#tried to post a different snippet last night but tumblr bit me and said no

[birdhousematerial]

Small snippets of Chapter Three! It's a flashback from before they broke up, but then it's right back to awkward Itafushi angst after this. Which, I am kinda enjoying writing them this way, especially all the yearning on Megumi's end. Yuji though... need him to get a grip.

Also, Sukuna shows up this chapter :3

This story is so messy and dramatic, but very fun to write and I'm excited to wrap this chapter up and get it out. We're starting to get some more context to everything!

Also, I have some flashback chapters planned for key points in the story, so we're going to get even more backstory to Yuji and Megumi's relationship, and also Megumi and Tsumiki's childhood.

[soldrawss]

Ok, this morning I opened Tumblr, found your blog, started checking all your rottmnt tagged posts, found your big brother Mikey AU, CRIED FOR ALMOST AN HOUR as I red every post about it, drooled all over your gorgeous art, smiled like a crazy person reading all your Human AU posts, got up with the sun in my chest and more energy than I know what to do with and have been productive since then. I don’t know what to ask (or if you take asks) but I crave more infos about your big brother Mikey AU❤️

WOAH OK this was such an incredibly sweet ask and I’m SO HAPPY that my BBM au could bring you so much joy and ahhhh!!! Just thank you so much, this ask made my night <3 Here’s one of the many little stories I’ve written for the AU that I’ve sent to my friend @zacharandom (thanks for always reading my little emotional blurbs about these kiddos Zach~) Enjoy!

(I haven’t gotten into it yet (I will, it’s a separate ask I’m working on) But Leatherhead is a BIG part of the BBM au. Zach had asked if any of the kiddos had ever been to LH’s place, since LH always stays over at the Hamato’s, and I said yes, but only Donnie, and then this mini fic was born.)    Donnie and Mikey get into a 'fight'. And I say 'fight' because Donnie doesn't really know what else to call it. Because he doesn't pick fights, not really, not with Mikey. He doesn't go looking for them with Mikey like he does with Leo. Leo, who can take the worst of Donnie’s shitty teenage attitude and come out of it alright, wearing the worst of Donnie’s temper and anger like a bulletproof vest. Donnie can afford to hurt Leo cause Leo won't break because of it. He's safe to hurt. But it's different with Mikey. Mikey, who's so tired he can barely stand straight most days. Who has bags under his eyes like dark stickers, that not even doe-eyed and ever adoring Raph can peel away. And Donnie KNOWS better than to pick a fight with Mikey about it, it was mostly why he was trying to avoid the conversation altogether. Why he had hidden all the school letters and hacked into Mikey's phone to block all the emails and texts and phone calls from the school about it. He didn't expect Mikey to run into one of his teachers after work and basically blow everything Donnies worked so hard to avoid. He didn't want to skip a few grades. He didn't care what his teachers or his GPA said. He didn't CARE if they thought he was ‘wasting his potential’. He wasn't, and they had no right to complain about it to his big brother like they did. Donnie had TOLD Mikey that he didn't want to. Had gone all the extra lengths to take as many of the AP classes the adjacent high school offered, bargained and pleaded and BEGGED them. He’d do whatever it took, but he didn't want to move grades. He didn't want to quit the robotics club. He didn't want to go to school with a bunch of kids older than him and be the butt end of every baby freshmen joke in the book. He didn't want to be separated from Leo. He really, really, really didn't. And he had explained this all to Mikey. And he knew that Mikey KNEW this. But the teachers wouldn't stop hounding him, and Mikey was already so tired anyway, the weight of the world always seemed to be a weighted pressure on his shoulders that looked physical, with the way Mikey’s whole body sagged. Like every move he made was a conscious effort and pain. Donnie knew this, and he still yelled at Mikey about it anyway. And Mikey didn't yell back, cause Mikey never yelled back at them, but his voice was stern and tired and it just begged Donnie to at least consider talking about it. But Donnie’s 13, and the biggest jerk in the world because he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. And Mikey didn't deserve the one sided shouting match that was all Donnie, he didn't deserve the pointed "I can't believe you would take THEIR side, you NEVER listen to me!" And Mikey DEFINITELY didn't deserve the front door slamming in his face, the last words Donnie said hanging in the air behind him. "I HATE IT HERE!" It wasn't raining, but there was a misty cold hanging in the November air as Donnie sat at an empty park bench, somewhere in Flushing, feeling like the biggest loser in the world the second he ran away and oh,,, oh God. He ran AWAY. How could he run away? He didn't want to run away! He didn't want to run away from anything, especially if it was away from Mikey. Mikey, who deserved more than Donnie’s cold shoulder and heated words, but took it anyway, and he didn't even flinch as Donnie practically screamed at him. He just looked tired. More tired than ever. And accepted Donnie’s temper tantrum like he accepted every other bad thing that has ever happened to him. Like he thought he deserved it. And he was sad. Sad in a way that made Donnie want to throw up. Because he was one of the people who were NEVER supposed to hurt Mikey like that. But he did. He did and he ran away like a little kid and he felt so STUPID about it, jumping on the first bus he could and taking it to God knows what neighborhood and now he was sitting alone on some random park bench, the November cold sinking into his skin and thin shirt cause he didn't have the mind to grab a jacket on his way out and GOD what was he doing? He was cold and alone and probably lost and Mikey probably hated him and now- "Donatello?" Came a voice from behind Donnie, and Donnie whirled around on the park bench because he'd recognize that low and gentle voice anywhere and... Yup. There he was. Lieven Heather, or Leatherhead as Mikey always affectionately called him, standing tall and curious like. His long black hair pulled into a low bun, his green eyes leaf-like and bright, piercing through the dark park like fireflies, looking at Donnie like he was searching for an answer before he got the chance to ask the question and WOAH was Donnie not the emotional type, but he could have cried when he saw the familiar face.

Actually, he was already crying before, but crying because you’re happy to see someone and crying because you’re a jerk to your big brother are two completely different types of emotions, and Donnie tried to hide it either way by rubbing at his face with the back of his wrist. LH’s namesake leather jacket is HUGE on Donnie, but the 12 year old takes it without a fight because LH does NOT look like he's willing to negotiate, as he holds a bag of groceries in one hand and holds an umbrella over the both of them in the other, saying that his apartment is just a few blocks away, and it'd be best to get out of the cold. The tall man doesn't press Donnie for details, doesn't ask why his friend's kid brother is out at 8pm on a school night, all the way on the other side of the city, eyes red with something between tempered anger and grief and skin pale with November cold. Donnie is thankful for it. He doesn't feel like explaining himself quite yet. The second hand hurt from before is still raw in his chest, and even though he knows he's the one at fault, he can't really shake off the sinking black hole feeling in his chest. So the 10-minute walk is mostly silent. LH lives in a grey bricked building, on the third floor, and his apartment is exactly what Donnie would expect if he really thought hard about it. It was a simple studio, minimalist and uncluttered, but that seemed more because the place felt untouched rather than because LH was a particularly clean guy. All the electronics on in the kitchen where stainless steel and spotless, Donnie half suspected they were untouched because of the garbage can filled with dollar store Ramen noodle cups and forks in the sink. His grey walls were bare, and he didn't have a TV,  but there was a large bookshelf that covered the expanse of one wall, filled to the brim with thick books that looked like they belonged in the reference section of a library. There was a little queen-sized bed shoved in the corner, neatly made, and looked rarely slept in. The only sign of life in the little apartment that felt much too small for the nearly 7-foot man was the little desk that sat beside the bed, which was covered in astrophysics textbooks, notebooks filled with scribbled notes and a few orange study note cards that had Donnie's older brother written (metaphorically) all over them. Lh motioned to the chair at the desk with a nodded, "you can sit there if you want. I'll make some Valerian tea." "Valerian tea?" "Helps with stress." "I'm not stressed." "Right, of course not. Still tastes good." And Donnie doesn't really like tea, he'd much prefer coffee, or one of the energy drinks Leo sneaks him during school lunches because Mikey doesn’t buy them, but he knows better than to ask for that. He knew about LH’s anxiety disorder and underlying PTSD, from a past that Donnie didn't know any details about except from snippets he'd overhear here and there from the hushed late-night conversations LH and Mikey would have when they thought that Leo and Donnie and Raph were asleep, and he knew that caffeine wasn't something LH indulged in often because of it. The tea tastes fine though. It's hot, and burns his throat a little, but Donnie doesn't care enough to wait for it to cool down to enjoy it. Because it hurts, and Donnie figures he kinda deserves the pain. It's after a few quiet minutes, Donnie sitting at LH’s desk while LH leans against his kitchen counter, that Donnie reaches for a courage he doesn't usually possess and tells LH everything.

About the extra AP classes, and the nosey teachers, and the way it feels a bit too suffocating trying to be everything everyone wants him to be.

And how it all feels too lonely. He barely remembers his mom. He’s starting to forget dad. Mikey works all the time and Raph goes to a completely different school. If he moves up a few grades, then he loses Leo too. And he just can’t deal with that. He can’t deal with everyone, some way or another, leaving him. And how in some, backward, twisted way, it sometimes feels like people are trying to get rid of him. And he just can’t take it anymore. Donnie likes LH. He's smart and collective and cool and he's super nice to Mikey and he’s pretty much everything that Donnie wants to be when he grows up. And he's friends with LH. LH gives him pointers on his science projects and he teaches Leo how to punch a bully like its nothing and he's patient and understanding and helpful with Raph's temper and he's a godsend of a friend the Hamato clan didn't know they could afford after April had came into their lives and Donnie LIKES Lh. But he didn't think they were good enough friends for Donnie to deserve THIS. LH listened to him patiently and quietly. Nodding at the appropriate moments in Donnie’s tearful and half-hysterical rambling about his school and his GPA and how he didn't mean to take it out on Mikey and he didn't mean to run away but GOD he was so sick of everyone looking down on him like a little kid and like HE didn't know what was best for him and didn't have a choice in deciding HIS future. And he expects LH to get mad at him too, cause he was Mikey’s friend first before Donnie’s, and Donnie YELLED at Mikey, and Donnie WASNT going to sob like a child about it, but his head lowers and there's a stupid stinging in his eyes and he sniffs once or twice anyway when he mutters "God, I'm so stupid. Mikey probably hates me right now and is so mad at me." And he can hear LH sigh, and put his own cup of tea down, before walking over to where Donnie sat and crouching before his chair. "That's funny you think that, because when I texted him earlier, he sounded nothing short of scared out of his mind and relieved." "You texted him???" "Well yeah, of course. He called me shortly after you ran out, singing the same tune you are about how you're so mad at him and he didn’t mean to fight with you and that you probably hate him. That’s probably the only reason I even saw you, I wouldn't have known to look out for you if he hadn't told me to keep a lookout for you." And that, woah, Donnie felt a million times worse now because of COURSE, he didn't hate Mikey! Donnie wasn't even MAD at him. He was just being a stupid stubborn teen who took out all his frustrations and insecurities on the last person in the world who deserved it and boy oh boy, this whole thing was so stupid anyway.

“How about he finish our tea, wait for you to get a little bit warmed up first, and then get you back home so that you can tell everything you just told me to your brother. Because I think we both know how much he’d want to hear how you truly felt about this situation.”

And that... that sounded good. Because after his entire mini-rant, it felt like a shadow had been cleared from over Donnie’s heart, and now he wanted nothing more than to go home and hug his big brother for all his worth and apologize about a million and half times. Maybe more. Donnie hadn’t decided yet.

After they had finished their cup of tea, and LH had given Donnie one of his warmer college sweaters to wear before they took the subway back to the Hamato residence, where Mikey stood in front of the building, red-cheeked and shivering from the cold in a giant puff jacket and pajama bottoms, waiting for them.

Donnie didn't even wait, he ran the second he saw the familiar orange jacket that belonged to one of his favorite people on the planet and broke into a breakneck sprint, colliding into his older brother’s chest and waiting arms, and breaking into a choked cough when Mikey’s arms instantly wrapped around him like he always belonged there.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to run away!" Donnie rushed to say because he didn't want a second to go by without Mikey knowing that, but Mikey was already running a gentle hand through his hair and hushing into the crown of his head.

"Shhhh, shhhh it's ok, buddy. I know. I'm just glad you're home." And Mikey still had bags like bruises under his eyes, and looked on the point of breaking if Donnie hugged him too tightly, but he still smiled at Donnie with all the affection and warmth of the world when they pulled away, and Donnie couldn't fight the urge to spit out, "I don't hate it here! And I don't hate you. Ever! I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry Mikey." And Mikey replied with a soft smile and an "I know, kiddo. It’s ok." But there was relief like a balloon losing helium in his eyes and shoulders, like he would have believed differently if Donnie hadn't said anything, and Donnie made the promise there and then that he’d do everything in his power to make sure Mikey never thought that way, even for a second, again. LH hadn't stayed over for the pizza movie night that Mikey offered as a silent ‘thanks for bringing my kid home’, so Mikey and Donnie saw him off at the subway station, and made the few blocks back to their waiting apartment and waiting little brothers with their arms around each other in a side hug. Neither one of them wanting to let each other out of their grasps. And there had been a promise to talk about it later, because Donnie was feeling a little more up for negotiation even though Mikey swore up and down that he’d back whatever Donnie decided to do 110%, but it could wait till another day, when both of their nerves and hearts weren't so tender and raw with emotion. Tonight, they would just sink into the weathered old couch that was softened by a million quilts, and out on a Mothra vs Godzilla movie, and squeeze themselves between an over-excited Raph, who couldn't stay still and just HAD to act out all the Godzilla fight scenes, and a relaxed Leo, who sprawled his legs over Donnie's lap despite Donnie complaining about it, but Donnie didn't make any effort to push him away because Leo kept keeping a wary and watchful eye on his two older brothers, probably knowing more about both sides than either one of them, and keeping his legs over Donnie was half for familiarity and half to keep him from jumping up and running out again and huh, maybe he wasn’t so relaxed after all. Guess Donnie had more than a million and a half apologies to make. Better round it off to a good 2 million, just to be safe. Because Donnie couldn't rightly blame him for keeping a careful eye out, but Donnie had learned his lesson. He wasn't running away again. He wasn't running anywhere if it was away from his brothers. Away from the only family he’s ever had. Because donnie was stubborn and stuck in his ways. And he wasn't going to quit the robotics club, and he wasn't going to skip grades and he wasn't going to leave Leo behind and he wasn't going to be left behind. Donnie wasn’t going to run away. Because Donnie wasnt going anywhere.

(one of the doodles I did for this particular story)

[thegalleonsnest]

Wiggle’s Muse - Short Excerpt turned into a FanFic

Yo, so, I wanted to share a small snippet of a future project I’m working on (while also delaying my current art projects). What I’ve written out here in this post was originally in a format not meant for professional writing purposes, but I said “eh, why the hell not,” and written it out in sort of a short fanfic format for you guys to read. This project btw, is not a fanfic (had to make that clear). What I am working on is a very large scale project for myself and is still in the blocking out/rough draft phases. This right here is probably my most fleshed out scene I’ve written out, and feels pretty complete as it’s own thing. Honestly, I’d appreciate the feedback if any of ya’ll found this interesting! 

Also I’m putting this in a tumblr post because I don’t have an AO3 or fanfiction account, and this is already too short for it anyway. Read the excerpt below

In front of the camera lenses, multiple grumpuses walk back and forth discussing a matter of topics but most importantly, where was Wiggle?

"Has anyone gotten ahold of Wiggle yet? She was supposed to be here hours ago,” a gruff voice coming from out of frame says. “We’ve tried calling her for over an hour, but we got nothing,” says another off camera, “do you think we should reschedule-” before they could finish, the studio doors bust open with a loud thud echoing the studio room. A tall, short armed grumpus with a boa stumbles along the room carrying an oddly shaped banjo.

“There she is,” said the gruff voiced grump, “Wiggle, whatever you got going on, you better do it now cause we got a meeting with investors in half an hour!” From the blurry view of a slightly out of frame Wiggle, she barely registered what the grump said. In a stumble, she walks to the center of the camera’s view & shakes her head, almost slurring her words, “Doooon’t worry, Darling, we’ll get you a new vest later.” “What, no, wait, that’s not what I-” before another word could be said, Wiggle readies her banjo and strikes a quick pose before strumming the strings like her life depended on it.

It didn’t take longer than a few seconds before the crew sprung into action, setting the proper lightning, mics and cameras around her. Her rhythm and measures became a lot more stable, catchy even, and then she broke into song. The next set of lyrics would become an instant, regrettable classic. 

It’s not long before the VHS tape stutters and stops, showing mostly static. A magenta furred Grumpus with some hair covering a part of eye, hits the eject button, takes out the tape and turns off the tv. “Girl, you were a right mess there!” She said with a giggle. “Tell me about it, Vrittany...” Wiggle said frustratingly, pinching the bridge of her nose. “And you’re telling me you can’t come up with anything better than that? Come on now!” “I wish I was lying, but I’m not. No matter what I come up with, nothing is topping whatever the heck my walking coma came up with instead!” Wiggle grabs her mug of coffee and takes a longing sip.

The two sit across from one another at the coffee bar. The aroma of that day’s set of cocoa beans waft through the cafe as most of the outside lamps fill out the darker spots inside. The place is nearly empty besides them, and a single muted green furred occupant sitting at a booth at the opposite end of the cafe, drawing away in his sketchpad.

“So, whatcha gonna do?” Vrittany asked sarcastically, “Stay awake for another week? Get inspired again? Hehe.” Wiggle sets her mug down, and answers, “I did try that again, but in style I fell asleep comfortably on a couch in the lobby”. Vrittany looked a bit stunned. “You’re kidding?! You’re crazy!” “Not crazy, Vrittany,” she takes another sip of her coffee before striking a pose in her high stool seat, bellowing out her voice. “Just creatiiiivly driveeeen~” “Whatever you say, darling,” Vrittany says before turning around to her bar’s sink. She cleans several mugs and glasses with gusto while preparing one last pot of coffee, enough for a single cup for later.

Vrittany takes off her apron and hangs it on the wayside of the counter as she walks around to take a seat next to Wiggle. After situating herself, she puts a paw on Wiggle’s shoulder. “Listen, pretty sure this is just a rut you’re stuck in right now,” she says. “Doesn’t every artist go through that every now and then?” Wiggle turns her head toward Vrittany, “Well..yeah, but this is different,” she desperately says. “I can’t let a song I made in my sleep be the best thing I’ve ever made! I know I can make something that’ll shake the world more than whatever ‘Do The Wiggle’ was.” 

Vrittany pulls back her paw from Wiggle to put on her best thinking cap. As deeply in thought as she was, her face immediately relaxes into a deadpan expression, “Have ya tried singing from the heart?” Wiggle cracks a smile, “HA, if only that’s how it works! It takes a musical genius to write a hit song in show biz, not just some field day with my feelings.” “Eh, worth a shot. Got any other plans?” “I’m still trying to figure that out. I need some kind of inspiration...almost like a-”

Before she could finish her thought, they both caught a glance at the muted green furred grump who walked up to them. He mustered up the words and said, “E-excuse me, you’re Miss Wiggle, right?” Wiggle turned in her seat to get a better look at the young Grumpus. She could tell he was nervous, clutching his sketchbook in his arms rather tightly. She quickly put on a more relaxed front to help calm things down, while also still showing off a bit of her excited side. “Why yes I am, Darling,” she said enthusiastically. “And I can tell you must be a fan of mine.” “Y-yeah...!” The green grump looked a little more relaxed, but still stiff in the shoulders. “Hey now, no need to be so nervous. I always got time for my fans.” “Thank you, Miss Wiggle. Um…” “No need to finish that thought, Darling, I know what you’re about to ask and I’m happy to oblige!”

Before the young man could stop to say something, Wiggle pulls out one of her many professional hand out photos that she has, and quickly signs with her autograph before handing it to him. “O-Oh, thank you, Miss, but that’s not what I was going to s-say.” he sheepishly says. “Really? Not an autograph,” Wiggle says surprisingly. “It’s usually the first thing fans ask of me.” “Sorry, I just...I wanted to show you this sketch I made…” 

The nervous grumpus slowly turns his sketchbook around to reveal a fully sketched art piece depicting a stylized Wiggle singing her heart out at the bar with Vrittany hanging out in the background cheering her on. He hands it to Wiggle to give them a closer look. It was still somewhat messy, showing a few guidelines and early roughed out shapes, but for what it was, it was still impressive to the two girls.

“Woah, that’s pretty rad!” Vrittany yelled out, leaning out from her seat trying to get a closer look. Wiggle was pretty stun, gasping at the sight of such a piece of artwork. “Darling, you drew this?! Just now,” Wiggle asked in awe. “Yeah! I was listening to some of your music and then you came in and sat down. It made me wanna draw you as fast as I could,” the green grumps says excitedly before rubbing the back of his head. “Sorry if it’s still a little messy looking though…” “Don’t be, because it is beeeaautifuuul~” “T-thank you so much, Miss Wiggle! T-that means a lot to m-me!” the grumpus says while his face lights up red from the praise. “You’re like an inspiration to me.” “Really now? Like a muse? All I do is sing the night away, Darling. You draw little masterpieces like this from me?”

As Wiggle continues to be enthralled by the young man and his work, Vrittany notices the coffee pot had finished brewing. She gets up from her seat and go back behind the counter to finish her last cup for the night. Wiggle and the green grump continue their conversation.

“W-well kind of,” says the grump, “it’s a bunch of music that inspires me when I draw. A lot of your stuff is so upbeat and fun, it gives me lots of different ideas to pump out!” Wiggle looks back, almost flabbergasted. “I’m...honestly a bit stunned that I had that kind of impact on you, Darling,” she says, almost with a melancholy tone, “...heh, kind of forget sometimes I do make some kind of impression on grumps like you.” She looks back down at the sketchbook, entranced by the creativity that sparked in the moment. That dazzling moment where it all clicked...where could she find that, when someone else can find it in her?

After an awkward minute of silence, the young grump spoke up and said, “If you like, you can keep the sketch page, Miss Wiggle?” Wiggle snapped her head back up from the sketchbook to the green fuzzball. “W-wait really? Are you sure you wanna give up this piece of art?” said Wiggle worryingly. “It’s no problem at all,” said the green grump proudly. “I already took a picture of it to save for later. I’m gonna make a painted version of it online later! Besides, it’ll make me happy if you kept it, since I was going to give it to you anyway.” “Oh Darling, you’re nothing more than a sweet one now, aren’t you? I’ll gladly keep it!” “Thank you so much, Miss Wiggle!”

Wiggle hands the sketchbook back to the green grumpus and he tears out the sketch. “No, Darling, thank you,” Wiggle says ecstatically. Vrittany returns from behind the bar with a to-go cup in hand, saying “Here’s your order, kid.”  “Oh, thank you, Vrittany. How much was it again,” the green grump asked. “Eh, don’t worry about it. Don’t feel like counting change. It’s on the house.” “O-oh you sure?” “You wanna change my mind?” “Don’t think I can, so thank you!” The green grump turns back to Wiggle and says “It was so nice meeting you in person, Miss Wiggle!”

“The pleasure is all mine, Dar-,” Wiggle catches herself before she realizes something. “Actually, what was your name?” “It’s Grite, Grite Tillsland!” Wiggle lets a genuine soft smile grow on her face. She felt a lot more at ease and happier knowing her new friend was much more relax and happy overall. She reached out her paw for a handshake, and Grite reciprocated.

“The pleasure’s mine, Grite, Darling.”

[smalltowndetective]

Hey! So, I am super new to tumblr, but I finally made one to talk about Wayhaven. I’m a writer, and I suppose this snippet is my application to the fandom, lol. It’s just something small that I have been working on for the past few weeks, and if I don’t post it now, I don’t think I ever will. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! (Formatting may get a little messed up, but hopefully it will still be readable)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26565814/chapters/64764400

(I think there is another way to publish links, but this is the Ao3 link)

Pairing-Thea and Felix

Words-1.6 k

It was the middle of the night at the warehouse.

               Most supernatural races did not need sleep, and vampires were included in that, but with how almost deathly quiet the warehouse was, you would have expected that somehow, all four vampires that resided there were all somehow asleep at the same time.

               Cutting through the quiet however, there was a noise.

               The noise that had woken Felix up.

               Not that it was an awful noise to wake to. The small sounds of a melody, simple yet complex all at the same time.

               Oh, of course, the piano.

               The piano was originally Nate’s, who knew how to play quite well, though it had been months since he had played last, and Felix had never known him to play this late.

               Might as well see what he’s doing up.

               He made this way to the social room where the piano was, the melody quiet, yet sweet, something like standing on top of a hill on a summer day.

               But when he made is way over to the piano, he found the person on the piano bench was not Nate after all.

               It was Thea.

               The detective was staying at the warehouse that night, and she had gone to bed hours ago, needing the sleep more than Felix and the others did. But here she was, looking as beautiful as ever, her dark brown hair pulled messily in a ponytail that ran to her waist, the firelight making her pale skin almost seem to glow. It took his breath away, as she always did. Thea had not noticed him come in, and for a second, he wanted it to stay like this, peaceful, and it surprised him, due to his normal subversion to quietness. However, he knew he could not stay silent forever.

               “Well, isn’t this unexpected?”, he says, a grin in his words, “Didn’t expect you to be up.”

               Thea stopped playing, and looked back up at him, a shy smile that he knew so well on her lips, “Sorry”.

               “Don’t be”, Felix shrugged, “I’m always happy to see you”.

Thea shook her head, but Felix could see a small blush on her face. She had never been a hard one to fluster, and it always put a spring into him when he was able to, finding it endearing.

               “You wouldn’t mind if I asked to sit next to you?”, he then said, gesturing to the piano bench, having the sudden desire to be closer to her.

               “No, of course not”, Thea smiled, but Felix could see something behind her gunmetal blue eyes, and it gave him pause. In the few months that he had known her, she had never been one to stay up late, always going to bed no later then ten. But he put that thought behind him, and he moved to sit next to her, their shoulders brushing, making his nerves flare, but in a happy sort of way. But at the same time, Felix felt an intense calmness from being around her, unlike anything he had felt with anyone else.

               A few moments of silence pass while the two of them gazed at each other, it finally being broken by Thea, her voice not more then a whisper, “I hope I didn’t wake you, I just couldn’t sleep”.

               Felix almost made a joking remark about her able to wake him anytime at night, but he could again see that quiet sadness in her eyes, so he decided against it, instead changing the subject.

               “I didn’t know you could piano”, Felix said, a grin on his face, “That’s pretty cool, I don’t have the patience for that sort of thing” He chuckled out the last bit, and when Thea did not immediately answer, he continued, “You know, Nate plays piano, you should tell him, he’ll probably love to talk about it”.

               “I’m really not very good”, Thea stammered, averting her eyes from his gaze.

               “Nonsense”, he scoffed, “Have you heard yourself? Give yourself more credit, Thea, you’re pretty amazing.”

               That was enough to turn Thea bright red, and Felix tried not to chuckle at her flustered state, not wanting her to think he was making fun of her.

               “Th-Thank you”, she finally said, her face still flushed, but she was looking back at him, and Felix gently wrapped his arm over her shoulders, bringing the two of them closer together then they already were. Ever since the maa-alused, they had not had many moments of being alone together, and he wanted to savor it as much as he could.

               “So, what are you doing up?”, Felix said, turning a little to face her, “You sure you’re doing okay? Did you have another nightmare?”

               “I did”, Thea muttered, and Felix reached out to hold one of Thea’s hands, and smiled a little when she entwined their fingers.

               “Yeah, what happened with Murphy was…”, he struggled to find the correct word, “Awful. It’s okay for it not to be completely figured out yet. Being kidnapped isn’t something that I don’t think anyone can just put behind them”.

               “That wasn’t exactly what I was dreaming about”, Thea mused, lost in thought, “Well, it’s sort of related, I guess”.

               “Then what was it?”, Felix said, who felt like he could not help himself but ask, genuinely confused to what she could be possibly referring to.

               “Do you remember when we were fighting Murphy after running from my apartment?”, Thea asked, and he nodded in response, “Well, when Murphy threw you against that lamppost, and you… fell to the ground...”. Thea swallowed hard, and then continued, “I was really scared that I would… never see you again”.

               For only a few times in Felix’s life, he was struck speechless. He could not form the words on his lips that he wanted to say, his chest feeling constricted from him just breathing, and he grasped her hand tighter, but he was not sure if it was for Thea or for him.

               “I had only known you for a few weeks at that point”, Thea said, like she wanted to fill the void between them, “But Felix, I- I lost my father when I was two, and even though my mum and I have always been close, I’ve always been scared I would lose her too, and even though it doesn’t make sense.. I… when I woke up in Murphy’s lair, what scared me the most wasn’t being there, even though that did scare me a lot, it was never seeing you again, and I had no idea what happened to you, and I didn’t know if you were okay, and- “

               Thea bit her lip, in what a seemed like an attempt to stop talking, with what looked like the start of tears at the edge of her eyes, and even though Felix knew her heart was pounding, he could barely hear hers over his own. He had known how much of what happened with Murphy had affected her, but he never realized that she felt this way about it. He still remembered the dread and fear when he woken up, with nothing he could do except drag himself back to Thea’s apartment, and it still was something that still haunted him.

               “I guess what I’m trying to say”, Thea said, obviously noticing Felix’s quietness, “Is that I’m really scared of losing you, and that I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do enough, and I’ll again lose someone that I deeply care about”.

               At that, Felix brought her into an embrace, her head on his chest, and he slowly ran his fingers through her hair, and he finally found the courage to say something.

               “You know I’m scared of losing you too, right?”, he said, then he whispered softly, “More than you can know”.

               Thea sat up in surprise, and almost breathlessly, said, “Do you really mean it?”

               “Of course, I do”, Felix said, the smile finally back on his lips, but it was not his usual grin, it calmer and almost more genuine then it normally was. He remembers back to a few weeks ago now, the night that he had kissed her for the first time, and how he had been nervous that it was only a kiss to Thea, when it had meant so much more to him. He had never felt this way with anyone before, and to know that Thea was scared of losing him too, well, there was not much he could say to describe how that felt.

               Felix then leaned forward, and he lightly rested his forehead on hers, and moved his hand into her hair, and tenderly kissed her. The kiss was gentle, but it still felt passionate, and no matter how many times they kissed, he did not think he would get tired of it.

               When the need for air called them both, they broke apart, and Felix felt elated at the smile that was on Thea, and after the heaviness of their conversation, it made him feel better then anything else he could think of.

               “I really should get back to sleep”, Thea said, “We have an early meeting tomorrow, and I don’t think Adam will be happy if I’m falling asleep through half of it”.

               “Oh, come on”, Felix pouted before he could stop himself, “We don’t get enough time together as it is.”

               Thea shakes her head, but she moves to her put her head on his shoulder, “Alright, I’ll stay for a little while”.

               “Yes!”, Felix exclaimed, unable to hide his glee, and he wraps her to him close. After what felt like a few moments, he heard her heartbeat slow, and realized Thea had fallen asleep, and even though his arm was falling asleep, he did his best not to fidget, the happiness flooding through his veins that he knew that no matter how long he is was Thea, would never calm.

This truly is the best thing that could have ever happened to me

.I am also open to requests! It may take me a while, due to school, but I would love to write more, with this same pairing or different ones!

[tigerlover16-uk-2]

Pokemon Secret Journeys Snippet: “I have a sister now?”

So, here’s something different. I mentioned a few times before I published a fanfiction recently, it’s on FF.net and AO3. And I thought just for fun, and hopefully to get a bit more traffic slowing, I might post a few scenes from it here on Tumblr for people to read.

Here’s the general summary of the story:

An interdimensional being called The Beyonder has taken over the World of Pokemon, altering it to suit his whims. So naturally, it's up to Ash Ketchum to do something about that. Sent back in time on a quest to redo his journey in this radically altered world, Ash and friends are in for their greatest, most dangerous adventure of all.

.

Below is the first scene of the first proper chapter after the prologue, Ash Ketchum’s first taste of the rebooted version of the Pokemon World he’s found himself in. Also featuring the character of Molly Hale, from Pokemon 3.

If anyone’s interested, feel free to give it a read.

*Ring! Ring! Ring!*

Smash!

"Gah!" Ash leapt up so suddenly he ended up falling out of bed, face-planting on the floor just a foot away from his oversized soft Snorlax plush. With a pained groan Ash pushed himself up, glancing in the direction of the shattered pokeball-clock.

Panic quickly overtook him.

"Ah crud, not again!" Ash yelled, hastily looking up at the wall clock above his TV "Wait… seven O'Clock?"

Ash blinked a few times before letting out a huge sigh of relief "Well, okay then" He laughed, scratching the back of his head impishly.

In the original timeline, Ash had somehow managed to sleep through his alarm, only finally waking up after smashing his alarm clock after subconsciously throwing it in his sleep. Ash arrived at Professor Oak's lab pretty late as a result, after all the other three new trainers leaving Pallet Town that day had already gotten their starter Pokemon and took off on their journeys. Well except Gary, he stuck around just long enough to be really smug to Ash about the whole thing and how he got the best Pokemon.

By some stroke of luck, Ash had managed to avoid a repeat of that embarrassing incident this time around.

And yet, his clock still wound up against the wall.

'I guess some things are just fate' Ash mused to himself, observing the broken scrap metal littering the other side of his room.

Wasting no time, Ash pushed himself up onto his feet, stumbling slightly as it suddenly occurred to him he was still very tired. He vaguely remembered the now shattered alarm clock reading 3.45am and realised he'd probably stayed up most of the night planning out his next few moves after he left for Oak's Lab.

What those plans were completely alluded Ash at the moment, but he figured they'd probably come back to him when he was a bit more awake.

After scooping up the scattered remains of the pokeball clock and dumping them into a nearby bin, Ash stumbled over to his wardrobe and pulled open the doors, being greeted by a mirror on the back of one of them. The dishevelled teenager narrowed his eyes at the short tuft of hair on his reflection's chin.

Glancing once more at the wall behind the desk with his TV, Ash double checked the date on the calendar. Still the same date on which he'd first set out on his Journey.

Ash sighed 'Guess there's no point hoping it was all just a weird dream, huh?' Ash stroked the hairs on his chin, frowning curiously 'Am I supposed to start shaving then, or are you supposed to wait until it gets longer and it starts growing under your nose too?'

A loud rumble suddenly filled his ears and made Ash clutch his stomach in discomfort. Shaking his head, Ash grabbed a pair of clothes-the same kind he'd worn for most of his travels in Kanto through Johto-and made his way out of the room and to the bathroom 'I'll worry about that later. Right now I'm staaaarviiiing'

After a quick shower and feeling more awake, Ash got dressed and made his way to the stairs.

"Mime-Mime" a familiar voice greeted.

"Oh, hey Mimey" Ash responded as he passed his mother's Mr Mime on the landing before making for the stairs. About halfway down he suddenly stopped, his face going blank as Ash stood silently for a moment. Then with a sharp "Gah!" Ash leapt up, losing his footing on the step as he landed and tumbling the rest of the way down the stairs, his head becoming acquainted with an umbrella stand as he landed.

"Oww" Ash groaned, rubbing the fresh bruise on his forehead.

"Mr Mime?"

Ash glanced up the stairs and saw Mr Mime looking down at him with concern. As Ash began to get up, Mimey rushed down the stairs and offered him a hand, which Ash graciously accepted.

"Thanks" Ash said, momentarily forgetting the reason why he'd just tumbled down the stairs. It quickly came back to him after standing up "Wait-Mr Mime?! What are you doing here?"

Ash's first thought was to wonder why Mimey would be at his house instead of the Cerise Laboratory where he'd been staying with Ash. Then he remembered that he was sent back in time, so why would Mimey be at the Lab now instead of at home with his mother. And then Ash realised-hey, wait. He and his mother hadn't met Mimey until after he'd won all 8 of his Kanto badges, so what was he doing here at all?

"Mr Mime?" Mimey looked equally as confused as Ash did right now. He placed a hand over the bruise on Ash's head, leaned in close and began examining Ash's face with some concern. Ash just stared back at him awkwardly before eventually swatting the hand away and leaning away from the Psychic-type.

"I'm fine, I'm fine" Ash chuckled nervously, which just made Mimey look at him oddly. Ash scratched his head "I just-um… I was a bit dizzy, that's all. I, uh… didn't get much sleep-but I'm fine! Everything's good, Mimey, thanks. Ha ha"

Mimey eyed Ash suspiciously for a long moment, which made the teen a bit nervous. But eventually the mime's face lit up with a satisfied smile.

"Mime-mime" Mimey said while giving Ash a thumbs up. Ash mentally sighed and waved at the Mr Mime as he began climbing back up the stairs, picking up a stack of freshly-folded towels when he got to the top.

'Okay, so mom and I already have Mimey in this timeline' Ash thought to himself, scratching his chin 'Well, I guess that's not the most surprising thing that could happen. But now I wonder if mom's a blonde or something now?"

A quick trip to the kitchen proved that wasn't the case. At most his mother's hair was just slightly longer than it had been the last he'd seen of her.

"Oh, hey honey, glad you got up on time. What was that big thump just now?" Delia asked while washing the dishes.

"Thump?" Ash frowned "… Oh. Um, I fell down the stairs"

Delia put down the plate she was washing and looked at Ash with some concern, noticing the bruise on his head.

"Oh my gosh, Ash! Are you alright?" Delia squealed, rushing over to her son who quickly threw up his hands in a 'Stop' motion.

"It's fine mom, I'm alright" Ash insisted "You know me, I've been hurt way worse than this"

Delia stared at Ash contemplatively for a long moment before her expression relaxed and she sighed.

"Yeah, that's true" She said with some amusement "Honestly, I'd hoped you'd be over that clumsy streak by the time you set off on a journey, but I guess that's just who you are. Oh, by the way, breakfast is on the table for you sweetie"

With a relieved sigh Ash took his seat at the table and examined the contents of the plate his mother had laid out. Toast, bacon, fried eggs, and a croquette sandwich. Simple breakfast, but Ash was happy to dig in.

As he made a start on the toast, Ash looked over at his mother, watching her finish washing the remaining dishes. After the shock of everything he'd been through the previous evening and being told the entire universe had been torn apart, it was a welcome relief to see his mother again, just carrying on with her life as normal.

'Now how the heck am I supposed to explain all of that to her?' Ash asked himself, scratching his head. He then noticed the black mark on the back of his hand that read "20" and Arceus's advice on how to "Remind" people repeated in his head.

Ash noticed his mother turn her head to look at him again, and he quickly hid his right hand under the table. He silently cursed himself for not putting on his old gloves with the rest of his clothes, he'd better make sure neither she or Mimey noticed the mark just yet.

"Those are some pretty big bags under your eyes. I did tell you you'd regret it if you didn't get enough sleep" Delia lectured. Ash scratched the bottom of his nose with his left index finger.

"Hehe. I tried, but you know, I just had so much on my mind I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried" Ash replied. It was the truth of course, but just not for the reasons Delia assumed.

"Oh, Ash… well, I guess I can't blame you. This IS a pretty exciting day for any young man. Just promise me you'll try and sleep better the next couple of days. You may be 16 now, but you're still a growing boy" Delia said, finishing up with the dishes and going to make herself a cup of tea.

"I'll… try. I promise" Ash replied. Delia shot him a warm smile at that, and Ash suddenly felt the most at ease he'd been since before the world ended. His mother could be strict, embarrassing and overbearing from time to time. But she was still a wonderful, loving person with a big heart, and she always knew how to cheer him up.

He was so grateful she wasn't lost forever.

As Ash finished his toast and started on the bacon and eggs, a loud yawn caught his attention. He turned to the door that led to the living room to see a little brown-haired girl in blue pyjamas and a bow in her hair wander into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes and looking very sleepy. Ash could only blink at her, thinking she looked very familiar.

"Molly, dear, what's got you up so early" Asked Delia with mild concern.

Ash blinked harder. Molly? Taking a closer look at the girl as her eyes drifted open, it suddenly clicked why he recognised her. She was Molly Hale, the daughter of a family friend that he'd met in Johto once on his journeys.

"I wa-" Molly yawned again, shaking her head and suddenly looking a little more awake "I wanted to be awake to see Ash before he left"

"He doesn't have to be at Oak's lab until ten, sweetie. You didn't have to get up straight away" Delia said, setting aside her unfinished cup of tea and pulling out a chair for Molly to sit on. The little one smiled and bowed graciously to her before she sat.

'Ten?' Ash pondered. He could have sworn he had to be at Oak's lab a lot sooner than that originally? Or had he really overslept that badly? Why hadn't his mother woken him up, then?

"But I won't get to see Ash for a really, really long time after today. So I wanted to make sure" Molly insisted. Delia giggled and ruffled Molly's hair.

"Aww, sweetie" Delia cooed.

Ash was just really confused by all this.

Molly noticed Ash staring at her and flashed him a sweet smile "Good morning Ash. Ready to be a Pokemon Master?"

"I… sure, I always am" Ash replied, glancing sideways at his mother "What's Molly doing here?"

Ash mentally winced slightly at the look of shock and concern on Molly's face when he said that. Delia looked at her son like he'd asked why water was wet "She's been here a whole week! Her dad's on a research trip with Professor Rowan, remember?"

"Professor Row-" Ash began, but then suddenly it hit him how what he'd just said was probably pretty dumb from his mother's perspective and changed direction "Oh-oh, right, research trip. I um, forgot? Ha ha"

Now Delia and Molly were both looking at him with a bit of concern. Delia heaved a frustrated sigh.

"This is why I don't want you staying up all night, mister. Lack of sleep really messes with your head" Delia mused.

"Is Ash going to be alright?" Molly asked tenderly.

"Oh, don't worry, Mr sleepy head will be fine once he's woken up some more" Delia said with a laugh. Molly giggled, though still looking worried.

Ash continued staring at Molly for a moment. In the old timeline, Ash apparently knew Molly when she was a few years younger than when they'd met again in Johto, but could barely remember much about her or her family before they'd moved away.

Evidently they hadn't moved this time around, and Ash figured from the looks of things he and his mother were a lot closer to Molly because of it.

But there was another bit of information that really caught his interest. Apparently Molly's father was doing research with Professor Rowan? He was the Pokemon Professor in Sinnoh, who Ash had met a bunch of times. It was at his Summer Camp he'd first met Angie, in fact. And Ash also vaguely recalled an encounter with a certain type of Pokemon in Sinnoh on another occasion…

"Are they looking for the Unown?" Ash asked.

"I don't think Spencer's been researching anything else for the last 10 years" Delia chuckled. Ash suddenly felt a bit uneasy, remembering the circumstances in which he'd originally met with Molly in Johto. And then another thought suddenly popped into his mind.

"Is Molly's mom with them?"

Ash regretted the question as soon as he blurted it out, and the looks on Delia and Molly's faces when he said it only reinforced that. Delia gaped at him in disbelief, then swiftly turned to face Molly, who was suddenly staring silently at her feet.

Ash gulped.

"I'm… I'm sorry. I… don't know why I asked that" Was all Ash could say. Delia shot him another disapproving look before kneeling down and putting a hand on Molly's shoulder, whispering something soothing into her ear. Ash looked away in shame.

He suddenly remembered quite clearly that Molly's mother in the original timeline had disappeared quite some time before he got to Johto, apparently it had something to do with the Unown kidnapping her in a similar manner they later did Molly's father. Or, he assumed that's what happened, since apparently she'd been found shortly after Spencer Hale was returned after the whole Unown crisis at Greenfield was taken care of.

Losing her mother had filled Molly with a lot of grief and left her feeling very lonely in the old timeline. And clearly, the same held true for this one.

Not wanting to stick around in case he said anything else stupid, Ash hurriedly finished the rest of his bacon and eggs and scooped up the Croquette sandwich to take with him to his room.

"I, um... I think I need to take a quick nap. I'm not thinking straight" Ash said hastily "Could-could you wake me if I'm not up in time to get to the lab, mom?"

"Sure, honey. Sure" Delia said, still looking rather cross with him. Molly glanced up at Ash, but quickly looked away. Ash felt like his insides had briefly frozen seeing the hurt look on her face, and he wasted no time getting out of the kitchen, bumping into Mimey on his way out who had just entered the room and was watching everyone else with some confusion.

Ash rushed up the stairs, scarfing down his sandwich as he did so. Pushing open the door to his room, Ash shut the door behind him, made straight for his bed and plopped down on it, heaving an aggravated sigh.

"Well, that was awkward" Ash grumbled to himself. He flipped over onto his back and stared contemplatively at the ceiling. He knew he was going to have to apologize to Molly for that little slip-up, but he wasn't quite sure what to say.

'Sorry I brought up your missing mom when you're still torn up about it. Don't worry, she's just trapped in another dimension by floating alphabet soup, and she'll totally come back once you dream up an Entei to blast them back to their dimension and make the world stop turning into crystal'

...

'Yeah, no, definitely not' Ash slapped his forehead and closed his eyes, thinking carefully about how to sound comforting without giving too much away…

...

...

...

He and Molly were decorating a Christmas tree together. Ash was standing on a chair and holding Molly up, as the younger girl struggled to reach out and place a plastic Clefable on top of the tree. Molly and Ash both cheered when she finally got the Clefable to stick.

...

Ash's eyes shot open as he bolted upright. For a moment he had no reaction other than to stare blankly into the distance. Then his senses eventually returned to him and a bemused frown spread across his face.

"What the… what was-GAH!" Ash's eyes snapped shut again as his mind suddenly went fuzzy.

...

It was Molly's fourth birthday party. Ash, his mother, Professor Oak and both of Molly's parents were there. Molly was struggling to blow out the candles on a cake shaped like a Teddiursa's head, so when her eyes were shut during her 5th attempt Ash blew them out for her and pretended she had done it herself. Everyone cheered for Molly, who was laughing and looking very proud of herself.

Molly was four and a half. She and Ash were at the park. Molly had just fallen off the swings and scraped her knee. She cried for five minutes straight while Ash bandaged her leg and told her over and over in a gentle voice that everything would be okay, that she was a big girl and didn't need to cry. When he was done putting on the bandage Ash gave Molly a hug, which finally calmed her down enough to make the crying stop. Ash picked Molly up and took her to find her father. Molly thanked Ash. She said he was the bestest.

Molly was two years old. Mr Mime was making her laugh by floating spoons, forks and plates around and doing a weird tap dance. Ash thought it was kinda silly, but Molly was loving it. Ash then decided to impress her by juggling apples. He was doing pretty well with three, but when he tried juggling five he hit Mimey with one by mistake and made him drop the plates and cutlery he was floating. The plates smashed against the floor. Surprisingly, this made Molly laugh harder than anything else Ash or Mimey had done, but Ash wasn't sharing her amusement. He was panicking over how much his mother would yell at him over the smashed plates.

Molly was crying her eyes out. A few hours ago, Spencer had come home a nervous wreck and informed Delia and Ash that Molly's mother had gone missing. Molly was five years old. Ash was now cradling the distraught little girl in his arms, gently telling her everything would be okay and that they'd find her mom before long. He wasn't sure himself, he didn't understand what had happened very well either, but he had to try to ease her pain somehow. Molly hugged him tight, begging her momma to come back.

It was three weeks ago. Spencer was talking to Delia in her living room. Ash was looking at Molly, who was sulking in the corner of the room. Spencer was telling Delia about how he was going to be moving to Greenfield, his childhood home where his now deceased parents used to live. He and Molly would go there a few weeks after a trip to Sinnoh he had to go on with Professor Rowan to study some ruins in Solaceon Town. Ash noticed Molly was shaking, and suddenly she shot up and yelled at her father that she didn't want to leave and that she hated him for taking her away from home.

A few minutes later, Molly had locked herself in the wardrobe in Ash's room. Delia and Spencer were waiting outside of Ash's room as Ash tried to calm Molly down. It took half an hour, but Ash eventually managed to get her to come out. She cried when she saw her father and apologised for saying she hated him, saying she didn't mean it and she just wanted to stay home and be with everyone. Ash sighed as he watched Spencer hugging his daughter, apologising for needing to move and promising they'd come back eventually.

...

In the present, Ash gasped for breath. His eyes flickered open and he began looking around the room, getting a grip on his current surroundings. He leaned back against his pillow, his mind racing to process that sudden burst of information. Something Arceus had said the previous evening repeated clearly in his head.

"There's another thing you should know. The longer the two of you remain in this new timeline and your bodies and minds begin to acclimate to it, the more you should experience memories of the lives you should have lead in this new reality. Flashbacks, most likely, though a few of them might be subconscious recollections you won't even notice were not related to your past lives"

It all made sense now. Those were his new memories. He was recalling some of the times he and Molly had spent together in this new version of his life. How Ash had known her since she was a baby. How the Hale's were close family friends who hadn't yet moved away.

How Molly had been like a sister to Ash.

Ash rubbed his head, his eyes glazed over as he became lost in those thoughts. Consciously, he knew he had never really experienced any of those moments… and yet, for reasons he couldn't understand… he FELT like he'd lived them. Those memories FELT as real and personal to him as any from the life he actually had lived up to now.

Ash wasn't sure if he should be concerned about that or not. All he really knew right now was that he felt even more guilty for making Molly upset.

He glanced at the clock. 8.15am. What? How long had he been staring at the ceiling?

Slapping his head, Ash got up and opened the window, breathing in the breeze of fresh air and leaning against the windowsill. He looked out at the town of Pallet.

Everything seemed exactly the way he remembered it. Same buildings. Same sky. Same Professor Oak's ranch in the distance. He even noticed the Dodrio that usually woke everyone in the neighbourhood up waddling around. The place outside Ash's window seemed just like the same old world he'd grown up in.

But it wasn't. It was so very different.

'Boy, I'll be glad when this is all over and things go back to normal'

Taking another deep breath, Ash cast another glance out at Professor Oak's lab in the distance. Pikachu was in that building right now, waiting for Ash to pick him and start their journey together. Ash's lip quivered. He wanted to smile, but he was feeling uneasy at the prospect. So much else seemed different about this new world already: Would Pikachu even be the same Pokemon he remembered anymore?

That particular worry vanished when he glanced down at the mark on the back of his hand. He let out a quick sigh of relief. Maybe Pikachu would be a little different… but Ash could make it so he still remembered all the good times they'd had together in their old life.

They'd still be the best of friends. That much couldn't change.

Closing his window, Ash walked over to his wardrobe and pulled out the pair of gloves he'd forgotten to bring to the bathroom with him earlier. Checking his bag to make sure he really did have all the supplies he needed, he also pulled out the piece of paper with Angie's phone number and the jewel Arceus had given him.

Ash stared at the white gem. Supposedly it would glow when the time came for Arceus to contact him for an update on how he was getting along. Ash really wished it would glow now, he had so many questions he wanted to ask about this new life, and he was suddenly feeling a hundred times more resentful to the Beyonder than he already was for plunging him into this mess.

Shaking that thought from his head, Ash put the jewel and the paper with Angie's number back in his bag. He would have to call her once he got to Viridian. Hopefully she was adjusting to this whole situation better than he was so far.

Or rather, would be. With the time Zone she was probably asleep right now.

An hour passed as Ash sat on his bed, replaying the events that had happened in the Hall of Origins and everything that had been said in his head. When the clock reached 9.30, Ash got up, took a deep breath and clenched his fist with a fiery resolve. He picked up his backpack and flung it over his shoulders, then grabbed the cap sitting on the table next to his TV, putting it on as he left the room.

And then he saw that Molly was standing by the door, looking down at the ground and dressed in the same clothes Ash had seen her wear in their previous life. Ash blinked at the little girl as she looked up at him with an unreadable expression. A moment of silence passed before a sad frown suddenly spread across Molly's face as she turned away from Ash.

"Do you… would you be happier if I wasn't around, Ash?"

Ash's eyebrows rose. Where had that come from?

"What? Why would you think that, Molly?" Ash asked with genuine concern. Molly shuffled her feet, twirling a strand of her hair with her finger.

"Some… some girls in the park…" Molly's voice was shaky, and Ash thought she was trying not to cry "I mean… um… I was just wondering… you're going away for a really long time. On your journey. And… I was just wondering… I'll see you again, right?"

A sad smile appeared on Ash's face as he suddenly realised what Molly must be feeling. Her mother had disappeared just barely a year ago. She and her father were going to be moving away for a while… and Ash was setting out on a journey, so there was no guarantee he'd be here when or if she eventually moved back.

Acting on newfound instincts, Ash kneeled down and put a hand on Molly's shoulder, smiling softly at the girl as she turned to face him.

"I'm not going to disappear Molly. And I promise I'll keep in touch and come visit you when I can. You'll see me again" Ash said. Molly's eyes began to water. Ash ruffled her hair and smiled wider "After all… you're my little sister"

Inwardly Ash couldn't believe those words were leaving his lips. But what surprised him even more was how, deep down… he felt like he really meant it.

Molly let out a sob and turned away from Ash again. Ash gave her a moment to compose herself, and when she'd finally stopped sobbing he asked "Why would you think I wouldn't want you around?"

A moment of silence.

"The other day" Molly began, visibly nervous "I was playing in the park. Some older girls were talking with each other. The oldest one was complaining about her mom… said she was really bossy to her. I said… I said she shouldn't say mean things, and her mom was just trying to help her learn and be nicer to people. And then…"

Molly gripped the sides of her skirt, looking like she wanted to cry again. Ash put his hand back on her shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile, and after taking a deep breath Molly continued.

"She said… she said… she said the reason Momma went away… was because I-" Tears were most certainly welling up in Molly's eyes now, and Ash was bracing himself for what she was about to say "Because I was annoying and no one would want to have me as their daughter"

Ash's eyes widened as Molly let out an anguished wail and began crying for real this time. At first he felt too awkward to respond, but after getting a grip on himself he gave Molly a tender hug and let her cry into his shoulder.

Ash recalled his initial reaction to seeing Molly in the kitchen, and how hurt Molly had seemed when he asked why she was around. And it really hit him that she must have thought that maybe that cruel girl had been right. Maybe she was annoying. Maybe Ash didn't want her around, maybe he would be glad to be away from her. And then, what would that say about her mother and why she went away?

A fresh pan of guilt swept over Ash, and he hugged Molly harder.

What felt like a whole minute passed as Molly poured her heart out. When her sobs began to quiet down, Ash pulled Molly forward to look at her face to face again and gave her a firm look.

"Your mother loved you, Molly. I know that for sure, she didn't run away and leave you. I don't care what some jerk told you, you're not annoying. Don't ever let anyone make you think what happened was your fault, because it's not"

Molly sniffled "But-but then… why did she-"

"It isn't your fault! People just go missing sometimes, but we'll find her eventually. I guarantee you that" Ash said confidently. However different this timeline had to be, if the events behind Mrs Hale's disappearance were the same, then it was guaranteed she'd be found again just like last time. Right? "But more important than that, she loved you. And she would never choose to leave you. You're a good daughter, Molly"

More sniffles. Ash ruffled Molly hair again and gave her another smile.

"And just because I have to leave for a while, that doesn't mean I'm going to leave you forever either. Sometimes friends and family move away, or go different paths in life" Ash recalled the faces of many of his friends and Pokemon in quick succession as he said that "… But that doesn't mean we forget each other, or won't meet again. I promise you that"

More tears, and Molly wrapped Ash in another hug, though this time the tears faded pretty quickly.

"I'm sorry, Ash"

Ash looked down at Molly oddly "What for?" Molly pulled back a bit to talk to his face.

"For thinking you didn't care. I know you do. I just…" Molly hesitated "… I'm really going to miss seeing you all the time. I want everything to go back the way it was"

"I know the feeling" Ash said, thinking of the world the way it was before the Beyonder changed it. He frowned, knowing what he was about to say would probably be hypocritical coming from him, but Ash still felt it was what Molly needed to hear "… But that's just life. Change happens, and you just have to get used to it. Doesn't mean every change will be bad. You'll miss me for a while, but just try and think how happy you'll be when we see each other again. And how great you'll feel when your mom is found"

Molly looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled "That… that does sound nice"

"See, no need to be all doom and gloom" Ash chuckled. Molly wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and separated from Ash, looking a lot calmer now "So, feel better now?"

Molly nodded "Yeah… I'll be okay. You're a good brother, Ash"

Ash scratched his cheek, feeling pretty proud at that "Helps to have a great little sister"

Two hours ago, Ash barely knew Molly. She was just one of many friends that he only knew for a short time and then never saw again. But now, she felt like one of the most important people in his life. A part of Ash was really worried about that feeling. The world he was living in right now was a farce, something that had to be fixed and put back to the way it was. Surely it wasn't going to do him any good in the long run to start getting attached to this version of reality and the life he had here, right?

And yet… for the moment, seeing Molly's gracious smile and the sense of brotherly pride it inspired within him… Ash couldn't find it in him to worry too much about that just now.

"Ahem"

Ash and Molly turned to see Delia looking at them from the top of the stairs, a satisfied smile on her face.

"I really hate to interrupt this moment. But it's nine fourty five, Ash. You should probably be leaving soon if you want to get your first Pokemon" Said Delia. Ash suddenly turned frantic.

"I forgot!" Ash gasped. He turned to Molly quickly "Good talk, gotta go, I'll see you at the ranch later, bye!"

And with that Ash took off down the stairs, much to the bemusement of Delia.

"It only takes ten-" Delia was cut off by a loud thump. She sighed "Also, don't run down the stairs. Keep hitting your head like that, and you won't be in any condition to travel for another week"

"Right… sorry" Ash said, getting up and rubbing the fresh bruise on his forehead. His head was probably going to be purple all day if he kept falling like that.

A moment to let his senses come back later, Ash took off out the door, waving goodbye to Delia, Molly and Mimey who now stood in the frame to see him off as he ran down the path that would lead him to Oak's Laboratory.

"Is Ash going to be okay, miss Ketchum?" Asked Molly. Delia giggled and patted the girl on the head.

"Oh, don't worry. Our Ash can seem like a goof at times, but he's brave and resourceful and determined. He'll be fine"

"Mime, mime" Mimey chimed in agreement. Delia smiled, looking out at her son's shrinking figure in the distance. Her expression softened a little.

She had long prepared herself for this day, but she had to admit to herself she still was a bit worried for Ash's wellbeing. It was a big world out there, one that could be dangerous for inexperienced trainers. She was sure he could handle it, she'd raised him the best she could to be prepared for setting out on his own, but… well, she was a mother. Who could expect her to not have reservations?

Didn't help that she was also going to miss having him around the house almost as much as Molly would. She sighed "Although, I guess I should check to make sure he packed clean underwear before he leaves the ranch"

[philipshay]

all of the writing questions 1-54

1. Favorite place to write.

my bed lmao 

2. Favorite part of writing.

that moment when you just frantically have to get something out??? and the words just spill out like crazy and idk its amazing

3. Least favorite part of writing.

having to write the boring chunky stuff thats essential for plot

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

not really tbh

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

maggie stiefvater and lauren oliver definitely

6. Favorite character you ever created.

so shes my current mc for my trilogy and her name is isla and i just really fucking love her

7. Favorite author.

lauren oliver

8. Favorite trope to write.

i love angst idk if thats a trope??

9. Least favorite trope to write.

probably like.....idk tbh i dont have anything that i dont like when it comes to tropes

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

i would die to write a book with lauren oliver like i would write anything she wanted to write

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

step one: frantically write a paragraph or scene

step two: frantically try and fill in around that first thing

step three: leave it alone for a while

step four: finish when the motivation returns

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?

the only way to deal with them for me is to just. let them be. i know im gonna have them, and that i cant get rid of them, so i just work around them. i write regardless of them. 

13. How do you deal with writers block?

take a break for a little while. read something. watch something. wait for it to become easy to write again.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

for my first book i did hours of research on amputations and prosthetics and stuff because my mc was an amputee

15. Where does your inspiration come from?

everywhere. songs or quotes or shows or books. 

16. Where do you take your motivation from?

readers and just myself. i enjoy the writing and it makes me feel good to do it. 

17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day?

i try and write a little each day. but some days it doesnt work and i have to just set it down. 

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

look...i fucking hate revision and i grumble through it and hate it

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

its for an evak fic btw: 

Something that Isak Valtersen has tried to accept over the last year is that sometimes love isn’t enough.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

from my book: 

One of her hands came up to cup my head, and she held me tighter than she ever had before. It reminded me of when I was small, on the nights I was afraid and young and didn’t understand why I had to stay downstairs. 

The small basement had seemed so big when I was a child. Monsters lurked in all of its corners. Demons waited in the shadows. 

I myself was a monster, but I didn’t know it yet. I was a different type of monster; I was the type that couldn’t be killed. I was too human for that. I was the dredge of humanity. 

But the thing is, when half of the population is as well, it’s much harder to hunt us. It’s much harder to hunt us when we share the faces of those that are good. 

Before I knew what I was, my mother would come downstairs and tell me that one day I wouldn’t be scared, that one day I wouldn’t have to spend every day downstairs. She’d hold me and whisper empty promises. 

Even then, as she held me, there was another empty promise on her lips. She didn’t say it, as I was far too old to believe it, but I knew what she was thinking.

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s.

from my current book too:

Because it was a lie. My freedom was a beautiful, beautiful lie. 

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

okay so honestly im a 1 draft kinda girl and then i go in and edit. 

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

it really depends but currently i prefer single.

24. Poetry or prose, and why?

prose. it has more freedom.

25. Linear or non-linear, and why?

i havent written non linear but i really love it because its so complex and theres so many ways to slowly reveal things and idk its amazing

26. Standalone or series, and why?

ive noticed that most books that are in a series are never as good as book 1. but, that said, there are some worlds that i love to live in and will totally take multiple books. 

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? 

usually wait until its polished

28. And who do you share them with?

i have a writing friend amy who i used to share everything with and other than her i guess tumblr? idk

29. Who do you write for?

myself. 

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

this sounds conceited but there’s so many that i like. i guess one of my favs is: 

Sometimes people leave, and sometimes they’re lost. And sometimes we don’t ever find out why. That’s a darkness that just doesn’t go away.

31. Hardest character to write.

writing my mc marley from my first book was difficult because she had so much anger towards what happened to her and it blinded her to quite a bit. and as the author i knew she was going to get over that but the character herself didnt, and it was hard. 

32. Easiest character to write.

so this is fic but tbh percy jackson because it was on him and the other pjo characters that i learned to write and i spent so much time in that world that i know the characters

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?

yep usually

34. Handwritten notes or typed notes?

typed

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

probably “The promblem isn’t your thighs. The problem is your head.” because it reminds me that my eating disorder is the real enemy, not food. 

39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

definitely on real people. there are pieces of people i know in all of my characters. like the nurse that helped marley in my first book is based off my friend amy. 

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why?

both. they both have their perks and their cons. 

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?

so many. so so so many. 

42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

it comes in pieces. like, i just figured out a few days ago that my mc wasnt a redhead after all. it just happens naturally. it occurs to me randomly tbh. 

43. Are you an avid reader?

i used to be. i do love reading but i dont do it as much anymore. 

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story?

it depends. 

48. Favorite genre to write in.

i love dystopian and contemporary.

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end?

the beginning. 

52. How did writing change you?

it showed me who i was. it gave me purpose and showed me what i wanted to do and idk it made me into the person i am. 

53. What does writing mean to you?

everything. writing is so important to me like....its everything. 

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” it truly is. comparison is the enemy. try not to take part in that shit. 

[fanforfanatic]

Masterlist

Find me on ao3

I mostly write Destiel or Reader Inserts but I’m open to all things :)

Oneshots unless otherwise specified. The titles link to the tumblr post.

[F]luff ; [A]ngst ; [S]mut ; [C]rack ; [B]ittersweet (not quite angst, not quite fluff).

Destiel [No word count means drabbles: 500 words or less]

When Lost (ao3) Whenever Dean's lost, Cas goes looking. [F][A]

A soul like space (ao3) Dean doesn’t want to ask this of his little brother, but he needs to. Needs to see Cas again. [B] 

Solitary (ao3) When he comes to—and he will—Cas won’t remember what drove him mad in the first place. [A]

How it is now (ao3) Cas throws an elbow up, a move Dean taught him, and sends Lucifer stumbling back through the portal just as it closes.Then, they're alone. Together and quiet. Post 12.23 [F][A] 

Beat (ao3) Cas goes away again, but he takes Dean [flying] with him. [F]

Colours of Pride (ao3) A drabble per colour of the Pride Flag: Red is the hot pulse of alive, blue is the bleak lulls between good days, and purple is the satisfaction of a scratched itch. // 1.4k [F][A][S][B]

The Best of Fools (ao3) ‘The label is misleading’ is Cas’ initial reaction. There is no music on Dean’s top 13 Zepp Traxx, at least not until the very end. // 1.4k [B]

PROMPTED (ao3) Drabbles spawned from one word prompts, courtesy of the sweet people in the dcbb firechat (a place of pain and sin). Hair (ao3) Dean likes Cas' hair a lot. Cas might like Dean's hair too much. [F] Jeans (ao3) Dean and Cas do it with their jeans still on until they start doing it with their pants off. [S] Desk (ao3) Dean gets himself a hobby. [F] 100 word smut (ao3) Deancas smut in exactly one hundred words. [S] Candle (ao3) Cas is a wtich and Dean is his apprentice. pre-[S]-ish Basket (ao3) Dean works a case in a mental ward where a blue-eyed patient takes interest in him. [Not applicable: N/A] Pride (ao3) Cas finds out about Pride. [F] Wing Burns (ao3) Cas comes back eventually, of course he does, but every night Dean relives his death anyway. [A] Dildo (ao3) It’s too small. [S] Lollipop (ao3) “You’re something alright, Cas, but you're not fine.”  [F]

In the lulls between tracks (ao3) Dean buys it, the house and the land where Cas dies.12.23 coda (of sorts). // 1k [A][B]

I’m All You’ve Known (ao3) “You said you lov- You said-” Dean can’t say it, Cas never should have, so he drinks more instead. // 3.8k [A][F][S]

Designated Duties (ao3) Dean is the one who ties Cas' ties for him. [F]

Dean Wants What Cas Wants (ao3) Cas hums again. “This is why I don't want you in clothes, Dean. Too pretty to hide away.” [S]

You Keep Those (ao3) Dean offers Cas a present. One Cas takes great joy in unwrapping. One they can enjoy together. [S]

Jimmy Novak Can Sing (and so can Cas) (ao3) The closest bar to the bunker that the Winchesters think is far enough that it’s safe to frequent regularly has an open mic night. [F]

Angel of What Matters Most (ao3) Dean has etymology questions and Cas is not amused. [F]

Offered Flour (ao3) Dean takes the job at Gabriel’s Bakery to help put Sam through college. Sam gets a full ride though so when Dean keeps the job at Gabriel’s Bakery it's for the cute blue-eyed employee. [F]

Ice Cream Afternoon (ao3) “Whatever nervousness Dean was experiencing (for whatever reason) is forgotten then as Cas snaps his body to face him and grins a wide gummy smile that Dean thinks blinds him more than the overhead sun.” [F]

After Sex With Cas (ao3) Sex with Cas is great. In fact, Dean thinks it’s the best. He wouldn’t change a damn thing about it. Except… [F][S]

Kisses by Sunflower Beds (ao3) Cas can’t bring Dean back, but he can’t be without him, either. So Cas leaves to meet versions of Dean he hasn’t come across before. Dean at three as a snotty toddler. At eight as a grubby child. At fifteen when he's already damaged. Cas travels through time to meet Dean throughout his life, different version of the man and Cas loves every single one. // Not a drabble: 3.3k [F][A][S][B]

What is Real is Real is Real (ao3) Cas tries to convince himself that God hasn't abandoned him. He learns that it doesn’t matter either way. [F]

Telling Cas (ao3) Dean tells Cas how he feels about him. Post 12x12. [F][S]

Given The Time (ao3) A sleepy Dean thinks of Cas. 12.15 coda of sorts. [A]

Let Go (ao3) Dean picks up a leaf and has thoughts about it. [B][F]

More Than Four (ao3) Why Cas likes these mornings best. [F]

Dean x reader or Dean x OFC

For What It’s Worth (ao3) You borrow something of Dean's and he is not pleased. You are not pleased that he is not pleased. That's not to say that pleasure isn't derived from the overall situation. [S]

Of The Beholder (ao3) You and Dean go to an underground poker game of the supernatural variety. It goes exactly as planned. Or at least as close to planned as either of you expected. [B][C][Case fic. Bamf!Reader]

Movies that End in a Kiss (ao3) You tell Dean you’re in love with him exactly three times. [B][A][F]

Scar Tissue (ao3) Dean meets a girl in a bar and their damaged parts seem to match. [B]

Snippet: “I don’t want to alarm anyone but you’re presenting yourself as quite the gambler,” He teased. “Betting left and right.”

“I’m a thrill seeker.” She shrugged exaggeratedly, in a ‘what can you do’ sort of way. “Promise I’m good for it, though.”

About Dean’s Dreams (ao3) Dean writes letters to the woman of his dreams. As in, the woman he’s with when he’s asleep. [B][A][F][S]

The Orange Thing (ao3) If you’re honest with yourself, you might have gone a tad bit overboard. A smidge, really. But nothing captured your attention, your fascination, quite as much as the Orange Phenomenon. [C][S-sorta]

Watch forever (ao3) A list of things Dean likes to look at. (Including you.) [F][B]

Take Me Home (ao3) It's not a secret that Dean cheats on you and it's not a secret that you don't like it. [A][B][S]

We’ll Build a tree house (ao3) You and Dean move into a new place and. In most ways, it’s a step down from the bunker. [F][B]

No more waiting (ao3) After a case that was more touch and go than either are comfortable with, Dean and Mace take an even bigger risk. [S][F][A]

Snippet: “Hookers don’t wear hoodies, Sammy.” Dean took it upon himself to educate his little brother.

Mace rolled her eyes as she rubbed her hands together. “Dean knows all about that working girl life.”

Something about salvation (ao3) -complete- [A][B][F] (part 1) (part 2)

A rogue soul escapes hell and its tortures. Top side, she runs into a man wearing the same face as one of her tormentors from her first decade in the pit. The one who had piercing green eyes.

Or, one of the souls Dean tortured in hell escapes and he’s forced to face his actions from his last month in the basement.

To The Hilt (ao3) -complete- [F][A][S] Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 Sequel Links to come.

When they run into her for the fourth time in a fourth state, Sam and Dean don't think it's a coincidence anymore. Maybe they kidnap her to get to the bottom of things. Maybe they accidentally put her on a path of destruction. Maybe Dean falls in love with her a little. Serves her right for stalking them, to be honest.

Not a Day Goes By (ao3) [Sequel to To The Hilt] -ongoing- [F][A][S] Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Links to come.

Robin died. First in Dean's arms and then again when she vanished. Dean is hurt and angry and devastated and so goddamn committed to getting her back.

Castiel x reader or Castiel x OFC

Something to get used to (ao3) Cas comes to live in the bunker full time and Ace has a hard time adjusting. [F][pre-S]

As You’re Told (ao3) -ongoing- [S][F][eventual-A] Chapters: SEXY TEASER ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX (seven coming soon)

You start dating Castiel, a famous physicist, when you get hired at the same university as him. A few months into the relationship, you explore dom/sub dynamics within your sex lives.

Snippet: “They’re just toys,” Cas says.

“So you’ve said.”

“You want to try them?”

You don’t say anything.

“You want to try it?” He asks and tries to keep his voice as natural sounding as possible but you don’t miss the smallest of hitches.

“What’s ‘it’?”

“BDSM.”

Find me on ao3

[twilight-adamo]

Chapter 14 Preview & Feedback

Hello everyone -

I realize it’s been a while since I’ve posted here or published a new chapter. Sorry about that; real life threw me for a loop over the past few weeks and I’ve been fighting these chapters more and more of late. This one is no exception. I’ve finally finished the first scene, but I’m not entirely sure about it for two reasons: one, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything like this; two, I feel putting this in the main body of the work as published on FFN and AO3 may force me to bump up the rating -- and might push me off FFN entirely. I’ve tried to dance along the edge here and avoid getting too explicit for that reason, but I’m still worried that it, and scenes like it, might be a bit too much.

So I’m posting it here in the hopes of gathering some feedback. If it DOES seem like too much, I may just post snippets like this here on Tumblr periodically, and keep the bulk of the scenes like this off FFN and AO3. Sequences like this one will just be alternate and deleted scenes. If it seems reasonably teen-appropriate, well, off it goes into the main story, and there’ll be similar ‘clear but not explicit’ scenes in the future.

If you have tweaks to suggest to make it more appropriate and/or more compelling, if you have issues with descriptions or whatever, well...I’d be glad to hear those too. As I said, it’s been a while since I wrote anything like this, and I feel like I’m pretty rusty.

Putting the text under a cut. Warning: quasi-explicit sexual themes, not quite R I think but possibly more than a PG-13.

It wasn't even 8 by the time we left the Clearwater house, though the sun had set over two hours previously. We grabbed some burgers and fries on the way back home, I double-checked my homework over dinner, and then I had an hour or so to kill before bed.

“I think I'm going to take a bath,” I announced to dad, as he switched on the news.

“You are?” he asked, surprised. “I mean, uh, sure. You just never struck me as the...bath type.”

That didn't really shock me. Even by my half-assed femme standards, the old Bella didn't seem to have much in the way of girly stuff. In my old life, even I'd kept bubble bath and scented candles around, even if I rarely used them. And I definitely had more cosmetics. I seriously needed to make a supply run sometime soon. I wasn't sure if Bath and Body Works or Sephora were around yet, or if there were locations any where near here, but I'd have to look into it. If nothing else, there was always the grocery store.

I smiled and shrugged. “I guess I'm not usually, but sometimes a good soak's nice. I'll just be in the bathroom for a while, is all.”

“Sure, fine. Have...fun?” dad replied, sounding uncertain. “Heh, you don't need a rubber ducky or anything, right?”

I gave him a wry chuckle. “I think I'll manage, thanks.”

I headed back upstairs, sticking the old, rarely-used plug in the tub and starting the water running. Once I'd gotten the temperature to where I wanted it, I ducked back into my room and grabbed my bathrobe. Shutting the bathroom door, I took a look at myself in the full-length mirror on the back and sighed, getting undressed.

I'd gotten to know my new face pretty well over the last couple of weeks, but since that initial experience on the plane, I'd deliberately avoided paying too much attention to my own body. I'd had to get very acquainted with certain things very quickly, especially when my period had come, and of course I'd had to shower, and shave my legs for my date with Alice, but I hadn't really explored. In any sense of the word. Maybe it was because it had felt disrespectful, at first. Maybe it was because I'd been afraid of breaking down under the weight of living in a body that wasn't my own, even if it was a lot closer to the body I'd always wanted.

Maybe those were still valid concerns. But I couldn't go on like this, for one simple reason.

“You are Isabella Marie Swan,” I whispered to myself, locking eyes with my reflection. They seemed wrong, as always, but I was no longer sure why, not after my memory loss. Something about the shade not quite being right. “You are Bella Swan. Your parents are Renee and Charlie. You're dating Alice Cullen. This is who you will be for as long as you live. Anything from before...”

My voice cracked a little, and tears blurred my vision. I wiped them back roughly with the back of my hand. I could remember so many nights like this, and as I felt the pain cut through my thoughts, I wondered why my brain had decided to keep those memories. There had been so many times, desperate to deny who I was, desperate to find an easier path, when I'd stood before other mirrors, telling myself who I was, who I should be. Telling myself it wouldn't change. That it couldn't. I had tried, so many times, to shove my feelings deep down inside me, to find a balance that wouldn't require me to unleash the truth. There had been sacrifices, and compromises, and the line had kept moving, until finally I couldn't pretend any longer. And now, here I was, standing in front of another mirror, in another body that felt wrong, insisting on the way things had to be.

“That was different,” I hissed, under my breath. “This is different. Isn't this what you wanted? Maybe not exactly the body you wanted, but who the hell ever gets exactly the body they want? This is what you prayed to God would happen. So what? What is it? Why are you upset?”

I forced myself to look at my reflection, digging deep into the roiling storm of my emotions. They seemed harder to control, now. That was as good a starting point as any. “I'm off my meds. I haven't been off my meds this long in years. I may be in a different brain, with different brain chemistry, but the hardware's still faulty and maybe the software is, too. Okay. I need to get back on medication of some kind. I'm dealing with teenage hormones. Aside from my hair, I don't look anything like my old self, and now I can barely even remember what my old self even looked like. I've already forgotten parts of my old life, I'm afraid of forgetting the rest, and I feel like I'm abandoning my loved ones by settling in here. I don't know what happened to the previous Bella Swan and I feel guilty for taking over her body and her life, even though I didn't ask for it. And I've been so wrapped up in all of that that I've barely even touched myself, I have an incredibly hot girlfriend who loves to tease, and I am horny as shit, so none of that is helping, either. One of these problems can be solved tonight! Guess which one.”

I shoved my hands against the door to either side of the mirror, staring intently at my own face, until finally I couldn't help it. A soft laugh bubbled up in my throat, I cracked a smile, and I shook my head slowly. Finally, I pushed back, sniffing and wiping the remaining tears from my puffy, reddened eyes.

“Well, it's still pretty gruesome when I cry, so that hasn't changed,” I joked, letting another giggle out of my throat. “Come on, Bells, let's see what we're working with.”

My gaze swept slowly downward, away from my face, and I really looked at myself for the first time. I was right the first time, I thought – I looked about as much like Kristen Stewart as any other relatively slender brunette on the planet, and changing my hair had only emphasized the differences. My general build was the same, perhaps, but I was a little less lean. The layer of baby fat I'd noticed in my face was present in the rest of my body as well, giving me a slightly unfinished look. There was still a slight awkwardness to my limbs, which might have explained Bella's clumsiness in the books. I suspected I was a late bloomer. I was definitely a young woman, to be sure, but I didn't think puberty was quite done with me yet. At least it was headed in the right direction this time.

I didn't have Rosalie or Emily's curves, or Leah's athletic figure. I wasn't a petite, elfin beauty like Alice, either. But Bella Swan was certainly someone I would have felt attracted to, in my old life, at least if she were somewhat older. She was pretty – I was pretty. No, I was beautiful, or would be. I could see the hints of the woman I'd become, in a couple years more, as my limbs and features struck their final balance and the last childish softness faded away. I could see the characteristics that would be drawn out when I turned, changing me from beautiful to gorgeous. I could just about see myself through Alice's eyes, just for a moment, and I felt lust stirring deep within me.

I swallowed, and let my tongue flick across my lips, before raising my hand to cup one of my breasts, running my fingers over the sensitive skin. My breath hitched in my throat, and a small, tingling shiver ran through my flesh, goosebumps rising in its wake. Slowly, I ran both hands down my soft stomach, over my hips, down my thighs. I shifted one hand to my inner thigh, running my fingers upward...but I stopped short, biting my lip and glancing over at the tub, which was reaching the point where I risked a spillover when I got in. Abandoning my ministrations, I stepped over to it and switched off the faucet, then tied my hair up in a messy bun before slipping in, letting out a soft hiss as I sank into the hot water.

Shutting my eyes, I took a moment to simply float in the tub, letting my thoughts drift aimlessly for a moment. Then, slowly, gently, I drew my finger up my inner thigh again, reveling in the yearning, nearly aching tingle that ran through my body. With my other hand, I stroked upward from the spot where my thigh met my pelvis, over my stomach, finally reaching my chest and caressing my breast once more. I could feel myself coming alive with every touch, heat and need rising within me, new and strange but no less pleasurable.

Much as I was enjoying it, though, I felt a slight pang of...something. Guilt, maybe, and longing. I didn't want to do another emotional inventory. I didn't want to think too much about it – or think at all, at the moment. But part of me still wished Alice was there, even if I was doing this partly for her. When the time came, I wanted to know my own body, wanted to be able to tell her what I needed. I was already a blushing virgin, particularly compared to her centuries of experience. I didn't want to be completely ignorant. I was sure she'd have plenty to teach me regardless.

Still...if I concentrated, I could almost picture her entering the bathroom, a wicked smile on her lips, a mischievous twinkle in her golden eyes, her lithe form wrapped in a short, silky, barely-there bathrobe. I could imagine her hips swaying as she walked over to me, leaning over, the curve of her breasts coming into view. I could almost feel her cool, sweet breath against my ear as she whispered to me in a low, husky voice.

“Getting started without me, baby? Tsk. Naughty.”

I left my eyes closed, not wanting to break the fantasy, not when it all seemed so vivid. My lips curled into a lazy smile as I replied to my imagined Alice. “Does that mean you're going to have to punish me?”

“Maybe,” she trilled softly, drawing the word out in a sing-song cadence, and I swore I could almost feel her cold, firm lips grazing my jaw, kissing down my neck, her venom-slick tongue darting out to caress my skin. I reached for my breast, imagining small, pale, cool fingers stroking skillfully where my hand touched. “First I think you owe me a show. Even if I am joining it already in progress. Go on, Bella. Show me how you touch yourself. Show me how you want me to touch you.”

I nodded, biting my lip, and trailed my fingers downward, slowly stroking along the lines of my chest, my stomach, my hips. My hands found my thighs, and my fingers clamped around them, pushing them apart as far as the tub would allow. As I did, I felt the ghost of Alice's hands on mine, guiding my fingers as they moved upward again.

“Are you wet for me, baby?” she murmured, leaning over to brush her lips against mine.

I almost wanted to give her some smart-ass reply about the fact I was in a tub, of course I was wet, but at that moment I touched myself at last, and my breath caught in my throat before coming out in a ragged, strangled whisper. “Oh, yes. Always.”

“Always? My, my. That must make your school day very interesting,” she replied, with a note of feline amusement in her voice.

I groaned, my hips shifting against the porcelain tub as my fingers kept working. “Shut up.”

“If that's what you want. I'm sure I could find better uses for this wagging tongue of mine,” she returned.

It went on like that for what seemed like an eternity, my imaginary Alice alternating between wicked teasing and whispered words of encouragement, her phantom lips and fingers seemingly everywhere. At some point, the fantasy shifted, and she was in the tub with me, on top of me, her small breasts brushing against mine, her fingers working in concert with my hand. I was close, so close, and I wasn't quite sure how to push myself over the top, not until I pictured her leaning down against me and whispering in my ear.

“Come for me.”

The floodgates seemed to burst at that, and I had to bite my lip hard to keep from crying out, not wanting to alert my dad to what precisely I was doing. I let out a strangled groan through my teeth as I shuddered with the force of my climax, and then, at last, I took in a ragged breath, finding release. I floated there in the afterglow for a long moment, my body still tingling. At last, I opened my eyes.

Alice, of course, was nowhere to be seen. As real as it had seemed, it had ultimately just been my own imagination. Maybe I should have been worried about how vivid the fantasy was, but at the time, I could only feel a hollow regret deep in my bones.

“Next time,” I promised myself in a whisper. “Next time it's with her.”

[trulycertain]

The Shield Raised Masterpost

May also be of interest: The Great Big Masterpost (everything I’ve ever written on Tumblr) The Armour masterpost (F!Amell/Alistair) The An Unquenchable Flame masterpost (F!Trevelyan/Cullen) The Knight Shop masterpost (multi-writer modern AU)

Shield Raised is a series of drabbles about my stoic, awkward Trevelyan, Gal, and his romance with Dorian. a.k.a., “A Marcher nearly-templar, a Tevinter altus, and a slow understanding.” The Inquisition-era ones (though not the pre- and post-game ones) are collected on AO3 here.

Pre-Inquisition

sans peur et sans reproche: Basically, Gal’s angsty backstory. Chantries, angry young men and controlling mothers.

Haven

Rejection: The Herald has barely spoken since he arrived. (Josephine, Gal and the beginning of a tentative friendship.)

Futures: Dorian thinks the supposed Herald of Andraste is rather… odd.

The Measure: Dorian, Gal and a slow understanding. Also Dorian working out. Because apparently that’s important?

Drinking with the Tevinter: The Inquisition isn’t happy having someone from the Imperium in its ranks. Gal feels rather differently.

Questions and Answers: Gal gets upset and a bit drunk and finally opens up about his past. That’s pretty much it.

pictures in the snow: The attack on Haven and Gal’s apparent death.

Skyhold

Crossing: Turns out Gal’s alive. Cue Skyhold, UST and a step forwards.

Mamihlapinatapei: Promptfic. Mamihlapinatapei - The look between two people in which each loves the other but is too afraid to make the first move.

Sweet Nothing: The companions attempt to be helpful because the UST is getting painful to watch. Gal and Dorian do not appreciate it, but it gives them food for thought.

Liminal: Dorian tries to deal with being chucked into the Fade, and then with his father, and lines are crossed. Angsty as hell, even by Shield Raised standards.

Out Of My Head: Post-Last Resort Of Good Men. Dorian gets drunk, tries not to snog Gal and is homesick.

Answers: In which they finally spit it out. Only took them 21k.

Rumours:  A revised and improved rewrite of “Answers.” Blech, kissing.

Attachment: Some fluff, some angst, some snogging. In the aftermath of That Kiss, Gal and Dorian try to work out what this thing between them is.

Truths: Homesickness, making out, and Dorian playing the “what, of course I’m not falling for him, what do you mean I called him amatus, I don’t even know what that means” game.

Promises: “Wishing but wondering, wounded and wistful. What if he doesn’t want me after?” A seduction, and Dorian waiting to get his heart broken. As usual.

the light of day: In which all the companions have an opinion. Of course.

Chess: Gal gets trounced at chess by a twelve-year-old. Oh, and he and Irene talk about happiness.

Pretexts:  SFW, despite subject matter. Gal attempts to find time to do some “paperwork.” Said paperwork has a moustache.

Gifts, and surprises: Two short drabbles for the prompts “Did you do this?” and “So uh. I noticed you’re kinda naked. Is that intentional, or… ?” Gal and Dorian attempt to be spontaneous, with varying levels of success.

Sers: SFW, but written for #sexlaughterhonesty Week and the theme “coitus interruptus”. In which a messenger is privy to too much.

A Request: Short snippet. Josephine and Gal, pre-Winter Palace.

Formality: Why they got scruffy!Gal at Halamshiral, despite Josephine’s wishes.

A letter found on the Inquisitor’s desk: For the Dragon Age 100 prompt “Family.” Gal and an old friend from the Chantry days.

The Golden Floor: Halamshiral fluff, and why dancing can sometimes be an act of bravery.

Kohl: The adventures of Gal and Dorian and their battles with eyeliner. Does a little bit of timeline-hopping.

Mornings: On waking up together and Gal’s ridiculously large bed.

Mutual Domesticity: “You didn’t think I lived in leathers, did you?”

Maps: Short promptfic for “kisses meant to distract the other person from whatever they were intently doing.“

Dignity: Very daft fluff. Gal’s battles with the Helm of the Inquisitor. And prima sandwicha.

Ironically, Zombie Spider: What it says on the tin. Dorian really, really needs to stop idle magic experiments.

For Now:  The Arbour Wilds fallout, and the “I’m going back to Tevinter” conversation. Angst, 5.1k.

“So if Gal’s 'amatus’, what does he call you?” Very short headcanon drabble thing.

Post-game

A Problem: Spans from shortly after their meeting to post-game. About 7k. Dorian and his struggles with The Dreaded L Word.

The Hangover: The big “we survived” celebration. Gal finally gets truly, astonishingly drunk, and emotional honesty happens. Much to his horror. Also: sorbet.

Malapert: Promptfic. Malapert - Clever in manners of speech.

“I love you” - said loudly, so everyone can hear

The Trespasser hair: Short, silly headcanon drabble.

Trespasser

Worst Case Scenario: Angsty AU drabble where Trespasser was even more difficult for Gal and Dorian. I let these two be happy sometimes. I promise.

Green: How Trespasser actually went. Truthfully, it’s not much less angsty than the AU.

Post-Trespasser

on the turning away: Leaving, and coming back.

Depth Over Distance: Gal, Dorian and managing the long-distance thing. Partly epistolary. Also, the return of Erren.

The Trespasser hair, part two: Gal has opinions on long-haired Dorian.

“I love you” - said as a thank you

Pain: Gal gets another tattoo. Dorian has… thoughts on it. Written for a Dragon Age 100 Challenge prompt.

A Question: What it says on the tin.

AUs

it’s running you with red: A short, miserable red-templar!Gal drabble.

Birthright (AO3): Another of the not quite fairy tales: the Cinderella AU no-one asked for. In a world where things happened slightly differently, Dorian takes a masked ball as a chance to covertly investigate this Inquisition he’s heard so much about. It’s only one night. Not much can go wrong. Can it? (Spoiler: The answer is yes. Or it can go very, very right.)

“Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.” (All things change, and we change with them.) For a prompt. In which a time travel experiment goes wrong and Dorian ends up meeting a very sad eighteen-year-old stuck-in-the-Chantry Gal.

Reprise: Or “the one where Gal freaks out and breaks up with Dorian in Trespasser because he is an idiot, and they have to sort things out nearly two years later.” Ten-parter (there is a lot of mess to sort out). Over at AO3 | On Tumblr: Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |  Angsty extra drabble | 9 | 10

That very silly modern AU where they met at Yvaine’s wedding

Antivan Brandy: “I’d make an excellent spy. Charming, handsome, perfect teeth and hair…”

july forever (AO3): These visiting Tevinters are going to be fundamental for trade. The Trevelyans' son is under no circumstances to do anything stupid or inappropriate to embarrass the family, like seducing any of their foreign guests. Unfortunately, said Tevinters' son has rather different ideas.The "angry young men have a doomed summer romance" AU.

The Knight Shop stuff (modern-ish fluff-ish AU)

Terms & Conditions - The problem with distinguished old houses is that they tend to fall down around your ears when ignored for a decade. Dorian needs a handyman (possibly a whole squad of them). Gal is... well, a one-man most-of-a-squad. Or a knight.

Revenge - Gal’s all pink round the edges due to the Shop’s newest customer. Time for Alistair to tease him relentlessly about it. “I didn’t know ‘seventeenth-century villain’ was your type, but whatever works for you…”

“The washing machine broke, I almost lost my keys, the car got dented, and a wasp got into the house and hijacked the bedroom for four days! Four. Days.” Promptfic. The Knight Shop AU I will someday write properly with these two.

A to B - That time Dorian ended up on the back of Gal’s bike. Yeah, really.

DELETED SCENES

The First Round - Very important shirtless *cough* plot.

Happiness - Gal, Irene and a game of chess

Graphic depictions of cuddling

If asked, “When did you first fall in love?” both Gal and Dorian will struggle to answer the question.

OUTTAKES

Tru and Gal get a pint together, part one

Tru and Gal get a pint together, part two

“Only one orgy?”

Very, very bad jokes

HEADCANONS/COMMENTARY

Gal headcanons and history

More headcanons/extra info on Gal

Why Gal is called Galahad

Half-asleep Gal

Haircanons - Gal’s “phases” after DAI

Ten questions for Gal

Pros and cons of dating Gal (what pros?)

Gal and romance

Gal vs. TVTropes

Gal/Dorian couple-y silliness

Gal, Dorian and the bedroom (not quite as unsafe for work as it sounds)

Erren headcanons and info

Dorian headcanons (very general, but might tell you a bit about how I write him)

Dorian totally had a punk phase (Knight Shop/modern AU, I guess?)

Shield Raised and horses

Chev Trev The Horse