#truly the 'i do not know what im doing at this job. i am so tired. but by god im gonna give it my all' voice of all time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maxlarens · 2 days

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all the daniel stuff has really put a damper on my weekend and it seems like VCARB don’t even know and even if they don’t drop him it’s s horrible and cruel.

i had a pit in my stomach earlier cause i was so stressed about it i had to stop going on social media :/

he’s been doing a good job! vcarb just don’t know what they’re doing

i’ll be so sad if true cause daniel is the reason i got into f1 in the first place and last time there was a chance he was back but idk if it can happen again

(sorry for ranting in your inbox i just saw you posted about it and i’ve been so stressed lol)

no ur absolutely fine, im more than happy to discuss this kind of stuff! i may start making more posts about drivers and f1 politics and things tbh.

but yeah anyway. anyone’s personal feelings about daniel and his performance and whether or not he deserves his seat etc etc aside, it’s just appalling how redbull are handling this. they have clearly not made a concrete decision yet (ie: pen to paper. i think people know), but have been stringing daniel along on the hope that he may not get replaced. i just think its disgusting with how truly terrible vcarb has been re: his tyre strategy. this race was a mess? i don’t understand why they would pit him first like that so early on. it makes genuinely no sense to me. and it puts him in this awful position wheres he’s got to fight through the midfield every time he races.

i don’t get it. and i think its absurd to judge him off his race position when they shaft him every time.

and just yeah. throwing him to media wolves when he has been fucking loyal to redbull. sure he left. but they treat him like dirt under their shoe. for what reason??? especially when he came back on the hope of getting into the redbull seat. and fine if thats not an option okay. why has he seemed to think that he’s been safe and/or had hope up until the end of this race? where literally everyone is acting like its foregone conclusion that he’s gone and he has to grapple with that in front of everyone. without support from vcarb or rb.

i can see vcarb not knowing. i think max knows. i think h*rner knows. why doesn’t daniel know? why wasn’t he given an appropriate send off?? why haven’t they announced the swap with a race or two to go so he can be prepared for it, have people celebrate his career.

i love logan. but that sudden swap makes sense to me. he was causing damages that a team like williams can’t absorb. daniel is not crashing. i understand its the pressure of the wdc. but to me it looks like the reason daniel is not getting into points is because vcarb screw up his tyre strategy. perez is costing them money, perez is costing them points. i don’t think theres a big conspiracy to keep him in his seat, but i AM confused as to why daniel is unfairly bearing the brunt of that? thats what it feels like to me.

i will be very interested to see what they announce/how they announce it for daniel. and i will also be interested to see how they handle liam and his tyre strategy if thats what happens. because yeah whats the value in this swap is what it comes down to imo.

overall these mid season swaps are not a pattern that i particularly enjoy seeing. its not out of character for redbull of course, but it just reeks of disrespect for their drivers. especially someone like daniel who loves that team, clearly deeply loves driving and has been in the sport for a significant amount of time. a mid season swap is not unacceptable to me, but the lack of care in handling it is.

#💌asks #🏎️lilli talks f1 #dr3

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cybertron-smash-or-pass · 5 months

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No but David Kaye was literally perfect in TFA. He’s great for a younger take on Optimus, especially since he pulls off young serious stern hero whose willing to die to save others, whose also sassy

He's such a good sweet and genuine boy and I love him so much and I'm so happy for him every time he gets to cause problems on purpose for sentinel. TFA Optimus is only smug when its EARNED and the show does such a good job of making you root for him because everyone is SO mean to him and you're just waiting on the moment when he stops holding his tongue and really fucking lets em have it.

Literally just "aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just wanna go apeshit?"

#not polls #animated optimus is genuinely my favorite version of the character bc he has so much personality #and that personality is so so wonderful and sweet #he just feels like A Guy you could Talk To and have a really fun conversation with #like im all for silly dilf in g1 or autism prime in tfp #but 20 something stepdad repair guy with the weight of two worlds on his shoulders AND baggage from his exes??#delicious.#literally cannot be beaten.#especially when played by david kaye who does a WONDERFUL job of portraying him #truly the 'i do not know what im doing at this job. i am so tired. but by god im gonna give it my all' voice of all time #maccadam

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mydream-synopsis · 2 months

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very close to having a full on rant on my twt in japanese because i am SO done with the state of merch trading rn i genuinely Cannot trade for togame unless i fulfil silly little requirements that ppl have started to make for popular characters

#like No i am NOT giving up every. single. piece of merch just for one trade who do you think you are #the prices on mercari are shit too #who am i killing for a togame keyring #but i'm also simultaneously terrified to how these japanese ppl on twt will react #im not a truly native japanese person in terms of my personality since i grew up abroad so i'm still treading eggshells around jpn twt #they're so scary #like just say what you meant #you don't need to backhand me with words #or block me silently #sigh #i really don't know what i'll do for future winbre merch #im not very good at pulling togame in random merch #it's truly a curse to be a jo lover and be bad at pulling his merch #also these people are much older than me and are mostly all adults with jobs #and im just a little uni student #i can't buy entire boxes of random merch #how am i supposed to trade

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permanentreverie · 6 months

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#ok so mini rant session #i am doing a bit better today - little less distraught over getting fired from a job i thought i was doing pretty good at and i was trying #really hard and genuinely enjoying #and just more baffled because truly i had no warning and i was completely blindsided #i was in the middle of a 3 month trial and i would have a review at the end in which i would be offered a permanent position if it went well #and i thought i was making my way towards that! granted i was still making mistakes but genuinely not of such a great scale i thought it #called for my immediate dismissal #that being said i was still VERY MUCH IN TRAINING. i had only been there A MONTH AND A HALF learning COMPLETELY NEW SYSTEMS #and i was told that i had been there a few weeks already and that i wasn’t catching on quick enough. that there were some areas i was #understanding and others i just simply wasn’t #and i asked what areas specifically so that i could learn more and try harder #and they didn’t give me a specific answer.#ok and so. so. i have this insecurity.#that at first impression people will like me. that they may think i’m pretty or kind or funny or whatever #but then they spend time with me or get to know me and realize that that’s all bullshit.#that i’m actually not pretty and im mean and loud and selfish and lazy and rude and etc etc etc #MASSIVE fucking insecurity in that like that’s why i genuinely don’t have friends or a significant other #and that genuinely i’m just a Bad Person #and when i was fired? i was told ‘a persons true colours show after a few weeks’#so that’s MAJORLY fucking me up.#when i was hired i was boasted to about my boss’s hiring process and how she’s ’only been fooled twice’#and the morning before i was fired in a meeting my supervisor told everyone that i was doing quite well.#so yeah i truly had no fucking warning. at fucking all.#hurt and confused and angry and baffled and did i mention hurt #anyways if you’re still here i’m sorry i know this is not a good look for me

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 months

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Me: I should probably clean my room, unpack, find my laptop and finish the work tasks that were due yesterday

Also me: I think I'm going to hot glue flowers, vines, and ribbons to a basket instead :)

#no my room is so bad it even hurts my chronically messy soul #i moved back in with my parents in May and im terrible at unpacking #so everything is just strewn about because i just pulled shit out of boxes when i needed them and never put them anywhere productive #and i just got back from my summer camp job. i still need to digitize my inventory and write my closing report #it was supposed to be done before i left camp but i convinced them to let me do it by monday #today is tuesday #part of the reason i havent done it is because my laptop is lost in this mess #last thing im procrastinating is ren faire prep #truly its not much prep just adding vines and flowers to a basket and needing to try on my whole outfit #and practice my makeup and hair #makeup will be light bcuz i dont know how to do makeup #so im just doing some lipstick and glittery highlight #and i need to figure out what to do with my hair. i have a tiara that i might see about fastening into the braids #or i may braid ribbons into my hair. gotta test to see whoch one i like better #i am so fucking excited for ren faire bcuz im going with my gf and some of her friends #im so excited to meet her friends and spend time with her outside of the summer camp we worked at together #AND im going to do her hair and she asked me to braid ribbons into her hair so im so excited #i just need to practice some braids to figure out how i want to do her hair and practice braiding in ribbons #i fucking love doing hair and i cant wait to do hers. ive done single strand braods for her before BUT #she has long beautiful hair and ive been wanting to try more braids on her and i think i have an idea of what i want to do #but instead of doing anything productive. i am sitting in bed. doing nothing #(spoiler alert its because every time i leave camp i get treated to a terrible depressive episode)#(its because i lose the routine and sunshine and exercise and social aspect of camp probably)#(now worsened by the terrible state of my room and the passing of one of my rats while i was at camp that i just learned about)#anyway im doing fine. gonna go do something now ig

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nomairuins · 21 days

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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower #so thatll hopefuly be tmrw #i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in #the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk #i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating #1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like #We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex #and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on #schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk #it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything #which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it #but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become #nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless #and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep #schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i #dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite #of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better #i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish #my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just #say nothing. yay

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orcelito · 2 months

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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.

like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo

i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.

#speculation nation #the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again #it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way #and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me #but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet #ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me #on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE #the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger #it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes #she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too #...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol #negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.

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pepprs · 11 months

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my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

#purrs #longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing #and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how #deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is #to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is #being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten #alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can #one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the #most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably #i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this #delete later #i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting #people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself #and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i #feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk.#also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental #illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt #feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant #i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that #and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending

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alchemyne · 8 months

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i don't want to turn 25 rant in tags

#i truly don't even know what im doing #i will get super passionate about something and then let it rot #and it's things im good at too so idek what's wrong with me #i just feel completely and utterly burnt out with work and relationships and just. everything really.#and hobbies too i was so excited to start drawing again and it seems pointless with ai art being preferred anyway #every time i think about putting effort into making friends i get ill at the thought of them doing the same shit #so like. what is there to do.#i just want to be far far away from here #my last birthday was soooo shit too lol i am just not. in any way looking forward to this one.#anyway it will all be fine!!!#i will watch movies and go out and do things on my own and it will be fine #and maybe i will get a job overseas #okay goodnight #<3

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silverislander · 9 months

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prof said congrats for writing up a proposal so early i am going to get a good grade in. well this is literally going to be graded. but yk the meme

#i really hope its decent proposals are really hard for me to write. i never really understand how much im supposed to say #also i dont plan stuff in advance! i hate drafts and proposals why cant i just jump in and run w my topic #i dont Know exactly what im going to cover just yet can i get back to you once ive covered it #levi.txt #i spent One page just opening the two page proposal so. i know it needs some cleaning up #but the last time i wrote one of these i only got a 75 (not a bad grade but i could do significantly better) bc. and i am not kidding.#i wrote a several page intro abt the themes of a story i was super pumped to write. and forgot the /plot characters and title/#a 75 was honestly generous. that prof already liked me and knew my work so i got very lucky #also i just think the guy im working with for my essay is so cool and i want to impress him bfhshsk #ive taken 2 classes with him before he is so smart and so enthusiastic. i was 1 of only 3 who was there for every class both times #everyone whos helped me has been so cool and very nice to me i want to do a good job and prove that im as capable as they think #and also jesus fucking christ ive worked so hard for this degree PLEASE #if i dont get honours im walking into the forest laying down and letting the fae take me as they will #side note: i have 1.5 movies left (its late and im finishing army of the dead tomorrow + watching evil dead rise)!! thats so exciting #theyve (mostly) been really fun and i feel like i have a really good general idea of where im going w my essay now #the movie eras are starting to kind of organize themselves into coherent themes in my mind #i think its smth along the lines of racism/xenophobia -> social change -> satanic panic -> action and militarism -> prejudice/bias #and i actually think were in smth of a thematic reckoning w zombies rn as a culture that im excited to discuss!!#for so long weve accepted that zombies arent people but weve really been starting to interrogate that since abt the mid 2010s #w tropes like searching for a cure (not just a vaccine) or movies like warm bodies or evil dead where you can truly turn back #and im really excited to see where the future takes the zombie genre!!

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mieczyhale · 10 months

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one of the guys that runs a reaction channel i've been watching for ages just announced that they're ending the channel next year bc he got a job offer and he's getting married and he's thinking about his family and his future and like...

my son in christ you are 21

i literally want to fucking die

#dont get me wrong! good for him! i'm happy for him #but he really said he started the channel when he was younger (turns out that was 18) and it felt like time to move on #i am 31 and only got the job i love a year and a half ago #i have been dating and living with the same person for... 10 years in 11 days and all i've ever wanted is to get married #(and be a mom but i dont think im ever getting that one but im gonna go ahead and focus on that one zero percent or i'll cry)#i say. like all of this doesnt make me want to cry lmao #i am so incredibly blessed to have what i have. like truly i ended up with the perfect sort of life for my awkward mentally ill ass #but i cannot NOT spiral just a little when people younger than me have the things i want so so bad and then also talk as if their young age #is older than it is. i know you feel mature and older but you are still so fucking young. and okay honestly - now that im rambling - thats #just part of it huh?? i mean a lot of the spiral is actually Wow. I really lost so much of my life (so much time. so many opportunities) to #mental illness and other shit i couldn't control and there are people who didn't fucking have that. there are people who didn't have to #deal with any of that!!! honestly!!! and you just.. dont do anything to prepare for the future when you do not expect there to be one for #so long and then you can't stop fucking everything up and then oh look! you're in your 30s and-#god i cannot fucking do this #it is 1:35 in the morning and im tired but now i feel really stubborn about going to bed. i should. i want to. but also i dont.#actually going to bed is where The Horrors are so #this really was the dumbest fucking shit i think im gonna go to bed & play p.m on my phone and try to be a little less pathetic #maison speaks

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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The bookmark tag was #holder until i think of a tag for these asks but To Be Real even I forgot what it was...

BUT YEAH thanks so much for reading and I'm glad it's :] Intelligible At Least :] obviously I would be up for reading anything that came to mind after putting you and your followers through All That but understandable... A lot of people I've shown the checklist items or pointed out specific behaviors to have actually said similar [i.e. I'm In This Picture And I Don't Like It], so I totally get what you mean, too!

I think a lot of my picks wound up being generalized trauma responses/aftereffects of abuse or neglect [hence I meandered off into just talking about Jo's father half the time], so I guess it's to be expected a lot of them don't read as being CSA-specific or are broadly relatable; it's not like he's supposed to be read that way, after all. I just wasn't able to zero in on many of the more specific ones because I've Never Seen Jo In This Situation Chief I Don't Know What He Thinks About His Name Or His Body Or Mirrors Or Sex Or Affection I Don't Know How Well Or Poorly He Sleeps [Presumably Poorly Though He Has The Second-Reddest Eyes In The Whole Game]

I don't really think I'll have anything to add though unless Infinite Wealth goes off the rails or I actually continue reading the book... so that will have to do... I originally was just riffing on RGGJo's attachment issues, self-destructiveness, and specific entwinement of sexuality/aggression/romance, and his portrayal in my fic lined up pretty closely, so I thought it'd be interesting to apply the same lens to Y7Jo...

But Yeah x2 thank you for the opportunity to talk about it and I'm Glad It's Intelligible At Least x2

THANK YOU i really should change that tag to something better... <- i will immediately forget to do so like a jackass

BUT YA OF COURSE OF COURSE i was truthful when i said it was a real good read (but once again. i have -5 speech skills so i can't properly word SHIT) and was a thorough examination of jo's trauma and how it manifests in him and how it's exhibited through his actions. ALWAYS a big fan of that :)