#tryna keep story stuff serious but funny stuff is also cool

[retiredcultistredux]

*sigh* we are doomed. It is obvious that neither of u two have a plan. *sighhh* we are never getting Kirby back... unless any of you guys have an idea where bud is.... *SIGH* - lollipop anon (being overly negative. Srs ask)

Prince Fluff: "...I know this seems like a lost cause, but I'm not just gonna sit around and let this happen, ok? Which means you shouldn't either. We need to at least try."

[gingerwritess]

"Person A is pregnant but finds out just before Person B has to gone on a six month long trip. When Person B returns Person A surprises them with their growing baby bump hilarity and confusion ensues" Maybe this one for Elliot and dad!Loki? have a great day sweetcheeks

combined with this request from @mylovelycrazyworld

summary: well…Elliot wanted a sibling. it’s about time he got one.

warnings: pregnancy stuff, a tiny hint of angst, missing Loki, fluff, and lots of Elliot silliness

a/n: FIRST OF ALL I AM SO PROUD OF THIS so i hope you e n j o y

sorry, second, i got waaay too carried away with this and suddenly its like a part of a wholeass story and yeah we’re gonna move this little storyline right along.

third i accidentally posted this before it was done a couple weeks ago so if you read it that time, i’m so sorry, this one is done and much better.

i’m also so sorry i’ve been gone lately. it’s been a crazy hectic last couple weeks so i haven’t had much time to sit down and finish writing anything! thanks for sticking around :)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Of course Loki had to leave this week, of all weeks.

Elliot’s taking the separation fairly well; Loki had left for Asgard with a kiss on the forehead, a tight hug, and a pretty serious request.

“You’ll take care of your mother for me while I’m away, won’t you?”

The little boy had promised, naturally, trying to look as serious and grown-up as he could, and even offered his hand to Loki for a handshake when he went in for a hug goodbye. Loki’s jaw had dropped in shock; then he pushed Elliot’s hand out of the way and swooped him up laughing into his arms for a tight, chaotic, firm hug.

So now you have a protective five year old fussing over you all day long, which is honestly worse than having a protective 1000+ year old fussing over you. He tries to do everything he sees Loki doing, everything he’s supposed to do to “take care of his mother:” like holding your hand in every possible situation, running up behind you and hugging the back of your legs, he’s even kissed your forehead at one point.

Loki’s trained him well.

But morning four of Loki being gone brings an unexpected turn. Elliot has been sleeping in your bed with you, wanting to keep you company—but mostly just missing the clone that Loki normally lets Elliot cuddle up with every night. This Tuesday morning, he’s laying across your stomach, happily sucking a thumb and drooling onto your shirt—well, technically it’s Loki’s.

It would’ve been nice to wake up and see his chubby little face all squished up with sleep, but you’re brutally shaken from your rest by a lurching stomach—you’re going to throw up, right now. You try to push Elliot off you as gently as you can, already retching as you shove him one last time, a little harder than you meant to, and he groggily sits up.

“Whasgoin’on?” He rubs the sleep from his eyes, but you’re already sprawled on the tiles in the adjacent bathroom floor, emptying the contents of your stomach into the toilet. “Mom! No, mom, what’s wrong?!”

“S-stay—stay back,” you cough and wave him away just as before another retch doubles you over, chest heaving when it finally simmers down. “Just give me a second, okay? You don���t want to see this, bud.”

“But are you okay? You got really sick!” He rushes up behind you and starts rubbing your back with a cool little hand. “Ew, you smell kinda funny.”

“Gee, thanks, kiddo.”

“I’m just sayin’!” He holds his nose with one hand, using the other to wrap around your waist and lean into your side. “What does dad do to help you when you’re sick?”

You pull yourself up and over to lean back against the wall, trying to catch your breath and running a hand through Elliot’s curls. “Uses his magic stuff to make me feel better…cuddles with me, just like you’re doing.” You smile weakly down at the little boy, and he quickly lays his little hands on your stomach. “No no no, don’t try it, it’s okay! I feel better!”

“Aw, man.” He sadly retracts his sparking hands—thank god—and nestles back into your side. “I’m getting gooder at my magic, ya know. Dad’s teachin’ me real good.”

“I don’t doubt it, Elliot,” you assure him with a light squeeze of a hug. “But you probably shouldn’t test out any of your magic on people, okay?”

He nods seriously, patting your stomach gently. “Good idea. I gotta be careful with your tummy now, too.”

“Don’t worry, buddy, this is just a bug. I’m already feeling better.”

Elliot shakes his head and crawls onto your lap, leaning down to put his ear to your stomach—what in the world? He listens for a moment and suddenly the wheels in your brain start turning: oh my god. This couldn’t mean…?

The little boy sits up again and feels your stomach one more time, focusing hard on something. “Nope, s’not a bug,” he smiles and gives your belly another gentle pat. “It’s just my baby tryna say hi.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Six pregnancy tests later, there’s no doubt about it. How Elliot figured it out before you even had a hunch, you have no idea, but the little piece of plastic drops from your hand when you flop face-first onto the bed, mind swirling.

This isn’t a surprise.

Elliot had asked. Loki and you had talked, agreed; this is what you want. But really, baby?

Now?

Loki doesn’t get back for another four months. Pregnancies are hard; you’re not going to pretend they aren’t, and to not have your husband here to help you through it…this is going to be much different than when you were pregnant with Elliot.

You glance once more at the last test: positive as ever.

Pregnant. Again.

Sighing audibly, you roll over on the bed and grab Loki’s pillow, hugging it to your chest and breathing deeply, eyes drifting shut.

“We’re gonna be fine,” you whisper, your voice serving more to soothe your own racing mind than anything, “we’re gonna have another baby, and we’re gonna be fine.”

You bury your face in the pillow, hugging it tighter. It smells like Loki—heavenly.

That’ll have to do for the next four months.

* * * *

“What does dad wanna name the baby?”

The plastic fork scrapes against Elliot’s plate in grating anticipation of your answer. He’s picking at his lunch; his appetite hasn’t been quite so bottomless with Loki having been gone for so long.

For yours, on the other hand, the exact opposite is true.

“Dad…doesn’t know yet.” You rip another chunk of bread from the entire baguette in your hand and dip it in butter. This baby seems to have an appetite for seven and a particular fondness for carbs.

Wonderful.

“That’s ok,” Elliot nods thoughtfully. “Names are hard to come up with. I think it should be…blueberry! Cause I love blueberries so much and I love my baby—”

“No, no, I meant…” you struggle to swallow your mouthful of bread and hold up a finger. “Dad doesn’t know that we’re having a baby yet.”

“Why not?”

…yeah, that’s a good question. You probably should’ve called Loki a good while ago, when you’d found out you’re expecting—I mean, it’s his kid too.

But telling Loki he’s going to have a second child just seems like something you don’t do over the phone.

“I don’t want to miss his reaction,” you answer honestly, shoving another chunk of baguette in your mouth. “I wanna sh-uprise ‘im when ‘e gets home.”

Translation: I’m terrified.

Elliot eagerly claps his hands together, the fork falling to the table with a clatter. “That’s a good idea!” He squeals, jumping up to run over and climb into your lap, laying his little hands on your belly. “Dad’s gonna be so excited to meet Blueberry, he’s gonna cry—”

“We are not naming this baby after a fruit. Sorry, kiddo.”

* * * *

An agonising two more months pass, lonely and chock-full of horrid cravings, mood swings, aches and pains and puking nearly every single morning…this baby already seems to hate you.

Elliot’s been a little trooper the past four months.

Hugs whenever you need them, plenty of crayon drawings of your family so you “don’t miss dad too much,” peace and quiet when you fall asleep at the table again, even a few attempted breakfasts in bed. He’s been so sweet and helpful when you know he misses his dad more than anything, so today you drag yourself out of bed, throw up once for good measure, and tell him to get ready for an ice cream trip.

Loki was supposed to be home a week ago, but you can’t let yourself think about that.

Driving with your little bump of a belly is starting to get really uncomfortable, but you make it alright to the little ice cream parlour that Elliot claims makes the best cotton candy ice cream of all time.

“I miss my dad,” Elliot pipes up while you’re sitting in silence, a faint bluish tint to his skin due to the coldness of the ice cream. “He shouldn’t hafta leave ever again.”

“Same here, kiddo, I’m sorry.” You lay a hand on your belly and try to give Elliot a reassuring smile. “This little monster misses him too, but they’re just glad that they have an awesome big brother to take care of them!”

That brings a halfhearted smile to the little boy’s face, and he goes back to licking his ice cream cone, watching you with reddish eyes deep in thought.

“Y’know, dad loves you, mom.” Elliot reaches over to take your hand in his tiny, sticky one, much to your surprise. “He loves you a whole lot, I know it, and he’s not gonna be angry that we’re havin’ another baby.”

Your jaw drops.

What the hell??

Your son, who is apparently getting some kind of crazy read on your thoughts right now, leans over the table and plants a sticky blue kiss to the back of your hand—just like he’s seen Loki do countless times. “Don’t be ‘fraid of him, he’s gonna be so super excited.”

Part of you kind of wants to run away screaming, but maybe mothers shouldn’t do that to their children, so you just gape like a dying fish at the strange little mini-Loki in front of you.

“I’m…I uh…” your mouth opens and closes a few times while your brain tries to catch up. “I’m not…I’m not scared of dad, Elliot, what makes you say that?”

You’re not…right?

Elliot licks his ice cream cone again, catching a drip down his arm. “Nah, you’re ‘voiding your ‘sponsibilities.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re scared to tell dad about Blueberry, right? I heard you in my dream, you told me dad was gonna be upset and get scared to have two kids.”

You swallow hard, trying to find the lie in his innocent statement. “But he—no, he won’t be upset, he wants another kid, he told me.”

This kid is ripping you to shreds, covered in blue and pink melted ice cream.

“S’what you told me,” Elliot shrugs. “Said dad’s gonna like one of us better.”

…you’ve got to pee again.

A blessed escape, cause if Elliot says one more word about Loki or this baby, you’re pretty sure your hormonal self is going to break down in tears.

“I’ll—I’ll be right back,” you choke, scooting your chair back with a loud scrape and pulling yourself to your feet. “Are you okay to stay here? I’ll only be a couple minutes right over there, no talking to strangers, you know the rules.”

Elliot nods, looking worried as you swipe at your eyes and set down your cup of ice cream with shaking hands. “You okay, mom?”

“Fine, fine, I’ll be right back,” You mutter and rush off to the bathroom.

You certainly didn’t look fine, but Elliot shrugs to himself and goes back to his ice cream, keeping a wary eye on the other people in the shop.

“Did your mother just leave you out here all alone?”

Elliot spins around in his chair at the voice, dropping his ice cream cone to the floor and bringing his hands up ready to fight whoever is approaching him—Loki’s taught him enough to fend for himself.

But when he whirls around, he immediately lowers his hands and jumps out of his chair—it’s Loki.

“DAD!” Elliot scrambles out of the chair and bolts into Loki’s waiting arms, knocking him over with the force of his hug. “Dad, dad, you’re home! You’re home!!”

“That I am,” Loki laughs, hugging the little boy tightly to his chest. “I missed you so much, Elliot, so much.”

“Hey!” Elliot points a little finger into Loki’s chest, suddenly serious. “Don’t you ever leave us again, ‘kay??”

“Of course, I’m so sorry I had to—”

“Pinky promise??” Elliot shoves his little finger in Loki’s face, and the god chuckles, extending his own to seal the promise.

“Pinky promise. Hopefully.”

Satisfied with the agreement, Elliot jumps off his dad and rushes back to the table, frowning at the sticky mess that’s left of his ice cream on the floor. “You owe me an ice cream, dad, look whatcha made me do.”

“My sincerest apologies, young man,” Loki chuckles, swooping the kid up in his arms for another squirming hug, trying to sneak a few tickling kisses somewhere on his face. “Where is your mother?”

You come out of the bathroom just in time to hear Elliot answer “hidin’ from you, I think,” and you stop dead in the middle of the shop when you see your husband smiling wide and holding Elliot in his arms.

“Elliot! No I’m not!” You shake yourself out of your shocked daze, running over to the two of them and nearly knocking them over when you throw your arms around Loki’s neck.

Immediately setting Elliot back on the ground, Loki breathes your name and draws you into the tightest embrace he can manage, his arms clutching you so close you have to plant your hands on his chest and gently push him away to keep him from hurting your belly.

He doesn’t seem to notice, but Elliot sure does.

Loki’s hands cradle your face as he pulls away and just stares at you for a moment, trying to decide if words could even begin to describe how happy he is to be with you again.

“I missed…oh, come here.”

He laughs with watering eyes and pulls you close, pressing his lips to yours over and over until neither of you can breathe, half laughing, half teary-eyed because he’s here, you’re all here, together finally.

“That was—mmph—too long,” you laugh around Loki’s relentless lips, keeping a hand to his chest to keep him from your baby bump.

Elliot bounces on the balls of his feet, glad to see his parents so happy again, but sticks a hand between you both to cover your belly. “Careful, dad, don’t hurt my b—”

“ELLIOT!” You cut him off with a nervous chuckle, shooting him a pointed look—shh!

The little boy claps a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. “Sorry.”

“What for?” Loki asks with a breathless laugh, his hand cradling the back of your head to keep you pressed against him.

“Nothing, nothing,” you assure him, kissing him again. “Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re home, Loki. Tell us everything!”

He holds you away from him for a moment with his hands on your shoulders, looking you up and down with a dopey grin on his face—you’re really glad you wore a too-big shirt today, it covers your beginning baby bump pretty well.

“You look incredible,” he murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief—he missed you. His eyes fall on your chest and linger for a half a second longer; your breasts seem…bigger than when he left.

Trust me, he would know.

But he shakes it away and pulls up a chair, and the three of you launch into a detailed retelling of everything you’ve missed over the past four months.

“Well, everything went wrong the moment I stepped foot in Asgard.” He leans forward, eager to tell his story. “There had been an attempt on the relics, and rumours of more to come, so we had to—what’s so funny?”

Elliot’s covering his mouth with a sticky hand, desperately trying to muffle the giggle-fit overcoming him as he looks at you: you’re clutching your stomach with an extremely pained grimace, trying to get comfortable in the little metal chair.

“Nothin’…” he snorts and quickly looks away from you when you glare at him. “What happened next, dad?”

“Okay…” Loki shoots you a confused glance and you quickly grin back, trying not to look like there’s a tiny human laying directly on your bladder right now.

How’s that working out for you?

“Are you alright, my love? You look like you’re in pain.”

“Just a stomachache!” Your gritted laughter is nervous but hopefully convincing enough.

“Are you sure? Just tell me, darling, I can disspell the sickness in less than a second—Elliot!” He whirls around in his chair to glare halfheartedly at the little boy giggling again. “Your mother is in pain, why are you smiling??”

“‘Cause I know something you don’t know,” Elliot sings, clapping his hands with glee and wiggling around in his seat. “Mhm, I’ve got a secret, ‘n I’m not tellin’—”

“Elliot. That’s enough.”

You reach over and pull the little guy into your lap, clamping both hands over his mouth and smiling sweetly at your husband—who just looks very confused. And a little worried.

He’s made it pretty clear that there would be no secrets in this little family of yours.

“Our son…has a secret?” Speaking to you, not Elliot, he raises an eyebrow and it’s not exactly amused. “Care to enlighten me, wife?”

“Don’t worry, Loki, it’s not a secret,” you sooth, tapping Elliot’s mouth twice before letting him go again. “It’s more of…a surprise, really.”

Elliot clasps his hand behind his back and rocks forward on his toes, excited eyes darting back and forth between you and Loki.

“I don’t like surprises.”

“But you’re really gonna like this one,” Elliot promises, sending an overly dramatic attempt of a wink your way.

Unbelievable.

Letting out a dismayed groan, you drop your forehead to your hand. “Elliot, please stop…”

Loki crosses his arms, already looking a little on the defensive side with lips tightly pressed together—this is exactly why you didn’t want to tell him. Way to go, kid.

“If you have something to tell me, tell me now.”

“I—can I tell you at home? Later?”

The god sighs, not able to help feeling as if the joy of your reunion had been let out faster than the air in a deflating balloon—now he’s worried, feeling excluded, almost offended.

Secrets. Never a good idea within a family.

“Don’t worry, snowflake,” you chirp with feigned nonchalance. “You’re gonna love this surprise.”

Your fingers cross under the table.

* * * *

Loki doesn’t bring it up the rest of the day.

You’d guessed he would mention it again at least during dinner, try to pry the information from you, but he smiled and listened to Elliot talk about his loose tooth, eating his food apparently unbothered.

Your knee hasn’t stopped nervously bouncing since you sat down.

Maybe he knows? If Elliot felt it, Loki certainly could. The kid’s voice is still echoing through your mind as you get Elliot ready for bed:

“You told me dad was gonna be upset and get scared to have two kids.”

Okay, maybe you’re a little worried that Loki’s past may hinder his enthusiasm for a second child, but you’ve never even admitted to yourself that he would be upset or scared. But the more you think about it, the more sense it makes: he would be terrified.

Favouring one child over another? That would be Loki’s worst nightmare, yet he hadn’t brought that up when Elliot first asked for a sibling. He’d happily agreed to have a second kid, kissing away your concerns…

Hugging your arms around yourself, you stare at his back from the doorway. His hair is lazy, pulled into a mindless knot on the top of his head; he looks relaxed, doing dishes. At peace with his life.

His life with his wife and his one son.

Did he lie to you?

Had he looked you in the eye, said “I want another baby,” and lied?

God of lies, you keep letting yourself forget.

Your mind goes berserk right there in the kitchen, convincing you that he lied to you, that this baby is unwanted, that he only said that he wanted another baby to keep you happy, that no, he didn’t ever want children, he just wanted to fuck you, that everything he’s ever said to you is a lie—

“Your thoughts are deafening, my love.”

You jump with a start as his voice interrupts your destructive train of thought. “Were you listening?” You immediately ask, voice venomous. “Loki, did you listen?”

He turns around and dries off his hands, leaning back against the counter with a sad smile. “Of course not, out of respect for your secret. I trust you to tell me.”

You stare at him, unmoving and unsure, and he pushes himself away from the counter to take a few tentative steps toward you. “Let’s go to bed,” he murmurs, sensing your troubled mind. “You need rest, then you can tell me this secret when you are ready.”

Nodding slowly, you let him take your hand and lead you to the bedroom, keeping your mouth firmly shut. He shuts the door behind you and you walk straight to the bed, laying down and turning your back on him to avoid this as long as possible.

“Don’t you want to change first?” Loki laughs, and the mattress dips as he climbs on next to you, laying right against your body and pulling you back into him. “Those pants can’t be comfortable, let me get them off of you.”

You shake your head—horny, lying bastard.

“…would you like me to draw you a bath?” He’s trying a gentler approach now, noticing your apprehension and holding you closer.

Another shake of the head.

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

Your hand subconsciously falls to your little baby bump, but Loki’s follows right after to cover your own hand with his.

You’re sick of this—just tell him.

You slip your hand out from under his, grab his wrist, and press it to your belly. His breath catches in his throat, you can hear it, and his cold hand gently runs across the swell of your stomach.

“What is this?”

Just say it.

“I’m pregnant.”

He sits straight up behind you and you screw your eyes shut—he’s going to leave now, right?

But he doesn’t leave; instead cold hands grip your waist and pull you onto your back, catching the hem of your shirt and promptly ripping it from your body.

“Loki!”

He looms over you, knees on either side of your body as he stares down at you. His eyes are wide and a distracted hand rubs over his mouth, trying to process this.

“How long have you known?” His voice is barely a breath.

“…four months.”

“You didn’t tell me?”

The hurt on his beautiful face is a sucker punch to the gut—you idiot, of course he wouldn’t be upset. This is Loki we’re talking about, your husband, the father of your child—children.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologise quietly, avoiding his gaze. “I didn’t…I thought you-you would be upset.”

He breathes a laugh and carefully runs his fingertips down your sides, trying to memorise the sight of you carrying his child…again.

“Why would I ever be upset, my love? I can’t believe you’re this pregnant and you didn’t tell me—”

“Elliot said something,” you anxiously cut him off. “It was stupid, really, I’m stupid for believing it…” you take a breath and ramble on. “He said he had a dream you got upset about having two kids cause you might like one more than the other.”

Loki pauses his kissing down your torso, freezing with his hand splayed across your baby bump. “How did he…”

“I dunno. He was freaking me out, Loki, he started telling me things I wasn’t even thinking yet.”

“That’s my boy,” the god laughs, resting his forehead on your stomach as your brow knits in concern.

Carding your fingers through his hair, you nudge Loki’s head up to look at you. “This doesn’t worry you?”

“Our son turns blue when he touches something cold.” He presses his lips to your stomach again, eyes tightly shut. “I’m afraid your family isn’t exactly the epitome of human normalcy.”

“Yeah, but Loki, was he right?”

“That I’m scared?” He trails his lips up your baby bump, over your chest and coming to rest firmly over your mouth. “My love…I am terrified.”

“Oh.”

Your arms wind around his neck and pull him back down to your lips—maybe if you keep kissing him, he won’t be able to see the disappointment in your eyes.

It works for a little bit, and you nearly lose yourself completely when he starts gently nipping at your lips and moving to tend to your neck; he’s making you drunk on him with the flip of a switch.

It’s too easy for him.

“Loki.” Your hands curl tighter in his hair.

“Hmm.”

“Then why did you tell me you wanted another kid?”

The god pauses, moving from your collarbone back to your face to frown down at you. His fingers are cold along your jaw. “Because I do want another kid.”

“But you’re terrified.”

“And you’re not?”

That makes your mouth snap shut, eyes darting around the room to avoid his piercing gaze. Of course you’re nervous, it’s not like you have any better ideas of how to raise a child—and you’re the one carrying it, for god’s sake.

“I don’t think I need to say more.” Loki smiles, soft and edging closer to the sad end of the spectrum. “I’m always scared. Of you, of my son…and now my second child.”

You still can’t look at him. Shame, maybe.

“I’m terrified of you, did you know that?” He’s kissing you again, lazy lips soft along the outline of your own, up and down your jaw. “Terrified of you, our future, our children. I could lose you in seconds.”

“That’s optimistic.” You try for a cracked smile.

Cool lips meet yours, firm as his hand traces over your baby bump. “It’s realistic, actually. Keeps me honest with myself.”

“We’re not leaving you, if that’s what you’re scared of.”

“But I don’t deserve for you to stay.”

Here we go again.

“Why do you always do this??” You force a playful smile onto your face and sit up, a hand on Loki’s chest pushing him off of you onto the bed. “There you go hating yourself again, sheesh.”

Grateful for the change in subject, you roll over halfway on top of him and mold your lips to his—his, parted slightly in surprise. Your hands cradle his face, stroking through his hair and over his cheekbones as you pour every ounce of adoration you possess for him into the kiss.

Then it really clicks, just how much you missed him.

Maybe that’s why you feel this…disconnect.

Within seconds his shirt is off too, your hands scouring every inch of his skin you can reach, Loki’s breathing becoming shallower as he fumbles with belts and tries to hold your face to his at the same time.

“Missed you,” he whispers hoarsely, giving up on the belt and falling into you, shaking hands holding your neck and waist in a death grip. “My family, I missed you both, and this new one—”

His voice cracks and he moves down, littering every inch of you with kisses that come to rest on the swell of your stomach as his hands hold tight to your hips.

“I’m beyond excited.” It’s nothing more than a whisper. “Terrified, scared out of my mind, but I am so, so happy our family is growing.”

“You sure?” You tangle your fingers in his hair and tip his head up to smile down at him.

“Do I need to prove it?”

God, you missed him.

You grab hold of his face and pull him up, smashing your lips to his.  “I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

So he does.

At least, he tries, until a yell for dad echoes down the hall.

“Good to see nothing has changed,” Loki sighs, pressing one last kiss to the inside of your thigh. “Don’t you go anywhere, we’re not done here.”

You throw a pillow at him with a laugh as he winks and slips out the door.

Elliot is awake, as expected, sitting in his bed clutching the blankets to his chest, a strangely bright smile on his little face. “Hey dad!”

Loki raises an eyebrow. “Hey…”

“You awake?”

“I am now, clearly.” He sits on the edge of the bed and plants a kiss on the top of Elliot’s head. “Why did you call for me?”

The little boy shrugs. “Just wonderin’.”

“…if I was awake?”

“Yup.”

They stare at each other for a second—

—Loki confused and battling with the fact that he just had to leave you on the bed to come take care of this kid, and Elliot scrunching his nose up in the biggest grin at his dad, just happy to see him.

“I’m…going to go back to bed now.” Loki points at the door, giving his son a strange look. “Unless you have literally anything else to tell me? Redeem my coming in here?”

“Nope!” Elliot throws his arms out in a request for a hug.

…that Loki all too happily delivers.

“Oh! Did mom tell you the secret yet?” He whispers, squeezing Loki tighter with arms thrown around his neck.

“She did,” Loki chuckles. “Are you excited?”

“I can’t wait! We’re gonna be bestest friends and I’m naming it Blueberry cause I love blueberries and I love my baby so I’m gonna—”

“Blueberry??”

“Yeah!”

Loki shakes his head with a laugh. “Blueberry Lokason. A name for the ages, without a doubt.”

Elliot beams at his father’s approval and Loki ruffles a hand through his curly hair. “Come on, go to sleep. You shouldn’t be awake right now.”

“Well you guys woke me up…” he grumbles, flopping down on his pillow.

Not again. Loki freezes, face twisting in worry—you hadn’t even started. If that was too loud, then by the end of the night the whole neighbourhood is going to be awake. “Were we being too loud?”

“Nah.” A little smile spreads over the kid’s face. “Mom’s just happy, real happy, and it woke me up.”

“You…you can feel that?”

“Yup. Just like you.” He nuzzles deeper into his pillow. “Thought’ya might wanna know, dad, ‘case you forgot.”

With a face as precious as that, Loki doesn’t have the heart to tell him that’s not just like him…that’s not exactly how his access to the mind works, but the last thing Elliot needs is another reason to believe he’s unusual.

“In case I forgot what, Elliot?” He smiles and kisses the boy’s forehead, running a hand through his hair.

“How to tell when mom’s happy!” He opens his eyes and rolls onto his back, grinning up at Loki. “I almost forgotted too, she’s been sad so long. S’why I woke up!”

“Well.” Loki’s heart twists painfully in his chest. “Thank you. I think I remember now.”

“I gotcha covered, daddy.”

“Go to sleep, little giant.”

* * * * * * * *

The walk down the hall back to the room leaves Loki wondering.

He…felt it.

The kid could tell you were pregnant before you even knew, he could tell that you were nervous to tell Loki, he knew that Loki was scared before he’d admitted it to you…now he felt that you were happy? Strong enough to wake him up?

Apparently Elliot can do a lot more than just turn blue.

The thought of that is terrifying.

All Loki can think of as his hand rests hesitantly on the doorknob is what he’s done. What he’s passed on to this child, unwillingly taking another life down with his own curses.

Elliot’s life is going to be full of pain, if this is what he is capable of. It’s bad enough that he has no control over the shifting of his skin, no thanks to the fruitless attempts Loki has made to figure out how to help him, but now…

Loki starts when you open the door.

“What’d he need?”

You’re smiling—happy, Loki can tell this time. He silently thanks Elliot for the reminder.

“A hug.” He quickly smiles back. “Wanted to know if I was awake…the usual midnight Elliot inquiries.”

“Can I get one?”

You hold your arms out and grin, giddy and irresistibly bright, and Loki steps forward to sweep you into his arms.

“I’ll give you a bit extra, too,” he chuckles, peppering your neck with light kisses as he walks you backward towards the bed. Your knees hit the edge and you fall onto the mattress, grabbing him behind the neck to bring him down with you.

An arm by your head to keep him hovering over you, Loki pauses, just smiling down at you as a few lingering laughs leave your lips.

“Are you happy, my love?”

Cold fingers run down your cheek and he leans down, brushing his lips against yours.

“Of course I am,” you mumble, tangling your fingers in his hair to keep him close. “You’re home, I’ve got the best little kid sleeping down the hall, and we’ve got another one on the way.” Another peck on the lips. “I’m way past happy, snowflake.”

“Good,” he whispers, and decides that’s going to be enough for him.

That’ll be enough for all four of you.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

hope you enjoyed, feel free to send me ideas!

loki tags: @bluediamond007 @himitoshi @drakesfiance @destiel1597 @dangertoozmanykids101 @archy3001 @jcalpha1 @yzssie @skullvieplu @forthesnakeofdragons @skulliebythesea @wegingerangelica @storiesfrommirkwood @agarwaeneth @adaliamalfoy @laurfangirl424 @paradisaicsam @fitzsimmons-is-forever @ladylokimischief @katelinwrites @tarynkauai @polaristrange @loavesofmeat @canadian-ravenpuff-multishipper @lou-makes-me-strong @holyn0vak @chocolatealmondmillk @swtnrholland @kenzieam @jessiejunebug  @catticas @the-republic-and-face-of-texas @doralupin01 @whitewitchdown @atomiccharmer @falconfeather23435 @babygirlicecream @avengrcs @vethrvolnir2 @bookgirlunicorn @wabisabigrl @myhealingstar @khaleesi-marvel @ei77777 @spacecrumbs @scarlettrosella @rocks-are-pretty-odd @confessionsofastrugglingteen  @easilydistractedwriter @arttasticgreatnessoftheawesome77 @fluffyllamaswearinghats @milktearose @lcyouinhell @h0tshotholland @dontmesswithmemundane @southsidesarcasticwriter @helnik-s @lilith-akemi @fire-in-her-veinz @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mischievousbellerina @kcd15 @mellowgirl01 @lokislilcaribbeanprincess @allthingzhiddleston @scorpionchild81 @lokixme @vast-ish @blue-automne @galaxycharmed @devilbat @kangaroobunny @end-up-well @planetariumx @sarcsep @mrfandomtastic @amaru163 @im-way-too-many-fandoms @caswinchester2000 @kybaeza @little-scintilla @vintagesunshinebitch @adefectivedetective

[gamerwoo]

Wonwoo: Sunflower

Characters: Wonwoo x reader (gender neutral but if i slipped up on accident i apologize)

Genre/warnings: idol au, kinda slice of life, fluff, angst, some crack, a lil bit of suggestive/kinda sexual stuff toward the beginning, alcohol consumption and partying

Word count: 5,694

Summary: Then you’re left in the dust unless I stuck by ya. You’re a sunflower, I think your love would be too much.

a/n: (inspired by Sunflower by Post Malone and Swae Lee) I accidentally posted this from my drafts when it wasn’t done and I really didn’t want to rewrite it or post it at all but I did anyway because I like to torture myself so here. and i know the real meaning of the song is kind of flipped to how i wrote it but um i didn’t realize until i was almost done lmao and also shoutout to @neverknewgrey2016 and @dreamjunhui for not only dealing with my tantrum when I had to redo this but who told me I should still remake it if I really liked the idea :]

(original a/n was something cheesy about the song reminding me of wonwoo because like i say i hate him all the time or smth idk but i figured i could use the lyrics to make some kinda story and i could definitely see wonwoo calling his s/o ‘sunflower’ as a petname but anyway moving on)

Seventeen Song Series

[Needless to say, I keep her in check

She was all bad, bad nevertheless

Calling it quits now, baby, I’m a wreck

Crash at my place, baby, you’re a wreck]

Meeting Wonwoo was an accident. It wasn’t like you were childhood friends or had some cute/funny encounter in school to bring you two together. You became friends because you both had the same order at a coffee shop, and you both went to take it only to start bickering because you both insisted you ordered first. Wonwoo had on a black mask and cap so you weren’t sure who the hell this sketchy-looking dude was, but you were going to get your drink either way.

After becoming friends, Wonwoo realized your snarky and sarcastic nature wasn’t just him catching you on a bad day. You were always like that. He did, however, discover that it was essentially your way of hiding your feelings. You were a shy person who didn’t really do feelings, and you were bad at expressing them. You teasing him and giving him a hard time was your way of expressing your fondness of him -- and you did it a lot and didn’t hold back.

Wonwoo quickly found himself growing a feeling of responsibility toward you. He started watching out for you, making sure you were kept in line, and always made sure you behaved -- well, at least as well as you could. While most people blew off your personality as rude and annoying, Wonwoo found it cute; almost childlike. He was fond of you, honestly.

If you were being completely, boldly honest, you had feelings for Wonwoo, but you refused to ever let him find out about those. But truthfully, he felt the same way, and he could easily tell you liked him back. Maybe that was why he did everything in his power to make you as flustered as possible -- which wasn’t hard since you got shy when it came to compliments, physical displays of affection, and basically anything cute, cuddly, or touchy-feel-y.

“Yah, can you sit down for like, two seconds?” he groaned, pushing himself off the couch to follow you to the kitchen where you were going for your fourth piece of cake. “_____, you don’t need more! You’re going to get sugar high, and you’re going to get a tummy ache.”

You snorted, glancing at him over your shoulder, “Did you just say ‘tummy ache’? I’m not five.”

“Yes, I said ‘tummy ache’,” he stated, reaching out and grabbing your waist, pulling your back to his chest as he wrapped his arms around you and began to tickle your stomach. You squealed, your cheeks immediately going red as you shoved away from him.

“Don’t do that!” you whined, an embarrassed smile on your face. “I’ll leave this dorm right now and go home, I swear!”

“No you won’t,” he told you, crossing his arms over his chest as he blocked the way toward the exit which was the opposite way you were headed. “It’s too late, kid; you’re stuck here for the night.”

“I’m not a kid,” you stated as you rolled your eyes, mimicking him and crossing your own arms, “Then at least let me eat the leftover cake.”

“_____--”

“I don’t even need permission,” you scoffed, turning back toward the kitchen and marching straight there, “I’m an adult!”

Wonwoo groaned, his head dropping back as he heard you open the refrigerator. Sometimes he wondered why he even bothered.

“Hey!” you giggled as you scurried over to him with a can of whipped cream in your hand. “Look what I found! Open!”

Wonwoo let out a short, airy laugh as he playfull rolled his eyes. Still, he complied and opened his mouth, letting you spray the sweet topping into his mouth before you put a dot of it on his nose, sticking your tongue out at him before running back into the kitchen before he could get you.

‘Oh, yeah,’ he thought to himself as he smiled fondly at your retreating form, ‘that’s why.’

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Thinking in a bad way, losing your grip

Screaming at my face, baby, don’t trip

Someone took a big L, don’t know how that felt

Looking at you sideways, party on tilt]

You’d never once questioned your friendship with Wonwoo. Sure, you were just some rando he’d ran into on the street and happened to get along with, but the fact you did get along well was why you never thought Wonwoo felt like he was above you. He never presented himself like the type to only befriend people on ‘his level’, either.

But then he invited you to a party. It was the birthday party of one of his idol friends -- or maybe it was a friend of a friend, you weren’t sure -- and Wonwoo wanted to know if you’d be his plus one.

“You don’t get out much,” he’d told you jokingly as he nudged your side.

So you agreed to go, and you were having fun at first. You had a few free shots, and Wonwoo offered to buy you some drinks. Even Seungcheol was asking you to do shots with him just for fun, so you did. But it seemed like the drunker you got, the more uptight you felt rather than letting loose. Your mind started to focus on how Wonwoo behaved around his idol friends, and you started questioning why the hell Wonwoo would even still be friends with you. Did he even actually like you or did he just feel bad when you’d text him asking to hang out? Did he invite you here because he felt bad for you? Was he hoping to hand you off to somebody else?

Wonwoo hadn’t seen you for a while. He’d gotten distracted talking to a friend he didn’t get to see often, so when he realized he wasn’t sure of your whereabouts, he went looking for you. It took him about ten minutes of looking and asking around before he finally found you in the bathroom, curled up in the corner with a tear-stained face and your arms wrapped around your knees.

“_____!” Wonwoo gasped, rushing over to you and immediately falling to his knees. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

You sniffled, looking up at him with bleary eyes. Your words slurred together when you spoke, “Why’d you c’m findme?”

“I hadn’t seen you in a while,” he told you, his arms wrapping around you as he sat down beside you. “What happened? Why are you crying?”

“Why d’you even hangout w’me?” you grumbled, wiping carelessly under your eyes with the back of your hand as you looked away from your friend. “You have cooler friends‘n’shit...”

Wonwoo shook his head as he tried to move hair from your face, “I don’t understand...”

Wonwoo had definitely had his share of drinks that night, but he was sober enough to now what was happening -- and he knew what was happening with you wasn’t normal. You never cried in front of him, and you never ever compared yourself to his friends -- at least, not out loud or in front of him.

“Y’re other friends ‘re idols!” you burst, turning to look at him as more tears welled up in your eyes. “Why waisty’re timeonme? ‘M nothin'...”

He frowned, cupping your face between his hands as he forced your eyes to look straight into his.

“_____, that’s absolutely not true,” he stated, looking more serious than you’d ever seen him -- even if you vision was a little questionable currently.

You whined, swatting at his hands even though it was like a baby tapping at his wrists with how drunk you were, “Go away!”

“You’re too drunk,” he sighed. “Calm down. Do you want me to take you home?”

You nodded, swiping at the water flowing down your cheeks again.

Wonwoo stood before he helped you up, keeping an arm around your waist as he put one of yours around his shoulders.

“I’ll get a ride and take you to the dorm, and I’ll make you some tea, okay? You can sleep this off afterwards, and if you still think I think you’re not worthy in the morning, I’ll still be there to tell you you’re wrong,” he promised as he led you out of the bathroom.

“Okay...” you mumbled, sniffling again. “Wonwoo?”

“Hmm?”

“Imight throw up ‘nyou...”

He chuckled, “That’s okay.”

He wanted to make a joke about how worst case scenario, he could borrow clothes from one of his ‘cool idol friends’, but he figured he should save that one for when you were sober.

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Ooh-ooh, some things you can’t refuse

She wanna ride me like a cruise

And I’m not tryna loose]

Neither of you were sure the reason, but the sexual tension between the two of you that night was much greater than it had ever been. It wasn’t the first time you’d been in tiny cotton shorts and one of Wonwoo’s old t-shirts to sleep in, and it wasn’t the first time the two of you sat so close together on the couch as you watched a movie at your place. But you both could feel how the air somehow felt thicker and hotter than normal.

“Why are we watching this movie again?” you asked in a sigh when you noticed the couple on screen was now making out, which definitely wasn’t distracting you from how you wished your best friend beside you would just push you down into the couch and press his lips into yours so hard that you couldn’t breathe.

“Because it had good ratings,” he replied nonchalantly, dumping a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Despite how he sounded unfazed, Wonwoo was just as squirmy and uncomfortable as you. The couple in the movie reminded him so much of the two of you: a little unconventional, kind of crazy, but they still cared so much for each other. All he could think about the whole time was turning to you, pulling you into his lap, and making out with you until this stupid movie was over. He could even feel himself hardening under his shorts and hardly anything had happened in the movie! It was all just his own thoughts of you.

“I’m switching it,” you declared, leaning over to grab the remote from the coffee table.

Before your fingers could wrap around the black rectangle, Wonwoo’s hands latched onto your wrist, holding it in place.

“No,” he said sternly. “You can pick the next one when this is over.”

“It’s boring!” you groaned.

Truthfully, Wonwoo was nervous that if you turned your attention away from the movie, you’d end up noticing how turned on he was getting. So he insisted the movie keep playing.

“Not everything is about what you want,” he teased with a smirk.

“Jerk,” you frowned, sticking your tongue out at him.

You yanked your wrist out of his grasp and grabbed the remote anyway.

“_____!” he whined as you leaned over while he tried to reach for the remote, holding your arm away from him as you laughed.

“You can’t get it!” you sang in a teasing tone.

Wonwoo pulled the blanket off of his lap and completely climbed on top of you, pinning your wrists above your head by the arm of the couch. Both of you seemed to freeze as it set in how you two were positioned: Wonwoo straddling your hips with his hands around your wrists, and you below him and completely at his mercy. Your eyes were locked, somehow unable to look away even though you were blushing redder than a tomato.

But you didn’t make any moves to pull away, and Wonwoo knew that you probably would’ve shoved him off and called him an idiot by now.

Wonwoo smirked as you gulped, “You should see how red you look right now, _____.”

You stammered, trying to come up with a response, but the best you could do was avert your eyes and mumble a “shut up”.

Wonwoo leaned closer so his breath fanned your face when he spoke. Your eyes widened, unable to pick just one place on his face to focus.

“Do I make you flustered, _____?” he questioned, his voice low. You knew Wonwoo was a teaser -- he loved to tease you -- but you didn’t think he would be like this. “How come you haven’t pushed me off yet? It’s almost like you like having me over you like this -- like you want me to do something more...”

You stayed quiet as you and Wonwoo switched between looking in each other’s eyes and glancing down at each other’s lips. Finally, he closed the gap, pressing his plush lips against yours. His hands released your wrists, moving down your arms and down your sides to your waist. He sat back, bringing you up with him as your lips stayed connected in a kiss that quickly grew heated. You straddled his lap as your fingers tangled in his hair, your hips instinctively grinding down on his softly as your tongues moved together.

Wonwoo groaned softly into your mouth at the feeling, but he quickly held your hips still.

“If you want something more, you have to tell me,” he said, his voice soft but gravely.

“I want more,” you mumbled, pressing your lips back to his.

“No,” he smirked, pulling back enough so he could really see your reaction for this, “I want you to say the whole thing.”

You whined, your head falling forward into his shoulder, “Wonwoo, don’t do this to me...”

“If you don’t say it, I won’t do anything else,” he chuckled. “We can just sit here, watch the movie, and--”

“Fine!” you groaned, refusing to lift your head because you were sure your entire face and neck were red with embarrassment. “What do you want me to say?”

He shrugged, “Just tell me that you want me to fuck you.”

“Those exact words?” you whined. “Why?”

“Alright...” he hummed as he thought, making you think he was going to go easy on you. But he was going to get back at you for all the time you gave him a hard time. Finally, it was his turn to give you a hard time.

“Tell me that you want to ride me.”

You tensed at his words, but he also felt how your thighs tried to press together despite the fact they were spread open over his lap. He chuckled, letting his hands move up and down your thighs.

“Come on, you have a big mouth normally but now you suddenly can’t speak?” he teased.

“You’re the worst,” you huffed.

“I’m hearing a lot of talking but nothing of importance.”

You let out a loud sigh before mumbling words into his shoulder which he definitely heard, but he wasn’t done with you.

“I’m sorry, what was that, _____?” he smirked. “You’re gonna have to look at me when you talk.”

You lifted your head timidly. Wonwoo’s smirk grew bigger seeing how your cheeks were so flushed and your eyes could barely look at him. It somehow gave you an innocence that drove him crazy -- especially when accompanied with the words that fell from your lips in a shy, soft voice.

“I wanna r-ride you...”

Wonwoo bit his lip, cupping your cheek and pulling your face back down to his.

“Was that so hard?” he whispered before he pressed his lips back to yours.

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Every time I’m leaving on you

You don’t make it easy, no

Wish I could be there for you

Give me a reason to, oh]

You didn’t like watching everybody pile their luggage out of the dorms. You knew it was only for a month -- and you’d survived without Wonwoo for a month before -- but you were finally dating Wonwoo. You’d just started, and now he was leaving. 

Whenever Wonwoo had to leave, you always had this permanent pout on your face that Wonwoo never failed to find adorable. Even if he was upset seeing you upset, that cute look on your face made him chuckle and shake his head. He knew it meant you were sad, but he couldn’t help it.

“You know I’ll be back soon,” he reminded you, standing before you just outside the front door to the building. “I’ll call you whenever I can, okay?”

And just like every other time, you wrapped your arms around his waist with an iron grip. Wonwoo laughed, letting his arms wrap around your shoulders as he kissed the top of your head.

“You have to let go, y’know,” he told you, still chuckling at your actions.

You just whined in response.

“God, you’re never going to make leaving easy, are you?” he snorted, leaning away just enough to see your face that was still set in a pout.

You shook your head, “I’ll make it harder each time.”

“_____, please let go of our Wonwoo,” Jeonghan pleaded softly as he walked up behind Wonwoo to try to pull your arms apart.

“No!” you whined.

“Aw, c’mon, let’s just take _____ with us,” Wonwoo said, his head leaning against yours as he jutted out his lower lip, the puppy dog eyes aimed toward the manager that was standing by one of the cars.

“You know we can’t,” Seungcheol reminded him. “Come on, we have to go.”

Wonwoo did nothing to get out of your hold, keeping his arms resting comfortably around you while he laughed at his members struggle. When they finally did get him released, Seungcheol quickly grabbed him and dragged him away toward hip-hop unit’s car.

When Seungcheol had turned to get into the car himself, Wonwoo took off toward you. He crashed into you, barely managing to keep you and him up as his arms tightened around you.

“I don’t want to leave you,” he admitted in a soft whine.

“I know,” you sighed, rubbing his back, “but you have fans you have to see. You can’t disappoint them, right?”

“Wonwoo, what the fuck!” Jihoon groaned, noticing it was the taller member holding everybody up.

Even though you probably wanted him to stay even more than he did, you reluctantly pushed him away from you with a teasing smile, pointing to the open car door.

“Go on, you big idiot,” you told him with a light chuckle.

Seungcheol jogged back over to retrieve his member, dragging Wonwoo away by the arm.

“I’ll see you later, _____!” Wonwoo called, waving his hand over his head. “Take care of yourself for me!”

Truthfully, Wonwoo didn’t want to just leave like that -- in fact, Seungcheol was still dragging him to the car before shoving him inside because Wonwoo didn’t want to go. He wanted to put up more of a fight, but he knew he’d get in trouble if he did. So he complied with his manager and his members, pressing his face up against the tinted windows as they drove away and out of sight.

And just like every other time, you waited until Wonwoo was gone to let your tears escape.

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Every time I’m walking out

I can hear you telling me to turn around

Fighting for my trust and you won’t back down

Even if we gotta risk it all right now]

You were still giggling at the lame joke Wonwoo made as the two of you laid on your bed. It took a little bit of coaxing for you to cuddle with Wonwoo despite the fact you really really wanted to -- you were just a little shy about it, and Wonwoo’s teasing tones and smirks weren’t helping that -- but he finally had his arm around you with your head on his chest as he smiled up at the ceiling. Moments like these were ones he really enjoyed -- and there were plenty of them after that night in your apartment. The both of you knew there was no going back after having sex, but things just felt...right after that.

Now, here you were, spending your three month anniversary together with takeout, music, video games, and cuddling.

“You still owe me a rematch in Smash since you cheated,” Wonwoo reminded you.

You just scoffed, “You’re just mad that I’m better at playing Kirby than you are at playing literally anybody.”

“Being better at playing a character does not require stealing my controller and tossing it away from me,” Wonwoo frowned, poking your side to make you squeak.

“It just means I’m a better player!” you insisted.

“No, it means you’re a little cheater,” he told you, continuing to tickle your sides.

As you giggled and squirmed, swatting at Wonwoo’s hands while he kept an arm locked around your waist to keep you in his hold. When he noticed you were gasping for breaths was when he finally stopped, chuckling just at your laugh alone. It was possibly his favorite sound.

While your laughter was still dying down, Wonwoo placed a finger under your chin to make you look up at him.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened. Neither of you had ever said the ‘L’ word to each other, and Wonwoo had just dropped it out of nowhere. You were definitely taken off guard to say the least.

Wonwoo just laughed softly at your expression, softly stroking your cheek with his thumb, “C’mon, say something.”

Your mind was racing with different things you wanted to say and do. You wanted to squeal with happiness and just yell about how much you loved him. You also wanted to bury your face in his chest just so he wouldn’t have to see you blushing as much as you were.

He smirked, “I haven’t seen you look this flustered since our first night together.”

“Ugh, don’t start,” you groaned, practically throwing your face into his chest as you gripped his shirt.

“Do you have anything to say back?” he wondered as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head.

You sighed dramatically as you lifted your head, playfully rolling your eyes, “No...”

“That’s not what you said in your sleep last week,” he smirked, quirking a brow.

Your eyes widened, “What?”

“Yeah, you talk in your sleep sometimes.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?!”

“I just did!”

As Wonwoo smiled brightly, you groaned in embarrassment and hid your face again as your cheeks heated up. Wonwoo just laughed warmly, hugging you tighter.

“It’s okay,” he assured you, “because I love you right back.”

When his laughter finally died down was when you finally decided to peek up at him to try to tease him back, but you saw something was different. Even the air felt different.

Wonwoo’s face had fallen, the happy twinkle in his eyes dulled. He let out a soft sigh as he looked up at the ceiling, his ‘thinking face’ on which included furrowed brows and his nose slightly scrunched.

“You okay?” you wondered quietly.

Wonwoo was silent for a moment which made your stomach do nervous flips. When he did finally speak, his words were soft and murmured with his eyes still glued to the ceiling.

“We’ll have to tell people at some point, won’t we?”

When you didn’t answer, Wonwoo looked down to see the panic in your eyes that was gone almost instantly, already shoved back down inside you to cover the vulnerability. He knew you hated the uneasiness of not knowing the future, but he also had to bring it up. You two were admitting you loved each other, which meant he had to start thinking about what would happen next.

“When do you want to?” you wondered, your voice quiet.

Wonwoo let out a short laugh that sounded more stressed than joyful, “Never.”

"C’mon, I’m serious.”

"So am I.”

You sat up, your hands on Wonwoo’s chest to push you, “You’re going to hide this?”

He sat up as well, “Are you going to force me to tell people?”

“Well, it just kind of seems like you want to hide me,” you admitted.

Wonwoo let out a short, dry laugh, shaking his head as he got up from the bed.

You sighed, standing up as well as Wonwoo left the bedroom. You followed behind him, watching as he went through the living room on his way to the door, grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch.

You continued to follow after him, calling, “I don’t get why this is such a big deal to you!”

“Really? _____, have you seen how other couples are treated in this industry?” he asked in a loud voice, one hand running through his hair, “I don’t want you getting hurt or feeling bad about yourself or--”

“Wonwoo, stop,” you said, walking over to him and taking his hands, tugging softly to get him to look at you. “That doesn’t matter.”

“_____, you can’t just blow over this, too--”

You put your fingertips to his lips as he sat up to argue this, quickly shushing him.

“It doesn’t matter because nothing’s going to change us -- I won’t let it. It doesn’t matter if people hate me or they hate us being together or whatever it is that’s bothering you. I love you and it’s not going to change. I have you with me, so what is there to be scared of, right? Nobody can force me away from you.”

A smile slowly started to spread on your boyfriend’s face as he wrapped his fingers around your wrist to move your hand from his lips, “When did you get good at expressing your feelings?”

“From constantly talking to myself when you’re too busy playing video games,” you told him, sarcasm dripping in your tone.

Still, your words meant a lot to him. He knew that you could’ve panicked, too. He knew you could’ve just made a joke about it like you did with most things. But you still tried to comfort him, and he knew it was something you didn’t think you were good at. But you tried for him.

He wrapped you in his arms, knowing he’d just have to trust you on this one.

“I love you,” he told you.

Your arms wound around his waist, letting your head rest against his shoulder.

“I love you.”

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[I know you’re scared of the unknown

You don’t wanna be alone

I know I always come and go

But it’s out of my control]

It didn’t matter how many times you teased Wonwoo or shot a sarcastic comment at somebody. It didn’t matter how strong you acted or pretended how little you cared. Wonwoo knew you were scared of a lot of things: the future, things you couldn’t be sure of, and even being alone. You always tried to act like you were fine with all of those things -- especially the latter since you would insist you didn’t like people and preferred holing up in your room -- but Wonwoo knew you better.

Especially when he was announced to leave for six months.

The day before he had to leave, he wanted to spend it with you. He didn’t show up until the evening, though, since he was busy that day. He had been busy a lot, and this wasn’t even his first time leaving, but it was so much longer than you’d ever had to endure. You were terrified of what could possibly happen because of this long period of time away from each other, and Wonwoo could see that as soon as he came in.

All day, you’d been thinking about how Wonwoo would leave early in the morning. You couldn’t help but get upset thinking about how you’d have to spend those six months without the one person you loved and trusted more than anybody else. You’d basically be alone. Yeah, you’d have your friends and your family, but that was different. You loved Wonwoo differently than you loved them.

“Hey,” Wonwoo frowned when he opened the door to see you curled up on the couch with an odd look on your face -- it was some weird mixture of sadness and confusion, and he didn’t like it, “are you okay?”

You kept your eyes locked on the same spot across the couch up until the last word of your question, afraid of crying when you looked up at him.

“What if something happens to us when you’re gone?”

Sure enough, as soon as your eyes met his face, your lower lip started to quiver. You weren’t going to see that face in person for six months. You weren’t going to be able to hold or kiss him for 26 weeks. You would feel the same, empty, lonely feeling for 182 days, and all the anxieties that came with it.

Wonwoo walked over to you, sitting on the couch and pulling you into his embrace just as you broke down. He moved you into his lap as he shushed you and rubbed your back, keeping his hold on you tight and comforting.

“I know you’re afraid, baby,” he murmured, his lips against the side of your head, “but we’ll be okay, I promise.”

“You can’t know that,” you sniffled, your voice breaking twice.

He frowned hearing you sound so worried and broken. He wished he could somehow take all of your worried and anxieties and get rid of them forever. He wanted you to feel calm and secure all the time, but he knew you worried about a lot of small things even when you knew deep down that there was no point in worrying. You just couldn’t help it, and he understood that.

“I’ll video chat with you as often as I can, and it’ll be almost like I’m beside you,” he promised. “Try to visit your parents or a friend when you feel extra lonely, though, okay? I know you don’t like feeling vulnerable, but do it for me, alright? You have to take care of yourself while I’m gone -- I’ll be checking.”

You nodded, but you didn’t trust your voice enough to answer him with words. You already didn’t like that he could feel your body shaking with silent sobs, you didn’t want loud whimpers and cries to escape, too.

“I wish I didn’t have to leave you,” he sighed softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I’d stay with you all the time if I could.”

“I wish I could go with you,” you told him just above a whisper. “I don’t wanna not have you around.”

But neither of those options were possible. Wonwoo and the rest of his members had already tried asking the staff about you tagging along, even for a little bit, but they were all given the same answer: no. It was completely out of his hands, no matter how badly he wished he could do something about it. The next morning, he’d be up before the sun to get on a plane to go to a different country.

But for the night, he could have you in his arms until he had to go, leaving you alone back home.

❀━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━❀

[Then you’ll be left in the dust

Unless I stuck by you

You’re the sunflower

I think your love would be too much

Or you’ll be left in the dust

Unless I stuck by you

You’re the sunflower

You’re the sunflower]

"Are you eating enough? You look thinner.”

“Yah, are you my mom?”

“Sorry, I’m not into that.”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes as he tried to suppress a laugh. Meanwhile, you laughed loudly, not caring if anybody on his end might hear -- the only other person in his hotel room was Seungcheol, but he had headphones in while he played a game.

“I’m eating, I promise,” Wonwoo nodded, smiling at your face that was currently on his phone screen. “Are you doing okay?”

You shrugged, peeling your eyes away from your phone where you could clearly see your boyfriend laying down in bed to check your water that was boiling for ramen, “I guess. I miss you a lot, but school kinda keeps me distracted sometimes.”

“Sometimes, huh?”

“I’m paying attention, I swear! I promised I would, and I keep my promises.”

He chuckled, “I know you do, baby. I’m sorry I couldn’t call the last week, but I got all of your texts about your exams. I’m proud of you.”

You flashed him a proud grin as you stirred your ramen, “Thanks! I’m, uh...sorry for spamming your phone. I tried to keep it to just good morning and goodnight texts.”

“I like it. It lets me know that you didn’t forget about me.”

You never failed to send him a text at least once a day, and while he couldn’t reply, it made Wonwoo feel so warm inside knowing you were still keeping him updated and checking on him. You really were so loyal and caring toward him, which he didn’t even understand. He’d been gone for three months now, and he thought you would’ve given up or moved on by now -- anybody else would’ve.

But you weren’t just anybody.

You scoffed, “Shouldn’t it be the other way around? You are the famous Jeon Wonwoo, after all.”

As Wonwoo watched you make your late dinner in just a big t-shirt he’d left behind for you, and your hair still messy and damp from a shower, he suddenly got hit with one of those ‘wow, I really love you’ moments, and all he could do was stare at you. Stare at how your hair fell in your face as you cracked an egg into your ramen, and how your lips moved as you softly mouthed the words to a song he couldn’t hear, and how you were doing literally nothing of significance but he wanted to watch you forever.

When Wonwoo didn’t reply, you looked at the phone to make sure the connection wasn’t lost, only to find Wonwoo looking at you almost dreamily.

“What?” you asked.

He just smiled softly and shook his head, “You don’t ever have to worry about me forgetting about you.”

[analphancones]

Jess , if you don't mind me asking, what happened between you guys? You seemed like you went so idk perfect together and we're deep in love.

//I'm sincerely sorry if it comes off as rude or disrespectful and you can 100% delete this ask if it at all offends you; but what is happening with you and Ashton? I'm really sorry for asking and I'm going to regret asking this as soon as I hit send

Okay guys. I’ll explain. Since about a few days after his birthday (June 15th), he had started being very distant and any time we would talk he would seem agitated and very done with me. Occasionally, he would suck it up and things would be fine and he’d be sweet with me. But for the most part, he didn’t seem to want much to do with me and wouldn’t even give a lame excuse, just ignore me. 

So about two weeks ago I went to get dinner at the breed, this place in town I go to socialize and get a free meal and clothes and tampons and shit bc I’m broke as fuck and never have any kinda money. There was this boy there sitting alone on his phone and he looked really pretty from the side so I was tryna muster up some courage to talk to him. Eventually, he got up to chase the cat Charlie and I giggled bc he was literally crawling across the floor like Smeegle (?) from lord of the rings. I told him I liked his smile. 

So for a few days after, Ashton was still treating me like I wasn’t important anymore. So I spent my time with Josh to occupy myself. On the third day I was at his apartment, and we were like standing up and making kool aid. I like leaned against his chest. He was really sweet and I like looked up at him and he kissed me. I kissed back. 

Anyways. At this point, I was heavily considering breaking up with Ashton because of his neglect. He would hardly text me, and he’d sleep immediately after he did, or he’d lie and say he was asleep when he wasn’t. He’d give me bullshit apologies and I Love You’s and just generally not treat me as if I was worth his time like I should have been. 

I will not use that as an excuse for cheating on Ashton. Just because he was neglecting me doesn’t mean I should have kissed someone else. But it happened. Josh is the guy you’ll see on my story a lot on my snap chat. 

So a few days later, I broke up with Ashton. I was with my best friend when I did it. She read all the chats and all the texts and can vouch for me on all this. Ashton played it off as cool, like he still loved me but thought it was for the best. This is what he did. At first, 

Then, he started blocking me on everything, talking hella shit, tryna tell my mother shit was going on. He was getting involved in shit that was not and never will be his business. He started changing my passwords, hacking into my shit, sending my mother pictures of me with hickeys and videos of me kissing Josh. He started changing my email passwords, getting on my tumblr and going through chats to send to my mother, I think he even tried logging into my facebook. I changed my snap chat password three times before he finally left it alone. 

He also sent me messages on sc before blocking me about how he never cared about me, how it was all just one giant lie, how I fell for his trap all over again just like I did when we were 13. How he was using me, how it was all bullshit and he never gave a damn about me, I was just a game to him. He never loved me, he hardly even cared about me, how I was just a sick fun way to pass time. How he hates everything about my personality, and how he was actually waiting for me to break up with him so he could be with someone irl that he had been talking too. 

So, he made this whole big fuss about how worthless I was to him and how it was all one big act, and how he doesn’t love me, never did, he’ll never miss me, he’ll never care about me, he never has except slightly before he really knew me. Then he gave this whole big speech about how he’s glad I cheated because he didn’t wanna be the bad guy, that he wanted it to be my fault and my fuck up for why we broke up. (news flash, yeh I did something bad but his words are so much worse than what I did). 

So he took my one fuck up as a reason to tear my heart out and break it into a million tiny little pieces. He could have just let me believe he still loved me, just let me feel shitty about leaving him and missing him. But no he had to do this shit. 

So now he keeps tryna get my mom to get Josh in some kind of trouble despite it not being his business in any way shape or form. But on the bright side, he’s agreed to leave well enough alone as long as I don’t contact him. So yeah, we were the perfect couple. We were so in love, we had the perfect story, we were soul mates. We were a big fucking lie. 

Worst part is I’m still in love with him. I’m working hard to move on though. I’m with Josh officially, he’s really funny and sweet and dumb as shit but like, idk I kinda like it that way bc Ashton was smarter than me and I hated it. Josh treats me nicely and will drop like everything for me. He stopped his game in the middle of a match to come lay with me bc I was cold while napping on his couch. He defends me and lets me show up crying (which I did yesterday bc of Ashton) and is generally just really good to me. He keeps tampons under his sink for me and holds my hand when we go places and buys girly shampoo and stuff bc I shower at his house a lot (I don’t have a shower) and he carredis hit for me even without me asking and he’s just..he’s a really good guy. 

Idk if it’s serious, if it ever will be. He could break my heart. But at least I’m not feeling lonely in my relationship anymore like I was with Ashton. At least with Josh, it’s clear he likes me and has interest in me. So yeah. Sorry for the long ass post. But that’s what happened :/

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 5.28 - 6.3

capsule reviews of the pop culture things i took in last week. in this post: from a room, chi-raq, the intervention, all the beauty in this whole life, bone tomahawk, spades and roses, souvenir, spin, brooklyn nine-nine, blue velvet

1) From a Room, Vol. I, by Chris Stapleton: My thing with Chris Stapleton is, I have enjoyed his two albums, I have thought they were both Very Good, I think they're both fine examples of what country should sound like and understand their importance in keeping country music vital. I'd fall just short of calling either of them classics. Which is a weird space to be evaluating an album, where your main critique of an album is that it isn't an all-time classic, that you agree the songs are good and that a lot are great (and there's some great fuckin' songs, "Either Way" is just, yerrrgh, that's a toughie), but sometimes, it feels like there's some ingredient missing from the mix. I think it just feels too perfect. This man has a perfectly tortured voice, capable of translating any sort of pain and misery he feels, and he's using it to craft perfect country songs about country things like drinking and being in jail. It feels like he's content to do great things within the confines of the genre when he could be reinventing it, which, hey, fair enough, Chris Stapleton making really good country songs is a thing in this world I'm not complaining about, and if he never unlocks the potential I believe he has and only ever makes songs like "Death Row," I'd be cool with that choice.

2) Chi-Raq, dir. Spike Lee: Because I am ignorant of any piece of media that was made before 2003, I did not know what the Greek drama this was based off was about, so when I realized it was a film about women withholding sex made by the dude who made She Hate Me (this is an unfair comment because I haven't seen the film, but I'm pretty sure that's an unpleasant movie), I kinda prepped myself for an uncomfortable experience. And then the film ended up being fucking fantastic. The fact that the "no peace, no pussy" protest elicits a reaction of "Well, we have dicks. They love our dicks! Surely, if we just remind them of the fact of our dicks we'll put an end to this nonsense" is not just what would obviously happen should a similar protest occur in reality, it calls attention to the fact that so many problems facing the world are being caused by dudes who can't see past the apparent power of their dicks. (I will bring to the grave the belief that, if all the Republican presidential candidates held a joint press conference to tell Donald Trump he had a large penis, Donald Trump would have suspended his campaign and receded into the background.) But more importantly, this film has things to say about this country. It hits on everything, and it hits it hard. It calls out gang violence for bringing strife to black communities, then calls out the people who would use that strife to undermine causes like Black Lives Matter. It's a film stylized all the way to hell that remains grounded in reality because, what with the lists of names the film brings up (multiple lists, and nary a name repeated on any of these lists), it's impossible to fully escape reality. It's an astonishing film from a master director on a subject he's had to explore too often. (Also, Samuel L. Jackson having the time of his life as a Greek chorus.)

3) The Intervention, dir. Clea DuVall: I can never remember which character from Parks & Rec elicited this Perd Hapley line that has stayed with me forever, but all the same, some character asks Perd Hapley "Do you know what I mean?" and Perd responds, "I don't! But it had the tone and cadence of a joke." I have used that line to describe so many things where I respect the attempt at humor but don't ever laugh. This film is an example of what I'd use that line to describe. There's a lot of funny people in the cast, and there were plenty of comedic set-ups, but nothing like an actual joke. I think the film wanted to be a serious meditation on the relationships between these people (who were related in some convoluted way or another), so it tried to distance itself from the comedy, but it never took anything serious enough for the emotional moments to land with any impact. I wouldn't attribute this to the cast -- Melanie Lynskey is fantastic, and I completely forgot but Cobie Smulders can do goddamn work y'all -- more to the point that, hey, there's a low ceiling and low floow for movies about upper-middle-class white folks who only share quiet and emotionally difficult moments with other upper-middle-class white folks, and this film lands somewhere in the middle. I saw this the same day I saw Chi-Raq. Y'all tryna get away with pointin' a camera at some randos, and that's not gonna cut it.

4) All the Beauty in This Whole Life, by Brother Ali: On my personal Top 20 list for the year, I have this ahead of DAMN. It's 10% contrarianism, 20% homerism, 65% this is an amazing record by an amazing man, 5% no one at any point shouts KUNG FU KENNY. It's easy to make an angry political record. I think Rise Against is releasing an album this year, and it's already getting an A- and barely missing the Top 20, because times are shitty and it's easy to be angry. It's hard to look at the world as it is today and find things to defend, reasons to keep going. The most profound political statement to be made is that the world is fundamentally good and needs to be protected from those bringing it ruin, and Brother Ali makes that statement with authority. We'll have plenty of time and reasons to get angry in the coming days/months/years/decades. This is a record advising you to take a second to reflect on what's good in the world, the reasons hate came to be, what we can do to bring out the beauty, to explore what peace we can find before we start a war. It's powerful, amazing work.

5) Bone Tomahawk, dir. S. Craig Zahler: Not gonna lie: took a catnap in the middle of this one, very short, not even sure I was asleep, but definitely let the ol' eyeballs have a rest for a couple seconds. Didn't feel like I missed much plot-wise when I woke up, though. Probably missed a lot of beautiful shots of the Western hills (ok, THIS film is how you break in an HD display, I feel, nuts to Interstellar), but hoo boy, this film moved slowly! On the whole, the film was pretty great, I loved the way it built that town's community in just the one emergency meeting scene ("Look at the mayor when you're addressing him." "Yeah! Look at me!"), but there's a lot of time spent with gruff Westerners speaking softly about the great and terrible things they've done, and impeccably composed as those shots were, I can only be so interested in the things Matthew Fox has to say. (Also, hey there, central romance between a dude and a woman 22 years younger than him.) The film builds to the conclusion well, it picked up the pace a few scenes after my nap most regrettable, and I typically can enjoy a glacially-paced film now and then without sleeping, but if you have a worse attention span than me, this ain't rhe film for you.

6) Spades and Roses, by Caroline Spence: i do not remember how i came to add this particular indie singer-songwriter's ablum to my queue, but here we are, and this was fine! This was fine. I liked it. I rode on a bus and listened to this album, and I thought the young woman sang soft and sweet though potentially dark songs over gentle acoustic guitars. I cannot say I regret listening to this album, though I find myself unable to say much beyond that, because it was fine.

7) Souvenir, by Banner Pilot: I listened to this pop/punk album from an act I understand to be local after Spades and Roses, and one thing I should learn to do is try to pair albums better so that I'm not dealing with a change in mood this intense, so that there's a logical flow to the albums, some thematic link, not just "I added some shit to the library and I guess I'm listening to these today." Figuring thiis sort of stuff out is kinda hard, y'know? Like, I don't want to feel like I'm adding stuff to the library just to get it out of the way three weeks later, and maybe that colors my experience with albums like this or Spades and Roses, where they're fine but not necessarily something I feel I need to listen to twice, but if I come away from an album thinking I don't need to listen to it twice to get the full story, I'm not sure I'm being completely fair to the album. ...This review isn't so much a review of the album itself as much as it's a review of how I listen to music. C-. Needs a lot of improvement.

8) spin, by Tiger's Jaw: OK so I can tell ya right now I fucked up listening to this one. I was distracted, I had connection issues, I went grocery shopping and spent the majoirty of the grocery shopping twist asking myself what groceries I needed instead of what this album was doing for me, I did the thing where I treated music like background noise and not the thing I should be paying attention to. I thought the album was OK, but I could tell that it came to me on the wrong day, that maybe I should have put on something I'd heard before, and saved this one for a time when I could give this what it deserves. Bad week for me and my listening habits. Like, I do the thing with movies where I put the film on full screen and only check my phone to check the time, I need to find the thing for music that gets me to pay attention to music for more than one song at a time.

9) Brooklyn Nine-Nine s4, cr. Michael Schur & Dan Goor: I'm beginning to think this show would be the rare half-hour sitcom to benefit from a 13-episode order. This does action-comedy so well, but you can't really sustain the intensity of the action-comedy aspects of the show over 22 episodes, but then they have to fill the rest of the episodes with hangout-sitcommy bits that are very hit-and-miss for me. Once the show has a plot, it sings, but when it's doing its mystery-of-the-week thing what with A, B, and C plots so the entire cast has things to do, it can feel unfocused. I mean, hey, I watched every episode, I think the show is hilarious (I will sing Andre Braugher's praises until they can hear me from the moon), but I had to learn to deal with its inconsistency. Maybe not a Hall of Famer, but so many All-Stars never make the Hall of Fame, y'know?

10) Blue Velvet, dir. David Lynch: I saw this on Saturday night, and I'm still trying to process it. I'm actually not sure right now that I've seen a David Lynch movie before, which might explain why I feel so off-sync with this film; I've seen season one of Twin Peaks, but I'm otherwise unfamiliar with what he does, beyond a David Foster Wallace essay about the director. Perhaps I've become too desensitized to violence to understand what's shocking about the violence in Blue Velvet, or too many films derivative of Lynch to see what's uniquely Lynchian about Blue Velvet. I do see the central point and believe it's fascinating -- the only think keeping Jeffrey Beaumont from actually being Frank Booth is a sense of decorum, that Jeffrey needs to be Jeffrey to live in civilized society, but the only thing Frank does that Jeffrey only does reluctantly is Violence, and now I'm realizing this is Hannibal, that's where I saw this movie, was Hannibal, OK, OK, cool cool cool, but also, that theme of the darkness within, of people like Frank being everywhere, it resonates, because now we live in a world where we can remove ourselves from a sense of decorum and be Frank. To see Frank Booth in 2017 is to see the manifestation of a Twitter egg. So in the course of this review, we discovered that we are on this film's wavelength, and that the distance we had to bridge was created by seeing Lynchian works and living in the end times.