightly, but she didn’t shoot back some snarky remark like I expected. Instead, she just gave me a look that said she wasn’t entirely convinced, but also not entirely interested in making me feel worse. Right, 'cause it's totally normal to just let your brain run wild like that. Must be so easy to ignore the chaos," she said, with a sardonic edge. There was a moment of silence, before she sighed dramatically, almost like she was annoyed with herself. “Look, I'm not here to lecture you, but whatever mess you're swimming in, don't think you're the only one who’s drowning.”

She paused, and for the first time, her gaze softened, if only just a little. “But hey, everyone needs air sometimes. Just... don't stay out here too long, or you might catch a cold. And then you’d really be miserable.” Her voice was still blunt, but it didn’t feel quite so harsh anymore. I walked with her back to the campfire, she waved me off before going to sit somewhere else. I didn't see Keith, surprisingly. I sat back down by the fire, I tried to push the feeling of unease away, but it lingered, like a shadow I couldn’t shake. The embers crackled in front of me, casting flickering orange light over the ground, but even their warmth didn’t seem to reach the cold that had settled in my chest. I glanced around the fire, noting the others talking and laughing, the familiar sound of camp chatter that I’d been trying to avoid all day. But nothing felt normal anymore, not even the crackle of the fire.

I wasn’t sure when it happened, but at some point, my mind slipped back to the events of earlier that morning. The sharp pain in my stomach still throbbed, a reminder of Keaton’s kick. The way he’d smiled, how his laugh felt like a weight sinking into my chest. And then there was the red tape. I could almost feel it pressing against my mouth again, suffocating me, as if I could never speak, never escape. I could still hear his voice echoing in my mind, mocking, taunting.

I swallowed hard, trying to push the thoughts away, but they clung to me, like dirt on my skin I couldn’t wash off. Maybe if I hadn’t been sleeping outside like that, maybe if I hadn’t looked so... weak, he wouldn’t have done it. Was it my fault? The fear of being seen as less than, as not enough, gnawed at me. But what did Keaton see when he looked at me? Weakness, probably. An easy target.

I rubbed my stomach absentmindedly, feeling the bruise there, trying to ignore the shame creeping up. I shouldn’t have let him get to me. I shouldn’t have let him laugh. But I hadn’t been able to stop myself. I hadn’t been able to do anything.

It didn’t matter. He was gone now, and I was here, still stuck in my own head. I could almost hear the laughter again, reverberating in the back of my mind, like an echo that wouldn’t fade. The shadows of the fire flickered, and for a moment, it felt like I was sinking again—like I was drowning in the feeling of it all. That same helplessness. I didn’t even know if I wanted to fit in here. I didn’t know if I ever had. All I knew was that I couldn’t keep pretending it didn’t matter. That maybe it didn’t hurt.

But even though I knew I wasn’t the only one drowning, I couldn’t help but feel that my weight was heavier than anyone else’s. Everyone else seemed so sure of their place, so sure of who they were. And here I was, stuck in this endless loop of self-doubt, of fear, of wanting to disappear.

The fire flickered one last time, the warmth barely brushing my skin, and I found myself standing up, walking away from it all, needing space, needing air. Away from the noise. Away from everything.

I didn’t know where I was going. I just knew I needed to go. To find something, anything, that would take away the feeling of suffocation, even if it was just for a moment.

And maybe that was all I could ask for. Just a moment. A moment where I didn’t feel like I was always drowning.

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