#u disrespect my object permanence

[in-decisivo]

even so, we met on March 9 and youre awfully late- we discussed some of the roadblocks along the way, admittedly my nervous system was really a mess that night i was 80% laughing it off because in true mike sherman instinct, id definitely laugh in those uncomfortable circumstances-

i really wish we had more time mj but i know whos with u right after we met to say the least; wc again i had to render xx days to stabilize my nervous system because anything, any info with your third party traumatizes me deeply

every open ended issue i wish i brought up just needs to see the light incase you glance upon my mind again; after all this space will hold all of my innermost thoughts in its purest form

A. BLOCKING JAMES

you mentioned thru one of our nervous system disrupting phone calls that it was a big deal that blocking james was somehow a turning point for you, the way i transcribed it if i werent so uptight and a non-blocking person this situation wouldnt lead to this.

learning about him is truly utterly disgusting but you defended him but whatever. i started to mute his account but thats not enough for my peace of mind so i blocked him real time, i muted you actually (for my peace of mind also) bcos you keep talking to him probably why i dont see your artworks often, so you can do your own thing - i know youre mad at it but i was just protecting my sanity from that point. key is object permanance; out of sight out of mind

giving him a benefit of the doubt like what you said is a fair point but i gained several insights from other people that thats his nature so nope no benefit of the doubt for him, never, for someone like him- which is disgustingly why you still cling to this person i thought you know better

what i feel towards him is conflicting, and for the record i had the most genuine greetings everytime we had an encounter, even when bombarded with these thoughts of him you simply had a way to gatekeep him from me, gaslighted and manipulated me from getting to know him but then i never got a chance so who he is on my mind is forever seared into my brain.

after everything i felt since opening up my “warning” since May 2021 or some sort or whatever; my feelings towards James’ predatory tendecies stays the same even when you put a thin veil of clarity on his name;

what solidified this idea of him in my head is when he actually doesnt do aything for me the first time you both did it; if he was an actual decent human being like what you said he will let me know but he was so loud with the disrespect the trauma he has on me was immeasurable like actually seeing a white dirty cap; an image of a dinosaur; a Power Ranger action figure; Chikorita most of all; will trigger my fight or flight tendency and you know so well how trauma works; and that says a lot about him his character, his upbringing, his morals and values - so I was right all along mj. This is the part I get to tell you, “i told you so” so selfish of him to do things behind my back so fucking selfish from the both of you 😌 for whatever idiotic reason you both have whatever that is keep it to yourselves; most of us, will say the same thing to the both of you and you know it i hope you know it

——— cont.

[thatbitchsimone]

i always found it so weird that there are women on this app, well in their 20s, with urls that include lolita and i just dont understand why a grown ass woman would include in her username the name of a 12 year old girl that got abused and raped. maybe i'm just exagerating since lolita is a fictional story but there are thousands of 'lolitas' in the world so maybe show some respect to them and don't romanticise a story about pedophilia.

there's a popular blog maybe you heard of them, disturbedlolita, i don't follow them but some of my mutuals interact with their posts and that blog always weirded me out. i haven't read the book but i watched both movies and i hate them, it's like the they really failed to portray how fucked up the story actually is. and even if those women's intention isn't to glamorize lolita it still creeps me out, especially when they post about sugar daddies and all that bs. the lizzy grant effect 😭 their defence is always that they just like the book or the character, and you can definitely appreciate a fictional work but by romanticising the story you're doing the opposite of what nabokov wanted you weirdo

as someone who was a mans ”lolita” as a very young child (even younger than lo in the book) i can tell u that it feels extremely disrespectful and makes me feel gross since i feel like my past child self is being sexualized once again but also sad that young girls and women fantasize and seem to almost wish they were the object of a pedophiles obsession and twisted desire as if it would be cute or romantic in any way. it isnt. in real life u dont have nabokovs beautiful words narrating it or sugarcoating it u just have the cold raw reality of it. u just have the sores on and in ur vagina from being handled and touched in ways its not developed enough to handle, the peeing ur bed at night bc of night terrors at 7 years old, the permanent vaginal complications that last even in ur adult life (cant use tampons, body rejects penetration) and ruining ur ability to fully trust people both as a child and adult. the nightmares that never go away, the chronic ptsd, suicidal tendencies, feeling no attachment or ownership to ur own body like i can go on and on but this is the real shit like thats what being someones ”lolita/nymphet” is really like. try romanticising vaginal tears and sores on a toddler. not so cute anymore huh? keep that mental image in mind while u go all fire of my loins my sin my soul lolita off to the races daddy

[sunriseindigo]

streetlights, cold, and black ?

:D :D hi v!!!

streetlights: where do you want to be right now?

ok so turns out this ask doesn’t mean a specific place... still would love to live in iceland tho!!!

aaaa i just wanna be in a cozy room rn with weighted blankets and stuffed animals... which is essentially my room but no parents cuz :)

cold: is your room typically messy or clean?

compared to other rooms i’d say it’s clean??? i mean i do have a lot of stuff but yknow... object permanence + i’m too emotionally attached to get rid of them. my mom always says its messy every time she sees it and grrrrrrr

black: a piece of life advice?

coming from personal experience, do not be afraid to tell someone that something is making u uncomfortable!! a majority of the time they’ll handle it really well and if they don’t, cut them out of ur life!! people who purely exist in ur life to make u uncomfortable/upset aren’t worthy of being ur friends. 

i’ve lost a decent amount of friends cuz they kept on disrespecting my squicks/triggers to the point where i couldn’t be around them without feeling upset. while it does suck, there are plenty of people out there that will respect ur squicks/triggers and won’t bring them up around u!!! 

[virmillion]

//ignore me, warning for long post ahead

future lab: it’s questions tiiiime!! get out ur pen and paper bitch we got a Book To Write

Do people have glasses in this universe? if so, who makes them? are they coveted or free? cool or frowned upon? can you sidestep the necessity with magic? do people think those that need glasses are smarter (like, they study so much their eyes go bad)? do glasses look the same as ours? are there contacts? bifocals? sunglasses? are they stylish and designer or purely functional? are they even called glasses? Maybe there are no glasses. would people with poor vision just be screwed? would they again be able to solve it with magic? do some people think repairing their vision is unnatural re: boomers against tattoos and multiple piercings? are there optometrists in this universe? is it a tough position to get? to keep? are there too many or not enough optometrists?

What’s the travel like? does everyone go everywhere on foot? horseback? alternative bikes? are there cars and buggies? landboats™️? do people go skiing in winter? snowboarding? skateboarding (not winter specific)? are there special Travel Songs to pass the time faster (re: the song that goes on forever, 99 bottles of [ale] on the wall)? can you pay extra money for a long distance piggy back ride?

What do people do for fun? do people read? draw? write? paint? sing? dance? are these coveted ‘“skills”’ or just things people Do? are some hobbies considered more uninteresting/unfulfilling than others? does cooking count as a hobby or a necessity? how does the outward appearance/physical task of doing these differ in this universe? is it an art form to draw in mud and sand because it’s impermanent?**

**i actually like this one, and once you hit culture, i would like if you would have a holiday around impermanence, or temporariness, or something like that, where the celebration is to Do Art in the sand and the dirt and the mud (perhaps scheduled for the day before what is expected to be the seventh rainfall of the year or something significant like that), and people do art in all different ways of all different things - you would need to work out if this carries across all races or is (for example) human-specific. i like worldwide better, because it’s easier, but that’s boring, so it might be cute if it’s just humans (shortest general lifespan, so of course they’ll be more aware of how temporary they are), and the other races don’t really get it or care because their time is less fleeting. you would then be able to have pascal adamant about celebrating it but NOT forcing it on the others (read: the pervasiveness of xmas on modern culture and media), and maybe jancaryn participates in a different way, and she and pascal explain it to the others, and while t and s don’t see the point, isaac (half elf half human) is down and willing to pay attention and learn for the sake of learning. the significance of What is drawn in the mud/sand/dirt can also come into play, like either they draw things that ARE temporary (money, food, objects basically) to remind themselves that it will all go away eventually, or things that are LESS temporary, more abstract and intangible (so loved ones, warm hearts and full tables, that sort of thing). i like the meaning behind the second one better, and obviously you’ll flesh it out more later, but it could be cute if they explain it to isaac while s and t are off on their own adventure (after making it abundantly clear that they aren’t disrespecting p and j’s culture by doing so), and then isaac draws all their faces super cartoony (think sok/ka drawing the gang in ava//tar, really poorly drawn), and pascal’s face just Lights On Fire, and jancaryn goes ‘honey no that’s, that’s not quite—never mind, you interpret it how you think best.’ obviously room to grow, things to fix up, but i really like this as a holiday. you do of course have to think up HOW this holiday came about, gained significance and notoriety, but the end result is really cute and endearing i think (make sure you aren’t belittling any existing religions or cultures in the process though)

how’s the food? what’s the significance of it? are there any dishes saved solely for celebrations/specific occasions? why? what are the common foods to each region/race? how do these clash, especially within the main squad? say jancaryn is vegetarian, would this butt up against, say, sixer’s ideals and core foods? is this a point of tension that whoever is involved has to work through? are there culture/race-specific foods that Taste Like Home? are there staple dishes for regions? does pascal miss out on this because of Obvious Reasons? does pascal get confused when eating a Human Celebration Staple because it tastes so familiar, and jancaryn has to gently explain to him the significance of the food to their culture? does this lead to jancaryn giving him a crash course in all things Human™️? does pascal try not to feel hurt/guilty that he doesn’t already know all these things? does he think he’s failing his own culture for the same reasons? does he try to avoid learning about his culture because Backstory Reasons, he doesn’t think he deserves to participate because he wasn’t raised as part of That Culture? does he hesitate to call it His Culture?

how do cultures in general clash among the squad? i mean, you’ve got a [tabaxi] ghost, two humans, a dragonborn, and a half elf, so obviously there’ll be some cultural differences, so how carefully do they need to step around each other? work out if there’s any history of conflict between, say, half elves and tabaxi, and whether that will become evident in their interactions - maybe the half elves were the antagonists, so isaac feels bad and is constantly deferring to tanra’s opinions and decisions, which annoys tanra to no end because they just want to move past it, or something like that - there’s a lot of ways to do this sort of conflict, but make sure you tread carefully, because there’s also a lot of ways to Mess Up this sort of conflict and come across as offensive

obviously humans need food water shelter air, but how does this change for the other races? what are their priorities? preferences? are any of them traditionally nocturnal? this is gonna be a little different in tanra’s case, but you should still work it out - even though they’re a ghost, habits are hard to break, so maybe they still instinctually look for a below ground cave or thicket of bushes when bunkering down for the night (for example, just broadly thinking of what a tabaxi might do). specifically, for tanra at least, you’re gonna want to figure out a [tabaxi]’s habits and preferences, then filter that through the lens of Technically Tanra Doesn’t Really Have To Worry About That Anymore

more on tanra, but ghosts are normally expected to have a way to Move On To The Next World or whatever in a lot of fiction. is tanra trying to move on? do they HAVE to? do they even want to? do they know that’s an option? do the others know it’s an option? if it is, what are the requirements? presumably it won’t be possible for them to Come Back to this plane once they move on, is everyone aware of that? since they’re functionally already dead, would them Moving On at the end be like a sort of character death? would that then be a mockery of a non-binary character? that is, pascal is trans and jancaryn is also non-binary and they’re both human, but does that make it okay to ‘kill off’ (so to speak) one of the main non-binary characters? the ratio left behind would be 1 trans dude, 1 non-binary girl, 1 [unstated] girl, and 1 [unstated] boy, but that’s still a Yikes to be killing a non-binary character - you could switch tanra to be Not non-binary, or maybe Everybody is non-cis, but this in general is a rough and rocky situation to deal with, so definitely get Multiple Trustworthy Opinions before you go around destroying everything (not to mention that like. you really don’t Have To have tanra move on. they could meet all the requirements and you build up to what should be a tearful goodbye and they’re like ‘wtf y’all i’m not moving on’ and everyone is just ‘??’ and tanra goes ‘my parents left me to die in a castle, everyone i know has presumably been dead for [thousands??] of years, i’m closer with you four than i ever was with any of them, so why would i go be permanently dead and unhappy over there when i can be kind of unalive not dead and considerably happy over here?’ situation. i don’t know. we’ll get there later, obviously it needs some work, but i kind of actually really like that chunk you just spat. so.)

sixer. my gORL. she doesn’t have enough exposition yet for obvious reasons but i feel lonely for her so sixer here’s a paragraph for u bb i lov u. work out the appearance and attitude. her motif is red, her season is fall, her whole deal is obviously fire, so does she like that or hate it? is it a stereotype to be a fiery dragonborn? does she try to rebel against it, try to immerse herself in water and get frustrated when it evaporates? what’s her deal with pascal and their kinda sorta antagonistic vibes with each other vis-a-vis the tavern scene in j’s town? is that an arc that needs to be resolved or just bad writing? an arc would be better, because you’ve kind of had her go stiff since finding out pascal is trans, but that’s bullshit because you deleted transphobia in this world (and pascal isn’t supposed to have told anyone besides isaac anyway so. go back and fix that lmao). maybe they butt up against each other just by virtue of their personalities, which i think you did really well demonstrating in the castle basement, like that whole scene just completely nailed their whole dynamic in one go which i LOVE. you need to do more of that, have them both kind of pushing back against each other, and at the beginning it’s maybe a little more on the antagonistic side, until it grows to a head and they’re forced to confront their issues with each other (and uh lab this is Your Job to figure out what those issues even are, especially before you go tying them in to this whole situation). from their it can be a sort of decrease down into still pushing back on each other, but now it’s more like friendly competition (and maybe more Serious Competition than isaac would prefer but at least they aren’t at each other’s throats anymore... much), so they’re making each other better in the process, and you still get to have that sort of clash between them the whole way through (this meaning that part of sixer’s arc and part of pascal’s arc coincide, since they both grow from and around this situation, so you NEED to make sure you resolve this if you end up including it)