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katesloan · 6 years

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2017: the Year of Devastated Bravery

Time for my annual year-end survey! Been doing this one for well over a decade. Previously: 2012, the year of sex-positivity. 2013, the year of self-care. 2014, the year of turning over a new leaf, 2015, the year of foxy femme power, 2016, the year of the staunch heart.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? Rang in the New Year at the home of a local sex-positive community leader with some of my closest pals, and was sent home with Alka-Seltzer tablets for the morning. Interviewed a bunch of matchmakers for a news feature (which sadly has yet to be published, boo). Started writing for Glamour, after their sex & relationships editor reached out to me via Twitter DM. Hired some rad babes to overhaul my blog design for me. Was hired by, and later fired from, two different sex shops (lolol). Had a sex-date in a creepy hotel room in Queens. Got spanked with a hanger rail from said hotel room’s closet. Performed in the Bed Post variety show a couple times. Started inviting guests onto our podcast (Cooper S. Beckett was the first one!). Missed my flight from New York to Toronto and had an anxiety breakdown in the airport. Got published on Teen Vogue. Had our first podcast sponsor. Started banging one of my coworkers (whoops). Did a photoshoot in a dungeon with a beautiful babe. Made out in a heated outdoor swimming pool at a sex club (uh, many times). Got intensely spanked over an acquaintance’s kitchen counter by three people working in tandem. Hooked up with a cute older British man who was visiting on business; he invited me to return to his hotel the following night and bought me sushi and wine on his company card (so fancy). Attended the launch party for a party game I was a staff writer on. Tried having sex with a penis extender. Had a surprisingly fantastic one-night stand with a guy who remembered me from when he was my waiter at a restaurant once. Went on a date with a polyamorous guy whose girlfriend listened to my podcast and told him to ask me out. Got paid to ghostwrite spanking erotica. Celebrated my five-year blogiversary. Went on a couple dates with a cute civil litigation lawyer who was an exceptionally good kisser. Got high with my best friend and did a livestreamed podcast. Was a bridesmaid in the wedding of two of my best friends. Topped my previous monthly income goals, again and again. Turned 25. Attended (and subsequently roasted) the Toronto International Porn Awards. Dated someone (for ~4 months!) who initially knew me from listening to my podcast. Had sex for like 5 hours on a first date. Learned to like some kink acts I’d previously found scary, like choking, face-slapping, and face-fucking. Was in a Daddy Dom/little girl relationship for a while. Attempted non-hierarchical polyamory. Reviewed a vibrating teddy bear. Started a part-time social media job at an adult-industry marketing firm. Took Reid Mihalko’s jealousy workshop. Took a freelance writing class from Alana Massey. Pegged someone. Got my wrists tattooed. Did a live podcast recording at a sex conference in front of friends and fans. Spanked a friend with a bible in a hotel room in Virginia. Got fucked in the ass with a glass dildo by a blogger friend while other blogger friends casually watched. Got a 4-handed erotic massage. Performed blowjob sonnets at a sex club. Went on a date with someone who turned out to be the best friend and roommate of someone I’d gone on a date with the previous month. Unexpectedly made out with/got slapped around by/got fingerbanged by a friend I’d known for over 10 years in an alley behind a restaurant. Moved out of my parents’ place and into an apartment! Had coffee with my editor at the Condé Nast building. Saw the McElroy brothers speak (and Lin-Manuel Miranda open for them) at a live podcast recording. Attended my high school reunion. Did tequila shots with my boss on my first day at a new job. Had an actual goddamn “sugar daddy,” briefly. Sold a sweaty T-shirt and socks to a fetishist. Went to a sex tradeshow with my fuckbuddy. Got spanked with a lightsaber. Slow-danced to a song about impregnation. Got accepted to speak at the Playground Conference. Received a strap-on blowjob from a pretty lady. Had two dates with two Twitter crushes in New York in one day (and then started dating both of them). Made out in a Breather. Did a knifeplay scene. Explored my domme side in earnest. Sexted from a TSA line. Went through NRE with two different people at once (a lot of crying ensued). Got hypnotized. FaceTimed with someone for 8 hours straight.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Last year I resolved to “make self-development and career development my top priorities, to make romantic/sexual decisions based on the maxim ‘quality over quantity,’ and to make more money.” I think doing the first two things is what enabled me to do the third thing (I earned twice as much money in 2017 as in 2016!) – focusing on love and sex only when it actually served me, and delighted me, freed up a lot of time and passionate energy for businessy pursuits. Next year I resolve to pitch more stories, travel more, further foster my friendships with femmes, write more helpful content, and save more money.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not that I can recall.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather, Rex Loring.

5. What countries did you visit? Just the USA (New York in January, September, and December; Alexandria in August). Within Canada, I spent a fair bit of time in Hamilton but was otherwise in Toronto the whole year.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? A specific goal for my savings. Some steps taken toward larger-scale writerly ambitions (like, perhaps, writing a book proposal and/or self-publishing an ebook). Maybe a long-term relationship of some description; I dunno, man.

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory? January 25th – missed my flight back from New York February 10th – met my current FWB (and then, February 13th, banged him for the first time) April 22nd – Eric and Ashley’s wedding April 25th – first date with G, at Tell Me Something Good May 9th/10th – some disastrous poly stuff happened with G June 1st – started at my current dayjob August 3rd-6th – Woodhull August 11th – the hardest breakup I’ve been through in many years September 1st – moving day (and Brent’s show at the Horseshoe) September 8th – live MBMBaM show + coffee with Cady at Condé Nast September 11th – BirthdayBruises November 14th – got fired + talked to Dick a bunch November 29th – Vagic Tricks workshop December 13th – first dates with Dick + my Sir

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Professionally: Made twice as much money as I made last year. My dayjob remained under 25% of my income, with the other 75% coming from my more creative and self-directed income streams. Had clips in two prominent Condé Nast publications (Teen Vogue online, and Glamour online and in print). Sold 27+ sponsored blog posts. Personally: Made it through a horrendous breakup without dying. Got better at setting boundaries within my friendships and relationships. Successfully prioritized relationships and friendships with people who treat me well and actually deserve to be in my life.

9. What was your biggest failure? Putting up with men who walked all over me. (I feel like this is a recurring motif in my life, and in the lives of most women and femmes, honestly…) I also got fired from two different jobs this year. In both cases, they were minimum-wage jobs I didn’t really care about, wasn't well-suited for, and didn’t actually need, but still...

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not really. I had the flu in September and struggled with mental health stuff all year, particularly in January and August, but was mostly fine.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Several things: My bright turquoise Coach tote, which I carried with me on numerous trips, sex-dates, photoshoots, etc. An app called Piezo which I use all the time for Skype interviews/podcast thingz. My knee-high Frye engineer boots (swoon) and rainbow glitter Doc Martens (swooooon). The V10 brush from BH Cosmetics (sooo useful for my brows on a daily basis!). Two Tarina Tarantino heart necklaces. A new mirror for my new apartment. Several adorable H&M dresses. My turquoise Seven-Year Pen. Lots of knitwear. A new Kindle. Weed. A microwave.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? My best friend Bex, and my family. (Hell, Bex is family at this point.) My close and supportive buddies Sarah, Suz, Dan, Tynan, Taylor, and Steph. The 4 boys with whom I am romantically/sexually entangled right now (gems, all of ‘em!).

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? The boy who broke my heart, and lots of Men On The Internet. Same old.

14. Where did most of your money go? Other than boring answers like rent and transit? Food and drinks, probably. I was more gluttonous than materialistic this year. I also spent a good chunk o’ change on tickets to things: theatre, airfare, classes, concerts, comedy, live podcast recordings...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Working with Glamour and Teen Vogue. The Adventure Zone and other McElroy content. Hitting income goals (seriously, I’m talking about money more often than boys in my journals recently, which is a FEAT). Hippo Campus and Nathan Stocker. Working on ye olde blog and podcast, as ever. Negotiating/exploring new kink stuff.

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2017? First and foremost, Hippo Campus’ album Landmark, which I thrashed for almost the entire year. Related: their Warm Glow EP, and anything from their guitarist Nathan Stocker’s solo project Brother Kenzie. Beyond that: Coin’s How Will You Know If You Never Try?, Pinegrove’s Cardinal (which I listened to pretty much on loop while recovering from my brutal breakup in August), Grouplove’s “Do You Love Someone?”, Vampire Weekend’s “Horchata,” Panama Wedding’s “Uma,” Bombay Bicycle Club’s “Cancel On Me,” Betti’s “Ordinary,” Saint Motel’s “Puzzle Pieces.”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder? Happier. My heart got thoroughly broken this year but I feel stronger and more self-sufficient for it. thinner or fatter? A bit thinner. Who cares. richer or poorer? Soooo much richer. Your girl made some goooood biz decisions this year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Last year I wrote that I wished I’d gone on dates with more people, and woof, I sure met that goal in 2017. I went on 12 first dates, which is more than enough, thank you very much. I wish I’d spent more time chasing my creative impulses than my romantic or sexual ones. Although the latter kind of fueled the former for me, this year and every year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Thinking “I can and will put up with this [bad behavior/uncomfortable circumstance/shitty job]” when I couldn’t and shouldn’t have. Being depressed, but hey, what can ya do.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it exchanging presents and eating delicious meals with my family.

21. Who did you spend the most time talking to? Bex, Max, Brent, Sarah, my FWB, my two current long-distance beaux, and the dude who was my boyfriend for a bit.

22. Did you fall in love in 2017? Yeah, and I’m still pissed about it. Love is pain!! [tosses hair in the manner of a tortured goth]

23. How many one night stands in this last year? Two true one-night stands (defined as: we had sex the night we met, and never saw each other again), plus one additional person I had sex with only once but went on a second date with afterward.

24. What was your favourite TV programme? American Horror Story, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Bold Type.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I’m not thrilled with the guy who broke my heart, but I wouldn’t say that I hate him; that would involve more energy than I am willing or able to give to his memory at this juncture...

26. What was the best book you read? Fiction: I loved The Killer Wore Leather (Laura Antoniou’s murder-mystery set at a kink convention), Perfume: the Story of a Murderer (a truly haunting and viscerally olfactory novel by Patrick Suskind), and Sleeping Beauties (the creepy “what if every woman on earth fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up?” novel co-written by Stephen King and his son). Nonfiction: Laurie Mintz’s Becoming Cliterate was eye-opening, inspirational and fresh. Lisa A. Phillips’ Unrequited blew my fucking mind. I recently devoured Rachel Hills’ The Sex Myth and it’s wonderful.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I listened to a bit of Pinegrove last year because Sean recommended them on his blog, but it wasn’t until this year that I really got into them. I started inexplicably craving their music after I got my heart broken and it made me feel weirdly better for weeks afterward.

28. What did you want and get? A boyfriend/partner/daddy dom (though it didn’t last very long). More money than I have ever made before. Career expansion. Closer friendships. An invitation to do a live podcast recording at a conference. An apartment, with a rad roommate. More confidence and self-sufficiency. Interesting kink adventures.

29. What did you want and not get? A romantic relationship that was actually and enduringly satisfying to me in the ways that most matter to me. I feel like I write some variation on this here every year. It’s okay. It’ll happen when it happens. Also, I wanted to do a writing retreat and that didn’t happen, though I’m blessed enough that I take little mini writing retreats of sorts all the time anyway.

30. What was your favourite film of this year? I think the only new ones I saw were Wonder Woman, The Big Sick, and It, none of which I really loved that much. It wasn’t a big film year for me.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 25. At midnight I was in bed in a hotel in Hamilton, having been in the wedding of two of my best friends the day previous. I had invited a gentleman friend to come romance me in my hotel that night but he was sick and had to cancel, so I just spent the night in a hot bath and then cozy in bed. The morning of my birthday, I checked out of the hotel and took a bus back to Toronto. That evening, Bex and I got dressed up fancy, went for dinner at the Black Bull Tavern, and attended the Toronto International Porn Festival awards gala, which was a hot mess.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I can’t even think of anything. It was a satisfying year for me in many ways.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Low-effort femme. Lots of cozy colorful sweaters, denim shorts, stompy boots, crop tops, big hair, and kneesocks.

34. What kept you sane? My friends, my family, therapy, journaling, sex/kink/masturbation, my work, quiet introvert self-dates at bars/diners/cafés, hot baths,

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Nathan Stocker, Andy Samberg, Mark Andrada, Dan McCoy...

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Civil rights stuff, same as always. Gender equality and sexual equality and racial equality and all the equalities, basically.

37. Who did you miss? The two New York boys I’m currently romancin’, and Bex, pretty much always. And my ex, for a time.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Jordan, Adam, Thane, Cady, Logan (and several other babely bloggers at Woodhull), Todd, Dick, Matt, Eva...

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. Even people who claim they will never hurt you can hurt you. That’s depressing, but it’s also somewhat Zen, because if you deeply, truly know that anyone can hurt you at any time, you come to enjoy the non-hurting parts so much more while they’re happening. Again, this sounds super tragic but I actually find it so liberating and uplifting when I think about it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “Menfolk, they need their women, but women don’t need their men.” -Nellie McKay, “Just a Pose” “Maybe I would’ve been something you’d be good at. Maybe you would’ve been something I’d be good at.” -Tegan and Sara, “Call It Off” “It’s cold outside this evening, but warm between your sheets. We both wanted something we’re not likely to repeat.” -Paul Cook & the Chronicles, “Ships Pass” “Someone to talk to late at night. Someone who fits you right… Someone who makes your heart go boom boom boom. Someone you see across a crowded room. Someone who makes your heart jolt. Not some okay girl. A real thunderbolt.” -Paul Cook & the Chronicles, “A Real Thunderbolt” (I could’ve quoted this entire song here, honestly)

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kingsmakers · 7 years

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1-10 for Myridian Verdant, 11-20 for Callista Nolan, 21-30 for Leila Davenport

Yay my original story kids okay:

Myridian Verdant

1. What’s one experience your character had that made them very afraid?

Probably when she accidentally blinded Kael Aleron in one eye. It made her afraid of what she could do, what her abilities could do to others if she didn’t learn to control. She didn’t fear Kael’s retribution anywhere near as much as she feared herself.

2. Does your character have a deep and/or dark secret? If so, what is it?

Not really. Myridian is a pretty open person, and usually expects that others will be as well.

3. Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them?

Myridian and Lyric lost their dad when they were ten years old, when he was assassinated. Since then, they’ve been outcasts and haven’t been able to really depend on anyone except each other.

4. Has your character ever been hurt or betrayed by someone they thought they could depend on? What happened?

Oh yep. It’s a massive spoiler for book 1 so I can’t say too much about it, but at the end of the book, someone Myridian thought she could trust completely turns on her and makes her question him and herself. It’s a massive betrayal.

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves?

To save herself? No. To save someone she cares about? Yes.

6. Have they ever committed a crime, or something they felt was wrong? What was it?

The crime was murder (it’s not until book 2 though). She uses her telekinesis to quite literally tear someone apart in a moment of rage.

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why?

Beckett or Eluvia. Both siblings are unhinged in their own ways, and so Myridian would probably love the opportunity to take both/either of them out.

8. Does your character have any enemies? If so, who and why?

She has a fair few. The most predominant being Rhea Aleron, the Empress. She fears the twins because of their abilities. Her relationship with Kael, Rhea’s youngest brother, is…complicated. Kael is angry that she took out his eye, but he’s also a bit obsessed with her.

9. Is the character a victim of abuse?

At the start no, but later on she experiences emotional/psychological abuse although I can’t say who from.

10. What were the character’s parents like? What was the affect the parents had on the character?

Well, Myridian’s mother Eden died in childbirth with her and Lyric, so she never got to know her. Their father Morrow had her temperament - gentle and kind. He always believed that the twins could do good in the galaxy, so when he died, Myridian felt that she had to make him proud.

Callista Nolan

11. What are your character’s coping mechanisms?

Usually sex. Callista isn’t great at dealing with her problems, and so instead of actually trying to resolve any issues she might have, she automatically goes for sex.

12. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

She doesn’t like suffering herself, but if it’s someone she doesn’t like then yeah she does enjoy their suffering.

13. What does it take to make your character cry?

A lot. Callista very rarely cries, so it would have to be a major death or something of the like to make her really break down.

14. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Callista is, at the beginning of the story, a fundamentally selfish person. Her first lover, Tynan, absolutely worshipped her and adored her and she used that to manipulate him. So I’d say her biggest flaw is always having to be in control of the relationship. It’s something she learns to let go of with her current lover, Aron Brant, but it takes a while for her to realise she can’t always get her way.

15. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

I think failure is her biggest fear. For so many years, she’s been groomed as a successful necromancer, a powerful one. I think she’s afraid she will do something to let the people she cares about down.

16. What are your character’s vices and bad habits?

Using sex to get out of solving problems, violence as a means of getting answers. The dorcha are a ruthless and often cruel faerie race, so it’s second nature to her.

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not?

Not really because hello, she’s a necromancer. She deals with death on a regular basis.

18. Would society call your character a good guy or a bad guy? what would they say they are?

Initially probably bad, but later on, a bit of both. Callista is never going to be a super moral person

19. What is your character insecure about?

Love. From early childhood, she was taught by her mother that falling in love wasn’t worth her time, to the point where for a while she wasn’t even sure if she knew how to love. She’s terrified that her actions will make Aron stop loving her, or decide he doesn’t want to be with her anymore. She very much craves love and affection.

20. What was something they struggled with greatly and how did they overcome it?

I think it would probably be realising that the beliefs of her people weren’t exactly morally right, and that not everything she was taught is true. Callista constantly feels the need to assert herself and be dominant, but over time she learns that standing down isn’t a weakness and aggression isn’t always strength.

Leila Davenport

21. Does your character have anyone that they really care about, to the point that they would give their life for them? If so, who are they and what is your character’s relation to them? If not, do they wish they did? Is there anyone they wish they could build such a relationship with?Her son, Harley. As he’s only a baby, Leila is super protective of him, to the point where yes, she would give her life for him.

22. If they could change just one thing about themselves, what would it be?I think she wishes she could be as physically badass as her mum.

23. Is your character more physically or emotionally strong? Why is this?Definitely emotionally, she’s not very physically strong at all. I think Leila just feels like she has to keep herself together, for the sake of her son more than anything else.

24. What is your character’s most important possession? Why?

Hmm not really sure on this one.

25. Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them?

She certainly does. She is a teenager, after all, so others opinions matter a lot to her. For her, it’s very important that she’s seen in a positive way.

26. What, in your character’s life, puts the most pressure on them?

I think her unexpected pregnancy. Of course she keeps the baby, because that’s what she wants, but she finds herself catapulted into motherhood at seventeen and for her it’s terrifying. She’s constantly scared that she won’t be a good enough mother to her son.

27. What would be the worst way to die, in your character’s opinion?

I think whatever it is, it would have to be after watching those she cares about getting killed before her.

28. What is your character’s greatest strength?

Her compassion. Leila is a very intuitive and perceptive girl, and others generally find it quite easy to open up to her. She cares a lot about the people around her, maybe a bit too much.

29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most?

Magic. She has a unique combination of witch-fey magic, meaning that her magic doesn’t require verbal incantations. She doesn’t like using it though so it’s also the one she dislikes using the most.

30. What makes them feel safe or secure? What makes them feel insecure or unsafe?

I think loneliness makes her feel unsafe and insecure. That, and feeling like she’s among enemies rather than friends. She feels safest when around her loved ones.

#asks #myridian verdant #callista nolan #leila davenport

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