#trying so hard not to be SO embarrassed rn
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hello to elle from me at 2 in the morning AND CONGRATS ON 4k !!!
i’ve got an exam in t minus 6 hours so you probably won’t see this until then, but i’ve been studying like crazy all semester and cramming as much as i can tn but this class is so hard and i’ve pretty much faced the fact that im gonna bomb it soooo….
i’m here for the drinks!!
studying has put me in a remus mood so i’m thinking of reader pretty much just overworking her brain and getting upset and teary eyed abt a big assignment (so basically me rn el oh el) and remus being just so lovely about it
much love <3
hope your exam went well!! thanks for the love and for playing <3
so I have a hard time imagining Remus allowing you to get to the point of flustered tears, simply because he would have been on you to take breaks and such right from the get-go
I think he'd be surprised/startled at first because he'd be cataloguing all of his and your interactions over the last little while to a) make sure he hadn't done something to upset you and b) trying to figure out how he allowed you to get this upset
"Dovey..." he'd coo as he quickly sat in the chair beside you, closing your laptop quietly and pushing your work away from in front of you so you couldn't even look at it. "what's going on?"
"I'm so stupid." you nearly sob. he has a hard time not laughing at you simply because that's not true and you sound so petulant
"you're not stupid, you're tired."
"I'm a failure. I'm going to fail." - "that's quite enough out of you." he'd simply admonish, pulling you into his chest as he rocked you back and forth until you calmed down a bit
he'd convince you to take a shower or, better yet, a bath, maybe even doing your hair for you or just reading you a novel/chatting with you as you relaxed, making sure you have a good meal or your favourite snack and just snuggling/cuddling all night, ensuring you stay away from any school/work talk so as not to remind you of your anxiety
you'd wake up the next morning a bit embarrassed about your temper tantrum, but he'd have the good graces to pretend nothing had happened and simply ask if you'd like help studying/working today (his company, really, so that he can make sure you don't feel so overwhelmed)
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when ur a fuckinhg. little graphic designer. and you open adobeproducts to spend a whole hour designing a logotype for ur fuckin . silly little fangame
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I've been an absolute emotional wreck since last night due to my narcissist father making me feel less than human so can i..........ask for some reassurance that i'm not an absolute failure of a human being
or pictures of your cats, that would help a lot too
#its been months of dealing with his abuse and last night it left me feeling worse than ever and i am just#really exhausted and mentally broken rn#and i hate asking for reassurance because I always feel like a bother and I should just deal with shit myself until it passes#but when i say last night was bad it was bad and i feel like i am not even meant to be alive that is how that man made me feel#so i just wanna be selfish this one time#and ask for spare kindness because i could really use it right now because my feelings arent going away#no matter how hard im trying to distract myself today and i dont have the strenght to stay like this for a week or more#so yeah#gomen for rambling in the tags im just really#idfk embarrassed and ashamed i dont like asking for help i feel dumb even tho i know its not dumb but yeah#txt
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yk no one really talks about the ending glitch thing (from what ive seen) in f and c like yeah its a whole blink and you miss it type thing but the implications !!!!
more in tags
#like ive seen two ppl bring it up so far and get very little notes so sad#this is why im writing a pwish fic or well trying really hard to and idk if it even classifies as that#fionna and cake spoilers#okay so basically the idea is scarab and prismo whole roomate sitch blah blah blah scarab has been avoiding looking at prismo. like basical#y ignoring due to being mad and embarrassed then either smth brings attention to the glitching or scarab notices it and its like whu huh ?#bam prject prismo gone now its og pris and scarab is freaking the fuck out and has to figure out how to deal#then to the meat its gonna be like getting to know each other better backstory stuff and like figuring out what is going on while trying to#keep like the wishmaster position lookinh normal like nothings wrong or smth w/ the big boss#its all notes rn and i haven’t written fic in the longest but !!! i think it should be touched on more#prismo#scarab#yeah thats all im tagging ughh im so busy though idk if ill be able to even write the dang thing#i want to though 🫵 thats the important biz#mielmbles#prismo could die also like idk i got a bunch of steps and dialogue written#now the actual real question is if ill share the fic or just preserve it in my notebook like the other ones
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are you the most annoying person in the world or do you just need to eat something: a memoir by me
#i feel like absolute shit rn fsdjkl#i think i talked too much today even though i barely spoke at all#but every time i talked someone else had smth to say and then the leader guy had to keep coming back to me like ''what were u saying?''#which was rly nice of him but like. if i just kept my mouth shut then he wouldnt have had to do that at all fdjskl#i mean like. he did ask me questions directly a few times. so he was trying to help me have opportunities to speak#but fsjkl i just. i feel bad for talking bc i know everyone else wants to talk constantly#and i can do without speaking fsdjkl i just... i kept stumbling over my words so badly and it was rly embarrassing ;-;#but i'd get nervous and panicked bc i knew i'd be interrupted at any second so i was just trying to find the shortest way to say my thing#but then i'd trip over my words bc i was so nervous and it'd take too long#and i just felt like i wasn't putting enough effort into my tone so i probably sounded rly flat today and i just. urgghhh#holding my head and tugging at my hair. why can't i just be normal dgjkl why am i so fucking annoying and weird and difficult#i dont know 😭 today was rly difficult bc i was just feeling kind of awful and like i was in the way all day#i did find some yarn colours i need at a flea market though and also some dip pens that i've always wanted to try#i figure $3 is a steal of a deal to try out dip pens instead of buying them brand new for like $30 fdsjkl#so there was something good from today! i just feel like i was annoying to be around all day idk fdsjkl#i honestly probably was totally fine sdfjkl i just. argh#and i hate going to stores w the centre bc i end up following the group leader around after a while bc i dont ever buy anything#i look around at the stuff i like to look at and then i am done and don't want to be a nuisance by being hard to find when everyone-#-else is done so i just figure sticking by the group leader is the best idea. stores dont like when i hang around the front for long fdsjkl#but then i just feel like a weird little kid trailing after their parent 😭 i wish i could just be an AdultTM but augh augh augh#what a fucking weird thing for me to do dsfjkl i just. dont know what else to do bc stores get annoyed w me if i wait at the front#and i dont want to wait outside bc then they'll forget im out there and look for me inside when theyre done LMAO#if i had income then maybe i'd be able to spend longer looking at things but fdsjkl theres only so much looking u can do when u dont buy#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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#im like. really upset and bitter rn and probably will delete this later in embarrassment but i cant hold it in anymore#has anyone actually ever contacted these services to prevent... certain things. like just to chat someone and actually got genuine help#because my brain is. a horrendous place#and i tried phoning a mental health service years ago for nothing to come of it#and then i emailed this other service - just for someone to talk to. and again. nothing#i want help. but it feela like all the responsibility is put on you. and im so exhausted and already feel like i dont deserve any help so#pray tell why i would ever Go Out Of My Way to try find help?#even doing this little has taken so much from me.#i don't know what to do and i feel so alone.#this is something id usually put on my secret sideblog but im genuinely just so at a loss#right im posting this before i can think too hard about it#le text post
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this tiny mortified storyboard solas is my favorite one i've ever drawn
#how the FUCK am i going to translate this to my regular style#i don't know what this even looks like on a real face#Fucking Mortified#personal log#this comic is gonna suck because i literally cannot write solas but its funny and i need to see him embarrass himself so bad#“ohhh yeah i am so fucking efficient i am going to impress lavellan so hard rn this guy is going to be all better in 0.5 seconds im so sexy#*heals like marcille dunmeshi in front of healer lavellan*#*man experiences the worst pain in his entire life* *sound of wet bones popping* *guttural primal screaming*#“hm. i think i should go now.”#and he only ever healed unconscious people again lmao#he leaves big ole fuckin scars too. he's shit at healing#actually i take it back it's 'oh. no. he asked me to help. this is literally a no win situation for me'#instead of 'hehe im so sexy'#because he knows that the guy he's trying to impress is mr. 'huh. that kinda tingles.' specialized healer#who has only ever seen solas heal unconscious people before#SEE I CAN'T WRITE HIM FOR SHIT#no. no i was right. he's both. version 1 is revved up youngblood solas#then he fucked around and found out that people generally don't like severe pain sounds#dammit i'm an artist not a writer jim#ranting to myself in my own tags. if you're reading this: hi! it feels good to be known
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tornadoes in dema. just think about it.
#im thinking abt tornadoes so hard rn bc my nana mentioned a tornado experience she had and#changed the topic before i could talk abt tornadoes so im biting my tongue trying not to annoy everyone w my tornado knowledge#sorry for all the nado posts guys im just so full of trivia abt tornadoes and whatnot. it's embarrassing but i will shut up abt them soon#;malls;#twenty one pilots#dema
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why can i get high 80s to 90s on almost every test after doing a once over on the material if i study at all, in everything but math. i worked my ass off studying for a week and didn't even get a 70 on my algebra midterm
#i hate itttt ughhhh 😭#i know it could be worse i'm glad i'm good at the other stuff but it fucking sucks trying so hard at math and still doing shitty.#and of course math is valued way more than anything else because of course it is#they won't let me take the default honors science class next year unless i'm in honors in math which i literally CAN'T do. but i'm doing#great in honors bio rn and i don't want to drop a level bcs i know i can do it#kiwifae says shit#it's embarrassing to be so bad at it too! i don't want to tell my friends my test scores bcs i can tell they think i'm stupid or i'm not#trying which i AM
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#i’ve been grieving over being disabled for like a yr i think still having a hard time with it#im majorly burnt out rn and overextended myself yesterday trying to be helpful but i just ended up getting overstimulated and exploded#ITS SO EMBARRASSING….. and also sucks i rly cant handle much more than bedrotting for more than a couple hrs a day rn#ik friendships arent transactional bla blah but im always needing sooo much and can’t really do anything in return i hate it sm#anyway whatever. in other news im obsessed with my gf its kind of scary how compatible we are so far
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May we please have some more Web Jon failing at his job of manipulating people and overall being a silly guy?
i dont have a computer rn but i do have a wip fic about web jon being sillay so heres a sneak peak
#i was rereading this bc its only like 800 words rn and i forgot how much i actually like it#i think i was a bit discouraged by just how silly my web jon was but you know what? i think its fine that hes silly#but web jon in jonmartin is so so funny to me like hes trying so hard to hype himself up and be evil-#-but hes got an embarrassing huge crush on his coworker#hope this is a good answer 👍#my fic#tma#the magnus archives#jonmartin
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:/
#why do I have to overthink so hard??#I feel like such an idiot all the time#and then I overexplain to try to “fix” things that probably aren't wrong in the first place??#and that just makes everything worse lmao#my brain is being so mean#why can't I just be a normal person with normal feelings and a normal head??#I am so embarrassed :(#the urge to abandon all of my socials and fade unto the ether is so strong rn#rsd is my mortal enemy I think
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my temporary med for Da Mystery Illness didnt help this round T_T but i hauve enough energy to draw tonight yipeee
#bunny.txt#im trying hard to clear my queue eeeeee#i apologize for being so inactive over and over my health is just rough rn im trying hard to be consistent while managing symptoms ;_;#im saur embarrassed this is my roughest art year yet. maybe this is a vent but more so i want 2 be transparent bwahhhh#hope everyone is well. im rambling >.>#spoonie tag
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edit: i ended up just ranting abt like the current vibe™ in the tags... sorry abt that but like also whatever i don't care anymore
#d#my food therapist really said the most real thing on planet earth when she said i'm meeting me at the same time everyone else is#i feel like a cringey overzealous emotionally dumb teenager who's a total embarrassment to everyone around me while i'm trying 2 say fuck i#cuz like this is the first time in my entire life i feel like i get to actually explore my identity and do like normal young people things#and i feel just. so so exposed in the sense that everyone is watching me make a fool of myself without a single shred of self-awareness#and it makes me so fucking mad cuz like i'm finally happy with myself!! i'm finally starting to feel like a fully formed person#instead of a 2d projection or an object or something monstrous hiding in the shadows because that's how i've spent until now imo#and like. it's hard to emotionally make peace with the fact things in my social life are changing because like. there's some part of me#that thinks that maybe if i stayed in that miserable place that maybe i wouldn't have any of the problems i have now#and like my life is a lot better. and i know that and i wouldn't change a thing. but like emotionally i guess i'm just#processing it as a fault of mine to have changed bc it's changing my relationships to others#and this isn't about any one specific thing like i've been having lots of small growing pains with a lot of ppl in my life rn i just am lik#there's a lot happening to me rn emotionally so i feel like everything i do is a fuckup and i'm just bracing for more people to go ig#which might happen or it might not and tbh either is ok at this point. i need to do this in order to live i think#idk why i'm even rambling about this i just have a lot of thoughts and i want to share them i guess. not like it does anything but like#what else is this app for at this point lmfao i barely even want to talk on here anymore because i feel like everything i say on here is#just pointless. i'm thankful i have a strong support system rn cuz genuinely i don't know what i'd do if i didn't like#i feel like everything is so much more emotionally Big to me on E and it's kind of hard trying to figure out how to manage it#like i'm basically finally getting to be me. for worse AND for better. and i just am like. insecure on some level i guess#not even over my appearance tbh i've kinda made peace with that. moreso my personality and what things i share with others#this whole post is so wholly unnecessary but i feel like i'm going to go insane if i don't get this out of my head#i've genuinely been avoiding talking about my emotions or my private life on here because i don't exactly feel safe on here anymore#which is like great. love it when my primary outlet for like. socially interacting with people casually gets compromised i love it#i literally softblocked like 30 ppl off of here so i could talk abt my weird sex stuff and my body and my deeper thoughts with ppl i trust#and then i still am too conscious about it! this always happens when i make a blog for myself to talk on#maybe i'm just not meant for talking abt things
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#i cant ever tell if im just really sensitive or what#like objectively if ur called a name then yeah u have a right to be hurt but if ur used to being called names should it rly be that bad??#all my life ive been called variations of fat and stupid and u know what?? i AM fat and im not smart so i mean its true#but idk i dont NEED to be reminded of these things#idk man i was already not having the best day and now its just worse#im trying not to let the 🐳 comment get to me and not go into a super dark headspace but its hard :(#ive been crying for like. an hour and i cant stop#ive been called worse so why am i letti g it affect me so bad??#im just so embarrassed and ashamed rn and angry bc i keep crying#i need to go eat soon too bc i havent eaten since like 8 am besides a few granola bars#which is the whole reason why this was brought up. i guess apparently i ate too many of them (there is still some left tho??)#i even offered to pay for some more?? no need to resort to name calling imo its not a big deal like we'll just get some more?#again there is still some left!! we can easily buy some tmr but. i guess not#🐳🐳#the only reason i ate so many is bc i was on my period and it was one of the only things that didnt upset my stomach tbh?#like damn if this is what is said to my face i cant imagine what ppl say behind my back#ignore me
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*taps mic and gets way too close to it* uhhh i was thinking abt pre-canon jr2 with Everyone But Them Knows trope. and so i jotted things down. and now i am sharing them.
ok so. Lisa. she def knows abt my crush bc she's my bestie obvi
but she's like soo annoying about it hsHND
g-d i can see her taking a picture of me unintentionally making heart eyes to jean and she tweets it with that homophobic 'i know what you are' dog meme HSHNWHLJ
ok wATI imagine their dad sees that on twitter and replies to it w like 'They seem like very good friends :)' LGNSLNDJHR he would .. (also thats not in a bad way per se like he supports the alphabet community.. he has the gay flag in his bio thinking it's for showing support. He's a lil confused but he has the spirit).
ok.. tommy t. i think tom knows a bit…
he's like 'yeah i'm really picking up some Vibes. really sensing some stuff' (and me being in denial like Wtf. there are no Vibes to be Had here. shut up?).
OK WAITT Quick switch up. If we're talking abt whether tom knows jean likes me .. ,':/ .. i don't think he tells him outwright. but tom figures it out ykno.
like maybe we're all hanging out somewhere and tom n jean are off somewhere talking or wtvrand tom asks if he;s interested in anyone. nd jean's like umm yeah i think so. tom's probably abt to ask who it is and then i show up to ask smth and tom just puts the pieces together.. u know the gif where he's just like :D yeah he does that wSHND. (tom: :D | me: why are you smiling.. weirdo)
tom Then becomes annoying abt it ahsjf
he and lisa quietly but obviously trying to nudge us together jdnfkng. worlds most annoying wingman and wingwoman <3
ok back tothe main point. Ben. .. doesn't know but if he did i bet he's like Yeah that makes sense wldnhjg
oh donna knows for sure. i didn't tell her she just immediately picked up on it WHSNHNS.
uhhh ann and leslie……. oh they don't know at all wSHNK
Listen it's enough that i'm friends with him i don't think they could handle me Liking him HTNKHS
esp leslie like she'd for sure be like ':/… Reallyyyy?….. you sure??' wkehsHNDK
#.txt#posting here is so awkward sowwy idk how to do this .#my instict is to be cringe on twitter (feel free to ask for it i'm way more active there) i need to get used to tumber#me???!? lore posting (sort of?)???!?1?? this is never happening again#i am not tagging this w everyone's names...#literally wrote this all out in a tweet but i don't feel like breaking it down in2 a thread so i am putting it here.#i have many thoughts on ann n leslies thoughts on me n jean. likeso many. But i will spare u all#also just realized i forgot chris ughhwgjslhn#uhh don't feel like Thinking Hard rn but umm i think he would also piece it together after a certain interaction w me. yeah lets go w that#and andy just assumes we're dating already#ok technically maybe this ksnt eveyone but them knows trope but who cares ok it counts.#everyone can at least Sense smth#btw queuing this so i dont have to deal w the embarrassment of posting. i can just queue this and run#wait wsit wait. remembered its a mockumentary and theres cameras .#two ppl talking in the foreground but the camera focusing me and jean talking in the background and i look nervous .#and then when we're done the cameraman trying toshoot a talking head and get me to tall abt him but im just like#'dont u have b roll to shoot Aaron. fuck off' MNDKVK#lore tag
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