#tw hyperventilating

[thesaddestjoysandthesmallestlies]

Chat is it normal to forget how to breathe when someone replies to one of your texts, and then for your heart to practically explode and you’re hyperventilating? No? Just me? Mkay-

[iciatheguardess]

My honest reaction to Raina dying like that:

[ashersbraincell]

Just had the most terrifying nightmare yet, one of those stereotypical ones that actually incorporate both real life events twisted into optimum trauma factor scare and topped off with a dusting of sugar(your traditional spooky stuff)

I will try to retell it, but first

TW: bodies, trauma, school trauma, second hand embarrassment, sleep paralysis, nightmares, night terrors(?), being chased, body horror, physical abuse, bullying, fear of the dark, fear of heights, hyperventilation, hyperventilating, false awakening, being stared at, being watched

Okay, so first thing I remember is that, for some reason, in this dream-universe it was required of all school graduates to complete a day of chaperoning the youngest(a year 7, I live in Britain). So I’m chaperoning this kid, I think his name was Liam? Something with an L I think. Looks, kinda familiar? I’m not sure now. I couldn’t recreate his face now if you asked me to imagine it clearly but in it was still much clearer than most dream characters.

Well anyway, we check in with the head of the school(who, again, looked familiar but I don’t think I actually knew her irl. Perhaps she was a mashup of all the female teachers I’ve known that had long-ish white blonde hair. Well anyway, she sets us off for the day. I find myself actually somewhat compassionate for the kid, which I guess was expected since, again, in the „dream universe” the reason this was required was to build compassion and kindness or something.

So there were two moments when my school trauma(bullying), particularly showed up. Once, just, seeing that familiar hallway. With the Nurses office and all(personal detail, won’t make sense but wanted to add it for myself). Then, later, there was a more elaborate moment. So it’s breaktime, and this kid meets up with his chubbier, glasses friend(/not negative just the two descriptors I particularly remember. He was also blonde like Liam but his hair was slightly more bowl-cut shaped).

Said friend has a bottle(for some reason, one shaped like those gas tanks? It was huge) of alcohol. Naturally, I caution them but I’m too timid to overstep my boundaries. Doesn’t matter though, since lessons start up again and. The crowd comes(another trauma, my school had major overcrowding to the point that it became dangerous oftentimes when breaks would end especially). I get lost in the sea of people, and start completely panicking/crying/hyperventilating when I feel some guy just, grab my hair and yank it continuously(didn’t happen specifically back then, but I had many other experiences of being physically abused in those crowds, shoving, shoving against walls/door-frames, kicking, etc).

It cuts to later when I’m apologising for just, blanking out like that but the aforementioned blonde haired lady is forgiving. Later, it is lunchtime and I loose the kid again, I assume among the masses of people though this time I don’t think it was any more scary than just being a crowd(don’t think any more physical abuse occurred). So I’m looking for him everywhere and eventually remembered that some kids would gather in classrooms to eat(this didn’t actually happen, again, dream-universe thing), and check until I find him and sit down.

They are, unsurprisingly drinking alcohol. At some point I HAD reported that so I wondered how they weren’t caught. Somehow, H(again, personal detail, stands for a name I OBVIOUSLY dont want to disclose) was another chaperone for some other kid there at the time, which is suprising how much of a general red flag he is as a person. But I try to put up face and just, make it to the end of the day. But, eventually we start watching cringey tik toks to make fun of them, and an old one of mine comes up(though I’ve had cringey tik tok accounts that I am mortified by, this one wasn’t an actual one I’ve had, again dream-universe thing. Not necessarily a trauma but it is a fear of mine that someone could find the ones that DO exist so another point for realism horror ig). Obviously I’m so distracted by this that we proceed to be 10 MINUTES late, and that’s apparently my last strike.

Now here is where I think my brain ran out of material to torture me with, because things get more, if not in an extremely bizarre way, „traditionally” nightmarish. As I take the walk of shame to the library, slowly transforming into a librarian, the kids’s, all the kids’s eyes have become nothing but bright red circles in a fashion that would almost the cartoonishly ridiculous would it not have had the immersiveness of the dream. All staring. And they’re droning, all in unison, something I don’t remember. I’m dream universe, I was aware of this being the consequences of failing my mission, being sentenced to working as the librarian at that school forever.

Later cuts to me in the car with my mom, talking about my „demotion”, ig. I mention the fact that the blonde haired teacher lady ACCUSED me of drinking the alcohol myself and that being the reason for my lateness, since I was much too embarrassed to admit to what actually happened. I, of course fervently denied the allegation as it was obviously something I’d never do. To which she patronisingly continued to not believe me, „reassuring” that it was „understandable” for someone my age. A statement, much to my disappointment and disbelief, my mother echoed. She would not believe me either. The whole thing had very „fallen Angel” vibes so I guess it had that going for it in the metaphorical department

Then, for some reason, we were walking through and out of an apartment complex, one of many in a line, though this one had a straight line on path towards a bridge…over a completely dark abyss. A huge one, too. Apparently, this was a normal occurrence of getting home every day(one could make out the end of the bridge, and it didn’t look particularly damaged, but it sure as hell wasn’t sturdy(it was one of those hanging rope ones). We start going through, and I just hear this bellowing howl from within the abyss. We begin to stagger back, obviously, but out of the corner of my eye, towards the edge of the abyss, on a sort of shore, I notice a…mass? No, a body. It’s really pale, white, like completely with a greyish hue, and curled up in such a way I can’t make out a head, but I wouldn’t be suprised if it was bald.

I am horrified, instinctually so. Like I just, KNOW that it will begin to chase us and something HORRIBLE will happen if it should get to us. As I begin to audibly go into hysterics(ie „oh god, oh god, what the fuck, oh god” etc) it begins to move, jerking in in-human ways, as I sprint for it. At first, my mom has the idea to try to duck behind and hide behind some of the apartment complex’s walls, (they were irregular, not lined up smoothly, with a section pertruding forward in the middle of each one) but I just knew it wouldn’t work. In hindsight, I thought my screaming had already set off it’s instincts and it was after us anyway. I eventually let go of my mom’s hand, and keep running. At this point, I was already like, half-dreaming, half-imagining it, as I was already gradually waking up so I kinda just had a „man, fuck this” moment and fully pulled myself out of the dream.

Had the sneaking feeling it COULD turn out to still be right behind me towering over my bed(I was turned towards the wall) l, so I did many a reality checks, a double-reality checks to make sure I was fully awake and wasn’t in for another round via false-awakening. I wasn’t.

Dude, when I tell you it was fucked up. One of those nightmares you wake up hyperventilating from. Eurghhh

[silver-heller]

Silver: C-can I shake your paw? Mordecai: *Hands Silver his paw.* I don't see why not. Silver: *Crying and hyperventilating as he shakes Mordecai's adorable paw.*

[sign-anon]

Someone appears in the distance.

It's a familiar face.

She flexes her fists, a growl plastered on, her eyes sparking with rage. With every footstep, another crash of lightning. With every pound of your terrified heart, she gets closer. And closer. And closer.

*sign cant breathe, hes so terrified. thej suddenly, he is, but now hes hyperventilating. he curls into a little ball, whimpering and terrified and unable to register anyone or anything other than the poud of his own heart and the sound of suns approaching rage.*

[ifwebefriends]

Me, shaking, crying, sweating, nauseous, hyperventilating: I am so brave. I am a bad bitch. I am a badass motherfucker with huge balls and no one can stop me.

[muutosarchive]

𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝: ' 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 ? '

it’s just the two of them, there. & while it doesn’t make the cardinal nervous per-se, there’s always a... let’s say a pit in his stomach when he sees some of his ghouls. or perhaps that’s just a symptom of his mourning. either way, it would go away.. a slight anxiousness around all of them, for now. or, around anything in general. getting used to most everything, living life outside the ministry. the only thing that seems to come natural to him is the performing. & even then he just forces himself to let it all go. no choice but to be himself in the face of not knowing what else to do. yet, even then there’s some periods where he remembers himself. doesn’t know what he’s doing & just makes some weird gesture. or, he says an entirely awkward series of sentences. walking around with his shoulders up, waving at the crowd... but, he had wanted this -- wants this so bad, he can taste it. but he knew what he was signing up for, to an extent... but before & after the shows, he’s always a wreck. a big wide world out there that he’s never gotten to experience. unlike the other papas, before him. a freedom dying from his lineage. raised without his mother for a time, but always in the ministry. her presence fleeting, of course. even now she doesn’t admit that she’s his mother in public. a refusal still to say the word, for some reason. back then she refused him altogether of course. but he knew. he always knew, when she would come to see him. an intuition taken from the way in which she would interact with him. he’s sure that part of his discomfort around the ghouls comes from the idea that they’re watching him, up there. closely. they aren’t fans. & some of them knew what he was, before this. he pictures them staring - eyes boring into his back, as he rambles on or loses himself in the moment & and does something lewd... or, otherwise embarrassing. he tries to be supportive, & give them the recognition they’re due.. not realizing how important the ghouls were to touring life, until now. he demands their applause, shows them off when they do a good job.. but, there’s also ghouls with him who.. had been loyal to their papa before him. & when the emeritus brothers had met their unfortunate end, so came the paranoia that those ghouls knew what he had allowed.. that they.. somehow would want to seek revenge. or that they would simply despise him. & while he’s been pleasantly surprised, he can tell the original three were still warming up to him.. he could understand that, of course. copia mourns for terzo, himself. a conversation he’d had with the larger ghoul in an attempt to satiate his worries. however, when he’d suggested a replacement (to allow dewdrop ghoul to switch from bass to lead guitars), he was satisfied with the new water ghoul. however, as they began to spend more time together it became clear that it wasn’t just an awkward first meeting that was weighing them down.. & while copia is awkward, it’s hard for him to navigate the sheer professionalism that rain presents. it seems like he’s putting up a distance, & a resistance.. unlike some of the others. but he can’t help but to appreciate that, for what it is. even if it’s disheartening.

he’s having a panic attack, again. it’s not every night.. but as he sits in one of those fold-up chairs in the backstage area, he’s leaning forth. forearms against his thighs, & sitting on his coattails. leg bouncing, whilst leather fingers slide over knuckles. fidgeting with his hands.. his heart beats hard & loud inside his chest. deafening, almost. sweat prickling along his forehead, & on his hair lined upper lip. mouth parted, knees spread, & head ducked between them since he struggles to get a hold of his breathing. the anxieties beginning to rise in his chest like bile. like something urgent that needs to be expelled.. but the cardinal is failing, & his breaths are irregular. hyper aware of it, when he hyperventilates.. but he looks up as the ghoul speaks, despite. eyes widened. haunting, yet scared at the same time. floundering. small sounds escaping him, as he restlessly wrings his hands together with a grind of the leather gloves.

“ehhh -- “ [...] “what do you mean --” he has to pause between his words, to suck down air like a fish out of water. “-- why am i breathing like d’at?” he waves off the ghoul before he braces himself on his knees to stand. yet the moment he does there’s a hand over his heart. “it’s  fine, i’m... fine.” he raises one hand palm out. almost to convince, while the other remains at his heart.  carbon dioxide slowly draining from his blood. he wants to say, don’t worry about me.. because he doesn’t wish to bother the water ghoul. he’s supposed to be strong.. but, who is he kidding? his pre & post rituals riddled with insecurities that must be seen from a mile away. he bows a little, but he’s beginning to feel a bit light-headed.. especially with the change in elevation, so slight as it had been. nodding, his hand is still out... one finger singled out, & then joining back to a flat palm. his mouth feels like the first time it had when he’d smoked a joint.. chest on fire. it’s quite alright.. we just have to get out of here. rain doesn’t want to deal with all that, does he? he mustn’t.. who would want to deal with him, anyway? brows narrowing, he nods again in preparation before attempting to take a fluid step. but instead his knees give out, & the hand that was on it’s way down reaches forth to catch himself on the nameless ghoul’s shoulder. the other hand gipping his bicep when he’s caught. clawing desperately, yet inconsequentially. his legs bent oddly & uselessly. chest heaving near pathetically now, while he stares wide eyed at the ominous chrome mask that separates their visages. “i--” [...] “i’m sorry, i --” his fingers grasp the other’s shoulders harshly, while he tries to drag his feet up onto solid ground. trying to pull himself up like a cat, while also quite literally gasping for air. chest continues to push against the ghoul’s, in the meantime. a panicked look on his face, which is punctuated by parted lips. “please, eh -- [...] “-- please, don’t leave me...” 

@raiighn​    /  /    angst starters: whump

[hana-no-seiiki]

FLIRTY! READER: *through text* Wanna be my boyfriend?

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY: *does a little happy dance*

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY: *twerks in front of his shrine of you*

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY: *removes all of his angsty taylor swift/olivia rodrigo songs from his playlist to add lovey dovey ones*

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY: *changes your names on all his social medias/phones to “my one and only”*

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY: *informs his parents for their blessings in case of a wedding while planning out how to get some from yours*

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY: *plans a wedding*

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY: *and the names of your future children and/or pets*

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY: *plans out your shared bedroom space and basically every interior design of every room*

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY: *is yelling out every single sappy love song out there as he answers your text*

ALSO YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY(FRIEND): k.

FLIRTY! READER: cool.

FLIRTY! READER: so can i breed you now or…?

YANDERE/TSUNDERE! PRETTY BOY(FRIEND): I will murder you.

[thesaddestjoysandthesmallestlies]

IFORGOT TO TALK ABOHT THE TITLE TRASK FOR BECOMING UNBECOMING OG MY GODS WHEN I HEARD THE CLUP GROM THAT TEASED SONG THAT WAS MADE THREE YEARS AGO I START ED HYPERTENILATUNG AND MY BROTHER THOUGHT THAT I WAS HAVING A ONIC ATTACK BUT LIKE THE THE NEW SOBG IS TIWGEGWOVD LIKE WHAT IT WAS TEASED THREE YEARS AGO WND NOWNITS A TITLE TRACK- !!!

[iciatheguardess]

*stitch gets up, dusting himself off*

oh dear...

@stitch-taocc

*Icia sprints. Or attempts to.*

*about halfway down the hill, she trips over her feet and takes a tumble in the snow which is more painful due to the layer of ice forming beneath her.*

*Icia lays where she is, hyperventilating.*

No, nonononononono it's her, it's her, i- I thought it was over, no NO NO I DONT WANNA FIGHT ANYMORE- *she clutches her head, cracks creeping up her face.*

Why, why, whywhywhywhy why is she back, HOW is she back...

*She lays where she is, in a state of pure panic and horror for what won't happen.*

*She doesn't want to do this anymore.*

[Girl this is the point you start to consider retirement. 28 is not too early to retire from this]

[bearandbirdfan]

Suletta Mercury's Breathing

[silver-heller]

I've discovered that apparently if Silver sees cute toe beans he will start hyperventilating and crying from how cute they are lol. Back in the day Mordecai would show Silver his hands just to activate this mode lol.

[babykin25]

You know what, age regression is great. Learning to unlearn all those bad things is amazing. Today, I was watching a movie and the protagonist had a scene where she hyperventilated. It left me feeling sad, but I reminded myself that the past can't come back to hurt me anymore - something I learned from the agere daycare tags. Age regression has GENUINELY helped me take the first step into healing.

[cannibal-nightmares]

"Datura yellow gazing through my mind: I see the birth and death of the universe swimming around in your eyes..."

"A p-p-purring with it's poison: Should I let it lay or p-p-pluck and pull down a willing throat To lead me to the place where I have shattered? A question that I find is harmless, But at night it seeps through my eyes Arresting and caressing every fold and strand I leave too loose: I feel it pull and I unravel Singing to me, "Come and drink of my many waters" Oh, God, I am dissolving, disappearing, folding, flying, feeling every color swarming-- Slipping past my skin like snakes, they hear me waiting She sings, "I'll look into the wind, I'll look into the flame, I'll dig into the earth and swallow it again. I'll find you in the safe and quiet place inside your mind And expose all the beauty in your terror" Creating, degrading; eternal, unfading The siren is waiting, the Void is awaking..."

alternative version: [ x ]

[dedf1sh-is-missing]

(Oh boy, I do love me a panic attack)

(Finally, time to actually get the ball rolling story wise, am I right?)

[the-smallest-star]

"Oh well finally, wondered when you'd turn u-"

"Where do you get off?!"

"Excuse me?"

"You come waltzing into Patch's work, threatening HIS job because of your beef with me?!"

"You're not exactly easy to reach!"

"When are you going to get it through your thick skull, I don't WANT you to reach me!!"

"You're my fiancé! We're meant to be reachable! Are you done with your tantrum yet?"

"Tantrum?!!"

"You ran away! From your family, your responsibilities, your marrage! All because of some silly desire thats gotten you nothing but trouble!"

"I ran away because-"

"Because your mother and father broke your horns, boo hoo, maybe you should of listened to them! When are you going to grow up Gritt, Gillian wants whats best for you, my father wants whats best for me. Suck it up. Apologise to her and me, and lets go home."

".... no."

"What?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?!"

"I mean NO! I'm done! I'm done apologising! I used to think it WAS my fault y'know! The beatings, the starvations, the belittling and degrading. That if I went back and said sorry, that suddenly everything would be okay and I'd get better! But you know what? Thats not right! You're wrong, Dad was wrong, and Mom is fucking wrong!"

"I'm not going back, I'm not apologising! Not for leaving, not for bailing on a bullshit arranged marrage, not for having a dream, not for eating full meals, and not for not wanting that bullshit surgery! I was born this way, and if it was meant to be wrong then Lucifer would of designed me to want to change! I've had fucking sex with it and it was fucking great! I've taken drugs, drank until I passed out, I play music for millions and I love what I do! I found my brother again, and I'm not giving up this life I made for some pre-planned tickbox your parents made with mine!"

"So. Get. Your. Own. LIFE! Because this one is mine, I'm a fucking music legend, I have friends, I'm getting better now I'm away from toxic shitlords like my mom! I don't have to do what they say cos I'm a fucking adult, and neither do you, so find someone who you'll actually like and will happily give you as many babies as you want cos it ain't gonna be me! And you can tell Mom to take that little deal with your dad and stuff it right up her asshole!!"

"Now fuck off!"