#u can tell I took this screenshot before work because my phone isn’t FUCKING DYING

[eccentricmoonlight]

I spent my fourth of july doing normal things how bout y’all

[izukult]

beej gets a phone

summary: just some headcanons about been having a phone and how he texts u because it makes me soft

beej x reader!

GN i’m p sure

-so you got betelgeuse a phone when he started getting ridiculously annoying everytime you had to leave the house.

-clearly he couldn’t necessarily come with you everywhere (surprise: your boss didn’t like it when you brought a dead guy to your christmas party) and clearly he’s clingy as all hell. he never wanted you to go anywhere and when you got back he’d hold on to you for what felt like years even if you had stuff you had to do (you typically didn’t complain)

-so a phone seemed like a good idea, right? no harm, right? ehhhh

-he spams the fuck out of you all the time and he CANNOT (or will not) spell anything correct

-“babes”

-“babes were are you”

-you just hit him back with that “where*” and he’s like >:( >:( <3

-when he found out you turned your phone to silent because his spam he did some spooky wooky ghost shit or SMTH and made it to where your silent mode didn’t work

-“pls txt back i’m dying here”

-“get it babes?”

-“get it coz i’m dead lol”

-“i miss you come home soon”

-once he figures out what gifs are you’re done for. you’re DONE FOR. he sends them every other text.

-you do try to text back as often as you can, but when you’re away at work or with people or driving, texting back isn’t super easy.

-which of course leads to him calling you.

-one time your friend picked up the phone for you as a joke and when they heard his voice you had to say his was your ‘sick grandfather’

-he takes photos of you all the fucking time now

-“it’s good material for me on me time, babes”

-yeah, of course he made a joke about wanking but the real reason he takes photos is because he just stares at you with giant fucking heart eyes

-speaking of, he loves emojis. but ironic ones. or “edgy ones”. he sends the water gun emoji everytime you tell him you’re with a friend he’s intimidated by.

-“oh i’m just with —”

-“hmm.”

-which is immediately followed by a “🚨🚑🚔🔫🔫🔫”

-“babes, u can watch porn on here ?!??!!?!?”

-he definitely set his own contact name which is “LUVUR GOST” or some shit and he won’t let you fix it, spelling errors and all. but, he did make sure to spell your contact name right and it’s a cute nickname for you with his favorite photo of you that he took.

-i feel like beej can spell he just chooses not to, to be completely fuckin honest.

-sometimes he texts you even when you’re sitting right next to each other.

-“hey, wyd??”

-you just look at him and squint “bitch what the fuck, i’m right here???”

-and then he doesn’t even respond to you verbally he’ll text you again and be like “pls don’t ignore me ik u have ur phone”

-okay so flat out though: beej loves you and he likes to remind you that whether it’s in telling you or in his own special ways- like bringing you dead insects or some shit. he’s kind of like a cat? a really verbal, really energetic, really keyboard smash kind of cat.

-he types shit like >:(, :), :D, >:) etc. he fucking LIVES on that. it’s his religion

-one time he took a picture of his junk and literally kissed his fingers and said “chefs kiss” before deleting the picture forever because he quickly realized photos of dicks? not so hot

-oh yeah no beej learning memes and trends is fucking terrifying. one day you come home and he’s got his hair in pigtails with really poorly drawn hearts under his eyes because he found out was tik tok was. that was a BAD day

-after he got a phone he says “ok boomer” to old dead people ngl.

-“ur so hot. ur MY breather. and if any of those other breathers breathe on u i’m gonna make sure they never breathe again”

-“how many times can beej say breathe in one sentence challenge”

-he sends you a bunch of lovey dovey texts all the time and you’re both happy about that. you send lovey dovey texts back and he screenshots them and adds them to a folder he has of you.

-you? you’re his home screen, you’re his lock screen, you’re his everything

-he uses social media to advertise for people to say his name three times. is he extra? yes. does he care? no. has he been scaring some people? you betcha.

-he always, always, always misses you when you leave the house but having a phone makes it to where you can talk when you’re gone and he loves that so much because you’re just his favorite thing in the whole world and he’s not too bad himself, so you don’t really mind the spam