#twp pain

[wikitpowers]

ik everybody thinks that "his face crumpled. "he hates me," he said. "all i do is love him, but he hates me, he just hates me, i don’t know why." is gonna be ty talking to dru but what if it’s julian????!?

[alastairsparis]

some things that reminded me of kitTy

so I'm just going to cry rn

[tys-kitty]

How it started

How it‘s going

[sxnbleachedfiles]

bye

[belle-keys]

wait a damn minute cut the cameras

[walkingaftermidnight07]

Secrets of Blackthorn Hall KitXTy Reunion Scene from Ty's POV

hey y'all!!!! I just wanna say...i know i suck at getting things done quickly but i hope it was worth the wait!!

this was requested by the lovely @tys-kitty !!!!

If you'd like to read the Kit POV version, click here.

Here's my KitTy playlist if you wanna feel extra angsty lol

@nurceb @cakegatedisaster i tagged y'all in the last one so i figured y'all would wanna read this one too!! :D

if you'd like to see more oneshots from me, my oneshot request guideline thingy is linked here.

lastly, if you liked this make sure to comment, like and rb!!! Reblogs are especially appreciated, as it helps pushing the content to more people who might be interested which is really helpful for me :D

anywayssssss enjoy :DDDD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kit. Kit is here. Here in what Ty knows is the kitchen of Blackthorn Hall. He’s holding a gun, staring at it intensely. Ty realizes he’s trying to clean it, and he is most definitely doing it wrong.

It takes Ty a second to process all of this. Here is Kit. His Kit. Kit, one of the only people Ty has ever trusted that wasn’t one of his siblings. That wasn’t Livvy. He makes an involuntary gasping noise, and to his own ears it sounds like the sound someone would make when they were drowning.

Speaking of Livvy, she is here too. Floating behind him, as always. Usually her presence is comforting. But now—all he feels is despair. At least, he thinks it’s despair that he is feeling. He’s not really sure. Whenever it comes to Kit, everything in his head is jumbled and confusing.

Kit has changed since Ty had last seen him. He’s taller, though not as tall as Ty. He can see Kit’s muscled shoulders through his blue jacket. Ty really likes how the jacket looks on Kit. He’s wearing the blue jacket over an orange shirt, which Ty tries to ignore. He does not like the color orange. He likes it even less on Kit. 

The sun shines through the window behind Kit, making his blonde hair shine golden. Ty bites his lip, hard. At his sides, his hands are tightening into fists before he lets them go. He can’t think straight. Normally, all of his thoughts were carefully organized in his head, logical and razor sharp. But now it’s like Kit’s presence is radio interference to his thoughts. There’s only static and garbled words.

Ty turns his focus to the gun in Kit’s hands, because it’s a hundred times better than focusing on Kit himself. 

“That’s not how you clean a gun,” He whispers, then he bites his tongue. He hadn’t meant to speak.

Kit’s head whips up so fast it looks like it hurt. He stares at Ty, and Ty’s stomach plummets, his cheeks heating up under Kit’s gaze. His hands flutter again. Despite the intensity of Kit’s gaze, he’s beautiful. Ty has to look away, because he can’t focus on Kit’s eyes without wanting to collapse into a heap on the tile floor. 

Who would’ve known that all it took to break Tiberius Nero Blackthorn were the despairing, angry eyes of a boy. Not just any boy. A Herondale. Kit. 

Certainly not Ty himself.

He wishes that he didn’t feel this way. He wishes he could limit his emotions, block them off somehow. They were always in the way.

But he also doesn’t want to. Because he wants to feel for Kit. He wants to be with Kit, all the time. He misses the reassurance he always felt knowing Kit was standing just as his shoulder. He misses Kit’s smile, which he hadn’t realized he’d ever noticed. Hadn’t realized he’d paid it enough attention to remember it. He misses Kit’s voice, the warmth of his arms when Ty had broken down before.

He misses Kit.

And that’s why he can’t look at Kit. He can’t see the hate, can’t feel hopeless when he sees the boy he dreams about almost every night. The boy whose last words to him still haunted his nightmares.

The boy who had said the words that Livvy had once told him meant so much to any person who ever dared to say them.

“I love you, Ty. I love you.”

He had never understood what people had meant when they said that. He understood that when Livvy said it to him, she meant that she would always care about him. That he meant something to her. That she never wanted to leave his side. That he was always going to be her brother.

But when Kit had said it, he knew it had meant something else. Something different. Something that Ty had never considered before.

And then Kit speaks and it nearly undoes Ty all over again. 

“You shouldn’t be here.”

Ty’s heart aches at his words. Kit’s voice is so cold, so emotionless. 

So Ty was right. His suspicions had been confirmed. Kit really did hate him now. Those words he had said….he no longer meant them. Ty had ruined everything. So he swallows a sob rising up in his throat. 

“How long do you think it will take for you to forgive me?” Ty asks, hoping his voice doesn’t sound as shaky and upset as he feels.

Ty still won’t look at Kit. He can’t bear to see the disdain that must be on Kit’s face as he stares at Ty. He can’t bear to look at how different Kit looks now. He is the same, and yet he is not. His jawline is more defined, his hair is cut differently, he now wears more runes than when Ty had known him. 

He doesn’t want to see all the ways that Kit is better off without Ty. All the ways in which Kit doesn’t need Ty.

Kit doesn’t need him, that much he knows. Not like Ty needs Kit.

And Ty needs Kit. So badly, sometimes it feels like it’s killing him. It’s like a monster clawing at his stomach, at his heart, at his throat. Constantly. All the intrusive thoughts that he can’t fight on his own. All the moments when he wants to reach out and be able to grasp Kit’s arm, to feel like he isn’t alone. Every time he wakes up after a nightmare about the day Livvy died—Kit still is the only person who could ever be there for him. He was there at the worst time of Ty’s life. He understands Ty in ways that even Ty doesn’t understand himself.

“I don’t know,” Kit says after a minute. His tone hasn’t changed. He sounds tired, and Ty wants so badly to reach out for Kit. Just to touch him softly, offer him some support, like Kit used to do for him. But he doesn’t move, because he knows Kit would reject the advance. Because Kit hasn’t forgiven him yet. 

Is this what it feels like to be stabbed in the gut? It must be.

“But not now?” Ty whispers, his voice nearly inaudible. He wants to take back the words as soon as he says them, because he doesn’t want to hear Kit give him an answer. But at the same time, he’s glad he said the words. Glad they’re out in the open now.

“No,” Kit says, his voice softening ever so slightly. “Not now.”

Ty has to get out of there. He can’t do this—can’t be this close to Kit before he starts to cry. And he could not cry in front of Kit. He wouldn’t. Not again. Kit was his weakness. But he could never let Kit know that.

He turns away, turning his back on Kit, his original reason for visiting Blackthorn Hall long forgotten. 

And he leaves, Livvy trailing behind him, waiting until he is in the safety of his bedroom at the Scholomance to finally let the tears fall.

[livvyofthelake]

me hating on a final book in a series isn’t real hating that’s just a natural state. i’ve thought about it and realized i’ve only ever liked one final book in a series in my life and that book was the council of mirrors from the sisters grimm series. which i read in the sixth grade. and the only reason i’m now regarding it as the only good final book in a series is because i have not read that series since middle school and i do not remember a single damn thing that happened in that last book. all i remember is the fakeout epilogue ending that i thought kinda slayed at age 11

[drusilla-carstairs]

Obsessed with Cassie implying that Kit will be less than happy to see Ty when he “shows up” in The Wicked Powers.

Also blasting Memories by Conan Gray but that may be unrelated

[nex-has-gender-envy]

We played RE5 with @baronazazel and oh GOD I have love-hate relationship with this fucking game. It was amazing. I cried only like two times.

Chris is dumb dumb himbo who has A machine gun and A glock and just runs around the monster, dead by daylight style in circle, to bite his ass

And Sheva is badass girlboss who has the shotgun, the sniper rifle, the second sniper rifle, the grenade launcher, the rocket laun- and works as air support

[I said so because we played like that and it's totally in character]

[shadowfae1878]

Damn, the acronym SOBH is really truthful right now because i am SOBHing harder than i should be over these two characters 😃

[thousand-winters]

Hey, do you ever think about "Shadow Market nights were Kit’s favorite. They were the nights he was allowed to leave the house"? Do you ever think about Johnny Rook straight up locking Kit in the basement whenever he had clients at the house? Because for all of Kit's free soul energy, he was incredibly sheltered too.

I think about this a lot. I think about how this doesn't seem like it's a problem at all because Kit knows how to navigate the Shadow Market well, how to read and deal with scammers and all kinds of unsavory and cruel people. He didn't know kindness though, he didn't know what it was like to cry in his parent's arms until Jem and Tessa.

Kit has so much trauma and it pains me that he's only going to know more in TWP.

[wikitpowers]

the scene when dru finds out that ash kept that drawing of her all these years is gonna be my roman empire i’m telling you

[layla-carstairs]

cannot wait for twp so the Blackthorns can finally be together and all go home and everything to be right in the world again (please please please Cassandra don't make them suffer anymore. they've been through enough please please please I can't do it anymore. let them be happy PLEASE take all their pain and suffering and double it and give it to the next person just not them. anyone but them)

[winesharksea]

i think it's important that kit appears to straight up not know how to have a genuine conversation with someone. and a lot of that has to do with how he was raised, isolated with nobody really asking for his input or opinions, but for most of tda even when he's speaking to somebody he's rarely actually sharing his thoughts. and on top of that he's SUCH a people pleasing character, like beyond the initial snark he pretty much goes along with whatever people want or expect from him just for their attention or to make them happy. and on top of THAT, i think that tda is probably his first experience as like... a person among equals? i don't think it really occurs to him that the things he does or doesn't do impact other people because that's never been the case before, and obviously it leads to disaster but like i think he still just does not understand that his decisions affect people because he feels irrelevant and out of place among them. he can't feel accountable for the ways his choices affect other people because he just does not understand that he has the ability to affect people at all.

and like on ty's side i think even before the resurrection attempt he's very given to self blame, like when livvy gets hurt at the shadow market and he immediately blames himself for the injury. he feels an immense amount of responsibility to both livvy and to the rest of his family, and so many of his actions post-tda are rooted in this idea that he needs to do penance for the failed spell. (and here i'm also going to blame magnus a little for being really unnecessarily harsh at the end of tda when from everything preceding kit is literally just fleeing the country out of embarrassment and not really anger.) but he doesn't blame kit for lying to him or randomly dropping a love confession at him at possibly THE most inopportune time, he immediately put that back on himself and blames himself for being the reason kit left. there's also a lot to be said here about processing the world as an autistic person among an insular society of people who don't have the vocabulary or information to help you even when they want and try to, and how that affects the way you see your relationships with other people. ty doesn't blame kit for lying or running away because it does not occur to him that the fault lies with anyone but himself.

(also now i'm going to blame ragnor a LOT because listen if i was a 15 year old and traumatically lost someone i cared about i would probably not be making A+ decisions either but this man is a whole adult and also said not one word to anybody in a position to stop them or at least keep an eye on them)

so like at the end of the day i feel like so much of tda is about characters being so caught up in their own spirals of shame or self-doubt or pain that they don't notice what's happening to the people around them until it's already happened, and that even the people who love you will not always do it perfectly or even well, but as for these two hopefully that's the character growth we'll see in twp- kit now having a baseline of familial love, being an older brother, and finding self-worth to the point where he can hold himself accountable for the things he does and recognize his responsibility to other people, and ty growing in confidence and trusting himself enough to realize he doesn't have to punish himself or shoulder so much blame and that he can acknowledge when other people have not done right by him.

[tycarstairs]

ok so when annabel said, “death is a gift, you understand. the passing beyond pain and sorrow. he denied me that.”

yeah, imagine we get livvy saying something like that to ty in twp. i would not survive.

[zoyavnikolai]

thinking about how every single wish rosemary had for kit is not gonna be met in twp like

“He is their love come to life, their two hearts intertwined and given shape and breath and cherubic cheeks and golden hair and a nose to kiss and a forehead to stroke and a perfect, perfect body that has never known pain or horror and never should. Must never.”

the amount of suffering kit is going to go through in twp oh rosemary lemme hug u my princess. i’m crying cc is sick and twisted