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seodami · 3 years

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Dearest treasure | KTH

Summary: Every kid in town was afraid of Kang Taehyun, the old -slightly creepy- man living alone for years and years in the same run down house. Every night he would go into his backyard with a shovel and dig a hole into the earth. No one knows why and there are kids rumouring about him burying people. Jungwon was a bright kid, wanting to find out the truth behind this widely spread rumour for a school project. And what he found out would change his life forever.

Genre: fluff, angst, flashbacks, story of life, snippets of life, tiny bit humour

Warning: old Taehyun, mention of death, mention of suicide/suicidal thoughts, death

Word count: 10152 (all 3 parts together)

Pairing: Kang Taehyun x reader, (Yang Jungwon)

Note: Wow okay so this story took me a while to write and I listened to hours of das music to finish this🥺 this was honestly an emotional rollercoaster. But I’m so glad it’s finally finished so I can post it on here yayyy!!! I hope you like it an enjoooyy (please tell me if you cried I would really appreciate your responses haha bc I did)

Main masterlist

2021

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Hueningkai, happy birthday to youuuu...” the crowd gathered in the small kitchen around said birthday boy, singing more or less in unison, while some were eagerly hitting his back, hoping he would finally blew out the 18 candles on top of the colourful decorated cake. Yeonjun, one of his friends managed to sweep some of the delicious cake frosting onto his finger just to smear it right across the now 18 year old boy’s cheek.

Taehyun let out a loud laugh, holding their other friend Beomgyu back from joining in on the incoming chaotic frosting war. It was far too crowded in this hot tiny kitchen for having at least 20 people smearing each other’s faces and ruining their make up. It was like everyone was going wild, letting free their stress and problems of the day.

It wasn’t until Taehyun himself felt something wet and extremely cake scented against his own cheek - and due to his rapid motion - also on his lips. His eyes met yours for the first time that moment. And he swears, his heart must have felt extremely sporty this exact moment because it started racing like crazy when he saw that adorable cheeky grin sneaking on your face, eyes moving swiftly down to his lips, where the frosting had been put, before going back to his eyes again. There was a mischievous glint in your eyes, which immediately pulled him into a ban. It fascinated him too much to look away.

He didn’t know how long you were just silently teasing each other, but the next moment he wasn’t holding onto Beomgyu’s arm anymore. He sweeped up some frosting himself on his index finger, deeply digging into the cake, and before you could even realize what was going to happen, there was already a big fat purple trail of frosting from your cheek up to your nose. Taehyun playfully laughed at his creation, trying to get away from you as fast as possible as soon as he saw your determination in your face. Oh you were so not gonna lose to this boy.

You chased each other laughing around the kitchen, the connection strangely already built, even though none of you could explain how or why. It was just there, like a spark in the dark. You managed to find the perfect opportunity to sneak up behind him, looking searching into the crowd, and slap some more frosting right on his other cheek. Taehyun let out a surprised squeal, with one swift motion he had already turned around to look at your big lively eyes. The blonde boy could only laugh in disbelief, seeing you burst out into a fit of giggles. Taehyun didn’t see the intense stare from his now 18 year old friend in his back, nor did he see how your heart skipped a beat when you took a glance at him.

It wasn’t his intention to only talk to you this long evening. It wasn’t his intention to ruin Hueningkais mood because he kept his crush away from him. And it most definitely wasn’t his intention to fall for you and your witty charm so quickly. But let’s be honest, life wasn’t made to be perfect. It was made to be full of surprises and colourful like a big bag of candy. You never knew what you would get.

2022

Your first kiss happened on a random Thursday evening. When you decided to tag along a few of his friends to a camping trip, Taehyun knew that would be his downfall. When you two first met at Hueningkais birthday party almost a year ago, he didn’t knew about his younger friends huge crush on you. Quite honestly, he felt horrible for what happened at this day. And he felt even worse about the feelings he was secretly harvesting for you.

When his friend Soobin told him about the youngest misery, the first thing Taehyun did was rushing to Kais house and apologise for not knowing. He could see that day how his previous actions were burdening his friend, even though he tried to hide it, they were crushing his happy self down. And Taehyun swore to himself after this day, that he would never ever want any person to change just because of his behaviour. He wanted Hueningkai to always be this bright, cheerful, innocent boy he knew and everyone adored. And what was even more important to him: he swore to never let a girl go between any of their friendships. And if you were important to Kai, Taehyun wholeheartedly meant to step back and let his brother-like friend find his happiness. He really meant it.

But it had to come differently. Taehyun tried a whole year not to come into contact with you. He tried to not be present at the same events as you, he tried not to answer your friendly ‘hey’ messages at midnight and he tried to avoid your eyes whenever you walked past each other. But how could he be prepared for this camping trip- 24 hours a day with you in close proximity. It was a challenge set to fail at the very beginning. And he knew it.

It was visible for everyone that you saw Hyuka as just a friend. You didn’t have the sparkle in your eyes like you did when you looked at the blonde boy and you didn’t searched his eyes in a crowd of peoples. You always looked for Taehyuns eyes. Not for Hueningkais. But how could anyone resent him to not realize after having a crush on you for already over 5 years. Yet nobody dared to tell him. They didn’t want him to be hurt.

But this one evening was different. Taehyun could have run away. He could have. But he didn’t when you approached him sitting alone on a small cliff, the warm sea water flowing peacefully and steadily under their feet. His face was turned slightly upwards towards the disappearing sun. It was still warm and humid. You silently sat down next to him, only a few centimetres apart. It was too close for his liking. He could smell your scented hair and see the little redness on your cheeks from the shining sun just hours before. He could see your pink lips moisturised and glistening as your tongue glided against the flesh. You were way too close and it made him anxious.

He could have just left or stared blankly ahead of him but you made it so hard for him to not to fall into a comfortable and excited flow of talking. And before he knew, the both of you talked and laughed together, shoulder against shoulder, thighs brushing against each other here and there. Anyone could have seen the chemistry between the two of you. The sparks were almost flying a mile away.

Soon, Taehyuns nervous glances behind his back stopped as darkness rolled over you and the only thing he could see was you in front of him in the soft light of the moon. Your face was so close. Your lips were just there. Just for him. And not a split second before the thought had gotten into his mind, you closed the small gap between you two.

He didn’t knew what had gotten into him that exact moment. He knew it was so wrong, yet it was so right. It happened so quick- your lips against his- maybe he even imagined it but the tingling against his own lips afterwards pulled him back into reality. He goddamn kissed his brothers crush and now he had to live with the consequences. And he was so afraid.

2023

A year later, everything seemed going in every thinkable direction. Yet, it went all differently than he thought. A lot had happened after that first kiss of yours. It wasn’t very difficult for your friends to figure out the whole situation and set together all the puzzle pieces. Soon they all knew about you two. It didn’t made any sense to stay away from each other when you two obviously were head over heels for each other. You tried hiding your blooming relationship but was it really an option to begin with?

The moment Taehyun dreaded more than anything else, was Kai finding out. And of course he did. When he saw you two coincidentally at the ice cream parlour, trying each other’s flavours, your head laying on his shoulder, he knew. Deep down he knew it before and deep down he was understanding that he never could be in Taehyuns shoes. He always felt like he was lacking, comparing himself to his best friends. It was like a heavy punch inside his abdomen, maybe also in his face. And when Taehyun turned around, meeting Hueningkais teary, hurt eyes, he felt like crying himself. He felt so much worse than he thought he would. He felt so useless, like the worst person alive. He broke his best friend. And he suddenly wanted to turn back time to Kais 18th birthday party and wished he never smeared that cake onto your face.

It was a tough time afterwards. You never knew about Kais crush on you, so it left you feeling utterly helpless. You wanted to help somehow but just made it worse. Taehyuns friendship with Kai also was severely damaged and you felt it was just because of you. To say the least, you both felt horrible. But could you really if you both just followed your heart?

It took a while but for Taehyun it was every second worth the wait when Hueningkai came to talk to him. It was a long heartfelt conversation filled with tears, apologies, forgiveness and lots of hugs. Taehyun felt deeply thankful towards his friend. Kai knew he couldn’t hold his friends happiness away from him. He knew a girl who didn’t want him wasn’t worth losing one of his dearest and closest friends. He knew his feelings for you soon or later would disappear. It just took some time.

And it indeed got better for all of you. Him and Kai were as close as before if not even closer and between you and Taehyun was nothing but love. Taehyun had never felt such feelings this strong for anyone else before. Not even his eleven year older babysitter he had a crush on when he was 7 years old for whom he waited anxiously every time his parents went out. Taehyun felt absolutely great being with you. He loved the way your conversations flowed so well and he loved the way you always supported each other. He didn’t know much about relationships in the first place since you were his first real girlfriend but somehow he knew this was just right and just healthy. You just clicked.

2026

Taehyun was 24 and you were 23 when your first break up happened. It wasn’t out of hatred or jealousy like other couples may go through, no, it was because you both decided to. It was the best move at that moment, thinking that a long distance relationship over half the globe couldn’t work anymore. It worked for a year since you left for France to work. It was a good paid job in just the right place for you and you loved it. But you hated being so far away from Taehyun.

Your relationship was amazing. It was like living on fluffy clouds, always high with the feeling of euphoria and glee. But there had to be low points as well. The sky wasn’t always full of clouds. Sometimes you had to jump off to come into touch with reality. And this was such a moment.

However, nobody would have thought that sometimes these decisions we make and find so hard to make, exactly these were the worse decisions. Taehyun felt like he was a hollow porcelain figure. He felt so lonely even though you still were parted by the ocean. And somehow he felt less lonely before the split. Now he felt like you took his heart with you. And the only person who could save him from drowning was you.

It only took him half a year- 6 months- to realize that he made the worst decisions in his life. Hueningkai, who had long lost feelings for you and now was in a happy relationship himself, literally beat some sense into his hollow brain. He couldn’t just lose you like that. And it took him only one kick to pack his bag and take the next plane towards France. Towards you.

To say the least, you were utterly shocked to see your (ex)boyfriend sit in front of the wooden door of your small apartment. His eyes weren’t sparkling like they did all these years before. And his hair had grown a bit- it was now black again. Seeing you again was like a spark of hope inside of him. He wanted to make it good again. He was determined to get you back, no matter how hard a long distance relationship might be. It was worth for him now, he learned that the hard way.

You pulled him up and inside your tiny flat. It felt so familiar touching him, yet it seemed so long ago. But you missed it…him. Before any words were shared, Taehyun pulled you into a bone crushing hug. You felt like crying, finally being with the person you loved the most. All your surpressed feelings came crashing back to you again. And you wanted to never let him go again. Hugging him felt like coming home again after a long trip. And something in this hug brought you reassurance that your story together wasn’t over yet. There would need to be much more difficult obstacles than an ocean between the two of you to part you.

2027

You cried. You bawled your eyes out. As much and hard as you possibly could. Taehyuns arms pressed you further into his firm chest, grabbing the fabric of his blue hoodie. Large wet spots were now found on top of it. The small plastic stick in Taehyuns hands felt heavy and cold. He couldn’t quite grasp this particular situation, being lost in his own train of thoughts. He was shell shocked. You on the other hand were emotionally on the furthest end. Not only were your hands shaking uncontrollably, but your whole face by now was sticky from all your endless flowing tears.

“It’s allright sunshine. We can do that. It’s just a surprise, not the end of the world, okay?” The 24 year old mans voice wasn’t as stable as he hoped it to be but it had the right effect on you anyways. Your big eyes saw his blurry face in front of you. A sob escaped your mouth. He gave you the sweetest smile, gently tapping away your heavy tears.

“I’m afraid, Taehyun…” your hoarse voice almost sounded as quiet as a breeze, you weren’t sure if he even heard it. But the man simply put his forehead against yours, patting your hair in the back with the utmost care. You could feel him nod slightly, being able to see the fear in his own eyes.

“I know baby, me too… but we can do this together. Really. You are not alone in this.” It was almost like a promise, telling you he never would leave your side. Not even when you would look like a bloated whale with calve and back pain. Not even when in less than 9 months you both would enter a totally different path in life. But you would do it together. And that was what calmed you down the most. With him you were never alone.

2029

When his big sparkling eyes met your elegant white figure, he couldn’t help but let a tear slip past his normally controlled face. No one could blame him. It was such a touching moment in every persons life being able to see their partner in front of the altar with their hand in their own. And when he saw that big bright smile on your lips, muttering the soft ‘I do’ in his ears full of confidence, he knew that life went just the right way. He suddenly believed in fate and soulmates and true love. Because when he looked at your eyes, he saw his future. Not only his past and present but all the other precious moments to come.

Your path up until this moment wasn’t easy and you both knew that. The pregnancy had been a tough one for you, containing dozens of sleepless nights, horrible mood swings and a 34 hour long birth. Taehyun still could remember the day his daughter was born as well as his own name. He still felt your squeezing hand, he still heard your painful screams and most importantly, he still remembers holding and seeing the baby for the first time, setting free emotions even he didn’t knew he had. It was a new world for both of you. But you regretted absolutely nothing.

And when he could finally lay his lips on top of yours, the priest declaring you his wife, he couldn’t hear his friends and families cheers and whistles. He could only really see you and his little daughter in her grandfathers arms.

2032

“Daddy hurry up. I want to play.” The small yet loud voice of Taehee, your first born daughter, boomed through the empty halls. Nothing adorned the blank walls yet and the only color he could see besides white, was the brown of the many carton boxes standing around on the floor. A satisfying feeling made itself known inside of the young father. The new keys pressed cooling against his palm. It was both of your hard work that enabled you to finally settle down and buy your first real house together. And it felt exhilarating.

“Soon bunny, we will first make some space here, alright? It may takes some time though. You can help me.” He offered the tiny girl his hand, which she immediately grabbed. While grinning from ear to ear, ponytails bobbing up and down, she looked way too much alike her mother. Even the way they laugh reminded him of her. Only the big innocent eyes showed him that indeed she was his child, glistening with the same amount of curiosity as his always did.

“When is mummy coming back? I want to see my little brother again. He was so cute.” The man smiled fondly at the girl in his hand and mentioned her to sit down onto the wooden floor. “They are coming this evening. They still need to rest a bit in the hospital until they can come home. But in the meantime we are gonna start unpacking and make a nice cosy dinner for mummy, how does that sound?” The girl nodded again, this time more excited at the mention of her new little brother and mother coming home. You were both over the moon when you found out about your second pregnancy. Unlike the first time, it was a happy memory free from all your doubts and fears. You already went through the first one so it showed to be a lot easier the second time. Yet it was just exhilarating as the first one, Taehyun finally found his loved ones and he would never ever let them go. He was the happiest he had ever been. It was all like a dream.

When you were finally being released from the dull hospital, this time with a tiny baby boy in the bowl in your hands, you were met with one of the beloved home cooked meals of your husband. Taehyun had gone all out to surprise you and the adorable girl besides him had the biggest smile on her face as he explained that she had helped her. The first meeting of Taehees new sibling was just lovely. Fondness was already written all across her as she carefully poked the baby’s chubby cheek. Taehyuns eyes were full of the purest form of love. Proud, yet so delicate, it was just as you had seen him on the day your first daughter was born. He was ready to give it all to his family. And he meant it.

The next day was just as eventful as the day before. Printed out pictures were all laying around the empty floor, now they were all sitting on a fluffy carpet. You were hunched over a white piece of paper, eccentricly writing down all and everything. Taehyun playfully peaked over your shoulders to get a small glimpse at the long heartfelt letter, you seemed to be writing with so much concentration, only to be met with a giggling flick on his forehead. You had told him it was only to be read in the future, not for now, so he respected your decision but it still didn’t hinder him from being curious and trying to guess what you were writing. Taehyun had always had the urge to find more about things he was interested in and constantly would sacrifice his free time to learn new skills or facts about all thinkable topics. Something you loved so much about your love.

“Alright. I’m finished. Now…bunny have you found your favorite drawings?” You folded the papers and stuffed them into a pink envelope. Glitter stickers were put all around by your little daughter. The girl nodded enthusiastically holding up a few of her fantastic, creative paintings so full of life and childlike excitement. Taehyun took them from her with a smile and layed them into the metal box together with your letter and a pile of photos you’ve carefully chose together.

You and Taehyun sitting on the couch at night, your children already sleeping tight. You felt his hot breath in your neck, letting your heart race like a maniac but still feeling completely and utterly lost and in love with this man. Laying against his upper body, you’ve spontaneously decided to hide a time capsule in your new garden full of your dearest treasures. It was a wonderful idea honestly, holding onto this seemingly perfect moment just for a moment longer before letting go and let the flow of life taking over again. A moment to freeze and lock up in a tiny box to look back at in the future. It was a secure feeling for the both of you.

After adding all the things you’ve found important, Taehyun recalled Taehee bringing one of her favorite toys and in the end there were way too many things inside, he could barely close the lid and lock it up. Together with a shovel, you made your way towards the backyard, finding a lovely spot next to a hazel bush. A place he could never forget as he saw his daughter running around with joy in her yellow sundress. Lovely. Just lovely.

Digging the hole about a meter and a half deep, Taehyun placed the box carefully into the cooling soil, smelling the intense scent of nature. With a last smile, he filled the hole with earth again, leaving back a bittersweet moment of farewell and a new segment of life. But that was how life went. Unexpectedly and still so lovely.

2045

“Dad, can you please drive me to Johnny? He asked me to hang out...” Taehyun looked up from his computer, legs crossed, too focused to fully realize what his 17 year old daughter just asked him. A distant hum was his only answer. “Dad? Did you hear me?” Taehee tried again, slight annoyance laced in her voice. Taehyun blinked surprised and snapped out of his bubble filled with work.

“What did you say bunny?” The same nickname had never left the now teenage girl throughout her whole life. “Oh dad…I asked if you could give me a ride to Johnny’s?” A hint of a red blush creeped up her ears and cheeks under her fathers piercing eyes. “Johnny who? The lanky skater boy from your class? The one who was expelled for violent behaviour?” Taehee shrunk seemingly but shook her head, trying to form an excuse. “No- I mean yes it’s him but dad he’s really not like that. You don’t even know him. He just asked me to hang out…that’s all.”

Taehyun pulled an eyebrow up but nodding, an incoming call from work disrupting his train of thoughts. “And? Can you?” She asked again, seeing her father already about to accept the call. “No…no not now bunny. I’m still working but you can ask your mum. She wanted to drive your brother to his boxing lesson.” With this he finally accepted the call, apologising for the wait. With a sigh and a short nod, Taehee turned and waved his father rejectedly, looking over her shoulder.

Little did he know… oh how Taehyun wished to relive this moment, never accepting that stupid call and just drive his children instead of you. Everything would still be alright. Everyone would still be here…

That had been the last moment he saw his daughter, his son and his wife.

When Taehyun received the life changing call, his heart fell into a sea of tiny deathly splinters. Nothing was left for him. He had nothing. Absolutely nothing. When the hospital told him about the deathly car crash his whole family had been fatally injured and in the end dying on the spot of the accident, he broke down… he wanted to cry and scream and shout and destroy everything…but he couldn’t. He was empty. And so empty, not only his family disappeared that day, he vanished as well, never experiencing the feeling of home and comfort and love ever again. He was completely lost and that forever. And that’s when Taehyun gave up. He just simply…gave up.

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jinxedpanda4life · 3 years

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Criminal Investigator AU HC

I would first like to start off by saying thank you to everyone.

I honestly did not expect the response I got to my Damirae Hospital AU HC list.

When I first woke up and checked tumblr ~13 hours after posting I had a holy shit moment.

I felt powerful, should I? Probably not.

But! Since I am noticing a lack of AUs in the fandom, whether on Tumblr, AO3 or FanFiction.net, whatever AU comes to my mind I shall jot down some hcs for!

Thank you all once again!

(Also trying format changes for easy reading)

(Also Also, I am thinking the story is less fluid but more episodic)

Let’s get started:

- So I’m thinking this is some FBI, SVU, and FBI BAU mixture or whatever. Basically all the great shows we know in love shoved together. From Bones to Criminal Minds and everything in between.

- Special Agent (Dr.) Raven Roth is a lead interrogator and is the resident psych consult.

She’s been educated in interrogation, behavioral science, psychology, forensic pathology, and criminology.

She has combat training (hand to hand), she carries (for her job) a gun and at all times has a knife/dagger on her person (people have stopped trying to figure out where she keeps them).

Her father was/is crime boss T. Trigon who is currently imprisoned.

Was born in the states but fled with her mother to Romania when she was a newborn.

When Trigon found them he killed Arella and took Raven, she was abut 9 - 10 years old.

She took her mother’s last name when she turned 18.

Knows two languages besides English; French, Romanian, Romani (various dialects but knows multiple), Greek and Latin

On more than one occasion some goon of her father’s tries to recruit her, every time she kicks their ass. (Damian was there for the most recent (he was still green though))

Lives by herself in a decent sized apartment, has a gun safe (gun safety is important!), a cat (Nevermore), and is a regular at a 24/7 bookstore &/ cafe

Can usually be found wearing some kind of jacket, sweater, cardigan

She once helped save some kids (Melvin, Tommy & Teether) and is now their surrogate aunt, she has photos of them at her desk @ work. (Damian assumes/ed that they were her kids)

She also, when she can, hangs out and babysits them on occasion.

Raven is part of a team consisting of Dick Grayson (unit leader), Kori Anders, Garfield Logan, Jaime Reyes, and very recently Damian Wayne

- Special Agent Damian Wayne is a lead investigator (he is still a bit fresh to the unit), translator, sniper and combat coordinator

He’s been educated in martial arts, explosives, hand to hand combat, close range combat, and combat (basically he knows how to kill you 9 ways to Sunday), also, behavioral science, computer science, criminology, linguistics and language.

He can easily translate (into English): Arabic, Mandarin Chinese, Russian, Hindi, Bengali, French, Polish, German, Spanish, Portuguese, he can also learn any language you put in front of him and know the basics within a day

(Having lived in many places around the world he needed to be able to speak and understand in order to survive) (wow dramatic much?)

His father is currently the director (or deputy director, whatever floats ya boat) of the FBI.

His mother was essentially a secret agent who worked for various agencies around the globe. (deceased)

His grandfather was the leader of a, um, well to be honest, terrorist agency. (deceased)

Was sent to live with his father when he was 15 (when his mother died) and has been in the states ever since

Lives alone, he has an upscale apartment that he truthfully spends little time in, has multiple locations in the home where various weapons are stored, his place has a very cold atmosphere

Is either in proper work attire or in work out clothing, there is no in between

Tries and fails not to take work home with him

He sees a therapist (who says he should probably try investing in relationships with the people at his job)

His only “friend” (he hates calling him that, more like close acquaintance) is Jonathan Kent who was in his class at the FBI Academy, Jon works in a white collar crime department in Metropolis

The only person he actually kind of sort of doesn’t dislike is in fact Raven Roth, she’s a no bull shit person, he likes that

He may know Grayson because of how he’s Bruce’s kind of son but it does not mean he likes him

He finds Logan annoying as all hell, even if he is somewhat useful

He picked a fight with Reyes first day and regretted it (he will never admit that), he respects him

Anders is overly friendly in his opinion, kind of acts like a secretary with all that positivity and grates his nerves, he tolerates her

(Unlike last time I am not going in detail about the rest of the team, this will be brief)

- Supervisory Special Agent Dick Grayson (Unit Chief) is basically Dick Grayson with a big fancy title but all the same skills

He is also obsessed with Slade Wilson and Red X (who is Jason in this)

- Supervisory Special Agent Kori Anders is a lead investigator and is also a go to for undercover work

- Special Agent Garfield Logan is a lead interrogator, is head of the unit’s K-9 unit and kind of has a thing for Roth (which she does not reciprocate)

- Special Agent Jaime Reyes is a tactical analyst, tech analyst and is head of the unit’s SWAT team, he does not do well with talking with people, or change

The Scarab is a computing program that Jaime created himself

STORY START:

- When Damian first joins the team there is another member, Special Agent Terra Markov, she is revealed as a sleeper agent but she aligns herself with the team and sadly is shot and killed in a fire fight

- A couple weeks after Agent Markov’s death everyone is talking about what they are doing for an upcoming holiday, Damian says probably nothing, Raven invites him to spend it with her and her “niece” and “nephews,” he declines

- About a day after the holiday Damian is home looking through case files when someone knocks on his door

-- It is Raven. He asks how she knew where he lived, she says she asked Dick, she also says that she knows how it feels to be alone and that he may be insufferable but it doesn’t mean he can’t have a friend

-- His response is saying he isn’t the kind to make friends with co workers

-- “I’m not asking to be your friend Damian, I am asking you to be his,” She reveals a small black great dane puppy “I know that other people aren’t really your thing, but having someone in your corner and waiting for you is always nice, even if it isn’t human.”

-- Damian invites her in, names the dog Titus and thanks her

-- “Just make sure no one tries to kidnap and kill you, we don’t need you to go full blown John Wick.” Damian has no idea who that is. Raven tells him it is an action movie series that he should watch. She leaves. He does watch them that night with Titus on his lap. (after having gone to the local pet supply store to get everything he needs) The action is inaccurate but he enjoyed the movies none the less, and decides that he probably would go into John Wick mode if someone hurt Titus.

- SA Roth and SA Wayne are sent to a high security federal prison to interrogate a prisoner, who refuses to speak

-- When they get into the interview room the prisoner does start to speak, but not in English and not in a language Damian is fluent in

-- Raven on the other hand immediately responds to the prisoner (shocking the prisoner and Damian) “He is speaking Romani though not the dialect of those overseas, he learned it here.”

-- Damian is fascinated by it and they are essentially switching roles the entire time

-- They leave having successfully interviewing the prisoner, and Raven leaves behind a written list of common words in Romani so that they can possibly communicate with the prisoner better

-- As soon as they are on the plane back Damian asks her a myriad of questions from “How many languages do you know?” to “When did you learn that?” and even “Are you a spy? Sleeper agent? Part of a terrorist cell?”

-- “Not as many as you, when I was a child, if I was part of any of that you wouldn’t be asking.” The rest of the trip is spent with her teaching him Romani and even some Romanian

- Dick & Kori eventually get together and after a while they break up. Kori takes some vacation time. At the same Dick has been temporarily reassigned to another unit.

-- Chaos ensues

-- Garfield thinks he should be the interim unit chief, Jaime thinks the same, as does, you guessed it, Damian (Raven doesn’t want to she is comfortable with her role on the team)

-- In the end they are assigned an interim unit chief, SSA Jason Todd, who usually works overseas on covert op missions (not gonna lie this could easily flow into a Jayrae thing)

-- Everyone kind of falls into line, except Damian, Damian doesn’t like him for two reasons

1) He doesn’t act serious about the job 24/7

2) He has been flirting and hitting on Raven the moment he stepped into their sector

-- Damian hates the names he gives her; “Little Bird,” “Sunshine,” “Princess,” “Rae,” (no one calls her Rae, not even Garfield, at least not after the incident) etc.

-- (Little does Damian know, Jason and Raven have worked together before and are actually friends)

-- This all comes to a head when Damian and Jason are the only ones still in the office after a tiring case.

“You shouldn’t do that you know.”

“Do what? All I am doing right now is contemplating where Grayson keeps the liquor.”

“Call Raven all those names, she doesn’t like it.”

“Really? Because if you haven’t noticed she hasn’t exactly asked me to stop.”

“She gets uncomfortable, maybe not to the extent of asking you to stop, but she tenses up and her body language becomes slightly more agitated.”

“You seem to pay a lot of attention in how she reacts to thinks baby brat. Seems to me that you like her.”

“Of course I like her, she is a good friend and reliable teammate.”

“No, you like like her.”

“That presumption is juvenile.”

“But you don’t deny it.”

“Tch.”

-- If anything after that conversation Jason seems to doubled his advances. Which confuses both Damian and Raven. Damian because it is inappropriate and HR will be hearing about this. Raven because she was under the assumption that she and Jason were just friends. (Jason actually does have genuine intentions but is like 60% just egging Damian on)

-- Eventually (far too long for Damian’s tastes), both Dick and Kori return. At first it is sooooooo awkward. Like mom and dad divorced have shared custody but don’t hate each other but also cannot look each other in the eye. ((Was that a mouthful? Good)) No one can really look at each other the same? Though they do have a meeting to sort it out, get everything out in the open.

- Raven’s annual kidnapping/attempt to convert her/torture comes almost exactly one year after Damian joined the team (this is his 2nd time dealing with this)

-- This time Damian is prepared. By prepared I mean Raven doesn’t even leave her apartment before she is taken to safety.

“Damian what is going on?”

“Christmas came early this year that’s what.”

“Christmas? What in gods name are you talking about.”

“God has no dealings in this matter.”

“You do realize you are sounding like a bad action movie? It is not even 6 am and I am in your car going somewhere, I have had little to no sleep and I am barely dressed. What is going on?” Damian hadn’t payed attention to what clothing Raven was wearing. His mind was on one goal. Find Raven, keep Raven safe. His eyes glanced off the road enough to realize she was indeed not properly dressed. Her body was merely adorned with an oversized tee-shirt, tiny barely there shorts and a pair of fluffy socks.

“I apologize, it appears in my haste I did not leave you time to properly clothe yourself. As to why you are here, it seems your father and his people have shortened their waiting time this year from one year to a little more than ten months.” Ravens hands fisted her shirt. “This time I was prepared,” last time he was still new to everything, last time he made mistakes, this time there will be no mistakes. “Since our last encounter with your demon, so to speak, I have been setting in place precautions and safety measures to ensure Nevermore and yours’ safety. I have also been tracking the movements of his big players. If any came close I would mark it down. Multiple are entering the city at this moment. Seeing as you we taken last time I have made plans to ensure that will not happen again.” The car made a snap turn down an unfamiliar street pulling Raven from her clouded gaze.

“So I am going to be okay this time?” Her voice was faint and restraining against hope.

“You’re going to be okay.” His hand lightly held hers. Only to stop the shaking, they told themselves, only to make everything better. “Nevermore is with Titus at my place being watched by a friend of mine. I have already walked Grayson through everything we will not be expected at work this week, but we can work remotely.”

“We?”

“I’m not going to leave you. Ever.”

-- ((Sorry for the blocks of text))

-- As Raven finds out they are at one of Damian’s safe houses. The one least likely to be tied to her. It is fully stocked with food, has security cameras and if needed weapons. The only problem is that the only clothes there are Damians.

“Thought of everything huh?”

“I was following their pattern, I expected to have more time to acquire clothing for you.” (he was looking away and blushing, you cannot tell me he wasn’t)

-- Raven just resigns herself to wearing Damian’s clothes, yes his brain does stop working for a hot second when he sees her in only his clothes.

-- All attempts to try and retrieve codename: Gem of Scath are foiled (like some good math)

-- So many bonding moments happen. Cuddling (pure accident *rolls eyes*), eating together, inside jokes, etc. At one point Damian answers her phone (he disabled and disconnected the tracer) to one of the mob guys after them.

“Hello?”

“You can hide the gem but we will find her.”

“I’m sorry, is there a jewel you are looking for? I don’t think I have and any jewels that I am coveting.”

“We know you are with her! It is but a matter of time until we collect her.”

“I hope you do eventually find whatever you are looking for sir, but I haven’t the slightest idea the gem you speak of. If you could give me a physical description? Is it a ruby, diamond, onyx? Is it round or more of a pear shape?”

“...”

“Well, I will look for it here, but I do not believe I possess what you speak of. Will you give me your number so I can call you back?” (The line cuts dead, and Raven can be seen laughing in the background, the phone was on speaker)

-- Once the team tracks down, arrests and interrogates all of the parties working for Trigon; Raven and Nevermore can go home. Though both are reluctant in their own way. Nevermore has grown attached to Titus, and Raven well Raven has feelings. Sadly, as Raven knows, feelings are dangerous to have in their line of work.

-- Look at Dick and Kori they were together and then they fell apart and the team almost imploded.

-- What about Trigon if he finds out about Damian and how she feels towards him? What kind of danger will he be in then?

-- Like all of her feelings Raven puts them in a box and locks the box away. Not just figuratively, in her safe there is a box with: post its, torn papers, journals, etc. That box has a lock on it. Whenever she has a new feeling that she cannot ignore, like her feelings towards Special Agent Wayne, she takes out the box and writes her feelings down. They can range from a single sentence to pages worth. (Her feelings towards Damian fill a small notebook she has on hand). Once she has written all of her feelings out she places them in the box, locks said box and then places the locked box in her safe, which she then locks.

-- Is this a healthy way to cope with her feelings? Maybe not. But, it is way better than how Damian deals with his. Violence. Also art but violence comes first.

- At this point both Damian and Raven have caught the feelings (highly contagious I hear), which makes this a little awkward and a little not awkward. For one everyone but Raven knows how Damian feels towards her. He does things for her and with her that no one else gets the privilege to.

-- To list a few:

--- He brings her tea whenever he gets himself coffee or tea

--- He talks to her about what he does outside of work, even about his kind of friend definitely not enemy, Jon.

--- They socialize outside of work. Watching bad movies (some of them are not that bad), going to the park with Titus (they once got Nevermore in a leash and walked her), meeting each other before and after work to get breakfast or dinner.

--- He doesn’t glare at her

--- He allows physical contact between the two

--- He worries about her (hello he created an entire plan so that she wouldn’t get kidnapped, with contingencies and everything, garfield would be lucky to get a plan)

--- His eyes light up when she talks, or enters a room, or you know exists in his vicinity

--- He actually smiles around her (Dick caught him smiling once at Raven and he though Damian was having a stroke)

-- Even though everyone knows Damian likes Raven, very few know that Raven likes Damian back. (this only includes; Kori, Dick, Jason, Titus, Nevermore, and Melvin) She does do certain things that give herself away just like Damian.

--The list:

--- When Damian gets frustrated or angry she puts a hand on his arm, or holds his hand

--- She laughs at things he does (light chuckles, or little giggles)

--- She will talk to him about his interests and actively tries to have conversations with him about things unrelated to work.

--- She blushes when he does something unexpected (like a compliment)((Mostly she tries to hide it until he isn’t looking at her))(((Kori has caught the blush before)))

-- Luckily for them it does not take some cliche ‘One suddenly becomes in danger and the other one saves them only to be close to death and then they admit their love for one another and promise to go on a date when the other is healed’ situation.

-- Damian actually asks Raven out after being tipped of by Jason and Dick that she may like him back. Damian finds out when they have days off at the same time and asks her while leaving work.

“Raven, you have this weekend off correct?”

“Yeah I do. I wasn’t planning on doing anything though. Did you have something in mind?”

“Um, yeah, heh, I was wondering if you would do me the pleasure of going to dinner with me tomorrow.” *Awkwardly rubs back of neck*

“Like a date or two friends going to dinner?” *Thinks she sounds harsh* “I am honestly fine with either since we are friends.” *nervous smile*

“Like a date if that is okay with you of course.”

“Yeah, yeah totally that is totally okay with me.” *Starts sounding like a teenage girl who only knows about 10 words, because she’s nervous*

“Good, I’ll be by your place around 1830, if that is okay?” *nerve central, the central nervous system could never*

“Yup that is totally fine with me.”

“Great.”

“Good.” The elevator opens in the knick of time.

“See you tomorrow evening Agent Roth. Have a good night.”

“You too, Agent Wayne, you too.”

-- When Damian does pick her up he feels like his brain is going to explode. She looks absolutely breathtaking. This is just like all the other times they’ve gone to dinner, except this restaurant is slightly fancier and they are on a date.

-- Raven feels as though all her emotions are leaking out at once, she has no idea what she is doing.

-- In the end they have a good time and decide to do it again. Damian does bring up that all of the breakfasts and dinners they regularly do could now be considered dates. Raven does not oppose that switch at all.

- Fast forward a handful of years (like 3?), Damian and Raven are moved in together (Nevermore and Titus are happy about this, they even allow the humans to adopt another pet, a cat named Alfred). Damian is now Supervisory Special Agent Wayne and is in charge of their unit. Raven has retired from field work and now works at the FBI academy and at Virginia State University. In about 6 months Damian is going to propose and Raven will say yes. Their wedding will be small but happy and full of life.

Once again I would like to thank everyone and all the support the previous post got.

Like last time if anything is disjointed, out of place or seems wrong, please go ahead and tell me. I have been working on this since the last one, but have finally had the time to finish it.

I hope the new year will bring us all some good. Possibly more head canons to come.

#damirae #Damian Wayne #raven #Rachel Roth #damian x raven #Teen Titans #Headcanon #How do tags work #dc #demonbirds

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remingt0nleith · 4 years

Text

thorns | remington leith

try & find the hidden palaye royale song title in the fic! & additional A/N at the end.

A/N: hi wow long time no write :( SORRY! I have ideas and I try to write then my brain just doesn’t want to put the ideas on the word document. + y’know having depression doesn’t help things bleh... BUT I did write a full something finally (yay bare minimum author things!) This was requested! gonna keep trying to turn out requests & work on dark cherries also my birthday is on thursday and i’m turning 24 (wow im getting old help) & also the bastards comes out the day after so yay! lets chat about it when its out ok?

Request: Where Remington cheats on the reader and she finds out, but he does everything he can to get her back?

Thorns - A Remington Leith one-shot. || 1.9K words || under cut.

The catalyst for a ruined night came in a round of shots. Emerson poured the amber liquid into hot pink shot glasses that the boys had picked up days prior. Remington wasted no time in downing his, barely flinching at the bitter taste that now coated his tongue.

“Slow down there, cowboy”

Sebastian laughed before throwing his own shot back, placing a hand on Remington’s cheetah print covered shoulder.

“We can’t have our lead singer fucked up out of his mind, can we?”

The eldest brother chided playfully as he took the bottle from Emerson and poured more shots.

As the brothers drank and talked anxiously about their first show of a new tour, Remington’s phone buzzed in his back pocket, taking it out he suppressed an eye-roll at the message filling his screen;

My Love <3: HEY BABY JUST WANT TO WISH U LUCK TONIGHT YOU’LL KILL IT. LOVE U.

He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him lately, usually, he’d be thrilled at the love and adoration his girlfriend of three years was showing him. She was always cheering him on, listening to his music, and supporting his band in every way she could. Although she was unable to come to most shows due to a fast-paced work schedule she always made a point to let the band of brothers know they had her support. That should’ve been enough to keep Remington happy but recently he had become cold towards his girlfriend and as he put his phone away without responding all thoughts of her disappeared as well.

Remington headed backstage after the show still high from the performance. The adrenaline from the encouraging crowd and kick-ass concert his band delivered had Remington feeling happier than he had in months. Once in the dressing room, the boys quickly changed out of their sweaty stage attire into more relaxed outfits, and like clockwork, shots were once again being handed out.

Once everyone had a decent buzz going the boys and their crew headed out to a nearby nightclub to celebrate the success of the show. Remington realized halfway to the club that he had forgotten his phone in the dressing room, a fact that didn’t phase him, in fact he was happy to be rid of the constant ringing.

Once inside the packed club, Remington waved goodbye to his brothers and made his way to the bar. His buzz had diminished slightly in the car ride and that was a no go for Remington so he ordered a drink, which quickly became two, then three before he headed to the dance floor.

Packed in a sea of bodies the singer danced to the music, enjoying the happiness that came from the night’s events as well as the alcohol in his system. When a manicured hand grabbed him and pulled him close, he didn’t object, instead, he wrapped his arms around the dark-haired beauty.

The pair danced together to the techno music blaring overhead, strobe lights illuminating their faces, hands roaming freely over each other’s bodies before the woman leaned in and planted a sloppy kiss to Remington’s lips.

If there was a moment of panic, a spark of recognition somewhere in the sober part of his mind, Remington ignored it. Instead, he deepened the kiss with the gorgeous stranger, when the pair eventually pulled away from the kiss, they headed to the bar for more drinks.

When Sebastian came to let Remington know it was time to head to the hotel, the frontman wasted no time in asking this new girl if she’d like to go with him. Much to the dismay of the older (and wiser) brother, she said yes and everyone piled into the van and were chauffeured back to the hotel to continue the party.

Morning light filtered through the window a sign of a new day, but as Remington opened his eyes the gravity of last night hit him. He was alone in his hotel bed, the white sheets crumpled and covered in streaks of makeup (his or hers, he wasn’t sure). Flashbacks of last night filled his mind and all at once he realized the hickeys on his body were from a stranger, the realization filled him with shame and dread.

He found his phone which had been placed on his nightstand by one of his brothers or their touring manager (who always cleaned up after the boys’ wild nights) and on it were several unread texts and calls which came in at varying points of the evening.

[9:13 pm] My Love <3: It should be time for u boys to be on stage! I’ll be stalking twitter for updates and vids love u

[12:02 am] My Love <3: Watched a ton of vids that are already being posted! Get back to me when u get this my love so proud of u xx

[3:56 am] My Love <3: Guess your phone died or your out celebrating a great night. Call me when you see this or wake up. I love you.

[10:20 am] 5 missed calls

[10:27 am] *attached photo* REMINGTON.... FUCK YOU.

The photo on his phone screen displayed the girl from last night under the covers as a passed out Remington slept beside her. The caption didn’t say anything besides a winking emoji and she tagged him and his band’s account.

Instantly, he was dialing his girlfriend’s number, hands shaking as he paced around the spacious hotel room desperately waiting for an answer.

“Hello?”

Rose answered, soft voice hoarse from hours of crying.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry..”

Remington started to explain, words tumbling out of his mouth faster than he could form them.

“Save it”

Rose snapped before continuing her voice harder and more assured now than it was just moments ago.

“I never thought you’d do this even as the band started to gain an audience, I told myself that I had nothing to worry about. All the pretty girls and boys didn’t matter because what we had was strong but it sucks being proven wrong huh?”

Remington’s sudden surge of tears prevented him from speaking as the pain in his chest grew with each word. The saddest part of it all was that she was right and that ripped him up inside.

“Rose I-”

he whispered, voice barely audible even to himself.

Instead of an answer he was left hearing the sound of the call disconnecting.

The tour passed by in a daze for Remington and while his brothers desperately wanted him to be more present, they understood. He’d get on stage and sing, forgetting about the pain in his heart for that hour or so, as soon as the curtain closed the ache in his chest was back, a cruel reminder to the life-changing mistake he’d made.

Rose had cut off all contact with her now ex-boyfriend instead choosing to go through Emerson to inform him she was moving out of their shared apartment in LA.

Each night in his hotel bed, memories of the past three years filtered through his brain until he exhaustingly cried himself to sleep.

Remington used Emerson’s phone to send a series of texts to Rose to apologize, to accept full responsibility but the only reply he received was instructions to give Emerson his phone back and to leave her alone.

Just as quickly as the tour started it was now coming to a close a few months later. The boys were back in LA for a sold-out show in typical Los Angeles fashion. Remington never stopped trying to get ahold of Rose -- he sent flowers to her new address, letters where he begged for her back, apologizing and pleading for her forgiveness yet he was never awarded a reply. He didn’t blame her at all but that didn’t mean the pain hurt any less, he’d do anything for a second chance.

Shots of vodka were taken, cheers and high fives were given and the boys hit the stage. Remington gazed out into the crowd, a see of silhouettes behind bright stage lights. After a few songs, Remington sat down at the end of the stage, dark boots quietly thumping against the side.

“Y’know fans like to think we’re perfect”

he stated which earned a chorus of “I love you’s” as well as cheers from the crowd.

He smiled before continuing,

“As much as I love to hear it, it’s not true and sometimes we royally fuck up. I fucked up and these past few months have been hell so I wrote this song.”

The crowd applauded as they watched their favorite singer head to the piano, the spotlight shining on him as he sat down.

“This song is called Thorns,”

Remington began to play a hauntingly slow ballad about losing the love of your life and how apart of you is lost as well.

The pain in my heart is defeating me

Cracking me open for all to see

I’m numb to life, deep inside

Needing you to realize, you’re the better part of me

An illusion of love is what I fear

Taking each step is now unclear

A rose garden in my dreams,

You leaving now in front of me

Take my heart it’s filled with thorns

A rose trapped inside a perfect storm

Throw me to the wolves I’m on my knees

Begging for my rose to please believe

I made a mistake that I can see

Yet this pain without you is deafening

My heart of thorns cuts me deep

Paralyzing me and making me weak

Please my rose I beg you, have sympathy.

The rose garden in my dreams,

But you’re leaving right now in front of me

Take my heart it’s filled with thorns

A rose trapped inside a perfect storm

Throw me to the wolves I’m on my knees

Begging my rose to please believe

I love you Rose it’s all I know, I’m sorry for all my sorrow

By the time the song ended, Remington had tears blurring his vision. He was so wrapped up in playing the song he didn’t realize he had started to cry but to the audience that just made it so much more beautiful.

After the show, Remington hurried off the stage in order to collect his emotions but in the dressing room sat Rose. Her blonde hair was curled and she wore a red dress and in a true movie moment a dozen roses sat in her lap.

“Rem that song…”

she started but before she could finish, Remington ran over and threw his arms around her, hugging her to make sure she wasn’t just a figment of his imagination.

“I’m so sorry”

he whispered once she hugged back.

“The flowers were from Seb”

Rose mumbled, green eyes flicking down to them after their hug. Sebastian must have ordered them because he knew what Remington was planning. That was his older brother alright, always playing the papa bear role.

The singer’s mind was racing a mile a minute, he had a million questions but all he could do was apologize.

Rose shushed him with a chaste kiss before speaking,

“By no means have I forgiven you completely. That song however beautiful doesn’t make everything go away but I’m willing to work on us”

Remington nodded, happy she was here and willing to give their relationship another shot.

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes,”

he whispered, wrapping her in another hug.

They knew it would be a long road to get back to where they were before but Remington was happy he had his Rose back in his life.

A/N: omg that song was not that good I came up with it on my own though and I’m not a lyricist lol hope u enjoyed xx

#remington leith fic #remington leith imagine #remington leith #request #palaye royale fic #palaye royale imagine

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an-actual-angel · 4 years

Text

Pairing: Connor (RK800) x Reader, Collin (RK800-60) x Reader, Richard (RK900) x Reader

Summary: The year was 2082. 44 Years after the android revolution. Things have turned south for humanity. Androids now rule the world, leaving humans to be considered as mere animals. While some Androids still have a general disdain for humanity some have taken to the idea of keeping them as “family pets.”You, born in captivity, specifically bred to be the perfect pet happen to get adopted by the RK brothers.

Chapter Description: Collin and Connor have something important to ask you.

(If anyone wants to be added to the tag list, either dm or reply to this post <3)

Previous Chapter | AO3 | Next Chapter

Buy me a Coffee?

---

Chapter 24-

Your name: submit What is this?

You felt bad for having to divulge the slightly intimate conversation that with Collin to Connor but you honestly didn’t know what else to do. You thought that Connor would be a bit more equipped to help Collin with his issues. Them being closer and Connor knowing how to deal with situations like this a whole lot better than you. Hopefully, Collin wouldn’t be upset with you telling Connor.

It was obvious that Collin had a lot of respect for Connor so you thought maybe he would be a good person for him to talk to. You guessed there was no way to really know. The next morning Connor had convinced Collin to go out on a jog with him, they left the apartment pretty early so you missed them before they left. They had been gone for a while.

You were eager to find out if Connor had made any progress with Collin but you were still incredibly nervous about the whole thing. Where they going to talk about you?

No, stop being so self-absorbed.

There were far more pressing things going on with Collin.

You wished you knew a better way for you to help.

Being alone all day in the apartment had left you immersed in your thoughts. While you had become a little more used to being alone, you still hadn’t gotten used the intrusive thoughts that would creep into your head while there was a lack of distractions around. Thoughts that made you feel small. Like everything that was going on with the brothers was your fault.

You knew it wasn’t true but sometimes it was hard not to hear those thoughts. You needed a distraction, pronto. TV was boring as usual but it would do. You really should ask Collin or Connor how they got movies up, you never really learned how they worked their streaming service. You decided the news was as good as anything.

There was nothing super out of the ordinary on, just a lot of politician’s arguing about things you knew nothing about. Of course, the adoption centre never taught you a lick of knowledge about politics, wasn’t a human’s place. You did recognise the mayor, Markus as he began to address the issues of the feral humans that had invaded the city not too long ago. You rubbed at your palm thinking about the blast that day, thinking about how scared you were.

You thought again about how you could have run away that day but you knew you made the right decision in staying with Collin, didn’t you?

Of course, you and Collin had become so close. Perhaps too close. Nevertheless, you really did care for him.

As you continued to watch you saw Richard in the background of the scene, talking to another android. What was that slime doing there?

Well, he was the police Commissioner, perhaps he had a meeting or something at city hall? God, he was probably telling all the androids there about how humans had hurt his brother. Well, they did kind of, but you knew Richard would put his own spin on it.

Your attention was then drawn away from the TV as you heard the front door opening. You heard the distant chatter of Connor and Collin, you couldn’t exactly make it out but you did hear Collin mentioning he would be back in an hour or two before leaving again. Connor had barely even noticed you as he entered into the living room. He almost looked like he had seen a ghost upon spotting you, saying your name in shock.

“Hi, Connor.” You uttered quietly.

“Hey.” He smiled slightly in return.

“How’s Collin doing?”

“Yeah, he’s okay. We had a good talk. Thank you for letting me know about all of this by the way.”

“Is he mad at me for telling you?” You questioned, worried that perhaps Collin may have seen it as a breach of trust rather than you trying to help.

“Oh no, no, not at all.” Connor shook his head to dismiss your worry.

“So is everything okay?”

“Getting better. He’s going to try and talk to me more about this stuff and I’m going to try and make more time for us. I think going for jogs will be our new thing.”

Connor smiled at you more playfully this time.

“That’s good.” You finally replied¸ returning the smile.

Good, you made the right decision.

“Okay well, I got to clean up a little.” Connor exhaled out with a final smile before making himself scarce.

While he told you that things were going well there was something about Connor that just seemed, off? You couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Those intrusive thoughts began to creep up on you again. Maybe it was time to do something else.

___

You ended up back in your room, laying in your bed, you had settled down reading a book that Connor had previously lent to you. It had kept you busy for a while, that was until your attention was drawn to the faint sound of bickering outside your door. As you got up to investigate it had gone silent again before a knock was heard on your door. You opened it to find Connor and Collin both awkwardly standing outside.

“Do you mind if we come in?” Connor eventually spoke up.

“No, not at all.” You opened the door wider for the two androids to enter into your small bedroom.

“Uh, here.” Collin said as he pulled his hand out from behind his back revealing a small bouquet of red roses.

You were completely caught off guard by it. “Oh wow thank you.” You exclaimed in surprise. “Um, what’s the occasion?” you asked as you held the roses up to your face to smell them.

There had to be something right? Why the hell would Collin bring you roses?

Collin's eyes widened and he looked over to Connor for support, he had no idea what to say to you.

“It’s just a small thank you, from both of us.” Connor explained, allowing Collin to gather himself again. “You’ve been nothing but wonderful both to myself and Collin. We really appreciate it, all things considered, we're just surprised you don’t hate us.”

“Hate you? I could never." Why would they even suggest such a thing?

“It’s just cause were androids.” Collin whispered out from under his breath. He then turns to Connor and both there LED's flicker. Watching them, you could swear they were having a conversation in their heads, perhaps they were.

Collin nudged Connor’s arm as if to insist on him doing something, Connor responded back to him by shaking his head. What was going on with these boys today?

Collin looked back toward your direction and blurts out “Connor wants to ask you something.” Pushing his brother’s arm, much like a child would.

Connor's face twists into disgust at his brother as he flinches away from his touch. Looking back towards you he lets out a shaky noise from his mouth as he tries to speak.

“Well, we were both discussing our um… mutual fondness of you and um.” Connor was struggling to find the words to say, something which Collin soon grew tired off. Getting fed up with Connors pathetic attempt Collin rolls his eyes and takes his turn to speak instead.

“We both like you.” Collin lets out a frustrated grunt as he speaks “and you like us.”

Connor holds his hand out against Collin as if to tell him that’s he’s got this.

“Listen, I…” Connor speaks softly before correcting himself. “We understand that this whole situation is a little unorthodox and we don’t want to put any type of pressure on you. If you don’t want to that’s completely understandable.”

“Don’t want to what?” You ask in a hushed tone. whispering out between the roses that you had held against your face.

They couldn’t be asking…

“Date the both of us?” Connor looked away as soon as the words left his mouth, almost as if he was ashamed he asked.

“Wha- really?”

Was this a dream?

“Only if that’s something you would want.”

Polyamory had become quite normal ever since androids came into power. There was far less stigma attached to it. In ancient cultures, humans used to all be polyamorous until monogamy was introduced which was more of a business transaction than a thing of love.

“Don’t worry, we won’t rush you into a decision or anything like that. Take your time to think about it.” Connor tried to soothe any worries you could have. He really didn’t want to rush you, he wanted you to make your own decision with this.

“But if you would allow us, there is a movie showing tonight and we would like to take you out.”

“I think I’d like that.” You lowered the roses down from your blushing cheeks to reveal the smile that had formed on your face.

“Really? That’s great!” Connor's voice had become a mixture of shock and glee which only made Collin's eye roll.

“Cool it, Con.” Collin whispered cringing at his brother’s overexcitement. You, however, thought it was quite cute.

“How are you feeling about all this Collin?” You ask wanting to make sure it was all sitting right with him.

“As long as we take things relatively easy and slow, I think I can handle it.” Collin replied with a cheeky wink and a smirk.

So it was agreed. Both Collin and Connor had planned to take you to an outdoor screening of ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’, none of you had seen it before but Connor had heard it had somewhat of a cult following so it seemed interesting at least. The boys had packed a picnic and brought blankets and pillows for the old film that would be playing for a crowd in the local park.

Connor had laid out a picnic blanket under one of the trees far enough away from the gathering that it was private but close enough that you could still see and hear the film clearly. Connor had pillows set up for you all to be able to comfortably sit against the old oak tree which had been previously decorated with lanterns. The park sure did look gorgeous that night.

What a perfect spot for a first date.

Then the reality hit you. Holy shit. You were on a date with Connor AND Collin.

Collin must have mistaken your nervous shiver for you being cold and placed a blanket around your shoulders before poking through the picnic basket Connor had set up. He took out strawberries and some popcorn for you all to share, then eventually he pulled out a bottle of wine and some glasses.

“Uh, would you like some?” he nervously offered to you. “It’s the same one we had at the restaurant the other night. I remembered you said that you liked it.”

“Yes please.” You smiled and nodded to his cute gesture.

Relief filled Collin’s face when you responded positively. He then proceeded to pour you a glass along with one for himself and his brother.

It could have been arguably weird that two ‘brothers’ were courting the same girl but you reminded yourself that Collin and Connor weren’t really brothers, yes they shared a face and had a type of kinship or familial bond but they weren’t related, not biologically anyway.

As the Movie began Connor relaxed back into the pillows he had set out and you followed along doing the same. You moved the blanket that was around your shoulders to sit across your lap, covering both Collin and Connor with it. Making yourself more comfortable you lay your head against Connor's shoulder. He responded by putting his arm around you.

The movie was quite enjoyable, it was wacky, campy and made you giggle throughout at some of the actors overacting. You felt a little embarrassed at a lot of the innuendos and sexual-ish content of the film, considering you were watching it with two guys you REALLY liked but Collin’s loud laughter made you feel a little bit more at ease.

Throughout the film, Collin had ended up resting his head in your lap which made your heart flutter at how damn cute he was. You began to play with his hair lightly and in response, he leaned into your touch.

Collin’s comments were perhaps more entertaining than the movie. Although the movie still was pretty great. He just kept asking every time a character showed up wearing something weird or kinky whether you thought he would look good in the outfits. You noticed Connor seeming a little embarrassed by it all but he didn’t really say much.

When the film ended Collin immediately announced, sitting up on his knees “Connor, what the fuck did you make us watch?”

Noticing how flustered Connor got as his cheeks tinged blue you snapped back at Collin to stop bullying Connor.

“Hey, I was told that this film was amazing I just went along with it.” Connor attempted to explain.

“You seemed to enjoy it regardless, Collin.” You teased, poking his chest firmly.

“Well…” he shrugged it off with a chuckle.

“Come on you two.” Connor laughed as he stood up. “It’s getting late, we ought to head back.”

____________________________________________________________

Chapter 25 -

You were joined by both of the brothers on the car ride back home. You's had come to the park in Connor's car, his being the only self-driving vehicle they had. Richard and Collin's were both cars that had required a driver. The brothers had agreed amongst themselves to take Connor's car so that they could both sit beside you in the back. Connors's shoulder had been pressed firmly against yours on the journey home. Collin, being slightly braver had reached out to take your hand in his as the three of you chatted amongst yourselves.

“We promise not to take too long to do something like this again.” Collin referenced the fact that they both admitted they had been a little weary to ask you out in the first place. Connor never could have imagined that you shared similar feelings to him, he didn’t want to scare you away, ruining your friendship. Collin on the other hand just needed some reassurance from Connor to actually do something.

Their little talk is what brought both of them to ask you out. When they confirmed they both had feelings for you Collin was able to make Connor aware of your very obvious infatuation with him, and Connor was able to give Collin the pep talk he so needed. They didn’t mind having to share you either, as long it was something you were comfortable with. The only reason Connor was so disappointed upon hearing that you and Collin may have had a one night stand was due to his lack of knowledge of Collin's true feelings, he would hate for anyone to use you like that.

Upon arriving home the boys were very courteous, holding doors open for you and being on their best behaviour. They had walked you to the outside of your room. Connor placed down the picnic basket he was carrying before giving you a small hug goodnight. Collin rolled his eyes before doing the same, he was hoping for a little more than a hug to end the date with but Connor had already set the tone.

Before grabbing onto the door handle, you planted a small kiss on both of their cheeks. “Thank you for the wonderful evening, goodnight boys.” Your parting words before entering into your bedroom.

Now alone in your room, you sank back against your closed door, hands covering your blushed face as you thought about the night you had. The boys must have still been outside your door as you heard hushed voices speaking through it to one another.

“Maybe we should have asked to stay the night?” you heard one of them speak, you guessed that one was Collin. He had a slightly smoother inflection in his voice than Connor.

“What happened to taking it slow?” The other voice spoke, Connor you guessed.

“Shut up!” The first snapped back, playfully.

You tried to contain your giggling as you called “Good night boys!” through the closed door, letting them know you could hear them quite clearly.

You then heard the both of them scurrying away.

Standing back up straight from the door you smile at the roses they had left for you earlier. You had the propped up in a vase on your vanity. Those boys really were sweethearts.

---

The next morning awakening from your sleep, your eyes were immediately caught by the bags of clothing Richard had bought for you for your evening out two nights ago. You still hadn’t gotten rid of them. Time to make a statement and show that you can't be bought. Pulling yourself from your comfy bed, you grab the bags.

Richard, like Connor, was in work again that day so you decided since you could not physically hand the bags to Richard, you would just leave them outside of his door.

So that’s what you did placing the bags down at the side of his door you proudly propped yourself back up with both of your hands on your hips.

“What ya got there?” A voice cut through the hall, causing you to jump. You turned around to see it was Collin who was exiting out of his bedroom at the time.

“Richard bought me a bunch of clothes.” You explained with a sigh as Collin made his way over to you for a nosey at the contents of the bags. “I leaving them back because I don’t want him to think he can just buy me things and then we'll be friends again.”

Collin was down on his knees, pushing around the contents of the bags. “Some nice stuff in here. You sure you don’t want it?” He asks.

“Not if it's coming from Richard.” Your arms cross involuntarily. Collin stands up beside you, his hand placed lightly on the back of your elbow.

“That’s understandable.” He speaks, slowly directing you out of the hallway. “By the way, I think Richard is something we should talk about.”

“Why?”

“You haven’t had breakfast yet.” Collin stops midway through the conversation. How did he even know that?

“Come on, we'll get you some food and then we can talk about it.”

So, sure enough, you both made your way to the kitchen. You had been hoking throughout the drawers for something to make, you opted for cereal to keep it simple.

Collin had been leaning back against one of the counters watching you move through the kitchen.

When you had your cereal poured and ready you plopped down at one of the counters with your drink of apple juice and began to eat.

“So…” You placed your spoon into the bowl. “Why did you want to talk about Richard?”

“Well…” Collin began. “It’s more about Connor.”

You dropped your spoon again, which fell with a loud clink against the bowl as you stared at Collin without a word.

“I know it's going to be awkward.” He spoke up again. “But we're going to have to figure out a way to break the news to him that you and Richard used to be a thing.”

“Are you kidding, Collin? Connor is going to be furious with him!”

“I know, I know. But we can't hide it from him either. And I know I said we'll take things slow but when it gets to it… are you really going to sleep with Connor without him knowing about, y'know?”

You looked away from Collin down to your bowl.

“I don’t like it either, believe me.” Collin sighed, moving closer to you and placing one of his hands next to yours, you both barely touching.

“You're not alone in this.” He speaks up. “we’ll figure it out, okay?”

You nod a little.

“It’s no rush. It’s just something to think about.”

“I know.” You sigh.

Collin reaches his thumb out to stroke your cheek. You look up to notice his half-smile.

“He’s not going to be mad at you.”

“I know, I just don’t want to be the cause of any drama.”

Collin thought back on the day you, him and Connor had went shopping. “Listen, I’m not going to be the one starting any more drama.” That’s what he said to you at the time.

“Look,” Collin speaks up again finally grabbing your hand. “I’m sorry I was such a dick in the past. That day we were at the food court together, I was stupid, I hope you know I don’t think that about you.”

A small smile breaks out from your tensed lips. “It’s okay, Collin. I know.”

He nods a little looking down at your hands in his before letting go again. Pulling himself to stand up properly, he straightens himself out. “Finish up, I promise we’ll do something fun today okay?”

“Okay.” You nod.

When breakfast was over and you had gotten dressed, Collin had decided to take you into the city for a bit. He had noticed you and Connor talk about some books yesterday so he thought it might be nice to take you to a bookstore to pick something nice for yourself.

After that the two of you had just walked around some shops for a bit, Collin picked up some bits and pieces for the house. The two of you had stopped for some iced coffees on the way back.

“So.” He asks as you both retrieve your drinks from the barista. “You never really did tell me the nature of your relationship with Richard.” He began sipping through his straw as he linked arms with you.

“Oh.” You coughed a little on your drink. “Uh, we just used to sleep with each other, that was it really.”

“That’s all it was?” His tone seemed a little pointed.

“I mean… I thought there was something more for a while there but, obviously not.” Collin noticed your frown while recounting your story.

“Did Richard do something?”

“He was just trying to control me, I'm pretty sure that’s what the whole thing was with him, why he even…” You stopped midway through speaking. “He wanted me to stop hanging out with Connor. He told Connor a bunch of bullshit about how I didn’t want to be his friend.”

“Typical.” Collin sighed. “I’m sorry he put you through that. “And I'm sorry for not stepping in and stopping it sooner.”

“It’s okay, Collin. You didn’t know. Even if you did, Richard can be intimidating.”

You noticed Collin giving you a strange smile out of the corner of your eye as you both continued to walk throughout the city.

“What?” You asked.

“You're, just not what I expected.” He shrugged. “You're nice. Maybe too nice.”

“What do you mean?” You giggled a little.

“Humans, they just… they were never very nice to me.”

You raised a brow at Collin. “Do you think that has anything to do with the whole ‘treat em’ like animals’ thing you got going on?”

“No!” He shook his head with a guilty laugh. “Sorry about that all.”

You hummed sarcastically in response.

“I mean when I first turned deviant. I was always ‘Connor’s evil twin’.” He quoted as you both walked to the Car. Getting in you sat in the front seat next to Collin who began to start up the vehicle, setting the remainder of his iced coffee in a cup holder.

“Connor got a second chance, no one blamed him for what he did before deviating.” He shrugged as he manoeuvred his jeep from its parking space, ice rattling around in the plastic cup. “I was always ‘the guy that tried to shoot Hank.’”

You remembered Collin talking about it before, about how cyberlife had sent him out to finish what Connor had started. How he was meant to replace Connor, hurt hank if he didn’t oblige. Collin had ended up getting shot.

He had no idea why Kamski brought him back or why Connor ever forgave him let alone take him under his wing. He could maybe understand Hank not being super comfortable around him but why did everyone have to treat him like some cold-hearted monster?

Probably Richard coming along - or Nines as the humans called him, didn’t exactly help his case. Richard was a cold-hearted machine, it was two years before he deviated. Even upon deviating, he was never the warmest, but he always treated Collin well. Richard and Connor were probably the only ones to show him kindness. Maybe on occasion some androids they came across as well did, but never the humans.

When you had gotten home Collin mentioned about you going to get food with him and Connor later. Of course, you agreed, giving his hand a small squeeze before you went to settle down into your new book. Collin had wanted to catch up on some work that was being emailed to him that day.

______________________________________________________________

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Tag list: @connorsdimple @crushedtincan @clussysposts

#fic: pretty baby #detroit become human #connor x reader #nines x reader #rk800 x reader #rk800-60 x reader #rk900 x reader #dbh fanfic #dbh au #dbh x reader #My writing #detroit become human fan fic

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ubernoxa · 4 years

Text

The Sip: A GNR Modern Day AU

Chapter 6: Just Friends

Previous Chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

Chapter Summary: Alanah gets a call from her manager and Duff surprises her with some help.

Warning: Fluff

I sat on the couch in Sandy’s and my apartment wishing I was anywhere else.

Declan had surprised Sandy for dinner and they were currently out eating at some fancy restaurant.

A couple hours earlier, Declan showed up at our door with a dozen roses dresses in a full suit. Apparently it was their six month anniversary, but you wouldn’t know that if you saw Sandy at the party last night. There are times I wonder if she knows what the definition of committed relationship is. I can’t judge though, my last relationships was borderline fake.

Originally we were supposed to record, but they both looked so excited to go. Before Sandy could break the news to him on how she couldn’t go, I told her we could reschedule. We had some prerecorded stuff, so we could just post that instead. She was still hesitant, so I added on that I could livestream cooking. Eventually she caved and left for her dinner with Declan. I hope she didn’t cheat on him, but the way that stranger’s arm was wrapped around her led me to believe the worst. She was supposed to be the smart one out of the two of us. She didn’t leave without making a comment on how I should invite Duff over for the stream. I swear she just wanted me to get in a relationship again, so we could go on double dates and couples vacations.

I continued to stare in the mirror as I finished applying my foundation. My heart skipped a beat as the sound of my phone ringing echoed through my apartment. Duff?

To my disappointment, it was only my media manager..well both Sandy’s and my media manager. We hired her a while back to help us with the legal side of YouTube and to help with our social presence.

“Hey Alanah, hows it going?”

“Good, Good...preparing to do the livestream I just texted you about,” I began to begin working on my eyes as I spoke.

“Okay well...you know how I hate getting into your personal life Alanah, but...” God I wish she would just spit it out. I knew she was going to ask about if I was dating Duff or not. I know we’re not, but I....I don’t know. After this morning’s bathroom event, I needed to know what that meant to him. No way that was just two friends hanging out, or maybe that’s how a rockstar hangs out with girls? Fuck.

“Are you dating Duff,” I let a fake laugh escape me once she finally got around to asking the question.

“No, just friends.” Yup, just friends would had sex multiple times in the past 24 hours and then relaxed in a jacuzzi together. Just casual friend things.

My manager went silent for a couple seconds. Was she expecting me to say yes?

“Things just ended with Mark, and I just want to enjoy being single. I won’t lie, I shed a couple tears when I heard he said Alanah who....but I’ve heard worst things. Why are you asking?” I stopped applying my makeup and focused on my manager. She went silent again, and that wasn’t ever a good sign.

“Well, you were tagged in some social media posts.....” she once again paused causing my patience to go extinct. SPIT IT OUT.

“There was a video from the paparazzi, Ill send it your way. I know Mark is a celebrity, but he wasn’t a household name like Duff. If you two do start dating you are aware that you are going to lose your sense of privacy right? You’ll be added to his list of ex’s. That’s what you will be known for,” I let out a sigh as she finished talking. Jesus Christ, we aren’t even dating and I was already getting this talk.

“Just friends,” I faked the confidence in my voice before I heard her mumble something.

“Well I’m glad you’re doing well, I’ll send you a link to the video I was referencing. If you and Duff are JUST FRIENDS you should ask him to help cook for your stream tonight,”

“Really?” I sounded like a nervous middle schooler as I spoke. Why was I nervous?

“Yeah, could be fun. Have a good one Alanah,” she hung up before I could even say goodbye...typical.

I opened up Instagram and was immediately met with a bunch of notifications. Whoever ran the Gun’s Instagram page had tagged me in a couple of photos. Most of them consisted of photos from earlier in the night of us around the BBQ. I was surprised to see that I looked decent in most of them, and in a couple...only a couple of the photos...Duff and I did look like we were dating. He had is arm wrapped around my waist or I was sitting on his lap. We aren’t dating though just friends.

I went over to his page to message him, and that’s when I froze. I immediately clicked on the most recent post and scrolled through the photos. There was one photo that caught my attention. It was from when we were eating dinner last night. It must have been cropped because it was just the two of us, but I remembered this moment. He had just made a joke that was so stupid I couldn’t help, but laugh. Yesterday I didn’t notice it, but he was smiling down at me as I giggled in the photo and he had his hand wrapped around my waist. I couldn’t read into that much more. We are just friends. We are nothing more than friends. FRIENDS.

I logged into the Instagram account specifically for Sandy’s and my YouTube channel and began to record a video.

“Hey guy! Hope you’re haveing a great Tuesday. Sandy is out celebrating an anniversary so you’re stuck with me tonight!”

“Tonight I will be live-streaming me attempting to cook something you guys comment below! So comment your ideas and hopefully I won’t burn them!”

I then when to share the video on twitter and Tumblr to try to gain traction.

I put some music on and began to scroll through the comments trying to find an idea of what to cook. The comments started out as helpful but after some scrolling a lot of the comment were about Duff....I placed my phone out and let out a sigh.

“Are you and Duff dating?”

“Wow, talk about a rebound”

“Duff + Alanah... #upgrade”

Why did I have to deal with this bull shit? Not that I wouldn’t mind being his girlfriend....but he was a rockstar and we were JUST FRIENDS.

I was pulled from my thoughts as my phone began to ring. Speaking of the devil, it was Duff.

“Hey, what’s up?” I smiled as I looked at my screen. His hair was all over the place and he looked exhausted. It must had been a long practice.

“I’m about 30 seconds away from killing my bandmates, you?”

“Well I’m currently trying to chose what to cook for my livestream,” I quickly checked what I looked like on the screen. I was thankful that I put makeup on and did my hair, I looked pretty good..not to toot my own horn or anything.

“How about Thai Salmon?” I was caught off guard by his recommendation.

“Ohhh uhhh I don’t know how to bake that.....and umm...I don’t want to look like a fool on livestream,” I was tripping over my words, unable to cease talking.

“Well if you need help, I’m actually a decent cook. I could even show you some stuff if you want,” he wanted to help me cook?

“Yeah sure!” I could feel a smile growing on my cheek from ear to ear as I spoke. I watched a smile flash on his face as I answered.

“Great! So I’ll bring the ingredients we need and we also have to soak the salmon for two hours before it’s cooked!”

My stomach was performing backflips as Duff talked. He was excited. He was excited to hang out with me. Holy shit.

Time flew by as I began to setup the two cameras. The first was on a rather large tripod allowing you to see the entire kitchen, which wasn’t much, and the second was a small camera that would be used for more close up shots.

***Buzz***

I practically jumped out of my skin when I heard my apartment’s doorbell ring. I bolted towards my intercom to the lobby, “Hello?”

“Hey Alanah, it’s Duff I got the stuff, wanna let me in or we can try to cook in the lobby?” I chuckled as I hit a button on my intercom and buzzed in. What if he thinks less of me because of my small apartment? What if he thinks I’m below him? Is my apartment too dirty? Is it too clean?

A knock at the door pulled me out of my chaotic merry-go-round of thoughts.

I took a deep breath and opened my door.

“So this is what your apartment looks like,” he had a small smile on his face as he walked around looking at the photos that hung on the wall.

“It’s not much, but it’s home,” I shrugged leaning against the table for support.

“Its cozy! I got the food, shall we begin?”

“Umm...yeah..uhhh..yeah..so since the salmon needs to marinate I’m doing a little prerecording for the video to post later in the week if that’s fine,” I wanted to kick myself repeatedly for stumbling over my words. God! I felt like such a baffoon.

“How can I help?” I watched as he looked at my camera positioned to look at the entire room.

“You can do whatever you want! If you wanna help with the cameras it’s up to you. If you want to sit on the couch and be on your phone that’s fine too,” I shrugged watching his body language as I spoke. He actually wanted to help....the rockstar was looking to help..weird okay.

“So that camera there is for overall shots while this one is for like close up,” I held up the second camera showing him how to properly hold it.

“So this first part isn’t live?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to make everyone wait two hours. I usually take live-streams and create highlight videos,” I began to pull the items out of Duff’s cloth bag.

I looked over to see Duff fiddling with the second camera and eventually turning it on. Out of the corner of my eye I then watched as he turned on the second one. Maybe he wasn’t as unfamiliar with cameras as I expected him to be.

I then felt him wrap his arms around my waist.

“Hey...Duff,” I could feel my heart rate about to explode through my chest. I’ve had sex with him before, why was I nervous around him? Why the hell was him being so close to me making my stomach become an Olympic gymnast?

“Don’t mind me, I’m just turning on your mic,” and with that I hear a faint click from a small switch that turned my mic on. He then clapped once and went to pick up the second camera.

“I’m ready when you are,” I could feel my cheeks turning red as he spoke. His damn smirk never leaving his stupid face. He knew what he was doing.

“Alright, welcome to another cooking with Alanah and Sandy, but this time there is no Sandy so we will see what happens! My current goal is to not burn the food,” before I could continue Duff’s laughter echoed through my apartment.

“What? Also cameramen should be quiet!” I teased back pointing at the camera, only making his laugh harder.

“Alanah, babe, I’ve seen your previous cooking videos and I think your goal should be to not burn down your apartment,” I froze as I tried to make out what he said between laughing.

Babe?

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t get rid of the smile that had grown on my face.

“Alright so tonight we are making teriyaki salmon! The first step is to create the marinate!” I pulled out the cooking instructions I had made Duff write before he came over.

“Alright so for the sweet chili sauce we will combine water, white vinegar, cornstach, garlic clove, and.......maple syrup,” I looked over at Duff as I read the last ingredient.

“Are you messing with me Duff?” His laughter filled the room once again and I couldn’t help but join him. His laugh was contagious.

“If I was messing with you I would have either been more subtle or more outlandish,” I watched as he placed the camera on my mini tripod infornt of the bowls I had setup for mixing.

We spent the next thirty minutes preparing the sauce together, and I loved every second of it.

“And now we wait for two hours while the salmon soaks,” Duff said into the camera before smirking at me. He was good in front of a camera and he knew it.

“So now we have two hours,” I finished turning off the cameras and my mic as he spoke.

“Do you have anything in mind in how to spend the time?” This time I couldn’t help but let a smirk wander into my face.

Without hesitation, Duff pulled me in and we began to kiss as he dragged me to my bedroom.

#gnr imagine #gnr fanfic #guns n’ roses fanfic #guns n’ roses imagine #duff mckagan imagine #duff mckagan fanfiction #duff fanfic

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things-we-used-tc-share · 5 years

Text

flesh and bone

Warnings: This piece of writing is intended to be hard to read, and it may be hard to read if you have ever struggled with an eating disorder or are currently struggling with an eating disorder. This is my way of working through my own issues, but I acknowledge it will not be everyone’s cup of tea. This is extremely graphic and may be unsuitable for readers under the age of 16 due to its exploration of mental illness and addiction to starvation being completely unrestrained, this is about my personal experience, one that is unfortunately ongoing and will not tailor to everyone’s needs. Please read at your own discretion, and if you are struggling, please reach out for help.

Further warnings for: having a general potty mouth, bulimia (this is over 9,000 words and is v long as a heads up)

Ship: Logicality (Look I really needed to have something there that didn’t make me feel like I was falling apart writing this)

Plot: Five years of being hungry. Hundreds of bruises to his spine and ribs. Nineteen-years-old and the chances of growing older are getting slimmer. In a fit of desperation, Patton’s mother begs him to go to a facility, and once he’s checked in there’s no getting out. It’s not all bad though, because there is Logan, a twenty-year-old who can count calories without looking at the packet and doesn’t treat him like he’s fragile.

Pinch the skin around his arm, skin that’s not exactly there anymore as it stretches tight over his bone. His entire life is numbers; numbers on packets, on scales, on the waistline of jeans. All Patton is...is numbers. He is counting through his life one step at a time and it is one very shaky, drained, dizzy step at that. Patton is sick. He’s been sick for years, so long that he can barely remember the last time he looked in the mirror without a fault in mind.

What caused him to love hunger more than himself?

Maybe it’s a cocktail of reasons. Maybe it’s so many reasons that he can’t untangle them all and find the route of this. He doesn’t think he’s beautiful that much is for sure, but an addiction is an addiction. He doesn’t think he’s beautiful as his hair’s falling out and his teeth feel like acid reflux. He doesn’t think he’s beautiful when his binder bruises his spine and ribs because they will never really have that protective layer of fat. He doesn’t think the thick layer of fur-like hair growing on his arms is so beautiful, or that his face looks like a ghost but “beautiful,” got lost in translation a long, long time ago.

Is beauty worth it when you can’t breathe through heaving, tired lungs?

Which is why, he supposes, he agreed to this. As he sits in the front seat of the car whilst staring at the restaurants that go past with the rest of the world, all those people unaware that he’s standing on the veil, on the way to his last chance at getting better. All that food that he’d conditioned himself to turn away from stares back hungrily, making his stomach turn. He closes his eyes, because if he sees another “summer body ready?” billboard he might throw himself out into the road and run away from the decision he’s made.

Some part of him really doesn’t want that.

The place is not what he expected; somehow he’d expected white walls and a clinical atmosphere, but as he walks in it just feels like a really big house, trailing his suitcase behind him. He slides his glasses up his nose, his shirt hanging off his shoulder in the warm July weather that he’s somehow managing to remain cold in. “You must be...Patton?” A woman approaches with paperwork and a smile that looks just a little tired.

“That’s me,” He replies, hoping he doesn’t sound quite as exhausted as he currently feels; he certainly doesn’t want this poor lady to be on the receiving end on his starvation induced temper.

The woman smiles and it’s the sort of smile people are trained to give, like a doctor to a patient with that sickly sympathy that really they could never relate too. “He and him pronouns?” He nods. “Would you prefer to room with the girls or the...well we only have one other boy here,”

“Is he remotely transphobic?” Patton wishes he doesn’t sound so drained, he’s also sick of having to ask that question.

“Surprisingly enough, I’ve never asked him,” She clears her throat “Logan!” There’s a muffled response, the sound of footsteps, a boy with ruffled ebony hair peers down the top of the banister with a displeased look “Are you transphobic?”

“I am most certainly not,” The boy responds, tentatively walking down the stairs with a slight stumble in his step, if Patton had to hazard a guess he’d say he hasn’t eaten in roughly twenty hours; the first twenty-four are always the hardest on your body before you start to get used to the pain and sick “Do I finally have a roommate?” He steps down a couple of steps towards them, looking almost tentatively at Patton, as if he’s scared of what he might find if he looks too long. “You are impressively skinny, poor word choice, I know but I do wonder if you have organs,” Eating disorder humour, laugh at your pain until it goes away. And that’s exactly how Patton responds, he laughs.

“Yeah, I want to room with uh...Logan? Was it?”

“Correct,”

“I wanna room with Logan,” Patton’s mother sighs lightly at his decision, but he is an adult after all. “Less crowded, I assume,” Logan nods in response before leaning against the post, waiting for Patton to say his goodbyes, sign some papers and hand over his phone. “Do I get to keep my music player, it doesn’t have internet access, it’s just music,” The lady nods as she takes the paperwork back and the phone into the other hand.

“You’re not allowed anything that you can use to contact people in the outside world, or things that are sharp, if you’re a smoker you’re allowed one lighter to use but we have to look after it when you’re not using it,”

“Basically, welcome to the nursery,” Logan chastises lightly as Patton gives his mother a hug. Patton’s lips quirk slightly “Right this way,” he helps Patton carry his suitcase but the boy can barely stand up straight, and Patton recognizes the tense jaw and stumbling footsteps like he is looking into a mirror.

Their room is fairly large, Patton has never been into inpatient that looks so...homely, there is enough room for at least six beds, but there’s only two “They tend to just add them so there’s always room for one more,” Logan explains “Just in case we get an emergency arrival that is,” He sits down on the bed, and Patton can see how thin his ankles are, peeking out of the bottom of his pants. Subconsciously, Patton wraps his thin fingers around his small wrist and feels the paper thin skin tight over his bones, but Logan catches the movement and shakes his head. “If you don’t stop doing that you never will,” He lays back, a small expression of discomfort as he stares at the ceiling “So... you’re trans?”

“Yep,” Patton responds popping the ‘p’ as he places his suitcase next to his bed and sits down, staring down at his knees. He always wears baggy clothes, if it’s not for the dysphoria then because he really doesn’t want to look at his body.

“Are you okay with changing in here? Would you prefer privacy? I don’t mind making myself scarce for a few minutes,” At least now he has an excuse that isn’t ‘I don’t want anyone to see my body,’ “And...he and him pronouns?” Logan sits up and leans back onto his hands, looking over at Patton.

“I...yes,” He pauses “To both,”

“I don’t like changing in front of people either,” Logan mutters, “My back is a mess,”

“Bruises?”

“So many,”

There’s a long and static pause as the two soak up the fact they were going to be in each other’s company for a while, that there’s no way of telling when they will be leaving. But, Patton thinks to himself, at least this one isn’t whining constantly about how society made them anorexic, because that just gets old after a while. Society gave you a gun and you shot it straight into your own chest.

“How long have you been here?” Patton asks quietly, looking over at the boy on the opposite bed.

“Three months, seven days, six hours,” He glances at his watches “24 minutes and...32 seconds,”

“Wow,” Silence again, cascading over the two of them as they stare quietly at the floor and each other at separate intervals, before Patton offers a tentative smile “You’re kinda weird,” Logan laughs, short and throaty, followed by a small cough “Like the way you talk, it’s...your speech pattern is strange,”

“Thank you,” Patton grins and kicks off his shoes, lying back against the bed, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Dinner was hell. Patton pushes his food around on his plate before nibbling on the end of a single piece of pepper over the span of an hour. His stomach growls in frustration and he can’t really say he blames it. He pauses, closes his eyes and bites the bullet, managing a few more down before his stomach lurches. “Make up your fucking mind,” He mutters, his fork clattering against the plate.

“That’s a mood,” Patton looks up at the speaker, a girl with dark skin and big brown eyes smiles over “Honestly when I first got here my stomach was like ‘excuse me, what the fuck are you doing? Feeding me so much at once, that is not how shit works anymore’ “Patton stifles a small laugh, she looks so vibrant. Her eyes still retain the hope and happiness of most teenagers, but the rest of her is...deteriorating. “But I’ve been gaining, slowly but surely, I don’t know how to feel about it, but hey, I guess that means my stomach will stop rejecting the food,” She wipes her mouth and holds a hand out over the table “Rosalie,”

“Patton,”

“Nice to meet you, that’s Gemma,” She points over at a chubby girl with bright blonde hair. “Carmella,” Another girl with frizzy black hair and tan skin “And Josie,” The last girl looks up at her name, she’s been staring at her plate and not touching a single thing on it, looking a little out of it. “Josie got tubed today, she’s not so happy about it,”

Tubed. Patton had been before, once, where they force feed you liquid food through a tube, a horrible and uncomfortable experience that had had him in tears at the time. He gives Josie a small, comforting smile; she attempts to give a weak one back. “And of course, you’ve met Logan,” Logan looks up from the salad he’s been poking and prodding with raised eyebrows. “We were so wondering if we were getting another boy,”

“Well men find it harder to talk about,” Logan shrugged “And the statistics have a rather slight difference...did you know that...”

“Hush pocket protector,” The girl on Logan’s other side Carmella, nudges him playfully “If I needed a guide to eating disorder statistics I would’ve read one by now,” Patton smiles a little, allowing a distraction so he could slip some more food into his mouth. Logan rolls his eyes affectionately and ruffles her hair before pushing a forkful of salad past his lips. He chews slowly, but once he’s started it seems to be easier for him to continue as he adds another forkful.

After dinner, Logan paces the dining room floor for a moment, his eyes trained on the carpet as he tries to avoid leaving the room. “Bulimic?” Patton asks with some degree of understanding, leaning against the table. Logan nods. “Purging was never my thing,” Logan gives a short laugh, pushing his hair out of his eyes, Patton thinks he looks like he’s about to pass out from sheer stress alone.

“Good,” Logan replies shortly “It just hurts, and hurts a lot,” He clutches his churning stomach, eyes downcast and cheeks heated with embarrassment. He doesn’t like to be scrutinized. His stomach lurches and he bites down on his lip. “Could you leave me alone for a few minutes?” He asks, not unkindly as he looks over at the other. Patton nods.

“Yeah, see you in a bit Logan,”

Patton hears him crying not long after he’s left the room, his stomach trying to reject food that it is still unused to receiving in large quantities. He bites down on his bottom lip, but walks away, respecting Logan’s privacy.

Therapy, the one part of all of this that Patton vehemently hates; how do you talk to someone you’ve just met them and tell them all about your fears and hopes and dreams? Especially as a group. He sits in a comfy armchair in the living room and stares at his nails, listening to the other’s talk as they’re asked questions by the group leader. As his name is called, he looks up and feels his face warm at all the eyes on him. “Challenges?” He asks quietly “Being here is a challenge by itself, leaving my family behind, knowing they’re probably going to be in debt because of me,” Patton shrugs, his gaze fixated to the carpet “Trying to get better, I suppose is hard, I’ve lived like this for so long now I’m kind of worried who I’ll be on the other side, if I make it,”

“And successes?”

“I don’t know, accepting that I don’t want to die is probably a good start, and trying to get better will be hard but at least I am trying this time,” A quiet hum runs through the others in the group as they nod in agreement, he shifts uncomfortably at the feeling of being scrutinized.

“Very good, Patton, I’m sure everyone is very proud of you,”

(A week later)

Patton lay on his bed, sketching in his sketchbook as music played softly through his headphones. The sun was starting to set and the lamp beside his bed illuminated the pages as he ran his pan over the pages. The door opens and clicks shut, causing him to slide a headphone off as he looks up at his roommate. “Are you okay?” Logan shrugs a little.

“Okay is relative in these situations, am I improving physically? Yes, I’m gaining and that’s positive, how do I feel? Like shit,” Patton offers a smile as he sits up, wincing, his spine is visible under the too large sleep shirt that reaches his thighs. Nothing really fits him properly anymore, this shirt used to be tight on him.

“I get that,” He places his sketchbook and pen on the covers and slides his headphones off, the music tinny in the silence as it remains to carry through the air. “The first time I gained weight after...this started,” he took a deep breath “I went completely off the deep end, it nearly killed me,” Logan swallows dryly and looks away from Patton, away from his kind eyes and thin body. He hoped he would get someone cruel, someone he wouldn’t latch onto. Someone he couldn’t relate too.

“I’ve been in a few hospitals now,” Logan admits “This is the first one that’s been able to help me,” He stares at his wrists, at the bones jutting out “I just wanted to be healthy, my parents said I needed to lose weight, but then I started obsessing over it as I do with everything,” He runs his nails over the hair on his arms “Counting calories in water,” He laughs, but it’s dry and unamused “I should’ve known really,”

“I just really wanted to be skinny,” He snorts in response, that same bitter laugh that they’re all so familiar with “I really wanted to be like the girls in my class, I wanted people to stop calling me fat, but then I just...I couldn’t stop myself, I didn’t stop myself and I know it’s because I’m sick, but all I can think is because I’m weak,”

“And what’s wrong with being weak?” Logan asks softly “Really, everyone is weak, as a species, humans are only strong because of ruthlessness and weaponry, it’s truly a wonder how we managed this long,” He exhales shakily, his lungs rattling in their prison “Everyone has a weakness, at least you know what yours is, but now you have to learn to fight it, or you’re just going to be another statistic in a textbook about numbers this thing has killed, no name or identification, you are not a number and you shouldn’t become one,”

“I know that, but I can’t just...stop,” His stomach growls and he rolls his eyes, flopping back onto the bed. “It’s like I enjoy it, the hunger, the pain, I can’t stop feeling like I need it, and crave it,”

“It’s as much of an addiction as anything, you wouldn’t tell a heroin addict to simply put down the needle, for example, you know that an addict’s brain changes due to its addiction, your brain is like that too, it’s grown dependant on your pain and is feeding off of it,” Patton finds comfort in someone who actually knows what they’re talking about, who isn’t psychoanalyzing him, just telling him the truth. “You’re very sick Patton, we all are very sick, and I know I got too comfortable in accepting that it was just always going to kill me, but I don’t want that anymore and I don’t think you do either,”

“I don’t want to die Logan,”

“Then you need to start acting like it,” It’s such a simple statement that jolts straight through Patton like a bolt of electricity “It’s painful to try and recover when even your own body is begging you not too, it’s painful when your mind has this voice terrified of being fat, and it is terrifying stepping out into a society where fat people are treated as secondary citizens and people subconsciously believe thinner is better, but the reason doesn’t lie in society,”

“I know, I don’t blame society, well, I blame corporations for feeding off my disorder,”

“But an attitude that blames only society can never heal,” Patton breathes a sigh of relief that finally, finally, somebody understands what he’s been saying all this time. “Because until we look at the cause of the problem for us, for our own individual fears and what is stopping us from healing, we can’t tackle the bigger picture like diet pills and fat-shaming and the cocktail of issues that society makes up for impressionable people, especially those who are easily addicted to a feeling,”

“Thank you, I was getting so tired of that attitude, I don’t think people should blame themselves but some people need to look at the smaller picture first before they start working on the bigger one, like...like a child learning to read, you don’t start with the Harry Potter books, you start with the alphabet,” Logan nods with an affirming smile “Otherwise we’ll all be dead before we get to challenge the rest of the world on their viewpoint,”

“Absolutely,” Patton smiles, a wide and genuine smile that hurts his cheeks. This might be the first time he’s actually got along with one of the residents in his facility. Quite a feat for one last run. No, he corrects himself, not last.

You’ve got to try this time.

(two weeks later)

“Three, two, one,” Patton chucks the handful of raisins into his mouth and grimaces as he chews, whilst Logan cheers, “Here, catch,” he calls, holding his hand up as a warning before he flips the raisin towards the other, Patton laughs as he misses it completely and it bounces along the floor.

“God, they’re so sweet,” He swallows and shakes his head “When did raisins get so sweet?” He’d been avoiding sugar for so long now that his body barely knew what to do with the sudden mouthful of pure, natural sugars.

“You would spontaneously combust if you tried a milkshake,”

“Oh my God, never, literally never will you get one of those things near me they’re so full of fat and...” Logan’s eyebrows raise and Patton closes his mouth, giving a semi-ashamed smile “I’m doing it again aren’t I?” He sighs at the nod he gets in response and picks at the small box of raisins, slowly pressing them into his mouth, chewing and swallowing, his stomach growled for more but he knew if he continued it would also demand the food be regurgitated. “Maybe one day,” He says softly, and Logan grins widely in response.

“Did you hear that, guys? He said maybe one day!” There’s a hum of agreement and a small cheer from Carmella, who Patton had quickly realized was the peppiest in the group. “Sounds like an outing plan,” Patton’s mouth opens and he smiles a little, had he made...a friend?

“It’s a date specs,” He doesn’t miss Logan’s blush on his cheeks as Patton starts distributing the tiny packs of raisins to the girls, and watches as they engage in a battle royale of ‘who can flip the most raisins in their mouth’

Patton’s stomach rumbles as he makes his way upstairs and grabs his sketchpad. He sketches himself, his body, the way his ribs twist and his stomach dips between his hipbones. He’s done this so many times before but for some reason, this time when he stares at the lines of ink a small tear lands on the page. “Why am I crying?” He whispers gently to himself. The realization rushes over him in small waves as he writes the title of this piece of art at the top.

‘I don’t want to die,’

Patton had lived almost all of his teenage years knowing that one day his eating disorder would kill him. His body is constantly shutting down on itself, he’s constantly feeling weak, there are more bones than muscle under his skin, or so he hypothesizes; and he can’t actually leave the house alone because he’s collapsing so often. Every part of his body hurts, his vision is always accompanied by static and little black dots, he’s always thirsty. His body is eating itself, his hair is thin and falling out, his teeth are yellowing and his skin is paper thin, accompanied only by a thin layer of fur-like hair as his body desperately tries to keep itself warm. Patton is always cold, and always dying.

Logan had spent most of his teenage years in denial. Starving for attention and also food as he desperately tries to mould himself into what his parents want him to be; unfortunately he can never be what they want him to be because that would require him to be the basic definition of “normal,”, which also would include not having obsessive-compulsive disorder and also not so very weak from the lack of food in his system. His father had praised his ability to lose weight; he had told him it was wonderful that he was finally taking his weight seriously. His mother had watched him become a ghost and praised it. But Logan has never been able to half-do anything in his life and once he starts he cannot stop.

After his fourth hospitalization, his mother demanded he is sent to a specialist. His father had been adamantly against it, saying he just needs to eat and also “What will people think?” Because that’s all, really, Logan’s father thinks about. Logan knew then that his father really is not capable of loving a thing besides himself, but it was still somehow a shock that he cared so little about his son.

Patton’s parents are lovely, they’re wonderful people and he’s had a fairly nice childhood. When he was five his younger brother, Virgil, was born and the two have gotten along so well their entire lives. Patton’s mother is a baker and she’s always spoiled her son rotten when it came to things he needs or wants and Patton’s father is a soft-faced and kind-hearted man who has always shared equal loads with his wife. Their divorce had been amicable, it had no effect on the fact the two remained friends and Patton still saw his father and brother almost every day.

They were both very supportive of him being Trans. The only thing that his mother disapproves of is swearing, she doesn’t like it and thinks it’s aggressive. Virgil swears a lot, Patton...not so much.

So he doesn’t have the tragic backstory of Logan, the only knowing factor is being Trans and high school being a nightmare because of being ‘the chubby Trans kid’. This soon became ‘the Trans kid that looks like a ghost’ unreasonably thin and passing out every day.

The two of them had both come to conclusion one day they will die because of their illness, it would kill them, their organs would fail, they would be unable to stand due to muscle deterioration, Logan would rip a hole in his stomach, and they would die. For Logan, this changed because of Roman.

People hate living for other people more than they hate living for themselves, and yet guilt alone is enough to drive someone insane. So when a teenage boy appears on Logan’s doorstep and straight into Logan’s life, he has to make a choice. So far in his life, he had few things to live for; an unaccepting family environment that is toxic and full of discourse, a school full of idiots who taunt him and bully him, the only reason death seemed uninviting is because there is a lot that Logan still wants to learn.

Then there was Roman; his younger and apparently secret half-brother who folds his arms across his chest defiantly and pokes Logan’s father in the chest, anger in his eyes. Logan’s father wanted to throw him out, Logan’s mother was having none of that; she had after all, always known that her husband wasn’t faithful, she just hadn’t expected living proof. Logan and Roman spent a lot of time together from the moment he walked into their lives, wanting to make up for lost time as brothers do; they argued a lot but found solace in the fact that their homophobic father had two gay sons.

It was Roman who was the first person to care about Logan’s disorders, he was the first person to sit him down and say “You need to take this into your own hands now,” Logan had never really given it a thought, he knew time was running out for him and that most of what he could taste is acid from his stomach, but he had also always just accepted this was how it was going to be.

Roman didn’t tell Logan to live for him, didn’t ask nor guilt him. He simply said “You need to stop looking for a reason to live and give yourself one, I can’t ask you to live for me, that would be selfish, but you need to learn to live for yourself Logan whilst you still have the chance, there’s a world out there that’s equal parts horrifying and beautiful an it’s waiting for you outside of these walls,”

So Logan checked himself into therapy, and it was only Roman there to say goodbye to him as he walked through the doors, not knowing when or if he would come out of them.

Patton’s decision had come from three things. You cannot love someone healthy, you can try your hardest but when your best efforts fail you have to know it wasn’t your fault. Patton’s family loved him very much but their love could not fix him. His decision in the end, was partially because of his younger brother who had sworn to protect since his very birth, but was also because of his transition.

When you are Transgender there is a list of specifications you have to meet in order to medically transition, in order for the procedure to be safe. Patton’s white blood cell count is very low, his body doesn’t heal at a normal rate and his internal organs are feeling quite fragile at best. Every surgery comes with its risks, a surgery like this is usually very low-risk, but with his body in the state it is it could be fatal.

Patton doesn’t want to die, buried in a body that he hated, with an identification he hasn’t identified with in years. When he dies he wants to die himself, with his name and his body that he has dreamed of since he was a child. And maybe, just maybe, he’s hanging onto that sliver of hope that when he finally gets that transition and he feels just a little bit safer in his own skin, he might not be so flippant about death after all.

(two weeks later)

“We’re getting milkshakes?” The huddle of people that clambered into the back of the minivan cheers as they are told they’re going on an outing, specially requested by several members of the group. Patton had blushed and narrowed his eyes at the others as the girls tease him lightly and Logan squeezes his shoulder playfully. The younger curls up a little against his friend, head resting on his chest as he looks out of the window, watching the world pass. He hears Carmella gasp a little and some slight giggles, but Patton only rolls his eyes and curls up next to his friend.

“You can all choose which ever milkshake you want, the only rule is that you’re not allowed to the bathroom for thirty minutes afterwards, so if you need the toilet, go first,” There’s a series of sighs as they pull up outside the milkshake place. None of the items on the menu list the amount of calories.

“We’re gonna be running around a lot tonight,” Patton mutters to Logan, who nods in agreement “And I’m going to be thinking about the fat content of these milkshakes for a good few hours,” He sighs “But Oreo does sound lovely,” They all order one each and sit down with the huge glasses. There’s a silence, like they’re waiting for one another, it’s Logan who caves with a small sigh and takes a large sip out of the straw. Bated breath all around as they watch.

“Fuck me, it’s delicious,” he groans, eyes closing in bliss before licking his lips “That’s the nicest thing I’ve ever tasted,” He slides the glass over to Patton, who takes the tiniest of sips, a soft moan tumbling over his lips, Logan makes a quiet noise at the back of his throat, cheeks heating whilst the girls giggle at his expression. They tuck into their own, various gasps at the taste and complaints that they could taste the sheer amount of sugar in them.

By the time they’ve finished them, they’re all filled with an unusual amount of energy. Most of them hadn’t managed to drink something with so much sugar or calories or, in the case of some of the milkshakes, chocolate in so long. They’re buzzing with energy as they file back into the van.

And Logan is a little busy daydreaming about Patton’s expression and the noises he made as he drank his milkshake.

“You’ve totally got a crush on him,”

“I do not!” Logan huffs as he nudges Josie, helping her prepare lunch as he mixes up the salad, chopping up cucumbers and throwing them into the large bowl. “He’s simply a friend,” He shrugs a little, but his cheeks are red “I don’t get crushes on people and even if I did, now isn’t exactly a good time for either of us,” She sighs a little at him.

“You know people always say love can’t fix us,” She stills her hand on lightly buttering the bread, looking down at the chopping board “And they’re right, they can’t, but look at you Logan, why are you here?” He falters a little “Because your brother loved you enough to snap you out of your woe-is-me life and get you here,” The elder shifts uncomfortably, picking up a tomato and cutting into it swiftly. “Love can’t save us, but it certainly fucking helps,”

She’s right. He hates that she’s right. But Logan doesn’t want to love Patton, he’s still grasping the fact that he loves his brother, and that he has a brother that loves him. His mind doesn’t work in tandem with his heart most days and trying to add more things that he needs to understand is only going to complicate him. “Maybe,” He finally says as he cuts up the tomato swiftly “Maybe,”

(two months after Patton first arrived)

“Hey Patton dinner’s…are you okay?” Logan pauses at the door, one hand against the frame with fingers that are still too thin. His eyes drift from the room to the boy curled up on the bed, shivering. “Patton?” He walks into the room at the shaky sob that leaves the younger’s lips, kneeling down beside him and resting his hand against the mattress for Patton to take if he so desires. “Was it that bad?” Every couple of weeks they have weigh-ins, to check that they’re steadily gaining weight. From here, Logan can tell Patton has, but to a stranger they would still think he is unreasonably thin for someone of his age and height.

“I don’t want d-dinner,” He’s choking on his own breath, and Logan can tell Patton is in agony from the way he clutches his stomach, he knows he is hungry and he knows he hasn’t eaten today yet. “I can’t do this, I can’t,” The gasping whimper has Logan crumbling as he scoots onto the bed and holds Patton close, feeling the thin boy grip at his shirt, noises of pain and shaky starvation burrowing deeper and deeper into Logan.

He never really thought what it’s like to be on the other end, but in that moment he does realize two things; it really hurts to see someone you love in agony at their own hands, and two, he really does love Patton. In which way remains to be seen, but for now all that matters is that he helps his only and best friend. “You’ve come so far Patton, it’s okay,” He whispers “It’s okay to crumble, it’s okay to relapse, they are not a testament to how strong you are, what makes you strong is that you’ve got this far,” He rubs his back over the thick and long jumper that the shivering boy is wearing, yet he can still feel the firm outline of Patton’s bony spine. “Do you remember when you first started starving? How hard it was, but then you were doing three or four days fasts and suddenly one day doesn’t feel like anything?”

“Y-Yeah,”

“Recovery is the same, but the other way, the first few times you eat full meals it kills, it hurts you, you can barely cope with looking in the mirror, and then over time you start to wonder ‘how did I go so long without food?’” Patton sniffles a little “You are stronger than this voice telling you what you should be, but what you need to be is healthy and happy, of which this illness will not make you either,”

Patton holds onto his friend with his shaking fingers, crying against his chest, shivering and shaking and writhing in pain. All he can feel is the burning of acid rising from his stomach and scorching his throat, the dryness of his lips, the sharp sickliness that came in the aftermath of the hunger. His stomach lurches in desperate attempt to warn Patton that he needs food, he heaves a little, but there’s no food to throw up. Spots of black and wavy static play at his vision, they taunt him; remind him he is a wreck. An everlasting crash, like the moment when you trip and you wonder if you’re going to hit the ground, that feeling is played on repeat. He wonders why him? Why is he struggling like this? What is wrong with him? Why can’t he just fucking eat? Logan squeezes his shoulder.

“I’ll bring you up an apple and a piece of toast, okay?” A small nod, as he untangles himself, watching helplessly as he finds himself wanting to beg and plead for Logan not to let go, not to go anywhere, he needs comfort, he needs someone.

He really, really wants his mum right now. Like a child scared in a storm as his temperature fluctuates from hot and cold and the crash of his mental health from the absence of food when he was so goddamn well, he wants his mum. He wants Virgil. He wants to see his brother and squeeze his hand and tell him everything’s going to be okay. He wants his mum to hug him and smile at him with her teary eyes and promise she will do everything she can to help. But he doesn’t have Virgil, or his mum, he just has himself.

And Logan, of course, but it’s not Logan’s job to console him at every turn, any more than it’s his to do the same for Logan.

He sits up and takes a breath, pulling his curls out of his face and tying them back, he slides his glasses off his nose and wipes his eyes before taking a deep and shaky breath. In and out. Virgil had taught him breathing exercises for panic attacks, he says that it’s best to just ride it for a few minutes, let yourself feel it, let your thoughts crash, then take a while to breathe and organise those thoughts. It does take a while, he doesn’t finish sorting out his breathing until Logan comes back with a slice of toast and neatly chopped apple.

Patton cleans his glasses on his sleeve and picks up the first piece of apple, chewing it slowly. Logan doesn’t watch him and for that he’s grateful; but he makes sure Patton knows he’s still there as he sets about tidying up the room a little bit, opening the curtains and spraying the air freshener, just to make Patton feel a little cleaner after spending most of the day in bed.

“I miss my brother,” Patton says after he’s finished the apple, leaning back to let his stomach digest it before he starts on the toast “He’s my best friend and…it was easier being able to cope with him there, with him telling me how to cope but now I just have to figure it out for myself and…I miss his hugs,” His eyes tears up again, his voice coming out choked “I miss him ranting about school, and him making me feel just a little bit normal,”

“I miss my brother too,” Logan sits down next to him and squeezes his hand gently “He’s the only person in my life that cared about me,” He sighs “But that’s why we’re here Patton, because we need to be able to teach ourselves to take care of ourselves, and look at how well you’ve been doing,” Patton’s eyebrows furrow as if he’s about to argue, but Logan is one step ahead of him “You’ve been here two months, eating at least one full meal a day for one of those months, the other day you even had three full meals,” A small and defensive shrug is thrown his way but a smile is pressing to Patton’s lips, and that is progress. “You just calmed yourself down from a panic attack and ate food despite not wanting too because you knew what was best for your body, you’re willingly healing, and you’re willingly helping yourself,”

“It doesn’t feel like it,”

“It never does,” He’s right, we’re never able to weigh our successes against our failures because we see the worst in ourselves. “But it will, and it might not be whilst you’re still here, it might not be until you’re 30, or 40, but at least…” He pauses, remembering what Roman had told him “But at least give yourself the chance to live, so you can see it happen,”

Patton nods slowly, his smile weak but colour slowly returning to his cheeks. He leans over at presses a gentle kiss to his friend’s cheek “Thank you Logan,” He doesn’t miss the bright red of Logan’s cheeks, and he’s not sure the elder misses the small smile on his lips as he digs into his slice of toast.

(a week later)

Patton woke up after he heard the door close, he’d gone to bed early and it appeared to still be evening time so he slides out of bed to notice that Logan isn’t in his bed. He checks his clock, 11:30PM, Logan is always in bed by 10 and awake at 6:30, like clockwork; worried, Patton opens the door and sees the bathroom light is on.

A sense of unease washes over him, as he slips quietly into the hallway, socks padding quietly against the floor in his journey to the bathroom door; Patton hopes he is just being paranoid or overly vigilant as he stands outside, but his stomach sinks as he hears the sound of food hitting the toilet bowl. Or, what was food, anyway. He bites down on his lip as frustrated whispers fall in Logan’s voice, quiet and tearful and angry.

Patton shifts uncomfortably from one foot to another, mulling over in his head what he should do; should he give Logan some privacy, pretend he didn’t see or hear anything. He doesn’t get long to think however as the tap stops running and the toilet flushes and Logan walks out and straight into him. A look flickers across the other’s face, shame and embarrassment and maybe a little bit of anger, but it dissolves as Patton wraps his arms around the taller man and lets Logan fold himself into the hug, crying softly into his shoulder “It’s okay, it happens,” Patton mutters “You’ll do better tomorrow,”

(a week later)

“I feel like I haven’t slept in days,” Patton cracks his back and stretches, his shirt riding up his stomach, Logan can see easily that little pouch of stomach that hadn’t existed when Patton had got here and grins. “What’re you grinning at?” His cheeks heat a little, biting his bottom lip and Patton’s eyebrows raise, catching the embarrassment. Logan swallows his pride.

“I’m just happy to see you a little healthier,” He says softly as he slides out of bed himself, his eyes going to the carpet under his bare feet “You, in general, are something worth smiling about,” He swallows dryly, his hands wringing his wrists in such a familiar way, Patton’s hands rest gently over his.

“If you don’t stop that you’ll never be able too,” He whispers teasingly, his eyes bright and warm, the freckles on his cheeks coloured a little pink. Logan notes his hands feel much warmer than when he first got here, an added plus to starting to eat properly. He stays very still, staring into Patton’s eyes like a frightened statue that couldn’t move even in a hurricane. Whatever happens now, in this casual intimacy, it is Patton’s choice and Patton’s choice alone.

He cannot and will not make a choice for him.

Some part of Logan expected Patton to drop his hands and smile, to let go of his frail wrists and walk away, change his mind perhaps. After all they need to still focus on themselves, to fix themselves before they take on something as serious as a relationship. But Patton doesn’t really stay serious for long, and somehow Logan knows that no matter what they are to each other he will always want to help Patton, and Patton will want to help him. His brain is still flipping thoughts over like pancakes when the younger’s hand brushes against his cheek, the thumb gently caressing his pale skin.

All the thoughts stop. Just for a second, just for a precious moment when all he can see is Patton’s warm eyes and feel his gentle touch. An acknowledgement, and then the hand drops and Patton steps away. “You’re worth smiling about as well, Lo,”

(two weeks later)

“Virgil!” Patton squeaks as he all but jumps into his younger brother’s arms, stepping back to see the violet haired boy grinning at him. “I’ve missed you so much,” He pulls away “And mum,” He beams as she squeezes him close to her chest, pressing a motherly kiss to the top of his curly hair. “Is dad at work?” He asks, rocking back and forth on his heels excitably.

“I’m afraid so,” She replies softly “He’s barely been off work lately, Virgil’s practically moved in at this point,” The younger of the brothers beams cheekily “But look at you Patton,” She gasps “You’ve got some colour in your cheeks,” She doesn’t mention his weight, and for that he’s grateful.

“You look so much healthier Patton-cake,” Virgil sighs, squeezing his brother’s hand.

“Logan!” The group move away from the door as a boy races through it, unruly red hair in every direction, being held back to some fashion with a hair band. “Oh my God, look at you, give us a twirl,” Logan’s lips quirk a little as he rolls his eyes “Party pooper,” He sighs, before bringing the taller into his arms and into a bone-crushing hug. “So where is he? The pretty one you were telling me about,”

Family visitation days didn’t occur often and Patton had suggested perhaps they should give him a few months alone. He missed his family, but he also didn’t want to disappoint them by not looking a little better, at least a little. However, you are permitted to call your family from the office phone if you really needed it, he supposes Logan must have done.

It takes a second for it to settle in who this is, and who he’s talking about as Logan’s eyes settle on Patton, cheeks red. “Pretty?” Patton mouths, Logan gives the sort of look someone gives when they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“Hello!” The boy grins “I’m Roman,” He shakes his hand “And who are…you,” His attention turns to Virgil with a grin “Tall, dark and handsome, is this a dream?” His elder brother groans beside him as Virgil’s face goes through the six stages of grief at once, struggling to find the words he entirely needed to structure a response.

“You are insatiable, Patton, Roman, Roman, Patton,” He gestures between the two before his hand falls to the younger of the two brothers “Virgil I assume?”

“That’s me,” The taller sighs “Tall, dark and apparently handsome,” Patton hides his giggle in his hands and Logan’s eyes drift over to the failed attempt at stifling a laugh, the way his cheeks redden and eyes close is…sweet. Roman shoots Virgil a small wink as they all start to trek towards their shared room. “So you two are roommates?”

“And friends,” Patton adds empathically. “Logan’s helped me out a lot whilst I’ve been here,” He smiles up at the elder who gives a modest nod, his hands burying themselves in his pockets as their eyes meet briefly. How can someone make him feel so small when he’s a whole head taller than them? He does, he feels tiny next to Patton, and all of him is so big when his body is so small, his personality full of colour.

“That’s nice,” Patton’s mother smiled “I’m glad to see you making friends again Patton,” She squeezes her sons shoulder as they file into the room, Roman tosses himself onto Logan’s bed and Virgil sits beside him on the floor, whilst Patton’s mother sits on Patton’s bed and the last two boys lean against each other, sat on the floor. “This place is quite pretty; worth the money do you think?”

“I’ve not felt this good in a while,” Patton admits a little, perhaps because he stopped isolating himself and made friends, and actually gave himself a shot for once. Also the nurses here didn’t try to censor his creativity; he doesn’t have to stare at the scales when they weigh him either. Then there’s the obvious that for once he was actually scared when he walked in, he wanted to change this time, he was scaring himself.

90% of recovery is wanting to recover; the other 10% is forcing food down your gullet and hoping for the fucking best.

They sit around and chat for a while, Logan has already been invited to a family dinner and Virgil has to politely explain to Roman that yes, whilst he’s extremely very cute, he isn’t really looking for a boyfriend whilst he’s finishing up his studies. Quietly, Roman agrees, but on the premise that if Logan and Patton start dating or worse, get married, it’s going to be rather awkward to be dating your brother in law.

Virgil laughs at that, and won’t tell Patton why.

(One month later)

Patton is almost at a weight closer to his BMI, almost. He’s not fasted in over a month, he’s getting food into him regularly in small portions, but every time he thinks about being proud of being a normal weight, his brain freaks out on him and he slowly clambers back to square one. At first Logan would have to be the one to talk him into eating, or one of the girls. But today, today he is doing it himself as he rather angrily chops up some fruit. “You are going to eat,” He mutters to himself “Because you’ve come too far now, and you have a goddamn world to see,” He throws the fruit together into a bowl and grabs the ice cream “And you are not dying in Florida having never left the state, in a body you don’t even like, and one day you are getting your goddamn tits cut off or so help me, I will fight God myself,”

Logan, amused, leans against the door and watches as Patton gives himself an angry pep talk. He glares at the bowl, grabs a fork and begins to nibble at the contents. “This ice cream is good,” He mutters “Is this real dairy ice cream, like the farm ones?”

“Yes, it is,” Patton startles, spoon clattering against the bowl. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you; I just heard angry muttering and wondered what was going on,” He smiles, a little dazed by the other boy and how he never quite fails to be adorable. “Turns out you were taking the initiative, and I’m proud of you…and fighting God? An admirable goal to live towards,”

“Well they’re always telling us we need goals to get better,” Patton smiles as he picks up the bowl and begins breaking apart the ice cream and spiking a piece of fruit onto the fork, bringing it up to his lips “And I do like to shoot for the stars,” He presses the fork into his mouth and suck the ice cream off, Logan’s throat constricts as he watches. Patton grins a little and bites down on his bottom lip.

He’s not blind, and he’s not stupid. And some part of him thought maybe it’s for the best if he just ignores it. The way Logan looks at him, he’s not even sure the other man has quite cottoned onto his own feelings. Patton wanted to give him the space to recognize them because for Logan emotions like that don’t just fall like the rain the way they do with Patton. Patton’s been loved and has loved his entire life, the same cannot be said for the elder.

Plus, he wanted to get better, enough better, so that he knows how to look after himself without depending on someone else. Apparently, he’s been doing that better than he thought.

But he still has a little while to go, he’s accepted that this voice in his head may never really go away, and he’s going to be shouting at it for a while, but until he’s at a stable point where he can do it consistently he has to wonder whether or not he’s ready for that sort of relationship. So places the fork back in the bowl and smiles at Logan’s blushing cheeks, reaching up to pat him slightly “See you later Logan,”

(Three weeks later)

“Fuck off,” Patton whines, poking at the right side of his brain lightly “We’re eating whether you like it or not,” He crosses the hallways and into the dining room, flopping down onto the chair as he grabs his plate “Dinner smells lovely,” He spoons some peas onto his plate “Thanks Josie,” Some broccoli, carrots and cauliflower. All healthy. He stares at the potatoes and bites down on his bottom lip.

He used to love potatoes.

“Hey Logan, can you pass the potatoes?” Logan grins as a short gasp runs through the girls, he hears a low chant of ‘do it’ as he takes two and pops them onto his plate, raising his glass of water “To carbs,” And dug into his meal. Logan beams, forking one of the potatoes out of the bowl. There’s a quiet hesitance before the girls start to take one, one by one. Mutually assured healing, not exactly what the eating disorder community is famous for, but for now, right now, Patton will take it.

“To carbs,” Carmella grins as she picks the skin off of the potato.

“And to Patton, who is doing wonderfully,” Logan grins.

“So are you!” The group becomes incessant in pointing out how much each other has improved for the next ten minutes, bickering over who looks best and elbowing each other. Like a family. Many of them don’t have a family who will celebrate their healing, more so shame them for gaining weight, or pick fun at their fears. In that sense Patton is lucky, he managed to get two families out of all of this.

After dinner, Patton and Logan offer to do the dishes as the girls go and find a movie to put on. Patton washes the dishes and blows the bubbles off his hand at Logan, watching the elder laugh like a child. He remembers his first day here, how Logan could barely stand on his own two feet as he trembled his way up the stairs, hands shaking, skin cold. He’s standing straight now, hands not shaking and dishes not in danger of shattering as he dries them. The two of them will probably never recover, not entirely and not completely, addiction doesn’t work like that. There are days where you consider relapsing and don’t, there are days so awful when you do. There will always be days that come and make you suffer; those days may stay for weeks. Recovery is not 100% especially when you start young, it will come in and out of your life as long as the sun rises and sets.

But they are healing. They are smiling and it feels real. Their bodies are thin, too thin for their age and height and health, but not so much they’re stood at the veil between life and death any longer. Steadily, they are climbing a large mountain that they are three-quarters of the way up.

Logan smiles at Patton, resting down the last dish as he stares at his first and only friend and feels the youngers hands press (they’re warm, so warm) against the back of his forearms. He watches Patton’s smile as it breaks his face into two, eyes shimmering with words that he doesn’t know how to say.

Patton’s hands slide gently and slowly up Logan’s arms and rest at his shoulders, hesitating just for a moment. “Please,” Logan whispers, voice cracking with nerves and fear he might have to pass out before this minute has passed; he doesn’t. Patton’s hands rest on the back of Logan’s neck as he stands on his tiptoes, and their lips press together because finally,

they’re both ready.

Ko-Fi

Taglist:

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey // @aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife // @heck-im-lost//@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad// @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired //@therealmoshar// @punsterterry // @trashypansexual// //@demigodnamedathena//@sevencrashing// @misunderstood-shadow//@aphriteblack//@jemthebookworm//@sandersandthesides//@penguinkool//@georganabanana// @importantrunawaystudentstuff // @ao-koshka// @dangerous-doodle // @river-waterfall // @hell-or-high-waters // @no-sleep-gang-posts// @wxlcomxtothxjunglx //@marshmallow-the-panda// @flix-net

#eating disorder tw #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #logicality #ts sides #ts fanfic

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dreamingdolls · 5 years

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FFXIV, and why it’s unlikely I’ll ever return to WoW

So, inspired by my friend @luniil (who isn’t very active here but does occasionally write down some thoughts on gaming topics), I wanted to try my hand at writing a post about why I’ve grown to love FFXIV as much as I do, and reflect a little on how things were in WoW in comparison.

To preface this; I am not a Final Fantasy player. Nor Warcraft for that matter -- I had not touched that franchise until The Burning Crusade was in the middle of it’s lifespan. I play MMOs, and that’s what led me to both games. I’ve played WoW, Guild Wars, TERA, WildStar, ESO and FFXIV, but only two games on that list have kept my attention for any extended period of time.

I don’t want to spam people’s dash so, yknow.

General Gameplay

Let’s start this off with a flaw of FFXIV -- I’m not going to be sitting here saying the game is perfect. XIV does a horrible job at luring people in with it’s gameplay.

At the earlier levels, you barely have any abilities even compared to what an early WoW character will have. On top of that, the 2.5s Global Cooldown (as opposed to WoW’s 1s) means you won’t be hitting buttons too much early on. This has definitely been the cause of a fair few people giving up on the game early on.

However.

Once you press through that, your list of abilities is far more interesting than anything WoW will offer you. Positional requirements, utility spells, varied rotations and a huge amount of flavor is carefully woven into the class design. While WoW frontloads you with a fair amount of stuff but then doesn’t give you much to add to that in the later levels, FFXIV starts you off slow then gives you the more complex things when you’ve had time to get familiar with the game. By the time you reach level cap, you’ll easily have about 20-30 abilities to use at least semi-regularly, as opposed to WoW usually not going much further beyond 15 or so abilities.

The longer GCD will suddenly start to make sense, too, as a good deal of your abilities are off the GCD, and the gameplay essentially becomes a case of weaving on and off GCD abilities together.

I absolutely love how XIV handles alt classes as well. In essence, you are able to level every class on a single character if you so wish. Instead of levelling your character as a whole, you level your class. So say I’m on my level 80 Red Mage and equip my Dancer weapon, my level will be reduced down to the level I have on my Dancer, and my action bars will simply switch over. I personally adore this system, even if it does mean alts are a lot less commonplace.

Not all classes are available from character creation either. You actually get to unlock classes out in the world, which is a very neat concept.

Story

OHMYGOD THE STORY. Where do I start?

I’m not going to be going into any spoilers here, more so how the story is written. Whereas WoW’s story tends to be written more in chapters that don’t really link together all that smoothly, XIV’s story is an ongoing thing. Information you learned in your first few levels is still relevant today, at level cap, three expansions later.

This allows the characters to have personality. Growth. Whereas in WoW it’s not uncommon for characters to be used as plot devices rather than, well, characters. How many times has there been a discussion on wether Illidan, or Garrosh, or Sylvanas, or who have you, is a villain or a good guy? Well the shocking answer; they’re both. They’re whatever Blizzard needed them to be at the time, for that chapter, and that creates a very jarring experience.

That’s not to say FFXIV’s characters are clear-cut on their allegiances either, however their grey areas happen in a far more natural sense over the course of the story, as opposed to switching back and forth with every patch release.

Oh, and you know how I mentioned I had never played a Final Fantasy game before this? No problem! Each FF game is kinda it’s own game. There are elements that are in every game such as creature design, but as far as the actual story goes you don’t need any prior knowledge of the other games. And even while there are cameos that I’m sure would be that much more fun had I played the source game, they are done in such a way that you can follow things as a complete newbie to the franchise as well. It’s not like you’ll be running into Cloud every few levels (Which, I’ve been told, is rather shocking as Square seems to love milking that character. Anyway, that’s not my rant to make).

Group Content

This is an area where, while there is definitely some overlap due to the nature of MMOs, there’s also a fair few things that set XIV apart from WoW for me.

First off, group size. Groups in XIV tend to be much smaller than they are in WoW. Regular dungeon groups consist of a 1/1/2 tank/healer/dps set up. Raid groups are a mere 8 people with a 2/2/4 setup as opposed to WoW’s massive 20-30 people raid groups. XIV’s equivelant of LFR, which I’ll come back to in a bit, is the only thing to come close to that at 24 people, grouping three raid groups together.

Now in terms of raiding... WoW wins in quantity. XIV wins in quality. While WoW has more fights, let’s be real; who is going to remember fighting Skorpyron?

XIV definitely gets smaller raid content, with each tier only having four bosses. However, we also get a bunch of extra single boss fights sprinkled inbetween. In addition, it’s LFR equivelant isn’t merely a tuned down version of each fight either -- it’s a completely seperate instance with unique bosses *specifically designed* for a LFR environment. To make a list of what you can expect in XIV in terms of raiding;

- Trials (single boss fights) with a regular mode and an extreme mode - Raid tiers consisting of four bosses for 8 player groups, with a regular mode and a “savage” mode. - LFR raids tuned specifically for a 24 player group, usually giving each of the 8 man groups in there their own tasks. - Very rarely, Ultimate fights. These basically are the tip of the iceberg in terms of challenge. I’ve not gotten to see them myself, but from what I hear, they can literally take like an hour for a single pull. They’re definitely meant to be *the* highest challenge.

Group content does not stop there either, though. There’s treasure maps that can lead to little treasure vaults to run with people. The game’s equivelant of World Quests, FATEs, rewards *anyone participating*, giving the whole zone a shared progression bar instead of doing your own quests. This tends to mean that hey, people will actually go and help each other out in the world!

Misc

Here be a bunch of random stuff that I couldn’t really dedicate a specific part to.

- THE MUSIC IS INSANELY GOOD - There’s player housing, and you actually are in a neighbourhood with other players rather than being locked away in your own seperate area. It’s quite cozy. - Most mounts have their own music theme which very nicely adds to their flavor, such as a raid drop mount playing that fight’s soundtrack. You can disable this if it’s not your thing, though! - Oh yeah. Raid bosses have their own soundtracks. - You can customize the very first mount you get with bardings, different colors and even a name, and it can fight with you in the open world. - You can get married ingame which is insanely cute. - There’s this like, Las Vegas-esque place in game with a bunch of minigames and it’s just a lot of fun? Think Darkmoon Faire but not time limited and way bigger games.

Why I Likely Won’t Return to WoW

This bit will get somewhat personal so if you were only interested in the game comparisons, feel free to skip this.

Honestly? Purely from a game standpoint I didn’t enjoy WoW for the last few years I played it. The trap with MMOs is so often the friends you make. They keep you playing even if you aren’t that into the game anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I loved playing with my friends still, but had it not been for them I’d have left WoW long before I did.

Warlords of Draenor is often agreed upon to be a poor expansion, but truthfully? I didn’t feel Legion was all that great either. It was better, sure, but the story was still a fair bit of a mess and the gameplay, well... I can only stomach seeing Eye of Azshara so much, you know?

On a more personal note, leaving WoW has been good for my mental health too. I was being harassed and even blackmailed there and it caused constant headaches and drama, let alone making me feel unsafe in what was supposed to be an escape. That’s simply not really a world I’d like going back to.

I’ll never say never, but I will say likely never.

#WoW #Warcraft #World of Warcraft #FFXIV #Final Fantasy XIV

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dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt · 5 years

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my lovely beautiful mother @lielith asked this, I’m sorry Tumblr freaked out and deleted all my text reply to your ask .-. I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR ASKING <3 <3 <3

this is going to be all the even numbers from this post, I’m putting it under the cut bc it’s a bit long XD <3

2. what does your name mean (either literally, or to you personally)

OKAY SO when I was about 8 my Mum bought me this book:

(please pardon my star blanket) and I was obsessed with it bc DOGS!!!1!!!!!!!1! and one of the characters’ names was Matthias, and I remember thinking “wow Matthias is such a cool name, I wish my name could be Matthias.” AND LIKE NEWS FLASH LITTLE-MATT, GUESS WHAT, IT IS!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D <3 <3 <3 (Also it wasn’t toooooo dissimilar to my deadname, so it wasn’t much of a jump - it even means the same thing - ‘gift of God’ - even if it is terribly inaccurate if put into context with me X’D

also yes I still have the exact book I got my name from bc :’)

4. what was the most helpful in figuring out and accepting yourself as trans?

Experimenting. Especially online since I had no fucking idea how my folks were going to react. Going by different pronouns/a different name, trying on different types of clothes, cutting my hair, trying to walk a bit different and letting myself come out of my shell a bit to act more like me rather than trying to hide everything away. Just find a safe space to experiment, and do research. Lots and lots of research. And also knowing that it’s 110% okay to change your mind about anything at any time is nice. <3

The biggest tip I would give to anybody questioning their gender and/or sexuality though is: do not come out until you are comfortable in yourself first and do not let anybody pressure you into coming out before then, even yourself. Trust me. Don’t make the same mistake I did because it will make everything a billion times harder.

6. what’s something you’re most looking forward to in your transition (or something that was your favorite part of transitioning)?

God not having to have my anxiety through the roof thinking that somebody’s gonna notice my chest. I cannot wait to get top surgery I need it so bad. I can’t remember the last time I relaxed in a public space - in any space, really. It’s just a constant thing. Also starting T at some stage and getting a deeper voice and hopefully getting rid of most of the feminine curves bc ugh on women they’re amazing but on me *insert gagging noises here*. Also hopefully having less and less dysphoria would be nice :’)

8. who was the first person you came out to (or plan to come out to)?

My former best friend/abuser. And honestly even though she was the world’s biggest abusive manipulative bitch, she did that right and supported me and made me feel very comfortable. Though looking back that may have been because she liked the idea of having a trans person as a best friend but eh, it helped me at the time so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

10. have you ever been to pride?

No, I haven’t. ://// :(((( I really really really wanted to go this year but with the big move and all that, I couldn’t. So NEXT YEAR IS THE YEAR, BABY!! :D :D <3 <3

12. what gives you the most gender euphoria?

Already answered here! <3

14. what’s your favorite trans joke or meme?

Honestly all of them but this one wins atm from sheer relateble-ness X’D

16. do you have any piercings?

Nope!! I don’t really have any plans to get any, but I’m not against the idea!! :D

18. what do you wish other people understood better about being trans?

That we’re just people. Who want to do people things like pee in a public toilet without being harassed or potentially attacked and who want to feel comfortable in our bodies.

20. what advice would you give your younger self?

“YOU’RE A BOY YOU TREMENDOUS DUMBASS!!!!!” uhh, apart from that, tell myself that A) it’s gonna be okay, and B) not to let anybody else dictate who you are, it’s your life, nobody else’s.

22. do you find yourself fitting into gender roles, or consider yourself gender non-conforming?

I mean... what are gender roles?? Most of what are considered a man’s ‘gender roles’ are just harmful toxic masculinity under a thin veneer. I like to be able to support and protect my loved ones in every way, I want to be a strong, solid presence, I like the colour blue, tattoos, very masculine clothes, rolling around in the mud, being physically strong, but then again so do many women. I also like the colour yellow, have died my hair pink, and don’t always subscribe to the ideas that many men seem to have. I don’t want to be “the head of the household” because I want my partner and I to be equal and have mutual respect for one another. What even is gender and gender roles??

24. any trans role models?

MY TRANS FRIENDS. <3 But otherwise, no, not really?? I don’t really trust people enough to have role models lmao.

26. what makes you most proud to be part of the trans community?

Umm...I don’t really know. Honestly, I think there’s a lot of toxicity in the trans community and I try to avoid it. :/// But I do like that we keep on getting up and raising our voices and that we don’t give up. :D

28. if you went by multiply names before deciding your current name, which was the first?

OOF I sort of always leaned toward Matthias but I thought about Chance for a while?? Until I decided that if I wanted to I could have that as my middle name. So I didn’t really debate for longer than two weeks or so. XD I also thought about Ben too lmao X’D

30. if you experience dysphoria, what do you find helps you the most?

Ugh. Just avoiding it really. I put on my baggiest clothes, burrito myself up in a blanket and try to ignore it until it fades a bit. Or focus on the things I can and will do in the future to get rid of it. But really there’s no way to help it, because you’re trapped in this body and it’s just a constant presence hanging over you. I just can’t wait till I get top surgery, that’ll help. :’)

32. which gender roles or cis beliefs do you find most ridiculous?

... All of it?? Idk man, gender is so weird. There are gay men who are absolutely 110% male who do drag and wear makeup and dresses. There’s straight women who are very masculine. Gender is only what you make it. If you feel like you’re a woman, you’re a woman no matter what you wear or what you do with your hair or if you wear makeup, same for men, and for non-binary people. Like really if you truly think about what defines gender, there’s nothing but what people make it for themselves.

As for cis beliefs, like some people don’t think a person’s trans till after they transition and get “The Surgery” like.... dudes.... why do you think the person was transitioning in the first place....??//?????//??/? XD

34. do you fit any trans stereotypes?

I mean I’m white so I certainly fit the media’s belief of what is the only type of trans person THE SHADE

I mean, I’m small and angry, so there’s that. And I do tend to have a few feminine mannerisms still I guess??? or maybe that’s just my butthead dysphoria speaking. And I also do stare at my chest for hours on end scowling and poking it sooo... X’D

#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING MOM #<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 #lielith #Asks

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yuki7900archive · 6 years

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Movie!Nya x Female Reader

This entire thing is like, almost 25,000 words long so I gotta separate this into so many parts just to post it all on this site smh. I think it’ll be 6 or 7 parts? We’ll find out as I post em I guess haha

You were not overly fond of the idea of having to leave everything behind. No child usually is now that I really think about it. Who wants to leave all they've ever known and go to an entirely new place that they'd never even heard of? No one. I speak from personal experience here readers. Moving house? Totally sucks. At least in the first few weeks. In the grand scheme of things, it's not the end of the world. Sometimes it's even for the better. I know that can be hard to believe, but trust me on this one.

You had moved to Ninjago because your mom had some important work-related stuff to do here. She said they were low on staff or whatever, and needed her over there. You didn't want to leave your home but you didn't really have a choice, still being in high school and not having a job. So with much reluctance, you left and came here. It hadn't been awful so far. You supposed you couldn't really complain after less than 24 hours. But the moment you headed to school you were filled with dread. Your previous school was filled with enough bullies as it was, what would this school be like? You hoped not that bad. But after seeing how silent the front yard went when a blonde haired teen in a green hoodie got off the bus, you had your doubts. It was just total silence as he walked up the path to the front door, apart from the occasional whisper. He was smiling and pretending everything was okay, but it wasn't. You knew it wasn't. You could tell by the look in his eyes.

Suddenly this kid on a skateboard came zooming past, pushing the blonde to the floor and causing him to scrape his knee. Everyone erupted into laughter as the boy pushed himself off the ground, obviously in pain but trying to mask it with a smile. You had scowled and ran over to the blonde, holding out your hand to him. He saw your hand and looked up at you, looking a little confused.

"Are you oka-" Before you could finish your sentence you heard a male voice call from behind you.

"I wouldn't do that." You had turned around to see a boy with chocolate brown hair that flopped over one side of his face strolling slowly down the steps, his arms crossed as he stared you dead in the eye. He was wearing a blue jacket with the schools initials sewn on in white, a golden outline surrounding the letters "N" and "H" to make them stand out better on the clothing. He was followed by two girls just behind him, both cheerleaders. One was a blonde, her hair tied in twin ponytails, whilst the other was a brunette with long wavy hair that went past her shoulders. They both wore the same cheerleader outfit, blue vest and white skirt to match the guy's jacket. You had to assume he was a cheerleader too (I mean, he was carrying Pom Pom's). His thin lips were smirking as he stopped before you, and it was then, in that very moment, that you'd decided this guy was an asshole.

"You're new here, so we'll all excuse your ignorance." The boy acted like he was doing you a favour, like he was being the kindest person on the earth. Wow. Truly an asshole, you were right. He seemed kind of like the Queen Bee, and yes he most certainly was a Queen. He had his hands on his hips as he looked down upon you with that high and mighty smirk of his. "But, you can't help him."

You had said nothing, giving him a blank stare before taking the blonde kid's hand and helping him up off the ground. After all, why say anything to him at all? He was a bully, and a total waste of your time. Why would you wanna make chit-chat with someone so rude and mean when you could be be-friending this seemingly harmful and sweet person stood next to you?

The brunette had laughed a little and sighed, running a hand through his flowing locks. The girls behind him giggled as they stared at you with furrowed brows and grins. You wanted to roll your eyes. Really? They were gonna be acting like this at their age? How long had they been going to high school for? Were they really still acting like children?

"Okay...allow to me to explain things for you." He spoke to you in a patronising tone, making you frown. Was he being serious? You really did roll your eyes this time. "He's Lloyd Garmadon. Son of Lord Garmadon." He finished speaking and looked at you smugly, as did the other two girls. Everyone else surrounding you both seemed to be pulling the same face too. Was that it? Was that all he had to say? He told you his name. Ooh, how spooky. You were shaking. Truly. You blinked and raised a brow at him, shrugging.

"Who?" Not a single student didn't gasp and lean back in surprise upon hearing you say that word. Even the blonde beside you was shocked. He looked at you, mouth agape and wide eyed. You were even more confused. Why were they all looking at you like you'd murdered someone? Was it that big of a deal you didn't know who they were talking about?

"You don't...know about Lord Garmadon?" The boy in front of you placed a hand on his chest dramatically. He waited for your answer as you glanced around at everybody. They were all staring at you in horror. You furrowed your eyebrows and blinked again.

"Should I know who Lord Garmadon is?" You continued to glace around at everyone before your eyes landed back on the teenage cheerleader. A smile spread across his face as he chuckled. His friends did the same, whispering something to each other and giggling. What was so funny?

"Oh, don't worry." He put his hands on his hips and grinned, glancing at Lloyd as he stood beside you. "You'll find out soon enough." His eyes narrowed at the boy as the blonde averted his gaze to the floor, clenching his fists. The brunette clicked his fingers and began walking away, his friends following after him like trained puppies. You never thought you could hate someone so much in the space of a minute. You were sure you were going to loathe him for your whole life.

"See you later, Garmadork!" He paused to turn around and look at you again. Ugh, what did he want now? "And new girl, when you finally find out who we are talking about, come and look for me. I'll be here for you when you realise the mistake you've made." With that he walked back inside the school, the entire front yard still staring at you and the blonde. Quiet resumed for about three seconds after that, you just standing and staring at the doors as they closed. What was his deal? So obnoxious.

"Wow." You sighed. What a weird start to the day. You turned to the boy beside you with a worried expression. "Are you okay? Your knee is bleeding. Do you wanna go to the nurse and get it checked out?"

"A-Ah," Lloyd looked down at his knee, the blood seeping through the cut in the fabric of his jeans. "It's okay, I know someone who can patch it up. The school nurse won't see me anyway, heh..."

You had crossed your arms in curiosity. "What? But that's her job!"

"Yeah well...son of Lord Garmadon." He gave you an awkward smile as he shrugged and gripped the straps of his bag, beginning to walk inside to school. You jogged up to him and walked alongside him, totally intrigued by this "Lord" everyone was speaking of. And why did they call him a Lord? You thought your mom had said this city had a mayor.

"I don't understand, why is that such a big deal?" He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. His gaze averted to the ground momentarily as he bit his lip. He shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets as you two walked up the stone slab stairs.

"Well, thing is—" Suddenly, Lloyd was cut off when another boy appeared out of nowhere, causing both you and the blonde to jump out of shock.

"Hello Lloyd, and fellow teenager." The boy nodded to you. You stared at the stranger who began strolling along with you two. He had the palest skin you'd ever seen, crystal blue eyes, hair as white as snow. He wore a light blue button-up shirt with a dark blue sleeveless sweater over the top of it. It looked kind of like a Christmas sweater, but the pattern on the front was so obscure you couldn't for the life of you make out what it was even supposed to be. But, why was he even wearing a sweater? A Christmas one too? For one thing, it wasn't Christmas, and it wasn't it kind of warm? His actions were very precise and calculated, not to mention the way he spoke was very odd. Maybe he's a robot, you chuckled to yourself. I know, crazy. Why would a robot even be at this school anyway?

"Hey Zane," Lloyd greeted him with that awkward smile of his. "(Y/N), this is Zane. Zane, this is (Y/N)." He introduced you to one another. Zane had looked at you with a poker face briefly as if analysing your features, before a smile spread on his face and he held his hand out to you. "It is very nice to meet you, (Y/N)."

You gave him a small laugh, finding him charming and rather adorable. You didn't know any teenager to shake hands upon meeting someone new. It was quite cute in some ways. So, you took a hold of his hand and shook it gently. "Nice to meet you too, Zane. I like your hair. It's very cool."

"Thank you!" He seemed happy with your compliment. You did like his hair a lot though, your (H/L), (H/C) seemed bland in comparison.

Lloyd pushed the front doors to the school open and immediately you were all met with a loud, echoing "bro" coming from down the corridor. You had looked to see where it came from and saw a brunette running towards you all so quick you didn't have time to be scared. Now his hair really was something, he looked like an anime protagonist with that hairstyle. It suited him well though. His attire was mostly red. Red jacket, red jeans, red shoes, but his shirt was white. Red must be his favourite colour, you thought with a hum as he got closer.

"Yo!" He skidded in front of you all, staring at you with a grin. He seemed rather energetic, raring to go. He seemed quite friendly too. He just had this certain aura about him that didn't make you feel awkward around him, even though you'd never met him in your life. It sort of felt like you'd always known him. "Who's this bro? Ya' didn't tell me ya got a girlfriend!"

"Kai- no!" Lloyd blushed and sighed as Kai laughed, seeing his best friend hide his face in embarrassment.

"I'm only messing! Don't worry," He nudged you playfully on the arm. "Seriously bro, nice to meet ya'! I'm Kai, Lloyd's best bro. And if you two are bro's, then you're my bro too, so bring it in bud, let's hug." Without hesitation he brought you in for a bone-crushing hug, lifting you off the ground. You giggled a little and hugged him back, unable to resist (you loved hugs) as you flailed your legs slightly. He was obviously a hugging kind of person.

"I-I'm (Y/N)!" You told him as he put you back down on the ground. "Nice to meet you, Kai." He nodded his head.

You all carried on your way down the corridor before stopping at a set of lockers, two other boys greeting you upon arrival. The first boy was leaning against the orange lockers, and you were sure if he stood up straight he would tower over you. He wore a navy blue vest, the letters "AC/DC" on the front. He was clearly an AC/DC fan. He was carrying a black boom box in one arm, the music was quietly coming from the speakers. He had slightly messy raven locks along with a smirk on his face that told you he had an attitude. An attitude of "I don't care," which you honestly wished you had. He was also rather muscular, which is probably why he opted to wear something without sleeves. Whether it was to show them off or because shirt's with sleeves didn't fit him you weren't entirely sure. The boy next to him contrasted his height as he was really small, easily the smallest out of all of you. He wore a vibrant orange scarf that almost hurt to look at and clashed with his bold blue jumper (one that was a little too big for him). He was fiddling with his fingers as you all approached, picking at his slightly dirty nails. With his brown locks that curled everywhere and that shy and tiny smile on his freckled face, you couldn't help but internally coo.

"Hey guys!" The small boy gave a timid wave to all of you. He had an accent too. You thought you were gonna die, he was adorable.

"Hey Jay, Cole. This is (Y/N)." Cole nodded his head and saluted, not saying a word. Dang, he was so cool. Jay had also nodded his head, smiling wider for you.

"Nice to meet you guys." You had grinned at them both.

"Hey, Lloyd," Cole spoke up, looking toward the blonde with a raised brow. "What happened to your leg?" It was then everyone stopped to look at the scrape on his knee. He gritted his teeth and scratched behind his ear, not looking any of his friends in the eye.

"A-Ah, I fell over outside. I'm fine."

"You only fell because someone pushed you over." You inputted, causing the others to furrow their brows.

"What? Who pushed him over?" Kai asked you but you could only shrug.

"Some kid on a skateboard. I went over to help Lloyd up and then this cheerleader dude came up to us and started acting like a total jerk." You explained the short story to them as all the boys looked at each other. The black haired teen had sighed and switched his boom box off with a small huff.

"Chen." All five of them said in unison. You took it that that meant it was a frequent occurrence for him to appear and act like that. Wow, you looked forward to seeing him again. And yes, that was sarcasm.

"I swear I'm gonna kill him one day-" The boy in red growled and balled his fists up in anger.

"Kai, please calm down." Lloyd pleaded and grabbed his wrist before he took off in search of the brunette. "He didn't do anything to me."

"That's true. He just stood there and talked down to me instead. He didn't even touch Lloyd." All of the boys continued to look at you. Zane was frowning, Jay was hiding in his scarf a little (so cute, god damn), Cole had crossed his arms after putting his boom box down on the floor, Kai had scowled and put his hands on his hips, whilst Lloyd just looked to the floor and bit his lip. Chen must have been giving Lloyd trouble for a long time. Poor kid.

"What did he say to you?" The spikey-haired boy opposite where you stood raised a brow. You crossed your arms and clicked your tongue.

"Nothing intelligent." You heard a snort come from Cole, him slightly amused by your response. "He just told me not to help Lloyd because he's the son of some Lord? Or whatever. Which, by the way, people still haven't explained to me why that's even significant?"

It went silent again and this time they all glanced at Lloyd. You couldn't believe it was happening again.

"Dude...she doesn't know?" His best friend had folded him arms across his chest and leaned toward Lloyd a little. You had scowled.

"Please, one of you explain to me why his dad is such a big deal." You pleaded and waited for an answer. None of them responded at first, not sure who should tell you. They all averted their gazes from each other briefly before Kai had spoken up again, deciding he'd be the one to explain.

"Alright..." He exhaled. "Well, thing is, Lloyd's dad is—"

Once again you were stopped from getting the answer you so desperately wanted, as you heard a motorbike rev it's engine from the end of the corridor. But...that couldn't be, right? Motorbikes weren't allowed in school—

"Watch out! Comin' through!" You heard a female voice call as she turned the corner, sure enough, on a motorbike. You were in awe as she drove down the hall and came to halt in front of all of you. Everyone walking past glared at her, but you just stared as you were unable to tear your gaze away. She grinned at your group as she shut off her motorbike engine. "Hey, 'sup bros." She rested her head in the palm of her hand.

"Hey, sis." The brunette had said with a grin. He looked at you again and blinked. "Ah, Nya, come and meet (Y/N). She just started today." The girl looked at you momentarily and waved, climbing off her bike and coming over to greet you properly.

"Nice to meet 'ya. I'm Nya, Kai's twin sis. It's nice to have another girl in the group." She joked. "Don't get me wrong, I love these guys but, ya' know what I mean, right?" You nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I got ya. It's a girl thing." You couldn't seem to stop smiling as you spoke to her. She had such a contagious smile, much like her brother's. She had her pitch black locks tied back in a high ponytail with a silver band, some strands framing her face and a fringe covering her forehead. She had a beauty mark just diagonal from her right eye, you saw, and it really did add to her appearance. The girl wore a leather jacket atop her striped, black and white shirt, along with some ripped denim jeans a pair of black converse. She looked cool. Even cooler than Cole.

"Yeah, you get it." She crossed her arms and nodded her head with a grin.

"Yeah," The other ravenette had interjected. "And she's also already been face to face with Chen today. Literally the first thirty seconds after arriving on school grounds." The teenager had frowned and pursed her lips. She gave a small "ooh" sound.

"Damn. Did you piss him off that quickly?" She smirked and you shrugged.

"I helped Lloyd off the floor and he just got up in my face." The girl had hummed, gently punching your arm.

"Well good for you for standing your ground. That takes guts. Not many people would do that for Lloyd." She crossed her arms. "Don't worry about him though, we got each other's back. He gives our whole group trouble." Everyone nodded in agreement with her statement.

"Yup! We are known as the Dork Squad. So welcome to the Dork Squad." You heard Jay say from behind you.

"Glad to be a part of the Dork Squad." You had laughed a little as they all smiled at you. It was then you suddenly remembered what you had been wanting to know before you had been interrupted (for a second time). "So...Kai, you were telling me about Lloyd's dad?"

"Woah, hold up." Nya blinked. "You don't know?" You sighed and shook your head.

"I've been tryna find out for the past five minutes, but something always-" The bell for first class rang and you let your head flop down. "Interrupts."

Nya had patted your back. "It's alright bro, I can explain on the way to class."

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oddeyecadia · 6 years

Text

what if it’s us?

a college/soulmate/librarian!pidge x dancer!lance au. yeah that’s a lot. also another attempt on writing a multi chapter fic. wish me luck. this will be the only chapter that i’ll tag for plance au week tho :( i hope that’s okay. i don’t think i can finish this in just a week or even month so yeah.

also posted on ao3 | ch. 2 ch. 3 ch. 4

___

The first time they met, they didn't know immediately. But Pidge, being the natural observer that she was, was the first one to notice a hint.

"Uhm, hey." Called a guy with slightly high pitched voice, tapping her shoulder lightly as she finished arranging some books on the library shelf.

She turned to him with a tired expression. Though, she didn't miss how an unfamiliar warmth suddenly bloomed in her chest when she met his gaze. They were blue, his eyes. A charming, ocean blue. For some unknown reason, her heart started beating faster than it should while all the scars and little bruises on her body tingled in a strange way.

Pidge paused for a second, trying to comprehend and understand what this strong feeling actually was. She seemed to be the only one between them who felt it. Though, it might just be her imagination, she swore she saw his eyes widened a bit when they met her hazel ones.

Shrugging internally, she came with a quick hypothesis that it was only just the heat making her body react very weirdly. "Can I help you?" Pidge finally asked the lanky guy.

"You're a student librarian right?"

"Obviously."

"Can you help me find this book? I can't remember the title but it's orange!"

Her mind was sent reeling as she wore a puzzled expression. Was this guy serious? She never thought she would encounter an elementary in a college student's body. These type of people were in a very nice rank in Pidge's most annoying people list.

She let out a sigh. "What type of book is it?"

"A anatomy one."

"Follow me." He did when the girl then started walking to the STEM isle.

Sound of their footsteps filled the library. It was a saturday evening, the place wasn't as busy as any other week. Students of Altea University didn't usually have a lot of classes on saturdays. Though, there were still a few groups of people roaming around, like the usual academic prodigies who liked to finish their homeworks and projects earlier than everyone else, the novel fans who would read harry potter religiously everyday, and some couples making out behind the tallest shelves. Oh Pidge hated those. Was it really that hard to keep their library kinks to themselves? Apparently not for she could already hear kissing sounds from when they passed the fiction aisle.

"Is that even allowed?" The guy behind her asked quietly, though it was loud enough for her to hear.

"Nope." She replied, turning to the STEM aisle and started looking for a book with a certain bright color.

"Aren't you gonna stop them?"

"Too lazy to. Besides that'd be so awkward."

"True."

As soon as their small talk ended, her eyes finally landed on the third shelf where an orange calculus book stood out. Her short arms reached for the object and showed it to the person beside her. "Is this what you're looking for?"

His eyes squinted as he took the book from her hand. "I think so." Moving it closer to his face, he examined the cover.

That was the moment Pidge saw it. Two bandaids were on this guy's right arm close to his elbow. They were placed very similarly to where she had two fresh cuts from yesterday when she crawled under her bed to reach for her lost game boy, her arm accidentally landing on a rough surface.

The concept of every person having a soulmate that would receive the same injuries and physical pain as them was very fascinating to Pidge, but she never really cared for finding her own. Her soulmate didn't actually gave her a lot of wild bruises, cuts, or injuries as a child. But things changed horribly when she went to college. On her first year, she started getting a lot of small bruises on her knees and slight pain on her limbs for no reason. She thought perhaps her soulmate joined a sports team or something. She got really curious at some point, desperate to know what the hell her soulmate was up to that they had to have a shit ton of bruises. Thankfully, the injuries started to appear less when she hit her second year of college. Though, the curiosity never left.

"Yup. This is it." The guy in front of her smiled once again. "Thanks..." His eyes quickly looked at her name tag and added "Katarina."

"Don't."

"What should I call you then?"

"Nothing. I don't even know you."

"I'm Lance. Might as well introduce ourselves, you're probably going to see me here a lot for a few weeks." There was a hint of stress in his voice, making her remember that it was almost the end of the first semester. He was probably one of those students who treated libraries like their second home when loaded with a shit ton of school projects to do.

"Wow. Productive."

"Yeah, I'm pretty studious." She could hear the sarcasm. "Anyway, see you around, Katarina."

Lance gave her another kind smile before he turned around and walked away, giving Pidge a good look on the bandaids on his arm once again.

Crossing her arms, she gave the similar cuts she had with him a gentle stroke using her fingers.

It could just a be a coincidence. It was very common for people to have cuts and bruises below their elbows. She didn't want to assume that quickly.

He couldn't be. ___

She would never take the pleasure of slouching for granted ever again. Pidge, for the umpteenth time this week, fell asleep on her study table back at her apartment earlier today. She was only supposed to take a quick nap but ended up sleeping for the whole afternoon. Now, she couldn't even look down without her neck and upper back feeling as though they had been burned with acid from the inside. She didn't miss a class though, that was a good thing.

"You okay, Pidge?" The guy across her, Hunk, asked with genuine concern when he noticed her oddly good posture and the discomfort in her expression.

Hunk was Pidge's physics partner. The two decided to work on their paired homework at the campus library, an hour before Pidge's shift started. "I'm okay. It's just– my back kinda hurts."

"What happened?"

"Took a nap on a very uncomfortable position, that's all."

"Want some pain killers? I think I have some in my bag."

She smiled with gratitude. He was as caring as ever. "No, it's fine. I already took one. But thanks, Hunk."

Just as they were about to go back to their work, the library was bombarded with a familiar obnoxious voice. "Hunk!– Oh hey, Katarina." Shushes and groans filled the room as all eyes fell on who caused the disturbance.

"Sorry." Lance whispered, suddenly being aware of where he was.

"You guys know each other?" Hunk asked quietly as Lance approached them.

"No." She said. "Yes." He said.

The one who told the truth was him. Lance wasn't kidding when he said he and Pidge would be seeing each other more often in the library starting last week. Every night he would be greeting her, wherever corner of the library she was, with that bright smile of his. Sometimes he would come with his friends for a group study, sometimes he was with his group mates for a project, but usually he would come alone to borrow some textbooks.

It had been almost two weeks since he started his daily visit. He never missed a night, and every night he would always find something new to talk about. Pidge never really liked human interaction, especially with strangers. Lance on the other hand, seemed to love initiating small talks with everyone, even with Pidge who looked small yet very intimidating and tired of everybody's shit 24/7.

It was annoying at first, but she got used to it very quickly. He just wouldn't stop until he'd get even the slightest acknowledgement. Every night she'd learn something new about him for he was very talkative.

Lance was a nursing student, had a pet cat named blue, loved rain, grew up with a lot of siblings, and apparently he had a one direction phase. Pidge learned all of these in just two weeks of daily small talks. She wouldn't admit it but she would love to learn more.

"Hunk, can I borrow your keys?"

The big guy sighs. "Lost yours again?"

Lance scratched the back of his head, letting out a few nervous laughs. "Yeah. I'll try to find it later. Please?"

Hunk then gave what seemed to be his apartment key to him with his famous disappointed face.

"You're Hunk's roommate?" She asked Lance. "That explains his lack of sleep."

"Hey." The loud mouth whined with a pout.

"So are you guys friends?" Hunk asked once again as Lance sat down beside him, carefully keeping his posture straight and perfect as if he was one slouch away from breaking his back.

"Yes." He said. "Acquaintances." She said.

Putting his hand on his chest, Lance gasped dramatically. "Katarina, c'mon. I've told you some of my deepest secrets, we're not just acquaintances."

"You having a harry styles fan account when you were 15 isn't a deep secret. Also, can you please stop calling me that?"

"You haven't told me your nickname yet."

"It's Pidge." Hunk interrupted.

"Hunk!" Pidge whisper shouted, looking very betrayed.

"What? You said you didn't want him to call you Katarina. And same, cause you don't look like a Katarina."

A sigh. "Only my friends can call me Pidge, though."

Lance let out a victorious chuckle. "Well, I'm your friend now. Deal with it, Pidge."

The blue eyed wore a proud smile after finally calling her by her nickname for the first time, as if it was some kind of achievement. Like a promotion but in Pidge's life. The room then went silent– well, it became a little more quiet with Lance's mouth shut –after a few seconds of unimpressed staring from Pidge.

The silence made their senses focus more on their surroundings. Pidge could hear pages turning, pencils on paper, and quiet chatters. The lighting of the place made it easier to read but the mood just screamed sleep. The smell of books and wood helped her mind relax. Though, the random smell of mint was so strong that it hurt her nose. Where was it coming from anyway?

"What is that smell?" Hunk asked what she was about to.

"Yeah, it's so... minty." She added.

"Oops. Uh, it's salonpas. I put some on my back and neck, hopefully to ease the pain."

Hunk spoke. "Something happened in dance practice again?"

A brow of hers lifted curiously. "Dance practice?"

"He's part of our university's dance team."

"I sure am! We're more like a pep squad though, we do a lot of awesome stunts. But no, nothing happened during practice. Or to me in general."

"So... it's your soulmate's?" Pidge found herself asking, the thought of their similar elbow cuts flashing through her mind, causing her heart rate to rise a little.

"Yup. I'd always feel back and neck aches whenever exams are near, and finals are coming up, I bet my soulmate's back with their over studying bs. They probably never sleep, or they do but not comfortably. God, I can't wait to meet them so that I could tell them how unhealthy over studying is. Don't they know prioritizing studies over health isn't always good cause–" Pidge couldn't even focus on Lance's little rant as the cogs in her brain worked to make the conclusion for her hypothesis.

Their similar cuts, the small bruises on her knees that would appear out of nowhere and the slight pain on her limbs that she would feel for no reason, Lance being part of a dance team that did a lot of stunts, him having back aches whenever there were exams, a time where her studious ass was on it's peak, always ending up sleeping on her desk.

Realization hit her like a space ship crashing on land. Suddenly it all made sense. She knew that it was possible because of the elbow cuts she saw on him when they first met. But these connections just proved her assumptions were right after all. There was no denying it.

Lance was her soulmate.

Oh god... Lance was her soulmate.

The cute guy that had been trying to befriend her– and succeeding –for weeks was the person the universe was telling her she should be with.

Wait.

Did she just thought Lance was cute?

Oh no.

There's just too much to take in. Pidge's hands started sweating as Lance finished his rant. "I've said this multiple times but I just can't wait to meet my soulmate, and take care of them because they clearly aren't taking care of themselves that well." His eyes met hers and his face soften at her shocked expression. "You okay there, Pidge?"

"Huh?" She finally zoned in. "Y-Yeah. Just fine." When she gave Hunk a glance, she immediately noticed the obvious grin that was forming on his face. Bless him, it was clear that he was trying to hide it, but he was failing so bad.

From the looks of it, Hunk also figured it out. She shook her head very slightly. Don't tell him yet.

Lance did not seem to notice Pidge giving Hunk a begging expression for he said. "Mmkay. If you say so." He stood slowly, again keeping his posture as to not hurt his back even more. "I'll be resting in our dorm for a bit before practice starts. See ya guys later!" He walked out of the library humming a mess of tunes, like some kind of a remix. Probably, a song their dance group used for a routine.

Pidge let out a sigh of relief when he was finally out of sight. Though the tension in her breathing came back as soon as she faced Hunk.

"So..." He said a little too enthusiastically. "My flirty roommate and my snarky physics partner. A perfect match."

"Ugh." Was her only response.

"You didn't tell me you've met your soulmate?"

"I just found out. Like right now. I mean I've noticed things but I just didn't want to make conclusions that quickly."

"When are you going to tell him?"

"Never. Let him find out on his own." Besides, how was she supposed to tell him anyways? Hey, we're soulmates, I was the one who gave you those back aches. or Thanks for the bruises, dude.

Would he believe her? Would he even be happy to know it was her? Pidge had seen Lance flirt with girls in the library multiple times. She knew his type and it wasn't nerdy girls with a 13 year old boy's body.

She wasn't even sure if she was okay with him being her soulmate. Still, the thought of rejection made her heart sink.

"I hate to break it to you, Pidge, but Lance might not be dumb, but he's very slow. He wouldn't know unless someone tell him."

"Fine." She knew she had to tell him sooner or later anyway. "I'll tell him when I have evidence."

"Pidge, this isn't a thesis report. And aren't his- or your back aches enough?"

"Well I can't just tell someone we're soulmates without a strong evidence right? Plus, this–" She pointed on her upper back. "is internal. There aren't any marks or anything. Therefore, it wouldn't be as convincing." Excuses. Pidge had mastered making those a long time ago. She really just wasn't ready to tell him.

It worked for Hunk though. He shrugged. "Alright. True. You win. But when you tell him, I need to know what happens. Always update me."

#plance au week 2018 #day 1: learning institution #hmu up if ur interested to see part two cus i honestly hate my writing #whats a proof read #plance #pidgance #pance #college au #librarian!pidge #dancer!lance #there will be angst in future chapters btw bye #satri writes

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askbloatedbellyblog · 6 years

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Zapp’s Zealous Thanksgiving

Finally posting my Thanksgiving story...in February. I’ve been super busy with work, been in a funk, and had terrible writers block. Hopefully now I can get going on belly canons and other shorter stories. I still owe some stories for past holidays too. We’ll see if I follow through. But here’s Zapp eating himself out of “Thanksgiving pants.” Sorry for taking so long!

Many things had changed suddenly when New York City changed to Hellsalem’s Lot. Buildings were altered, entire city blocks changed, and entirely new structures emerged overnight. The same could be said for the residents of Hellsalem’s Lot that now included monsters, vampires, and beings of all shapes and sizes that had suddenly appeared and had to adjust to their new surroundings. To cope, many people clung to their traditions and incorporated new things into their old ways.

The various holidays were still there, along with some others. However, Thanksgiving was still the kickoff to the holiday season and the day of mass gorging for those that celebrated. Sure, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade was changed to Monstry Thanksgiving Day parade when the brand changed within the city limits and the floats and balloons were sometimes actually living beings themselves, but that didn’t stop everyone from having a good time and being ready to consume mass quantities.

Zapp Renfro was one of those people. Without a doubt, Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. While his appetite certainly didn’t stop him from gorging the rest of the year, there was always a special spot in his heart (and stomach) for Thanksgiving. He loved not having to worry about what others would think about his eating since everyone else was doing it too. Getting a belly and eating too much was practically a prerequisite and Zapp liked to push things to their limits, Thanksgiving included.

His appetite was already well known when he wanted to apply himself and after a couple of years of busted slacks and making his belly big enough that he couldn’t zip up the zipper, he wanted to try something different. When he passed an alterworld street vendor selling “Thanksgiving Dinner Pants”, Zapp lept at the chance and bought a pair right away. He was unsure of his size thanks to the stretch so for added measure he made sure to buy a pair that was already a couple sizes up from his normal waist. The elastic still clung to his slim abdominals and when he put them on after paying the cash, the salesman ran away quickly saying “A shipment fell off of a truck.”

So when Zapp arrived at Libra’s Thanksgiving Party after the Monstry parade, he was already sporting his new pants, proud of his purchase. “Not bad, eh squirt?” Zapp asked Leo when the younger friend and favorite molestation target came in. Zapp showed off his legs and butt and then lifted up his shirt to then pull on the elastic waistband. “I’m totally prepared with my Thanksgiving pants.” Leo gave him a confused look and his eyes flashed blue, zooming in on the label that was hidden underneath the fabric that clung to Zapp’s butt like it was completely a focal point of the pants. “Gah, I can’t believe I just had to check out your ass...wait Woman’s size large? Good for second and third trimester and beyond? Wait are those Maternity pants?” He said thinking about telling Zapp but was immediately brought into a nuggy. Leo silently decided to hold off on giving that information slip and until the time was right.

Libra as an organization was always one to go all out for a party. They fought hard so they deserved to play hard they would say. So whenever they would have a party they would go all out. Zapp still cursed himself that he hadn’t been able to go all out in eating when they had gone to the King of Restaurants. But the spread at the Libra Thanksgiving Party more than made up for it. The big table that the main Libra members were seated at was full with every spare spot taken by food. There were 2 turkeys that looked like they weighed 40 pounds each on either side of the table, each then stuffed full of stuffing, mountains of potatoes; mashed, au gratin, funeral, baked, and more; bacon, 3 giant hams, stacks of dinner rolls, yams as far as the eyes could see, salads, carrots, cranberry sauce, and a whole second table brimming with desserts.

At this point it wasn’t just Zapp that was drooling in anticipation. Leo was positively looking like he was in heaven as the sight of so much food. Zedd seemed a little puzzled at their reactions but was eager to attempt the meal thanks to everyone’s tales of a glorious meal. Even Klaus looked to be excited with a smile on his lips. Zapp nearly got whiplash when he swore he heard a growl of hunger from his boss’ middle. Steven seemed so far to be nonplused but was far less testy than when they had visited the fancy alterworld restaurant and much more eager to participate. KK and Chain were already seated at the table as well, ready to dig in.

Klaus cleared his throat a little to get everyone’s attention. His gruff voice rang out to everyone as they waited. “Let us say thanks to everyone as Libra. We couldn’t do it without you. Each and everyone of you help us fight to save Hellsalem’s Lot and humanity every day and for that I am grateful. May we all give thanks for this food and celebrate for a job well done!” he said raising a glass. Everyone cheered and raised a class in agreement and then drank. Everyone took a sip, though Zapp quickly drained his glass completely of wine and used that as the announcement it was time to eat.

Zapp dove into the food like he hadn’t eaten in forever. And since he had fasted for the last 24 hours, his slim waist ached with wanting to be filled, it almost felt that way. He grabbed at plates, anything that was in arms length and piled them high, and then started to eat, even grabbing food and passing it around the table while his mouth was full. He started with grabbing a turkey drumstick, several large pieces of turkey breast meat, stuffing, 3 rolls, and half his plated covered in mashed potatoes and gravy. Leo looked over at Zapp as he started to eat like a wild animal. He was glad that everyone seemed to be engaging in conversation and eating or that Libra had several members that did in fact act like wild animals so Zapp’s behavior wasn’t out of the ordinary. Well that or because Zapp was always like this that they were all used to it.

The Big Dipper style user seemed to be almost be using a big dipper itself to shovel food quickly into his mouth. He tore through the meat and quickly began shoveling stuffing, then mashed potatoes into his mouth, swelling out his cheeks as he stuffed his face almost faster than he could chew and swallow. But still he made process in completely clearing his plate and then moving on to refilling it with another round of food. He pressed on, unphased, devouring all he could within his reach. It was sometime around serving number 6 for Zapp that Leo started to notice that there was starting to be a definite swell in the middle of Zapp’s new found pants.

Leo himself had started to slow after two plates and was slowly working his way through a third. He wasn’t done, but definitely was already full and feeling his own stomach swell out and pull his waistband tighter. But that was nothing compared to Zapp next to him. Zapp continued to eat like his livelihood depended on it, and considering what Leo had seen of his eating, he wasn’t so sure that Zapp making a living off of competitive eating wasn’t a possible alternative career choice. Zapp paused a bit to shake himself back and forth and shake his arms. Leo gave him an odd look, wondering what his reaction was for. “What’s that look for runt? I’m making room! What are you slowing down? A real man doesn’t give up and goes all out on appetite!”

Instead of doing what Leo thought that Zapp would do and show off his belly in pride in reaction to that statement, instead he was shocked when Zapp pulled him into a headlock and gave him another noogie. Except this time, Leo noticed a definite change in the performance as his cheek was brought against Zapp’s now bloated belly with the usual black muscle shirt pulled tight over his frame and his “Thanksgiving Pants” already bloated out from part of the swell. He struggled against Zapp’s grip but all it did was force Zapp to pull his head tighter against his swollen belly as his knuckles dug into his skull.

“Now to get back to work! *Urp* Oof wow, I’m glad for these new pants. Focus on your own meal and try to keep up,” Zapp said as he went back to stuffing his face as quickly as he could, like food was his substitute for oxygen. Zapp took it all, if there was a platter of food passed his way, then he piled it onto his plate and ate it, then even motioned for some to come back with pantomime so he could then try to finish the rest of the platter once he had finished his current serving.

As Zapp ate, his middle rounded out, swelling in front of him, forcing his legs apart and pulling the elastic waistband of this new pants tighter. He paused a bit to belch into his fist. He let a hand go across his stretched paunch to let it try to will away an oncoming cramp. “Ooof come on, don’t give up on me now. I believe in you!” he said softly to himself and shook his belly lightly, though winced after the motion. Zapp somehow looked like he was now carrying a live food baby in his middle. Leo drank some soda to try to soothe his stomach a bit before he continued on his feast and nearly did a spit take when he noticed how large Zapp’s middle had become. It had already surpassed the size he had been when he “accidentally” had gained all that weight or as Zapp had put it, “really stuffed himself stupid on fried chicken in order to get a chick.”

Between Zapp coaxing his belly to cooperate more and seeing Leo’s spit take, that was all that was needed for Zapp to keep going aside from his own gluttony and desire to fill his gut with as much food as he possibly good. He slapped the bloated mound and rubbed it slowly smirking at Leo. “Is there a problem? I think I got some more room in the tank still. Oooh can you pass the turkey? Oh and cranberry sauce. OH AND THE JELLO! There’s always room for jello!” he said while the food was passed to him. He piled his plate high and then quickly refilled it once again. He got his rhythm going again, his stomach ever growing as the food entered his throat and disappeared into the bloated expanse.

“This is so good!” Zapp said with food still in his mouth and his cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. He swallowed roughly and devoured another mound of mashed potatoes. He grinned like he found a treasure when he saw the gravy boat and stood up a bit to pull it closer to him. The act ended up making his belly more gravid as it hung down and away from his body just barely thanks to the addition of gravity. He sat back down, huffing slightly as he tried to catch his breath again. Zapp then lifted the gravity boat high into the air and opened his mouth, all semblance of manners gone and allowed the gravity to pour directly into his mouth. He kept his mouth open while Leo got the profile view of Zapp’s adams apple bobbing repeatedly as he drained the contents into his mouth. He pulled it away and then brought it closer to him like he was pouring some fancy coffee into a cup instead of gravy right into his mouth.

He wiped his mouth clean of any stray gravy and dove back for more turkey. Leo was grateful that everyone else in Libra was busy talking, eating, and generally enjoying their off time for the holiday. Though part of Leo secretly wondered if they were used to Zapp and his antics since they barely paid any attention to his eating of vast quantities. They barely paid attention to him other than quick glances or giggles. Many of them handed him things out of reflex almost expecting him to be requesting all that he could get his hands on.

Though Zapp looked like he was on his way to having eaten a watermelon whole, Leo was finally distracted from Zapp and his eating by sounds of quiet belches around him. On other sides of the table, Leo was surprised to hear Steven burp quietly into his fist and excuse himself. “Ooff, excuse me. That was unexpected,” he said smiling though slightly embarrassed. It was clear that his usually tailored suit was being pulled tight. He opened the button to give himself some room and Leo almost gasped when he saw that Steven’s blue button up shirt was being pulled out thanks to his newly formed belly. Leo wouldn’t say it was pulled taut but where the waist was usually neatly tucked, it was fairly obvious that the bottom of the shirt was straining slightly and pulling it up from his pants. The belt was pushed a little lower to give his stomach to a chance to grow but was not undone. Leo wondered if Steven would ever even dare to undo his pants while in company. He was too well mannered for that. Nevertheless, it was obvious that his usually trim waist was now decidedly round and his suit button was causing at least some restriction.

Just when he thought he was safe to return his attention to the gorging Zapp, Leo heard another signal of fullness. He glanced over at the sound of a hiccup and a low rumble of a burp, the type made when trying to suppress an even bigger eruption. The young man nearly fell out of his chair when he realized that the sound was actually from Klaus. He seemed to have recovered from his hiccups and was now dabbing his mouth and exposed teeth with a napkin. However it was his paunch that was a surprise. Because Klaus was wearing his usual vest, he was not afforded the same luxury that Steven had with his shirt coming more untucked and giving him additional room. Instead his vest was forced to expand the only way it could; out.

While the sides of the vest still clung to the sides of Klaus’ usual body V that is always an impressive look from the rear that accurately showed just how in shape Klaus usually is; the front now was a very different sight. The buttons on the front of his vest strained visibly and showed bits of white fabric from his shirt underneath and in all it did very little to hide the round swell that jutted from his torso. It wasn’t as dramatic as Zapp’s somehow still growing belly but it was very noticeable that Klaus was very well fed. His belly mound was made more pronounced thanks to his vest that made it stand out in contrast to the rest of his body. Klaus tried to pretend to ignore it but from his slight smile and gently resting a hand on the top of his new swell seemed to show that he was fairly pleased with his meal.

Leo finally turned his attention back to Zapp. He shouldn’t be surprised considering how badly Zapp was going at it, but this Libra Thanksgiving was full of eye-opening revelations. Zapp had cleared a casserole plate and was scooping out the remnants with his spoon with a picked clean turkey carcass that had pushed aside. “Yeah definitely a watermelon.” Leo said under his breath.

“What was that pipsqueak?” Zapp asked as he put a spoonful of green beans casserole into his mouth, completely skipping the plate. Leo rolled his eyes. “I said you look like you ate a watermelon. How can you keep going like that?” Zapp narrowed his eyes with a sly look. “Oh does this bother you? You think I’ve overdone it?” He said slapping his exposed rounded gut, then burping as it dislodged an air bubble. ��Don’t you worry. There’s still room for dessert. There’s ALWAYS room.” Zapp said as he pulled the now much tighter waistband of his pants away from his tan globe and let it snap back into place under the swell.

The table was cleared of the picked clean platters and plates by Gilbert and was soon replaced by various desserts. There was more pie than Leo had ever seen in one place, along with ice cream and cakes of various flavors, pudding, and more. Despite himself being full, Leo could feel his mouth start to water at the mass influx of sugar. “Ahhh yeah, I’m SO ready for dessert,” Zapp said partly as a way to declare his intention of gorging despite Leo’s protests. Everyone else at the table grunted uncomfortably and rolled their eyes at Zapp. They were much more full and while dessert sounded good, they were much less enthused and were less likely to do more than peck at the new courses.

They however, were not Zapp. Zapp pulled two pies directly to himself, pumpkin and pecan and then proceeded to cover each with ice cream. He grabbed a fork and started to eat directly from the tins going at it like he didn’t have a rounded mound attached to him that was forcing his legs apart. He paused his devouring of the pies by intermingling them with bites of cookies and other sweets. Just to make his gorging of desserts complete as possible and even though they had homemade whipped cream available (which Zapp was also devouring), the blood user had no qualms taking a can of whipped cream and spraying it directly into his mouth and swallowing it down repeatedly. Bits of the foamed cream escaped his mouth as he asked Leo while he was staring at him. “What?” he asked and then before waiting for a reply, he was back to stuffing his face with pie. Over the course of several minutes, multiple pies and slices of cake were disappearing into Zapp’s already swollen mound. He tried to make room for his belly by pulling himself closer and forcing his swell under the table, though that only served to drag him near the food.

Zapp started to breath heavily as the pie tins and empty dessert containers piled up. Piles of ice cream and confections seemed pass over his lips and thanks to his gorging, left no question as to wear it had all gone. With everyone at the table already being full, most of the dessert was left to Zapp while everyone picked at what they had and tried to turn more to conversation while they let themselves digest and fought off the effects of tryptophan and chemicals. He had slowed down in his eating, now no longer eager, and instead looking like he was going through the motions of trying to finish all he could and fighting off every bodily signal that told him to stop. He finished a pie and then turned back to an unfinished sundae that now had most of the ice cream melted. Realizing it was harder to scoop, he just slowly brought it to his lips and drank it out of the container, leaving bits of chocolate sauce on his lips.

Zapp leaned back with a groan after he was done, with all the desserts within a close radius now consumed, though he had to battle getting out from under the table once the top of his gut hit the table and shook the empty plates. “Ugh…..I think I ate too much. I think I’m going to be sick…” he said trying to stretch and only serving to put his belly on display all the more. It was then that Leo heard a small ripping sound and Zapp blushed a little bit. His round gut surged forward visibly, making Leo next to blush. “....Zapp...did you just bust your pants?”

Looking guilty, Zapp tried to protest. “S-shut up, king of pubes! You don’t know NOTHING.” Leo activated his eyes and they told the hard truth. He had. “Zapp! You just ate yourself out of maternity pants! Just how big are you? You stupid glutton!” Leo said rolling his eyes and face palming. “Maternity pants? What are you talking about? They said they were Thanksgiving pants,” Zapp retorted. “So you don’t deny that you tore your elastic pants,” Leo said into his hand. “....Maybe. But they are Thanksgiving pants!” Zapp said looking guilty as his embarrassment seemed to momentarily hide his indigestion. “Did you never read the label? They are pants for a pregnant woman and you gave yourself the ultimate food baby, you pig.”

“Shut up! Why I oughta…” Zapp said as he reached over next to Leo like he was going to attack him. He grabbed Leo’s head again after a small struggle and then brought Leo’s head against his now oversized melon gut. Leo fought against the hard surface as Zapp ground his head with his knuckle in turn forced Leo’s head harder against the packed belly. Leo’s cheeks squished against the packed surface as it now had such little give to it. Then another ripping noise was heard and Zapp stopped. His belly made a loud, sickly gurgle that rang in Leo’s ear. Zapp let go of Leo’s head as he brought his hands to mouth to try to cover it. He gulped hard. “Urp...I think I’m going to be sick….” as his face darkened and turned a shade of slight green. Zapp’s demeanor instantly changed to more friendly and desperate.

(think of just the first part of this gif)

“Hey...buddy...I..uh...really need to lie down. You think you could do me a solid and help me over to the couch?” Zapp said clearly starting to sweat nervously as his stomach had not liked the additional pressure that was put upon it by Leo’s head. Leo looked around a bit more nervously and saw that no one seemed to be concerned again. Many of them, especially Steven and Klaus seemed more content on staying where they were as they looked positively uncomfortable from having eaten more than their fill. Was this a yearly occurrence for Zapp? Leo rolled his eyes and realized he wouldn’t put it past the blood user. “Okay fine. But this is your own fault and I’m not cleaning up if you spew.”

“You’re the best,” Zapp said giving a weak thumbs up and then tried to brace himself with the table and chair to try to get up. It became very evident that the extra movement not only had disagreed with his overfilled stomach, but it had made the tear in the “Thanksgiving Pants” grow even larger so there was now a tear straight down the middle of his pants, exposing his entire belly and showing the traces of his underwear. The blood drained from his face a little bit when he noticed that while Zapp was now sick as a dog, the lower part of his anatomy was having the same reaction he had post battle when he thought the chicken chick was still interested. At the very bottom of his very torn pants was an additional bulge that was taking up even more precious room in the somehow too tight pants. As he attempted to stand up, Zapp’s belly hung low, pulling him down and attempting to cover his current arousal, as if gravity was trying to hide the full effects of his gluttony. “Damn Zapp when are you not weird and gross,” Leo thought to himself.

Leo went to Zapp’s side and brought his arm around him so he was right against him despite his shorter stature compared to Zapp. Then with a heave they both got to their feet with Leo’s head under Zapp’s armpit as he helped him over the room to the couch. Zapp’s immense belly jutted into Leo’s side and pushed against his shirt, yanking it down whenever Zapp or Leo moved and pulling down the collar. Zapp waddled, giving out grunts and groans along with his noisy stomach complaining the whole way. Zapp used his free arm to try to support his belly as they made their way over to the couch.

Then nearly there, as they tried to maneuver to have Zapp sit down, Zapp lost his balance thanks to his new center of gravity. He tumbled backwards and out of desperation, grabbed Leo for support that he was unprepared to provide. Gripping Leo against him and his belly, Zapp fell back on the couch as the springs let out an audible groan as they strained against the weight they weren’t made to withstand. Zapp was on his back, unable to get up like a stranded turtle. Poor Leo however was pinned between the back of the couch and Zapp’s domed gut with his face planted straight into his belly button. Zapp groaned. “Leo...buddy...maybe that’s not the best idea…” he said covering his mouth again as Leo struggled directly against the stretched globe. Looking even greener, Zapp felt his stomach lurch and then struggled to swallow down what tried to come up. Then he let out a groan and then a burp that silenced everyone else in the room escaped his lips. The party stopped and they all stared. “Excuse me?” He said sheepishly. The crowd finally went back to chatting and pretended that Zapp wasn’t even there anymore.

Leo however was still struggling against his belly, trying to breathe. Zapp feeling a bit better thanks to his eruption now changed his tone. “Leo...buddy...maybe this is the best idea,” he said as he blushed as the squirming against his belly only served to strengthen his arousal. However, this did very little to reassure Leo who squirmed harder once he realized what Zapp was meaning. He pushed hard and finally got his face free from Zapp’s rotund middle, struggling to catch his own breathe. “Hey, if you’re there, do you mind giving a pal some belly rubs?” Zapp asked as he made no attempt to move or let Leo free.

The young man tried to pry himself free but made very little progress. Sighing, Leo gave in and did as Zapp asked and started rub the hard and stuffed belly. It had very little give underneath his fingers and if he pushed down on it, Zapp would grunt and let out small burps in protest. In the end he had to settle for more of a gentle rub instead of a massage and Leo had to admit to himself that he sort of enjoyed rubbing the stretched surface. He went on for several minutes until he heard snores. He glanced up as best he could and found that Zapp had fallen asleep, his breath becoming more shallow as his belly continued to rise and fall. “Wait did you fall asleep? Wait let me go!” Leo protested as he tried to break free. Instead Zapp hugged him close while unconsciously and pressed him against his belly. Leo realized he wasn’t going to get free any time soon and instead went back to rubbing Zapp’s belly until he too had a food coma overtake him. The last thing he remembered was Zapp muttering, “I can’t wait for leftovers.” while the party continued on without them.

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